29 December 2015

Risky Move

By the title you can already tell that I did something that was risky.  One of the guys at work that I have a crush on and he’s straight … married with children, well he’s been baiting me to tell him that I am gay.  Today he told me a story about a friend of his who decided to come out of the closet.  From what he mentioned his friend and I have a lot in common.  So I gave in against my better judement and came out to him.  This is the same guy that is known to tell everything he knows.  I explained to him that the information that I shared with him was to stay between us and go no further.  I did tell him to mention me to his friend that just came out of the closet.  I also asked him to see a photo of the guy, he’s okay looking not someone that I would approach.  Who knows we may hit it off or we may just be good friends.  Either way I am hoping that this ends up a win in my book and not a move that I will regret. 

Tonight I looked up his friend on Facebook to take my time in looking at his photo and well my opinion hasn’t changed, he is average looking and again not someone that I would approach.  He works in Law Enforcement and I have an interest in that.  I’m not sure what will come of this but nothing ventured, nothing gained.  He knows other people that are gay and who knows maybe one of those people might be a match. 

I really surprised myself that I gave in because I have said that I would never, ever tell him.  Today I guess may have been a weak moment and he did admit to baiting me.  I was pretty blunt in that I told him I didn’t think I could trust him but I was going to give him a chance and hopefully he would prove me wrong and be able to keep my secret. 

Is it the end of the world if everyone at work knows?  Not really but it’s apart of my life that I prefer to keep to myself, I feel sexuality or sexual id has no place in the office.  There would be people that would talk about me but hey they already do that.  At the end of the day, I am who I am and there is no one or nothing that can change that.  I have had my sexual identity cost me a job in the past and therefore I am a bit skiddish about airing this information, as there is so much more riding on my job today than ever before.  If I lose my job, I think it would prove difficult to find a replacement and make what I am paid today, which thankfully is what is allowing me to continue to live in the house and pay all of the bills. 

Good move or bad move?  I suppose only time will tell.  Outside of that work has been kind of busy with people trying to get stuff done before the year grinds to a halt.  Tomorrow I expect will be busier than the past two but Thursday I suspect will be the quiet day of the week.  Lots of people are out and while I wish I was one of them, this is easy money so why not take it!

Time to pass out treats to the kids and call it a night.  Relaxing by playing with my iPhone because I didn’t get much of an opportunity today at work and I just have to know what is going on in social media and I have to check the dating apps.  Truth be told, I probably didn’t miss much.  Things are floating around here, water is everywhere.  Funny thing is one of our offices closed early yesterday because of snow flurries meanwhile we needed a canoe to get home and they made us work a full day.  Really?!  I hope your staying warm and that life is treating you well.

27 December 2015

Christmas 2015

 

Christmas

 

All in all, things turned out okay.  I did get rather mad a couple times but didn’t let it show.  First, about an hour before I was supposed to arrive I got a message that said to pick up soda because they forgot.  I question if they really forgot it or if they just wanted me to pay for something.  They normally don’t drink soda.  So a quick stop at a gas station and soda I had.  I took it out of the money I was giving them for Christmas.  Maybe that was wrong but again I was ticked.  They told some friends that normally attend that they were getting an Amazon Gift Card.  I was really hoping for the same thing because they know that I am an Amazon-a-holic.  Nope instead they got me a gift card to one of my favorite restaurants, but it was a very small amount.  I again reduced the amount of their gift to match exactly what they gave me in a gift card.  That was probably wrong but it’s my money. 

 

As for the meal, we had Prime Rib and not standing rib roast.  There were 2 cuts of meat.  One was well done and the other was rare.  It was not fatty but it was tough and they passed out butter knives, which were not sharp at all.  So it took forever to get through the small slab of meat they put on my plate.  There were green beans, garlic mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes that I ate.  They also had Brussel sprouts and horseradish for the meat.  I didn’t have either of those last two items. 

 

There was the usual h’orderves of olives, pickles, carrots and dill dip.  Then there were crackers and cheese.  They had a cheese ball but elected not to put it out, that is what I really wanted. 

 

Desert was the usual cranberry walnut tart, which was excellent.  There was no fresh made whipped crème. 

 

I stayed much later than I wanted to but still managed to get home at a decent hour.  The children were very happy that I was home.  I also had a carry out portion of the meal that I was sent home with.  There are parts I want to eat and parts that I don’t. 

 

Rest of the time

 

I have had my fair share of naps as well as interrupted sleep.  I am not used to sleeping with 3 cats in my small twin bed.  It makes for quite a challenge because I don’t like to be held down.  I switch beds a lot but get serenaded by Insty (aka Gator).  She really puts all she has into it and I usually wind up giving in and getting up, regardless of the time.  Not tonight because tomorrow is back to work.  She will be sleeping in the living room.  It’s kind of funny she has a corner of my bed that she claims as hers.  Marvin & Momma both want to be on the same side but Momma doesn’t like being near Marvin, she doesn’t like to be around any of her children since she got sick.  She is very crabby with them.  However, she will eat with them.  Silly woman I just don’t get her. 

 

The laundry and dishes got done early.  I did grocery shopping and trash today as I normally would.  I went to the upscale store again today just to switch it up.  I got some items that I normally wouldn’t have.  The one thing that I wanted was Snowballs (cookies) but they no longer had them.  I looked everywhere, but no luck.  Not happy but that is the way it goes. 

 

I went out for supper last night it was really fancy.  Taco Bell!  Yeah I got an order to go 2 Burrito Supremes and 2 regular tacos.  Ate it all in one sitting and it was delicious! 

 

I have ripped some music from CD to my iTunes so that I can have it on my phone.  I have also acquired some music from online.  Adam Lambert, Daft Punk, Paul Oakenfold to name a few.  I had to fight with ripping the soundtrack from the movie Latter Days to my system.  It was copy protected so I couldn’t play the CD, because apparently the license wouldn’t install, I suppose because I have Windows 10 and not Windows 98 but hey.  I made it work and had to manually label all of the tracks, which was not fun but it’s done.  I look forward to many hours of listening pleasure. 

 

I have spent a lot of time with surfing for porn, cute guys and smut in general.  Just because I could.  I have also watched a lot of Movies and TV.  I saw Snervous last night which is a movie by Tyler Oakley.  It was interesting but I kind of wish that I would have not seen it.  I thought he would open up a little more than he did.  Apparently the content I am looking for can be purchased in his book, yeah I don’t see me getting that. 

 

Family

 

I had just laid down for a nap when my phone rang on Christmas Day.  Caller ID said it was my brother.  I didn’t move to answer it and let it go to voice mail.  Then pretty soon my cell phone started, again it was him and I let that too go to voice mail.  When I woke up I listened to my messages and turns out it was my mom wishing me a Merry Christmas. 

 

I spoke with her today we played phone tag a bit.  She is a little unhappy given the circumstances but she said that she feels safer where she is.

 

For Christmas my brother being ‘the good son’ picked her up and took her to his girlfriend’s place.  Where they enjoyed a Christmas meal.  Even though I typically have plans of my own you would have thought that I would have been invited but that didn’t happen.  My brother didn’t even call to say Merry Christmas, not that I expected it but things were a little different a year ago.

 

Apparently my brother thinks that he has until May to clear out the house because that is when the bank will be wanting the house back.  My mom keeps on telling him to get stuff out of there but he is procrastinating.  ½ of what she wants he suddenly is having a hard time finding.  However, he got all of the stuff of value out and gave it to his girlfriend.  What a twit.  In talking with my mom she said that she still has a key to the house with her.  So I am going to stop by on Friday (New Year’s Day) and pick it up.  Then I will be able to go to the house and see what’s left.  Mom is worried about yet another fur coat that she has there, that he won’t get.  So I will be picking that up along with God knows what else.  I am taking the truck so that I have extra room but I don’t plan on packing it full of stuff because I already have a house full of crap that I can’t use or don’t want.  On one hand I look forward to seeing what is left and on another hand I really don’t want to see the place.  I just hope this isn’t a trap to try to get me arrested, I have to play paranoid because no one else will play it for me. 

 

I can tell that there is some serious regret that my mom has and it sounds like things are moving very slow to get her in to the recovery program that she needs to be in.  The holidays I know don’t help that process, but until she starts and completes the program she can’t get discharged.  I know that my brother could bust her out but there would be the small problem of where she would live. 

 

 

Weather

 

It was awesome on Christmas Day.  60 degrees felt like I was in CA or FL and there was plenty of sunshine.  Then Friday hit and it started raining and hasn’t stopped yet.  It is going to keep up until sometime on Monday.  There is a lot of flooding going on.  There are small puddles in my front yard.  I live up on a hill so I am not at risk, but I remember a time years ago when I came home from work and the subdivision was flooded.  We had such a large amount of rainfall that the storm drains couldn’t keep up.  I like so many other people you see on TV drove in to water that I wasn’t sure I would make my way out of.  Once I decided to enter it, I didn’t let my foot off of the gas and got to the driveway with minimal effort.  I certainly understand how you can think your invincible and that you can drive into what looks like a small puddle only to find out that you just entered a small creek.

 

There are plenty of road closures, power outages and unfortunately people that have been killed.  I really wish the rain would stop.  I was thinking this morning as I got out in it that it was cold but if the temps drop a lot then it would all turn to ice and we would have a different kind of problem on our hands.  I don’t know that anyone would be going anywhere.

 

I really want snow, it’s a sign of comfort for me but it’s just not here yet.  Today would be my anniversary, it hit me this morning.  I remembered that I timed it two months to the day of his birthday.  We would be celebrating legally 3 years, despite the fact that we had been together for over 20.  I spent ½ of my life with him and it is not so easy to just put it all behind me or file it all away.  Our Civil Union License hangs in the living room as a tribute to what we had.  I know that making our relationship legal meant the world to both of us.

 

Okay so it’s time to feed the Gator who is bugging the crap out of me.  I need to put in my pizza and then shave & shower.  Then it will be back to the computer for a little bit.  Wow today seems to be flying by compared to the rest of the time off.  I still look forward to having Friday off and hold out some hope that they will let us go early again on Thursday because even 2 hours is an extension of what I could have had.  I did get invited to my friends for New Year’s Eve.  They don’t have a formal meal but rather eat snack food.  I will be quite content here at home celebrating knowing that I am safe and with my furry children.

More to come as the week progresses.  I hope that your Christmas was the best and that your well, warm and safe!

24 December 2015

Christmas Eve

 

Christmas Fireplace

 

 

All is quiet and all is calm here.  Yesterday I got a call at work from the person in charge and was told that we could leave 2 hours early.  I was so thankful for that.  It gave me an opportunity to stop at the post office and get Bear’s pee pads.  Then I came home and took care of the kids and lounged on the couch for the majority of the evening.  When I had enough I just went to bed.  Rather boring and uneventful.

Television is becoming quite the challenge for me now.  It’s tough to find something that I want to watch.  Most of the things that are on Amazon & Netflix that interest me I have seen.  I did watch a documentary this morning about ‘The Killing Squad’ a group of Army Soliders who killed innocent civilians in Afganistan.  It was horrible because the person that blew the whistle got punished as if he was a criminal.  He didn’t do anything but bring the event to light.  Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to open your mouth even if that is doing the right thing.  I think this would have been a non event had he not said anything.  However, he would have had to live with himself and I can understand the guilt that would be associated with that. 

On to something better, we can talk about the presents I have thus far.  I got a $10 Cheesecake Gift Card, a bag of Cat shaped Pasta and a Daily Cat Calendar.  I am interested in what tomorrow brings, my guess is a gift card to a resturant or two.  I’m still giving cash because it’s easier and then they can spend it on whatever they want. 

Last night I got the information on Christmas Dinner, I am so not happy.  It’s fucking standing rib roast.  I feel like stopping at McDonald’s before I go over and then when I get there telling them that I am stuffed.  Yes that would be rude but I am not looking forward to eating fatty meat.  I can only hope they do a better job of trimming the fat away.  There just won’t be a whole lot for me to enjoy but I will eat and put up a brave front.  Might stop some place when I am done.  Were not eating until 3p and that means that the food won’t be ready to be served until 4p….they are never, ever on time.  Not to sound ungreatful but there are just a few things that rub me wrong.  I appreciate the effort they are going to try to make my holiday enjoyable. 

Since we got Christmas Eve off, I decided to hit up the upscale grocery store.  I have some Christmas Cookies, BBQ and a premade Turkey Dinner that will be my supper.  Not to mention I had a super hot bagger boy, I could have taken him home no wrapping necessary!

I had a bout of insomnia last night and not sure why other than the holiday approaching.  I did eventually fall back asleep.  Then I also made up for the lost sleep or so I think by napping after my morning grocery shopping.  Ms. Gator laid on top of me as if I would get away.  I even moved from my chair to the couch and she followed and got back up on me.  She just loves her daddy.  I don’t think she knows how much she grates on my nerves.  I don’t mind her being around me it’s the insessant meowing that drives me crazy.  Marvin was so funny, I was watching TV just before I past out and he was already in a napping mode.  His neck disappeared and that means he is going to sleep.  My cell phone was on the bed next to him.  I got an email message, which caused an alert.  He just gave a dirty look to the phone.  Then it kept happening and he was pissed and wanted to eat the phone.  He started sniffing it and pawing at it, that is when I grabbed it from him and put it in airplane mode.  I told him it won’t bother us anymore.  It took a little bit but he settled down and his neck disappeared and soon he was in slumber land.  

Yesterday, I got a call from the doctor yesterday and they are finally going to refill my sleeping medicine.  However, they required me to make an appointment for next month and they want to do a physical.  Oh joy.  I am toying with the idea of switching doctors, this guy isn’t all that responsive and I am ready to kick him to the curb.  I am going to do some surfing and see what I can find, if there isn’t anyone else that is mroe attractive (hours, location, etc.) then I will just stay put.  I remember what I went through the last time I went doctor shopping and it was not a fun or cheap experience. 

There is much to do around here it’s just that I lack the energy to do it.  Since I got the other UPS going I had to figure out where to put it.  I split the load on my main unit, I have yet to test it but it should work.  Hopefully I am right.  Dinner time is approaching and I am so looking forward to Turkey.  I also found the other thing that I have been looking for that is Creamed Chipped Beef, it’s made by Bob Evans.  I am so excited about that, it made the whole day – well that plus the cute guy at the grocery store. 

Saturday I found that the bargain theater will be showing the movie that I want to see, so I am going to head there and see it on the cheap.  Then afterward I will be close to all of the good places to eat, so I can get some grub.  Sounds like an okay day to me. 

I have reached out to a few guys on one of the dating apps.  They are all younger than me and I don’t expect a single reply but it feels good to have made a move.  The dating game appears to be all about risk … if you have the balls to talk to someone or make the first move then you never know it could all work in your favor and be a match or it could turn into a disaster.  Perhaps next year will be my year and then I will be able to find the guy of my dreams and delete all of those apps. 

I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and I hope that you are surrounded with the people that you love, good food and that you have a good time and make some memories for years to come.  Be safe and have a godo time!  Talk with you all again soon.

20 December 2015

Emotional Blather and a daily update

 

santa

 

I have had trouble this entire past week with sleeping.  Last night I had the worst dream.  My late partner broke up with me and wanted nothing to do with me.  I don’t know why but it really hurt.  Typically, when I wake up in the middle of the night it’s because there is something going on … I am worried about something, someone is seriously ill, I have concerns over my job – there is a reason to pin point and it’s not a mystery.  This time it appears as a mystery.  Although since I had the dream about my partner I am wondering if it’s is not over the holidays, the fact that I will be alone, etc.  It is a concern of mine but I know the holidays will be just like any other day and I of course will feel his absence and it will hurt, this is pretty much a given.  I don’t know why my subconscious mind is giving me such a fit.  I wish it would stop.  In an attempt to combat this, I am going to double up on sleep medicine, I will wake up feeling drunk but it’s better to be well rested, or so I think.  You are about to enter the blather zone. 

I suppose all of the porn I consume, the many thousands of images that I look at of hot guys (naked or not) and of course looking when I am out probably helps contribute to the above issue.  I can easily admit that I am addicted to porn, I love it and thirst for more.  Watch one scene it serves its purpose and I am ready for the next scene.  Yet I collect scenes that I like to watch again later.  It is to the point that it’s an obsession but it’s been that way since I first saw porn as a child.  I love to watch people fuck, this is my sex life.  It’s safe, no one gets hurt, I don’t have to please anyone else, cleanup is easy and best of all there is no risk of disease.  However, I have found that you can injure your penis from too vigorous masturbation.  That was not fun but it didn’t stop me.  I am addicted to orgasm; I wish that I had multiples of them but I would only want more.  The older I get I find the kinkier I am getting, since being on my own I have been able to explore some new things that I can get pleasure from.  It’s liberating and it just plain feels good.

That said I am still looking for a new partner.  Starting off as friends and dating then building from there.  I do have concerns about preforming in bed but I don’t obsess over that now because there is no one to perform for, I will worry more about it when I get to meet that special someone.  Even then I can tell you that I won’t want to give up porn.  Back when I was actively having sex, I still watched porn.  Some people collect baseball cards, love to knit or bake.  Me I like porn, it’s not something that I can openly share with people, which is sad but it’s probably better that way.  I have favorite performers and I actively follow them in social media.  I get that it’s just an act and they are real people, it’s actually interesting to see what they look like with their clothes on.  I suppose that all of this as a whole …. Porn, grieving, lack of companionship and the emptiness that I feel are all starting to weigh on me.  Throw in a little worry about my job and I suppose you have the disaster milkshake. 

I am who I am and I can’t and won’t change for anyone.  I often wondered how I would get by on my own.  I knew I could make it but I was tested and put in positions where my back was against the wall and I was cornered.  I am still standing and have made great strides.  I have gotten used to being alone, it doesn’t make the pain go away or the process easier.  I like being able to eat what I want, when I want without having to worry about someone else.  I certainly enjoy nap time and I don’t have to worry about any person making noise to disturb me.  There are feelings here that I just can’t translate into words but in summary I like the freedom and being able to live my life as I want.  A friend told me a long while ago that I was living conforming to what my partner wanted, that caused me to take a hard look at myself and I found out my friend was in fact correct.  My hope is that now that I have written about this and the fact that I am changing up my sleep medicine this next week will be much better for sleep and I will actually be able to relax and unwind the ball of nerves and emotion that I am.  All I want is happiness and someone to share it with, I don’t think that is asking too much.

 

Thanks for reading that blather.  10FF79FD-5DFC-4129-B4F6-98309857593E

 

I slept with my door open, I of course woke up in the middle of the night.  Not a big deal since it’s a weekend.  Momma heard me moving about and decided to come investigate.  She clawed the hell out of my head when she walked across it.  There was no hope of going back to sleep immediately, that silly woman woke me up.  I was pissed.  I evicted her from my room, closed the door turned on the machines (white noise and air purifier) and after a while I was able to fall back asleep after having been up for about two hours.  I also turned my cell phone off so that there were no alerts or emails heard otherwise I would have only gotten an hour’s sleep.  When I awoke it was 8:30a.  I decided reluctantly that I needed to start the day, despite the fact that my bed felt like a much more desirable place to stay.  I got breakfast for the children.  I checked my blood sugar which I do infrequently.  I was very pleased to see the result as being 100, that is awesome for a fasting reading.  Meaning that I had not eaten anything since yesterday and I had a lot of cake yesterday.  I guess the medication I take is more powerful than what I give it credit for.  I know that I shouldn’t be anywhere near sweets, Italian food or anything that contains excess amounts of sugar but I love it, always have and probably always will, even if it kills me in the end.  I’d rather die on a full stomach of delicious food than walk around looking like a stick and being healthy.  Losing weight has been an ongoing goal for me but it’s difficult, so I don’t try, despite knowing all of the benefits of exercise and how it would help in so many areas of my life, I would rather be a couch potato.   

Yesterday I found out that the movie I want to see on Christmas Eve isn’t playing at my local theater.  In fact, my only chance to see it there will be in about an hour.  It’s do or die if I want to see it without having to travel 20 plus miles.  Honestly with the release of Star Wars I figure that all of the theaters will look like a retail store on Black Friday.  I am not a huge crowd person if I can avoid it I will.  It doesn’t paralyze me it’s just a setting that I would rather not be in.  I will either write this one off by talking myself out of it or I will travel the 20 plus miles on Christmas Eve to see it. 

Nothing much else is going on, it’s a typical Sunday here.  Having pizza for supper as usual and I am skipping the extra cheese.  I tried to buy Lasagna today but my body wouldn’t let me.  I got flashbacks to a couple weeks ago and had to keep on moving.  The only frozen stuff I got was cheese sticks and a pizza.  The freezer is full up with dinners for the week.  I used my last $20 coupon at the grocery store.  I still have yet to see Christmas Cookies out.  I need to get to the upscale grocery store because they have them.  The more butter that is used to make them, the more I like them. 

I have been chatting with a co-worker that I have a crush on.  He is married and totally straight.  We got into some pretty heavy conversation about my past and life in general.  He invited me to have lunch with him.  It was comforting, I had a vague thought that it was sexual but I more have the overwhelming feeling that I am being pumped for information.  Outside of having a wicked crush on this handsome hottie who is only 30 years’ old I feel like he wants me to come out to him, it’s as if he knows I am gay but needs to hear me actually confirm it.  He is one of the many sources for office gossip.  He is actually the person that is running our office but only a couple people know that.  Our office manager is a woos and can’t make a decision to save his life, so he looks to someone that he trusts to make all of the decisions for him.  Mind you that when the vacancy opened for an office manager the guy that has the position is the one who applied for it.  He thought it would be a better fit for him and he is miserable.  Anyway this hottie has a sister who is a Lesbian so I don’t think that if I disclosed my sexuality and told him my story that it would cause him to ostracize me but I am pretty positive that it would change our friendship.  I think that he looks up to me a little bit but I could be mistaken.  I was telling all of this to a friend and they think that he might actually be Bi-Sexual and want to jump me.  Yeah if only.  No it would cause a problem because first it would be a work relationship/fling and second he is a married man, I don’t ever want to be the guy that someone’s spouse had sex with while they were married or in simpler terms ‘the other woman’.  I can’t help but stare at this guy’s crotch and body in general when I am around him, there is an obvious physical attraction.  Still I think I am better keeping ‘my secret’ to myself.  The odd thing is that he looks forward and encourages me to come by as often as I want.  He gets a break from work (despite the fact that he does very little to start with, he is a slacker) but if I don’t go by then I get shit from him and have to explain why I didn’t stop by.

Well it’s time to go tend to the laundry.  Gator is crying because she wants daddy and lunch as well.  I have a lot to launder and I am looking forward to a shave and hot shower.  It’s one of the things that I look forward to over the weekend.  Sucks that tomorrow is Monday and I have to go in.  However, it’s a short week so I take some solace in that.  Still hoping for Honey Baked Ham on Christmas!  I haven’t heard from my friends and probably won’t until Christmas Eve, they are the 11th hour kind of people.  No sense in calling ahead so you can arrange your day, I guess they think I am not that busy.  It’s more to the point of being able to plan my day, I am a routine person and if you fuck that up then the whole day has gone to shit.  I guess that is as close as I get to being Sheldon Cooper …. Bazinga!  If you don’t watch The Big Bang Theory the last couple of sentences won’t make any sense to you. 

Warmest wishes for a Merry Christmas, a great week and peace on earth.  I am sure we will talk again before the holiday but I just wanted to put it out there.  As usual thanks for stopping by and for reading this post.

 

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19 December 2015

AT&T Day

I didn’t know that I would spend most of my evening last night with AT&T.  Things were going good and my memory kicked in, so I called.  I figured since it was around 7p they would be closed, but no, open which was nice.  I got a lady who I think was of asian decent.  She didn’t take time to listen to what I said, she was applying selective hearing.  She wanted to dismiss my trouble and blame it on the network, they started the show late.  I assured her that was not the case.  She wanted to format my DVR back to factory, I had to ask two times for her to put the case on hold, I would need time to gather information from the DVR and I would call back.  Finally she gave in.  I was so pissed when I got off the phone I was yelling.  I quickly made a list of all of my recurring recordings and then called back.  This time I spoke with an American who took the time to listen and she was very helpful.  We reached a point that it was obvious that she wasn’t going to be able to help me fix the issue, a tech needed to come out.  I knew that all along but had to play the silly game.  So I made an appointment for Saturday afternoon.  I got a time window and was told the tech could be here between 2 and 4 hours, there was a possibility of a charge if the trouble was on my end and not in their equipment.  What are the odds that wire is going to go bad?  I said okay. 

I chose a morning appointment and then quickly switched it to afternoon.  I remembered that I had to make it to the post office.  So I did that, got gas for the car and shopped for cat food.  Then back home to spend time with the muffins and wait for 1p.  The tech called me shortly after 1p to let me know he was on the way.  As per usual with anyone that comes to my house he got lost and was driving up and down the street, finally he realized which house he was supposed to go to.  He decided to start with a modem.  I told him that I didn’t feel it was the modem but that I was fine with him replacing it.  They also call this a Residential Gateway.  He was quick to tell me my wifi password was going to change and I told him I don’t have internet with AT&T, so that made his job a little easier.  While we waited for the equipment to boot back up, we made idle chit chat.  I explained more of the issue to him and he told me that if we can prove the DVR is bad he would replace it.  Thankfully we were able to prove the DVR was bad and he kept his word.  The odd thing is I got a larger modem but a smaller DVR that actually holds more recordings.  I am not complaining just made the observation of the size of the equipment, because you know to some of us size matters.  Smile  He replaced everything that he possibly could that would cause the problem.  There are only two other peices of equipment a wireless receiver and the wireless transmitter that communicates with the receiver.  I feel very confident that the issue has been resolved.  I won’t know for sure for a couple weeks until shows return from holiday break and I have multiple recordings going at one.  So there was no charge for the visit and I actually got an upgrade that didn’t cost me a thing.  Yeah wait until January when my contract is up.  They are going to try to rape me and I of course won’t allow that, unless they promise to use lube first.  Seriously they will work with me or I will drop them like a bad habit.  They get plenty of money from me every year and since the cellular bill is going up in February it’s the least they can do for me.  Stay tuned to find out how that turns out, they won’t negotiate until you are days away from your contract ending.  My guess is there is a hidden auto renew clause and you will be bound to a new contract but they say that isn’t the case.  Yeah well we shall see.

Before the technician arrived I decided to watch The Big Bang Theroy.  I was invested into the program and at the 25 minute mark the damn recording stopped.  It thought that the recording was done, when it wasn’t.  It was painful but there was only one solution.  Go watch it On Demand.  That meant that I couldn’t fast forward, I had to re-watch what I already saw and I couldn’t skip commericals.  So I did other things while that was playing.  Then when we got to where it was new information I started paying attention.  Very good show.  Those guys and gals always make me laugh.  Sheldon is the best.  I actually work with a couple people that act just like him.

After the day I had I thought about going to Outback Steakhouse, then I remembered it’s freezing outside.  It would be a 45 minute ride and I could probably use that money elsewhere.  So I talked myself out of it again and stayed home.  I had a tv dinner and some cake.  Whoopie.  I watched a lot of TV today.  I saw a movie on Showtime about a dog saving christmas, it was pretty cool.  Sort of like Home Alone but Kevin was played by a dog.  I saw a documentary on Daft Punk, pretty interesting.  They have never shown their faces, all you get to see are the helments.  The element of mystery adds to the attraction to listen to their music.  They have some good stuff.  One More Time and Robot Rock are two of my favorites. 

Ms. Gator has been up my ass since the moment I walked in last night.  Meow here and meow there.  I switched beds at 4am and she started up again.  None of the children like a closed door and she just meowed her head off.  There was no going back to sleep, so I got up and went back to my room.  After an hour or so I fed them breakfast.  I drank some juice and watched Netflix, eventually I got tired again and returned to bed.  Only to wake up to someone thinking they were entitiled to a second breakfast.  I didn’t give in.  I did eat some food and then got moving.

I have seen on FB posts about grief and the loss of a loved one around the holidays.  It’s in the news as well.  Yet another reminder for me, like I really need that.  I understand that I am not the only person who has lost someone dear to them.  I suppose for those people that just experieced this or will experience it before or during the holidays it’s a good idea to put the word out that there is help available and to seek it out rather than trying to fight the battle alone. 

Instagram has really been front and center on my phone.  The app figured out that I like boys (men) and I see tons of photos of shirtless guys.  Yummy.  I have also found porn on the app from short clips to full dick pics.  I keep thinking of different guys that I would like to follow or I see someone hot and just start following them.  My account is private which means no one can see my posts unless I approve.  I have given like 5 people access and I am down to two followers.  I guess they find my posts to be offensive.  Whatever.  I paid for an app that will allow you to grab photos from other people and save them to your phone.  This only works on public accounts, if you get access to a private account your out of luck.  There are tons upon tons of photos so I will never ever grow bored with the app or so I think. 

Switching over to on line dating.  Remember the douche from the pet food store that led me on only to tell me in the end it wasn’t the right time for a boyfriend?  Yeah well he’s back on Grinder and so his profile says he is also on match dot com.  He is on a winter break from school and looking to date.  Yeah sure he is, but I’ll bet you anything he pulls the same crap with someone else.  I mean if he really wanted to ‘date’ he would have saved my phone number and given me a ring to see if I was still available.  As if anyone would have scooped me up, I mean it’s possible but the odds weren’t in my favor and don’t appear to be going that way.  My photo isn’t on Grindr, so he doesn’t know I am there.  I so want to send him a message and tell him it’s not nice to fuck with people and give them false hopes.  However, I’m sure that could some how be taken as a threat and with modern technology the cops would be knocking at my door in no time flat.  So I am not taking the risk, but I am tempted to put my pic out there to see if he messages me.  I don’t want to get involved with him because he lied to me and led me on once.  What is to say he wouldn’t do it again or worse yet we click and things go fine then one day I find out something he told me was a lie.  Yeah, I think it’s a receipe for disaster.  Perhaps if he was on the receiving end of the same shit he was shovling my way he would feel different.  I understand it’s difficult to tell people your not interested, but hey were all adults (or claim to be) and rejection goes hand in hand with dating.  Better to be honest than to give false hope.  I am still anxious for the next guy I get to go on a date with.  He will be lucky number 3 and hopefully that means things will click.  It’s like a job interview you need a little practice to figure out what to say and what not to say, once you master that it’s smooth sailing.  As an example I am quick to tell people that I am new to dating in general and that I lost my partner of 20 years.  I think those are turn offs, the first one can probably go unmentioned for quite sometime.  The second one well unless it comes up in conversation it should probably be left for a second or maybe third date with the same person.  I am as stable as I am going to get from all of this and just want a little joy and some dick, more joy than dick but still I am looking for the same thing everyone else is, I just want a relationship instead of a one night stand.  I am not that kind of guy.

No nap for me today and I had high hopes of acomplishing more stuff.  However, Momma says it’s time for bed and actually so does my body.  It’s 9:45p and I am wiped out.  Bring on tomorrow and hopefully it will come with more energy and I can acomplish all of what I truly want to do.  Kind of nice that the work week is only 3 days, looking forward to that.  The part that sucks is that it will be dead so there won’t be much going on and that equals boredom which is not good for me, but I am sure I will survivie.  I hope your Saturday was awesome and that your ready for the holidays.  Take care. 

18 December 2015

Open Source Live Writer

I just downloaded the Open Source Live Writer to my laptop.  I was super impressed that it knew how to integrate with Blogger.  I am going to update my desktop when I get home.  The only drawback I see is that there isn’t a spot to enter tags or categories.  There also is no spell checker at the moment, so forgive me if I mistype something. 

Finally made it to Friday.  It’s been a brutally long week.  I am anxious to go home to the furry family.  Bear has raised my level of concern with some of his behavior.  I can tell you he isn’t getting any younger or healthier as the days go on.  I worry about all of them but since he is the most likley one to go next, he is on my mind more so than any of the others.  Speaking of which I got a phone call at lunch time reminding me that I need to bring Momma back for bloodwork.  She is pretty well back to normal, I can’t say for sure that her kidneys are but I don’t think it’s worth my time or money to get bloodwork done.  I need more medicine for her and I think that will be a huge problem, so I may have to reclutantly give in and get the blood work done, hopefully not. 

I haven’t been getting alerts from the post office but apparently I have mail.  I checked on a couple of Amazon orders and one was delivered today and the other one delivered yesterday.  Looks like I will be stopping by after work tonight.  I need to go in tomorrow because they are holding Bear’s pee pads hostage along with some medication for me. 

Not sure about where you are but all I keep hearing about is Star Wars and how you shouldn’t spoil it.  I really don’t care about it.  I understand the movie has a large following and that is all well and good but honestly I am ready to hear about something else.  It’s only a movie for us average folks.  If you made it well then it’s more like gold to you and I get that. 

There is a retirement party for a few folks that are leaving us.  Most people are there or have already left for the day.  I am eager to leave and since things are calm I am going to try to sneak out early, not sure how well it will work or how early I want to risk leaving. 

I saw a Chiropractor that was on one of the dating sites, he is looking for someone to date.  Sadly I am a bit too old.  I had to do a double take he looked like a guy I used to work with and had a mad crush on.  Not the same person.  Anyway I sent him a message telling him how cute he was and he responded with a thank you.  He never looked at my profiile so I presume that means he is not interested in me.  I made a mistake and told him I was 45 when I am actually 44, see you know he was cute because I was flustered and couldn’t remember my own age.  I honestly get like that where I get tounge tied.

Yesterday we had a vendor out that has been here before.  I got some vibrations from him last time.  This time I got the same feelings back.  I was going to go balls out and just ask him, but my logic kicked in and said do some research on him first.  Glad I listened to that because he is straight and has a girlfriend according to facebook.  Phew, dodge a bullet and some awkwardness.  I am in fact desperate for a companion but it doesn’t mean I am going to settle, I have standards and I won’t go against them because if I do then I would be settleing. 

Next week this place will be a ghost town, I think maybe 10 people here total.  There is a ton of people off and I can only imagine that the commute to and from next week will be very easy.  I look forward to that.  I don’t look forward to 3 long days of boredom but it pays the bills. 

Have a good weekend and I will talk with you all again soon!

16 December 2015

It's the middle of the week

Thus far it’s been your average week.  Volume at work has slowed up a little bit but this lull will only last a couple weeks, then it will be back to business as usual and people will be back to their usual demanding selves.

I am still having fun with Instagram.  There is a lot of shirtless guys there and I suppose if you look in the right circles you can probably find full on nudes.  I got one of the porn stars that I like to let me have access to his account.  He’s just got this smile that makes me want to melt, not to mention he is cute and hot.  That just happened this morning and I have been waiting for a couple days so I was pretty happy about that.  Of course I can’t really tell anyone about it. 

Gave my money away and was able to pay off an entire credit card, pretty happy about that.  Now if I can do the same thing with the other one I will be in pretty good shape.  I still have momma’s vet bill to pay off, expensive woman.  Went by the post office last night and got a check from LinkedIn, there was a privacy issue and a class action lawsuit and settlement.  I had paid for service back when I was looking for a job for 2 years, yeah well I got $16 back.  I wish it was more but I am thankful for every penny that comes my way.  I got the yellow card which means I have to go pick up pee pads on Saturday.  That is the only box that is way too large to fit in a locker.  Bear is really going through them so I ordered just in the nick of time, by the time I get these it could easily be time to place another order.   

As usual I am very much looking forward to the weekend and next week this time I will be very happy because I will be off for 4 days straight.  That should be enough time for me to relax and of course I won’t want to come back.  It would be really nice if they would give us New Years Eve off but I don’t believe we will get that lucky.  I hate to be out on that day, some people start the sauce early and others hit it late.  I would much rather be safe in the nest with my furry children.  Listening to the police scanner.  Some years I make it to midnight and others I don’t.  It’s just another day for me.  Honestly I hope that once the holidays pass that my grieving will get better, right now there are so many reminders that I am all alone and I really don’t need to be reminded, I live with it everyday. 

So two more days and then we can stick a fork in the week.  Looking forward to getting home and seeing what I can pull out of the freezer to eat tonight.  Last night was Fish, Rice, Broccoli with Cheese sauce – it was really good.  I am still working on the 1/2 of sheet cake that I bought, I really look forward to that.  I told the children the best part of the day is treat time, which means they get treats and I am stuffing my face with cake. 

Winter is back for a couple days then it’s going to warm up again.  Doesn’t sound like I will get my wish for a White Christmas but then again it’s not Christmas yet.  Take care, stay warm and I will talk with you all again soon.

14 December 2015

Last week before Christmas

This year seems to keep going faster and faster.  This is the last full work week before Christmas.  Next week will only be 3 days for me.  There shouldn’t be much going on but I anticipate that Monday could be busy.  Today sure was, it started off slow and then before you know it an avalanche hit.  I got stuck with a request from hell, but I worked through it.  I just need someone else to do something on their end and then I can put it to bed. 

Speaking of bed, it was difficult to sleep last night.  The house was 80 degrees.  That is because it was summer weather outside.  I almost turned on the AC but figured it wasn’t worth it for one night.  Thankfully temperatures have fallen back into place for this time of year, it’s still a little warmer than normal but it won’t last long.  I really would enjoy a white Christmas.  Right now I am not counting on it.

Last night I jumped on the Instagram band wagon.  I am not sharing any photos but rather looking at other peoples photos.  Seems that people just love to post pictures for the world to see, so I figured why not.  This all started with a cute guy I saw on Grindr and he says he is moving in a few days.  I didn’t make contact with him but he is nice to look at.  Besides since he is moving I figure why bother unless of course he stays in the area but doesn’t sound like that is in his plans.  Then I started thinking of names of different guys and putting them in the app, before you know it I have built a small list.  I keep adding to it.  Two guys I’d love to follow are porn stars but they have private accounts, I requested permission to follow them but who knows if they will let me in.  Matters not to me.  It’s an interesting app but I don’t see why you would want to post photos of yourself on line for the world at large to see.  I get Facebook and sharing with friends but not the rest of the world. 

Saw the season finale of Quantico last night.  I knew as soon as he let go of the trigger something else would happen and it did.  Looking forward to when the show picks back up again.  Right now I am anxious to see Shameless which is filming in Chicago this week.  The fun starts again next month.

Had me some cake last night.  I got a 1/2 of a sheet cake marble and it’s delicious.  I want more of it tonight.  Had Chicago Deep Dish Pizza last night and I will finish it off tonight.  When I pass out treats for the children is when I get my cake.  I figure everyone deserves a treat, even if it’s going to make me fat and lead to an early grave I might as well enjoy it now.  I hope it’s a great night and an easy commute home.  Of course I probably just jinxed myself. 

That’s all I know right now.  Thanks for stopping by, talk with you again soon!

12 December 2015

Livewritter Issues

In doing some research it appears that Livewriter has gone open source, which is a good thing.  The bad thing here is that Blogger turned off the protocol that allows Livewriter to communicate with it.  What does this mean?  Some extra work on my part to get things posted.  However, the open source community is working on making the open source version of livewriter compliant with the new protocol that Blogger has, so hopefully it won’t be terribly long as this is kind of painful.  This all went into effect yesterday, oh joy. 

The holiday party was a lot of fun, I had many laughs and got to talk with my co-workers a little more openly than in the office.  I didn’t say anything that I wasn’t supposed to and I was home by 5:30p.  The food sucked!  They had appetizers and not many of them, I didn’t bring my lunch so this was my lunch.  I finally ordered off the menu and that helped fill me up.  I can’t tell you how many sodas I drank but if they were alcoholic I would have been drunk for sure.  This place had a photo booth, so I got together with a couple of the girls and we took some photos.  It was $5 and I didn’t realize that we got 3 copies, I ordered 3 and that was $15 more.  All of this went on our office managers credit card.  I think he will be pissed, but he gave me the card.  Ah well. 

The drive home was a little bumpy with traffic but I made it.  I was looking forward to seeing my babies.  I had a pretzel and a soda for supper.  This Friday was nothing like last Friday and I am quite thankful for that.  I rented We Are Your Friends with Zac Efron.  He is so hot.  It was a good movie, had some electronic music which was awesome and a decent message behind the movie.  It was well worth the $6 that it cost me. 

Saturday I did have a couple things I wanted to do today, I got most everything accomplished but I didn’t go see the movie that I have been talking about.  If it’s still playing I may see it on Christmas Eve.  I hit up the local Office Depot and got a cheap UPS to help take some of the load off of my main unit for the PC.  When I print from my laser printer it was sending it into an overload and then the alarm goes off, I get pop ups and it’s just an annoyance.  I got that taken care of!  Then on to get cat food.  I talked with Jordan one of the hot guys that works there.  I know he’s straight but it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the fact he has a nice body.  He had a huge pimple on his face, I wanted to squeeze it so bad because it looked horrible.  It was also in the 70’s here which is NOT common for December, felt more like late August.  The warmer weather is only temporary and we should be returning to the freezer within a few days.  I rather like that because it will increase the odds for snow, which I really want for Christmas.  I got to sleep in thanks to the kids.  They got me up and going by 1 which was okay.  I had a sandwich for lunch.  Then went out.  Supper was a frozen Italian meal, which was pretty good.  A while later I chomped on some M&M’s.  I bought this Spring edition bag earlier this year at Sam’s and I think it may well be Spring 2016 before this bag is gone.  I’ve given some away to co-workers but still I am left with a heaping helping of them. 

I did some Amazon shopping today.  Got more pee pads and medicine for Bear.  I got me some Mucinex which I really need.  I also placed an order for 2 more replacement batteries for the other UPS that I have.  If it works, then I may need to do some rearranging of units.  I used up my $100 gift card and the whole thing cost me $9 which is not bad at all. 

I am hopeful that we get an Amazon card from our local office, like we did last year but since we have a new office manager who is cheap, I have my doubts.  If not it’s okay I mean I was well taken care of.  I am spending the last $5 on the gift Visa tomorrow at the grocery store. 

Plans for Sunday….Shave, Shower, Grocery Store, Breakfast, Finish up Laundry, Clean the house, prepare for Monday and try to relax.  I may even be able to squeeze in a nap.  The tasks are in no particular order and I know they are well within my limit to accomplish. 

I’d really love it if an AT&T tech would come out to my house, they should have something where you can schedule on-line but no they want to send you through some Troubleshoot and Resolve tool.  They make you do all of the Level 1 stuff on your own.  If that doesn’t fix it and you need Level 2 support then you have to call and I am sure fight with someone on the other end.  My problem is that when I record multiple shows and want to watch one of them while it’s being recorded the picture freezes.  It also damages the recording so that it will only play a portion of what it recorded.  Even though there is clearly more content the recorder says, nope were done.  I have been trying to fix this on my own and each time I think I have it resolved it comes back in a few days.  If you try to duplicate it by recording random stuff that doesn’t work.  I can’t figure out if it’s the DVR or a Gateway problem.  My thought process says it’s the DVR, which is kind of bad news.  Because they will most likely make me reset it and that will wipe the content and pending recordings out – I will have to start over.  Then I suppose if that doesn’t fix it they will actually send someone out to my home.  I really don’t want to lose content or pending content – it’s a pain in the ass to set it all back up again.  The good news is that my contract will be up next month.  I have to call to negotiate new pricing and I am dropping down to the basic phone service instead of unlimited which should save me money.  Then we will see what kind of deal they are willing to make.  Cable has a very attractive offer and I am tempted to switch back but then I have the DVR crap to deal with.  Plus in a year I will go through the whole price negotiating thing again, they have us trapped in an endless circle.  It would behoove them to just give us the best price from the get go but so many people don’t call or don’t know they can negotiate pricing that they count on you not calling.  All I want is service that does what it says it can do all of the time with no problems.  AT&T has been awesome for that up until the last 4 months.  They have not had any outages and I have had zero problems with my voice service. 

Okay so you got a bit of a rant.  Thanks for stopping by to check on me.  I will talk with you all again soon.  Be well!

11 December 2015

Holiday Fun

I was surprised last night at the post office when I saw my UPS Batteries arrived.  I got them installed with no trouble at all.  I need 2 more for another unit and while I could wait a few days since I am greedy I want them now.  Going to stop by my local Batteries Plus this weekend to see if they will match the same deal I got online.  If so great and if not well then it looks like I will either have to pay a higher price or wait – just a matter of picking an option. 

All is well in the stomach department.  Had Fettuccini and Garlic Bread as well as BBQ and it’s all good.  Our annual holiday party is this afternoon.  My day is essentially done at 12:30p when I go to lunch but since I am done with my phone shift my day is actually done now.  Nothing going on here, everyone is just trying to pass time in order to get out the door for the holiday celebration.  I am riding with a co-worker so when she is ready to go I have to, perfect excuse.  Besides that I really would like to take some of the afternoon for me, considering all that I have been through. 

I pray that this weekend will be more productive and nothing at all like last weekend.  The house is in need of some attention from Mr. Dyson and that will send the children into a tizzy but the house will look much better. 

Despite accidentally ordering a lower model I really enjoy my Plantronics Voyager Headset.  I should have gotten the Legend it’s got more bells and whistles but built on the same premise.  Anyway it takes some getting used to have something pressing in your ear and hanging around your ear for a period of time but after a while you forget that your wearing it, that is until the phone rings.  I had 2 hours of talk time this morning.  I plugged it in for 30 minutes and presto I was back to 5 hours just like that.  The max is 6 hours.  So it’s quick to charge.  I’m using this obviously at work.  You’d think they would supply us with good equipment so we can do our job but in this case they only provide a wired headset and I don’t like being tied down. 

In the world of Gay Dating, one of the sites asked me if I wouldn’t mind being a moderator of photos.  It’s an interesting task and not for the faint of heart.  You get to see all kinds of things as well as various body parts of women and men.  I have flagged a few photos.  The strange thing is that suddenly all of my conversations with the guy I met last month came back, despite me blocking him.  I had to re-block him which I thought was odd. 

In the world of Cats, Mr. Bear has some extra fluid, I suspect from my inability to medicate him last week when I was sick.  So I have doubled up on his prednisone and that is doing the trick.  He is peeing twice as much now, which is good for him but bad for me because it means that he will go through this box of pee pads quicker.  We only do the increased dose for a few days at a time, it’s something that I came up with on my own.  We have done it before and it helps him, puts me at ease and saves a trip to the vet.  Momma knows all about medication now and she runs from me.  I called her last night she actually came to me until she saw why I was calling and then she was gone like a bullet.  What a vixen she is.  I caught up with her and she wasn’t too happy about it. 

So Wednesday night I am driving home and my phone rings.  I answer it and it’s a collection call from the doc in the box that I visited a couple months ago.  They want there $115, which I have already paid.  I went through their automated system and told it that I sent payment already.  Then once I got home I looked and sure enough they cashed the check.  I called up and the lady in customer service told me well it takes 14 days for the check to post to your account.  Seriously?  You have the money but your going to hound me to send you money in the hopes that I double pay.  I imagine a lot of people fall for that.  Fortunately for me I am on top of my game and still have my wits about me (all though some days I wonder).  I printed out a copy of the check just in case this turns into a bigger issue.  I understand some people don’t pay their bills but I am not one of those people.  I didn’t have the money when the bill came in the mail and I waited beyond the 10 day limit they said they wanted their money.  I needed to get paid plus i needed to see that my health insurance company said that I really owed them this money.  It’s a gimmic the visit to the facility is covered at 100% but the doctor is a contract employee they bill separately so it looks to the insurance company like I went to see another doctor and they bill for the ‘office visit’.  For the prices they charge they should be coming to me.

We got some really good news yesterday we are closed for Christmas Eve, originally it was a work day but now it’s a holiday.  I am so thankful for that.  It’s like I don’t get enough time at the holidays and having the extra day will be awesome.  Well time to prep for the party.  Talk with you all again soon.  Thanks for stopping by. 

09 December 2015

Surprise for me at work

So I made it in, uneventful commute.  My mind was wondering all over the place.  I had an okay day, saying that with about an hour left in the day.  I was surprised at all of the mail that was piled up waiting for me.  Normally I don’t get much, I had this big snow flake coaster type thing on my chair.  I thought what in the world is this.  It’s a gift card holder from Amazon and inside a $100 gift card.  It was from a guy that is retiring at the end of the month.  I have done a little bit to help him with his home PC, which is something that we avoid.  I just gave general generic advice and pointers.  Nothing terribly special.  He did take up maybe an hour of my day over the course of two weeks, however I am paid to do what I do.  This is like double dipping or so it feels.  I know that if I was honest about this that it would get me in all kinds of hot water and I probably would have to give back the gift.  So instead I am saying nothing. 

It’s a shame that I didn’t know it was waiting for me.  I placed an order last night for a replacement UPS Battery.  The alarm sounded in my room a couple days ago.  I managed to get it muted but there is no battery there and I like having certain things running on a UPS.  You get cleaner power and protection from surges and it will allow you to power things off gracefully instead of shutting down.  In the case of my room, there isn’t anything to power off gracefully, it’s just a clock, the box for Uverse, My Cordless Phone, My iPhone Charger and TV.  However, knowing that they will fail over to a battery and I can get phone calls or charge up my phone helps.  The batteries are lead acid and heavy.  It will be in on Friday and I suspect I will have to pick it up from the window on Saturday. 

I got permission to attend the holiday party.  So my day on Friday ends at 12:30 when lunch starts for me.  The party doesn’t begin until 1:30 but it gives me time to leave and get there before everyone else if I want.  I will go for a couple hours and then leave, the plan is to get home early.  The company is paying the bill for my time and for the food so I might as well live it up, regardless of how I feel. 

Speaking of feeling the stomach is a little testy but no problems to report.  I just feel more guilt than anything, I have this impression that my boss is not happy with me.  That could be far from the case but I would rather have that feeling and not get confirmation of it. 

Poor Gator was all upset when I was leaving this morning.  Ruth started to come to the garage door as she hissed when passing her brother.  They are just a hoot.  I was able to film Ruth last night playing with a ball and I got her making her noises like her mother makes.  I was so happy.  I just wish that a certain someone was alive to see it.  He would be as amused as I am. 

The 64 thousand dollar question is facing me again, what’s for dinner?  Thinking of Beef Barley Soup if it’s not expired.  I went for a can of Chicken Noodle that I had and found it was out of date by 1 year.  I also found that the Yogurt that I was going to take today for lunch was out of date.  I think that the dish I enjoyed on Friday might have been bad and resulted in my issue, the rest of it just added fuel to the fire.  I just don’t want to repeat it anytime soon, not fun!

Hope your Wednesday was great.  Talk with you all again soon.

08 December 2015

Back home

So I decided to take one more day, just to error on the side of caution.  I am back on solid food and things are going rather well thus far.  I hope they keep progressing in that direction.  Nothing like a little bout with feeling like death to change your life a little.  Right now I don’t have much desire for anything but spending time with the children and watching TV.  Yeah, it gets old but it’s quality time that I have and I appreciate each and everyone of the kids, no matter how annoying they can get.  Gator is still wanting lunch and it’s 2:30.  I’m trying to prime them for tomorrow because both of our worlds will change then.  I will be back in the thick of it all at work and they will be laying cozy here at home loafing and sleeping, which is what they do best.

I have ventured out for the mail, also got my hair cut.  I couldn’t take it any longer plus looking better helps with feeling better.  In any case I went back to the original salon that I started from.  Trying to find anything that compares to them has been quite a task for me.  It was good for me, they knew me, they know my history with life and what I have been through.  They also know how to shampoo.  It’s pricy for my wallet but it’s well within reason from what I was getting elsewhere.  So I am going to continue to go back, might as well be happy instead of settling – life it way too short. 

I got an alert that I would have mail but as it would be, it was only two pieces of junk mail which I threw away at the post office.  Now I am home, working on laundry and thinking about what I should have for supper.  Plus I still have to pack my lunch for tomorrow.  It will feel odd but once I get there and get going everything will fall into place, it always does.  I still get exhausted pretty easily but I think I will make it.  I have to get through Wednesday, Thursday and then if I am permitted to we close at 1:30 on Friday for the holiday party.  That is done at 5p but I have no plans for staying until then, I want to make it a get home early weekend.  Then it will be off for two days and hopefully this weekend will not be anything like last weekend.  Then back on for 5 days.  Hard to believe that the week after that is Christmas.  I wish that I had some extra holiday time to look forward to but sadly we only close on Christmas day, so it will be a 4 day work week and the same is true the following week when the New Year comes in.  Wow were going into 2016, that is amazing but yet sad because it means I am getting older.  Time just seems to have gotten away from me.

Well this little jabber bandit doesn’t want to hush so I am going to try to appease her by watching TV on the couch.  We curl up well together when she wants to.  I am rapidly running out of things that interest me.  Daytime TV is crap, nothing on and I have 450 channels.  The good news is tomorrow is Comedy Wednesday, so I will have something to look forward to when I come home besides the crying children. 

I hope that your Tuesday was a good one.  Talk with you all again soon. 

07 December 2015

Hello, from what feels like the other side

I hope all is well in your world.  Mine had a rather unfortunate turn of events.  Friday was a normal day and I had many plans for the weekend.  I started with my celebratory Lasagna and added copious amounts of cheese.  I had a late lunch but still felt the need to carry on as normal.  I stayed upstairs for the evening and watched TV with the kids, as I usually do on Friday.  Then I felt a little acid kick up, I thought a small amount of Egg Nog will cure this.  Perhaps under normal circumstances it would have.  Little did I know that I had a volcano brewing inside me and that I had accidentally poisoned myself, but I would figure that out in the hours ahead.

I had problems falling asleep, despite taking my sleeping medicine.  I had to use the bathroom which was unusual, the water works started.  Over the course of the next hour things went from bad to worse.  I had fluid coming out of both ends simultaneously, which I can’t recall ever happening before.  Thankfully the bathtub was close by.  I knew it was the Lasagna and I knew I added way too much cheese, why?  Because I tasted it coming back up.  From there I began to get weak, my blood pressure dropping and chills kicking in.  I thought for sure I would pass out and die.  I sat as long as I could and eventually braved the strength to stand.  I felt the world spinning.  I headed for bed after cleaning myself up and rinsing out my mouth.  I fell into what was a coma like state but I would wake several times, I started watching the time I knew I had a haircut appointment.  Eventually I figured it out that there was no getting out of bed and I would be missing that appointment.  I had every intention of calling to cancel but my body was in recovery mode.  

When I woke up I felt like crap, as you can well imagine.  I was still cold and felt like I was going to pass out.  I didn’t know what to do – what I should eat or even try to eat.  I started munching on potato chips it’s around 2p.  I also drank a soda.  Neither was good for me, but I didn’t know that at the time.  So it was a series of bad decisions that only got worse.  I knew that I was dehydrated, my ribs were hurting from all of the heaving.  I gave serious thought to calling for an ambulance but thought that I could make it on my own, just a couple more hours sleep.  So back to bed.  I fell back into the coma like state.  I was thankful that the electric blanket was on the bed, I turned it up and snuggled next to Marv.  I woke up a couple hours later.  I felt slightly better.  At this point I decided to get up and head to the living room.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat on the couch, trying to find something entertaining to watch.  I eventually fell asleep but only for a short period of time.  I drank several bottles of water.  This isn’t the way I planned my weekend, it had been the week from hell to start with and this was not the finish that I wanted.  Still I had to play the hand I was given.  The plan of attack was to veg out on Saturday, just be lazy and take the entire day to recover.  I had turned off my iPhone Friday night before this event unfolded and I didn’t turn it back on until Sunday evening.  This was the longest technology break that I had taken in quite sometime.  I didn’t think about Twitter, Facebook, Dating Apps, Email or anything else.  I just wanted to either die or get better. 

As you can well imagine the house looked like crap, litter boxes not cleaned out, Bear needed a bath but it was like they understood.  I had a hell of a time feeding them without puking my guts out.  They were happy that I was alive enough to get them food.  Sunday soon came and I began to feel more improvement.  I was able to consume a breakfast sandwich and a soda, kept it all down.  I also took anti-diarrhea medicine, which as I found out wasn’t the best of ideas.  I needed to keep that avenue open for my body to purge any additional toxins that were in my system despite it being unpleasant.

I don’t know why but I suddenly developed this craving for McDonald’s.  I knew it wasn’t smart but I still catered to my body and ventured out around 5p to fetch a Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese and French Fries.  It was delicious but far from what I needed.  It stayed down.  That is when I knew I was going to make it.  However, as per usual when I acquire diarrhea and take medicine to treat it, I get sick as in a sinus infection.  That is what is brewing now.  I still feel bad, have a bit of a fever.  I was on line briefly last night to tell everyone that I wouldn’t be in and why.  I know that was the right move to make.  So thankful that I have the time. 

Today being Monday, I woke up and decided to clean up the house, feed the children and eat some breakfast.  Then I would rest for a bit and get shaved & showered.  I had a few errands to run.  Made it to the post office, gas station, cat food store, a restaurant for a small soup & sandwich lunch, the upscale grocery store.  Then I came home put everything away and promptly collapsed on the couch.  I fell asleep again not for long but I knew I was out. 

Supper consisted of two plain frozen pretzels, it’s just dough and I really wanted bread.  I wasn’t thinking the best and being in a different store I passed up quite a few things that I could have used.  One of the most important things that I got was Gatorade, I know it’s bad for my blood sugar but it will help with rehydrating me.  At this point I would say I am 90% better.  I just need a little bit more strength and stamina. 

I got an email from work today that there is a seminar taking place on Thursday and there would be a practice run tomorrow.  Yeah uh I don’t think I will be thee for that.  I could easily stay out and not come back until Thursday, but my plans are to return on Wednesday.  I still have laundry to do, it’s not like I don’t have clean clothes but still I can use the rest.  Hopefully this fever will pass and I will be even fresher when I return.  I feel a little guilty for staying home but not much, after all I have time to take so I don’t foresee it as a problem.

My other plans for the weekend included going to the movies and getting a haircut.  I may venture out for the haircut but the movies will wait until the weekend, after all I will need something to do. 

I feel as if I have exhausted all of my movie choices from the Premium Channels I get as well as Netflix and Amazon.  However, I keep managing to find stuff to watch.  Staying inside the same 4 walls does get really old, really fast.  I am a little anxious to return to work to be around other people and away from the children who at every twist and turn of my body want food, treats or attention.  I love them to death and am very thankful for them but I can’t say we are made to be around each other 24/7 I think we would all go crazy after a week.  We will miss each other but they like I will understand that going off to work is the right move to make and staying home beyond 2 days really won’t be beneficial to anyone.

In case your wondering I didn’t purchase anymore Lasagna or cheese.  I love them both but will be taking a break for a bit.  They say everything in moderation and now I know why.  I feel like I almost died.  Which now that the events are over with make me miss my guy even more.  This holiday season can’t be over fast enough for me.  I did try to call a friend first for a ride home, if I would have gone to the hospital and second just to talk.  I tried 3 times and all 3 times unreachable.  I felt like staying put was probably the smartest and most correct decision I have made since this whole fiasco unfolded.  Let’s cross our fingers and say our prayers that this is the last major issue I will have to deal with for the remainder of the year. 

Now it’s back to the couch and cats.  It’s about treat time.  They should be starting to remind me shortly.  Better that I remember on my own.  Talk with you again soon.