Alarm Results

Greetings,

Hope that you’re doing well and enjoying the weekend!

The tech came for the alarm system, I had to pay a trip charge, but his labor was waived. It was a 15-minute visit. He confirmed what I pretty much knew already. The keypad is fried and I need a new system. It’s an upgrade, most of the hardware can be re-used but a couple pieces must be replaced. I will get a touch screen keypad and can control the system from my phone. The cost with a discount on my account brings it to close to $1 thousand dollars. It will take 2 hours to install, and the work is scheduled for Tuesday. I will have to pay the full cost when the job is done but my low-price monitoring rate of $6 will remain in place since I’m not signing a new contract. The system uses cellular and WIFI to communicate, as I suspected. Therefore, there is no need for a home phone. My home phone is under contract since it’s bundled with my TV.

I like the old-fashioned home phone even though it’s not a copper line anymore and it’s VOIP. There is just something about it that I honestly don’t want to part ways with, but I will have the option when the contract is up next year.

While I really didn’t want the alarm system to fry, I am hopeful that it’s my largest expense on this “vacation” that I am on. I am hoping for a clean bill of health for the vehicle. I will find out the results of that on Monday when I take it in. I like it and keeping it, a bit longer will permit me to continue to save money so that I can be in even better shape when it’s time to buy. The plan was to trade in September no matter what, but I am really addicted to saving money. I like seeing my bank balance rise which beats seeing a credit card balance rise.

I took time off from work because I needed a break. I didn’t need extra problems; life has given me plenty thus far.

Wanted some human companionship so I talked to my Thanksgiving friends, and he joined me for supper, she wasn’t feeling up to it. That’s when I found out that they aren’t going to be doing anything for the 4^th of July. He’s got prostate cancer and the treatment is wiping him out. He looks like life is draining out of him, kind of like my late spouse looked when he went through chemo & radiation. My friend only must go through radiation, and it starts on Monday. They started him on two pills, one of which is a testosterone blocker and the other is Estrogen. I made the offer that we could go out on the 4^th if they wanted, I’m waiting for an answer on that. Not sure that they will take me up on it but time will tell. Sounds like our gatherings outside of Thanksgiving might be stopping for a while. The folks are old he’s in his 70’s and she is in her 80’s. I know they aren’t going to last forever but I am kind of hoping for a couple more good years. When one dies, I think the other will follow in short order. I don’t relish losing them even though they haven’t exactly been the best of friends.

Got the mail, hit up the bank and got a 2^nd breakfast this morning. It felt good to get out and check some things off my list. It also feels good not to have to rush to conform to my usual weekend routine. I am not doing laundry now as I normally would be. I plan to work on that tomorrow. Cats need food but I might get that tomorrow if not then for sure on Monday. They have a few cans left so I’m good for a short time. However, I don’t like pushing things to the absolute limit.

Hopefully, I will feel better as the week progresses. One I know about the car and the alarm install is behind me then I will exhale and I think that’s when things will get better.

Well off to surf for porn, cuddle with the cats and eventually prepare for tomorrow. Plan to get up early, have breakfast and hit up the grocery store and Target. BBQ for supper tomorrow night, wanted that tonight but I had Olive Garden instead.

Stay tuned and we can both see how things turn out with the car, the alarm and the rest of my time off. I know that time off always flies by quickly. Shame that’s not true for the work week.

Take care!

Cool to Hot

Happy Thursday!

Yesterday was a decent day.  It got warm in the afternoon and we were only in the upper 60’s.  I was chatting with my co-worker and he was working from home and had his windows open.  The birds were chirping there and Rudy & Mora were asleep.  I thought for sure it would wake them but thankfully it did not.  Birds started chirping here once they both woke up and I got a nice show. 

Found out that for the most part next week I will be by myself, my co-worker is going to do an upgrade of a system we use.  Normally the guy that retired and him work on this together but this is his first time to go it alone.  What could possibly go wrong?  He’s a little nervous but there is support to help him so honestly I think things will be fine. 

Lost my mind yesterday and upgraded my cell phone plan.  Turns out AT&T has really good coverage in my area.  I’ve got unlimited data now, at least until I change my mind.  Based on the speed tests I have done I’m pretty happy.  The only time I will be unhappy is when the bill rolls in, but I’m getting a couple discounts so that helps defray the cost.  Still got my Visible line that I use for work, which was originally gotten for dating.  It’s nice to know who’s calling what number.  If you call my main # and I don’t know the # I don’t answer.  If you call my work # and I don’t know the # I still answer because it’s likely a work call.  I’ve had a couple spammers call work but it’s easy enough to block them.  Something that I can’t do if I am actually at work in my office.  For some reason I always thought AT&T had crap coverage in my area and honestly I’ve never loved their prices.  Archie Bunker (from All In The Family) had it right when he called them American Thieves & Thugs.  They love to take your money, then again so do most businesses that’s after all the name of the game to make money. 

Caught a live stream from a mechanic I follow on YouTube.  He talks about a little bit of everything when he goes live.  It’s kind of like your sitting down with a friend just having a chat, all be it a one way conversation.  He talked about food and meals that he had growing up.  I had mostly the same thing.  I think were close in age but never bothered to do any research.  I like him because he explains things and shows you the work.  I am a dude but I honestly don’t know jack when it comes to cars.  I have a little bit of knowledge but I learned as a teenager I don’t belong working on a car, I don’t have that skill set.  Hence why I pay for all the service & repair work I ever have done. 

Feeling a bit more chipper today than I was yesterday.  My sex drive seems to be coming back.  Had a nice time last night that actually felt really good.  I honestly think that it’s situational and that I am my own worst enemy.  I tend to overthink things and really get in my own head.  There’s guilt from Working From Home more than I should.  There is also worry about the present and the future.  Somethings that I have control over and other things that I do not.  My big worry has always been losing my job but that has seem to pass the longer I work at the same place.  That’s also why I am hesitant to move on buying a vehicle or any big purchase, at least I have savings to fall back on.  I feel way more secure having a nest egg and just like when I was a kid collecting stickers, I hate to give any of it away. 

I’ve got a free and clear day, all of my tasks are done so it’s just a matter of waiting for work to roll in.  I plan on opening this afternoon and I know that will please the cats.  I just want to feel a cool breeze before the bugs start flying, once that happens windows will stay closed.  Cat’s like to play or fight with bugs through the screens and their claws don’t go so well with the screen.  Well work is building so I shall venture back to that screen. 

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by!

 

Hump Day

Morning everyone!

Had a bad dream from some guilt that I have over working from home.  Not sure if it’s related but I have periods of time where my sex drive gets up and leaves.  I forced my self to get off last night but my body went through the process I didn’t feel any pleasure from it.  It’s a temporary thing and I know my sex drive will come back.  This could be part of the aging process but I remember when my late spouse was my age and he was horny all the time.

Speaking of my late spouse I can believe that in a few weeks it will mark 13 years since he passed.  Damn I can’t believe he’s been gone that long and I can’t believe I’ve made such progress in that time.  Only wish that I wasn’t all alone.  Being alone is good for some of the time but not all the time.  Kind of why I got the cats, they keep me company and provide entertainment.  They are my reason I keep getting out of bed.  However, I am starting to grow tired of getting out of bed.  I am just frustrated in general with my life and some of it with my job.  However, I still realize that I am lucky to be in the position I am in, even though it doesn’t feel all that rewarding at times. 

On the job front, yesterday the boss was buried with email so he kind of kept his distance.  I got a few email requests and one phone call from him.  Otherwise, he left me alone.  We have a couple more meetings today and as he gets caught up I am sure that he will engage more, which I honestly don’t look forward to.  The day doesn’t look bad, a period of time free this morning and then after were done with the afternoon meeting, I should hopefully be free.  I enjoy freedom but I keep a watchful eye and tend to intercept any work that I see coming in.  I enjoy being helpful but that generally causes more work to come my way.  Sometimes I guess I am my own worst enemy. 

Watched last weeks episode of Chicago PD last night, it was interesting and it felt kind of odd watching it on a Tuesday when I tend to normally watch on Friday nights.  I am behind on watching Network TV and my DVR is filling up.  I like streaming content and tend to hang out on YouTube the most but other platforms that I subscribe to get my attention as well, just not nearly as much as YouTube. 

It was a brisk cold winter day yesterday.  This morning woke up to a dusting of snow.  Saw the Raccoon walking in it on the back deck from the camera history this morning.  Also we have a new stray cat that is coming around.  It’s shy and doesn’t like me.  Probably because the last person it trusted dumped it.  I get not trusting humans.  That’s now Momma was but she was desperate for food for her and the kids she was carrying.  I’m not looking to take on another cat.  I mean I want to save them all but hell that is an impossible task.  I also don’t know how well my bonded pair would adjust to me interrupting their happy home with a new friend.  They fight for attention at times and I can only imagine that getting another one would cause quite the disruption.  I have no plans to find out.  I’m content with 2.  Not quite sure how I managed 7 of them all by myself but then again I was younger and they were my family!

Weather is supposed to warm up to more Spring like temperatures today before we get sent back into summer heat.  I hope that we get a period where we don’t need heat or ac to survive and I can just listen to true silence before were forced into the deep fryer that summer heat will bring.  I also hope that my AC holds up another year. 

Hope it’s a great day for all of us and that none of us work too hard.  Wish that work gave Spring Breaks.  We have no holidays until May but that doesn’t mean I can’t go on vacation.  I really don’t want to schedule any lengthy time off until we have another person on board but regardless of that, time will eventually force me to schedule some time. 

Take care!

Way better

Today has been a much better day for me, though it didn’t start out that way.  Rudy I think could wake up a Rooster, he is an early riser.  I told him last night I didn’t need an early wake up call but he does what he wants with that information.  Don’t tell me he doesn’t understand me, I know differently.  He decided that I needed to be up at 6am, despite it being a Saturday and nothing really on the agenda for the day. 

Well, I got up begrudgingly and fed him and his sister.  Used the bathroom and then climbed back into bed.  I knew that watching a little TV would help me get back to sleep so that’s what I did.  It worked and I got maybe an hour or two more.  Then my body said it was time to be awake. 

I continued to lounge in my bedroom and watch TV.  Passed out lunch for the cats and grabbed a soda and a cookie.  Then back to TV watching.  I finished The Upshaws on Netflix.  I’ve watched the series from the start, it’s a pretty good show and the comedy is awesome!

Decided that I wanted to make a trek to a BBQ place that is no longer local.  It would take me about an hour and a half to drive there.  I haven’t shaved in over a week.  So I charged up the trimmer and while I was waiting for that to complete I watched TV.  It was noon. 

About 1p I got up and checked the trimmer was done.  I turned off the TV and grabbed the trimmer.  Headed to the bathroom and started to get the fur off my face.  I always flirt with keeping either a goatee or a mustache but I’m a clean shaven guy so I chopped it all off.  Then broke out the razor and made sure I was smooth.  Time for a shower after all of that work. 

I felt more alive after the shower but I knew that this was the steroids talking and working their magic.  I am coughing more now but it’s not excessive like it normally is where the cough becomes my new best friend and hopefully we don’t get to that point. I hope that I am truly on the mend because this has sucked.  I enjoyed the time away from my job but I didn’t like the symptoms and it hasn’t boded well for my depression. 

It’s super cold out and my phone said that it felt like 2 degrees Fahrenheit.  I had on a sweater pullover, jeans and my hat & coat.  I decided that BBQ was for sure what I wanted but making that long trek just wasn’t in the cards today.  Instead I went to a local BBQ place.  Saw a hot guy who was there with his wife.  He had a baby face and a nice slim build.  He looked a little familiar like he could have been a former co-worker but the more I looked at him the more I realized that probably wasn’t the case.  I had a decent meal, then it was back into the cold.  It was snowing when I drove in, just flurries and I had a little bit of that on the drive home.  Stopped to grab the mail and then back home. 

Time to get working on laundry.  I had to wash the sheets and bedding just because I’ve lived in bed most of the week.  I wanted to get this started before I left but Rudy was all passed out and looked quite comfy so I didn’t bother him.  As soon as I put my coat on he sprang to life and came to see what I was up to. 

Laundry has long been done and the bed is made.  Just need to put the pillow cases on and I’m all set.  Been watching porn and adding to my collection.  I haven’t really been in the mood being sick but now I’ve got myself all horned up so I am looking forward to some much needed self pleasure – that sweet release. 

I checked on the trap I set and the hole I filled the other night and it’s undisturbed.  My plan is when it’s warmer to pull all that junk out and put in some chicken wire and then steel wool and finally fill it in again with foam sealer.  That should be a permanent fix.  The other option is to just put a cap over it on the inside.  I’d much rather just smash it closed from the outside but that would require way too much work and honestly the effort isn’t worth it.  I know that mice and rodent in general are kept at bay by chicken wire and steel wool.  I’ve checked all of the mouse traps that are still set inside and they are all empty.  It’s been 3 years since I’ve been mouse free and I honestly don’t want to go down that rabbit hole again. 

What I think happened is there is a raccoon that made a home under the deck.  It chewed on the foam to try to get to some place warmer but nothing else has crawled in and the Raccoon is way too fat to fit through a dryer vent.  If it had babies they would certainly be small enough to but this place is a home for me and the cats there isn’t room for any other critters. 

My original plan included diving into work email but I’ve decided against that for now.  Possibly tomorrow and Monday I will work on that.  Today is just about rest and doing some playing on the computer. 

I’ve got a huge jump on my taxes.  I’m to the point where I am ready to file but I most likely won’t until next month.  I’m getting a small refund and have to pay 1 state which I am not eager to do. 

Tomorrow’s agenda is to grab some breakfast, hit up Target and the grocery store.  Possibly top off the gas tank and then come home.  Rest up as usual.  Clean the house and then in the afternoon if I am feeling well enough I will make the long trek for BBQ, otherwise I will go someplace else.  I need to hit up the cat food store too.  Once I am home for the day I plan to then dive into work email.  I don’t want to but it’s not like it’s going anywhere and it’s not like I am never going back although I wish that was the case.  However, I need the money so as the saying goes – I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go. 

Hope that you had a great day and are staying warm & well.  It’s suppose to be a little bit warmer here tomorrow but not by a whole lot.  Flurries are in the forecast.  Thanks for stopping by.

Monday

Feeling a bit depressed today.  Still looks like I will be alone on Christmas. 

Wanted to attend a visitation for a lady who passed away, she ran a business that my grandparents frequented.  The lady is also a relative to my Thanksgiving friends.  However, I called the dentist and had an afternoon appointment. 

I was hoping that the dentist would just smooth out the rough edges and we could call it a day.  Well that sort of his how things worked out.  Turns out I didn’t break the tooth it was part of the filling chipped off.  There is a divot that she can get to without drilling out a part of the old filling and replacing it.  For now were leaving it as is.  If it bothers me or breaks further I’m supposed to call for an appointment to get that work done.  I don’t like the divot but the edge was smoothed out so I think it will be okay or so I hope. 

Got the car washed on the way home, there was supposed to be a special gift waiting for me since I subscribe to the clean car club, but I got no gift and didn’t see anyone passing anything out.  Hey, I broke even on my membership.  To do that I have to have 2 washes in the month, anything else after that is just gravy for me. 

The cats sense how I am feeling and they are super clingy.  It helps knowing they love me but it’s not the same as being with a human.  I’m so glad I have them. 

Checked in at work, things appear to be calming down a bit, which is good.  Hopefully, that trend continues.  Only time will tell. 

Went to Olive Garden for supper.  That’s the last restaurant on my list that I wanted to visit while on vacation.  Since I do believe I am going to be alone on the holiday, I am heading for pizza tomorrow so I will have something quick on hand to munch on.  If I am alone I will make a trip to the office just to get out of the house and check my desk. 

Purchased a few lottery tickets with the hopes that I can actually win.  I’ve got a theory that no one wins off a quick pick, but I know that’s false.  So I picked my own numbers for one ticket and then got a quick pick for the other ticket.  I still figure that my chances are the same regardless if I played or not, I’m probably out the money but it’s nice to have a tiny chance, better than nothing.  I’ll bet if I would win big that lots of people would be beating down my door and my problem of finding a guy would be over.  I’d love to be able to quit my job, travel and generally do what I wanted without any concerns or having to answer to anyone but the cats. 

I am still enjoying freedom from work but know that will soon come to an end this time next week.  Not looking forward to that. 

Called to argue with the cable company today about the price I am paying for my internet.  They told me that I have been a customer for 27 years.  The only way to lower my cost of internet is to add TV and then my entire bill would drastically increase.  I explained that I wanted to lower my bill and not add any other services.  They told me there was nothing they could do for me now but if I would have called last week they could have helped me.  WTF!  I plan to call back and I’ll bet if I told them I wanted to cancel service they would come up with some 11th hour magical deal to try to keep me.  Cellular Internet has come a long way and they have competition.  Just think about how much money they have gouged out of me for 22 years.  I say that because for 5 years I had an employer that paid my internet bill in full.  The cost has always been outrageous and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.  New customers seem to get all of the great deals but like any deal it’s only temporary eventually it expires, they pull the rug out and you pay the higher price.  My way of thinking is that companies that provide a services like internet and cell phone should reward their loyal customers, we got them to where they are now but they quickly forget.  I’ve already reached out to a new company that is supposed to be coming to the area, when they get here I am jumping ship.  I hate the cable company just like I hate the phone company. 

Hope you had a great day.  I kind of loafed a bit and now that it’s late it feels like I wasted a day but I consider it time well spent, taking care of me.  I just need to get back to my list of things to do to be able to cross everything off my list by the time my vacation is done. 

Take care!

Empathy & Compassion

I finally found the right set of words to express my condolences and convey that I am willing to help in any way I can.  I’ve taken time to think about it and I just sent my message to my former colleagues surviving boyfriend.  The burden I felt is lifted and it’s totally up to him if he wants to respond or not.  I’m certainly not pushing it.  I do realize that if he has questions I will for sure come off as some weirdo but I’m honestly fine with that.  I honestly don’t expect to hear from him but if I do I suspect it will be a simple thank you, which is perfectly fine.  No response at all is also fine. 

I realize that my note is arriving well after the fact and that I am sort of pouring a little salt on an open wound.  People would hear at different times about the passing of my late spouse and reach out, it was nice of them but it also hurt a little bit. 

I feel that I did the right thing to show some compassion and offer a hand.  Just for the record I have no untoward intentions and I am not in the least bit sexually attracted to his boyfriend.  However, he’s a human being and I just want to offer some comfort if I can. 

Better Day of Food

Happy Sunday!

I had a way better breakfast this morning.  Blueberry Pancakes and 4 scrambled eggs.  I was seriously full when I left.  The guy that I liked came in just before I was ready to leave.  I made sure to eye him up and down.  He was super sleepy and you could tell he just woke up.  He cashed me out and asked how the food was I told him good.  I wanted to say it would be better if I could get your number but I left that part off. 

Made a Target run and this is the second time that I have had to check myself out because no cashiers were working.  If this happens again I will complain about it.  I don’t work there and don’t like self checkout, unless I am at Sam’s – otherwise I’d rather have interaction with a human.  I don’t care if it’s cheaper for the store. 

On to the Grocery store and got to talk with my favorite cashier there.  She only works part-time and they do a decent job of shuffling her scheduled so I might see her one week and then go a month before I see her again or I could go back next weekend and see her.  Anyway, we wound up talking about cats and the conversation went on and on.  She had cats but lost the last one during COVID.  Her and her husband said no more cats it’s just too hard going through the grief.  I told her I said the same thing but I had to have a purpose to go on living and Rudy & Mora provide that for me.  Otherwise, I would want to check out and who knows by now I might have.  I am positive I wouldn’t be the same person I am today without them.  One of her colleagues interrupted us and that brought our conversation to an end. 

I stopped for fuel and then came home to unload.  Mora watched me unpack and bring the groceries in.  She wanted to come into the garage but I kept my eye on her and kept talking to her so she knew to stay put. 

Once everything was put away I watched TV and enjoyed going back to bed and curling up with Rudy.  I think he looks forward to it as much as I do.  We had a solid 30 minutes together.  No white noise I just drifted off holding him.  It was so enjoyable and once he woke up it was on to pass out lunch. 

Got the house cleaned up, brought up the laundry and came down with a second load.  Been playing on the computer for a bit. 

I am going out for supper and plan to visit the cat food store where I adopted the cats at to see if they have more food.  With any luck I will see the lady that I worked with but I’m not counting on that.  I just hope they have the food that I am looking for.  It’s not like they are going to go hungry but I’d like to feed them what they enjoy and ensure that I don’t have to go back to a pet food store for 2 weeks.  Heck if this keeps up I might just switch back to Chewy. 

Supper well it’s a toss up between Mexican and Pizza.  I am leaning towards Mexican but I could change my mind.  Before I come back home for good I plan to run through the car wash.  Here’s hoping that I see some hot guys.   

I’d love a massage as my upper back has plenty of knots in it.  However, I still have a ways to go before my next appointment rolls around. 

Here’s hoping that it won’t be too hellish this week since I will be on-call.  I hope that it’s a great week for all of us and something good happens to each of us.  Well, time to get moving again.  Thanks for dropping by!

About Last Night

Hi and welcome in. 

I really enjoyed my ride along.  I lucked out and got paired up with a new and very young guy.  He was super cute and I caught feelings for him early on.  I was going to ask him out but something told me to wait.  We got a call and it was long and a lot of standing around.  Not to mention a ton of paperwork that took a few hours.  As the evening went on he disclosed that he was married and a Christian.  I also heard him mention later on to a colleague that his wife was after him to have a baby.  Hey he could breed me any day of the week.  So glad that I didn’t out myself and ask him out, I think that would have made things super awkward.  We were sitting around waiting for something to go down and just before it did, we got called away to a crash.  That was the end of my experience.  It was over way too fast and I’m like a junkie looking for his next fix. 

I went back today and asked about riding with the same guy tonight but was told that I would have go back through the process of submitting a request all over again.  Hey I figured the worst they could tell me was no.  I wasn’t pleased about it but understood.

I sent a thank you email to the guy that I rode with and offered to buy him a meal.  Just to perhaps strike up a friendship it can’t hurt anything.  I also have serious doubts that he will take me up on my offer but it’s out there.

Feeling a bit depressed I called my thanksgiving friends to see if perhaps we could get together.  I just wanted to be around people but that didn’t come together.  I had a short call and then I was back to being alone with the cats. 

Thinking about going back to work on Monday isn’t exactly something I look forward to but it’s something that I knew going on vacation would come around sooner than I wanted.  I haven’t looked at email or logged in since Tuesday night.  I’m sure I will be going back to all kinds of interesting things.  I am kind of burnt out and bored at work, ready for a change but the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.  I’m super lucky to have a job and I really realize that. 

I guess I should go find something to eat.  I didn’t get supper last night and honestly it’s okay. The guy felt bad about that but it didn’t bother me.  I was all consumed with the experience.  It was difficult to fall asleep but once my meds kicked in I was out.  Trash truck woke me up this morning without fail. 

Hope all is well in your world. 

Catching up

Howdy!

Thanks for stopping by. I took Wednesday as a veg day. I was able to finally get the backup process started on my porn collection. It's running now. I've got way too many external hard drives and the next logical move is to upgrade my storage to a NAS (Network Area Storage). Thinking about that more towards Christmas since I might be able to get a bargain. If I didn't go the NAS route then it would be looking a cloud provider for storage. Long term the cloud would be a better solution because it would be up to that provider to maintain their network, whereas with a NAS if a drive fails that's on me to replace. Ah technology it is great but it can also be expensive. I could store other things on a NAS as well but it would mainly be to archive and preserve my porn collection. That's what takes up most of the disk space I have, even when compressed and archived.

The cats enjoyed me taking a break. I was feeling a bit down/depressed and lonely. Towards the late afternoon I got a phone call that I have been waiting for. Something that I had dismissed and figured wouldn't happen but it is happening and it's only because of me and my persistence. I'm glad that things came together. This is the big event that I have been talking about. It's another ride along with a police officer but this time it's at the State level. It sounds like it might be hours long and who knows what I will see. It takes place tomorrow afternoon. Sadly, I had to cancel my massage because I figured that this event would wind up cutting into that time and I wouldn't want to rush or short change myself of this experience. It's pretty important to me. I'm super pumped for this and eager. I hope that the Trooper I am with is personable and has a sense of humor. Guess I will find out soon enough.

I went for my facial this morning. First time that I had extractions that had to be done. They were painful but glad they are behind me. I knew that I had a pimple setting up to form on my nose. I tried my best to stop it but that didn't work. I didn't see anything when I looked in the mirror hours before I showered. Apparently, most folks have facials done every month, unlike me who only has them done annually. This year I did an anti-aging facial to help plump my skin and work away a bit of the dark circles that were starting to form under my eyes. The whole process was like an hour and a half. It was just chemical after chemical. I got the areas where the rash I have had zapped with a tool that kills bacteria down to the root. I figured it couldn't hurt. Guess we will see if that helps any. I left with samples of cleansers, a mask and several different moisturizers. It's all a ploy to get you to come back to buy product from them. I'll use the samples. I'm thinking of investing in a Clarasonic. I jumped on the band wagon when they first came out and my skin was glowing. Sadly, the battery in the unit died and won't take a charge. I got one for my late spouse and even his is so old that battery is zapped. No easy way to take them apart. Everything now a days is made to toss and replace. I'm not a fan of that model. Anyway, I am sure that a Clarasonic would help my skin, not that it's in bad shape but hey it could use any help I can give it to help maintain my so-called good looks.

The table that I was on for my facial always makes my neck ache afterwards. I got a pillow this year but that didn't help out a whole bunch. The table is in an odd position where the head is lowered and the feet are elevated. I had the table adjusted but even that didn't help a whole lot. I wound up coming home afterwards and taking a nap. Rudy curled up with me. Then he had lunch.

I went back out grabbed the mail and that bill finally showed up. My payment even though I scheduled it today won't get there in time so I will be late. I hate that but at the same time I won't lose any sleep over it. Made a run to Sam's club. Saw a couple frat bros that looked super-hot. Blond hair and blue eyes. One was tall and the other was short. They seemed pretty close. Sadly, I wasn't able to get a rear view because there was foot traffic and I had to keep moving. As per usual I went in and spent more money than I had planned on. Printer ink went up by $10, it was already expensive as it was. The only thing that I didn't get was Water Softener Salt and that's because the display was a mess with a broken bag and what looked to be slim pickings. I've got two bags here that I will be loading up and that should tide me for a few more months. Still, I like to have it on hand much like printer ink, you always run out at the most inconvenient time.

Came back home and unloaded my purchases and then dashed off to the car wash. No eye candy there and even though kids are back in school that place is jumping. Seems that everyone wants to get their car washed. It was busy the last time I was there a few days ago.

I grabbed some lunch and headed down to pay my bill, get email and surf the internet. Shocker I found more porn to download. Seems there is always a hot scene waiting and I'm not upset about that at all. Rudy came and got me when it was time for supper. I took a break and got the cats food. Then grabbed myself something and watched TV taking a break from the computer.

Now I am back in front of it. I had some photos to organize and a letter to write. Got all of that out of the way. Caught up on my blog visits and I am slowly working my way to being done. I might type up a story that I had written. I did manage to do that yesterday and left the computer all hot and horny. Not a bad thing at all.

Tomorrow, I plan to get up early. Grab breakfast out, hit up the grocery store that I rarely visit. Grab some Tombstone Pizza, they are the only place in town where I can get it. Plus a few other things that I honestly don't need but want. Then come home and do some cleaning. I am forgoing a trip to the home improvement store but I can only put that off for so long. Do a bit of resting and relaxing then getting ready for my afternoon adventure and heading out. I actually have to dress up for this and while I won't be wearing a tie I will be in dress pants.

My vacation will be over with once we get through the weekend and then it will be back to the old bump and grind. I've got at least another full week to take and I am sure that I will manage to work that in.

Finally, I haven't heard back from the doctor but he for sure forgot to order an A1C. I made my next appointment which should have been in December but he only had Christmas Eve open and it was a 7:30a appointment. It takes about an hour to get there normally and then factor in rush hour (even though it's a holiday) plus the fact it will be cold and there will hopefully be snow on the ground, nah it's not worth it to me. I didn't take it and pushed my appointment into early January. Next up for me is my eye doctor appointment which occurs later on this month and it's on a week where I am on-call. The eye doc is also an hour away so won't that be a fun time.

Talk with you all again soon. Take care!

Technology & Guns

I’ve been thinking about a couple things that were news worthy items this week and wanted to share my two cents, not that it will change anything.

First – The kid who used ChatGPT to commit suicide. I heard on a tech podcast that this kid wasn’t the first person who consulted a computer regarding suicide and in fact this was the 3^rd case. Technology like anything can be weaponized and destructive or deadly. I get that some people don’t have anyone to talk to. Look at me I am pretty much all alone. I also get that folks might think that others won’t understand what they are dealing with. Suicide is a drastic thing and as I learned in therapy when I was much younger, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

We are all dealing with something. It might be work, school, sexuality, the death of a family member or friend, a sick pet or a pet that has passed, a traffic accident or ticket, some other legal issue and the list goes on. No matter what you are dealing with you are not alone there are help lines in every single country that you can call and talk with a human being. You can find resources for your country at https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html

I speak from experience from having wanted to commit suicide a couple times in my adult life and also in my teenage years. The worst times in my life were the death of my spouse and then when I lost Gator my long-time cat that had been with me for 18 years. Once she passed away that ignited former feelings of being all alone and it was kind of like my spouse died all over again. I honestly didn’t think that things would ever get better or see a clear path. All I wanted to do was die because it just didn’t seem to me that life mattered that much or that anyone would truly miss me if I was gone. I didn’t bottle things up; I took someone up on their offer that they would listen to me and I sought them out and opened right up telling my life story to them. It was hours of time we spent. I did a lot of crying. I also went to the pet store and looked at cats but that just made me cry. I managed to go a month without a cat and then I started looking that’s how I wound up with Rudy and Mora. They are my lifesavers, seriously. They are so attached to me and since I am their 3^rd owner I told them that this was their home and they are here to stay. I mean that is unless I drop dead or get killed in a car accident or some other hazard.

I’ve had some low points and at times even with these two cats’ life can be overwhelming and I have had some thoughts of calling life quits. Deep down I don’t want to die, I just want my circumstances to change so the pain would stop. I know how I felt back when Gator passed and then nothing mattered. That was the closest that I came to actually going through with it. I had a lot of people scared even my own doctor. With some of the things I told him he should have had me locked up for my own well being but he trusted me when I told him that I wouldn’t do anything. How many people say that and then the next thing you know they are gone?

I’ve said all of that to say this. Reach out for help to solve your problems, talking honestly deep down feels really good especially when you’re talking to the right person that you can trust.

A former friend of mine told me think about what if you try something and you wind up hurting yourself and you live and don’t die but are handicapped or permanently injured. Also think about whom ever would find your body, that’s something that they will never be able to unsee. Regardless if it’s a seasoned professional like a police officer or fire fighter. They are human. It’s much worse if that person is a family member or friend.

I do think that ChatGPT and other AI chat bots should have restrictions placed on them so they don’t discuss mental health issues and/or assist with how to form a plan to end your life. I think that should have been obvious from the day AI started but obviously it was overlooked.

Second - The shooting at the Catholic School in Minnesota. I looked using AI for what country school shootings occur in. I was surprised to find that the US is not the only place but sadly we are the leading country where this happens. It’s to the point where it’s at epidemic levels.

I know that the 2^nd amendment gives the rights to bear arms and you have the right to defend yourself if you are being attacked or in imminent danger. It’s odd that each time this happens all we do is send thoughts and prayers. Well, those don’t do a whole lot to solve this problem that is continuing to occur. One child shot is one too many and this is something that never should have occurred.

I do think there should be stronger gun laws, I do think that all firearm owners should be responsible and lock/secure their weapons from children or those that might have mental health issues. I think that perhaps raising the cost of ammo would also be another action that could be taken. Look the world is filled with a bunch of intelligent people and brilliant minds, surely if we had some dialog and discussions on this a plan could be formulated that would solve this issue once and for all.

However, it’s not until the problem affects you or someone you know that people really focus much attention on this issue. These are innocent children who are trying to get an education and they are not out to harm anyone. I think it’s wrong to steal a child’s innocence regardless of how it’s done. Because once they are robbed of that it’s something they will never ever get back and it will stick with them through out their lives.

I grew up Catholic and started off in Catholic grade school. We had to go to mass every day we were at school. We said the pledge of allegiance to start the day. It was all very much a routine but times were way different and we had no school shootings then. We also had no technology then. However, we did have firearms but they were reserved mostly for hunters and those that wanted self-protection. Sure, we had criminals who had them to rob and steal. I also went to public grade school from 5^th grade forward and then on to public high school.

Kids can be cruel there is no doubt about it. I can think of a few kids that I grew up with that I wished I had never met. We were all free though in that we went to school each day and there was no worry or concern that someone would come in guns blazing. Being a kid today is radically different from when I grew up and honestly if I was a kid today, I would be scared out of my mind. I can’t imagine having to walk through a metal detector and using a swipe card to gain access to school. I can’t imagine hearing gun shots while I was trying to learn and then having to take cover. What if I was just walking to or from a class and was in the wrong place at the wrong time? My childhood wasn’t perfect but no way would I trade my school experience for what exists today.

I think that this problem is going to continue and it’s going to get much, much, much worse before it ever gets better. It won’t be until someone important like a politician’s kid gets injured or killed before things change in the US. There is never a time where I’d love to be proven wrong than now and from today forward never ever hear about another school shooting for as long as I live.

I can’t imagine being a parent to get the call that their child was injured or killed while at school. I feel sad for the kids as well as the parents.

Please someone find a way to solve this problem and the sooner the better before another life is lost.

Pizza is gone

Morning … that’s a different title for a post.  I had to think of something to put there and that’s the first thing that came to mind.  It’s true too, I ate the last of the pizza last night it was okay not as good as when it was originally served.  Now that’s out of the fridge it’s on to something else to eat for dinner tonight. 

I’ve got this habit that I picked up from my grandfather.  Each morning I look at the local obituaries to see who has passed away.  That’s the only way I will ever know.  I was shocked to learn this morning that a great aunt passed away.  I find it odd that there is only a visitation and no funeral per say.  It’s next week when I am on-call.  I could go but will more likely just send flowers.  It’s not cheaper but sure is easier.  I am not fond of the habit as I think it ages me but I’ve done it for years and started when I was much younger. 

Yesterday I got drowsy sitting in front of these two monitors and opted to head upstairs and lay down.  I watched a little TV but closed my eyes and then my phone went off.  I just knew that was going to happen, so much so that I predicted it to the cats.  Yeah it was something I needed to deal with but I was just too lazy and said it will be there waiting for me when I get up.  Then more stuff came rolling in.  I let the phone chirp for a few minutes before it calmed down.  Then I started to drift off and the lawn guy showed up.  My lawn got it’s first cut of the season.  I went back to work for a bit to take care of the few emails that had accumulated. 

My boss is on-call this week but I’ve found that I am the one doing all of the heavy lifting.  Even stuff that comes in after-hours he doesn’t jump on like the rest of us would, he just leaves it and I clean it up come morning.  He did take one easy assignment that came in yesterday while I was at lunch, just because it was easy.  The only way I know to rebel against this is to let shit back up and I did at one point yesterday.  It just means that I will have a large pile to clean up in the end.  It’s not fair that the rest of us pull our weight but the boss hides behind the excuse “ I have meetings and other assignments “  yeah well too bad your the on-call person.  Funny thing is that on-call means something different to him than the rest of us and outside of him we all operate the same.  He’s noticed that I am doing the heavy lifting and thanked me in one of our dumb meetings yesterday, whoopie.  Like that does anything for me. 

What made my day is that a supervisor from another team that I help out frequently so they are able to do their jobs reached out to me directly and sent me what I call a feel good email.  It said how appreciative they were for all that I do and how quick I am to help them and that I never, ever complain regardless of what they throw at me they know the job is going to get done and quickly.  People have been talking about the superior service that I give for 10 years and I don’t plan on giving them a reason to stop.  Compliments like that trickle to the top of the management chain, perhaps not as fast as bad news but it gets there.  That’s the kind of reputation that you want to build.  Problem is that it becomes tougher and tougher to out do yourself.  My boss wasn’t copied it was a note meant just for me.  I usually forward those on but opted not to this time.  I just hang on to them, they come in handy when your having a bad day you can look back on them and it helps to cheer you up.  That’s a tip from a colleague that I used to work with. 

On the cat front.  I went to throw away the pizza box and Mora thought she could just go out in the garage.  She tried but I stopped her.  I had to make a couple more trips to the garage to toss some bulky stuff out and she went back to keeping her distance.  Last thing I need is a cat the turns into a door dasher.  I am so out of shape there is no way I could catch either of them if they bolted.  Here is hoping that never ever happens. 

Had a bladder wake up call last night and made the mistake of rubbing my eye because it itched.  That only made things worse but some how I managed to fall back to sleep once I returned to bed.  Rudy kept me company and snuggled up against my back.  I would move and he would readjust himself just to let me know he was still there.  These cats sure are something.  I wasn’t in the best head space as the evening wore on and I think they probably picked up on that. 

On the agenda for today is one dumb weekly meeting with the boss.  Then whatever happens to bubble up my way during the day.  Thus far it’s chill but that can change at any time with little to no warning so I have to stay ready.  Speaking of ready I am ready for a nap already, not a good sign since it’s only 9a here.  It’s probably the sugar wearing off from the one pop-tart that I had with breakfast. 

It’s a nice Spring day here with pollen in the air, allergies acting up and the temperatures being cool.  The house has a slight chill in it but it’s enjoyable to me.  The cats will sun bathe to soak up the heat and the house will warm up as time moves on.  High today I think is 65 which isn’t bad.  Bring on the hot guys, shirtless guys so that my mouth will water as much as my nose and eyes are from the allergies. 

Hope it’s a great day in your neck of the woods. 

Thursday Night

My workday ended early and I got the trash out.  Just sat around watching TV and being with the cats.  Each of them had to have their turn for attention. 

We had supper and I passed out treats as per usual.  Surfing social media and relaxing.  I heard a siren and it sounded close.  Next thing I know two police cars went racing down the street.  I fired up my police scanner app on my phone and thanks to the two minute delay I heard the call.  A neighbor that I don’t know tried to commit suicide.  The police have been out to his house several times last year and this year, so I was familiar with the person.  Two ambulances and a fire engine followed.  He cut one of his wrists and they applied a tourniquet.  He was unconscious but breathing.  The second ambulance and fire engine were for additional man power.  I’m guessing the guy weighed a lot or it was difficult to get him out of the space he was in.  They got him transported quickly.  I fired up my scanner in hopes that I could hear the transport call from the ambulance to the hospital to know more about his condition but wouldn’t you know it I got a low battery alarm.  I had to turn it off or risk it wiping out all of the programming.  So I know nothing. 

It was sad to hear the call and while I know the guy had struggled with alcohol I don’t know what was troubling him and why he thought that was his only way out.  I know my struggles and how I have felt.  I know that I have been pretty low, the lowest much to my surprise was after Gator passed and I was totally all alone.  I know that depression has some serious bad effects and while a lot of people get out of it’s grips, others aren’t so lucky. 

A short while later I got an email from a colleague at work.  He put in his resignation and he thought I was already aware.  That stuff stays pretty quiet until it’s a certain that the person is leaving.  In some cases they try to make counteroffers and in other cases it’s just a delay in processing.  This guy is part of a small family of people that I was lucky enough to be included in.  The family has split with two people leaving last month, now this person leaving.  There is one guy left and I know for a fact life is really good for him and he’s not going anywhere at the moment.  It’s just sad to see the family split like this but at the same time I get it.  You have to look out for your best interest and the well being of not only yourself but your family, no one will do that job for you.  Thing have changed a lot from the 10 years ago when I walked in the door.  I too want to leave but I’ve had my fill of working for a living and I am way too young to retire.  So, I just take it one day at a time and try to breathe through it. 

Not exactly the best evening of the week but life goes on.  Got one meeting today at work and I have to call the guy that is leaving to talk about some work stuff.  Pretty much a light day but there are scheduled tasks that I still have to take care of and one of those will be late in the afternoon.  At least I will have the weekend free and clear since I am not on-call. 

The cats got into an early morning fight and woke me up.  I never got out of bed just yelled from bed and then I heard Mora growling.  Normal sibling rivalry.  When it was time for me to get up, they had made up.  They don’t stay mad at each other long.  No doubt this was all Rudy’s fault because he wants to play a lot and Mora isn’t always in the mood or if she is he pushes her and then a fight breaks out.  Luckily they haven’t damaged anything or done damage to each other thus far.  It bothers me a lot when they fight but I remember what it was like to be young.  I pray they don’t injure each other. 

In reviewing my daily photo memories I saw a video of Gator and one of her siblings.  I elected to watch it.  We were all talking to each other by meowing.  We carried on a conversation and that got Rudy & Mora all worked up.  Sure do miss my original cat family. 

Here’s hoping for a great weekend!  Take care. 

2nd Car Wash

Happy Sunday!  I managed to wake up early and take care of the cats.  Got dressed and headed off to breakfast.  Had those Blueberry Pancakes that I wanted so badly.  Damn they were just a little busy and I was starved.  It took forever to get my food. 

When I returned to the car I got to see the passenger side and there was still mud everywhere and the front grill was covered as well.  I know I paid for a wash yesterday but I went to a place that is well known to suck.  I went against my better judgement.  To solve the problem I went to the expensive car wash, they flood the car with soap and water so I knew that would solve the problem.  Got to see a cute guy in the process.  This wash did a much better job than the first one. 

Off to grab groceries and get more money taken away from me.  I’m trying Chicken Alfredo by Rao’s this week.  Its’ my first alfredo experience with this brand so hopefully it works out well.  I am looking forward to it. 

Before heading home I had a half tank and opted to fill up.  Not that I am going anywhere that I will need it but better to be prepared in case something comes up and have peace of mind. 

Felt pretty down when I came back home.  Just a case of loneliness and not really having anyone to talk to that I feel truly cares.  Seeing the cats helped a bit.  I got out of my clothes and relaxed in front of the TV.  The cats joined me and we watch a YouTube Video that was interesting but the sugar from breakfast was wearing off and I got sleepy.  No reason not to take a nap so that’s what I did.  The three of us were all passed out in my bed.  It’s quite uncomfortable but we manage to make it work. 

Woke up and it was time for lunch for the cats.  I had some pastry and a soda but not before I put out my medicine for the week.  Then on to clean the cats water fountain and change the filter.  I loath that task but it’s a must every 4 weeks.  Going any longer made my old cats sick and I don’t want to take any chances with these two.  It’s bad enough they have a fur ball issue. 

Got the trash out and opted to skip vacuuming this week, just not feeling like doing much.  It was all gloomy and drizzly this morning but now the sun is making it’s debut.  Hopefully, it sticks around like it’s supposed to for the week. 

I’m going back out to get my BBQ and very much looking forward to that.  I plan to bring a plate home because I can only eat so much frozen food in a week.  Being on-call I don’t want to leave home because it will be much like taking a nap, the phone knows I’m doing something I shouldn’t so the problems will filter in.  That’s why I just stay put.  I’ve peeked ahead and it’s going to be a little busy this week at least according to my calendar.  No shortage of meetings. 

Used that new toothbrush last night.  The old one you pressed the power button once it was on and if you pressed it again it went off.  Kind of like my Sonicare works.  However this new Oral B has three modes all controlled with the power button so it starts off slow, next press is faster and press again for fastest.  Slow is for sensitive teeth or to get used to it.  The faster level is for everyday brushing.  Fastest is for whitening, which can be used occasionally or daily.  My mouth felt damn clean when I was done which was the objective.  It’s just so confusing to press the button so many times.  I made a little bit of a water mess when I was cleaning up.  Still wish it had a light to let me know that it was charging, who knows maybe I got a defect.  Of course I saw a better model at Target in the weekly ad this morning for the same price I paid at Amazon. 

That’s pretty much it for Sunday thus far.  Here’s hoping the week ahead it great and there are no curveballs waiting for you or me.  Take care!

Blah Tuesday

Good Morning … I hope your day is a great one.  I’m feeling kind of blah, it’s been that way since yesterday.  Seems that it’s a little worse today.  Another dreary day filled with rain.  Come on sunshine is all I can say. Thinking back to Sunday morning, sun-roof open traveling to get breakfast and then traveling to the grocery store.  I am not a big sun guy since I have fair skin but something about having the sun roof open just made that time on the road so much better.  Whenever I get a different vehicle it’s got to have a sunroof in it.  It’s nice being able to retract the shade and let more light in on a nice day.  I’m also not big into fresh air due to my allergies but for some reason the universe was just right and I was unaffected by the sun or fresh air. 

Pizza was okay last night, much better when it was fresh.  Mora was clingy and I kind of needed her.  I loved seeing her face light up as I rubbed her belly and hugged her.  Rudy got in some dad time as well, cuddling up next to me and falling asleep.  They can both be fur magnets at times. 

Had a little bit of the fresh fruit from the store and it was good.  Strawberries, couple grapes and some Pineapple.  I wanted to devour all of it but I held myself back.  Waited a while and then treated myself to some ice cream, not that I needed it but it sounded good. 

Not a whole lot was on You Tube last night.  I have been watching a series on Prime called Nerve Center.  It’s all about different operations/events.  From UPS, Nascar, Ports and other high stakes areas they all have what I call a communications or operations center (a central point of contact) where information flows and the stakes are high for all of these events.  It’s quite interesting, even if it’s a little out of date.  The one on UPS is the one I liked best, I had no idea how much effort was put into freight and moving packages for on time delivery.  Makes me understand the term Shipping & Handling much better.  I am almost done with this series, it looks like there were plans for a season 2 but that it never took off. 

This morning I tried a new breakfast cereal and don’t know what I was thinking when I bought it.  Peanut Butter Chex.  I like Rice and Cinnamon so I thought that Peanut Butter would be another great flavor.  Not so much.  Then I ate a banana with it and wow almost blew chunks, just not a good combo for me.  I am still longing for breakfast but I’ll make due with that I consumed thus far.  Lunch I think will be some yogurt.  I bought some different frozen Lasagna and the portion size is small but I plan to give that a go tonight to see how it tastes.  I can always supplement with Pizza if I am still hungry. 

Not a whole lot on the work agenda today, a task to take care of in a couple hours.  A couple of meetings and that pretty well wraps things up.  Of course there is a lot of time between now and quitting time so it’s possible that something will sneak it’s way in and disrupt my otherwise calm looking day.  It’s kind of the calm before the storm for me because tomorrow I will be busy taking care of stuff so that I can have two days off.  Kind of cramming two days worth of work into one.  It’s okay and as long as I can work at my own pace I know I will be fine.  Just keep those interruptions away.  Also have another meeting tomorrow. 

I ordered some new pillows last night and allergy pillow covers.  I keep waking up with this red rash on my neck and it’s been around for well over a year.  I am hoping that the allergy pillow covers will bring a halt to this.  Plus I could use some additional support.  Perhaps it will transform sleeping for me but I don’t have that high of hope, just that it will be a bit more comfy.  They arrive on Wednesday so that will help when I do laundry I can start with fresh clean sheets as well as new pillows.  I look forward to it. 

That’s all I got for now, talk with you all again soon. 

Surprise Death

Morning – Hope that your well and warm!  The words “Baby It’s Cold Outside” are applicable.  You’ll find this odd but when I see those words I refer back to an OF Video that Aiden Ward (gay porn star)made.  It’s one of my favorites and it looked like a hot time in very cold weather. 

In scrolling through the obituaries I found that a lady I knew and used to work for passed away.  She was nice for the most part but her husband who was my real boss was a son of a bitch.  He died many years ago.  In any event in trying to get a closer look at things I went to the funeral homes website.  Her service was last night and she just passed over the weekend.  Talk about short notice.  Then I discovered a former good friend of mine and my spouses passed away on the 1st.  Wow, I am starting to think this is going to be the year of death.  I was just stunned.  He was so young and we lost touch many years ago.  I remember calling telling him when my spouse passed, they never reached out at all.  I just thought it was important they know and we had a brief conversation on the phone.  The reason why we weren’t friends is that my spouse came out to him years ago and his bitch for a wife overheard and she forbid the friendship.  We used to spend weekends with them, running around and going to different events.  It crushed my spouse to lose this guy as a friend but he got used to it.  We ran into them by accident years ago buying cat food for momma and family.  The viewing is Friday and funeral is Saturday.  I kind of really want to go but don’t think that I would be very welcome and besides that they didn’t do anything for me in my time of need.  I don’t want to cause a scene or get in to it with anyone.  They had kids and it would be nice to see them all grown up but I’m just going to keep my distance and move along with life. 

Learning of his passing really shook me more than I thought it did.  I woke up super hot overnight, the thermostat went into “psyco mode” where it decides when it will turn off.  I killed it and waited for it to stop.  Then reset it and lowered the temp by 2 degrees.  It was slightly chilly but much more comfortable.  It took me a couple hours to get back to sleep.  I just thought about old memories.  I’d also like to know what the hell happened because he was so young in his early 60’s.  Still really want to go to the viewing and/or even the funeral but my gut tells me it’s better to not, so that’s what I am going with.  It’s probably going to nag at me but this too shall pass.  In some ways it makes me miss my spouse that much more just because those two were such good friends.  I was quite upset when my spouse came out to him because I was still rather young and didn’t exactly approve but when I heard it cost him his friendship that bothered me more.  It was all about religion and this guys wife was a devout Baptist.  It’s all good you can have your beliefs and think that being gay is wrong.  Sex was never part of the friendship and it’s not like being gay was contagious.  It just sucks and I kind of wish I hadn’t found out by accident that he passed.  I feel compelled to do something to show my sympathy but it’s not going to happen. 

The messy weather we were supposed to get turned out to be quite a non event.  We did get rain, we did get snow but looking out the front door this morning it’s just damp and cold.  I could have easily made it to work and home yesterday.  I feel bad about not making it but it’s not like my work would have been any different.  The same thing that I would have done in the office I did at home.  I just had more freedom at home to waste away the idle time I had.  Plus I was much more comfortable and had the cats to be around.  Be that as it may, we do have another round of snow headed for us and over the weekend and into the early part of next week we are looking at single digit temperatures.   Baby’s it’s gonna be cold outside, even colder than what it is today!  I will be more than glad that I am on the inside looking out than the outside looking in. 

This is not the happy new start to the year that I wanted but hopefully there are much brighter days ahead.  I was always told that the problem with getting old is that you see many people you know and care about pass before you.  I think that I am old only being in my 50’s but I know that it’s quite young in the grand scheme of things.  I certainly hope that no one else that I know/care about pass anytime soon.  Not like I have any control over it but it just gets so depressing when it’s someone you know and cared about.  The heart can only take so much.  This might be when I watch that Dan Levy movie Good Grief just to cry and get it out of my system, it’s a thought. 

Wondering about what I ate last night?  Well it was Chicken, Broccoli Alfredo.  Followed by some Lemon Blueberry Stolen (which I paid for and didn’t steal).  The first slice I had of that tasted much better than the second one.  It’s grocery store branded and somethings they just can’t make no matter how good they look, the taste is horrible.  Good bakery at a grocery store is hard to find.  Kind of like looking for that winning lottery ticket or a good man.  Not certain what is in store for tonight but if it doesn’t come off the table as in junk food it will come out of the freezer.  I’ve got a frozen stuffed pepper that sounds pretty good but I just don’t want the burps. 

Wish that today’s post was a bit more upbeat and my apologies for the depressing overtone.  The good news is that I posted some Man Candy yesterday that is scheduled for this afternoon so check back.  Happy Hump Day!  Last week I had problems with the day of the week and now I can tell you with certainty that it’s Wednesday and it feels like it too. 

Stay warm, be well and come back.  Thanks for stopping by!

Weekend Update

Howdy, hope that your weekend is going well.  Friday night I elected to skip supper.  Nothing I had really appealed to me and I wasn’t hungry.  Knowing that the meds I am taking for my diabetes wouldn’t cause my sugar to bottom out the days of feeling compelled to eat are pretty much behind me.  If I would have tried this say six months ago I would have woken up in the middle of the night, my sugar would be low and I would be inhaling Oreos and Milk like no tomorrow.  I’d feel bad for two reasons.  First would be because my sugar dropped and Second because I ate so much. 

I watched Fast X which was pretty good.  Paul Walker was in it because they started out with an ending from a prior movie.  There were also photos of Paul later in the movie.  The piano music from Charlie Puth’s song See You Again played during the film.  The movie went on honestly a big long and some of the stunts while spectacular were truly things that could only happen in a movie.  After an hour and a half I got bored but watched until the end.  Honestly, don’t remember what I watched after that but I know that I still had time to kill before bed.  That was pretty much the evening, took great pride in shutting my phone off.  That felt really good knowing no one could bother me, not that there is anyone to bother me other than work and that’s largely who I try to escape from. 

I’ve got a problem I haven’t had before in that I discovered my time off balance is going to be over what were permitted to carry over.  I need to take a day off between now and the end of the year.  I’ve actually got 9.5 hours to burn but I’m comfortable using 8 and letting the rest go.  I could schedule time this week but since I am on-call out of respect I don’t want to do that.  My plan is to take the 26th and just make Christmas a bit longer.  This way if I would wind up going to my friends place I wouldn’t have to hurry home to get ready for back to work the next day. 

I discovered a new restaurant thanks to social media.  It’s about an hours drive away in a town I’ve never heard of before.  I might have been there but I know I never ate that this place.  It’s on my things to do list, possibly on the 26th if not sooner.  Apparently people come far and wide for their food so the advertisement said.  Before I make the trip I need to call to make sure they take credit cards.  It would suck to drive all the way there to find out they were cash only and not have an ATM card with me.  That’s something I just don’t carry along with much cash.  The circles I typically am in I can use credit for anything and be fine. 

Saturday was a fun day.  Despite my insomnia kicking in Friday night I got up early.  Fed the cats and got a shower.  Threw on some clothes and headed out for breakfast at Bob Evans.  They use a bit too much salt for me.  I tasted it in my meal and also in the biscuits.  After that I went to get the mail and then out to visit with my friends.  By the afternoon I was back home, feeding the cats again (primarily Rudy) and going through the mail.  I had two pieces of mail that caught my eye and I was interested to see what was inside.  The first was a rebate check from one of my diabetes drugs.  The second announced a new health benefit that’s free of charge.  Not too shabby.  A few pieces of junk mail and some more medicine.  That’s it. 

I was ready for a nap so I rested and watched TV.  I dosed off but woke back up quickly a couple times.  So much for a formal nap.  I wanted to go back out for supper but that just wasn’t going to happen.  I really wasn’t hungry.  It was cold and raining and just getting back out in that again wasn’t appealing to me. 

You might recall over the summer I mentioned about writing some erotic stories.  Eventually I gave that up, I wrote most of what I wanted to and just took a pause.  Having a new pen I really wanted to take it for a spin.  I have been fighting with getting back to writing and this was the perfect excuse.  I had nothing going so randomly a one of the many guys I had a crush on in High School popped in my head and I began writing the fantasy down.  The new pen is really nice.  Very bright blue ink but it has a slight bit of bleed.  I wrote with it for a while and then changed back to regular gel pens.  I’ve got so many pens to choose from that I change frequently.  I wound up cranking about two complete stories.  I started on a third and plan to go back to either add or finish it tonight.  Just thinking about the fantasy and putting it on paper has a huge turn on to me. 

I know back in the summer I said that I had a plan for the stories to share them.  I’ve not followed through with that.  I’m kind of hesitant because there are only a couple of stories that I am really proud of.  The rest are mediocre.  I still may share them.  I think the stories I am proudest of would cause some guys to get hard and maybe get off to them.  However, what I think and what reality is could very well be two different things. 

Knowing that I wanted to get up early on Sunday I opted to eat a couple frozen waffles and use some of the new syrup I got with sugar alcohol.  That has a kick to it but when it wears off I get super sleepy.  I was writing away in my third story and couldn’t keep my eyes open but didn’t understand why and then it hit me, it was the sugar wearing off.  That’s when I put everything up and got ready for bed. 

Damn insomnia kicked in again last night along with a leg cramp.  Still I powered through getting up early this morning.  Opted to shave and shower to start the day rather than to end it.  Kind of knocks the shaving task out of the way and I hate it.  Fed the cats before I got started.  Rudy was waiting for me outside the bathroom door when I was done.  He was sleepy but eventually he went in for his drink of shower water. 

I made it to breakfast, had another breakfast burrito.  I skipped the side that it came with and just had the burrito and a soda.  I was listening to three guys yap on about all sorts of things, one of which was killing a dog.  That turned my stomach and honestly I could have done without hearing that story.  After that made it to the grocery store and then to the gas station and finally home.  The cookies I really wanted were all sold out, as per usual.  Wedding Cake Cookies sell out quickly around here.  I still have plenty of holiday cookies here and it’s probably for the best that I didn’t add to the collection.  Picked up a jar of refrigerated cling peaches and I am just dying to dive into them.  Never knew they existed until today.  I was really looking and struggling with what to buy.  The total this week was about half of what it was last week and I had a whole lot less.  Still I won’t starve.  This new drug is kind of killing my appetite add in a little depression and it’s the perfect combo for weight loss. 

Got all of the groceries put away.  The cats and I sat in my chair and they got their sleep.  I got a little bit but really tried to stay awake.  Finally when I wanted to sleep Rudy was bugging me for an early lunch.  That was my clue to get started. 

I fed them.  Put out my medicine and then broke out the dreaded vacuum cleaner.  Had to clean the air purifier, oddly only one of it’s many filters were fully of dust, everything else was clean.  Still I ran the vacuum over every filter before putting it back together and resetting the indicator.  It’s made things better here but it’s not a miracle cure. 

Then I sucked up the dust from the carpet and someone went a little crazy in the litter box making a huge mess by scattering litter way outside the box, so got that cleaned up.  Trash taken out.  Then I promised them a trip to the basement.  They followed me down here and Rudy has been finding toys and bringing them in.  He has been bugging me for attention and even started to fall asleep on my chest when I’d take a brake from typing. 

My new leather chair already has been victimized by their claws and I am trying to keep that to a minimum but they use them to get my attention.  That’s it.  Need to change out the laundry and head back up.  Might work on that third story I just need to pass a little bit more time and then I will be headed out for supper. 

My hormones tell me to go back to the pizza place where the cute boys are.  At least I’d get a nice show and have something left over to take home and eat for part of the week.  However, I think I am going to Red Lobster that sounds really good.  Hopefully, this will be a better experience than the last time I was there.  Might even order something different like Fish instead of crab pasta but probably not. 

Plan to enjoy what’s left of the day before I return to the pit of hell that is work tomorrow and being on-call.  I do hope that a lot of people are out of the office and that this week will be incredibly light and maybe we can even get away from a couple of our BS meetings.  That would be a Christmas miracle to me. 

Talk with you all again soon.  Be well, stay warm and dry.  Take care!

Truly Lazy Weekend

Two things I love is being lazy and sleep.  I woke up early on Saturday but it was a bit too early for me, so I fed the cats and went back to bed.  However, that was silly because I was wide awake.  I wound up grabbing a soda and watching TV, then going back to sleep.  I never made it out of the house all day long.  I just kept saying I will do it in a couple hours, later and that lead to me just wasting the entire day away.  Rudy & Mora were happy to spend the day lounging with me in my room.  We only left to use the restroom and eat food in the kitchen. 

Sunday I was determined to get going early, yeah well that didn’t quite pan out either.  I wound up eating breakfast at home and just wanting to be lazy a bit longer.  I did get showered and make it out of the house by 1p.  Hit up the grocery store, the cat food store and the post office.  Came home, unloaded and put everything away.  Then dashed off for pizza.  I went to the deep dish place where there is one waiter I have a crush on, but he’s straight.  Luck was in my favor because he was working and took care of me.  I got to watch his perky ass strut around the place which was nice.  The pizza was good as well and I’ve got plenty to feast on all week long.  Made the trek back home in the dark, which I don’t enjoy.  Plus it’s deer season and they love to run out in traffic.  I saw one dead on the way down. 

After making it home and getting settled, I took care of the cats.  Did the litter box scoop which is just an invitation to a cat to come fill the damn thing back up.  Passed out some food and got my pills ready.  Surfed social media and watched TV. 

The evening went by quickly and I had to double up on sleeping medicine to ensure that I would sleep.  I knew I was in store for nightmares and I had one.  Hope to return to a normal dose tonight.  I am not drowsy and actually was looking forward to today. 

Now that today is here I whipped through all of the personal and professional tasks that I had.  Now it’s just watching and waiting or goof off time.  The weather indicates rain on and off all day long.  The grass people I think are at end of year because they didn’t show up on Friday or Saturday.  The weather has turned colder and the furnace is working it’s magic. 

I think of how depressed I was over the weekend being lonely.  Depression and loneliness are always worse on holidays.  I’ve got a chance to be with people, they might not be exactly ideal but I am leaning on going to Thanksgiving with them.  I know a few places in the area that are open if I want to dine alone but honestly I do that all year long and it’s kind of tiresome.  I honestly don’t want to go but I think that mentally I will be better off.  Still kicking the idea around and it’s not like I have to make a decision until Thursday so plenty of time. 

Speaking of being lonely, not having much luck on the dating app I am on.  It’s stuck on showing me a person, I reject them and then next time I am in it shows me the same person.  Sort of like it’s saying hey are you really sure you don’t like this person.  It’s a bug in their system and I don’t have anyone reaching out to me.  I saw a guy yesterday who said how hard dating was plus being gay and dating, he went on some tangent and said not to waste his time by playing games.  I get it but that is kind of what dating is in today’s world.  I passed on him he looked angry in his photo. 

I hope that you had a great weekend and that your looking forward to the holiday and short week.  It’s only 3 days for me, were closed on Thursday for the holiday and Friday as a plus.  I will for sure hate traffic and shopping from this point forward because everyone will be looking for a deal but I am just part of the normal crowd trying to get things I need.  A deal would be nice but I’m not holding my breath.  Anything holiday related that I want to buy for myself will be done through Amazon so they can bring it to my door and I don’t have to fight the traffic.  Still waiting on my car title I hope it arrives this week. 

Have a great day and I will talk with you again soon.

Weekend so far …

Howdy and welcome back.  This is a true very rare moment, the cats and I are both in the basement.  They are both curled up in my old office chair behind me, sound asleep.  That is until I make some noise.  Every time I try to take a photo of Rudy sleeping regardless if he is alone or if he is with his sister, he magically wakes up.  I’ve taken a couple shots without him knowing but they just don’t echo the sheer beauty of the moment.  They both look so peaceful when they are sleeping. 

Yesterday I laid around for the morning and relaxed.  The afternoon I got a shower and got dressed.  It was just a dull overcast cold day outside.  We were supposed to have rain all day long but nothing here.  So I made my way to the bank, the ATM could read the amount on the check I was trying to deposit and after two tries I just gave up.  Then on to the post office where I had no mail and didn’t need to stop.  While I was there I used my phone to make that deposit I couldn’t make at the ATM.  I don’t typically deposit into this particular account via a mobile app but opted to give it a try.  Most every financial institution wants you to endorse your check with their select verbiage and it’s different at every place I do banking business.  I’m not a fan of that.  I miss the good old days where you could just use FOR DEPOSIT ONLY and print or sign your name. 

I digress, back on point.  I made my way to the buffet.  I ran into all of the rain we were supposed to get the entire trip (there and back).  I hate driving in the rain and what’s worse is darkness and rain.  It was starting to turn dark when I was headed back.  The food at the buffet was okay.  I didn’t stuff myself like I would have in days past.  I made two trips where the first trip I loaded up with Corn, Mashed Potatoes, Small sample of Meatloaf, Fried Cat Fish nuggets and Fried Chicken.  Then on my second trip just Mashed Potatoes and Meatloaf, which was really good.  Third trip was desert Bread Pudding.  I had a small family siting in front of me and they had a teenage son.  Damn when he stood up I got excited.  Small butt and cute face.  So I got some eye candy on my trip.  I think I was there for maybe 30 minutes tops.  Heard some lady say that she brought her 89 year old mother and they were headed back home, she lives further out than I do.  Just goes to show you if you have good food people will come to eat it. 

Outside of rain my trip also had a couple construction zones that I had to travel through.  Nothing too major but obeying the speed limit sign helped me, I’m familiar with the roadway but I don’t travel it as often as I used to and they had a couple of unique lane shifts that if I was going top speed I would have had an issue with. 

Back home to the strange land where it was a Trick or Treat night.  Tonight is the same damn thing and so is Monday.  There wasn’t one kid out last night and the cold and rain is why.  It’s raining off and on today so not sure if any one will be out tonight.  Tuesday is the Halloween Parade.  This is the only odd thing about living here.  Back at my old childhood home they do it right where you go out one night and do your Trick or Treating.  I never ever heard of a Halloween Parade but plug it into your favorite search engine and you will get a decent amount of results.  I still think it’s strange.

I stuck the kids fountain in the dishwasher and we watched an old episode of 20/20 about the Sheriff’s Deputy and Prisoner escape in I think Alabama back in 2022 where the female Sheriff’s deputy killed herself.  I thought they both died but nope it was only her.  Lots of interesting insight into the story that I didn’t know.  Then I got their fountain back in place with a new filter and fresh water.  Started watching an Andrew Goes Places twitch stream he did the prior day.  It was just opening Pokémon Cards which was boring to me.  He never even took off his shirt but damn he had a nice black wife beater on that showed his arms.  He’s really in good shape.  After that it was lights out. 

This morning I woke up early thanks to my biological clock and Rudy.  I fed the kids and threw on some clothes.  Made my way to Cracker Barrel where I got the rude waitress.  She knew my drink order.  If I didn’t know better I’d for sure bank on it that this lady hates me.  Not sure why I’m always nice.  We only had a problem one time where the kitchen didn’t cook my eggs right and they forgot my sausage but that was damn near 3 years ago.  I saw the hot guy waiter that has my number but won’t call me.  We never made eye contact or I am sure I would have gotten a hello.  He still looks fine but I’m still hurt by the fact he has never called.  I will always wonder why, I know he said he was busy but damn he said he was getting free time and he planned to call.  Well hello.  I’m sure if I asked again he’d have an excuse.  It just doesn’t make any sense to me to give your phone number to someone and say you will call but never follow through.  I only went to CB because I was hungry for Blueberry Pancakes and it was a change of pace from the usual place I go. 

On to the grocery store where I still continue to buy less and less food each week.  I am so tired of frozen meals, it’s been 10 years and damn I need to either hire a chef, meet a guy who can cook or just go out to eat more often.  Now which one of those 3 do you think will happen? 

Stopped to fill up my tank at the gas station and then home to put the groceries away.  Relaxed with the cats in my room.  Took a nap and then decided to come down and work on the computer.  I’ve got an issue where it reboots.  The restore point I wanted to use timed out so that wasn’t an option.  I am trying a couple other things to see if I can’t resolve this.  I feel pretty good about it right now but I felt the same way a couple days ago.  I only notice it when at night I want to watch porn and I can’t because the damn thing rebooted.  I stream my porn through my local home network it’s much more enjoyable to watch that way, I am more comfortable.  So, hopefully all works well tonight.  It won’t be until tomorrow either during the day or at night before I know if I have solved my problem. 

I’ve been working from home for almost a month straight and damn I am ready to go back to the office.  Turns out tomorrow I am on-call so this week is out.  I look so forward to next week in being able to go in.  I might do it more than once in the week but probably not.  I know that the mileage is a good workout for the car and it helps the tires to not get flat spots from sitting.  Kind of why I went to the buffet yesterday.  Gas mileage is coming in strong at 27mpg which isn’t bad for an SUV.  I am still eager to get into something new but I am in a holding pattern for now. 

Well the kids are no longer asleep behind me they both left me.  I need to get upstairs and break out the vacuum cleaner.  Not sure if I want to go out for supper tonight or if I want to stay home.  It’s a cold wet day probably not a bad idea to eat some soup.  Damn I forgot crackers again.  Well there you have it. 

Looking forward to tomorrow only to see the Amazon delivery person drop off my Cinnamon Cream of Wheat.  That’s good stuff!  Take care and I will talk with you again soon.  Be well. 

Birthday of not happy

Hello and welcome, thanks for stopping by!

Today is my late spouses birthday.  If he were alive he would be old today.  In some ways I am thankful that there are issues that I didn’t have to deal with but at the same time I feel like I was cheated out of time with him.  He’s only been gone for 10 years and a lot can and did happen in those 10 years.  Regardless, I know that he would be proud of the progress I have made.  He would be saddened and heart broken (as am I) to know that all of our original cats have passed.  I’m glad that he didn’t have to see any of them go but at the same time I wish he was with me when they did because it would have been a little bit more comforting.  I remember that last major birthday that we celebrated together.  I made a video wishing him a happy birthday, back with my first web cam and I also recorded his reaction to the edible arrangement that I got for him, it was over the top and he unwrapped it and the two of us sat at the kitchen table for 30 minutes to an hour just eating fruit.  Damn it was good but it was expensive. I’m glad that I did it and spent the money.  The memories truly are priceless!

It’s a bitter sweet day for me.  However, I am glad that I am the survivor because there is no way in the world that I believe he would have been able to continue with life without me.  Lord knows what would have happened to the cats, I know he loved them but I just picture him physically and mentally shutting down.  It’s something I will never know how it would have turned out.  However, I wish that we (including the cats) could have all gone together so that there would be no sorrow or suffering by any of us.  I am certain the cats missed him and to this very day I still miss him. 

It does get easier with time to deal with but it’s still difficult.  A couple weeks ago I had a sleep paralysis dream, that he died and I was all alone.  When I finally was able to break free and wake up, it was like waking up just days after he passed.  It was all suddenly fresh again and I really was alone.  Talk about your sobering reminders.  That really sucked.  It’s still kind of fresh today. 

My belief is that were all here to serve a purpose or a mission, when that is fulfilled then we die.  His purpose or mission is clear to me.  However, mine is not and I still wonder why in the world I am still here.  I’m not exactly bubbling with joy, no far from it.  I am miserable but just try to make the best of it.  Putting on a brave face and just sticking one foot in front of the other.  Going to bed more often than not hoping that I don’t wake up.  I don’t have high hopes for finding another companion much less having sex.  I think however long I am here it’s just going to continue to suck until one day I am no more.

Not exactly an upbeat post but it’s how I feel.  I don’t know if there is enough drugs or therapy in the world to turn things around for me.  Meeting the right person could and would turn things around, short of that unless I happen to stumble into winning the lottery I’m fucked and not in a good way.  Just feeling a bit more alone today than normal. 

Thinking of taking a trip to the buffet or at the very least a decent long drive just to get out of the area but not until tomorrow.  The most difficult part of that will be actually getting out of the house and moving forward with the idea.  I know it will help me even if it’s supposed to rain all day. 

I do hope that the outlook from your neck of the woods on life is 100% better than mine.  Depression and loneliness isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.  Have a great weekend.  Thanks for reading my no so uplifting words today.  Your visit is very much appreciated.