31 August 2016

Working Wednesday

It’s been a busy day, which I really enjoy because time goes by so much faster.  Attended a security briefing by Talos and learned all about threats they have seen in the last quarter.  The newest trend looks like it’s crypto locker, but it is not.  Your files aren’t encrypted the software deletes them.  The one word most every IT professional will say more often than not is BACKUP.  The more copies you have the better protected you are but 1 of those copies needs to be off site.  There are multiple on line services that will do this for you automatically and store your files in the cloud.  If disaster strikes and you have non backup, then your data is gone.  That is almost as scary as if someone stole your car.  I’ve not been the victim of car theft but I have lost data over the years because I thought it was backed up when in fact, it wasn’t or the backup failed to restore it.  That is a sickening feeling and also can make one very mad.

It was raining last night on the commute home, took the full hour to go from the office straight home.  I was not pleased but there was little I could do about it.  What I hate mostly is keeping my foot on the brake, that starts to hurt some muscles after a while, which is rather odd because I have to press on the gas constantly.  I would rather move 5 mph than not move at all.  At least at 5 mph there is some hope that you will eventually get to your destination, even if it’s a year later.

So I got home to find that Bear had made one of his messes again.  This was one of those times where he should have had a bath.  I did the best I could and he is pretty clean.  However, I believe he will be getting a bath Friday night because Saturday he sees the doc.  I keep reminding him about it but you know he won’t want to go anymore than I do.  Gator appears to have resolved her allergy issues.  No more watery eye and no more sneezing.  That’s good news. 

I was able to pay bills last night.  Had to split auto insurance into payments, which didn’t make me happy.  I at least have a little bit of money left to live on until we get paid next.  I also have enough to get a massage tomorrow, so I signed up.  I hope that she doesn’t make me feel horrible the day after.  I am going to get rid of pain not to get new pain. 

There is the potential that I will have to stay late tonight, because people are leaving.  Usually this happens on a Friday which is the worst possible time for it because who doesn’t want to start their weekend?  I don’t care because I get over time so I will happily stay as long as nothing more important is going on.  Which now that I have been on my own there aren’t many things that go on.  I am still eager to get home.  UPS man left the expensive food on my front step and I want to get it inside and see if Bear will eat the canned stuff and if he likes it just as much as the dry stuff. 

I made a mistake about Maggiano’s.  Turns out that extra container I thought was sauce contained a single large meatball.  I am going to heat it up and mix it in to a spaghetti TV dinner, that should make it enjoyable.  I had chicken with BBQ sauce last night.  Time got away from me and I was in rush mode to get to bed.  Bear wanted attention from me and followed me to my room to collect.  I was able to lull him to sleep and then soon after that I had to go to bed because I was wiped out.

Tomorrow is my last day being 44.  Hard to believe that I have been on earth this long.  Seen and done a lot in my lifetime but there is much more waiting for me.  Hopefully a nice hunky man in my future that I can make memories with.  With all that I have been through I am blessed in that I have a home, a great job which enables me to provide for myself and my cats.  I might not be the happiest of people but I know that things can always be worse.  Here’s to tomorrow the last day of me being 44.  I hope that when I turn 46 I can look back and say that 45 was better than 44.  Looking forward to the future and hoping the only place to go from here is up.  Look at the little things and they add up and make you feel blessed.

Now back to the usual drill.  Hope that all is well in your world and the sun is shining.  Take care and we shall talk again. 

30 August 2016

Where is my Brink’s Truck?

Got to the pharmacy last night and they wanted $90 for 15 days of medicine.  I asked if the price went up, they started looking and then tried to tell me that I didn’t pay $30 for 15 days of medicine last time.  I said I’ve got the receipt at home to prove it.  They dug a little deeper, turns out someone made a mistake last time.  It was $50 now.  Okay that is horrible but still way better than $90.  I can’t say that Bear will stay on this medicine long term, that is a bit much for 15 days.  Add in this cost of special food, vet visits and before you know it, it’s like I am supporting another person instead of an animal.  This is a muscle relaxer to keep him from straining, if he is not blocked or close to blocking he has no reason to strain.  I’ll be chatting with the vet on Saturday.

Stopped by the post office and found out that my house payment is going up.  Not a complete surprise to me.  If I want I can pay the shortage now which is like $300 and then my monthly payment will go down.  Otherwise they just slip it in and that is why there is an increase in the payment.  It’s only $14 and I am still no where close to paying the outrageous amount I had to pay each month before the mortgage was in my name.  I have a large chunk of money set aside it makes the house payment and the loan payment for the roof, not too shabby.  Taxes and increase in Insurance is why there is an overage, otherwise my payment wouldn’t fluctuate from year to year.  I can also refinance and save myself money but I do not want to go through the hassle.  I will just pay the increased amount starting next month and call it a day, much simpler.  Perhaps if my life wasn’t so complicated with other issues I would entertain the refinancing option but now is not the time. 

The girls were chirping last night, each one of them wanted a piece of me.  Gator had to have me pet her, Momma wanted face time and Ruth wanted her back scratched.  It was a mess but some how it all came together.  They got what they wanted.  Even cotton ball Bear got some attention.  Marv slept with me last night but when I sat down to eat breakfast he acted like I hadn’t paid him any attention in a month.  Overall, things are still going good and I hope they stay that way.  The expensive food will be delivered tomorrow, just in the nick of time.  I am about to run out of the dry food they all love. 

Had my left over Maggiano’s Spaghetti last night.  I asked for a Meatball but didn’t get it, instead they gave me meat sauce.  Fine, not the same thing but it’s okay.  I did get extra sauce but didn’t need it.  So I kept it aside and will have it tonight mixing in some chicken with it, that should hopefully be good.  I believe it’s just sauce with no meat which will be perfect.  Kind of looking forward to trying it. 

Today is so boring here at the office.  Nothing really cracking and I could use a couple things to help occupy the space between now and quitting time.  I may be sorry I said anything but hey I would rather be busy than bored any day. 

I am staying in my cube (aka jail cell) and not leaving unless I have to use the restroom.  It’s amazing no one stops by to see me or say hi, unless they need something.  We can pass in the hall way and say hi but the in depth conversations don’t take place unless they want something.  Kind of sad but then again this is work.  I am enjoying the boss being out of town, things are much more relaxed than normal. 

I wish I could find a way to relax my neck and shoulders, that is where all of my tension appears to be going and by the end of the day it really hurts.  I slept pretty good last night but had a couple interruptions, if it wasn’t for them I think I would be much more refreshed.  It was a struggle to get going but I did it.  Wash, Rinse, Repeat.  Aka the rest of the week.  3 more days. 

I was a little miffed last night.  I got a call from a manager at AT&T who doesn’t understand my problem.  Trying to explain it over the phone is the main reason why I sent a letter.  You can visually see the problem.  Then I get a call from the bank that was illegally accessing my credit report.  They said they were going to block me from their solicitation list.  Uh that isn’t the reason why I reached out.  I had to call back and explain.  It was as if no one was able to understand my problems yesterday.  I am still speaking English and I don’t have this problem with people here at work.  I was seriously starting to wonder if there was a national stupid persons day or if I just started talking a new language.  Nope, it’s not me it’s them.  Still waiting to hear back from both and I told them that I work during the day so good luck reaching me.  If I really wanted to talk with them I can answer the phone at work but since both of them have the tendency to elevate my blood pressure and make my head spin, I opt to let the phone ring and let them leave a message. 

Tonight it will be time to pay the bills or as I call it give away my money.  That will be a little stressful but I know I will get through it.  I have been looking seriously at new cars on line.  There are a couple that I want but the payment at the retail price is killer.  Not sure how much wholesale will affect the payment.  Looking is the key to preparation, when I actually move forward and say lets do this.  Tempting as it is, right now I am holding myself back, it’s not easy but a look at the payment does the trick.  My insurance will most likely go down, I won’t have to pay to register two vehicles so there will be an additional savings, but I will be signing up for car payment each month for most likely five years, sad part is you can go longer to make the payment even more affordable.  That just keeps you on the hook for a longer period of time.  I am scared of making a financial commitment that is long term but hey I did it with the house and everything turned out fine so far.  Buying  car isn’t that much different it is less money and will be paid for quicker but still it’s a commitment.  Much easier for me to commit to a person rather than a financial obligation. 

Time to head back to the salt mine, email is starting to pile up which happens over the lunch hour.  Nothing major all of it is mostly junk.  People that send it don’t think that but I certainly do.  I hope that all is well in your world.  Talk with you peeps again soon.

29 August 2016

Monday again

Yeah here we go again on the merry go round that is know as the work week.  I put on some Icy Hot last night before I went to bed, it was working and then I laid down.  Sort of like hitting the pause button on the TV.  When I woke up this morning I felt it working again, very strange.  Never had that happen before. 

Dinner was great, left the house at the perfect time and only had to wait a couple minutes for my friend.  I had Lasagna and took home Spaghetti & Meatball for supper tonight.  He had Baked Ziti and took home Fettuccini.  I really had hoped that he would pick up the bill, but that was left to me.  Not a major problem, but I did drop a hint that Friday was my birthday.  Yeah so he said we might get together again on Friday.  Wow if that happens it will be a record.  Normally we go a couple months or longer before we see each other.  We talk on the phone in between that time, meeting in person is special.  I got to see his new car.  It’s nice for a foreign car, he had one of those febreeze clip on vent things, that made the car smell horrible in my opinion.  I love the smell of a new car.  You can’t bottle it, can it or put it in a jar.  You simply have to experience it live and in person in a new car.  When it’s gone, you wait for it to get hot out again and maybe you will get to enjoy the smell a little longer.  It’s just fumes from the glue and the fabric that is new.  Sort of like new carpet smell.  So enjoyable!

Got home at a decent hour, just enough time to enter the money I spent in the computer.  Grab a couple of emails and answer a survey about my meal.  Then I went upstairs and cry baby brinks truck was whaling.  Of course I am talking about Bear.  He wanted attention, he wanted food, he wanted to be brushed, he wanted his medicine.  Turns out he wasn’t feeling the best, he had a couple coughing attacks.  I am glad we have that vet appointment on Saturday.  I have noticed him coughing a little bit more and hope that he doesn’t have a fluid issue.  He is gobbling down the dry food and water, I just hope his body isn’t allergic.  He seemed fine this morning, just didn’t want me to leave but we go through that every morning.

Gator’s symptoms have come back, last night her eye was watering.  I saw her sneezing a couple times.  This morning she seemed okay, I put on my cologne that I haven’t done for 2 days and thus far she seemed fine.  Let’s hope she is that way tonight.  Before I can go home tonight, I have to make a special trip to the pharmacy for Bear he needs more muscle relaxers.  We have enough for a couple days but I would rather not run out, so this is the safe thing to do.  Just hope it agrees with my wallet. 

Work has been slow, busy and slow.  I would like to be busy, not crazy busy to see the afternoon fly by.  I would love to get home to my little angels.  So that I can serve & protect them.  Plus the Spaghetti sounds really good right about now. 

That’s all I know so back to the salt mine, lunch time is about done.  Hope your Monday is going well.  Talk with you all again soon.

28 August 2016

Sneezy Gator

Ever seen a sneezing gator?  Yeah as in alligator.  I was trying to picture that when I saw Insty (Gator) sneeze.  Vet said that 1/2 a tab of Zyrtec would take care of her.  If I take a whole pill I will be out like a light in a couple hours.  I get knocked down by taking 1/2 a tablet.  They actually make it in 10 and 5mg tablets.  If you want 5mg you have to buy it from Canada, it’s not available in the US that I know of.  However, you could always cut the tablet in 1/2.  I put flea medicine on her and that seemed to help.  Trying to pill her with Zyrtec well that was really bad.  Her and her sister do not take pills.  The rest of the family is fine but those two girls, you need an injectable or else your going to go through hell.  I got the job done but she hated me for it.  She is better and were back to being buddies. 

Bear is really crunching away at this new dry food I got him.  $21 for the bag by mail order.  I put in an order for another bag and also a case of wet food.  Now that’s $68 for both I pray that he likes the canned food.  Since Friday no matter what I put in front of him he turns his nose up at it.  He wants his new dry food and his water.  I’m thinking I bought a case of wet cat food and it’s going to go to waste.  However, I will remain optimistic.  He has his vet appointment scheduled for next Saturday @ 9:30a to get his urine PH measured, if he keeps crunching away I think everything will be fine.  He is going to the bathroom in normal amounts so I am pleased.  Plus his coat has changed, it’s super soft now and it’s very enjoyable to pet him.  He was kind of soft before but not super soft. 

Momma or Marv are having stomach issues.  One of them is crapping in the hallway outside of the litter box.  They have to let me know there is a problem but I wish they went different colors so it would make it easy to determine who did what where.  So I medicate them both and both are unhappy with me for a while, as they slobber away the medicine. 

Saturday I went to see my friend in the hospital.  Turns out the hospital is close to a burger place we used to go to.  I thought about stopping by but when I was done I was dead tired so I headed home and took a nap.  Anyway, visiting was nice.  She was talking normally but had an NG tube in and that was horrible to watch.  We chatted up a bit and then she started to fade away.  I had been there an hour easily so that made it worth traveling the 30 miles one way.  I told her I was leaving and to get well.  They are still waiting for the pathology report to come back to see what type of cancer she has and how they are going to treat it.  Hopefully this week will bring answers to those questions.

Her husband called me and were going to supper tonight (Sunday) at Maggiano’s.  I’ve got a $10 coupon so long as we spend $30 and he loves to drink so that shouldn’t be a problem.  When I got the coupon I thought I would never be able to use it because it’s not valid on Saturdays.  I don’t normally go out on a Sunday for dinner, but I am making an exception because of who it is and the circumstances.  I have to hustle to get things done around here.  Plus I need to check the air in my tires, the car has been in the driveway all morning long.  So I am sure it will be nice and hot.  Looking forward to the food and company.

I was up until 1a and spent the bulk of my time in the basement in front of the computer taking care of business.  Had a couple letters to write to get some issues addressed.  I have had an issue with Uverse in that they are allowing calls to slip through that say UNAVAILBLE for both the name and number.  Friday they told me that I was right and they shouldn’t be slipping by.  Saturday they called back and said nope everything is working as designed.  Piece of shit, it never did it before but now all of a sudden it started.  So the only thing I knew to do was revert back to You Mail.  It’s a voice mail service that is free, but if you pay for a subscription you get to unlock a lot more features.  It works primarily with cell phones.  I had to trick it to thinking my home phone was a cell phone and it worked.  1 mailbox for 2 phones.  I had to sign up for the Business Plan at $10 per month.  There goes that $10 a month discount.  One of the many features that You Mail provides is they police spammers, telemarketers, and general junk callers.  You have settings to control how aggressive they are and I set mine to high.  So when they call and get voice mail they won’t hear my normal greeting, they will instead hear a disconnected recording and will think my number is not in service.  You also have a personal blacklist that you can place people on.  They call, you ignore the call and then they hear a greeting that tells them you don’t want to talk to them anymore.  They also just started to provide a new phone number for you to give out, you can call forward it to any number or make it go to your You Mail.  That will be great for dating or if I ever decide to sell some of this crap I have around here.  I like their service and wish that they emitted a tone and could make my voice mail light go on.  Oh plus they notify you when you missed a call but no message was left, that can come in handy as well.  Long story short I like You Mail, I have used them before but reverted back because I hate paying for voice mail even though they do a little more than traditional vm.  Not sure where things will go, kind of depends upon my call volume and what gets by the AT&T spam filter. 

Been thinking about my Mom lately and of course that caused her to call.  I didn’t answer the phone and let her leave a message.  I am pretty well on the fence right now as far as cutting ties with family.  I think it’s the right thing to do but am having a hard time letting go.  I shouldn’t considering what I have been put through but after all it is family.  My birthday is Friday and I am sure that is one of the many reason why she reached out.  It will be interesting to see what reaction I get.  I suspect my mom will call back and leave a message saying happy birthday, call me back.  My brother on the other hand won’t do anything.  Now if they were living together, she would make him buy a card, sign it and mail it to me.  Since that isn’t the case he won’t do anything.  Even if I wished him a happy birthday the prior year.  He’s made it very clear since we were young that he isn’t the type to reach out just to say happy birthday, merry Christmas, kiss my ass or anything.  Which causes me to question how much he loves me.  I’ve been the older protective brother and gone to bat for him many times.  He never does anything like that for me.  See what I mean the decision should be obvious.  It’s just once you go down that road and cut people off, you can’t have remorse and go back, because chances are they will have written you off as well.  I am however keeping my distance from my family at the moment, I don’t want to be around them or even in close proximity to them.  

I found out that a friends grandson is attending at the college by my house.  I worked on his pc before and he knows me.  Not sure if he knows I am gay.  He’s a hot young man and has a girlfriend although that doesn’t mean anything today.  Yes, he makes me horny.  I opted to reach out to him and let him know that if he needed anything to holler as I was close by.  I got a response from him this morning, which totally made my day.  He’s grateful that I reached out.  I doubt that he takes me up on the offer.  I know that when your young, you make mistakes both large and small.  So I am trying to be a friend and only a friend.  Yes I would like to get him in bed but I am not going to ruin a friendship for a few minutes of pleasure.  It would be very interesting if he showed up on any of the dating apps I use that too is doubtful.

While I am lonely, horny and would love some dick … I somehow suppress those feelings.  I have a passion for helping others and that makes me feel good.  My problem is that I put others in front and ahead of me and that isn’t fair to me.  Be it an animal or a person I think everything and everyone is more important than me or my needs.  I hate that but I picked that up from my grandmother, she did the same damn thing.  It makes you quite unhappy in the end.  So I am working towards putting myself first and then trying to help others.  Of course when it comes to my cats, they are my family and that does come before me or my needs, but there is a limit to that. 

Earlier I was laying on the couch trying to nap and thinking, wow I am glad things have calmed down and were back to a state of ‘normal’.  I pray that it lasts for a long time.  I like calm and quiet it works well for me.  I see were rapidly approaching another payday, let’s hope I don’t screw up when I go to pay my bills.  Lord knows I have enough of them waiting to be paid, I just hope there is enough money to go around and that I don’t have to cut corners to make ends meet.  The payday in the middle of the month I have a lot left over, but not so much so at the end.  So glad I have yet to take the plunge into car payments, but that too is coming. 

I hope that you have had a great weekend, that it’s been peace & quiet.  Were rapidly coming closer to Fall.  That means cooler temps, getting darker quicker (sucks, I hate driving in the dark) and of course Pumpkin everything.  I am in no hurry for Winter, but Fall is okay.  The only good thing about Winter is it can produce a huge mess and has the potential to either get me out of the office early or keep me at home, depending upon how bad it is.  So lots to look forward to.

Now I am off to clean this place up, looks like a tornado went through the kitchen.  Cat food is everywhere.  Those little monsters love to make a mess and they are not neat eaters, I don’t care what anyone says.  Then a nice shave, shower and hopefully a little bit of time to relax before I have to venture out for my evening meet up.  I hope that I will be home by 8p at the latest, because Monday morning will come beckoning quickly.  Take care, be well and as per usual we shall talk again soon.  Appreciate you stopping by to check in. 

26 August 2016

Another Sick Cat

Really?  Yes.  Gator has what I believe are allergies or a URI.  One of her eyes waters and she has sneeze attacks.  Started last night.  I am not happy about it and I feel really bad for her.  I reached out to the vet, I know that I am overstepping a bit in asking for advice since she has not been in for years but my hope is they work with me and not against me.  If I have to bring her in, I will.  I just really don’t want to sink a ton of money into her, not that I won’t but it’s that I really can’t afford it.  Timing is bad!  I got some new cologne and she has been eating some of her brothers prescription food since he hates it.  Not sure if this is true allergy or if it’s an infection.  She is a daddy’s girl so I let her sleep with me last night to help comfort her.  I hope that this passes quickly and she is back to her normal irritating self, it’s what she is known for and I want her to be happy and sneeze free.  More importantly I don’t want this to spread to other cats, which can happen and that would be disastrous to my financial health. 

Had a personal issue to take care of yesterday afternoon.  Between that and the Gator issue I had some hours that were spent wide awake instead of fast asleep.  Really am lacking motivation to actually work today.  Counting the minutes until quitting time, can’t wait to get home. 

Talked with a friend last night, his wife just had surgery to remove a tumor and have a full hysterectomy.  When they opened her up they knew it was cancer then they went exploring and she was loaded up.  She lost 1/2 of her colon, some of her intestines along with some other parts.  They feel that this has spread but do not yet know to what degree.  They felt some lumps in the main artery that supplies blood to the colon and it was too risky to open it, they can treat that with chemo. They broke the bad news to him yesterday, and he knew something was wrong when a 2 hour procedure turned into a 6 hour procedure.  Makes for a long day.  I remember going through this myself and it’s no fun.  So my friend asked how long the recovery from cancer would be.  The doctor said well if she doesn’t recover from the surgery we won’t need to talk about recovery from the cancer.  Holy shit, he was in shock from hearing the word cancer.  Normally he would have bit the doctors head off but he let it pass.  It will take about a week to get the pathology report back and then they will know more of what they are dealing with, what stage it is and what the prognosis is for recovery.  I will admit right now things do not sound good and it sounds like this will take her.  That will kill him and he thinks he can’t survive it, but I am living proof that you can survive it but it’s no fun. 

I asked him last night if there is anything that I can do.  He said yes we should go get a bite to eat.  Okay, I am game for that.  Waiting to hear back from him on when.  I may drop in the hospital to see her, not 100% on that.  Given everything that I have been through it may cause a flashback and I might just loose it. 

My world is full of negative and I want to change that in the worst way.  I need positive and good.  Wonder if I eat some garlic if I could change my world?  At this point I am willing to do most anything.  I am seeking happiness and having a hard time finding it. 

I have thought about leaving town to get a bite to eat but I want to be there for my friend so I will probably stay close to home.  I need to get away and need a distraction from life’s issues as much if not worse than he does. 

Bear is holding his own.  Making nice yellow urine, which is very pleasing to see.  He is a tough customer when it comes to food.  I am kind of at a loss as to what to buy him.  He doesn’t like the prescription food but it’s what is best for him.  He has even turned up his nose as the Purina Focus Urinary food, which is OTC.  He loved it when the week started but now can’t stand it either.  He knows I am soft but I can’t feed him something on a regular basis that I know will hurt him.  He has to make the transition to the new food like it or not. 

Well off to the races.  Looking forward to being able to sleep in, if the children let me.  Hope all is well in your world and that the sun is shining bright!  Take care.

25 August 2016


Traffic was a nightmare this morning.  Not sure why but it took me forever to get to work, I had my doubts if I would ever make it.  Thankfully I had 15 minutes to spare.  Those minutes go by really fast.  I am a bundle of nerves today between Bear, traffic and the personal issue I have to deal with later this afternoon.  Wow!

My hope is that I will be able to arrive home early.  I’ve got a lot to take care of tonight.  The usual, plus getting the trash out.  I now have to write a cease and desist letter to a very large bank.  They keep pulling my credit report at random.  I have no account with them, I did apply months back but they declined me, which is fine.  I sent an appeal letter asking them to reconsider.  That was April.  Were in August and for the past 3 months they have pulled my report sometimes multiple times in a month.  I never heard back from my appeal letter, it just faded into the ether.  Fine, so you don’t want my business and I can accept that.  However, you don’t need to keep pulling my credit report.  It hurts my credit score and considering I am looking at getting a car soon I don’t need them dragging down my score.  I am very selective about what I apply for and know for a fact that I have no outstanding credit applications.  Now there is the matter of identity theft that I was a victim of a few years ago when someone filed a tax return in my name.  However, there are warnings all over my report that say do not extend credit without first calling me and I provide a phone number.  It’s on all 3 bureaus and will remain there for 7 years.  I plan on asking them why they are continually pulling my report.  I will obviously demand they stop and remove the inquiries from my credit report.  It’s another mess that I really don’t need. 

I love drama it’s great but only on TV.  In real life it sucks and I really don’t want it to be apart of my life.  However, it’s not like I have a choice in the matter.  This sort of stuff just seeks me out. 

I still have concern over Bear.  I think he should be going more.  I hear a co-worker in my head telling me to be patient with him.  Yeah I am not a patient person and I know it.  He goes back on his steroid tonight so I am hoping that will help.  They pull fluid from the body to help reduce inflammation.  I have wondered if this could be the cause of all of his troubles as a long term side effect that finally caught up with him.  I mean he’s done great without it.  I still have to make the appointment but we will be going back to see the vet next weekend, I know neither of us will like the trip.  However, it’s necessary to see where his Ph is for his urine.  I am optimistic since he has made it this far that he will continue to exhibit positive signs of recovery and improvement.  His diet I know plays a key role in what he produces as waste, hopefully this expensive prescription food does the trick.

Well I have to gobble down my lunch while I work, since I am leaving early.  So off to gobble and work.  It’s been quite a week and I am anxious for some downtime.

24 August 2016

Crisis Averted

Ah sigh of relief!  He made presents for me.  


Got home and no p p from Bear.  He still hasn't gone.  I pressed on his bladder and it feels like there is something in there.  Just gave him some fluids to hopefully help things along.

He is eating and acting normal.  Feels normal but I'll be taking his temp. a bit later.  The guy has conned me out of 3 cans of food and only eaten 1 1/2.  He wants the bad dry food, it's like he craves it.

So long as he pees tonight and it's all yellow I will breathe a sigh of relief.  I hate this emotional roller coaster and don't want to lose him after sinking $ into him.

Crossing my fingers.

Pouting Cat

I didn’t know that cats could pout but found that out last night.  Bear worked his way over to the regular dry food.  I picked him up and put him closer to his own food.  I walked away and when I came back he was hiding under the couch.  He didn’t want his food, he wanted what he wanted.  Since he couldn’t get it he hid and when I went to see him he just looked at me.  Silly boy. 

He is such a picky eater.  I wish the makers of the prescription food had more variety of flavors that would help out.  I obliged him last night and poured him a fresh bowl of dry food, topped it with a little bit of the regular dry food.  He started crunching away.  I looked at it this morning he ate all of the bad stuff and some of the good stuff. 

Not sure how he did it but I looked down last night before I went to bed and there he was in between the chair and the bed, his spot.  He started crying I thought he was Marv and I looked down I was surprised to see him.  We slept together just like the good old days.  It would be great if he could lose some weight and get back to climbing, then I am sure he would jump in bed with me. 

His stool has turned to coal black.  I did some research on line and everything says oh get your cat to the vet because they are bleeding internally.  If he was bleeding internally he would have passed away by now.  So I asked the vet and they say that it’s most likely attributed to his diet change.  It’s all solid so there really is no worry.  I just know that is one place you really don’t want to see black.

Right now I am enjoying giving him just 2 pills, but he will be starting back on his steroids very soon.  Then it will be 2 pills in the morning and 3 pills at night.  I could take him off of the muscle relaxer but right now things are going so good, I really don’t want to rock the boat.  Since the price of that medicine went down that helps. .

I have told a lot of folks here at work about Bear and how he was ill.  Only one person followed up with me.  I realize that some people think it might strike a nerve because things didn’t look good. Then I got to thinking about how people here are allegedly my friends, they only hit me up when they have a computer problem or if they need something.  They really don’t give a shit about me.  I’ve always said I am not here to make friends but to do a job.  I sit all day in my cube and if I am interrupted it’s because I have a delivery or someone has a problem.  Kind of sad when you think about it and yes it has gotten to me.  I talked with one ‘friend’ last week who has nothing good to say about this place and wants to bitch about her job and the way things are here.  I had a sick cat and I took my time to listen to her BS.  You can’t take 5 seconds to ask me how my boy is doing?  I mean seriously.  I hope that she finds a new job because her bitching has been going on for 2 years.  I have really held back, I really want to tell her if she thinks this place is so bad quit and then you will have plenty of time to find a job.  This place isn’t going to change and you aren’t the person that will be able to fix things.  Shut up and go away.  She brings me down and while this place isn’t perfect it’s a decent environment, we take care of our people and that is why I am still here.  I really like it here, sure we all have bad days but every day for her is a bad day.  She will be the first to tell you that she hates her job.  All the more reason for her to dry up and blow away, I mean find a new job.  She won’t be happy their either.  She has something bad to say about every place that she worked.  I think she is one of those eternally unhappy people and there isn’t anything anyone can say, do or pay her that will make her happy.  My life is far too busy with other issues to deal with her BS.  So I sit in my cube and do my job.  I used to take time to stop by but that isn’t happening, if you want me, then you will need to come find me. 

All of this had me thinking about how plastic people seem to gravitate towards me.  You think oh they are my friend and everything is fine for a while, then out of the blue it changes and I see people for who they really are.  Why do people waste their time in pretending?  It just doesn’t make sense to me.  If you like to act then move to Hollywood maybe you can be the next star.  I am looking for true friends who will be with you through thick and thin, sadly I only have a very small number and the number just got smaller. 

I know I am a moody person at times, mostly depends upon what is going on in my life.  However,for the most part unless you ask or I feel that I can confide in you, chances are you will never know that I am having a bad day or that life is out of control.  I know people don’t want to hear someone bitch.  They want to hear funny or good things.  Problem is life doesn’t give you good every day of the week, we all have stormy or rainy days once and a while.  At the end of the day I know who I can truly count on and that helps bring me some comfort. 

So trying to end on a positive note.  My boss will be on vaycay tomorrow and out of the country, 9 working days.  His boss will also be gone part of that time so it will be quiet here and there will hopefully be less stress.  I mean were not breaking out to have a party, it will be a nice break for everyone.  Now on to my next meeting.  Fun stuff.  But it’s what makes the day go by so I can get home to see the children.  I always look forward to that, seeing their faces just warms my heart.  Suits is on tonight so I have that to look forward to.  Hope your day is going well.  Happy Hump Day! 

23 August 2016

Brinks Truck Bear

I believe I should change his name to Brinks Truck, because that is what I need when it comes to paying for his health care.  I stopped in for food just for him and no one else.  I left $21 poorer and odds are he will go through what I bought in a weeks time.  He seems to like the Purina Focus food, it’s OTC but is formulated for urinary health.  A fancy feast size can costs $1.20 when fancy feast only costs 85 cents.  So long as he eats it I’m as happy as I can be. 

He was a good boy yesterday.  He begs now to have me change his food, he wants what the girls have or something else but the diet food is horrible.  Yeah well it’s all you get.  I try to stick with stuff that I know has gravy or juice that usually equals a win, meaning he will eat it.

The vet reached out yesterday to let me know that they will be changing his diet long term.  Right now he is on C/D and S/D but he will be going to a W/D.  Those other foods are great for the crystals but they pack on the weight so switching him to W/D will help with both weight and crystals.  Right now I am happy where he is at.  This special food stuff is like alphabet soup.  You start looking for your letters and before you know it they all blend together, you have to stop look at the prescription card and start over. 

He feels a little warm but still no fever.  Were both happy about that.  I get to check him again tonight and were both going to hate it.  He is back to forming stool which is odd because he got his last antibiotic last night.  Really think he is out of the woods but I don’t want to say that too loudly.  I am still very cautious when it comes to his health. 

I had a normal evening last night, with a couple exceptions.  At least I am not all stressed out.  I still worry about him and us parting ways.  However, if each of us do our part then he should be fine.  My part is to get him the prescription food and his part is eating the food. 

My neck and shoulders feel better, still in some pain.  I opted not to ice last night and probably should have not passed up the opportunity.  Finished the pizza last night. BBQ & Potato Salad tonight. 

Still looking forward to the weekend, but we have 3 more days to go.  Momma was puking last night.  I can’t deal with another sick cat right now.  Have to watch a little closer to make sure that all of the children are eating.  Happy Tuesday I am off to join a meeting. 

22 August 2016


This morning I awoke to find Bear waiting for food but he was soaked.  No evidence that he went to the bathroom on a pee pad.  That is a bit concerning as this is usually how things start off.  He is eating in fact I had to give him two small cans.  He has given up on his special dry food, which is kind of disappointing.  He is still drinking.  You know before this is all said and done, I might be drinking as well and I am not talking water. 

I got him cleaned up and checked him by touch, he feels warm.  I will take his temperature tonight and hope for good news.  I also have to stop by the pet food store because he has eaten up a good portion of the can food that I bought.  I have no idea how much I will spend tonight but so long as he eats it and it’s not going to waste then I will be happy.  I pray that his progress continues in an upward direction and that he can over come the crystal issue.  If he sticks to his diet, things should go well.  I fixed him with getting into the other dry food, I mixed in some of his food on top so if he goes to the feeder he will get his food first and then the normal stuff.  That will probably make him mad.  He is still lapping up the attention. 

My neck and shoulder are still killing me.  I used some spray Icy Hot last night, didn’t do a damn thing.  Broke out the ice a couple hours later and that felt pretty good once I got used to it.  I used some vanishing scent Ben Gay this morning, that worked pretty well.  Thinking about going to get some bio-freeze from the massage room and put that on.  Probably will but after lunch because once that stuff gets on your hands it takes forever to get it off. 

I have left over pizza for supper if I want it or I can do BBQ with Potato Salad.  Not sure what I will chose a lot depends on the mood that I am in and how Bear is doing when I get home. 

Work for the morning is kind of boring.  The afternoon should sail by as I have meetings and some training.  I got stuck in a boring conference call this morning, I was struggling to hold my eyes open.  I wish we didn’t have to sit through boring stuff and could just fast forward to the interesting stuff.

The boss man is headed away for something like 9 working days.  Wednesday will be his last day in the office, kind of looking forward to that.  He gets so anxious about little stuff and having him gone is a chance for all of us to relax a bit.  Work will still get done, probably on an accelerated basis.  I hope that he enjoys his time away and am kind of jealous that it’s not me going on vacation. 

Well about time to eat my lunch and then back to work.  Monday is half over, that is a good thing.  Each passing minute brings me closer to getting home where I want to be so I can see my big boy. 

21 August 2016

Lazy Sunday

Bear had a major accident in my room last night, he thought he was on a pad but wasn’t.  It was a big mess but I got everything contained and got him cleaned up.  He was a little restless last night but managed to calm down.  He did sleep in my room for a bit.  When I woke up this morning I found him in the kitchen.  He went after the (bad for him) dry food.  I guess it tastes better than his expensive urinary diet food.  I can’t stop him from getting into it unless I switch it all out to urinary food and that would be extremely expensive. 

I managed to snap my neck out of position last night and believe I have pinched a nerve.  My right hand was all cold and numb this morning.  Once I got going the cold and numbness subsided but I still feel a large pain in my neck and it’s a little difficult to move.  No doubt this is a direct result from a couple things … first the massage I got which has me knotted up pretty good and second dealing with Bear.  Hopefully it will go back to normal soon because this really hurts and is uncomfortable. 

I got my breakfast, hit up the grocery store and came home.  Lots of groceries today.  Bought gallon jugs of drinking water for the cats, didn’t even notice this was an option.  It’s only a dollar a jug.  I hope it makes a difference and helps everyone.  Got some frozen food for me and of course what would Sunday be without a pizza for supper.  I hate to heat up the house but it just tastes so good.  I got the limited special meat one that Tombstone put out and this time I will set the timer so it doesn’t burn.  Looking forward to it. 

I broke out the steam cleaner to clean my room, it looks pretty good but it’s still wet.  The real challenge will be to see what it looks like when it dries.  I hope it looks just as good.  No one will like the wet floor but it was necessary.  I should have really done the rest of the place but it was just a bit too much with my neck/shoulder bothering me.  I still need to vacuum and that will disturb everyone, the one that I want to least upset is Bear and he will run and hide thinking the noisy machine is out to get him.  He did let me take his temperature again today.  It’s a bit higher today but still well within the normal range.  I will be keeping an eye on this for the next few days, he does feel a little warmer to the touch today.  So long as the fever doesn’t come back, he keeps eating the right food I think and hope that we will be okay.

Back to the grind tomorrow.  Got some meetings and training to attend.  Hopefully it will be a calm but fast moving day. 

Not looking forward to house cleaning but I am looking forward to shaving and a nice long hot shower, hopefully that will help my neck/shoulder.  I did step out for a hair cut and used my birthday coupon for $3 off, which helped out.  Looking good helps you feel good.  I’m still the same fat guy but now my hair looks better than before. 

Off to the races.  Hope that your Sunday is going well and that your doing something that you enjoy.  Thanks for stopping by. 

20 August 2016

Turn Around

I got the appetite stimulant from the vet on Friday.  Came home and guess who started eating?  He never had the medicine, I guess he just needed some extra time which I wasn’t comfortable giving him.  When I shell out money I expect instant results and in an animal that doesn’t always happen, even thought I got lucky the last two times.  I was very pleased with him.  Never mind he was eating regular food and not his prescription diet.  He went back to the dry food again, I cringed but let him eat, why stop a good thing.

Today I went to the cat food store and got his prescription diet as well as some other urinary focused food.  Like Purina One and a couple cans of Blue Buffalo.  I know he likes variety and I don’t want to burn him out on one flavor.  Sadly prescription food only comes in a couple flavors, so I think he may get bored with it.  I got the small bag of dry food and it was $23, not cheap.  I opened it up when I got home and everyone wanted some because it was something new.  There was some fighting going on but I quelled that pretty quickly.  Bear seemed to love the food.  I know from reading on line that it promotes thirst, it’s got an increased salt content, which would make anyone thirsty.  He is now drinking like a fish. 

We spent some quality time together today.  I opted to stay home and not leave town to go for a drive and a meal.  I was lazy, took a nap and got him up on the couch where it was just the two of us.  He lapped up every ounce of attention he could muster out of me.  He was a little nervous but that quickly dissipated.  I think I have my boy back and I am so thankful.  I will cherish every day with him now more than before.  I realize how quickly that life can turn and one can be gone.  I told him to do the same.  Got some accidental kisses out of him, he’s not one to kiss.  He did rub his head all over me as if to say thank you for saving me, I am so lucky to have you as my daddy. 

I watch his urine output closely and pray that it’s only yellow.  I have taken his temperature this morning and it is normal.  I will keep an eye on this as well for a couple days.  He doesn’t like it but then again I wouldn’t like getting my temp taken that way either.  We will do the follow up with the vet in 2 weeks to see where his PH level is.  I hope that is the last time we have to go there for a very long time.  I hate that place, even though they have provided a valuable service I just don’t want to go back.  They should have something named after me and my late partner for all of the money we have sunk into that place. 

Bear is still a little demanding when it comes to attention.  I figured out that this is most likely coming from the pain medicine.  He doesn’t appear to be in pain so I have stopped that in the hopes that it will flush out of his system and he will return more to his normal self.  Of course if he shows signs of pain I will start back up.  It’s not cheap stuff either, I get a very small amount of liquid and it’s like $42.  Wish I had something that would make me feel that good and was legal. 

I am trying to have a semi-normal weekend and wind down.  Next week will be stressful for me but for a very different reason.  I pray that my Bear is over the hump and that with the diet his body no longer will form crystals or anything else that will work against him.  Poor guy has been through far too much and he has never done anything to anyone, which makes it hard to comprehend why he has to go through this. 

This is the happiest I have been in days and pray that it continues.  Take care and I will be in touch!

19 August 2016

Back Home

My boy is back home but he’s not exactly the same.  I feel like I go a different cat, but I know that is not the case.  He was so quiet going to the car and he talked a little bit on the short drive home.  Once we got in the house he was talking to beat the band and that is so unlike him.  I gave him some of the special new food he is supposed to have but he turned his nose up at it.  I mixed in some of the regular food but that didn’t help.  I gave him some gravy, he lapped up a little but in general was not interested in food at all.  He needed attention like every 5 minutes and he drove me crazy. 

He is back to producing yellow urine, not sure how long that will last.  The thought process is it will continue but only on the special food.  I have to go to the pet food store this weekend with my prescription and see what I can get him. I will buy enough for a week and see how things go. 

He kept me up a good part of the night because he needed a belly rub, a pat on the back and general attention.  If I would start to fall asleep, he would wake me up.  I spent a little bit of time with him and was able to return to bed, he let me fall asleep for an hour and then started in again.  I asked for a break but he wasn’t giving me one, I just started to fall back asleep when he woke me up and I got a Charlie Horse so I was up.  He wanted out of my room, okay. 

Got breakfast going and of course he wasn’t interested at all.  I switched out the food and he started to eat but it was a small amount and it was the food he shouldn’t have.  I know one thing and that is if you want to live, you have to eat. 

The worry here is that his appetite went south because of the fever, which was resolved.  He is still on medicine for a fever reducer today and again tomorrow.  If he doesn’t eat tonight I will be taking his temperature to see where we are at.  I also got the vet to give me an appetite stimulant to see if that helps. 

I am not a patient persona nd especially after shelling out a bunch of money.  He has always just sprung right back after his stays in the hospital, I don’t get why this time is different.  I thought when I went to pick him up and they got into talking about the food, the medicine, etc. that I was in way over my head and that I should have opted to part ways.  It’s not what I wanted but it would bring both him and I closure.  I thought the same bad thought last night when he had me up for hours.  I thought about it on the way to work, when I got to work and just kept thinking that I would have to take him to the vet one last time this weekend.  Listening to Pandora while I was working away and heard Charlie’s song See You Again, that song gets me every time.  I broke down as quietly as possible at my desk.  No one has any idea but the tears were flowing.  It’s like I miss him and he’s not even gone yet.  So the release was good and it’s something that I needed.  I talked things over with a coworker who told me that you don’t always get instant results and that I need to give him sometime to heal.  When he gets hungry he will eat. 

After I hung up with my coworker I had to pull up the camera and there he was on camera by the food but he just laid down next to it and didn’t bother to eat any of it.  I listened to the audio to see if he was crying or whimpering and not a sound.

I pray that I made the right call here and that I am not prolonging the inevitable.  I am a bit of a mess with just a few hours of sleep, my emotions on a rollercoaster ride and all of my money tied up in that little brinks truck of a cat that I call Bear.  He’s such a good boy and doesn’t deserve any of this, I would say his dues have been paid for quite sometime.  I’d like to think that same of myself but I know that life just throws you problem after problem.  I forged forward because I am no quitter and he deserved a fighting chance.  Now I have to sit back … watch and wait to see what happens. 

I am ready for a nice long nap.  I can pretty well bet that I will be sleeping tonight crying bear or no crying bear.  Here’s to hoping for a positive outcome and the fact that maybe I bought a little extra time before I have to deal with the grim reaper.  

Stay tuned for more on his progress.  Looking forward to reporting good news.  It’s much more palatable and easier to digest than all of the depressing stuff I have had to write lately.  Take care and have a nice weekend. 

18 August 2016

Progress in the right direction

Bear is doing well, now peeing yellow which is very good.  He has a fever which is probably from the inflammation of his bladder.  The vet is giving him a new medicine they have lots of luck with getting rid of fevers in cats.  The draw back is he can’t have his steroid for 5 days.  The new drug is an anti-inflammatory, sort of a Tylenol for cats.   Don’t ever give Tylenol to a cat they can’t take it.  Not so certain about dogs. 

He is still being hydrated and they tried some of the special urinary food on him.  He is so picky he turned his nose up at it.  However, they said most cats don’t like it.  I am getting a prescription that I can take to the pet food store and I will be able to get him something that might be more appetizing.  I was also told that I can mix the normal cat food with the urinary stuff to help balance things out.  We need to build up the acidity levels of his urine and then he will be fine, the acid is what will keep the crystals from forming.  I hope this little adventure is successful, it sure is costing me a lot.

It was really nice to get out of bed this morning, not having to worry about medicating him and giving him attention.  I could just have a regular morning like before he was sick and I got out the door in record time.  I would very much like to keep that up.  I like normal.

Everyone is pleased that the dry food moved upstairs, so things have settled down.  Marv is still looking for his brother.  I don’t think anyone else misses him.  I am sure he will get hissed at tonight when he comes home. 

My prayer, wish and desire is that I don’t have to deal with cat health issues for at least 6 months – especially with regards to Bear.  I want him to be on the mend and over this hump in the road.  I love him with all my heart. A coworker told me that I have a really big heart, most people would have given up on him but I am at least trying to fix things.  I told my coworker that my heart might be really big but my wallet is empty.  It’s no joke!

So to try to calm down a bit, outside of medicating myself I opted in for a massage.  It hurt but felt good at the same time.  It’s not the wises choice when it comes to spending my money but it’s something that I really needed and will get great benefit from.  I was so relaxed I just wanted to drift off to sleep, but no rest for me it’s back to work.

A quick call to check on my boy and then back to work I go.  Let’s hope that were moving in the right direction and he responds well to this new diet.  Happy Thursday.  One more day.  Wow another weekend is around the corner, can’t believe it.  Looking forward to it provided that I can be lazy for at least a day. 

17 August 2016

Loosing my mind

I paid my bills over the weekend.  Apparently I wasn’t paying attention.  I sent the payment for one of my credit cards to U-Verse.  I didn’t catch it until just a few minutes ago and the payment has already been processed.  I was frantic when I discovered it.  The upside is I won’t have a U-Verse bill to pay for a while.  The downside is the credit card still needs to be paid, so I had to raid my savings.  Thank God for it, otherwise I would be up a creek.

Unless your giving me 0 percent interest my aim is to pay off the balance each month.  This particular card has a very high interest rate so no questions asked it’s paid in full each month.  My credit line is low so that helps keep me in check. 

I took time today to look up my auto insurance renewal and holy cow I was frantic over that.  Yes I can pay it by the month but that tacks on $5 to each payment.  I’ve always been able to pay it in full until earlier this year.  Free cash is an issue so bite size portions work best for me.  This is yet another subtle hint that I need to get a new vehicle and trade in what I have.  There is money in the budget for a car payment, it’s just not going towards a car and going towards other things.  Of course Bear being ill right now doesn’t help.

I got an update on the big guy.  They have cleared up his urine and he is going, but it’s still just in tiny amounts.  He has a fair number of crystals.  I had the option of bringing him home, which is what I wanted but if he would block then I would be at this again and it would be a greater expense.  My charges are around $400 if he came home today.  I’ll spend another $400 and let him stay until tomorrow night.  He will be getting 24 hour round the clock care and I think this is in his best interest.  I was also told that he has lost weight, which is helpful but you don’t want him losing too much too fast.  Marv’s weight is on the decline as well.  Not sure what is up with that.  I am not losing weight and I really need to!  While I didn’t want to commit the extra money it is buying me peace of mind.  Plus I can relax and take it easy, come down from the emotional rollercoaster I have been on.  I need a vacation, to get laid or something really fabulous to happen to make up for all of this.  What do you think will happen?  I don’t think anything will happen, other than life will go on. 

Everyone is a little lost without our Bear here but I told them he is coming home tomorrow night.  I will come home first and get the truck, he’s not peeing all over my car.  They now want to put him on a special urinary diet.  There is another added expense.  This is really like a robbery that just keeps happening over and over until your drained emotionally, physically and financially.  I have the power to stop it but it means that I won’t have Bear and that right now is not an option.  It’s wrong to let him go for something that is not his fault and that is treatable. 

I crunched numbers and figure that I can easily afford this smaller bill.  We are really coming close to my financial ceiling so if this shit comes back anytime soon both Bear and I are fucked.  Give me 6 months to help clear some of the debt I have accumulated and were in a much better position.  Who knows what my life will be like in six months from now.  I just hope it still has a Bear in it. 

So there you have it.  Now I am going to try to relax as best as I can before tomorrow morning comes.  I missed a webinar that I really wanted to attend today, plus I also missed some mandatory training that I will have to reschedule.  Have a good evening and thanks for stopping by!

Worse not better

Last night Mr. Picky decided that he only wanted a little bit to eat.  No matter what I did I couldn’t get him to perk up and eat.  He of course graciously took in all of the attention I had to offer him.  The purr motor was working overtime.  I found him in my room when I got home and that is where he stayed all night long. 

He started clawing on the bed just before it was time for me to wake up.  He also moved, so I figured that was a good sign and he wanted breakfast.  So I got up and fed him.  He didn’t eat.  I switched his food out for gravy food and still nothing.  So looks like his appetite went south.  That is no good for a cat and if left untreated can be a death sentence. 

I took the day off work begrudgingly.  I called to make an appointment, of course there were no early openings and I had to come in as an emergency so they could get that $107 fee for the office visit.  I never signed anything, which is abnormal.  I explained to the vet what was going on and that I am running out of two things … money and time.  She said that she understood.  They got my phone number and said that they would give me a call once they looked at him with the ultrasound. 

Here we are 4 hours later and no phone call.  The procedure was supposed to be done 2 hours after I dropped him off.  She also didn’t want to put a catheter in him.  I called for an update  They have done x-rays, put in a catheter and are preparing to do the ultra sound.  Since he is not staying they are doing their best to run up a nice large bill.  That is just my opinion.  X-rays certainly weren’t medically necessary .. you start with the ultrasound and go from there, that is a much more logical and cost effective treatment option.  So x-rays are around $100 the catheter is also about the same, tack on fluids, pain medicine and right now I would estimate we are at $450.  That is a far cry from $1,200 but we are well on our way to racking that up.  I’m just waiting for the sales pitch about how he really would do better to say the night.  I made it pretty clear that if they find something major all bets are off and were going to call it a day.  I really wish that they would honor my wishes, the last thing I want to do is fight with them when my cat is seriously ill and potentially on the brink of death.  If he dies it’s $250 just to get his remains back in a nice box.  I’ve done this all before time and time again.

I can’t bring myself to part with him but realize that from a financial standpoint it makes better sense.  If the bill is way out of my comfort zone when I pick him up there will be an argument, I also will pay by credit card so that even if I don’t win the argument in person I can always file a dispute and chances are pretty great that I will win, because they have nothing in writing about me approving the charges and they have no estimate to show, which is totally not normal.  I don’t want to do that but if they force my hand and try to rob me, then I have no choice.  The only difference here from a real robbery is that they don’t have a gun to my head and I can’t call the police for help. 

I was pretty empathic that this emotional rollercoaster ride has to end and the sooner the better for everyone involved, especially poor Bear.  I want him to live, to be pain free and not to have to deal with urinary issues. There are 2 types of crystals and what is formed is based on the ph of the urine.  He could have something different than what he had before.  I also have asked if the supplement was supposed to help him, why is it not doing it’s job? 

See what I mean about the emotional rollercoaster?  There is sorrow because I think I am going to lose him, there is anger because he shouldn’t be going through this and the vet is taking advantage of me.  I just want it to end and to have a sense of normal back along with my Bear.  I really didn’t plan on taking a day off work and that is concerning to me.  I am already in the hole (negative PTO balance) and this only makes me go deeper.  This is allowed and you can take up to a week of time with no worries.  However, when I need my time later this year supposing I get sick I won’t have it or have as much as I need and that is where you have a problem.  They frown on taking time without pay when you are paid by the hour.  I just don’t want to lose here be it my pet, my job, my finances or my sanity.  My sanity is pretty well gone but I know I can get it back but this whole problem has to resolve and stay resolved for at least a minimum of 6 months, otherwise I am headed for some form of disaster. 

16 August 2016

Quick update

Still sick – no major change, except this morning he wasn’t that perky.  Last night it was like he couldn’t get enough attention or food. 

Touched base with the vet, they want to see him think he may have a resistant infection, stones or a form of anemia.  The supplement dosage that I was giving was entirely too much. 

The thought that I could have caused all of this is heart wrenching.  I had really high hopes he was going to beat this last night but based on his behavior this morning as well as the feedback from the vet.  It sounds like we may have to part ways. 

Taking it day by day, waiting to see how he is tonight.  This emotional rollercoaster has to stop.  I want him better quickly.    

15 August 2016

Poke the Bear

Surprisingly I hear back from the vet quickly.  I was told that I am doing everything correctly.  The only thing we should add is fluid.  Of course that would mean a trip to the vet, then you can charge me for an office visit.  I thought around that and went to the vet and said give me the supplies I will ensure he gets fluid.  So they did.  I had to pay for it.  Then I went home to poke the bear.  Cats are so much more brave than humans, here I am a computer person holding a sharp needle about to jab it into a cat.  That sounds like a recipe for disaster.  Everything went just fine and I learned how to hydrate a cat.  Kind of interesting.  I was a little apprehensive but pretty much no matter what you want or need to know how to do is either on the internet or there is a you tube video for it.  I just did some quick reading combined with the crash course I got and all was well.  He gets a very small amount twice per week.  The one bag I got will last me a long damn time.  Now that gets me to thinking when he is in the hospital he is given bags of this stuff, makes me wonder why they want to limit it.  I guess probably because he’s not being medically supervised.  Give too much and you can kill him.

I called the pharmacy this morning, doesn’t sound like they are going to have the pills ready today.  I asked for 2 minimum and said I wouldn’t mind making two trips.  If I don’t hear from them when it’s close to leave I will call to see if I should bother stopping by.  I would be pretty upset if I made the trip for nothing.  The vet’s office called as a follow up, they said that the would call back next week to check on him.  Uh if this is still going on next week then we have a bigger issue I believe.  I can’t let him stay like this until then, it will have to be checked out.  Then again like I said in my last post if he was bleeding internally he would be dead by now. 

This morning there is no change, he is still his normal perky self but still dripping blood.  I had to put 3 different cans of food in front of him before he would really dig in and chow down.  He took all of his pills like a champ, a little protesting but we made it.  He should be resting comfortably.  I’ve checked the camera but he is out of view, either hiding in the hall, my room or under a couch.  I look so forward to seeing him tonight. 

I managed to get a great nights sleep, that is until the weather siren started going off.  Flash flood warning.  I would have rather floated down the river than to be woken up.  Happened multiple times, add in automated phone calls and weather sirens and wow who the fuck can sleep.  Still I had a dream that I briefly met Charlie Puth.  I also worked at some crazy place that was like a maze.  I could never find anything or anyone that I was looking for but I kept on moving.  Woke up feeling refreshed, which hasn’t happened in a very long time.

I am still nervous about Bear and it’s times like this that I wish I was at home with him.  I know that I can stay home with him instead of coming to work because that wouldn’t make financial sense.  However, he’s my baby and I love him.  I would never make it past security but would love to bring him to work there is plenty of room for him in my extra large cube, put down some food, water and pee pads I think it would be great but I wouldn’t subject him to the stress of traveling.  See for cats their stress organ is their bladder, learned that a while back. 

The dry food is downstairs, everyone including me is confused over that but it’s for Bear’s own safety.  He might want more but he can’t have it.  It’s very strange that this was a sudden onset with no warning signs.  That makes me question if we are truly dealing with a crystal issue.  The only way to say for certain is to take him in for an exam.  I pray that this will all be over with very soon and that he will start producing yellow urine, it’s a much better color than blood red.  Which by the way he has managed to stain the carpet but I am right behind him with hydrogen peroxide.  As you can well imagine he is very sore and tender but I have to try to keep him as clean as possible.  Such a good boy!

Well now back to the job, it at least occupies my mind.  Stay tuned for updates. 

14 August 2016

? The End for Bear ?

If he makes it through, this I think he will have used yet another life.  Late Saturday night Bear kept going to the bathroom.  He was straining so hard that he started to pass blood.  He finally got everything out, settled down for a while, only to start all over again.  He was passing a little urine and a little blood.  I figured he got himself worked up and that Sunday would be back to normal.  If only that were true.  The fur monster kept me up most of the night.  When I did manage to fall asleep I had dreams about putting him down.  It was horrible.  Finally at 5am I gave up and got out of bed.  To make matters worse Gator puked all over the bed, not once but twice.  Way to go girl, make more work for daddy. 

Bear is scared, I can read him like a book.  He does the nervous purr thing.  He slept in my room, wanted me to give him attention … it’s all out of the ordinary behavior.  I started him on pain medicine and an antibiotic a few hours after this all started.  I knew we were in trouble again.  Well he got into the dry food for sure on Friday night, I came home and he was just crunching away.  I told him not to eat too much of it, but that is like telling a kid he can only have 1 piece of candy.  He loves to get his crunch on.  Funny thing is since I took away his dry treats he hasn’t had any problems whatsoever.  I am convinced now more than ever that dry food is poison for him.  So much so that I am moving the dry food to the basement, that is the one place he doesn’t go in the house.  He won’t like it but my goal is to keep him alive and well for as long as God allows me to have him. 

This is trying my patience, stressing me out and making me want to cry.  I keep thinking about parting ways, as if it’s coming.  Each day brings us all a day closer to death but in Bear’s case I believe he is much closer than I.  Problem is I look at him see that face light up, hear that purr (even though it’s a nervous purr) and see how he acts.  He’s got a lot of life left in him, too bad his body seems to be fighting with him.  Seeing what I see and I am biased but I just can’t part ways with him, no matter how much I try to prepare myself.  Is this because the time isn’t right?  Is this because I am too selfish?  IF and only IF I have to make the call to end his life, it will be the second most difficult thing that I have done in my lifetime.  I don’t make those decisions lightly and if there is medical evidence to support that there isn’t going to be a good outcome, that makes it’s easier.  I really don’t feel that I have a right to play God with his life or for that matter the lives of any of the other cats.

I made this mistake of trying to give him a bath without putting on my usual jacket.  He clawed the shit out of me, started flaying around like a fish out of water, it was a true mess.  Thankfully I had just finished rinsing him.  I like to rinse at least two times just to make sure all of the soap is gone.  He didn’t give me that chance and his safety as well as mine was much more important to me that if he still had soap in him.  I grabbed a towel, started to dry him off in the hopes he would calm down but that didn’t work.  I had to pick him up and we went to the floor, then he was able to start to relax.  I finished drying him off and then I broke out some food for him to eat, that helped to calm him down.  He still managed to pee blood right where he was at, no moving to a pad.  It’s okay I know he doesn’t feel good.  The carpet is trash but I can’t do anything with it for two reasons.  One because I still have cats.  Two because I don’t have the money to replace it.  So I cleaned that up with a little peroxide and the blood came right out.  I gave him more food and he lapped it up.  Then he retreated to his bed that is his litter box, to go some more.  I sat down next to him and I no sooner was in place and he got up and ran under the couch.  That right there is a tell tale sign, he doesn’t feel well – as if I didn’t know that already. 

So what’s the plan, where do we go from here?  Very good question.  He is eating everything I put down.  Not big into water but he never was, he drinks it once and a while.  Appetite is a plus, the more he eats the more liquid he gets and thereby will hopefully flush this out.  I stopped by the vet and got more of the antibiotic.  He will stay on those, pain medicine and I have to get some muscle relaxers to help aid with the straining.  Plus his regular medicine.  So long as he keeps on this track I think in my best opinion that this too shall pass and he will bounce back.  However, I am not a doctor of people or animals.  A computer, well maybe.  So I sent an email to the vet that he sees.  I explained the situation and asked if I was doing the right thing or if I had my blinders on and maybe it was time to let go or perhaps pursue a different treatment option.  Most likely I won’t hear from her until tomorrow, which is a tad bit stressful but if he gets worse we can always go over.  My apprehension on going over is that I know I will come out of there alive but I don’t know that he will.  I can’t afford to keep charging his expensive hospital stays, it’s not fair to me to put myself further and further into debt, especially when the benefit is short lived.  It’s like pouring money into an old car, before you know it you spent so much that you could have bought a new one but now your stuck with the old one because your broke.  I can’t get a new Bear, he is unique but I have to stand firm from a financial point of view.  The available credit is there but if I use it I will be committing myself to something that I simply can not afford.  If I happen to win the lottery well then money won’t be the object in the way.

I don’t want this to turn into a situation where I find him dead, that will crush me almost as bad as if I made the decision myself.  I want to be fair to him at the same time being fair to myself.  I am all I have and if I fall there will be no one to pick me up, so that factors into most every decision I make when it involves finances. 

I did my research and we have been down this road before, he is not blocked.  Based on his symptoms from what I have read I am treating him appropriately.  If he were bleeding internally from some other sort of injury he would most likely have gotten far worse by now.  Sometimes you have to have faith that things will work out.  It’s difficult to go through this but as long as he is fighting this I will too as best as I can.


My other problems this weekend are ….

I upgraded all of my computers to the Anniversary Edition of Windows 10.  It was a forced update on one of my laptops.  Microsoft just tweaked somethings, I am sure there is more to this than I have taken time to find out, but from what I see I really like it. However, my lojack for laptops is not working.  The service never starts, I have removed, rebooted and reinstalled.  Still the same behavior.  I tried to do different things like paste a copy of the exe in the startup group and adjust the program to run in compatibility mode but those efforts have failed.  I opened a support ticket and am waiting for lojack to get back with me.  I am really interested in how they fix this or for that matter if they can.  I mean I can manually start the service and manually launch the program but if my laptop is stolen do you think a thief would do all of that?  Exactly so it should work like it’s supposed to and if they can’t fix it then I either roll back or ask for a refund.  Considering the machines I am worried about are encrypted with Bit Locker and require manual input of a key in order to start I think I would ask for the refund. 

My toilet is my other problem.  The flapper seems to be losing it’s seal and the toilet runs periodically.  Within the last 6months to year I purchased a replacement flapper to solve this problem but unfortunately it’s back again.  There is a dial to make adjustments either increase the depth of the seal or decrease the depth.  It was at max so I dialed it down – that didn’t work.  I took it apart to see if there was something stuck, couldn’t find anything so I put it back in place.  Problem is still there.  Looks like I get to make a trip to the hardware store in a moment to get a replacement.  Not what I wanted to do but then again it beats replacing a toilet.  I only hope that a new seal will fix this annoying problem and that it doesn’t reoccur again for several years.  Cheap to fix but very frustrating. 

Being lonely is my other issue with everything with Bear going on, I really would love to have someone here with me, it would be an extra set of eyes and another opinion.  Both Bear and I are very scared and while I can hold him, he can’t hold me.  I can tell him everything is going to be okay, even though I don’t know that for sure.  I keep telling him that I love him as much as I possibly can and that I want him to pull through.  I am often telling him to never forget that I love him, even after he no longer exists I will continue to love him until the day I die, that goes for all of my cats not just him.  In a perfect world we would have all gone out together so no one or nothing was left to suffer.  That apparently isn’t the plan God has in store.  I can’t express how tired I am of fighting, there is a lot going on in my life besides Bear and I really don’t need any of this.  I want to go on vacation and never come back, will that happen?  Of course not I am broke. 

Well on with the trip to the hardware store, need to come home an terrorize the children with the vacuum by cleaning the house, then it will be time to shave, shower and get dinner for all of us ready.  A couple hours putting around on the computer and presto it will be time for bed.  I don’t think I will need a sleeping pill tonight but I am still taking one.  You will only hear me say this once and a very great while but I look so forward to going to work on Monday.  I just hope my Bear is better by then or when I have free time I will worry about him.  Who am I kidding I worry about him all the time anyway, just more so now that he is sick. 

May God help me and you.  Hopefully within hours or days I will have much better news to report.  I certainly hope that your world is nothing like mine.  No one needs that much stress!  Thanks for listening, the few friends I have are unavailable so you got to hear my troubles.  Doesn’t help that it’s an overcast rainy day or that I tried to take a nap only and just as I was about to fade away, one of the cats spoke up and that started the choir, no rest for me or for the wicked.  Wonder what I did to deserve all of this, I would like to undo it if that is possible.  Have a great week everyone.  

11 August 2016


I feel like I am on speed, the day is flying by.  I was out yesterday because of my ear and it’s just been one thing after another.  I had to pry myself away from my desk for lunch.  Going into an endless boring 1 hour meeting in 30 minutes.  Thankfully it’s a phone conference so I can just mute myself and keep on working in the background. 

So the ear, looks like I have a bacterial infection that has setup shop.  I started with a sore throat and facial sinus pain yesterday.  It’s being treated as a sinus infection.  I went to the dreaded doc in the box.  I reached out to their owner yesterday afternoon to let them know there will probably be another screwed up insurance claim.  I don’t have to pay a dime and won’t.  The doctor that saw me said that I could have mastoiditis, it’s air in the mastoid bone I looked it up online and doesn’t sound like fun.  If the antibiotics don’t do the trick in 3 days then I have to go see my primary care doc as I will need a cat scan.  I can get one of those at home for free, the problem is I can’t interpret the results.  The cat scan is the cost effective go to but you really should have an MRI. 

I felt better this morning and I believe the antibiotics are going to do the trick.  I told him what to prescribe which kind of irritated him.  He said he would give me what I asked for but that it really wasn’t that effective for ear issues.  See this my body I’ve been in it for 44 years and I know it better than anyone on the planet.  I went to the antibiotic that finally did the trick for me back in Feb. when I was sick all month long and missed a week of work.  I figure might as well hit it with the big guns and knock it out of the way, no point in letting it linger and develop into something more serious.  Lord knows I really don’t need to take more time off and I certainly don’t want to be hospitalized. 

I got in a couple naps yesterday, which were quite enjoyable.  I think that I tend to run myself a little too hard.  Right now I am time poor in addition to being money poor.  You have to take time to smell the ha chew, excuse me.  Roses or else the world will pass you by.  It does a body good to relax.  Being bored yesterday I found myself doing searching in the local court system and see that my late partners son managed to get himself a DUI last year.  That is one messed up kid.  His mother had to post bond for him.  I also see where he has been sued and foreclosed on numerous times.  I don’t get what the problem is he makes around 90k per year.  I guess he spent all of his money on liquor and attorneys.  A DUI pretty much screws up your life and gobbles up a ton of money.  For all I know it may have cost him his job.  We don’t talk and I just as soon keep it that way. 

Got my ink refills that I ordered.  2 packages one black and one blue.  The blue ones exploded in shipment so I returned them and placed a fresh order.  I hope when they arrive tomorrow they are undamaged.  I prefer to write in blue as you can always tell the original plus it’s different then every day drab black.  I have other colors of ink as well and change it up frequently but for forms, signatures, etc. I prefer blue.  It also happens to be my favorite color.  In addition to being the name of a cat I used to own.

Speaking of cats wow they had a field day yesterday with me.  Every time I turned around they were hounding me for food.  I didn’t give in but they did have lunch since I was at home.  I on the other hand went out for lunch before I came back home.  Had a burger, onion rings and chili.  It was good.  Bear scared me yesterday by not making any urine.  I had to pull him out from under the couch and wipe him off, then he got the idea oh I guess I should go to the bathroom.  After that he was like a river the rest of the day, so worried averted.  Despite the fact I didn’t feel well he got his medicine.  Usually I would skip it but since he has blocked 2 times I am less likely to put off giving him his medicine.  I would feel so guilty if I skipped and then he blocked again. 

The extra memory I ordered for my computer is supposed to be in today but I see it’s stuck at the depot so I have my doubts if I will actually get it.  I will be reaching out to UPS later on this afternoon to find out what is going on.  I paid for 3 day delivery and if I don’t get it then I will ask the merchant for a refund, UPS will gladly refund them their cost for shipping.  You have to hold people accountable or they will walk on you and take your money.  I want what I paid for and if I can’t get it fine, then give me my money back I am owed that much. 

Okay so lunch is winding down.  I need to scoot.  Hope everyone is well, enjoying the week and looking forward to the weekend that is around the corner!

08 August 2016

Just another Monday

So I forgot to hit the timer button on the microwave while my pizza was cooking in the oven.  Needless to say the top burnt and dried out a little bit.  Thankfully the bottom was not burnt or that would have been a chuck it for me.  I can tolerate a little bit of burnt but in general I don’t eat burnt food.  I don’t find it appetizing in the least.  Lots of other people feel differently, which is fine by me  Instead of having BBQ tonight I am going to have left over burnt pizza.  Oh yeah that sounds yummy.  Tuesday night will be BBQ, which is fine. 

I actually got bored yesterday evening so I took time to play with the kids.  Marv still wants to grab the ball and run away with it, which is really funny. 

Sleeping time came way too fast as it always does.  Gator wanted to sleep with me so I let her.  Marv came in at the last minute and they were together until 5a which has to be some kind of a record.  It was nice to sleep with both of them.  Gator has really become a daddy’s girl she is always sucking up to me and she has this permanent smile line, so it’s tough to say no to her and she knows it.

Big Boy is still doing great.  I have noticed his output has increased which is a very good thing.  I really want to give him some dry treats that he is used to but think that they might have been contributing to him forming crystals.  I’ve got 2 boxes of them and I need to get rid of them as they won’t stay fresh forever.  I was thinking maybe a small amount one to two times per week until they are gone.  His primary food would still be wet food.  It is probably okay but I am apprehensive to walk down that road, because if he would block again I would of course blame myself. 

The old back is still a little bit sore but it’s getting better.  I flipped the mattress yesterday and washed all of the bed clothes.  Something about sleeping in freshly laundered sheets is just so welcoming to me.  I had a mostly decent sleep but had strange dreams again.

I’m really getting into the Vice Principals series on HBO, it’s pretty good.  I wish they would air an hour long episode each week instead of a half hour. But then again we all want our favorite shows to go on and on and on.

Not much on the books for today.  Kind of a dull day.  1 meeting this afternoon and after that it’s wide open.  I did some pre-work on a departure today, gathering all of the information you need is a task in it’s self that takes time.  This is scheduled, meaning the person is leaving on their own.  Imagine what it would be like if someone weren’t leaving on their own and it was immediate?  Yeah I would freak out but I would also perform my job.  First thing you do is turn off their network account and get rid of mobile email access, once you do that you should be able to relax a little bit but still there are several systems to bounce around in.  I tried to remember what I learned on Friday, some of it clicked.  The process is still very new to me, but I think I did pretty good for a beginner. 

I hope your Monday is going well.  Just think were one day closer to getting paid again as well as one day closer to the weekend.  Is it bad that I am ready for the weekend and it’s only Monday?  Take care and thanks for stopping by!


07 August 2016

Feeling Old

Looking at Facebook the other day and I see a friends brother recently got married.  I remember when his brother was in diapers and quite the chatty child.  Now he’s married.  Wow, makes me feel old!  This is a friend that stopped talking to me many years ago.  I’m friends with one of his sisters on Facebook, so I reached out to her to see if she would tell me anything about him and how he is doing.  I know where he is living and that he got remarried but outside of that I know nothing.  I would like to talk with him, even if the conversation would be awkward, we were pretty good friends and then one day he just walked away.  I spent years trying to get him to talk with me, asking questions like what I did wrong or if I said something.  Last year I had lunch with a mutual friend and found out that apparently he cheated on his first wife and after they got divorced he stopped talking with most of his friends.  I don’t know if it’s true, nor do I really care.  I get that your physical flesh has lust and I know how hormones work.  He didn’t cheat on me and I told him that I will always consider him a friend, all he has to do is reach out.  It will be interesting to see if she choses to respond.

So I skipped the shower, opted to take a muscle relaxer and sit on the vibrating massager.  Stayed up until 1a and then retired.  My back is still sore today and probably will be for a couple days.  I slept in longer than I wanted to but once again it was Gator to the rescue, she started her serenading and I gave in.  Everyone was waiting for me. 

I’ve had my breakfast and been to the grocery store.  Working on fishing up laundry.  I have to clean the house still.  My body is telling me it’s time for a nap but I am trying to resist.  I think that I am going to lose and go lay down on the couch.  So long as I don’t sleep too long it will be okay.  Normally I have a little more energy than this on a Sunday.  When I came home from the store I was hopping, cooled off and now that I have a lull my body says sleepy time.  I would rather stay up and keep on doing something but honestly everything can wait a bit before it’s taken care of. 

Looking forward to having my special Tombstone Pizza tonight.  It’s part of their Limited Edition and it’s all about the meat.  Salami on a pizza, sounds delicious.  Got my meals all planned out in my head for the first part of the week.  Thursday & Friday are up in the air.  Normally I don’t plan and wing it – I know I have frozen something here and just pick what sounds appealing at the time.  When I get home from work the last thing I want to do is slave over a stove.  Thought about making Pasta with Hamburger but I will save that for another day. 

My life is so exciting.  It honestly bores me sometimes.  Then again with the roller-coaster ride I have been on sometimes boring is a very good thing.  Well me thinks it’s time to give in to my body’s desire for a nap.  Here’s hoping I don’t sleep the day away.  Have a great Sunday and we shall talk again soon.