Wake up call

Morning, my day started at 4a when I was woken up by Mora jumping on me.  I was having the best dream.  I was with my late spouse at McDonald’s and we were enjoying breakfast.  I had just taken a job at a place that I used to work at, that was a complete nightmare.  I dream from time to time that I got sucked back in there.  For some reason I was elated about it because I figured I’d be making more money but I would also be doing a job that I really didn’t want to.  Just about the time I was going to bite into my second Sausage McMuffin with Egg is when Mora woke me up. I don’t see my late spouse often enough in dreams and was rather upset that Mora woke me up, I would have loved to at least finish my dream breakfast.  I haven’t had a Sausage McMuffin with Egg in a long time.  

Maybe I was talking in my sleep or maybe she just wanted to cuddle.  At any rate that’s what happened she snuggled up in my arm for a little bit.  Then Rudy came and sat on my chest and pressed on my stomach.  My bladder kicked in and I told them both I had to get up.  I returned to bed after using the restroom and then we all got situated again.  Rudy wound up by my feet and Mora was back snuggling in my arm. 

After a few minutes of trying, I realized there was no getting back to sleep so I turned the TV on and watched an episode of Sanford (this spin off from Sanford & Son).  It was on YouTube and I just wanted something to pass the time until I got groggy again and could go back to sleep.  That couldn’t happen fast enough for me.  After that was over with, I turned the TV off and had to move.  That caused Mora to leave me.  Which was fine because she was nipping at my finger thinking it was a play toy.  It hurts but she hasn’t broken the skin yet.  Her brother does it too from time to time, but he’s a bit gentler than she is. 

It took me a little bit but I managed to get back to sleep for a bit.  Then the trash truck came through and woke me up.  I was able to dose off for a bit before Rudy started his it’s time to wake up routine.  I cuddled with him since he was early and then we all got up to get Friday started. 

As per usual I am done with my morning tasks at work and have the rest of the day wide open just waiting for something to occupy time.  I have gone looking to help out but there isn’t anything pending right now that I can lend a hand with. 

Last night when I took the trash out, I noticed in one of my landscaping beds that there were a bunch of rather tall weeds.  It’s as if the lawn people haven’t been doing their job.  I broke out some Roundup and sprayed.  I will peek at it when I bring the empty barrel in later on today.  The last thing I want is to get in trouble with the city.  I’ve been thinking about buying a weed trimmer for a couple years now.  Every once and a while I find something that they skipped. 

Speaking of the yard since I fired my tree trimmer, I didn’t have any work done last year and managed to skate by just fine.  However, things are to the point now where I need to have work done.  I said I wouldn’t call him back because he charged me for a tool he forgot.  He went to buy one at a local store and magically the price of my bill went up by exactly what he paid for the tool.  Well, his prices are pretty fair and while I really don’t want to call him, I really don’t want to start over with anyone else.  A simple fall clean up that can be done later this year or early next year – it’s no rush. 

Yesterday's post I removed something that I really wanted to put in, it’s the Thirsty part of the post.  I know of one particular porn star that is local to my area (who shall not be named).  I was curious to see if he did escort work and when I went surfing, I didn’t find him but found another Twink porn star.  I actually thought about calling for a split second.  My dick was saying do it, we need this.  My brain however said its trouble steer clear of this.  I’ve never done anything like that before and know that it’s a tricky rope to walk so that you don’t violate the law.  The trick is that you're paying for a person's time and not for a sexual act.  If you pay for a sexual act that’s prostitution and highly illegal.  While I doubt that a porn star would be an undercover cop or wired, they probably approach each person that calls them with some suspicion.  I’m quite lonely and while I don’t want to just jump into bed, I want to form a connection and get to know a person before we go to the bedroom.  Paying for that would get awfully expensive.  That was heart/brain talking.  My dick says pay some money, have some fun – no strings.  However, I don’t know if I could just do casual sex.  I’m sure I’d form some kind of a bond and want more, again it could get awfully expensive.  Part of me felt a little cheap posting about it but another part of me said post it, get it out of your system.  It’s not going to get me laid but somehow it might benefit someone else. 

I am toying with getting back to the dating apps just to see if I can find someone but honestly, I have no hope and don’t think anyone that I’d be interested in (twinks late 20’s to 30’s) would be interested in me.  I suppose every older guy wants someone younger.  I’m not looking to support anyone or to have anyone support me in a financial way.  Spending money on each other is just part of dating and I’m okay with normal expenses in that respect.  Heck I’d even settle for someone in there 40’s.  I’m looking for a one and done, I don’t want to play game or cycle through several guys.  However, something about dating says you have to play games and you will likely go through several guys.  I don’t have the patience or ability to tolerate getting my heart broken.  It’s kind of held together by some crappy super glue as it is and quite fragile.  I’m vulnerable and know it.  I think that I will die alone but I am not expecting to die anytime soon.  Talk about agony and suffering.  However, I know you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take and that I am already alone.  Things are pretty grim in that respect so the only place they can go is up.  I like the single life in that you have no one to report to and there is abundant freedom.  However, I am kind of over being alone.  I guess it all boils down to a catch 22.  If there is a guy for me and he is out there here’s hoping that our paths cross sooner than later. I know that time really isn’t on my side here, as age continues to climb the less appealing I am. However, the heart wants what the heart wants. I'll keep you posted if anything develops.

Speaking of age were getting closer with each passing day to my birthday. That's something I used to look forward to when I was so much younger but ever since my 30's birthdays haven't been that appealing to me. My 35^th birthday was really special and it was all because of a friend I had at work that made things come together. I was so much happier then and just didn't realize it. Nothing yet has compared to the way that birthday was celebrated but I sure do have some great memories to reflect on.

Well, I should stick a fork in this post and call it done. Hope that you all have a great weekend and thanks as always for stopping by. Take care!

Never thought I’d see this

Morning and welcome in.  Not sure if you have heard the news but the FDA has approved a breakthrough drug that reduces risk of contracting HIV by 96%.  It’s called Lenacapavir and it’s administered by injection every 6 months (or twice per year).  The cost is astounding at $14,109 per injection or $2,352 per month.  That’s a lot of money and I know when the patent on the drug eventually expires the cost will drop.  If your interested in reading more about this check out the article at https://www.advocate.com/health/fda-approves-hiv-drug-lenacapavir

I grew up during the AIDS crisis and it was a scary time.  There was a lot of unknowns and of course that bred plenty of rumors.  I remember kids talking about it in the Physical Education Locker Rooms and how it was associated with fags.  I didn’t know what it was but I for sure knew I was gay although I wasn’t out at that time.  I had experienced sex and wondered if maybe I had it or could get it.  Years later my grandmother was terminally ill and as a result of that I stopped eating, so there was a rapid weight loss and I looked horrible compared to my normal self.  My mom at the time panicked and told our family doctor that I was gay and she thought I had AIDS.  I remember going to the hospital for the blood draw, I was a little embarrassed but mostly scared of what the results would yield.  This is back when you had to wait something like 5 to 7 days for the results.  Man I was on edge for the longest time until the results came back as negative and then I was relieved.  I wasn’t promiscuous and only had sex with 2 people at that point.  1 of which was a virgin like I was and the other was my late spouse who at the time was my boyfriend.  He told me I would be okay and that the results would come back as negative.  He was a very smart man!

I know that we have PREP and lots of people are on it.  However, I never thought I would see more of a sure fire prevention.  Now if they could just develop a cure for HIV and Cancer that would be truly amazing.

On a different note, I lounged around the house for a bit.  Talked myself out of and then into a trip for lupper.  I wound up going to a restaurant that offers a buffet.  I originally thought they closed at 2p and I arrived around 1:30p.  I was surprised at the crowd of people and how no one was seeming to rush but me.  I asked my waitress and then found out that the kitchen is open every day until 9p.  I pushed it to get there before 2p and I could have relaxed.  As it was I wound up missing a turn and that cost me 10 minutes.  I was on one lane gravel roads, hit a few deep potholes which I hated.  Then when I got back to civilization I wound up behind a pickup truck that was hauling tree limbs and sticks.  A small branch broke loose from their load and I ran over it.  I wound up dragging it for miles, eventually it broke loose.  No damage from as best as I can tell and no fluids are leaking so I am quite thankful for that. 

Much to my surprise I got an email from the Chief of Police thanking me for my note and the gift card that I dropped off.  He donated the gift card to a fund that the department has at Christmas time for providing for kids who’s parents can’t afford to get them presents.  Now my gift will make the difference in some kids Christmas.  That makes me feel good.  I’m thinking of making a larger contribution to that fund once we are a little closer to Christmas.  Helping kids enjoy their childhood and innocence is something that is pretty important to me, since my childhood was a bit rocky. 

Speaking of the police turns out they are hiring a telecommunicator otherwise known as a dispatcher.  That’s a job I always wanted as well however talk about high stress and dealing with life and death, well it’s all there.  They make a decent amount of money but it would be a sizeable pay cut for me.  Not to mention that it’s 12 hour shifts and you have to be flexible to work days, nights, weekends and holidays.  I would also have to physically go in each day and there would be no work from home.  I have been thinking of applying despite knowing the risks.  Honestly if it wasn’t for fear of potential failure I’d go for it.  However, I am a little old to be taking such a large risk and gambling with my future.  If I went for it and failed I’d have to search for another job and based on my age alone that would not be easy.  I’m better off staying put.  I still get to help people in my job it’s just not life and death, which I am thankful for.

Happy Summer today is the first day of the season.  We are under a heat advisory and that will go on for days.  Here’s hoping I see some shirtless men walking by the house or even when I am out and about. 

I’ve used the heating pad, taken 1/2 of a muscle relaxer and my muscles are better but I still have some tension and am feeling it as well as the tightness and soreness that accompanies this.  Laying in bed and resting only makes things worse and not better.  That is unless you can afford to spend days doped up on muscle relaxers.  After a couple days you won’t feel anything or care much about anything either.  Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of time to devote to this.  I just hope I can cope and manage until next Friday when I go for my massage. 

Well back to work, got to finish my catchup work and then unless something rolls in I am free for several hours.  Plenty of late afternoon and evening tasks to take care of.  It’s going to be a long Friday for me.

Hope you have an awesome weekend and that all is well in your world.  Thank you so much for stopping by.  Cheers!

 

Chill Thursday

Howdy … Just as the title implies it’s a nice relaxing day, thus far.  It’s only 10a here so there is plenty of time for that to change but I am hopeful that it won’t. 

I had a lousy nights sleep and woke up multiple times.  Rudy wanted food each time but I didn’t give in until I was ready to get up closer to normal time.  Each time this happens I think I will be sluggish and have a lousy day but my body manages to pull me through.  Although just as I was typing that a nap sounds rather appealing right about now. 

Rudy is still jumping up on the counter, he loves looking out the window from a higher view point that going to the back window that him and his sister constantly stare out of.  I think it’s the height thing and cats love to jump.  I moved my aluminum foil and hopefully that will help to cure him.  Silly boy I just don’t want him next to the paper towels or on the counter in general.  His habits could be worse so while this is frustrating to me I am thankful that I am not dealing with a larger issue. 

Thinking of purchasing a cat wheel.  I’ve wanted one for a long time but the big question is will they use it.  It’s a few hundred dollars and it would be a waste if it just sat.  I think that at least one of them would use it but there are no guarantees.  My other dilemma is where to put it.  Haven’t pulled the trigger on the purchase yet but it’s on my mind of something to get for them. 

I got to work with AT&T yesterday and got some credit for my efforts/frustrations/inconveniences/stress.  However, it’s not nearly as much as I was hoping for.  My issues aren’t fully resolved but I think we are on track to getting them figured out.  I don’t think they are going to budge on getting my name to display on caller id but I am pressing for it.  I don’t get why it’s such a big deal.  I am a paying customer.  I get that people ditch pre-paid numbers but I’ve had this cell phone number forever and plan to retain it.  I’ve looked at both Verizon & T-Mobile for pre-paid accounts both charge way more than AT&T but I think they also provide better coverage, I know Verizon does.  While I’d love to jump ship I realize that I have the best deal and it was a huge pain in the ass (not in a good way) to get it, so I am staying put for now.

Not sure if your familiar with Cooper Kelly but he’s a porn star.  He’s got a podcast with Art Bezrukavenko.  Art is friends with Stan Chris (Chris Stanley).  Anyway, I’ve been watching the Cooper & Art podcast on YouTube since they started.  It’s interesting and their latest episode was out last night.  If your looking for a podcast or a gay podcast check them out.  I’ve also sought out Cooper’s porn work and I like it!  He got the chance to work with Quin Quire who is also one of my favorites who started on Corbin Fisher.  What a lucky guy or so it seems to me!

I’ve been putting off doing the laundry and this morning I said out loud, no one is coming to save you.  You have to save yourself.  With that I gathered the laundry, my phone and water bottle and headed down stairs.  Now I need to transfer it to the dryer and I will do that before I head up for lunch. 

It was a hot day here yesterday but the weather people say that today will be hotter.  We also will have some pop up storms and more severe weather is on tap for tomorrow.  Thankfully the weekend will be nice. 

I need to make a trip to the UPS store again.  I ordered a Mophie Desktop charger and it arrived this morning.  I didn’t research my Mophie case enough just made assumptions based on past purchases.  Turns out that the battery case for the iPhone 16 doesn’t do chi charging or charging via magnet.  So I am returning the charger because it was $50 and that to me is serious money.  Yeah I could survive if I didn’t get it back but no sense in that. 

Counting down the days to vacation.  Finish this week, work 3 days next week and then I am done for the month.  That will be nice.  I look forward to scheduling at least one more full week if not two before the year is done.  I have never had a problem with using my time but in the last couple years it seems to be a real problem for me.  I like working but I really love time off, just don’t like digging out and seeing what went wrong while I was away. 

Last nights supper was a Holiday Ham Meal from the grocery store.  It was pretty good.  They put in a container of Broccoli Salad that they make.  I took the lid off of that and it smelled rancid.  I covered it back up and threw it away.  I enjoyed the rest of the meal as the cats tried to get some ham out of me.  I am sure they would love it but that is human food.  Tonight I will have to dip in to the freezer for supper who knows what I will wind up with. 

Hope your having a chill day as well.  Take care and thanks for stopping by. 

New You Tuber

I recently found a new You Tube channel that I like.  It’s called Closet Convos it’s run by a cute guy named Isaac.  He talks about his life in the closet, coming out and dating.  He’s super cute.  While anyone can watch I think his target audience is younger gay guys. 

Not sure if I have any younger guys that follow my blog but wanted to pass this along.  If you visit I hope that you like it as much as I do. 

 

The last laugh

Friday afternoon was not a whole lot of fun.  Things were calm and boring at work.  I decided that I would have some fun on Only Fans and check out a former porn star.  I subscribed to his OF and then my internet went down.  This was 3p and it didn’t come back up until 7a on Saturday. 

I had to get connected for work never mind porn.  Thankfully I turned on the hotspot on my phone and was able to login with my laptop to work.  I also connected my Roku player and was able to stream content so I wasn’t stuck bored with absolutely nothing to do. 

That pretty much took care of Friday night.  I couldn’t sleep very well because I was concerned about the internet but I had no control over that.  I woke up a couple times during the night and it was still down. 

Woke up at my normal time and decided to just get up and get ready.  I showered and just waited for my haircut time and left.  As I looked out my front yard I saw something sticking out of the snow but couldn’t identify what it was.  When I left for my haircut I got a closer look.  Those kids that cleared my driveway left one of their shovels.  They actually buried it with the snow they were clearing.  Looks like I got the last laugh there because it’s a nice shovel, not that I will ever use it.  I kind of felt like calling the guy up and holding the shovel for ransom but I know that wouldn’t go anywhere so I am just telling you about it and keeping the shovel.  I thought it was quite funny. 

After my haircut I went for Blueberry Pancakes that I had been craving.  It was damn cold outside but wasn’t a whole lot warmer inside of the restaurant I went to.  A hot young blonde stud came in with a small family.  Of course he sat facing me so I never got to look at his rear end but damn I just imagined that he was probably hung because he was super skinny and had the deepest voice.  He probably was somewhere between 18 and 20 if I had to guess.  I enjoyed breakfast and behaved myself. 

Next stop was the post office and wow there was a lot of mail.  Of course I get home and got an email that a package of medicine was just delivered.  I debated if I should go back.  However, I was in my nice warm home and there was no way I was going right back out. 

I loafed with the cats as we waited for the Amazon person to arrive.  I got immersed in a new series on Amazon called Cross.  It’s a mini series based about homicides that play out in the cast of characters.  It does get pretty sick and twisted but I was roped in and just finished it this morning.  Lots of plot twists and turns that kept me wanting more.  I hope they make a second season of this show. 

Went out for BBQ in the afternoon.  The meal it’s self was horrible but I didn’t leave hungry but didn’t exactly enjoy my meal.  An older guy walked in and my little voice spoke to me to buy his meal.  I haven’t done that kind deed in several months.  I got his waitresses attention about the time I was wrapping up with my meal and paid his bill.  She asked me why I was paying and I told her it was a random act of kindness.  I told her my line about the magic trick and about all of the crazy ass responses I’ve gotten.  Nothing could prepare me for the response I was going to get from this guy.  Once I paid my bill I got up and walked over and threw my line on him.  He told me that he doesn’t like magic.  I told him that I made his bill disappear and he just looked at me and said okay.  He acted like he didn’t believe me.  I said I really paid your bill. He just said yeah, okay whatever.  I told his waitress that she would have to explain it to him.  That is the first time I didn’t get a thank you.  That bothered me but I know I did the right thing.  My little voice doesn’t typically lead me in the wrong direction.  His bill was peanuts so it’s not like it’s going to break me. 

After doing that kind deed you’d think the universe would be kind to me.  Nope I went back to grab my medicine from the post office and damn if I didn’t step in chewing gum.  I didn’t figure that out until I got inside of the house and my shoes were sticking to the carpet.  Why do people not use trash cans. 

I worked on laundry and got on Only Fans.  Damn it was late when I was done like 10p and I came down around 5p. I did break to pass out cat treats and throw the laundry into the dryer.  I was just determined to make my way to the end of the page.  There was lots of good content but most of it was solo.  I was all horned up but damn tired.  I gathered the laundry headed up and the cats followed me.  It was time for bed.  I had zero energy left.  Just watched a little TV and I was out. 

Rudy woke me this morning and I hit snooze on him. He gave me 15 additional minutes before he began his biscuit making routine.  I got up and passed out breakfast for them.  I got dressed, took my pills and headed out for breakfast.  The car said the outside temp was 11.  I was damn cold and after I ate and was on my way to the grocery store the outside temp was 10.  It’s supposed to just get colder all day long.  Although right now it’s 13 and windy.  The high for today is 22 but I don’t think we are going to see it and the low is 5. 

Silly me decided that I would go to a favorite chain Mexican place.  The problem is that this place is not terribly far from work so it’s about 40 miles from home.  The food is good but I don’t know that it’s worth the trip but my taste buds are telling me to go, but my body says stay home.  I am going to venture out for a bite to eat just not sure that today is the day I am going to that Mexican place.  Might just go to a place that is closer to home. 

I’ve had my nap after the grocery store and gotten my medicine out as well as cleaned the house.  Came down to do more laundry and play on the computer.  I found a podcast called Out ‘N Proud on YouTube.  The hosts are two hot blond kids and of course they have Only Fans accounts.  One of them said that he was really super hung and well I got curious.  I signed up for his OF and turns out he’s a total tease.  He never shows the goods just photos of him hard in underwear.  I didn’t pay that much for joining but damn I did feel like a sucker.  I was afraid he would have all PPV content but he doesn’t.  Everything he has is just a tease to get you worked up and of course take your money.  That and apparently PPV content is the new thing that younger generation is using to make their wealth.  I felt like a sucker for giving into my hormones and joining but you do get what you pay for. 

Oh yeah, the Amazon person did come yesterday.  I got a new heater for my office in the basement.  It’s Chinese made and while it works it’s nothing like the USA brands that I have seen before nor does it work exactly the same, close but not the same.  It was also a disaster to get the base on the thing but after much trial and error I succeeded.  The one thing that I do like about it is there is what I call a dead man switch.  As long as the switch is in contact with the floor the until will operate but the second it loose contact with the ground the unit grounds to a halt.  This thing seems to think that it’s 68 degrees in the basement and I’ve got a thermometer here that says different.  Not sure if this thing is in Fahrenheit or Celsius and there doesn’t seem to be a way to tell or change that.  Nevertheless it does put out some decent heat.  Once again it goes back to you get what you pay for. 

I want to make it to Sam’s Club tomorrow that’s my only goal for the day.  Thought about trying to grab lunch with a friend but talked myself out of that.  I may dine out tomorrow as well just because I can and it’s more enjoyable than eating at home.  Although it’s not going to be any warmer tomorrow than it is today.  Were not going to break out of the serious cold until Wednesday and even then the high is only 30.  Not sure about you but I am over winter already. 

Thanks for stopping by.  Hope that you are warm and well.  Take care!

What a day

Last night I mustered up the courage to make a call to my former co-worker.  I wasn’t the only person to reach out to him.  We had a nice long conversation and he shed a few tears.  I felt better having talked to him.  He did share the reason why he’s no longer working with us and it wasn’t his choice.  I do feel bad for him but he indicated that he is financially sound, which is a good thing.  Financial experts tell you to have a rainy day fund and plan to have enough to subsist for 3 months or longer.  Not everyone has the extra money available to save.  Money does solve a lot of problems but it seems that not everyone earns enough and even if you do, you always want more or at least I do.

I finished up Thanksgiving leftovers last night.  Rudy begged me for some Turkey & Ham but despite his repeated attempts he never got a morsel of it.  I did feel bad about it but told him I didn’t want to start a habit.  I could just see him saying something like, I’ll never ask again please just this once.  Just like a kid then the next time something smells good he will ask again.  I know how the game is played, I’ve played it myself. 

I made sure to watch some porn and have some fun before I went to bed.  I felt pretty good but despite my best efforts I wound up waking up again at 3a.  I stayed in bed and flipped the TV on.  It wasn’t long before Rudy came to lay on top of me.  That along with about an hours worth of TV helped to get me back to sleep.  I sure do love that cat.  They are both very much in tune with me, couldn’t ask for better animals. 

On a different note I’ve been holding this in for a bit.  Time to let it out.  Social Media as well as the media in general has closely followed Shawn Mendes and his sexuality.  There is a possibility that he is gay or bi.  I suspect that if your reading this that your gay, bi or queer.  It can be difficult to come to terms with ones own sexuality.  Some of us have more trouble with this than others.  I only know of my own personal struggle.  Sexual awakening is one thing then for me to find out that I was attracted to the same sex it was tough.  Everyone eventually figures out what their sexual orientation is.  Shawn is quite handsome and a lot of guys would love to hear the news that he is gay.  However, star or not he is entitled to privacy and if he chooses to share his sexuality with the rest of the world only then will we truly know.  Until that time it’s all speculation. 

In that same light I am attracted to Charlie Puth not only his music but him as a person.  I know that Charlie and Shawn spent some time together and there was a lot of speculation that something sexual happened between the two of them.  Only they know the truth.  However, Charlie was married recently to a woman that he has known for a while that was going to be his wife.  That doesn’t dampen my attraction to him.  However, I have never been delusional to think that the stars and moon would align that we would meet and then hop in bed.  If your like me you have many guys that you have crushes on but your grounded enough to know fantasy from reality. 

Well I feel a little better now.  Time to get the trash out and feel the cold if only for a couple minutes.  That will certainly make me appreciate my warm home.  On to the next issue figuring out what I am going to eat for supper tonight.  I’m glad that the day is winding down because it has just been one thing after another today.  I’m hopeful that tomorrow will be calm. 

Have a pleasant evening and take care!

Finally

Morning … My hard drive shipped yesterday actually and should be here on Wednesday.  I am happy that it’s on the way as I’d like to get the whole restoring of my files on the road.  It’s not exactly going to be a fun process. 

In my efforts yesterday checking on things I managed to find a lighting deal on bed sheets.  Now I’ve got an additional order that is coming on Wednesday.  Ordered a Black set and a Red set.  They had several interesting colors and patterns.  I’m not much about patterns and more about solid colors. 

Rinsing out my cereal bowl this morning I saw the groundhog sitting on the deck.  I peeked around for his kid but didn’t see anything.  Not sure if the kid left home or if it was just a baby visiting.  Rudy was watching and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.  Mora would have been a bit more upset or so I think. 

I got to the point last night I was bored and tired.  It was about a half hour prior to bed time and I figured why not play with the cats and get that out of the way.  They loved it.  I wore them out and we spent the most time ever in playing with this toy of ribbon on a stick that I got.  They both love the damn thing and I have a backup for when they destroy this one.  I figured it would be good to get this out of their system.  Don’t you know Mr. Rudy came in and started crying while I was brushing my teeth which means that he wanted to play.  He whined and whined about it but I didn’t give in.  Eventually he curled up in bed and settled down.  I explained to him that we already had play time.  I know he wanted more but I was tired. 

Slept pretty good until the early morning around 5a when my bladder wanted me to get up.  I ignored it and pushed it off until I got woke up again at 6a.  This time it was my bladder and Rudy.  I staved them both off until about 10 minutes before 7 and just threw in the towel.  I got my relief first before I passed out breakfast for Rudy to start munching on. 

This is the weekend of my High School Reunion.  Much like they did 5 years ago we are getting a campus tour in the morning.  Part of me wants to go but part of me says what could have changed in 5 years that is that drastic and remarkable that you need to see it.  It’s the only free event that is offered.  There is a pre-reunion on Friday that costs and involves drinking.  The reunion it’s self costs to go but they are including a meal.  I said last time that the next one I’d go but damn I remember how alone I felt not only back in high school but 5 years ago when I went for the campus tour.  I saw a few people I knew and we had a decent group.  Still there was very little interaction with me and I felt like I was a stranger in a large crowd.  I hate that feeling.  I haven’t fully decided about the campus tour but as for the rest of it there is no way I am going.  I know that photos will come out afterwards and that will probably make me wish I did things differently.  It’s not about the money it’s about the fact that most of those people won’t give me the time of day.  High School wasn’t really a great experience for me.  I wish that I could go back in time and do it all over again to get what I hope would be a better experience but it’s a wish and not a reality. 

At least I’ve got Rudy & Mora to keep me company here and we are each others worlds.  Still holding out hope that I will meet a human friend or two and get a companion but the longer that I go single the longer I think that is the way it’s going to stay.  Not that I am not looking or trying I just seem to be attracted to straight guys or guys who aren’t interested. 

Yesterday was a decent day and I hope that today follows suit.  My vacation for next month was approved.  I went to cancel all of the junk that was scheduled for that week and damn if something didn’t go wrong and I wound up wrecking my calendar for this week.  I’ve put it back together as best I can but it wouldn’t surprise me if I miss something.  Here we go with Tuesday.  Hope yours is a good one!

Santa Claus is Coming … Man Candy

Surrounded by Stupid

Well apparently my post about how I encountered stupid yesterday caused stupid things to happen for the rest of the day.  It was like there was no escape.  Now that were in a fresh new day, I hope it’s better!

Good Morning as well!  Hope that your doing good.  I was able to finish the story I was writing with minimal interruption.  Mora snoozed her clock on treats and permitted me to pass them out a bit at the time I prefer.  She got some cuddle time and a brushing.  Her fur glistens in the light or sunshine and she looks amazing.  She managed to start playing with her brother and pushed off my chest and clawed & scratched me in the middle of my chest.  Yeah, it didn’t feel good.  It’s gonna itch as it heals and that won’t be fun to deal with either.  My body doesn’t heal cuts/scrapes as fast as it did when I was younger and I really hate that but not much I can do about it other than try to avoid those types of injuries. 

Had some of the cling peaches I bought in a jar fresh from the fridge.  Damn they were so good.  My mouth froze a bit from eating them but they are so good.  I developed a love for peaches more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.  However, I remember going peach picking with my grandfather and we would always each eat one on the trip back home, it was a tradition.  Now I just can’t get enough of them but I do pace myself.  This is the first time I’ve had them in a couple years but finding the store carrying this I will be buying the item more often.  Best $4 I’ve spent at the store. 

Yesterday afternoon was super busy and as I powered through my work my hormones flared.  As a result there is a slightly spicy photo that will publish later today in a holiday/Christmas theme.  It’s a photo that I posted on my blog at this time every year way back in the day.  A clue to entice you, someone’s getting a spanking.  Yeah, I’m bad but I’m good too!  I scheduled this yesterday but put a time far enough out in case I had a change of heart. 

This morning has been madness, just super busy and I worked for a couple hours before I was able to finally take a break.  I hope that is as busy as the day gets, I am looking for things to calm down so that I can rest with the holiday approaching. 

Last night was the absolute worst I had taken my drugs to power down, watched some porn, then watched some TV.  I was sleepy and super relaxed.  The cats were passed out and I was about to get up and get in bed.  The damn phone rang.  It took me a minute to figure out what the noise was, then I had to fight to get Rudy out of my lap so I could get up and answer it.  It was a work emergency and I had to spring into action and become wide awake.  It was about an hours worth of work.  Finally put the phone back on the charger, powered the laptop down.  Then I had the task of trying to get sleepy again, that got me to bed late.  Damn if I didn’t wake up at 5a with another bad dream.  I was able to get back to sleep at 6a and woke up from the alarm clock going off at 7a. 

Well back to the fun at work.  Hope you have a great day and enjoy the photos when they post this afternoon.  Cheers!

Mid Week–Guys to drool on

 

Thankful

Dear Reader,

This time of year is one that some look forward to, some dread and others have no feelings at all.  It’s the start of “The Holidays” and what will feel like watching an egg timer tick by until the end of the year, at least to me. 

I am one of those people that is lonely and feels pain when “The Holidays” roll around.  I do love to eat and Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday, just for the food alone.  Many years ago me and my late spouse were riding around on one of his “adventure trips” where we just drive around to get away.  We passed a place that I had seen many times before.  I looked it up on the internet (I think we were on dial up or just got high speed internet, that’s how long ago it was) and found that it was an Italian Place.  My late spouse wasn’t much for Italian and/or Mexican but those are my primary go to favorites.  He indulged me and we made a trip, that’s when we found that this place was an upscale restaurant.  Prices weren’t exactly cheap but portions were large and the food was phenomenal.  We kept going back to learn that they did Thanksgiving Family Style.  We made reservations for the two of us and walked out that Thanksgiving very full and had a ton of left overs, which are the best part of Thanksgiving.  The following year we invited some friends and they loved it as well.  It soon became a tradition.  Then they invited a friend or two.  Eventually with time my spouse passed.  It was just the 3 of us for that Thanksgiving but we agreed then and there to keep our tradition. 

Fast forward to when COVID hit and restaurants closed.  I had reservations but got a call and that’s when they introduced me to their carryout program.  They changed my reservation to an order and I had Thanksgiving at my friends house.  They invited their neighbors and since then we have done carry out.  Their house offered a much larger table, there wasn’t a crowd of people, you didn’t have to get super dressed up and drive a long distance and we could all take our time.  That’s been our new tradition.  My friends have changed who they invited each year and now the regulars are their neighbor and their clergy and his family.  You can’t swear which I fucking hate and just try to think of myself of at the office to censor my speech.  Once and a while someone will let a God Damnit slip out and I just think it’s funny, but that’s the little kid in me.  This year were set to go to their clergy’s house and as you have read I am not super excited about it at all.  I feel that our tradition has been fucked.  I say nothing because ever since my spouse passed, they pick up the tab and it’s not small by any stretch of the imagination.  The saying beggars can’t be choosers applies. 

If your reading this and wondering what decision I’ve made well I am writing this in the future and posting it the day of Thanksgiving.  So, you will have to come back to find out what I did.  However, since we are so close to the holiday and I did commit, I kind of don’t want to back out plus I don’t want to pass up a free meal and/or be totally alone.  I am leaning heavily on going unless something manages to change my mind.  If I go let’s hope that it all goes smoother than I think it will in my mind.

In years past a tradition that started with a job I had was to make a list of things you are thankful for.  Everyone would post them on a bulletin board and it made a great inspirational piece to pass by and look at.  I brought that home and it’s something that me and my spouse would do.

When you get into the thick of things it’s easy to loose sight of all of the blessings that one has, even someone all alone like me.  I might not have family/friends or a boyfriend/partner but I’ve still got plenty of blessings.  I’ve got a home, two newish cats that adore me, a paid off automobile, a decent job, the ability to work from home, technology (aka creature comforts like high speed internet, cell phone, subscription movie services, cable tv), health (nothing major wrong with me yet, but I am sure my time on that is running out), my memory (even though things can get fuzzy from time to time), an open mind and the list goes on.  If you take time and think about it I’ll bet you that you too could start a list of things that your thankful for.  One of the biggest blessings other than my health is the ability to be able to publish this blog and your readership.  I look at the stats and see that most of my readers are in the US but there are folks in other countries that visit. 

I’ve said all of that to simply say, I am thankful for you and your readership.  Check back a little later this afternoon and you’ll find some Thanksgiving Man Candy.  I hope that it’s a great holiday for you!

Imagination

Morning and Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

I had one hell of a bad dream, woke up and thought I went to the bathroom in my bed, but thankfully that was only in the dream.  I got sick and was hospitalized and my mom was there.  I needed emergency surgery.  Not exactly sure why that all happened but I woke up 2 hours before my normal wake up time and I had to sit up for and hour before I was able to go back to sleep.  My allergies were bothering me when I woke up so that just added to the fun!

I finally laid back down and Mora was on my left at my feet.  Rudy climbed up on top of me, waited to see if he could make me get up even though I just laid down, then he got comfy and I was only able to close my eyes.  Never really went to sleep and that hour flew by.  I got up and worked on breakfast.  Not exactly the way I wanted to start the day. 

Thankful that I have the next 2 days off for the holiday and then the weekend.  That’s 4 days and I will be doing it all again next week in the same order but there’s no holiday just time off so I can see the doctor. 

I planned a bunch of things to plow through this morning at work and I pressed on.  I figured it would be a quiet day but I’ve had 2 phone calls and an email that interrupted me.  I hate losing focus when I am making progress and have a rhythm down.  I got what I wanted to accomplished and believe it or not I am going back for more when I am done here.  I’ve got a morning meeting and I am done until later this afternoon, unless someone hollers.  Normally my phone doesn’t ring, I am eager to remove call forwarding this afternoon so that I am fairly certain I will have a quiet weekend.  I also plan to power off my phone tonight.  Not entirely certain if I will wake up early and try to eat breakfast out tomorrow or if I will just eat at home.  I’m going out for a big meal just not 100% if that will be alone or with friends.  I am leaning on the friends part especially since it’s free and won’t cost me anything other than time and gasoline. 

Watching YouTube videos and randomly in my feed I started seeing High School Wrestling matches.  Those wrestling singlets show everything.  You can tell who has a nice ass, who’s excited and who’s not.  I never really understood the rules of HS Wrestling but damn the guys look amazing in their singlets.  Needless to say I’ve watched more than a couple matches.  It’s just something to let my imagination run wild.  I remember when some friends back when I was that age were into it and decided to show me what spread eagle meant.  It was hot but damn it hurt being thrown to the ground, even if we were on a lawn, it’s not padded like a mat.  I can’t believe they don’t mandate that the wrestlers wear a jock not only to protect their family jewels but so that you can’t see them on full display.  It also makes me wonder if the guys are just excited or if they are actually gay.  They do spend a fair time with the other guys ass in their face.  It’s hot to me but I bet it doesn’t smell good in person. 

I’m fighting an itch from a scratch Mora gave me the other morning when we were playing.  She always goes for the jugular, she gets so excited and involved.  She doesn’t mean to do any damage but those damn claws will be the death of me.  I understand they need them but there are times that I wish they didn’t have them.  I’m not a fan of removing them in case either of them manage to escape this homosexual prison (that’s humor … insert laugh) they are held captive in, they will need them to fend off any would be predators.  I’ve got no doubt that both cats can and probably would climb a tree.  If they just had opposable thumbs like a racoon they could open their own can of food.  Speaking of which last night I put a plastic container with a couple stale cookies that I am working on finishing on the table.  Rudy saw that and for some reason it draws him.  He jumped up on the table and knocked it to the floor.  I didn’t catch him on the table but I did find the container (closed and intact) on the floor by the fountain.  Damn cats can be worse than children at times.  Mora hasn’t been on the table or the counter yet, but she lets her brother do all of that and he’s been caught a couple times and yelled at.  He fluffs that tail pretty good when he gets upset.  Speaking of which last night I played a video short of a Bobcat growling.  That woke Rudy up from his nap, as soon as he saw there was no threat and it was the TV he went right back to sleep. 

Well time for that damn meeting and then a little more work.  Looking forward to lunch today.  Rotisserie Chicken on Cranberry Walnut Bread.  It’s a premade sandwich from the store and I had it the last time I went into the office.  Damn it was so good and I am looking forward to having it again.  Hope that you have lots of good food coming your way and that your around someone or something you care about as we celebrate Thanksgiving in the US.  It’s a difficult time for a lot of people and some have no family, there is plenty of despair and depression.  Hopefully, we all make it through even if it’s not a huge time of fun as it might have once been. 

Take care and thanks for stopping by!

Rambles

   Good morning, I hope that your doing well.  Monday seemed to take forever to end from a business perspective.  I gave up sitting in front of the computer around 2:30p and headed backup stairs.  The cats and I watched TV and I had my phone close by.  I got a few what I call “junk” emails that I was able to delete.  Other than that nothing meaningful came across my phone, which I was thankful for.  Finally it was time for food.  I had left over warmed pizza.  I ate two slices which was a bit much.  One would have done well to fill me up.  There is tons and I do mean tons of cheese on this and lots of dough.  I passed out cat food first.  Rudy went to town.  Then he stopped and gave his sister a turn.  Then he went back into vacuum mode.  I was in the middle of my dinner when he puked.  That got me thinking I need a spot carpet cleaner.  I’ve got one sitting in the hallway but the original cat family wore that thing to death.  I replaced the main hose on it a several years ago but it mostly just sat and collected dust because Gator didn’t really get sick all that much.  Today I see they have cordless models but they eliminated the “automatic or robot” function.  What I have had an automatic button, you put it over the spot all loaded with soap and water, then walk away.  3 minutes it scrubbed and sucked, the carpet was slightly wet but it did a mostly decent job on light issues.  For anything heavy you had to run it 2 or 3 times before it got things clean.  It beat lugging out the big model and of course since it made noise all cats hated it but were curious to know what it was up to.  The OG I have cost a small fortune but today they are much more reasonable, so might be adding that to my list of things to buy. 

I’ve been watching The Golden Palace which is a series that kicked off after the Golden Girls wrapped.  It’s on YouTube but I also see it’s on Hulu.  Hulu has 10 times more commercials and no skip button for me.  YouTube didn’t have many commercials.  I think I have watched the bulk of the show that has been uploaded.  I went back to Hulu and picked up some Schitts Creek.  My favorite hunky guy character was Ted the vet.  Damn that kid has a body.  I enjoyed all of the cast performance and they made me laugh over the years while it aired on Netflix.  There were so many outright stupid moments you had no choice but to laugh.  Mora & Rudy don’t know what to do when I let out a laugh primarily because it’s not a sound they hear that often. 

Last night Mora was curled up next to me and I was telling her how much I love her.  I told her I know you probably sense my broken heart and no matter what you do your not going to be able to fix that.  I really think that is why she hangs out with me so much.  I mean she loves me but she senses hurt/pain and wants to try to make it better.  All of the licks and scratches from both her and her brother won’t fix it. 

Speaking of which they both have a new habit.  It’s wait until dad is asleep then let’s start a cat fight.  They have done that a couple times over the last couple nights.  I stay in bed and let them duke it out.  If I hear a lot of noise that will get me out of bed.  But two cats running around like they are in the jungle nah I some how manage to roll over and got back to sleep, praying they don’t hurt each other or break anything.  Thus far I have been lucky. 

I’ve got a prelim. plan for Turkey Day at least the morning.  I plan to wake up early shower and get out to Cracker Barrel for Breakfast.  I hope they will have a Chocolate Pecan Pie that I can take home.  I’m sure I will get to see the cute waiter that I started this obsession with last year.  It’s been a full year and the fucker hasn’t called me and I am trying to get over that.  There is both joy and pain in seeing him.  Anyway, I can get some breakfast.  Then I might go for a short drive around town and back home.  I don’t want to do the whole friends giving thing but right now I’ve talked myself into it.  The thing is that if I go I will be slightly miserable but there will be some levity that will take my mind off that fact, plus it’s a free meal.  If I stay at home I probably won’t see another person for a couple days and then next week I am somehow back on-call again, but it’s a short week for me next week because I only work 3 days thanks to having to go see the doctor.  Isolation isn’t good and I see how it can drive a person insane.  There is a small chance I will stay home and go to a restaurant by myself.  Normally that doesn’t bother me but on a holiday, it would make me feel like there was a spotlight on me.  Shitty family or not I miss being around people.  I go through this I am not going this year phase but usually give in at the end.  Most of it’s me getting into my own head.  There usually is an invite to Christmas Dinner that follows at some point during the meal.  Christmas is when we find out if there will be an open house.  After that all of the gathering is done until Easter, then Independence Day, Labor Day and back to the holidays.  It’s a vicious cycle.  These people are getting seriously old and I know that it won’t last forever so part of me is like enjoy what you have while you have it.  If I manage to find a man before one of them dies it will be a true miracle. 

Today is going to be another long and boring day.  I’ve got 3 meetings today and don’t look forward to any of them.  I’ve completed all of my morning tasks and personal surfing, just listening for the washer to stop so I can transfer some clothes to the dryer.  Then I will be back upstairs in front of a TV trying to find something to watch and eventually passing out from sheer boredom.  Rudy woke me up at 3am wanting food but I managed to stave him off until 6:30am and then I just got up and fed them.  I suppose he was really hungry after his issue last night.  He did eat treats and wouldn’t pass up cat nip for anything.  Got the few holiday letters I am sending ready yesterday and plan to drop them off at the post office on Thanksgiving morning just like I would if I was sending a batch of Christmas Cards.  Yesterday I looked back over holiday letters and Christmas Card lists thinking about what happened to all of the people that I used to know, a good portion of them turned their backs on me and others we just fell out of touch.  Never though that my world would or could change so drastically in the blink of an eye.  Good thing that I managed to survive it all, that’s what I am most thankful for, despite the fact their is still pain. 

Listening to the scanner yesterday and again this morning, plenty of medical calls and what I call normal police traffic.  Yesterday was busy at this time but this morning it’s kind of slow.  Not to worry I am sure it will all pickup as the day rolls on.  I hate being in meetings because I have to turn the sound down to zero so no one knows what I am doing.  It’s nice to know what is going on in the world at large around me and have the inside scoop.  I got into this hobby as a child and it’s just stuck with me.  I wanted to be a police officer and I’ve never lost that despite the fact that I am too old, too fat and seriously out of shape.  However, my allergy to bullets and all of the schooling is what kept me away from following my dream.  I actually had someone tell me that no one is allergic to bullets.  Seriously! 

I think that  is a high note to end on.  Hope that you enjoyed today’s post.  In case your wondering about the hunks at the top of the page It’s Garrett Kinsley and Josh Brady from Helix Studios.  Here’s hoping it’s a great day for all of us!  Thanks for stopping by, hope you will be back again soon.

Sick but better, so I think

 

  Morning everyone! Yesterday on the way into the office I kept my usual routine and drank a Mountain Dew. It’s something I do year-round. Nothing like a cold soda on the way to work. I enjoy it but it’s really the best in the winter when it’s freezing outside, I’m inside a nice warm vehicle. The cool liquid in my mouth and then flowing down my throat, it just feels good. I’m weird I know it but hey it’s what I like. Normally I drink diet or sugar free but having just bought sugar Code Red Mountain Dew I had that instead. It was nice. I was about at work and the can was still full, I had to chug it and made decent progress. Got in the garage and then swallowed the last bit. Yeah, it sounds filthy dirty and sexual but it’s what I did, I took it all. Got out and headed into the office.

I’ve got this nervous habit that I like to shake my leg. At this point I had been sitting at my desk for an hour. I began to shake and thought nothing of it. After about a ½ hour my stomach got queasy. I figured it was from shaking my leg, like I was getting sea sick or something. It got bad and I thought for sure I was going to hurl but that never happened. I kept working away but at a very slow pace.

Finally, I had to get up and walk around. That seemed to help me feel a little bit better and I wasn’t shaking my leg. I was on my feet and away from my desk for about an hour. Stopped to chat with a friend. Then my phone started going crazy (as per usual – it knows when I take a break). I had to head back. Got to my desk and that sick feeling washed over me again. I felt it the entire time I was putting yesterdays post together.

Then it was lunch time, maybe some food would make me feel a bit better. I had a Diet Soda for lunch – Strawberry Dr. Pepper. That made it worse, I think. I ate slowly consuming a hard-boiled egg and ½ of the sandwich I brought. The sandwich was fantastic – Roast Beef, Lettuce, Pizza Cheese on some multi grain bread with some special seasoning I had no idea what it was. I was a bit better but didn’t want to push my luck. Well, I should have because, just before I was leaving the office my sugar dropped. I hadn’t eaten enough. I downed some potato chips (salt & vinegar) they were really good and it helped. I drank all of the water I had and used the rest room. Packed up and left. Just as I got on the elevator, I felt like I was about to pass out. I didn’t. I slowly walked to my car and the humidity smacked me in the face, as expected it was way worse than the morning. That helped to shake the sick feeling.

I got in the car, set the GPS’s and navigated home. I felt so sick but what I failed to mention is I took an anti-acid pill just before I left. That was starting to take effect and I felt better. I kept the AC on full blast and it was a bit much so I turned the fan down. Then I had some moron riding my ass (not in a good way) he gave me the impression he wasn’t above playing bumper cars. I can’t go faster than the car in front of me, any moron knows that. I had limits and I was respecting them for my safety. Finally, traffic in front of me opened up and I was well over the posted limit doing 75 in a 55. The fool passed me on the right, just missing a car as he changed lanes. That was almost a deadly move for all of us. Then he jumped on another car’s ass, they slowed down a bit, knowing full well what they were doing. He just got closer to the point where if the car in front would have braked checked him, he would have wrecked for sure. Dangerous. I had a chance and I took it, passing him up. I got up to 85 to put some distance between us and I finally got away from him.

Driving to and from the office is always an adventure and it really depends on the pulse of traffic how eventful it’s going to be as well as the mood of the other drivers. I was glad to be home, safe from crazy fools on the road.

Mora & Rudy were waiting for me and I had to get some food for Rudy he was hungry. Got him calmed down and then Mora and I went to the bedroom where I got more comfortable. Then returned to the kitchen to put away the left overs from lunch. I sat on the couch, wanting to go back to writing but still not feeling the best. I watched some TV. The more I watched the more an exhausted feeling came over me. I couldn’t stop yawning. I was watching some Family Feud Clip and boom I was out like a light. Rudy was on my lap and Mora was next to him. They were both passed out long before me. I woke up to Rudy licking my hand. Damn I was tired but that felt kind of good. I saw the time and opted to try to eat.

I skipped the left-over pizza and went for some frozen pasta a Chicken Bacon Ranch bowl. I felt way better but was cautious. The first time I had this I really liked it. Every time since it’s tasted like crap. It had been at least 6 months since I had it last and gave it another try. I bought it fresh when I was at the store on Sunday. Nope still tasted horrible. I ate ½ and pitched the other ½. Then I opted to go back to writing. I camped out at the table so the cats wouldn’t be climbing all over me. Rudy was behind me looking out the door and Mora curled up next to my chair. They just love being around me and I really like that. They love me and it shows. I think it’s just because I’m the guy who passes out the food.

Anyway, a couple hours went by and I opted to move back to the couch. Both cats followed me. Mora wanted attention and I gave her some. Then she went to her cat tree, Rudy was in the bed next to me. Back to writing. Before I knew it the time to stop and get ready for bed had passed. Mora knew this and she started getting in my face. I said a few more minutes, please. I wrapped up my story to a stopping point. Then concentrated on my normal before bed tasks. Without fail when I got to brushing my teeth, they both started begging for cat nip. What a sucker I am. I gave in because they had accommodated me and been through being alone all day and were good – so I think.

I started to watch a little TV and it wasn’t long before I was exhausted. My brain turned off. I still had the desire to write but I focused on the TV and then got up and climbed in bed. My room was cat free until I did that and then like magic, they both appeared and joined me. I said goodnight to them as I turned the TV off. That’s the last thing I remember until I woke up at 2a from a bad dream. Used the bathroom and then back to bed. Rudy started in early and I had a ½ hour to go. I rolled over and he stayed on top of me. He fell asleep on me and I passed right back out too. I woke up to the alarm clock and I was really out of it but I felt oddly refreshed. That was the best sleep I had in a while. Horrible dreams but a great night’s rest.

Got started with the morning, started work. I can’t get enough water this morning. Very thirsty. My sugar is probably out of whack. If it continues to lunch, I will do a spot check. I’m also tired. I am done with my morning tasks. Done with my normal web surfing. Tested out a couple pens. Ready to go back to the paper.

This isn’t sponsored but if you’re really looking for a smooth writing experience and you’d like to try or like fountain pens. I highly recommend the Zebra Disposable Fountain Pens. A photo is below and you can pick them up on Amazon. I bought them as a test and 1 out of my pack was defective (the green one) but all of the others appear to be working. It’s the pen that I write with the most when I am crafting a story. They are super comfortable, the pen glides across the paper effortless, no skipping and I feel like I am writing with velvet. No writing instrument I’ve used to date compares to this.  It’s truly a unique experience that is most enjoyable for me.

I’m kind of proud of myself that I was able to get to and stick with a stopping point last night. My brain disengaged and I had plans to watch porn but honestly, I was too tired so nothing happened. Sleep was the most important thing. That’s how I know I am getting older when sleep sounds more appealing than sex. I am itching to get back to writing. Last night was unique I took extra time to set up my story, drawing out the plot longer and longer. I am to the point where the story is getting sexual and that is the part that I love to write the most. I also managed to think of a couple of additional guys to write about so my list of subjects increased and it will be a little longer until I run out of guys. Here’s hoping that I can continue to control my brain, switching it off to allow for sleep. Evening is the best writing time, I put my phone in do not disturb, avoid all contact with it but still keep it close in case someone should call. It’s great to just escape from reality and get into my own world.

I’ve got a meeting in about an hour. Then an organization I am a member of is having a meeting this afternoon and I’m really interested in what that is about so I plan to join. Unless something else comes up my day is wide open. It truly is the calm before the storm. Friday is going to be absolute bedlam; we have a mass exit and I am going to be running with my hair on fire.

Booked a haircut for Saturday and pondering my options for dining out. I am also considering jumping back on a dating app again. That thought has been rolling around in my brain for a couple weeks now and I like everything else, I just keep putting it off. I think maybe since I am a bit more upbeat my profile will reflect that and maybe I will be more appealing. I am not jumping on this today but maybe by the weekend.

Stay cool, hydrated and be well. I’ll talk with you all again soon.

Man Candy Photos in this post from Falcon Studios – Model :Dean Young – Scene : Dean Young rides Mr. Deep Voice.  Movie: Endless Summer

My obsession

Hey there, hope that your day is going well. I had a bit of a rough night. It started with me writing (of course) and I set an alarm on my phone, so I knew when to take a pill. I accomplished that task. Then I set a 2^nd alarm so that I would know when quitting time was. I had a bunch of things to do before bed. Mora knew and she tried to help me, but I wouldn’t have it. She kept up, finally I looked at the clock and panic set in. Then I ran around scrambling, do this, do that, go do this. Forgot I needed to shave, it was just a huge race. Then the trash was full, take that bag out, put in a new bag. Then Mora & Rudy wanted their cat nip.

I was exhausted. I watched some porn and had some good fun, figuring that would for sure wipe me out and I would sleep. Nope wide awake. I watched some TV; I passed out without warning and woke up. That’s my clue, I got in bed and then my brain just started. I couldn’t turn it off. I kept thinking about writing, I wanted to change this, change that. I denied myself from doing anything. I got up took one more sleeping pill, waited a bit and that finally did the trick but my mind was still racing. I tried to sleep and magically I passed out. I don’t remember it.

I knew this morning would really suck because it was midnight when I got to bed. Getting up in 6 hours yeah who wants to do that. I forced myself, it was a bit of a struggle but my buddy Rudy made his famous morning biscuits and that did the trick.

My brain was back in the on mode, thinking of writing stuff as I tried to get ready. I managed to leave at a decent time. Then driving I think I hear the strange sound again. Finally, I said to hell with it. I turned up the music and just thought about my drive. Both GPS systems took me the same route – they don’t ever agree in the morning with which way to go. Coming home it’s always the same. Very strange.

I parked and got out, then the humidity smacked me in the face. Holy cow, now I see why it’s great to work from home. It sucks out there and that was 7:20am. It’s going to be much worse when I leave. Today is one of those days where I will for sure miss remote start. Sitting on hot leather is not fun, even with clothes on. I’m glad the seats are ventilated so I get cool air in the summer and warm air in the winter. The heat works much better than the cooling but when I first got this, they were equal. I think I need some refrigerant and then things will be back to normal. The AC works it’s just not as robust in the seat as what it was when it was new.

I’m proud of the accomplishments I have made today. I look forward, as always to going home and seeing Rudy & Mora. Spending what I hope is a nice evening together. We seem to have a routine and they try their very best to keep me on track. I don’t want to pass out cat nip every night. Mora cries and carries on until I give it to her. Rudy is right by her side cheering her on. When I drop the first bit, who ever gets to it is in heaven. The other one is trying to pry their way in and steal what they can, meanwhile I am getting ready to make a second drop, then they both are happy. If I sat Cat Nip that’s enough to get them excited, then grab the jar and open the lid, that’s when the real fun starts. They can smell it and if I’d let them, they would empty the whole jar. I just grab a pinch for each of them. I know too much and Rudy will start coughing and Morea can get sick.

Nothing makes me happier than to know that I have pleased both of them. I often wonder if they think about when I am going to give them up, since they have been bounced around so much. That’s kind of what helped to compel me to step in. I knew that I could make that cycle stop. I do have thoughts of wanting to give them back but I know it would cause serious psychological damage to me and I know it would hurt them too. They are my reason to live, they know how to evoke every emotion possible from me. While they can’t talk, I’m learning their body language and signs, so in effect they are talking sort of. I really wish that cats, dogs and other animals spoke English or a native spoken language where we could carry on an intelligent conversation.

Not to dangle a carrot at you but I am also pleased with myself that I found this whole writing thing and dreaming up fantasies and desires to play out on paper, I am quite frustrated with the fact that it doesn’t seem to have an off switch. Like other interest I have. I can only watch so much TV, see so much porn, drive for so long, eat so much and sleep for so long. I get bored or desire a change. Writing however isn’t that way. I’m thinking about it in some form or fashion throughout the day. It’s become like a drug.

The good news is that my handwriting is getting better. The disposable fountain pens just glide like a rollerball across the paper, it’s like velvet of sorts. Quite an enjoyable experience. There is also no mess and they don’t skip like a traditional fountain pen.

I digress, back on point. I know that my personality has an addictive side. That’s why I don’t gamble. I could sit in front of a slot machine and feed it money until I was bankrupt, then borrow money and spend that as well. I don’t like liquor and I am quite thankful for that because I am positive, I’d be an alcoholic. I’ve had some minor and brief thoughts about trying drugs or smoking but the whole idea just turns my stomach. I lived through first hand experience and saw how drugs can literally change a person and tear them apart, it destroys people they are around as well as relationships, that’s the main foundation for my aversion to them. Sex has always been a huge turn on ever since I figured out what it was, what to do, how to do it and who I want to do it with.

I think my new found obsession is fun. It makes me happy; I don’t care about much of anything. I can easily skip TV and social media. I get pop ups on my phone from the apps, come take a look – I’ve only seen them when I was sick with COVID and didn’t browse for days. Social media is a drug, but I can take it and then leave it. I can’t skip the cats because they get in my fact and make me pay attention to them. While I am pleased, I just want to find a way to write and then turn it off. Not think about it, not want to do it and resume life as normal. I’ve written some stories in the past and it was fun but now I am incorporating guys I’ve had crushes on, guys that I know are straight and guys I know that I will ever have a remote chance with. That is where the thrill comes from. These aren’t just made-up characters, that’s what gives me my passion and drive. I feel like Marvin (one of my many late cats) must have, when we figured out, he was allergic to a particular medication. After the first dose kicked in, he just had to keep going, and going, can’t sit still, must move, have to move, moving is life. Until eventually he’s collapsed from exhaustion. It was like speed and the vet said he’s allergic, throw it away and never ever give it to him again. Oddly enough it was supposed to calm and sedate him. We did that and the drug wore off, he came back to normal and life went on.

My fear or what causes me some concern is, well I only have so many guys I can write about. What happens when I run out of them and all of the stories are written? Will I fall completely apart? Will I be lost? I won’t know for certain until I get to that point in time. Last night the idea hit me, write about porn stars that you like, that sounds like fun but normal average guys that I know or know of seems more my speed. Being addicted to writing, even if it’s sexual fantasy or erotica isn’t a bad thing. Not being able to turn it off and only wanting to do just that is a bad thing. Especially when it interferes with work or life. It’s fun turning myself on thinking up the ideas and it’s also super-hot! I hope that I can find a way to flip a switch and turn it off. I need to sleep, I need to concentrate when I am at work, that’s why coming in today was so critical. Changing my environment helps. I knocked out work that I put off yesterday this morning. I am at a huge lull in my day and its lunch time. Blogging is enjoyable to me as well but it’s got an off switch.

Speaking of which that is a great segway to wrap up this post. Time for lunch and I am eager to get to eating. Got some pre-made sandwich from the store with “pizza cheeses” on it and it just sounds good, despite the fact that I will probably finish off the left-over pizza tonight for supper. I’m a cheese lover for sure. Take care, stay cool, hydrate and try to keep out of trouble. I will try to do the same thing, but no promises. Talk with you all again soon. Thanks for stopping by!

The Hangover Effect

I took the OTC Sleep aid with my Prescription Sleep Aid and I really had a deep sleep. I also had some crazy dreams. I was at work at an old job, we rearranged an entire floor it was a massive floor the size of two or three buildings. There were multiple elevators and I kept trying to get to the lobby. I rode I can’t tell you how many elevators and I finally made it to the lobby which is when I woke up. Gator was crying for food. I fed her and then remember getting back in bed and feeling really good, I fell back asleep. I was going into work and in the building, there was a machine that resembled a slot machine it was built into the wall. I remember there was a large bin where money came out. I remember sticking my hand in and looking for coins. I found a ton and also some paper that was folded into neat little tiny squares. I remember opening the pieces of paper and they turned out to be counterfeit currency the front and back of US Currency but you had to glue them together and it was obvious they were fake. I remember going to the bathroom and throwing them away. Then I had problems when I went to wash my hands. The sinks just didn’t put out enough water to fully rinse the soap from my hands. Very strange and then I woke up, time to tackle the day.

Wow that was a crazy sleep cycle. I didn’t feel rested at all and have what I am told is the hangover effect. It’s difficult to keep moving all I really want to do is lay back down and go back to sleep. I am doing my best to stay awake but I don’t know how long I will be able to fight it.

I got a shave and shower before I went to bed. Had Chicken Pot Pie and a Mint Ice Cream Sandwich for supper. My brain was very much focused on the waiter and I was watching a DVR TV show, we got to a commercial break. I had to pause to take care of Gator and my phone needed my attention. When I went back to watch TV, I wound up deleting the show. My DVR doesn’t have any kind of forgiveness when you commit to delete it’s gone forever. Then I had to scramble to find the show on HULU and sit through the commercials but at least I got to watch the show. I couldn’t believe that I actually deleted the show instead of resuming it. I am clearly not thinking straight (kind of humorous wording) but seriously if I would have been focused on what I was doing instead of thinking about the waiter I am sure that would have never happened.

Were at the half way point in the week so I need to make it through today and then two more days. Saturday morning can’t get here fast enough. That is when I will begin my quest for answers and I may have to wait until Sunday but I really want to get this cleared up regardless if it’s a good or bad outcome. It will either be the end which will mean bad news or clarification which would mean good news. I am fairly optimistic that this was some kind of a mix up or misunderstanding but knowing for sure will help me. I’m prepared for most any outcome that’s not to say that if it turns out to go bad that I won’t be hurt or disappointed.

Work today is pretty calm. There is a project that will ramp up a bit later this morning that will take some of my time and efforts. Then a pause for lunch. A meeting this afternoon and then more work after hours for a project. It’s going to be a long day but hopefully the evening will be fully done by 7p or so I hope. Silly project work since were off next week they are trying to cram two weeks’ worth of effort into one week. I hate that but there isn’t much I can do about it. At least next week at this time I will be anxiously awaiting Thursday and focused more on food. I expect the mood to be slow to the point where there is barely a pulse palpable at work, that is typical of a holiday week but I don’t expect things will really slow down until Tuesday. I think Monday will be busy. You never know for sure but past holiday weeks are usually a good gage for how things will go in future weeks. If this was way back to when I started, they would let us go early the day before the holiday but that stopped years ago. Now working from home, I can get that benefit back if I am not needed and no one bothers me.

My Girl Gator seems to be doing okay. Today is the big delivery day for both of us. She gets food and I get my Amazon stuff. Cinnamon Cream of Wheat will be for breakfast tomorrow morning. I love that stuff and wish that I could buy it from a local store instead of having to order it. The price jumped a few dollars just before I placed my order. I had been watching it for weeks. I’ve got my eye on a pen that I have been watching for a little over a year, it varies in price by $200 - $300 but I am thinking that when it next drops if life is good and things are right for me financially, I am going to pounce. Life is short, sometimes too short and I might as well make it happen because it’s not going to come to the door knocking for me. No one in their right mind would buy it for me due to the cost nor do I expect it as a gift. However, if I was famous, I could just start an Amazon Wish List like porn stars and influencers do and people just buy stuff for them just because. That irks me but it’s all about who you are and who you know. At the end of the day if you know how to work the system and it works in your favor and it isn’t illegal or immoral might as well tap it for all it’s worth.

I hope you have a good day, stay warm and be well. Happy Hump Day!!

20 20 – Season 44, Episode 24 “Double Life, Double Murder”

This aired on Friday, May 20^th but I didn’t watch it until last night. 20 20 always does a good job of creating captivating and interesting programming. I enjoy the fact that the episodes are 2 hours long because I think you get a fuller picture than you could possibly get in a 1-hour program.

This was the story of Brandon Woodruff who was living what appeared to be a normal life for a 19-year-old Texas kid. His life changed in 2005, when both of his parents were brutally murdered. He was charged and convicted of their murders. He maintains his innocence and lots of people think that the original case had plenty of holes in it. If you watch the episode, you will learn more than I can possibly cover here.

In summary he was gay but still in the closet. He like many others struggled with coming to terms and then being able to tell the world. He was very much hiding this from his family. He went away to College at TCU (Texas Christian University) a private college based in Fort Worth. His personality changed when he got there and I think he was coming to terms more with his sexual identity. This kid and his family had no money. His family managed to scrimp and save to afford 1 semester of college for him on a trial basis. The family had to downsize their home and was in the process of moving when his parents were murdered.

What is odd is that he started hanging with a different crowd at school, buying designer name brand clothes and was a bit obsessed with wearing them. He was flying off to Miami, LA and other places. He told people he was a model. It didn’t take me long to figure out first that he was gay and then that he got into gay porn. I was of course spot on. He did some work for Helix Studios as Bradley Rivers. He had blond hair, a smooth body and in general was good looking.

I saw some of his work last night, I went looking for it and it wasn’t part of the 20 20 episode. They flashed a photo provided by Helix but he was shirtless but otherwise clothed. He wasn’t exactly what I would call an A list porn star but he knew what to do in order to get the job done. This was more lackluster porn than the quality work that Helix produces today but that’s my opinion.

The thought process in convicting him was that if he would lie about a little thing like his sexuality then he for sure would lie about a big thing like murder. Oddly enough he was at a relatives house the weekend a gun and some bullets went missing. The gun was never found. The caliber of the bullets was the same as what was used to commit the crime. He also had a dagger or sword with him at college that his roommate saw but it too went missing about a month before the murders. The dagger was found when his family went to clean out the belongings of the home. Oddly police searched it with a K-9 team and didn’t find anything. When a relative discovered the item, she took it to police who had it forensically examined. It contained blood and DNA of his father. This wasn’t found until years after the verdict was rendered so it wasn’t used as evidence to convict him.

The police used here say from a friend of Brandon’s that My Space page allegedly said that he hated his parents and wanted to see them fucking dead. Police came unglued when they found out that this was here say and didn’t actually exist because they used that as evidence in their affidavit to get an arrest warrant. I don’t know why in the world a police department would use here say and not actual proof but that was a while ago when the digital age was in its infancy. Today I don’t think that would have happened as police are savvier.

The way that 20 20 laid the story out in my mind they removed any suspicion of doubt and I think this guy in fact killed his parents but just can’t come to terms with it. Much like he struggled to come to terms with being gay. I get that murder and sexuality are two very different things. I can relate to the sexual identity issue and having problems accepting it, coming to terms with it and then being able to tell others.

Just because I think he did it doesn’t necessarily mean for sure that he is guilty. I should also point out that there is/was no physical evidence that connects Brandon to the crime. I am not exactly sure how a conviction was secured without that. Double Murder is a serious crime and he got life for it. Once the guilty verdict is rendered you play hell trying to get that conviction vacated. Wrongful conviction does happen and there are lots of people in prison today that do not belong there. Is Brandon one of them? He has appealed and that appeal was recently denied. There is a website freebrandon.org that tells more of his story. Only God & Brandon know for sure if he actually did it. My opinion is just that and has no weight.  For him to be innocent the real killer would need to be found and based on the facts I heard it sounds like if he is truly innocent someone did a hell of a good job to frame him.  Check out the website, listen to the story on 20/20 and form your own conclusion.

Oh Charlie

I had an interesting find on Netflix.  A series dedicated to Colton Underwood and his coming out.  He wasn’t someone that I was interested in before this.  The series did a good job of covering the many struggles with coming out.  He also tries on a leather harness and damn, he looks hot.  Chest hair doesn’t turn me on but man he just looks so good.  If you have Netflix check it out it is worth your time. 

I picked up a massage gun from Amazon it was delivered on Thursday and sadly it was defective.  I got it to work one time and I think was a fluke.  It was perfect because it articulated so that you could get spots on your back without needing a second person.  I returned it and got a replacement on Friday but purchased a different model that doesn’t articulate.  It works really well and the battery lasts for hours. 

On the COVID front the state where my job is located has the Omicron variant of COVID.  A couple of the other states that have it are states where we also have offices located.  It’s business as usual at the moment and nothing has changed, were full steam ahead.  I am happier that I have been working from home and am going to game the system until I either have to go back because I was discovered OR we get to next year and I no longer have a choice. 

I knew about the school shooting that took place earlier this week in MI.  I watched the arrangement of the parents and thought it was rather interesting that the state is holding the parents accountable.  I think they are well within their rights because the parents had the power to stop this from happening by opening their mouths and by not purchasing a gun for their son.  This was a horrible tragedy that could have been prevented.  I really hope that this is the last school shooting but sadly I don’t think it will be.  Kids are innocent and to rob them of that is a huge violation in my book.  Probably because I was robbed of that innocence myself.  I’m not looking to debate gun control or this situation – simply stating my opinion. 

As you may or may not know I am huge fan of Charlie Puth.  He celebrated his 30th birthday this week.  He posted a photo of him in his underwear with that looks like an erection.  He has indicated more and more that he is sexually frustrated.  It is certainly showing and I think he is going to get himself into some hot water if he isn’t careful.  Today he released a tweet about the winter air and had a has tag about jerking him off.  Look there are no shortage of people who would love that honor.  I’d love to have him as my boyfriend but he’s straight but I do wonder about that a bit.  He is under some stress because there is a single called Light Switch that people are clamoring for.  He says it’s going to be released soon but that has been his position for a while.  He also said that he has an album coming out and people really want that as well.  The album should be released in the month of January 2022.  I like him for his music and his voice, he is very talented and this all started for me with his single See You Again.  That song speaks volumes to me.  It was a few years later that he started to appeal to me sexually and now I feel that he is just teasing people because he is horny.  There is alleged video of him jerking off both in bed and on an airplane on the internet.  There is also some videos that show him in gay porn but I don’t think any of this is authentic.  He has released photos of his ass and that is well worth looking up.  He’s got some great cakes!

  This is the photo I am talking about.  Thirst trap at the very least. 

I visited the Farm store for cat food and they too have a supply chain issue.  Not sure where all of the cat food is but I will sure be glad when it gets back on store shelves.  I can only hope that is within Gator’s lifetime.  At least I am able to get a couple of flavors that she really likes just no fish and shrimp. 

Drove for pizza and the hot waiter took care of me.  He looked hot as usual and I really wanted to make a pass at him but resisted.  If he’s not into it that could ruin me going there for pizza, which isn’t something that I want.  He was nice enough and took decent care of me.  He made some small talk but I think he was being nice.  Hey maybe he likes me as well but neither of us will know until one of us asks the other. 

My mystery odor has surfaced again.  It was really in my bedroom and made it a challenge to sleep.  I got some candles this morning from Cracker Barrel that helped.  I also ran my O3 machine and opened the windows.  The bedroom is fine but the kitchen is the new target.  I purchased some air freshener gel that is made to go in the airduct of the furnace.  It will be here on Tuesday and I hope that will fix things.  It’s good for 90 days.  The temperature change seems to bring this about.  I will be glad when mother nature makes up her mind and we can just have winter, things will normalize more.  I will probably have to face this again in the spring.  I think that I need a good air duct cleaning, a new furnace and to fully professionally remediate (as in rip out and replace) the wood that was affected with mold.  I’ve only treated one side of it and while the water problem is fixed the wood is still infected and needs to be replaced. Then I think this place wouldn’t have any odor issues or so I hope. 

I will be back on call come Monday.  I have one more time left after this and that will happen when I come back from vacation.  One more week here, then next week I work 4 days and my vacation will start.  Then when I come back my boss will be gone on vacation and we will deal with end of year.  It’s getting busy but I kind of enjoy some of it.  Busy means the days go by faster and I am for sure a fan of that. 

I am still using my mouth guard and it seems to help.  My teeth are a bit sore for a minute after I take it off but otherwise all is well.  Looking forward to enjoying the rest of the evening, it’s been a productive and busy day.  Some final R&R is nice.  Getting a shower before climbing into a nice freshly made bed.  I should sleep really well tonight. 

Hope all is well on your end.  Sweet dreams!