31 March 2015

Hot Dream

Last night I got carried away on the computer.  I was trying to get iCloud to sync with Outlook.  The problem is once you install the add in Apple wants to take over your PC.  So you don’t get the advantage of a list days ahead of time, plus you lose the list of tasks associated with your local Outlook calendar.  I also was drowning in duplicate entries and duplicate calendars.  I just got that part cleaned up.  I still need to research the sync issue but I’ve got a work around for now.  Enter it on the phone or in iCloud then drag that entry to the Outlook, local calendar and presto all set.  Not exactly the way I want it to work but the important part is that it does.  I don’t have a lot of personal appointments but the few that I do I want to make sure that I show up for them.  I was really obsessed with fixing this last night and Momma had to remind me that it was time for treats.  I thought it would just be a couple more minutes and it was like a 1/2 hour later I was after 9 when I got upstairs.  LB came down as reinforcement they were saying …. what’s wrong it’s time for bed.  So that didn’t leave me much time to have any fun, it was rush, hurry to get to bed.  I did have time to watch TV and saw part of the Roast of Justin Bieber.  I heard a couple of good insults but it looks like a waste of time.  I am interested to hear Martha Stewart talk so I will at least watch that much.  I am not a fan of his but I will say he has a nice body.

So there I was in bed finally and Marvin wanted to chat.  I was all about sleeping and soon things settled down.  We got comfy and off to la la land we went.  That is until around 1am when he wanted out.  I let him out and that was the end.  I woke up maybe once more I am not for sure.  Then my hot dream came, I was doing it with Sam Truitt who is a porn star.  I felt him just about to hug me, he had one arm around me it felt so good to feel the touch of another person and then it happened.  Yep that is when I woke up.  The dream was nice but I think it happened for multiple reasons.  First being that I am lonely.  Second because I was obsessing about a different porn star just before bed and had no time for fun. 

I sprang to life and went about the morning routine and as it got closer to leave the more I didn’t really want to go.  On my way I had a multitude of feelings like I wanted to get free and was trapped, I felt lonely – I just needed to run away.  I also started thinking about the things that I didn’t like about my job, as if it was time for a change.  Which it’s not but there are a couple of key items that just frost my balls and get me fired up.  I didn’t though I made it in and things started rocking and rolling.  It’s another busy day but a little bit more calm.  I got some extra phone time because of a meeting, not happy about that but it’s all part of the job. Lunch time is around the corner and I look so forward to taking a break from it all and just watching you tube videos or relaxing with a couple episodes of the middle – either way it’s time away. 

The chocolate cake from Sunday was good.  I’ve got plenty left and should have some tonight.  I had Steak & Potatoes with Green Bean Casserole last night.  Sounds like a step up right?  Nah, it was a TV Dinner.  Not bad but not overly good either.  I just ate it because my body needs food. 

I got a text from my friends that I spend Christmas & New Years with.  They invited me over to their house for Easter.  I really don’t want to go and would rather enjoy the day at home, because that is what it is, just another day for me.  However I told them I would be there.  It’s free food so why turn it down.  I kind of wish they would have picked up the phone and called but apparently texting is their new form of communication.  I will grant you that it cuts to the point and leaves little room for bs but it just seems so impersonal.  I guess that will leave us more to talk about on Sunday.  It’s been 3 months since we spoke – so I am sure that we will have plenty to talk about and it should be a good time.  I just know that I can’t stay until o’dark 30 – I need to get home to be with the kids and have time to unwind and prep for Monday. 

This week is emotionally difficult and as the days move forward I know it’s going to get worse.  I am just looking forward to getting on with it.  The weather today doesn’t help it’s nice and sunny outside in the 60’s and the perfect day to run away.  Maybe I should tell everyone that I don’t feel well and ride out of here, while that would be easy to do I would rather stay and accomplish something.

My latest order from Amazon is waiting for me at the post office.  I got some tap lights.  I need one for my bedroom the Uverse remote is something that I still struggle with, so I have to have a light on to see what button I am supposed to press.  I use a flash light now but that is so annoying, so the tap light will be perfect.  I couldn’t get one really cheap I had to buy them in a set of 3.  They do sell them individually but they cost more so I stuck with the 3 pack, which should be fine.  Working on a place for the other two.

Hi Ho off to work I go.  Talk with you peeps later. 

30 March 2015

Who is that guy?

No doubt you have seen the change in the theme and mast.  That guy is none other than Ryan Phillippe, now perhaps you can see why I think he is so hot.  I am not a huge fan of ink but still I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.  Last nights show (Secrets & Lies) was good, especially the part where he got tortured, kind of kinky in a way.  I also enjoyed Shameless but it’s kind of sad that next week is the series finale.  Then it will be a while before they come back on.  I found a petition on Facebook to bring back Looking.  I signed it but really think that it will fall on deaf ears.  The show is cancelled and it was the only reason why I had to have a subscription to HBO.  Now I am locked in to something that I really don’t have a need for until next January.  At least they have some good comedy specials once and a while.  If Looking would come back then I’d keep HBO other wise when it comes time to make changes next year unless there is some other reason HBO will get the boot.  I will keep Showtimes so long as Shameless and Nurse Jackie are on – once they go it goes too.  However, I think both of those shows are very popular and they won’t be going anywhere for a very long time. 

I am doing an experiment this week.  I am not taking any vitamins at all.  I’ve linked the Stress and B Complex vitamins to pain in my foot sometime ago.  Now I am wanting to know if vitamins in general are linked to the problem.  If so then it’s an easy solution.  Last week I took the One A Day Energy vitamin and I was a little tired but that was more mental than anything.  I had tons of energy during the day.  In a way I am afraid that the bottom will fall out and my body will have some adverse reaction but if you think about it, you get vitamins from food.  So while I won’t get the daily maximum dose I will still be getting something.  Typing this I am already yawning and like I was a couple hours ago, ready to go back to bed.  Mostly because I don’t want to be at work and it’s Monday.  Still here I am.

There is plenty to do the problem is motivating myself to do it and since it’s still early there is a chance that I will make some traction and get something accomplished today.  The weather is nice and the sun is out, it’s a perfect day to be outside.  The children will be hogging the window and soaking up the sun.  Cats love warmth year round.

Nothing major to report right now, it’s all calm.  I hope it’s a good and fast moving week, I am already for another weekend – then again who isn’t on a Monday morning.  I checked out Grindr yesterday a couple times but no messages waiting for me.  No word from my FB friend and I suspect he won’t be responding to my inquiry, I mean it’s been 4 days you can’t tell me he didn’t have 5 minutes to spare to type a message.  It’s okay while his advice would have been nice, I don’t have to have it.  I’ve clearly proven I can make it on my own, just wanted to see if he had any additional suggestions and/or perhaps knew of someone that was available.  While I am not a fan of match making it would certainly be a way to speed things up a little bit, provided that we met each others criteria. 

Okay so off to save the world from computer woes or something like that.  Here is to making it a great week!

29 March 2015

Marv saves the day

Friday night I got a call from the owner of the mortgage broker that I used, I was rather impressed that he reached out.  He had just gotten my letter and wanted to chat.  Once he learned that the issue was resolved he was quick to go but I wouldn’t let him hang up, I took what he wanted to be a 5 minute conversation and turned it into a 30 minute conversation.  He just had one of those voices that was interesting to listen to.  Then I went to bed early on Friday night.  I swore off technology and just watched TV and generally kicked back.  It was nice and I’d like to do it again soon.  I found an old series via Netflix about people smuggling in drugs to JFK Airport in NY.  It is kind of interesting and the criminals think they do a good job of disguising their drugs, (which are mostly found in false liners in suitcases) and they are doing a horrible job.  The best one I saw so far was Heroin in the bottom of a pair of sneakers.  It was crafty but when you pick up a shoe that shouldn’t weigh much and it’s like lifting a brick that sends off bells, not to mention they x-ray shoes as well as luggage so your chances of pulling one over on the good guys is kind of slim, but I am sure there are a few people that have made it.

So on to Saturday morning.  I had so much planned but all I wanted to do is sleep.  Thankfully Marvin was with me in bed.  He kept up his usual racket when I went to adjust the alarm clock the first time.  The second time and then it hit me – you need to get up, your going to be late.  Marvin’s chatter finally worked to my advantage.  I am so glad I haven’t hit him with a pillow yet.  He’s a good boy.  I got everyone fed, decided to skip going to the bank it can wait until next weekend.  Then I made it to the post office to pick up the pee pads.  Then on to therapy where I made it with time to spare. 

I explained my light bulb moment where what is eating at me right now is the fact that I am alone.  I went on to talk about how I have a performance fear in the bedroom because of the amount of porn I watch.  I also talked about my desire, which might shock you to try out Erotic Asphyxiation, which is getting choked shortly before you orgasm.  It’s supposed to be wild and a lot of fun.  However, if you do it alone you could easily die.  My luck everyone would think that I committed suicide and that it wasn’t an accident.  I was encouraged not to try it because just like ecstasy the first time you try it, you could die.  My therapist told me that she knows of a therapist that deals with porn addiction and asked me if I wanted to meet with her.  Nah, what’s the point now.  I mean if you take away my porn now, there goes my sex life.  If I meet someone and we make it into the bedroom and I have a problem, then I would consider seeing that therapist. 

I treated myself to TGI Fridays instead of traveling to the buffet.  Then I came home and laid down to take a nap.  I fired up Grindr just because I feel obsessed to check it.  I got a message from a local guy, no details in his profile but he did have a face picture.  I responded and soon we struck up a conversation and an hour and a half had gone by.  He’s older than me by 3 years, he came to the US about 7 years ago.  With English being his 2nd language he does pretty well.  We hit lulls in the conversation and I kept it going until I started to grow tired and I just signed off.  I woke up and signed back on in an hour or so and he was still there.  We picked up the conversation for a little bit.  He is looking for the same thing as me and lives about a 1/2 hour away.  I will say that based on his photo I am not attracted to him physically but he does sound interesting.  Thus far we haven’t made any plans to meet up.  I’ve been back on today and heard nothing from him.  I don’t want to be the aggressor so I am giving him time to make another move.  He has been single for about 6 years, which is a long time.  I can’t invasion myself single for that long but I suppose it could happen.  It was a pleasant experience to chat with someone who had similar interests, plus he can cook.  He hates cats and has a dog.  It should be interesting to see how this pans out.

I made it back out for cat food and treated myself to a meal while out, I shouldn’t have but I did.  Then it was back home to put away the cat food and play with the computer.  I found a Life Hacker article on Facebook this week about other consumer reports that are available but that most people don’t think to get copies of.  It applies to people in the US so I sat down and went through it and visited a number of websites.  Completed some forms and got them mailed off today.  I am interested to see what I get back in the mail.  I mean I shouldn’t learn anything new about myself that I don’t already know, but given my unfortunate experience last year when my identity was stolen who knows what is lurking.  I can tell you that my credit reports are clean.  I just got my annual copies earlier this week and all looks good.  I will be happy when Bankruptcy drops off but that won’t be for a while.  Given that it’s only 3-4 years old most people don’t really care because I have reestablished my credit and shown that I am credit worthy.  See I didn’t file to extinguish debt, I filed because my back was against the wall and I was out of money with no job.  I didn’t have a choice.  However, it was one of the best things that I could have done I feel a greater sense of freedom or I did until I took on a mortgage.

Sunday has been the usual.  I got a reminder when I went to the store that I will have to shop on Saturday next week or I will be going hungry.  They are closed next Sunday for Easter.  Wow, is it really that time again.  Yeah it is.  Heard from my friend that watches the cats and was there for me after my partner passed.  It was a text message again he wanted to know how I was doing.  I started typing living the dream but felt that he wouldn’t see the humor so  I erased it.  I asked him to give me a call sometime, I wouldn’t mind talking and that I am super lonely right now.  He talked about getting together maybe for lunch soon.  Who knows if or when that will happen.  I got in a 2 hour nap, which is longer than I planned on sleeping but my back has been bothering me since Friday.  I know I screwed it up again at work but life goes on.  Massage this Thursday and I can’t wait, I am still toying around with how long I want, might do another hour.  I am proud of Bear he used the litter box to pee today.  I guess he wanted to try it out again.  I gave him praise and got him cleaned up.  We all ate dinner then he shit on the rug.  Yeah I’m not kidding and it was a huge mess because I let him skip his medication for a day.  I know he hates taking pills.  I told him you were so close to the pee pad, you should have went there.  Thankfully the baby wipes came in handy and I got him and the rug all cleaned up and now it’s like it never happened.  LB has been extra clingy today.  He saw me finishing off the coleslaw from KFC and thought it was ice cream.  His eyes got big and he just looked at me and wanted some.  I told him it wasn’t ice cream and besides I eat that with a spoon and I hade a fork in my hand.  I’m telling you if I would let them try my food no matter what it was they would eat it too.  It’s bad enough that I drop $30 a week on cat food.

I am looking forward to watching Shameless tonight as well as Secrets & Lies.  Then getting into my freshly laundered bed and hopefully falling off into a deep sleep.  I don’t look forward to Monday but it’s coming and there isn’t much I can do about it.  Things that I look forward to in this week are the massage, hopefully seeing the government update the bankruptcy site so I can write my late partners attorney and getting to the bank to finally lock up the mortgage documents – just knowing they are safe will help me sleep better.  Warmer temps would be nice as well.  It’s been back to winter here since Friday.  The office is HOT but if I wear long sleeves I am miserable and sweat.  I’d rather just be comfy but that so far has only happened in the winter.  I don’t think they fired up the AC at work just yet. 

Well off to prep for Shameless.  I’ve got a chocolate cake in the fridge with my name on it.  Time to go dive in and elevate my sugar levels so that the coma kicks in about bed time.  I had 2 orders of Blueberry Pancakes today at Steak N Shake they were so damn good!  I hope your week goes well and that the weather is warm.  I’m always telling you about myself, tell me how are you doing?  Yeah I really want to know.  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later. 

27 March 2015

Winter – Spring – Winter

I woke up to hear the Weatherman say it’s snowing outside.  Funny thing it was Spring yesterday but it appears Winter is back at least for a day.  Then we will jump back to Spring.  Crazy weather patterns like this affect the plants as well as people.  Hopefully things will smooth out.  Meanwhile I dug out a long sleeve shirt and donned my leather jacket and hat.  I thought for sure I was done with them.

I did some serious sleeping last night.  I went to bed early my body was very tired, I got quite the workout yesterday playing with freight.  I am not done and need to do more with it today but I’m not so sure that is going to work out.  We have 2 guys traveling and a mandate to be on the phones.  I have other things to do like get a persons machine configured and installed – this is for a new hire that starts on Monday.  She won’t actually be here until Wednesday but still we like to have their equipment ready on their start date just in case.

Like a little girl addicted to FB I am checking the government bankruptcy website on a daily basis.  Still no update.  Until that figure changes to show that I have paid in over the required amount I can’t really do anything but pray for it to change.  Hopefully it will happen with in the next few days but being that it’s government controlled they are not in any hurry.  I also don’t want to stop automatic payments until we reach that point as well, just to be absolutely safe.  The letter just needs a couple modifications and it’s ready to be printed, signed and mailed. 

Next Friday the last rendition of the Fast & Furious movies will be out.  I plan on seeing the movie while it’s in theaters, not sure that I will make it on opening weekend because the fans will be crazy.  This is the last movie that the incredibly hot and talented Paul Walker stars in.  So sad that he is no longer with us.  It will be very interesting to see him on screen and see how the movies plays out.  I believe this is the end of the F&F series.  It was a great run.

Next Saturday will be the 2 year mark since my partner passed.  As we get closer to this date the more depressed I get.  Today I feel like I just want to go back home and hide from everyone.  I know it’s not healthy but I just want to have some downtime besides the weekend.  Perhaps I will feel better after the weekend but I don’t think so.  I am eager to get to my therapy appointment tomorrow, I need it bad just like I need a massage.

The former co-worker and FB friend that I reached out to for advice on dating well he is apparently avoiding me.  I sent a message to check in on Wednesday and haven’t heard from him at all.  Meanwhile he continues to post on FB.  Gee is you don’t want to help someone who is asking for advice it would be far better to say so upfront.  I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for a couple more days and then if I don’t hear back from him I will most likely unfriend him, because he has proven unworthy of the friend status.  The funny thing is when I depend on other people I am frequently disappointed and it only reaffirms my belief that I can only depend upon myself to get things done.  I realize that the message I sent him was kind of cryptic and what I said was I needed to talk with him and wanted some advice.  I promised that I wasn’t selling anything including religion and that I would only take 5 minutes of his time.  If someone would have sent me that message I think it would have made me curious enough that I would have reached out, provided of course I knew them.  If it was from a stranger that would change things.  All I want to know is if he has some tips on how to get into the dating scene outside of the apps and going to a bar.  I think I am doing everything right and that patience is what will pay off in the end.  However, I am not a patient person by nature, despite what others think.  I know in my professional life I exude patients but inside I am screaming like Lewis Black, you can just imagine what that sounds like.  I don’t anticipate that even if I speak with him he will be able to tell me anything new.  He however, might know of someone who is also looking and while I am not a fan of the matchmaker, it might help me in my quest. 

Last night I gave into my temptation and stopped by KFC.  I was once again reminded how expensive chicken can actually be.  I got a 6 piece meal and was charged for 8 because apparently with 2 sides it’s cheaper, but that doesn’t seem logical to me.  It was so good.  I figured it would attract the children but it did not.  Marvin came over and started meowing at the back door, I looked at him and he looked at me … I said oh you want the door open.  He meowed I didn’t know that the answer was no.  I opened it and he ran away scared.  I know  it was a little chilly out but never anticipated that reaction from him.  The KFC meal reminded me of when we used to get it and enjoy a meal together.  He would always order plenty of chicken and it got to be where he had to have his own side order of large mashed potatoes.  I remembered the time when he thought he would surprise me and got me a side of mac n cheese.  The Col. only knows how to do chicken not mac n cheese, it’s horrible.  I do love the coleslaw.  That and the chicken are my 2 favorite things on the menu.  Speaking of which their menu isn’t exactly that clear and easy to make a choice from.  I like Popeye’s menu much better, but they don’t have any restaurants close by me, I have to travel a bit.  So I plan on having left over chicken tonight.  I need to get to the pet food store as well tonight but that will depend a lot on how the day goes and how I feel once I get close to home.  More than likely I will just want to drive home.

Much like other offices we are allowed to wear jeans on Friday.  The deal is you have to pay $5 to whatever charity they are collecting for.  I’d like to submit the 6 cat fund but have a feeling I wouldn’t get many takers.  Anyway lots of people wear jeans and never pay.  Nothing is ever said to them.  I don’t like being charged to wear my own clothes to work, so I just come in my normal professional attire.  The guy who’s phone number I got earlier this week he is all casual today and looks very hot.  It’s not fair to tempt others it’s like seeing food, drugs or some other addictive substance but knowing that you can’t touch it.  My addiction is men, I love to stare at them and think not so clean thoughts.  Sex and Sexual attraction is something that I don’t think we can ever get rid of until the day we die.  Speaking of which a website that I subscribe to has this March Madness thing going on and I pay to subscribe to the site.  Well to chose the nominees you have to pay extra for scenes and then you get the privilege of voting for your favorite guy.  Whoop.  I think they should be giving me the content included with my monthly subscription.  There is one or two scenes that I am very eager to see.  However it’s the principal as to why I won’t pay for them.  I’ve reached out to support but heard nothing yet and suspect they don’t care.  It’s truly a business where if you don’t like it or want to complain your pretty much out of luck.  If you leave there will be someone else who will subscribe.  I could run a site like this but the customer service would have to be impeccable and beyond anyone's wildest dreams.  I am very customer focused, they are the ones who pay the bills and can make or break you and/or your business.  So it makes sense to treat them with respect and answer every question no matter how dumb you think it might be.

Yesterday I had a situation come up where someone got a new iPad and needed to have it activated with company e-mail.  I had told them that it would be wiped.  When it was they acted all surprised and bitched at me because they lost an app which I came to find out was a game that they paid several hundred dollars for.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Are you on crack?  Did you gargle with bong water?  Who the fuck pays $100 or more for a fucking game to play on their phone?  A crazy rich person that is who.  This person is rich but apparently throws their money away like it’s tissue paper.  I’d love to be the trash can for their money, I wouldn’t need to work again ever.  In any case since they were bitching I went to my boss and found out that the person who wiped it, did so in error.  It shouldn’t have been wiped.  That person is my neighbor and he got in trouble for it.  That is not what I was looking to accomplish.  I brought this to my bosses attention because I wanted to cover myself and in turn wound up getting someone else in trouble.  I don’t believe I made an enemy but I feel bad about it.  I also feel compelled to respond to the person who was the ‘victim’ here but I have decided to just let it be.  I told that person how to recover the app but they insist that they are unable to do this.  Apple backs up your purchases for this reason.  I mean how in the world did they plan on transferring it to the new device?  You have to login to your account and re-download it.  I’ve changed devices before (phones) and that is the experience I have had.  So they want to make me feel guilty but it’s not going to work.  I told them I didn’t push the button, which is the truth.  Had I been the one who pushed the button then I may feel differently. 

Work has brought in an outside firm to speak with us about our jobs and the way we perform them.  They assured us that this is to better streamline things and make us more efficient.  Then in the next breath they said they were not looking to eliminate anyone's job.  Me thinks thou do protest too much.  That conveys the fact they are looking to eliminate jobs.  That goes hand in hand with what I said when they asked us to start submitting reports of our daily activities.  I don’t see any writing on the wall for myself or smell any sense of they are going to get rid of me.  I think this is a witch hunt that has to be made like they are doing it for a different reason and we will probably see a couple people gone by the end of the year.  I still have my eye on the job market and have passed up applying for jobs that were appealing to me.  I am very lucky to have the job I do and being paid what I am being paid.  Like any job there are parts of it that I don’t like and would do differently or not at all.  There are people that I dislike dealing with.  However, at the end of the day I am happy – even though right now I feel rather numb.  I don’t see any reason to jump ship at this point. 

I could blabber on but think it’s best to stick a fork in this post and call it done.  I hope that you all have a very enjoyable and productive weekend.  I will talk with you peeps again soon. 

26 March 2015

Just a trim

Last night when I had gotten to the house, I saw that Lawn Boy was out to do his bush trimming.  Holy crap the place looks so much better.  He was overly aggressive in some areas and in others not nearly as aggressive as I hoped for.  I walked around the house and it is a big improvement from what it was, so color me happy.  I scheduled the bill payment last night and he will have his money soon enough.  Next contact will be starting up lawn service and I plan on sticking with the plan that we have had for years, every other week until fall when it finally dies.  I am not looking forward to paying him or for that matter grass cutting season in general.  It bothers my nose as well as my wallet. 

The children were not phased in the least by the work that was done.  We spent a nice evening together that passed by all too quickly.  It’s like time is running so fast it’s a river that is out of control.  It slows down for a couple hours on Saturday but after that it’s just back to the same old pace.  All 3 of my regular shows were on.  I also used the skills of my DVR to rewind and pause just as Axl (Charlie McDermott) was getting up from his bed.  I got a nice outline of his butt, so sweet.  Then I let the show play on.  Modern Technology what would I do without it?  Might as well look, there is no one to stop me. 

I am still waiting for the government to update the website to show the most recent payment for my late partners Bankruptcy case.  I am all too eager to put a date on the letter I have prepared and sign it.  I want to be done with this and away from all of the vulchers that are out for what they think is his money, when it’s actually my money.  I have checked again today and no change.  I am guessing it won’t happen until Friday.  That is perfectly okay just so long as it happens soon.  I’ve never paid close attention to the site, I just log in from time to time to check to see what they show as received and paid to creditors.  I am sure his attorney is all too ready to be free of me and his case.  So it’s a win-win for both of us.  Plus the creditors have gotten the bulk of their money so even they get a win out of it.  If the hardship discharge fails it would take roughly 6 thousand more dollars to pay the plan to completion, which I don’t think I am willing to do, all the more reason for seeking the discharge.

I got a note that there is a package waiting for me at the post office, no doubt it’s pee pads.  I found out late yesterday that there is a pallet of computer stuff coming for me at work.  That of course means I will have some serious busy time with inventory and then swapping out stuff.  Most of this is monitors so the change shouldn’t be horribly difficult.  Getting permission from the end user well that is always a bit of a challenge.  I am late for lunch so I am going to go eat before I drop from low blood sugar.  Not much else going on in my world – just the daily struggle.  Talk with you peeps again soon. 

25 March 2015

Looking for a goodbye

I just read on Facebook that Jonathan Groff announced that Looking has been cancelled by HBO.  They promise to make a movie to wrap things up so we (those of us that watch the show) aren’t left hanging.  I am not at all happy about this.  I love me some Jonathan Groff and the show in my opinion was perfect.  It took a bit to get into but of course once I did they pulled the plug.  Ah well, hopefully he will get another gig soon.

I happily discovered last night that I am done with Bankruptcy.  I figured out that with the payment they took a couple days ago that it puts me about $100 over the target number that I needed to reach.  I am waiting for the government to update a website that reflect the actual amount paid in, then I can get a letter sent to the attorney and hope that the hardship discharge is approved.  Meanwhile after I send the letter I will be stopping payment on the automatic debting service.  I see no reason to make any further payments until the court decides how we should proceed.  If things move slow then in 2 months I will get a letter informing me that there hasn’t been a payment made and that I will need to make a payment in order to keep the case active, otherwise they will seek to dismiss the case.  I’ve come so far that I don’t want to get the case dismissed because that gives his creditors the right to come back after the house, despite the fact that the house is in my name.  They have a ‘look back perioid’ which I think is pure BS but there isn’t anything that I can about it.  I was very happy last night because I figured that I had one more month to go.  So things are looking up .. first the house is in my name and the payment is lower, now the bankruptcy is hopefully toast.  I have pretty well resolved every outstanding matter.  Now I have to wait for a piece of paper saying the debt has been forever discharged by the court then I am free.  The only thing left is to close his/our bank account which I have drug my feet on purpose to do.  Right now I use that account to pay the mortgage, I have enough money deposited in so that I don’t have to fuss with saving money – I know that it’s already done.  So when it’s mortgage payment time I just point and click and it’s done. 

Moving on and having these hurdles out of the way helps.  However, it’s also a reminder that he is gone.  The pain of the loss and the pain of moving on are still there.  It’s getting better with time but what isn’t getting better is the loneliness.  Grindr and the other dating apps haven’t exactly helped me.  However, I find them addictive to the point where I feel the need to constantly check to see if a guy is interested or has sent me a real message.  I know that I had to push really hard but when I first jumped in head first I was able to get a date.  So I know that is possible.  The problem is finding someone who is genuinely interested and wants to get to know me vs just having sex.  The longer this goes on the more desperate I get and desperate people do in fact do desperate things.  Things that they normally wouldn’t do.  Thus far I have fought off and resisted all temptation but that is becoming more difficult to do as the days go on.  I mean we all need, want and desire human companionship and affection.  It’s a basic human desire/need.  It doesn’t matter if your short, tall the color of your skin or which team you play for.  At the end of the day you need to know someone loves and cares for you, plus you need a hug or an embrace once and a while.  Sex is also a very good things as well, I suppose with age you might eventually get past the sex part but the rest of it is a requirement and need that will not pass.

In other news Marvin has decided to mimic his mother and we play soccer now.  I kick a ball to him with my feet and tell him to kick it back and he does.  I had him trained at one point to play fetch but since I didn’t stick with it, that has faded away.  I will gladly take the soccer activity. It is kind of fun and I enjoy seeing his face.  He is very lazy if the ball doesn’t come right to him he meows or stares at it as if to say well kick it over to me.  Funny guy.  Life is normal in the cat house. 

We have another team meeting today and I just found out they hired a consultant to interview us they claim it’s to help improve a workflow process but who knows if that is the truth.  I just hope there isn’t more changes or drama that come from our meetings.  I think they are highly unproductive and it’s just a way to pass time and get paid for working through lunch.  I am not opposed to the overtime but I would much rather eat in peace and not have to worry about being on the phone. 

It’s been another busy day here in paradise.  I have to go pick up some equipment from someone’s office that left yesterday.  Next week we have someone new starting in a different position.  It’s all about keeping it moving regardless if it’s a new hire or someone leaving.  While I will be slightly busier than I want to be this weekend I am ready for it.  I’ve got a therapy appointment on Saturday and I am eager to get there and talk.  Perhaps I will find some answers or a coping mechanism. 

Here’s hoping that the sun is shining in your neck of the woods and that life is treating you well.  2 more days left in this week and they can’t go by fast enough for me.  I hope there are some laughs in all of our futures.  Talk with you peeps later.

24 March 2015


Yesterday when I arrived home I anticipated finding that all of the bushes were trimmed and the outside of the house was looking better than it has.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  So I called up Lawn Boy and told him that I was confused.  He left me a message saying he would be by on Sunday or Monday but he hasn’t shown up.  Oh he was waiting for me to call.  Funny his message didn’t imply that I needed to call unless I had questions, which is why I didn’t call.  In any case he promised to get to the job this week.  He told me that there is a lot of dead stuff around and asked me if I wanted to replace anything.  I told him nope.  The place already looks like a forest, the prior owners had over planted before we moved in, to make the place a little more appealing.  I am all for thinning it out and keeping it simple, which will make things easier on me, him and my wallet.  I could care less what the neighbors think or say.

My refund check from the Title Company arrived yesterday and I was very happy to deposit it.  Now we are done, I got everything I was promised for a chance.  For curiosity sake I did send money to the county and ask them for a copy of what is in their records, to make sure that nothing was missed.  I have electronic copies of everything and the originals are going in the safe deposit box over the weekend.  I have no need to keep those documents around the house, they are super important and need to be in a secure location.

I was also a little bit on cloud 9, I asked a co-worker for his cell phone number.  It was for business purposes but I honestly didn’t think I would get it and he forked it right over.  I’ve got a little bit of a crush on him but he is married and again I don’t want to mix business and pleasure.  I did however manage to find his Face Book page, what I was looking and hoping for was a shirtless photo but sadly one isn’t posted there.

Speaking of Face book I checked up on a guy that I used to work with, we are friends in electronic form.  He doesn’t really communicate with me since we no longer work together.  We work in the same building but he is too good to go to lunch with me.  In any case he is straight and very fine looking.  Turns out he just got back from a cruise with his girlfriend and they took lots of photos, all of which are posted to Face book.  He’s really in shape – wish I looked as good as he does.  Then again he is like 20 years younger than me.  Still he has a very amazing chest and well defined arms.  Need I say more, as I wipe the drool from my face. 

Things are going pretty well at home.  Bear used his pads like he was supposed to.  I got to trim claws for everyone last night but Ruth.  She has a special date in 2 weeks and I don’t look forward to it anymore than she does.  Marvin let out a scream after I cut one of his nails and he made me think that I hurt him.  I felt so bad but then I realized it was just a trick to make me feel guilty.  Damn.  He expressed his displeasure by not sleeping with me last night.  This morning we were once again the best of friends and he was in my bed after I got out of the shower.  He acted like he was staying there all day and chances are really good that he will.  He loves my room be it the bed or the chair.  I have been told by my late partner when of course he was alive that Marvin would spend all day in my room, most of the time on my bed and he wouldn’t move.  Once I got home life went back to normal for him.  Oddly enough he doesn’t eat that much but he could still stand to lose a couple pounds.

Yesterday in my post I really had a light bulb moment in that I discovered the root of my problem that I am dealing with right now is being all alone.  That is the scary part.  I was thinking about it on the way in this morning that this is the first time in 40 something years that I have no one to come home to.  No one to chat with on a daily basis and no one to cook dinner.  My feelings are perfectly normal and it’s no wonder why I feel this way.  I’ve got to figure out how to get past it, so that it doesn’t consume me and swallow me alive.  The best method I think is finding someone else – that will help a great deal.  I have fears that I won’t be able to make things work but I think that if I find the right person all of the things I am concerned with will vaporize and it will all fall in to place. 

Work has been crazy but that helps pass the time.  I also left a couple minutes early yesterday, which was nice.  One of my neighbors at work was out and the other one was immersed in a call so I was able to tip toe right to the elevator.  That won’t work tonight but it is nice when I can get away with it. 

Lunch time is around the corner and then it’s down hill from there.  It’s raining here and is supposed to continue all day long.  So I know my bushes wont be trimmed today.  However, it will be necessary to stop and see what the mailman left me.  I am waiting on a package of more pads for Bear.  Were not out but I like to be prepared in case the great flood hits. 

Last night I saw the latest episode of Secrets and Lies.  Ryan Phillppe didn’t disappoint in that he was shirtless again, which was nice.  The show is getting interesting and still I wonder if and when we will ever reach any firm conclusions.  The show is about a little boy who Ryan’s character finds in the woods, the boy has been murdered. He was struck in the head with a flashlight, oddly the same type of flash light that is owned by Ryan’s character.  It gets better in that Ryan’s character is the father of the little boy – he doesn’t know this until the boy is gone.  Everyone in town thinks that Ryan’s character committed the murder and he is working to clear his name and find the killer of his son.  His entire family is affected by this and it looks like his marriage is on the rocks.  However, there are up and down moments just like there are in any marriage.  Clearly this is not a normal circumstance that everyone experiences.  Once the case is solved I wonder what the next twist will be or then again will the case ever be solved? 

Very strange dream last night I was working with my brother at a company and was promoted to be his boss and was over a couple of other guys as well.  One of them was a childhood friend of my brother.  Anyway one thing led to another in that drama built up, nothing sexual.  I was fired and my brother of all people was trying to defend me.  I saw the old HR Director from a prior job.  She was deciding what I could take from my office and what I could keep.  I was rushed and purposely took my time so that I didn’t miss anything.  There were boxes upon boxes of crap.  I also had a list of items along with receipts to prove they belong to me.  The strange thing is that I have a list of items and receipts at my desk for my current job, for that very reason.  I don’t want anyone to say I am taking company property when in fact it’s something that I purchased on my own.  The dream was over with like that.  I really didn’t want to come to work today after that but every day is about moving forward.  So I went through my routine and presto here I am at work. 

As I was getting ready for bed last night I got two text messages.  I asked Marvin from the other room who was messaging me.  He just meowed.  I guess that was his way of saying I am a cat and I have no idea.  I went to look and it’s some lady that I have never heard of asking me to add her on Insagram and then she sent a photo of herself.  It was another group message.  I am convinced that the bots from Grindr have hacked the system and obtained peoples cell phone numbers.  Now I get all of these strange messages.  It’s just bizarre as I don’t give out my cell phone number and you are not required to provide a cell phone number to use Grindr but the app is only available for mobile devices.  I blocked her but in a day or so they will move to a different number so it soon becomes impossible to fight.  I looked for an app to help combat this but there really isn’t anything that I could find that didn’t have bad reviews and/or comments saying the app is a waste of money.  Other peoples misery can save you if you take time to read reviews.  I thought about signing up for a feature with my carrier that will block text messages and phone calls from a certain amount of numbers, but then talked myself out of it for now.  Verizon allows you to block 5 people for 90 days and it’s totally free.  The iPhone has a built in blocking feature, which is what I am using now. 

Off I go to solve problems.  Talk with you peeps again soon.  Happy rainy Tuesday!  Looking forward to Tosh.O tonight, it’s time for a laugh or two. 

23 March 2015

Yep it’s Monday

As is typical I wasn’t to thrilled to get out of bed this morning.  It didn’t help that I was up late and that Bear woke me up in the middle of the night.  He had to use the bathroom, apparently pretty bad.  He went right where he was supposed to go, such a good boy.  Marvin was also chatty last night and again this morning. 

I saw a movie over the weekend on Here called Seminary.  It’s about a bunch of closet cases at a Seminary.  I see a recurring theme in some of the movies especially when they pertain to gay sex.  We (gay men) get so excited and turned on, then once the deed is done there is an overwhelming sense of either guilt or emptiness – in some cases both.  I remember when I was younger I felt so guilty for thinking sexual thoughts and even getting off from them.  However, once I found a partner and I matured sex was just another part of life.  I didn’t feel guilty, empty – it was pure pleasure.  Right now I feel the emptiness and loneliness, because there is no one in my life.  I hate those feelings and they are starting to mount and make me think that I am truly on an impossible road no matter what I do.  These are the feelings that motivate the thought of ending it all, but then I realize how much progress I have truly made and that makes me proud.  Not only because I have fought and accomplished so much but because I know my late partner would be proud of me for moving forward.  I’ve truly kept my promise that I would make him proud and I have no plans of breaking that.

I sent an updated message to my friend on facebook that I realized my original message was cryptic but I told him that I wasn’t trying to sell him anything and I wasn’t going to tell him how to find Jesus.  I got a response back that we will try to touch base this week.  I think it should happen, we work in the same building.  So do several other people I used to work with but it’s ironic that we haven’t run into each other.  I just plan on asking him if he were in my shoes how he would find a man.  My guess is that I will be told go to the bar.  Perhaps he will know of another guy who is in need of a partner and we can make a love connection.  I don’t have my hopes up, but I am pretty certain that I will get good advice from him.  He’s married as I mentioned and he is a total Gym Rat, big and muscular.  It does nothing for me, so no worries if you thought perhaps we were going to hook up – won’t happen.  HIs husband is exactly like him, which explains why they got married in the first place. 

While I have the sexual part of a relationship covered by manual methods and I am fine with that.  Just having another guy to do things with would be nice.  I am more interested in a companion than anything.  So you might say making a gay friend would be fine.  However, I would like to venture into the bedroom once and a while, so I am not looking for a friend with benefits – I mean I know I want a relationship.  It’s just tough to get to that point. 

Talking with a friend of mine over the weekend I was asked what if the man of your dreams came along but he didn’t like your cats.  Answer he would be gone.  What if he didn’t want to live with you.  That’s fine I am not looking for an overnight change, we can take it slow.  What if he had dogs, that is fine as well.  Just keep them away from my cats and everyone will be happy.  What if he wanted or was required to move because of his job.  Well that depends upon where he is moving to, if I would follow.  I mean I’d have to find work as well and that isn’t exactly an easy task nor something that I want to jump in.  I have thought about relocating myself to CA but it’s so expensive and the cost of living is much higher there than here, so it really doesn’t make sense.  However, oddly enough I think I would be happier.

It’s been a busy day already.  The phone was ringing off the hook and I got to add another person to my do not answer calls list.  No one knows that I am screening the calls that I take but I refuse to talk with some of the more negative and high maintenance people, life is just too short for that.  Why should I get all worked up when I could pass on the call, a coworker can take it and I can get a nice person.  I mean I know it’s not the right thing to do, but I feel that I have more than paid my price on the phone.  There are often times when I am left by myself on the phones.  Others either don’t or won’t login, they walk away from their desks and it’s just me.  Call after call.  I don’t whine about it, I just deal with it and hope that someone will come along eventually.  Now there are others who document with screen shots and e-mails or in other words they whine about it.  Then everyone scrambles to sign on so that boss can see that multiple people are logged in.  Then in a little while the same thing ma happen again.  If I see someone all alone, I will usually join them even if it’s not my time, just to have the extra person signed on in case something crashes.  I call it common coworker courtesy.  Not everyone plays by the same rules here. 

Last night I got a call from my mom last night she needs a copy of her fathers death certificate because she is refinancing her house.  Now the mortgage is in her name already but she claims that they will give her a lower rate if she can prove that he is deceased.  I know I am being lied to because it just doesn’t make sense.  However, I made a copy and am sending it to her.  I am not sure what kind of a scam she is trying to pull but that will be my brothers problem to deal with.  Legally she can’t sign anything because she has been declared mentally incompetent and my brother has to take care of any legal business that she has.  However, I think she has convinced herself that she is in her right mind and it’s okay and perfectly legal to sign any legally binding documetn and/or contract, when that is clearly not the case. 

I am mailing the copy to her tonight and it will take a couple days to get there.  I hope that my check is waiting for me at the post office.  That is all I know for now.  So off to eat lunch and prep for this afternoon.  Looking forward as usual to getting home to my furry children who I know miss me dearly.  Talk with you all later. 

22 March 2015

Another Weekend

Hi everyone, I hope that your all doing well and that the weather is nice in your neighborhood.  Here we are at the tail end of the weekend.  Saturday’s are so wonderful it feels like time will never end, followed by Sunday and then you know Monday is coming.

Saturday for me was pretty good.  I got the documents for the house.  I am still waiting on the refund check but I am fairly hopeful that it will arrive next week.  If not I will be calling.  I took time out to write letters to the Mortgage company which I worked with, to the parent company of the Title Company, to the State Regulatory Agency and finally a thank you letter to the gentleman who helped me out.  I was thinking about it, his first name turns me on.  I was wondering if perhaps this might be my future partner, I mean stranger things have happened.  I extended a lunch invitation to him if he is in my neck of the woods.  We work a few blocks from each other.  I honestly don’t expect him to take me up on the offer but you never know.  I have no idea what he looks like and I have scoured the internet to try to find a photo a face book page, something that will show me.  No dice. 

I met up with a friend for lunch and we sat and talked for a few hours.  It was a nice time.  I got invited to her sons graduation in June.  He is going to be a State Trooper and the ceremony would be of interest to me.  It will mean 1 or 2 nights away from home but I think I might just be able to swing it.  Not positive yet. 

After lunch was done and I headed home hours had passed since I had eaten so I decided to stop in at Pizza Hut and get what else a Pizza.  It was way too greasy and it was starting to affect my stomach.  I had to quit and thought for sure I was going to barf, but thankfully that didn’t happen.  I made it to the pet food store and got what I needed.  The guy who played me wasn’t there.  I saw another guy who I think likes me.  He always asks me if I need help to the car.  I wanted to say oh do you want to help me to the car?  I know he wouldn’t because his job is a cashier and perhaps he is just being friendly.  He didn’t ask any of the others guys that were in line in front of me.  Maybe I look like an old man to him. 

Sunday I rolled out of bed hit up Steak N Shake for breakfast.  Blueberry Pancakes with Eggs, Sausage and a messed up order of hash browns.  Washed it all down with a Diet Coke.  Then pushed on to the grocery store.  Came home put it all away, realized what I forgot.  Then started on house cleaning.  I got this new urine remover and it does the trick with the urine but not so much with the stain.  I didn’t use it as the instructions said to, I made up my own method.  Which was pouring a good amount into the steam cleaner and mixing it with cold water.  It foamed up like soap.  Then I ran that over the carpet and presto the odor is gone.  I broke out a fan and dried the area really good.  The fan scared the children.  Insty was trapped in the basement and she was screaming but eventually she made it upstairs and past the old wind blower.  I took a nap (big shocker) and then got up and fed them lunch.  I had some left over pizza and then put away the fan.  I put down a pee pad, swapped litter boxes.  I had the bigger box in the living room for Bear but since he doesn’t use it, I moved it back in the hall and put the smaller box in the living room on top of the pee pad.  Then set up his usual pads around it.  Thus far it’s all working and smelling just fine.  The windows are open and air is flowing through the house.  The true test will be when the windows are closed.   I am working on laundry and getting ready for tomorrow.  BBQ Shredded Pork or Beef, don’t remember what I got along with Mac & Cheese for supper.  That is a different meal for me.  Then it will be a dose of Shameless and the season finale of Looking.  Then moving on to bed!

I did catch the finale of Glee.  It was rather interesting.  I am going back and watching it from the start.  I tuned in and got hooked a couple years after it had been on the air.  So I am sure it will be interesting to see the back story.  I also got hooked on a new show called Secrets & Lies starring Ryan Philippe.  I’m telling you he is really buff.  I know he is straight but looking at him hasn’t hurt my eyes one bit.  The show is rather interesting but I’m wondering once the big mystery is solved what the plot of the show will be then or maybe the mystery will never be solved, who knows. 

In the world of on line dating I have discovered that there are chat bots on Grindr.  I have had exactly the same conversation with three different guys.  The big clue is none of them show there complete face.  They all tell me that they have been working out and that my response to them is quick.  They want me to text them so we can exchange photos.  I’ve blocked all three of them.  Now I get random group text messages.  I’m telling you it’s all related and not an odd coincidence.  I pray things don’t get out of hand where I have to change my number.  That will cost me money and I will of course have to notify a bunch of people and I really don’t want to go there.  Not my idea of a good time.  Modern technology though it can be a sneaky thing.  I have taken a chance and reached out to a couple guys.  One guy would barley carry on a conversation which told me he wasn’t really interested.  The others well I am waiting on responses that I am fairly certain will never come.  So the search goes on.  I still think my chances are better in real life than on an app. 

Speaking of which I reached out to a guy that I used to work with.  He just married his husband last year.  I said that I wanted to talk.  We were never really close and I don’t know if he knows I am gay or what happened to me.  He hasn’t responded so I am guessing that I have freaked him out and he thinks that I want to sell him something or that I want to tell him about Jesus.  Both of which are not the case.  My purpose in contacting him was to ask him how to find a guy.  Plus I know he has other guy friends that are gay so who knows maybe something could come of this and maybe not.  It’s a road that I have thought about traveling but have resisted up to this point.  So now I am trying it just to see what happens.  Every day that goes by is a day that I won’t get back and it’s a day that brings the ride of life closer to the end.  Being all alone is nice on some days but overall I need a constant guy in my life and I think it’s more than time to move forward.  I am sure there maybe more heartache in my future and potential breakups, but I will never know if I don’t try.  I am not looking to get married overnight, but I want to start to build something that eventually will work into a marriage.  Knowing the pain of loss I think will make the second relationship/marriage work so much better because I will live it a little different.  Before I knew loss would happen but I didn’t know when and how I would deal with it.  Now I have experienced it I know not to take a second for granted.  I just hope that when I find my prince he can cook because this frozen food is crap and I am ready for some real food every night of the week.

That’s all I have for now.  Moving to put away laundry and prep for supper.  I’ve got some Vanilla Coke Zero for this week.  I am hoping it is really good!  The bills are starting to stack up so that means we are close to the end of the month and another pay cycle, in which my money will vaporize right before my very eyes.  It’s a vicious cycle but I am glad that things are moving in what appears to be an upward direction.  That is the only way I want to go is up, higher & higher each and every day.  Until I reach total and complete happiness. 

Here’s hoping that the roses are blooming in your world and life is treating you well.  I shall talk with you peeps later.  Have a great week!

20 March 2015


Well if your Catholic today is Fryday in that the majority of Catholic’s will be eating Fried Fish.  Actually sounds pretty good.  We used to visit a local VFW for the Fish Fry they do it year round and they have Potato Salad which is out of sight.  I’ve thought about going back but it’s just not top on my list. 

It’s been a wild and crazy busy day here already.  I think but won’t know until I get home that I have a small chip in the windshield, that I picked up this morning.  It looked like a water drop but with the poor lighting in the garage it was tough to make out and I didn’t take time to touch and feel.  If it is it’s small so no big deal but it would be nice if it turns out to be a water drop or some other non damaging liquid.

We have the Basketball game on here at work.  I had to put it on yesterday and then everyone wanted it again today.  Must be nice to watch TV and get paid for it.  Everyone is wondering about their pools and if they are going to win or lose.  I have no interest in the sport but I am sure I would be interested in a lot of the players.  Then I could say hey baby want to bounce my balls?  Ah well it just came to me.

Last night I was watching Nightwatch and it wasn’t funny but I was laughing my ass off.  They picked up a guy who was having a heart rhythm issue.  They tried medication but couldn’t get him out of the rhythm.  The next step is to shock him.  So they warned him that it would feel like someone was punching him in the chest.  They gave the warning and then with no waiting they hit him with 50 joules.  He screamed and that just made me laugh.  They got an order to do it one more time and the guy was like no please don’t.  Presto they hit him again this time with 100 joules.  They couldn’t get him out of the rhythm and he soon became the hospitals problem.  I am sure that has to hurt like hell and I wouldn’t want it but just the way the paramedic explained it and the guys reaction it just made me laugh.  Yes I did rewind it and watch it a 2nd time.

I had another guy hit me up on Grindr while I was at work.  We exchanged a few messages when I had to go.  When I signed back on he told me that he wanted to text and gave me his phone number.  He said we could talk on Grindr but he wanted to swap photos.  Yeah, I had an idea of what kind of photos he was talking about.  The whole purpose of the app is so that you can remain anonymous.  I didn’t bother responding.  I woke up this morning to see the red light flashing indicating that I had a voice mail.  Calls in the middle of the night are never good news.  I instantly thought my mom had passed.  I listened to the message and it was dead air.  It was a missed call on my cell phone and it came from a nearby area code of where this guy is. Call me paranoid but somehow I think he obtained my cell phone number.  Who makes a phone call at 2am?  Very strange!

The only thing going this weekend is a haircut and I am going to the place I normally go to because they sent me a $2 off coupon, the catch is you have to get a shampoo (which I always get) then instead of paying $6 for the shampoo you will only pay $4.  Figure in a tip and no one is really loosing money.  What I get for a haircut is a buzz cut and they are simply priced way too high.  Yeah I have the money but it’s the principal.

I got another call from the Title Company today and they are sending my documents to me via overnight mail.  They wanted to know if there check arrived and I said nope.  I am expecting it today or tomorrow.  I look forward to it’s arrival.  Nothing like money in the bank!

The kids have really smelled up the carpet.  I broke down and ordered some super duper urine odor cleaner, it works or your money back.  Yeah good luck.  They want you to dilute the spill by covering it in warm water and then blotting it up with a paper towel.  Then spray on their product and presto all is well again.  Yeah I don’t think it will be that simple and I am NEVER using warm or hot water on a urine spill again.  That only makes the odor even worse and I am allergic as it is no sense in making myself more miserable.  It also looks like tomorrow will be AC weather here again.  Not looking forward to that but hopefully in a few weeks it will no longer be an issue. 

Marvin was his usual chatty self this morning.  He just loves to talk to me even though I have no idea what he is saying.  I told him that if he keeps talking to me in the middle of the night I am going to hit him with my pillow.  It works for his sister so it has to work on him.  I love him but there is a time to talk and a time to sleep.

Bear is picky as ever.  He is really starting to scare me.  I put food down he goes to town on it and then just stops and moves away from it.  Then he will try to get the girls food or sit and meow at me to give him something else.  I never used to have any trouble with him.  He always ate whatever I gave him for the most part.  Now he has discovered that I will cater to him so he is doing this picky thing.  I feel compelled to give in given what he has gone through and I don’t want him to stop eating all together, that would be very bad news.  He is still my baby but I am tired of him playing me and also the pee pads.  I just wish he would go back to the litter box.  Oh my that would make life so much easier and cheaper.  I say that and this is litter buying weekend.  Time to pull up the Target ad.

Well lunch time is about to hit and I think I am going to get a jump on things.  I honestly didn’t think I would be here yesterday because I wasn’t feeling the best.  I guess the water, massage and prayer took the evil away or so I hope.  I’m ready for the weekend but would like a little sleep first. 

Have a good one and I will talk with you peeps again soon. 

19 March 2015

Massage it all away

It’s 3 in the afternoon and I just fired up the laptop.  Yup it has been a busy day.  I found myself with one problem, then a mass of them came in shortly after that.  I’ve been running around putting out fires all over the place.  My pedometer reflects that as well.  I got my massage and the hour went by way too fast.  She spent too much time with me laying on my back (face up) than with me laying on my stomach (face down).  I much prefer face down over face up.  However, it does affect the sinuses but it’s totally worth it.  I can tell you without a doubt that I will be sore tomorrow.  I was beat up pretty bad and can already feel the soreness kicking in.  I am drinking my water as well to flush everything out.  Hopefully tomorrow wont be as bad as I envisioned. 

I got asked if I wanted to travel next weekend.  Well that is when my therapy appointment is, otherwise yeah I probably would have bitten for it.  I would have gotten to see my pal from training and we could have possibly had lunch together.  However, I didn’t respond and one of my co-workers said that he would love to but he needs permission from his female partner.

Comedy Wednesday was all re-runs again except for Melissa & Joey and Baby Daddy, so I had some laughs but not a whole lot.  I did log back on to Grindr and the guy I was chatting with yesterday just cut to the chase and asked me if I’d like to have sex.  It took a lot of restraint on my part but I turned him down.  From his looks and from our conversation he was clearly HOT and he was only 27.  He told me that he plays safe all of the time.  That is a great thing and I am happy for him.  However, it’s not what I am looking for.  I tried to turn the tables and see if he would be interested in dating but that fell on deaf ears.  I get the fact that your young and you want to go have sex with as many guys as you can, then later in life you can find a boyfriend and settle down.  However, I am in those ‘settle down’ years.  It was flattering that he asked me and perhaps I will get more of those types of inquiries and perhaps I will be able to convince them to date me instead of trying to just hook up. 

The one thing that I can say is that the activity for the day has made it fly by.  Hard to believe that there is roughly about an hour left in the day and then it’s time to go see what’s in the mail and decide on what is for supper.  Then we will be moving on to Friday which is the best day of the week.  Hope all is well in your world and that your staying out of trouble.  I will talk with you peeps later.

18 March 2015

One of those days

I had a feeling this morning that today is going to be one of those days.  So far I have dealt with a chatty Marvin in the middle of the night.  Traffic snarls.  Then I was talking over the wall to a co-worker and wondered why he wasn’t responding.  I called him by the wrong name.  I feel a little overwhelmed.  I suppose the events of yesterday had something to do with it.  It also didn’t help when I got home last night that I found someone blew chunks all over the carpet. 

I checked out the AC and it sounds like it’s a capacitor or a fan motor.  The compressor fires up but the fan is stuck.  I thought about kick starting it but that might work once or twice but in the end I will be calling a repair person, might as well get it over with.  I plan on making those arrangements a bit later today. 

I convinced myself to have a can of Clam Chowder that I have been hanging on to.  I saw the words Gluten Free and my stomach hasn’t been the same since.  I don’t do well without my Gluten.  In any case the soup was good, but it was no Red Lobster.  Biscuits to go with the soup would have been nice.  Instead I had a side of fur.  I had to try to eat and pet Ruthie, make sure Bear was eating and rotate his plate.  It was a circus like event.  Which is the norm at my place. 

After supper I went to the basement to play on the PC, which was short lived.  I found myself on the couch listening to TV and surfing on my phone on the dating apps.  No nibbles, so I called it a night.  Watched Tosh.O and called it a night.  Boring life I know. 

I did manage to have a nice dream.  I was on a pen buying frenzy.  I went to a local office supply store that has long since been closed and stopped in and picked up a couple pens.  Then somehow I wound up at a boutique and I fell in love with this Lamy Leather Pen set.  One was a rollerball and the other was some new age pen that made the letters come to life on the page, the ink was super expensive.  I wound up in a fight with the owner and walked out.  Then I just had to have them so I went back and the prices went up, so I walked out again.  It was rather bizzare.  I have a Lamy Rollerball that is in need of a refill but it’s not top priority on my list.  I suppose that plus the money I am getting from the Title Company affected my brain and it wanted me to spend the money.  These were all high end writing instruments and I do have an addiction to them, among other things.  However, I try to keep myself in check.  The last time I bought a pen I got my credit card hacked because I purchased it from China and it took forever to arrive.  That was 3 years ago.

So I was setting up for a meeting this morning and to kill time I decided to jump on Grindr.  I had a message waiting from a 27 year old guy who was really hot.  We chatted a bit, he started to get sexual and I really had to get back to work.  So I cut him off, not because I objected to the conversation but because my job comes first.  I could have kept chatting with him but figured that this would be one of those seemingly meaningless conversations that wasn’t going to go anywhere and I have to be able to perform my job and keep my emotions in check.  So I figured it was best to cut it short.  I will fire up the app again later tonight, hopefully he will continue to chat with me but if not so be it.  I saw an ad yesterday for a guy who was in his 20’s, we had at least 20 years between us and he is looking for an LTR but he didn’t think anyone was game, he expressed frustration over being able to find someone.  I started to write him and then talked myself out of it because of the age difference.  While his age isn’t a problem for me, I figured it would be a problem for him.  As much as I don’t want to date Grandpa I figured he wouldn’t want to either.  So I totally get it.  However, now I wonder what if.  Should I see him again I may send him a message but in a way I feel like I am a predator.  Sex is clearly the first thing on every guys mind and while I may not be different in that regard, I don’t want to just jump right in bed.  I want to get to know the other guy and see if there is a connection there as I am looking for something long term myself.  Anyone can have sex but I am looking for love, which is on a different scale.  Yeah I have thought about just giving up and having meaningless sex but I don’t know that I could do that and what emotional trauma it would have on me in the long run.  The hunt continues.

My PC problem at home is back.  It’s an Outlook add in issue and I have tried a lot of things, just when I think it’s fixed and things have stabilized it breaks again.  I worked with the manufacturer yesterday.  They viewed my computer, took screen shots and logging files and said they would get back with me.  They want to remote in again and I told them you have everything you possibly could want from my machine, provide me a fix.  They are still adamant about getting back in as an engineer wants to take a closer look.  I am not going to give in to that, I will either figure out a way on my own to resolve the issue or just live with it.  It’s not a major big deal but rather an annoyance.  The funny thing is the same software works perfectly fine on my laptop.  It was the reason why I bit the bullet an upgraded to Office 2013 thinking that it was more stable and that it would be better.  Yeah, so much for thinking.  I mean I am happy with Office 2013 but I wish that a few things were different.  I know that Microsoft is getting ready to release Office 2016 along with Windows 10 and a brand new Internet Browser.  Sounds like a lot of change at once.  That is the way technology rolls. 

That’s all the I’ve got for today.  Talk with you peeps again soon!

17 March 2015

Mad as a hornet

Happy St. Patrick’s Day (guess that should be in green).  In any case I arrived to the office this morning to read an e-mail from the local guy at the Title Company that is helping me.  He reached out to the broad that I have been dealing with in CA and she responded by telling him to tell me that I needed to speak with her supervisor and provided a name and a phone number.  Seriously I am totally not kidding.  That sent me over the edge.  I wanted to scream but being in a professional environment that is not acceptable so I did the next best thing I called the supervisor.  I started off all nice, polite and calm and progressively got to my boiling point where I told her who else i was contacting, that I wasn’t above seeing an attorney and that not only did I want my document but I wanted a refund of the monies I paid them for there so called service.  Holy shit I was fired up and people around me didn’t know that I could get that way.  No one said anything but I am sure they heard the conversation.  I almost tossed in some expletives but left them out.

So I got a call back from the Supervisor she wanted to talk with me.  So I called her and we chatted.  She apologized profusely and instantly offered to send me my money back.  They were going to overnight it but I told them regular mail is fine.  Then she said we can wire transfer the money.  I said nah regular mail is fine.  Then we started talking about the issue at hand.  She will be sending me the documents.  There was a chain of custody issue with the title that a local person raised, however she has spoken with her underwriting attorney and they say there is no issue and we don’t have anything else to do.  That is good news.  So I believe I hammered home my point and now I will be a little richer as well as getting the documents.  It is totally a shame that I had to jump through all of these hoops but hopefully she follows through and these aren’t empty promises. 

I still plan to write to the President of the the company as well as the President of the Mortgage Service I used and explaining the situation.  No one should have to encounter this type of treatment.  I realize that my set of circumstances were slightly unique but I am not the only person in the world to take property from a trust and title it in an individual name because the Grantor passed away.  This type of transaction is quite common, that is the reason why Trusts are created. 

In other news last night it was 80 degrees in the house and there is no way I could sleep with it that humid.  So I turned on the AC only to find that there is no AC.  It was late and I didn’t feel like going outside but it’s either a Capacitor that needs to be replaced or it’s time for Freon or both.  I won’t know until tonight when I get home and can turn it on again and go outside and look.  Then the horrible part is calling someone for service.  They know they have you by the balls and they love to take all of your money.  The weather has calmed down so it won’t be that hot for a while, according to the forecast.  So my plan is to call for service ahead of time and schedule it for Saturday.  I didn’t really cool things down last night but I had the fans on and that plus my medicine helped me sleep. 

My mother called when I was ‘busy’ if you know what I mean.  Way to ruin a moment.  I didn’t answer the phone.  I waited a while and then called her back.  She told me that she thinks my brother is going to marry the broad he is with.  He seems to spend all of his time at her place.  That is understandable.  I mean you can only be around mommy so long.  The thing is he has to pass by my place to get to her place.  You’d think he would call and want to stop in or just stop by to say hi.  Nope nothing doing.  See why I keep them at a distance?  They are trouble and cause me more stress than they are worth.  Speaking of which I took time to review my Last Will & Testament over the weekend.  I named my brother as Executor if my partner passed.  So at some point I will want to re-do things.  For now it’s acceptable as is.  The guy who gets my Life Insurance money from work knows that I want that money to be used for the care of the cats.  I will prepare a document that goes with the Will that spells that out.  Cats can be considered tangible property and just like I can leave specific items to specific people I can Will the cats as well.  I have no plans on dying but if I do I want to know that they are taken care of. 

I have to jump on the phones early this afternoon and I am not terribly happy about that but I am eager to leave.  So the afternoon just brings me closer to quitting time.  I couldn’t believe how fast morning rolled around again.  We will play this silly little game for a few more days, only because I like money.

The on-line dating world is silent, at least as of last night.  I do get some joy from checking the apps because you never know if someone decent has messaged you or if someone decent will catch your eye.  The thrill lasts for about 30 seconds and then I realize no messages, no new guys.  Then I move on to something else.

I’ve been wondering about the Raccoons and last night they came home.  Momma alerted me that they were outside by hissing at them.  They looked at me, like how can you tell this face no.  Please feed me.  I saw 2 of them, not sure where the other one is, if it’s even still alive.  I hope so.  I only feed them once and a great while.  God didn’t intend for me to feed all of his animals.  Otherwise he would have made me wealthy.  At least that is my way of looking at it. 

So I have returned to a state of calm, which is good.  You think better and make better decisions that way.  It’s a little chilly here but still nice weather in the 50’s.  Supposed to be that way for the rest of the week.  I do think Winter is done, which is kind of nice.  Lawn Boy should be hitting me up soon and trimming the bushes, so that extra money I am getting will come in quite handy.  I have it for a short time and then it’s gone.  Get some more and soon it’s gone.  There seems to be no short supply of problems and expenses that take away one’s money.  I am thankful to have it but wish I could keep it for a while longer, at least earn some interest. :-)

Talk with you peeps later.

16 March 2015

It’s all in who you know

So I got an e-mail response from the County Recorder’s office and they informed me that the documents have in fact been recorded, so the house is legally mine.  The tax bill should be updated and that should prevent any snafu’s.  I found out that the recording took place in early February, despite my sending the documents to them in January.  The county will give me a copy of the documents but I have to pay for the copy.  I am not above doing that but I shouldn’t have to because it’s part of the transaction that I have already paid for. 

I spoke with one of my colleagues who gave me a name and phone number of a person to call at the Title Company.  I am telling you as soon as you tell them your with a law firm, they perk right up.  This guy only deals with commercial property but he said he would help me out.  I gave him all of the particulars and suspect that it will take him a couple days to track things down.  I will have stirred up a hornets nest by the time it’s all done.  At least I know I shouldn’t have to take any legal action.  In a commercial deal it’s like 3 business days and you get back the final documents.  In a residential deal it shouldn’t be longer than a month.  Were way past both of those time frames. 

In other news I went to scheduled Bear’s annual check up, I took a quick glance at the work calendar to see who was off already and I only saw one person so I scheduled the appointment.  By the time I browsed back there was someone else who already had the day.  The rule is 2 people off on 1 given day.  If you need a day and 2 people have it already you have to email the boss and it’s up to her.  I can reschedule but it would be nice to keep it early in the month.  April is not an easy month for me as it will be the 2 year mark that I have been on my own. I just got denied my request so I had to push it out another week.  I really wish I could have the original day but I guess it’s the universe’s way of saying suck it up and move on.  

Last night I soaked my feet, which was kind of nice.  I went to hang up the extra towel in my late partners room and just looked and paused to think how much his absence is felt.  It is such a shame that he is gone but we all have that appointment already pre-scheduled for us from the moment we are born.  I am proud of the progress that I have made and truth be told I am surprised that I have kept it together.  Inside it feels way worse than what I project on the outside.  I mean were coming up on the 2 year mark and most people think I should be over it by now.  Grieving is different for everyone and the longer someone is in your life as a mate the longer it will take to recover.  I feel like it’s all overwhelming and there are many times that I just want to give up, but I some how push past those periods and keep on moving.

I am current struggling with boredom on the job.  I am happy with what I do for a living but there are components of my job that I don’t like.  I have thought about getting back out there and looking but really I am with a good employer and things have boded quite well for me.  I am highly respected and generally well thought of.  I just remind myself of my last job and that helps quell my feelings a little bit.  Don’t get me wrong I am very thankful for my job, the money and how well it affords me to live.  However, that said there are parts to every job that people don’t like or wish they could eliminate.  I am no different.  Even though it may sound like I am ungrateful I can assure you that is not the case.  I think if I could truly afford to get away for a week or even 2 that would go a long way for me personally and professionally. 

The air freshener at home has started to bother my nose.  I like the smell but I don’t like the nose issues.  I turned it down this morning in the hopes that I will be able to keep it going, I should find out tonight.  The weather this week will be very much Summer/Spring like.  The house should be very warm when I get home, to the point that the AC might be needed.  Things will cool off over night.  This change of season is the perfect time for me to get sick.  It usually gets me in the Fall/Winter and then again in Winter/Spring.  After that I am usually good.  I’ve got all short sleeve shirts to wear this week to accommodate for the change in the weather.  Today was the first time in a long time that I came to work without a jacket or coat.  Kind of nice but now I have to carry my keys instead of tucking them away in a coat/jacket pocket. 

I am looking forward to lunch and catching up on videos but I will have a shortened lunch time because there are meetings going on that I have to setup for.  They are usually planned around the lunch hour so that people can get a free paid for lunch.  Nice benefit if you can get it.  For me it all pays the same, I mark down the time as overtime and it reflects on my paycheck in the end.  So minor inconvenience but it will be an extra dollar or two on the check. 

Shameless was really good last night.  I loved Carl’s sentencing hearing where it was disrespectful to the judge and said if your honor was 20 pounds lighter I’d tap that.  No he didn’t!  Yes he did.  That is what sealed it for him.  I thought it was totally unfair that Chucky got sentenced because he was used as a pawn and he is mentally retarded.  He didn’t know what he was doing was illegal.  Of course none of this wouldn’t have happened if Frank didn’t make that anonymous call in the first place.  He was trying to get back at Sammie.  Ah well so are The Days of Our Lives. 

Now I am still pondering my next issue and that is what to eat for supper.  Were back in the thick of things as another week plays out.  I hope it’s a good week for you and that the weather is nice in your neck of the woods.  Hang in there folks only 4 more days to go and then it will be the weekend again!  Talk with you peeps later.

15 March 2015

TITLE – TITLE who has the title?

Last weekend I sent an e-mail to the Title Company that prepared the documents for closing on my home loan. I inquired about when I will be getting a copy of the documents that I signed in January. Not a surprise but I have not received a response. So I did some checking on-line the county just published Property Taxes for 2014 which are payable in 2015, according to the website the property is still in the name of the Trust. Not knowing if the left hand knows what the right is doing, I sent an e-mail to the county recorder’s office asking them if they could tell me whose name the property was titled in. I provided them with all of the information and particulars that they will need. Hopefully they can clear things up. If not then I maybe filing a lawsuit against the title company. This is bullshit that it’s dragging out this long. If the property is in my name, as I kind of suspect is the case I am okay with that. If there has been no transfer that is what will trigger the lawsuit. My hope is that this will all get worked out without me having to get legal on their ass. However, if they push me then they should be prepared for a fight. The strange thing is I think my employer does their legal work, I know we use them in closings all the time. My thought process is to talk with one of the attorneys at work to see if they can help me bring this to an end or at least get me someone on the inside to talk to. I am making mortgage payments that have taxes and insurance escrowed in, so I am under the assumption that the mortgage company is going to pay the bill for the property taxes when they come due. If the property isn’t titled in the correct name then that will cause all sorts of confusion and the bill could easily not get paid, which would cause problems for me. I’ve done the right thing but it always seems to bite me in the ass. Stay tuned to see how this mess turns out.

I woke up a little later than normal but thanks to Gator I got up. I didn’t know it but she slept with me last night. Which explains why Marvin was in and out so much. He’s not used to sharing the bed with anyone but me. I got everyone fed then I got dressed and headed out. It was another great day here. It was 72 degrees here today and looks like we are in for the same temp tomorrow. Nice, too bad I will be trapped at work. I hit up Steak N Shake got a Chili 5 way and a Frisco Melt it took forever for them to make it. I was starting to wonder if it was ever going to show up. I mean I know they were busy but damn. While I was waiting for my food they sat 2 black dudes in the booth behind me. From the minute they walked in I wanted to leave. They were being silly and trash talking. The longer I sat the longer I had to resist the urge to smack the fuck out of them. One guy ordered a milk shake and then breakfast on top of that. The other guy just ordered a shake. They acted like they have never been to a Steak N Shake before. Then they start talking about jail and getting arrested. Thankfully shortly after that I had finished my food and I was able to get the fuck out of there.

I got to the store and they were crowded as well. I skipped through the store with ease, so much so that I bought BBQ pre-packaged but didn’t get any type of bread to put it on. We used to go through a loaf a week, eaten or not we would get a fresh one every Sunday. Now I only get bread when I absolutely need it. Otherwise it will sit around and grow mold. I’ve got enough things that do that now, no sense in adding to the list. I did manage to get Liquid Soap, Face Scrub and Baby Wipes the 3 major things that I needed. The soap is for my hands. The Face Scrub is for my face. The Baby wipes are for my baby Bear. He’s all fresh and clean now. I was appalled that I had racked up a bill of over $100 and there really wasn’t that much stuff in my cart. It sure does spend fast. Too bad I don’t make it as easy as I can spend it.

I came home, opened up the windows to help air this place out. Bear was afraid so he ran for cover behind my chair. I checked on him and he was okay. Normally I vacuum so I think he was thinking that was coming next. Normally he would have been right but I just didn’t have it in me today. I can get by 2 weeks but it will be messy, so be it. I picked up some Hawaiian Breeze Air Freshener and plugged that in my bathroom and that blending with the Vanilla Cup Cake that is outside the bathroom door has this place smelling like a paradise, which was the goal. Now if my nose would stop running I think I would be okay. However, given the choice of cat pee or air freshener I will pick air freshener every time.

Today kind of feels like a summer day, even though we are still in winter. I thought about eating out for supper but managed to talk myself down from that idea. I have the money but nothing was all that much appealing to me except for Chicken from KFC. I’ve been thinking about that place a lot but have avoided it. We would have Chicken on a regular basis and it was a good meal especially when you didn’t want to cook. I love the KFC Coleslaw as well. Damn starting to make myself hungry talking about it. I had a Chicken Fajita Tombstone Pizza and I topped it with extra cheese. It was pretty good. I am rewarding myself later with a Quart of Ben & Jerry’s Cherries Garcia while I watch Shameless. Then it will be time to get ready for bed and I can watch Looking in my room as the night draws to a close.

I did take some time for Bear today and laid down with him. Neither one of us fell asleep. I was petting him and he was getting comfortable. Fur was everywhere. Then he decided to start nibbling on my finger. I thought it was cute so I kept encouraging him over and over. Finally he got in a couple good crunches and I called it quits. He never broke the skin, which is good but damn it hurt. He couldn’t figure out why his top front teeth weren’t doing the job and that is when he shifted to the side and wow. There is some torque in those jaws! When I screamed he stopped. Eventually I got up and washed off. They were all well over due and very hungry for lunch. Perhaps that was his subtle way of getting the message across.

Laundry is done and I will be headed up soon to shave and then it will be TV for the rest of the night. The beggars will get more food before I call it a night. Bear is starting to get really picky and that is causing me some concern. I don’t want him to give up eating all together. I keep telling him what a special boy he is and how he has had a lot of lemons thrown his way. I tell him to keep on fighting and when times up, I think we will both know it. Hopefully that day is far, far away.

I created a Grindr account and published my profile. I expressly said no face pic = no chat. I get a guy who I guess wanted to see if I was serious he had a torso for his profile photo. I blocked him. I don’t know if I will meet anyone but I have seen a lot of cute guys. Unfortunately they are all younger than I am looking for or they are into things that I am not into. I checked another site yesterday and I got a response from a person, he liked me so much he sent me his private photo album and you can just guess what kind of photos were in there. Not what I was looking for. My genuine hope is that I will meet someone and we will hit it off and be able to build from that. It might not happen as soon as I want it to but hopefully it happens soon enough. Part of me is still questioning if I can be with another guy, but I will never know if I don’t try. I think if my heart is in it there won’t be anything to be concerned about because it will just happen.

Oh I saw another good movie last night called Tennessee Queer. It was on Here and about a guy whose family wants him to move back home. He said he would if he could have a gay pride parade and march down main street with his family and his partner. It was a little funny. I think that TN as well as most of the US has opened up and become more tolerant of Gay people. There still are haters and people who think it goes against The Bible, but overall I think the world is getting to a good place. Marriage Equality has really taken off. I think, hope and pray that it will be just a few short years before being Gay will be a non issue.

So there you have it the Sunday Post. Now I am going to put away my laundry, shave my face and relax for the rest of the evening, as morning will come soon enough. Then we will have to face Monday again. Ugh. Talk with you peeps later.