Showing posts with label My Podcast. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Podcast. Show all posts

07 February 2015

Sandwiches & Tacos

I’m a little depressed right now.  Just thinking about how I am alone, wanting companionship.  I had a dream that me and my late partner were planning where to go for lunch.  Watching gay couples on TV, YouTube, etc really makes me long for a man to call my own. 

I was pretty hell bent on finding that damn pen I have been searching for.  I went into what used to be his office and tore the place apart.  I thought I would get some cleaning done but quickly it turned from cleaning to a search and recovery mission.  I began moving things from one side of the room to the other side and every place I thought to look, no pen.  I know that I bought it for myself and didn’t like it, so I gave it to him.  Then I ordered something similar but slightly different for myself.  He loved that pen and used it all the time.  Now I just want to find it.  I can help but think that perhaps it was stolen or that I threw it out.  I really want to find it, not that it will solve all of my problems but it will solve the mystery of where the damn thing is.  I know that I saw it here in the months after he passed.  However, I have obviously hidden it like a dog hiding a bone and I have no idea where I put it.  Thinking that it’s was stolen or thrown out really is depressing.  So I am trying to keep hope alive but don’t have much of it left. 

If your or you were a fan of my Podcast I have delete it.  I was quickly running out of things to talk about and the feedback that I received was minimal, I thought about going at it again but I have since decided it’s not worth it.  Perhaps I managed to help one of the few people who listened to it.  This may be something that I pick up again but for now it’s done.

See I told you I was feeling depressed.  Right now I am just ready to throw in the towel on everything that is how bad I feel.  Earlier today I wrote a letter about the outstanding medical bill that I have, where the  hospital refuses to resubmit the claim to my health insurance company and instead they want me to pay the full cost.  I didn’t proof read it well enough, the content is fine but I used the same letter that I sent last year and forgot to update the date on the letter.  So it looks like I wrote it last year when I just wrote it today.  I felt pretty stupid but well mistakes happen.

I got up early and got my hair cut.  While I was in the shampoo bowl I was left alone for a couple minutes.  I took the time to pop my neck.  It felt good at first but then it was like what in the world did I do.  I stopped by Target and got litter.  Then on to the post office where I finally got my gift card from the cat food store for over charging me.  I stopped to buy gas and get my car washed, then it was on to the pet food store where I used that card and food only cost me $19 this week.  Very nice!  Then it was home where I checked the oil on the truck and found that it was a quart low.  I added some and that was it.  I collapsed on the couch with some water and started to watch a movie, when I finally fell asleep. 

I had plans after my nap that I would venture out to the movies but that never happened and by the time I woke up I just said I will watch it when it comes out on pay per view/on-demand.  I treated myself to some Mexican food.  The cute guy that I liked brought me stale chips.  I made it pretty obvious that I was checking him out.  I think all I did was make him feel uncomfortable.  I hung around to have desert and stare at him some more.  Then paid my bill and left.  Home to start clean up and laundry. 

Here I am and it’s only 8p.  Last night when I got home I turned my cell phone off and used the Do Not Disturb feature on Uverse so that I was totally off the grid.  I needed time to be alone and not be interrupted.  I enjoyed the evening watching TV and being with the children.  I long to make them happy.  They are the only reason why I keep on going. 

It’s very clear to me that I need a guy and that is part of the answer to my problems.  The other answer is to just suck it up and start throwing shit away.  I don’t know where to start but I’m telling you once I motivate myself there will be no stopping me until I am done.  I always told him I would never clean his office again.  Little did I know…. So I think I will find that pen but only when I am not looking for it. 

I also took sometime today to write the bankruptcy attorney and ask him for the 1099 that I am pretty certain that the mortgage company sent him.  I gave him an envelope and a stamp so it won’t require that much effort on his part.  Once I get that document I can work on getting both of our tax returns filed and see how much money I will be getting back or that I will have to give away, or maybe both, depending on how things turn out.

Tomorrow will be breakfast and the grocery store.  Then finishing up on laundry and getting ready for Monday and my last week on-call until May.  I am not real happy that it’s coming up so fast but I will be very happy once I am done with it.  That’s all I have for now.  Off to watch TV and maybe get lost in a movie or two.  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later. 

18 January 2015

Time Poor Weekend

Friday night was spent cleaning up the house and making it some what presentable.  I was really low on energy and didn’t put a whole lot of effort into it. 

Saturday I woke up super early.  I went out for breakfast at IHOP.  I went to spy on a guy that I like, who just got a new house in town.  He’s married so no chance anything is going to come of it.   I got cat litter/treats at Target, then on to the Cat Food Store and picked up canned and dry food.  Then I went home, switched vehicles and went to have the truck Emissions tested.  Then back home, put away the cat food.  Then went on litter box patrol.  By then we were looking at 12 noon.  I got the children their lunch and decided to rest.  I caught up on Social Media and sat and waited for the AT&T installer to show up.  I was given a window of 1-3 and I was really hoping he would show up at 1p but that wasn’t the case.  I settled in for a nap and when I woke up it was 2 pm.  I was starting to have second thoughts and decided to call to cancel.  That was the best move I could make.  They made me a better offer and I wound up getting an extra $100 rebate card.  So I went ahead with the install and after about 2 1/2 hours we were done.  Problem, the phone didn’t work.  So he had to make an adjustment, then the phone came to life.  I tested the alarm and it worked.  I noticed on our corded phones both lines (1 &2) lit up.  Back when my partner was alive, we each had a phone line, so I got us two line phones, so that each of us would have access to our lines in different places in the house and we didn’t have to go scurrying off for the phone.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time.  We went over the TV stuff and he was on his way.  Then I realized, we have a problem.  My line started to flash, which means it is in use.  After a couple minutes I figured out, there is a short on the line.  Well I didn’t have time to deal with it, but I tried to troubleshoot it quickly and failed.  I had to leave for dinner plans I had made with friends.  I had to drive like 80 to 90 mph and do some weaving, all on a very empty tank.  I made it spot on time.  I went to look for my friends and couldn’t find them.  Normally I make reservations but they couldn’t take us, so I said lets chance it.  I now know that if they can’t take us, don’t bother showing up in person.  The wait was 1 hour and 45 minutes for a table.  The place was packed from stem to stern.  So I called to find out where they were and told them about the SNAFU (Situation Normal All Fucked Up … just in case you wondered what it stood for).  They said they were close by but it took them like 10 minutes to finally show.  We decided to switch and visit P.F. Chang’s.  None of us had been there and all of us had wanted to go.  So we walked over and the wait was 45 minutes.  We said okay.  It was more like an hour but eventually we got our table.  There was a good sampling of man candy.  I found a server/busser that was the apple of my eye, he was perfect in every way.  Blond Hair, Blue Eyes, killer twink body.  I just couldn’t get enough of him.  I digress.  The food was really good.  I got Combo Fried Rice and we did Crab Wontons for an app.  I surprised my friends and picked up the tab, which was horribly expensive to feed 3 people and of course they had drinks so that didn’t help.  It’s not a good time for them right now, considering the stress of job loss looming so I figured I would hopefully give them a boost.  We headed out and it was close to 10p.  By the time I stopped for gas and made it home it was 10:45.  I should have relaxed and went to bed.  Nope back in telephone mode to figure out the issue.  Turns out that the phone in my office was punched down twice so that was the issue.  I had to remove everything and add it back, instead of going slow and testing as I went, I just went gang busters.  Then I had to rip it all out and do it over the right way.  By now we are looking at 1:30a.  Then I wanted to arrange the new Uverse equipment and get rid of the cable boxes, so they were all ready for me to take back.  It took a lot of time.  I had to figure out how I was going to keep my VCR & DVD working.  Thankfully COAX was the answer and both still work fine.  Now it’s time to get ready for bed.  It was 2a.  I knew that it would be 3 or later before I was asleep and I wouldn’t be worth a shit on Sunday.  I had to play with Uverse a little bit to try to figure things out, pretty straight forward and simple.  It’s just a matter of learning a new remote. 

Sunday the children were all over me at 630a.  I fended them off.  Then they came back around 8 and I said one more hour.  9 am came and they just didn’t give up.  So I got up and started moving.  I fed them and got dressed.  Off to breakfast where I ate way too much.  Then to the grocery store.  Then home.  I put away the groceries and then left to get a hair cut.  I had a coupon and well long hair drives me nuts.  I waited a little bit.  This hot looking twink walked in and I was sure to get his name as he gave it to the receptionist to check in.  Damn, he looks gay, acts gay but couldn’t tell a thing by his Facebook page.  I thought about asking him out and even offering to pick up his haircut but decided it wasn’t worth it.  Still I got to stare for a while and that was fun.  Then back home where I did what I never wanted to do in the first place.  Climb up on the roof.  I did it twice.  My late partner was into Amateur Radio and we have this monstrosity of an antenna on the house.  You have to put up guy wires, to help keep it in balance.  The one that goes towards the front of the house broke like 3 years ago.  We tried to fix it when he was alive but failed.  We always said when the weather got warmer we would tackle it.  After he passed that was the last thing on my mind.  So as you can imagine the thing was leaning and while it wouldn’t break or fall off the house, it could damage the damn thing.  I hate it because it is an eye sore, I have wished it to break many times.  Well I figured I should finally get off my ass and fix it.  So I did.  It was scary as hell and while the view was nice from the roof top, I quickly figured out that if I ever really wanted to take my own life, jumping from a high rise wouldn’t be an option.  I thought for sure I would have to call the Fire Department to get down but I managed on my own.  Still I had my phone and wireless panic button with me, just in case.  When I was a child I was on the roof of our carport and it took my brother plus my grandfather to get me off the roof, that is when I knew heights were not for me.  After the repair I drank a pitcher of ice cold water and relaxed in front of the TV as I prepared to tell the Uverse system what shows to record for me.  I made a list from TIVO but I knew a few of them so I just did those.  I still have plenty to add.  Then I PTFO (Passed The Fuck Out).  I woke up and was sore and had very little energy. The children pestered me once again so I got up.  I fed them lunch, it was 4p and they wanted lunch.  I finished cleaning the house and started laundry.  Then after a couple hours I made myself a pizza.  It was really good.  A Freschetta Brick Oven brand pizza, 4 meat.  I added a shredded cheese blend, because I love cheese.  Then topped that with fresh ground pepper and finished off with a sprinkle of the left over Parmesan cheese that I had.  In to the oven and after 18 minutes, into my belly.  Spicy, I went a little too heavy on the pepper.  However, that caused me to eat less which all things considered is very good.  I have left over's for breakfast or lunch, whatever the case maybe.  I am working on finishing up laundry so that I can get a shower, because I really need it. 

About the Uverse experience, the installer was a guy who was chunky but professional.  He said that he had been doing the job for quite sometime but a couple of his moves and I thought it was his first day on the job.  I did manage to get a free HDMI cable and an extra remote out of him, for no charge.  AT&T doesn’t give much away so I was thankful.  He kept asking me after he was done, if there was anything else he could do for me.  The first time I figured he was being professional the second and third time I started to think he is hitting on me.  I wanted to ask is there anything else that you want to do for me.  I have a tendency to read guys wrong and think they are flirting with me when they are just doing their jobs.  I know that desperate times call for desperate measures but he didn’t do anything for me from a physical perspective but he was very professional and I really liked that. 

I am thankful now that I no longer have to forward my home phone to my cell phone. I use the Find Me Feature so you call my house and it rings at home, plus up to 5 other numbers.  I just put in my cell phone and that seems to work out fine.  I added the office but figured out in testing, someone could wind up in my voice mail at work and I DONT want that, so I removed the number.  If there is ever a day that I am expecting a call I can always logon and add the office number.  Most everything with this system is controlled via an online portal.  You can make changes to your account easily on-line.  Plus control all of the features of the phone.  On the TV you have a menu as well that you can do a wide variety of things with.  I have the 450 package, which is everything under the sun in the way of networks and movie channels.  They have the Here Channel (gay TV) which I can add for $7 per month.  I have plans to stop by an AT&T store tomorrow to see if I can reduce the cost by removing the sports channels, they have an extra sports package and I have it but won’t ever watch it.  When I was being sold this by the door to door person, I was told that I could remove sports and save $7 per month – so that would actually allow me to add Here if I so chose.  I really wanted to downgrade to the next lowest package but you loose HD and that is $10 extra, add in the cost of the movie channels that I want and it’s a little more expensive than taking the package that I have.  While it’s still very early in the game I am really happy and think this was a smart move especially given that I can record 4 shows at once and no more worrying about will the DVR get the channel right.  I am used to my skip button on my TIVO which allowed me to easily skip commercials when watching a recorded show.  I have the ability with Uverse to fast forward but still you have to get it just right or else you are in to your show or still watching the last commercial.  I will get used to that and the remote eventually.  My biggest concern was the alarm system and down time.  The installer told me that unless the power goes out or the modem fails that the system will be up and live.  They don’t have down time and weather doesn’t affect service, just like cable.  The only difference is I am getting a little bit better deal, which is what makes this all worth it.  I am paying like $5 more per month for TV but given the fact that I have so much to choose from and the DVR, I think it’s worth it.  Plus now no charge for the wireless box, which works from a Cisco WAP (Wireless Access Point).  Basically you are outfitted with a modem and it’s separated in 3 areas.  1 for TV, 1 for Voice and 1 for Internet.  TV and Voice both come over the internet but that access is restricted so if you elect to do all 3, you get special access to the Internet and they have a business class firewall built in, so they thought of safety as well.  The cable modem is the basement and the Uverse modem is in the Living Room, so I would need to do some wiring changes but it’s pretty simple to flip the switch and move on over.  I have unlimited calling local and long distance and call even call Canada free.  I don’t have an international long distance (which costs more) but I wouldn’t use it if I did have it because all of the people I know and call are either in the US or Canada. 

Monday, thankfully I have an extra day off due to the Martin Luther King holiday.  I have an 11a doctors appointment and a 2p therapy appointment.  I plan on eating out for supper and then wrapping up loose ends here at home, getting the trash out and preparing to go back to work on Tuesday.  I am not excited about it because well it’s work, but more so because this is my last full week and weekend of peace and quiet.  Next Monday I will be on-call for a week.  Then a week of rest and back at it again the following week, which is when we change up to 1 person on call for the entire company.  That will be a jumping time I am sure, but the on-call hours won’t start until 11pm, most of the calls during the week are over with by 10p.  However, we do get calls at 1 and 2 in the morning, that will be the challenging part.  Then after that I am done until the end of May, when the next part of the schedule comes out.  My boss has it figured out that everyone will be on call 1 week every 13 weeks, do the math and that is 4 weeks per year.  Not bad at all.  However, if someone leaves that will shorten up the time, get a mass exodus and it could be a real pain.  They take good care of us, so I don’t foresee that happening.  The two things that I would love to get rid of in my job are phone time and on-call.  I have done my time in the trenches and deserve a break but this is what I signed up for.  If there is a next job I will be sure to make sure there is no phone time or on-call time.  The phone part should be easy to eliminate but the on-call part not so much.  That is pretty much a given in the IT field. 

Okay so I have rambled far too much.  I hope that all is well in your world and that you have had nice weather like we have had.  It’s time for me to follow my fortune cookies advice and “Relax & Enjoy yourself.”  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later. BTW there is a new podcast episode up, if your interested!