Last Lazy Day

Well my time off runs out today and it’s back to work tomorrow.  Thankfully only for 1 day because we get Election Day off.  Then I finish up the week.  Work all next week and then I am back on vacation for a week.  This was well planned and I kind of like it, I could get used to working a little then taking a break.  Sadly, that’s not how the real world works. 

I did get my extra hour of sleep in.  Had breakfast out, hit up the grocery store and gassed up the vehicle.  I had every intention of going out for pizza but there was rain in the forecast and I had this feeling in my stomach telling me that it was probably better to stay home. 

I had 1/2 of my take out order of Spaghetti and Meatball.  Finish up my chocolate cake.  That’s it since breakfast and I am done with food unless some kind craving or hunger hits me, which I don’t expect. 

I was mostly lazy today.  It took me until 5p to make it downstairs.  That’s only because I have to get my laundry and take it up.  It’s been done for a couple days but I was in no hurry to get it back upstairs. 

I’ve managed to set all of the clocks back an hour.  It’s fun watching the cats operate as if we are still an hour ahead.  Rudy started dancing for food at 4 thinking it was 5.  Mora was bugging me at 5 for treats thinking it was 6.  Just wait until the morning, I hope they adjust quickly so that I don’t get any early morning wake up calls. 

It’s colder here and we have had some rain.  There is more on the way.  I’m tucked away until the weekend, unless something comes up.  I am going to be on-call starting tomorrow and that coupled with catching up will be no fun.  However, I’ve done it before and I will be doing it again in a couple weeks. 

Anxious for election day to get here so we can end all of the campaigning and know who our elected officials will be.  I’m nervous about the Presidential race but at the end of the day when it’s all over I will have to go to work and pay my bills just like I did before it all started.  That was pointed out to me earlier this week, rather sobering but true. 

Looking forward to Thanksgiving as always.  I’ve managed to shrink my stomach a little bit with this eating two meals a day plan that I have been on all week long.  I was at one of my favorite Mexican places and couldn’t finish all of my normal meal.  I left feeling quite stuffed.  The key on Thanksgiving will be to have a light breakfast that way there will be plenty of room.  Can’t believe that the year is all most over.  I hope that it ends on a positive note and that Next Year will be better.  All though all in all it hasn’t been a horrible year for me, just lonely and a little depressing. 

Doing a little bit of surfing and then I will grab my laundry and head back upstairs to relax and enjoy the evening, it will all be over with way too soon.  Then Monday morning will be calling and I will be wading through my emails and doing a bunch of work stuff.  Glad and very thankful that it will be all from the comfort of my home. 

Hope your Sunday was good and that you/your body adjust easily to gaining an hour of sleep.  Here’s to what I hope is a great week ahead for all of us.  Take care!

Some common questions asked to gay people

1. ‘When did you decide to be gay?’

Being gay isn’t a decision, it’s who you are sexually attracted to. It doesn’t define every aspect of your life or personality. It just means that you like to sleep with people of the same sex. I have never actually been asked this.

2. ‘What do you actually do in bed?’

What a person does in their own bed for sexual gratification can vary. You have the vanilla to the wild. Unless you’re in bed with me, this is a question best left to your imagination. I have never been asked this.

3. ‘Are you the man or the woman?’

This is a question that I got asked one time. One guy can be more effeminate than the other but at the end of the day your both men. Some people ask this question to find out if you are a bottom.

4. ‘Do you know my gay cousin, John?’

Being gay doesn’t mean we know every other gay in the world. I got asked ths one as well.

Can you think of any others? Post your own suggestions below.

5. How do you know if you have never been with someone of the opposite sex?’

How does Grandpa know that he likes Grandma if he hasn’t tried being with another dude? It’s pretty simple you know who you are attracted to and who makes your heart skip a beat. Some people try the heterosexual way but as for me, I am a gold star gay (meaning I have never been with a woman). It’s just not something that appeals to me at all.

If you have a question or something you’d like to know, leave them in the comments.  If appropriate I will respond either directly to the comment or in a future post. 

Being Gay - what does it mean?

After the death of my spouse, I wrote a book.  It was therapeutic.  Below is a chapter taken from my book verbatim.  The book was written a few years ago but the general nugget of knowledge I am trying to impart still holds true today.  My hope is that this will help someone out there.  My belief in God has changed a bit over the years.  I am still somewhat on the fence.

I also decided to look up the definition of the word GAY and here’s what it says according to Dictionary.com

 

  

Being gay only applies to my sexuality and my sexual preference.  Outside of that, it doesn’t define who I am, what I like or anything else.  It just defines the sex of the person I want to have sexual relations with.  I know that there are people that say it’s wrong; it’s against the Bible, God Hates Fags, etc. My personal feeling is that gay people were created to be martyrs and when you discriminate, hate or treat us differently you are doing that to God.  For that, I believe those that do shall be punished.  I think that one day; we (gay people) will reap rewards for the hell we have been put through here on earth.  Now just because that is my opinion doesn’t make it so.  However, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with homosexuality.  I suppose I am biased there.  It’s how I was born and just like you can’t pick your parents you can’t pick your sexual preference.  It’s not a mental disease.  You are not sick or twisted.  You can’t pray the gay away.  You can’t convert yourself because while on the outside you may appear to be living a “straight” life inside your true desires for a person of the same sex linger.  That is something that no “straight” life will be able to quench.

Gay people who are trying to hide their secret become exceptionally good at deception and lying over time.  Some people might suspect but until you confirm it no one knows for certain.  Depending upon the circumstances, it is sometimes best to keep people guessing.     

If you are gay, the sooner you and those that love you come to terms with it the sooner you and they will be able to move forward in life.  Coming out is a very personal decision and something that you have to do when you feel it’s right.  If it’s never right, well then so be it. Don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want to or aren’t ready to do.  

If you have thoughts of committing suicide, realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I understand that in the heat of the moment, with all of the pressure weighing on you, that you feel it’s your only option.  Stop and think about those around you, those that depend on you and how they will get by.  I’m certainly not a doctor or a mental health expert.  I mean if you’re bound and determined to take your own life and you won’t entertain opinions or thoughts from others or won’t reach out for help before you rush to your decision then there is very little I or anyone can do to stop you.  It’s like a runaway train.  Think of what it will do to whoever discovers your lifeless body.  Then there is also the possibility depending upon the method you have chosen, that you may not be successful and you could wind up having to live your life with a disability, disfigurement, etc.  There are a lot of factors to weight before rushing into a decision that will determine your future. 

Growing up gay is NOT easy.  People are always making fun of you because you are different.  I promise you that it does get better as you get older.  I hear college is a real fun time, I wouldn’t know because I never went.  Once you are an adult in the working world, I think is when you will find that things are truly as good as they are going to get.  Society as a whole is starting to come to terms with Equality.  Marriage isn’t for everyone but it’s nice that those of us that want to get married in many states can.  I think we are just mere years away from society viewing gay as becoming common place.  It’s like growing up with regular TV and then one day you get Cable and don’t realize how you ever lived without it.  I think society one day will wake up and say who cares and move on.  

I love to hear coming out stories.  They are often filled with drama but in the end, it’s about a person letting those they care about know their sexual preference.  Why do we (meaning gay people as a whole) feel compelled to share this?  I mean “straight” people don’t walk around and advertise that they are straight; it’s just something that is assumed.  I suppose it’s because we want and need acceptance and to know that no matter what those that we care about love us unconditionally.  

If I can help someone deal with their sexuality through this book that would be awesome.  I had next to no one there for me when I was feeling all of those strange feelings and thinking it was wrong.  Being raised Roman Catholic didn’t help either.  Talk about guilt!  

The bottom line is to talk to someone about your feelings.  Don’t let it go all bottled up because that is a recipe for disaster.  That applies to most problems in life.  Holding it in does no good and is self-destructive.  Do not think that you are all alone or that you are the first person to experience this because you are not.  I know there are many emotions that come with being gay.  So your different, you are as God wanted you to be.  Society today deals with that in a much more accepting way than when I was growing up. 

I encourage you to reach out and talk to someone.  If they won’t or don’t want to listen then move on to another person.  Consider looking online for resources.  There is a program for youth called The Trevor Project and they can and do help a lot of younger folks.  Talking is therapeutic and necessary for survival.    

Believer

Ever heard of Imagine Dragon’s the band?  There pretty good in my book.  I had no idea their lead singer Dan Reynolds is Mormon.  He also has some pretty strong believes about being gay.  Apparently there is an alarming rate of young Mormon guys and gals who are committing suicide simply because they are gay and don’t know how to deal with it.  I saw a documentary on HBO called Believer that talks about this. 

Mr. Reynolds is so fired up he worked with Tyler Glenn and together they formed an organization called LOVELOUD they have a music festival in Salt Lake Utah every year until the rate of suicide declines and the Mormon church accepts LGBT people.  It started as a 1 time thing and from there things snowballed and this thing got really large.  If you have HBO I encourage you to watch it, your eyes and your mind will open and it’s more than worth your time. 

The odd thing here is Mr. Reynolds is straight, married and has children.  However, his friend Tyler Glenn is gay.  Mr. Glenn struggled with accepting it.  Apparently if your gay and Mormon, you can tell the church but you just can’t act on your desires, if you do then you will be excommunicated. 

I’m not Mormon and never have been.  The thing I struggle with is in John 13:34 God says … “

A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another.” This clearly says to love one another, not to only love straight people or white people but to love one another.  Why is it that many religions discriminate?  Regardless if your Black, White, Brown, Straight, Gay, BI they should love you and welcome you unconditionally.  Modern religion in general is flawed in my humble opinion.  The God that I struggle with believing in wouldn’t be happy with how most religion and people interpret his word.  There are too many politics in religion but yet there is supposed to be separation of Church and State. 

Young people regardless of their religion, young people have been troubled and committing suicide because they simply can’t deal with the fact they are different than their peers.  Realizing that your gay is a lot to take in.  Some people do fine with it, while others struggle.  Hearing things like the catch phrase “it gets better” is comforting but at the end of the day t’s just a catch phrase.  Additionally, that phrase doesn’t exactly specifically imply when it will get better, just that it will.  I suppose everyone has their own interpretation of exactly when it will get better.  For me it means that once you become an adult that things will turn around.  Being gay at least when I was growing up being gay was a big deal.  You would be ostracized, excluded and discriminated against just because you were attracted to the same sex.  It’s not a disease, it’s not contagious and your not interested in every single person who happens to be the same sex as you, and your not a pedophile.  Today the world has changed and is much more accepting but that acceptance has limits.  There are still people in the world who believe it’s wrong and that your sick. 

For a very long time gay people have been trying to educate and inform to seek acceptance, tolerance and understanding.  Personally for me I lived a good portion of my life stuck in the closet because I was afraid.  Of what you might ask?  Well, that I would be ridiculed, ostracized, discriminated against and that people in general would think differently of me once they knew about my sexuality.  That fear was enough to keep me from being free.  I reached a point in my life where I just wanted to shout it out to the world but those that were important in my life discouraged that behavior and told me that it would likely have devastating consequences.  So I took the advice I was given for the most part.  I shared my secret with those that I trusted so some people knew but not the world at large. 

Suicide was an option that I thought of many times, however it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  There are far more devastating consequences for those that you love and care about but at the time your not thinking of them but your thinking of yourself and how you can “fix” everything.  Well sadly suicide while tempting is NOT the answer!  You are perfect just the way you are.  If people can’t see that then they don’t need to be in your life.  No matter how hard you try and no matter how much you ask there is no praying or taking away the gay.  It’s there forever because is apart of who you are.  Being gay is not a choice, it’s just the way you are.  It’s not what makes you happy, again it’s who you are. 

Think about it for a moment.  Let’s suppose that sexuality is a choice.  What percentage of people do you think would honestly pick to be gay?  It’s like if you could pick the color of your skin, what percentage of people do you honestly think would pick Black or Mexican?  When after all if it’s all an option you’d pick to be straight and to be white.  You’d have to be insane to pick gay or another skin color because you know that those other choices are areas where society discriminates.  Hey if it were a choice I would rather be straight because it’s just far easier.  Easier to get a date, easier to get married, easier for the world to accept because it’s the “norm”.  But it’s NOT a choice.   

I’d love nothing more than to help someone deal with accepting themselves for who they are.  Being gay isn’t a bad thing.  Regardless of what your told it’s not the end of the world.  Time does help things get better and life in general becomes easier.  You struggle a lot more with your sexuality when your younger than when you get older and wiser.  I’m glad that organizations like LOVELOUD and people like Mr. Reynolds exist to educate and inform.  I’m glad they got the press they so deserved and that this cause will continue until there is no longer a reason for it to. 

That time again

Yes, welcome once again to Monday.  Friday it was a million miles away but those miles travel quickly over the course of two days.  It’s been a busy day thus far but things are falling into place and I am actually able to accomplish something and feel as if I am making progress.  It’s a great feeling and I hope that it continues. 

So I learned along with the rest of the world that over the weekend, Aaron Carter came out as BI.  I can relate to the pressure and tension that having secret that your afraid to share with the world.  It is liberating when your able to tell the world who you are.  He’s an attractive guy and I liked him growing up, I’ve got some of his music and listen to it from time to time. His brother Nick was cute as well, even if he is straight. 

I made what I consider to be the mother of all discoveries when browsing a porn news website.  They had footage of what purported to be Charlie Puth’s penis in all of it’s glory.  Now you don’t see his face so who’s to say it’s really him.  Apparently it came out [no pun intended] back in January.  There is also an alleged video that purports one of the men is Charlie and he’s taking it up the rear.  I watched the clip as it is posted on-line.  I think maybe it’s him but it’s quite possible it could be a look alike.  I’d be thrilled if he came out, provided he was actually gay, which I don’t believe is the case.  Nothing changes the fact that he has a great voice and that he looks good.  I was just surprised that anything like that would ever mention his name.  He’s posted ass shots before an wow he’s got a nice one so part of me says why are you so shocked? Good question.

Speaking of cute young guys, I still have my mind focused on the hottie at work.  I just can’t seem to shake it.  He went on a trip to see some friends over the weekend and posted all about it on social media.  It was interesting to watch.  I really want to make another move but there is the thought of getting shot down or dismissed along with the fact that this could open the flood gates at work and I don’t know that I am ready for that. 

I did friend the lady that I used to work with.  She had sent me a request a couple years back and I declined but I explained why I was declining.  Last night I thought the hell with it.  I will just limit what she can see, not that I have anything to hide from her but she is friends with a lot of people that I still work with.  I don’t want them to know my business let alone my sexuality.  So it hit me this morning after she approved my request, I started looking for co-workers and blocking them.  I know there is no way I got everyone but I think I got the majority.  I mean if you figure it out great for you, I just don’t really want to come out at work.  I doubt anyone has the balls to approach me and directly ask me.  I mean why would you?  My sexuality gay, straight, bi or whatever doesn’t change the person that I am, it’s only one tiny part of who I am.  There is so much more to me and to others besides sexuality. 

Feels good to blog at lunch.  I switched up my lunch a little bit and also started buying Okio’s Greek Yogurt.  The Triple 0 is awesome and what I have the most of.  I had Vanilla Toasted Coconut in the regular version and it was awesome.  I am tired of eating the same damn thing so I am switching things up.  This applies to all meals but mostly breakfast and lunch.  I had Apple and Cranberry Oatmeal.  I am not a fan of the Cranberry but I figured it couldn’t hurt me.  Taste is okay, not the worst thing in the world and not the best thing either.  I miss those home cooked meals I used to get and not having to constantly deicide what I want to eat.  Decisions of any kind are annoying to me but it’s decisions about food that really eat at me [no pun intended]. 

My nap yesterday worked against me.  I got hot last night and woke up at 1a.  I was not happy.  I got rid of all of the children in my room which didn’t go over well but they were squirming and making noise, so out you go.  Then I tried to go back to sleep but it was useless.  I turned on the ceiling fan and got the AC fired up, I watched an old Lewis Black stand up act and eventually was able to fall asleep.  It wasn’t the good kind of sleep that I had yesterday morning but it was sleep.  I managed to wake up before the alarm clock sounded [as per usual] and got moving.  It was like nothing was wrong, I felt fine.  Well now that it’s after lunch I am ready for that nap again.  It will be hard to concentrate and stay focused but hopefully this passes soon.  I hate feeling sleepy unless it’s just before bed, then it’s fine.  Here’s hoping I sleep well tonight. 

Time to get back to the fun.  I am working on a dreaded monthly report and I hate every minute of it.  Might as well do as much as I can now.  My goal [self set] is to have it published by the 15th of the month, but it depends and relies on efforts from others to make that happen.  We shall see how it all goes. 

Happy Monday!  Here’s to a good week for all of us.  Take care. 

Holiday Weekend Update

I had ‘the talk’ with my boss on Friday.  He supports me and will be addressing the privacy issue with the vendor.  For now I have nothing to worry about.  I did mention to him that I had thoughts of getting a second phone but he discouraged me.  So we shall see what happens with the vendor and where we go from there.

The review that he did with me was just a waste of both of our times.  He got questions from HR to ask me.  Basically wanted to know if I was satisfied with my job, if I was looking for a job or planning on leaving, what I like about my job and what I dislike.  See what I mean a total waste of time. 

We got to the compensation review and no change.  I asked about a bonus but he deflected and said that he couldn’t help me out.  That I was eligible from this point forward, meaning next year.  That was a load of shit.  I busted my ass in my former job and should be rewarded some how.  What do to?  I reached out to my old boss and she is looking into it.  I should know more next week.  She agrees with me that I deserve something for my efforts.  I also chose to come out to her.  Turns out she has a gay son and gave me his telephone number.  She said we are a lot a like.  I told her be sure to give him my number.  Were a million miles apart so this is just a friendship and who can’t use a friend. 

So I wondered when should I call, what if she had not had time to reach him yet and I called.  Aw, hell with it I just picked up the phone on Friday night and reached out.  Turns out he was expecting my call.  We had a two hour conversation.  I felt like I monopolized the conversation but I did give him an opportunity to let some of his feelings out.  We did some note comparison and found out that we are truly just alike.  I told him how old I am but he never told me how old he was.  I had no idea that my old boss had a gay son, what a pleasant surprise.  Friday was a pretty good day, even if I did have to work. 

Saturday I had to wake up early to get to the post office.  Priorities first, I had to get some breakfast.  Pee pads were waiting for me.  I was also pleasantly surprised and got a check from a settlement of a class action suit with AT&T.  It was a small chunk of change that I wasn’t expecting but sure can use.  I stopped by Target and scored savings on Cat Food & Litter.  Plus they had Fancy Feast on sale so I stocked up on that.  It’s treat or special food here and everyone seems to love it.  What I would pay $20 at the Pet Food store, I got at Target for $12. 

After all of that it was time to come home, lay down and watch Family Feud until I got sleepy and passed out.  The kids had me up by noon because they wanted their lunch.  Fed them and then came to play on the computer.  I took time to organize My Documents, which has gotten to be quite a mess.  I had stuff scattered all over my machine and decided I needed a central place where everything document related should be.  It took a lot of time but I got it done.  That is something that has been on my list for a couple weeks.  Felt good to put it behind me. 

Then I went out to Beauty Brands and picked up some Paul Mitchell stuff.  They were having their annual Liter Sale so I got in on that plus I had a coupon for 10% off.  Then stopped by the Pet Food Store.  It was like Saturday was Savings Day for me.  I came home and had Mexican Lasagna for supper. 

Sunday allowed me to sleep in a little bit.  Got up and went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast.  It was very good.  Then off to the grocery store where I didn’t spend a whole lot but having Monday for a holiday meant that I had less food to buy.  Came home and once again was able to plop on the couch and enjoy some Family Feud.  Fell back asleep and this time I was out until 1p.  Gator tried to wake me at noon but that failed, so she just curled up between my legs.  Woke up and fed the kids their lunch. 

Working on laundry and playing on the computer.  Momma eventually convinced me to take a break from the computer.  So I did.  Went upstairs to spend time with the family.  They enjoyed it.  Then I decided to go back out for a bite to eat for supper.  Hit up Steak N Shake and had a Taco Salad.  I was craving that for a while and it was every bit as delicious as I thought it would be. 

Came back home and updated my laptop and fought with ants.  Not sure why but they seem to be in the kitchen, on the carpet and they are driving me nuts.  They even decided to crawl on me.  That was like the last straw.  I believe I have solved this for now.  I have to be extra careful with the kids so they aren’t affected.  They just love to watch them crawl around, it’s like they have a new toy.  Same thing if there is a spider.  Sorry I had to take away their fun. 

After that little ordeal it was time for a shower.  It has been hours ago but it still feels like they are crawling on me.  It’s late and Momma wants me to go upstairs because it’s time for bed.  However, she doesn’t know that I have tomorrow off.

Thus far it’s been a productive weekend and I have enjoyed myself.  Got my pride shirt ready to wear tomorrow.  Looking forward to see what the chef has cooked up.  My guess is that it will be burgers.  Hope that tomorrow is enjoyable as well.

Neighbors are setting off fireworks and have been since Thursday of last week.  Doesn’t seem to bother the kids at all, which is a good thing.  If Taz and his buddy were alive they would be going nuts.  Funny thing when I was at the grocery store I saw a license plate that said Taz and it made me think of him.  Sure do miss him and his buddy. 

In case your drooling over the photo on the header, it’s model Paul Vandervort and the photo was taken by Adam Bouska.  I am jealous of Adam and people like him that have awesome jobs of taking pictures of cute and sexy guys.  Nothing like a good looking guy!

Hope that everyone is having a great weekend, lots of good food, music, family, TV and if your celebrating American’s Birthday lots of fireworks.  Now I guess I am going to give in to momma and head upstairs.  I am sure I can find something on TV to watch.  I look forward to sleeping in one more day – it will be so nice!  Then before you know it, back to reality! :-)

Still tired

There just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I want to do.  I have time to accomplish the basic tasks that are required to exist but beyond that most anything for pleasure has to wait until the weekend.  I’m not so sure why I am all of a sudden time poor.  The days and nights seem to pass very quickly.  Weekends are the exception to that they linger a little bit but not by much.  It is nice to get out of bed and not have a schedule.

I woke up this morning and it was as if I never went to bed in the first place.  I was up at least once to let Marvin out but that’s it.  I think it might be the heat zapping all of my energy and drive.  I do have an allergic reaction to heat in that I can easily get sick or if the temperature gets way up there I will pass out.  Right now in my part of the world it is summer time and my area is known for high temperatures but they usually don’t come on very strong until July.  That is not the case right now.  A/C is running every night and most of the weekend.  I have found a temperature that is comfortable for me and the children don’t complain.  Insty loves to curl up under my blankets but only when I am not in bed.  She crawls in and buries herself as if she is in a deep freeze.  Sometimes I will turn the A/C off for her but it’s not often.

Speaking of the little fur balls, everyone has had their birthday.  Momma is now 13 as of this past Sunday.  The kids turned 12 yesterday.  I love each one of them and am proud of them.  Bear has had the toughest fight by far.  I remember when there was a respiratory thing going through the house and all of the boys got it, that is way back when #1 son was alive.  I think it’s something Taz (aka LB) brought in.  We almost lost both Marv and Bear it was wicked.  I can also remember racing home to greet them as they were each born into the world..  Time flies by way too fast and memories are great but the more you remember the older you tend to be.

In light of the tragedy in Orlando I have made a couple of posts on my FB account and I readily admit that I am gay. I’ve never really put it out there for the world to see.  It felt good and empowering.  I am a private person for the most part but felt that it was time to open up and just let it all hang out, so to speak.  I was curious to see if my friend count changed or if anyone would say anything to me about it, but nope.  My friend count may have decreased by 1 or 2, but I don’t keep that close of tabs on who is my FB friend and who isn’t.  So if in fact someone left they don’t stand out to me.

It’s been a while since I have seen a comment posted and I was wondering if in fact anyone is still actually reading my blathering's?  While this is something that I enjoy doing and it’s therapeutic for me, if no one is reading it then I am just babbling for nothing.  So if your reading this, take a moment and let me know.  If there is a topic you want me to write about or a question you have, don’t be afraid to post that as well.  I am as friendly as I sound and I don’t bite.  Happy middle of the week everyone.  Two more days and then maybe I will be able to sleep in.  I really hope so, I could use a lazy day.  In fact I am surprised with the way I felt this morning that I actually made it in to work.  Best part about coming in and going home is the AC on full blast in the car.  Its like I am in freezer and it feels so good.  Take care.

TGIF

So we made it through another week and to what is my favorite day of the week.  Friday!  Thus far it’s a good day.  Things are slow and calm, which is the way I like the week to end.  Now that was just the morning.  It’s still anyone’s guess as to how the afternoon will play out.  As per usual I am sifting through a ton of e-mail.  We use it like it’s going out of style and while it’s a great way to collaborate, it’s also used to tell jokes and spread humor.  I rarely participate in those types of e-mails because I find them to be a waste of my time.  Once you respond, then someone has to comment on what you said and the chain keeps on going.  I’m surprised at the things our boss is copied in on by the rest of my team.  I am a stick to business type of person.  I actually got an e-mail today.  I found xyz and I know it’s technology related.  What should I do with it (and please be nice when responding).  Yeah that was the actual email.  I am always nice, even though I could have said a number of things.  Those aren’t appropriate responses and once you put it in writing it can come back to bite you. 

Last night I got the email returned to me that I sent to my late partners Bankruptcy attorney indicating that it wasn’t opened.  So I am sending a Certified Letter to him first thing tomorrow.  He should have it early next week and hopefully that will invoke a response.  I am thinking to myself that there is something seriously wrong if I have 3 attorneys ignoring me.  1 Being my late partners Bankruptcy Attorney, 2. The Estate Attorney that I hired and 3. The 3rd party attorney that I was referred to from work.  It just screams PROBLEM.  Which is of great concern because I don’t know how that impacts me.  If I knew for sure then perhaps I would be able to relax a bit.  Hopefully answers come sooner rather than later.  I am expecting a notice of non payment in the mail any day now.  I don’t want to fork over anymore money but if it’s in my best interest I reluctantly will.  If I could reopen the case once it was closed then that would make life easier but since it’s not my case once it’s closed we are done and there are no do over’s.  Remember those when you were a kid.  If only life would allow do over’s!

I’ve lined up my strategy for Saturday.  Provided I get up early then I will be able to make it to the DMV and the Post Office with more than enough time to get to my therapy appointment.  Who knows might even be able to squeeze in breakfast.  Looking forward to wearing my pride shirt – it looks awesome.  Interested to see what if any reaction I get.  It’s a bold step for me to take, but it’s one that I have wanted to take for a while. 

Earlier this week I saw an article from one of the many tech sources I subscribe to for news that a child’s toy can be used to hack your garage door opener within seconds.  This only applies if you don’t have a system that uses rolling codes, security or security plus.  Well I did some digging and it looks like my system is protected but I have those dreaded dip switches so I think that I am not protected.  While no one has ever broken in, I am security conscious as one should be.  We always leave the door to the house unlocked and enter and exit through the garage.  Once I read that article I started locking the door when I leave.  I’ve got the house alarm but if you open the door, the alarm goes off, you being the burglar freak out and leave, that invites predators' in to my home plus it is an invitation for the cats to escape.   My main concern is the cats escaping, that would hurt and anger me because the chances that they would all come back and be well or alive would be very low.  Then again they might not leave because they have been raised indoors.  Momma might get out but she knows how to defend herself.  So last night I have to pee, I have my hands full and forgot about this new procedure.  I wasn’t happy that I had to fish for a key to get in.  I didn’t think I would make it.  I was doing it in the dark and trying to line up the key with the lock well that was another challenge.  I’m thinking a few more times like that and I will go back to the old method that served us well for years. 

Speaking of home, apparently there is a low turn out this year for paying homeownership dues.  The sign that reminded us to pay by the end of last month is still up and says that dues are payable by May 31.  Someone put a note on the sign but I didn’t get a chance to read it yesterday as I was going to work.  By the time I got home it was removed.  I wish they would take their stupid sign away.  People know about the dues and leaving that sign there won’t do anything but piss people off.  We really don’t need a homeowner’s association in my opinion.  We do have some common ground that requires mowing, but that is it.  I say give it to the city and let it become their problem.  Then if someone gets injured, which hasn’t happened yet they can sue the city.  We can all save our money and go about our lives.  I am waiting for it to all fall apart but that will probably take years before I see it happen.

Last night Orange is the New Black was out on early release.  I saw the first episode and wow if that is the way things are going to be, this season is going to suck.  They took it very slow but perhaps the plot will thicken.  I will be finding out at lunch and then again this weekend as I will be watching.  One of the guys here at work that I have a mad crush on heard me talking about it and chatted me up.  He kind of reminds me of the guy from the pet food store, before I knew he was gay we chatted about the show.  The guy at work is married and straight or so I think.  I still can’t get rid of my feelings for him but it doesn’t mean that I have to act on them, but I would really like to he is so fine. 

Around 2am Bear woke me up.  I sat straight up in bed and he got me up from a very deep sleep.  He crapped in my room and wanted me to know about it.  I got it all cleaned up and then he started crying and I looked at him, turns out he needed to be cleaned up as well.  I think we are approaching bath time again.  I also think that we are getting close to carpet cleaning time.  It’s kind of pointless because they will just mess it up again but seeing the carpet clean is a great feeling.  So I am debating on what to do. 

Traffic yesterday was so easy I had no worries at all and wish that every night was like that.  They added hype and made it sound like it would be a real mess but no.  It was the easiest commute out of the garage I have had since I started here.  So now that my guard is down I pulled into a spot instead of backing in and tonight there will probably be a line of cars.  Hey at least I got a good spot.  I also got here a 1/2 hour early, which is always good.  Too bad that I can’t leave a 1/2 hour early because I would.  I chatted up some co-workers this morning so I wasn’t on the clock.  Typically something will come up and require my attention and then I bill for that.  Otherwise I just pass the time until I have to flip the switch at my start time.

Rain is in the forecast for today through most of next week.  I hope we don’t float away.  I will be keeping my umbrella handy.  I hope that you enjoy your weekend and I am going to try to enjoy mine.  Hopefully I can work in some naps, which is always a positive thing.  Take care and be well.  Talk with you peeps again soon.

The Middle

I bet you thought by the title I was going to talk about the TV show.  Nope, it’s the middle of the week.  It’s been a hell of a crazy ass busy day.  Go here, go there, back here… you get the idea.  My pedometer should have a lot of activity at the end of the day.  To top it all off I had to park far out in the garage, apparently everyone wanted to get here early today.  I almost didn’t make it because of traffic but thankfully things cleared up and I used my precision driving skills to breeze through traffic illegally but safely. 

I am fascinated with the landing system at the airport.  All of the towers and the blinking lights going off to point the way.  I kind of wish I could find a video of it.  Watching those lights has a calming effect on me and I am not sure why.  Last night I told the children like I do every night I will be back up in a few minutes and then like an hour and a half later I come up.  I was watching police pursuit videos on You Tube.  Very addicting.  It’s the thrill of the hunt, plus like I said yesterday the person who is fleeing usually winds up crashing.  While I understand the desire to run, it’s far easier to just pull over.  Chances are the consequences will be a lot less, you may even get off with a verbal or written warning.  Of course if your wanted, you will probably go to jail and that along with having illegal things on you or in your vehicle are typical reasons why people flee.  I suppose the criminal has no regard for other people and/or the fact that they might claim an innocent life.  While your goal is to out run the police, you could have an accident and cause someone serious injury or an untimely death. 

In other news, I kind of feel like I was setup to come out at work.  The other day I was talking with the lady from the Christmas party who is a Lesbian.  There was another guy in the room and she told me in front of him that I should go to a Bear Bar to find a man.  Okay hold the phone.  This was supposed to be private.  So I talked with her later in the day about it.  Turns out the guy who acts very feminine and says he isn’t gay (we just think he is scared to come out) apparently has the best gaydar ever.  He told her long before I told her that I was gay.  So I feel like she wanted to find out so she was crafty in her approach to make it seem innocent but really she was just trying to prove or disprove his gaydar.  I feel like this has spread throughout the office.  I have a couple people suddenly for no reason at all treating me differently.  If you know, well good for you – but it’s not something that I advertise.  If there are problems I will be sure they are addressed through management or HR.  I know that I am very well liked and highly thought of by most people here.  I am constantly being told that I am far better than the last guy that was here.  Knowing that makes a huge difference and being appreciated is something very basic that every human needs, it helps validate our existence.  Not to mention it feels good as well.  So while I am not exactly pleased as punch, I just keep on being me and doing my job.  It is what it is and there really isn’t anything I can do to change it.  It’s not like anyone is going to approach me and say oh I heard that your gay.  I mean that would take some balls and it would be totally over the line. 

In other news, I am considering taking a day off later this month on the day that Netflix releases the next season of House of Cards.  I will sit and binge watch that show, it’s just that good.  I could also use the day to get my oil changed and have my tires checked on.  I know they were marginal last time and that is another unplanned expense but I would rather pay and be safe than not pay and be sorry.  I am still mulling it over.  I have a couple thousand miles to go before the oil is actually due to be changed. 

The last few days I have been unable to connect to my camera at home to spy on the children.  I think it managed to grab a different IP address, so I am going to take a closer look at it tonight.  Spying on them is fun plus it helps ease my fears when I see them napping, playing or eating.  I know that everything is fine and that helps me relax, instead of worrying about what I could walk into. 

Well hi ho, it’s back to work I go.  I am sure this day will pass very fast and I will be going home.  The next dilemma to face is what is for dinner.  Not sure, but I am positive I won’t starve.  Take care and enjoy the rest of your day.  Talk with you again soon.   

Big Risk

I made it to the Christmas party and sat around and talked a little bit.  I put my name in for a door prize and won a 15 minute massage, which will come in handy by Thursday!  When things were winding down I got a to go container and filled it up with plenty of food.  There was tons left and they were going to throw it all away.  Lots of people were in line filling containers. 

People started to leave and the girl who does catering for meetings approached me and asked me if I was married.  I told her no.  Then she said have you ever been married.  I paused and said no.  A Civil Union is in my state is considered to be a marriage but it is in fact doesn’t have the word Marriage in the title.  Then she said I think that so and so has a crush on you and you talk all the time, I think she would like it if you were her boyfriend.  Well, first of all the lady she is referring to is old as in old enough to be a grandma.  I just told her sorry but that won’t happen.  She said why?  I paused again and said no one knows this, so you will be the only person in the entire company to know but I’m gay and she came back with me too.  Then she told me that she always thought that I was gay.  She tells me that she feels drawn to me and that she thinks highly of me and that I rock as the IT Guy.  You know I have heard what an awesome job that I am doing but her comments really drove how appreciated I am, which made me feel good and like I really did find a home.  So in other words, don’t screw it up.  Anyway, she said why are you single.  I said because my partner died last year.  Oh my God then she couldn’t stop hugging me, it was multiple hugs like every two or three words.  Then we went outside and stood in the drizzle and talked some more and she hugged me even more.  Holy crap.  So she asked me if I ever went out and I said no not really.  She wants to take me to the gay bars and she wants me to come to church with her and her girl.  She gave me her phone number and told me to text her.  I did but I waited until today to do it.  I meant to do it yesterday but time just got away from me.  I hope that I didn’t make a huge mistake.  I know I said I wasn’t going to tell anyone but I figured that my response would have stopped her dead in her tracks, instead it had the opposite effect. She was surprised that I am looking for someone and that I was on Grindr.  I told her you can only find one thing via the app and that is dick, if your looking for something else well you will have a long time to wait, if you ever find anything.  I told her how down on the apps I was, which is why she wants to get me to a gay bar.  Oh joy.  I just hope that she keeps my secret a secret and that I didn’t just blow my cover.

I went to therapy on Saturday morning and told my therapist all about it.  Plus we talked about my depression and the holidays.  It’s totally normal what I am going through.  She is very concerned that I might have been plotting on how to end my life.  I’ve already thought that out and there are multiple plans that I have but I haven’t shared that with her because they are not something that I plan on acting out or even remotely trying.  But for the fact that I lost my partner and we are in the middle of the holiday season life is otherwise grand. 

Yesterday I treated myself in the evening to a date night with myself.  I went to see Horrible Bosses 2 and it was fun at the end but getting there was very painful.  I just wanted to smack those 3 jug heads they were getting on my last nerve.  Afterwards I went to a local pasta restaurant.  I ordered Spaghetti and Meatballs.  This place operates like a Chinese Restaurant, in that minutes after you order your food is sitting in front of you.  I had two huge meatballs a small amount of pasta and then it was covered in a combo tomato and cream sauce.  Holy cow was it good.  Then they managed to talk me into having a cannoni for desert.  The only thing missing was a cherry on each end, it was amazing and added $4 to the bill.  They take a lot of labor to make but it really pays off in the end!

I did cat food shopping yesterday as well and didn’t see the guy that works there, that I met via Grindr.  I also haven’t heard from him.  That is not a total surprise.  However, if things go too much longer with no phone call then I will know that he truly wasn’t interested.  Right now he is still in school and will graduate this week.  So since that is what he was using as an excuse I am hoping that he calls either later this week or next week.  This week I can’t do anything with anyone because I am on-call as of tomorrow night at 7pm.  As you can well imagine I am not looking forward to it but it is part of my job.  I did track things this week and honestly the holidays I think helped a bit because there wasn’t much activity.  That is of course no guarantee that I won’t get slammed to the wall, but I’d like to think that it offers at least a glimmer of hope.  I am leaving my laptop at home so that in case a call comes in I don’t have to rush to the basement to deal with it.  I can just sit here at the kitchen table and take care of things.  I pray that nothing screws up my Comedy Wednesday!

I have recorded or so I think I have the New Now Next Awards that were on Logo about an hour ago.  I saw teasers for it on Facebook from LOGO and the one thing that sold me was Darren Criss nearly naked, yeah that is a good reason to tune in!

I slept in this morning and went back to Cracker Barrel for Breakfast.  If you go there don’t have the Berry French Toast it is horrible.  This coming from a person who likes Blue and Black berries.  I should have stuck with my usual Blueberry Pancakes.  They also have something new right now for winter called a Cinamon Drop Biscuit.  I highly recommend that, you can get them with a meal or just by themselves.  I was lucky in that my waitress forgot to charge me for mine.  Yummy for free.  Then I shuffled off to the grocery store where I was once again raped of my hard earned cash at the register.  Mucinex and Air Fresher were the two high price items that I got.  Both of which I am sure I could get on line for much cheaper.  It’s just that on-line well that bills to a credit card and right now I am trying to stay away from using credit at all costs.  My goal is to get out of debt and not deeper in.

I need to shave and take my extra dose of sleeping medication so that I am out like a light at least before 11p.  Tomorrow is going to suck because it’s Monday but outside of that it will suck just to get going again and then having to be on-call will add a little more suck.  The best news is that it’s only for a week and then I get my life back for what is left of this year and that to me is a very good thing!

All of the children are doing okay.  They have gotten their fair share of food and attention.  We have slept together and taken naps together.  Now the fun is over and it’s back to the working world.  I really would like to see The Interview on Christmas Day, so that might be an excuse to get away from my friends house.  Of course I can go the day after as well but traffic will be horrible because that is the day everyone starts their returns.

I still have Christmas shopping to do.  I need to buy for my friends that feed me at Thanksgiving & Christmas, plus my mom and brother.  After that I am done.  I did do some looking tonight for some items that I would like a fitness bracelet and a WII, both of which I found to be very reasonably priced on Amazon.  I didn’t order just looked. 

There you have it my weekend from the time the party started until Sunday evening when I am prepping for Monday morning.  I hope this is a good and fast moving week.  Take care and be kind to each other.  

Pride

Love this