Boss is being a dick

Howdy, I had an okay evening.  Spaghetti & Meatball for supper.  There were two Meatballs but I only ate one, saved half of the dish for tonight’s supper.  Had a half slice of Chocolate Cake and drank a Diet soda.  That was my evening meal.  Got the cats fed as well. 

Managed to see one hot guy for a brief moment when I looked out my front window.  With it being such nice sunny weather I am surprised that I haven’t seen more dudes or people in general out.  Some folks wait until the sun is starting to set to go for their walks but what I mostly see are couples and there are no hot guys.  Earlier in the Spring I had seen several hot guys and figured that as we move into Summer that trend would continue.  It’s not overly humid out just yet but that part is coming as we inch toward Summer (starts on Friday). 

Slept really good again as well, so I think it was the fact I was getting hot at night and my body woke me up as an alert.  There are several things in this world that I can’t ever seem to get enough of and one of them is sleep.  I enjoy it the most because it takes me out of the day to day world and transports me into some alternate reality, sometimes the ride is crazy, scary or fun.  I never know what I am in store for but it’s something I actually enjoy. 

I had play time with the cats and Mora loves to play over the top of the stairs to the basement.  She is obsessed with the area by the garage door.  That was another area where Ruthie (one of Momma’s two girls) would sit, because it was easy to escape.  Mora waits for me there every night when I head into the bathroom to start brushing my teeth, she watches and waits.  I got out the cat teaser and played with Rudy first but he tires out so Mora is up.  She wanted me to dangle the teaser in the air hovering it over the stairs.  She grabbed on to it with her teeth and started walking.  I let go and so did she and it fell down the stairs.  She ran downstairs and just looked at it.  I joined her and then Rudy came down too.  We all headed back upstairs and no one wanted to continue to play.  I never exactly know what I am in store for with her.  She is either on mild or wild there doesn’t seem to be an in between and it’s quite easy to get her worked up.  Rudy takes a little bit of extra work to try to excite him but he has to be up for it.  I am so glad that I have them most of the time. 

This morning started a little bit early for me but I was looking forward to breakfast.  We got up 10 minutes early and everyone but my body was pleased about that.  Food was enjoyable.  Mora was obsessed with my Banana.  I let her smell it and she looked at me as I peeled it, like it was a snack for her.  I let her smell it again after I peeled it and I think if I would have held it there any longer she would have taken a bite of it.  It’s quite easy to see how curiosity killed the cat. 

As I was getting dressed I heard the sound of a trimmer and then a mower fired up.  Sure enough the lawn mowing guys were here at 7am.  I guess with all of the rain we have been getting they wanted to get an early start so they could stay on track.  The cats were curious but I told them that it was just the mowers not to worry.  That did about much good as you think it would.  They don’t like noises, especially right outside their house. 

The day was off to a decent start until it was time for one of our weekly meetings.  I joined the call a little bit early.  I injected some humor since he was talking with a teammate of mine and well I guess it didn’t go over well.  After they were done he was a dick to me and gave me a stupid task to do.  He already had the answer but asked me to make sure that he was right, which he was.  It’s like the sky is blue, please confirm for me that the sky is blue.  I know it is but I want you to double check.  I thought he was done but as I was enjoying lunch he sent me another task that I despise but I did it.  It was a task that he was asked to do but sometimes it’s easier to delegate than to do it yourself.  I find just the opposite but that’s only if I want the job done right the first time.  I hope he’s out of his dickish mood and that we don’t continue to clash as the week moves along. 

Nothing much else to write at the moment.  I hope all is well in your world.  Thank you for stopping by.

Max Pressure

Well Monday is over.  Here we are at Tuesday.  Life is a little better for me but not by much.  The boss called in sick today so no bullshit meeting.  That’s the good news.  The bad news is that I have to run an afternoon meeting that he normally runs and I will very much be in the spotlight.  I hate it but I’ll get through it as I have done it before.  Everyone tells me that I run that meeting way better than my boss does and they would much prefer that I take that job on full-time but I really don’t want it and thankfully those words haven’t made it to my bosses ears, otherwise he’d push this off on me for sure. 

Being the prick that he is (my boss) wrote me last night and told me that he’s got the evening covered and that I should get some rest.  He should have done the majority of the work I did yesterday because he’s covering for the mistake maker while he’s out.  Long before the mistake maker joined us when the boss was on-call we all pulled together and covered him.  Now it’s just me and that is not right or fair.  I am not the smartest person on our team but I am the one who seems to do most of the work.

I made the grave mistake of wanting to make a good impression and over years of doing that work has quietly managed to pile up at my door.  That’s just as my predecessor warned me it would.  Honestly things wouldn’t be horrible if I wasn’t covering this week for my boss.  However, since I am I really feel the pressure it’s like being on-call for two weeks straight with one week off.  He really wanted me to cover him on Sunday but I told him no way in the world that would happen.  It’s Easter and I’ve got plans. 

My stress level is maxed out right now.  I went to place an Amazon order yesterday and I just knew I was forgetting something.  It wasn’t until just a few moments ago that I realized that something was water filters for the cats.  A couple weeks ago I forgot to clean out their litter box for three days.  That’s the max I have made them go, thankfully my memory started functioning again.  I worry that I am going to forget something important or something critical.  Be it personal or work related.  Plus my ability to make mistakes goes up greatly when I am stressed. 

On the bright side I found some new Melatonin at Target.  It was the only way I could find it in pill form but I paid through the nose for it.  It’s a clear capsule with three pills in it.  It’s supposes to be time released to not only help you fall asleep but to stay asleep.  I am having some really nice and enjoyable dreams since I have taken it.  I still do wake up but only for short periods and then I am right back to sleep.  Perhaps it’s all psychological marketing but it’s working at the moment. 

I finished off that awful pizza last night, glad it’s gone.  Had some cookies for desert to help wash the taste out of my mouth.  Then a bit later in the evening some Blueberry Lemon Sorbet.  That was really good but I would enjoy it more without the Lemon. 

The procrastination monster told me to skip unloading the dishwasher and my shave/shower last night.  However, I didn’t listen and got both of those tasks knocked out. 

Fun fact about me you probably didn’t know I don’t like Mint.  I mean it’s great in Thin Mint Cookies or Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.  Otherwise I am not a fan of the flavor Mint.  Well all adult toothpaste is flavored Mint.  I griped about that at the dentist and they told me switch to kids toothpaste.  You get the same benefits and the flavor won’t be mint.  I got some color changing toothpaste from Crest it goes from Blue to Pink and it’s Strawberry Flavored.  If the color doesn’t change you didn’t brush long enough.  This stuff is so good I could eat it but I know better. 

I am ready for a nap, massage and vacation.  I suppose all good things come with time and I just have to be patient.  It’s a little calmer today but didn’t start off that way.  This is probably a temporary lull before I am swamped again but heck I am enjoying it. 

Hope that your having a good day.  Rain is in the forecast for the weekend.  It always rains around Easter and were supposed to get another Monsoon, at least that is what they are saying.  Fingers crossed my repairs hold and have done the trick. 

Thanks for stopping by.  Talk with you all again soon!

Before the storm

We are a couple hours away from the storm moving in.  From the updates I have seen my area should see mostly snow.  Anywhere from 3 to 9 inches.  That’s just estimates based on forecasting models what actually happens is totally up to Mother Nature. 

I was successful in operating today as if it was Sunday.  Woke up early got a shower, headed to breakfast then on to the grocery store.  I was not prepared to see parts of the store looking like it did back when the pandemic hit.  They were totally sold out of milk unless you wanted to pay top dollar for glass bottle milk or drink skim.  I opted to skip it. 

After the grocery store I stopped by Target begrudgingly.  It was and still is super cold outside and I’d just rather not be out in the elements.  Anyway I found Milk but I was totally not prepared for a normal Target run.  I did get a package of treats for the cats.  Looked at my favorite Stouffers Casserole dish and they had it on sale but it just didn’t look appetizing to me.  I hated to but I skipped it. 

Back home to unload and rest.  Had fun lounging with the cats and wound up taking a short nap in my recliner.  Meanwhile Mora was stretched out on the bed all comfy and cozy.  I was so jealous of her.  Rudy and I the recliner.  He doesn’t take up much room when he’s curled up next to my legs but there are other times when he can take up room when he decides to stretch out like his sister. 

We lounged and I got wrapped up in some Netflix high school drama series.  I figured there was a season 1 so I’d watch it and of course I got invested but the afternoon was passing me by and I finally made it to the last episode.  Don’t you know there is another whole season.  I still stopped and figured that I’d have something to watch later tonight and probably at some point tomorrow. 

I headed out in hopes of seeing some buns and getting some pizza.  Damn if cute guys were scarce but I did manage to find one but he also managed to hide.  Pizza was good but as per usual I just ate a little bit and wound up taking most of it home. 

Stopped by to pick up some more mail and then on to the gas station to top up my tank.  Only took $12 which isn’t bad.  Considering were going down below freezing for days I wanted to make sure that I had a full tank.  I don’t expect that I will be going anywhere but better to be prepared. 

Working on laundry as Rudy lays here in my arms as I type.  He moves around to get comfy, falls asleep for a little bit and then wakes up and starts wiggling again.  He’s something else. 

My plans for tomorrow are to operate as if it was Monday and work.  Since my gem of a boss left me with a shit ton to do the only way I see that I will have peace & quiet and be able to actually work is if I do it on my own time.  I’ll keep track of my time and make sure that it’s made up to me.  I’ve been thinking about the whole job thing.  I really don’t want to start over some place new and be the low man on the roster but at the same time it does sound a little appealing.  I just need a big time break from all of the silly bullshit that my job dishes out to me.  It doesn’t help that I am good at my job because people just take advantage of me but at the same time there are some people that I like being their go to guy and others that I wish would forget all about me.  Monday is still going to suck but I figure if I can get the big pressure items taken care of and off my plate it will suck a whole lot less.  I am also sure there is a storm brewing at work.  No good deed seems to go unpunished, at least for me.  I like my job but I just get angry that I can’t seem to really take anytime off because I have to grind so hard to play catch up each time I return, especially some of the silly things that are left just for me. Then there is the silly stuff my boss leaves like meeting to plan out future conference calls.  He needs to have a meeting to do that, instead of taking charge and just laying it out.  Makes me wonder how he gets anything done in life without having a meeting.  I have a low tolerance for stupidity and that coupled with the stress of going back and cleaning up another mess is enough to make me blow up. 

That’s the day.  I’ve got left over pizza to munch on for a couple days as well as the items I picked up at the grocery store.  Just as long as power, water and internet keep on working I should be okay.  Fingers crossed. 

Now I am off to find some buns on the internet since that appears to be the only way I can see them is in porn.  Hope your Saturday was relaxing and enjoyable.  If your in the zone for the winter storm like I am hang in there we will get through it and this too shall pass.  If you in a warm climate like California or Florida I envy you at the moment. 

Thanks for stopping by, take care and be well. 

Holy Clusters

The project I am working on just keeps getting more messy as the days go by.  Today was another wasted day.  I thought there would be real progress today but from the looks of things this could easily stretch into two or three weeks at the rate things are going now. 

Today was a rough one.  The morning was fine but the afternoon I got pelted.  The on call person had to go to an event thanks to our dumb boss.  Then things really started heating up and it was just one thing after another.  At a little after 4p I left.  I had lots of anger flowing through me and it showed in my driving.  I didn’t get home until close to 5:30p, there was a wreck that had traffic all tied up.  Going in this morning it was like no one was out.  I imagine as the week progresses traffic will get lighter.  I think lots of people still work from home. 

The new medicine kicked me pretty hard last night.  I was in and out of the bathroom doing everything but throwing up.  I got a decent nights sleep but I was up during the night more than once.  I still have the nauseated feeling.  I talked with one of the vendors working on the project and he is on the same thing.  He said not to be surprised or alarmed if there comes a point where I stop having BM’s for up to 4 days.  He said on the 4th day everything works out.  I don’t expect to have that problem but it’s good to know what to watch out for. 

I am cherishing my time with the cats.  They love it when I am home and hate it when I am gone.  I don’t have time to look in on them during the day but I might make an effort tomorrow morning when things are calm.  The vendor doesn’t show up until 9a and they are gone by 4p take an hour for lunch.  Not a bad deal.  I’m there at 7:30a, get maybe 30 minutes if that for lunch.  I am entitled to an hour but there is always something that seems to suck me back in, especially when I am physically in the office.  With this project I am leaving at 4 or shortly there after. 

Got my water softener salt today.  It’s really strange.  Yesterday the tracking showed that it was shipped via USPS today I got an alert someone was at my front door and I looked it was a Walmart driver.  He dropped off my 3 bags of salt.  I’m used to 1 40 pound bag but I got 3 25 pound bags.  Kind of strange that Walmart delivered it but hey I got what I paid for that is what matters most to me. 

My nose is driving me nuts.  I sneeze off and on all day long and now that I am home my nose is running.  I feel fine and just think it’s allergies or so I hope.  Of all of the times to be sick now is not the time.  COVID is rampant here and I do plan on getting the newest vaccine but I am guessing there will be quite a waiting line.  One more thing to add to my TO DO list. 

Hope all is well in your world.  I am going to try to watch some TV and stay away from technology since I will be back at it tomorrow morning.  Just wanted to drop a few lines to let everyone know how things were.  Take care and be well.  Talk with you again soon!

Internet Problems … all week long

Good Morning!  I was looking at my phone last night and in my text messages I randomly check the junk folder.  I was surprised I had a message and turns out it was sent yesterday.  Turns out the cable company is working on “improving their infrastructure to provide a better experience”  and they are doing maintenance all week long during normal business hours.  They said that service might be impacted. 

My insomnia kicked in and I was up at 2a.  I just wanted to watch a little TV and go back to bed.  I got started with something and the internet went belly up and I had to go to regular TV and find something else to capture my interest.  2a is not normal business hours.  I was not surprised when I woke up that there is no internet connection. 

I am hot spotting it most likely all day long.  That sucks but I have 2 carriers that I can switch between.  I got Visible last year due to connection issues and the fact I wanted to jump into the dating scene.  It’s an unlimited plan for $30 and I have had it ever since.  The one guy at Cracker Barrel that I gave my number to never has called or texted.  However, I figure eventually I will give that # to some guy who will actually call me.  Today I use the line for business so I can tell work from personal calls, not that I get many personal calls.  My personal cell line has mad spam protection so unless your in my contacts your going to voice mail.  My personal line has a data cap of 4GB and of course as luck would have it today is the 2nd day in my billing cycle.  I wanted to switch to suck up a good portion of the data as my allotment as is goes unused since I have unlimited data on Visible.  In any case it’s nice to have a backup plan in place otherwise I would have had to throw on clothes and go to the office, being late and not having time to take a shower.  So long as the cellular connections don’t fail me I should be okay.  If I can’t get connected to either carrier then I am sunk and I think the odds of that are about as great as me winning the lottery.  What do you think? 

It was a peaceful evening here.  I had a Hot Pocket Philly Cheese Steak and it wasn’t the best.  That does NOT solve my craving for a Cheese Steak but it will do for the moment.  Then I had two cold crunchy beef tacos left over from Sunday at Taco Bell.  They weren’t bad.  Had some popsicles for desert.  I think that at some point Mora & Rudy both had contact with a popsicle because they are both very interested when I eat one.  They look at me like when do I get a lick?  If they did get a lick it would either be their popsicle or it hit the trash.  No way am I eating after either one of them, too much bacteria live in their mouths and I am sure I would catch something unpleasant, especially given the black cloud that seems to follow me through life.  It’s funny to watch them but I tell them both no.  They are also obsessed with smelling what I am drinking most of the time it’s soda.  I have a water bottle that has a finger loop on it and it’s made from some rubber like material.  They love to chew on it and I have to police that so they don’t do any damage. 

I got to brush both of the furry monsters last night.  Morea was being a bit extra for attention.  She loves for me to hold her while she lays close to my chest and just relaxes.  That is more weight than I can handle for a long time.  I don’t exactly workout or go to the gym.  My upper body strength is in good shape but I am no weight lifter.  I hold her for as long as I can and then I either get her to change positions or she wants down.  The 3 of us have our share of fun.  The two of them have more fun together without me.  I see it after they eat or just before bed.  Their energy levels peak and then drop.  They get some energy at different times and wind up playing with a ball, they both make noise when they play so it’s easy to tell.  Neither of them are loud unless they are fighting.  Even their purr motors are soft.  Mora’s you can hear just barely.  Rudy you have to really listen.  I could put my phone up to Gator and record her, people would always comment when I was on the phone what is that noise.  I will never have that problem with Mora or Rudy and their purrs don’t sound nearly as good as Gator’s when I have tried to record them.  It’s all good though, were all different. 

Confession time.  I didn’t use the heating pad last night.  I used an ice pack while I was watching TV.  My back feels way better but I am still very sore.  I plan to go at it again tonight targeting a couple different spots.  Massage Therapists always say use heat.  A sports medicine doctor that I had as my internist always told me to use ice.  It’s a pain but you will heal quicker he said.  I am always conflicted on which to use but I do like heat more than ice just because it’s a bit more comfortable.

Since today is Tuesday it’s back to meeting time since the Stupidvisor is back.  1st one is just before lunch.  2nd one is after lunch.  Last one is a couple hours later with a vendor.  I hope they all go really fast and the fuckery is kept to a minimum but I know that probably won’t be the case.  Calgon take me away!

Finally, you might be asking who’s that guy at the top.  He is none other than teen heartthrob Steve Burton.  He is known for his role on General Hospital but I saw him in other things and we grew up together. Meaning that were about the same age.  I don’t know him.  I have always had a crush on him, but I know he is straight.  Still doesn’t stop me from admiring his body.

Here’s hoping it’s a great day and that my internet comes backup soon and they don’t take all week.  I know some how that their improvements are going to be reflected in a rate hike in my bill eventually so I am even less impressed.  Everything was working fine and I was happy.  Ever since we have had this last round of storms the connection has been up and down more than it has in a very long time.  Normally it’s solid 24x7, perhaps we will get back to that. 

Take care, stay hydrated, cool and be well. 

Status Call

Having completed everything that I could, wasting time I eventually opted to step away from my computer.  Of course that is when emails start to pour in.  I sat in front of the TV and just looked and dismissed what arrived as it could all be dealt with when I went back.  I was in no big hurry.  I went to check my bank account and the phone rang.  It was the boss.  The cats were all over me and I had to mute the TV.  Thankfully the cats were quiet and didn’t give themselves away.  I am keeping them as a secret from as many people at work as possible, although some folks know about them. 

Anyway this was my bosses way to see if I was still pissed and to make sure that I was “doing okay”.  I handled the call normally and pacified him.  However, after we hung up I said I wish you would have never come back.  I say things like that all the time.  One of these times the phone won’t be hung up and it will bite me in the ass but it’s my way of venting frustration.  He wanted to know if I was going on vacation or taking any time off soon?  Yeah I have some time scheduled.  I told him that I was considering adding on and he was just thrilled to death to hear that.  I do think he feels that were out of the woods and all is well.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  This is something I won’t forget.  I may not change jobs in the end but I am looking, not frantically though.  Trust me when I tell you that I am looking for a way to fuck him over like he did me, I may not find that remedy today or tomorrow but in the end some opportunity will present its self. 

I honestly didn’t want to roll out of bed this morning.  My upper back was killing me.  I keep telling myself I am going to do this or that for it and I never do.  I usually just get drawn into watching porn and well that doesn’t exactly do wonders for my back but I do get a good feeling out of it.  Tonight I do think I will break out the heating pad to see if that will help calm things down.  Nothing short of a massage by hand will truly remedy my issue.  I watch Chiropractic videos and think that would help.  I found a doctor that I would need to travel a bit to see but I have the maddest crush on him but that is the wrong reason to see him.  There are plenty of Chiropractors around me and I have never been to one.  The adjustment I am looking for is where they press on the upper and mid-back and sounds like a box of Rice Krispies.  I don’t know if I will ever muster the courage to see one but I can tell you that I am not against finding a massage therapist and scheduling time.  Problem with that is the time goes by so fast and well it hurts.  I am nothing but a knot factory.  I think if I was knotless and lost weight, even to where I was back to pre-pandemic weight I would feel much better and my outlook on everything I think might be different. 

From a mental health standpoint I am not seriously depressed like I had been back when I lost Gator.  That did take a major toll on me and didn’t help my mental health.  It was one of those things that you know someday will happen but when it does, your never ready.  I still feel sad and being alone doesn’t help.  I am kind of stuck in a rut and looking for someone to help pull me out.  However, I realize now no one is coming to save me, that is totally a job for me.  I can either work to pull myself out of this or I can sink further in.  Not having seriously good friends, especially ones that there isn’t an age gap with doesn’t help me.  If I had that I don’t think I would be in as deep as I am.  I look at all that I have been through and times where I thought I would fail or die or both and yet I am still here and survived.  Somehow the most difficult burden has been to get rid of the loneliness, which is the reason for the depression.  Having Mora & Rudy does help and they are the reason why I am still alive, I need a purpose as does everyone to get out of bed.  Just having a job isn’t good enough. 

I get that a little rain must fall into all of our lives and bad things happen but I don’t understand why sometimes some people get more rain and bad thing happening to them than others, especially when they haven’t done anything to deserve it.  I hear it builds character, it makes you stronger, blah, blah.  I know life can’t be all rainbows and sunshine but I wish that I could have a couple years with nothing major bad happening.  Like everyone I can use all of the good that can come my way. 

I think about a school mate who is hella good looking.  He got cancer once and we are the same age.  He got rid of it and it came back.  I think it’s back a third time.  His mom died during the pandemic, it was a sudden unexpected thing.  I just found out his dad passed last week.  He’s got a lot of positive going for him with friends, travel and worldly possessions and a good job.  Yet there is still bad things that have happened.  I don’t know if he is in good enough health to make the trip back home for his dad’s funeral.  I also don’t understand why when I need to go to a funeral it always seems to be a week where I am on-call. 

No one persons life is a picnic all the time but sometimes I hear things and it just makes me shake my head.  I never would have figured life would have turned out the way it has for me.  Here’s hoping that something good happens in all of our lives to make us smile and at least let us experience a win for once. 

Hey I was bored and wanted to throw together a quick post.  This has been anything but quick.  Now back to the grindstone, it’s almost time to head up and we have more storms in the area.  I know that the cats aren’t fond of them. 

Have a good evening and we will talk again soon. 

 

Tell me lies

  Happy Friday everyone.  I hope that your ready for the weekend.  I’ve got to remember to get the trash out today, the holiday pushed the pickup schedule by 1 day.  It feels odd but then again this whole week has felt odd.

I had my call with my boss yesterday, it was just another lie telling event.  He told me that he was only allocated a certain percentage but in a meeting he disclosed that he submitted requests for pay raises and what he submitted for was approved.  It’s hard to tell when he is lying and when he is telling the truth because his lips keep moving.  He tried to shift the conversation and said that he has noticed over the past year I have become frustrated.  Wow, what a shocker.  He tried to get me to talk about that and I wouldn’t even acknowledge what he was talking about.  I said very little which I am sure will cause him concern.  I don’t like being lied to that is the easiest way to kill a relationship with me be it personal or professional.  This isn’t the first time and there is no point in calling it out.  HR gave him a speech to read and that is pretty much what he did.  I am not getting any more money than what he allocated and that is not a complete surprise.  I think if I was to give my notice that I would or could easily get more but I am not going that route.  If that is what it takes to get more money then I am better off elsewhere.  Besides that if you ever take an offer like that it usually doesn’t work out well for you in the long term and you still wind up leaving.  My job is safe/secure at this point and I don’t have the feeling that it will vanish but then again anything is possible. 

As for frustration yeah I am tired of all of the bullshit meetings, how he doesn’t listen to me, how he constantly praises me and tells me how much I am appreciated, it’s all patronization and it rings hollow with me.  I don’t like the way he handled things with trying to get me a permanent work from home position, he led me to believe that I would be getting a promotion this year and that didn’t happen and there are other things that have been building but honestly they happened so long ago I can’t even tell you what they were.  Then add in my riff with one of my co-workers over how he treated me when Gator died and presto there you have my frustration in a nut shell.  Despite all of this I still do my job to the best of my ability, my work is done on-time (often early) and I continue to work with all levels of management.  I have paved my own path and am well respected and highly thought of by all.  The greatest way I can fuck my boss and the company over is to just walk away with no notice they will be lost and things will quickly turn to shit.  It happened when I was out with COVID and it happens when I am on vacation or take time, I always come back to a mess.  I am tired of being the cleanup person, I am not a maid or a janitor but yet it seems to be a part of my job that I get no credit for.  I am not the same cheery person I once was but between life beating me down along with the shit I have to put up with at work, I think it’s only proper that I am not still the same cheery person.  It’s hard to maintain or even fake happiness. 

How to fix it all?  Well the fact that my boss is on vacation now helps knowing that there won’t be any of his bullshit meetings next week, I don’t have to hear his voice is also highly rated in my book.  A vacation for me will also help.  This is one of those get over it type situations and given how life in general keeps crapping on me I don’t know if I will get over it or if it will get over me.  Honestly if I didn’t need the money I would just walk away from all of it and even though I need the money I have been very close to doing that for a while.  I know that if I walk away that life will become worse for me and not better.  Yeah I still want to check out and get away from work and life in general.  Then a cat walks by me or comes and sits with me because they feel my pain and that makes me feel bad that I would leave them behind. 

Honestly I think a major change of things from where I live, where I work, what I drive and getting a companion would all go a great way in helping me.  Things would be all new, there would be some excitement but if everything changed at once I think it might be a bit overwhelming.  I’ve got control over most everything but a companion and that is kind of the frustrating part.  I’ve done some looking for a new job and I will be keeping my eye out, despite not wanting to start over you never know when an opportunity that is too good to pass up might come along.  I really don’t want to start my job over but for my own happiness it would probably help.  I just think of all of the perks I have now like time off and the fact I can pretty well come and go as I please, that’s the part of starting over I don’t like and the fact that I may have to go into a physical office but I have found a good mix of hybrid and fully remote positions advertised.  I’ve applied for nothing as of yet.   

I had to play catchup this morning because yesterday afternoon I checked out at 2p but I never told a sole.  I just watched the work stack up and I pushed everything to today.  That made for quite the busy morning.  Then more stuff came in and I’ve put even more off until Monday.  I am current as of now and watching just in case anything should pop.  However, I plan to sit on my ass the bulk of today unless there is something that has to be done.  I will kind of turn my bosses vacation into a vacation of my own when I can.  There is a day or two next week that won’t be possible.  It’s one of those things where you take advantage of it when you can and while it lasts.  Here is hoping that things get better and that I can find some peace and enjoyment even if it is short term. 

I didn’t sleep the best last night and kind of figured that would happen.  However, I am about to go up and take a nap, relax with the cats.  There isn’t a whole lot going on today and that helps.

As for my weekend I do plan on eating good, sleeping and hopefully stumbling on something good to watch as well as spending time with the cats.  They have a new routine once I fall asleep they leave the room and I get the bed to myself.  I am only guessing but I think they may have been kicked or hit or just don’t like the fact that I am not a silent sleeper.  It may also be cooler elsewhere in the house.  I just think it’s kind of odd that they leave me when before I couldn’t escape them.  I wonder if when it turns Winter time if they will be more clingy.  It’s only a twin bed so I really need the whole thing to myself but I do accommodate them as we all start out sleeping together. 

Well enough of my troubles.  I wish you all the best for today and the weekend.  Thanks for stopping by and reading this, if you made it all the way to here.  Stay cool, hydrated and we will talk again. 

Thumbs down–zero stars

Morning and Happy Friday!

Last night things were calm up until Social Media hour.  I just started browsing when I saw a car whip into my driveway and about take out my garage.  A man leaped out of the vehicle and rapidly approached my front door.  Cameras were on.  I did a live view of the front door and he was placing a flyer.  Then he left a little bit calmer than when he arrived. 

I opened the door and grabbed the flyer.  Of course it was the damn HOA giving us all an update about the amendments they asked us to vote on in December.  Everything including the dues increase passed with an overwhelming majority.  The president said that he recently went door-to-door to talk with several homeowners.  Well he didn’t come by here.  It would have been nice to know that the dues were increasing before the notice was plastered on my door.  The flyer was a newsletter that they infrequently drop off.  There was a blurb about having to print off the new CC&R’s and having to get them registered with the county and how much money that is going to cost.  It’s all about how much they are spending and these people think we live in Beverly Hills California, you know the upper crust.  When in fact were in the middle of nowhere and a very middle class neighborhood.  There is now also a late fee on dues and if your two years late they “might” place a lien on your property.  They have so little money that until the dues seriously increase there is no way they will be able to afford placing liens.  Every damn time I think about this HOA it just makes my blood go straight to boil.  I fucking hate them.  I’ll pay my dues reluctantly but it’s only to keep them off my ass.  I thought about making them beg for their money but now that I know there is a late fee I don’t want to give them anymore than they are entitled to, so I will be sure to pay by the deadline. 

Between the HOA and my spineless boss who has shitty optics based on my review, I was just angry all night long.  I had some insomnia, no surprise.  Rudy was trying to get it on with his sister and that woke me up.  I watched TV and she came to cuddle with me.  After an hour I went back to bed.  Morea climbed in bed with me and let me hold her until I fell asleep.  That was so sweet.  I guess she sensed that I was stressed out. 

With regards to work I don’t know what happens if you fail to sign that you acknowledge a review took place.  I also don’t want to find out.  I did have a box to put in any objection with my review.  I used that for the first time ever.  I documented that I felt my bosses overall assessment of me was unfair and that we talked about it.  He said that is the way he feels and I put in words to the effect that I think he needs a set of new glasses and reviews should be based on the actual caliber of work produced and not feelings.  I further added that my caliber of work has not changed.  Then I signed it and moved the process on.  The boss has to sign off on it and I’m sure he will see it, which I could care less about.  I’m sure all of this will put me on someone’s radar but it’s not fucking fair.  The one who fucks up all the time gets promoted and a pay raise but here I am busting ass and producing top notch work but I am no longer exceeding expectations despite the fact I am continuing to go the extra mile.  Me thinks it’s time to quiet quit and just do the average.  I mean that’s how I am rated so why not live up to my rating?  I should know on or shortly after Independence Day as to what kind of a pay raise I will be getting.  My boss kind of beat around the bush that pay raises might be what they have been or slightly less but he “didn’t know”.  He’s the moron who has to tell them what his feelings are as to pay increases for each person, so he fucking knows but he always acts like he is so innocent and clueless.  He’s a damn good liar which I suppose is why he is in management.  I’m interested to see how this all plays out but know that my heart won’t be in my work and I won’t go the extra mile since it’s no longer appreciated. 

I’m glad that I have time off scheduled for next week and that today is the last day of the work week.  I hope it’s beyond quiet until Monday but then again I don’t have the best luck.  Still dreaming is free. 

Sorry today’s post is nothing but a bitch session.  I hope something good happens to get my mind to a happier place.  Talk with you all again soon.  I hope today is a great day for you and the weekend is even better.  Take care.

Tired

Made it home at a decent hour yesterday afternoon.  I had a barrage of emails waiting for me and I caught up on those.  Fed the Gator, took my meds and then heated up some dinner.  Watched Jeopardy and the champ is still going, 13 days of nothing but wins.  Pretty impressive plus all of the cash he’s won.  Uncle Sam is going to love him. 

My evening was interrupted by work.  We had an issue arise and that took up a few hours of my time, even though I wasn’t on call I was helping a colleague.  Gator was upset and I was even more upset when I looked at the clock and it went from 6:45p to a little after 8p.  I had no idea I was just engrossed.  Gator wound up going to bed in my room because she was pouting. 

I made up with Gator by giving her some food and then she got to snuggle with me in my chair as we waited for my sleeping pills to kick in.  She woke me up twice last night and I am just beyond tired this morning.  I’ve been busy with work most of the morning and I suspect if it wasn’t for that I probably would have dropped to the floor. 

I also noticed that I did have an allergic reaction/rash on my neck.  It was hot and itchy.  I just tolerated it and this morning everything is back to normal.  I wonder if I could be allergic to going into the office?  Say it isn’t so.  I did wear my gold chain in so that might be the contributing factor.  I also noticed that I have a small bump/bite on the back of my head but I need someone who can take a better look.  I will be mentioning this to the doctor.  Maybe it’s stress or maybe I am allergic to something but just don’t know it yet.  Next week I will be chainless to see if that helps. 

I have my review this afternoon.  I got a copy of it this morning and it’s just average middle of the road.  It shows me excelling in several areas but most areas I “occasionally exceed expectations”.  I think that is kind of a slap in the face.  2 years ago I got a perfect review where the was no room for improvement, that was by far an exception because almost no one gets a perfect review.  Now all of a sudden I’ve declined slightly according to what is on paper.  That’s not reality because I pour my heart & soul into my job.  I don’t know why because it feels like I get hurt or taken advantage of.  I think I am overloaded with things that I am responsible for and of course they always want to keep piling on more.  Between the review and the BS shtick that my boss talks and his need to hear himself talk and the endless meetings I have grown quite unhappy.  I can’t exactly express that in words because the only remedy is for me to move on, which isn’t something that I want to do.  So I take it in and vent where and when I can.  Overall I like what I do but I am very unhappy with management in general.  I think they have their collective heads up their ass, but I suppose that is what they get paid for.  I also don’t like the busy work that seems to be created constantly.  If things get to a point where I simple can’t stand them and the pressure is getting to me that bad, then I will for sure move on.  However, being 50 and finding a new job especially one that pays as well as my present job won’t be an easy task, which is also part of why I just smile and keep my mouth shut while biting my tongue. 

If it wasn’t for my woes at work and the fact that I had less than the desired amount of sleep last night I would say everything is fine.  I need to get Gator some fluids I think that will help her and having to skip & play with her probiotic to ration it out hasn’t done her any favors.  Now that I see it’s working I will always have a supply of it for her thanks to Amazon.  Speaking of which the next shipment is due today. 

It was raining this morning and I peeked outside to see my hard work with the gutters appears to have paid off thus far.  It was a mild rain.  I am looking for something more aggressive as that will be the true test. 

Time to step away, take a break and grab a bite to eat.  Then back to the fun.  Happy June, which is Pride Month!  Take care and I will talk with you again soon.

Double Hitter

I’ve got 2 posts for today.  First the normal babble and Second thoughts about a recent episode of 20/20. 

The charger I got worked to fully recharge my device and the battery pack so that mystery appears to be solved.  The damn thing did chirp a few times during the night and woke me up but when I checked on it all was well.  I’m not a fan of the chirping, plugging it in there is no noise and when I used QI Charging on my prior charger there was no chirping.  This might be something I have to get used to if so, I will just turn on my other White Noise machine to help drown it out.  As long as I can hear Gator if she needs me, I am good.  The house alarm white noise or not is loud enough to wake anyone at any time unless you don’t have a pulse.  Gator and the alarm are all I really care about overnight.

Speaking of overnight, Amazon came through with my delivery at 4a this morning.  I was surprised to read the notification and then go to the porch to find the package waiting for me in the cool crisp Spring air.  I did a quick test with the power strip and my old charger, it appeared to work but the real test will be once I get it setup tonight. 

I also got a shoulder massager/heat wrap to see if I can’t get some better ROM (Range of Motion).  I really don’t think that until all of the knots are worked out of my back that will happen.  I figured what did I have to lose?  I plan on speaking with my doc about this and suspect he will want to sign me up for Physical Therapy which I am not happy with but if that is what it takes then let’s get it done.

Had some very strange dreams last night, woke up for a bladder brake and then when I went back to sleep it was like I jumped right back in.  Kind of like I was in a real-life video game – it was insane. Not exactly sure what that was all about.

Gator was a bit picky with eating this morning since I skipped her Probiotic this morning.  She had to have a gravy can to get her motivated to chow down.  Of course, you know I had to feed it to her by hand in bed and she made a bit of a mess but I could tell in the end she was happy and that is what matters to me.  She drives me nuts but she knows I will do whatever it takes to make sure she is cared for.  She might not always be happy but she will never, ever go hungry so long as I am walking the earth. 

I do feel a little guilty for working from home today but being on-call I just hate leaving and then having something come in and waiting for me as I walk in the door.  It’s not like the work isn’t getting done or I am missing out on something by staying at home, other than physical movement and being around others.  Gas prices are also a bit insane at the moment.  I don’t know if I put much truth in it but I read an article the other day that says prices will be at $10 per gallon over the summer.  I think that is a bit much and if that happens people will revolt and for sure no one will be going anywhere unless it’s necessary or they are just wealthy.  Hell, I remember when prices hit $2 per gallon and people lost their minds.  I remember when gas was less than $1 per gallon but I was just a kid then.  Saying that makes me feel very old. 

Work was very busy earlier this morning and I was running with my hair on fire as we like to say.  I had things jumping at me from all different directions.  Finally got caught up and things have calmed down.  I am watching now but unless something comes out of the wood work, I’m good until noon and that is when the flurry of meetings starts.  We had a BS get together yesterday; my boss calls them Huddles like were a fucking football team.  He used to have every Monday and we got away from them.  He brought us all together for 1 reason but of course he yammered on, had to type out a couple emails while we were on the phone (he is so unorganized and not respectful of our time) I just think that is rude, because he has to talk while he types the message or his brain doesn’t work, so you listen to him dictate an email, which is so unnecessary.  Then after about 30 minutes he told us why he called the meeting which was unnecessary and he could have handled with an email.  I think he likes to hear the sound of his own voice and loves to use his power to call a meeting – so we meet just for the sake of meeting.  Fucking ridiculous but I want the money so I have to put up with it.  Reviews will take place next week and then in a month we will find out how much of a raise we will get. I am not a fan of that process either.  I think when you get your review you should be told how much of a raise, you’re getting but I suppose I am the odd man out on that.  

That’s it for the yammering post for the moment.  Hope that your doing well and life is treating you good!  Take good care of yourself because you are the only you that there is, no one else is like you!

1 Holiday Down–1 Holiday to Go

I did go to dinner at my friends house.  They had Beef Tenderloin, Garlic Mashed Potatoes (way too much garlic), Sweet Potatoes, Corn Casserole and Peas.  It was an okay dinner.  No desert this year.  It was a good time and a great distraction & excuse to get out of the house.  I didn’t stay long considering that I have to work today.  They loaded me up with a goody bag and I have left overs that will easily make two if not three meals.  So that holiday is done. 

Momma got her mid week fill up yesterday evening with fluids and I also passed out plenty of food for her.  All in all things are going fairly well, despite my depression.

It was tough to get going this morning.  I was up at 5a my body said it was time to wake up and Gator was the first to alert everyone.  I tossed for a bit but eventually gave up and climbed out of bed.  Passed out breakfast for the furry 4 legged friends.  I grabbed some cereal and then had the desire to go back to bed.  I had plenty of time to kill, so Gator and I curled up in bed and she guided me off to sleep if only for an hour.  Then I got up and got moving. 

Working from home today.  Not much going on at the office, lots of people are smart and took the next two days off.  I would have done the same thing but for my dumb ass co-worker.  I would love nothing more than to kick back for two days and do nothing or whatever I wanted. 

Boss man sent out an email telling us to watch some educational videos and then thought we needed to have a conference call because were too stupid to read.  I mean it’s really simple watch the videos I think we all got it but he loves any excuse for a meeting.  Thank God he will be going on vacation soon.  I need time away from his ass because he is grating on my last nerve and it’s taking all I can to bite my lip and not blow up at him.  I did look for another job over the past couple days and there are openings out there.  It’s always nice to look.  However, I don’t think thigs have gotten nearly bad enough for me to jump ship quite yet.  Hopefully a break from him will calm me down and I will be able to recover from this. 

It’s kind of a crappy time of year anyway and I am not in the best of moods considering that I am alone.  However, it is my hope & desire that this will be the last year alone.  I probably said something like that last year. 

Well Gator is crying so I guess it’s time to pass out lunch.  I still have another boring conference call to sit through.  Then a meeting with the boss later this afternoon.  Otherwise, today is fairly quiet and hopefully will stay that way. 

I’m eager for the weekend just because it means I don’t have to work.  Next week will be a busy one for me with people leaving and being promoted, some how my boss has managed to overlook this.  I will be sure to remind him in our call this afternoon. 

Hope you had a great holiday.  I will talk with you all again soon.  Be well. 

Air Conditioning in the Winter

Yesterday I was working along making good progress and about 3:30p the AC kicked on in my office.  I checked with the person sitting in the next office over and they too reported chilly conditions.  Finally by 5p I had enough and decided to go home.  I came back this morning thinking that the issue would be resolved.  Nope.  AC still running full blast.  I looked at the thermostats in the office and they were all set low, I kicked them up and pressed the override button.  I fired up the space heater and the radiator heater in my office.  Finally after a couple hours were at 75 which is better than the 60 degrees when I walked in the door.  Now I am so sleepy and ready for a nap.  If only I didn’t have a window I would actually try to fall asleep.

I’ve worked on all of the stuff I normally do on Friday’s plus played catch up from a couple things yesterday.  Here we are at 10:30a and I am bored.  It’s going to be a long day. 

I need to talk with our new guy but I feel like I have been bothering him so I am waiting to see how long it takes him to reach out to me.  We have some work to do, but my guess is that he won’t call me, which is fine it can all wait until Monday.

There is a meeting and call this afternoon that we both need to be on it shouldn’t take more than an hour if that.  Not looking forward to it but it is what it is. 

Yesterday I asked boss man about working 5 days split up around the holidays at home.  He shot the idea down telling me I could have 3 days but that I needed to pick 2 and come in to the office.  What a Motherfucker.  He tells me I can work from home but when I take him up on it he gets all worried about “perception” and back peddles.  Spineless coward.  I mean over all he is an okay boss but it’s times likes these that he really pisses me off.  I also got my Christmas gift from him.  He thought it was wonderful but I think it’s lousy.  It’s a door dash gift card and not for a lot of money, like less than I have received in past years.  I would have much rather had a movie gift card but hey at least he thought of me.  I’ll think of him when shove it in the shredder.  Seriously, I probably won’t use it and will wind up giving it away or putting it in a drawer and letting it collect dust. 

It will be time to move back home, looks like they plan on doing it on the 1st Sunday of January.  I am not excited about that but I also don’t plan to come in.  If you want to move all of my stuff over well knock your self out.  I will miss the security guards, they are so nice, pleasant and friendly.  It something I look forward to coming in and going home.  The security in our building isn’t polite they are just there and they act like big brother.  I get they have a large facility and lots of people they are responsible for but geez at least being friendly goes a long way.  I won’t miss the poor climate control or the long walk to and from.  Secretly I don’t want to go back but I have no control over it. 

Ah so that is work. 

On the home front.  Amazon has disappointed me I was supposed to get my vitamins several days ago and they just showed up today.  I am expecting a neck/shoulder massager today and it shows that it will be delivered by 8p but it’s not even shipped yet.  I don’t think it will arrive today.  I really need it.  This knot in my back is driving me nuts and I would like nothing more than to get rid of it.  Maybe I will luck out and they will get it to me on Saturday or so I hope. 

I gave Ms. Momma some fluids on Wednesday.  She didn’t get much just a tiny dose.  She is still eating like a horse but she is holding her own and slowly returning to her old self.  She did some jumping and has sought me out for more than a meal. 

There wasn’t anything on last night so I found myself watching a full episode of Dr. Pimple Popper and I don’t know how I made it through the entire hour.  Marv had fallen asleep on my hand so I was immobile.  He looked so cute.  I took his picture and that woke him up for a second.  I got a dirty look and then he fell back asleep.  He is really something. 

Gator has a stomach bug.  She is still eating and drinking but I watching her as well.  She climbed up in bed with me earlier in the week and we slept together for a bit.  She also woke me up early this morning because she was hungry.  Funny how that works. 

I am looking forward to relaxing and doing nothing tonight.  Not much planned for tomorrow but I would like to make it to Sam’s to stock up on a couple things.  Plus grab some cat food.  Not sure if I will treat myself to breakfast, kind of depends upon how I feel. 

No word from my friends on Christmas Dinner yet.  My guess is they will wait until the last minute and spring it on me.  I’m holding out on purpose and being stubborn.  I recall they reached out to me a week before Turkey Day to get the details.  To me it’s just another day and it matters not if I go anywhere.  I know I can have a good time there but I can have an okay time with the cats. 

Ah almost 11.  I haven’t moved from my chair since I walked in the door so I guess I should get up and get some blood flowing.  Thinking about maybe crossing the street to check out my new digs.  Not sure if I will be that motivated but hey it will help pass some time.  I may also put that off until later this afternoon. 

Happy Weekend, I hope your warm, safe and having a good time.  Talk with you all again soon.  Be well. 

Demon Inside Me

Your average Saturday for me.  I decided to try something I heard about in a You Tube Video.  Peanut Butter in Oatmeal.  So I broke out the plain Oatmeal and put in a scoop of Peanut Butter.  The PB said best if used by some date late in 2013.  I figured it should be okay it’s PB.  Plus it’s been refrigerated, which I don’t think is required for PB.

It was different but not something that I would repeat.  I am more of a Cinnamon or Apples kind of guy.  I love the smell of Maple & Brown Sugar, but I am allergic to Maple so I avoid it as much as possible.  If I can’t avoid it then I pop a Claritin in addition to all of the other allergy meds I am on. 

After a bit of catching up on Television with the children and talking with a friend.  I decided it was time to go back to sleep.  We all settled in.  Snug as a bug in a rug.  Then I woke up and it was 2:30pm. 

It was a very nice day, temps in the 70s and the sun was out.  Great day for a road trip, but considering my potential impending doom I opted out of that. 

I went out for the mail, then decided what to eat and went to Red Lobster.  Had Lobster Stuffed Tilapia with Rice & Broccoli.  It was very good.  Then I felt my stomach grumble.  I didn’t think anything of it. Paid the bill and left.

I was on my way home when it was pretty clear to me that I had to stop at home first before I went cat food shopping.  Turns out there was a demon in my stomach.  I am not sure what it was from but I didn’t make it home in time.  So now I have to waddle inside, get in the shower and get cleaned up.  That was so NOT fun.  I had a Sprite and watched some more TV with the kids.  Then I threw on some clothes to go get their food. 

I stopped at the car wash first.  I went to a cheap place and there are water beads all over my car.  I am not very happy because I don’t think I got my $12 worth.  However, it is what it is.  Then I stopped for cat food.  Then stopped at Sam’s. 

That is where I saw a very cute and ditzy young man.  He acted like he never pumped gas before.  He had a drivers license and a atm or credit card.  I’m thinking maybe in his 20’s.  Possible college student.  Anyway, I watched him while pumping my own gas.  He unscrewed the gas cap and the whole damn thing came off.  Then he squatted down to look inside the gas tank like it was looking for the hole where the pump goes.  It was a great move because it showed off his bottom and we all know how much I love a nice butt.  Anyway, then he removed the pump handle and wasn’t squeezing the trigger.  Gas poured all over his car.  At that point I wanted to go up to him and ask him if he wanted some help.  However, I didn’t.  I stayed back and he selected the fuel grade and then held the trigger.  He didn’t use the lever to make the pump run automatically like most people he held on to the trigger.  By this time I was done, in my car and leaving.  I felt sorry for him but kind of glad I stayed away.  Chances are if he never pumped gas before he probably hasn’t had sex before either and if he was gay I would probably have had to teach him everything.  Holy shit what kind of opportunity did I pass up! 

 

The mail brought me the latest edition of OUT and NPH is on the cover.  Awesome!  I was very eager to read the story.  Out has been promoting it on social networking.  I saw a video of behind the scenes photo shoot and all of the photographs that are in the magazine.  Pretty impressive.  NPH like a porn star said that eating Pineapple makes your semen tasty.  I’ve been heavy on the Pineapple lately, something I might try.  Anyway it was a very good article.

Now moving on to work.  What I have learned is that my job is still on the line.  It’s about cutting costs.  I believe the truth isn’t too far from what I thought.  My opinion is that my boss wants to get rid of me because he thinks I am out to spend all of his money.  It’s not my fault that he is running older equipment that will soon have no support.  He is a cheap bastard, I mean when I hired in we talked about replacing all of this equipment.  Regardless if I am there or not, he still has to replace the equipment or he is putting his company at risk.  The thing is that IT is a need for his business, as in most businesses.  So how much would he really be saving?  5 or 10 thousand dollars.  Really is that worth it to give up a seasoned professional who has your best interest at heart?  I think not.  However, the decision isn’t mine to make. 

Now that I know this I think he will make the right choice so I am a little more relaxed and think that he will keep me around.  I could very well be wrong.  I am NOT counting my chickens before they are hatched.  I am still about keeping my expenses down, doing my job and looking as fast and hard as I can to get the hell out of that place.  That old bastard is a crazy MOFO.  I know I can do better, the thing is I need someone to take a chance on me. 

Jobs have been appearing more so now than they did in the 1st of the year.  I think that is kind of strange but whatever.  The company I called to work on my furnace last year is hiring but HVAC Techs.  I am not one of those.  However, I sent them my resume because well you just never know.  They seem like a good company and I know if I worked there eye candy wouldn’t be a problem.  Seriously, it’s all about moving on to a good, better paying and much more secure job where I am appreciated and rewarded.  If I get eye candy to look at so be it, call it an added benefit.  Right now it’s about putting cash in the bank and food on the table.  If I can’t do that then I have serious problems and don’t know how I will survive for very long. 

I am still hoping and praying.  It’s not easy but I have to trust in God that this will all work out.  That I will be taken care of, no matter what happens. 

Okay so my stomach is still topsy turvey.  I am headed upstairs to find something to watch on TV, prepare for bed I guess and take some medicine.  I really haven’t had supper but eating isn’t something I am eager to do right now.  I just hope things calm down by tomorrow.  I don’t want to take any time off unless I have to.  I am not looking to give him any reason to let me go.  Besides that not this Monday but next Monday, if I am still there I will be putting my vacation request in for 5 days off.  It will be a time to rest, reflect and remember.  As well as an opportunity to keep moving forward. 

I hope that you all enjoy what is left of the weekend.  I will talk with you peeps later.

Alone

It’s no secret that I don’t have a lot of friends.  Right now I sure could use one of them to talk to.  I feel very scared, alone and just afraid of what the future holds.  I know that if I survived my partners death that odds are pretty great I can survive anything. 

However, being faced with the loss of my income is very scary.  IF this happens on one hand it will be a relief to finally be free of the tyrant.  While that will make me feel good, my eyes will be fixed on the fact that there is no money coming in.  Unemployment doesn’t pay.  I think I will get a severance package but honestly as cheap as they are I don’t think it will be much.

Thinking about things I have hatched a plan that may very well save my job.  It could also turn and bite me in the ass.  Either way it’s a card that I have to play.  It may help me in the end if things do turn south. 

I have documentation out the wazoo but I honestly don’t know if it will aid me in a legal battle or not.  I much prefer to keep my information hidden and keep my job. 

I was hired to do a job, I was hired to protect the company and for doing that I am rewarded by being kicked to the curb.  Something sounds fishy there.  I had thoughts in the beginning that perhaps this was a temporary thing that I would be used to install WIFI and then sent packing.  They have kept me on so far past that I honestly stopped thinking that.

I did start the year out by saying I have to be free of this place, this year.  Well I may very well get my wish.  There is much more to this story but I just don’t want to put it in to words.

I am tired of living my life in constant fear.  What if this, what if that.  It seems that I was beat up as a child a lot and now I am going through being beat up as an adult.  I am ready to get happy and stay happy. 

You know I have heard this voice saying you will be okay, I will take care of you.  I wonder if that is God or if that is just my imagination playing tricks on ne.  I know that I have been okay for a while, despite the fact my finances include a deficit each month.  If it wasn’t for taxes and insurance I would have extra money that I could tuck away.  However, I had to pay those bills.  It feels good to pay cash for things but at the same time I see my nest egg dwindling. 

Right now I could use my rock for a hug, some sage advice and well a shoulder to cry on.  All I have are the cats and they listen to me babble but I don’t think they grasp the entire issue. 

Thus far I am still employed and will be going back tomorrow for another day of fun.  It’s hard to concentrate.  I know the HR person is out tomorrow so chances are I will survive Monday.  I am not exactly certain when the plan is to kick me out, but I know it’s imminent.  I only hope that I can thwart the efforts to get rid of me.  I know that it is supposed to pass through many channels before it’s ever etched in stone.  I think that I have a couple people on my side but I am not sure how hard they will fight for me, if at all.  That is kind of the problem working for a smaller family business.

If I get called for an interview anywhere, I don’t care the date or time time.  I will go against my moral code and use sick time.  I was on Linked In earlier today knowing that they have implemented a blocking system.  I looked up my bad reference, only to find that she has moved on to another company and is now a VP in IT.  She clawed her way to the top and crapped on many people to get where she is today.  I just couldn’t believe it when I saw that VP.  I blocked her.  I also blocked my so called friend that I referred at work.  I don’t think that she has helped my continued employment, especially since she is fighting pretty hard for her unemployment. 

Well I can babble on but it’s not going to change anything.  I have to face the music and just pray and hope for the best.  What a mountain of stress.  No wonder all I want to do is sleep. 

I am going to retire for the evening.  Shameless and Looking are on.  I just hope that I can get some sleep tonight.  I did lay down with Big Boy for an hour.  He purred up a storm.  I am fairly certain that I made his day in a very big way.  That makes me proud.  I am also equally scared about parting ways with him. 

My life just seems like one great big pile of crap, with tiny bits of good mixed in.  I hope that somehow someway this all works out to my benefit and that I am happy in the end. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Clear & Immediate Jeopardy

As the title implies there is trouble brewing.  This time it’s work trouble.  I have been informed that my job is on the line and odds are I am going by the way side.  Mind you that I have done nothing wrong.  Never, been written up or received any formal discipline. 

I believe this is all in retaliation to the fact that we have so much old equipment and it’s going to cost the company a small fortune to replace it all.  This is the Windows XP and Office 2003.  I kind of figured that something was up when my boss has kept me at bay.  He’s not yelling at me, which is not normal.  He is also not responding to any e-mails that I send.  He is just leaving me all alone in my own little world.  I like the fact that he is leaving me alone.  However, that tells me he is up to something!

I just pray that something or someone causes him to come to his senses before it’s too late.  He hired me to do a job and he wants to micro-mange me and stifle my productivity by telling me how to do my job.  Instead of letting me do the job I was hired for.  IT is a cost center not a revenue generator.  However, if he doesn’t spend the money then the company is left swaying in the wind and chances are good they will lose everything. 

Right now I am more worried about me than them.  This is an absolute awful time for me to lose my job.  I’ve got serious bills to pay and creditors won’t take a I’m sorry I lost my job as payment.  They want their money or they are going to kick me out of my house.  That is actually more scary than losing my job. 

The bigger question is, if I fall how soon can I recover?  That is unknown and with that in mind I am scared out of my mind.  I need serious prayer and the hope that this all works out for the best. 

It’s bad enough that I lost the love of my life last year.  I don’t want to lose my job this year.  Every year isn’t supposed to be filled with loss.  There is supposed to be some good times in there.  I haven’t had many of those.  You’d think that I could get a break. 

Talk with you peeps later.

XP Woes

So it’s been a bit since my last update.  I had a sleepless night, not exactly sure why all sorts of things going through my head.  I have serious worries about Big Boy and his departure.  As of this moment he is okay, but he scares the crap out of me.  He woke up coughing the other night.  This morning he decided to munch on some dried up food and that woke me up.  I love him to death!

Traffic has been pretty bad in the AM rush, lots of accidents.  I have left early and even though the media is saying avoid the area, I cruise right on through w/o a problem.  I think they just like to stir panic. 

One of the ladies in the office was let go today.  She just started less than 2 weeks ago.  I don’t think they gave her a fair chance, but not my area.  I just do what I am told.  Found out yesterday that someone had been gone for a month at one of the remote offices and if I hadn’t asked that person’s access would still be in place.  I don’t get what is so hard to tell IT that someone is no longer here.  Big companies have communication breaks downs, we are fairly small and you’d think we were a household name or something with the issues we have. 

One of the supervisors came to me today and said how hard is it to upgrade from XP to Windows 7.  I said it’s easy I have to build you a new machine.  Well, that is what I am doing.  I checked into upgrading and well it’s a pain and a HUGE risk of data loss.  So better to build a new machine.  One of our vendors that this person interacts with will not allow an XP machine on their network.  Even though it’s not been phased out by Microsoft yet.  A friend of mine told me that certain banks are going to do the same thing, so the walls are closing in and if you have XP you will be very limited in what you can access from a secure site standpoint.  Sure would be nice if I would get the green light to order equipment for the upgrade. 

The way I see it is I will be on vacation, he will call to yell because no one will be able to do a damn thing.  NMP (Not My Problem) I told you and you chose to ignore me.  I also wonder if he will allow me to take my time given the fact that the upgrade needs to happen.  I mean I can’t carry it over and would much rather use it.  Only time will tell.  He is still not communicating with me at all, unless it’s absolutely necessary.  I am perfectly okay with it, even though it does feel a bit strange. 

Got my Sam’s club renewal notice.  It’s not due until May but they give you plenty of advance warning.  Only $45 and considering they are my neighbor, I might as well renew.  I will save so much by using them.  The only thing I don’t like is buying in bulk unless we are talking paper products.  Otherwise it really is a bit much for a single guy to handle. 

I deleted my profile for on-line dating.  I was getting silly messages and people were in other countries just wanting to reach out.  That is all well and good but I am not looking for a pen pal.  I am looking for a companion, someone that I can reach out and physically touch and interact with live and in person.  I really don’t think that on-line dating will afford me that opportunity.  I haven’t given up and will be going back just haven’t decided when. 

Our weather is in warm up mode and right now I am in sweating mode.  I can’t wait to go home and get comfortable.  Enjoying watching Rookie Blue with the children.  It occupies an hour and then it’s time for bed.  Tonight Suits and Scandal are on.  I will be all amped up.  However, my hope is that my sleeping medicine will kick in.  I would take a double dose but I am afraid that the hangover effect would cause me to stay home and I don’t want to use my time off that way.

Well off to prepare for getting ready to go home.  Tomorrow has plenty in store for me.  I hope everyone has a good weekend.  I am looking forward to rest and doing nothing.  Maybe opening a window and watching the children go nuts. 

Mr. Blu has started giving me kisses, in addition to biting me.  I think I have won him over.  All it took was chopping off his balls and scratching his back.  Nothing too dramatic, right!

Talk with you peeps later.  I am so hungry for a good meal.  Not sure if I should head to Cracker Barrel or McDonald’s!

Over with–Monday

A mostly calm day.  Which was to my surprise.  Nothing really too special to talk about.  Other than I got into it with my boss.  He accused me of being on the phone when he sent me an IM and I was in HR fixing a problem.  He is a clueless wonder when it comes to computers.  Anyway I set him straight I could careless if he believes me or not.  He is Jewish and I didn’t realize it until after the fact but I said I swear to God.  EEK!

We have another Winter Storm coming in.  Tomorrow morning just after rush hour and it’s suppose to snow until around rush hour the following day.  They have already issued advisory's for people to stay home unless it’s an emergency.  For those that are going to brave it and go to work, they are asking that you leave early to hopefully avoid problems in the PM rush. 

As if that isn’t bad enough we have another storm coming on Thursday.  Eh, it’s just snow nothing to worry about.  They are not forecasting a foot and unless we get buried I don’t see where it will compel me to stay locked up in the house.  Now my employer might ask me to in which case I will be happy to do that.

Shy girl is eating but she threw up pretty big over night.  She had supper and is getting ready for a snack.  I am getting ready to go up for the night and relax. 

I slept pretty good last night.  I grew up going to school with 2 brothers in the neighborhood.  I had a crush on the younger one but as time went on I thought they were both hot.  Well last night I had a dream that the younger one was found dead.  Not sure what that is all about.  They are both straight and have women and children in their lives.  Strange what the mind does to you. 

Oh I got the tax document for the house.  It’s made out to the Estate of but it still has his SSN # so I think were all good.  I also realized that as a surviving spouse I hold a priority claim for $10,000.00 plus I think one years living expenses or something like that.  I have to look it up.  That is on the state level.  However, Federal usually trumps state so chances are if his refund is big I will wind up giving most of it away.  I hope not but only time will tell.  I figure by the middle of the month I can start working on taxes and maybe get them filed by the 1st of next month, if not sooner.  I just want to allow ample time for all of the paperwork to roll in. 

Talk with you peeps later.  Stay warm!

Book Time

I have decided to write a book, not certain if I will publish it.  I started writing last night and before I knew it time had escaped me.  I wanted to be upstairs by 8pm so that I could catch Shameless.  I made it but was about 5 minutes late.  I am disappointed because Ian isn’t on, he is away in the military and he was the whole reason why I watched the show.

Back to the book.  I find it so liberating and it’s like I get to relive my past.  It is truly an amazing experience.  I am sure when I get to the part about him passing that will conger up a lot of memories.  A friend of mine is a published author but I believe she writes about history and stuff like that.  When I am done I will ask her if she will proof it and let me know what to change or add.  After hashing out some things with her I will make the decision to publish or not to publish.  There are some concerns I have and will have to get them addressed and/or resolved before I can make a final decision.  In the meantime I am having the time of my life in writing.

Today was kind of a bust day.  I got to the body shop early, the rental car company was late in picking me up, they didn’t have a car ready for me despite the fact there was a reservation made well in advance.  The car they gave me has damage on it and didn’t even have a full tank of gas.  I am not happy.  I thought I would be like an hour late.  No more like 2 hours late.  I took my late partners handicapped sign with me because I knew the spots in the garage would be filled up and I was right.  That is the only thing that went according to plan.

I was slightly productive today.  I was dismayed because one of the new people just up and quit.  She was so happy with her new job and she really enjoyed it and then poof she is gone.  I don’t know what was up with that but they replaced her by shuffling staff.  Of course I saw this happen but no one has formally told me so the new person doesn’t have the right access but I am sure that will all get changed in time. 

Boss man wasn’t in today and just a little bit ago I got a message saying that we could wear jeans the rest of the week.  Like it’s a big deal to get to wear jeans.  I mean I used to enjoy it but this job has me so ticked off that the little things don’t matter.  Can’t wait to move on.

I left a little bit early because it wasn’t quite dark yet and I don’t know where the blind spots are so I had to get a jump on things.  I thought about just driving home and taking the truck tomorrow but I think I will drive the rental.  I made it without any problems.  I even stopped to get gas $6.02 and the needle didn’t even move.  It’s got a fourth of a tank, just as long as that is what is says when I take it back.  My car will be ready in 2 days and trust me when I say those will be the longest two days of my life.  I suspect that I will get it back on Wednesday, I figure they will call me tomorrow late and tell me that it’s done.  Then I will let them know that I will be there on Wednesday to pick it up.  Since we had so many problems today, I will be sure to leave ample time so that I don’t get stuck w/o my car.  I have to return the rental and then they will give me a ride to the body shop.  The body shop is prompt in opening and closing so I don’t want to be late.  Otherwise that could spell trouble. 

Now I am going to try to enjoy my evening, away from the computer.  More snow coming my way – oh joy.  Stay warm and be careful out there.  Talk with you peeps later.

Thursday

This morning I headed the warning on TV about traffic being a mess.  It was snowing not major but just enough to muck things up.  I made it to work with 10 minutes to spare.  I allowed an hour and a half today, good thinking!  The snow ended by the time I got in.  Then this afternoon around 3pm I get a note that says we are closing early, work from home.  Okay, but since I was already there I just stayed.  No real reason to leave that early.  I planned on leaving at 4pm but of course hanging around meant that I was waiting for a problem to present it’s self and like clock work it did. 

This week has been full of technical problems, more so than a normal week.  It’s to the point where I didn’t get any project work done and I have to report that tomorrow, which I am sure won’t go over well but it is what it is. 

Remember the WIFI installs I did.  Well they didn’t go for true business class equipment, they bought a hybrid instead and spent way less money.  So now they want to have a guest network for visitors.  That means investing in more hardware if they would have just listened we could have avoided all of this.  I could create a second network from my desk at each place.  I am getting bids on two methods one is the right way for a business to operate and the other is the cheap way they want to run their business.  The cheap way will be the easiest but eventually we are going to run out of band-aids and they are going to have to face the music.  I’m sure my boss will scream when he finds out the price but I did what he told me to do it was either that or he was going to fire me then.  What he will do now is anyone's guess.

I sent a note today letting him know about my car and that I would be late on Monday.  I would expect a response indicating it was ok or to at least acknowledge receipt of the e-mail, but no he said nothing.  My paranoia is kicking in saying he will claim he never got the e-mail and then try to pull something.  I guess I will just have to stay tuned to find out.  What a shifty bastard!

Good news I was successful in getting out of jury duty this time.  I confirmed it tonight.  Not sure when I will spring that on him, but I know it should make him happy.  Thinking about telling him tomorrow but I am not sure. 

I at least got home early, had frozen lasagna and got to spend a little time with the kids.  Going back up shortly to give them a snack and prepare for yet another day of fun in the jungle. 

Getting laid might make me happier but having my money problems solved would truly make me happy! 

Increase in the temperature and rain coming tomorrow.  Commute should be interesting.  Talk with you peeps later.  Can’t wait until I get off work tomorrow.  I am coming home and not doing a damn thing!

Enjoy your weekend, stay warm and be careful.  Talk with you peeps later.

Back to the grind

I ventured in today.  The hardest part was getting out of the subdivision.  They always do a lousy job of clearing the snow.  Make it to the main streets and they are all in pretty good shape.  It took me about an hour and a half to get to work this morning, yes I was late but only by 20 minutes.  I had the attitude that I will be there when I get there.  When I saw I would be late I sent my boss an e-mail.  I’ve only been late 1 other time and it was due to traffic and rain.  I got a reply from him then but today nothing.  He really doesn’t care for me, but the feeling is mutual.  Thankfully he pretty well left me alone today.  That “talk” we were supposed to have was just his way of trying to intimidate me.  Those things usually never come to fruition because he is old and he forgets!

The one big legal case that I am in is really starting to kick my ass.  I mentioned another finding today to our attorney and once again I was told that I need to start taking the lead and ask about other obvious things, like in this case.  Doing what your told doesn’t cut it, you have to ask questions, probe and make sure everything is covered.  Yeah, well you don’t work for the same fucktard that I do.  I am learning some valuable things so the next case that comes my way should be a breeze, that is if I ever get access to the archived e-mail.  Since my boss no longer trusts me I am not so sure that will happen.  He lets me have barley enough access to do my job.  What he fails to realize is that I can see every document, get into every file and if I wanted to create quite a calamity for them.  However, that wouldn’t serve me or them, so why waste the time.  I just can’t wait to get away from this place.

Today was a very busy day and tomorrow looks to be the same.  I have lots of different things to do.  People always ask me are you busy and no matter what I say they always dump a bunch of work on me.  I never say I am not busy because that I learned a long time ago is an invitation to disaster.  I saw a co-worker get fired for answering that question with a no, I have nothing to do.  Duh, don’t ever say that bad things will happen.

My commute home took an hour and a half as well.  I went several different ways to avoid a backup but got stuck multiple times.  Hopefully, things are better tomorrow night.  The bad thing about getting home late is that the evening is shot real fast.  Barley enough time to have supper, 5 minutes with the kids and then it’s time for bed.

Last night Big Boy really bothered me.  He sounded all congested.  I was brushing my tooth and heard him breathing.  He was only right outside the bathroom door.  I can’t hear any of the other cats breathe, unless they are sleeping and then only sometimes.  He was just acting odd.  I thought the worst but picked him up and carried him to my room.  Just what my aching back needed.  Then he was just fine this morning.  He curled up in his bed.  He seemed eager this morning for his medicine.  Ah, this I think will be his last year but I am just taking it as it comes.  I pray for the best.  There is no preparing for death, even though I have been warned.  I heard about a new drug in humans that is injected multiple times over the course of weeks and it eats away scar tissue.  They used it to correct curved penis in humans.  I wonder if they injected the same drug into the cat if it would destroy the scar tissue and give him more life?  Even if it would, the cost would probably kill me.  Money is no longer an option  - I have to think before I spend, which really kills me. 

Okay so it’s starting to get late.  I have lots to do before bed.  So time to go do and then some rest.  Were getting more snow tonight but they promise it’s only a dusting.  Yeah, heard that one before.  Tomorrow I think a little snow but much warmer and Friday in the 40’s and rain.  Bye Bye Snow!  Can’t wait to have a clean driveway again.

I do miss the work from home days, there is no one to question my movements or eavesdrop on conversations and there is no back biting.  Ah, some day it will get better.

Oh last thing.  I won the lottery, nothing big.  Had the Big Ball (he he) and 1 number.  I think I get like $2 – I will invest it back into another ticket.  Thinking of buying a $5 scratch off ticket, it’s a lot to loose but the winnings are greater, plus the results are instant.  I think if I won $50k or $100k I would just tell my boss I am not coming back and take the rest of the year to find a new job.  It would be a lot of time on my hands but I could sure have a lot of fun.

Okay no more rambling, I am going for real this time.  Stay warm, be safe and I will talk with you peeps later.