31 October 2013

Happy Halloween 2013

Today is the best day to commit murder.  Why?  Because if anyone sees blood they will assume it’s part of a costume and that it’s not real. 

I was reading and didn’t even realize that 20 years ago today River Phoenix died.  Remember him?  That seems like it was yesterday but 20 years have gone by.  I really feel old talking about things like this but I think that is just me being human.

Busy day with hardware but I am finally hardware free.  That is until the next thing fails.  Tomorrow it’s back to trying to finish my e-mail upgrade project.  Honestly I don’t plan on doing a whole lot tomorrow but if the phone rings or e-mail goes off I will be there to respond.  Friday’s are lazy days!  Everyone is thinking about the same thing, when do we get to start the weekend.

I was contacted today by my “friend” trying to pump me for information about her unemployment claim.  Apparently the company is trying to fight it and she wanted to know what I knew.  That is an HR matter an I am in IT we don’t talk about those things because there is no need for me to know.  I’m sure I could dig and find out something but honestly after how I have been used, I wouldn’t even bother.  I was appalled that she was trying to pump me for information.  Just continuing to try to suck more blood out of me.  She put on this pomp and circumstance show at my partners memorial dinner and now I realize how fake it was.  I’ve determined as have others that she is mentally ill.  So I am keeping my distance and for good reason.  If she reaches out to me and doesn’t want anything I would be shocked.  She is one of those people you never hear from unless they want something.  I now realize that she is trying to scam the system and earn money for sitting on her ass.  I have no sympathy for any of those people.  I busted my ass for 2 years waiting, hoping and praying for a job.  I looked every damn day and talked to everyone I could think of.  She has more connections than I and yet she was unemployed for 3 years.  Yeah, she simply didn’t try.  My partner called that one as soon as it happened.  I am not happy with myself that I fell for a charlatan as a friend.  She wanted something from me and could care less about my feelings.  Well go leach off someone else. 

Thursday means there is some good TV on.  An episode of Scandal, After the 1st 48 and oh snap I can’t think of the name of the show.  Anyway plenty to watch on TV.  Then in the morning I can turn the timer back on for the lights so I don’t have to come home in the dark.  Plus we start the count down to the 28th which is Turkey Day here in the US.  Looking so forward to eating Sausage Stuffing Again!  It only comes once a year and it’s something I think about off and on all year long. 

So time to go be with the children and clean the litter boxes.  Then the little beggars will be asking for more food just like kids on Halloween!  Oh snap TAZ is down here begging already.  See I told you beggars!  I love them though.

Another day done.  Tomorrow is Friday!  Carpet cleaning here I come, not looking forward to that at all.  No real plans for the weekend.  I do have to track down a couple addresses for my plan next week.  Outside of that and the carpets those are the only “plans” I have.  Oh and to get my brother a birthday card.  I’ve got to do that quickly.

Talk with you later.

30 October 2013

Hardware Hell

It’s been a busy day in the world of computers.  Lots of hardware failure, people having problems and WIFI issues.  Not to worry I’ve got it under control, just another wave in the sea of support.  I would rather be busy than bored, just not crazy busy. 

Feeling a little better after a night of sleep.  I drank so much water last night I had to get up in the middle of the night, which is a rare thing for me.  I know as I get older it will become more common and I don’t look forward to that.  Had some interesting dreams – don’t exactly remember what they were. 

I pulled a muscle in the middle of my back.  It’s a common thing with me.  Ever since I was young and tried to work on my own car.  I managed to send myself to the hospital because it just hurt so bad.  Muscle relaxers, Ibuprofen, Ice and lots of bed rest.  Too bad I am in the real world now and there isn’t time for all of that fancy stuff.  I took 1/2 a muscle relaxer and some Ibuprofen.  The only bed rest I will see is when I go to sleep tonight.  You will never believe me if I told you how I pulled it.  Okay here goes, but like I said you won’t believe it.  I was in the bathroom and fastening my belt which didn’t want to cooperate with me.  It went on easy this morning but I guess I was thinner then.  Anyway after several repeated moves I finally beat the belt into submission (yes I am talk about a belt – that was not a metaphor) then I went to move and holy hell my back.  Not exactly what I expected to feel but I guess I stressed a muscle too much. 

Tomorrow is Thursday and candy day.  NPH put up on his FB Wall that Candy Corn is made from traffic cones.  Funny!

Heard back from some friends that I had to leave messages for.  They were quick conversations and I really was in a talking mood.  Got the mail tonight found out my credit score and got the latest Yankee Candle catalog.  Thankfully that is all that was waiting for me. 

I backup my system with Crashplan.  It’s a great service but I noticed that the software would stop.  I wrote them for support and they looked into it and got back to me within a day.  I got a resolution to my problem and thus far it appears to be fixed.  Now my porn is safely backed up in the cloud.  It’s encrypted and requires a special password that only I have.  I used to use Carbonite but their software kept dying on my machine and they couldn’t figure out how to fix it.  They acted surprised when I left them after several years but a backup service is no good if it doesn’t work.  I remember the days backing up to floppy disks and then tape and I thought that was awesome.  I like the cloud much better and no though on my part is great.  Set it and forget it!  That is one of my many mottos of life.

Speaking of porn it’s been a while since I watched some so I’m going to do that and maybe get some cake and watch TV.  I would rather be with the cats then sit in the basement wasting my time in front of this machine.  Besides that I have my evening chores and then it will be time to retire for the night. 

Looking forward to next Thursday & Friday off.  Everyone will be on the company trip but me, I will be at home working myself to death… spending money but getting things accomplished.  I was asked today do you know for sure that you are off.  I said based on last year, yes.  I am not asking I am just not going.  I mean everyone will be gone, what is the point of going into an empty office?  I can be far more productive at home.  I will have my laptop with me so in case there is trouble I will be able to take care of it – or so I hope.  I really hope for quiet because I could use that. 

Have a good evening.  Talk with you again soon. Thursday is tomorrow, shame it’s not Friday.  :)

29 October 2013


I am sitting in my living room watching Bridegroom for the 3rd time.  I just can't stop thinking about Tom and Shane's story.  I am also thinking about the fact that Shane and I have both lost the men we love.  It's been 2 years since Tom passed and I felt very compelled to write Shane and ask him how in the world he recovered and appears to be doing so well.  While I did write him, I honestly don't expect an answer because he has to be flooded with e-mails.  It has helped me feel better.

I feel like I am in a depression it was dormant for a while but seeing this movie and hearing the story has awakened these feelings.  I really need a vacation not only from work but from life, where I can do what I want to without worrying.

Here is where things are at... I am taking Housing Counseling next Thursday and I have to pay the $250 fee from my pocket.  Once I get a peice of paper saying that I have completed the course the lender will proceed with submitting my paperwork.  At that point it's purley an Underwriter's decision if I qualify and am worthy of a loan.  If I am then they will grant me a loan but only for 85% of what the house appraises at.  What if that isn't enough to cover the present mortgage balance?  I am responsible if there is a balance left and will have to come up with tht out of my own pocket.  So I hope and pray that I get a high assesment, anything at $140,000.00 or above will be fantastic.  

The Estate Attorney told me not to worry that I won't be going to jail or encounter any penalties if things fall through and i simply walk away.  If I have to walk away it will probably be the straw that breaks the camels back.  I honestly don't know that I can take much more.  

No word from the Bankruptcy Attorney.

I got a letter from the present lender with the denial reason of property not owner occupied.  I called and left a very stern voice mail message.  Then I followed up with an e-mail.  This morning I got a response that told me to call a customer service representative if I wanted to appeal.   I thought fuck you!  I managed to get the Congressman to try one last call and he is waiting for a return call after leaving a message.  I have also engaged a seperate attorney who is trying to get this worked out on my behalf.  She said they probably understand very well tht you are the Sucessor Trustee but they do not understand that you are the beneficiary as well.  That is probably where the disconnect is.  She is hoping that she is able to touch on something that the Congressman didn't.  I figure with noise from an Attorney and a Congressman that will hopefully compel them into working with me.  Any reduction from the present payment will be helpful.  I know I am applying for a loan in my name but if it falls through then I have to be prepared to work with the present asses tht hold the mortgage.  I figure nothing ventured nothing gained.  

Life unfortunatley is always about Plan B and well continuing a dialouge with the present lender is my Plan B.  It's not going to hurt anything.  Even if they give me until August when I will qualify for a normal loan, that would be helpful.  

Mr. Blu is scheduled to be castrated on next Friday morning.  I have to pick him up before 5pm otherwise I am told they lock the door and it won't open again until Monday.  If you have my cat held hostage the door will open way before Monday morning.  Honestly I don't love him that much but he is TAZ's pal and I signed up to provide for him, so that is what I will do.  I of course will move Heaven and Earth to make sure that I am there long before 5pm to pick him up.  I've got the day off so it shouldn't be a problem.  

On the work front.... Beware that there is a very nasty virus called CryptoLocker.  Its simiilar to the FBI Money Pak but if you get it there is no way to circumvent it.  Your entire hard drive is encrypted and unless you come up with $300 within like 48 or 72 hours your data will be gone.  The bigger problem is Law Enforcement is finding and shutting down the servers that store the recovery keys, each person gets a unqiue recovery key and well once the server is shutdown the software can't verify the key so you could easily be out of your money and data.  It's very important to back up your data.  If you get this and your backup source is seen as a drive letter it's going to be encrypted as well.  I'm told anti-virus companies are working on protection to prevent this but thus far have been unsucessful.  This is a nasty bug and I hope you don't get it.  It only affects those of us that use Windows right now.  That's not to say they won't be working on a Mac version.  Great money making scheme but if your caught your the one who is screwed.  I'd rather work for my money, at least I don't have to look over my shoulder.

My so called friend is fighting the fact that her unemployment has been denied.  I heard the call from the Unemployment Office today and the HR lady really told them wht happened and that there were multiple reasons why they terminated her.  She is clearly not worthy of unemployment.  Besides that she has a business of her own, so she is technically employed.  I hope that she isn't allowed to rape the system like she did a few years back.  It is time to put a stop to the BS and make her lazy ass go out and get a job for an income, instead of expecting society to support her.  I am not happy with her and feel very used.  She isn't calling me but she expects me to call her.  Well the phone line runs in both directions.  I called you last, your turn to call me.  Otherwise I don't think we will be speaking.  As I don't have any plans to contact her.  

Well TOSH point 0 will be coming on soon, so that should help I hope clear up my depression.  I appreciate those of you who are reading this, know that you help keep me going.  Thanks for stopping by, I will talk with you peeps later.  

28 October 2013


It’s been a busy day all sorts of clamity but I have dealt with it pretty well.  In my personal life I have managed to get BLU scheduled to be neutered next week.  I have also scheduled Housing Counseling which is two hours and is going to cost me $250.  It’s a requirement of HUD but there could be grant money available for me to help with down payment costs as well as closing costs.  I didn’t plan on putting anything down and I figured that closing costs could be figured into the loan.  The whole idea is to lower the monthly payments not to get me to shell out a bunch of money.  However, everyone has their hands out.  I’m told the $250 would be reimbursed to me with the loan.  I’d rather be submitted for pre-approval to get that taken care of and then do the counseling so I know for sure I am not throwing $250 into the wind, but it’s a small risk.  I am working with the mortgage company and they maybe able to make that happen. 

I still have to get a visit to the car dealer scheduled for my car.  I will be taking my partners truck to a drive in oil change place where appointments aren’t necessary.  I mean I can’t fit everything into two days, I will drive myself nuts.

On the work front nothing more from my boss and the complaints of me not being available.  I think I pretty well shot that down.  Because it was totally unfounded and untrue.  The Office Manager poked her head in this morning to talk about it.  She acted all surprised but my best guess tells me that she is the one who incited him in the first place.  That is bad enough but for him to jump to a judgment where I am guilty before he even heard my side of the story, that is what I find most disturbing of all. 

I’ve got the lights turned off since I don’t know what nights are candy nights.  I’m watching Bridegroom via NetFlix because there was a problem recording it from OWN last night.  I got the first hour but missed the 2nd hour.  I believe I have the story but would like to watch it again.  Who knows maybe I can cry.  Shane was able to express his grief and able to cry without a problem, whereas I find it difficult and choke back the tears.

Who wants to cry all the time?  Not me I am ready to be happy like Tom & Shane were in the video.  I want to have that good time again with whom ever my new guy will be.  I want to move forward and not backwards, but I don’t want to forget what I have lost because it was truly the most important thing outside of the cats to me here on this earth. 

I have to get the trash out and figure out what is for dinner.  I have a salad but there is no meat in it and not sure if I want it or something frozen.  I’ve also got some prepacked roast or beef tips, something like that.  Along with a meatloaf.  One of them might be dinner. 

Big Boy’s stomach has been giving him fits and I have been cleaning up after him.  I will be cleaning carpets this weekend, it’s time.  It will look nice, smell good and then everything will literally go to shit again. 

Claw trimming was accomplished, she screamed and screamed, it was not a good time and I had a big mess to clean up aterwards.  However, we are friends.  Her claws were curled under and very difficult to trim, so I think she really appreciated it but not until it was over with.  We get to do it again in 6 weeks and I am not looking forward to it any more than she is. 

Dinner with my friends was good despite the fact I was late because of construction traffic that I never even thought about.  They had Chicken Marsala and I had Lasagna.  We got a Sausage Flatbread pizza to split, plus they each had a Cesar salad.  No desert for anyone.  I tried to get a drink but they didn’t have the mix for a Pina Coloda.  Better luck at Thanksgiving I hope. 

I have my paperwork all filled out for the holidays, it’s just a matter of getting approval and I don’t plan on asking until next week.  Letting things cool off.  Plus hopefully he will forget about the day I took last week, because I never turned in paperwork for it – I worked from home so I see no need to take my time.  However, it’s only 1 day. 

I have asked the Bankruptcy Attorney if it will cause any problems with me transferring the house into my name.  I have also asked the Estate Attorney what if this all falls through and I can’t get a loan and stop paying, what are the consequences outside of the obvious being foreclosure. 

It’s been a busy day and in about 25 minutes it will all be over and I can cruise on home.  Looking forward to hearing Lance Bass on Dirty Pop!

Have a great evening, talk with you peeps again soon.



If you didn’t see it last night on OWN, go to Netflix and watch Bridegroom.  It’s a very touching and emotional story of two guys who were together and one was killed in an accident. 

This started with a video that was posted on line on You Tube called It Could Happen To You.  Which I have embedded below.  It’s 10 minutes and worth your time.  From the support of the video the film Bridegroom was made.

This touches on some of the many things that I wanted to share with the world after the loss of my partner.  I didn’t have another family to deal with but I did have his estranged son.  Thankfully we had paperwork done well in advance so if there were any issues, it was all spelled out and legal. 

These guys were in the prime of their lives and you could tell they each completed the other and were having many awesome times.  The whole thing is just very depressing.  I feel for the guy who is left behind. 

If your on Facebook the survivor Shane has a page as does the film.  I sent him a message this morning and I know that I wasn’t alone, he probably got flooded with comments and letters. 


27 October 2013

Happy Birthday Sweetie



Today would have been my partners 73rd birthday.  Normally I think about what to get him weeks in advance and then can’t wait to spring it on him days before his birthday because I simply can’t wait.  This year there is no need to worry about a gift and there is no joy or excitement building and no need for a card.  Yes, I am sad because he is not here with me but he lives in my heart and he always will until the day I take my last breath.

Much to my surprise today just feels like an ordinary day, mostly because I am going through the motions of what I normally do on the weekend.  Writing this has a knot in my throat and I will probably shed a couple tears before I am done.  However, there is sadness in my heart and I think that is palpable by those around me, which at the moment are all cats.  They are very affectionate, one in particular more so than usual. 

I believe with every fiber of my being that my partner is in Heaven and is smiling down upon me.  I hear his voice calling my name now and then.  I hear some of his words of wisdom as well.  I still can’t believe that this is reality and I am waiting to wake up from this nightmare with him close by. 

Memories are all I have and they play often over and over in my head.  I think about the good times, the bad times and just in general time together.  I miss talking with him at lunch time, coming home to a hot meal that wasn’t previously frozen.  The pain from his loss is nothing that a drug or any person can take away.  I feel it and it is very raw.  I want to scream, I want to cry and I don’t want to move on – I don’t want to continue to live my life without him in it.  However, I realize that death is a part of life.  The part that is not often spoke of, the part that everyone will have to deal with eventually.

I have many regrets. One of which is not being by his side after they removed life support.  I promised him I would be there and I wouldn’t let him die alone.  However, we both know that would have scared me for life and it is probably something better that I didn’t see it.  However I feel that I failed him.  The hole that is in my heart and the void that is in my life is HUGE.  The pain simply can’t be put into words.  I am all alone and being alone is the scariest of feelings, especially when your used to being around someone else for 20 plus years. 

Thinking about the progress that I have made I am very proud of myself in the hurdles that I have conquered and I know he would be as well.  There are two more hurdles to deal with and once they are done I am hopeful that I can heal and somehow manage to move on. 

I am NOT the same person that I was before he died.  His passing is a life changing event and as such everything about me has changed regardless if it is visible or not. 

I am keeping my last promise to him in that I will make him proud.  I know he would be very surprised at how well most things have come together.  There are a couple of circumstances and burdens I have been shackled with that he wouldn’t be too happy about. 

While my wish when it came to death was that we all pass together at the same time, that is wishful thinking and probably something everyone at some point thinks.  Reality is that we will all pass at our appointed time and regardless of heroic measures or not, if it is truly our time there is nothing anyone will be able to do to save us.

My life from the time I was born was an up hill battle and I have been fighting battles all of my life.  I’m tired and need rest.  I need things to just fall into place and to experience joy and peace.  I want to be comfortable not only in my living space but in life in general.  I hope that there is another man out there for me and that sooner rather than later our paths will cross.  Of course he will never be able to replace what I had but hopefully we will be able to make a new future together.

I realize that me being 42 and my partner being in his 70’s there was an unnatural balance there.  It was like the odds were against us and we both figured that he would go first.  I am so very thankful that I got to spend as many years with him as I did.  That I was there to help and provide comfort, joy and make him feel like no one else could.  I know I was very special to him and that he loved me more than words can express, because he told me that often so it would make a lasting impression with me.  One thing is for certain that I will NEVER forget him.

I remember many years ago when I was younger and my grandmother passed, he was there to comfort me.  I thought that I would never get over her and well it’s been over 20 years and I am used to it.  This event with my partner is still very fresh and new, which is why it hurts so damn much. 

I see him in the house and there are still many items of his here.  I don’t go into his room or his office space much because I don’t want to stir up memories or deal with the contents of those two spaces.  However, I know that eventually I will have to.  I am very surprised that I was able to get rid of his clothes.  That was a huge move for me and not one that was easily done. 

Now that the weather has changed I find myself wearing his leather jacket because it’s lighter weight than the led vest that is my leather jacket.  Each time I put on my leather jacket regardless of the year it feels like a huge hug from my partner.  I wish with all of my heart that I was able to hug him.  His remains are in my bedroom and I stare at the urns often thinking about their contents.

So what normally would be an average day for him and one that he would rather not talk about or celebrate would have been special to me because it would be celebrating another year on earth as well as his life. 

My prayer is that Almighty God would help heal my heart, cause my finances to fall into shape, allow me to feel job security and hopefully reward me with a new job.  To not ever struggle financially again, to be able to continue bringing joy and comfort to my many cats.  Then bring me closer to finding a new soul mate to grow old with.  To experience joy and happiness again, to bring many more smiles and joy into my life and that  would be able to expand those people that I call friends.  Help me to deal with the passing of each of the cats when each of their times come.  Someday to allow me to be able to take a true two week vacation with not a care or worry in the world and to simply have the time of my life.  That he would continue to bless each one of you and keep you safe, healthy and happy.  That the world in general will be a better place.  Amen.

In loving memory of my very special guy I conclude this post, wipe away my tears and will continue to push myself forward each and every day.  I love you sweetie and I pray that you are at peace. 


25 October 2013


I haven’t exactly had a good day.  I heard from the Congressman’s office that they can’t help me with the mortgage company because the mortgage company will not work with me, since I am not the original borrower.  In other words they are just being difficult.

I got a call from the 2nd law firm about a possible case in my partners death and have furnished them with information. I won’t hear back from them until towards the end of next week, as to if there is a case and if they want to take it on.  I have been told that time to administer TPA can be as long as 6 hours after the stroke, it really depends upon the hospitals protocol.

Then I heard back from the place where I applied for a mortgage.  They said I have excellent credit and there would be no problem in submitting an application for a loan.  So maybe just maybe there is an end in sight.  I have to go through Housing Counseling and submit a bunch of paperwork.  They can’t do anything until I get a certificate showing I have completed Housing Counseling.  Not exactly sure what that is but it’s probably a boring course like when I filed Bankruptcy.  So the wheels are in motion.  I will be spending part of the weekend getting them the information they need.  I have made calls about the counseling and am waiting on calls back.  I’d like to do it on-line but it can be done in person or even via the phone. 

As if all of this isn’t enough I get an e-mail from my boss telling me he has complaints that I am frequently away from my desk and not available to staff.  I spend hours behind locked doors and I take 2 hour lunches.  It wasn’t in his usual condescending tone, you could tell he was upset but he was calm.  He gave me time to think and I drafted a response that totally blew his alleged complaints out of the water.  I haven’t heard back from him and if he wants to make an issue of it that will happen on Monday.  It’s obvious to me that this is a witch hunt.  Him and his lady were caught in a lie and now they are retaliating.  The thing is I am friends with the person who turned them in but I have done nothing wrong, this is retaliation because they always go after people around her.  As if it’s not obvious they think they are being coy but I am on to the games.  I seriously hope that I get to resign from this job, because when I do he will get an ear full.  This is a hostile and abusive work place – that my friends is against the law.  What is in the dark will come to the light, but I might not be here to see it.  I just can’t wait until the day I can tell them to kiss my ass.

There you have it, happy freaking friday!  Meeting up with friends for dinner on Saturday night.  Looking forward to it, going to order a cocktail if they can make it right.  Maggiano’s again!  Plus I will be there next month.  I’ve been going monthly for at least 3 or 4 months now.

Hopefully things are on track to getting better.  Stay tuned and we can find out together.  As the world turns!  Talk with you peeps later.

24 October 2013

Denied again

Ready for this?  I called the mortgage company to check in and see if they needed anything else.  I was told that they denied the application last week because the house is not owner occupied.  Say what?  I explained the trust what I should have said is the original borrowers remains are in the house – it is fucking owner occupied.  They did the “waterfall process” which means they looked at previous modification applications and right now they are telling me there is nothing that I qualify for. 

I am not happy.  I went off on the poor bastard that answered the phone and gave me this news.  I asked him if they wanted to be property owners.  He said no you have other options like a short sale.  I said I am trying to get a lower house payment not look for a new place to live.  He didn’t have much to say after that. 

So I updated the congressman, updated the attorney I had waiting in the wings and am letting both of them pounce on the mortgage company.  Time will tell if that does any good.

Meanwhile, I have called another place to obtain a loan on my own.  They are reviewing my credit report and will be in touch, probably tomorrow.  From what it sounds like w/o them having any information on me I should qualify.  Now, I am not holding my breath because I’ve been made a lot of promises but if this place comes through, okay by me.  I need to do something to get out from under the outrageous payment.

I have also decided to get a second opinion on my wrongful death case.  It won’t cost me anything.  I have called a law firm that is quick to settle rather than drawing out court proceedings.  So if I in fact have a case it can be settled hopefully quickly.  Honestly, I believe the first guy I talked to but this is just doing my due diligence.  It was kind of odd when I called they asked me if my partner was aware that I was calling on his behalf.  I said no because he is dead.  They too are supposed to call me back within 24 hours to gather more information and see if I have a case. 

I probably should be really upset but I am numb and really don’t feel anything.  I am not happy with the mortgage company's decision but I refuse to believe there isn’t a solution to this problem.  It’s just a matter of tracking it down. 

That’s all I have got.  Ready to go home, have a salad and a burrito – call it a day.  I will make a phone call to whine to a friend and that will be that.  Hopefully I don’t have any huge messes to clean up.  Very thankful that tomorrow is Friday.

Had a dream last night that my partner and I were out eating or doing something fun.  Then I woke up and realized it was only a dream.  If the only way I can see him is in my dreams, then I want to sleep forever.  I so miss him.  Sunday will be his birthday and that I think will be a very difficult day.

Adios for now.  Talk with you peeps later.

23 October 2013


It’s chilly outside and you know it’s only going to get colder as time goes on.  Bring on the snow at least enough for a few snow days from work.  I will always do my best to get there but there is a time when you have to realize enough is enough.  It’s not worth your life after all it’s only a job. 

We are having a food day tomorrow one of the cunts in the office is getting hitched.  As you probably gathered I can’t stand her.  I’d like to give her a grenade as a gift.  A horrible thing to say but she is a HUGE pain in my ass.  She always gives me a fit and I even went to bat for her and got her a new machine, she bitches even more now.  I just shudder when she talks to me because you never know what she is going to complain about next.

I don’t participate in office food days.  Yeah I might eat some food but I have to be begged first.  Normally I just bring my lunch and that is plenty.  My co-workers are telling me I need to be a team player and bring in something.  I’d like to bake a batch of ex-lax cookies and bring those in.  That would shut them up.  Then again they wouldn’t be able to talk because they would all be in the bathroom.  I am a team player but I am just not on the office team, I am a team of one.  I really want a fresh start with a big organization that can afford to pay me a decent wage, provide a challenge and treat me fairly.  In return I will give them my all and then some.  This place that I am at has pretty well sucked the life out of me. 

Sure as tomorrow is Thursday I will probably hear about not bringing in food.  Suck it is all I can say.  I have a couple people I like and will do anything for, outside of that the rest of that place can drop dead.  It’s an unhealthy environment where it’s dog eat dog.  I’ve had it, so until something better comes along I will keep the crummy job but as soon as I get that offer it’s goodbye suckers. 

I think I did pretty good in a post where nothing really happened today.  I’m doing laundry because I have to wear a special company furnished shirt tomorrow, it’s cold outside so the fuckers got us short sleeves.  We shouldn’t have to wear these until warm weather returns.  However, I will play along with that part of the game.  I am still not drinking the Kool Aid!

Be well and I will talk with you peeps later.  If the atmosphere and my schedule allow it, tomorrow will be mortgage call day.  Let’s hope they have good news for me and don’t need any documents.  2 more days…..!

22 October 2013

Day Off

I am clearly in need of a break.  Last night some how I managed to take both Monday & Tuesdays doses of my evening pills.  I only remember taking my pills once but I was flustered a bit when I got home.  I had to pee, which is normal.  I had the cats, I was thinking about the mortgage company – it was your typical night but a little more than I could handle.  Plus the drama at work.

I wondered how this would affect me, I’ve never taken a double dose.  Outside of being up for part of the night, I didn’t really notice much.  I felt off kilter this morning.  So I decided to just stay home.  I haven’t had a day off since April and I wouldn’t exactly call this a day off, more like a day working from home.  I still have to use my time but I was interrupted like crazy.  I gave up on trying to sleep after the third time I was woke up and had to spring to life. 

It was nice to lay back and not have to do much but decide what to watch.  Unless something unforeseen happens I will be going back tomorrow.  Lord help me.  I’ve already heard about the drama and things are pretty hot and not in a good way.  Thankfully my name is not in the mix but I think I will be collateral damage if my boss takes this out on me, which is what I suspect will happen.  Time of course will tell.

The hospital where my partner passed away has an opening, so I applied.  As long as they don’t send me to the Neuro ICU I should be fine.  It’s a large major hospital, lots of people gay, straight, bi – black, white, Mexican,  Japanese, etc.  Very diverse.  I know they have good benefits but getting in the door is something that I have been trying to do for years and who knows maybe this will be my shot.  I’ve got a friend who knows 2 people that work their, they are going to refer me so that should up my chances.  I can only hope.  I am so ready for a fresh start and to get out of crazy town.  Where I work at now is a paycheck but it’s a total joke and the sooner I can leave the better it will be for my mental health.

Went out to get the mail and Momma’s medicine.  Made conversation with a hot guy at the pharmacy, who I presume is married.  All I know is thin, nice butt – what more is there to talk about.  Brains yeah I know.  Common Sense is nice.  We just made idle chit chat and that was it. 

I am doing laundry but not because of a cat, because of mother nature.  The first frost is coming tonight and it’s going to be cold tomorrow.  I will be wearing my partners leather jacket to work tomorrow.  It’s a little big on me but it will do!  Plus he was the last person to wear it so it will just be extra comfy for me. 

My feet are freezing and inside I have had the I am not feeling well feeling.  However, right now outside of cold feet I feel okay.  My eyes are stressed because my glasses aren’t on and I haven’t had my eye drops.  Yeah, everything goes to hell in a hand basket when I don’t get to follow my routine.  Cats didn’t get their morning meds either.  Jumper is feeling better and I showed him that I have plenty of dry food, so he is happy. 

Ugh, my mom just called.  So I am dealing with that.  Talk with you peeps later.

20 October 2013

Usual Sunday

Went to bed last night to learn that BLU peed in my bed again.  That fucker!  Had to strip the bed and sleep with a snuggie on a bare matress.  Me and Jumper.  It was 1 am who wants to do laundry then?  Not me!

Working on laundry now, should be done in an hour or there abouts.  Then I have to make my bed, what fun.

So the day started off with me being woke up at 6:30 by the boys, fed the children.  Back to bed.  Woke up 9:30 made eggs, fed the children again.  Threw on some clothes (no shower since Friday morning) and off to the salon.  Got my hair did.  Visited the grocery store afterwards, bought way too much food.  I spent very close to $100 and it’s all frozen or sweet stuff.  Except for 2 salads and 1 tub of Cottage Cheese.  Didn’t expect the bill to be that high.  Stopped at Sam’s club for gas at a discount, perks of membership. 

Arrived home, opened the windows and brought in the groceries.  The kids loved the open windows and were frolicking around .  Had a frozen individual pizza from CPK for lunch and finished with a day old jelly donut – awesome lunch!  Watched a very bad movie, sugar high wore off and I crashed for like a 1/2 hour.  Woke up bad movie still on, finished it.

Entered in all of my expenses so I know how much money I have.  Sad thing is tomorrow is payday and a good portion of my check is already gone.  Found a 1/2 way interesting job on-line and applied.  Then wrote a letter to the post office in DC to tell them about my problems with the local post office and signing up for the wonderful new services.  I played the gay card and said I feel that I am being discriminated against.  It’s true and while I don’t know if it will get me results, it’s worth a try.

Talked to the home loan guy that I was referred to.  He can’t help me but told me the name of the program that I would qualify for.  It’s the same program someone else tried to get me into but it’s not for re-fi it’s for new purchases.  I will use Google to see if I can find a lender, otherwise we will see what the mortgage company comes up with.  This just has to work out, I know I am not the first person this has happened to and sadly I won’t be the last.

What I am dying to get rid of is the damn Bankruptcy that would be a small amount of extra money each month that I could put towards bills.  If I can get people to stop with their hands out and I can behave and not go hog wild shopping I think this will work out.

It’s time for calendars.  I always get a railroad calendar, usually 2 one for the living room and one for my late partner.  This year I am getting 2 but taking the other one to work.  I need my nude calendars as well, just 2 so that shouldn’t break the bank.  Everyone likes eye candy and anyone that comes over will know I am gay.  I don’t get company so might as well make my home comfy for me.  No one else is going to do it. 

I also have a few things on my shopping list I’d like to buy 2 Roku players.  One for the living room and the other to give away as a Christmas gift.  I’ve been chatting them (ROKU) up for a long time.  My guy bought me one when they first came out and it’s how I view Hulu Plus, Netflix and Amazon.  Plus there are lots of other channels to choose from.  You pay for the player and if you want Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, etc. you pay for those subscriptions.  There is plenty of free content.  It just came to me today so of course I want to do it now.  It would be $100 to part with.  Not exactly sure this is the right time but for $100 to take care of two birds with one stone, well worth it. 

Looking forward to scheduling some time off.  I haven’t done it yet but will be in the next couple of weeks.  I have a weeks worth of time.  I am thinking of taking 1 day at Thanksgiving (friday after, normally we are closed but we don’t find that out until the last minute).  Christmas I want Christmas Eve, not sure if I will take it but the two days after Christmas I want those.  Plus the two days after the 1st of the year.  Nice holiday break.  I get 3 weeks vacation and have only used 2 days thus far.  My anniversary is in May and I am not allowed to carry any days over.  Of course if I leave for any reason (quit or get fired) and I have taken days that I haven’t accrued they will debit those from my check.  I’m looking at using a week of vacation but spread across 3 months so I get more bang for my buck.  Then the remaining vacation I will leave for sick days and if I don’t use them well I will schedule time off. 

So everything that I wanted to get done today, minus a shower and the big claw trim has been accomplished.  I shouldn’t but I am giving her a reprieve, probably another week.  She is already slightly sticking to things so I am sure another week is the most I can go.  I didn’t want to do anything with the windows open because she screams loudly and the police would have come if my neighbors have 1/2 a brain.  I honestly don’t think anyone would call.  Years ago a neighbors burglar alarm went off and no one called.  It was sounding for a bit, when I decided time to pick up the phone.  Turns out it was a false alarm.  A new person just bought the house and they had issues, every time they would raise or lower the garage door it would set the alarm off.  That got fixed quickly.  The police don’t like false alarms to the same place on a daily basis.  In fact after 3 or 4 within a month you get fined for each one there after. 

Were getting close to Halloween, hopefully I can find out when the candy days are so I am sure to turn off the lights.  We now I don’t give candy out.  I remember one year my partner gave out 1 year old taffy.  Oh boy I am sure that sent someone to the dentist.  That stuff was harder than a rock.  He wasn’t shy about passing it out either.  Gobs to each kid so who knows he may have sent a whole family to the dentist. 

It’s jacket weather, I am taking in my coat hook to the office tomorrow.  I may or may not have a jacket to hang on it but eventually I will need it.  The thing supports up to 5lbs so that should be good when I am wearing my leather coat. 

Okay I can see I am starting to babble so I am going to call this post done.  Off to see what kind of trouble I can get into.  I turned the heat on this morning for the first time.  It gets cold in here, especially when you don’t have a comforter to shield you. 

Talk with you peeps later.

19 October 2013

Lonely Saturday

Feeling lonely today. I tried to occupy myself today and really wanted to be around friends but with the few that I have, they are all busy.  I do have plans to go out next weekend which will be helpful because next Sunday would have been his (my late partner) 73rd Birthday.  This whole month has been rough because October belonged to him it was his month and this is his favorite time of year. 

So enough sadness what did I do today?  I watched a lot of TV.  The Goldbergs is a really good TV show and since I signed up for Hulu Plus I watched all 4 episodes.  Pretty good stuff.  I saw a movie 21 & Over.  Miles Teller is uber hot and there is some ass shots and he even makes out with another guy.  I put my pizza in the oven for supper and started watching it.  I just got engrossed and well it was a damn good movie. 

I skipped breakfast and went to lunch at Olive Garden.  I wanted desert but didn’t indulge.  I visited Target & Petsmart today as well as the post office.  The postage that was due was on an address I requested.  I mailed a letter and marked it with the phrase Address Service Requested, doing that will cause the letter to be delivered but as the sender you get notified of the forwarding address.  Sneaky but legal.  I was really hoping it was a photo of Mike Ross aka Patrick J. Adams, but it wasn’t.  I also hoped that they would talk with me about the letter I sent to the postmaster but that didn’t happen either.  I got attitude and just made my way back to my car. 

My VOIP phone from Net Talk went south just after they decided to charge me for another year of service.  However, I disputed the charge and right now have a provisional temporary credit.  After the fax I sent today that should turn permanent.  I bought the think in June and got it in July.  I signed up for service in July and 12 months of service come with it.  Why then would they bill me again in September.  I shouldn’t be charged until July of next year.  I can’t get the damn thing to work – I have tried to call but get a recording saying you have to initiate an on line chat with us.  That doesn’t work because they are always off line, even during the hours they say they are open.  I’m wondering if the company didn’t go belly up.  I have a support ticket open but that could take months for them to get to.  At least my Magic Jack still works.  I am not fond of it but if it gets the job done well okay.  I need to make a call to Canada to chat up my friend but haven’t gotten around to it.

I trimmed one of the girls claws she is mad at me.  Still have to get Shy Girl and I partially cleaned out a closet, not real good but I did manage to throw away more than I put back and that is a good thing.  I changed the litter boxes and got the trash ready to go.  So much fun. 

Tomorrow is grocery store day and I might even splurge and get a hair cut.  I really want it but I am telling myself you can go one more week, it won’t kill you.  However, I am vain and want to look good all the time, even though I was born ugly. 

Got a call from a friend who said that her son and a guy started a mortgage business.  I should give him a call because he supposedly can help me.  Yeah I don’t think so but I will tell him my story and see what happens.  If h can help me great but I fully suspect him to tell me sorry you will have to wait until August of next year.  I mean if so many other places turned me down I don’t suspect he will help.  However, nothing ventured nothing gained. 

Friday night well it was a long one.  I stayed at work a little late then managed to talk a co-worker into having dinner with me.  There is more office drama going on but I really don’t want to blog about it right now  It’s complicated and I am sure that in the end I will be the target of some vengeance because I helped someone dig up dirt.  If things go like I think they will the office manager and one other person will be out of a job.  No the other person isn’t my boss because he is an owner.  However, there is a movement started to oust him or at least get him to work from his home instead of coming into the office.  If that happens then I will stay.  All I will say is that public records on the internet are very helpful sometimes. 

To be a little clearer about lunch  - one day I went out for an hour, well 55 minutes.  It was over the summer.  I was scolded when I got back and told that I have to schedule my lunches in advance if I plan to leave the office for an hour.  I can’t just disappear.  Never mind you no one needed me and if they did I have an electronic leash strapped to my hip, it’s called the company cell phone.  See why I want to get a new job or a new boss?  Yeah he is a total dick.  So when I went out on Friday it wasn’t scheduled, it was a spur of the moment thing and as long as no one tattles on me I should be able to get away with it.  There was no management present in the office on Friday so I suspect all will be well. 

Laundry is going, dishes will be going soon as well.  I will be sitting in front of the TV with Big Boy and the others crowded around me watching hopefully something good.  Weekend TV sucks.  I am thinking of saving the claw adventure for tomorrow with Shy Girl.  Time to watch some porn and head up stairs for the evening. 

Sleeping and watching TV is my equivalent to getting drunk.  It helps mask the pain, at least a little.  Hope your enjoying your weekend, talk with you peeps later.

18 October 2013

Friday and almost quitting time

I kept busy today, actually my day started off early.  I was here early and planned on my usual routine of watching Shep689 videos on Youtube while sitting in my car.  I haven’t watched any of their videos this week because I’ve been interrupted by co-workers. This morning was a computer problem that was an ID 10 T but I rushed in to take care of the issue.

I went out for lunch with the girls, had a nice BBQ Chicken Salad it was $10.  It was good but I don’t think $10 good.  Appears that I got away with it, no management at work today.  So unless there is a tattle tail I expect I will be fine.  I have to keep it to a minimum or otherwise it will eventually blow up again. 

Found a job on-line last night that didn’t sound bad, so I applied for it.  The hours suck but if the pay is better then it would be a no brainer.  Calls for interviews aren’t exactly burning up my phone line, but I know eventually they will come.

Talked with a  friend last night, trying to make plans to get together with someone but everyone appears to be busy.  I am waiting for a call back from this friend before I count them out.  On the off chance that I do go out, I am going home tonight and having Mexican Frozen Pizza.  It’s pretty good stuff.  Maybe an ice cream drumstick after that to cool down the mouth and relaxation here I come.  I will be lazy, beyond lazy. 

Right now I am tired so the only thing I really want is sleep.  I’m sure that will change by the time I get home. 

Wow 1/2 hour left in the day and this place is still full.  I figured that it would be a ghost town by now.  Since I started early I should leave early but I won’t because someone will eventually say something and then I will have to answer for it.

I tend to not want to rock the boat for any reason.  I will be going to the post office tomororw morning.  Tossing around the idea of a haircut but also tossing around the idea of letting it grow a little.  I have no idea what I want other than to be pampered. I should have booked a massage because I could use one of them, but I am thinking of money.

Well I guess I will goof off a little more before I call it quits.  You have a nice weekend and I will talk with you later. 

17 October 2013

Thankful Thursday

Wishing it was Friday already, I am tired.  Came home last night to find that BLU had peed in my bed, soaked everything but the pillows.  I had to sleep on a bare matress with just a comforter.  Today I closed the door.  I told Jumper & his sister to guard my room but I guess they fell asleep on the job.  Normally, they do a good job.  Jumper stays in my bed most of the day when he actually gets in the bed. 

I called the mortgage company first thing this morning, learned that they still have my account in review and don’t need anything from me this week.  Now I have to call back again next week to see if there has been any change.  I have to keep the Congressman’s person updated as well, so maybe things will turn out okay for me.  Fingers crossed and praying hard.  Ready to be done with this.  I wrote the attorney I have waiting to pounce on them and asked her if I can keep her on standby indefinably.  The free legal program provided by the union ends at the end of this year.  If your case is opened prior to them they will work it to the end, otherwise you are just out of luck. 

Came into more drama at work today.  It’s just putting me in the middle again and that is a position I really don’t like.  Keep it simple top or bottom – those are positions I know about.  :)  Anyway it’s done and over with so I am moving on.  Funny thing is I told my boss about it and I thought I would at least get a thank you but nope, not a word.  He’s been really good about leaving me alone this week.  I pray that continues because my life is peachy without him.

I went to grab the mail last night and got a card in the box telling me that I have postage due on something.  Makes me wonder if that is a coy way of saying we’d like to talk with you or if there truly is postage due on something.  I have no idea what it could be but as long as it’s there on Saturday I will find out.  Otherwise, too bad so sad.  Makes me wonder if I should stop tonight for mail.  I guess it will depend a lot on how I feel and when I get to leave.

I am at a stopping point in my day so piddling is what I am doing right now.  It sounds like I am busy but really I am goofing off.  Thinking about the weekend and how I would like to get together with a friend but she is not feeling well so that isn’t going to happen.  I am really thinking about my late partner this month is his month, I plot and plan looking forward to giving him a Birthday gift and shopping for a card. Now I don’t need to do those things and I have all of these odd feelings like this is how October is going to be from now on?  I do have to get my mom a card but I am in no rush.  His birthday came first and then hers a couple days later.  A week later my brothers and then I am done for the year. 

Forgot to tell you I came home to a small mess last night Big Boy needs a bath, that will happen tonight.  Between the carpet and the laundry I was just too busy.  I can’t take that much upheaval in my routine. 

I’ve got my purple on for Spirit Day.  My boss wore a Purple shirt as well but I think that was just an anomaly.  No one else wore purple and I even talked about it to a co-worker/friend.  Plus she hates it when I don’t shave, so I shaved last night just for her and she hasn’t said word one. 

Heard that there will be a partial fire drill next week.  We have to go down a couple floors and wait for an all clear, then we can hike back up, guess that is better than going all the way down to the ground, considering I am in a high rise building.  Not looking forward to it but want to get it over with.

That is all of the news I have right now.  How boring my life is.  Perhaps eventually I will be writing about a boyfriend.  I just look forward to happier times and hope they get here soon before I just throw my hands up.

Have a great evening and remember tomorrow is Friday.  So much for sleeping in on Saturday have to visit the post office.  Talk with you peeps later.

16 October 2013

The beat goes on

Heard an update from the Congressman’s Office they said the mortgage company informed them that the account was under review for a modification.  They want me to call in tomorrow to find out if they need any additional documentation.  You and I both know those bastards are going to ask for something.  Here we go on the long journey and I think that it will probably be another 4 month ride.  I am so done with these people.

I am not looking forward to talking with them, but I am interested to see what they have to say. 

My so called friend applied for Unemployment.  The company is fighting it – they even have photos of her sleeping on the job.  I really find that hard to believe.  I was talking about her last night with another friend of mine and I have come to the conclusion that my so called friend is mentally ill.  I am not contacting her and keeping my distance, we shall see how long it takes her to reach out to me.  My guess is this will go on for a while.  Not at the top of my list of worries.

The list of worries goes Mortgage, Big Boy and so on.  No word from the Post Office regarding my application for the additional services.  I am thinking I will probably have to visit them in person.  Not sure if I should push it now or wait.  I really would like the service as it could help save me time and money. 

Yesterday all I got was a couple of catalogs and a notice from Medicare about an adjusted claim they processed for my late partner.  I am wondering with this Medicare thing if we will be in the year 2020 and I will still be getting letter regarding adjusted claims.  This claim was from 2011 which was 2 years ago.  Now they some how figured that the provider may bill him $50.  I say bill away, he won’t pay and neither will I.

Thinking about supper tonight, really want something uber good, over the top because it’s been a stressful week.  However, I think I will probably save that for Friday. It will be something frozen like maybe a Pot Pie or Mexican.  Hey there is a new idea a Mexican Pot Pie.  Beans, Rice, Beef, Cheese, Some mild sauce put it in a pie shape and bake it up.  Sounds good.

Not exactly looking forward to the weekend.  Claw Trimming time.  That little girl and I are bonding and when I have to do things like trim her claws, it put a bump in our relationship.  I hate that. 

I’ve gotten home later than normal the past two nights because I stay to talk with a co-worker who is  chatty kathy.  Tonight I am going to try to get out of here and home on-time.  I’ve been missing the opening of Dirty Pop so I come in mid program and have no idea what is going on. 

Need to find out when candy day is, where I live they move Halloween up to give the kids candy nights and then on Halloween they throw a Halloween Parade.  I just need to know when I should turn the lights off and keep the house dark.  No candy from me. 

I’ve got an hour to go and really don’t want to find anything to do, but I guess I will.  This will probably be the longest hour of the day, since I want it to go by really fast.

My co-worker that talks a lot wants me to join a gym with her.  Its in our office building and we could motivate each other.  Yeah, I would rather buy a burger than spend money on a gym membership.  Don’t take life too seriously no one gets out alive.  I’m over weight and I wil never have the body of Travis Stork, Paul Vandervort or any other good looking guy.  So I am happy with what I have as long as it keeps on working.

Time to go.  Talk with you folks later.  Be well.

15 October 2013

Breaking News–Mortgage Issue

So I heard from the Congressman’s office today and from the way it sounds now the mortgage company isn’t willing to work with me because my name isn’t on the loan.  I have asked them for clarification about payment modification but they really prefer that I obtain a loan in my name and pay them off.

Now I’d love nothing more than to do that but problem is I don’t qualify because of my bankruptcy.  I think they have lost sight there is a human being involved here.  If they don’t work with me then my only choice is to stop paying them.  That will cause 1 of 2 things to happen.  1 – They will start to foreclose, in which case I can live here for a year before they kick me out.  But think of all of the money I will have saved.  2 – They will go oh my gosh, why didn’t you say something we can work with you. 

Basically I see it as they are forcing my hand.  I am not going to do anything rash just yet but I am not too far off from it. 

I’m told I will know more tomorrow, will let you know what I hear.  I am not holding my breath.

The one thing that amazes me is you get a different answer each time you call depending upon who you talk to.  You’d think they would at least be consistent in their responses.  I pointed that out to the Congressman’s Office but they chose to over look it. 

From the way it sounds I am screwed and not in a pleasurable way.  I feel like the only way out of this is to jump off a bridge.  What a HUGE nightmare.  I want it to end – I am looking for closure and to be able to exhale, this is just prolonging that. 

Cold and Wet

If you like cold and wet, then you’d love it here.  Rainy and in the 60’s.  Not exactly a good day for a fire drill.  Still waiting to hear when it’s going to happen.  I don’t want to do it today but I wish they would get it over with or someone would tell me when it’s going to happen.

So today is back to work in the US.  My contact in the Congresman’s office is back to work but only for a few days then he will be on furghlogh again.  I hope they figure this out and get the government back to work.  At any rate he promissed to follow up with the mortgage company and said that he would be in touch, I was at the top of his list so that made me feel good.  However that was at 9:30 and it’s about 12:30 now. 

Today is what I refer to as a double mail day.  So I am sure that I will be overloaded with stuff to go through and occupy my time.  It felt kind of strange last night going straight home.  Plus eating and no letters or bills to look at.  That is okay I would like more night like last night. 

The movie I was watching was called The Wise Kids.  It ended on a good note.  I started watching a comedian and fell asleep in the middle because I was just wiped out.  I went to bed at 9 pm, which is very early for me.  However, I needed it.

Got a few people out ill, wonder if they ate something together.  One lady just went home today.  Whatever it is I don’t want it. 

Shy Girl let me pet her in the open, she was close to her mother so that helped.  I even grabbed a paw, she wasn’t too happy about that.  This is claw trimming weekend and I am not too happy about that.  I wish her claws never grew to where they needed trimming but that won’t happen.  I hope that this time is easier than last time and she realizes that I am not there to hurt her but to help her.  She loves me when I have food but not when I have the clippers and brush. 

Well time to get back to beating the drum.  I’ve got some appointments this afternoon so hopefully that will help make the day go by faster.  Things are slowing down and I like that but I worry because if this boss man sees it then he might overload me again.  Lord knows I don’t need that. 

I hope your all having a good day.  Talk with you again soon. 

14 October 2013

Happy Thanksgiving–Happy Columbus Day

Dual holidays!  According to my office calendar today is Thanksgiving in Canada.  It’s also Columbus Day here in the US.  Which would explain why there weren’t too many cars out this morning.  I hope everyone that slept in stays home tonight so my commute home will be easy. 

No need to stop for mail since it’s a holiday, I won’t have any.  Salad for supper and maybe some left over Mexican, depending upon how I feel.  Then it’s trash time and finally I can relax for the night, before getting ready to do it all over again on Tuesday. 

What a long day this has been.  I didn’t have nearly the volume of work I had on Friday, but that should hopefully change tomorrow.  I like it when the days go by fast and I am busy, not crazy busy but busy. 

Nothing much new since last night.  Shy Girl is mimmicing her mother.  She grabs a ball and starts crowing like her head is falling off.  She bats the damn thing around and chases after it.  I would have never thought she would do anything like that.  Maybe just maybe someday she will sit in my lap.  She jumped on my bed this morning while I was eating breakfast.  Just curled up by the pillows.  Momma was close by and when she left so did her girls.  I wonder if she gets tired of them following her around?  I know I sure would. 

TAZ has tried to pick a fight with Blu multiple times yesterday and I had to break it up.  Apparently there is something in his craw, because otherwise he wouldn’t bother.  If you make him mad, he doesn’t forget but he doesn’t necessarily act out right away.  I hope I never make him mad.  I did trim both of their claws yesterday.

The weekend provided time to relax which I needed and I will need again after 5 days.  The weather here is changing and it’s cold in the morning.  I am hopeful that my body just adapts to the change w/o causing any problems.  Today would be a day that I would look forward to going home to Chili, homemade not a can.  However, my salad will be just fine.  Plus I have cake to eat – 4 slices one for each day and Friday go out or eat ice cream or maybe both!

I am done with work but the clock isn’t moving it’s a little after 4 here.  I have other things to do but don’t want to get wrapped up in anything right now.  You start, leave and then come back wondering where you left off at. 

I am watching a good movie on Netflix.  It’s about a kid who is growing up and about to graduate High School.  He’s gay and is a Christian.  He has told one friend and they disagree with him and tell him that it’s wrong.  He also kissed another guy in the movie who brought him a video camera for his birthday.  I was getting sleepy so I had to turn it off, looking forward to picking up and seeing it to the end tonight. 

There is nothing quite like a good movie to take you away from everyday life and let you see other people or just entertain you with laughter. 

Okay I’m not sure what else to type so before I get to rambling I will call this post done.  Talk with you peeps later. 

13 October 2013

2 quick things

1 – Changed up the blog.  In searching for a photo, I learned NPH got a nipple piercing.  HOT that just makes me wish even more I was David Burtka!

2 – Lyrics to a song I listen to from time to time, there is a lot of truth in here.  I removed the Chorus.

Lazyboy – This is the truth

One life, one shard, one move, one God
You don't win silver, you lose gold
Stop earning the right to be, you won the day you were born
If you don't know what direction you should take
You don't know where you are
Success is a matter of luck, ask any failure
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you
We are born naked, wet, and hungry, then things get worse
Your success is measured by your ability to finish things
Skepticism is the beginning of faith
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names
There is no such thing as right or wrong, only consequences
All men are born equal but quite a few of them eventually get over it
We are the people our parents warned us about
Sometimes I think the surest sign of intelligent life exists
Elsewhere in the universe, is that none of them have tried to contact us
Be nice to nerds, chances are you'll end up working for one
Do not get mad with others because
They know more than you, it is not their fault
If you do not change your beliefs, your life will always be like this
Fantasy is as important as wisdom
Do not try to satisfy everyone
The biggest lie you can tell yourself is
"When I get what I want I will be happy"
Don't take life too seriously you won't get out alive
It may be that your sole purpose in life is
Simply to serve as a warning to others
Life is shorter than expected
What you are willing to accept
Is exactly what you will get
You can't control, without being controlled
Creativity is great but plagiarism is faster
You are the very reason for everything that happens to you
Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard"
Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"

Here is the song, in case you’d like to listen to it.

My Cloud

Last night I was goofing around with my iPhone and decided to turn on iCloud backup.  They give you 5GB and well I was almost out of space.  So this morning I decided to signup that it would be a good deal, since every night when my phone is charging it would be backed up as well, why not.  I’ve seen a lot of people bit by the data loss bug and man do they cry the blues.  I’ve been bitten myself, so I think $40 is a decent investment for 1 year of service.  Plus that will cover both my iPhone and iPad not like I am getting any other Apple devices soon.

I got up way too early, but laid in bed for most of the morning.  Finally close to 9:30 I got up.  No shower, just dressed and out the door.  I went to breakfast at Bob Evans.  Not too bad but I wasn’t stuffed by any means.

Then on to the grocery store, but I took my time getting there.  I opened the sun roof and let the wind in, it’s a great day to just go for a drive.  On a day like this we would be out driving around somewhere just looking at what the world has to offer, maybe tracking down where a particular road goes.  I’d probably be bored 1/2 way through and fuss, then we would probably grab a bite to eat and take our time getting home.  We used to do things just like that.  Those are the things that I miss.  Fall was his favorite time of year.  It brought out his Testosterone.  But we also did manage to have plenty of good times going to the winery, driving around, eating out and just being together. 

I’ve got the windows open and the cats are going nuts.  I tried to take a nap but kept getting woke up by cats.  It’s probably for the best, sleep all day and I won’t sleep tonight.  I really don’t have much drive to do anything other than relax. 

I got the dishes done last night.  The laundry is going now and soon it will be trash time.  Then I have to figure out what is for supper tonight.  Frozen something.  I mean I could go out but I will talk myself out of it and just stay home because it’s cheaper.  Although there is a place not too far away that I have in mind to visit.

I’m using my Hulu Plus subscription but me and it don’t exactly get along.  I’ve got to go visit their webpage and see if I can personalize things much like Netflix allows.  You tell it what your interested in and they show you things that may appeal to you.  Granted most of it doesn’t but on occasion they hit the nail on the head. 

Reading medical records and writing the letter to the nurse have drugged up so many memories.  It’s like I am reliving April over again.  I actually thought about driving the letter over and hand delivering it but I changed my mind because well, that would be a little expensive and emotionally I don’t think I could have taken it.  When I left the Neuro ICU in April I said I would never be back and unless something traumatic happens I have no reason to go back.  I learned that they really tried to break up the clot by squirting it with Heparinized Saline and giving him Heparin, which is a blood thinner.  They did everything they could think of to try to right the wrong that was done, but unfortunately their efforts were in vain.  The damage had already been done and nothing they could do would fix it.  They documented that he stopped taking 1/2 of his meds because of cost reasons.  I never said that, but they put words in my mouth.  I honestly have no idea why he stopped taking his medicine.  The best that I can surmise is that he was confused, thought he was out of the medication and was waiting for a new supply to arrive.  I really wish things would have turned out differently.  You know that I we would have been at least able to communicate and say goodbye, but that didn’t happen either.  I went in and talked to a body laying in a bed, but he was comatose.  Everyone says you have to believe he could hear you.  The truth is I will never know, it’s just one of many things that I will go to my grave wondering about. 

I do know that we made our love clear to each other.  Sure we had bad times and we fought.  We had times where our relationship was on the rocks.  However, love sees you through times like that.  There is no doubt in my mind that he knew I loved him because I showed it in my actions.  I know that he loved me because he told me all the time.  He wasn’t a materialistic person like me, but there are a few gifts he gave to me.  Plus many valuable life lessons.  Now it’s just time for me to close that chapter of my life and move on.  Much easier said than done.  He was and will always be my everything. 

I can only hope and pray that God brings some other man into my life and that I can be blessed with a relationship like I had.  Right now I am just trying to breathe and honestly forget about the pain that I am in.  Work and staying busy helps with that.  However, there is always down time and that is usually when memories come alive and I think of what used to be.  I wake up in the morning hoping to see him and then realize oh yeah he’s gone.  I look at the urns and realize this is not a dream it’s reality and I have to keep on going. 

People say I should see someone for my depression.  Really?  I don’t think I am in depression, I think I am grieving a huge loss.  No one knows what I really had but me.  Everyone grieves differently.  It’s not like there is a schedule where you are only allowed 2 months to grieve for the loss of a spouse. You take your time to get it out of your system as much as possible.  Then you simply get used to the fact that they are no longer here.  You dust yourself off and get going again.  I’m going right now but haven’t completing the dusting off.

Well laundry and the children are calling.  So I guess I will answer them and maybe even get a shower.  What a grand idea.  Then figuring out what I am going to eat. 

I do apologize for being a Debbie Downer, I know people aren’t attracted to that but at the same time I have to have an outlet to share my feelings and well this is it!  I hope your having a great weekend and I will talk with you peeps later. 

12 October 2013


Today must have been overcharge day.  I went to Lowe’s to get furnace filters, 5 in a pack for $2.50, I grabbed two packs.  The clerk scans each filter and says that will be $25.  I said they are $2.50 a pack – she confirms with head cashier, voids sale and re-rings.  $6 with tax.  Much better!

On to Target for cat litter, allergy pills, deodorant and shaving cream.  I didn’t realize it until hours after I had been home, but the cashier rang up 2 allergy medications, which explains why the price was so high.  I went back and explained my story, I figured that I would have a fight on my hands.  Nope, scanned receipt, scanned item.  Refund issued, no questions asked. 

You really have to watch them at the cash register, everyone makes mistakes but I think some people just try to pull fast ones.

Yesterday leaving the office the elevator was about to close.  I stuck my arm in it and opened it for the hot guy I like.  He was wearing jeans.  Man his butt looked so good!  I wanted to jump him in the elevator but he’s straight, married and there were way too many people.  Ah dreaming is no charge.

I found out that our Fire Drill is Monday.  I am really not looking forward to that, other than the slight interruption in my work day.  It will be organized chaos because no one in our office has been told a meeting place or where we are supposed to go.  Ah well we will figure it out soon enough.

The special food I was getting for Big Boy doesn’t appeal to him anymore, so he wants regular food.  I am so afraid he will stop eating on me.  I bought him different special food, some of which is Fancy Feast.  I know he will gobble that up, it’s small but expensive.  His treats were on sale today a large bag for $0.89 when they are normally $2 for a small bag.  Why not stock up?

I called back and spoke with the Mortgage company yesterday, as I suspected they can’t take information over the phone.  I was told to complete the forms, fax them in and then make weekly status calls like a convicted felon checking in with his probation or parole officer.  I told them in a letter you know how to reach me, so if you need something contact me.  I will try to call you weekly but that might not always happen as I do have to work for a living and my work can be demanding at times.  I sent copies to the congressman's office.  I really hope they will stick by me through this process, I think that will be the HUGE difference here.  Perhaps it may compel them to fast track this because lord knows I have been waiting for a while.  I have also updated my attorney who was going to call and talk with them.  However, I’m not sure what involvement she should have at this point.  So I asked her.  Waiting for a response. 

I found the nurses name that was with my partner in his final hours.  I wrote and sent her a thank you letter.  Wow, that was a tear jerker.  What do you say, not typically a problem for me.  I did chose my words carefully. 

Resubscribed to Hulu Plus so that I can see Glee.  Watched the goodbye episode to Finn (Corey Montieth).  That was emotional and I had some phone interruptions so that saved me from totally breaking down. 

Now it’s on to cleaning the litter boxes, grabbing some ice cream and winding down for the night.  I will be back up early again tomorrow finishing up things and headed to the grocery store.  That trip I love to hate.  Going back to the regular store, just hope I can find everything that I need/want because they just rearranged it. 

Went out to eat tonight, saw a former relative of my partners.  Caught up with her.  Which is something that I have been trying to do for a while.

So average weekend – nothing special.  Just enjoying time at home with the kids and hopefully able to catch some good TV.  I wanted to go see Don Jon but talked myself out of it.  I’ll probably order it when it’s available on Pay Per View through Cable. 

Take care and I will talk with you peeps later!

11 October 2013


The one day I come in early to chat with co-workers and no one is in yet.  See I  knew I should have stayed in my car and watched Youtube videos, like normal. 

I called the mortgage company, they said we have to start the process all over again.  Now they need my gross and net income as well as my monthly expenses.  I have to call them back today and provide this.  I thought they could just go off of all of the paperwork that they made me fill out over the past 4 months but no, we have to start all over because I was denied.  How stupid is that.  It’s not like anything has actually changed, but thankfully it has.  I found a huge mistake that I made so my expenses are actually more than before.  The deficit each month is huge.  Income isn’t that high and well I have to do something to cover the deficit. 

So I guess it will be another merry go round for 4 months.  I plan on completing the paperwork they sent over the weekend because I know they will be asking for it next.  I am sending it to the congressman and letting his office submit it, so they will actually hang on to it and not misplace it.  I was amazed at the number of times I had to resend documents.  The thing is they play this little game with everyone, but it seems like they are just picking on me.  After talking with lots of people I came to the conclusion that they do this to everyone.  Why, is beyond my understanding.  I guess it’s a way to get more money out of people.  There is so much more to life than money!

I got my partners medical records from the hospital that he passed away in.  They had them in reverse order so the first thing I saw is when he died.  Reading that was like he passed all over again.  There are 89 pages and I have to shell out $50 for them.  I scanned them and sent them to the attorney that was looking into the wrongful death case.  While there is no case he said that if I get them to pass them along to him because he would like to review them.  It is very doubtful that there is anything there but one never knows.  I explained that I wasn’t looking to get billed, so if there is a charge he can forget it.  I have thoughts about looking for another attorney for a 2nd opinion but right now the house issue is a little more important.

Talking with a friend last night, he said it best.  You just can’t seem to catch a break.  How accurate he is! 

I am working on the mail upgrade at work and I am really booked today, so I need to run.  Looking forward to the weekend and resting – getting to be lazy is about my only perk these days.  Well that and napping.  I look so forward to my nap on the weekend.

Happy Friday, we made it through another week.  Be well and I will talk with you again soon. 

09 October 2013

Mortgage Help–Maybe

I heard from the legislators office today.  Apparently the current lender is willing to work with me.  They want me to complete and send them paperwork that I have previously filled out and sent multiple times.  I sent copies to the legislators office, they will in turn forward them and I was pretty well assured that they won’t loose them.

I have to call the current lender, I may try tomorrow but more likely to try on Friday.  People tend to be in a better mood because it’s Friday.  Now I am not holding my breath but what I have been told makes it sounds like this is all going to work out peachy.

The guy more like kid that is helping me with this is cute.  I did a Google search for him.  I see a Twitter and a Google + but I don’t see a FB.  Just being nosy but I’d like to know his age and if he is gay.  I mean he seems to be well with solving problems.  Lord knows I have a lot of problems!  I will offer to buy him a drink and/or a meal.  I’m sure he will turn it down because it will look like I am bribing him which is totally not the case. I am truly thankful for his help.  I just want to extend a kind gesture.  If he accepts and something comes of it, great.  If not well maybe I can just make a new friend. 

I started WW3 in the office today.  Someone made changes to a system that I administer.  This was done without my consent and/or knowledge.  I knew that if I didn’t know about it chances are that my boss didn’t know about it either.  My phone was just vibrating like crazy on the way in with people screaming for help.  Once things fell into to place, I told my boss and holy crap that unleashed his venom.  Thankfully it wasn’t directed at me.  He was pleased that I told him.  It felt odd like I was running to the teacher but this is exactly what he wants.  Okay, so maybe I scored a point or two today.  I finished up my inventory spreadsheet and got that turned in.  I am just praying he doesn’t pick it apart and have all sorts of issues with it.  Meanwhile I am moving on to the next project. 

Came home to find out that Big Boy finally went to the bathroom.  Today was day #2 and I knew that his system eventually had to cycle.  I only gave him a little bit of a stool softener and it still made a big mess.  I got that cleaned up and got him cleaned up as well.  I told him if you keep pushing your going to blow your asshole out.  I mean I am cleaning up some blood, it’s not a lot but I know it’s all from him straining.  Not sure if Cats get hemorrhoids but if they do, I think I will be finding out soon enough.  He’s still eating and lapping up the attention so all is good.  I am just hypersensitive to him and every little thing with him sets me on edge. 

Well time to prep for Thursday.  What a week!  Talk with you peeps later.

08 October 2013


Average day.  Got yelled at because I didn't copy my boss on something.  He is either very paranoid or trying to get rid of me or both.  At this point I've realized there isn't much for me to do but my job and the rest will take care of its self or so I hope.

Talked w my so called friend she told me that everyone in the office knows I'm gay.  I said who cares.  Those people are so shallow and after what I have been through I could care less.

Then she tells me she is suing them for what sounds like wrongful termination.  They fired her for sleeping on the job.  She was a huge disappointment to me but she would never sleep on the job.  I'm sure she will get something out of it.  All I can say is when does my ship come in?

Jumper is whirring at me and now licking my arm like its a spare rib.  We're waiting for Mr Tosh to air.

My phone battery is about shot so it's time to post and watch tv.  Saw Nick Carter on The Doctors.  He ain't that good looking now.  Wonder how his brother Aaron looks?

Long day short night no flight :). A diamond a day keeps the divorce lawyer away.  Ttyl!

07 October 2013

D I T L O–Day In The Life Of

Nothing exciting to talk about today, other than it was cold when I got up.  Cold in my office and my hands were cold. 

I am catching up on work and making a pretty spreadsheet that I am sure my boss will rip to shreds once I turn it in.

I am getting close to a project that will be very boring – it’s reorganizing an intranet site.  Plus creating user accounts.  I will hate it but it’s the biggest project I have going and I budgeted 4 months – not sure how long it will actually take but I am sure there will be plenty of days when I don’t want to work on it. 

Planning for when the office goes on vacation next month.  I need to get both vehicles oil changed.  I need to see about getting Blu fixed.  Not sure if I will be able to accomplish all of that in the short time I have but I can certainly try.

Last night Big Boy was straining to defecate and he wore himself out.  I was scared he was going to have a heart attack.  He was really pushing.  Eventually he calmed down and everything came out and then some.  I had one hell of a mess to clean up.  I gave him a stool softener this morning.  Waiting to see what tonight brings.  I went easy because it’s strong stuff, found that out the hard way. 

His breathing was getting a little better but now we are back to dire straights again.  I am upping his steroid dose because that is truly the only thing outside of God that can help him.  I hate to see him struggle and I know there is some suffering going on but he seems to have a lot of life left in him. He is still bossing me around, swiping at Blu and begging for belly rubs.  So I wouldn’t say his quality of life is bad but it’s certainly not care free like his sisters and brother.  I am still pondering what to do and for now the answer is nothing.  Take it one day at a time and see what occurs.  I know the end is coming, that is very painfully obvious but I just don’t want to deal with death again, be it now, next year or ever.  I need time to recover from the biggest loss of my life and that my friends will take lots of time.

Well it’s about time to call it a night.  So off to upstairs to see what I can find on TV that will amuse me.  Monday was uneventful and I am thankful of that.  I hope the days and weeks ahead are exactly the same way.

Oh my friend yeah, we hired a replacement for her today.  She starts next Monday and I just hope it will all work out.  No word from my friend and I really don’t want to call her, but eventually I will break down and check on her just because that is who I am.  Talk with you peeps later.