Technology & Guns

I’ve been thinking about a couple things that were news worthy items this week and wanted to share my two cents, not that it will change anything.

First – The kid who used ChatGPT to commit suicide. I heard on a tech podcast that this kid wasn’t the first person who consulted a computer regarding suicide and in fact this was the 3^rd case. Technology like anything can be weaponized and destructive or deadly. I get that some people don’t have anyone to talk to. Look at me I am pretty much all alone. I also get that folks might think that others won’t understand what they are dealing with. Suicide is a drastic thing and as I learned in therapy when I was much younger, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

We are all dealing with something. It might be work, school, sexuality, the death of a family member or friend, a sick pet or a pet that has passed, a traffic accident or ticket, some other legal issue and the list goes on. No matter what you are dealing with you are not alone there are help lines in every single country that you can call and talk with a human being. You can find resources for your country at https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html

I speak from experience from having wanted to commit suicide a couple times in my adult life and also in my teenage years. The worst times in my life were the death of my spouse and then when I lost Gator my long-time cat that had been with me for 18 years. Once she passed away that ignited former feelings of being all alone and it was kind of like my spouse died all over again. I honestly didn’t think that things would ever get better or see a clear path. All I wanted to do was die because it just didn’t seem to me that life mattered that much or that anyone would truly miss me if I was gone. I didn’t bottle things up; I took someone up on their offer that they would listen to me and I sought them out and opened right up telling my life story to them. It was hours of time we spent. I did a lot of crying. I also went to the pet store and looked at cats but that just made me cry. I managed to go a month without a cat and then I started looking that’s how I wound up with Rudy and Mora. They are my lifesavers, seriously. They are so attached to me and since I am their 3^rd owner I told them that this was their home and they are here to stay. I mean that is unless I drop dead or get killed in a car accident or some other hazard.

I’ve had some low points and at times even with these two cats’ life can be overwhelming and I have had some thoughts of calling life quits. Deep down I don’t want to die, I just want my circumstances to change so the pain would stop. I know how I felt back when Gator passed and then nothing mattered. That was the closest that I came to actually going through with it. I had a lot of people scared even my own doctor. With some of the things I told him he should have had me locked up for my own well being but he trusted me when I told him that I wouldn’t do anything. How many people say that and then the next thing you know they are gone?

I’ve said all of that to say this. Reach out for help to solve your problems, talking honestly deep down feels really good especially when you’re talking to the right person that you can trust.

A former friend of mine told me think about what if you try something and you wind up hurting yourself and you live and don’t die but are handicapped or permanently injured. Also think about whom ever would find your body, that’s something that they will never be able to unsee. Regardless if it’s a seasoned professional like a police officer or fire fighter. They are human. It’s much worse if that person is a family member or friend.

I do think that ChatGPT and other AI chat bots should have restrictions placed on them so they don’t discuss mental health issues and/or assist with how to form a plan to end your life. I think that should have been obvious from the day AI started but obviously it was overlooked.

Second - The shooting at the Catholic School in Minnesota. I looked using AI for what country school shootings occur in. I was surprised to find that the US is not the only place but sadly we are the leading country where this happens. It’s to the point where it’s at epidemic levels.

I know that the 2^nd amendment gives the rights to bear arms and you have the right to defend yourself if you are being attacked or in imminent danger. It’s odd that each time this happens all we do is send thoughts and prayers. Well, those don’t do a whole lot to solve this problem that is continuing to occur. One child shot is one too many and this is something that never should have occurred.

I do think there should be stronger gun laws, I do think that all firearm owners should be responsible and lock/secure their weapons from children or those that might have mental health issues. I think that perhaps raising the cost of ammo would also be another action that could be taken. Look the world is filled with a bunch of intelligent people and brilliant minds, surely if we had some dialog and discussions on this a plan could be formulated that would solve this issue once and for all.

However, it’s not until the problem affects you or someone you know that people really focus much attention on this issue. These are innocent children who are trying to get an education and they are not out to harm anyone. I think it’s wrong to steal a child’s innocence regardless of how it’s done. Because once they are robbed of that it’s something they will never ever get back and it will stick with them through out their lives.

I grew up Catholic and started off in Catholic grade school. We had to go to mass every day we were at school. We said the pledge of allegiance to start the day. It was all very much a routine but times were way different and we had no school shootings then. We also had no technology then. However, we did have firearms but they were reserved mostly for hunters and those that wanted self-protection. Sure, we had criminals who had them to rob and steal. I also went to public grade school from 5^th grade forward and then on to public high school.

Kids can be cruel there is no doubt about it. I can think of a few kids that I grew up with that I wished I had never met. We were all free though in that we went to school each day and there was no worry or concern that someone would come in guns blazing. Being a kid today is radically different from when I grew up and honestly if I was a kid today, I would be scared out of my mind. I can’t imagine having to walk through a metal detector and using a swipe card to gain access to school. I can’t imagine hearing gun shots while I was trying to learn and then having to take cover. What if I was just walking to or from a class and was in the wrong place at the wrong time? My childhood wasn’t perfect but no way would I trade my school experience for what exists today.

I think that this problem is going to continue and it’s going to get much, much, much worse before it ever gets better. It won’t be until someone important like a politician’s kid gets injured or killed before things change in the US. There is never a time where I’d love to be proven wrong than now and from today forward never ever hear about another school shooting for as long as I live.

I can’t imagine being a parent to get the call that their child was injured or killed while at school. I feel sad for the kids as well as the parents.

Please someone find a way to solve this problem and the sooner the better before another life is lost.

Pizza is gone

Morning … that’s a different title for a post.  I had to think of something to put there and that’s the first thing that came to mind.  It’s true too, I ate the last of the pizza last night it was okay not as good as when it was originally served.  Now that’s out of the fridge it’s on to something else to eat for dinner tonight. 

I’ve got this habit that I picked up from my grandfather.  Each morning I look at the local obituaries to see who has passed away.  That’s the only way I will ever know.  I was shocked to learn this morning that a great aunt passed away.  I find it odd that there is only a visitation and no funeral per say.  It’s next week when I am on-call.  I could go but will more likely just send flowers.  It’s not cheaper but sure is easier.  I am not fond of the habit as I think it ages me but I’ve done it for years and started when I was much younger. 

Yesterday I got drowsy sitting in front of these two monitors and opted to head upstairs and lay down.  I watched a little TV but closed my eyes and then my phone went off.  I just knew that was going to happen, so much so that I predicted it to the cats.  Yeah it was something I needed to deal with but I was just too lazy and said it will be there waiting for me when I get up.  Then more stuff came rolling in.  I let the phone chirp for a few minutes before it calmed down.  Then I started to drift off and the lawn guy showed up.  My lawn got it’s first cut of the season.  I went back to work for a bit to take care of the few emails that had accumulated. 

My boss is on-call this week but I’ve found that I am the one doing all of the heavy lifting.  Even stuff that comes in after-hours he doesn’t jump on like the rest of us would, he just leaves it and I clean it up come morning.  He did take one easy assignment that came in yesterday while I was at lunch, just because it was easy.  The only way I know to rebel against this is to let shit back up and I did at one point yesterday.  It just means that I will have a large pile to clean up in the end.  It’s not fair that the rest of us pull our weight but the boss hides behind the excuse “ I have meetings and other assignments “  yeah well too bad your the on-call person.  Funny thing is that on-call means something different to him than the rest of us and outside of him we all operate the same.  He’s noticed that I am doing the heavy lifting and thanked me in one of our dumb meetings yesterday, whoopie.  Like that does anything for me. 

What made my day is that a supervisor from another team that I help out frequently so they are able to do their jobs reached out to me directly and sent me what I call a feel good email.  It said how appreciative they were for all that I do and how quick I am to help them and that I never, ever complain regardless of what they throw at me they know the job is going to get done and quickly.  People have been talking about the superior service that I give for 10 years and I don’t plan on giving them a reason to stop.  Compliments like that trickle to the top of the management chain, perhaps not as fast as bad news but it gets there.  That’s the kind of reputation that you want to build.  Problem is that it becomes tougher and tougher to out do yourself.  My boss wasn’t copied it was a note meant just for me.  I usually forward those on but opted not to this time.  I just hang on to them, they come in handy when your having a bad day you can look back on them and it helps to cheer you up.  That’s a tip from a colleague that I used to work with. 

On the cat front.  I went to throw away the pizza box and Mora thought she could just go out in the garage.  She tried but I stopped her.  I had to make a couple more trips to the garage to toss some bulky stuff out and she went back to keeping her distance.  Last thing I need is a cat the turns into a door dasher.  I am so out of shape there is no way I could catch either of them if they bolted.  Here is hoping that never ever happens. 

Had a bladder wake up call last night and made the mistake of rubbing my eye because it itched.  That only made things worse but some how I managed to fall back to sleep once I returned to bed.  Rudy kept me company and snuggled up against my back.  I would move and he would readjust himself just to let me know he was still there.  These cats sure are something.  I wasn’t in the best head space as the evening wore on and I think they probably picked up on that. 

On the agenda for today is one dumb weekly meeting with the boss.  Then whatever happens to bubble up my way during the day.  Thus far it’s chill but that can change at any time with little to no warning so I have to stay ready.  Speaking of ready I am ready for a nap already, not a good sign since it’s only 9a here.  It’s probably the sugar wearing off from the one pop-tart that I had with breakfast. 

It’s a nice Spring day here with pollen in the air, allergies acting up and the temperatures being cool.  The house has a slight chill in it but it’s enjoyable to me.  The cats will sun bathe to soak up the heat and the house will warm up as time moves on.  High today I think is 65 which isn’t bad.  Bring on the hot guys, shirtless guys so that my mouth will water as much as my nose and eyes are from the allergies. 

Hope it’s a great day in your neck of the woods. 

Thursday Night

My workday ended early and I got the trash out.  Just sat around watching TV and being with the cats.  Each of them had to have their turn for attention. 

We had supper and I passed out treats as per usual.  Surfing social media and relaxing.  I heard a siren and it sounded close.  Next thing I know two police cars went racing down the street.  I fired up my police scanner app on my phone and thanks to the two minute delay I heard the call.  A neighbor that I don’t know tried to commit suicide.  The police have been out to his house several times last year and this year, so I was familiar with the person.  Two ambulances and a fire engine followed.  He cut one of his wrists and they applied a tourniquet.  He was unconscious but breathing.  The second ambulance and fire engine were for additional man power.  I’m guessing the guy weighed a lot or it was difficult to get him out of the space he was in.  They got him transported quickly.  I fired up my scanner in hopes that I could hear the transport call from the ambulance to the hospital to know more about his condition but wouldn’t you know it I got a low battery alarm.  I had to turn it off or risk it wiping out all of the programming.  So I know nothing. 

It was sad to hear the call and while I know the guy had struggled with alcohol I don’t know what was troubling him and why he thought that was his only way out.  I know my struggles and how I have felt.  I know that I have been pretty low, the lowest much to my surprise was after Gator passed and I was totally all alone.  I know that depression has some serious bad effects and while a lot of people get out of it’s grips, others aren’t so lucky. 

A short while later I got an email from a colleague at work.  He put in his resignation and he thought I was already aware.  That stuff stays pretty quiet until it’s a certain that the person is leaving.  In some cases they try to make counteroffers and in other cases it’s just a delay in processing.  This guy is part of a small family of people that I was lucky enough to be included in.  The family has split with two people leaving last month, now this person leaving.  There is one guy left and I know for a fact life is really good for him and he’s not going anywhere at the moment.  It’s just sad to see the family split like this but at the same time I get it.  You have to look out for your best interest and the well being of not only yourself but your family, no one will do that job for you.  Thing have changed a lot from the 10 years ago when I walked in the door.  I too want to leave but I’ve had my fill of working for a living and I am way too young to retire.  So, I just take it one day at a time and try to breathe through it. 

Not exactly the best evening of the week but life goes on.  Got one meeting today at work and I have to call the guy that is leaving to talk about some work stuff.  Pretty much a light day but there are scheduled tasks that I still have to take care of and one of those will be late in the afternoon.  At least I will have the weekend free and clear since I am not on-call. 

The cats got into an early morning fight and woke me up.  I never got out of bed just yelled from bed and then I heard Mora growling.  Normal sibling rivalry.  When it was time for me to get up, they had made up.  They don’t stay mad at each other long.  No doubt this was all Rudy’s fault because he wants to play a lot and Mora isn’t always in the mood or if she is he pushes her and then a fight breaks out.  Luckily they haven’t damaged anything or done damage to each other thus far.  It bothers me a lot when they fight but I remember what it was like to be young.  I pray they don’t injure each other. 

In reviewing my daily photo memories I saw a video of Gator and one of her siblings.  I elected to watch it.  We were all talking to each other by meowing.  We carried on a conversation and that got Rudy & Mora all worked up.  Sure do miss my original cat family. 

Here’s hoping for a great weekend!  Take care. 

2nd Car Wash

Happy Sunday!  I managed to wake up early and take care of the cats.  Got dressed and headed off to breakfast.  Had those Blueberry Pancakes that I wanted so badly.  Damn they were just a little busy and I was starved.  It took forever to get my food. 

When I returned to the car I got to see the passenger side and there was still mud everywhere and the front grill was covered as well.  I know I paid for a wash yesterday but I went to a place that is well known to suck.  I went against my better judgement.  To solve the problem I went to the expensive car wash, they flood the car with soap and water so I knew that would solve the problem.  Got to see a cute guy in the process.  This wash did a much better job than the first one. 

Off to grab groceries and get more money taken away from me.  I’m trying Chicken Alfredo by Rao’s this week.  Its’ my first alfredo experience with this brand so hopefully it works out well.  I am looking forward to it. 

Before heading home I had a half tank and opted to fill up.  Not that I am going anywhere that I will need it but better to be prepared in case something comes up and have peace of mind. 

Felt pretty down when I came back home.  Just a case of loneliness and not really having anyone to talk to that I feel truly cares.  Seeing the cats helped a bit.  I got out of my clothes and relaxed in front of the TV.  The cats joined me and we watch a YouTube Video that was interesting but the sugar from breakfast was wearing off and I got sleepy.  No reason not to take a nap so that’s what I did.  The three of us were all passed out in my bed.  It’s quite uncomfortable but we manage to make it work. 

Woke up and it was time for lunch for the cats.  I had some pastry and a soda but not before I put out my medicine for the week.  Then on to clean the cats water fountain and change the filter.  I loath that task but it’s a must every 4 weeks.  Going any longer made my old cats sick and I don’t want to take any chances with these two.  It’s bad enough they have a fur ball issue. 

Got the trash out and opted to skip vacuuming this week, just not feeling like doing much.  It was all gloomy and drizzly this morning but now the sun is making it’s debut.  Hopefully, it sticks around like it’s supposed to for the week. 

I’m going back out to get my BBQ and very much looking forward to that.  I plan to bring a plate home because I can only eat so much frozen food in a week.  Being on-call I don’t want to leave home because it will be much like taking a nap, the phone knows I’m doing something I shouldn’t so the problems will filter in.  That’s why I just stay put.  I’ve peeked ahead and it’s going to be a little busy this week at least according to my calendar.  No shortage of meetings. 

Used that new toothbrush last night.  The old one you pressed the power button once it was on and if you pressed it again it went off.  Kind of like my Sonicare works.  However this new Oral B has three modes all controlled with the power button so it starts off slow, next press is faster and press again for fastest.  Slow is for sensitive teeth or to get used to it.  The faster level is for everyday brushing.  Fastest is for whitening, which can be used occasionally or daily.  My mouth felt damn clean when I was done which was the objective.  It’s just so confusing to press the button so many times.  I made a little bit of a water mess when I was cleaning up.  Still wish it had a light to let me know that it was charging, who knows maybe I got a defect.  Of course I saw a better model at Target in the weekly ad this morning for the same price I paid at Amazon. 

That’s pretty much it for Sunday thus far.  Here’s hoping the week ahead it great and there are no curveballs waiting for you or me.  Take care!

Blah Tuesday

Good Morning … I hope your day is a great one.  I’m feeling kind of blah, it’s been that way since yesterday.  Seems that it’s a little worse today.  Another dreary day filled with rain.  Come on sunshine is all I can say. Thinking back to Sunday morning, sun-roof open traveling to get breakfast and then traveling to the grocery store.  I am not a big sun guy since I have fair skin but something about having the sun roof open just made that time on the road so much better.  Whenever I get a different vehicle it’s got to have a sunroof in it.  It’s nice being able to retract the shade and let more light in on a nice day.  I’m also not big into fresh air due to my allergies but for some reason the universe was just right and I was unaffected by the sun or fresh air. 

Pizza was okay last night, much better when it was fresh.  Mora was clingy and I kind of needed her.  I loved seeing her face light up as I rubbed her belly and hugged her.  Rudy got in some dad time as well, cuddling up next to me and falling asleep.  They can both be fur magnets at times. 

Had a little bit of the fresh fruit from the store and it was good.  Strawberries, couple grapes and some Pineapple.  I wanted to devour all of it but I held myself back.  Waited a while and then treated myself to some ice cream, not that I needed it but it sounded good. 

Not a whole lot was on You Tube last night.  I have been watching a series on Prime called Nerve Center.  It’s all about different operations/events.  From UPS, Nascar, Ports and other high stakes areas they all have what I call a communications or operations center (a central point of contact) where information flows and the stakes are high for all of these events.  It’s quite interesting, even if it’s a little out of date.  The one on UPS is the one I liked best, I had no idea how much effort was put into freight and moving packages for on time delivery.  Makes me understand the term Shipping & Handling much better.  I am almost done with this series, it looks like there were plans for a season 2 but that it never took off. 

This morning I tried a new breakfast cereal and don’t know what I was thinking when I bought it.  Peanut Butter Chex.  I like Rice and Cinnamon so I thought that Peanut Butter would be another great flavor.  Not so much.  Then I ate a banana with it and wow almost blew chunks, just not a good combo for me.  I am still longing for breakfast but I’ll make due with that I consumed thus far.  Lunch I think will be some yogurt.  I bought some different frozen Lasagna and the portion size is small but I plan to give that a go tonight to see how it tastes.  I can always supplement with Pizza if I am still hungry. 

Not a whole lot on the work agenda today, a task to take care of in a couple hours.  A couple of meetings and that pretty well wraps things up.  Of course there is a lot of time between now and quitting time so it’s possible that something will sneak it’s way in and disrupt my otherwise calm looking day.  It’s kind of the calm before the storm for me because tomorrow I will be busy taking care of stuff so that I can have two days off.  Kind of cramming two days worth of work into one.  It’s okay and as long as I can work at my own pace I know I will be fine.  Just keep those interruptions away.  Also have another meeting tomorrow. 

I ordered some new pillows last night and allergy pillow covers.  I keep waking up with this red rash on my neck and it’s been around for well over a year.  I am hoping that the allergy pillow covers will bring a halt to this.  Plus I could use some additional support.  Perhaps it will transform sleeping for me but I don’t have that high of hope, just that it will be a bit more comfy.  They arrive on Wednesday so that will help when I do laundry I can start with fresh clean sheets as well as new pillows.  I look forward to it. 

That’s all I got for now, talk with you all again soon. 

Surprise Death

Morning – Hope that your well and warm!  The words “Baby It’s Cold Outside” are applicable.  You’ll find this odd but when I see those words I refer back to an OF Video that Aiden Ward (gay porn star)made.  It’s one of my favorites and it looked like a hot time in very cold weather. 

In scrolling through the obituaries I found that a lady I knew and used to work for passed away.  She was nice for the most part but her husband who was my real boss was a son of a bitch.  He died many years ago.  In any event in trying to get a closer look at things I went to the funeral homes website.  Her service was last night and she just passed over the weekend.  Talk about short notice.  Then I discovered a former good friend of mine and my spouses passed away on the 1st.  Wow, I am starting to think this is going to be the year of death.  I was just stunned.  He was so young and we lost touch many years ago.  I remember calling telling him when my spouse passed, they never reached out at all.  I just thought it was important they know and we had a brief conversation on the phone.  The reason why we weren’t friends is that my spouse came out to him years ago and his bitch for a wife overheard and she forbid the friendship.  We used to spend weekends with them, running around and going to different events.  It crushed my spouse to lose this guy as a friend but he got used to it.  We ran into them by accident years ago buying cat food for momma and family.  The viewing is Friday and funeral is Saturday.  I kind of really want to go but don’t think that I would be very welcome and besides that they didn’t do anything for me in my time of need.  I don’t want to cause a scene or get in to it with anyone.  They had kids and it would be nice to see them all grown up but I’m just going to keep my distance and move along with life. 

Learning of his passing really shook me more than I thought it did.  I woke up super hot overnight, the thermostat went into “psyco mode” where it decides when it will turn off.  I killed it and waited for it to stop.  Then reset it and lowered the temp by 2 degrees.  It was slightly chilly but much more comfortable.  It took me a couple hours to get back to sleep.  I just thought about old memories.  I’d also like to know what the hell happened because he was so young in his early 60’s.  Still really want to go to the viewing and/or even the funeral but my gut tells me it’s better to not, so that’s what I am going with.  It’s probably going to nag at me but this too shall pass.  In some ways it makes me miss my spouse that much more just because those two were such good friends.  I was quite upset when my spouse came out to him because I was still rather young and didn’t exactly approve but when I heard it cost him his friendship that bothered me more.  It was all about religion and this guys wife was a devout Baptist.  It’s all good you can have your beliefs and think that being gay is wrong.  Sex was never part of the friendship and it’s not like being gay was contagious.  It just sucks and I kind of wish I hadn’t found out by accident that he passed.  I feel compelled to do something to show my sympathy but it’s not going to happen. 

The messy weather we were supposed to get turned out to be quite a non event.  We did get rain, we did get snow but looking out the front door this morning it’s just damp and cold.  I could have easily made it to work and home yesterday.  I feel bad about not making it but it’s not like my work would have been any different.  The same thing that I would have done in the office I did at home.  I just had more freedom at home to waste away the idle time I had.  Plus I was much more comfortable and had the cats to be around.  Be that as it may, we do have another round of snow headed for us and over the weekend and into the early part of next week we are looking at single digit temperatures.   Baby’s it’s gonna be cold outside, even colder than what it is today!  I will be more than glad that I am on the inside looking out than the outside looking in. 

This is not the happy new start to the year that I wanted but hopefully there are much brighter days ahead.  I was always told that the problem with getting old is that you see many people you know and care about pass before you.  I think that I am old only being in my 50’s but I know that it’s quite young in the grand scheme of things.  I certainly hope that no one else that I know/care about pass anytime soon.  Not like I have any control over it but it just gets so depressing when it’s someone you know and cared about.  The heart can only take so much.  This might be when I watch that Dan Levy movie Good Grief just to cry and get it out of my system, it’s a thought. 

Wondering about what I ate last night?  Well it was Chicken, Broccoli Alfredo.  Followed by some Lemon Blueberry Stolen (which I paid for and didn’t steal).  The first slice I had of that tasted much better than the second one.  It’s grocery store branded and somethings they just can’t make no matter how good they look, the taste is horrible.  Good bakery at a grocery store is hard to find.  Kind of like looking for that winning lottery ticket or a good man.  Not certain what is in store for tonight but if it doesn’t come off the table as in junk food it will come out of the freezer.  I’ve got a frozen stuffed pepper that sounds pretty good but I just don’t want the burps. 

Wish that today’s post was a bit more upbeat and my apologies for the depressing overtone.  The good news is that I posted some Man Candy yesterday that is scheduled for this afternoon so check back.  Happy Hump Day!  Last week I had problems with the day of the week and now I can tell you with certainty that it’s Wednesday and it feels like it too. 

Stay warm, be well and come back.  Thanks for stopping by!

Weekend Update

Howdy, hope that your weekend is going well.  Friday night I elected to skip supper.  Nothing I had really appealed to me and I wasn’t hungry.  Knowing that the meds I am taking for my diabetes wouldn’t cause my sugar to bottom out the days of feeling compelled to eat are pretty much behind me.  If I would have tried this say six months ago I would have woken up in the middle of the night, my sugar would be low and I would be inhaling Oreos and Milk like no tomorrow.  I’d feel bad for two reasons.  First would be because my sugar dropped and Second because I ate so much. 

I watched Fast X which was pretty good.  Paul Walker was in it because they started out with an ending from a prior movie.  There were also photos of Paul later in the movie.  The piano music from Charlie Puth’s song See You Again played during the film.  The movie went on honestly a big long and some of the stunts while spectacular were truly things that could only happen in a movie.  After an hour and a half I got bored but watched until the end.  Honestly, don’t remember what I watched after that but I know that I still had time to kill before bed.  That was pretty much the evening, took great pride in shutting my phone off.  That felt really good knowing no one could bother me, not that there is anyone to bother me other than work and that’s largely who I try to escape from. 

I’ve got a problem I haven’t had before in that I discovered my time off balance is going to be over what were permitted to carry over.  I need to take a day off between now and the end of the year.  I’ve actually got 9.5 hours to burn but I’m comfortable using 8 and letting the rest go.  I could schedule time this week but since I am on-call out of respect I don’t want to do that.  My plan is to take the 26th and just make Christmas a bit longer.  This way if I would wind up going to my friends place I wouldn’t have to hurry home to get ready for back to work the next day. 

I discovered a new restaurant thanks to social media.  It’s about an hours drive away in a town I’ve never heard of before.  I might have been there but I know I never ate that this place.  It’s on my things to do list, possibly on the 26th if not sooner.  Apparently people come far and wide for their food so the advertisement said.  Before I make the trip I need to call to make sure they take credit cards.  It would suck to drive all the way there to find out they were cash only and not have an ATM card with me.  That’s something I just don’t carry along with much cash.  The circles I typically am in I can use credit for anything and be fine. 

Saturday was a fun day.  Despite my insomnia kicking in Friday night I got up early.  Fed the cats and got a shower.  Threw on some clothes and headed out for breakfast at Bob Evans.  They use a bit too much salt for me.  I tasted it in my meal and also in the biscuits.  After that I went to get the mail and then out to visit with my friends.  By the afternoon I was back home, feeding the cats again (primarily Rudy) and going through the mail.  I had two pieces of mail that caught my eye and I was interested to see what was inside.  The first was a rebate check from one of my diabetes drugs.  The second announced a new health benefit that’s free of charge.  Not too shabby.  A few pieces of junk mail and some more medicine.  That’s it. 

I was ready for a nap so I rested and watched TV.  I dosed off but woke back up quickly a couple times.  So much for a formal nap.  I wanted to go back out for supper but that just wasn’t going to happen.  I really wasn’t hungry.  It was cold and raining and just getting back out in that again wasn’t appealing to me. 

You might recall over the summer I mentioned about writing some erotic stories.  Eventually I gave that up, I wrote most of what I wanted to and just took a pause.  Having a new pen I really wanted to take it for a spin.  I have been fighting with getting back to writing and this was the perfect excuse.  I had nothing going so randomly a one of the many guys I had a crush on in High School popped in my head and I began writing the fantasy down.  The new pen is really nice.  Very bright blue ink but it has a slight bit of bleed.  I wrote with it for a while and then changed back to regular gel pens.  I’ve got so many pens to choose from that I change frequently.  I wound up cranking about two complete stories.  I started on a third and plan to go back to either add or finish it tonight.  Just thinking about the fantasy and putting it on paper has a huge turn on to me. 

I know back in the summer I said that I had a plan for the stories to share them.  I’ve not followed through with that.  I’m kind of hesitant because there are only a couple of stories that I am really proud of.  The rest are mediocre.  I still may share them.  I think the stories I am proudest of would cause some guys to get hard and maybe get off to them.  However, what I think and what reality is could very well be two different things. 

Knowing that I wanted to get up early on Sunday I opted to eat a couple frozen waffles and use some of the new syrup I got with sugar alcohol.  That has a kick to it but when it wears off I get super sleepy.  I was writing away in my third story and couldn’t keep my eyes open but didn’t understand why and then it hit me, it was the sugar wearing off.  That’s when I put everything up and got ready for bed. 

Damn insomnia kicked in again last night along with a leg cramp.  Still I powered through getting up early this morning.  Opted to shave and shower to start the day rather than to end it.  Kind of knocks the shaving task out of the way and I hate it.  Fed the cats before I got started.  Rudy was waiting for me outside the bathroom door when I was done.  He was sleepy but eventually he went in for his drink of shower water. 

I made it to breakfast, had another breakfast burrito.  I skipped the side that it came with and just had the burrito and a soda.  I was listening to three guys yap on about all sorts of things, one of which was killing a dog.  That turned my stomach and honestly I could have done without hearing that story.  After that made it to the grocery store and then to the gas station and finally home.  The cookies I really wanted were all sold out, as per usual.  Wedding Cake Cookies sell out quickly around here.  I still have plenty of holiday cookies here and it’s probably for the best that I didn’t add to the collection.  Picked up a jar of refrigerated cling peaches and I am just dying to dive into them.  Never knew they existed until today.  I was really looking and struggling with what to buy.  The total this week was about half of what it was last week and I had a whole lot less.  Still I won’t starve.  This new drug is kind of killing my appetite add in a little depression and it’s the perfect combo for weight loss. 

Got all of the groceries put away.  The cats and I sat in my chair and they got their sleep.  I got a little bit but really tried to stay awake.  Finally when I wanted to sleep Rudy was bugging me for an early lunch.  That was my clue to get started. 

I fed them.  Put out my medicine and then broke out the dreaded vacuum cleaner.  Had to clean the air purifier, oddly only one of it’s many filters were fully of dust, everything else was clean.  Still I ran the vacuum over every filter before putting it back together and resetting the indicator.  It’s made things better here but it’s not a miracle cure. 

Then I sucked up the dust from the carpet and someone went a little crazy in the litter box making a huge mess by scattering litter way outside the box, so got that cleaned up.  Trash taken out.  Then I promised them a trip to the basement.  They followed me down here and Rudy has been finding toys and bringing them in.  He has been bugging me for attention and even started to fall asleep on my chest when I’d take a brake from typing. 

My new leather chair already has been victimized by their claws and I am trying to keep that to a minimum but they use them to get my attention.  That’s it.  Need to change out the laundry and head back up.  Might work on that third story I just need to pass a little bit more time and then I will be headed out for supper. 

My hormones tell me to go back to the pizza place where the cute boys are.  At least I’d get a nice show and have something left over to take home and eat for part of the week.  However, I think I am going to Red Lobster that sounds really good.  Hopefully, this will be a better experience than the last time I was there.  Might even order something different like Fish instead of crab pasta but probably not. 

Plan to enjoy what’s left of the day before I return to the pit of hell that is work tomorrow and being on-call.  I do hope that a lot of people are out of the office and that this week will be incredibly light and maybe we can even get away from a couple of our BS meetings.  That would be a Christmas miracle to me. 

Talk with you all again soon.  Be well, stay warm and dry.  Take care!

Truly Lazy Weekend

Two things I love is being lazy and sleep.  I woke up early on Saturday but it was a bit too early for me, so I fed the cats and went back to bed.  However, that was silly because I was wide awake.  I wound up grabbing a soda and watching TV, then going back to sleep.  I never made it out of the house all day long.  I just kept saying I will do it in a couple hours, later and that lead to me just wasting the entire day away.  Rudy & Mora were happy to spend the day lounging with me in my room.  We only left to use the restroom and eat food in the kitchen. 

Sunday I was determined to get going early, yeah well that didn’t quite pan out either.  I wound up eating breakfast at home and just wanting to be lazy a bit longer.  I did get showered and make it out of the house by 1p.  Hit up the grocery store, the cat food store and the post office.  Came home, unloaded and put everything away.  Then dashed off for pizza.  I went to the deep dish place where there is one waiter I have a crush on, but he’s straight.  Luck was in my favor because he was working and took care of me.  I got to watch his perky ass strut around the place which was nice.  The pizza was good as well and I’ve got plenty to feast on all week long.  Made the trek back home in the dark, which I don’t enjoy.  Plus it’s deer season and they love to run out in traffic.  I saw one dead on the way down. 

After making it home and getting settled, I took care of the cats.  Did the litter box scoop which is just an invitation to a cat to come fill the damn thing back up.  Passed out some food and got my pills ready.  Surfed social media and watched TV. 

The evening went by quickly and I had to double up on sleeping medicine to ensure that I would sleep.  I knew I was in store for nightmares and I had one.  Hope to return to a normal dose tonight.  I am not drowsy and actually was looking forward to today. 

Now that today is here I whipped through all of the personal and professional tasks that I had.  Now it’s just watching and waiting or goof off time.  The weather indicates rain on and off all day long.  The grass people I think are at end of year because they didn’t show up on Friday or Saturday.  The weather has turned colder and the furnace is working it’s magic. 

I think of how depressed I was over the weekend being lonely.  Depression and loneliness are always worse on holidays.  I’ve got a chance to be with people, they might not be exactly ideal but I am leaning on going to Thanksgiving with them.  I know a few places in the area that are open if I want to dine alone but honestly I do that all year long and it’s kind of tiresome.  I honestly don’t want to go but I think that mentally I will be better off.  Still kicking the idea around and it’s not like I have to make a decision until Thursday so plenty of time. 

Speaking of being lonely, not having much luck on the dating app I am on.  It’s stuck on showing me a person, I reject them and then next time I am in it shows me the same person.  Sort of like it’s saying hey are you really sure you don’t like this person.  It’s a bug in their system and I don’t have anyone reaching out to me.  I saw a guy yesterday who said how hard dating was plus being gay and dating, he went on some tangent and said not to waste his time by playing games.  I get it but that is kind of what dating is in today’s world.  I passed on him he looked angry in his photo. 

I hope that you had a great weekend and that your looking forward to the holiday and short week.  It’s only 3 days for me, were closed on Thursday for the holiday and Friday as a plus.  I will for sure hate traffic and shopping from this point forward because everyone will be looking for a deal but I am just part of the normal crowd trying to get things I need.  A deal would be nice but I’m not holding my breath.  Anything holiday related that I want to buy for myself will be done through Amazon so they can bring it to my door and I don’t have to fight the traffic.  Still waiting on my car title I hope it arrives this week. 

Have a great day and I will talk with you again soon.

Weekend so far …

Howdy and welcome back.  This is a true very rare moment, the cats and I are both in the basement.  They are both curled up in my old office chair behind me, sound asleep.  That is until I make some noise.  Every time I try to take a photo of Rudy sleeping regardless if he is alone or if he is with his sister, he magically wakes up.  I’ve taken a couple shots without him knowing but they just don’t echo the sheer beauty of the moment.  They both look so peaceful when they are sleeping. 

Yesterday I laid around for the morning and relaxed.  The afternoon I got a shower and got dressed.  It was just a dull overcast cold day outside.  We were supposed to have rain all day long but nothing here.  So I made my way to the bank, the ATM could read the amount on the check I was trying to deposit and after two tries I just gave up.  Then on to the post office where I had no mail and didn’t need to stop.  While I was there I used my phone to make that deposit I couldn’t make at the ATM.  I don’t typically deposit into this particular account via a mobile app but opted to give it a try.  Most every financial institution wants you to endorse your check with their select verbiage and it’s different at every place I do banking business.  I’m not a fan of that.  I miss the good old days where you could just use FOR DEPOSIT ONLY and print or sign your name. 

I digress, back on point.  I made my way to the buffet.  I ran into all of the rain we were supposed to get the entire trip (there and back).  I hate driving in the rain and what’s worse is darkness and rain.  It was starting to turn dark when I was headed back.  The food at the buffet was okay.  I didn’t stuff myself like I would have in days past.  I made two trips where the first trip I loaded up with Corn, Mashed Potatoes, Small sample of Meatloaf, Fried Cat Fish nuggets and Fried Chicken.  Then on my second trip just Mashed Potatoes and Meatloaf, which was really good.  Third trip was desert Bread Pudding.  I had a small family siting in front of me and they had a teenage son.  Damn when he stood up I got excited.  Small butt and cute face.  So I got some eye candy on my trip.  I think I was there for maybe 30 minutes tops.  Heard some lady say that she brought her 89 year old mother and they were headed back home, she lives further out than I do.  Just goes to show you if you have good food people will come to eat it. 

Outside of rain my trip also had a couple construction zones that I had to travel through.  Nothing too major but obeying the speed limit sign helped me, I’m familiar with the roadway but I don’t travel it as often as I used to and they had a couple of unique lane shifts that if I was going top speed I would have had an issue with. 

Back home to the strange land where it was a Trick or Treat night.  Tonight is the same damn thing and so is Monday.  There wasn’t one kid out last night and the cold and rain is why.  It’s raining off and on today so not sure if any one will be out tonight.  Tuesday is the Halloween Parade.  This is the only odd thing about living here.  Back at my old childhood home they do it right where you go out one night and do your Trick or Treating.  I never ever heard of a Halloween Parade but plug it into your favorite search engine and you will get a decent amount of results.  I still think it’s strange.

I stuck the kids fountain in the dishwasher and we watched an old episode of 20/20 about the Sheriff’s Deputy and Prisoner escape in I think Alabama back in 2022 where the female Sheriff’s deputy killed herself.  I thought they both died but nope it was only her.  Lots of interesting insight into the story that I didn’t know.  Then I got their fountain back in place with a new filter and fresh water.  Started watching an Andrew Goes Places twitch stream he did the prior day.  It was just opening Pokémon Cards which was boring to me.  He never even took off his shirt but damn he had a nice black wife beater on that showed his arms.  He’s really in good shape.  After that it was lights out. 

This morning I woke up early thanks to my biological clock and Rudy.  I fed the kids and threw on some clothes.  Made my way to Cracker Barrel where I got the rude waitress.  She knew my drink order.  If I didn’t know better I’d for sure bank on it that this lady hates me.  Not sure why I’m always nice.  We only had a problem one time where the kitchen didn’t cook my eggs right and they forgot my sausage but that was damn near 3 years ago.  I saw the hot guy waiter that has my number but won’t call me.  We never made eye contact or I am sure I would have gotten a hello.  He still looks fine but I’m still hurt by the fact he has never called.  I will always wonder why, I know he said he was busy but damn he said he was getting free time and he planned to call.  Well hello.  I’m sure if I asked again he’d have an excuse.  It just doesn’t make any sense to me to give your phone number to someone and say you will call but never follow through.  I only went to CB because I was hungry for Blueberry Pancakes and it was a change of pace from the usual place I go. 

On to the grocery store where I still continue to buy less and less food each week.  I am so tired of frozen meals, it’s been 10 years and damn I need to either hire a chef, meet a guy who can cook or just go out to eat more often.  Now which one of those 3 do you think will happen? 

Stopped to fill up my tank at the gas station and then home to put the groceries away.  Relaxed with the cats in my room.  Took a nap and then decided to come down and work on the computer.  I’ve got an issue where it reboots.  The restore point I wanted to use timed out so that wasn’t an option.  I am trying a couple other things to see if I can’t resolve this.  I feel pretty good about it right now but I felt the same way a couple days ago.  I only notice it when at night I want to watch porn and I can’t because the damn thing rebooted.  I stream my porn through my local home network it’s much more enjoyable to watch that way, I am more comfortable.  So, hopefully all works well tonight.  It won’t be until tomorrow either during the day or at night before I know if I have solved my problem. 

I’ve been working from home for almost a month straight and damn I am ready to go back to the office.  Turns out tomorrow I am on-call so this week is out.  I look so forward to next week in being able to go in.  I might do it more than once in the week but probably not.  I know that the mileage is a good workout for the car and it helps the tires to not get flat spots from sitting.  Kind of why I went to the buffet yesterday.  Gas mileage is coming in strong at 27mpg which isn’t bad for an SUV.  I am still eager to get into something new but I am in a holding pattern for now. 

Well the kids are no longer asleep behind me they both left me.  I need to get upstairs and break out the vacuum cleaner.  Not sure if I want to go out for supper tonight or if I want to stay home.  It’s a cold wet day probably not a bad idea to eat some soup.  Damn I forgot crackers again.  Well there you have it. 

Looking forward to tomorrow only to see the Amazon delivery person drop off my Cinnamon Cream of Wheat.  That’s good stuff!  Take care and I will talk with you again soon.  Be well. 

Birthday of not happy

Hello and welcome, thanks for stopping by!

Today is my late spouses birthday.  If he were alive he would be old today.  In some ways I am thankful that there are issues that I didn’t have to deal with but at the same time I feel like I was cheated out of time with him.  He’s only been gone for 10 years and a lot can and did happen in those 10 years.  Regardless, I know that he would be proud of the progress I have made.  He would be saddened and heart broken (as am I) to know that all of our original cats have passed.  I’m glad that he didn’t have to see any of them go but at the same time I wish he was with me when they did because it would have been a little bit more comforting.  I remember that last major birthday that we celebrated together.  I made a video wishing him a happy birthday, back with my first web cam and I also recorded his reaction to the edible arrangement that I got for him, it was over the top and he unwrapped it and the two of us sat at the kitchen table for 30 minutes to an hour just eating fruit.  Damn it was good but it was expensive. I’m glad that I did it and spent the money.  The memories truly are priceless!

It’s a bitter sweet day for me.  However, I am glad that I am the survivor because there is no way in the world that I believe he would have been able to continue with life without me.  Lord knows what would have happened to the cats, I know he loved them but I just picture him physically and mentally shutting down.  It’s something I will never know how it would have turned out.  However, I wish that we (including the cats) could have all gone together so that there would be no sorrow or suffering by any of us.  I am certain the cats missed him and to this very day I still miss him. 

It does get easier with time to deal with but it’s still difficult.  A couple weeks ago I had a sleep paralysis dream, that he died and I was all alone.  When I finally was able to break free and wake up, it was like waking up just days after he passed.  It was all suddenly fresh again and I really was alone.  Talk about your sobering reminders.  That really sucked.  It’s still kind of fresh today. 

My belief is that were all here to serve a purpose or a mission, when that is fulfilled then we die.  His purpose or mission is clear to me.  However, mine is not and I still wonder why in the world I am still here.  I’m not exactly bubbling with joy, no far from it.  I am miserable but just try to make the best of it.  Putting on a brave face and just sticking one foot in front of the other.  Going to bed more often than not hoping that I don’t wake up.  I don’t have high hopes for finding another companion much less having sex.  I think however long I am here it’s just going to continue to suck until one day I am no more.

Not exactly an upbeat post but it’s how I feel.  I don’t know if there is enough drugs or therapy in the world to turn things around for me.  Meeting the right person could and would turn things around, short of that unless I happen to stumble into winning the lottery I’m fucked and not in a good way.  Just feeling a bit more alone today than normal. 

Thinking of taking a trip to the buffet or at the very least a decent long drive just to get out of the area but not until tomorrow.  The most difficult part of that will be actually getting out of the house and moving forward with the idea.  I know it will help me even if it’s supposed to rain all day. 

I do hope that the outlook from your neck of the woods on life is 100% better than mine.  Depression and loneliness isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.  Have a great weekend.  Thanks for reading my no so uplifting words today.  Your visit is very much appreciated.  

Meh … Don’t care

Morning … I’ve been all over the place emotionally speaking this week.  I think it has to do with the isolation of working at home.  I like the idea of working from home but mentally it’s just not good for me.  Yet I keep doing it.  Kind of like the definition of insanity.  Getting out on the weekends feels so good but ever since last Sunday it’s the last thing I really want to do.  Don’t get me wrong I will be getting out on Saturday morning.  I can only stay here so long. 

I figured the exterminator would be out next week but turns out he will be here tomorrow.  I’ve already started to de-gay the house.  I fucking hate to do that it’s a mad rush that I just don’t enjoy.  They fixed my problem and I should drop them as I had planned but having them come out every other month has really helped with bugs in general.  The only thing they don’t really help much with is the Stink Bug and that’s because houses aren’t air tight or so that is the way it’s been explained to me.  Thus far I have seen a couple outside but none inside yet.  I’m sure if Mora sees them before I do she will eat them and if not her Rudy will probably try to play with it before eating it.  Cats, entertainment that just never ends. 

I’ve been re-watching Suits, which I think is a great show.  I like being able to go through the episodes without commercials.  Can’t believe that I used to wait a week or sometimes longer.  It was a summer time show so they were done usually by now and you’d have to wait until next year.  I never said anything to anyone about re-watching all of a sudden I start getting Suits related posts in all of my social media.  Just another confirmation that I am being tracked and watched, like the rest of the world. 

Another example of this I was talking with a friend a few weeks back about Pork Fritters.  She was telling me that there is this group on Facebook that she is part of.  It was something funny but also got my mouth watering.  Next thing you know I start getting advertisements to join the damn group.  This friend and I are not connected on Facebook.  I’m convinced my phone is bugged and tracking me for the social media networks.  Not that I have anything to hide but I just hate the idea of being tracked, as if I am a mouse being apart of some lab experiment.  This isn’t something new it’s been going on for a long time and there is just no stopping it unless I want to give up technology in general, which won’t happen. 

Speaking of technology I saw an External USB drive 20TB on Amazon for two hundred something dollars.  Sounds might tempting considering collecting porn does tend to fill the hard drives up.  I am fighting right now with my largest external drive it went corrupt again yesterday.  I’ve got it repaired and it’s defragging right now.  Since it serves as a archive I am tempted to just unplug it until I want to add something else to it.  The drive it’s self is probably about a year old, way too early for a drive to fail but then again they all go belly up eventually.

Got a phone call from a scammer yesterday.  I didn’t talk with them they wound up leaving a message as if I am going to return their call.  It’s urgent they have a “package” for me.  If you know my phone number then chances are really good you know my address, just send it along.  Of course that’s not how the game is played.  The call came from a local cell phone but they want me to call an 800 # back.  I did some research and it’s an impersonation scheme of the USPS but they don’t outright say they are the post office, they use letters that are similar to try to confuse people.  I hope they call back they will be in for a surprise, their # is blocked and that’s what I will do with any new #’s they try to use.  Unless your phone number is in my phone the call will never ever ring through.  Advanced call controls now that’s technology that I love, even if I do have to pay for it, it’s worth every penny.  If it’s something super important people can leave a message as long as they don’t block their caller id, that way I won’t miss out if something important should happen.  However, no one really wants to call me which explains why my phone only rings if it’s work.  It would be nice if one of the few friends I have would actually reach out but that’s kind of like asking for Santa to bring me a present. 

Looking forward to another weekend.  Going to see a friend and probably have breakfast out on Saturday.  If I don’t get the bulk of my shopping done on Saturday I plan to do so on Sunday.  Also breakfast out again.  Other than that not sure where life will take me.  I could use a get away to some place close but yet far away.  Been thinking about Gator so much and how last year at this time things were all hunky dory and then December happened and it was the end.  It’s probably just because it’s still very fresh.  I see more and more photos of her in my daily feed and I just miss her so much.  I see now that they can make a plush animal to be a replica of your pet.  Not to mention a hologram in glass.  Lots of nice ways to remember a furry friend.  As for me I’ve got my photos, videos and mental memories (as long as my mind remain intact). 

Blabbering on here so I am going to wrap it up by saying, I hope that you have a great day and I hope all is well in your world.  Thanks for stopping by. 

 

 

Working away

Morning … I hope that yo had a nice weekend and all is well.  I fell into complacency on Sunday and didn’t want to leave the house.  I had plans to but the more time passes the more I just said to hell with it.  I took yesterday off and went to the grocery store and picked up a few cat related items.  I put the trip off until the afternoon and really didn’t want to make it at all.  Something about staying home and away from the rest of the world sounded appealing to me.  However, I know that there were food items the cats and I needed and they weren’t just going to magically show up so might as well get up and go get them. 

I thought about hitting up Sam’s club it would have been perfect since it was a weekday and not crowded but I opted to pass.  The grocery store was enough for me.  I wasn’t feeling the greatest.  I went out for some soup & lasagna, made it to the restaurant for supper but their lunch menu was still valid, I was just under the wire.  So I got the same thing and saved my self $4.  Not a bad deal. 

Taking next Tuesday off to celebrate a friends birthday.  Were supposed to go to lunch.  Hopefully, that happens.  I’ve been meaning to get a card but have opted to disregard the card all together, it just doesn’t seem worth it to me. 

Remember that Windows Update I told you last week I was fighting, well turns out I wasn’t alone lots of people were having problems.  I didn’t learn that until after the fact.  A side effect I noticed that one of my removable external USB drives that stores archives of my porn collection went from having gobs of space available to completely full.  I had to run a repair within Windows on the drive and things returned to normal.  Other than that my system has been working fine. 

Got the mail over the weekend and looks like I can get 3 months free of Sirius XM Radio without a credit card because of the inconvenience of having to have my vehicle recalled.  I threw that right in the shredder.  They wiped out their LGBT programming years ago and that is when I left.  I’ve listened to free times during the holidays but they are not 100% commercial free and there extra fees much like a cellular phone company irk me so I am better off listening to paid Pandora or Spotify, at least that has no commercials.

Looks like I have a shorter week this week and next.  Bully for me.  Now if it would just be later in the afternoon I would be a bit happier.  At least I am not on-call any more.  They managed to hold things together while I was out yesterday but I could tell it was chaos but I only had 56 emails to return to, which is child’s play.  I am glad that it wasn’t a huge mountain but the volume usually depends on the time frame. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Take care!

Weekend Recap

Happy Columbus Day if your in the US.  Happy Thanksgiving if your in Canada. 

I hope that you had a great weekend and had a chance to enjoy the weather (presuming if it was nice in your neck of the woods). 

Friday I went into the office as I mentioned in my last post.  I did leave early.  I talked with my hot looking neighbor just after he got home from work.  He was all suited up and looked really nice.  By the swing on his front porch looks like he had a kid.  Him and his wife disappear for the weekend, they left on Friday night and I didn’t see them return until I got home from eating out on Sunday.  I hope they like what the tree guy did as part of their yard looks better thanks to my money. 

My fear is that since I have maintained this shared tree of ours when it comes time to chop it down he won’t want to part with any cash and will say that it’s my tree since I have been taking care of it all along.  I’m prepared for that but really hope it doesn’t happen that way.  Who knows they could also move out before it comes time to chop down. 

Saturday morning my tree guy came.  I paid him to bring a lift this time to get the real work done and it paid off, the place looks really nice.  However, he robbed me and I don’t know that I will be asking him to come back again.  We have had a long standing relationship for many years and what he did just rubbed me the wrong way.  He told me when he was done that he cut down quite a bit more than we talked about.  It’s not my fault he went crazy but he demanded extra money.  I paid him.  However, he forgot to bring along a blower and had to run to buy one which isn’t a big deal.  The cost of the blower was slightly more than he wanted from me.  I can’t help but think I bought a blower to cover for him not bringing one.  Regardless, asking for more money after you quoted the job is just bad business.  He doesn’t issue written quotes it’s all word of mouth and I am sure that if I wanted too I could have worked with him but it’s just easier to pay him and get him on his way.  I am not happy and I think he knew that after the fact, there was a significant change in my attitude.  I’ll tell you that I got a cheaper deal going with him than if I would have gone with a pro tree trimmer.  To add insult to injury a neighbor saw him working and stopped by to ask for a quote on some work.  I planted the seed that he owes me a referral fee because if it wasn’t for me calling him, the neighbor would have never known about him but he wasn’t receptive to that.  For the fact that he is going to get extra business would have been reason enough to not raise the price, plus that fact that year after year I call him back.  Well not next time.  I’ll pay more for a professional that will issue a written estimate and pay them.  

As if all of that wasn’t bad enough at the end he tried to get his helper to take money from me by asking me if I wanted to have some stumps ground out.  If it was included for what I paid him great but I told him leave things as they are I am not interested.  I got a card from his helper and it talked all about Jesus and how God helps people, blah, blah.  Yeah well your not taking any more of my money.  Get lost. 

I’ve tried to move past this but I am just pissed but I will get over it.  It’s funny you think you know people and then they fuck you over.  Trust no one and you’ll never get hurt.  That’s just not how I live. 

I tried to take a nap after they left but the anger just kept me awake.  I did relax a bit.  I was on my feet from early morning until around 1p.  My back was killing me.  I am not an on your feet kind of guy. 

I went out for pizza.  Outside of breakfast that was the only meal I had eaten.  I was starving and I ate almost the whole pizza.  I know I could have finished it but I wanted to take some home.  I chatted up the owner of the place and learned that it’s true authentic Sicilian Pizza which is why it tastes so damn good.  I’m kind of a big guy and I guess my presence is overwhelming to some people.  This guy thought I was going to punch him.  That was funny to me.  I told him how awesome his product was.  It’s like crack in a box it’s so addictive, you eat a little bit, you want more.  I thought about ordering a 2nd one to go but I didn’t want to wait my stomach was starting to grumble and I wanted to be home.  I did stop for cat food and then I went home. 

Started and finished the series Hung on HBO.  I didn’t finish it until late in the day on Sunday. 

Since I haven’t been sleeping the best I decided to take some Magnesium.  Damn that shit does the trick.  I slept like a baby Saturday night.  I was up to use the bathroom but other than that I was out. 

I felt really good on Sunday it was just cold in here because I hadn’t turned on the furnace yet.  I had breakfast and then came back to bed with the cats laying on me.  I watched Hung and they slept.  The afternoon started to roll around and I knew that I had to get to the grocery store, even if I didn’t want to. 

I got up and got moving.  Threw on a hat to cover my bed head.  It felt odd wearing a hat but at least I looked better than walking around with bed head.  I didn’t spend a ton.  Managed to get in and out of Sam’s for gas.  Normally there is a long line but I lucked out.  Then I came home.  Put everything away and rested for a bit. 

Went out for Mexican food in the afternoon.  That was good and I couldn’t finish it all.  I’ve never taken food home from this place but this was a first.  The waitress took care of me and brought me containers and bags so that I could take the whole thing home, including the chips & salsa.  I’m going to have a nice lunch today!  I’ll be full but I paid for one meal and am getting two meals out of it.  Not a bad deal at all.  That kind of makes up for not having left over pizza. 

Made the switch from cold cereal to oatmeal.  Damn my timing was perfect.  Oatmeal tastes so good in the morning and it’s quicker than pouring bowl after bowl of cereal to get full.  I have my set portion that I eat and full or not when I am done I leave the table.  This might help with weight loss as well.  I’ve managed to put back on some of the weight I lost but I can tell for sure that my stomach is not the same size  Sometimes I get super hungry and other times I don’t need much to get full at all. 

Mora & Rudy are both doing good.  They have had lots of attention over the weekend and are waiting for me upstairs.  They seem to like the cooler weather.  They liked snuggling with me.  However, I turned the furnace on last night because damn I was tired of being cold.  There is still a nip in the air inside in the morning but I am not freezing to death.  As the temperatures drop outside I will increase the temperature in the house but I think we will be reasonably comfortable for a while or so I hope. 

On a more personal level my depression has been sneaking up on me.  I felt so lonely all weekend long.  I read an article on social media that had a title similar to this … x number of reasons as to why your still single AF.  The #1 thing it said was don’t expect dating apps to do all of the work for you.  Get out there join a social group and mingle that plus dating apps will increase the odds you will meet someone.  I kind of feel like that was written just for me.  I’m looking for social groups but I don’t know that I will join anything.  I think if I went to a gay church that too would increase my odds but honestly it all seems like so much work.  I wish that I could get a guarantee that I wouldn’t have to play any games and that if I did X,Y, and Z that it would for sure pay off in meeting the right guy.  However, that guarantee doesn’t exist and I don’t know that I have the patience to play any games.

Ah well at least the boss is away today.  Back to normal tomorrow so I am going to try to enjoy today as much as I can.  Hope that you have a great day! 

The remainder of vacation

Hello, I hope all is well in your world.  Just a quick recap of Friday thru Sunday as my vacation time winds down. 

Friday morning I went to Cracker Barrel for Breakfast hoping to see the hot waiter that has been stringing me along.  I was more interested in his reaction in seeing me than anything.  However, he wasn’t there.  I came back home for a brief moment and then dashed off to meet my friend for the transmission work. 

Dropped the car and went back to my friends shop.  Not much going on there.  I always learn something new when I visit so it’s fun and educational.  Lunch time rolled around pretty fast and we went to a place that I heard an old co-worker talk about before.  It was okay but nothing special.  On the way to the place my friend got a text that my vehicle was done.  When we were done we picked it up.  I got to go home and my friend went back to his shop.  The cost was only a couple hundred dollars because it was a drain, fill, run a bit and drain again, then fill one last time.  I didn’t need the power flush that my friend got so that’s why this was so much cheaper.  My friend told me to swing by next week to settle up with him.  I plan to do that next weekend.  I don’t know what he is going to charge me but the agreement we had was that I would pay his price with no mark up.  Time will tell if that’s true. 

I think I had frozen Cheese Ravioli for supper that night and just hung out with the cats.  We watched a couple movies, that I had to pay for from Prime.  I remember that I got some laughs but don’t exactly remember what I watched because that was a few days ago. 

Saturday I slept in a lounged around the house until the afternoon.  Then I got a shower, went to check the mail and then headed off for pizza.  Wanted to see the other cute waiter I have a crush on.  I know he’s straight but still looking is nice.  Turns out he wasn’t working.  I got a decent pizza but didn’t plan on dropping damn near $50 for that plus a small salad and a soda.  I didn’t even claim my birthday desert which would have been free.  I wanted to get back home. 

Fed the cats.  Worked on the freezer to oil a motor.  You have to empty it out all of the shelves and then remove a panel.  It’s a little bit of work.  Then I cleaned the bathroom.  Damn that was not a fun job.  Both cats wanted to help me and of course when I was done and had cleaner sprayed on the bathtub is when they wanted to play in the tub.  I had to keep them out which was fairly easy but they are sneaky.  We watched some TV after that and I tried to cool down.  All the work and running back and forth to the kitchen and garage made me quite hot. 

Sunday woke up early and went back to Cracker Barrel one last time.  Turns out the guy wasn’t working then either.  Looks to me like he has plenty of spare time now and he could call me but hey my phone has yet to ring.  He might call and he might not.  I am not going to hold my breath.  I remember telling Gator when I first got his number that I might have found someone so that I didn’t have to be alone.  I’m sure this plays no part in her getting sick and dying but maybe she was holding on and when I told her that she gave up.  I doubt it.  I can tell you that I was quite emotional this morning.  I was lonely and feeling the not wanting to go back to work thing.  It was all a bit much. 

Stopped off at Target to pick up a few things.  Got $100 worth of stuff for $77.  Part of that was due to rewards points and the other part was due to a birthday offer they sent me to save 5%.  It was really nice.  Then on to the grocery store where I didn’t spend a whole lot of money. I made up for that by stopping off to gas up and man the price of gas has gone up.  Then back home to put it all away and relax a bit.  Tried to take a nap.  Rudy came alive when I got home he was bouncing off the walls and when I tried to nap he wouldn’t leave me a lone. 

I figured that it was close to lunch time so feeding him would probably cause him to calm down.  Nope that just made things worse.  I put out my medicine, starting the new Diabetes medicine tomorrow morning.  Sounds like I will be peeing up a storm.  Dehydration is one of the big side effects along with about a dozen other things.  It’s possible this medicine could make me seriously ill or kill me but at least I know what to watch for.  Then my tree guy showed up to provide me an estimate.  That’s more money that will leave my pocket.  Probably not until next year but I wanted to get on his list. 

I came down to get the laundry done.  Damn if I didn’t forget to buy Water Softener Salt.  That was a grocery store thing but it’s not something I normally get there.  It’s a Sam’s Club thing but they didn’t have it.  I can order it from Amazon or just wait until next weekend and pick some up.  Right now I am going with next weekend.  It’s a trip to the home improvement store and I need to get a couple new fluorescent bulbs for the basement.  They don’t carry Morton’s Salt but some off brand which is why I prefer to get it at Sam’s but oh well.  I know I can make it through the week for sure.  Beyond that will be pushing it.  I may breakdown and do the Amazon thing. 

Speaking of Amazon I got an alert while I was putting out my medicine that someone tried to use my debit card at Amazon but it’s locked so the transaction was declined.  I didn’t waste anytime I reported the card as lost so I get a replacement.  If someone tried to use it once they will for sure try again.  For good measure I changed my password as well.  I don’t recall ever using the card except to get cash from an ATM and to make a deposit.  Just don’t want to chance it.  I’m without a card for up to 7 days but then again it’s not something I use so it’s no big deal. 

Caught up on porn surfing.  I’m going to have some fun tonight.  At least there is something to look forward to besides waking up early.  As soon as the dryer kicks off I will be headed back up.  I need to finish up on cleaning house, get the laundry put away.  Then it will be time to heat up a couple slices of my deep dish pizza.  I got Sausage, Pepperoni and Spinach.  It was really good yesterday.  I will be eating on it for a few more days so eventually I will not want pizza for a while.  Thought about going out for supper instead but I’d rather just save the gas. 

As it stands right now tomorrow is my only work from home day.  The rest of the week I will be in the office due to a project work that is being done by a vendor that I have to keep tabs on.  I really hope they finish the job early like in 2 days instead of 4 days.  That everything goes well and then I will rest a bit easier.  I already combed through my email on Friday night and Jesus I have one big mess to sort through.  More than a few people got fired while I was gone and plenty of new people started.  I don’t honestly know if I will be caught up in one day but I am going to make a decent effort.  I only hope that I can make it through all of the important stuff tomorrow.  Once I go in I have no idea how much time this project will take of my time and while I am eager to get it done I really wish it wasn’t happening until next year.  Then again it’s been well over 4 years in the making.  I only hope that the guys that show up to do the work are hot. 

Speaking of hot guys I had a message from a local college guy last week on the dating app.  I answered him back and well he hasn’t bothered to respond.  He didn’t match with me but I guess he saw that I liked him so he felt obligated to show me some pity.  Jesus I am not into the game playing.  I have had a couple guys that are older than me like me but I am emphatic about not falling for another older guy.  I want someone younger than me, even if it’s only by a few years.  Age is only a number but I don’t want to set myself up to out live another guy.  I think finding someone will drastically improve my over all outlook and I will probably wind up living longer.  However, it’s not looking good at the moment.  I am also only on one app.  I don’t want to pass out a bunch of money because there are no guarantee's.  Offer me a guarantee that I will meet a guy and we will hit off and I will hand you a small sum of money no problem.  No service out there that I am aware of offers that.  It’s a crap shoot and you just never know who you will meet or what caliber of a person they will turn out to be. 

Apologies for the long rambling but I honestly don’t know that I will have a whole lot of time to myself this week, I am setting things up as if I will be super busy.  I will probably be super tired.  Getting up early and going in really wears me out and that’s on a good day where I leave the office early.  Now factor in rush hour traffic both ways and I am sure I will be dead tired when I get home. 

Here’s hoping things won’t be as bad as I am expecting.  Thanks for stopping by.  I hope that the week ahead is a great one for all of us.  Take care, I look forward to the next time we talk.  I appreciate your visit. 

Status Call

Having completed everything that I could, wasting time I eventually opted to step away from my computer.  Of course that is when emails start to pour in.  I sat in front of the TV and just looked and dismissed what arrived as it could all be dealt with when I went back.  I was in no big hurry.  I went to check my bank account and the phone rang.  It was the boss.  The cats were all over me and I had to mute the TV.  Thankfully the cats were quiet and didn’t give themselves away.  I am keeping them as a secret from as many people at work as possible, although some folks know about them. 

Anyway this was my bosses way to see if I was still pissed and to make sure that I was “doing okay”.  I handled the call normally and pacified him.  However, after we hung up I said I wish you would have never come back.  I say things like that all the time.  One of these times the phone won’t be hung up and it will bite me in the ass but it’s my way of venting frustration.  He wanted to know if I was going on vacation or taking any time off soon?  Yeah I have some time scheduled.  I told him that I was considering adding on and he was just thrilled to death to hear that.  I do think he feels that were out of the woods and all is well.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  This is something I won’t forget.  I may not change jobs in the end but I am looking, not frantically though.  Trust me when I tell you that I am looking for a way to fuck him over like he did me, I may not find that remedy today or tomorrow but in the end some opportunity will present its self. 

I honestly didn’t want to roll out of bed this morning.  My upper back was killing me.  I keep telling myself I am going to do this or that for it and I never do.  I usually just get drawn into watching porn and well that doesn’t exactly do wonders for my back but I do get a good feeling out of it.  Tonight I do think I will break out the heating pad to see if that will help calm things down.  Nothing short of a massage by hand will truly remedy my issue.  I watch Chiropractic videos and think that would help.  I found a doctor that I would need to travel a bit to see but I have the maddest crush on him but that is the wrong reason to see him.  There are plenty of Chiropractors around me and I have never been to one.  The adjustment I am looking for is where they press on the upper and mid-back and sounds like a box of Rice Krispies.  I don’t know if I will ever muster the courage to see one but I can tell you that I am not against finding a massage therapist and scheduling time.  Problem with that is the time goes by so fast and well it hurts.  I am nothing but a knot factory.  I think if I was knotless and lost weight, even to where I was back to pre-pandemic weight I would feel much better and my outlook on everything I think might be different. 

From a mental health standpoint I am not seriously depressed like I had been back when I lost Gator.  That did take a major toll on me and didn’t help my mental health.  It was one of those things that you know someday will happen but when it does, your never ready.  I still feel sad and being alone doesn’t help.  I am kind of stuck in a rut and looking for someone to help pull me out.  However, I realize now no one is coming to save me, that is totally a job for me.  I can either work to pull myself out of this or I can sink further in.  Not having seriously good friends, especially ones that there isn’t an age gap with doesn’t help me.  If I had that I don’t think I would be in as deep as I am.  I look at all that I have been through and times where I thought I would fail or die or both and yet I am still here and survived.  Somehow the most difficult burden has been to get rid of the loneliness, which is the reason for the depression.  Having Mora & Rudy does help and they are the reason why I am still alive, I need a purpose as does everyone to get out of bed.  Just having a job isn’t good enough. 

I get that a little rain must fall into all of our lives and bad things happen but I don’t understand why sometimes some people get more rain and bad thing happening to them than others, especially when they haven’t done anything to deserve it.  I hear it builds character, it makes you stronger, blah, blah.  I know life can’t be all rainbows and sunshine but I wish that I could have a couple years with nothing major bad happening.  Like everyone I can use all of the good that can come my way. 

I think about a school mate who is hella good looking.  He got cancer once and we are the same age.  He got rid of it and it came back.  I think it’s back a third time.  His mom died during the pandemic, it was a sudden unexpected thing.  I just found out his dad passed last week.  He’s got a lot of positive going for him with friends, travel and worldly possessions and a good job.  Yet there is still bad things that have happened.  I don’t know if he is in good enough health to make the trip back home for his dad’s funeral.  I also don’t understand why when I need to go to a funeral it always seems to be a week where I am on-call. 

No one persons life is a picnic all the time but sometimes I hear things and it just makes me shake my head.  I never would have figured life would have turned out the way it has for me.  Here’s hoping that something good happens in all of our lives to make us smile and at least let us experience a win for once. 

Hey I was bored and wanted to throw together a quick post.  This has been anything but quick.  Now back to the grindstone, it’s almost time to head up and we have more storms in the area.  I know that the cats aren’t fond of them. 

Have a good evening and we will talk again soon. 

 

Busy Monday

Any plans that I had to play today were quickly interrupted.  It’s been busy all damn day.  I have had to push some things that I planned for today to tomorrow.  You’d think because the boss was away it would be a bit more calm but that is not the case.  I had no plans to play but I didn’t honestly plan on working quite as hard as I did. 

I spent the bulk of the weekend at home watching TV with the cats in my room, sleeping.  I did venture out for a bite to eat on Saturday and again on Sunday.  Went to the grocery store in the afternoon.  I don’t recommend that the bananas all had spots on them and looked horrible.  I got the best of what was there.  The cashier I got was upset that she was trapped at work on a Sunday. 

All in all I didn’t spend nearly as much money as I would have if I had gotten up early on both days and gotten moving early.  So that is the plus side.  I had to venture out today because I had a package waiting at the post office.  I thought that was the case by the notification I got on Friday but since I didn’t get out until the afternoon I had to come back today because they were closed.  I knew what the package was but didn’t understand why it was so large.  I found out today I got sent a wrong item that I didn’t order, ah well. 

I didn’t spend anytime in front of a computer at all for 2 days.  That was quite odd and I have had to play catchup when I could today on my porn surfing.  I am still not quite done but I plan to fix that after I post this. 

Not exactly sure what but something I ate didn’t quite agree with me and this morning didn’t start off nearly like I had planned.  I feel much better now but I didn’t think I would make it through the day the way I felt after breakfast. 

The cats really enjoyed spending time with me this weekend.  Lots of cuddle time and naps for all of us.  Just a bit of depression and lack of desire to do much is what kept me in.  I had a thought of a summer day in High School and a crush that I had on this blond hair blue eyed hunk that was 1 year behind me.  I keep thinking about writing an erotic story.  My mind won’t let go of it.  I do wonder what happened to him, so far as I know he was straight.  It’s also odd how some people were really good looking in High School but you see them today and it’s like what the hell happened.  I think I look pretty much the same just a bit less hair on my head (by my choice) and I got fatter (part of that is COVID and the other part is all me). 

I am eager to get away from the computer so I am going to publish this, do my surfing and then head up to be with the cats.  I have a 6a wake up call to look forward to and then I have to travel in.  I have something waiting for me that only I can fix and it requires me being in the office.  I hope that I don’t have to engage the help of a vendor, I have a pretty good feeling it’s one of those reboot it situations but this is something that has to be taken apart to reboot.  It’s a bit involved.  I wish the office wasn’t so far away I would just make the trip tonight so I could stay home tomorrow but I suppose getting out will be good for me.

I hope all is well in your world.  Talk with you when I can.  Tomorrow will be just as busy as today because of things that I had to shuffle around.  Odd how I am busier now than when the boss is around but I guess that is just the way it works.  Take care!