Man Candy - Stud's for EOY

Last Words for 2025

This year feels like years past when writing this post, it’s all a blur.  I’ve had some high high’s this year with 2 ride alongs with different police agencies, being able to donate money to make a difference in kids & family’s Christmas’, seeing movies that I enjoyed, taking time off, asking a hot waiter for a date only to find out he was straight.  You might think that it belongs under the low lows, but it was exhilarating for me. 

Speaking of the low low’s most recently this month with find out that a former co-worker committed suicide months ago, a former porn star I liked did the same and then a former porn star & only fans creator was killed in a motor vehicle accident.  Add to that not winning the lottery, the cat food shortage earlier this year and what came to me recently in the shower no performance bonus that I was promised this year as well as the fact I bought two what I consider expensive gifts for the cats and they want nothing to do with them. 

It’s been quite a year and now it’s time to button it all up and put it in the past as we move forward to 2026.  Like last year I hope this time next year I have a man to celebrate with and that I will meet him this coming year, sooner rather than later.  It would be nice to win the lottery but absent of that I’ll settle for buying a new vehicle.  I think this will be the year that happens.  That my job continues unless of course I win the lottery then who cares.  That both of my cats as well as myself will remain in reasonably good health and that we will continue to comfort and entertain each other. 

My wish for you is continued health, happiness and prosperity.  Be kind to others as were all going through something even though it might not show on the outside.  I say that as I really want just to bow out of life, existing seems meaningless to me at least right now.  It might be a bit of the winter blues or depression, but life has very much felt that way for me ever since my spouse passed.  Yet I’m still here and continue to amaze myself by not only pressing on but with some of the good things that happen to me.  It’s one day at a time or hanging on for one more day in the hopes that things will go my way, despite how tireless that seems. 

Here’s hoping that 2026 will be the year that only good things happen to all of us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Free

Morning … Apparently I am free of a boss this week, looks like he decided to take the week off.  I checked with my co-worker and even he was caught off guard by this.  We both knew he was talking about taking some time but he didn’t clearly define it or mark it on the calendar like we have to.  I guess that’s the advantage when your a boss. 

Yesterday was way busier than I had expected it to be.  Thus far today is all quiet and if it stays that way I won’t complain, despite it making for a long day I really am okay with it.  I honestly don’t want to work at all.  Had a rough nights sleep.  You’d think that would have hit me the day before I had to come back but nope, it hit me last night. 

Supper was store made Spaghetti with meat sauce.  I made it until 8p before I felt the desire for a snack.  Grabbed a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup and washed it down with lots of water.  That took care of me for the evening. 

I had laptop issues with my anti-virus and fought with that much longer than I wanted to.  Mora clung to myside which didn’t exactly help matters but after a couple hours I got things squared away with the computer and Mora.  She was waiting for treats, which I had passed out earlier.  I guess she forgot about them.  Once I led her in the kitchen my troubles were over.  She nibbled on them and then jumped in bed like a good girl. 

I’ve got some kind of a winter itch on my chest.  I scratched it at first and that only made things worse.  I’ve put some anti-itch cream on it but that stuff doesn’t work well for me.  I plan to try to scrub it out in the shower.  I used to get this really bad all year long but now it only creeps up on me once or twice per year.  All I know is it feels a lot like poison ivy the more you scratch the more it itches to the point where it drives me insane.  I just want it as well as Winter to take a hike. 

Today is a much more relaxed day thus far compared to yesterday at this time.  I am hoping for no technology issues on my end today, for me that will be what I call a WIN. 

I think my Thanksgiving friends are doing their open house again on New Years.  However, I don’t have a formal invite and honestly there is tons of food and people in their small house it’s really cramped.  It’s usually a good time as people come and go.  I tend to stick around like glue.  Not sure that I will venture out to it this year.  I am on-call.  Here’s hoping they don’t call the cops to check on me again.  I will be listening on my scanner.  It’s all charged up and ready to go for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.

It would be great to just have one day off of work per week to just lounge and loaf.  I think it would make the week much more palatable.  I know that I could schedule my vacation time to take a particular day of the week off each week.  I’ve got a colleague that does it with Monday’s.  It’s that instead of taking a formal week or two week vacation.  However, he’s always scrambling to play catchup. 

The one thing about time off is the more you have the more you want.  I really enjoyed being able to do what I wanted, not having to worry about a phone chirping and there was no one bossing me around, other than the cats.  I am years from retirement but once I get there I don’t think I will have enough money to survive very long so it’s like I tell everyone, I will be working up until lunch on the day of my funeral.

Well, I’m going to try to take a break to get away from the computer and relax upstairs, perhaps work in a nap if I can, just hope the phone doesn’t call me back, maybe just maybe today will be like a day off I’m all for that. 

Stay warm and take care!

Technology

Howdy!

Trying to get notifications for my work email back on my iPhone proved to be a difficult task.  I’ve got two different alert tones, one for personal email and one for work email.  I like to know where I am getting mail at and besides that if I am doing something else I know if I need to jump to look at my phone.  I wound up wiping my phone and restoring from a backup, then I had a whole lot more work to get my phone’s personalization back to the way I wanted it to be.  Took me the better part of the morning and now that I just finished lunch, I am all set. 

Found out that the boss is out today, not sure if this is just a today thing or if it’s all week or what.  Were supposed to communicate but apparently that doesn’t apply to him.  One thing is for sure having two weeks off makes me desire more to just walk away from working all together.  However, since it’s my income sadly I can’t walk away. 

My mistake making co-worker said that we would chat on Monday, well he’s not called me and I’m not calling him.  I figure if he did his job like he’s supposed to there isn’t a reason for us to chat.  Never mind that I am in the dark on a few things, I am just letting those go for now. 

It’s wicked cold here now.  Yesterday it was in the 60’s and today were 28 but it’s super windy.  The wind started yesterday afternoon and it’s been keeping the cats occupied ever since.  They both perk up and look around when there is a gust of wind, as if there is something that needs their attention. 

Today didn’t go the way I wanted it to but thankfully the boss is away so that helps take some stress off of me.  I’ve put a few things off until tomorrow.  I’m playing on the web for a little bit then I am going up to be with the cats.  I can watch my computer screen from up there.  Much to my surprise there has been a bit of activity today, not everyone has taken the day off. 

Hope your warm and well.  Take care!

 

One Day Left

Sadly I only have 1 day left before it’s time to return to work.  I knew it would go by fast but having two weeks did make the time last longer.  The first week flew by. 

I’ve eaten at all of the places I had on my list.  I’ve been to all of the retail stores I needed to visit that were on my list.  I’ve knocked out a good portion of the chore list I had for myself.  There was some stuff I didn’t get to but that’s okay it’s waiting for me and I know it’s not going anywhere. 

Christmas was a clusterfuck.  I didn’t get any invite to my friends house until 8a on Christmas day.  The timing just sucked so I decided that I wasn’t going to go.  I also wasn’t going to bother calling or replying back to the text I got.  I was pissed.  It felt like inviting me was an after though or something last minute that just didn’t get done.  As if I can’t make other plans. 

Well my little plan of ignoring them and not going kind of backfired on me.  They called the cops to come check on me to make sure that I was still alive.  I knew the cops were coming I had my scanner on all day Christmas, something that I do every year and I will do it again on New Years.  They took their sweet ass time getting here and once they arrived I stepped outside to chat with them.  They never asked me for ID.  That was a little concerning but that’s where they draw the line.  They did their job and they don’t follow up with the person who called unless something is awry.  I thought about ignoring them because there is no law that says you have to answer your door regardless of who’s knocking.  However, that could have led to them coming inside either with a key or forcing there way in.  I just as soon avoid that drama as well as the potential for damage. 

Anyway, I called my friend back and told him that since I didn’t hear form him I got a pizza earlier in the week and I’ve been snacking on that and just chilling at home.  I was actually watching porn.  He apologized for the mix up and the lack of communication.  However, he told me that I should have followed up.  Nope, I don’t go where I’m not invited to and I’m not trying to insert myself.  If you want me there then damnit invite me and don’t wait until the last fucking minute to do it.  I wound up going over there and we hung out for a while and chatted.  They talked me into coming back yesterday (Friday) for Christmas with just the 3 of us.  They had Prime Rib and I told them I wouldn’t eat that I don’t like it.  So they went out to get ham.  It was a very small meal compared to Thanksgiving but we had lots of conversation and I wound up leaving way later than I wanted to. 

I did make it to the office on Christmas Day and much to my surprise there wasn’t anything waiting for me.  I threw away my 2025 calendar and came back home.  No one was there but me and I kind of figured that is the way it would be, I like to slip in and slip out going unnoticed.  I’ve already checked email and got my inbox cleaned out.  I do have a few things to do on Monday but for the most part unless there is something that is waiting as a surprise, it won’t take long to get to the point where I am caught up. 

My vehicle has had many miles put on it over the last two weeks.  I’m pretty well done with running.  Have to make my usual Sunday trip out in the morning and then a trip out in the late afternoon for supper, then I will be done. 

Today I went back to a place I had lunch with a friend at last week.  I got what he ordered.  It’s called a Pony Shoe.  It’s a hamburger, topped with chili, fries and homemade cheese sauce.  It was a decent ride out there and back but well worth it.  I could have gotten the same thing but larger it’s called a Horse Shoe.  I will be going back!

Not sure about your neck of the woods but the weather here is wacky.  It’s unseasonably warm.  It cools off a little bit at night and we have fog or dense fog, which isn’t the most fun thing to drive in.  We are headed back to the deep freeze but it’s a slow decent. 

Cats have been enjoying the extra attention I have been able to give them.  Bought the last cat food of the year yesterday.  Last night Rudy just like last time, knocked the new bag of dry food off the table and tried to open it with his claws.  I woke up to a mess and I was not happy.  The crime had RUDY written all over it.  Well he got more dry food, way more than he wanted.  Next time I will leave the new bag of dry food in the garage until it’s closer to the time for me to open it. 

I did waste away a bit this morning and enjoyed myself relaxing and watching TV with the cats.  However, I got to a point where it was like you need to get up and get moving, so I did.  Working on some of the laundry now and I plan to finish up tomorrow. 

Hope that you had a great Christmas.  I wish that I had another week off but I know at the end of the day you eventually have to go back sometime.  I did buy lots of lottery tickets with the hope that I wouldn’t have to return but I didn’t win anything for the $30 that I spent.  I buy tickets with the hopes that my luck will change but I think that I am destined not to win big in the lottery and also not likely to find a man.  However, I still hold out hope for both. 

Thanks for stopping by, hope you enjoyed your visit.  We will get back to regular posting next week so long as I’m not too terribly busy with work.  I will be on-call so that should be extra fun (not).  Take care!

Monday

Feeling a bit depressed today.  Still looks like I will be alone on Christmas. 

Wanted to attend a visitation for a lady who passed away, she ran a business that my grandparents frequented.  The lady is also a relative to my Thanksgiving friends.  However, I called the dentist and had an afternoon appointment. 

I was hoping that the dentist would just smooth out the rough edges and we could call it a day.  Well that sort of his how things worked out.  Turns out I didn’t break the tooth it was part of the filling chipped off.  There is a divot that she can get to without drilling out a part of the old filling and replacing it.  For now were leaving it as is.  If it bothers me or breaks further I’m supposed to call for an appointment to get that work done.  I don’t like the divot but the edge was smoothed out so I think it will be okay or so I hope. 

Got the car washed on the way home, there was supposed to be a special gift waiting for me since I subscribe to the clean car club, but I got no gift and didn’t see anyone passing anything out.  Hey, I broke even on my membership.  To do that I have to have 2 washes in the month, anything else after that is just gravy for me. 

The cats sense how I am feeling and they are super clingy.  It helps knowing they love me but it’s not the same as being with a human.  I’m so glad I have them. 

Checked in at work, things appear to be calming down a bit, which is good.  Hopefully, that trend continues.  Only time will tell. 

Went to Olive Garden for supper.  That’s the last restaurant on my list that I wanted to visit while on vacation.  Since I do believe I am going to be alone on the holiday, I am heading for pizza tomorrow so I will have something quick on hand to munch on.  If I am alone I will make a trip to the office just to get out of the house and check my desk. 

Purchased a few lottery tickets with the hopes that I can actually win.  I’ve got a theory that no one wins off a quick pick, but I know that’s false.  So I picked my own numbers for one ticket and then got a quick pick for the other ticket.  I still figure that my chances are the same regardless if I played or not, I’m probably out the money but it’s nice to have a tiny chance, better than nothing.  I’ll bet if I would win big that lots of people would be beating down my door and my problem of finding a guy would be over.  I’d love to be able to quit my job, travel and generally do what I wanted without any concerns or having to answer to anyone but the cats. 

I am still enjoying freedom from work but know that will soon come to an end this time next week.  Not looking forward to that. 

Called to argue with the cable company today about the price I am paying for my internet.  They told me that I have been a customer for 27 years.  The only way to lower my cost of internet is to add TV and then my entire bill would drastically increase.  I explained that I wanted to lower my bill and not add any other services.  They told me there was nothing they could do for me now but if I would have called last week they could have helped me.  WTF!  I plan to call back and I’ll bet if I told them I wanted to cancel service they would come up with some 11th hour magical deal to try to keep me.  Cellular Internet has come a long way and they have competition.  Just think about how much money they have gouged out of me for 22 years.  I say that because for 5 years I had an employer that paid my internet bill in full.  The cost has always been outrageous and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.  New customers seem to get all of the great deals but like any deal it’s only temporary eventually it expires, they pull the rug out and you pay the higher price.  My way of thinking is that companies that provide a services like internet and cell phone should reward their loyal customers, we got them to where they are now but they quickly forget.  I’ve already reached out to a new company that is supposed to be coming to the area, when they get here I am jumping ship.  I hate the cable company just like I hate the phone company. 

Hope you had a great day.  I kind of loafed a bit and now that it’s late it feels like I wasted a day but I consider it time well spent, taking care of me.  I just need to get back to my list of things to do to be able to cross everything off my list by the time my vacation is done. 

Take care!

Sunday

Today has been an okay day.  I’m still a bit bummed about my crush, who just wants to play games.  He never did respond to my message.  I did a bit of research and turns out if you block someone on an iPhone the message shows as delivered even though it never was.  It stays that way forever.  I don’t know if he blocked me or just left my message unread.  I made the decision tonight to block him on my phone and I took his number out of my contacts.  I have no plans to ever walk into that Cracker Barrel where he works.  I know I will be tempted but nothing good will come of it so best to just keep it moving. 

Rudy woke me up for breakfast and he was 15 minutes early but he got me out of a bad dream.  I wasn’t eager to get up but did just that because I know it’s just not a good thing to keep The Salesman waiting. 

I headed out and grabbed breakfast.  Picked up a few things from the grocery store.  Chatted with my favorite cashier and then moved along to fill up my gas tank.  Came home, put everything away.  Then turned off my phone and got naked.  Watched TV and eventually went back to bed. 

An hour later I had to get up to pass out lunch for the cats.  I grabbed a snack and watched a little TV.  Eventually I went back to bed and watched a movie on Netflix.  I don’t remember the name but it was about a Holiday Heist, it kept my interest and got me out of my head for a while. 

I headed out to the buffet like I wanted to.  I should have listened to my little voice that said go for pizza instead.  I was eager to go because I was told they have comfort food on Sundays’.  What a waste of 2 hours of my time.  It takes an hour to get there and an hour to travel home.  They had Fried Chicken but only 2 legs.  I ate both of those and part of a breast.  Got some mashed potatoes and a little corn.  Went back to try the yams, they were good so I got a few more of those.  2 sodas and 1 to go – all of that for the low low price of $22.  I was disappointed and if I ever go back I will order from the menu, the buffet is kind of a hit or miss thing.  Saturday is still my favorite day but in the summer.  Haven’t been there in the winter on a Saturday that I remember. 

My vehicle appreciated the exercise I gave it and it preformed well.  I got 28.7 MPG total for the trip.  I’m very pleased with that number.  No way the majority of the new vehicles I’m considering would get that.  Sales people as well as Service folks told me there is no break in period for an engine, this was back in 2017.  Modern vehicles just don’t have that it was a thing of the past.  Well I’m here to tell you they were full of it.  I got average numbers at first but once I hit 50 thousand miles, the MPG started getting way better.  There still is a break in period for every gasoline powered engine.  I’ve not driven an electric vehicle.  I know they go stupid fast and are very quiet.  I just don’t want to have to always worry about charging.  I’ll keep my gasoline engine for now that infrastructure is already in place and highly popular. 

Rudy and I are waiting for the dryer to finish so that we can head upstairs.  I need to make the bed, then grab a shower and I can call it a night.  I am relying on him to wake me early, which I’m certain he will.  I need to call the dentist about my chipped tooth.  My tongue keeps running over the sharp jagged edge.  My hope is that they can smooth that and then I will be done.  If my plan works out there should be no needles involved.  It’s not bothering me I can still eat but I am concerned by leaving it as is I could do more damage and that wouldn’t be good.  In case your wondering it’s the tooth on the top left side all the way in the back, the very last one.  There is a filling in it already and I remember all too well when I got that work done, it was like 3 layers deep, took forever and I needed serious numbing.  I know that Dentist like to remove the old fillings and put in new ones, hopefully I can avoid all that and just go with my simple plan.  I’m not a pro and that’s why I am going to the dentist, they are the pros and I know they will steer me in the right direction even thought I might not want to go that route. 

Hope you had a great day!  Talk with you all again soon. 

Bad Idea

This morning I went to Cracker Barrel and saw my crush.  I sent him a text message while I was there letting him know that I was still available and that he looked really good.  He’s apparently come out of his shell a bit more and now has painted his nails.  He also wore some Levi’s that were quite flattering for his amazing ass.  Fuck, I’ve got it bad for this guy.  The heart wants what the heart wants and there is no stopping it.  I figured one last try.  When he came to deliver my bill I asked him if his butt was vibrating.  He said yeah a while ago, then he put it together, oh you sent me a message.  He said it would be a bit before he could read it.  They were really busy. 

Much to my surprise he texted back a Thank You but he dodged the question about getting together.  So I sent back a much more direct message letting him know that I’d like to get to know him better.  It’s been radio silence and the message has been left unread.  I don’t think I’m getting a response and so it’s a hard no just he’s not man enough to say it. 

I realize I am chasing him and that I shouldn’t do that but again it goes back to the fact that I have it bad for him.  I love Cracker Barrel’s food but I avoid going there just because there is the possibility of running into him.  He’s caused me a lot of pain and sent some mixed signals.  Well, unless he manages to text me back I’m never going to that Cracker Barrel again so I won’t run into him.  He lives in the area but our paths have never ever crossed anywhere but the restaurant. 

Rejection is a tough pill to swallow but it’s a part of life.  You don’t always get what you want, regardless of what it is. 

When I left the restaurant I was feeling pretty good, so good that I drove to a dealership to test drive a vehicle.  I pulled over to check their hours before I made the trip down there.  The web said they were open.  However, when I arrived there were people inside but the sign on the door said they didn’t open for another half hour.  It was cold out and no way was I waiting a half hour.  I took it as an omen, keep what you have for now.  The real only reason that I’d like to make a move now is because of special 0% financing.  That’s not as common as it was years ago.  However, I honestly don’t want to jump back into car payments.  The plan today if it had materialized was just for a test drive.  If I liked it then I would have talked a bit more, found out what bureau I needed to thaw my credit on and would have confirmed that 0% was still available.  You can’t go any lower than 0%.  However, it just wasn’t meant to be for now. 

I came home and started in on things I wanted to accomplish.  The dishes needed to be unloaded from the dishwasher and a new load was waiting to get loaded.  Took care of that.  Then on to the cat’s water fountain, they made a mess of things and it was time to clean it and change the filter as well as add fresh water.  Knocked that out.  Next it was on to a hallway closet that was full of mostly shampoo and conditioner plus a few other things.  I cleaned that out so much so that I have an entire empty shelf.  I was quite proud of my accomplishments.  By now I was sweating and just wanted to rest. 

Watched TV in the living room with the cats.  Until I got sleepy like an hour later.  Then went to my room to lay down in the hopes of taking a nap.  Well Mora kept me company for a bit and then she left and Rudy came in.  He started making biscuits, it was time for lunch.  I got up and served lunch.  He ate a little bit but was quick to follow me back to bed.  I got on a Swedish Massager that I have, it hurt and felt good at the same time.  Watched more TV and tried to take a nap but my mind went off thinking about how I set myself up to get my heart stomped.  I felt quite alone, despite having a cat in bed with me.  Realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep, I watched TV.  Rudy got comfy and managed to drift off. 

I started thinking of what I wanted to do with the rest of the day.  I checked off visiting the cemetery to see my grandparents grave.  I knew the area where it was but didn’t remember exactly where they were it took me a few minutes to find them but I wasn’t leaving until I did find them.  Their headstone needs some work.  It’s been hit by a mower and the vase for flowers seems to be missing.  I knew I was going to cry which is partially why I have avoided visiting for so long.  I talked to them as if they could hear me.  Then left.  Off to try a new restaurant.  It wasn’t easy to find but I got there and the food wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t anything special either.  I probably won’t be back but might give them a second chance if the mood strikes me. 

Got the mail, drove around the neighborhood to see who has decorated their house for the holidays.  We have a few but it’s nothing spectacular.  Surprised my neighbor didn’t lite up his house like he usually does.  I do have one neighbor across from me that just put lights on a couple of his bushes and one of them is quite phallic looking.  Maybe it’s my dirty mind or the fact that I think about dick often, but seriously it looks phallic to me. 

Working on laundry, going to try to knock out some work tasks and catch up a little bit.  Then it will be porn surfing time and eventually time for bed. 

Already plotted and planned out my breakfast.  Still thinking of visiting the buffet but also have an alternate idea, if I decide to not go on that far of a drive.  I still have another week ahead of me and I do plan to enjoy myself. 

Still feel lonely and hurt, hopeful (but not really) that he will text something positive back.  I kind of think that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life and it will just be nothing but fantasy and porn for my sex life.  The upside of that is I can’t get any STI’s or STD’s.  The downside is no human contact and nothing beats the real thing!  I really want to have sex again but more than that I want a companion, someone to talk to as well as listen to.  I don’t think my expectations are unreasonable.  I’ve heard everything from your trying to find love too hard to you need to get on a dating app.  Well clearly not looking and jumping on dating apps yield the same results.  It’s kind of like playing the lottery your chances are the same regardless if you buy a ticket or not.  Yeah you might be really lucky and actually win if you get a ticket but the odds clearly aren’t in your favor, that’s kind of how I feel about the search for a man.

That’s it for now.  Time to head up to pass out treats for the cats and then it’s virtually off to the office for me. 

Hope you had a great day!

Car News

Happy Friday!  Hope it was a good day for you. 

I had breakfast at home, lounged around for a bit before taking a shower and heading out to get my vehicle serviced.  I arrived at my friends shop and went into the queue.  I wasn’t in any hurry but at the same time didn’t want to spend all damn day there. 

Had some nice conversations and got to visit, which was enjoyable.  My vehicle was done and didn’t cost a lot but it was more than I expected.  Anyway, I was told that next time we should take a look at the brakes and it will for sure be time for new tires.  I’m approaching 80 thousand miles and still have original brakes.  They work fine and I’ve had no issues.  As for tires well this is like my 4th or 5th set of tires and I’ve gotten the longest life out of the current set.  So it’s not a complete surprise that it would be time for tires.  Overall I was told that it’s in great shape and quite sound.  I also know that the front struts will need to be replaced sooner rather than later, they are still working fine but I’ve been told about them in the past that it’s for sure in my future. 

Knowing all of that it’s a matter of deciding if I want to pay for repairs or if I want to part ways and start making car payments.  I’ve got the money set aside for repairs so it’s not like it would break me and that would certainly be the less expensive route to go.  However, I know that my new car fever isn’t going anywhere. 

My friend told me what I already knew, which is before you buy anything test drive it to make sure you really like it.  I told him that the test drive would most likely turn into me buying something.  I’d like to test drive and then take time to make a decision but I don’t want a bunch of nagging follow up calls or emails asking me if I made a decision yet. 

I had a very late lunch with my friend and chatted a bit more.  I talked about the co-worker that I learned passed away.  Talking helped me but I pretty well have come to terms with it. 

I might test drive something tomorrow or next week.  However, thinking about moving out of my old vehicle in cold weather just doesn’t sound like fun to me.  Plus car payments yeah not a fan of those either.  I know just like that maintenance they are for sure in my future.  However, if I wait and buy more time I can have even more money to put down to help defray them.  Weighing my options and of course I’m paralyzed by choice.  We shall see what the future holds. 

Finally got my lawn care bill in the mail.  The guy that cuts my lawn has started billing randomly.  Well I was expecting a much larger bill than I got but it is the final bill for this year.  Not sure if he was drinking when he prepared the bill but I got 6 free mows according to my records.  I keep a highly accurate record so I don’t get over charged.  Part of me thought about pointing out the mistake but I decided that it was just better to send what they are asking for and call it a day.  I come out ahead.  I am not completely satisfied with his work and the missing mows kind of make up for that. 

Watched the next episode of Heated Rivalry and wow it’s a cliff hanger.  I’m ready for next weeks episode already.  Speaking of which, I was disappointed to learn that Boots won’t be getting a second season, at least not from Netflix.  I’m hopeful that someone else will pick it up and move it on, if that’s possible but it’s not like there is much that I can do.  I thought for sure based on the numbers as well as how popular the show was that it would certainly get a second season.  I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who thought that. 

I checked in at work and wow things went sideways today.  One person got fired, another person quit and there are some other changes.  I’ve got some catch up work to do.  It would only benefit me to do some of it now while I am still off and there is no one to bother or interrupt me, other than 2 cats.  I’m kind of planning for that.  I also know that if I budget an hour it will for sure take much longer.  Once go down the rabbit hole and get focused, I want to keep going and it’s tough to stop.  However, that’s exactly what I did after I combed through my emails and saw what happened.  I know my counterpart is seriously missing me and will be beyond happy once I am back.  I’m glad that I still have another week.  Taking just one week isn’t quite enough. 

Still have many things on my to-do list around here.  As well as places that I need to go to and restaurants that I want to visit.  I just need a little motivation and I will be all set.  I’ve got to stop putting things off until tomorrow because tomorrow turns into the next day and then it eventually goes to someday.  Someday isn’t a day of the week and that’s how I managed to develop a list. 

I’m off to work on the next task or perhaps call it a day since it’s normal bedtime.  I for sure want to get up early tomorrow and go back to Cracker Barrel, they have a new breakfast burger that I want to try and perhaps I will see my crush.  Sunday I think I will go to the buffet and see what all of the “comfort food” is about.  I might just order off the menu but going for a drive will certainly be nice.  Still no invite just yet for Christmas.  I’m not holding my breath.  I think if it’s going to happen it will be an 11th hour invite.  I honestly don’t want to be alone on a holiday. 

Stay warm and be well.

 

Relaxing but productive

Today I got the build up of ice out of the college fridge I unplugged last night.  I broke a drill bit when I decided to drill into it but that helped me crack it wide open.  Then I pulled out the massive chunks of ice and threw them in the sink.  There was a box of old ice cream bars that my late spouse had stuck in the freezer section, getting that picked out of the ice was not fun.  Chocolate was everywhere in the cleanup.  I let it air dry and then did some cleaning on the inside.  It’s back in place and now serves as a cabinet disguised as a refrigerator.  Kind of nifty I think.  While I don’t plan on plugging it back in I’m sure it would run and probably freeze up again. 

While I didn’t get as much cleaning done as I wanted to, I reminded myself that I have plenty of time.  I just need to focus on it.  That time will come. 

Watched a series on Netflix.  I started last night, it’s called 61st street.  It’s about a teen who is wrongfully convicted of a crime.  It was very compelling and took me until this evening to finish up.  2 seasons and episodes were about an hour each.  One lesson from that series that seemed to ooze out was be very careful who you talk to and what you say/share.  

Checked email at work a couple times.  It’s a crazy ass week there and once again I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with any of that.  Kind of wish that vacation could go on forever but the paychecks keep coming.  I’m dreaming because no way that’s going to happen, unless I win the lottery. 

It was a stormy and windy day out.  Glad that I decided to stay in.  Had a Chicken Pot Pie for supper, it was good.

I decided to come downstairs and get on the porn band wagon.  Much to my surprise OF (Only Fans) deleted Lane Rogers (aka Blake Mitchell’s) page.  I think that was tasteful.  One thing I really wanted was the last collab he did with Joey Mills.  I joined Joey’s OF and found that it’s pay per view.  He shares some highlights as teasers.  The one think I like about Lane’s page was nothing was PPV it was all out in the open.  Lane & Joey worked well together and I’ve enjoyed many of their scenes.  Not sure that I am going to pay Joey to see the last scene but I’m mulling it over. 

I’m trying to type but Rudy wants my attention.  I should be upstairs and he’s reminding me of that.  He just laid down lap and he will snooze away as long as I let him.  He loves to be next to me if at all possible.  Same thing with his sister.  I’m glad that I’ve got them.  It would be pretty lonely without them. 

Last I heard from my Thanksgiving friends is that they were planning to do something for Christmas but had yet to finalize their plans.  Thus far I have no invite and as it stands at the moment it looks like I am going to be alone on Christmas.  I hope that changes it sucks to be all alone on a holiday, even if I do have the company of the two cats. 

Looking forward to tomorrow, seeing friends and hopefully leaving the shop with a clean bill of health for my vehicle.  Plus of course enjoying a nice lunch and chat with my friend.

I am enjoying my freedom and the ability to do what I want without having to worry about work.  I do have to still report to the cats and make sure they are comfy. 

That pretty much sums up the day.  Hope it was a good one for you.  Take care!

Today’s adventures

I started off by getting up at normal time, making breakfast for myself as well as feeding the cats.  I got dressed and watched the morning news.  The cats seemed to enjoy me hanging out in my room instead of what I would do on a normal week day, which is head downstairs and start to work. 

I had some sugary items for breakfast and knew that would wear off and cause me to take a nap.  I used the temporary energy boost to take out the trash and clean the litter boxes.  Things I should have done last night. 

Nap time came and I’m not actually sure that I ever fell asleep but I did close my eyes.  An hour later I got up, shaved, showered and got dressed to go out. 

Felt like a Spring day in the upper 50’s here today, kind of refreshing.  I made my Sam’s run, where Murphy (aka bad luck) continued to follow me.  I picked up Water Softener Salt and didn’t realize it until I was loading the bags in the car that one of them was open at the top a little bit.  Some salt spilled but no big deal it was easy cleanup.  I bought 2 cases of soda and when I went to load them into the car one of them was wet on the top.  Thankfully when I got home I wiped up the dampness and both cases appeared to be intact, hopefully I don’t have a slow leak.  Then came the Brownie Adventure, I wanted brownies but Sam’s Club only sells things in bulk.  I got $20 worth of brownies enough to feed a medium size office.  There is no way I can finish the whole tray by myself before they go stale.  I divided them up in small batches and filled 5 gallon size freezer bags.  I saved a few to consume now and wow they are rich but good.  Doesn’t sound too bad.  Well the big problem came when I went to self-check out the card reader refused to read my membership card.  I tried two different readers before I gave up.  I did try to scan my card but that didn’t work.  I had to go to Member Services.  They got me a temp card to scan but they were out of physical cards and of course my card worked fine for them when they swiped it.  I went back to a lane and tried it again and it still didn’t work.  I scanned the printed temp card and it worked fine. 

After I made it home to unload I took a break and watched some TV with the cats.  Eventually I got up and ventured back out to the pet store where I adopted them from.  I went food shopping and the one thing I wanted that they like Duck, I got the last can they had.  Not a total loss but I wasn’t happy.  Stopped by to look at cats for adoption.  They had a mom and her kids that were abandoned.  They were all sleeping and looked so cute.  Took me back to the days of Momma and her family.  I was hoping to run into the lady that I got Rudy & Mora from but no such luck. 

Stopped by a local spots bar for a bite to eat.  I was hoping to see a straight waiter that I have a crush on and had previously asked out but no such luck.  I had a decent meal and moved on. 

I believe I have decided on what model of vehicle I am after.  Found one that I really want and it was tough not to make a move.  Hey I still have time off and were not at the end of the year just yet.  I’ve got an angel on one shoulder saying don’t do it, save your money and keep what you have.  I’ve got the devil on the other shoulder that says it’s a steal you should make a move.  Why I am conflicted?  Well when it comes to large purchases like a car I always, always think I’m going to lose my job if I make the purchase.  Then I’d be stuck with a car to figure out how to pay for as well as finding another job.  The reality of it is that I am probably fine.  What I have works, runs well and is paid for.  I have been saving my car payment and I love to watch my bank account continue to grow as well as the monthly interest I earn.  Unless I simply can’t resist or I get bad news on Friday when I go in for maintenance work, I really don’t think I will make a move now but it is rather tempting, especially after crunching numbers last night. 

I did get my new security cameras for the inside of my home setup.  It was super easy and quick.  They were only $20 each and from a well known brand name.  I bought based on the name and a prior purchase.  Plus the fact they have a privacy mode so when you turn that on the camera faces down so nothing can be seen.  I have no cloud storage with them and I am not storing anything locally.  I bought them to spy on the cats.  I needed to replace the camera that went belly up in my bedroom.  I got the second one for the kitchen because I know that Rudy is climbing on the table or counter and I want to bust him in the act.  He only does it when he knows I am downstairs during a normal work day.  I hear his feet hit the floor and I know what he’s up to.  I’m not surprised he loves to get into mischief, it’s like trouble is his middle name.  The only thing that would really surprise me is if it wasn’t him and it was his sister but she doesn’t impress me as the type to jump on the table or counter.  I’ve caught Rudy before on the counter, besides that he’s lighter and loves to jump. 

I’m currently thawing a college size fridge that I bought years ago.  It decided to turn into a freezer years ago.  I lost a bunch of soda back when Gator was still with me.  We both heard an explosion in the middle of the night.  She stayed in my room and let me figure out what it was.  The fridge froze all of the soda and they cans were exploding so much that it caused the door to fly open.  I’ve kept it running for years empty and decided tonight that it’s time to pull the plug.  I’m thawing out the ice block that is in it, going to clean up the mess in a couple days when it’s all water and no more ice.  Then let it dry and thinking of using it for storage but I”m never plugging it back in.  I should get rid of it and replace it but honestly that it is just me having a fridge dedicated just to beverages isn’t practical.  I’ve got another one of the same units in the basement and it works just fine I keep a few drinks in it so in a pinch if I want something it’s there.  I also have extra room if I run out of space upstairs which has only happened one time in the years that I have been alone.  Both of the cats want to investigate and I have to cat proof it before I can go to bed otherwise I know that Rudy is the one to likely get stuck inside of it and waking up to find him stuck isn’t my idea of a good time. 

I’ve already checked on email at work and things are really out of control and my counterpart has to be losing his mind.  That makes me happy inside and puts a smile on my face.  Of course he will probably put in for vacation time early next year just to recover from me being out for 2 full weeks.  I’ve get more time off than he does because I have been there way longer and eventually in a few more years I will get even more time.  He’s certainly getting a taste of what I had to go through while he was out earlier this year on paternity leave. 

Rain is in the forecast for tomorrow and unless I really need to, I plan to stay home.  I’ve got plenty of cleaning and other tasks that I need to tend to.  I need to start my backup that’s going to take a full week to complete and I’d like to get it out of the way while I have time. 

I’m proud of my use of my time thus far and hope that I can complete or at least make a dent in everything I have on my to do list.  Some tasks I don’t look forward to and am dragging my feet on.  However, there is still plenty of time on my side for now. 

Off to find some TV to enjoy and loaf until I decided it’s time to call it a day.  Hope that your staying warm and doing well.  Thanks for stopping by. 

And that makes 3

I just learned that Lane Rogers (aka Blake Mitchell) passed away from a motorcycle accident that occurred on Monday.  He was 31.  If the name doesn’t ring any bells he was a porn star.  He started in the porn industry young with his first job at Helix Studios.  He was well endowed, had a great smile and from what I’ve read on-line a great person.  He provided me many orgasms over the years.  I’m sad to hear that another young person is gone.

For me this makes 3 people that I knew of and was fond of that have passed.  It started with Scott Finn (another porn star) who took his own life, then I learned that a former co-worker took his own life earlier this year and now Lane.

I hope that we are done now.  I hate to hear of anyone passing away regardless of the cause but a young person passing is especially bothersome to me.    

May they all Rest In Peace.

Christmas Vacation

Happy Tuesday! Two weekdays of my time off have gone by. Today was the most productive I have been. Started off with breakfast at Cracker Barrel. I went there on purpose to see my crush but sadly he wasn’t there. Saw a new waiter and he looked fine; he kept walking by me like he was showing off the goods but perhaps it was my imagination. I’m thinking about going back over the weekend just to see if I can see my crush, but I might talk myself out of it. I saw an ad for a fancy place to eat and for some reason his name popped up in my head. I know he’s trouble but I also know that I’m lonely. Kind of a recipe for disaster.

Moving on I went to the other grocery store. I was very disappointed. They didn’t have the brownies that I wanted, no jelly donuts and no sausage &pepperoni Tombstone. I got Tombstone Pizza but not with my favorite two toppings. Picked up a new frozen dinner by Chef Gordon Ramsay, it was Lasagna Bolognesi. That was supper tonight and it wasn’t bad but also nothing super good. Back at home to unload. Then out again, this time to the UPS Store to return an item from Amazon. Then on to the bank to swap out backup hard drives. The damn bank changed names and never bothered to notify me, not sure how that happened.

Stopped in to get a haircut, the place just opened but they had a color & 2 haircuts booked but despite the fact no one was there I had to go on a waiting list. I got an appointment an hour later. I came home to pass the time. Relaxed with the cats, they were so confused by all my coming and going.

I went back out for my haircut and shampoo. Nothing like a good shampoo if it’s done right. I didn’t go to my usual place because the Barber that cuts my hair normally just doesn’t know how to shampoo. The lady did a decent job with both the haircut & shampoo, but she didn’t follow up with any conditioner. She offered leave in conditioner, and I took her up on that. I was disappointed in no hot towel service after, that used to be a staple for this place, and it felt so good.

I came back home and decided that I was in the mood to argue and went to hunt down my missing package of medicine at the post office. Turns out it was stuck in the wrong box, and I didn’t have to argue at all, just state my case. I’ve got a replacement shipment coming so I will have double medicine but that’s okay. I stopped at a watch shop and got batteries replaced in two watches, that I never wear but might as well keep them running just in case one day I want to put them on. Then finally after that I came home, changed clothes and the cats knew for sure that I was home for the day.

I wanted to get to Sam’s club but honestly, I was bushed and tired of the back and forth. I also seriously thought about driving to the car dealer to test drive a vehicle that I have my eye on. Sam’s will happen tomorrow. As for the car dealer I talked myself off the ledge for now. I figure that a test drive is like a free sample, you get a taste then want more. Not that is a bad thing, but I honestly think what I own now is solid and will last at least another year if not longer. That’s not to say I won’t make a move tomorrow. I am thinking about going to crunch numbers. I know for certain now is the best time of the year to make a new car purchase because manufacturers’ incentives are the highest. I’ve got car service scheduled for Friday anyway, it’s just routine maintenance but if I get any bad news that would probably be enough for me to make a move. It helps that my credit is frozen but just a few clicks and I can thaw it out to get loan approval. If it wasn’t for that I probably would have already made a move.

As for work, I’ve been logging in later in the evening to stay on top of email. Most of it is filed away and there is no doubt that I picked a banger of a week to take vacation. My counterpart is not bored at all. I have lent some help to him by running a report as well as helping to solve a problem. It’s nice to know that things are under control at least for now. They could go sideways at any time. It’s also good to know that I still have another week ahead of me to do whatever I want to, no electronic leash to worry about. Hearing silence instead of the constant chirping of email is something I could easily get used to.

Just wanted you all to know I’m still here. Take care and stay warm!

Man Candy - Stroke It Saturday

Finally reached the end

I am finally about to cross the finish line for the week. What a week it’s been. Today is the calmest day that It’s been all week long. I also hope that I didn’t just jinx myself. This is the first week I didn’t pause for a nap at all. I’ve just been that busy!

Still thinking about the young guy, I used to work with that committed suicide. I can’t imagine what demons he was fighting with. It makes me wish that I would have reached out to him to at least make my feelings known. Not seeing any notification about his passing at work, I reached out to a manager today to let him know. Turns out it was already known and the word was spread locally in the office he used to work in. This morning trying to compose that email and looking at his face in his obituary just led me to sob. My feelings for him were strong but moreover it’s the fact that he was only months from his 30^th birthday. I wish that he was still here and am having a hard time accepting that he is gone.

Continuing down that same path, I thought of his mom. While I don’t know if he participated in our 401K, but if he did and he designated his parents as beneficiaries they could be owed some money. It’s one of those things that might not have been thought of. Also, each year a ton of unclaimed property & money is surrendered to each state in the US because the owner can’t find the recipient. I googled his state along with the words “found money” (example, CA Found Money). That led me to his state’s website, and it turns out they have some money in his name. I found his mom on social media and reached out to her to express my condolences and to alert her about the 401K as well as the fact that the state has unclaimed money owed to her late son. I like to be helpful and really wish that I would have had someone guide me when I was navigating the journey with the loss of my spouse. I hope that gives her some comfort. While I know money won’t replace him nor bring him back, it’s better for his parents to have it than letting it just vaporize. Now I know I’ve done all I can.

You don’t have to be dead to have a state holding money or property in your name. A blurb appears in the news usually once per year about unclaimed property. Search your name on your state’s official treasurers page, you might be surprised. If you want to go the extra mile you can search for family and friends as well and if you find something, let them know. I search periodically for my late mother, my late spouse, myself as well as my brother. I’ve also found money that was given to my mom. My brother and I were able to make a claim and get the money.

Last night for supper I had a Turkey Pot Pie. Had to buy Turkey because the store was all sold out of Chicken. Anyway, I thought it would be the same thing but with Turkey. Turns out this one had one tiny carrot and tons of peas, not what I was expecting at all. It was still good though.

I’m thinking about making the last Tombstone pizza that I have, I plan to get a couple more while I am off to have them on hand. Going to look for the next episode of Heated Rivalry. If all goes according to plan, it should be a nice evening.

It’s going to be cold tomorrow in the 20’s but Sunday we are down to single digit temperatures, so extra cold. I don’t know if I will get out tomorrow but maybe just for food and mail. I do have plans to sleep in, despite being on-call. I will hear the phone if it rings. Kind of feel like I am getting sick. I woke up coughing this morning from drainage that I call sinus soup. It’s certainly something you don’t want at all but certainly not on an empty stomach. Took some extra allergy meds and right now things seem to be calm. Then again, I am upright and not laying down.

Today marks a sad anniversary for me. 3 years ago, I lost my Gator. I remember how bad I felt and how I just didn’t want to go on. I couldn’t imagine life existing without her. Then a month later I wound up with Rudy and Mora. Not exactly sure how I made it a full month, that is kind of a blur. Rudy and Mora are my anchors that keep me grounded. They need me as much as I need them. Once they both pass that is going to present a problem, but who knows where I will be in my life. If I’ve done my math correctly, I will be much older. Only time will tell. I still very much miss Gator; you don’t spend 18 years with an animal and just magically forget them. I not only miss her but all her siblings, the strays we had and of course my late spouse. The upcoming holidays are for sure a difficult time for me. I hope that all my departed cats as well as my late spouse are resting in peace. I think they all know that I miss them.

I’m sure you’re probably wondering what plans I have for my “vacation”. Honestly, nothing more than getting a haircut followed by a decent shampoo & scalp massage, some vehicle maintenance and having lunch with a friend. I’d like to work on this place and clean up some of the clutter that has accumulated over the years. Plus enjoying some naps and food. A trip to the alternate grocery store to get more Tombstone Pizza! I know that it’s 2 full weeks but it’s going to be over and done within a flash. The part that sucks is I need to babysit work with EOY coming up so I will need to check in periodically. I am not mandated to do it, but it will make my life easier so I shall.

Hope you have a great weekend. Stay warm and be well. Thank you so much for stopping by!

Clawed

Morning …

Happy Friday Eve!  One more damn day to go.

Yesterday when I sat down to eat lunch, which was a sliced chicken breast sandwich, apparently Rudy was hungry.  He begged me and I ignored him.  Next things I knew he got his claws out and climbed up my side and back.  I was not happy and got him to release and drop back to the ground.  Thinking about it makes me want to smack the shit out of him but much to my surprise I was forceful but calm. 

Last week one day I had some Cheese popcorn for lunch.  Rudy had curled up next to me on the couch.  I let him sniff my finger when I was done.  He turned into a slobber factory and licked the cheese remnants from my fingers.  Mora saw what he was doing and she wanted in on the action.  She got a couple licks but Rudy got the bulk of it. 

I don’t share my food directly with them and for good reason.  It’s my food.  I honestly think for as many times as they have both begged me, they have been given table scraps by a previous owner and that started the bad habit.  If that’s not the case then their noses work super well and they pay closer attention to my actions than I think they do. 

Had an okay evening catching up on network TV that was on my DVR.  It was fun and really did pass the time.  I eventually had to wrap things up as it was time to shave. 

I worked over my face with a razor and got all of that hair off of my face.  Then followed up with a nice long shower.  I took my sweet time and it was an enjoyable experience. 

Time for bed after that and I slept good but not perfect, but wasn’t awake for hours on end. 

I’ve been summoned to a meeting this morning with a vendor that is having issues.  It’s a Teams call which I hate.  I have to go upstairs and get logged on from my laptop, otherwise I won’t have audio and I’m fairly certain my boss will ask me a question or need to input from me.  He’s been in hyper mode all damn week long and I can’t wait to get the fuck away from him.  However, today and tomorrow then I’m done for a few weeks. 

Hope you have an awesome day.  Stay warm and take care!

Empathy & Compassion

I finally found the right set of words to express my condolences and convey that I am willing to help in any way I can.  I’ve taken time to think about it and I just sent my message to my former colleagues surviving boyfriend.  The burden I felt is lifted and it’s totally up to him if he wants to respond or not.  I’m certainly not pushing it.  I do realize that if he has questions I will for sure come off as some weirdo but I’m honestly fine with that.  I honestly don’t expect to hear from him but if I do I suspect it will be a simple thank you, which is perfectly fine.  No response at all is also fine. 

I realize that my note is arriving well after the fact and that I am sort of pouring a little salt on an open wound.  People would hear at different times about the passing of my late spouse and reach out, it was nice of them but it also hurt a little bit. 

I feel that I did the right thing to show some compassion and offer a hand.  Just for the record I have no untoward intentions and I am not in the least bit sexually attracted to his boyfriend.  However, he’s a human being and I just want to offer some comfort if I can. 

Middle of the week

Morning!

With all I have been through this week, it honestly feels like today should be Friday.  However, two more days to go.  I will just keep chugging along until I reach the finish line.  I suspect you will do the same. 

I solved one of my big problems at work last night.  My boss is working the other problem because it’s a high profile issue.  He’s pretty stressed and wound up over it.  As long as he keeps that energy away from me I’m fine.  However, I have felt it already.  Perhaps he will be calmer today but only time will tell. 

Right now it’s quiet at work but it’s also still very early.  I fully expect things to pickup and get busier in a bit.  If they don’t for some reason I certainly won’t be upset.  I like quiet and bask in it as much as I possibly can. 

As you might expect I had problems sleeping last night.  I was still upset over learning about my former colleague and wanting to reach out to his boyfriend.  It was really nagging at me not to let it go and to express myself and reach out.  However, this morning I feel a bit better about the decision I made.  I know that I can always change my mind. 

Last night I had Mostaccioli made by the grocery store for supper.  It was okay.  Had some Christmas Cookies as well as the new fusion cookies I discovered – Chocolate Chip Banana Bread.  I love cookies, especially Christmas cookies for the rich buttery flavor.  I know they aren’t good for me and I shouldn’t have them.  However, last I checked I’m still going to check out of this life someday, so might as well enjoy the few things that bring some joy to my world.  Life is way too short as it seems I am constantly being reminded of. 

I had been watching Christmas Vacation when I found out about my former colleagues demise and just paused it.  Last night I finished it up.  I’ve seen the movie many times before and I know I will see it many times in the future.  It’s just one of those things that is fun to watch.  Kind of like Home Alone and Home Alone 2.  Really wish I could go back in time to when Home Alone was just out.  I was so happy then and so much younger & cuter. 

We have cooler weather and it’s being ushered in by wind, lots of wind up to 40 mph.  That started last night and is supposed to continue up to about lunch time today.  At the moment no snow or rain is in the forecast.  Just some temperature fluctuations and as the days go by the deeper into the freezer we are going to go.  Were headed to single digit temperatures.  While we are still in Fall it does feel much more like Winter outside. 

Speaking of which I have let my beard grow.  It’s only been a week and 3 days.  It looks nice but there is way too much white.  I am at the super itchy stage.  Despite face washing and lots of moisturizer.  I am ready to claw my face off, which is when I know I have to part with it.  I plan to shave it off tonight and just know that it will feel so good combined with a shower.  I prefer clean skin but usually only shave once a week.  I am not a fan of shaving at all.  I honestly don’t see how anyone can outlast the itchy stage long enough to grow a beard.  Perhaps eventually the face goes numb or you just get used to it and know not to scratch.  At least for me scratching makes things worse and the more I itch the more I want to scratch it’s a perpetual cycle that never seems to end, hence why I am shaving. 

Here’s hoping that it’s a good day for all of us and that we all stay warm.  Thank you for stopping by, talk with you all again soon!

Fear & Common Sense

I had some time to rationalize things and think my idea through.  While I really want to reach out to comfort the left behind boyfriend, I think that my contact (regardless of what method I use) would cause more questions and possibly not be well received. 

It’s in my nature to want to help people.  While I don’t know what it feels like to lose someone to suicide, I know all to well what it feels like to lose someone you loved be it a person or a pet.  I could commiserate with him and tell him things that worked for me, it might work for him. 

However, I’m afraid that my message just wouldn’t be well received because in the end I’d still be the weirdo that had a crush on a twink and followed him on the web.  I get it, it’s creepy.  That said, I had no malicious intentions and just lusted after someone that I knew I would never have. 

I wish that I would have reached out to him, it might have made a difference but it might not have.  Somethings you are just better off leaving alone. 

Now that I have typed this out, I have to get my mind wrapped around the idea that I’m done.

Back to normal posting, hopefully!

Details

Deeply bothered by the news I learned yesterday evening about a former co-worker and crush of mine.  Curiosity got the best of me and I looked into trying to get a copy of his death certificate.  Turns out not every state is FOIA friendly when it comes to death certificates.  Telling me I can’t have something when I want it, is just motivation for me. 

I found his mom on Facebook last night, just browsed her profile.  I actually started to write her and then realized that I would probably come off as a creep, it probably wouldn’t make me look good.  I aborted that idea. 

Rudy and some truck or a gust of wind woke me up around 5a and I’ve been up ever since despite only getting up to use the bathroom.  I finally gave in to the biscuit maker and got up close to 6:30a.  He was pleased and I couldn’t get food in front of him fast enough. 

I got a couple difficult issues I am working through at work.  One of them required me to do some digging this morning and I found a work around for the person.  The other one is me waiting on the person to get back to me. 

Anyway, I had another idea how I could potentially glean some information that turned out to kind of be a waste, but I just sharpened my web search skills a bit.  Found his boyfriends social media and I got my answer that I really didn’t want.  He committed suicide.  I got the inside scoop and it was graphic.  Turns out his boyfriend is actually only a year older than me, if the results in the web search are accurate.  I honestly feel like calling his boyfriend and am seriously pondering that.  For some reason it feels more right to me. 

I’m just full of emotion right now and know that I need to take a breath before I do anything.  Trying to work and ponder this is proving difficult but work is keeping me busy!

Hope your day is moving along with nothing but good news.  Stay warm and take care!

SUDDEN DEATH

Death has struck again and it’s another young person. A guy that I used to work with passed away back in August. He was only 29 years old, so young and full of life. He also happened to be gay. His life wasn’t easy and I found out some of his struggles. Life was a bit much for him a few years back and he had planned to commit suicide. His name was in the paper, and he was fighting back against a bully, who happened to be a prominent community member. He won his battle and life turned around. Things drastically improved for him.

I know how this sounds but truth be told I was stalking him from a far. He lived far away from me, and we never actually met in person. Professionally we had a couple interactions. From the first time I saw his face I fell in love with him and adored him. I just happened to google his name tonight and that’s how I found out.

All that I can find online is that his death was sudden and unexpected. From what I last knew he met an older guy and was very much in love and quite happy. I was jealous of that guy. He had moved even further away from his hometown, built a nice new life for himself.

Often at work we get notes about former colleagues and friends that pass away. There wasn’t any news about him because he was very much like me a grunt. People knew who he was and knew he was good at his job. Sadly, there was some office politics, and he wound up getting fired. I was upset by that at the time when it occurred, that was several years ago.

I really wanted to connect with him as a friend and be a mentor to him. It never happened mostly because I thought he would think I was some weird older guy. I kind of wish now that I would have made the effort while he was alive.

This was a young person who was in the prime of his life. I know that I could probably request a copy of his death certificate and get it under FOIA, to know what specifically his cause of death was but it’s one of those things that perhaps I am better off not knowing. If I found out that he took his own life it would crush me even further.

I don’t know what if any message the universe or God is trying to send me, but I do feel like there is a message that I am missing. I am deeply upset learning of his death. I hope that he is resting in peace. His poor family and friends, such a shock. I know that anyone of us could go in the blink of an eye and that life is more fragile than we often want to acknowledge.

I hope that this is the last young person I learn has passed away. Sadly, it probably won’t be, but I can hope.

THE WEEKEND

Saturday … I woke up earlier than I needed to be up, but Rudy had to have his breakfast. I thought about going out to eat but between pondering my choices and how cold it was outside; I decided that it would be better to enjoy breakfast at home. So, I went through my normal morning routine of Oatmeal and Milk and had some Christmas Cookies as well as a Banana. Then it was time to hit the shower. Refreshed, I got dressed and headed out to my friend’s shop.

Once I arrived, I was able to sit and carry on a conversation. I arranged service for my vehicle while I am off. Just an Oil Change and general look over. I am early in changing the oil but that is something that I am known to do. That’s supposed to pay off in the end and keep the engine happy. It has worked to my advantage thus far. Still thinking about a new vehicle but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to make any moves. I just don’t want to jump back into car payments.

I saw that time had gotten away from me as it does when I am there. We get to talking and I lose all track of time because I’m having a good time.

Stopped at the UPS store on the way home and returned the broken trash can. Parking was horrible. On to the post office to pick up mail. I knew that I had some medication waiting for me. I was surprised to see a key in my box for a parcel locker. Normally they toss the medicine in my box, it’s large enough as it comes in a poly bag. This has never happened to me, but I put the key in the lock and opened the locker to find it empty. WTF! The post office was closed so there was no one to talk to. I know I could have made some noise and gotten someone’s attention, but I just left. I figured that it would surface next week when someone figured out, they got my medicine by mistake. I was less than pleased but it’s one of those situations where I had to suck it up.

I arrived home to be greeted by the cats who are always pleased to see that their human is back home to tend to their every need. I normally would have loafed, but I opted to get moving instead. Started on laundry and sat in front of the computer. I called the pharmacy to tell them that the medicine wasn’t in the parcel locker, just in case it doesn’t surface next week like I hope. They are shipping it all out to me again by express mail overnight delivery so I should have it come Tuesday. Watch I will have a double batch – not that is the end of the world.

I decided to take the Microsoft plunge and signed up for Office 365. I get a discount through work since we are a decent sized customer of Microsoft. $75 for a year, which I thought sounded pretty good for what I was getting. Mainly what I was after was the natural sounding voice that I have at work in my locally installed versions of the MS Apps to read back to me. I don’t know why but at home my local edition of M365 apps still have legacy robotic voices, even with immersive readers. I can get the updated voice I have at work by using the online version but that seems silly. I have the app loaded locally it should function just like the online version since they are essentially the same thing. Work clearly did something different with their setup.

Took a meal break and went out for Mexican food. I stuffed myself more than I should have. I got my normal dish and then finished off with Churros. They served 4 small Churros with a scoop of Strawberry ice cream. It was good but I don’t know if I will do it again.

I made my way back home and continued to explore and fight with M365. Then I discovered my Apple calendar wasn’t linked any longer and neither were my contacts. That took me a bit but with some uninstalling, rebooting and reinstalling I got things back to the way I wanted them. By now it was late and Rudy was bugging me to come upstairs. Mora was chirping in the chair behind me for the same thing. Once I had solved everything, I grabbed laundry and came upstairs. It was way later than I wanted it to be. I got the bed made, laundry put away. Brushed my teeth, took my wind down pills and that was the evening.

As a side note my trash wasn’t picked up like it was supposed to be. I think they came on Friday morning instead of what they posted on social media that told me it would be on Saturday morning. I’m pissed and have a can full but it’s mostly cardboard so I can survive but I can’t miss this week’s pickup.

Sunday … Rudy wanted to get up at 6a, but I told him we had one more hour. That couldn’t possibly tick by fast enough for him, he was hungry. He laid down on top of me, as if I was going to disappear. 45 minutes later I gave in and got up. I took my sweet time in leaving because it’s all about timing and I needed to make a Target run. They normally open at 8a but since it’s the holiday shopping season they are open at 7a. I didn’t learn that until I showed up and saw the parking lot was more crowded than normal.

Made my way to breakfast. Biscuits and Gravy, 4 scrambled eggs and I threw in a side of extra crispy bacon. I’m not a bacon fan. When I was a kid, my grandfather used to fry it up every weekend. Freshly made was the best and the greasiest. The place I was at knew how to get the bacon extra crispy, and it was good. It just didn’t please my pallet, but I ate every bite of it. Nice to change up a meal and add something different to it.

Hit up Target and the grocery store. Came home put everything away and then settled in my room to watch I think it’s called Heated Rivalry it’s the HBO series about 2 gay hockey players. There is plenty of sex although it’s not nearly as graphic as I was led to believe. Queer As Folk had the most realistic sex scenes. Anyway, this is a series, and new episodes are released on Friday’s so now I have another reason to look forward to Friday. I’ve watched 3 that are out and I am hooked and want more. I really wish they would release the whole series.

House has been cleaned. New trash can arrived yesterday and it was all intact. I switch to it today and wow no more fighting a lid, it’s refreshing and enjoyable. I’m pleased with my purchase and even happier that the replacement wasn’t broken.

I played on my laptop and decided not to go downstairs to my office area. I will be down there enough during the week since I will be on-call. Might as well take a break.

Went out for supper for Italian Food. 2 Cannelloni served with a small side salad and garlic toast. It’s just the right amount of food to satisfy. Then off to the car wash. Home to dry off the vehicle and get it back on the battery maintainer. I checked and it was 95% charged before I put the maintainer on. Not exactly sure why but since it’s gotten older and I don’t drive like I used to it doesn’t like cold weather. It’s hooked up for the week or until I need to go back out. I’m hopeful of being able to spend the week at home.

I am very much looking forward to my time off and thinking of all the things that I need to do around here as well as places to go. I look forward to sleeping in and altering my sleep schedule by staying up later at night. I won’t get too off track because I know that all good things come to an end and it can be tough to readjust. However, having freedom and not being tied to a phone will be nice. Just because we were close to year end, I think I will be checking on things while I am out, even though I shouldn’t think things will go smoother for me if I do and it will make returning a bit easier. It will be bad enough to have to dig out and play catchup but what’s worse is that when I come back, I am on-call again. I have done that before and it’s not fun.

As for now, I am just focused on this week and not looking beyond that, at least not until we are much, much closer to Friday.

Hope you had a great productive weekend. Best wishes for the week ahead. Thanks for stopping by. Stay happy, healthy and warm!