Laptop upgraded

I got the word yesterday that Windows 10 was ready for my laptop.  So instead of blogging I chose to upgrade.  It was pretty much an all day process.  It was done by lunch time.  Then I had to go through all of the prompts and configure it the way I wanted it to be.  Had some issues with Internet Exploder and between work and working on this there really wasn’t time to blog.  All is well now and both of my machines are on Windows 10 Pro.  I’m happy so long as they keep on working fine.  My desktop icons on my laptop didn’t get rearranged like they did on my desktop.  Must have something to do with multi monitor mode. 

I was talking with a couple of the guys from work yesterday.  We got to talking about the dress code.  One guy said that he would like to work naked.  I didn’t react and he thought that would get a rise out of me.  Nope.  The other guy said no one here wants to see me naked.  With out missing a beat I looked at him and said oh that’s not true.  Yeah he had no idea that I was talking about myself.  From as best as I can tell he appears to have a nice body so I wouldn’t mind seeing it but I didn’t clarify my response, I just let it go.  I am not all about a naked dress code there are some people here that I am thankful that they wear clothes.  Woof!  It was an interesting conversation to say the least.  Never thought the conversation would go there. 

Last night I got a phone call from the friend that I was supposed to dine with last weekend and they want to get together this weekend.  So I have 2 meals out planned for tomorrow.  1st catching up with my friend who I think is gay and seeing where that goes, this is lunch.  Then for supper the 2nd meet up at Maggiano’s for pasta.  Yeah I am going to be eating good tomorrow and I suspect very full.  It will be nice to do something different with my Saturday and get out in the world.

In other news gasoline prices here are on the rise.  There was some issue at a refinery and it was going to take 2 weeks for the hike to be in place, but I read the story yesterday and on the way home I saw the prices jumping already.  Not a good weekend for traveling but I will manage.  I wanted to fill up the truck before the hike was in place, but doesn’t look like that will happen.  Poor wallet.  It will be empty like the gas tank. 

I will be working on the scratch this weekend as well.  I need to start tonight because you have to let the clear coat setup for 24 hours before you can move to the next step in the process.  I don’t know that I will give it 24 hours but then again I might.  I like to take shortcuts and tend to stray away from following directions for personal projects because I am time poor and want everything done now.  So that I can move on to the next thing.  There are only so many hours in a day. 

I’ve got a new song that I love right now.  It’s Scotty Dynamo’s mix up on Bad Blood.  He did an awesome job and I really like it a lot.  The YouTube video got pulled for copyright issues but he’s done plenty of mash ups like this before without any problem.  I just don’t get it.  Anyway there is another way to watch and I will hopefully be able to post a link at the end of this video.  Give it a listen and you too might be hooked. 

So my day tomorrow will start out with Therapy.  Not sure but this might be my last session.  That kind of depends mostly upon my therapists schedule.  If she no longer has Saturday’s free well then I will call it.  If she does then I will stick around for a session or two longer.  I remember when I walked in the door.  My life was spinning out of control.  Lost partner, Mortgage Company that wouldn’t work with me, Lost my job, Worried about the future and all of the fighting I was doing with my partner’s affairs.  Look at me now, my life for the most part is normal.  I have processed my partners death but still have my moments, the mortgage is now in my name and I have a decent job making a good living.  It’s like a life makeover but I made it happen – no one gave me a damn thing.  That is something I am immensely proud of.  While it’s nice to have handouts, especially when the chips are down they just never seem to be there for me.  Everything I have in this world I had to fight for and I suspect that will be the case for the remainder of my life. 

Yesterday I saw a posting from Shane Bitney Crone where he said it took him 4 years but he took a big step yesterday and changed his relationship status on Facebook to Single.  He lost his partner Tom Bridegroom 4 years ago.  While I understand the challenge and pain associated with the task, I didn’t have to go through that.  I have always been listed as single because we wanted to keep our relationship a secret.  I can however tell you that while Shane is younger than me and his relationship lasted shorter than mine, his pain has to be equally as great as what I have experienced.  Earlier this week I took an opportunity to soak my foot and had to hang up the extra towel in what used to be my partners bathroom.  I walked in hung it up and then walked out and started staring at his bed.  I saw his CPAP machine, his cane left in the exact place where he put it and the glass that he took his last drink of water from.  I just can’t move those things.  It sounds like it would be simple.  Just looking at it took me back in time and I just reflected on the immense pain that I still feel to this day of my loss.  I know his health wasn’t the best but I would love to have him back and I miss him and his cooking so very much.  I have worked hard to suppress the pain in order to be able to function in every day life.  I wonder if it will diminish with time or if it will be as strong as it is today and never ease up.  Only time will tell.  We all grieve differently.  Shane said that some people have told him that he is damaged goods and that guys won’t want to be with him.  I never thought of myself as damaged good and but I do think that I will have a hard time finding a boyfriend simply because of my age and my figure.  Shane on the other hand has youth and a great figure – so I totally disagree with it.  I don’t think that his experience of losing his partner through no fault of his own makes him damaged goods.  I think that it will cause him to cherish his next relationship even more than he did the first and to live each day like it’s his last.  Thus he will get more out of the next relationship than he did the first simple because of what he has been through.  I think the same is true for me and anyone else that has walked in our shoes.  Words just don’t do any justice to explain the intense hurt and agony you feel.  This isn’t a gay thing it’s a human thing and it applies to anyone who has lost a spouse gay, straight or otherwise.  I think animals have the same feeling.  I wish that we only knew pleasure and that there was no pain, sadness or anger - - the world would be a much better place.  Just think about it for a second. 

All of the cat kids are doing well.  Bear wanted to sleep with me last night so I drug him in my room.  Lazy Bear.  Marvin left as soon as he entered the room.  Suddenly life was all about drinking and scrounging for food.  He was in one of his moods and there is no changing that at the time.  You have to wait a few hours and then he will come crawling back.  I woke up in the middle of the night and that is exactly what happened.  Ah boys. 

So it’s back to school time of the year.  I have noticed an increase in traffic this week and have decided to continue to get a jump on things and wake up a little bit earlier.  So it’s like construction that was going on never ended.  Usually I wake up before the alarm or cats go off but not always.  Mostly the cats wake up before me and let me know it’s time to roll my lazy ass out of bed and serve them.  I hate mornings but they are so much nicer on the weekend when you realize, oh I can rollover and go back to bed.  The cats don’t like that but I sure do. 

Enjoy your weekend and have fun.  I am going to try to do the same, while acomplishing my usual set of chores.  What a challenge!

I couldn’t get the video to embed but here’s a link ….. https://vimeo.com/136233238

Rewind

A bit of good news.  I decided to visit my old blog and turns out the name is available.  So if you go to http://elhomoblogo.blogspot.com you will see a post there that has a link to re-direct people here.  I don’t have high hopes of seeing visitors from way back to come back.  I mean the name was taken from me years ago and to think that anyone is still trying the url day in and day out, is crazy talk.  However, it never hurts to try.

Saturday working was not fun but it was different compared to a regular work day.  The office was very quiet.  I was able to get water and have a left over cup cake!  I had 4 machines to work on and got them all done by 2p.  They let me leave, which I am thankful for.  I still had some what of a weekend left.  I told myself that I would go to Maggiano’s after I was done but I talked myself out of that quickly.  I didn’t feel the best from skipping lunch and wanted to get to the jewelers. 

Got my watch picked up and then had a bite to eat at the place next door.  Bacon Wrapped BBQ Meatloaf.  It was so good and so gone in minutes.  No dessert for me.  I happened to glance at my watch and noticed there was something on the face.  I went back to the jewelers.  There is a spec of something on the inside of the face of the watch.  I was told they only opened the back to replace the batteries and to open the front would require stem removal as well as other things being released.  They did offer to fix it for me, but it would need to go to a watch maker and it would be at my expense.  I could see that I wasn’t getting anywhere with the sales lady, so I just took the watch and left.  The watch was photographed when I dropped it off.  So I wrote a letter to the owner of the store asking him to produce the photograph and compare it to the one I enclosed.  If it was there when I dropped it off, then I am in error but if it is as I suspect they jarred something loose then they should fix it at their expense.  I mean it was in their care & custody and therefore they are responsible for damage, loss or theft.  Last night I noticed the damn thing wasn’t even keeping time on the digital display.  I would set the time and the date would be off, then set the date and the time would be off.  It was maddening.  I finally got everything set.  Now I am waiting to see if it happens again.  If so then I will revise my letter to indicate that there was obvious other damage done.  I mean it needed a battery it was dead when I brought it in.  I wear it once maybe twice a year.  It’s a Pulsar and I paid around $1,200 for it years ago.  It’s got yellow gold in it which is why it was so expensive.   I have looked and while I can’t find a similar band design I can find a comparable watch face without gold so the cost is much less.  I don’t really want to buy a new watch but wanted to see what was out there.  I am NOT happy at all about this.  It’s like one more battle in my life that I really don’t need. 

I got a bill from my doctor yesterday and see they charged for taking my blood.  Problem is they didn’t take my blood, the doctor wrote an order and I went to a local hospital that isn’t affiliated with the doctors office.  So I turned that part of the claim in to my Health Insurance company as fraud because it billing me for a service that was NOT rendered.  It’s only $18 which they discounted down to $10.  Still it’s $10 and the doctors office already gets $161 for an office visit, you think they need the extra $10 – I think not. 

Charlie Puth posted on Twitter to check out his snap chat to watch him doing things without a shirt on.  Well I will admit that when I heard his voice for the first time I was enamored by his voice and that was it.  He was cute but there was no attraction there.  The longer time goes on and the more material he writes, the more I want to fuck him.  Factoid Fuck is one of Charlie’s favorite words.  He’s also very straight, which is bad for me.  So guess what I did?  Yeah I got a Snap Chat account.  I saw the video it wasn’t anything special but it was a nice diversion from daily life.  I haven’t quite figured out how to use Snap Chat but I am working on that.  I have to think about what I want to say and who I want to say it to.  Those things can live forever.

I took sometime to research my mortgage company and find out who the president of the company is.  I wrote him a nice long letter about the escrow and homeowners insurance snafu that they created.  I explained to him in very simple terms that it constitutes a breach of contract and that is actionable.  However, I am not going to make a mountain out of a mole hill today.  Do it again and we will be seeing each other in court.  I mean come on, your entrusted to pay a bill.  You have my money, disburse it on time to the right party and there will be no problem.  That is the way Escrow works.  Given everything that I have been through I have a serious issue with trusting others be it a person or a company because they always seem to fail me.  That said I haven’t revoked any ones trust card from my book, until they prove they are untrustworthy.  So my friend that lied to me about her sons graduation – yeah that trust card is revoked.  The bank that didn’t pay the bill on time – that trust card is revoked as well.  If you fuck me over, I remember it and hold on to it like it was yesterday, so I never forget.  That causes problems in other areas of my life but it’s part of who I am. 

Last night I watched a TED talk by Shane Bitney Crone who is known from the movie Bridegroom.  He talked about losing his partner and moving on with his life.  It was very interesting.  TED has many good talks.  Some bare knowledge and others are just enough to lull you to sleep.  Don’t believe me try watching one late at night and I think you too will drift off to the land of slumber. 

Nothing major going on right now.  The usual.  Waiting for the judgment in Bankruptcy which I am not expecting until the last week of the month, but they may surprise me and release a ruling this week.  All I know is it’s going away one way or another.  That in and of it’s self is good news.  The fact that no one creditor has raised an objection to a discharge I think works in my favor because if it’s dismissed the likelihood that anyone creditor would comeback and try to collect I think is very minimal.  Still it’s a pins and needles situation of waiting.

I made it to the store in the rain this morning.  Now I have to go back out for cat food and gas.  Then I will be home for the rest of the day.  I had my nap already, when I got home from the grocery store.  Gator had me up at 7 – got to stick to that schedule.  If the pussies aren’t happy then no one is happy.  Even Bear is getting in on the act now and crying for attention every time I see him.  I think he is more thankful than anything and wants to show his appreciation for me.  Plus a little stroking does him good as well as it does me. 

It is far too quiet here. I like it but I also hate it at the same time.  I keep thinking about how I am free to live my own life and do what I want.  I never realized that I was shackled and my life revolved so much around one person.  We did things together and I had fun – I’d also do it all over again if I had the chance.  However, now for the first time in my life I am truly on my own.  That is fun and also very scary.  My ability to exist depends upon my ability to work and earn a living.  No money means big problems.  I don’t have any fear right now of being jobless, I am too well liked and things are really going good.  I don’t plan to alter that.  It’s nice to be appreciated. 

Okay I’m at the rambling stage.  Better get moving before I type for another hour.  Happy what’s left of the weekend.  Talk with you all again soon.  Be well, Stay cool and have the time of your life. 

Depression

I am sitting in my living room watching Bridegroom for the 3rd time.  I just can't stop thinking about Tom and Shane's story.  I am also thinking about the fact that Shane and I have both lost the men we love.  It's been 2 years since Tom passed and I felt very compelled to write Shane and ask him how in the world he recovered and appears to be doing so well.  While I did write him, I honestly don't expect an answer because he has to be flooded with e-mails.  It has helped me feel better.

I feel like I am in a depression it was dormant for a while but seeing this movie and hearing the story has awakened these feelings.  I really need a vacation not only from work but from life, where I can do what I want to without worrying.

Here is where things are at... I am taking Housing Counseling next Thursday and I have to pay the $250 fee from my pocket.  Once I get a peice of paper saying that I have completed the course the lender will proceed with submitting my paperwork.  At that point it's purley an Underwriter's decision if I qualify and am worthy of a loan.  If I am then they will grant me a loan but only for 85% of what the house appraises at.  What if that isn't enough to cover the present mortgage balance?  I am responsible if there is a balance left and will have to come up with tht out of my own pocket.  So I hope and pray that I get a high assesment, anything at $140,000.00 or above will be fantastic.  

The Estate Attorney told me not to worry that I won't be going to jail or encounter any penalties if things fall through and i simply walk away.  If I have to walk away it will probably be the straw that breaks the camels back.  I honestly don't know that I can take much more.  

No word from the Bankruptcy Attorney.

I got a letter from the present lender with the denial reason of property not owner occupied.  I called and left a very stern voice mail message.  Then I followed up with an e-mail.  This morning I got a response that told me to call a customer service representative if I wanted to appeal.   I thought fuck you!  I managed to get the Congressman to try one last call and he is waiting for a return call after leaving a message.  I have also engaged a seperate attorney who is trying to get this worked out on my behalf.  She said they probably understand very well tht you are the Sucessor Trustee but they do not understand that you are the beneficiary as well.  That is probably where the disconnect is.  She is hoping that she is able to touch on something that the Congressman didn't.  I figure with noise from an Attorney and a Congressman that will hopefully compel them into working with me.  Any reduction from the present payment will be helpful.  I know I am applying for a loan in my name but if it falls through then I have to be prepared to work with the present asses tht hold the mortgage.  I figure nothing ventured nothing gained.  

Life unfortunatley is always about Plan B and well continuing a dialouge with the present lender is my Plan B.  It's not going to hurt anything.  Even if they give me until August when I will qualify for a normal loan, that would be helpful.  

Mr. Blu is scheduled to be castrated on next Friday morning.  I have to pick him up before 5pm otherwise I am told they lock the door and it won't open again until Monday.  If you have my cat held hostage the door will open way before Monday morning.  Honestly I don't love him that much but he is TAZ's pal and I signed up to provide for him, so that is what I will do.  I of course will move Heaven and Earth to make sure that I am there long before 5pm to pick him up.  I've got the day off so it shouldn't be a problem.  

On the work front.... Beware that there is a very nasty virus called CryptoLocker.  Its simiilar to the FBI Money Pak but if you get it there is no way to circumvent it.  Your entire hard drive is encrypted and unless you come up with $300 within like 48 or 72 hours your data will be gone.  The bigger problem is Law Enforcement is finding and shutting down the servers that store the recovery keys, each person gets a unqiue recovery key and well once the server is shutdown the software can't verify the key so you could easily be out of your money and data.  It's very important to back up your data.  If you get this and your backup source is seen as a drive letter it's going to be encrypted as well.  I'm told anti-virus companies are working on protection to prevent this but thus far have been unsucessful.  This is a nasty bug and I hope you don't get it.  It only affects those of us that use Windows right now.  That's not to say they won't be working on a Mac version.  Great money making scheme but if your caught your the one who is screwed.  I'd rather work for my money, at least I don't have to look over my shoulder.

My so called friend is fighting the fact that her unemployment has been denied.  I heard the call from the Unemployment Office today and the HR lady really told them wht happened and that there were multiple reasons why they terminated her.  She is clearly not worthy of unemployment.  Besides that she has a business of her own, so she is technically employed.  I hope that she isn't allowed to rape the system like she did a few years back.  It is time to put a stop to the BS and make her lazy ass go out and get a job for an income, instead of expecting society to support her.  I am not happy with her and feel very used.  She isn't calling me but she expects me to call her.  Well the phone line runs in both directions.  I called you last, your turn to call me.  Otherwise I don't think we will be speaking.  As I don't have any plans to contact her.  

Well TOSH point 0 will be coming on soon, so that should help I hope clear up my depression.  I appreciate those of you who are reading this, know that you help keep me going.  Thanks for stopping by, I will talk with you peeps later.