Trouble on the last day

Hello & Welcome!

I went to bed late, was up a couple of times and eventually woke up around 6a. That’s my internal body alarm clock that gets me up early since that is my usual schedule although it’s about an hour early. I watched some YouTube videos, watched some porn and realized that time was still ticking. I turned the TV off and got out of bed. I took a look in the mirror (yep, it’s still me) and made sure I was presentable. Grabbed a glass from the kitchen and returned to the bathroom to gulp down my pills with some water. Got dressed and headed to breakfast.

The hot waiter I asked out was working but our paths never crossed, which is okay. I was doing pretty good looking forward to my breakfast. Ate, paid and left. Then opted to drive to the local business where I hung out when Gator passed. I like those folks but the closer I got to the place something internally told me not to stop. I was in my head about how they would think I was a pest and I could wear out my welcome. I drove by, turned around and then headed towards home.

Got the car washed, it’s not a perfect wash job but it got all of the winter ick/crap off of it which was my main concern. Then over to the post office to pick up the last of the mail for the year. Some medicine and I think I got a junk letter, don’t actually remember and it’s all on the kitchen table. Then over to the home improvement store to finally get a replacement thermostat. I looked and went with a more expensive model just because it offered 7-day programming. Not that I use programming but it’s handy to have, especially if I would get in the going back to the office routine.

Came home uninstalled the old unit. Hooked up the new unit. Then tested the fan. It worked. Test the AC and it worked. The thermostat was reading high so I just turned it off. I settled in for a short hour’s nap. Then got up and that’s when the trouble began. I tested the heat and nothing. I tried a couple fixes on my own but nothing. There was one of those if you have problems sheets, call this # and don’t return the product to the store.

I called and chatted with a polite guy who had an accent but I had to navigate through an IVR menu before I got to him. He had me doing all sorts of things. Finally, he asked me if I had a volt meter. I said no when the answer was yes. He said we really need it. I said OKAY I think I have one but I have to do some digging. I managed to find it and had it in hand. I said what setting do you want me to put it on. He said oh it sounds like you have something old fashioned. I need to take a look at it. I knew what to do but I wanted him to tell me. He asked for my cell phone # and then I had a link to click on so he could access my camera (with my permission) and he saw it. He said turn it to the V setting. You can close your camera we don’t need your phone anymore. Okay now he started having me take measurements of voltage readings. I had to put the phone down but got the volt meter readings, he liked the first couple. Finally, he had me test the AC line and he said I found your problem. I have a short in the circuit and need an electrician. Well, my electrician (my late spouse) died on me so I have no electrician. He said the thermostat works fine and it’s not defective. Since it detects a high voltage reading it won’t turn on the Heat, there is protection in place to prevent that from happening. I asked why would the old one work and not the new one. He said the old one didn’t have the “protection” built in and wasn’t new & modern. He said call a contractor and they can get you some heat. FUCK – FUCK – FUCK not what I wanted to hear but kind of what I expected there was a problem in the house. Big surprise.

The reason why I wanted to replace the thermostat is because the furnace cycles on, then occasionally will cycle off then start right back up. It’s not an all the time problem but it does happen. I figured that can’t be good so might as well get a different thermostat and that will fix the problem. The guy I spoke with used that reason and the voltage reading I gave him from the AC to make his case.

What to do? If you guessed that I hooked the old thermostat up, boxed up the new one and took it back for a refund then your right. I should have never messed with something that was working, even though it wasn’t working correctly all the time. I know I need a new furnace & ac but have been putting it off for several years. As long as what I have keeps on working and isn’t requiring service then I am apt to keep what I have. I’d like to call someone to have them check out the “high voltage” issue but I suspect that it’s not a real problem and kind of how the old system I have was designed. I had an after thought of why did the AC work since that is what had the high voltage and not the furnace and what if I just disconnected the AC wire, would the furnace have kicked on then? I mean I could do the on/off method with the wires once per season it’s not that bad but not only should I not have to do that step but what if it wouldn’t work, then I would be stuck right where I am now with the old thermostat.

I liked the new unit; it was much smaller and w/o the instruction book to decipher the codes you had no idea what you were setting and what it meant. That plus the fact the furnace wouldn’t kick on were the only to draw backs. However, this wasn’t a cheap purchase and if it wasn’t going to work then I had to get my money back. Calling someone and if there is a problem getting them to fix it will cost a bunch of money. I kind of wonder if the mice did some damage.

I got my money back, have heat now with the old unit and all is well. After that I went to look at cats. There is a bonded pair (brother & sister) that are Tuxedo cats (which is what I had previously). They look beautiful and the brother is outgoing but the sister is shy. The kennel which they were housed in smelled horrible and someone needed to change the litter box. They were both quite hungry and chowing down on the dry food. I’m not sure which one but I was able to pet one with my finger and got it to smell my finger. It seemed friendly and they were a bit younger than I thought. You could still see the bright pink of their skin on their paw pads. Ah youth & vitality it’s great when you got it, kind of like money. There was no one around to talk to about them. You either go on line to inquire or fill out an application and drop it in a box. It’s kind of a competition as they look for the best possible home. I know what I want and thus far these two would be perfect. They would cause chaos between each other and I am sure keep me hopping. I do think they would be into a few things but they would love all of the cat furniture I’ve acquired. I didn’t fill anything out or inquire. That’s how the last 2 got away from me because I didn’t move fast enough. I am starting to kind of enjoy my freedom but at the same time I still miss having a cat. I kind of want a boat anchor which is what they turn into. They keep you anchored to your house and if you want to travel you have to find someone to care for them or board them. It’s all a money grab and honestly that’s what is keeping me from moving forward. I don’t exactly have a trip booked but if I stay cat free, I can see me booking a cruise. Nothing terribly long just a couple days but I know that once I am away, I won’t want to leave so a couple days won’t be long enough. You know we always seem to want what we don’t have.

The crater of a hole that Gator left in my heart is starting to close. I used those words not only because they rhyme but they are 100% accurate. It feels like my heart had a hole in it that would not heal and the pain was horrible. There is still a hole but the initial shock has worn off, the getting used to the loss is happening and I am moving through this despite thinking that I wouldn’t or couldn’t. I know that when I get knocked down, I always get back up and there is a fight in me that just won’t permit me to give up. It’s not who I am but it’s who I have become. Who I am wants to check out because he’s tired of the pain, the loss and all of the bullshit that life seems to hand out on a daily basis in one form or another. I get that life can’t be all roses and sunshine but damn, I’d love for the black cloud to move on and stop hanging over my head. I deserve to be happy; I deserve a boyfriend and a cat or two. I’ll go so far as to say I feel entitled (despite the fact that I am not). With all of the shit I’ve been through I still can’t get over the fact that I think life owes me bigtime. Until I strike gold or get happiness, I will always feel that way. I know it’s not true, life owes no one nothing. Life is what you make of it. However, I seem to go from crisis to crisis and problem to problem. If things would calm down and some sun could peek in and things level out enough, I think that I might be able to be content for the time being. I am unhappy beyond what I can put into words, it’s primarily the hurt & depression that are keeping me down. I want to fly (metaphorically speaking – not like drug flying high) and just be happy.

Perhaps 2023 will turn out to be the best year ever. I’ve got no idea because it’s still hours away but it’s my hope that life gets better in 2023 for me and for so many other people. I know I am not the only person that has the black cloud syndrome of bad luck and I know that there are others who have it worse than me. The idea of world peace and everyone living in harmony sounds great, I don’t know that will ever happen here on earth. I kind of really want to go back and ask Adam & Eve why the fuck did you eat the apple – you fucked us all. Then again if they didn’t eat the apple would we even be here? Way too deep of a question for me to ponder.

I made it back home just in time to work on my end of year folks leaving and all of the people who are getting promoted tomorrow, well they were promoted tonight because I am lazy. I still need to login to send 1 email about a problem that I don’t know how to fix but otherwise my work is done. However, that almost didn’t happen. I had the power off when I was changing the thermostat and it drained my UPS. It went into a loop where it didn’t want to charge and it sounded like I wasn’t going to be able to work. Kind of like everything else that breaks, I turned it off and then back on – magic it’s back to working. The battery is charging and I was able to have my computer back. I’m still thinking of getting a replacement because the unit is about 3 to 4 years old and that is usually when the batteries start to go. Technology changes so I personally find that it’s easier to just opt for a newer unit with a fresh battery vs replacing the old batteries. There doesn’t seem to be that much cost difference from what I have uncovered in years past. That’s why when my other 2 smaller units went out this year, I just replaced them. I’ve got 2 smaller units left and this 1 large unit for my desktop that should all be replaced. They seem to die at the most inconvenient time, which is why having one on standby isn’t such a bad idea. I’m keeping an eye on it and if it doesn’t charge fully back up or I have any more issues I will for sure just give up and order a new one. Better safe than sorry. I like dual screens and a full-size keyboard vs sitting in front of a laptop, even if it’s a laptop with a larger screen.

My plans now are to surf for some porn after I publish this. Then head up, maybe shower tonight or possibly in the morning. Grab breakfast out as per usual for a Sunday. I know it will be a limited menu but I am sure I can find something that I like. Then wait it out for the grocery store to open and do my regular shopping. Then eventually make my way to my friends “open house”. Despite not wanting to I know my body will have me up at an early hour but drugs can change that. It kind of depends on what I take to fall asleep. If it wasn’t for my friends expecting to see me tomorrow, I would just take a muscle relaxer because the knots in my back are driving me nuts and they hurt. However, that would render me useless all day. I kind of don’t want to waste an entire day just laying around but it would probably do a world of good for me.

I really don’t want to be awake when the fireworks and gunshots start – I’d just as soon sleep through all of it. A new year will be here when I wake up tomorrow, I don’t need to stay up and watch the clock change. I’ve done that before and maybe if I had someone to spend the evening with, I would do that. However, being alone I just want to sleep.

Best wishes for a Happy New Year for everyone! May all of your dreams and desires come true in 2023 and the odds be ever in your favor! Cheers for now.

Christmas is here, sort of

I received my pay that was withheld from when we had a mandatory pay reduction over the summer and then on top of that we get our regular paychecks. What to do with all of that money? I did manage to save some of it. I paid off Marv’s funeral and Insty’s vet visit. I’m waiting for my auto insurance to generate a bill and I will pay that off. Then I went shopping on Amazon. Insty got some steps so that it will be easier to get into bed or onto the couch, depending upon where I place them. I figured this would be a good investment since she has her arthritis and provided, she uses them, it will help her.

I got a pizza set (stone, shovel & cutter) that was on sale, some muffins, white chocolate Snickers, a pet Dust Buster, a life size Charlie Puth cut out that comes with a free mini cut out of him, some paper towels (there is a shipping charge now on Amazon and they are on a serious back order). It’s not much but it’s amusing to me. Funny how you start tossing things into the cart and when you go to check out you get a dose of reality. At least I didn’t buy another pen, but we all know that I will be giving in to do that eventually.

My new Roku Ultra showed up today and setup was super simple. The hardest part was entering my Netflix password because it’s so long. The other sites sent an email to me, click on a link it opens a webpage and you login and then enter in a unique identifier that is on your screen. Having a wired connection appears to be working much better. I’m watching a podcast that I usually enjoy on a Sunday afternoon, it’s technology oriented. I also received a few other items the other large one being my Ancestry purchase. I am eager to get that in the mail to get the results.

Outside of the time I spent in front of the computer this morning the rest of the day has been spent by watching more Glee and sleeping. I finally got a shower this afternoon and hit up the pet food store. I also made it by the post office and had to drop off a package at a UPS drop box. Amazon goofed up in sending me my sweatpants. I ordered XX Large. The package said it was XX Large but the product inside was XXX Large. Needless to say, they didn’t fit (thank God) and rather than try to grow into them I opted to send them back. I ordered replacements and changed brands; they actually got more money out of me.

I am being super lazy and really lack in the motivation area but I must say a shower did help things. Insty of course protested, I don’t know why it upsets her so much. While I was out, I noticed that the fast-food places didn’t have many cars in line. I wanted to stop but talked myself out of it. Sure, I have turkey and ham here but I am so sick of it. I need to go to the grocery store tomorrow. Very hungry for Steak N Shake. I got their app for my phone and started to place an order. However, you have to pay for it in advance via the app and then you can go pick it up. Money is not the issue, it’s the thought of keying in a debit/credit card into a 3^rd party app. It just doesn’t sit well with me, while it’s probably secure I’d rather not take my chances, especially since I don’t typically charge food and use my debit card.

I’m going to scrounge around and figure out what I can eat for supper and of course the queen bee here will probably get more food. It’s very strange to shop for just one cat since for 16 years I have been buying for multiple cats. I walk out spending around $20 per week which is not bad, considering back in the day when I had 7 mouths to feed a weeks’ worth of food was $50. I don’t honestly know how I managed to afford it but no one here has ever gone hungry be it cat or human.

My hair is so long and out of control. I need to break out the clippers and start shaving but I just don’t want to do it. I will give in eventually because long hair will get to me. Well off to find some supper. Let us hope that I can stay motivated so that I make some progress in cleaning up this place and I don’t sleep and sit on my ass all week-long accomplishing nothing. It does feel good to veg out.

Take care and have a great week ahead. I will talk with you all again soon.

Years almost done

What a week it’s been, in only 3 short days I have reached the brink of exhaustions, frustrations and generally wanting to take a vacation.  Friday is supposed to be the best day of the week but for me it was by far the worst.  I have someone that is leaving on 1/2 arguing with me about wiping his mobile device and the timing of the wipe.  We started an email exchange after hours and he pissed me off so much that I turned my phone off.  I’m still hourly and as such I don’t have to be glued to my phone so that was my way of saying fuck you.  To further shove it up his ass I am not responding any further until Monday morning.  He wants me to hold his hand and baby him when he is a grown adult.  I’m not going to do it.  His phone will wipe just before I leave for lunch on Monday, how convenient.  Mother fucker I don’t ever want anyone to feel like I am pushing them out the door but I wish this mother fucker would be gone already. 

We are also having issues with our Windows 10 performance in our environment.  It’s mostly because there was an executive pissing contest about how fast they could get this deployed and now that the guy that wanted to win, won – he is paying the price.  There are plenty of people scouring over the image and Security is involved as well.  My boss is trying to take the brunt of this for me so that I don’t get roped into too much but he’s on vacation after Monday for the rest of the week and then this will become my problem.  I feel like they are just pouring on the pressure for me.  My boss also told me that when he gets back from vacation he will have more for me to do.  Just what I wanted.  So in between the interruptions from phone calls, people stopping by and the other tasks I have to do, plus attending all of the useless meetings that we have I will now have more to do.  If you think for a second this shit is following me home and I will just immerse myself into it and not have any life when I am at home, your mistaken.  I mean it won’t be the general way I operate.  There will be times when that needs to happen but unless it’s an extreme need my pay is based on 40 hours per week, regardless of how much actual time I put in.  Keeping that in mind I only plan to work 40 or less hours per week on average.  Just because your paying me more doesn’t mean you own me. 

Today has been productive.  I got in a nap, imagine that.  I also grabbed breakfast, the mail and got my hair cut.  When I got home I noticed there is a slight V in my head.  I have been debating if I want to go back and have it fixed or if I want to leave it.  For the amount of money I paid I am going back.  I also gave in and bought some Tea Tree Lavender Mint Shampoo & Conditioner.  The lady that shampooed my hair wasn’t rough enough for me, she was just teasing me.  It was semi relaxing.  When she was done I told her that the shampoo was completely unacceptable and that she would need to repeat it.  She was ready to just that when I stopped her and told her I was kidding.  It was the best part of the haircut and I always want more.  For only a brief moment I slipped away into a lull state where I didn’t think about anything or anybody.  That sure was nice. 

I was planning on taking in a movie but I honestly am not in the mood.  I am going to figure out where to scrummage up some dinner, grab some food for the cats and then come home and play on the computer.  Tomorrow I should be able to find out about my last paycheck of the year and I really hope it’s not too bad when they deduct the time I owe.  As long as I can meet my bills I am happy, but if I could have extra left over that would be awesome.  Kind of wishing that I opted to skip my Christmas car payment that would have left me in a much better position. 

I certainly hope that I get a little bit but not too much overtime on Monday, it will be my very last day that I am able to earn it so I want to squeeze out as much as I can.  So far I have 6 hours plus 1 hour of working on a holiday – that should make my next check on the 15th look really sweet.  After that is when things will level out and I will start getting money at my new rate for my promoted position.  Yee haw!

Well time to run.  I hope your warm, Christmas went well and that your New Year is even brighter than this year.  Take care. 

Movin’ on Up

I received good news today.  It’s official on January 1, 2019 I will be starting in a new role aka my promotion.  As for my compensation it sounds like I am getting a HUGE raise but when I factor in what I made last year and what I will come out making this year, it averages out to be around $1,500.  That’s better than nothing but still for all of the bullshit I have put up with babysitting snot nose jones, you’d think that they would be eager to give me more money.  The final number I was quoted is oddly $1,000.00 above what I saw as market value for the position.  I was told that I could reject the offer and then I would need to participate in a meeting with my boss and HR to work out what ever differences I had.  If we couldn’t work them out then I’d probably be out of a job.  Much easier to just accept the gift that is being given to me than to try to weasel more money out of them.  I am autographing the paperwork tonight and it will go in the mail tomorrow, to arrive on Friday. 

I will lose out on reimbursement for being on-call but I will still get reimbursement for my mobile device.  There is also talk of increasing the stipend so that more people will be able to afford newer equipment.  Phones are damn expensive now.  Problem is they aren’t just phones, they are miniature computers.  It will be nice to have a set and steady paycheck but at the same time I will miss the overtime.  Perhaps I will actually be able to save some money for not only a rainy day but retirement.  This will be by far the most money I have ever made in my entire life.  That is scary to think about and the fact that so much depends upon me having an income.  I pray with all of my heart, soul and every fiber of my being that I never, ever face another day of unemployment. 

Things appear to be on an uptick and positive spin, I sure hope they stay that way for a very long time.  Well back to work!  Talk again soon.

Burning for you

A great song by Blue Oyster Cult, but in this case I am physically burning when I travel home each day.  My left ear gets the sun and then it’s on fire by the time I get home.  This just started not sure why other than my ear is in sunlight.  It’s common if I am traveling to get my face and ears a little red and sunburnt.  However, just one ear hasn’t happened before.  Funny thing is my ear isn’t sun burnt, which I also find rather odd.  I tried to use the visor to shield my ear from the sun but the visor is too short and does me no good.  This morning I raised my seat and my head is much closer to the ceiling of my car than I care for.  However if this does the trick then I will be a happy guy.  The next idea I have is to buy sunblock and bring it to work, then apply some just before I leave.  Having fair sensitive skin sucks but it’s the only skin I will ever have, might as well enjoy it. 

Tomorrow I get my American Flag shirt with the rainbow color strip on it.  Just in time to celebrate Americas Birthday.  I ordered it for that reason to be able to wear it on the 4th but also to have another pride shirt.  It’s only my 2nd but I think I will be starting a collection. 

So were doing this MDM (Mobile Device Management) initiative at work and the product that was chosen can really allow an administrator to dig into your personal life, if they so wanted or needed.  I’ve talked about this before.  Now we are at the point where my boss is asking me to join my phone to the app.  Funny thing is we are the beta testers and everyone that is testing says the same thing, this is a POS and has one complaint after another  I like the present arrangement so the access they have is limited.  However, since we are being pushed I am giving some thought to coming out to my boss and explaining that my phone and my personal life are separate from my job.  I allow the company to give me access to my corporate email and they in turn compensate me.  However, if I am forced into this new MDM solution I will have to get a second phone.  I mean it’s one thing for me to tell my boss that I am gay , have pictures of naked men on my phone and dating apps – but it’s another ball game to take the risk of letting someone else find that on their own and do who knows what with my information.  Not to mention that the naked guys on my phone are prohibited by company policy to be on the device.  However, it’s my damn phone and if you have a problem with what I have on it, then you need to provide me a phone so we don’t have a problem.  I am not going to change who I am or what content is on my phone.  Then there is location tracking so they can spy on me and know where I am at 24x7.  Now I don’t go anywhere that I am ashamed of, the usual places people go like grocery shopping, pet food shopping, gas station, post office and once and a while to a friend house and of course to load up on food I stop at restaurants some local and some far away.   But why would my employer need to know my whereabouts?  Only if my phone was lost or stolen but prior to informing them of the loss/theft I would have already taken measures to locate the phone and wipe it – because I know as soon as I report it to my employer that it’s not in my possession they will automatically issue a wipe.

Technology is what employs me so I am a huge fan of it.  However, I think that we have given a little too much power to technology and reining it in will be more difficult than putting a cat back in the bag.  In other words it’s not going to happen.  I am who I am and I will go where I want to, tracked or not tracked by my employer.  Just think of this situation.  I call in sick because I have a job interview.  Some at work is curious to know if I am really sick or playing hooky.  So they decide to see what my phone shows and bingo he’s not at home he is at another company.  Hmm, I bet he’s looking for a job better tell management.  Now maybe it just looked like I was looking for a job and someone made an assumption when in fact I was taking care of a personal matter.  I mean speculation will come into play.  I am not quite sure how this is all going to play out and what if anything I am going to disclose to my boss.  Coming out at work, even just telling your boss is a huge risk.  I did it before and lost a job because of it.  I felt 100% comfortable with my decision and the next thing you know through some changes I got a new boss and found myself standing in the street.  That can not happen to me now, everything in my life is dependent upon me bringing in an income.  Lose the income and life will get rough quickly. 

Speaking of rough might as well talk about Big Boy.  I don’t want to jinx anything but he appears to be back to normal.  He seems to wait for me and as soon as I am in his sight he climbs into his bed which is a litterbox in his mind and away he goes.  It’s a screwed up situation but hey we have both adjusted.  I give him praise and a quick bath when he’s done.  Then clean up the mess and put down two more fresh pee pads.  He went last night when I got home.  I cleaned him up and then within 5 minutes he climbed back in to do more.  We had a similar occurrence this morning.  I haven’t given him anything but his normal meds.  I am at a loss for what went awry and honestly don’t care so long as he is going and is happy and relatively healthy.

Last night was cat night.  I spent the entire evening with them, giving out attention, food and treats.  Everyone had a good time and I think they look forward to those times as much as I do.  I really have been behind the computer and got to feeling guilty so I just called it last night, I played on my phone but that was as close as I came to a computer.  Sadly tonight will be a different story because tomorrow is pay day and I have to get bills taken care of.  But I will try to move as fast as I can.  I will always have a computer but animals their lives are so short, might as well appreciate them while you have the chance.

Happy Wednesday.  Were 1/2 way to the weekend and that is a very good thing.  I found out that my bosses plan is to work me into the on call rotation in about 2 more months.  Once I start it will be every three weeks, not fun so much but we really don’t get called often.  When we do something is in need of some serious attention.  I am a little nervous but hopefully I will know more in 2 months than I do today and that will better prepare me for what to expect.  Hard to believe it’s been 2 months since I started in this position, time really has flown by.  I am happy where I work, proud of my accomplishments and realize that the road ahead has more happiness in store for me. I am ready to cruise on down the happiness highway, something I have needed for a very long time! 

Retail Therapy is expensive

This morning I didn’t want to get out of bed.  That is mostly because I stayed up a little too late.  Marvin was all snuggled up next to me and I had flipped over facing away from him.  He was the big spoon and I was the little spoon.  It felt amazing and was the best surprise a cat daddy could wake up to.  I really had to fight and push myself to get going.  I made it but still it would have been nice to stay home. 

Bear is still amazing me, he now seems to hold all of his bathroom tasks until I am by him or in close proximity.  He wants the bath, he just loves the cleanup.  When I came home last night and saw a dry bed I was panicked.  I always think the worst but part of that is my upbringing and who I am as a person.  The other part of it is just being human.  I started passing out food and he leaped in his bed and started.  Got him cleaned up and a fresh bed made for him.  He ate and I went downstairs, I came back up and passed out treats.  He started going again.  This morning woke up to a dry bed.  Passed out breakfast and he took maybe 1 bite.  As soon as my back was turned he leaped in the bed.  I don’t care if he goes when I am not home just as long as he keeps going and he is putting out a normal amount.  What a baby he’s got me wrapped around his finger and I swear he is always trying to make that wrap tighter. 

Got the mail last night and presto no bills.  The cable came, I plugged it in and it worked.  Then I had to sign up to a website to be able to download all of the frequencies I wanted.  It’s $30 for 360 days which isn’t terrible. Frequencies don’t change that often so once you have everything set you really don’t need to keep up your subscription unless your truly serious about programming your scanner for every place you might travel to or through.  I just threw something together and still really don’t have what I want.  I am going to make a more organized attempt at it this weekend.

I had this nagging eating at me.  When I want something and my mind is made up, I am going to get it regardless if I can afford it or not.  I have heard of a cologne called Spicebomb.  It’s expensive but I think that mostly what your paying for is the package.  It comes in a custom designed hand grenade.  Kind of neat but it’s the fragrance I am after.  I haven’t even smelled it yet and broke down and bought some last night.  I hope to hell I love it and that it doesn’t make me sneeze.  Otherwise I may have gotten someone a gift that they don’t know about yet.  I have also heard of Kiehl’s products so I picked up some of their face mask.  One of the vloggers I watch uses it and well I guess I figured if it makes him look amazing maybe it will do the same thing for me.  I don’t expect a real transformation but hey it would be nice provided I looked really hot.  Those items will be arriving on Thursday and Friday.  Looking forward to it.

After spending the money I felt so guilty but then I said you have to treat yourself.  I am worthy of a reward for everything I have done and everything that I do.  However, it would be far wiser to save my money and pay off my bills.  Plus I will probably be getting new glasses and they won’t be cheap.  Part of this is the human factor and well I have a sense of entitlement in that it’s my money and I would like to spend it my way, doesn’t mean it’s the right way.  The upside here is that I should smell really good and my pores should be cleaner, or so I hope. 

We had more rain today, you would think I live in Texas but I don’t honest.  I have a classmate that lives there.  While I complain about rain what we have is nothing compared to what they have.  It was just enough to mess with the commute to work.  I was supposed to be early for training.  I made it but not by much.  Got another class on Friday.  Then 2 more classes, different subject Monday & Tuesday.  Those will require me to wake up super early and they are all day events so it’s like I will be on the phone all day long listening and they have tests so you almost have to pay attention.  I am kind of intimidated and scared of the subject matter but I passed the pre-test so I think everything will turn out fine. 

Long story short is that I am happy I have a job and wished that I made even more money than I already make now.  It would be even better if I could work from home a few days a week, but I am not pressing my luck.  All things considered I would say that life thus far has turned out pretty well and I’ve got the world by the tail with the exception of 2 things.  1 my legal matter and 2 the fact I have no partner/boyfriend.  However item 1 will eventually go away and item 2 well I am trying to make it happen.

Lunch is winding down so back to the monitors.  Got a short meeting this afternoon, I get to leave early since I started early and right now going home is top on my list.  My foot is killing me, you’d think I would have less problems since I am not on it as much but it appears to be just the opposite.  Looking forward to a date with ICE.  The massage lady will be here tomorrow so I have to go see what time slots are open.  It would be nice to get in, my tomorrow is pretty well open and it just sounds like another treat I don’t want to pass up. 

Happy Hump Day, made it to the middle.  2 more days to go, we can do this!!

Wedding 689

Today was an emotional day for me.  It started out with a visit to my mom.  I really didn’t want to go see her but I promised her that I would be by soon and figured that today was probably the best day of all.  I have commitments the next two weekends and who knows what will come up after that.  She did a lot of crying, it didn’t take much and as fast as the tears stopped they started up again.  She sounds like she really hates the nursing home, but she elected to go there.  Now she has remorse and wants to go back to the house but there is no house to go back to.  She was worried that they are going to put a rock on her income and I explained to her that I did my research and it’s done, no one can garnish or otherwise have claim to her disability income.  Our state has an anti-deficiency law so that once you surrender your property to the bank, that is full and final payment.  If there is a balance on the loan they can’t come after you for it.  If she remembers and can keep the facts straight when she tells my brother that, he will be overjoyed since he is legally responsible for her.  I thought for sure he had made a huge mistake and was going to regret it but lucky for him the law appears to be written in his favor.  Mom’s still trying to get into a state program and get moved to an apartment.  I honestly don’t think that she will qualify for her own apartment and can live totally on her own.  I think she will always need someone to watch over her.  The mom that I knew and remember is gone and has been gone for quite sometime.  I have to deal with the new mom and her mental state.  It’s really very sad.  Then again I am not all that well attached to her, given our ups and downs as well as the way I have been treated in the past.  It is to my benefit to keep my distance, I know my sanity and life are far better off.  Kind of sad that it has to be that way but it is what it is. 

I knew it was coming today was a very special day for Will & RJ the YouTube couple I have watched for many years.  They live streamed their wedding, they wrote their own vows and it was an awesome ceremony.  It’s all captured on video and it’s available if you’d like to watch over at their channel http://www.youtube.com/shep689  They are both young and in love.  They have been together for six years and 6 months.  That is a very short time but long enough to know if you want to make the long term commitment to get married.  I am profoundly happy for both of them, but it did bring back a flood of memories for me.  I have never cried at a wedding, but I did today.  It was so awesome that they thought of their viewers and decided to share their special moment with the rest of the world.  Twitter was a mess waiting for the livestream to begin.  It started on my phone before I could get it going on my Roku.  Finally everything came together and I was able to watch it on TV which is a much larger screen than my phone.  Wow is all I can say.  Simple but elegant ceremony surrounded by family and friends, how high they both must feel right now.  It was a HUGE step to take and one that I hope will last them both a lifetime.  I’ve written to them before, even sent them a copy of my book.  It’s no secret that I am writing them again, going to pickup a card at the store tomorrow to send to them.  I didn’t want to do it but then I felt compelled to reach out.  I touched on my story and told them to take time to plan for the unforeseen, I know that is probably not appropriate but just knowing what I went through, never thinking that I would have to make a decision to remove life support – it can and often does happen in the blink of an eye.  I encouraged them to take time and talk with each other, to have the necessary legal paperwork drawn up so there are no questions and everything is in order.  I of course congratulated them and wished them all the best.  Watching kind of made me wish I was younger and could experience the same thing.  I can’t say if I will ever get married again, but it’s not something that I am ruling out.  I doubt that I will ever find someone as special as my late partner but I know that there is someone out there for me, finding him is the difficult part.  Kind of wish I could speed that up.

Now we move on to the part where I got mad.  I’ve placed two phone calls to the vet about Momma asking about a Plan “B” since I can’t afford their Plan “A” option.  No one has called me back.  I was determined to go over and throw a fit in the lobby, but instead I chose to put my anger in words.  I have had and still harbor anger because of what happened with Big Boy/Bear.  I think they should give him free medical care for the rest of his life, but convincing them of that is another story.  My late partner encouraged me to keep my mouth shut and not express my feelings.  Well he’s not here and I have had it.  So I let some of it out when I had to take Bear over and I let more out today when I wrote a letter.  Come to find out their website has malicious software, I browsed to their site from Work and it set off all kinds of alarms.  I did it from home today and same thing.  So I was a nice guy and told them about it for free.  Hopefully they do something about it so that their customers who don’t have up to date security software aren’t infected.  There isn’t a privacy or data breach issue at this point, but if the virus that wanted on to my machine actually got through and I logged in then there would be a data breach.  I should have charged the bastards but instead I was kind figuring that might help further my cause.  I faxed the letter to them, so hopefully on Monday someone will reach out to me.  If that is not the case and I don’t have a response by mid-week, then lets just say it won’t be pretty because I will be over there and in someone’s face.  I might be weak on somethings but if it comes to my furry babies then I am very protective, to the point that I would take a bullet or get ran over by a car if I could do it and they wouldn’t be hurt or injured. 

I got through my letters last night, took an awful lot of paper, proofing and coordination but I have filed a last ditch appeal with the union that my partner was a member of that provides the insurance to me.  I also reached out to the local hospital that runs the urgent care facility as well as the conglomerate that contracts with them to supply physicians.  I explained that the insurance claim was submitted incorrectly as an office visit.  It probably was just a typo but the more I thought about it I viewed it as a fraudulent and deceptive way for them to collect revenue that they were not otherwise entitled to.  I asked them to reimburse me for their error.  Plus I looped in the appropriate state agency's so they could start their own investigation.  I don’t give a damn who gives me back my money but I want it from someone.  If the company gives back the money I will tell the union, I’m not looking to commit insurance fraud or to make money on this, I simply want back what is rightfully mine.  I still have a right to sue but we both know that I’m not going there it would be far too time consuming and if I lost I would be out a lot more than what is owed to me.  So let’s just hope my strong words bring some swift action.  Should be interesting!

I wore my pride shirt out today. It takes some guts to put that on and go out in the world.  You just never know what kind of reaction your going to get.  I got a compliment from a waitress on it.  So far it’s been a very positive experience.  I think wearing it might just attract a guy or so I hope. 

I am all wound up and ready to burn the midnight oil, despite yawning.  The kids all want to go to bed.  Momma has already yelled at me that I am up past my bed time.  They have their routines just like I have mine.  If I disturb theirs it’s difficult but they recover.  If mine are disturbed it can throw my whole day off.  I have a love hate relationship with routines but I do like structure!

We had some wicked storms pass through the area.  Thankfully my town has power.  There are surrounding towns that don’t have power, lots of trees and power lines down.  I turned on the scanner and the power company is talking way more than the police or fire departments.  It got kind of annoying so I turned it off. 

Tomorrow I continue my laundry adventure, clean the house, give Bear his bath and prepare for Monday.  I’m not anxious like I was last Monday but I am sure it will all come together.  I still feel like I bit off way more than I can chew, I remain scared but optimistic that it’s going to fall into place.  I am sure there will be areas that I will excel in and other areas where I lack, thankfully no one is expecting me to pick this stuff up overnight.  I want to ask about a subscription to a service for some training and to further my education but I don’t know if they will cover it.  The cost is $400 for 1 year, which considering everything that is available is really cheap.  They help you prep for tests for certifications, talk about most everything under the sun that is IT related and even if your not studying for a cert you can learn something from watching.  Remember the 3 day law firm from 2 years ago?  Yeah when I asked them for the subscription that is when they fired me, after 3 days.  Thankfully my present employer has much more faith in me and I have a stellar reputation for customer service and getting shit done!  Right now I can’t afford the $300 since my recent vet visits.  However, if I get to the point where I can afford it, I will gladly make the investment.  It would do wonders for me in self confidence and help my paycheck to grow if I was able to get a cert or two under my belt.  Plus it would also make me more marketable should I ever find myself looking for a job again. 

Well Momma is throwing a small fit and before she has a canary I think I should obey her and get upstairs to pass out meds and wind down for the night.  Still watching Frankie and Grace, it’s awesome!  Take care and I hope your having a great weekend.  We shall talk again soon!

Sunday=Monday

GAY DATING

I have a few apps on my phone for dating and finding guys.  I see a lot of the same people on several apps.  Some people try to be sneaky and use different pictures for different sites, but they make the mistake of uploading all of the same photos.  So you can figure out who your talking to.

My biggest problem is getting guys to chat with me.  When we do talk, that is very awkward.  I mean this is all new to me.  I never had to do it before and I am thankful for that. 

Dating in its’ self is scary.  You see a pretty face, nice profile and who knows maybe he can hold a conversation.  You don’t want to get involved with an axe murderer or someone who has an STD.  Then there is the whole thing about sexual history and HIV/AIDS. 

I see a few people who put it out on the line that they are positive and I applaud them for their honesty.  I don’t want to date someone who has HIV/AIDS.  I’m looking for a normal guy who is healthy, doesn’t smoke and either doesn’t drink or drinks socially.  People can be chameleons, meaning that they can adapt to being the kind of person you are looking for and then con you. 

Perhaps I am overly paranoid.  If I could just find someone who is good looking, we have things in common and can hold a conversation and then date, that would be awesome.  Sex, well that would be nice too, but I am not going into this looking for sex, I am looking for a companion. 

SHOPPING

I went clothes shopping again today.  I found a shirt and a pair of pants.  I picked up some more socks.  Got out for $60 which isn’t terrible. 

When you’re a bigger guy like me, stores tend to have less of a selection.  If you visit what we (me and my late partner) used to call the Fat Man’s Shop (aka Big & Tall) they will have your size and some selection but they really stick it to you when it comes check out time.  I don’t think I should have to pay a little more because I have some extra weight, but retail is all about capitalizing when and where you can.  Make the money!

I had my new shoes on and they felt pretty good.  They seem to attract a little dust, but that is okay.  I kept them on for a few hours and then took them off.  Tomorrow will be the true challenge for them.

GROCERY STORE

Went to the grocery store and spent $117.  I got a party size entrée from Stouffers, it was Chicken Enchiladas with rice and in a cheese sauce.  It was so appealing that I had to have it for supper.  It was really good.  By party size I mean it will serve 8 people.  I ate 1/2 of it tonight in nothing flat.  I will save the other 1/2 and have it during the week.

Picked up some Mint Oreo’s covered in Fudge.  I tried one after supper and they are really good.  I also found out where they hid the 6 Cheese Macaroni that is ready to eat, just heat & serve.  That will be dinner one night and I am so looking forward to it.  Cholesterol city but YOLO. 

I discovered last night that I was running out of Allegra.  That would mean I would have to go to another store and it was so hot out and I was tired.  I just picked up a small supply from the grocery store.  I can go to the other store either Target or more like Sam’s Club next week.

Picked up my usual lottery tickets on the way out the door.  It would be nice if I were a big jackpot winner.  I know if that happened I would be fighting the guys off of me.  Everyone would want some money.

OTHER STUFF

The laundry is done, which is a good thing.  I am pretty well set for tomorrow.  I need to pick out the children’s food but outside of that, I am ready already.  Now I plan on trying to relax the night away.  It will go up in a flash and bed time will be here before you know it. 

I’m still watching The Shield.  Finished another season earlier today.  Looking forward to starting the next season, which I think I am going on to Season 6.  That is a lot of TV.

Speaking of TV there are lots of new shows coming on next month for the start of the Fall Season.  I am looking forward to How To Get Away With Murder.  It’s a drama, there is gay sex and well it’s about the law.  So lots of things in one show that interest me.  Plus I am looking forward to my regulars like Modern Family (which I fell in love with during unemployment), The Goldbergs, Scandal, The Middle and the list goes on.  Having something to look forward to watching is a good thing for me.  Who knows maybe I will put down my iPhone and concentrate on TV.

Earth Quake in CA early this morning.  There is damage and I believe casualties.  You just never know when your world will be rocked.  I am not saying that as a pun or to make light of the situation.  It might not be a natural disaster that strikes, it might be a health issue – point is change in the world around us and within our own lives is inevitable.  Yet as humans we are resistant to change.

Speaking of change it was time to change up the blog.  Hope you like the new photo and background.  I have no idea who the guy is but he was in my collection of photos.  He just called my name when I saw him.  The background is from Blogger/Google.  I wish they would add more backgrounds, but I suppose since this is free I can’t be too choosy.

I can’t believe that we are about to close the books on August.  People are talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years already.  We haven’t even had Halloween yet.  Plus there is the Time Change, which I believe takes place in early November, if memory serves.  I will be the 1st to admit that the first 6 months of this year really sucked.  I am not anxious to leap ahead because I have no idea what is in store for me.  Likewise it will also mean that I will be older.  Shortly I will turn 43.  This will be the 2nd birthday I celebrate w/o my late partner.  I look back through photos and see flowers, cakes and think of other good times.  I know my days of a big birthday deal are gone, but having him around made it special for me.  I didn’t want anything other than his love and I certainly got that. 

I still feel young, like 20 but my body feels much older.  I really don’t like the aging process but I realize it’s natural.  Who knows what I will see in the next year.  Hopefully nothing but good times and lots of money!  Time will certainly tell.

Be well, enjoy the week and I will talk with you peeps again soon.  I sure hope that the screamer isn’t upset again tomorrow.  I kind of loathe working on this problem, but it’s part of the job.  Where exactly did the weekend go?  The best part is next weekend here in the US, will be 1 day longer.  So there will be something to look forward to, not to mention that this Friday is payday.  So looking forward to that.  Should have a really FAT check – reimbursement for travel , overtime and my regular earnings.  Ah, payday I love you!

Flattered

So last night I went on Grindr to see who was out there and if I had any messages from any guy.  It wasn’t long before someone started a chat with me.  Thanks to the location settings in the app, this person knew the city where I was.  To confirm they asked and I said yep that is where I am.  Then they tell me they are horny and asked if I had a ‘dick pic’.  I said no.  Then they came back with an apology, which really wasn’t necessary.  I guess they thought they were going to scare me off but it didn’t.  I just said I understood.  I forget what was said next but they wanted to keep talking.  I’m not about a ‘Right Now’ kind of thing.  I’m looking for friends and someone to date Long Term. 

Then another guy said HI.  I didn’t answer him because it was getting late and I wanted to go to bed. 

In the middle of the night someone called my cell phone, which I have the number but it’s from a number that I do not know.  They didn’t leave a message but rather hung up.  That was enough to get my red light to flash, so when I woke up some 2 hours later to use the restroom I saw it.  I thought maybe something happened to mom, then I thought ah what ever it is I don’t want to know about it until I get up for good.  This lead me to instantly think what if there was a way that someone could hack Grindr and find out your mobile phone number.  I mean the app only runs on mobile devices.  I’m sure somehow they collect your phone number.  Perhaps I am overly paranoid but it is an odd sense of coincidences.

I also found another porn star on the app.  I reached out to say because I know he is way out West and that is like more than a million miles from me.  He answered back and said I was sweet.  So maybe there is some good that will come out of this, I dunno but I am not giving up just yet.

Today at work I took an urgent request someone was freaking out over nothing.  I worked with a colleague and actually he did all of the work, I just logged the request and what was done.  A few minutes later I get an e-mail from my boss telling me that I did a fantastic job.  Apparently she is one of those people who has to have the last word.  We went back and forth over several e-mails.  I told her how happy I was and that the other guy did all of the work.  She still told me I did a good job and reacted quickly.  Then she said she is hearing good things.  I wonder if she is really just saying that or if she truly is hearing good things.  I know I have been talking with her spy a lot, so maybe that is going to my credit. 

So both of these experiences leave me flattered, which is a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long while. 

As if life couldn’t get any better right now.  The massage therapist is coming to the office tomorrow instead of Friday.  I was the first one to sign up.  I hit up the ATM tonight so I’ve got cash to cover it tomorrow.  My back says come on, lets get to it.

I’m dashing off now.  Time to empty the litter boxes, get ready for tomorrow, put out a snack, surf Grindr until Suits comes on in a 1/2 hour.  It’s the season finale and I am very interested.  I hope that Louis Litt comes back to the Firm.  I can’t see them cutting his character out, but then again you never know.  Writers come up with interesting ideas sometimes. 

I do hope all is well in your world.  I will talk with you peeps later.  Thanks for stopping by.  You totally made my day!

Still going

Monday came way too soon.  I really wasn’t too hip to that and still felt the effects of last week.  By the end of the day I was back to my old self.  Today went okay, busy learning how things work and solving problems. 

I feel at home here but still am nervous when I interact with attorneys.  I just remember the firm where I came from a few years back and things were a whole lot different. 

I am still tired, my foot hurts but the pain appears to be diminishing.  Can’t wait to try the new shoes.  I got inserts for them on the way from Amazon, they will be here tomorrow.  Along with flea medicine, face cleanser and a sound machine to make white noise.  My therapist has one of those machines and it just relaxes me and if I let myself I could easily fall asleep.

The children are doing okay.  They seem to have adjusted to my schedule.  With the exception of last night.  Jumper woke me up in the middle of the night and wanted out.  I let him out and went to the bathroom.  He was too busy loading up on food so he wouldn’t come back.  I knew that when he did come back he would be upset that the door was closed.  So I got up out of bed and had to shoo him into my room.  Then we snuggled and he wanted to carry on a conversation.  I was ready to sleep.  He woke up his brother who chimed in by clawing on the box springs.  I said guys lets go back to sleep and woke up a couple hours later, time to go to work.  Oh Joy!

Wore my new clothes yesterday and today, looking good and feeling pretty good.  I changed my profile photo on all of the dating sites/services that I am on, in the hopes it would help lure someone into my clutches.  I guess my late partner was right I am so ugly I scare away the mice, we really don’t need cats!  Ah, maybe someone will eventually bite.  I have tried but am getting more selective and really would rather be pursued than pursue someone.  I also hate when you start up a conversation and go back and forth.  The other guy answers with 1 word answers.  Wow put some thought in to your response. 

Okay well it’s time to take care of the children and see what I can find on TV, plus I get to prepare my lunch.  At least tomorrow is Wednesday.  Strange but come next Wednesday the 27th it will mark 1 month since I have been in this job.  That is really scary to me because it feels like it was just yesterday.  Time really does fly. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Thanks for stopping by.  Talk with you peeps later.

TGIF…Back to Work

I was never so happy to see a Friday like I was this Friday.  Two of the best things happened.  1st it was payday and I found out how much a regular check would be.  I can totally make the house payment and my other bills.  There will even be some left overs.  So long term I should be able to start putting money away. 2nd well it was the weekend at quitting time. 

I have been really worn out this week.  My back, my feet, my entire body is ready for a day of nothing but rest but that didn’t happen. 

My mom is out of the hospital as of Friday night.  I saw her yesterday and we went out to the Olive Garden.  She wanted to buy me McDonald’s but when I said Olive Garden and you don’t need to pay, her face just lit up.  She was totally game.  Unfortunately, she spent a lot of time talking about my late partner which didn’t do much good for me.  I really miss him, especially now that my life seems to be getting on track.  I’d like nothing more than to share the moment with him and tell him about all of the good things.

Saturday I made it to the shoe store my friends suggested.  I put an order in for a pair of shoes but honestly don’t think this will cure my problem.  I also got some different Dr. Scholl’s inserts.  So if this doesn’t fix the problem then I’m not throwing more money at it.  It will be time to see a foot doctor and quit playing games.  It’s kind of obvious to me now that I am just throwing money at a problem but since I don’t know the root cause there is no way to fix it.  That’s not saying a foot doctor would be able to figure it out but I think that I have a much better shot with a professional involved

I managed to take a nap and get cat food.  I also went to Red Lobster on my own to have dinner and a Pina Colada.  It was a very good meal.

Sunday… I managed to shop for new pants, shirts and socks.  Didn’t get much and spent $140.  Then I had to visit the grocery store and well that was like another $90.  I also treated myself to breakfast at Steak N Shake. 

I am busy doing laundry.  Going to have frozen White Castles for supper, that should be a thriller tomorrow.  The children are chomping at the bit.  Got my latest copy of Out Magazine to review.

I have jumped on more on-line dating apps/sites.  I went to Gay dot Com and back to Ok Cupid and I am still on Grindr.  It’s really tough to get guys to talk to you, even if you put yourself out there and chase them.  I’d just like to meet up with 1 guy and see where things went.  If nothing else maybe I could make a friend.  Companionship with someone is what I miss the most.  I’m not looking to get married off the bat and I don’t want just a hook up.  It seems that most guys are looking for sex rather than friends or relationships.  Kind of sad when you think about it.  Just like with my job search I wondered if I would ever get one, well I kind of feel that way about the man search.

I did manage to clean up my e-mail box at work and clean off my desk.  I am slightly organized but not near to the degree that I want to be.  Like anything else it will take time.  It should be another busy week and hopefully I learn something along the way.  That is what makes the job interesting and fun.  I got to play Ring Around the Rosy on Friday with a colleague who just wanted to keep me chasing my tail before he did what was asked.  That is the kind of thing that I do not enjoy and part of the reason why I would normally shy away from a Help Desk job.  Thankfully I get more of a focus on providing local support but there is that Help Desk aspect in my job. 

Overall still very happy actually even more so now that I got my first paycheck.  I am hoping that life becomes stable again and adding a man/friend in would be nice.  However, living by myself does have it’s perks and there is absolutely no one to answer to.  I get to do what I want when I want to do it.  That is provided I don’t talk myself out of it.

Onward to getting chores done so that I can rest at some point, before retiring for the night.  I hope all is going well in your life.  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.

1 Busy Guy

Sorry it’s been a bit since I posted.  This new job is really taking over my life.  I come home after fighting traffic, feed the children, gobble up my dinner and in a very short while it’s time for bed.  This leaves me not a lot of free time.  The days are flying by and I am really busy.

My training is over with now it’s pretty much trial by fire.  I am not live on the phones just working e-mails and dealing with walkups, which is enough to keep one busy.  The days of standing on my feet for most of the day are dying down all though I do a fair amount of walking and am starting to get the lay of the land.

My cube is a complete mess, the last guy was a slob.  The inventory room where all of the spare equipment is kept, well that is a complete mess as well.  I need to just take a Saturday and throw it in the trash, spend the day at work sorting things out.  It would be on my own time and I know they won’t like that but I have to be able to find what is there and account for every bit of it.  I’m NOT doing it this Saturday but will probably be doing it soon.

Grindr is still going strong.  I struck up a conversation with a guy and we talked about Olive Garden.  I guess I was too forward and ask him if he wanted to meet up, that I think scared him off.  I have messaged a few guys but thus far no replies.  I downloaded the 99 cent app thinking that by paying for the app and more options it would be a win.  Turns out you have 10 days free then you have to sign up for a subscription in order to keep the ad free version with the extra features.  I really don’t like paying for dating apps since they haven’t even gotten me so much as 1 date thus far.  I wish that I could have some luck and meet someone so I could stop looking.  My bigger fear is that things will work out for a while and then the relationship will hit splitsville.  Which is very common in the Gay community.  My heart isn’t up for that right now.  Still it feels good to be bold and who knows maybe I might just get a date after all.

Last night my brother sent me a text message to let me know that Mom is back in the hospital.  She is in ICU with critically low sodium levels.  She had a doctors appointment yesterday and while she was there she collapsed and started talking nonsense.  They thought it was a stroke but an MRI ruled that out.  Then they discovered the Sodium level thing and that is about as much as I know.  At the moment she is anticipated to make a full recovery but it will take a few days to get her level back to normal.  Too little sodium and you can have Neurological complications. 

That news about Mom came just after I was reading my late partners medical records.  I was having flash backs of remembering doctors visits and the whole ordeal of him dying.  Anyway, as I suspected he was just confused and forgot to take his medicine.  He wasn’t diagnosed with anything that he was keeping a secret and did not commit suicide.  His physician did note 1 month prior to his death that he was exercising poor judgment and that his memory seemed to be impaired.  However,  no one bothered to call it to my attention.  Which if that would have happened we might have had a different outcome.  Bottom line is like the first attorney I saw said… you can rest comfortably knowing that it wasn’t a medical mistake and it was simply his time.  Point being is there is no one to blame.  I did my fair share of searching because I honestly really wanted to blame someone and make them pay.  I could maybe have a case against his physician but I’m not going to bother with it.  It would stir up too much of a shit storm and in the end cost me time and probably money that I could use on other things. 

It is also time again for Jury Duty.  This time I will get to go.  My present employer will pay me my regular wages and I can keep the $10 a day that I get along with the 27cents per mile that I will be reimbursed.  So there is a little bit of extra money.  I don’t get to go until October.  At least it will be something to look forward to and get me out of traffic for a few days.  I forwarded the summons on to my boss and am waiting to hear back.  However, I researched it last night and found out what the policy is.  This place is very big on having everything electronic and not printing, so you have to use the computer to find out anything within the company.

Now it’s time to try to relax.  I need to do some self pleasuring and prepare for tomorrow.  It’s pretty bad when you don’t even have time to self pleasure.  I promised that to myself tonight, besides that I really need it. 

Saturdays goal is to try to get some different shoes and some pants to wear to the office.  Plus resting up, I am sure I will have no issues in sleeping in even if it’s only until 8am.  It will feel so good!

Talk with you peeps later.

Last night in town

Headed for home tomorrow afternoon.  I will be glad to get home and get settled.  However, the usual weekend routine will be in full swing and it’s all about beating the clock for Monday. 

I have seen and done a lot in the time that I have been here.  I still don’t feel quite ready but I do feel comfortable and that this is still the right fit.  I have a couple meetings tomorrow and I will want to chat with my boss before I leave about a couple of things, like what are my hours.  I am looking forward to getting away from the corporate hub and into my own little world.  Coming here is nice and I wouldn’t mind a once a year trip but I think that I am traveled out for the moment. 

One of the guys that is in charge of inventory decided that it would be good for me to inventory my office.  So there will be one night when I will have to stay late next week and crank that out, thankfully I will have help so it shouldn’t be too terrible.  Plus it sounds fairly automated.  I’m not thrilled about it but it will at least help me start with a clean slate and if the other guy happened to take something or misplace it, that won’t be on my shoulders.  Although everyone here appears totally above board and honest.  That is a good quality to have.  In my office we have a lunch bandit so my food will be at my desk but that is as about as big as theft gets. 

I talked with my friend from last week, he texted me this morning.  He was really short but I reply and was long winded.  I told him about the pending FB friend request not sure if he will accept but at least he knows it’s out there. 

I’ve been having really crazy dreams everything from stuff about hanging out with my late partner, to having sex with random guys or even a couple that I have a crush on to horror stories.  I can’t say that I have slept solid as in all the way through the night w/o waking up.  Last night was as about as rested as I have been.  Staying away from technology and laying in bed with my iPhone worked wonders for me.  Even managed to get a photo of a hot guy off Grindr.

Treated myself to a nice meal tonight – Pepperoni Pizza and Apple Bread Pudding.  Wash it all down with a Diet Coke and it balances out.  Lunch was a place that a co-worker went to.  I had this monster hamburger and onion rings.  Then to top it all off one of the directors bought 2 pies for all of us to share.  I was so bloated I didn’t even attempt to consume any pie.  It looked good but I didn’t want to be even more miserable than I was. 

Well, I am off to bop the bologna, pack, shower and get ready to watch 2 hours of TV – Rookie Blue and NY Med.  Then it will be time for bed.

Checkout in the morning will be a little rough and I will actually have to drive to the office but it’s okay, I will manage.  Then mid-afternoon heading for home and hoping that I get there in one piece w/o any problems.  I would be open to seeing a nice wang like I got to last week.  I do know that I will cut my drinking down if not off shortly after lunch to allow my body time to catch up and purge before I leave the office.  Hopefully, I will be able to drive straight through non-stop.  Pick up the mail and go home.  I’m sure the little critters have missed me.  I am going to love seeing them again but dread seeing what kind of mess they have left for me to clean up. 

Have a good evening and I will talk with you peeps again soon.  Most probably sometime over the weekend.

Hump Day

Lots of walking today.  I was really run down this morning.  Didn't recover until lunch.  Still learning lots.  Looking forward to getting on with it but want to make sure I know all about this place.  Got a tip about politics today and the fact my boss has a spy working along side me.  Something very good to know.

Reached out to my brother made him think I was moving.  Then I told him I am just away for training.  So I got him off my back.  He claimed to be seriously worried.  I don't think he was sincere.

Sent a text to the cute guy from last week.  Just checking in and thus far no response.  Disappointed by that.

Still watching Grindr lots of cute guys but I question if they are for real.  Thinking of jumping in head first but not until I am home.

It poured here I got a ride to the hotel from a coworker.  So thankful for that!  I swore off the computer tonight so I'm blogging from the bed while TV is on.  I fixed the picture and managed to adjust the time on the clock.  

Waiting for Suits to come on then getting ready for bed.  Tomorrow will be knocking soon enough.  Nighty night!

Food–Stomach & Daily Grind

Breakfast on the buffet was really good.  Going to do that again for the rest of the week.  Lunch had a left over ham & egg burrito from work.  They ordered food and had left overs.  It wasn’t really enough to suit me but I made do.  I’m really pushing my body by doing that.  Supper was a restaurant here in the hotel.  The server looked yummy I could have eaten him.  Instead I had fish and cheesecake.  It was a very upscale place and the portion size was extra small, but the prices were extra high.  The entire meal was like $30, so not worth it.  Afterwards my stomach kicked in and I barley made it to the bathroom.

I returned to my room and broke into the $6 bottle of water that will be charged to the room.  Company’s paying might as well make use of it.  It’s water from Norway but tastes like water.  They make it sound like it’s an amazing experience.  Not really.  I drink ice water all day long.  Since I had stomach problems I figured that I want to avoid getting dehydrated, I will probably be up all night going to the bathroom.  A small price to pay. 

I talked with our wellness person today and learned that we have a gym in the building where I will be working.  It’s a cost to us but no one knows how much.  I also found out that we have a massage person that comes to the office.  Holy crap, this is the place for me.  I will just put my phone on do not disturb and head for the massage table.  I am thinking of scheduling one on Saturday when I am back home. 

I learned about Video Conferencing today, there is a lot to that.  I will learn more about it next week when I am actually setting up rooms for meetings.  Fun stuff.  I logged my first ticket today about a trackball issue.  I’ve listened to calls and had one guy try to make me go live.  I told him I’d rather he take the call.  I mean might as well enjoy my training status while it lasts.  It’s going to be short lived.  Next Wednesday afternoon I will be live and by myself.

The meeting I looked forward to with the Networking guy got moved to later this week.  He’s on the road.  Actually he is training the cute guy that I was in training with last week.  I’ve got plenty of other stuff to learn about and of course there is those calls.

My brother texted me a short time ago.  He admonished me for not returning his call and wanted to know if I was okay.  I really don’t want to answer him and haven’t so far.  The Catholic Guilt is kicking in and I do feel compelled to respond or reach out to him.  I am just pissed at him and he has no clue.  I kind of want to know how many hoops he will jump through to reach me.  Ignoring him probably isn’t a good thing but his caring is just perfunctory and he doesn’t really mean that he cares, he is going through the motions.  Now of course if he wants me to do something then he really cares.  Ah, go call the Geek Squad and pay I’m done.  He won’t even climb up on the roof of my house to help me out.  That doesn’t require money, just time and well gas to get to my place.  Screw him – I am done.  We might be brothers but you’d never be able to tell by his actions.

On to a different subject, so I am sitting listening to calls and one of my coworkers exclaims oh you have some red in your hair.  I said yeah it’s Red all over.  They said oh in this lighting you look blond.  They called me a strawberry blond.  That I am not!  My hair color is red, might be light red but there is no blond.  Then we got into an age related conversation and when I told them how old I was they didn’t believe me.  Everyone said that I look like I am in my 20’s.  Wow if they could have seen me then they would have thought I was a mere child.  I really wish I had the knowledge of today and was in my 20’s.  God I could do so much with my life.  I know I still have a bright future, but when you get older your not as motivated. 

I did manage to find USA in my hotel room in channel surfing, so I will be watching Suits tomorrow night.  Then on Thursday we have Rookie Blue and NY Med.  I will be watching Rookie Blue as I pack and prepare for home.  Speaking of which I haven’t gone to my car since I parked it.  I should probably go check on it to make sure no one has tried to break in.  My radar detector is in there.  It’s not in plain sight but if you happen to look at the visor on the passengers side you will see it.  No one has bothered it yet and I hope it stays that way.  It’s a small project to get it wired in so that everything blends and you can’t tell.  I hate doing it but love the results.  That little unit has saved me many, many times.  I’d buy another one in a heartbeat.  What do I use?  It’s a Valentine One.  I also have the concealed display, so unless your in the car while it’s on, you shouldn’t even be aware that it exists. 

Well I see 8PM approaching.  Need to use the facilities, get the temperature regulated and then jump in the shower and afterwards prepare for bed and finally relaxing time in bed.  I still can’t pry myself away from Grindr.  Haven’t made contact with anyone, just looking.  I’m pretty certain 1 of the managers from work is on, but I’m not going to find out for sure.  I did walk into our Accounting Department today and a male intern really gave me the eye.  Kind of made me feel good and at the same time I wanted to hit on him, but didn’t. 

Okay peeps, take care and I will talk with you later. 

Eating is good

Morning came way too soon, like I said it would.  :)  I ate in the hotel restaurant which was not busy at all.  I ordered off the menu and had a delicious Sausage & Cheese Omelet.  It was rather small and I could have gulped down two of them.

Lunch went to a local place and I ate Ruben.  No not a guy named Ruben but a sandwich named Ruben.  It was good but not the best one I have had yet. 

Supper went to Gordon Bierch and had the Turkey Meatloaf with Wild Mushrooms.  The gravy had a totally unexpected kick to it and it was a damn good meal.  Finished it all off with a piece of Chocolate Cake and that I must say was the best piece of cake I have had in a very long time. 

The work day well it was work.  Nothing too terribly interesting.  I learned a little bit today.  I actually helped with a couple calls which made me feel good.  There was much more socializing that took place rather than working.  I need to have a conversation with my boss but don’t want to come off as a dick.  I just need knowledge because next week will be here and well there won’t be anyone to hold my hand after 3 days.  I am looking forward to flying and not flopping.  I want to succeed, that is the whole point of taking this on. 

I must admit I am lonely and could use the company of another man.  Sex would be good but it’s more about companionship.  I have a feeling if things keep progressing that I will be in the dating scene soon.  I have to feel comfortable in my job as that is my #1 priority.  I also have to make sure I don’t set myself up for failure.  If you have emotional issues it’s difficult to do your job.  I really just want to call up my late partner and tell him all about this.  I know that he would be proud of me, in fact I am proud of me.  I weathered quite the storm and managed to come out okay, at least so far.

Speaking of storm, my brother called tonight and left me a message.  I was on the phone and have call waiting turned off.  He wants me to call him he wants to check in, he’s worried.  Yeah well if your so worried then you wouldn’t have flinched when I asked for help with the mortgage.  If I can do something to benefit him well then he is all about it.  If I need help from him and he gets nothing out of it, well it’s screw you.  I am debating if I want to call him back or just let it ride.  I mean if I don’t call him back maybe he will worry.  It would be really funny for him to call the police, because they already know I am away, as they are doing extra patrols in the neighborhood because I told them I would be out of town.  I didn’t ever call him to tell him about the 1st job and how I lost it and managed to recover with job #2.  I just don’t feel obligated.  In fact I really want to distance myself from him because his attitude sucks.  Then again it’s family but I always said that when my partner passed away that I am on my own.  My brother proved that to me when I asked for his help.  I mean fat chance he would part with a nickel to help out a beggar, let alone me his older brother.  

Okay I see the time is getting late.  Time for a nice high pressure shower and then in bed to channel surf, not looking forward to it but hopefully I find something entertaining.  Slept pretty good last night but did wake up a couple times.  My brain and psyche is really messed up from the roller coaster ride I have been on.  Things were held together quite well until May when I lost my job and ever since then it’s almost torture to try to sleep.  I worry so much and it’s over things I have no control over, still some how I think by being concerned it will make the difference and it won’t.  What will be will be, the future is not ours to see.

Good night one and all.  Talk with you peeps later.

Arrived Homo

So Friday I left around 2:45 because I was getting sleepy and wanted to get the commute over with.  Damn it was a long trip!  I saw a sign for TGI Friday’s on the way home and said oh I will stop.  I passed up the exit.  I am making sure that I pay extra attention on my return trip because I am stopping.  Got to have me some Friday’s.  It’s a crave thing going on.

I also had my bladder attack me.  I loaded up on water at work and well when your traveling that is not a good thing.  My bladder got to the point where it wasn’t going to hold it much longer.  I stopped at a McDonald’s to use the restroom.  I followed a guy and a girl in, both went to their respective restrooms.  I walked in and saw 3 urinals.  The one in the middle was open.  So that is where I went.  Then I looked up and both guys on either side of me was urinating with one hand and using their phone with the other.  Really?  You have to be kidding me is there anything really that important?  Not for me. 

The guy on the left side of me decided to use both hands for the phone.  I got a few looks in at his unit and damn, dude was hard.  It was a nice piece of meat and I wanted to play but just concentrated on why I was there.  I thought about grabbing a burger but decided I didn’t want that.  Back on the road and pedal to the medal I came flying home.  Hit some rain and that slowed me down a little bit.  I also almost got side swiped by a semi.  Thankfully no collisions or other issues.  Smooth sailing all the way home.

The children were surprisingly not that surprised I was home.  They acted like oh, what ever.  Then reality set in and they realized this is the food guy.  So I got them some supper.  They were happy campers.  Bed time came quickly for me as I was wiped out.  I elected to leave my door open and everyone slept with me.  That means that I was up quite often and got very little sleep.  I could have used a nap today but that didn’t happen.  Jumper was so happy I was home and he snuggled with me and bathed my arm.  I woke up at one point to hear a bunch of motors running in my bed.  That was awesome!

I got the mail which was surprisingly not too terribly full.  The hospital where my late partner passed at, has sent him another bill.  Apparently they must think he has risen.  It’s only $193 but my way of looking at it is that it is not my problem.  I’ve addressed this before, I am going to let them turn it over to collections.  Let’s just see how far they get.  It was rather annoying to see that.  Outside of that no other surprises were waiting for me, which is a good thing. 

I had to drop by the eye doctors this morning so they could send in a prescription for my allergy eye drops.  Those things work but you have to stick with them, annoying as they are.  Hit up the post office and grabbed a bite to eat.  Got really full, came home and concentrated on laundry and letters.  Plenty to take care of and I am so not done yet. 

Work email on my phone stopped working and that was kind of scary for me.  I was able to login to the network from home just fine, so I figured there was an issue and sure enough I was right.  I looked at my e-mail online and the guy that was on call today got hammered.  It started at like 7 in the morning and just kept going.  FUCK what did I sign up for?  When you go on-call Friday night you don’t stop until Monday morning at 7am.  That will be a nightmare.  Chained to my house with the children.  I am for sure going to need a laptop.  Running up and down stairs won’t be in my future. 

I have entered in all my expenses into my money manager, since I have to pay for them up front.  I also managed to put together a spreadsheet with my mileage.  If I have figured correctly I am in for a nice chunk of change just for driving.  It will pay for the gas, the oil change and so much more.  Time will tell. 

Considering that I only have 1 more full week of training and chances are pretty good that I will be going live by Friday I think it’s best to review what I think I need a touch up in or things that were not covered, so that we can get those addressed while I am still up in training.  I will admit I did some work today and the training I got paid off.  It’s just going to be a matter of exposure and remembering what to do.  Thankfully I am NOT a brain surgeon and I won’t be dealing with matters of LIFE and DEATH.  This really sounds like a home run of a job, I hope that I am right about that. 

I do miss the cute guy from training.  We saw each other a couple times on Friday.  We struck up a brief conversation and all seemed to be okay.  I fought against my emotions on the way out of town to send him a text saying safe travels.  It really would be nice if he would make a move and contact me.  I’ve still got a pending friend request on FB and not so sure that he will acknowledge that anytime soon, if ever.  I know he’s married and I will get over my crush, but I would really like to have made a friend.  I hate to always be the one who engages – that’s a 1 way thing and a friendship is supposed to be a 2 way street.

Speaking of guys, I have found myself addicted to Grindr again.  I’ve logged in to see who’s around me and it’s just like FB it’s an obsession.  I don’t hit anyone up or make any contact, just looking.  I kind of hate to use that app to seek out a boyfriend.  It sounds really risky.  Plus there are a lot of guys who are looking for “right now” action and don’t care about long term.  I had a good thing going but damn it if he didn’t die on me!

My foot is killing me.  It’s like I have really over done it.  Those inserts are coming out and I will try to make it with just regular shoes.  I will be bringing along my ibuprofen.  I have written my doctor to see if there isn’t a pill we can try.  I have poured a small fortune into trying to fix my feet w/o seeing a Podiatrist.  I am tired of throwing away my money.  I can’t up and go right now, well because it’s a new job.  I don’t want to seek out time off right away, that won’t exactly make a good impression.  However, I need to be able to walk and exist without pain.  I’m stuck with these feet for the rest of my life!  Growing old isn’t any fun.

Today I realized that in exactly one month I will be yet another year older.  Damn.  Where does the time go?  I know for the most part I am still young but I just don’t feel that way.

Here’s to week 2 of training.  I hope that it’s the best week yet and that I feel even better about this job when I return home on Friday night.  So long as I have time to spare I will update.  I expect that no one will be hitting me up for going out after hours.  I will be able to walk from my hotel to work, so no driving.  Think of what that will do to my feet.  Holy Cow!

Off to tend to things and eventually get ready to call it a night.  I’ve got a very long day ahead of me tomorrow with packing for the trip and getting the house in order and prepping the children for another week w/o daddy.  I really wish that I could take them and/or had a camera to at least see them while I was on the road.

Hope your enjoying your weekend.  Talk with you peeps later.

Thursday already

I can’t believe that time has flown by so fast.  Today I got my first paycheck, it was nice.  I also got paid from the 3 day place I was at last week.  So in total it was almost close to a regular paycheck from the last place I worked at in May.  Kind of nice.  I am looking forward to getting my first real check from my employer, that should be a lot more money!

I discovered an intranet site that provides discounts on lots of things from clothes, cell phones, computers, parking, etc.  There are some nice perks.  I get a better deal on my cell phone than they can provide so I will keep what I have, even if they are paying the bill.

Speaking of which, I got my phone enrolled in their Mobile Device Management software so that I can get e-mail on my phone.  They really lock things down and take away your ability to be the administrator of your phone.  Plus if you leave they will wipe your device, no questions and no exceptions.  That doesn’t make me happy but I understand it. 

I went out with the hot guy earlier this week and time got away from us.  I hit him up again to see if he wanted to go out last night or tonight.  He made plans for tonight but never followed up on them.  I pursued him and he told me that he wanted to work rather than play, that really was a major disappointment to me.  I mean it’s for the best because I really need to pack but it still hurt.  I really felt the rejection and I am sure he probably didn’t mean anything by it.  I wonder if he even still likes me after the few things I shared with him.  He doesn’t know that I am gay but I suspect that he may suspect it.  Call me overbearing but I just sent him a friend request on Facebook to see if he will accept it, that in it’s self will say a lot to me.

So the training program I am in is moving along.  I am learning the bulk of what I am supposed to learn but they aren’t following the schedule to a T.  That bothers me but I am highly organized and used to following a schedule.  I was able to talk with HR today.  The Openly Gay button I found out just gets you lots of surveys in your in box.  Glad I didn’t check that one.  I finished the benefits enrollment and turned in my parking paperwork.  So everything should be all set.  I got the better vision plan for $5 per paycheck and that is totally worth it because it covers frames, lenses, etc.  Plus you get 1 free exam per year.  Now all I have to do is wait until the 15th and then go change the contribution percentage that comes out of my check for the 401K.  I will reduce it from 6% which is automatic to more like 1 or 2% which will be much more affordable.  Once the match starts in a year I may be able to afford to bump that up.

I have heard from my cat sitter each and everyday.  Thus far everyone is doing well.  No diarrhea from Big Boy so my guess is that will happen tonight so I come home to it tomorrow.  I am not looking forward to the drive back, but I am looking forward to seeing everyone and sleeping in my own bed. 

I like the bed here but there is nothing like your own bed.  I really started to feel the stress of the trip hitting me this morning.  I have vowed to get to bed earlier and earlier each night but it just doesn’t happen.  Well tonight it should.  I will be watching a couple of my favorite shows (hopefully they air here) and should be packing and getting ready to go to bed and check out in the morning. 

My boss talked with me yesterday and apologized but she neglected to inform me that I also support one other office.  It’s about 2 hours away.  So easy 1 day trip up and back.  No worries and I am also glad that I made them come up with the extra money.  It seems like from what I see that only a couple people here really work and everyone else is quick to goof off, go on break and sit around and chat.  Plus I also found out that the 1 week of training at home has been reduced to 3 days.  I am not happy about that but I will have to fly sooner rather than later and hopefully by that point I will be confident enough to take the reins and run with it. 

Okay, so off to the races.  Talk with you peeps over the weekend at some point.  I will be driving back here on Sunday.  Be well and thanks again for your support and readership!