Technology & Guns

I’ve been thinking about a couple things that were news worthy items this week and wanted to share my two cents, not that it will change anything.

First – The kid who used ChatGPT to commit suicide. I heard on a tech podcast that this kid wasn’t the first person who consulted a computer regarding suicide and in fact this was the 3^rd case. Technology like anything can be weaponized and destructive or deadly. I get that some people don’t have anyone to talk to. Look at me I am pretty much all alone. I also get that folks might think that others won’t understand what they are dealing with. Suicide is a drastic thing and as I learned in therapy when I was much younger, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

We are all dealing with something. It might be work, school, sexuality, the death of a family member or friend, a sick pet or a pet that has passed, a traffic accident or ticket, some other legal issue and the list goes on. No matter what you are dealing with you are not alone there are help lines in every single country that you can call and talk with a human being. You can find resources for your country at https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html

I speak from experience from having wanted to commit suicide a couple times in my adult life and also in my teenage years. The worst times in my life were the death of my spouse and then when I lost Gator my long-time cat that had been with me for 18 years. Once she passed away that ignited former feelings of being all alone and it was kind of like my spouse died all over again. I honestly didn’t think that things would ever get better or see a clear path. All I wanted to do was die because it just didn’t seem to me that life mattered that much or that anyone would truly miss me if I was gone. I didn’t bottle things up; I took someone up on their offer that they would listen to me and I sought them out and opened right up telling my life story to them. It was hours of time we spent. I did a lot of crying. I also went to the pet store and looked at cats but that just made me cry. I managed to go a month without a cat and then I started looking that’s how I wound up with Rudy and Mora. They are my lifesavers, seriously. They are so attached to me and since I am their 3^rd owner I told them that this was their home and they are here to stay. I mean that is unless I drop dead or get killed in a car accident or some other hazard.

I’ve had some low points and at times even with these two cats’ life can be overwhelming and I have had some thoughts of calling life quits. Deep down I don’t want to die, I just want my circumstances to change so the pain would stop. I know how I felt back when Gator passed and then nothing mattered. That was the closest that I came to actually going through with it. I had a lot of people scared even my own doctor. With some of the things I told him he should have had me locked up for my own well being but he trusted me when I told him that I wouldn’t do anything. How many people say that and then the next thing you know they are gone?

I’ve said all of that to say this. Reach out for help to solve your problems, talking honestly deep down feels really good especially when you’re talking to the right person that you can trust.

A former friend of mine told me think about what if you try something and you wind up hurting yourself and you live and don’t die but are handicapped or permanently injured. Also think about whom ever would find your body, that’s something that they will never be able to unsee. Regardless if it’s a seasoned professional like a police officer or fire fighter. They are human. It’s much worse if that person is a family member or friend.

I do think that ChatGPT and other AI chat bots should have restrictions placed on them so they don’t discuss mental health issues and/or assist with how to form a plan to end your life. I think that should have been obvious from the day AI started but obviously it was overlooked.

Second - The shooting at the Catholic School in Minnesota. I looked using AI for what country school shootings occur in. I was surprised to find that the US is not the only place but sadly we are the leading country where this happens. It’s to the point where it’s at epidemic levels.

I know that the 2^nd amendment gives the rights to bear arms and you have the right to defend yourself if you are being attacked or in imminent danger. It’s odd that each time this happens all we do is send thoughts and prayers. Well, those don’t do a whole lot to solve this problem that is continuing to occur. One child shot is one too many and this is something that never should have occurred.

I do think there should be stronger gun laws, I do think that all firearm owners should be responsible and lock/secure their weapons from children or those that might have mental health issues. I think that perhaps raising the cost of ammo would also be another action that could be taken. Look the world is filled with a bunch of intelligent people and brilliant minds, surely if we had some dialog and discussions on this a plan could be formulated that would solve this issue once and for all.

However, it’s not until the problem affects you or someone you know that people really focus much attention on this issue. These are innocent children who are trying to get an education and they are not out to harm anyone. I think it’s wrong to steal a child’s innocence regardless of how it’s done. Because once they are robbed of that it’s something they will never ever get back and it will stick with them through out their lives.

I grew up Catholic and started off in Catholic grade school. We had to go to mass every day we were at school. We said the pledge of allegiance to start the day. It was all very much a routine but times were way different and we had no school shootings then. We also had no technology then. However, we did have firearms but they were reserved mostly for hunters and those that wanted self-protection. Sure, we had criminals who had them to rob and steal. I also went to public grade school from 5^th grade forward and then on to public high school.

Kids can be cruel there is no doubt about it. I can think of a few kids that I grew up with that I wished I had never met. We were all free though in that we went to school each day and there was no worry or concern that someone would come in guns blazing. Being a kid today is radically different from when I grew up and honestly if I was a kid today, I would be scared out of my mind. I can’t imagine having to walk through a metal detector and using a swipe card to gain access to school. I can’t imagine hearing gun shots while I was trying to learn and then having to take cover. What if I was just walking to or from a class and was in the wrong place at the wrong time? My childhood wasn’t perfect but no way would I trade my school experience for what exists today.

I think that this problem is going to continue and it’s going to get much, much, much worse before it ever gets better. It won’t be until someone important like a politician’s kid gets injured or killed before things change in the US. There is never a time where I’d love to be proven wrong than now and from today forward never ever hear about another school shooting for as long as I live.

I can’t imagine being a parent to get the call that their child was injured or killed while at school. I feel sad for the kids as well as the parents.

Please someone find a way to solve this problem and the sooner the better before another life is lost.

Wake up call

Morning, my day started at 4a when I was woken up by Mora jumping on me.  I was having the best dream.  I was with my late spouse at McDonald’s and we were enjoying breakfast.  I had just taken a job at a place that I used to work at, that was a complete nightmare.  I dream from time to time that I got sucked back in there.  For some reason I was elated about it because I figured I’d be making more money but I would also be doing a job that I really didn’t want to.  Just about the time I was going to bite into my second Sausage McMuffin with Egg is when Mora woke me up. I don’t see my late spouse often enough in dreams and was rather upset that Mora woke me up, I would have loved to at least finish my dream breakfast.  I haven’t had a Sausage McMuffin with Egg in a long time.  

Maybe I was talking in my sleep or maybe she just wanted to cuddle.  At any rate that’s what happened she snuggled up in my arm for a little bit.  Then Rudy came and sat on my chest and pressed on my stomach.  My bladder kicked in and I told them both I had to get up.  I returned to bed after using the restroom and then we all got situated again.  Rudy wound up by my feet and Mora was back snuggling in my arm. 

After a few minutes of trying, I realized there was no getting back to sleep so I turned the TV on and watched an episode of Sanford (this spin off from Sanford & Son).  It was on YouTube and I just wanted something to pass the time until I got groggy again and could go back to sleep.  That couldn’t happen fast enough for me.  After that was over with, I turned the TV off and had to move.  That caused Mora to leave me.  Which was fine because she was nipping at my finger thinking it was a play toy.  It hurts but she hasn’t broken the skin yet.  Her brother does it too from time to time, but he’s a bit gentler than she is. 

It took me a little bit but I managed to get back to sleep for a bit.  Then the trash truck came through and woke me up.  I was able to dose off for a bit before Rudy started his it’s time to wake up routine.  I cuddled with him since he was early and then we all got up to get Friday started. 

As per usual I am done with my morning tasks at work and have the rest of the day wide open just waiting for something to occupy time.  I have gone looking to help out but there isn’t anything pending right now that I can lend a hand with. 

Last night when I took the trash out, I noticed in one of my landscaping beds that there were a bunch of rather tall weeds.  It’s as if the lawn people haven’t been doing their job.  I broke out some Roundup and sprayed.  I will peek at it when I bring the empty barrel in later on today.  The last thing I want is to get in trouble with the city.  I’ve been thinking about buying a weed trimmer for a couple years now.  Every once and a while I find something that they skipped. 

Speaking of the yard since I fired my tree trimmer, I didn’t have any work done last year and managed to skate by just fine.  However, things are to the point now where I need to have work done.  I said I wouldn’t call him back because he charged me for a tool he forgot.  He went to buy one at a local store and magically the price of my bill went up by exactly what he paid for the tool.  Well, his prices are pretty fair and while I really don’t want to call him, I really don’t want to start over with anyone else.  A simple fall clean up that can be done later this year or early next year – it’s no rush. 

Yesterday's post I removed something that I really wanted to put in, it’s the Thirsty part of the post.  I know of one particular porn star that is local to my area (who shall not be named).  I was curious to see if he did escort work and when I went surfing, I didn’t find him but found another Twink porn star.  I actually thought about calling for a split second.  My dick was saying do it, we need this.  My brain however said its trouble steer clear of this.  I’ve never done anything like that before and know that it’s a tricky rope to walk so that you don’t violate the law.  The trick is that you're paying for a person's time and not for a sexual act.  If you pay for a sexual act that’s prostitution and highly illegal.  While I doubt that a porn star would be an undercover cop or wired, they probably approach each person that calls them with some suspicion.  I’m quite lonely and while I don’t want to just jump into bed, I want to form a connection and get to know a person before we go to the bedroom.  Paying for that would get awfully expensive.  That was heart/brain talking.  My dick says pay some money, have some fun – no strings.  However, I don’t know if I could just do casual sex.  I’m sure I’d form some kind of a bond and want more, again it could get awfully expensive.  Part of me felt a little cheap posting about it but another part of me said post it, get it out of your system.  It’s not going to get me laid but somehow it might benefit someone else. 

I am toying with getting back to the dating apps just to see if I can find someone but honestly, I have no hope and don’t think anyone that I’d be interested in (twinks late 20’s to 30’s) would be interested in me.  I suppose every older guy wants someone younger.  I’m not looking to support anyone or to have anyone support me in a financial way.  Spending money on each other is just part of dating and I’m okay with normal expenses in that respect.  Heck I’d even settle for someone in there 40’s.  I’m looking for a one and done, I don’t want to play game or cycle through several guys.  However, something about dating says you have to play games and you will likely go through several guys.  I don’t have the patience or ability to tolerate getting my heart broken.  It’s kind of held together by some crappy super glue as it is and quite fragile.  I’m vulnerable and know it.  I think that I will die alone but I am not expecting to die anytime soon.  Talk about agony and suffering.  However, I know you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take and that I am already alone.  Things are pretty grim in that respect so the only place they can go is up.  I like the single life in that you have no one to report to and there is abundant freedom.  However, I am kind of over being alone.  I guess it all boils down to a catch 22.  If there is a guy for me and he is out there here’s hoping that our paths cross sooner than later. I know that time really isn’t on my side here, as age continues to climb the less appealing I am. However, the heart wants what the heart wants. I'll keep you posted if anything develops.

Speaking of age were getting closer with each passing day to my birthday. That's something I used to look forward to when I was so much younger but ever since my 30's birthdays haven't been that appealing to me. My 35^th birthday was really special and it was all because of a friend I had at work that made things come together. I was so much happier then and just didn't realize it. Nothing yet has compared to the way that birthday was celebrated but I sure do have some great memories to reflect on.

Well, I should stick a fork in this post and call it done. Hope that you all have a great weekend and thanks as always for stopping by. Take care!

21 Years ago today

A lot has changed in 21 years.  Momma had her kittens on this hot June day 21 years ago today in the very basement I am in typing this.  It was a glorious day and I experienced a peace like nothing I have experienced since that day.  That day all was calm and right in the world, or so it felt that way. 

I sure do still miss Momma and all of her kids as well as our two strays we took in.  They were my world, my family and I’m very proud to say that.  I changed the course of everyone’s life that day – mine, my late spouses as well as Momma and her kittens. 

Happy heavenly birthday, I hope your all together having fun. 

On a different note, welcome in and thanks for dropping by.  It’s super hot and humid here.  The sun is out and so are the guys.  I saw a bunch of shirtless guys this morning, running.  I very easily could have had a wreck as I was looking at them. 

Made it to my friends shop, chatted a bit.  Scheduled a service appointment for my vehicle in a couple weeks.  I know that I am a bit early on my oil change but for the price they charge me, it’s smart to change the oil often.  Having the tires rotated and balanced as well.  I should be able to parlay that into a free lunch with my friend.  Again, something to look forward to. 

The heat was getting to me so I scooted out of there.  I had plans to stop for the mail and cat food but instead opted to come home and see the cats.  I needed to use the bathroom and wanted to grab a cold soda.  That turned into me getting nearly naked and watching TV.  I managed to fall asleep and felt better once I woke up.  Passed out lunch for the cats and then came back and watched more TV to pass time. 

Early afternoon I got dressed and headed out.  I went back to the country, the place I was the other day.  Damn I struck gold when it came to timing.  I got charged the lunch buffet price but I was there long enough they were changing over to dinner.  I ate very, very good.  The best meal I have had in a long time.  Sloppy Joes, Catfish, Fried Chicken, BBQ Pork, Mashed Potatoes and corn.  I was stuffed but figured since I had gone that far I made a trip back for some Peach Cobbler.  It was so so, could have been better but the main meal it was on the money.  This place is around 60 miles from home and it feels like I will never ever get there but eventually I arrive.  Chatted with the waitress a bit and found out that Sunday is actually the pick day they have more comfort food that day.  However, every day it’s a good spread.  I did look at a menu and they have a few items that look appealing but I can’t not order the buffet. 

When I walked in there was a couple sitting in the spot I normally get.  I kind of felt like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory and wanted to say your in my spot.  The guy was super hot but he was all tatted up and that is kind of a turn off for me, still I got a good look at him and took it all in for what it was worth. 

Tomorrow is gonna hurt when I go to fill the gas tank.  The fuel gauge said that I could go 90 miles before I needed gas.  It’s been lower before but not that often.  I’m super anal about my fuel level and it was a little uncomfortable to make the trip but I knew for sure I wasn’t going to run out of gas.  Plus there is a fail safe when your down to I think it is 25 or 50 miles left a low fuel light and alarm comes on.  I’ve only seen that once in the 8 years I have owned this vehicle. 

Still never made it for cat food or the post office, those are tomorrow tasks.  I needed to use the restroom so I just came straight home.  I could go back out but damn it’s so hot out I really don’t want to.  Feels nice here in the basement where it’s 70 degrees.  It’s 91 degrees outside.  Besides that it upsets the cats when I leave.  If they had their way I would never ever leave their sides. 

I’m off to peruse the internet and watch more TV.  Perhaps I can trim some cat claws they sure are sharp.  Take care and stay cool.

Never thought I’d see this

Morning and welcome in.  Not sure if you have heard the news but the FDA has approved a breakthrough drug that reduces risk of contracting HIV by 96%.  It’s called Lenacapavir and it’s administered by injection every 6 months (or twice per year).  The cost is astounding at $14,109 per injection or $2,352 per month.  That’s a lot of money and I know when the patent on the drug eventually expires the cost will drop.  If your interested in reading more about this check out the article at https://www.advocate.com/health/fda-approves-hiv-drug-lenacapavir

I grew up during the AIDS crisis and it was a scary time.  There was a lot of unknowns and of course that bred plenty of rumors.  I remember kids talking about it in the Physical Education Locker Rooms and how it was associated with fags.  I didn’t know what it was but I for sure knew I was gay although I wasn’t out at that time.  I had experienced sex and wondered if maybe I had it or could get it.  Years later my grandmother was terminally ill and as a result of that I stopped eating, so there was a rapid weight loss and I looked horrible compared to my normal self.  My mom at the time panicked and told our family doctor that I was gay and she thought I had AIDS.  I remember going to the hospital for the blood draw, I was a little embarrassed but mostly scared of what the results would yield.  This is back when you had to wait something like 5 to 7 days for the results.  Man I was on edge for the longest time until the results came back as negative and then I was relieved.  I wasn’t promiscuous and only had sex with 2 people at that point.  1 of which was a virgin like I was and the other was my late spouse who at the time was my boyfriend.  He told me I would be okay and that the results would come back as negative.  He was a very smart man!

I know that we have PREP and lots of people are on it.  However, I never thought I would see more of a sure fire prevention.  Now if they could just develop a cure for HIV and Cancer that would be truly amazing.

On a different note, I lounged around the house for a bit.  Talked myself out of and then into a trip for lupper.  I wound up going to a restaurant that offers a buffet.  I originally thought they closed at 2p and I arrived around 1:30p.  I was surprised at the crowd of people and how no one was seeming to rush but me.  I asked my waitress and then found out that the kitchen is open every day until 9p.  I pushed it to get there before 2p and I could have relaxed.  As it was I wound up missing a turn and that cost me 10 minutes.  I was on one lane gravel roads, hit a few deep potholes which I hated.  Then when I got back to civilization I wound up behind a pickup truck that was hauling tree limbs and sticks.  A small branch broke loose from their load and I ran over it.  I wound up dragging it for miles, eventually it broke loose.  No damage from as best as I can tell and no fluids are leaking so I am quite thankful for that. 

Much to my surprise I got an email from the Chief of Police thanking me for my note and the gift card that I dropped off.  He donated the gift card to a fund that the department has at Christmas time for providing for kids who’s parents can’t afford to get them presents.  Now my gift will make the difference in some kids Christmas.  That makes me feel good.  I’m thinking of making a larger contribution to that fund once we are a little closer to Christmas.  Helping kids enjoy their childhood and innocence is something that is pretty important to me, since my childhood was a bit rocky. 

Speaking of the police turns out they are hiring a telecommunicator otherwise known as a dispatcher.  That’s a job I always wanted as well however talk about high stress and dealing with life and death, well it’s all there.  They make a decent amount of money but it would be a sizeable pay cut for me.  Not to mention that it’s 12 hour shifts and you have to be flexible to work days, nights, weekends and holidays.  I would also have to physically go in each day and there would be no work from home.  I have been thinking of applying despite knowing the risks.  Honestly if it wasn’t for fear of potential failure I’d go for it.  However, I am a little old to be taking such a large risk and gambling with my future.  If I went for it and failed I’d have to search for another job and based on my age alone that would not be easy.  I’m better off staying put.  I still get to help people in my job it’s just not life and death, which I am thankful for.

Happy Summer today is the first day of the season.  We are under a heat advisory and that will go on for days.  Here’s hoping I see some shirtless men walking by the house or even when I am out and about. 

I’ve used the heating pad, taken 1/2 of a muscle relaxer and my muscles are better but I still have some tension and am feeling it as well as the tightness and soreness that accompanies this.  Laying in bed and resting only makes things worse and not better.  That is unless you can afford to spend days doped up on muscle relaxers.  After a couple days you won’t feel anything or care much about anything either.  Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of time to devote to this.  I just hope I can cope and manage until next Friday when I go for my massage. 

Well back to work, got to finish my catchup work and then unless something rolls in I am free for several hours.  Plenty of late afternoon and evening tasks to take care of.  It’s going to be a long Friday for me.

Hope you have an awesome weekend and that all is well in your world.  Thank you so much for stopping by.  Cheers!

 

So so Saturday

Hi and welcome in.  Rudy woke me at 5a he was hungry but I made him wait, he kept begging but I just wasn’t in the mood to get up especially after the week I have had.  However, I gave in at 6a.  I tried to go back to bed but it was pointless.  I got up and watched some TV and then by 7a I was ready to climb back in bed.  I set an Alexa alarm but it never had a chance to sound because I wound up cancelling it despite dosing off a little bit.  I never really fell fully asleep but my phone started chirping and it was the work tone so I had to get up to investigate since I am on-call. 

As I expected it wasn’t good news an alarm for one of our firewalls.  I tried to login and it looked like my internet was down but it was just a minor hiccup and I got connected.  Not the way I wanted to start off the morning.  I got involved in that and it appeared that everything was up and I peeked at the clock.  I had to get moving.  Since everything seemed fine at work that’s what I did. 

I barely had time to down a breakfast sandwich and a soda at a local fast food place.  Then it was off to get my head shaved.  It’s not shaved as in bald but it’s pretty close.  I went with my ultra summer cut a 1 on the sides and back and a 2 on top.  I see my shiny scalp.  I know it’s gonna itch like mad (which has started already).  I am eager to jump in the shower and scrub away.  That will feel good but the itch will return as the hair continues to grow back.  I did this so that I can continue to just get up and go and not have bed head, plus it’s more comfortable in the hotter weather. 

After my haircut I went to the office.  I had a couple things to take care of and did that and bolted back home.  I was getting sleepy.  I stopped to pick up the mother load of mail.  I say that because I had more mail than I normally have in a while.  It was all for me. 

Once I got home I opened the mail and passed out lunch for the cats.  I got out of my clothes and jumped into bed with the hope that I could nap.  It sounded great.  Once again the phone started chirping and it was work.  More alerts which I just deleted.  Multiple people get them and if there was something seriously wrong I would have gotten a phone call but it’s not like I could do anything about it because our firewalls are in different states that I am not close to, so that means a phone call to a colleague so they could go hands on.  Anyway I tried to sleep but it was pointless once again. 

I got up and had some chips and a soda.  Watched TV in the living room and browsed social media.  After a while of that I wound up jumping back in bed and watching TV.  I tried again to sleep but my body just wasn’t having it.  I wound up going out for cat food and had BBQ for supper.  I really didn’t want BBQ but was in a mood that I couldn’t make up my mind.  Hopefully, tomorrow’s dinner will be something I can really enjoy. 

My massage last night was okay.  She really worked my left shoulder that had a giant knot in it.  My back has been popping and cracking all day long.  It still hurts and I am sore from the massage.  I’ve got 3 weeks to heal before I go back and we do it all over again.  I know the knots will come back because I spend the bulk of my time in front of a computer screen.  Wish I had a man to rub my back.  I can give a pretty good massage myself but I think it’s better to receive than give.  It’s a great way to fall asleep if you can totally relax.  Me and my late spouse used to take turns rubbing each others backs and who ever was getting the massage would eventually fall asleep.  Waking up you feel very refreshed. 

I’ve surfed the net, paid bills and the cats are after me to go upstairs.  I need to make the bed and then I am getting that shower and hopefully I will sleep really well tonight. 

Take care and I will talk with you all again soon!

The Hole Saga

Happy Sunday!  I went out for pizza last night.  I had the worst pizza of my life.  Tasteless and full of grease.  I ordered two slices which in regular terms is about a half of a pizza.  One of them filled me up.  I took the other one to go.  Perhaps it will be good cold but I am not eager to find out.  I will go back to this place but just won’t ever order their pizza again.  They have plenty of other options, one of which is a baked Cod Dinner and that sounds really yummy.  I got to see a lot of cute guys but the place with dimly lit and the lights flickered like crazy, that was annoying.  Service could have been better but my waiter was juggling multiple tables and I think that in it’s self was quite the act. 

When I came home I checked on my handy work outside.  Everything was just as I left it and nothing appeared to try to claw it’s way out of the ground.  Which is good news.  I need to go check on it again just to see how things have faired overnight, I expect to find it in the same condition.  After this next look I don’t plan to keep checking on it.  I am fairly confident that I didn’t bury anything alive, just want the piece of mind of knowing that I am right about that. 

The Water Softener cycled over night and good news it’s not a broken drain line.  This was all just as I thought rain water.  Now it’s a matter of waiting to see if my repairs fixed the issue and for that I have to wait for the next rain fall.  I think that will occur later this week.  I will keep an eye on the forecast.  We need another monsoon for true test but I will take whatever will fall from the sky. 

I’m working on the last load of laundry.  Still need to clean the house but I am putting that off just because I want to put myself first and let other things come second.  I’m choosing to pamper myself a bit. 

Got started on another fantasy story last night, it felt really good.  Once I got to a stopping point I watched some porn and while I was really tired I put my all into it and got the results I wanted.  Then it was time for bed.  Not right away but shortly there after. 

Slept okay and woke up early just to turn over to wake up again and do the same thing.  Eventually it was the right time and I hauled out of bed.  Fed the cats, threw on clothes, got my meds and headed out for breakfast and then usual morning shopping.  I ordered way too much food at breakfast and won’t ever do that again.  The positive take away is that I am learning from my mistakes.  Made my Target run and I spent about as much as I would spend at Sam’s Club but got far less to take home. 

Tonight I am thinking Mexican for supper, unless I get some other wild idea.  I’ve been thinking about it ever since I sat down at Breakfast.  Back when my late spouse was alive we always had a tough decision to make on where we wanted to go but that was pleasing two pallets so the degree of difficulty was higher because we often each wanted something the other didn’t.  However, we compromised and gave in to each other.  Now I just have myself to please and while it sounds easy that is also not so often the case, primarily because I put others first and don’t prioritize myself. 

Yesterday I got curious and wanted to check the battery on my phone.  I was at like 87% performance the last time I looked which was last month.  Now I am in the 70% range and it’s telling me to arrange for service to get the battery swapped out.  I’ve never had a battery swapped in an iPhone I usually just get a new phone.  However, I really like what I have and while I would like to upgrade by the time you factor in the stress of getting things situated on a new device, accessories to buy and the cost of the phone in the long run it’s far easier to just keep what I have.  The good news is that there is a Best Buy close and they are authorized to do the work.  Apple says that the cost is like $79 which isn’t bad but retailers can mark their cost up.  I’ve read that it takes anywhere from an hour to two hours to complete.  I still have to research what is needed to get this done, in other words if they need my passcode because I really don’t want a stranger looking at my data so I’d have to make some quick changes to lock things down and probably remove my work email for safety.  If next weekend wasn’t Easter I’d schedule it and still might.  If not then for sure the following weekend and I know I will be on-call but I don’t want to let this go a long time because I have a feeling that the battery performance will continue to drop like a stone and before you know it I will be boxed in.  The good news is that the work is done by appointment only and you can schedule everything from your phone, which makes it nice.  Once I do get this scheduled I will let you know how it goes.  My phone is roughly 2 1/2 years old. 

Since I am talking about my phone seems like the perfect time to gripe about AT&T.  They are making changes to their auto pay discount.  They did this a couple years back saying that if you enrolled in Auto Pay and gave them a debit card they would give you $10 off and a credit card would give you $5 off per month.  With their changes that take effect later this month they will give you nothing for a credit card, unless it’s an AT&T Credit Card through Citibank.  The will give you $5 off for a debit card and if you want the $10 discount you have to give them ACH access to debit your checking account.  Their security sucks and they have been hacked more than once.  I had no qualms about giving them a debit card because all of my debit cards are locked.  It looks like they charge my debit card but I always logon and pay by credit card.  So I’ve been getting the $10 discount all along.  There is no way in hell that I am giving them ACH access to a checking account or even a savings account.  If they get hacked again and I did that I would be sunk.  You can easily get replacement credit or debit cards, that’s not so easy when it’s a bank account your talking about. 

This change has me pondering to switch my primary cell service over to Visible which is run by Verizon.  I’ve got a line of service with them and opened it for dating purposes but it’s the line I use for data because it’s truly unlimited and it’s only $25 per month.  They just changed up their line up so there is a $35 option that gives you more of a premium network experience with faster data and better video options, plus it’s all unlimited use.  They don’t tack on fees or taxes it’s all included in the price of the package you choose.  Plus you can pay by the month or the year.  If you pay for a year of service there is a greater discount.  I had a horrible experience years ago when I ported over to Mint Mobile and I swore that I would just stick with AT&T and pay their bullshit fees and prices.  However, I am kind of at my breaking point.  The one thing that AT&T does right is their spam and text protection, provided that you subscribe to the pay option, which I do and it’s around $5 per month.  I’d loose that but Visible has some spam and fraud calling protections in place, they don’t offer a pay option for better granular control.  However, I use YouMail for voice mail and they have pretty good spam call protection in place.  I did the math and it would save me roughly $11 per month.  That the $5 for the call protection I pay for and the $6 for changing my current rate plan to Visible.  I’ve got a low cost option with AT&T since I don’t really use them other than for calling/texting and the cost of my rate plan is $40 per month before discounts and then added taxes and fees.  It works out to $36 per month now and that is for 2GB of data per month.  Go over that and it’s $10 per gig.  Texting & Calling are unlimited.  Since I have essentially test driven Visible I know they have coverage everywhere I am at.  I’d love to break up with AT&T but in the end I wonder if it’s really worth it.  I’ve also thought about asking them to bar or restrict data on my account and just give me a plan with unlimited calling and texting – they can do that but the question is will they?  They did for a large company I worked for in the past who would have some folks not have data or other folks just have data only and no calling.  However that was a commercial account and big business for them.  I am just a small fry and in the grand scheme of things they could careless if I stay or if I go, they are still going to turn a profit.  It’s just that I’ve had AT&T service ever since I was a teenager and cell phones came into being more common place.  That’s a hell of a long time.  I am pleased with service I just hate the bullshit fees and the fact at a whim they can increase those fees (which they do) and you get little if any notice and there isn’t much you can do about it short of switching.  Apparently the other carriers have or will be making similar changes to their auto pay programs but I don’t let anyone debit any bank account ever in today’s world the risk far outweighs any reward that I might be offered.  I’ve got enough to worry about as it is I don’t need to add to my worry list. 

Thanks for reading my rambles.  Now I am off to scour the web for a bit before I give in and go up to clean the house and eventually head out for dinner.  I hope that the week ahead will be less stressful but I don’t expect that will be the case.  Still doesn’t keep me from hoping!  I hope you have a great week ahead and life smiles on you.  Talk with you all again really soon.  Take care!

Life Changing Day–12 Years Ago Today

Twelve years ago today my life changed forever when I lost the love of my life.  I remember it like it was yesterday and it was truly a nightmare that came to life.  A day that I knew always would happen someday but one that I wasn’t ready for when it did happen.  You prepare mentally for it but when it happens regardless of how much you prepare your just not ready, at least that was my experience. 

My spouse had suffered from a massive stroke and I had to remove life support as meaningful recovery wasn’t possible and it was his worst nightmare to be trapped in a working body.  Oddly enough all of his nightmares and fears were like predictions because sadly they all came true. 

Today it feels like just another day but in years past it has been quite the sensitive day for me.  I still miss him and that I am told will be a life long feeling that just never goes away.  It is true with time memories fade and you don’t recall things as crystal clear as you once did.  I’m glad that I wrote a book about our life, despite the original print being riddled with grammatical errors it still memorializes things and I look back at it from time to time.  I’ve fixed the grammatical errors and thoughts about a second publishing but never quite got around to it.  The book was available for purchase for a very short time but it never sold and honestly I didn’t think it would. 

A lot has changed since that day and I am still confident to say that he would be proud of me for making it.  I never thought I would survive and things would turn out nearly as well as they have.  It was a rough battle and a costly one both emotionally and financially.  Yet, here I am.  A lesson that I learned is that you never know what you will do until your back is pinned against the wall and you have no way out.  Your capable of doing more than you think!  I also learned that there is nothing like a crisis to show you who your true friends really are.  Most of the people that we thought of as friends have faded away, they all offered to call on them for help but when called upon they failed me.  The only true person you can count on in this world is yourself, but it sure does help to have some true friends. 

I am not a fan of the month of April ever since this day unfolded twelve years ago, it’s the one month that I wish I could skip.  However, no such luck.  I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my late spouse would want me to move on and to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.  It’s not that I haven’t tried but just haven’t found that person yet.  I am still looking not as much as I could but my eyes are open.  While I don’t think I will be successful with this quest I haven’t given up hope.  Time is my enemy here because you never know when it’s your expiration date.  In some respects it would be handy to know but in other respects it’s better that it remains a mystery. 

Looking at my family history my grandfather lived into his 70’s and my grandmother and mom lived into their early 60’s.  Others from both my grandfathers and grandmothers side of the family have lived longer.  This is my mom’s parents.  I’ve got no idea about my dad’s side of the family since he disowned us.  To my knowledge he’s still alive.  My best guess and that’s truly what it is, is that I will probably be around into my 60’s or 70’s.  Hell I might live to be 90.  I just hope that I am in a position to either take care of myself or be surrounded by people who will take care of me and not to be stuck in a nursing home – those places suck and are hell on earth.  That’s just my opinion. 

I say it often and I mean it more than anyone knows.  I really do miss my family.  That’s my late spouse and all of our cats.  I miss the life I had which at the time in looking back was happiness.  We did some traveling, ate really good, enjoyed each others company, went to concerts, sporting events and some dinner parties.  Had some great sex and got each other through some difficult & trying times. 

We met when I was still very much a kid, despite being 18.  We were together for about 25 years and while it seems like a lifetime it’s only been half of my life.  He finished raising me and teaching me what I call street smarts.  Hell I didn’t even have a drivers license when we met and he taught me to drive, something I was deathly afraid of.  I think of that often when I am behind the wheel, that if it wasn’t for him I’d probably be depending on public transportation or taking some ride share.  It’s great to be able to get in a vehicle and just drive to where ever, when ever you want. 

I’m not quite sure how to wrap up this post as I could go on and on.  I am so thankful that we met and for all of the experiences (both good & bad).  I hope that I can find someone who loves me half as much as I loved this man.  I hope that he is resting in peace.  He’s always on my mind and the memories live on within me.  It’s a difficult day but I’ll make it through just as I have for the past twelve years.  One day at a time!

Another 1st

I was so looking forward to my massage last night.  Muscles all tense and just the thought of a hot rock touching my skin as well as a pair of hands sounded so good.  Work bothered me up until I had only a couple minutes to spare.  Thankfully this place is right around the corner and I made it with a minute to spare.  Both of the doors were locked and no way to get a massage if I can get inside.  I called and then the therapist was at the door unlocking it.  She was finishing up with a client and I got to chatting with that person about their vehicle. 

The therapist was coughing a lot but I didn’t think much of it.  It continued into my massage and it got worse to the point where she became nauseated and barfed.  Needless to say this was the first time a massage ended early because the therapist got sick.  She said that she hadn’t eaten and thought that it what was causing it.  I think she was getting sick – at least she had post nasal drip and that is what made her barf.  She said she felt better afterwards but still she wanted to get home. 

She only charged me for an hour which we barely got in.  I get 30 minutes for free next time and we booked another session for next Friday.  It’s only an hour but I think I will probably need it if next week is anything like this week has been. 

I just got comfy on the table and was starting to relax when she got sick.  Since my back didn’t get what I was expecting I am super sore this morning.  She was digging but hadn’t quite worked out the knots just yet. 

At least I ate supper before I went.  Had a Grilled Cheese as I watched the latest episode of The Pitt.  Damn that’s an easy way to burn an hour.  I love that show but some of it is just too damn real. 

This morning when I woke up I was intent on heading out for breakfast but after a shower I felt like my sugar was crashing.  I instead opted to eat a couple pop-tarts and drink a soda.  That was breakfast.  I wasted time watching TV until I had to leave for my haircut appointment.  Got a free neck shave. 

After that I came back home, got out of my clothes and watched TV.  I watched Yanni Live at the Acropolis.  That took me back down memory lane.  My late spouse introduced me to Yanni.  We went to a couple concerts and I’ve got every CD that he put out, plus a couple video tapes.  His music is enjoyable still to this day.  I enjoy the upbeat songs the most.  Loved seeing the drum solo that Charlie Adams put on.  Wow he can play the drums!  He did that same solo at one of the concerts we went to and seeing as well as hearing it live is way more enjoyable.  Gosh, I sure do miss those good times. 

Eventually, I crawled into bed with Rudy and Mora joined us.  She wanted to cuddle and it didn’t matter that her brother was in the way she just plowed through and plopped so she could be next to daddy.  Rudy was all relaxed so it didn’t phase him at all.  I was tired when I got into bed but woke up a bit just laying there listening to the music play.  When the concert was over I tried to go to sleep but only closed my eyes and tossed a bit.  Wound up getting up and passing out lunch for the kids. 

That’s when I too got hungry but nothing here really appealed to me.  I polished off some chips and had another soda.  Then sat in front of my laptop trying to work on my WIN 11 machine at work.  I eventually locked it up and now need someone to reboot it for me, that probably won’t happen until Monday.  I’ve still got a phantom monitor and it’s causing me some issues.  Once I figure that out I am ready to give that machine a spin to see if I can make it working on it for a couple days.  I’d rather test it out than be forced to move to it and find that something I need wasn’t there.  I think I’ve got everything but nothing like a real world test to prove that out. 

Went out for a Large Fish Sandwich to a sports bar.  I had to wait for a table but not long.  I saw a lady leaving saying she was cold.  I felt fine, that is until I got my table.  They had the AC on full blast and it was chilly so I too was cold.  Didn’t have to wait terribly long for the sandwich to arrive.  it was fresh out of the fryer and damn hot but it tasted so good.  Had fries with it and they weren’t bad.  I could have used some celery salt to improve them.  It was an inexpensive supper and I was stuffed. 

I left and getting on to the freeway I saw a truck that had slid off the ramp and into some trees.  The truck was facing me and there was someone inside that didn’t have the best look on their face.  I was in the flow of traffic and couldn’t stop.  I did the next best thing and flew down the freeway, used a U turn that is reserved for the cops and went back to check on the driver.  I normally don’t stop but something called me to this.  I called 9-1-1 just before I pulled up and they told me that the police had already been out.  About that time the driver was at my passenger door and he told me the same thing.  Well, at least everyone was okay.  The guy was waiting on a tow truck to pull him out.  I went on my way and headed home. 

Then I went to process change at work that I had dreaded.  I did all of the work and then realized it was effective on April 1.  I had to undo all of the work I just did and put everything back because Monday is the 31st.  Then come Monday night I have to re-do my changes.  Damn!  While I was in I saw a couple other issues I could lend a hand on and grabbed them up and took care of them.  Logged off and went up to pass out treats for the cats while I took my laundry up. 

I feel like I am loosing my mind from all of the stress this week.  My hope is that tomorrow will be a more normal day.  At least I will start with breakfast out so I have something in my stomach before I go taking on the day.  Gonna do some surfing here and then head up to make the bed and enjoy an evening with the cats trying to take a break from technology.  I feel like my eyes as well as my brain could both use the rest. 

Hope all is well in your world!

The Weekend

Made it to the breakfast buffet.  It was truly a bust and I was disappointed, especially after driving a little over an hour to get there and looking so forward to it all week long.  The eggs were ice cold, the sausage links they had tasted odd but I ate them.  They had decent French Toast Sticks but no other flavor of syrup than maple so I ate them plain.  Hash Browns in a wedge kind of like you’d get from McDonald’s but way bigger.  Blueberry Muffins dusted with powered sugar.  There were a couple of egg casseroles I tried one of them and it was greasy, I saw sausage and thought it would be pretty good.  Turns out it was a locally made sausage cured in beer and it tasted God awful.  I wondered what I put in my mouth so I asked the waitress and she told me that everyone raves over it.  I told her that it was disgusting and she was surprised at my reaction.  Dropped $19.01 that included a tip and then headed home. 

Well not straight home, I went to my friends shop in hopes that they would know the crazy lady from the gas station but no luck.  Tried Cheeseburger Flavored Doritos and they were really good. 

While I was at the breakfast buffet my Thanksgiving friends reached out via text and I’ve arranged to meet them tonight for supper.  I came home from my friends shop and had the best intentions of taking a nap but called to setup dinner for tonight and wound up in a two hour phone conversation where we talked about everything from current happenings to my late spouse and his health.  It was a walk down memory lane and damn I really miss him!

I ventured out to Ruby Tuesday’s which is where I originally wanted to go on Friday.  They had a Garlic Lover’s Burger it sounded good but turns out it was Charbroiled and it tasted gross but I ate it.  At least I got some decent Tater Tots, haven’t had those in forever.  It was time to pay my bill and I heard the bar tender explaining a bill to a customer at the bar.  She went over and over saying the same thing.  Then she roped in my waitress and after a few times of hearing the same story I totally understood his bill way better than he did. He ordered a couple drinks and shots and wasn’t prepared for the cost, he thought he was being over charged.  He also got food.  The manager was involved and that’s when I asked the bar tender how much his bill was she said $80 and then corrected herself to say $60.  I told her I was going to offer to pay it just to shut him up but damn that was a little steep plus it involved liquor and I’m just not a fan of paying for someone’s habit.  I walked out and thought wow I probably dodged a bullet.  I love to help people and that is what seems to attract the crazy factor, at least in the last couple days. 

This morning I went out for breakfast as per usual.  I walked in and noticed it was oddly quiet and then I heard we have no power it will be two hours before it’s back on.  Damn I was really looking forward to breakfast.  I walked out and thought everything happens for a reason.  For the first time in over a year I went back to Cracker Barrel.  I not only saw the waiter I had a crush on and asked out, he was my waiter.  He remembered me and my drink order.  The menu has seriously changed but I knew what I wanted and ordered it.  He told me that he’s been traveling to California and he just bought a house.  Then he told me where he lived, general area and asked me again to refresh his memory where I lived.  He touched my shoulder and said it’s really good to see you again.  Fuck he looked as hot as ever.  I really want him not only sexually but as a friend.  However, I’ve done my recon work and not only is he in his early 20’s but he’s got a criminal record that’s pretty long and he has this habit of driving without a license and getting caught constantly.  He’s got a case pending now.  If it wasn’t for his criminal record I would continue to pursue him until he either told me to get lost or gave in and went out on a date with me.  I am sure that there is probably more to his criminal story that what I see on-line but it is truly a disappointment.  I was really counting on him going out with me some three years ago when I initially approached him but he told me he had school but he would for sure call me.  He plaid games and strung me along.  Yeah he broke my heart but that’s also why I haven’t been there in over a year.  I can’t shove my feelings aside for wanting him I just know that having it actually come to fruition is not only dangerous it’s probably just not happening.  I’m sure he’s still got my number and I have his, unless he’s changed it.  If he wants to make a move I’m willing to at least go on a date with him.  I’ve let him know many, many times that I am very interested, I think to the point where my desperation showed.  I just don’t get why he would tell me that he was interested and exchange numbers with me but not follow through, kind of wish that he would have just said no, that would have hurt but I’d be over it by now.  I’ve been thinking about him ever since I left Cracker Barrel and I know he’s going to be in my thoughts for a while.  Everything happens for a reason and I think I have dogged a pretty big bullet here but yet I keep putting myself in the line of fire over and over.  Guys and there good looks – I’m just a sucker and desperate at that.  Not desperate enough to just do a hookup though.  That’s why I’ve got such a porn addiction.  It’s been a little over a decade since I got laid and to say I’ve got the itch to fuck is quite the understatement.  It’s only getting worse the longer this goes on.  If I didn’t engage in self pleasure I would be in serious dire straights. 

Looking forward to seeing my friends and catching up as well as getting some advice from them.  I think I am going to talk with HR and let them know about the crazy lady not only for my own protection but for the sake of the business.  My telling them can only help both of us and if they opt to interview and hire her well then that’s on them.  I do want to preserve and protection my reputation.  I think that is the right thing to do and I will certainly think twice before I ever hand my business card to a complete stranger ever again. 

Thanks for stopping by and reading my yapping.  I hope your doing well and life is treating you well.  It’s back to work for me tomorrow and I don’t look forward to it at all but it’s a necessary evil to continue to keep on keeping on.  Cheers!

Fantastic Friday

Hey there … there’s nothing terribly special about today other than we finally made it to another Friday!  I love and live for the weekends or any time away from work.  I’m the happiest on the weekend, more so on Saturday though. 

Started watching the second season of The Night Agent on Netflix.  BTW I’ve seen a couple things on-line that there is a price increase coming.  Just in case your a subscriber like me keep your eye out.  I’ve not gotten any formal notice from Netflix as of now.  This is pretty good series.  Episodes are an hour each and I am only half way on the 3rd episode.  I opted to pause it and pick back up today rather than continuing to watch as I drifted off to sleep. 

Got in both play and cuddle time with both cats last night.  Both were extra vocal with me at different points in the evening.  They both tag teamed me to pass out treats early as they gave me “the look” and nothing like guilt to compel me to give in.  I can and have said no to both of them but it depends on their request.  Both have learned how to finagle me into giving up and giving them what they want.  However, there are times that no matter what they do I won’t give in.  Begging at the table is a prime example.

Yesterday was one of those work days that just lingered.  I had occasional spring to action requests but for the most part I was left alone.  Although when I tried to catch a nap at lunch time I was pestered consistently giving more credibility to my theory that my phone knows what I am up to.  I anticipate today to by much of the same and I am savoring and enjoying my down time, wishing that it could last a little longer like another month.  Nothing wrong with dreaming it’s free!

The clicking in my neck sadly continues today.  It drove me crazy yesterday and I figured with a pillow adjustment that a good nights sleep would fix things.  However, I was wrong.  I broke out the massager this morning and ran it over my neck.  That helped a little bit but still a head turn equals a pop.  It doesn’t hurt it’s just annoying.  Kind of like my knees that pop and creek when I use the stairs.  They have done that since I was a kid and it is just something I have gotten used to. 

It’s been a few days since I wrote about my cyst.  It’s still hanging on but has deflated a bit.  It bothers me the most when I first wake up but once I get going things are okay.  There is still a mass or lump and it hurts if I press on it but it’s gotten a lot less sensitive.  It’s on my list of things to mention to the doctor when I see him late next month. 

Now on to a more touchy subject.  Politics.  I’ve been watching as I am sure the rest of America and the world has as The Donald has been in office.  It’s no surprise to me that his approval rating has dropped from when he was elected to now that he is in power.  He is putting on his usual shock and aw show.  Which makes me wonder what he is trying to distract us from focusing on that he is doing while all of the shock and aw is going on.  I’m no fan of his and never have been.  I do think that when his term is up that it might take two presidential terms, if not longer to fix everything that he manages to fuck up.  I think that America is headed for FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) status now that he is in power.  One of my favorite journalist Rachel Maddow is back on the air for the first 100 days of Trumps term.  I’ve been watching her nightly and it has been nothing short of scary to see and hear all of the things that The Donald has done thus far.  I hope that the majority of those in power are able to keep their sanity as well as us citizens and we can all get through this together.  I’m glad my late spouse is not alive to see all of this BS.  These truly are different and strange times we are living in!

Now that it’s warmed up a bit during the day time, I am thinking of traveling to that Mexican place by the office tomorrow.  I’ve been craving their salsa and chips for the longest time.  Not to mention the food.  I’ve got to make a cat food run for sure tomorrow.  Also thinking of getting up early and having a quick breakfast bite out and then going to see my friends, haven’t been to the shop since last year.  Largely plan to loaf and relax tomorrow.  Sunday I am thinking of heading to Red Lobster.  Craving some Clam Chowder which I get infrequently.  I last enjoyed it two years ago.  Planning is fun but it’s better to see what happens in reality and if I can make my plans actually happen.

I hope that you have an enjoyable weekend and can stay healthy & warm.  Take good care of you!

Today’s story

Morning … We made it to Friday!  I had a dream that involved my late spouse, when I woke up it was yet another sobering reminder that I am all alone.  The cats also were having a fighting spat and I had to yell at them a couple times before I was able to finally get back to sleep.  My mouth was super dry and I felt a little winded.  It dawned on me that I had likely been mouth breathing and snoring (as per usual).  The alarm clock actually went off this morning, Rudy fell down on the job.  However, both cats were in bed with me.  I also saw my voicemail light was flashing (yeah I still have a home phone but it’s VOIP).  I knew right away that it was something to do with work.  They have an automated phone system that texts and calls for mass notifications.  They always call in very early morning hours and long ago I got tired of being woken from a deep sleep only to find out the office is closed or were opening late, so I went to the app store and downloaded a ringer that is no sound and set the contact for their system to that.  Presto problem solved. 

I stumbled my way to the bathroom and eventually the kitchen.  Rudy was all keyed up and super excited because it’s was breakfast time again.  I looked outside and it’s still white but dark enough that I couldn’t tell if any snow had fallen.  Got the TV on and started making breakfast for me.  That’s when I heard all about how horrible the roads are.  Accidents were a plenty and it was another one of those days where they were saying stay home if you can.  Yeah, that’s been my plan all along.  I feel sorry for anyone who had to get out in the mess.  My office is opening on a two hour delay, even if I was required to come in today I wouldn’t it is just far too messy and risky.  This is one of the advantages to remote work. 

After breakfast it was on to taking my meds and getting dressed.  Only I got obsessed with my phone.  I saw a motion alert at my front door.  I went to look at the camera knowing that it would be an animal.  It was a baby either puppy or kitten, so small I couldn’t quite tell and every time I went to zoom in my phone would crash.  Eventually I just gave up.  I hate to see things like this especially when the weather is harsh.  I hope someone found it and took it in or it found shelter.  Had I been up I would have tried to take it in, not that I’d keep it but I would at least provide some shelter, water and food for a bit before taking it to a shelter.  These events always seem to happen in the early morning hours when I am sleeping and never when I am awake.  On the odd chance it does happen when I am awake by the time I get to the door the animal is gone. 

I heard something funny last night, a guy was about to have an emergency medical procedure to save his life.  He was going on to the nursing staff about how unlucky his life was.  They reassured him that everything would be fine.  He responded with I don’t think you quite understand just how unlucky I am.  I am so unlucky that if you threw me into a barrel of titties I’d come out sucking my thumb.  That’s when I thought well at least I am not the only person that has that bad of luck. 

I did spend sometime yesterday afternoon when time freed up on Boyfriend tv and there is also another site called the bussy bandit dot com.  I saw some content that I hadn’t seen before so it was a nice time and best of all totally free.  I believe in paying for content but if I can get some free milk it’s less money I have to set aside for the cow.

I feel pretty good now that I am going full speed ahead.  I kind of feel like I am kicking this infection thing.  I will finish up with the antibiotics in a few more days and that will be the true test.  I am still coughing a little bit and have some nasal issues from time to time.  At least I don’t have that malaise feeling. 

Plans for today are to finish up the work day from home (as usual), having lunch and supper.  Then to attempt to shovel or push the snow clear of my driveway.  Set the trash can outside and call it a day.  If I have the energy I will take a shower, if not then probably just go to bed.  I’ve got plans to watch some TV but that will all depend on how exhausted and tired I am after this attempt of clearing the driveway.  If I feel the job is just too large or impossible for me I will start looking for someone to come shovel me out.  I did see an ad on social media where someone said they were doing driveways starting at $35.  I don’t have a huge driveway, you could maybe squeeze 4 cars in it but there wouldn’t be much wiggle room to get in or out of them, unless your super slim. 

Weekend plans on Saturday are to get cat food, hit up the post office and possibly depending on how I feel to go out to breakfast.  I do plan to grab a bite out in the afternoon but don’t know exactly where.  Sunday will be the usual breakfast, grocery store and then maybe venture out for supper that will also depend on how I am feeling and what the weather has brought.  Today (Friday) is the only snow that is in the forecast that should be done by noon so they say. 

Yesterday afternoon I got bogged down with work and just opted to save it for this morning.  I’m already done with it and am just sitting by twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to come along.  I am sure that something will come in eventually.  At least there are no meetings today.  I did talk with my boss yesterday he just wanted to touch base and see how I am doing.  I couldn’t wait to get off the phone with him.  He called just as I was about to take a bite of my lunch which got a little cold because we talked for a little bit. 

Thanks for stopping by and reading todays story.  Hope that you are warm and well.  Stay safe!

2 Years Ago Today

Today is a difficult day for me.  Two years ago, today I lost my sweet Gator.  She stopped eating and I had to let her go despite best efforts there was no hope.  We spent 18 long years together and I miss her very much! 

Her and her siblings and mom are still very much alive in my heart and my memory.  Typically, there isn’t a day that goes by that one of them doesn’t pop up in my daily photo memories on my phone.  This morning, I had a photo of her from years ago.  She had gotten cold and crawled under the covers in my bed.  She was laying on the electric blanket but had pushed back the comforter.  She was the only cat that I have ever had that crawled under the covers when she was cold, provided the bed wasn’t already occupied.  I’d often look for her and find a lump in my bed, I knew it was her.  If I said anything she would wake up and come out to greet me but I often just let her be since she was comfortable. 

That’s just a glimpse into the vast array of memories that I have of her.  I had the privilege of being with her mom as she gave birth to her and her sister. Her brothers had been born by the time I arrived home. My late spouse called me at work and told me that we were having kittens. He watched the boys be born. That day was something special. I felt a peace and a joy like I have never ever felt before. I didn’t ever want that feeling to leave but sadly it did after a day.

I had taken her mom in a couple days prior to her giving birth because it was a hot and miserable summer day. I could just tell that cat was quite uncomfortable. Little did I know that action would lead to years and years of memories. I was confident that my spouse would have kicked up a fuss but I got no fight out of him.

The plan was to give a couple of the cats away but to keep Gator and one of her brothers. I tried but kept running into road blocks. No one wanted kittens they were in surplus in the area. One day I came home and my late spouse gave them all names and well that’s how we became a family. I remember saying I’ll never remember their names. However, after a couple days I learned them all quite well.

I miss my family which is comprised of my late spouse as well as all of the cats. I hate that I am the one who has survived them all. It’s quite painful but yet I keep on moving.

There is no way that the two cats I have now would have integrated into that family but I could see them being companions to Gator. They are just too young and have lots of spunk left.

It is my sincere hope that Gator and her family are all at peace. Forever and always in my heart & memory. My sweet Gator! Your daddy loves and misses you.

 

Hanging @ Home

I woke up early it was cold outside and dark.  I got dressed and grabbed a jacket.  Headed out to a new place in the hopes of seeing a friend and his family.  However, I drove all that way (30 minutes one way) to find out that the place was closed and didn’t open for another 30 minutes.  I wanted food so I opted to head home and stop at my usual place. 

Had a sub-par experience.  Eggs & Sausage were cold which is nothing new but today they were like ice rather than slightly warm.  I sent them back.  Took forever to get a waitress to check on me and refill my drink.  Just wasn’t terribly pleased when I left. 

Being cold out and me having all this time on my hands I opted to just come home.  Put my phone on DND (Do Not Disturb) watched YouTube with the cats and then went back to sleep for a while.  I woke up and took a breath loud enough that it woke Rudy and he sprung to life and jumped on my chest, he was making biscuits and giving me kisses.  Which is his normal way that I get greeted each morning.  It’s the best part of waking up and today I got that treatment twice.  Gosh I feel so lucky!

Got up and passed out lunch.  Rudy was enamored with a baby bird that landed on the deck and he spent the longest time staring out the window and acting like he was going to pounce.  No way he was going to because there was a huge glass door in his way.  Eventually he ate some lunch and his sister followed. 

Meanwhile I worked on putting my medicine out.  Then my Amazon delivery showed up so I grabbed those packages.  Made a nice open box with wrapping paper for the cats to play in.  Apparently it’s a little too full because Mora turned her nose up at it.  I’m giving them a chance and if there is no interest I will toss it. 

As I sat and began to watch TV again I saw a video where someone cooked a pizza.  That got me to thinking I could stay here and make the one Tombstone pizza that I have.  It’s a nice crisp fall day and it’s a nice idea.  However, I remembered going to see the cute guy at the pizza place.  While that sounds nice I can always do that on a Sunday.  Today I think I am just staying home and hanging with the cats working on tasks. 

We made our way downstairs and I am working on laundry.  Blogging (obviously) and searching for more porn. 

The Water Heater flush went well.  I got lots of junk out of it and as it was refilling I would periodically open the drain and get some milky water out.  I did that a few times until it began to flow as clear.  It’s a natural gas unit and has an electronic ignition.  Getting it to light is a bit of a pain but I got it going.  Made it back upstairs to flush all of the air out of the lines.  This time it didn’t frighten the cats but they weren’t terribly happy about it either. 

I’ve got hot water back and it’s not boiling hot.  The test was the first load of laundry to know if I fixed my problem.  The unit still makes some noise when it heats up water but it’s much quieter than it was previously.  So I did solve my problem.  Yay me!  It’s only 4 years old and I kind of wish that I would have heeded the warning from the installer and never touched it.  However now that this is the second flush in about six months I’ve got a reminder set to take care of it on an annual basis.  I think that the first flush I didn’t get all of the “junk” out of it and also had the heat a bit higher than where it is now.  The next test is when I take a shower, so long as the water is hot enough I will leave well enough alone and not monkey with things, which I hope is what I am able to do. 

Still no word from my friends that lost a cat.  I know that my gift was delivered yesterday to their front porch.  Thanks to Amazon taking photos.  I really hope that it went over well and helps with the grieving process.  I am still on the fence about going to their vets and dropping some money on their account.  Seeing them go through losing their cats takes me back to loosing mine and what that whole awful experience is like.  I appreciate and hug Mora & Rudy a bit more.  They soak it up like the sponges they are. 

Today is my late spouses birthday.  I’m not nearly as emotional as I had been in years past.  It sort of feels like another day but I am still thinking of him and miss him.  I spoke out a Happy Birthday to him this morning. 

Well time to publish this and get moving.  The rest of my work isn’t going to get done on it’s own.  Hope your having a good day!

Look Around

Saw something on the internet that hit home, thought you might appreciate it as well.  It read … Look around you.  Appreciate what you have.  Nothing will be the same in a year. 

There is a lot of truth in that saying.  Life happens and none of us know what is going to occur today let alone in a month, three months or a year from now. 

I am sure you heard the news about Liam Payne from One Direction.  He was only 31 years old and no one could have predicted he would have a fatal accidental fall.  I wasn’t a fan of his but knew the same as well as the former band/group he was in.  It’s sad to see at 31 years old he’s gone. 

If you’ve been reading any of my ramblings for any length of time, you know I have a serious issue with death and don’t deal well with it.  It’s always been extra disheartening and sad to me when a young person passes.  My first experience with this was when I was in High School and lost a classmate.  We weren’t close but we knew each other and had a couple classes together.  I think that there should be a minimum age on when one can die so that everyone gets a chance to have a childhood and grow up and be silly for a bit.  It would be nice if that were the case. 

Found myself missing my Momma cat last night.  Listening to her song, which was Pretty Woman.  We (me and my late spouse) modified the words to the song and she knew it was hers.  She would perk up when she heard it.  Kind of like a song that I wrote for Gator that had a pause for her participation, she would chime in just at the right time.  Lots of good memories there. 

I find myself saying how lucky I am to have the cats that I own (or should I say own me) are so well behaved and have a great disposition.  I love the fact they are clingy and want affection as well as the fact that they depend on me.  They don’t know it but I depend on them.  They are both what keeps me going. 

Well we had our first frost last night.  It’s seriously cold outside from what it’s been.  The house is toasty warm and the thermostat is doing it’s job.  The cats have gotten used to the new space heater in the living room.  They do poke their heads up and stare at it for a second when it turns on automatically but they quickly go back to sleep or rest.  I remember when they first arrived 2 years ago every little sound would set them off.  Especially when I got mail on my phone.  Today unless it’s a loud bang most things don’t phase or bother them at all. 

Got a call from a former co-worker who is trying to come back to work but it’s not looking good.  They left on good terms but kind of got mouthy in their exit interview and voiced lots of concerns to the point where I think they might be black balled from coming back.  I’m not getting involved in it.  I thought about it for a split second but I am not sticking my neck out for anyone as it could get chopped off and then I would be in dire straights.  They have an unfortunate set of circumstances but they kind of made their own bed.  Nice to hear from them but it’s kind of like they wanted something from me so that’s why they called.  Hopefully, things turn out well and they land on their feet. 

Bossman was having a bad day yesterday.  That means that I kind of had a little bit of a bad day as well.  He kept calling me over and over about little things.  Trying to micromanage and not thinking clearly.  Thankfully it didn’t last very long and he was off to deal with some personal issues.  I got to hear in every call how I was doing a good job and while he didn’t say it was implied “that’s a good boy”.  I fucking hate that.  If he could go two weeks without telling me I was doing a good job it would be a miracle.  I already know I am doing a good job.  Hearing it once and while is nice.  Hearing it every damn day and in every damn meeting gets rather old and it starts to ring hollow.  I suppose there are worse problems to have. 

Unless something changes no meetings on the docket for today.  I have knocked out all of my tasks and now just sitting back waiting for someone to beckon about a problem and deal with that.  Barring that it should be an easy Thursday.  Got to remember to set out the trash this afternoon. 

Ciao for now!

 

 

Colder

Fall is for sure in the air this morning.  We were down in the 40’s and tonight’s low will be our first frost for many areas.  Afternoon temperatures are still in the 70’s.  It’s still a bit of a sea saw effect but were headed more towards colder being the norm. 

Had a company wide meeting yesterday.  Were still earning money hand over fist, which is a good thing.  We got a reminder that were closed on Election Day.  Clearly my boss didn’t know that because he rescheduled one of our Tuesday meetings for that Monday just after it was announced.  I’ve got a list of our observed holidays in both my home and work offices.  This was just a status meeting more than anything to let everyone know all is well as we start to approach the end of the year. 

I didn’t plan for it but I wound up spending most of my working day upstairs with the cats in the living room  We fired up the new heater and both cats like it but are a little confused by it.  Takes a while before it makes a noticeable difference to get rid of the chill but once I power on the furnace it will make a great companion. 

Broke out the comforter last night just because I knew it was going to be cold and I didn’t like waking up freezing.  Yesterday was the first day in a while where the AC never kicked on.

Overall is was a decent day that moved by slowly but once we got to the afternoon things picked up a bit.  I had a fair amount of work but it wasn’t necessarily steady and some of it came after 5p.

I am working on my left over pizza.  Had a slice for Lunch and another for Supper.  I am thinking of freezing some of it because I am already growing tired of it.  It’s good but not one of those items I can eat day after day. 

Not exactly sure why but I have noticed the deafening silence in this house.  Seems like the more the years tick by the quieter it gets.  I remember when I longed for quiet and now that I have it, I really don’t want it.  I’m feeling the loneliness and it doesn’t help that my late spouses birthday will occur in a few weeks.  His birthday follows my mom’s birthday.  I am thankful that I have the cats but it’s not nearly the same as living with another person.  I don’t know that I will ever live with another person but I would like a human companion that might spend the night on occasion.  These moments are just little reminders and I tend to have them the more time progresses.  Not that I enjoy them but they happen.  Also probably doesn’t help that the holidays are near. 

Got 3 meetings today and I look forward to none of them.  However, each day that passes brings me closer to my pending vacation and I am really focused on that. 

Take care!

Garfield

Last night we watched the new Garfield movie.  It’s on Netflix.  Both cats started out with an interest in the movie but once I paused the TV and announced it was time for treats that broke their interest.  It kept my interest.  The message I got from the movie was that family is important.  Watching it was kind of a blessing knowing that I have both of my cats.  It was also a curse knowing that I am alone. 

Yesterday for lunch I took a nap.  I had both cats join me and I was in heaven with my arms around each of them as they lay on apart of my chest all curled up in my arms.  I’m not much of a back sleeper but somehow when I have both of them I just melt and fade away.  Sadly I suffered from some sleep paralysis and had a nightmare that I was all alone.  Nothing like waking up from that, getting your bearings and realizing that yeah I am all alone.  Episodes like that were more common after my late spouse passed.  Sadly I get a refresher now and then that I could easily do without. 

We got washed out yesterday from all of the rain.  The rain was heavy in the morning.  Darkness fell on the area just after supper and then storms pushed in with more rain as well as lighting & thunder.  Woke both cats up from their naps.  I learned that the gutters are clogged again, not a huge surprise.  As Fall progresses they are going to get even more clogged. 

On the work front yesterday was some kind of day with it’s ups and downs.  I put my phone on do not disturb while I was napping at lunch, I mean I am entitled to take an hour break and after a couple interruptions as I just started to dose off I figured it was time to nip it. 

Today has started off quiet I don’t know if that is going to be the theme for the day.  If so I am all for it.  I’ve got plenty of meetings on my calendar today and would like to be able to relax for lunch. 

Ellen’s final special is on Netflix today and I look forward to watching that tonight.  It’s another overcast day here and rain is in the forecast.  Yuk a perfect day to just go back to bed but nevertheless I press on. 

Here’s hoping it’s a good day for all of us.  Take care and be well!

The Big Electric O

Woke up a little early, Rudy tried to capitalize on that but I wouldn’t give in.  I laid in bed for a bit longer.  I could feel that it was chilly.  He was in the mood for food!  When I did get out of bed I felt the chill and the reminder that much colder days are on the way.  Got Rudy and his sister their food.  Then started getting ready for my usual Sunday morning errands.  Grabbed my late spouses leather jacket, I love wearing it.  It makes me feel close to him plus its really comfy.  I won’t let any cat near it. 

Breakfast was good, I ordered my scrambled eggs with cheese and they were on point.  The best part of the whole meal.  Next stop Grocery store.  All of the Bananas were green.  Yuk, I picked the best bunch and know that they will turn yellow as they sit on my kitchen table at home.  Made a couple impulse buys, forgot to get cheap bleach.  Perhaps I’ll remember next week.  I spent most of my time looking for Lotrimin AF.  I think the rash on the side of my neck might be fungal and if so this stuff should wipe it out.  I finally found it right at the pharmacy counter, the last place one would ever look when there are a couple isles dedicated to medical care items.  Last stop was the gas station.  I was only about 1/2 empty but like to keep the tank full, especially when I am going to the office.  You never know what can occur in traffic and I go by the motto better safe than sorry. 

Back home, unloaded it all.  I was getting hot and it was starting to warm up a bit outside.  Got the jacket off and put everything away.  No real idea of what I wanted for supper.  Lounged in my room with both cats and we all wound up back in my bed and took a nap. 

When I woke up it was time to pass out lunch for the cats.  I ate some junk food to get the sugar to get me some energy.  Then put out my medicine.  Boring I know.  Then I went downstairs and threw in another load of laundry and hopped on the computer.  Logged my expenses and paid a bill.  Got caught up on email and then began surfing for porn. 

The cats were starting to nag me to go back upstairs but I ignored them and they eventually settled down.  After a couple hours, Rudy came over and told me that it was time to get moving. 

Upstairs to start the cleaning process.  Had to clean the air filtration system out, then vacuumed the house and worked on getting the trash out.  We rested on the couch after all of that.  I surfed social media and then started to watch a little TV.  After a couple more hours it was time for supper. 

I opted to heat up the rest of the left over sub sandwich.  I ate it with a knife and fork.  It was pretty good but the bread was toasted and reheating that make it tough to cut through but I was able to munch on it with ease and it all tasted very good. 

Decided to come back down and surf for more porn because I just can’t ever get enough.  I’m getting my monies worth out of the 2 sites that I joined for a month.  The idea is to gather as much content as possible.  I know no matter what I download they got their money and I know they are hoping I will stick around for another month which will lead eventually to a long term subscription.  However, cancellations are already in place and when my time is up, then I am gone. 

Now to the good part.  All of this porn had me quite horned up about a week ago.  I watched several scenes and edged a bit.  I don’t know how guys ride the edge terribly long.  I can do it for a little bit but then I just have to reach climax.  Well I did climax and felt a jolt of electricity in my body, so much so that my neck snapped backwards.  Damn it was an intense climax and I wish that all of them could be as good as this one.  I figured the next day my neck was going to hurt like crazy.  Nope.  Just when I thought the coast was clear the pain started up a couple days later.  It isn’t anything major but it is bothering me a little bit.  I notice it most when I lay down or after a long day on the computer.  I’m sure it will clear on its own in a few more days.  Meanwhile, I keep trying to replicate the intense climax that I had but haven’t gotten anywhere close yet.  Who says you can’t have fun by yourself!  I sure do, but still wishing & hoping that I won’t be alone forever.  It is more fun with an actual person aka the real thing. 

Hope your Sunday went well.  I’ve got about an hour left and then I will need to start my shutdown.  Got to play with the cats, pass out catnip.  Then shave & shower.  More fun alone, watch some TV and then eventually it will be lights out.  Here’s hoping for a great nights sleep. 

Take care & thanks for stopping by.  Hope that you found my blathering entertaining. 

Meh … Saturday

Had an okay Friday night.  Finished watching LA Law on Prime before the last season was scheduled to leave.  What a great show that was back in the day.  I grew up watching it every Thursday night without fail with my Grandfather.  I think my Grandmother might have watched a few episodes.  The good old days. 

Back on point, I moved on to Dirty Pop on Netflix and learned even more about Lou Pearlman than I had known already.  Oddly enough Lance Bass used to have a show on SirusXM called Dirty Pop back when they had a Gay station.  I listened to it on my way home from work. 

All I had for supper was a Greek Yogurt and damn I was hungry.  I kept thinking a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese and some fries sounded damn good.  I could almost taste them in my mouth.  I was sure I was going to McDonald’s but I talked myself out of it and instead had a nice warmed Pecan Pastry with a glass of milk.  Nothing like a little sugar for supper.  I remember saying a Quarter Pounder would have tasted better.  Damn if today I didn’t see an ad on Hulu for that very product.  I really want it but have yet to give in. 

I didn’t do anything that I really wanted to do and just went to bed.  Rudy bugged me to play with him but I told him I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.  I laid down in bed, he joined me and I watched some Schitts Creek and managed to pass out rather quickly.  Of course I brushed and flossed, as well as took my sleeping meds before getting into bed. 

Lots on my mind and of course I slept great until 5a.  Rudy thought for sure I was getting up and he was getting food but I just used the bathroom and went back to bed.  He had me up at 7a and I passed out food for him.  I came back to bed but there was no getting back to sleep.  I finally got up and had breakfast.  I half way wanted to make the campus tour that my class was getting of our old high school.  However, I managed to dose off and when I woke up there wasn’t enough time to get a shower and go, so I skipped it.  I doubt much has changed in the 5 years since I was there for the last tour, still it would have been nice to see.  Anyway, I came downstairs for a bit and checked on my data. 

I managed to zip all of the scenes I had for each studio and then delete the original files.  That helped to compress the overall archive.  I plugged the backup drive that I had sent to me with the original data and formatted it.  Now I am copying the contents of the compressed archive to it and when done I will encrypt it and store it away locally.  Then I will turn on the new drive and let all of that data upload to the cloud so it’s backed up off site.  Ah, then that project will be done for now.  I’ve got more files that I have accumulated that need to be archived. 

It started off an overcast day, turned sunny and then back to overcast with the threat of rain by the time I got ready to get out.  Managed to hit up the cat food store, post office and went to grab a pizza and look at the cute guy waiters.  Hubba saw some nice buns and had a damn good pizza.  I was the only person in the entire place so there wasn’t much movement.  I got rained on going down but it was dry coming back.  I elected not to spray today but think I will get it done tomorrow.  Those are my intentions.

Rudy and I saw the baby groundhog but no adult/parent was out.  Perhaps it was napping I highly doubt that it’s gone.  I’m always on the lookout.  Love watching the critters.  Rudy & Mora got in some bird watching this morning and that kept them occupied for a long time.  They run between the front window and the back window.  Sometimes one of them is at each window.  So memorized by the birds.  I know they each want one but that’s not going to happen. 

The High School Class reunion was my 35th and from those that I saw were going, there was no one there that I really wanted to talk to.  I’m sure it’s a good time and I know I told myself 5 years ago that I’d go to the next one but nope not happening.  Perhaps if HS would have been more enjoyable for me and I had more friends then I’d go to live it up but honestly I think it’s all about look at me, I’m a big shot, drive a fancy car, got a sexy wife/husband and got X number of kids.  I don’t need to hear people bragging about themselves and how well they are doing and how far they have come.  We’ve all had our triumphs and troubles, many similar experiences and many unique experiences.  However, I really don’t plan on seeing the majority of those people ever again and that’s why the turn out is limited to a certain click of people. 

This is going to sound kind of ironic after reading the last paragraph.  Today marks 10 years since I started my present job.  I remember having many more cats, debt and worry.  Leaving town headed off to training in a large city that I drove to for hours.  I had my Thanksgiving Friend checking on the cats and we’d have a phone call each day in the evening when he was here to feed them and scoop out the litter box.  It was only 3 months after my spouse had passed and I truly was out on my own.  Damn a lot happens in 10 years and the make up of the place has sure changed to something I never imagined.  I’ve managed to do my original job, get interested in a new role and get it then get promoted a second time.  I think I’ve probably climbed as far as I will at this place and I’m okay with that.  I’m well known, highly respected and though of and have helped so many.  I am beyond proud of myself because this is the job that I’ve held the longest in my entire life.  I hope to be able to be lucky enough to retire form this place but it’s more likely that I will move to a part-time role but I’m years away from any of that being a possibility.  I am sure that lots more change will be coming.  I also know that if my late spouse could see me he would be beyond proud of me and say that I’ve done good.  Might not have been dealt the best hand but damn I did alright all things considered.  It’s a once in a lifetime experience and I don’t think that if I had it to do all over again that things would turn out the same.  It’s important to reflect and remember but as my late spouse would say, life is all about moving forward.  Time to keep marching on! 

Yesterday was my Thanksgiving friends birthday.  I sent a card and talked about getting together to hit up that new restaurant they said we’d go to.  Were supposed to be spending more time together, at least that was the promise as of last Christmas and it’s yet to happen.  Good intentions or perhaps good fluffy words to make me feel hopeful and inspired but no intentions of carrying them out.  I fucking hate empty promises.  If you say it then do it, if you don’t want to do it then keep your mouth shut. 

Feeling extra lonely today and depressed but I’ll come out of it.  It just sucks being alone and having no real friends.  Hope you had a great day.