30 June 2013

Suit Weekend

A joyous good day to you!  Here we are again, a Sunday evening and I am once again not looking forward to Monday.  However, it will be a short week.

Here’s the weekend recap….

Friday night – went to Red Lobster enjoyed a free meal from a friend who sent me a gift card.  Got the mail and came home.  Spent the remainder of the evening drafting my Small Claims Complaint.  Had to launder my bed sheets because a cat peed all over them and my pillows.  Not happy!

Saturday… Went to see Bankruptcy Attorney.  That took longer than expected because they didn’t know that I was there for a 2nd opinion.  They are conflicted because they legally shouldn’t talk to me since I am not the debtor.  Its impossible to reach him and I am the poor bastard paying the money so they made an exception.  I have documents to gather, most of which are done.  I have to make another appointment and go back.  I’ve asked his attorney for the one document that I need, not sure if I will get it.  It’s kind of fishy to ask for this particular document and I am sure they will sense something is up.  However, I am told that our visit was in confidence.  I just want to make sure the advice I was given is correct.  From the initial consultation it sounds like I should be able to walk away.  However, there is a look back period and creditors could come back to seize the house.  However,  rather than simply walk away I would want absolution so I would go for a hardship discharge.  I don’t want to take chances, this is not Vegas and I will not gamble when the stakes are so high.

After the attorney visit, I went to Wal-Mart, then to Sam’s Club then to Steak N Shake then to Best Buy and finally home where I spent the remainder of my day.  I pretty much just pissed the day away.  I bought a Magic Jack, which I hate and used to to call a friend.  Magic Jack is nice but they advertise calling features that are not available, plus I couldn’t get a local phone number.  So I’ve already turned off automatic renewal since what I purchased is good for a year.  I ordered a Net Talk which is what I wanted in the first place.  No one here has them.  I had to order from Amazon and they didn’t have the basic model but did have the WIFI model.  That order should be in on Wednesday and I am hopeful that it works much better.  My plan is to tell MaBell to take off most of the features from my landline, so I keep a regular phone but I just won’t use it.  It will be there for the alarm.  I will forward my calls if I get a local number from Net Talk and use them as my phone company.  It’s a great way to save money, I just hope it pans out.

I told our Attorney at work about Franklin & Bash.  She told me about Suits.  I didn’t think I’d like it.  Now I am in love with Patrick J. Adams.  I watched the entire 2nd season between Saturday and Sunday.  Damn it’s just that good.  I will be diving in to Season 1 later tonight.  Season 3 starts shortly on USA.  I’m watching via Amazon Prime.

I was up until around 3am because I took a muscle relaxer.  They always pep me up a little bit before they let me down.  I slept a lot today.  My neck and back have been bothering me.  Extra stress from all of this BS of settling his affairs doesn’t help either. 

Sunday woke up around 10, fed the cats and went back to bed.  Said that I wanted to be up by 11 and by 10:30 I was up.  Had 2 Blueberry Muffins for breakfast, they were awesome!  Told myself that I would go out for breakfast but changed my mind.  Did the same thing with Supper.  Wound up eating a Tombstone Pizza.  Concluded that I hate Ham on Pizza.  I don’t like hot ham at all, but this time it was way too salty and I decided never ever to buy a pizza with Ham on it again. 

Went to the grocery store after breakfast.  It was a very short in and out trip.  I couldn’t have been there more than 25 minutes tops.  Didn’t get a lot but I spent $70.

Did laundry, cleaning, etc.  Printed and signed my Small Claims Complaint.  Taking it to work with me to get a friend to Notarize it.  That way I am ready to go.  Have to call the courthouse to find out if they will be open on Friday.  If so I will file it then, if not then I will wait until later in the month but it will get filed.  I am determined to get my money or to die trying. 

Big Boy had a couple accidents I had to clean up today.  I am worried about him.  He has had Diarrhea for a couple days now.  I am going to try giving him a pill that should help fix it.  It’s from the vet and it’s powerful stuff.  You give too much and he will be blocked up.  Found that out the hard way when he was really, really sick a couple years ago. 

Speaking of the children, Momma’s still chewing and hates the medicine.  Wait until she figures out we have to go back to the vet.  She will just have a kitten!  Everyone else is doing okay.  There was a small cat fight between TAZ & BLU.  BLU of course won because TAZ is all scratched up.  BLU has no marks on him whatsoever.  TAZ is just an old man who has lost his touch.  I believe in his day he was quite the scrapper.  However, as we age our reflexes go and we loose some strength.  I think that is what has happened to him.

I have also figured out that I have to keep Feilaway Difussers going or everything gets peed on.  Like my bed.  I bought some at the pet food store when I was there the other day.  I found them on Amazon prime $10 cheaper so that is where I will be going from now on.  Love the Prime, it saves money and you typically qualify for 2nd day free delivery.  I wish it cost less but it’s still totally worth it. 


In order to take the muscle relaxer, I always chop it in half.  If I took a full one I would be out for an entire day, no kidding.  I had stuff to do and couldn’t afford to sleep my life away.  In fact I don’t know that I will ever be able to enjoy sleep like I used to.  In any case to split the pill in 1/2 I went to get the pill splitter I got for my guy.  I opened it up and I found more blood thinner medicine.  He had to take 1 pill on x day and then on another day it was 1/2 of a pill.  Strange schedule.  It brought back a flood of memories.  I still want to know why he wasn’t taking his medicine.  Why he waited so long to tell me that he was out of something that he needed but really that he had.  He was taking it in Jan and February.

As for grieving  I have gone though various stages.  I can’t let go and all of the litigation and the house doesn’t help things.  Not to mention I can’t turn around here and not think of him.  He is everywhere in this house.  I see something and it triggers a memory.  I am really angry…at him and at the 1st ER doc he saw.  I have so many questions that I will never ever have answers to.  All I can do is learn to come to terms with it all.  Most of the legal matters will be done hopefully by the end of the year.  If I have a case for wrongful death that will likely take a while to settle and be something that festers for a while.  If I don’t have a case, then so be it.  At least I will know.  Unlike with my other questions that I will take with me to my grave and not know.

Time is passing me by, I have to scoot because there is a few more things to do before I go back to TV and dive into Season 1 of Suits. 

Here’s to a short week and the hopes that I get everything I want & need to get done this week, done.  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.

28 June 2013

Finally Friday

My mind has been working overtime coming up with good and bad memories from the past. 

Watched Jarhead last night.  From start to end, no naps.  It was awesome, wish I had seen it sooner. 

Mac & Cheese was supper last night.  Good stuff, even though it’s not good for me. 

Waiting for time to pass so that I can visit Red Lobster tonight.  That should be an enjoyable meal.

Yesterday it was about quitting time I came out of the bathroom to head back to the office and the cute guy saw me.  We spoke just a hello and good night, nothing more.  Aw well I took it for what it was worth.

Nothing noteworthy in the mail, which is a good thing.  Fed the children, passed out medicine and that was the night. 

Tonight shouldn’t be all that much more exciting – I have to grab the bankruptcy stuff and make sure I am ready to go tomorrow morning.  The usual feed the children, medicine, etc.  bed time. 

Looking forward to having 2 days off, far away from troubleshooting computer problems and/or configuring machines.  Hopefully I don’t plan free time to death but I have a small laundry list of things to accomplish.

Finishing my Chicken Salad up for the week.  Trying new cheesy Cheetos Mix Up.  Different flavors of cheese, pretty good.  Not enough in the bag, as usual it’s filled with air.  Sounds almost like a politician.  Yes, that was my attempt at humor for the day.

Hope you all have a great weekend and I will talk with you peeps again soon.

27 June 2013

Worked myself sick

I had a large project to change out most of the hardware, organize cables and install some new hardware in an office today.  I was sweating to death, the sun was beaming in at me.  The thermostat was locked down so no adjusting it.  I just kept going in the hopes I would finish.  I worked myself to the point of blood sugar sickness.  I needed to eat and very bad.  I walked past someone and they asked me if I was okay, I said yes but I need food. 

I came back to my office and ate every damn thing I brought for lunch.  Which was serious food.  It was good but I ran out of soda so I had to switch to water.  It took a while but I feel better now.  I am ready for a nap!

Got a call from the hospital today, they needed a death certificate.  I almost included one but though they wouldn’t need it.  Should have listened to my inner voice.

Jumper got a reprieve on medicine last night , he was acting sick this morning.  The old schedule was pill every other day.  On the off day I did the liquid.  They are actually the pill is prescribed every other day but the liquid is prescribed for every day.  I hope I can get to a schedule that he can tolerate and stay well.

When I walked in last night I had diarrhea to clean up.  Not my favorite thing to see, but I just dealt with it.  Like a mother deals with cleaning up puke.  I know it’s steam cleaner time again.  The choice is rent or buy.  The rental is a commercial unit that does a better job.  The problem is as soon as it’s clean I need to do it again because someone will mess it up.  Joy’s of pet ownership.

Called the bank today.  They are trying to get me in on a government trial modification.  It will take 30 to 45 days.  They told me what a good job I am doing at keeping up with payments.  I told them that is thanks to life insurance money.  It’s not going to last forever so that is why I applied for the modification.  They told me that they have all the documents that they will need for now.  I have to call back every week to check the status until it’s settled.  So for the next month and a half, wow. 

Confirmed my appointment today with the new Bankruptcy attorney.  Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday but it will put me in the neighborhood of Sam’s club so I will probably stop in for more cat litter. 

I have no desire to work, it’s about 45 minutes until quitting time anyway.  Why bother.  It’s been a long day and tomorrow is Friday.  Can’t wait Red Lobster here I come!

Tonight I thought about eating out but will go home instead.  Choice between Mac & Cheese or Chicken Pot Pie.  Both sound good.  This morning I was set for Pot Pie but now I am leaning for Mac & Cheese. 

Time to wrap this up and get it posted.  Nothing else is new or exciting at the moment.  Talk with you peeps later. 

26 June 2013

DOMA is dead

So we got the ruling today.  I was watching the SCOTUS blog and saw it live.  I was so happy.  I wished that my guy could have lived long enough to see this.  He always figured that our day would come, as did I but I wasn’t so sure that it would happen in 2013.

I hope the decision today compels the union to pay up.  They really have no legal ground to stand on now, other than just being plain homophobic.

I got word from my insurance agent that my homeowners application is ready to sign.  Guess what I am doing on my day off?  Yeah, signing.

Mailed off the request for medical records last night.  Sent it certified just to have proof of delivery.  Plus it’s less apt to get lost in the shuffle.

I wrote the post office asking about my letters to the union.  They were both mailed on the same day but 1 was delivered late and the other one has yet to be delivered.  I’d like to know what gives, I mean I paid for a service I want the service. 

I fought off the urge to stop for chili last night.  I had chicken nuggets, they weren’t that good but I just kept telling myself Friday will be the good meal.  I’m going to Red Lobster.  Got some gift cards.

Jumper is back to his normal self this morning.  Eating like a champ.  Mommas ears where I apply the gel are all red and look irritated but she isn’t too concerned about it.  I suppose she will get used to it or we will convert to pills.

They all try to con me out of as much food as possible.  I feed them when I get home and then a 1/2 hour later they want more food.  Then in an hour it’s snack time and then I am getting ready for bed.  They want a snack then.  I told them last night you are not making me go back to the cat food store before Saturday.  Of course if I run out I will head back but I won’t be too happy about it. 

Last night I sat in the living room and just embraced and enjoyed the silence, then I thought about a typical Tuesday night and all of the racket he used to make.  I prayed, I cried and finally I just got ready for bed.  Slept okay but got woken up in the middle of the night, then again early this morning because Big Boy wanted out. 

Really giving serious though to heading for pie this weekend.  If not this weekend then next for sure.  My car needs a little bit of a workout and that will help improve my fuel economy.  I really am unsure if I can make the trip by myself, but I am not opposed to trying.  It’s a couple hours up and a couple hours back.  It might be just what I need or it might be what sends me over the edge.

Two more days and then the fun starts for 2 days.  Back for 3 and then off for 4 long days that will fly by faster than the sun.  Ah well at least I have something to look forward to.

I need to get back to it.  Talk with you peeps later.

25 June 2013


I’ve got work just jumping out of every nook and cranny.  Been a busy day and can’t believe it’s only 1pm.  I thought it would be later considering all that I have done today. 

No ruling on DOMA, but that news should come tomorrow.  I am so anxious for this ruling, as is most of America.  It will mean a lot to me and hopefully get me my money.

I have a little bit of work to do tonight, have to run to the post office to send a certified letter to get his medical records.  I know I will be charged for the records and I am happy to pay just as long as they don’t make it an arm and a leg.  Money is starting to be a serious concern. 

Had a relaxing evening.  Had a nightmare and woke up in the middle of the night, took forever to go back to sleep.  Jumper got his new medicine and of course he is sick today.  Looks like he will go back to just plain steroids, that seems to keep him happy.  Waste of $50 but how was I to know. 

Lunch is long over with but I worked and ate so making time for this is about the only real break I will have.  Nothing major new.  Back to it.  Talk with you peeps later.

24 June 2013

Wrongful Death

I spoke with an attorney today regarding the possibility of bringing a malpractice case against the Emergency Room Physician who refused to administer TPA.  The first step is to get the medical records, which I have to do and pay for.  Then the attorney wants to review them and will run them by several people to ensure that we have a case. 

If so then the next step will be to get medical records from the hospital he was transferred to as well as records from his personal physician.

I’ve got a year to bring a case but all of the prep work is what takes the longest.  Once you file things move very quickly. 

While I feel bad for entertaining this idea, I have always felt that things would have been better had he been given the drug.  He may have still died but maybe he would have come to life enough that we could have had a final conversation or who knows maybe he would be in therapy.  If I don’t have a case the attorney won’t take it and I won’t have to wonder what if I pursued this. 

So in a way this is about closure as much as it is about trying to get more money.  Nothing anyone can do or say will bring him back.  Having money can help ease the financial burdens and who knows maybe I can pay off the house, the Bankruptcy or both.  That would be awesome.

I watched Suzie Orman and she said you can’t move on with the future until you let go of the past.  Trust me when I say I am holding on to the past right now.  I know it’s not healthy but I just can’t let go.  After watching her show it really caused me to think about things. 

I need lots of help but am unsure of where or who to turn to, in order to obtain it.  Most of the help I need is mental in dealing with what is my worst nightmare come true.

Missing him is the hardest part of all of this.  I need for the legal & financial crap to be done with then and only then will I truly be able to move forward. 

All I can say is God help me, please!  Talk again soon.


No ruling today from the Supreme Court on DOMA.  They will be back tomorrow.  Perhaps that will be the day we have been waiting for.  I suspect they will keep us waiting until just before they end this session.

I received a call from an attorney regarding my issues with the union.  She told me that her and her colleagues have reviewed the case and there really is nothing that can be done. Pension plans are governed by ERISA which is a Federal Law and that falls into line with DOMA.  Unless the Supreme Court over rides DOMA I am pretty well screwed.  That still won’t stop me from suing them in my state.  The union hasn’t cited any laws or made any reference to DOMA.  They simply said they don’t recognize civil unions because it’s not a marriage.  However, I showed them the law from my state and it is in fact a marriage.  The magic 15 days runs out on 06-July and then I can sue them.  Time will tell.  I just hope I am not wasting my money by pursing this.

I called in the boys medicine, I figured since I will be there to pick up 2 meds might as well get them all.  It’s going to be expensive and I am prepared for that. 

Awkward moment.  I was coming out of the bathroom and cute guy was walking down the hall.  I wanted so much to say something to him but I froze.  I just kept walking like it was nothing.  I feel so bad but short of introducing myself to him and talking about my friend request I had no idea what to say.  Granted as I mentioned before I am probably not ready for a relationship.  However, if something sparks I won’t stop it. 

The new guy started today.  He looks oddly like my last boss from that old job I had 3 years ago.  However, he isn’t that person and I’m not holding anything against him.  No eye candy for me, but that’s okay.  I hope he likes what he is doing and that they don’t scare him off.

My shoulders and neck are bothering me.  This tablet project and lifting big boy over the weekend didn’t help.  Speaking of good ol’ Big Boy.  He seems heavier to me.  He is such a gentle soul.  He meows at me as if to order his food.  I rotate his plate in the morning so he can eat everything w/o having to move.  Yes he has me wrapped around his finger.  I can’t imagine having to bury him.  That has been on my mind.  If the vet was right he will be gone somewhere between now and October.  I pray that he lives far beyond that.  However, the weight thing is not good for a cat.  A friend of mine said that he most likely will eventually have a heart attack and that will be what gets him.  It’s a quick death.  Yeah well that isn’t the way I want him to go but I don’t want to make a decision either.  Plus I think of all of the money that has been poured into him.  I sure wish I had that now, it would come in handy.  However, to have the money means I wouldn’t have him so I guess I am glad the money is gone.  Would be nice to have both. 

I’ve given some thought to talking with an attorney about wrongful death.  I’m not sure how much merit my case would have.  The ultimate factor here is that he stopped taking his medicine.  My argument would be that had he been given the clot busting drug he may well still be here today.  I know it’s part of the grieving process but I want to blame someone and if I can get money out of it so be it.  However, I suspect that the whole thing is a waste of time.  Let me know what you think. 

Today is going okay.  Found out that there is yet more work coming my way and it will involve travel.  Darn HIPPA.  While it will be nice to visit some places, there are other places that I don’t want to go back to ever.  I really feel like I need a new job quickly.  However, until everything settles down it’s not a good idea to change jobs.  Right now I can have or take time off with little worry.  Changing jobs and taking time off could cost me the job.  Facing facts I have bills and I need money.  Working for a living is the best way I can support myself, at least for now.  Maybe someday my ship will come in, but I am not counting on it.  That way it will be a surprise if it happens.

Thinking about Turkey Tetrazzini for supper, Stouffers of course.  Not a lot of choices.  Stopping for Mexican sounds good but I just have a strange feeling something is going to go wrong and it is going to cost major money.  Wish that feeling would go away.

Well feelings aside it’s time to get back to computer heaven.  4 more hours and the day will be done.  Then we get to come back and do it all over again tomorrow.  Yippie.  Next week will be much more fun, shorter week and time off to look forward to.

I’ll talk with you again soon. 

23 June 2013

Results are in

Got a surprise call from the vet.  Blood results are in.  Looks like Momma has a Thyroid condition.  Her level is two points too high.  Picking up transdermal gel for her.  Then I have to shlep back to the vet in 3 weeks for a recheck.  Cha Ching more money from my wallet…gone!

I called it though, perhaps I should be a Vet.  Nah, probably not they have to deal with a lot, including cancer & death.  I’m doing good just dealing with myself.

In other news I figured out how to turn off those annoying EAS alerts on my iPhone.  Under Settings, Notifications.  Scroll to the bottom and you can turn off alerts about the weather as well as AMBER alerts.  You can’t turn off alerts from Obama, meaning those of National Security.  I am okay with that.  Storm and Flood warnings are out like every 5 minutes.  I just can’t stand the annoying noise.  Plus my work phone gets those alerts.  One phone is plenty.  Not to mention every phone in the house rings, because I signed up for a free weather warning service offered by our county.  It’s handy and they don’t call in the middle of the night.  Hence the Weather Radio, if it’s serious enough to wake me up, then I guess I need to know. 

Off to enjoy the evening now.  Feed the children, get a snack for myself, pack my lunch and put out my meds.  Then watch TV and finally night night.  I still hope Monday flies by!

Z Weekend Update

Friday night… left work about 15 minutes early.  The place was a ghost town shortly after 4:30, typical for a Friday.  Drove like crazy to get to my friends house.  Made it by 5:20.  They had just gotten home and needed sometime to feed their animals and clean up a bit.  We left and got to the restaurant by 6.  The place was packed.  We were quoted an hour waiting time.  Standing Room Only.  We had to wait an hour and a half.  The food was really good.  I paid as much for this meal as I did for the meal at the fancy place I ate on Monday.  However, this time I fed three people so not bad at all.

I got home about 10pm.  The children were mad and hungry.  I fed them and called it a night.

Saturday…Woke up at 8am.  Not by choice but by nature.  Gobbled part of a donut, fed the children and out the door for a hair cut.  I always wanted a High N Tight (sounds sexual I know) which is a haircut typical for a Military person.  I got a modified version of it.  From the front and side you can’t tell that much.  The back is what looks totally amazing.  Love it!

Took back my Orthotics got my money back.  Grabbed the mail and came home.  Then I quickly unloaded my gun (think about it, not a real gun) because it had been 3 days.  Man that felt good.  Prepared for Momma’s vet visit.  They made me fill out a new client sheet since the children were all in my partners name.  I wasn’t too happy about that but they let me hyphenate my last name so the kids still have his name.  I really wanted that, sounds silly but it just wouldn’t be the same to me. 

They took blood from momma and plenty of money from me.  Results should be back on Tuesday and then we will know if it’s Thyroid or something else.  Sounds like I will be picking up meds no matter what.  Just hope that it doesn’t drain the bank.

I played the sympathy card and got them to call in Jumpers medicine.  They still want me to bring him in, but unless there is something wrong with him I see no need.  It’s just an extortion money and I don’t see a need for it.

Brought an upset Momma back home and turned her loose.  Had Mac & Cheese for lunch, it was awesome.  Worked a little bit on Laundry.  Most of my day was focused on getting documents ready for the bank and faxing them.  Holy moly I hope we are done now and they will give in and lower the damn payment. 

I also got stuff ready to visit the new Bankruptcy attorney next week.  A small under taking but I think I am pretty well ready.  Will double check next Friday but unless I think of something else, everything is ready to go in a folder.  Just pick it up and out the door.

My brain managed to remember about my guys mothers cemetery plot.  It’s another asset that I can sell for money. I gathered up documents and wrote a letter to the cemetery to see if they would be interested in buying it back.  If not I asked them what I needed to transfer ownership as I have plans of selling it.  I also asked them what it would go for.  She bought it back in the 90’s for $176.  That is just the plot.  You still have to buy a headstone, pay opening and closing costs and I am sure some other fee.  It’s a financial nightmare to bury someone, which is why the plot has never been used.  Neither his mother nor him had any money.  I could be nice and give it to his son but why?  I figure money in my pocket no matter how much is money that I didn’t have.  Hopefully I can unload this quickly.

I got a letter from my attorney regarding the union.  They responded to him telling him that Spouse means a person who is legally married to a member and that definition did not include parities to civil unions.  Therefore, my partner was “unmarried” at the time of his death and the benefit is payable to his child.  All I can say to that is BULL SHIT.

This letter and the letter I sent last week crossed in the mail.  Oddly enough I haven’t received back proof of delivery.  The letters were scheduled to be delivered on Tuesday the 18th.  One was delivered on the 21st at 6pm and the other one says it will be delivered on the 21st, but hasn’t.  Who says Washington isn’t corrupt?  I have proof of delivery via the web and so the 15 day count has begun.  It will end on Saturday, July 6.

Now the Supreme Court should rule this week on DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) that today defines marriage as one man and one woman.  If this is overturned, it will add further merit to my case. 

Regardless of the decision I still have plans to bring a suit against them if they do not pay.  I may give them a little longer than 15 days just because I would have to take off of work to file the suit.  I can easily file it after my doctors appointment later in the day on the 26th of July.  However, there is also the web service I found, it will cost more but could be advantageous.  I will obviously have to take time off when the trial is set.

My guess is if the Federal Law isn’t overturned they will argue DOMA and try to squash my law suit that way.  However, the laws of my state say I am his spouse.  So at this point it’s any ones guess.  It would really be nice to have them fork over the money so I didn’t have to continue this, but that probably won’t happen. 

I went out for a bite to eat just as it started to rain.  I wanted BBQ but that place was packed.  So I wound up at Bob Evans.  It was good and cheap too.  I thought I would want desert but I didn’t. 

Finished getting documents ready and then took a shower and called it a night.

Sunday… I’ve been thinking about getting a VOIP phone and telling ma bell to cut my home phone to basic service in the interest of saving money.  I haven’t given in yet. 

Woke up again early, not by choice but by nature.  Fed the children.  Tried to go back to bed.  Jumper joined me.  I was just about to sleep when the Weather Alarm sounded off to notify me of a Flash Flood Warning.  That’s it, I am up.  Got dressed, took my meds and headed out for breakfast. 

Pondering where I wanted to go last night before falling asleep.  Decided on Huddle House because of a cute guy that works there.  He’s young but man he is real looker.  I sat at a table that I knew was his but it wasn’t today.  Damn.  I still got to look though.  Food was okay but service was kind of slow.

Left there and headed to the grocery store.  Made it through in record time, the rain scared everyone away.  Most isles were clear.  Didn’t spend a lot but I’ve got Chocolate Ice Cream now.  Filled up the tank in the car and came home.  Put everything away and I was exhausted. 

I decided to lay down for a while.  Couldn’t sleep, my mind was racing from subject to subject.  Wanted to scream.  Tried to calm myself down and I think I might have passed out for a moment.  Then you guessed it the Weather Radio went off again.  Okay, I am up. 

Fed the kids lunch, cleaned the house and started full bore on Laundry.  I also managed to get the dishes done.  Kind of nice.  Here I am blogging away.

My personal cell phone updated earlier this week on it’s own with carrier settings.  I now have this EAS in my phone.  So the weather radio goes off, then my phones go off.  Kind of annoying.  It actually went off for the first time yesterday when I was driving and scared the crap out of me.  I’d like to turn it off but doubt that I can.  I’ve looked through a couple menus and can’t find anything.  I will be using Google to see if my trusty friend can help me. 

Back to laundry and soon to cook lunch/supper, my one other meal for the day.  Then it will be time to get ready for tomorrow, which I will hate.  Hopefully it’s a calm and swiftly moving Monday!

I haven’t heard anything on my friend request.  I have been watching my phone like a hawk for the past two days.  I’ve sort of given up.  Maybe it will happen and maybe it won’t.

Quickly before I go, I wanted to bounce something off of you.  So we have this friend who we visited when he was incarcerated.  We traveled the entire state for years.  He got out and latched on to us.  He built our deck.  After that he got married.  After marriage we hardly saw him.  He did stop by at Christmas time two years ago to drop off a gift card.  The last time I saw him was last month when we went out to eat.  He didn’t come to the Memorial Dinner.  He’s pretty well distanced himself.  I know he is hen pecked and his wife keeps a very short leash on him.  Sort of like he is back in prison if you ask me.  Anyway, I called a couple weeks ago when he didn’t show up at the dinner and he told me that his friendship was private and he didn’t feel comfortable coming, plus he wouldn’t have known anyone.  I told him he would have knew me.  Others didn’t know anyone either but they still came.  So, we have had this pair of sunglasses of his that he left here some 3 years ago.  I got tired of looking at them as they were a constant reminder of the close friendship that we had.  I’m sure he’s forgotten all about them.  I packaged them up and wrote him a letter basically telling him that I feel like he is closing the door on our friendship.  I explained that I didn’t want that to happen but if it was his choice I would respect it.  Basically the ball is in your corner, make a move.  Do you think that was out of order?

21 June 2013

BREAKING NEWS–I made a move

So I went to look at the cute guys FB page.  He had a photo where his shirt was open.  Holy cow!  That just made me want him that much more.

I crafted an idea and executed it.  I sent him a friend request and a message.  I just said we work in the same building.  Now maybe he will accept and I can find out if he is Gay, Straight or Taken.  Then I can plan my next move. 

Even if I just add to my friend base that is perfectly okay by me.  The hard part is waiting and wondering if he will think I am nucking futz or if he will accept.  Will keep you posted.

Called the bank, they got the docs I sent.  Was told to call back on Tuesday or Wednesday.  Meanwhile, time to schedule the next mortgage payment. 

Talk again soon!

Jumping through hoops

I called the new lender and they of course can’t find a damn thing from the prior lender.  Just as I suspected.  I offered to re-send everything last week but was told that wasn’t necessary.  Now I have to resend everything, plus they want a couple more forms and documents.  So I grabbed what I had access to via my computer and faxed it to them from work.  I told them I would get them the remaining forms and documents over the weekend.  Then I have another phone number to call, later this afternoon to find out if they assigned a case manager.  If so great, if not call back next week.  Yeah, so they days are rolling by and more money is coming out of my pocket.  By the time we have this settled I will probably have made 2 additional payments. 

The thing I am worried about is they are going to see the Life Insurance money in the bank and that will look like I am wealthy, which I am not.  I am hurting and that Life Insurance money is my savings, all I have.  I will explain that to them but I do earn enough to make the existing payment, it’s just that it’s too high and causing me problems – i.e. I don’t have money to live on.  I have only touched a small portion of the money and that was to pay off my credit cards.  So I think I am doing pretty good.  I just hope I can keep it up for a while longer.  Then if I get a lower payment I can relax and maybe look at doing something different with the money to ensure it’s safety and longevity. 

I called and made an appointment with a Bankruptcy Attorney next Saturday.  Just to talk and see if the BS I have been told so far is correct or if I am being milked dry.  I went to get his Bankruptcy Petition and saw his handwriting and just broke down.  The more I went through it the more I saw.  I had thought about bringing it to work to copy but, there isn’t a whole lot there that I can’t do from home. 

After that little episode, I decided to call it a night.  I was horny but my emotions just got the best of me and I figured why push it.  Plus it will be better tonight, 2 days compared to one day.  Lets hope I feel like working it out tonight.  I’ve got so much to do.

Jumper puked last night.  He seems much more like his normal self.  I think it’s his medicine, the liquid I am giving him.  I just made an appointment to take Momma to the vet tomorrow afternoon.  I will take Jumpers med along with me to see if I can’t get the vet to write a new script w/o having to see him.  I hope, cross my fingers that I can pull it off.  I at least hope that we can leave with some relief for poor momma.  She has several bald spots and I have a feeling it won’t stop until she pulls out all of her fur. 

This week has been full of junk mail.  Last night I got actual bills.  I didn’t want them but knew they were coming.  Payday is today so I will be working that out and making sure that my money vanishes to the right people.  No so easy come, and very easy go.

Speaking of go, I am headed out tonight with some friends for dinner.  I didn’t even think that today is the kids birthday.  Kind of a rotten way to celebrate.  So I gave them extra food and treats last night, figuring they would all live to see another day.  I wished each of them a happy birthday and sung to them as well as petted them.  They know it’s a special day but I don’t think they understand why.  They will be mad at me when I arrive home late, but it’s not like they haven’t been warned. 

Looking forward to seeing friends and hopefully having a good meal.  Were going to a new place that just opened.  I have no idea what to expect.  I just hope that since I am buying that the bill isn’t too large. 

I tried out my version of Seal A Meal last night.  I made a few bags but don’t quite have the hang of it yet.  I need to figure out how to get all of the air sucked out and then I will be all set.  That will probably be a weekend project. 

No real management in today, so I presume this place will be a ghost town come 4:30 or shortly there after.  Fine by me, I am all for leaving early.  This has been one hell of a week, especially the traffic.  Last night wasn’t too bad, almost normal.

Well my lunch time is about done, so back to the salt mine.  I did get a brief break in that I had to set up a Desktop.  We have a new guy starting on Monday.  I just hope he is good looking, everyone needs eye candy.  A guy can dream!

I hope that you all have a very enjoyable weekend and that you don’t do anything you can’t talk your way out of.  I will catch up with you again soon. 

20 June 2013

Test Results

I got home and opened my three boxes full of Amazon stuff.  Instead of eating like I normally do, I ripped open the test kit and read it to figure out what to do.  The first thing it said was not to eat or drink anything before the test, so I guess I thought ahead.

I followed the instructions and as I thought I am negative.  So now I know and I wasted $39 to confirm that.  A small price to pay for a little peace of mind.

I am having a rough night, all alone here in this big house.  Wanting a hug that I can’t get.  I miss my guy, seems like more and more each day.  I always used to tell him absence makes the heart grow fonder, it’s true.  The longer this goes on the more I miss him.

I can’t shop, talk, work, run away, watch a movie, drink, eat, sleep or do anything else to get rid of the pain and emptiness.  I feel so alone in the world.  I’ve got friends but after smothering most of them they are all willing to give me space.  I need constant in my life and I know friends can’t be there 24 x 7 like a partner/spouse/boyfriend can. 

As much as I want to at least date, I don’t know that I am stable enough to do that.  I don’t know that psychologically that I would come off as myself, rather I would appear to be an empty lonely person who is desperate for companionship and not to mention sex.   I think I would scare most of the guys away, except for those few that would take advantage of someone in my position. 

I just wrote our local MCC church, yes the Gay Church.  Perhaps they will be able to help me and who knows I may actually get back to church after all.

More to come….stay tuned.  Right now I’ve got to get ready for Friday.  It will be here long before I want it to be.  Thankfully 2 days of rest follows.  Good night!

Amazon Day # 1

Ever go shopping and forget something?  Happens to me all the time.  Primarily because I don’t make a list.  So I was thinking about an item I forgot, then I thought of items I wanted.  What to do?  Go back and Amazon shop from work!  I placed another order this morning.  Most of which will arrive on Saturday.  Something to look forward to.  But the joy will quickly end once I crack open the package. 

Jumper seems better.  I am still monitoring him.  His water intake was huge this morning.  He was eating but looking at his food like he was confused.  He’s done that ever since he had the Respiratory problems a few years back.  He acts normal so I am thinking we are good but I still want to watch him before I make a final determination.  I will call the vet to schedule an appointment for either him or his mother.  Oddly enough tomorrow is his birthday along with his brother and two sisters.  Everyone in that house is getting old!

I saw Franklin & Bash last night.  I got through hour 1 okay but by hour 2 I was drowsy.  Love MPG (Mark Paul Gosselaar).  He was shirtless in Hour 1…hubba hubba!  He got up and I thought sure we would get a backside view but nope.  Ah, well I will take what I can get.  All the more reason to stay tuned.  Glad the series is back on.

I see it’s about lunch time, I will be headed out shortly.  It’s been a productive day.  Even if traffic was horrible and some person cut me off.  They decided they wanted in my lane and we were stopped.  It made for bad timing.  Lucky for them I love my car more than they love theirs that is the ONLY reason why we didn’t wreck.

Last night I decided that on Saturday I will be taking my Birkenstock Orthotics back.  They hurt my feet.  The shoes I bought are comfy for a while but I think they are better for my feet by themselves.  Plus it will get me $59.95 back.  Feet were doing pretty good until I decided to try those new Orthotics, man it’s like I am starting all over again. 

Acne even at 41 I still deal with this.  Usually it’s all stress related. My forehead of all places is starting to breakout.  Normally it’s just one or two on my face but never my forehead.  Stress in my life?  Yeah!  House, Union, Worries and Work.  Just a little more than I need right now.

It will be tough coming back to work since it’s a nice day outside.  However, I am looking forward to getting out of this place and catching up. 

I also look forward to going home because my first amazon order will be there.  Provided the rest of the day goes well I will probably do the AIDS home test tonight.  I believe results are generated in 20 minutes.  That will be a long 20 minutes but I am fairly confident that I am negative. 

Well guys and gals, I have to scoot.  I will talk with you peeps later.  Take care!

19 June 2013

Amazon Shopping

Mild Wednesday here, I will take it for all it’s worth.  I’m sure the calm won’t last forever.  :(

Jumper I believe is sick.  He hid under the couch this morning.  Normally he is chomping on dry food.  I put some wet food down for him and took it to him under the couch.  He nibbled and then headed for the dry food looked at it, turned around and came back to the couch.  I was happy with the nibble.  I suspect it’s tummy problems, but don’t know for sure. 

I was going to make a vet appointment for Momma but since I may have to take Jumper in, I’m holding off.  I really only want to take 1 of them and Momma is going bald slowly so she needs help.  She is ripping her fur out.  Poor thing.  She is 10 years old today.  Happy Birthday Momma. 

The children will be 9 years old on Friday.  It feels so strange marking their birthday w/o my guy around to celebrate or make his witty comments. 

I tried to leave early last night and said goodbye to one of the gals who was still left in the office.  She is a chatty little thing.  I had 15 minutes to spare and she kept me that plus 30 more.  I kept trying to get away but it was futile until I just put my foot down and said gotta go and walked off.  I like her but damn, when someone says goodnight the only thing you need to say is goodnight and move on. 

Tonight when it’s time to leave I won’t be saying goodnight, I will just gather my things and walk out like normal.  I had to explain myself to the children and it took a chunk out of my evening.

Franklin & Bash season premier is on tonight.  So is Hot in Cleveland.  I look forward to both but F&B is my favorite.

I went Amazon shopping last night.  I got me a new knife, a seal a meal, socks, some itch cream and for giggles a home aids test.  I am pretty certain of my status (negative) but why not check it out to be sure.  I’ve been faithful to one man but it’s still a good idea to get tested, since the virus can lay dormant in your system for I think 6 months. 

I went hunting about Bankruptcy last night.  I found all sorts of information that conflicts with what my guys attorney is telling me.  I solicited the opinion of another major firm in town but they aren’t going to respond.  So I am going to call a firm by my house and see if they would be willing to talk with me and double check the advise I have been given.  I just want out from under the rock, if I can get there w/o creditors coming after me.  The last thing I need right now is more trouble.

My dance card is kind of full all of a sudden.  I am going out with a friend tomorrow for lunch.  Friday I am meeting friends at the new place we tried to go to last weekend.  After that I am wide open.  Thinking about Saturday and sleeping the day away sounds like fun right now.  I am pretty sure I won’t allow myself to do that. 

Still working on machines.  I had one loose it’s network driver and I had to go back to system restore, which put me behind.  I’ve been trying to finish up this one facility for 3 days now and it should have been done.  So I am determined that no matter what I will finish with them today.  The girls up front will not be happy when I start carrying packages up to ship out.  They have to tag them all and schedule the pickup.

So 2 more days of freedom and then back to normal next week.  The week after will be a short one for me.  Three whole days and then I get 4 off. 

I hope Mr. Jumper is back to his normal self tonight.  All of those little creatures worry me.  I don’t want to bury anyone else right now as I am still in recovery mode.

Well back to work.  Hope your Wednesday is going well.  Talk with you peeps later.

18 June 2013

Traffic Monday

Yesterday traffic was horrible.  Everyone was complaining.  I spent an hour just to go around the block.  I came back to the office and decided to eat at a restaurant close by that I have always wanted to try.  It is something that has been on my to do list for a while.

I looked around for people to join me but everyone was gone.  So I ventured there by my lonesome.  I was taken to a table, waited a short time and then greeted by a waiter.  I got a pasta dish, soda and a desert.  With the tip I dropped $50.  That’s when I realized I could have had a V8.  Traffic was calm and I was able to leave and get home in about a 1/2 hour. 

The odd thing about this was the waiter had the same nick and given name as my late partner.  I asked him about it and told him that I lost him in April.  He said that is my birthday month.  Thankfully they were on two very different days of the month.  It was very strange and I still think about it from time to time. 

I arrived home at 8pm, very late.  Got the children fed twice.  Got the trash out.  Got my lunch packed.  Took my medicine, brushed my teeth and that was the night.  Woke up and came back to do it all again this morning.  Didn’t want to be here and still don’t want to be here.

Yesterday was a day of problems and today has followed suite.  I got my anti-theft stickers and just waiting for final approval before I ship this stuff out.  3 sites done and 6 more to go.  It’s going to be a long time.  I’ve got more hellish projects waiting for me and I am so not eager to start them.  However, life is about moving forward.

Speaking of which I am still Google eyed over the guy here.  I’ve been looking at him and he looks at me.  Neither one of us say a word.  My guess is he thinks I am a freak.  I want to approach him but am so afraid of offending him and/or getting him to spring into Ninja mode that I just want to let it go.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.  I had myself all set to talk to him today but passed it up.  Maybe if we are alone in an elevator I might say something, otherwise probably not for now. 

No fresh hell in the mail last night.  I got an EOB from Medicare telling me what providers are going to try to bill my guy, but most of them have already sent their bills.  I know there will be one or two more that trickle in, but it’s going to take time.

Speaking of which, I have one more hour before I venture out into traffic again.  Hopefully tonight’s commute is much better.  I can go home and eat Chicken McNuggets.  Not better for me but better for my wallet.

Talk with you peeps later.

17 June 2013

Mundane Monday

Nothing really new since my last post.  Other than I am at work.  I’ve got on my new shoes.  They are comfy but I am ready to take them off.  Kind of tight on my feet, but I know that will change with time.

I’ve got the supper debate going, think it will be Chicken Nuggets.  I got a ton of them for like $4 and they were not frozen.  All the more reason to start eating them. 

I’ve got a little work to do but it’s mostly working on machines to get them ready to go.  I will also be starting on an e-mail migration project soon, that will not be fun. 

Sure wish I could take a nap today.  Didn’t sleep well last night but I did sleep.  The nap from earlier in the day is what messed me up. 

Hopefully you are having a good Monday.  I am going to run.  Talk with you peeps later.

16 June 2013

Quick it’s Sunday….let’s hide!

Got my pancakes, they didn’t even taste like a Jelly Donut.  Now I am craving Jelly Donuts.  Went to the Grocery Store, the earlier you go, the less people.  Sure was nice.  Would have liked to see some hotties.  Gassed up the car and headed home, where I have been ever since. 

I did some cleaning and of course laundry.  I finally got my Chicken Salad for lunch and I bought Potato Bread so it should be an interesting sandwich to say the least. 

Finished off the pizza from last night and it was just as good but hotter at home.  I have passed out food so much today to the children, they should all be full for a while. 

I got a nap in until some rude person from a prison called my work phone.  I refused the call because I don’t know anyone in prison and if I did, I wouldn’t have given them my work cell phone number. 

So I’ve got a dilemma on my hands and thinking maybe you can help me.  There is this cute guy at work.  I am not sure if he is gay but I would like to communicate with him to see if he is and if so if he would be interested in going on a date.  Not going to bed.  I thought about a letter or a voice mail but I am so nervous.  I’ve never done this before and so you can understand my apprehension.  I’m like a teenage girl wanting a guy to notice me.  If he isn’t gay or isn’t interested that is cool, it will hurt but I can move on.  Let me know your thoughts.

Time is getting away from me, as usual.  I uncovered a huge amount of office supplies my guy purchased from Staples.  I remember he got it all because it was on sale.  I have no idea what I am going to do with that crap.  I’ve got so much crap everywhere and I found some model railroad stuff that I can sell as well. 

eBay the Post Office, UPS and FedEx are all going to love me.  Just as long as I make some cash off of this that is all I am concerned with.  Getting started is part of the battle.  I’d like to list everything at once and go from there. Buyer pays shipping and I will ship it after I get funds and it will probably be on a weekend or evening.  You want to make sure they get it so you have to send via a traceable means.

Speaking of tracing.  I looked for forms for court on-line and found them.  I also found a service that you fill in all of the information and they will take care of filing your suit, get the parties served – a one stop shop.  Plus it’s all reviewed on-line by a human being.  You can even issue a demand letter to take to court to show the judge that they refused to pay.  Rather than setting foot in a court house, I am very tempted to use the service.  They take credit cards and that is my preferred method of payment – because you can pay it off at once or a little at a time. 

I tracked both of my letters and from the looks of things we are on target for Tuesday delivery.  Provided that goes down then on the 5th of July I can file my suit it will be 15 days plus a couple extra.  I didn’t say 15 business days, I said 15 days.  I’m tired and want this over with.  So maybe on the 5th I will file my suit and then go eat pie.  What a fitting way to spend a day.  Hopefully I can just go eat pie because they will pay up, but I don’t expect that. 

I found my local MCC church and listened to a sermon on-line.  Interesting.  It’s a far way to go just for church but I am inclined to check them out, at least once.  We always talked about going and who knows maybe I will feel at home that I will start going there.  Maybe I will hate it and never go back.  The point is to try it.  Now all I have to do is motivate myself.  That is the hardest thing to do.  I just want to do status quo for now and stay on a specific schedule with routines.  Call it depression, call it denial but it’s what I am comfortable with at the moment. 

I looked into VOIP phone service, cheap and feature rich.  However, the alarm is what is stopping me.  Be my luck someone would break in when the cable service was down and the alarm company would never know about it until it was too late.  I just don’t like taking risks.

Speaking of which, I should probably get moving.  The night is still young but after I am done with my chores it will be time for bed.  I did manage to trim shy girls claws.  She screamed and peed but I got the job done and now we are friends again.  6 more weeks and we get to do it again.  I hate it but it is so necessary.  I wish I had her attitude at times it could come in handy!

Rain in store for us for the next few days and that will only make Lawn Boy rich.  That’s all for now.  I am going to scoot.  Talk with you peeps again soon.

15 June 2013

Is it Saturday yet?

That is a title of a song sung by Nick Carter.  I love it and sing with him when it plays on my phone.  I’ve loved the song since it came out and I’ve been singing since the first time I heard it. 

So yes, it is Saturday.  I have worked all week honing and crafting my appeal to the homophobic union that refuses to pay me.  I’ve bounced it off of some legal eagles that I know and gotten some advice.  Most of which was take the personal out of it and make it all business.  This is very personal and there is no way in the world I can take my emotions out of it.  They are fucking with me and making me jump through hoops, like I am a circus animal.  I won’t tolerate it and I am done playing games.  I was quite firm in my letter.  A letter in which I wanted my attorney to write but instead he wrote a weak letter saying you owe my client please pay.  I said I demand my payment within 15 days or else I am going to sue your ass.  I was polite but very firm.  I put in citations of law for my state and the state where the union is based.  I also hinted at talking with the media and how the union would be portrayed as homophobic.  I asked them if they wanted their organization to be portrayed like that to the world and to their membership. 

My personal feelings are they will wait me out to see if this little faggot will actually follow through and sue them.  Then they will tell me, oh too bad we already paid your partners son.  Yeah, well you paid the wrong motherfucker.  That’s your problem and not mine.  I demand my money and I will see this through until there is no more fighting to do.  It’s like my partner used to say.  You fuck me, I fuck you – we all go fucking crazy. 

This is a matter of principal and they are trying to show me that they hold the cards and they can be homophobic if they want to and I can’t do anything about it.  Well, that may in fact be true but it’s doesn’t mean I am not going to try.  Besides that I won’t sue them in Federal Court where they will argue DOMA and ERISA.  I will sue them in my county, where the law is clearly on my side and where Plaintiffs have a high ratio of winning. 

If I do have to file suit and get a verdict in my favor.  I suspect that they will appeal and draw this out until they can’t any further.  Maybe not, maybe they will just pay up and shut up.

The letter was worded to encourage them to pay me off and I will keep quiet but if you don’t pay me then I am going to be a loud fucking queen and tell the whole world about how your trying to fuck me.  I may get all sorts of hate from it.  I fully expect retaliation from the union and/or their members, which could cost me my life however I won’t go out without a fight.  They have managed to piss me off and since I am all fired up, there is pretty much no calming me down. 

I was supposed to meet some friends for lunch.  We did meet but didn’t get to go where we wanted, which is a new place.  They were not open so we wound up at Outback.  Not a bad lunch, especially since it turned out to be free for me.  Had I known that I would have ordered differently but oh well.

I managed to spend a wad of money today.  I visited a shoe shop and picked up a pair of SAS shoes and some Birkenstock Orthotics.  Then I went to Sam’s club and finally I went out for Pizza tonight.  That is all well and good but tomorrow will be IHOP for Jelly Donut Pancakes and the Grocery Store.  I may sneak in a trip to pick up some socks but that is about it.  I find that my money clearly is spent far too easily. 

I am behind in my laundry, but think that tomorrow I will be able to catch up.

I saw a movie today called End of Watch with Jake Gyllenhall in it.  He never did anything for me but after watching that movie, I wouldn’t mind having sex with him.  It was a great movie and as I predicted someone died.  I didn’t like that part of it, but the rest was pretty good.  It’s a cop movie.

My thought is that I am always watching Netflix or Amazon video.  I don’t use Hulu that much so I am inclined to cancel it.  That would save me $7.99 per month.  Not a lot of money but it all adds up over time.

I thought about a couple people my guy used to know and wrote letters to them to inform them of his passing.  I am sure these folks will be quite surprised to learn the news. 

I watched a sermon from my local MCC Church and had thoughts of going over there tomorrow morning.  However, it’s a long way to drive just for church.  I thought about visiting my friends church.  I want to but I just don’t have the gumption.  Maybe it’s Satan or maybe I am just lazy.  Could also be a little bit of both.

I changed rate plans on my cell phone, this time going down in cost and minutes instead of going up.  I needed a boost for a month.  I monitor my usage and if I am close to going over I will be happy to bump up and pay the extra money.  However, I don’t foresee that happening again.  I was talking every night for an hour or two to several different people.  Time has gone on, I am slowly getting used to the fact that I am alone and he is really gone.  Friends don’t call, in fact the phone didn’t ring once this week, except for a sales call for someone trying to sell my partner ink for his printer.  He used to buy in large quantity but stopped a couple months ago and this place has been after him ever since.  I squashed that when I told them he was dead. 

I got a hospital bill in the mail, I wrote these people and provided them a copy of the death certificate and told them he passed away in your facility.  Still they insist that he has to pay them.  So instead of opening the letter, I used my trusty rubber stamp that looks like the post office did it and it’s marked Decease, Return To Sender.  It has the pointing finger and is in red ink, so for all they know the post office did it.  I tell you once and after that I just send your shit back.  He isn’t paying it and I will be damned if I am paying it.  Bad enough that I am continuing his Bankruptcy.  Speaking of which I have to research that.

I tried to fix the CD player in his truck.  What I read on-line was remove the fuse for the radio.  That will fix it because it will loose it’s memory.  Yeah, might have worked for someone else but didn’t work for me.  I am still stuck with listening to FM radio when I drive that thing on the weekends.  It sucks.  I need a Bluetooth speaker and I could listen to the music on my iPhone, which is way better than the radio and channel hopping. 

Hope you had a great Saturday.  1 more day and then were back at Monday again.  Ick! Boo Hiss.  However, two weeks until my 4 day weekend.  Thought about going to Vegas for a day to see Ron White (comedian) but not including tickets it would have cost me $1,000.00 so I decided to pass.  He’s funny but I can get the DVD when it comes out. 

My hand is getting better but I just picked the scab off, which wasn’t a smart thing to do.  The kids are bugging me and I am getting tired so I think I am calling it a night.  Talk with you peeps later. 

14 June 2013


So my ‘friend” cancelled last night at 9:30 but I was in bed already so I didn’t know about it until this morning.  She was supposed to be on vacation this week and now she is telling me it’s next week.  This was our 2nd attempt to get together and I reached out to her.  She wanted me to reschedule but I am not going to.  I figure that she doesn’t want to have lunch with me and no matter how many times I try the end result will be the same, so why bother.  I didn’t even respond to her cancellation notice, I am just letting it go.

I found out that 20 people from my old job in IT were let go yesterday.  They also got rid of one of the bitches in HR, which I think is totally awesome.  Sure glad I am not there and having to sweat about my job. 

Last night I got a message from a friend checking on me and he ended it with so who are you doing now?  I called him on it but in a humorous way.  See I would have blamed it on Auto Correct but he totally owned it and said it was a Freudian slip.  I wish I was doing someone but nope, I am all alone in that department.  Were getting together at a new restaurant tomorrow.  That is the 1/2 way point to Sam’s so I will have an excuse to stop in and pick up more stuff.

I am working on my appeal letter.  I ran it by an attorney friend this morning.  I got all sorts of case law to submit with it that further states my claim.  So I have to make revisions and get it ready to go.  I don’t have to mail it this weekend but I really would like to.  Just to say it’s over with and done, check it off the list.  Then next month after I visit the doctor I can grab a bite to eat and head to the courthouse to file suit.  At least that is my plan of attack, maybe I will get lucky and they will just cough up a check.  However, I fully anticipate a response saying sorry but we have already paid his son.  Yeah, then you paid the wrong person and guess what, were going to court.  These fuckers have me t-totally pissed off.

I had thought about it and told the children that I would be home late tonight because I was going for fried chicken.  However, I think I will just go home as normal.  I’ve got mac and cheese in the fridge along with left over bbq pork from last night.  Eat that and save my money for tomorrow.  I can always change my mind but going home, napping and then working until the wee hours of the morning sounds awesome to me.  Not sure why.

Today is the last day for one of my co-workers who is moving on to another job.  I will really miss her but at the same time I am happy that she is moving on.  It was obvious to me that a change was long overdue and she was in over her head but just didn’t know how to speak up.  Plus the way she was treated was horrible.  I know she will be much better off in her new job. 

My boss lost a relative yesterday.  Death has plagued this office for a while.  First it was me with my partner.  Then it was someone else with their mother and now my boss.  Since things come in 3’s I figure we should be good now.  I am so glad that I didn’t wait to submit my vacation requests, that could have been a nightmare. 

Well I am stuck in hardware heaven right now.  I am still working on configuring.  I am waiting for some anti-theft stickers to show up next week, I have to tag the machines and then I can start shipping them out.  That will be helpful and maybe, just maybe in a few weeks I will be done.  This is no small project.  It’s kind of fun at first but looses its luster after a while.  However, that is the way with most deployments.  Thankfully we buy all of our equipment so if it breaks we just replace it.  Other places lease equipment for 3 years and then it all goes back and you get new equipment.  Which is hell for an IT department because your under a time crunch to get the old stuff back and the new stuff deployed.  When it’s all done everyone is typically happy.

Outside of lunch tomorrow and Sam’s club, no other real plans for the weekend.  If it doesn’t rain I will try a fix on my guys vehicle to see if I can fix the cd player.  Just have to find and pull a fuse, then put it back in.  That should do it from what I have read on-line.  Google is such a good friend. 

Have an awesome weekend.  If any of your guys are Father’s, Happy Father’s Day to you.  I will talk with you peeps later.  Take care.

13 June 2013

The Call

Well I made the call today to the Mortgage company.  They have to submit a research request to get all of the paperwork I submitted.  I offered to resend it but they told me it would be easier for them to pull what was sent over.  Okay.  So call back next week.  Really?  Okay so that is what I will do.  At least it wasn’t bad news.

One of the places I went that had WIFI prior to my start has been bugging the crap out of me that there WIFI isn’t working.  It sounds like they have a bad port on their router.  I can’t see my boss spending money to fly me up to fix something that would take a couple hours.  So I told them to contact a local guy and have him call me. I would explain what needed to be done.  That is the best I can do, I am only one person.  The bitch that called me was really nasty and of course I had to hold my tounge and just listen to her bitch. 

My day started off bad when I was just about at work, I stopped at a red light, but went a little bit into the cross walk.  There were pedestrians coming but they were no where even close to my car.  They looked at me and asked me if I could read – meaning didn’t I see the red light.  Of course fucktard that’s why I stopped. I should have revved the engine but that probably would have escalated into something bigger than I wanted or needed. 

I had plans for making progress today but looks like those are in the trash can.  I’ve been bothered with other things and well I’m only one person.  I need a helper to keep on top of all of this.  However, I just tell myself one thing and one day at a time.

I did put in and get my days off.  That will be nice.  I have thought more about the union situation with the death benefit.  I am modifying the draft letter of appeal and sending it.  If they don’t respond with payment then I will use one of my days off to explore suing them and what it will totally cost me.  I don’t need an attorney in small claims court.  I also don’t know that I will win, so this could easily be money that I am out.  However, modifying the letter and mailing it is minimal cost.  The law suit is what will be the major expense.  Nothing says I have to follow through but maybe they won’t want to find out.  From what I have researched in order to get payment out of them if there is a dispute you have to sue and they are all too happy to go to court.  So my threat will be just that to them, if I actually follow through then that will be another story.  I am tired of screwing with them and they have angered me beyond belief.  I mean it’s my time of need and they want to pick a fight.  If they hadn’t told me about the benefit I would have never known and life would be going on without me having this grief in my life. 

Last nights mail brought me a refund check for $16 from the phone company.  I got tired of going to the bank so I figured I would use their mobile app to make the deposit.  Yeah, until I found out they charge a fee for depositing via the app.  The only way to avoid the fee is to visit the ATM or a local branch.  So I ditched the app and stopped by the ATM this morning.  Simple, over and done with and didn’t cost me anything but gas and time.  This bank is fee hungry and they will bleed you until you can’t bleed any longer.  Most everything you do there has a fee associated with it.

Storms looked to be rolling in this morning.  However, now the sun is out.  We were around 100 degrees yesterday.  Hot Child In The City!  Good day to watch all of the guys cut grass or just walk around shirtless.  Bad news is I didn’t see any. 

Supper last night was Chicken Pot Pie followed by a popsicle.  I watched a couple episodes of Reba and that was it.  Tonight I am having the BBQ in a tub.  Not sure if I want Mac & Cheese or Broccoli.  Decisions, decisions.  I will be eating out tomorrow night but again don’t know where because there are too many choices. 

I have a lunch date tomorrow with an old coworker.  She is supposed to meet me but I just have this feeling like she isn’t going to show.  That’s why I always bring my lunch, so if plans fall through or someone is a no show I won’t go hungry.  I hope that she does show and that we have a good time. 

Mashed Potatoes & Gravy my lunch time is about up.  I used some of it for work, but I’ve done my share of goofing off today as well, so it all evens out.  Guess I will get ready to go back to the salt mine.  You peeps take care and I will talk with you later.

12 June 2013

1 Busy Guy

Yesterday I got the idea that if the present company that insures our home won’t write a policy in the name of the trust, that it is time to reach out to someone that will.  Chances are pretty good that the house will be in the name of the trust for a while.  So I reached out to the company that wrote my Renters Policy.  My Agent there seems to think that he can write a policy that will help me out.  I told him that I wanted to give our present insurer a chance, because our agent is on vacation this week.  I sent along copies of all of the legal docs that he would need.  Now I am playing the waiting game.

I did the math on Bankruptcy payments my guy has made and there is a considerable difference between what he actually paid in and what he is getting credit for.  Apparently the Trustee disburses funds in an odd manner, which doesn’t seem right and/or fair to me.  I got a website to take a look at that will show me some details.  I have to register for access, which I will do tonight.  I am also waiting to hear from the other firm I wrote.  Plus I am told there are Bankruptcy Message Boards on-line that should be able to help me as well.  I really want to walk away from this.  It’s a struggle to make the house payment and this is an added expense that I just don’t feel I should be burdened with.  However, it it turns out the advice I have been given is correct then it’s an insurance policy and I will probably keep on paying the bastards.

So as you probably gathered it’s lunch time here.  I wolfed down my food.  I was thinking about the lunch time conversations that I used to have.  I looked forward to checking in at lunch time to see what was new and to discuss what was the plan for supper.  Now I have no one to talk to at lunch time and I have to figure out what is for supper, which is subject to change until I actually get home.

Last nights meal was Stouffers Meat Loaf  & Mashed Potatoes.  I threw in a side of Broccoli and there you have it.  A meal small enough to be called a snack.  I was so hungry but I just told myself that was it for the night.  The cats on the other hand wolfed down their food and then asked for 2nds.  I of course gave in. 

I want to eat out but getting home late and then having things to do plus the children being mad at me, well I would just as soon go home.  I mean I will wind up there sooner or later.  I have discovered that having good music playing helps make the place feel a little bit more occupied.

Against my better judgment I paid $14.99 to own a Lewis Black standup routine via Amazon.  I can’t stay awake long enough to watch it from start to end.  I got the tail end last night and he was on a roll.  I started playing it over got a couple laughs and then I am waking up to go to bed and turn it off.  When I sit down at night and go to watch TV it’s not long before I can be out of it. 

Very much looking forward to the weekend.  I have preliminary plans to make it to Sam’s Club again, buy a pair of shoes and eat out a couple times.  I am still kicking the idea about pie around.  I thought about going to a place we frequented for Chicken and Pie, which is much closer to home.  They only take cash and I’ve got some of that.  That might be my Friday night dinner, not sure yet.  I know I want to make it to IHOP because they have Jelly Donut Pancakes which sound yummy.  I love bakery and no doubt I will love these pancakes.

The one thing that for sure will happen is I am going to take a nap.  I look forward to laying on the couch.  To have one cat between my legs and another sitting on my chest. As we all just drift off to sleep.  Picturing that right now makes me want to head home and sack out. 

Thus far this is the first week when I haven’t reached out to a friend when I got home.  I have been calling him often.  I’d like to wait it out and see how long it takes him to call me.  However, I am sure that I will have some type of news either good or bad and will be compelled to reach out to tell him.

I don’t know why but I feel compelled to write this.  You can’t be with someone for 20 + years loose them either to death or a breakup and instantly get over it and move on.  I know I am young but this man was my life and all that I had known for well over 1/2 of my life.  Moving past this will take a whole lot of time.  I have my moments but for the most part I am coping with it better than I expected.  You say you can’t live without someone, when the truth is you just don’t want to live without them.  I am doing all sorts of things that I never in a million years thought would be possible to function once he passed away.

I’ve got my paperwork filled out for my two days off.  I will be asking for them later today.  I don’t expect any problems as I haven’t been off since I was out on bereavement back in April.  My anniversary was in May at which time my PTO bank started over.  I lost 8 days but they were so kind to give me time I feel like it’s a wash. 

Yeah the clock is still ticking.  Lunch time is about done and it’s back to machine heaven.  I forgot all about icing my hand last night.  It’s getting better and looks more like a sore now than a bite.  I have a feeling in a couple days all will be back to normal.  What is driving me nuts is what looks like a small pimple on the outside of my wrist.  It itches like mad.  I am not sure if it came from a cat claw or if it’s connected to whatever bit me.  This morning I decided to pop it and it’s calmed down some.  However just mentioning this makes everything itch again.  Funny how your mind thinks of things when it’s idle but when your occupied you concentrate on what is in front of you and forget about so many other little things. 

Two more days left in this work week.  I hope they fly by as fast or faster than my lunch time does.  Well time to hit post and get back to it.  You peeps take care and I will talk with you later.

11 June 2013

Life Update–Tuesday

I don’t remember every little thing, so if this is redundant I apologize.  Friday I got paperwork in the mail about a $275.00 fee that the bank wanted since they sold the loan.  It’s something that I will have to pay.  It will be figured into the monthly payments and will amount to like $5 extra per month.  His attorney had to figure out how I am supposed to sign the documents to revise the Bankruptcy plan, since I am not the debtor. 

I have gotten so many bad vibes from this guy and I used him as my attorney.  I honestly think he makes it up as he goes along.  I tried to call another major Bankruptcy firm in the area.  They have so many prompts you are stuck in prompt hell.  So I did the next best thing and drafted a letter.  I spoke in very generic terms but advised them of the situation.  I asked if I was being given correct advise and if I wanted to switch attorneys if that was something that was allowed.  I have started to rethink the whole keep on paying.  Why should I have to pay for debt that is NOT mine.  I know my guy wouldn’t want that.  I anticipate an answer later this week or early next week, if they are going to respond at all.  My intention isn’t to disparage anyone but to make sure that my best interest is taken care of.

I looked at his payments into the system and just with quick rough figures he has already paid in $10,000.00.  I am going to research this more in depth and if the figures are correct I will ask the attorney to move for the hardship discharge – that would bring an end to this rather quickly.  It’s all just a bunch of BS and people seeing how much money they can obtain from me.

I got a phone call a bit ago from one of the guys that I saw over the weekend at the flea market event.  He told me that he had a buyer for the large item I was selling.  That guy called me and asked me what I wanted, I told him the price hadn’t changed since the event.  He didn’t want to pay that.  He went into this story about each time you turn it on you run the risk of the drivers blowing and it would cost $300 to replace them.  Yeah, you cheap fuck you just don’t want to part with your money.  I asked him to make me an offer and I heard this BS followed by he wasn’t interested.  I have no idea why he chose to get my hopes up and waste my time.  I will go lower but not much more than what I am asking for.  Once I list it on eBay the price will be firm and I won’t back down.  I have to be firm and not waffle, otherwise people will sense it and take advantage of me. 

I checked the bank this morning and the Mortgage check cleared yesterday but it didn’t post until this morning.  I am totally okay with that, as long as they got the money and I got credit for it.  That is all that matters to me.  Now it’s just a matter of remembering to send the check to the new place and allowing enough time for it to get there.  Maybe they will talk with me later this week and we can start working on lowering my payments. 

Each day I grow a little bit more tired of fighting.  I heard a story yesterday on the radio that a kid drank a Quart of Soy Sauce because a friend dared him.  The kid went into a coma.  He was taken to the hospital and they managed to save his life by pumping him full of sugar water.  I thought what an easy way to end it all.  I really do want to give up, too many road blocks, too much red tape and way too much pain & heartache.  The only thing that keeps me going is the kids.  Otherwise I think this would have ended a long time ago.

I know I am a downer right now and lots of people flee.  I can’t say that I blame them.  We all suffer, we all have problems.  The difference is that I am sharing mine with whom ever chose to read this.  I’d like to know that someone outside of one person is ready this, it would go a long way in helping me feel a little bit better.

I did find the Flea Medicine and put some on Momma but it doesn’t seem to have helped at all.  Which is exactly what I expected.  I see she is still chewing her fur.  Poor girl looks like we will be going to the vet but I don’t have much hope they will be able to do anything for her.  I could be wrong but we won’t know until I actually make the appointment.  Something that I am putting off.  I realized that her and her children will celebrate their birthdays next week.  Wow, it’s not just me getting older.  It will be strange to celebrate their birthdays w/o my guy saying we will be getting them a Tuna cake. 

Last night on the way out of the office, I managed to leave the same time the cute guy next door did.  I popped out my phone and got a couple of nice photos of him.  I know it’s creepy, but that is just me.  I so want to approach him, even though I believe he is way younger than me.  I am not 100% that he is gay.  I do know that he knows martial arts so if I make him angry he could easily hurt me and not in a good way.  Taking a chance and moving forward is something I will have to do eventually.  I mean breaking the ice over FB and asking someone on a date was a step in the right direction.  However, doing it in person well it’s a little more awkward, especially if you have a crush on the person but don’t know if they are gay..  I’d really like to have a conversation with him, if only a friendship blossoms from it then no harm.  The bigger risk is that if he approaches my employer because he is offended or decides to do physical harm to me, I mean there are just so many variables.  Asking someone on a date isn’t sexual harassment. However, as screwy as my employer is I don’t trust them.

Speaking of my employer, I really wish that things would fall into place for me, so that I can move on to my next task, which is looking for a new job.  It’s not something I really want to do, but considering that the treatment here probably isn’t going to get better and my paycheck probably won’t grow that much, I think looking and leaving is probably the right thing to do.  However, until the legal and financial battles are done it’s not something that I can concentrate on.  I don’t want to get a new job and then tell them I have to take time off.  That just doesn’t work out so well in most places.  You have to be there for a while before you even think of asking for a day off.  If you tell them up front that you have a lot going and might have to take time off, you are shooting yourself in the food.  Most employers understand about the needs of life, however that doesn’t mean that they will be understanding in your situation.

I am so sleepy.  I had Turkey & Cheese for lunch.  I got my Lasagna & Garlic Bread last night.  Tonight it’s BBQ in a tub with Broccoli & Cheese.  However, if I am as tired as I am right now I may just make a TV dinner and call it a day.  Ready for a nap now.  My employer probably wouldn’t be too happy to see me sleeping on the job. 

One more thing, my hand looks a little worse.  There is redness around the knuckle and it was really driving me crazy this morning.  All is well at the moment.  This could be anything from Mrsa to a Spider Bite.  Chances are pretty good I will survive.  If things get worse I will get  it checked out.  I did find a good idea on line that said to apply ice, so I will try that tonight in the hopes it helps.  I really want to grab a knife and open it up.  I know it sounds like it’s the wrong thing to do, but when I do that to a normal bug bite, within a day or two it’s all dried up and there is nothing more to worry about.  No itching no pain, it’s just gone.  Maybe I should soak my hand in Soy Sauce.  I am willing to do most anything just to make it go away. 

Well speaking of going away, I have to get back to work.  Lunch time is so over with.  Down hill slide from here until evening comes.  No fresh hell in last nights mail.  Hoping for the same in tonight’s mail.  Wishing I was on vacation so I could take that nap.

The biggest question I have before I go is when will I get it all back.  Speaking of Physical, Emotional, Psychological, Spiritual energy.  I am so overwhelmed and exhausted right now.  Each day I keep going is a huge surprise to me.  I keep on thinking I didn’t think  could make it this far.   Talk with you peeps later!

10 June 2013

Red Tape

I phoned the new mortgage company, only to find out that the number I was given for their Bankruptcy department was incorrect.  It was a company that no longer provided service for them.  I got referred to another number.  I called them when I got to work, I waited like 5 seconds on hold.  A lady came on got my name and SSN, then put me on hold.  15 minutes later I hung up and called back.  I got put on hold then a man asked me for my SSN and Name.  I gave him my partners information and explained who I was.  He told me that paperwork was still in transition and that hopefully on Friday it would be done.  I should call back on Friday.  Yeah, so they can tell me to call back the 2nd Tuesday of the following week.  This is an endless sea of red tape.  You think your making progress and then you fall into the trap.

One would think that they would be happy that someone wanted to take over the loan and give them money, so they wouldn’t own a piece of property.  However, I guess that just is not the case.

Speaking of which that check from last week still hasn’t cleared the bank.  I am nervous but I sure hope it clears soon.  I’ve got exactly enough money in the account to make another payment, which is a bonus.  I try to keep that account for the mortgage only.

The bigger problem here is that the house insurance will be cancelled if they don’t get in gear and that will only be more trouble for me.  Unless they can write a policy in the name of the trust, I will be out of luck.  We haven’t gotten to that point yet.  I want to give the insurance man an update but no sense in telling him I am stuck in red tape, he probably figured that already when I called.

Last night I went into my partners room to get his toothbrush, I felt like an extra clean mouth so I used it.  I took it back and just couldn’t help myself I sat on the bed and started crying and talking to him.  It’s only been 2 months and I am still adjusting to the fact that he is gone and there is no coming back or no reaching him.  That is the part of death that I have the hardest time with.  I pulled myself out of his room after I said what I had to say.  Went about the rest of the evening.

When I went to call it a night, I closed my eyes but I was wide awake.  I started seeing an outline of a mouth and then it rapidly grew into his face.  That was interesting.  I just hugged old jumper and tried to go to sleep.  After an hour of laying in bed, I decided to call it quits.  I turned the TV back on and watched Oprah & Tyler Perry.  That was good but I haven’t finished it yet.  I got drowsy and turned it off.  Back to bed and this time I slept.

I had a dream this morning that we decided to get a quickie on and stopped off at a hotel.  I had to use the bathroom, which was nothing new.  I was pushing but nothing was happening.  He kept telling me to hurry up because we were in the lobby of the hotel.  Some lady stopped and started chatting him up.  Meanwhile I am trying to have a baby in the bathroom or at least that is what it felt like.  I woke up and was pushing.  I stopped that got up to let Big Boy out and use the restroom.  I had 30 more minutes to sleep and I was going to enjoy them.  I got that taken care of and the alarm clock woke me up.

That was a different dream.  I left for work and made it about 10 minutes away.  When it hit me, that I forgot something.  I didn’t know what and then it clicked.  My cup and my candy.  I made a U turn and dashed back home.  Traffic for some reason was really light this morning.  Maybe it’s vacation season.  In any case I was happy.  I got to work with plenty of time but all of the good spots were taken.  I had my choice the stall again or I could take a handicapped spot.  I chose the handicapped spot.  Only because my back is bothering me and I didn’t want to have to hassle with the stall. 

Got up to the office to find out that boss man wasn’t here.  He came in later in the morning.  I am still working on machines, moving on to my 4th one in a little bit.  I am getting pretty good at this.  I hope the case/stand I ordered is delivered tomorrow because my neck is driving me nutz. 

You know when I went back home I debated and almost decided to take it as a sign to stay home.  The kids would have loved it but I would have felt guilty because I am asking for vacation time in  a couple days.  It’s only 2 days but still I don’t want to fall into a habit.  One day off leads to 3 days off because I am depressed or just tired of it all.  I would have gone to get my hand looked at if I stayed home to justify it but it’s money I can save.

No mickey mouse hand, it just hurts.  The skin around the knuckle has a yellow/brownish color to it.  The knuckle it’s self is red, so I know there is some type of infection going on.  I have been applying ointment to it and will keep that up.  During the day it’s all about hand washing.

4 more days until I have 2 days to myself.  Thinking about cleaning up the basement, that would be like an adventure.  Sleeping in sounds nice too. 

Well lunch time is winding down here.  4 more hours of work until this boy goes home.  Looking forward to that.  Thought of going out for supper but I have more lasagna & I still have the garlic bread.  Thinking very strongly of making that, unless something goes wrong.  Also kind of depends upon what I find in the mailbox.  Hopefully, nothing to worry about.  I am only looking for one more bill and that is the electric & gas.  It’s a couple hundred dollars and hopefully it will be waiting for me.  Then I will be done until a bit later in the month when the cycle starts all over again. 

Hopefully, Monday isn’t too bad for you.  We were supposed to have rain and cloudy sky's but I see al little sunshine so that is an extra bonus.  I will talk with you peeps later.