Tuesday

So the trainer announced at the outset of the call that today’s session would end much quicker than yesterdays session.  That is good news for me.  Things appear to be more condensed than the last time I did this, which is good.  I am all about going home.  I’ve learned a couple things but this product is still complicated, so much so that the instructor said it takes daily use for a year in order to get comfortable with it.  Seriously, a year with daily use!

Good news the UPS delivery person should be ringing the doorbell, Amazon used them to ship the pee pads so I really don’t have to rush to get to the post office before 5p.  I only wish the pharmacy I bought the supplement from would have used UPS.  The shipment shows the last tracking was in FL and it was supposed to be delivered yesterday.  USPS can’t tell me anymore than that, I’ve called twice and talked to 2 different people.  I replied to an email from the pharmacy this morning explaining the problem, heard nothing.  Went to their website and opened a support ticket.  Got a pop up saying the ticket was created and that someone would be reaching out within 24 hours.  Really?  I didn’t get an email acknowledgement of the ticket, so I don’t know the ticket number since I did all of this on my phone.  Geez, shame there is only 1 place that sells this product at a decent price.  Next time I think I will opt for using UPS for deliver, it cost more but I should get it quicker.  I really want to start him on this, so hopefully the product shows up within a couple days.  This to me is critical to his well being, without it his body will continue to form crystals and he (Bear) will be at risk for blocking.

Speaking of the big oaf he is doing well.  Got extra food out of me before bed, extra food before I left.  A wipe down last night and again this morning.  I can already tell he has used the box.  Saw him sitting in Momma’s bed.  It’s a pet bed I bought for them as kittens and Momma has sort of taken it over.  Marv sits in it periodically, Bear likes it a lot but Momma tries to occupy it most of the time.  The antibiotics stopped yesterday morning.  No more #2 at all.  Hopefully that will change by tonight, if he hasn’t gone already.  I started him (Bear) on the second round of the muscle relaxer he takes.  All appears well, he seems pretty normal.  He was plays with a mouse that used to belong to Blu.  He likes that thing but doesn’t play often enough.  There is still a lot of kitten left in him.  Blu being true to form before he passed, ripped the squeaker out of the mouse so it doesn’t make a sound now.  Sure do miss him and Taz.

AC in the car is working super well.  Froze myself out on the way over and I am sure I will repeat the process on the way home.  Hopefully, we get to leave by 3p today that would be great.  I actually thought about doing this whole training business from home, but since I didn’t have permission I figured I would be doomed to be caught and it’s just better to go in.  However, considering I now am acutely aware of how many miles it is per day, I would have rather saved the wear and tear on the car as well as slept in a little bit longer. 

I picked up a couple of tasks that came in to help my team out.  I know were short staffed today.  1 person on vacation.  1 person working a 1/2 day, came in late this morning.  Me in training, leaves the boss pretty much on his own.  Not that he can’t handle it but every chance I get to shine, I try my best.  I’ve got the customer service part down pat and that is something that my team needs – it helps us look better and in turn it will all trickle back to each of us in the end.  I just love helping people, especially when it’s a task I am familiar with and can accomplish on my own.  I prefer each interaction be something that I can deal with on my own, but realize that won’t always be the case.  I take everything I can get my hands on because eventually the time will come when I am all by myself and will have to make decisions on my own.  It’s been about 3 months and I feel pretty good about this step forward I took.  I feel like I am just getting started on the road to greatness.  If you truly reap what you sow then I should be in for one enjoyable ride!  Tomorrow will mark my 2 year anniversary and there are only 2 of us that are still here from the group that I started with.  That 2 will most likely change to 1 leaving me as the sole survivor.  The other person that is here wants out of this place and has had a miserable experience.  I think that person looks at things too granular and thereby creates their own drama.  If your going to leave, do it and let’s get on with it.  Otherwise, do your job, put in your time and go home.  Their job compared to mine is easy as pie, then again they probably don’t make what I do.

Moving on to men, one of my favorite subjects.  I saw yesterday on the Steve Harvey show he was having a Man Crush Monday, where he was showing off some models from his first ever man candy calendar.  Wow, there were some good lookers there.  If you visit his website at steveharveytv.com you can download a copy of the calendar for free.  It comes in PDF form, when it first displays you think it’s upside down but that is the back page.  Scroll down and you will get to see all of the hunky goodness that are muscles and shirtless men!  I’ve been super horny lately not sure if it’s just something in the air or the lack of physical action by another man in my life.

I have wondered on more than one occasion if I will be by myself for the rest of my life or if I will find love in another man.  It’s not that I am not trying, but it’s not that I am desperate as well.  I mean I am desperate but I try not to convey it and I am not at the local gay bar looking to pick someone up for a 1 night stand.  I deleted Grindr and Scruff which are both hook up apps from my phone.  I have more dating oriented apps on my phone, but I still have Tindr which can be used for dating or hooking up.  Not much luck but I have talked with some interesting people.  That in part is why I made the move on the waiter.  It’s bold and quick, you never know unless you try.  That is one hell of a self confidence booster when you hear yes, but still even if you get a no – you can look back and say wow I went for it.  That is only the 2nd time I’ve done that but I suspect that I will be making that move more often when I see a good looking guy in the right circumstances, so long as I don’t get punched in the face or shot, I will keep going.  It is risky but then again there is risk involved in every part of life, it’s mostly transparent and you don’t see it until it’s obvious.  We all take a chance from the moment we get out of bed until the moment we go to bed.  We all encounter various levels of risk everyday from slipping in the tub, cutting your self with a knife, falling on the steps, wrecking your car, getting hit in the crosswalk or showing up at work only to learn that one of your co-workers went nuts and decided to shoot the place up.  See risk like oxygen is everywhere, if you allow it to, it can paralyze you – you have to take power over it and live your life.  Mitigate what you can and keep on moving, that is my philosophy.  

Well lunch time is almost over with and training will be starting up again so guess I will wrap this up.  Hope your all having a great Tuesday.  Thanks for listening to my babble.  Onward and Upward!

Winter – White & Bright

Friday …. even thought it was just yesterday it feels like it was 2 days ago.  I woke up in the middle of the night and watched the first episode of House of Cards, Season 3.  Went back to bed afterwards and slept in a little bit.  When I did climb out of bed, I took care of the children, got dressed and headed out to breakfast.  Then on to the car dealer.  Where I had a coupon for my oil change to be $39.95.  The funny thing is that it never, ever works out to that, because they add in labor it’s usually a $65 job.  However, I had my reward cards so I didn’t care the cost.  I also qualified to get a $10 rebate by mail, it’s like I am collecting rebate cards.  In any case they told me that the other thing that would be recommended is to change the brake fluid.  I didn’t know but learned that brake fluid breaks down and moisture is the enemy.  My fluid was 5 years old.  They told me that they would replace it with a dot 5 formula instead of the dot 4, because it’s got better moisture wicking.  I allowed them to do it.  I am supposed to notice improved response with the pedal, but it all breaks the same to me.  I just looked it up before writing this and dot 5 fluid is not recommended for anti-lock break systems.  I’ve got anti-lock breaks on my car.  This was the dealer I went to  not a shade tree mechanic or a quick lube place.  They said that they had been doing this for a while and it really works.  As long as the breaks work when I want them to and this doesn’t cause any problems I am fine with it.  From the dealer I went to get a hair cut.  I went to a new place ‘just for men’ and I got some super expensive package that gave me a scalp massage, hair cut, shampoo, condoner, neck shave, and neck and shoulder massage.  I never got the neck massage but the shoulder massage was okay, done by a machine not a person. I may switch to this place a regular haircut and shampoo is the same price as the other place, add on a couple dollars more and I can get my neck shaved – that is awesome.  They also do regular shaves as well, which is highly unfound in today’s society because the barber is essentially dead.  However, this place is a barber shopish type place but only women work there.  My late partner always said a women can’t cut a man’s hair, you need a barber.  He went to a barber for many years as did I  but the times changed and I changed with them.  They do an okay job the difference is they charge more now than they did back then.  I remember haircuts for $8 and now they are $21, seriously.  It’s robbery but that is the price I pay because I want my hair to look good, well I mean I need everything even and I know I can do most of it okay but the back , that is next to impossible to do on my own.  Anyway, then it was time to go back home.  I had to start in on more House of Cards.  I managed to squeeze in a nap and then it was time to venture off to therapy.  I took the truck for the 1st time ever to therapy.  It was a nice drive and good to get that bucket of bolts out of the driveway and on the road.  I went to Cracker Barrel after therapy, had a nice meatloaf dinner and peach cobbler for dessert.  Then it was time to get cat food.  I was early and the chances of running into you know who were high.  Sure enough he was in the store and once he saw me he had to go hide.  We didn’t speak to each other.  However, if and when I get the opportunity I plan on letting him know that I understand it’s easier to say I will call you then no, but that he gave me false hope and in the end it would have just been better to tell me the truth.  Even if he did call me now, I have him in a lie and don’t believe that I could trust him.  I made my food purchase and left.  Back home, back to the TV.  Soon it was time to feed the little beggars again.  There faces always light up when I come in with bags, they know when it’s food for them.  They also want it right away and things don’t usually happen that way.  Then I passed the evening with more TV, a little computer time and paying the car insurance.  I checked out about my usual time and retired to my bedroom and started falling asleep during the show.  It’s time to put it on pause and I called it a night.

Saturday… More winter is in the forecast so I got a start on things.  I went to breakfast at Bob Evans and had this Blueberry Brioche French Toast, it was more than delicious.  they only gave me two slices but I could have easily eaten 4 plus the omelet that I ordered.  Then it was on to do more running.  Stopped off at the post office to pick up the junk mail that was waiting for me.  Then it was on to Target to get cat treats and litter.  As well as a couple of items for me, which were mostly dental related.  Then I got gas for the truck.  It was 1/2 full and since there was weather on the way I don’t want to incur a frozen fuel line, if I needed to use the truck I wouldn’t be able to.  Small price to pay for peace of mind.  Then I went on to Sam’s Club.  I was supposed to go to another store to pick up sweat pants and tennis shoes but I gave that up.  It’s just too damn cold.  The two things I went to Sam’s for Chocolate Covered Blueberries and Hand Soap Refill I wasn’t able to find.  I did manage to pick up impulse buys.  The best one of them being Irish Stew.  It was $13 but the best money I spent on food that was simply heat & eat.  You could taste the wine and it was rather a rich gravy.  I started to feel full so I stopped.  There is plenty of meat and potatoes left as well as onions but no so much on carrots.  This was really a great meal for a cold winter day.  Then I came home, switched vehicles and gassed up the car.  Then came home, and put away all of the things I bought.  I’ve been here since around 11am and haven’t left.  It’s been House of Cards for most of the day.  I am ready for the last episode of Season 3 tonight.  Then I will move on to my DVR and catching up on all of the other shows that I recorded from earlier in the week.  I got a nap in today as well.  I am presently washing my bed clothes and will start regular laundry tomorrow.  I plan on taking a nice shower before bed and then watching TV.  It started snowing around 2p just as my iPhone said it would.  It hasn’t let up since and I have a feeling that I might be clearing off the truck to get to the store tomorrow morning.  Time will tell.

Kind of a hum drum weekend thus far.  Things didn’t work out like I wanted them to but I have managed to accomplish a lot and pamper myself with the haircut and food.  So it’s time well spent.  I did manage to check on my work e-mail and I got at least 100 messages of which most was BS.  I did find that there will be local travel in my future, not looking forward to it but it’s far better than being on-call and it will be a day out of the office and away from the phones so what’s not to like, plus a free meal and mileage so it’s like money on top of free money that kind of makes up for the slight inconvenience. 

All of the bills are paid and there is money left over.  I was really stressing about the car insurance but it didn’t break the bank.  My partial tax refund is in so that helped but I haven’t touched it.  The plan is to save it not to spend it.  If all goes well then there will be more on the way soon. 

I’ve got a Kenmore ceiling fan in my bedroom.  I picked it out and paid for it many moons ago after we moved in.  Together me and my late partner installed it.  One of the selling points was the remote control that came with it.  Nice to be able to turn on the lights or the fan with just a touch of a button.  Over the years the remote has become worn and the lights now are really difficult to turn on, so much so that I have revered to the manual method.  I looked on-line and Sears no longer makes the fan or parts for it.  I found a discussion group where someone had similar problems and a universal replacement remote was recommended.  There is/was no word on if it worked.  So I thought I would take my chances at a local hardware store first.  Turns out they don’t sell replacement remotes.  They have kits to convert your fan into a remote controlled fan, which I don’t want.  So I looked and sure enough the same remote Sears is selling for $51 I got from Amazon for $37, plus free shipping.  It should be here on Monday, unless the weather screws that up.  I really hope this works and is the answer to my problems.  If not then I will have to go with a plan B and order a remote controlled socket to hook up to the lamp next to my bed.  It was nice to push a button and then walk into my room.  Now I have to walk in not knowing if I am going to step in anything or on a cat.  I make enough noise so they know I am coming and the only one usually in my room is Marv and he is in the chair or on the bed.  He loves my room and spends the bulk of his day there. 

I heard from my cat sitter friend just checking in to see if I am alive.  He did it by text.  I noticed a pattern in that I would always call him and he would never call me.  Since most of my life's problems have been solved I no longer have the need to get him on the phone.  We haven’t spoken since we went to dinner on the 2nd of January.  I HATE communicating by text or in written form with friends, it’s much easier to pick up the damn phone.  However, in this case I am stubborn and don’t plan on giving in. 

I have managed to get my old ‘sex blog’ deleted.  Given the changes in Blogger/Google’s policy that will take effect next month.  From what I have read on-line most people are saying this is a witch hunt and goes against our right to free speech.  They are unfairly targeting the gay community.  Because apparently gay people are the only ones who have the need to post porn to the web.  I know that isn’t true but we do tend to obsess over men just a tad.  Blogger is a free service and there are other platforms that one could use if they wish to engage in posting nude photos to the web.  I’ve been stung once by the Blogger Scorpion and don’t plan on a 2nd.  The 1st was really a huge hit  - I lost my blog and all of my many followers from around the world.  I had no way to get in touch with them, it was as if I just disappeared.  There was no advanced warning or threat, they simply pulled the plug on me and it wasn’t unique to me, it happened to so many other people.  I said all of that to say this.  This is a free service if you don’t agree with the terms and conditions of the service then it’s time to move on.  I like free and the wonderful easy format that they have provided to use.  So for me it’s a no brainer to comply.  I will admit that it was hot and I got off on posting nude photos of other guys/porn stars to the web and talking about them and the few hot comments I got back.  However, in the end it was a fantasy world and that world is gone.  I am thankful to have this format to post my boring daily life, thoughts and feelings to.  It’s therapeutic and I am pretty well certain even though I only have 1 regular commenter that others are reading this, just not leaving comments.  While I wish I had more people leaving comments, I can’t force anyone to do anything – so I accept the situation for what it is.

Speaking of accepting I found an app called CP (compatibility partners) it’s ran by eHarmony and it’s specifically for gay people.  I was excited and downloaded it.  Completed the profile and then hit the pay wall.  Like most other service they want your money before you can do much.  I am able to see matches most of which are more than 200 plus miles away.  I can’t view photos of other guys because I haven’t paid for that privilege.  While I think they have a great matching system I don’t feel the need to pay to find my next partner.  I’ve done that in the past and it’s gotten me no where.  If it’s going to happen then it will and I don’t need to throw money at that problem.  Just invest time and save the money part for when I go on an actual date.  I know this will be a long process.  I told my therapist that I didn’t think that it was in the cards for me to have a partner based upon all of the negative experiences I have had with on-line dating.  She said that usually when clients say that out of the blue someone comes into their life and presto the search is over.  I told her that I hope it happens for me, but that I don’t have that kind of luck. 

Okay, enough yammering  I will stick a fork in this post and call it done.  Hard to believe tomorrow is March 1.  Sounds like it will be coming in like a Lion.  Also next weekend is time change weekend so we will be losing an hour of sleep.  Boo Hiss, but it also means that I will be driving mostly in the day light and no longer have a need to daily use my headlights, which is a good thing. 

Stay warm, be well and I will talk with you all again soon.  God Bless!

Time Poor Weekend

Friday night was spent cleaning up the house and making it some what presentable.  I was really low on energy and didn’t put a whole lot of effort into it. 

Saturday I woke up super early.  I went out for breakfast at IHOP.  I went to spy on a guy that I like, who just got a new house in town.  He’s married so no chance anything is going to come of it.   I got cat litter/treats at Target, then on to the Cat Food Store and picked up canned and dry food.  Then I went home, switched vehicles and went to have the truck Emissions tested.  Then back home, put away the cat food.  Then went on litter box patrol.  By then we were looking at 12 noon.  I got the children their lunch and decided to rest.  I caught up on Social Media and sat and waited for the AT&T installer to show up.  I was given a window of 1-3 and I was really hoping he would show up at 1p but that wasn’t the case.  I settled in for a nap and when I woke up it was 2 pm.  I was starting to have second thoughts and decided to call to cancel.  That was the best move I could make.  They made me a better offer and I wound up getting an extra $100 rebate card.  So I went ahead with the install and after about 2 1/2 hours we were done.  Problem, the phone didn’t work.  So he had to make an adjustment, then the phone came to life.  I tested the alarm and it worked.  I noticed on our corded phones both lines (1 &2) lit up.  Back when my partner was alive, we each had a phone line, so I got us two line phones, so that each of us would have access to our lines in different places in the house and we didn’t have to go scurrying off for the phone.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time.  We went over the TV stuff and he was on his way.  Then I realized, we have a problem.  My line started to flash, which means it is in use.  After a couple minutes I figured out, there is a short on the line.  Well I didn’t have time to deal with it, but I tried to troubleshoot it quickly and failed.  I had to leave for dinner plans I had made with friends.  I had to drive like 80 to 90 mph and do some weaving, all on a very empty tank.  I made it spot on time.  I went to look for my friends and couldn’t find them.  Normally I make reservations but they couldn’t take us, so I said lets chance it.  I now know that if they can’t take us, don’t bother showing up in person.  The wait was 1 hour and 45 minutes for a table.  The place was packed from stem to stern.  So I called to find out where they were and told them about the SNAFU (Situation Normal All Fucked Up … just in case you wondered what it stood for).  They said they were close by but it took them like 10 minutes to finally show.  We decided to switch and visit P.F. Chang’s.  None of us had been there and all of us had wanted to go.  So we walked over and the wait was 45 minutes.  We said okay.  It was more like an hour but eventually we got our table.  There was a good sampling of man candy.  I found a server/busser that was the apple of my eye, he was perfect in every way.  Blond Hair, Blue Eyes, killer twink body.  I just couldn’t get enough of him.  I digress.  The food was really good.  I got Combo Fried Rice and we did Crab Wontons for an app.  I surprised my friends and picked up the tab, which was horribly expensive to feed 3 people and of course they had drinks so that didn’t help.  It’s not a good time for them right now, considering the stress of job loss looming so I figured I would hopefully give them a boost.  We headed out and it was close to 10p.  By the time I stopped for gas and made it home it was 10:45.  I should have relaxed and went to bed.  Nope back in telephone mode to figure out the issue.  Turns out that the phone in my office was punched down twice so that was the issue.  I had to remove everything and add it back, instead of going slow and testing as I went, I just went gang busters.  Then I had to rip it all out and do it over the right way.  By now we are looking at 1:30a.  Then I wanted to arrange the new Uverse equipment and get rid of the cable boxes, so they were all ready for me to take back.  It took a lot of time.  I had to figure out how I was going to keep my VCR & DVD working.  Thankfully COAX was the answer and both still work fine.  Now it’s time to get ready for bed.  It was 2a.  I knew that it would be 3 or later before I was asleep and I wouldn’t be worth a shit on Sunday.  I had to play with Uverse a little bit to try to figure things out, pretty straight forward and simple.  It’s just a matter of learning a new remote. 

Sunday the children were all over me at 630a.  I fended them off.  Then they came back around 8 and I said one more hour.  9 am came and they just didn’t give up.  So I got up and started moving.  I fed them and got dressed.  Off to breakfast where I ate way too much.  Then to the grocery store.  Then home.  I put away the groceries and then left to get a hair cut.  I had a coupon and well long hair drives me nuts.  I waited a little bit.  This hot looking twink walked in and I was sure to get his name as he gave it to the receptionist to check in.  Damn, he looks gay, acts gay but couldn’t tell a thing by his Facebook page.  I thought about asking him out and even offering to pick up his haircut but decided it wasn’t worth it.  Still I got to stare for a while and that was fun.  Then back home where I did what I never wanted to do in the first place.  Climb up on the roof.  I did it twice.  My late partner was into Amateur Radio and we have this monstrosity of an antenna on the house.  You have to put up guy wires, to help keep it in balance.  The one that goes towards the front of the house broke like 3 years ago.  We tried to fix it when he was alive but failed.  We always said when the weather got warmer we would tackle it.  After he passed that was the last thing on my mind.  So as you can imagine the thing was leaning and while it wouldn’t break or fall off the house, it could damage the damn thing.  I hate it because it is an eye sore, I have wished it to break many times.  Well I figured I should finally get off my ass and fix it.  So I did.  It was scary as hell and while the view was nice from the roof top, I quickly figured out that if I ever really wanted to take my own life, jumping from a high rise wouldn’t be an option.  I thought for sure I would have to call the Fire Department to get down but I managed on my own.  Still I had my phone and wireless panic button with me, just in case.  When I was a child I was on the roof of our carport and it took my brother plus my grandfather to get me off the roof, that is when I knew heights were not for me.  After the repair I drank a pitcher of ice cold water and relaxed in front of the TV as I prepared to tell the Uverse system what shows to record for me.  I made a list from TIVO but I knew a few of them so I just did those.  I still have plenty to add.  Then I PTFO (Passed The Fuck Out).  I woke up and was sore and had very little energy. The children pestered me once again so I got up.  I fed them lunch, it was 4p and they wanted lunch.  I finished cleaning the house and started laundry.  Then after a couple hours I made myself a pizza.  It was really good.  A Freschetta Brick Oven brand pizza, 4 meat.  I added a shredded cheese blend, because I love cheese.  Then topped that with fresh ground pepper and finished off with a sprinkle of the left over Parmesan cheese that I had.  In to the oven and after 18 minutes, into my belly.  Spicy, I went a little too heavy on the pepper.  However, that caused me to eat less which all things considered is very good.  I have left over's for breakfast or lunch, whatever the case maybe.  I am working on finishing up laundry so that I can get a shower, because I really need it. 

About the Uverse experience, the installer was a guy who was chunky but professional.  He said that he had been doing the job for quite sometime but a couple of his moves and I thought it was his first day on the job.  I did manage to get a free HDMI cable and an extra remote out of him, for no charge.  AT&T doesn’t give much away so I was thankful.  He kept asking me after he was done, if there was anything else he could do for me.  The first time I figured he was being professional the second and third time I started to think he is hitting on me.  I wanted to ask is there anything else that you want to do for me.  I have a tendency to read guys wrong and think they are flirting with me when they are just doing their jobs.  I know that desperate times call for desperate measures but he didn’t do anything for me from a physical perspective but he was very professional and I really liked that. 

I am thankful now that I no longer have to forward my home phone to my cell phone. I use the Find Me Feature so you call my house and it rings at home, plus up to 5 other numbers.  I just put in my cell phone and that seems to work out fine.  I added the office but figured out in testing, someone could wind up in my voice mail at work and I DONT want that, so I removed the number.  If there is ever a day that I am expecting a call I can always logon and add the office number.  Most everything with this system is controlled via an online portal.  You can make changes to your account easily on-line.  Plus control all of the features of the phone.  On the TV you have a menu as well that you can do a wide variety of things with.  I have the 450 package, which is everything under the sun in the way of networks and movie channels.  They have the Here Channel (gay TV) which I can add for $7 per month.  I have plans to stop by an AT&T store tomorrow to see if I can reduce the cost by removing the sports channels, they have an extra sports package and I have it but won’t ever watch it.  When I was being sold this by the door to door person, I was told that I could remove sports and save $7 per month – so that would actually allow me to add Here if I so chose.  I really wanted to downgrade to the next lowest package but you loose HD and that is $10 extra, add in the cost of the movie channels that I want and it’s a little more expensive than taking the package that I have.  While it’s still very early in the game I am really happy and think this was a smart move especially given that I can record 4 shows at once and no more worrying about will the DVR get the channel right.  I am used to my skip button on my TIVO which allowed me to easily skip commercials when watching a recorded show.  I have the ability with Uverse to fast forward but still you have to get it just right or else you are in to your show or still watching the last commercial.  I will get used to that and the remote eventually.  My biggest concern was the alarm system and down time.  The installer told me that unless the power goes out or the modem fails that the system will be up and live.  They don’t have down time and weather doesn’t affect service, just like cable.  The only difference is I am getting a little bit better deal, which is what makes this all worth it.  I am paying like $5 more per month for TV but given the fact that I have so much to choose from and the DVR, I think it’s worth it.  Plus now no charge for the wireless box, which works from a Cisco WAP (Wireless Access Point).  Basically you are outfitted with a modem and it’s separated in 3 areas.  1 for TV, 1 for Voice and 1 for Internet.  TV and Voice both come over the internet but that access is restricted so if you elect to do all 3, you get special access to the Internet and they have a business class firewall built in, so they thought of safety as well.  The cable modem is the basement and the Uverse modem is in the Living Room, so I would need to do some wiring changes but it’s pretty simple to flip the switch and move on over.  I have unlimited calling local and long distance and call even call Canada free.  I don’t have an international long distance (which costs more) but I wouldn’t use it if I did have it because all of the people I know and call are either in the US or Canada. 

Monday, thankfully I have an extra day off due to the Martin Luther King holiday.  I have an 11a doctors appointment and a 2p therapy appointment.  I plan on eating out for supper and then wrapping up loose ends here at home, getting the trash out and preparing to go back to work on Tuesday.  I am not excited about it because well it’s work, but more so because this is my last full week and weekend of peace and quiet.  Next Monday I will be on-call for a week.  Then a week of rest and back at it again the following week, which is when we change up to 1 person on call for the entire company.  That will be a jumping time I am sure, but the on-call hours won’t start until 11pm, most of the calls during the week are over with by 10p.  However, we do get calls at 1 and 2 in the morning, that will be the challenging part.  Then after that I am done until the end of May, when the next part of the schedule comes out.  My boss has it figured out that everyone will be on call 1 week every 13 weeks, do the math and that is 4 weeks per year.  Not bad at all.  However, if someone leaves that will shorten up the time, get a mass exodus and it could be a real pain.  They take good care of us, so I don’t foresee that happening.  The two things that I would love to get rid of in my job are phone time and on-call.  I have done my time in the trenches and deserve a break but this is what I signed up for.  If there is a next job I will be sure to make sure there is no phone time or on-call time.  The phone part should be easy to eliminate but the on-call part not so much.  That is pretty much a given in the IT field. 

Okay so I have rambled far too much.  I hope that all is well in your world and that you have had nice weather like we have had.  It’s time for me to follow my fortune cookies advice and “Relax & Enjoy yourself.”  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later. BTW there is a new podcast episode up, if your interested!

I think things are looking UP

Being some what apprehensive and anxious I sat down last night and started on the letter to my late partner.  It was very emotional and I eventually broke down.  Then I was able to write more.  Thus far I am up to 8 pages.  It felt like I was talking to him, just communicating information and bringing him up to speed.  I totally understand why my therapist suggested this.  I need to go back and finish it but probably won’t until the weekend when I have a bit more time and freedom. 

Today I got my unemployment check up on me call.  The guy said I sounded like a recording.  I get that a lot.  Anyway, he went down the list from the letter that was sent to me.  They asked for 3 places that I have applied to in the last 4 weeks.  It was easy, just go down the list and presto done.  He called at 8:45am and I of course was up at 5am because I couldn’t sleep.  I was nervous about the call, I don’t know why but I was. 

The mail today brought me a notice from the unemployment people that said until I show up in person they won’t be paying me a dime.  Thankfully I will be showing up tomorrow, but that almost got nixed. 

I got a call from what I think will be my next job.  They scheduled an in person interview as the manager told me they would be.  She had an opening on Friday at 1.  I almost took it but I figure if I keep rescheduling it is only going to hurt my bank account in the end.  So I skipped past it and we went to Monday and just as we were winding things up I realize crap I have therapy on Monday.  So we moved to Tuesday.  I hated that, I’ve always been told take the first date and time that is given, it shows you are eager.  Well I’ve got stuff planned and they are not my only lead at this point.  I honestly don’t think it hurt me one bit.  I am really pumped about it and very much looking forward to it.  My hope is we meet on Tuesday and if an offer isn’t extended in person it will be within a couple of days.

Meanwhile I was going about my business and checking my e-mail.  A job I applied for almost a month ago with a local municipality sent me and e-mail.  I figured ah it’s a rejection.  Nope they want to interview me as well.  It’s set for after hours on Monday.  They chose it and I just confirmed.  I’m qualified to do at least 1/2 of the job.  The other half would be trial by fire and that is not the ideal way for me to learn but when you do learn that way, it sticks with you.

I was lazy for most of the day and finally did manage to get a couple hours of rest.  Then I hoisted myself up and out I went.  Got momma’s medicine (she will be thrilled), picked up the mail, picked up my medicine,picked up cat food and then went to an upscale grocery store.  I was looking for Ground Beef and almost walked out with Ground Lamb.  That would have made for interesting Tacos.  I only had Breakfast and I was starving.  Saw a cute bagger boy and a lot of food that I normally don’t see at the bargain grocery store.  I walked out with some premade Mexican Cornbread, Ground Chuck (he was tasty) and a Two Layer White Chocolate Raspberry Cake.  $16, the cake was the most expensive thing and at that it was $9. 

Came home unloaded, unpacked and started cooking and making a mess.  Meanwhile the children were bugging me for food and I had just fed them 45 minutes ago.  I sware they want to eat every time the wind blows.  Speaking of which I was watching Rookie Blue tonight and TAZ started puking and after that was done he rested for a minute and climbed in the litter box and it came out the other end.  After he was done with that he jumped up on the couch to be with me, which is very much out of character for him.  I comforted him and dug the litter out of his back paws.  He wanted to clean himself up and I told him that will just make you sick again.  I got him to rest and we watched TV together.  Kind of a nice evening. 

My nerves are on fire now because of tomorrow.  I will be going to the unemployment office.  I decided to take public transportation because it will be much easier than me risking wrecking my car trying to parallel park and slug a meter.  I have to do almost a mile of walking but I’m up for it.  If it all works out I will be early and when all is said and done I will be out $4.50 – which is reasonable considering parking isn’t cheap.  I have a friend who works at this office and I am nervous that I might run into him, we haven’t talked in a while.  When I was much younger and over at his house he stuck his hand in my pants, while I was working on his computer.  It was awkward at best and he still identifies as straight.  My late partner warned me about him being after my body and I told him he was nuts, but turns out he was right.  This guy is as gay as I am, I think the only difference is he either hasn’t had sex or hasn’t had much sex.  Hopefully I am in and out and we don’t bump into each other.  If it happens I will just play it cool and see what happens.  He obviously won’t jump my bones while he is at work because he would get fired.  I actually thought about seeking him out but from what I remember his hygiene was questionable at best.  Once this little meeting is over with I will feel much better. 

I don’t want to jinx anything but I really feel pretty good about next Tuesday.  The manager I spoke with really liked me and I really like the culture in the way it’s been described.  So I think it will be a win – win or so I hope.

I did hammer out a letter to my old employer about my vacation pay.  I haven’t mailed it just yet.  When I figured out how much money it was it’s like really do you want to fight for it?  Were talking like $200 and that is before they take out taxes.  Part of me says fight for it because it’s yours and the other part of me says it’s a small amount of money let it go.  Since I am conflicted I am not doing anything at the moment.  I hope with a little time I will be able to make a decision or maybe just maybe the money will show up.  It would help pay for the garbage disposal.

Finally, I did what I have been dreading to do all day long.  Pay bills.  I have enough money to subsist for a while minus paying the mortgage payment.  However tapping into my savings and seeing it be reduced slowly but surely is extremely scary.  I am more than eager to get back to work, then there is no jeopardy at the moment for the house and I can avoid a huge mess.  I just hope and pray that it all goes the way I think it will.  If so I should be a very happy camper.  Stay tuned and we will go on this joy ride together. 

Time to wrap things up and call it a night.  Got lots of TV to watch.  NY MED, First 48 and a movie on HBO Called Kidnapped for Christ.  It was put on by Mike C Manning who I have a mega crush on and he got Lance Bass to produce it.  It’s supposed to be very good.  It’s about kids telling their parents they are gay and the parents signing there kids up for some camp where men come and snatch you out of your own bed at night and when they let you see the light of day you have no freaking idea where you are at and when or if you will ever be sent home.  Who would think a parent could or would do that to their own child.  Sexuality is something we are born with, if you don’t like it is a non negotiable change.  Sure there are people who have claimed to change but what are they really changing?  Their habits and outward appearance that is all.  Those desires for that hot guy or girl are still there deep inside of them festering like a boil about to burst.  They either learn to repress their emotions and desires or they burst at the seams and go full bore for what they really want.  Each day I realize a little bit more that it’s perfectly okay to be gay.  Even though I am pretty well adjusted to the idea it’s nice to feel more and more reassurance.

Talk with you peeps later.  Have a super, awesome, amazing, fantastic, outrageous and relaxing weekend!

Sleep with me

So my plans for Friday worked out great. I got my hairs cut, had a mediocre shampoo. The lady just didn’t know how to work her fingers. I came home and we went for pizza. I have 3 slices left over to remind me of the experience! We came home and hours went by, eventually I washed my guys’ hair and put in conditioner. I have never met anyone that had so much trouble getting shampoo out of his hair. He thinks he is rinsing it all out but he isn’t. Plus he needs to use conditioner because the shampoo he is using dries out the scalp; it’s more of a stripper. I’ve got a feeling that I will be washing his hair more often. As long as I am in the mood, it’s no problem. It’s one thing I can do that I know for sure he will enjoy and there won’t be any complaints. Yup, I give great head. You just had to know I was going to say that.

Before retiring for the evening he reminded me that we need to get his vehicle inspected tomorrow. Great, I thought for sure I would over sleep. However, we made it with plenty of time. This was the first time that I have seen a waiting line at the testing station. I also thought for sure he would fail but nope, he passed with flying colors. They go totally off the on-board computer, which is a change from years past.

After the testing, we grabbed breakfast. I ate like a pig but it was good. Then out for a little drive and then home. I crashed for a little bit. Woke up and a friend of mine called. We chatted and then he reminded me that the grocery stores are closed on Easter Sunday. Crap, we had to go to the store today. So after I got off the phone I told my guy and we dashed off to the store.

As we were headed over, he broke the news to me that we were invited to some friends for Easter. Great, not how I wanted to plan my day. Worst of all it’s not until late in the afternoon. That totally screws up everything. Hopefully we won’t stay too long, but honestly I don’t want to go at all.

We came home and I put the groceries away, then we dashed off to get a bite to eat. He wanted to go to Cracker Barrel and I didn’t fight him at all. I was hoping that the cute guy who is a host would be working. Sure enough, he was there. The food was just okay. Service was quick and our glasses were never empty for long.

Once we returned home I started on laundry and research. The research was to find the cute guys last name. I am getting closer but I am also starting to think he might not be on social networking. Right now it’s a challenge for me and if I ever get to solve it, I will feel so good.

I got a phone call from my guy who wanted to know if our Civil Union License was just like a marriage license. I said it affords us some of the rights that straight people have and it’s the closest thing that we can get right now to a marriage license. I guess he got to thinking about our vows and it just struck him that we were “married”. Duh, I’ve been saying it all along. He keeps talking about me leaving him and I always tell him I am not going anywhere, despite how crazy he drives my ass. I want to kill him sometimes but I love him and can’t imagine life without him. He has been with me for half of my life. At this point it would be like losing a limb.

So he is scared and he wants me to sleep with him tonight. He said that he needs me. Yeah, I don’t need to get peed on. I remember those days oh too well and I am glad they are gone. Expounding on that, when I was growing up I had a bed wetting problem. No doubt it was from the physical abuse. It continued until I was about 20 or 21, then magically it just went away. Now if I have to go, I wake up. I don’t always get up but typically if I ignore my bladder the urge just gets worse and eventually I have to get up. If his room wasn’t such a disaster, I would do what my grandmother used to do. Lay down and relax until I was sure he was passed out cold, then get up and go sleep in my own bed. I am worried about getting sick, plus getting no sleep since he likes to sleep with his machine off and snores like a freight train. Sleeping with him right now will be about as much fun as going to that stupid meal tomorrow. I want to relax and not have my life planned out for me by others.

The kids are all happy that I am home. Jumper and I had a pretty good night. He is such a snuggle bug at times. Everyone here wants a piece of me. Shy Girl begged me to pet her. I suspect there will be a full moon soon, either that or she is getting sick. Normally she is like drop the food on the floor fat boy and leave. I will take care of the rest. See that just proves that cats have staff, while dogs have owners. Still I love them all, even though they cost me so much money! As I type, they are wanting their evening snack. It started with a nice reminder from Momma. Then one of her daughters came down. Pretty soon I will see one or two more. They know what they want and when they want it. It’s just a matter of convincing me to give in, which normally is not a huge task at all.

Switching gears, I ordered my annual credit reports. I was shocked that my car loan was listed as a part of my bankruptcy on two reports. I have disputes filed to get that changed. I reaffirmed the debt, which means that I am legally responsible for it, so they should continue reporting to help me build my credit back. Speaking of cars, I got a mailer from the dealer. Go for a test drive and they will give me $20 off of any service I have done. If I buy a car they will give me an extra $500 and they are offering 0% financing for 60 months. Yeah, it’s a great time to buy a car. However, you have to qualify for that 0% and I doubt seriously that I would, given the bankruptcy. I do monitor my credit through Credit Karma and things are looking up for me. I just have to get the two credit cards I have paid off with a 0 balance each month, and then I will be doing really well. Paying them off should be a reality in one to two more months. The sooner, the better.

It’s been an entire week since I shaved, I like the look around Wednesday and Thursday. After that it just starts itching so bad and it’s time to cut it all off. I don’t think I will EVER have a beard because I can’t get past the itchy part. Besides that the hair on your face can hold allergens like dust, mold, etc. Which could explain those days when my nose flairs up. I am just getting lazy and I only do the minimum during the week. My get up and go, got up and went a long time ago.

Speaking of which, it’s probably time that I got up and went. I hope that you all have a very happy Easter and get to enjoy your weekend. Don’t eat too much ham. Be safe and I will talk with you peeps later.

Made it back

So I made it back safe I don’t know about the sound part!  Some of this story is disjointed, sorry if it confuses you.

My travel woes for this trip.  1st the plane I was supposed to board had a flat tire, so that screwed up my connecting flight.  I had to make other arrangements.  I got in and they ran out of Impalas so I had to take a Jeep but they charged me for an upgrade.  I thought the drive to the hotel would be 30 minutes.  It was more like 1 hour and 30 minutes.  I drove in the dark and rain.  I had Taco Bell for supper and didn’t get to the hotel until 10pm.  My room at the 1st place was average.  I lucked out and got a Jacuzzi.  I used it but wish now that I hadn’t.  I had to drain the tub because of the stuff in the water.  When I was sitting in it I kept thinking how unclean it is and cut my time short.  I had problems regulating the climate so I slept with the heat off, which was a bad move.  I got sick because it was cold in the room.  I was able to shake it off for a couple days but by Friday I was really felling it.  It rained everyday but Friday.  I took a shower on Monday, I had problems with the water and getting it to turn off, instead of off I turned it all the way to hot, I managed to knock the shower head off in trying to get away from the scalding water. Finally got it turned off.  I worked through lunch and didn’t have anything to eat until Supper which was very late.  Monday night I was woke up to what sounded like a fire alarm, turns out it was the person upstairs taking a shower and the pipes rattled just like a bell, which I thought might have been there fire alarm.  The first place had more work for me than I had time.  I had to cut my losses and get out of Dodge.  I worked late every night, drove in day light & rain.  Left in darkness and rain.  Went to Shoney’s but the food was horrible – nothing like I remembered.  Had plenty of Taco Bell the first part of the week.  My iPhone charger went out on me so the only way I could charge my phone was in the Jeep.  The 1st hotel served the same damn thing for breakfast every morning.  Biscuits and Gravy along with Scrambled Eggs, which were pellets, not real eggs. 

By mid week I figured out the automatic start button for the Jeep, loved that.  The thing had Satellite Radio so I didn’t have to listen over and over to the mixed CD I burned.  Its cargo space also came in handy when I went to the 2nd facility.  On the way to the 2nd place I got a call from home that Big Boy seemed to be taking a bad turn.  That shook me up, I had to get off the road get something to eat, call back home and talk it out.  Turns out he was fine, it was just a misunderstanding.  Still it was one of my greatest fears when I travel.  Got back on the road and arrived at the 2nd place.  Left when it was dark and raining.  Had problems finding the hotel, but got there.  Checked in and went straight to Cracker Barrel.

I found it rather odd that Cracker Barrel was in close proximity to a strip club and an adult toy shop.  Still I know good food and they had it going on.  So much that I ate there for the remainder of the week. 

Back to my check in at the 2nd place.  They lady told me they would put me in room 330 but they put me in room 320.  The next morning the cleaning person tried to get in but couldn’t because I had her locked out.  Thank God because I just got out of bed and didn’t have any clothes on.  That would have been slightly awkward.  So, I hightailed it to the shower and tried to get out as fast as I could because I knew she would get back.  While I was getting dressed (after my shower) my cell phone rang and it was the hotel.  They went to my room and apparently no one was there so they wanted to know if I was staying there.  I told them yes, I was in my room.  I went about my business and while I am eating breakfast I got another call they wanted to know what room I was staying in.  Jeez, someone is unorganized.  They wrote down 330 but gave me keys to room 330.  The room was nice and very spacious.  You could tell it was a fresh remodel.  When I got back on Thursday night I had an envelope laying on the table, they wanted me to tip the housekeeper.  Really?  Yeah.  For the price the room cost I didn’t think that was appropriate, they were getting a really good amount of money for each night.  I was kind of offended that they would even ask for a tip.  I got myself packed up and ready to go for Friday morning, time to get home.

Made it to the airport in plenty of time.  It was a very small airport and this time I had to walk out to the plane and climb up the steps just like you see in the movies.  Except this was a propeller driven plane and it held like 9 people.  The safety talk was different on this plane, they talked about a fire extinguisher.  I really had my doubts that we were going to make it.  But we did.  No free beverage on this plane.  When we landed I was feeling pretty nauseated.  I stopped at a Pub and had a burger and a Panna Cotta along with a Diet Coke.  That took some of the edge off but I still felt bad.  Got on the 2nd plane and I put my jacket in the seat next to me, I was asked to seat belt it in when we were in the process of taking off.  I said I would just hold it and was told nah, you can put it back.  I thought that was odd.  Got my free beverage on this plane, water.  That was good.  Landed to hear a voice mail someone had spyware on their computer.  I told them I was at the airport and would have to fix it on Monday. 

I left out that I got a panic call on Thursday from the bosses assistant that her files were gone from My Documents.  She was having some problems so she rebooted and once she did, they were gone.  Really?  I think she deleted them on accident, never heard of My Docs being wiped out from a reboot.  Anyway I went to the server and found that they appeared to be backed up.  So I started a restore.  She wanted to get our IT Vendor involved, so I did that.  Really nothing for them do to until the restore completed. I logged on Thursday night and it was still going, very slow.  It was a lot of data.  I didn’t think of it until a couple hours ago.  I went to follow up and got no response, which is odd.  I also didn’t get the usual good job email from my boss, which is really odd.  So I checked the server and the restore was frozen at 7%.  However, it looked like all of her data was back.  So I killed the restore job, applied a Windows Update and rebooted the server.  I reached out to our IT Vendor because they didn’t keep me in the loop, asking for an update and letting them know what I had done.  So we shall see come Monday.

The no response from the lady and not getting the good job e-mail from my boss have me thinking that they are some how going to turn this around to be all my fault and either yell at me or kick me out the door.  Ok, so I was on the road and did as much as I possibly could.  I should have followed up on Friday but it honestly never crossed my mind since I engaged the vendor they had the ball.  I’m a little stressed over it.

I also got a call that there was a little shake up in the office and they have screwed a couple people over.  Of course I got bothered all week long and have plenty more than I can handle scheduled for Monday.  I will work it out somehow. 

Came home to a disaster.  The house smelled like a Tuna Can, litter boxes hadn’t been cleaned and cat crap all over the floor.  So I had to work overtime to get this place back into shape when all I really wanted to do was collapse.  The best part was when I went to get in bed I found out the cats threw up all over it.  Nice!  Plus my partners computer had issues so I had to fix it.  He really needs a new machine but there is this problem called money.

I got my tooth drilled today at the dentist, my teeth are very sensitive now. That always happens after dental work but it’s been so long since I had anything done I forgot about it.  We had a nice supper and a cute waiter.  We also took a short nap together.  I still have plenty of stuff to get done around here but really just want to relax.  It’s coming up on 10pm and I am still adjusting from Eastern to Central time.  I think it’s time to veg a little.

Way too stressful of a week but I accomplished both installations and got super lucky with both of them.  They were done in hours instead of days.  I’m getting smarter as time goes on so I really have this down to a science.  Plus this time I shipped back all of the unused equipment so it will be less to order for the next install.  The number of places that have WIFI is getting less, which means there is less of a reason to have me travel. I kind of like the sound of that.  Traveling is nice in that it gets me out of the office.  However, each time when I return I really just want to go back on the road and kind of live my life at a distance.  Don’t get me wrong I miss home but it’s nice to get a break.

Okay, off to try to veg but not w/o taking care of some laundry.  Sorry for the long update and delay but as you can see I was super busy and very tired.  I will keep you posted on how things go Monday, it may be that I am worked up over nothing.

The Babble Post

Ready for some babble?  Break out the Cookies & Milk because this will be a long post!

Friday… I went in to the office like a normal day.  It was anything but a normal day!  When I got there I discovered the computer that I dropped everything to rebuild wasn’t there.  WTF!  I sent an e-mail and was told …oh she forgot to bring it in.  Dizzy woman.  So I got a machine ready for a person who is in dire straights.  She will have it on Tuesday.  I had a voice mail and responded to that and then e-mail just started pouring in like a river.  I helped out a couple people.  The last person I called said that she didn’t have time and we would have to take care of it next week.  I told her that I was out of town and that didn’t seem to phase her she said oh, honey it can wait until next week.  I explained again I won’t have time and then she wanted to argue.  Okay, so we can take care of it next week.  I just told her what she wanted to hear so I could hang up!  I am not helping her next week, I will be far too consumed with this project and any other crisis that pop up.  Thinking I had covered all of the bases and double checking myself, I had everything taken care of so it’s time to leave.  It’s around 1:30pm.

I am about five miles from home when mister black berry decided to vibrate.  It’s the place I am going to next week.  The administrator has flipped her lid and sent out a message to me, my boss and tons of other people to scream the sky is falling, our hr person has no computer and she won’t be able to make payroll on Monday.  Holy crap, that is not exactly what I needed to hear.  I got the mail and took my sweet time getting home.  Once I got here I sprang into action and called the HR person.  We worked everything out and payroll will be taken care of on Monday.  So crisis averted once again!  I sent out a message to everyone letting them know everything was okay.  It was about 3pm now.  I decided to rest.  I got a 1/2 hours nap and then something woke me up.

My partner kept yelping about being hungry.  So we packed up and went to the shop to check on his vehicle.  They were working on it and I was told it would be ready but it would be closer to 6.  Okay, so we ate at that Italian place.  Turns out they are Greek, American and Italian all on one.  The appetizers and salad were amazing.  They suck at making Spaghetti.  It was a $50 meal that really wasn’t worth it.  However, I can scratch it off my bucket list.  Then we went back to the shop and they told me that they found another hose that was leaking so they went ahead and replaced it.  The bill was $50 higher.  Yeah, okay so I dropped a little bit over 1k on his vehicle.  Not exactly in my plans but it beats investing in a constant supply of Power Steering Fluid and wondering when or if the pump would fail.  The axle wasn’t replaced, I was mistaken it was the ball bearings that needed to be replaced.  The ride is quiet compared to what it used to be.  He needs a 4 wheel alignment really bad.  Plus an oil change.  Merry Christmas!!

Friday night and Saturday… I watched Dateline because there was an update on Ryan Fergusons case and how the judge dismissed his request for a new trial, despite overwhelming evidence that shows he is innocent.  Poor Ryan still in jail for something he didn’t do.  Hopefully, one day he will be free.  I took a technology break and just decided to spend the evening with the kids.  Damn computers make me sick after pounding on them all day long and staring into a screen.  Just needed to have some down time.  I slept in on Saturday and had some left over pie for breakfast.  Once the sugar wore off, I crashed and went back to bed.  Woke up around noon.  We travelled to a place to eat and I got loaded up with chili.  If you need me tomorrow I will be in the bathroom.  Anyway, it was a nice afternoon and good to get away. 

The topic we were discussing is my vacation request.  Friday I put in my request to my boss.  He was busy on e-mail so I figured I would get a quick reply, I could turn in the paperwork and it would be done.  Instead, he provided no response.  Which makes me wonder if once I get this next place up and running, if he has other plans for me.  Like putting me back on the street.  Probably not, but I don’t trust him and doubt that I ever will.  I just hope I am not being used to get WIFI going and then I am going to be dumped.  Not much I can do about it.  One of my friends said oh, he is probably waiting until you get back and tell him everything is working.  All I know is I won’t be there on the 27th, if I have to call in sick I will.  Since we get 2 of the 5 days off for the holiday, I am only asking for 3 days and with all of the hell he has put me through this year I certainly deserve it.  I don’t anticipate a Christmas bonus, since I turned down the company trip.  I think the trip was their form of a bonus for everyone.  Since I didn’t go then it’s my tough luck.  However, as much as I was pestered on Thursday & Friday there was no way I would have had time for fun.  Even when I am “on vacation” I will still have to have this damn phone strapped to my side.  Too bad they don’t allow electronics in the courthouse…I will be out of reach for at least 1 hour. 

All I know is like the last trip, I will be glad when this is all over with.  Next week at this time I probably will be worn out but much happier!

Back to Saturday, I went out for cat food and then came home.  Here I am working on guess what…Laundry of all things and blogging.  Wow, what an exciting life I lead!

My face is driving me crazy, it itches so bad.  I haven’t shaved since Sunday and I am having serious doubts that I will be able to make it to tomorrow.  I like shaving once a week, in fact the whole idea of not shaving at all and growing a beard is appealing BUT I can never ever get past the itching stage.  Right now is mild, compared to if I let it go.  Next week I would be looking for a drug store pretty quick!  Not a problem I want to take with me.  I have plans to veg out in front of the TV after I tidy up the house a bit and do some more laundry.  Plus I need something to eat and drink, my body is asking polite now.  I’m thinking water and ice cream or maybe root beer & ice cream.  Either way ice cream is in the picture. 

I did my research and the weather next week will be pretty much like it is here at home.  Starts out cold and then warms up to 50 or 60.  It’s like being in CA or FL this time of year.  Normally we are cold and it never gets above 40.  Strange weather. 

Plans for Sunday… I have to pack, print my boarding passes and prepare myself for going back on the road again.  I hate saying goodbye to home, my partner & the kids.  However, it’s only a week and they have survived before.  Plus it’s the last trip of the year.  Hopefully I don’t go back on the road until Spring at least, but time will tell.

Now on to something that has been eating away at me.  Over the past week I have watched several gay themed movies.  One of which was about a boy who’s parents tried to convert him to being straight.  Some people apparently still think that being gay is a mental defect.  When the truth of the matter is you have no choice in the matter.  It would be sort of like picking your parents.  From the teenage years and on ward, we start making decisions.  I have never heard of someone who wanted to be gay or wished they were gay. 

Gay people are just that, people.  The only thing different about us is the fact that we are attracted to the same sex.  As long as we are happy, I think the rest of the world should support us.  Times are changing but we still have a very long way to go.

Trying to de-homosexualize a gay person is like trying to get a Zebra to change his stripes.  It’s not going to happen!  Not because we don’t want it but because it is truly impossible.  Yes, I know there are people who claim they have been “cured” but they are just repressing their sexual desires.

I worked with a guy who was gay.  He was a minister, married and had two kids.  He has a rocking body and I was so attracted to him.  I could pick up that he was gay so I asked him about it.  He just told me that the bible says it’s wrong and he really enjoyed making sweet love to his wife.  Yes, he looked at guys and was still attracted to them but he decided that wasn’t for him.  Today he is still married but I honestly don’t think he is happy.  We don’t keep in touch and drifted far apart after I left that job.  There are other people just like him who choose to live as “straight” people when they are really gay.  If that makes them happy, then so be it.

What everyone fails to realize is that we are humans just like them.  No better, no worse.  Gay people come in all shapes and sizes.  We have the same general interests as you – some of us like sports, hunting, computers, cars, books, etc.  We are employed and unemployed.  Some of us have homes, others of us are homeless.  Being gay is not a disease, a mental defect, a lifestyle or even for that matter a choice.  It’s how we were born.

For most gay people, we struggle but eventually come to terms with our sexuality and who we are.  If we can come to terms with it, then why can’t the rest of the world?  Growing up gay isn’t easy.  You have taunting, teasing, and even in some cases get into fights when people figure it out or even suspect.  If your lucky enough to hide it, then you have to listen to fag jokes, which isn’t easy either. 

I could go on and on about this, but feel I have made my point.  Eventually equality for all will be as common place as the sun, but until it is we will just have to keep fighting the good fight. 

As for gay marriage, there are only a few states in the Union that allow for true marriage.  Most and my state included provide Civil Unions.  I don’t understand why we can’t call it marriage.  It angers me and makes me feel like a 2nd class citizen.  In most cases you are afforded all of the same legal rights as a traditional married couple but you are singled out by the government calling it a Civil Union.  Once we are “united” it will be recognized as long as we are in our state.  However, both of us travel to a neighboring state for medical care and over there it’s not recognized.  So you have to have Power of Attorney for Property & Healthcare as well as forming things like a Living Revocable Trust to protect your assets.  It’s just absolute madness at the extra steps we have to take to make sure that we are 100% covered from a legal standpoint.  These are steps that a traditional married couple need not take.  In summary it’s just not fair!

The one thing that I thought was nice, when we registered we are both afforded the opportunity to change our last name to make it the same as a married couple would.  Personally, I would like to change mine but then I think of all of the complications I would have to go through.  You have to tell your bank, get a new drivers license, a new social security card, tell your employer, inform all of your creditors and the list goes on and on.  So while it’s appealing neither one of us will be changing our names because we think in the long run it would cause far more problems than it would solve.  It’s also uncommon for men to change their last names.  I have worked with people who did change their last name or they adopted their husbands name so they had a hyphenated last name.  Like John Smith – Jones.  Yeah, that’s not classy to me and it begs some people to inquire why do you have two last names?  Not to mention you still have to go through all of the legal mumbo jumbo with the name changing process.

On a different note, I did have something else to babble about but since I am getting old my mind is going.  I just have way too much going on and I know it’s a stress thing, rather than an age thing.  However, lucky for you I thought of another subject.

What I like about travel.  I enjoy the fact that I have to make decisions for myself like where I am going to stay, what I am going to eat and the part I like about that is there is no one else to get approval from.  I enjoy the peace and quiet. I enjoy being able to see new places and experience things like flying and having a hotel room all to myself.  I also enjoy the fact there is no one watching my every move from a work standpoint.  I mean I know I am being watched but it’s just that obvious, so I can relax and be a bit more comfortable in my own skin.

What I don’t like about travel is the fact that I know the boys aren’t getting their medication.  The fact that it’s harder on my partner because he has to do things like dishes and take out the trash, as well as try to keep up with the children.  He fully appreciates what I do when he has to walk a mile or two in my shoes.  I don’t like the fact that I don’t get to see the kids.  I can see my partner via Face Time or Skype.  We can talk via phone or computer.  He understands that it’s only temporary.  The kids don’t.  After about a day they all start looking for me, where is he, where did he go and when or is he coming back.  I also don’t enjoy packing, going through security, having to check my bag and flying coach. 

So it’s a love/hate thing but I will get through it.  I was really uncomfortable with the idea at first but hey I needed a job.  Now that I have done it couple times, I discover that it’s kind of enjoyable.  I just wish I could come home at night!

So how were those Milk & Cookies?  I told you that you would need them!  Now it’s off to launder and clean.  Not sure how much time I will have but I will at least make time to let you know that I made it and am okay.  If you don’t see a post like that, then you should probably worry! Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.

No good news today

My plan last night was to make it to bed early.  I accomplished that but, since I was all keyed up I was not sleep at all.  In fact it was like I came more wide awake.  It was around 4 AM before I was able to turn out the lights and call it a night.  Of course that early morning wake up call came way sooner than I wanted.

I got up took care of the kids breakfast and then went back to my room.  I gave it a couple minutes past the time we agreed upon and then I phoned the guy for my morning phone interview.  Normally recruiters call you.  Ah well.  We talked for about 15 minutes and I was told there would be 3 hurdles to clear.  I went through the 1st one already.  The second one was a technical phone interview and the third was an in person interview.  Seems simple enough for me.  I’m waiting to hear back that is if they want me to go through the second hurdle.

After that I was in no shape for any more phone calls.  I went back to bed with jumper.  That was really nice.  Problem is I slept in until 1 pm.  Crap I hate starting the day late.

I made my other phone call for the other phone interview, thankfully we didn’t schedule a time.  That went okay, I really don’t think I will hear from them.

Then I called the unemployment office.  Holy crap, I would have been so much better if I didn’t call.  Turns out my claim will expire at the end of the month, so 4 more weeks of benefits and then I am done with unemployment.  If nothing comes my way I will be headed to apply for Welfare and Food Stamps.  Not exactly what I want to do, but then I didn’t ask to be unemployed.

Now for the moment your all waiting for.  I called the charity, I got a live person which I never expected.  On most all of my follow up phone calls I wind up in Voice Mail Jail.  Anyway, they experienced a delay so no decision has been made yet.  There is a meeting I’m told that will take place sometime on Friday and they will make their selection at that time.  The guy said that he would for sure be in touch with me on Friday or at the very latest Monday.  O K sounds a lot better than a NO.  So now I continue to wait.  Ugh!

Talked with my partner, of course since we were talking about money that sparked some loud and tense words.  Then we got to talking about God.  Ah, my faith has seriously been compromised with all that I have gone through in the past 17 months.  I am wondering if George Carlin didn’t have it right that God is just an Invisible Man that doesn’t really exist.  I know that sounds horrible but right now I just don’t understand why this has all been allowed to happen to me.  It makes absolutely no sense.  Still I pray and ask for a job, hopefully God comes through soon!

We grabbed a bite to eat at a local buffet, that helped keep the cost down.  Then we made a trip to the grocery store.  Finally back home to recover.  I talked with a friend of mine to see what was new and then to my brother.

My brother yacked for over an hour.  I was seriously starting to wonder if he was ever going to shut up.  He was telling me all about his new job and how good things were.  Then in the next breath he was telling me how depressed he is that he will be going to second shift.  I told him be thankful that you have a job, if you don’t want it, I will gladly trade places with you.  Yeah, that kind of shut him up.  Then he told me about Mom.  They visited the eye doctor on Monday and it turns out her Cornea is going again.  Her vision is bad right now, but eventually she will be blind.  She could go through another Cornea transplant but that will take over a year before she would get her vision back.  Of course she is deeply depressed over that.

After that conversation, I really didn’t feel a whole lot better.  So I came to do my job search and update my log of contacts.  Suddenly this week there has been a whole lot more activity.  I’ve got recruiters e-mailing me, phone interviews.  Maybe things are looking up and I’m just too close to the forest to see the trees.  I just hope that the Charity job comes through, that would be awesome, even if it didn’t pay much as long as it’s more than the $8.00 per hour I’m making on unemployment I will be happy!

On to Bankruptcy, I received an e-mail from a creditor last night that said they really wanted to talk to me, how I was a valued card member, pouring on the compliments but at the same time reminding me that I was past due.  They have also been calling non stop for a while.  So I finally responded.  I emailed them and told them that due to circumstances beyond my control I had no choice but to declare and file bankruptcy.  I asked them to direct any further correspondence to my attorney and provided his contact information.  So today I got an e-mail response back that they were sorry to hear that and have updated my file.  They still desperately want to talk to me and asked me to call them right away.  Then in big bold letters it said not to e-mail back.  Wow, they just want to intimidate me and try to pressure me in to giving them money that I don’t have.  It was like I was telling one of the cats.  If I had money for them, I would gladly pay them but I can’t give them what I don’t have.  I have no plans on calling them and oddly enough I got a couple calls today but for the most part they have stopped.

I was telling my partner about that and he said, wow you gave them ammo to file a law suit against you to collect their money.  I told him let them sue me.  As soon as I file for Bankruptcy their local lawsuit would be superseded by the US Federal Bankruptcy Court.  So in others words they would just be throwing more money away.  They know all too well how the game is played, after all they do it every day.  It’s unsecured debt and even though I did promise to pay that was provided I had income and since I have no income and am barley scraping by my choice is pretty clear in not paying them.  So as a creditor they are pretty well screwed with no options but to pester me until my petition is filed.

So that sums up how things went for me today.  Nothing scheduled for the rest of the week.  Who knows what we will do.  I am sure there will be some sleeping involved and that is a very good thing.  I love to be asleep because you feel no pain and there is nothing to worry about.  Awake, well not so much that is when all of the pain and worry start.  I will talk with you peeps later!  Sorry for being so depressing, it’s just my world sucks!

Sex it Sells

For the past few days I have been working on ways to get more readers.  The simple way to accomplish this is listing your blog with search engines.  I’m talking about separate search engines from Yahoo, Google, etc.  There are some that specialize in Gay Blogs but there are many more that specialize in Gay Adult Blogs and Gay Sex Sites.

I am very happy to have all of the readers I have today, but there is always room for more.  I didn’t realize until tonight how much my other blog had taken off.  The hit counter is already in the 300 range.  That is pretty good.  However my main site (what your reading now) is only in the 70’s. 

I always new that sex was a hot item and it sold quickly.  So by having two blogs I already know that the one about Sex is by far more popular.

Being Human (Gay, Straight, Bi, Lesbian, Transgender, etc.) there is so much more to life than sex.  The odd part is that once you give in to your urges as a teenager or young adult and have sex, then it’s like Oxygen.  Meaning it becomes a requirement for living and to go without it well you can’t imagine it.

I can tell you first hand that you can in fact live without it.  Look at my situation.  I have my moments when I am ready to climb the walls but a little alone time, some porn and life is good again.  Yeah, that is pretty much my sex life.

There is far more than sex on my mind.  Sure I like looking at a hot boy/guy and I appreciate the male body.  However, that won’t pay my bills or pacify my desire for someone to hire me.  I need money.  My main worry right now is that everything is going to fall out from under me and I will have to start everything over.

Huh?  I’m confused.  Yeah, I know join the club.  What I mean is I lost my job some 17 months ago.  I thought a month or two tops and I will be back on my feet.  Now, here we are 17 months later and I’m still looking.  Most of my retirement is gone.  I am in the process of filing Bankruptcy.  I am not sure about what will happen to my unemployment come the end of April if I will just make it to the next Tier in the system, or Qualify for a State Extension or just be told I have exhausted my claim and nothing more is available.  I’m worried about loosing my car.  I mean I still have to make car payments and I have other basic living expenses.

Right now I’m riding high because I’m free from Credit Card Debt.  However, I worry about my future and what is in store for me.

From the age of a young child all the way into adulthood I have been a worrier.  I know most of the stuff I worry about is not in my control and there is damn little I can do about it.  However, when it comes to my future, I should be able to have a say, after all it’s going to affect me.

The trip today away to get pie, was nice and kind of gave me a new lease on life.  However, that is short lived.  I have serious concerns about where things are going.  I am not nor have I ever been a patient person.  I’m ready to get on with it and get back to work.  I just hope and wish I could land a decent job.  I know there has got to be one out there for me, but I don’t understand why it’s taking so long to find it.  Why I have had to go through so many hurdles and lost what I thought was a friend in the process.  To say it’s not fair is an understatement, but then again life it’s self is not nor will it ever be fair. 

Most people dream about winning the lottery, finding their perfect soul mate.  Well I’ve got my soul mate and the perfect little furry family to round it all out.  Now a decent paying job would be nice.  If that isn’t in the cards then I will happily settle for a large lottery win.  Only problem is I don’t play that often.

The other thing that I find so troubling is the way the world has changed from when I was growing up.  Being Gay or being different has been difficult for others to understand and accept.  Violence, Bullying, etc. is far worse now.  Plus you have kids bringing guns into schools and school shootings and stabbings.  Why has Violence become so normal and accepted in todays society?  It’s in video games, it’s on TV, it’s in the news.  Maybe because we are surrounded by it.  Well if that is true then we are also surrounded by people that are different than us, why can’t we accept them for who they are?  Why does growing up have to be so difficult.  Your youth or teenage years help shape who you are and what you will be.  Depending upon what kind of trauma you are exposed to it can take months to years to recover.

So in summary Sex is wildly popular because I think it’s an escape for people to help hide their problems.  Lord knows if you’ve made it this far then you understand the world is a mess.  I’m not just talking my world, I mean the world as a whole.

This post isn’t exactly as I envisioned it but I’m posting it.  I think it conveys my message, despite the fact that I babbled a bit. 

Live today as if there is no tomorrow, because one day that will be true and you won’t have a chance to look back.  Think before you act.  There are consequences to every decision you make, weight those carefully before you make a move.  Tell those people in your life that matter to you, that you love them.  Laugh often because it feels good and is a great way to relieve tension.  Tomorrow isn’t promised to us folks and I think slowly more and more people are coming to understand that.

My brother told me last night that a kid we grew up with just passed away.  He celebrated his 40th birthday last Wednesday and last Saturday he passed away.  Not sure why or how.  I didn’t know him that well but we are the same age and that scares me a bit.  It was a subtle reminder that I could go at any time, then again so could those around me.  When you stop and think about it, it’s terrifying.  When your young you think you will live forever.  If only that were true!

Something for everyone..a long long post!

Today’s mail brought me a letter from the IRS. They have a tax payer advocate division. I wrote the President of the US along with my other elected officials last month. I explained my situation with being unemployed, having to use my savings, the huge tax bill I got this year and how unfair it was to tax and penalize people who are unemployed. It’s a time of hardship and therefore we should be exempt. Well, I was expecting a response directly from the President but instead his staff forwarded my letter off to the IRS. Apparently there must be something they can do to help me. I’ve already paid my taxes but I am giving them the information they want, I mean it certainly can’t do any harm at this point. I’ve never heard of a Government Agency giving money back once you paid, but maybe that can and will happen. I don't know. It will be a couple months before I know anything. There is probably a lot of red tape to go through.

My partner had a trip to the dentist today, he got a filling so he couldn’t eat on one side of his mouth. He wanted soup and I suggested a place that we went to last week, he jumped all over that. No gas in his truck, it was hovering above E. We made it to the gas station and I paid for gas. $60.00 total but $9.00 of that was for a car wash and for buying it I got 20 cents off per gallon. We have 14 days to use the wash, which I am sure we will do. Rain is in the forecast so no sense in doing it now. A first today when I opened his fuel door a wasp flew out. There was a small nest on the inside of his fuel door. So glad I didn’t get stung. I knocked the nest off with the gas pump. Ugh, it’s that time of year again bugs!

So off to the restaurant we went. He got 2 bowls of French Onion Soup, which is one of his favorites. I can’t stand it. I got Potato Soup and a Turkey Wrap which was really a lot of lettuce with a little turkey wrapped up. Since he was working on his 2nd bowl and I was done, I got desert. Crème Brule. It was a small portion but it was damn good. Wish I had more of it now. Anyway, he went to pay and I took his card and replaced it with mine. He was not expecting that but he was thankful.

Since I saved him so much money he said we needed to go Grocery Shopping, which is why I saved his money. However, we were both way too full so we came home instead.

Everything outside has come to life and everyone’s lawn is green. I hear a lawn mower running at least once per day. In case you’re a new reader we hire a local guy to cut the grass. He is probably all of 30 or 32 years old and very cute! I love to cut grass but my allergies are what holds me back. So we got rid of our mower. I’ve been paying this guy for a couple years. I really like looking at his bum, even if he is straight. He just had a baby and I am expecting him to raise prices. I know he will be knocking on the door any day now, I hope that prices stay the same but with the cost of gas I don’t know. I won’t be able to pay him too much more that is until I get a job. The plan is to wait him out and if he decides to raise prices too high then I will buy a mower and sneeze myself to death, but at least I will save money. Right now it won’t be too bad, but in the dead of summer it will be horrible and a task that I loathe much like grocery shopping.

I got a call last night from a friend who asked me what does it mean if your Blood Sugar is 1,000. I said probably that your meter is broken. I heard nope that’s not it. I said well then it’s time to visit the hospital and quickly. Turns out it was a relative of hers. That person was at their doctors office and the reading came back, the doctor sent her to the hospital. It was totally amazing that she was lucid, walking and talking. She is in critical care doing okay. She will be on insulin for the rest of her life. Turns out she is a very sick person, with many medical problems.

I was diagnosed in 2010 with Type II Diabetes and put on oral medication. I watch what I eat a little bit but I have to have my sweets in moderation. I drink a lot of water and some Diet Soda. I never knew you could get sugar readings that high. I know blood sugar is nothing to play with. Diabetes does really screw with your body and can mess you up in more ways than one. I have lost some weight but if I exercised, watched my diet more closely I could probably get to a point where I stopped the medication. However, I am not that motivated. I am scared of the disease. My hope is that once I get a job there will be some physical activity there and that will help me to get in better shape.

From time to time I like to write about hot guys. That’s where I’m headed now. Last night we ate at Arby’s because my partner wanted to try their Ruben. I caught this kid out of the corner of my eye picking up trays. I say kid he was probably 18 to 20 years old. Damn he was fine. He knew I was looking him over. I think it made him nervous. We got our order and I sat in a seat where I had a good view of him. He went behind the counter and then he started bending over and showing me his butt. Oh my. I wanted to make a move right there but I always figure one that my judgment of age might be off and two he might not be gay. So I just drooled and ate my food. Then another hottie came in and changed clothes into his work uniform in the bathroom. Makes me wish I had to go. He wasn’t as cute as the 1st guy but either one of them could have rocked my world.

So Jeremy you have a partner and your looking at other guys and even thinking of having sex with them? What is wrong with you?

Relax, I will explain. First of all I think that all guys eyes wonder regardless if your gay or straight. The same might apply to women as well. Back around 2002 he was discovered to have Rectal Cancer. To cure him they had to do surgery and that meant he was left with a Colostomy and now he has no anus. They removed a lot of stuff during that surgery. A side effect of the surgery is that he can no longer get and/or maintain an erection. Regardless of how much Viagra or Cialis you give him it’s physically impossible due to the surgery. However, he still plays with it and tells me it feels erect. Considering his Stoma is close to his penis, the thought of sex is a turn off for me.

We still have a sex life, if that is what you want to call it. He takes care of me and that gives him satisfaction. However, I can’t please him enough. He is, was and always will be a super horny guy. You would think he was a teenager sometimes the way his hormones act. He is several years older than me and even age doesn’t stop him!

With all that has happened he understands how I feel and I’ve been given permission a long time ago to go find someone. He even talks about finding someone for me from time to time. I’ve lasted this long by watching porn. While I obsess over guys that I see out and form crushes, I can go from guy to guy. There was only one guy who was a waiter at a local restaurant back in 2005 that I fell in love with at first sight. He knew I was interested in him but he was so not interested in me. It got to the point that when we would come in, we would get sat where he didn’t have to wait on us or if we got his section he would ask co-workers to cover our table. My partner knew all about him but despite the treatment we kept going back because I wanted to see him.

The thought of going at it with another guy really turns me on but actually doing it I think would prove disastrous to my relationship with my partner. I mean some folks can do one night stands but I don’t think I am one of those people, even thought you wouldn’t know it by the way I talk. Sex changes everything and doing it with someone other than my partner I think would cause more problems than it would solve. I honestly do wonder sometimes if I will ever do it again.

After something becomes your norm, you get used to it. So sex for me is a bit of a problem but I honestly have bigger issues (no pun intended) to deal with. Namely getting back to work and watching my money.

So another worry since I’m talking about it is the death of one of our cats. I refer to him as Big Boy, he is a 35 pound domestic cat. He stopped eating for a while in 2010 and went into Liver Failure. We poured money into him like you would not believe. The vet wasn’t optimistic but they cured the Liver Failure issue. He developed an Idiopathic Thoracentesis, which causes fluid to build up in his lungs. He has problems breathing and every so often we have to go get the fluid tapped out. Originally the thought process was this was cancer but tests proved that was no the case. Today he is on steroids and I give him a nutritional supplement called Rutin. The prognosis was maybe we would get a year out of him, but expect very little. Each time we take him back the vet says, wow he is still alive! Yeah.

The steroids have contributed to him gaining weight. He looks very swollen and has some issues with walking. Plus to move around can tax his breathing. He usually gets all worked up in the litter box and winds up stressing himself out and breathing really heavy, from his mouth. I have to calm him down and make sure he gets back to normal. Plus due to his size he can no longer bathe himself. So he takes care of the front (his paws, face and ears). I take care of the back and while my bathing him is not his favorite thing, he is thankful that I am taking care of him.

Big Boy is the sweetest cat you could imagine. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. When he was younger he used to play with his brother. They are inseparable, even to this day. His brother knows he is sick and takes care of him. Plus they do play together from time to time. Mostly it’s a cats life of eating and sleeping.

Euthanasia or putting him to sleep is an option that I have pondered but it is something that we can’t bring ourselves to do. He still has life left in him. He’s not messing all over the house, he knows enough to use the litter box and he eats on his own. Pretty much a normal cat. I know this fluid problem has taken years off his life and that eventually he will either die on his own or we will be backed into a corner and have to end his life.

Earlier in 2010 we had to put down our first cat that I refer to as #1 son and we were determined not to loose another cat. Death is the worst part of pet ownership, it’s the worst part of being human. I don’t understand why anything has to die and I’ve got problems dealing with death. Death enters everyone's life sooner or later. The longer you can put off being exposed to it the better equipped I think you are to process it.

Okay so I’m starting to depress myself and I’ve already typed way too much. So I will just bring this to a close. I know a lot of what I typed is repeat information for my regular followers, but part of the pain of starting over is bringing everyone up to speed. Talk with you peeps later. Thanks for stopping by and reading my blather!