28 February 2016

Leisurely Last Day

I was able to knock out all of my trips by leaving the house just once.  It paid to sleep in this morning.  Breakfast, Grocery Store, Cat Food Store, Gas Station, Car Wash and finally home! Put everything away, got undressed and collapsed on the couch.  Now I am in the basement after passing out lunch to the children. 

Tackled and solved the mystery of why my check was short.  Apparently payroll decided that I needed to pay taxes to another place.  Not sure what that is all about.  I already wrote and explained it to them in simple terms.  I asked point blank how do I get my money back and prevent this from happening again?  My guess is they will reimburse me but it won’t be until my next check, never mind that I could use that money now.  I alerted friends to watch their checks as well, just in case they did this to our whole office and not just me.  I knew something wasn’t right and I am glad that it stood out to me. 

Now to finish laundry and unfortunately tackle Ruth to trim those claws.  She is sticking and I am not looking forward to this.  Sausage Pizza thin crust for supper tonight!  Looking forward to it.  Now off to get a drink, very thirsty today.  Guess my sugar is way off from the Blueberry Pancakes I had for breakfast.  I know they aren’t good for my sugar but they tasted damn good going down.  They are also the reason why I needed a nap. 

Hope your enjoying the weekend.  Take care!

27 February 2016


I went to bed on time last night, slept pretty well.  Woke up to feed the kids breakfast and went back to bed.  Rolled out of bed and had breakfast around 8.  Then it was time to get dressed and venture out into the big bad scary world.  Got my hair cut.  The lady that was doing the job didn’t really say anything until she was done, then she said how does it look.  Without missing a beat I looked at her and said it’s horrible, pause.  The look of oh shit washed over her face and then I said please glue it all back on.  Then she knew I was only kidding.  From that point on she was a chatty Kathy.  She reminded me of a co-worker that I interact with.  Then it was time to stop at the expensive grocery store only to find out they no longer carry my oatmeal, now I am ordering it from Amazon.  Sounds silly to me but hey I want it and Amazon has it so why not.  Also stopped at Target and not sure how it happened but the checker scanned both of my cat litters, rang up the rest of my order and then I gave her a coupon to take $2 off of the cat litter.  The litter never registered on the receipt so I just got a random $2 off my order.  Free litter sign me up.  Last stop post office.  Next stop home and time to lay down for a nap.

I went to see the doc in the box at work.  They really have it going on over there.  The ditz that checked me in also asked me medical questions when we were in the room.  She was happy as most healthcare professionals are when I pulled out my big long list (you thought I was going to say something else, I’ll bet) that told my medical life story.  She saw medication for diabetes and then she asked me are you a diabetic?  No I just take the medicine for giggles, what a fucking stupid question.  I said yes and then she told me they check blood sugar and A1C on every visit.  Oh crap just signed myself up for a prick with a small needle.  She was really great with the needle hardly felt it all all while she was taking the blood from my finger, but afterwards it hurt.  Turned black for the rest of the night and then this morning it’s back to normal.  Anyway, sugar was high as was the A1C.  I saw a Nurse Practioniner but he was actually a doctor.  He told me that he used to be a PCP (Primary Care Physician) but opted out of it because the insurance companies give you 7 minutes to spend with a patient.  If your a NP you get a whopping 10 minutes.  Which explains why the Cunt at my doctors office is quick in and quick out.  It doesn’t explain why my doctor takes his sweet time.  So the verdict is that one ear has too much pressure, but it will resolve on it’s own.  As for my infection he said it was gone.  My lungs still need time to recover there is some tightness in my lungs.  To fix it he gave me an inhaler.  Never had one before and not sure that I want one in the future.  It does help but it also makes me cough more, he said it would decrease the cough but I am here to say otherwise.  They are going to call me on Monday to see how I am doing and we will form a plan from there.  I can either go back to be rechecked or go back and he can listen to my lungs or not go back. 

I am quick to fatigue and I suppose that is the after effect of being sick for the majority of the month.  It will take my body time to recover.  Just from the errands I ran this morning I was wiped out.  I said I would go back out later for cat food but I am not.  I will get it on Sunday. 

Woke up from my nap, fed the children lunch and watched TV and lounged.  Got up and forced myself to carry Bear to the basement and start cleaning the house.  I broke out the steam cleaner but only used it in the area where he has peed the most, which oddly enough is in the living/dining area.  It’s all wet and that is usually where the girls eat all of their meals.  Bear gets his catered to him wherever he happens to be, I don’t make him come and get it.  Marv just follows me to his brother because he knows brother equals food, but only when I have a plate in my hand.  After I was done I carried him back upstairs and put him in a dry area.  I had to lay down because I was wiped out.  Tried to take a nap again but my body wasn’t having it.  I eventually got up and we had supper.  Then I came to the basement and started on laundry as well as paying bills.  I was surprised that my check is short about $70.  Not sure why unless there is a penalty to pay for using time that you don’t have.  I will know more tomorrow when I can access my paycheck stub and that should contain all of the answers I am seeking.  Anyway, I am not happy about it. 

I paid all of my bills and for the first time in my life I am paying my auto insurance on a monthly basis instead of fronting them all of the money at once.  It actually costs me $20 more but I would rather do it this way than throw it on a card and wonder how I will pay it off.  Under normal circumstances I have the money but given my legal issue it’s really fucked up my finances.  It is going to take me a while to recover.  That tax money I used to pay for the legal bill well it could have gone to auto insurance as well as credit cards and then I would be much happier.  Ah well.  Were about to enter the 3rd month of 2016 and I hope there are no challenges waiting for me – I only want calm and stress free.  I’ve been through enough drama to last one person a lifetime, I need no more.

On to the world of dating.  I decided to change my filters for the age range of guys I am looking for.  Dialed it all the way down to 21.  Wow there are some nice guys out there.  I know 21 is a bit young but no harm in looking.  I believe I matched with a 24 year old.  It was exciting but I wasn’t going to make the first move that was up to him.  Turns out he blocked me, okay fine by me.  Age is merely a number and people can exist as a couple and be years apart.  I will say that is not for everyone and most people only want to venture a year or two from their own age.  If the guy is adult enough then I can get along with him but if he is going to be like the jerk that I went on a date with last year that ditched me in the end then no way.  I got a message from a guy in OR who is interested in me.  While I would like a boyfriend we are no where close to each other so that won’t work.  I am not looking for long distance I want a guy that is within an hour driving distance or closer if possible.  Not someone who is a million miles away.  How do you hug some one that is across the country?  I just couldn’t see myself doing that, it would be like a telephone boyfriend.  If I am going that route I may as well up the ante and higher an escort, which I have thought about doing.  Not necessarily for sex but more for companionship of course if I am shelling out an outrageous amount of money then my pants will be coming off at some point.  I haven’t got that desperate yet but I have looked and escorts are super expensive.  They think they can bill by the hour like they are attorneys but they aren’t.  What your getting is just some flesh to grab.  It would be easier to find a new therapist and let the insurance company pay for it. 

Oh my toe nail clippers turned up last night.  The cats had them held hostage and I saw them on the floor last night next to the couch where Bear likes to hide.  Wow I should have thought to look under the couch but my brain didn’t go there.  This sickness has had an impact on my mental capacity as has everything else that is going on in my life.  I am very eager to return to normal old me.  Not exactly sure when or if that is going t happen. 

Going to head upstairs to put out my medicine, medicate Bear and Momma, then shave and shower.  Watch a little TV and then hopefully by that point I will pass out.  Looking forward to going to breakfast tomorrow and enjoying the last day of peace and quiet before I go on-call Monday night.  It’s only for a week but it feels like that week is a month long.  Unless something happens I will be good until May, then it will be time to pay the piper again.  I was notified that one of my users dropped their laptop and it’s destroyed, so I have to break out a loaner and then figure out if it’s fixable or if I have to build a replacement machine.  Good thing I have a Dell Tech coming out on Monday, they should be able to help me sort it out.  Sounds like next week is going to be just as challenging if not more than this past week. 

I am actually physically, mentally and spiritually ready to go on vacation for a week.  Going some place to just get away from all of life’s little troubles.  To be pampered and relax like I never have before.  Problem is I don’t have the time or money and I would really like to go away with someone rather than on a trip by myself.  I mean I can have fun alone but it’s more enjoyable when your with someone.

There you have it my world on Saturday.  I hope all is well in your world. 

26 February 2016

Finally time for blogging

It has been a very busy week.  Most of the week I have been chasing my tail to just be able to keep up.  Yesterday things were calm but still steady.  Wednesday I saw some improvement on how I feel and yesterday was even better.  Today isn’t so bad but I woke up with an ear ache and I am still coughing as well as blowing my nose.  My antibiotic runs out on Saturday.  I am going to drop by the doc in the box here at work to see what they think and maybe I will get a couple more days on the antibiotic, it is working which I am thankful for.  I’ve been sick the majority of this month and I want to enter next month feel well and staying well.  This has been no picnic even if it did get me some time off, it’s not the way I wanted to spend it.

So I checked on my insurance and with the claims that were submitted for my illness thus far it will cost me $25.  There were a couple more things that trickled in that are still pending.  The emergency room has to give me back my $50 so take $25 of that and pay the doctor bill then put the other $25 in my pocket.  Since I reviewed my policy and better know the coverage I have I paid $115 last year for going to the doc in the box and it shouldn’t have cost me a dime.  I did some checking and I have the right to appeal, I think once I explain myself that I should be getting back $115, if not it was at least worth a try.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  I mean I won’t lose anything other than time, ink, paper and postage.

It’s been almost but not quite three years since my partner passed.  I am still getting mail for him to this day.  I wonder if and when it will stop.  I return what I am able to letting the sender know that he passed away in the hopes they will update their mailing list.  What I can’t send back I just pitch, thinks like bulk mail.  If it’s 1st class I send it back.  The only thing that I get that is in his name that is legit is the power bill.  He was on budget billing and I figure if I tell them he passed away they will make me bring the account even (it’s current) paying the arrears of the budget billing and then they will change it in to my name.  I don’t know that for certain but it’s my fear and I don’t want to shell out anymore money than I have to.  So it’s easier to just keep paying the bill and not change the name.  They will keep everything on so long as they get their money.  All the power company cares about is money.  They will tell you they are focused on the customer and the relationship they have but in the end it all comes down to money, just like in any other business. 

On to the children.  Bear is using the pads about 50% of the time.  I really want to clean the carpet but if he is just going to mess it up again it’s kind of pointless.  I still may clean it this weekend in the hopes that it will help him have better aim.  Momma used my room for a litter box again this week.  I have adjusted her medicine and the probiotic, just waiting to see how it plays out.  I hope to reach a compromise with her stomach that keeps her happy as well as my room from not being a litter box. 

This is the weekend before I go on call.  Hoping for a quiet and calm time, which should be true for the bulk of the week.  The weekend however is usually the busy time and where I earn the most money.  The upside is being paid extra the downside if the inconvenience.  So I will be stocking up on cat food so if need be I can stay home all day on Saturday.  I believe I am working in a haircut and that’s probably it for me.  Unless something hits me to be spontaneously do something I will probably be a home body and loafing most of the time. 

Nothing else going on, just life pretty much status quo.  Just really want to be done with being sick because it’s exhausting!  I am sure we will talk over the weekend.  Hope you have a great one.  Ciao for now. 

21 February 2016

Better Maybe

When I take antibiotics it stops up my body’s plumbing.  It’s like the first pill does the trick.  I don’t quite know why.  It used to be that it caused the opposite reaction.  In any case I don’t feel better until my plumbing issues are worked out.  I purposely eat as much as I can to force the issue so that I don’t have to get out any tools (if you know what I mean).  Finally after 3 long days we have lift off.  I felt horrible this morning, now that everything is cleaned out I actually feel better.  It might also have something to do with the fact that today is Sunday and I don’t have to worry about work.  I still sound nasally and I hate that. 

I am operating on little sleep.  I went to bed last night, well actually this morning at 1am.  The children saw the first glimpse of day light and seized the moment and woke me up to feed them at 6am.  I fed them and my head felt like a bowling ball.  Then I climbed back into my freshly laundered bed (someone threw up on the comforter last night, always seems to happen after laundry), kicked on the electric blanket and tried to go back to sleep.  Unfortunately, when they woke me up my brain switched on and that was the end of it.  I laid there and kept trying but it was no use so I climbed out of bed and started to go through my iPhone.  Nice to see what is going on in the world, plus I need to get my daily dose of men via Instagram.  It’s nothing but shirtless muscle guys but still it’s nice to look at.  Maybe someday I will get a guy that is built and be able to touch a nice body. 

I eventually got dressed and motored out to breakfast.  Had a bowl of chili and a burger with fries.  No cute cook working today but I did get my favorite waitress so that made it worth while.  Then on to the store.  I have a specific checker that I go to.  A couple weeks back she made a remark that she was able to wait on her two favorite guys.  There was this kid in front of me, who is in college.  She introduced us.  He’s apparently really smart and is eager to go live in China.  He is very cute, but I didn’t make any moves.  Well we ran into each other this morning and as fate would have it we both wound up in line with the same checker just like a couple weeks ago.  Kind of nice.  Only I purchased cough medicine so my bill was jacked up because it’s in a pill and is a name brand product they can charge out the ass.  Still saved $20 but the total would have been much lower if it wasn’t for my sickness.

Oh yeah, hope your sitting down for this one.  I logged on to my health insurance providers website.  They always seem to think I have other coverage because I am employed.  So I get questionnaires every few months, where I have to tell them I don’t have any other coverage.  I saw claims pending for the week that I was off work.  Man that was an expensive week, I racked up a bill that was 4 thousand dollars.  That’s my ER visit, the doctors fee, the x-ray, the trip to my doctor.  Wow very happy that I have health insurance.  Now lets hope they pay like there supposed to so that my cost is minimized. 

I have most everything done.  I got a bright idea to wash the kitchen trash can lid in the dishwasher.  I put it on air dry because plastic melts.  Anyway, it did a superb job and that saved me time and aggravation.  Wish I would have thought of that years ago.  It gets dirty fast and now I know how to keep it clean.  I was on a quest to try to rid myself of everything in my environment that could possibly be making me sick.  I have cleaned a lot of things, even rolled down the windows in my car and sprayed Lysol in the car.  Washed all of the whites in bleach and hot water, so all of my handkerchiefs are super clean. 

Overnight Mr. Bear had an accident over night thankfully it was in his bed.  So I trimmed his claws and then gave him a bath.  He complained the whole time and I got pawed in the face by his back paws and it was light.  I had to raise my voice a bit and remind him that I had him, he wasn’t going anywhere.  All I had to do was say the word Bath and it set panic in him, he started crying and breathing heavy.  Yeah, well when I hit the sweet spot where all of the dried on junk was it itched and he was a happy camper then.  I had to soap him twice to get him clean.  He went all day and then at supper time he peed on the carpet.  He thought he was on the pad but he misjudged.  I am wondering if something is off with his eye sight or if he is just lazy.  Either way he knows I love him and that I am NOT giving up on him.  Even though there are times I want to.  Cleaning up after him has become a chore and a burden, it gets very old very fast.  However, it’s part of ownership and I can’t just part ways with him because I am frustrated.  I mean I couldn’t live with myself.  Lots of other people have told me it’s the right thing to do because his quality of life is gone.  Yeah, well when you start shitting your britches we will be sure to line you up in front of the firing squad because it’s the right thing to do.  Yeah then they see things differently, amazing!!

Found a coupon for $10 off my next $30 purchase at Maggiano’s.  It expires at the end of this month.  Depending upon how I feel I am going to reach out to some friends and see if we can’t get together next weekend.  If not then I may be stopping one night after work.  The amazing thing is that it’s like 5 minutes from work and I have only stopped in 1 time after work in the year that I have had this job.  Traffic is a nightmare so that is my deterrent to come home, plus I look forward to seeing my furry children.

That’s all I got, pretty dull and boring I know.  Welcome to my life.  Actually not having any drama, anything hanging over my head and not being on call – just being allowed to live stress free with some dull and boring would be kind of nice.  Plus getting rid of this bug that has taken up residence in my body.  Too bad I can’t charge rent for as long as it’s stayed.  Here’s hoping that I am on the road to recovery and that by the end of this week I am done with it.  Kind of tired of doctors and medicine, as well as cold weather.  More snow is in the forecast 2 days this week – sounds like it’s going to be another sloppy mess.  Oh joy lets go play crash up derby and fuck up everyone's commute. 

Have a great week and you know we will be talking again soon.  Take care!

20 February 2016


I obtained my A1C results and they are high.  Primarily because I don’t watch my diet and I make the medication do all of the work.  I will be able to get away with that for a short time and then it will become more mandatory to regulate my diet.  I can’t say that I will or I won’t.  Right now I just love food and it’s one of a few things that I take solace in, no one is taking that way from me.

When I logged on to get the results I saw that I had an email from the CUNT.  She said that my diabetes was out of control and that I would most likely wind up being referred to an endocrinologist, but that it would be dependent upon the results from the A1C.  My doc is off on Fridays which is why I haven’t heard from him.  However, I suspect that he will be reaching out to me to either make a medication change or to refer me or who knows both.  Right now I say lets adjust the medicine, if things continue to get worse (as I suspect they will) then we can talk about adding a specialist in.  Right now dealing with what I deem as bad news is not something that I am able to tolerate.  There is too much weighing on me.

Judge me not but I went out to breakfast today.  Had Blueberry Pancakes, Eggs, Sausage and Hash brown Casserole.  Extra Blueberry Syrup, Extra Butter, Extra Egg and threw in some cheese for good measure.  Why the hell not?  I work for a living and earn my money, might as well spend it the way that I want to.

I came home after that and watched a documentary on the Electric Chair.  Interesting conversation but there were some graphic photos that I could have done without seeing.  Then I started to watch another movie, knew that the sugar coma was coming so I paused it and fell asleep. 

Woke up in time to feed the children lunch.  Bear scared me because he kept trying to go to the bathroom but nothing was coming out.  I thought here we go again.  I checked him and he wasn’t in pain.  I took a look at the back door and there was something white that was crusted over, I gave him a good wipe down and made sure to clean that crusted junk out.  Then the water works started.  I was happy.  I know he is scared because he knows his days are numbered but then again all of us are living numbered days.  It’s just that our counter we think has more time on it than Bear’s.  He is such a good boy.  I sat down with him and gave him some attention, held his paw as he flexed his claws.  They need to be trimmed. 

Then I started cleaning up this place.  It’s a mess and laying around isn’t going to get it clean.  I thought this was the weekend I was supposed to clean the water fountain, turns out the calendar set me straight and it’s actually claw trimming weekend.  I already had the fountain in the dish washer, it isn’t going to hurt anything to clean it a week early.  As for the claws well I might give Ruth a week reprieve because I really don’t want to mess with it anymore than I want to break out the carpet cleaner.  I am still very much sick and not a whole lot matters to me right now. 

It was a struggle to get out of bed but I did it.  It’s easier knowing that you don’t have to go to work.  When work is involved it seems much more of a challenge.  Another nice day here in the 70’s with lots of sunshine.  Tomorrow that will all change as rain moves in and we go back into the deep freeze.  Short lived spring, but a sign that it’s on the way. 

To make sure that I wasn’t getting ripped off by my auto insurance company I checked three companies for quotes.  State Farm was actually the closest to what I am being charged, they were however over by 59 cents.  The other companies want twice as much as what I was quoted for 6 months.  They try to hide that by breaking things down in to what looks like affordable monthly payments.  I have a calculator and did the math, I can be fooled but not today.  As usual I am staying put, I don’t like the price but I can’t beat it so might as well just shut up and pay the damn bill.  Who knows what will happen in the next 6 months. 

I thought about doing some cat food shopping but decided that if I was going it will be tomorrow.  I am comfy here at home.  Lonely but comfortable.   I saw a Jim Carey movie I Love You Phillip Morris.  It was good but I am no Jim Carey fan. 

Not sure what’s for supper but I need to go upstairs and figure that out, plus it’s cat feeding time again.  Surprised that Insty hasn’t been down to remind me.  They normally don’t eat until after 6p but when I am home all of those rules go out the window.  They know I am a push over and they boss me around like I am their staff.  I let them because I love them.  They don’t always get what they want but most of the time they do. 

Happy Saturday.  One more day, thank goodness.  Unfortunately, I will have to go to the grocery store and I will have breakfast out again.  Well that’s all I got for now.  Talk with you all again soon.  Hope your having a great weekend and that your not sick like me.  I am starting to wonder if the infection is ever going away.  I mean really?  It’s been with me for three weeks.  No fun but hopefully it will get better soon.  

Two Factor Authentication

I mentioned in an earlier post this week that at work we had a demo of a 2 Factor Authentication system that we are implementing at work.  I have use 2 Factor with many accounts, it’s just a way that I can feel safer and know that no one is logging in as me. 

Primarily most people use Google Authenticator.  It’s a free app and it generates random codes that are short lived, you in turn enter this code along with your username and password and then are authenticated to the site you are trying to access. 

Two Factor is your username, password plus a 2nd factor like a code on a phone, a phone call that gives you a code or some second factor that will authenticate you are who you say you are.  This all started many years ago with RSA and their infamous key fobs, they would generate random codes again short lived and you would enter this along with your credentials in order to login be it to remote access for work, to a bank or similar site where security was critical.

In today’s world we have all heard of many data breaches, been told to change our passwords and to make them complex.  We need more or better security to prove we all are who we say we are in order to protect our personal accounts as well as work accounts.  I don’t know that there will ever be a totally secure system that can’t be hacked, but I think with time we are headed in that direction.  For now the closest thing we have is 2 Factor and if you want to get even more secure combine it with biometrics like an iris scan, fingerprint reader, facial recognition, etc. 

I will admit that having to have your phone by you in order to obtain a code or to get a call to obtain a code is a pain in the ass.  It’s hard enough to remember your password let alone to remember to take your phone with you to the computer.  However, it’s coming to be a standard practice for me.

Just today I enabled 2 Factor on my Facebook account.  I heard that Twitter is rolling out a 2FA program and I am sure that other sites will follow.  It would be nice if we could just link all of our accounts together and one short lived changing code would let us in to all of our accounts.  I see positives and negatives to that idea. 

In any case I just wanted to talk about 2FA as I think it’s presence is growing.  There are many companies that deal with 2FA, just do a quick google search and you will see what I mean.  The one company that claims it’s the easiest is DUO.  That is the vendor we chose at work.  You enroll your phone and then you get a pop up to approve or deny an access request.  It’s very simple, straight forward and if you lose your phone or say it’s being charged, they have other methods that you can use. 

The one thing is that if you start enabling two factor make sure there is a recovery method or an alternate method to get an authentication code should you lose your mobile device.  Otherwise, you could easily be locked out of your account forever.

Hope you enjoyed this.  Now back to regular programming.  

19 February 2016

Friday @ The Movies

I ventured out to the movies today and saw Ride Along 2.  It was funny and only cost $6.75 which was a nice discount.  Guess the early bird gets the word.  Afterwards I went to a restaurant close by and had my salad and chicken quesadeas.  It was delicious.  The weather was picture perfect, 70 degrees.  I was hot not sure if it was the weather or my fever.  I felt like total crap after the movie.  After gobbling down all that food I came back home and took a nice nap.  Then I woke up and still feel a little bad.  

Thought I would try something different and took an Allegra D.  I hope that I feel better when I wake up tomorrow.  I want to go downstairs but I usually take Friday's off from Technology.  I have been playing with my phone but that is as about as close to tech as I have gotten today.  

I heard last week that there was expected to be movement in my legal issue this week.  However, nothing has been communicated to me as of today.  Perhaps I will hear something tomorrow.  I am just eager to be able to put that behind me.  

Bear has really taken advantage of today.  He has used his bed as a litter box like he used to, a couple times in the past few days.  I tell him what a good boy he is when he does it.  I figure positive reinforcement will produce repeated behavior.  He just climbed in the bed again.  Need to tend to him, back in a bit.

Okay back now.  He is such a good boy.  He has been hamming it up with me getting belly rubs, food, treats and clean up service.  I know he loves me.  He needs his claws trimmed, they sure grew fast.  Feels like we were just at the vet and they had trimmed them.  Momma has been hamming it up as well.  Insty has been all over me and even Ruth has been oogling over me.  Marv and I ham it up at night when he climbs into bed with me.  I know that sounded bad but that is when he gets his attention.  The rest of the time he prefers to be left alone and is usually passed out in his little cat house or in my bed or on the floor.  That cat does more sleeping than anyone or anything that has ever occupied this house.  We have had sleep offs before and he easily wins hands down.  

Nothing on TV, I am trying to get into a new series on Netflix called Love.  So far not feeling it.  Thought it would be a good time to break out my iPad and do a blog post.  Surprised that since I don't use it that it still had a 60% charge.  It needs and IOS update, so I figured might as well.  Plus it hasn't backed up to iCloud in 7 weeks, not that there is anything important on it but might as well get current.  

Tomorrow my plans are to clean the house.  That sounds lame but welcome to my life, it will only happen if I feel good.  Otherwise I will just lay around like a couch potatoe and that is kind of appealing.  There is just no feeling like the feeling I get when I can do what I want when I want and not have to worry about anything or anyone.  It is usually reserved for Friday nights and Saturdays.  Then Sunday is back to reality. 

Oh BTW my hand is fine.  There is a slight yellowish bruise on it but it mostly looks like I got bit by a bug, small red spot that itches like a bug bite.  The results of the blood work is back but I haven't logged on to see them.  That is a job for tomorrow as well.  Hope you all have a great weekend.  Off to watch TV until I pass out for bed time.  Take care and we will talk again soon. 

18 February 2016

Sickness be gone

Well I had my doctors appointment.  Only had to take off my shoes and socks.  He never looked at my feet though, kind of strange.  I got confirmation that I have a bacterial infection.  All the doc had to do was look in my nose and that cinched it for him.  He elected not to repeat the blood work that was already done.  He said that the labs look really good.  However, he ordered an A1C which we need to know how my diabetes is doing.  We talked about moving up some of the cancer screenings from age 50 to age 45 but the doc doesn’t feel that my insurance company would pay for it.  If there are symptoms then that would change things. 

Okay so to vampire time.  I got stuck 3 times again.  Different nurses.  Left and Right arms.  This time the success came from the back of my right hand.  I didn’t want them to do it but they told me that I had really good veins there and it wouldn’t hurt at all.  Such bullshit.  It did hurt and I had a knot on the back of my hand for hours.  I can only imagine what things will look like tomorrow.  When it was all done the nurse called me a cry baby.  I told her that’s me I hate needles they are evil.  As I am pulling out of the parking lot a thought hit me a little too late.  Why didn’t I let them use my left hand since it’s non dominant.  I mean I might not be able to whack off and that would be a very bad problem for me. :)

I got my depression medication changed to a lower dose, the high dose stuff has bad sexual side effects.  I mean it makes me happy but then when I can’t preform I am no longer happy and become frustrated.  Not the way I want to get a work out if you know what I mean. 

Next stop the pharmacy.  Picked up new toe nail trimmers, hopefully I don’t misplace them.  Marvin will be the first to let me try them on him.  They are great for his claws because he sleeps with me and it takes more than a couple weeks before he is able to put a point on them.  When he gets anxious or wants to play my arm usually pays the price.  I also got another antibiotic, which hopefully does the trick.  This being sick is getting old.  All I did all afternoon was cough. 

Finally came home and got to have lunch and feed the children lunch.  Watched some TV and then passed out.  I remember I had a strange dream but don’t remember what it was about.  Waking up really sucked because all of the sinus junk pools in my head and mornings and now apparently waking up from naps is NOT fun at all.  Let me sleep, no pain that way. 

I think I may have mentioned that my auto insurance bill came.  I heard back from my agent about making changes which wouldn’t save that much money.  Now as for a new car if I get an SUV my rates go down but if I get a car my rates go up by more than $100.  That is just crazy talk.  One would think that an SUV would cost more but apparently not.  I know that studies have shown that if your going to be in a car crash your chances of the other vehicle being a truck or an SUV are pretty high.  I want the SUV but the gas mileage is a huge concern.  I am going to pay the bill and be quiet for now.  I have had new car fever for a long time but I have had man fever longer.  I figure get a boyfriend first and then a new vehicle.  Seriously, money is tight now.  It wouldn’t make sense to go buy something new to save on insurance only to sign up for monthly car payments.  I hate car payments.  Someone suggested getting a newer used car but I don’t like that idea.  There is usually a reason why someone got rid of the car.  No matter how nice it looks your inheriting an unknown problem and that could prove to be deadly to your wallet.  You might get lucky but we have well established that when it comes to luck I clearly don’t have it. 

Right now I am super bored being trapped in the house all afternoon.  I mean it was what I wanted but right now I’d love to have a guy to talk to.  I went crazy with my phone and looked at several different apps but deleted everything that was new.  I have 2 basics that I stick with.  I have an account on Grinder but there is no profile, it is just to look and see who is out there.  I psyched myself up to put up a profile and photo but when it came time to actually do it, I chickened out.  Mostly due to the crowd of people that are on the app.  They aren’t all bad but it just doesn’t feel like what I want to do.  That app is made for hookups, which do sound appealing but again in the end it’s not what I am looking for.

Talking with the only guy at work that I have come out to.  He has a friend that he is going to try to fix me up with but he hasn’t talked to him.  He told me that I would need to remind him several times, but it feels more like nagging.  I am reaching the end of my rope.  I feel like I was baited and played – he isn’t going to talk with his friend and that is it.  I have confronted him and he says differently but his actions don’t say that.  Never mind that I have a huge crush on him.  I have been flirting with him a lot and really want him badly but he is married, plus he is a co-worker so there are 2 strikes against him.  Hormones can make you do stupid shit and make bad choices.  I am trying with every fiber of my being not to fall victim to that.  He said you need to get a new shirt and a nice pair of pants and just go out.  Stop worrying that someone is going to slip something into your drink.  Go live your life and have fun because YOLO.  He makes a valid point.  Part of me wants to do that and part of me is scared to death to move forward.  Going on a date does make me nervous but I have done it already so I know that I can do it.  I guess I will just have to force myself to visit a gay bar and see what life is all about.  It won’t happen quickly but it will happen.  I think that looking for love electronically isn’t going to pan out for me and unless I find a different method I am going to be alone for a very long time.  I see that Shane Bitney Crone found love and has been able to move on.  I am happy for him but at the same time jealous.  He is much younger than me and he didn’t spent 1/2 of his life with his late partner like I did.  So we have some stuff in common but our circumstances are vastly different.  Bottom line is this is something that I have to deal with.  It’s time to stop lusting after men I can’t have and going to find someone who plays for my team and is interested in me for me.  Romeo oh Romeo where for out thy Romeo?

I am off tomorrow as well and thinking of going to the movies to see Ride Along 2 and grab a bite to eat.  It will occupy some of my time and help me fight boredom.  It all kind of depends on how I feel tomorrow as to what I do.  My moods change quickly sometimes.  Being sick doesn’t help.

The children are happy that I am home.  We all hung out in my room this morning while I watched TV and waited for time to pass.  We took a nap together this afternoon.  Bear got some belly rubs and attention.  He is spending a lot of time on his back.  Which tells me he is happy, he has loved to sleep on his back since he was a kitten.  All of momma kids like it but him and Marvin do it more than anyone.  Speaking of momma she shit in my room this morning and then threw up.  So she is back on the probiotic.  They are horse pills and I am breaking them in half so she gets a full tablet it’s just 12 hours apart.  Trying to shove the whole thing down her throat would not have a good outcome or so I think.  I am doing good to get her to take 1/2 of a pill.  She is the worst cat to pill.  She is small and can wiggle out and run away from me.  Yeah I will catch her eventually but it’s a struggle that I really would not have.  It upsets her and I don’t like doing that to her but on the other hand if it makes her feel better and not shit in my room then I am all for it.  Funny how they communicate, would be easier if she could just tell me she didn’t feel good instead of making a mess in my room or in a place where she normally wouldn’t go. 

Have a great Friday and a nice weekend.  I am going to try to enjoy myself as well.  I’ve got this weekend and next then it will be back to being on call.  We just enabled two factor authentication at work so logging in remotely requires an extra couple of steps, which is kind of a pain.  I love two factor, it makes me feel more secure and I use it in my personal life.  It’s just another way my phone becomes an electronic leash.  Take care, thanks for stopping by.  Talk with you all again soon.

16 February 2016

Malware Tuesday

We had a couple people get a strange email and they were dumb enough to click on the attachment.  I mean you can preach all you want but in the end you can’t save people from themselves.  They both got infected and need new machines.  Makes for a busy and stressful day.  I just keep telling myself that tomorrow is my Friday, so it all seems worth while.

I was going to skip irrigating last night I felt really good.  I am glad that I went with my gut and kept it up.  There was plenty of stuff hiding.  I am looking forward to seeing the doctor in the hopes that he can give me something that will dry this all up.  I feel like I am teetering on the border between sick and not sick.  Sometimes it goes more towards sick and other times it goes towards not sick.  At the end of the day I know that there is clearly something wrong with my body.  I sound nasally which is not normal.  I have a cough and by the end of the day the river of sinus soup starts up.  It is just not any fun.  Mornings are the worst because everything has had time to sit and your body has to readjust when you wake up.  Not fun. 

Last night for supper I had that Birdseye vegetable and pasta dish.  Yeah it was in a light garlic sauce and things started out really good.  They quickly went south because I can’t just eat pasta and vegetables.  I need meat and the more the better.  So I started eating other things that I knew were not good for me.  I should have just made something else but didn’t want to trouble myself.  Cinnamon Oreos are really good they taste like a cinnamon roll. 

Had a rough night.  Marv didn’t want to sleep with me so I slept with Momma.  I got up to use the bathroom and Marv came to bed and Momma stayed put.  They collided which wasn’t good.  Things settled down and I went back to sleep.  Momma crapped in my room and then clawed me in the head to wake me up to alert me that she made a mess.  I let her out of the room.  Marv stayed and we finished sleeping as best as we could.  He let me know that it’s time to trim his claws.  He really wanted to murder my arm but I wouldn’t let him. 

Woke up after sleeping in a bit and had to rush to get out of the house.  There was winter weather coming and I needed to get to work before it hit.  I made it but the price I pay is that I have to go home to clean up the mess that Momma and Bear made overnight.  I hated to leave things like that but I had to make a choice.  There are plenty of pads out and Bear will be okay.  Momma will use the litter box hopefully.  I had to fight with her last night to get her probiotic down her.

Saw Grandma last night it’s a movie with Lilly Tomlin, I paid $5 and it was money well spent.  A good movie that made me laugh some.  Just what I needed.  I could use the same thing tonight but Tosh.O is back on so maybe I will get a few laughs out of that. 

Hoping that I will be able to have some fun and relax this weekend, most of all that I feel much better by the time next Monday rolls around.  Take care and we will talk again soon.

15 February 2016

Lost Toe Nail Clippers

Yesterday I remember that I picked up my toe nail clippers to trim the wick on a candle.  I trimmed the wick and there were several other things going on.  I have no idea what happened to the clippers.  I have looked high and low but no sign of them.  I kind of think that I threw them in the trash, even though that is not something that I would normally do it is the only explanation for why I can’t find them.  It’s either that or Marvin hid them on me so I couldn’t trim his nails.  I guess you figured out that I think toe nail clippers are like a Swiss army knife and I use them for many things.  Yep it’s true.  They aren’t the end all be all but they help with a lot.  I needed to trim my toe nails last night so I had to use fingernail clippers, not the same thing but they worked.  I am more upset that I can’t remember what happened to them or where I put them.  I am not a forgetful person by nature unless I am under stress.  I guess I just had too many things going but still it doesn’t make me any happier.  You know they will turn up when I least expect it.  Until then I will have to purchase a new pair.  Crap!

I am still very nasally if that is a word.  I have all sorts of colors coming out of my nose but mostly red for blood.  There is still very much an infection but I am trying my best to keep it at bay.  I hope I last until Thursday because I don’t feel well at all.  I need to be home sleeping and I am not just saying that to be cute I really mean it.  Sleep is a very good thing for me.  Too bad I didn’t get a lot of it last night because I was up with Marvin, up with my bladder and then it was time to get up and come to work.

Took my nice clean car and now it’s dirty but it’s suppose to rain soon so maybe it will be clean again.  We had a very foggy commute to work this morning but it slowed down some people.  I had to get around them because I needed to get here and be done with it.  I was ready to get started so we could get to quitting time.

One of the guys here had some Birdseye Vegetables with pasta in a light sauce.  I picked up a couple packages and am thinking of trying one for supper tonight.  I hope it tastes good.  It is the closest that I will come to eating healthy. 

No mail today because it’s President’s Day and only some schools most banks and the post office is closed along with federal state and local offices.  Shame my employer doesn’t observe the holiday it would be a great day to be at home.  We don’t get another holiday until May, which is a long time away.  By taking this Thursday and Friday I am going into the hole on time off so it will be a little bit before I schedule anything else if at all.  I am not used to taking a day for me normally it’s a visit to the doctor or the car dealer for service.  It will be nice to be able to sleep in on Friday that is if I am actually able to. 

Well lunch is winding down so back to the salt mine.  I hope all is well in your world.  Talk with you all again soon.

14 February 2016

American Crime

Not sure if you have seen ABC’s series American Crime.  It’s about a boy who is allegedly raped by another boy.  They started out chatting and the boy who got raped said that he liked it rough.  They are both in High School.  It’s very controversial for a TV show and to talk about gay sex and rape.  I think that took some balls for ABC and I am happy they did it.  Anyone can be raped. 

The show is getting pretty good and I look forward to each episode as the plot thickens.  If you have some time on your hands go catch up on line at ABC’s website or watch it through your TV provider on demand.  I don’t want to spoil anything which is why I am being vague.  There are twists and turns that I didn’t expect would happen.  Much like Quantico this show has sucked me in hook line and sinker.  I am placing a trailer of the show below.

An update


My Life

I made it through the entire week at work.  It was rough getting up each day.  The morning is the worst.  I am done with medicine as of Friday.  However, this thing is still in my body.  It has torn up the lining inside my nose.  My nose looks swollen and it’s very raw & tender on the inside.  I am still irrigating and the stuff I am getting out tells me its worth while to continue.  I am moisturizing now with Saline to help treat the lining of my nose.  I stopped the Flonase.  Most of the time I blow my nose I get out blood.  This is is typical effect for my nose when I use nose spray, which is why I really don’t like to use them.  The feeling that I have now is the worst it’s ever been, hopefully it heals and returns to normal soon.

I had to purchase more cough medicine because the cough is not gone.  I go back to the doctor on Thursday for my physical.  Hopefully I can make it that long.  Hopefully he can give me something to treat what is lingering so this will finally be gone once and for all.  Lots of people at work have the same thing or worse.

We have snow today and it’s very cold.  I’ve seen enough snow and felt enough cold to say that I am over winter, let’s bring on spring.  I like mild temps and clear roads where traffic moves.  Can we make that happen?  Yeah just have to wait until that time of year rolls around.

Decided to treat myself yesterday, I was going for a large salad and an order of chicken Quesada's.  I drove to the restaurant and there was a waiting line to get off the interstate (freeway) for miles and miles.  I passed that up.  Drove to the next exit which was also filled with restaurants and some traffic.  Stopped in at White Castle had 4 double cheese, order of Chicken Rings and a soda.  Not what I was in the mood for but it was okay.  Then I trudged back home through all of the traffic.  Stopped to gas up the car and get it washed.  Of course now it’s snowing so it’s going to get dirty again. 

Once I came back home I sacked out on the couch with Gator.  Woke up just in the nick of time to make it to the movies.  Saw Dirty Grandpa.  Zac Effron is/was so hot.  His chest is a bit hairy for me but he’s got a nice ass.  I can check this movie off my list.  There are a few others I would like to see but everything in time. 

Back home started the laundry, dishes, etc.  Then it was time for bed.  It was an okay day that just went by way too fast.   

The Animals

Momma still has some stomach issues, which I am treating with the probiotic.  She seems to be doing better but I am still getting unwanted presents in the basement that tell me there is still a problem. 

Bear is recovered from the eye infection and the crystals in his bladder.  It is still a struggle to get him to go on the pee pads.  It’s 50/50 right now.  The carpets need to be cleaned again but I don’t have the energy to deal with that right now.  Perhaps later in the week or next weekend.  He still meows to get attention be it a plate rotate, belly rub, food or just attention.  I know he is a little scared with what he has been through but he came through it like a trooper.  There is still a lot of fight left in the cat.  I am tired but I see him still trying so there is no way I can give up on him. 

Everyone else is normal and doing okay.  Marv loves to sit at the back door and try to paw at the snow or the leaves on the deck.  He is so silly and I love to see all them having fun and happy, it makes me smile.

There is some new cat food on the market.  Strange flavors like Lamb in Clam sauce.  They say it’s cat inspired.  Yeah well Bear doesn’t exactly like it.  There are 4 flavors to be exact and I have several cans and will be trying them out to see what they think of them.  Some of it looks normal and other stuff looks horrible.


Yeah it’s Valentine’s day and I have no valentine.  It’s just another day for me.  I don’t really pay much attention to it.  I see people spending tons of money on chocolate and flowers.  I am thankful that I don’t have to do that.  I have tried to chat up a couple guys but no responses as of yet.  I’ve got a guy at work that is supposed to be trying to fix me up with a friend of his but he moves slower than a turtle.  I have been chasing after him and reminding him but I am at the end of my rope and I can see maybe one or two more reminders after that I am done.  If your not going to do it or don’t feel comfortable then just tell me.  It’s not the end of the world. 

I would like to have someone but I suppose if it’s meant to be it will happen.  I am used to being alone not that it’s fun but there are upsides to everything.  I just don’t want to get in a situation where someone else is running my life and leading me around by my cock.  That is what my brother has and it makes me sick.  Everyone has their own brain for a reason, it’s meant to be used.  If you let someone else run your life then they will.  I want to be able to compromise and have a balanced relationship.  I know what to look for and what I want – there is and will be no settling.  The whole dating thing does get rather exhausting, but I still keep trying. 

That is all I know right now.  I hope that I get back to normal soon being sick sure isn’t fun at all.  I am happy that I have made progress but just wish that I would progress further.  Stay warm, be well and I will talk with you all again soon.  Thanks for stopping by.

10 February 2016

Good Idea

Well I tried my good idea and stopped for Denny’s last night.  I got a bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup which didn’t look all that good but was.  Kind of salty.  Ordered a Cheeseburger and Onion Rings.  Man that meal hit the spot.  The best part was when I went to pay the guy in front of me handed me a page of coupons and said here take 20% off of your bill.  I was dumbfounded and eventually muttered out a thank you.  That jesture just caught me off guard and I wasn’t expecting it and therefore didn’t have a knee jerk reaction.  I turned to the person behind me and passed the page on so they too could benefit from the 20% discount.

Home to the muffins!  Bear still has yet to master the use of the pee pad.  I think he is destine for cat diapers as much as I don’t want to do that to him it beats sending him to an early grave.  I really wish his memory would kick in and he would return back to the way he was before he had the bladder issue.  See change isn’t always a good thing. 

I got a call from my mom last night.  I turned off the feature that rings my cell phone when my home phone rings.  If my cell phone is turned off or in do not disturb it causes calls to go to voice mail prematurley, which I don’t want.  She just left a message saying that she would call back tonight.  My guess is she will call at the same time and leave the same message.  We probably won’t connect until the weekend unless she asks me to call her back.  She said that when I call she is usually sleeping.  I am guessing she wants to cash in and come to my house for the weekend.  That won’t happen – I am far from feeling normal.  There will always be a reason, it’s just too risky to have her at my house since she is a fall risk. 

Woke up this morning to find that I have my Federal Refund so now I can decide how to spend it.  Paying off the credit card sounds good but it also sounds good to hang on to the money or some of it.  However, I realize that for my benefit it’s smarter to pay off debt because hanging on to it I won’t get as much interest as I am being charged.  This won’t get me out of debt but it will go a long way to helping.

I found someone who just caught my eye on one of the dating apps.  He is 43 and everything seems right about him.  Except that he is into physical fitness.  I sent him a message but he didn’t respond back.  I saw him on line and never heard anything from him.  It’s a subtle way of saying take a hike, I get it.  I really kind of had my hopes up for this one.  Maybe I am writing it off prematurley but I won’t be begging him for a repsonse.  One message and if you can’t reply to that then I am moving on.  I still keep wondering if or when I will find the one for me.  This is much harder than looking for a job but then again there isn’t as much riding on it as my job. 

Today I feel pretty good.  Still not 100% but I sense progress.  I just hope my body keeps moving in this direction.  Getting old is no fun and then when you find out you don’t bounce back from things as quickly it really is no fun.  It’s amazing what used to take a couple days now takes weeks to fight off. 

Slept with Momma last night for a little bit and Marvin as well.  Eventually they both asked to leave and I let them out.  It was a night of up and down, I had a hard time turning off my brain last night.  Tonight will be filled with TV show after TV show so it’s a night I look forward to.  I am doing the Chicken Noodle Soup thing.  Tonight will be one can of Progresso with all of the broth drained and then dump the can into a campbells broth with their Chicken Noodle, it will be two cans in one bowl and I hope that it tastes good.  Progresso’s broth is horrible and their cns tastes like it is made in a can.  They used to be really good not sure what happened.  Looking forward to seeing the muffins and maybe getting some rest.

Work has been helter skelter.  Busy is good but crazy busy is not good at all.  Thankfully things will slow down since we are in the afternoon.  I was late to lunch but have meetings to setup for so I have to keep my normal schedule.  There should be enough to keep me busy until quitting time.  Now I just hope quitting time comes soon.  The commute home is anticipated to be rough and long because we have more snow moving into the area and people here don’t know how to drive unless the weather is dry and even then it’s questionable for some. 

Stay warm, be safe and thanks for dropping by.  We shall talk again soon.

09 February 2016

Strange Dream

I made it through Monday.  It took a lot out of me.  I figured I would sleep really good, I did sort of.  I had this issue where I kept waking up every few hours.  Not sure why but I would manage to fall back asleep.  I had a very strange dream.  So I was with RJ from the Shep689 Vlogger channel on youtube.  We were at a local college and he convinced me to go to a gay speed dating event, you just walk in a line and if someone likes you they will make conversation with you.  The next thing I knew I was in some giant Mall, I had accepted a date from someone but needed to find RJ.  In the process of going through the lines I also managed to loose an orange shirt that I had.  Eventually I caught up with RJ, never did find the shirt and I met my date.  He was in a hurry as was RJ and the date never happened.  Then I woke up.  Now I don’t even have the hots for RJ, he’s not bad looking but just not my type.  It was all really odd to me. 

The next thing you know I find myself at the table eating breakfast and wondering how in the world I would make it through the day.  I didn’t think I would even be able to set foot outside the house but I did.  To add to my discomfort it was snowing (which isn’t bad) but traffic was a mess.  I heard my normal way was all clogged up like my head.  So I decided to take an alternate route and well that was just as bad if not worse.  I got to work 15 minutes late, but never bothered to tell anyone. 

The Dell guy showed up just as I sat down to eat lunch so I was with him for 30 minutes.  Then I started eating again and got interupted. So it’s like I never really took lunch and I figure it all evens it’s self out so as far as anyone is concerned I worked normal hours. 

Last night as I sat on the couch trying desperatly to find something on the hundereds of channels that I receive I was thinking that tonight would be an awesome night to go out to eat.  I could hit up Dennys it’s across the street from me and a bowl of chicken noodle soup, a burger and some onion rings sound pretty good.  I don’t think I am going there all of that stuff still sounds good to me but I think I am better off at home with the children.  I am going to heat up a can of Chicken Noodle Soup because I could use it.  The phlem in my throat is killing me.  It’s all draining and it’s so far back I can’t get it to come out so it’s like I am eating Sinus Soup and it’s not plesant. 

I looked at my blood work, turns out the dip shit cunt didn’t even order an A1C test and she said that I had Bronchitis but she never bothered to tell me.  I kind of think I need to know since I am the patient and the one paying the bill.  Looks like I will be keeping my appointment for my physical so that my doc can order the proper tests and we get a true picture of how my body is doing.  Hopefully by then I will be feeling a ton better. 

Lots of people here at work have had something similiar and they tell me it’s a mother to get rid of.  It just hangs on like a leech and doesn’t want to let go.  You may not have any outward symptoms but it zaps your energy level.  Yeah well I just need this thing to be gone and if that can happen today great, if not then tomrorow if perfectly fine.  I hope that I am not doing more harm than good by coming to work, not that I want to be at home but right now with the way I feel I wouldn’t object.  I’d actually love to get hooked up to an IV with some high grade antibiotics that would for sure kill this and put me back on the narrow.  I would say straight and narrow but we all know there isn’t anything straight about me. 

Poor Momma is still sick.  She dumped downstairs this morning.  I think were getting away from the antibiotic and going to a probiotic.  This Thyroid medicine is a bitch on her and I know she doesn’t like it at all.  I just want to get her to feeling like her old self.  She puts on a good disgiuse but I know when my girl isn’t feeling well.  I think warm weather would be very helpful right about now.  Good news Bear went on a pee pad last night, so proud of him.  Let’s hope this keeps up!

Well speaking of helpful I need to get back to the grind, things are winding down and I have to prepare for the ride home in about an hour.  Let’s hope that tomorrow is the day that I start to feel much better.  C’mon Chicken Noodle Soup do your magic in me!

07 February 2016

Hacking on

Made it to breakfast and the grocery store.  The store was super crowded because of the super bowl.  Nothing was sold out because it was still early but I am guessing as we get later in the day things will be sold out.  I saw a King Cake, tempting to purchase but I passed.  We had an authentic one at work this past week but I of course wasn’t there.  I want the real thing and not a knock off. 

My cough is starting to gain traction and I am doing it more often. I don’t like that but I know that it is something I have to go through.  I saw a commerical for Navage this new nasal wash system.  Looks like it helps and actually seems enjoyable to use.  It’s $49 if you buy it online but you have to buy salt to go with it.  I can get it on Amazon for $79 and that includes salt with Prime 2 Day Delivery.  Tempting but I am going to pass for now.  I’ve got a netti pot if I want to go that route.  The Navage seems like it’s less stressful to use and the cleanup is simpler. 

Talked with a co-worker, told that I didn’t miss much.  She works in a different area than I do but were both in the same office.  Talking is what started the cough and talking is a big part of my job.  I feel wiped out today.  The trip out to the grocery store has done me in.  I really don’t know how I will make it tomorrow, hopefully something positive will happen today to make me able to make it.  Staying home sounds really attractive but then I have to get my doctor involved with an insurance company and I only get 60% of my normal money.  Just simpler for all if I go in.  If I don’t make it, I don’t make it but at least try.  Chances are pretty good that once I am there I will stay for the day.

As for now I am working on the little laundry I have to do.  Going to lay down and watch more TV, hopefully I will fall asleep if only for 30 minutes that would be fine.  Things are super quiet here, too quiet for my own good.  I guess I should enjoy it while it lasts.  Happy Sunday and if your a football fan I hope your team wins.  Stay warm!

06 February 2016

Progress….I think

Today I woke up and felt slightly better than yesterday.  I am still coughing and blowing my nose.  My nose burns at times, which is something I have dealt with in the past.  I know this is kind of gross but I keep looking at what I am hacking up and the more I looked at it, I see green.  There are times when yellow is there.  I know I need another antibiotic, I am not a doctor but I know my body better than anyone else walking this earth.  So I decided to try the easy route first.  I placed a call to the physician’s exchange.  It took more than 30 minutes to get a call back but I got a helpful doctor who when I told him what was going on, he concurred.  So he called in some Doxycycline.  It’s a baby antibiotic for me, but it’s gotten me out of some jams before.  Satisfied I got dressed and proceeded onward with my day. 




First stop the post office, second stop Outback Steakhouse.  I got a Salad with ranch and Alice Springs Chicken with a Sweet potato.  My taste buds were doing a happy dance and now that I am talking about it they are wanting more.  It wasn’t a cheap lunch but it was very enjoyable.  Third stop the gas station.  Time to fill up the tank and wash the filth off the car.  Fourth stop was the pharmacy.  Then the final stop for a while back home. 


I needed some time to relax.  I was worn out.  I wanted to take a nap but the children made enough commotion that was nixed.  So I got up and went to the hair cut store, I could have waited a week but I figured this would go a long way to helping me feel better.  It was nice to see familiar faces and go to a place where several people know your name.  Then I left and hit up the cat food store.  Came back home unloaded the cat food, started the dishes, cleaned up the house a bit and then it was TV time.  Eventually gator and her mammoth voice told me it was supper time, so I fed them.  Bear was hiding under the couch but the crack of the can brought him crawling out.  So everyone got their dinner. 


I was waiting for the dishwasher to finish.  Someone needed a bath.  Eventually that happened.  I put on my jacket and Bear ran and crawled under the couch, whimpering at that.  Then I pulled him out and picked him up and he really started to cry.  He didn’t like it at first but then I hit the right spot and he was happy but only for a minute.  He moved all around and I believe all of the soap is off of him.  He doesn’t smell now.  I love it.  Wonder how long he will stay that way?  He is happier now that it’s over with and so am I.  I didn’t think I could do it but once again I came through and proved to myself that I am stronger than I think.


I heated up the left over Chinese food and that of course brought everyone to the table.  I told them this has your cousin in it, you wouldn’t want to eat your cousin would you?  I said that is my job.  Seriously, I don’t know what it is but Chinese food is the only thing that I eat that will bring cats from high and low.  It’s only special fried rice.  I saved my fortune cookie to open it at home after I had the left overs.  Drum roll please.  It says “Now is the time for peace in your life.  Go alone with other’s ideas.”  Wow that is spot on.  I have had nothing but drama, my hope is that the start of March will break this cycle and life will be perfectly fine, perhaps even bring me some good news. 


I’ve caught up my financials, since I have been spending money hand over fist.  I have been using part of my state tax refund which I shouldn’t but it is really nice.  My Federal Refund is what is going to make the day and help me to take a huge bite out of credit card debt that I am in.  I look forward to getting that sooner rather than later.  I understand that the IRS is having some computer malfunctions which could cause refunds to be delayed, just my luck. 


So with the advent of HIPPA and doctors as well as health care facilities having to go computerized, I now have on line access to my medical records.  Well that is what they will share with me.  I logged on to the hospitals site to hopefully get the name of the hottie that did my flu test but, it’s not there.  Instead I found the results of my x-ray which are kind of alarming.  It says that there is evidence that I have granulomatous disease.  I never heard of this and am sure I can’t properly pronounce it.  I also have mild thoracic spondylosis.  The disease is hereditary and means that my immune system is weak.  I am wondering if it’s not something left over from my prior pneumonia?  The other thing isn’t serious, bone shift as we get older what I saw on the web said there was no reason for alarm.  Still I am going to talk with my doc about the results whenever it is that I actually see him and not the cunt that I am usually stuck with. 


Speaking of my doc, I logged on and looked at my labs, that is what is ready.  The bigger picture won’t be released for my view until Monday.  I know that the doctor already has the results.  Basically my electrolytes are seriously out of whack.  My cholesterol is high and my blood sugar was seriously high.  Part of this is because I am sick and part of it is because I was on steroids prior to going to the doctor.  The steroids fuck with the blood numbers so I am not worried.  Provided I go through with my physical, I would like to repeat the blood work once the doctor feels the steroids are out of my system, so that we all can have a true picture of what is going on inside my body. 


I have lost 15 pounds between being sick, the pending legal issue I have and the food poisoning that I had.  I am happy to lose weight BUT I want to do it the right way and not because of circumstances in my life.  I drove by Planet Fitness today and really wished they had a pool.  That would have lured me in to join.  There is a health club closer to my house that has a pool but I don’t think they would be as cheap as Planet Fitness.  I am looking for more of a swimming/spa experience and not a pump iron and get sweaty experience.  I know there is at least one good looking guy in the area who says he works out at PF and is looking for a boyfriend or maybe it’s a hookup.  Kind of makes me want to go just for that but nah, I am starting to believe that I am supposed to be alone and that I am probably not going to meet anyone.  I am in one of my break phases where I want to walk away from the search.  No final decisions just yet. 



I am working on laundry, more specifically my bed.  It’s not like I have actual clothes to wash as I didn’t wear much this week.  Unless something goes horribly wrong I suspect that Monday it will be back to work for me.  It’s not what I want to do, regardless of the length of time most people enjoy the time away.  This is what is in my best interest and what will help me establish my normal.  I do have a little bit of fear of getting in trouble for being out so long but I tend to worry a lot about the small stuff. 


Looking forward to breakfast and then grocery shopping on Super bowl Sunday.  I remember we used to wait until the afternoon to shop because everyone would be at home and no one would be at the store.  Problem is if you want chips, cookies, cheese or a deli sandwich you are out of luck.  I will still try my very best to enjoy the day.  Missing my guy and the memories we made.  Depression sucks.  I don’t want to forget him but I am tired of feeling sad and missing him.  It’s all a part of the grieving process and like rain it comes and it goes.  Being active helps quell those feelings.  Still right now I wish I had someone to hold me so that I could just cry it all out.  There is a damn full of tears and it hasn’t burst yet and I can’t say when or if it ever will.


So c’mon dryer get my sheets nice and warm so that I can put them on my bed and climb into it and fall fast asleep for what will feel like a few minutes.  Just 2 places to go tomorrow and then I am home for the day and can do what I want.  Part of me is looking forward to it and part of me really doesn’t want Sunday to come because Monday will be behind it.  I know that Monday will be a bitch of a day but the advantage is time should fly by.  Playing catch up is never fun. 


Hope all is well in your world.  Thanks for checking on me.  Talk with you all again soon!

05 February 2016

Still kicking

I must say I feel more like I have been kicked than I am kicking.  This has been a very unproductive and expensive week.  I have been seen by 3 medical professionals all of which I really don’t have any use for.  Today I went to see my doc but of course he is off on Friday’s so I was stuck with the cunt that is his Nurse Practionioner. 

First I get the lecture that I need to come in more often so they can monitor my diabites.  She told me they were doing blood work today.  Great princess then I don’t need to come back in two weeks for a physical.  I wanted to say that but I didn’t.  I am considering cancelling the physical I mean most of what is needed to be known will be in the results of the blood work. 

Second I told her my tales of woe, I was honest and upfront when I knew I should have lied.  She examined me and said oh everything is clear, you sound fine.  Really then how come I feel like shit.  Oh well the infection is gone, you now have a virus in your body and that can take up to 2 weeks to be gone.  There is nothing we can do for you.  Um, can you take a Z Pack?  Of course I can’t I am allergic, she knew that.  Now if there is nothing you can do for me why did you just offer me an antibiotic?  Instead she thinks I need to be on steroids I have some reactive airway syndrome.  That is code for she doesn’t know what the fuck she is doing.  She sent in the prescrption.  We got into this conversation about why I am still blowing and hackup yellow.  Oh yellow doesn’t mean there is an infection.  No it’s normal for me to feel run down, have a cough and constantly have to blow my nose with yellow shit coming out.  Of course it means there is an infection.  She told me that if it was green or any other color but yellow.  I wanted to say okay so I am pissing pastel pink now what?  I have no use for her, never have and never will.  She is a cunt!

Third it’s time to get poked and not in a good way.  3 times in the same arm.  Again I was up front an honest but the lady was confident she would get it on the 2nd try.  Yeah I can’t wait to see what my arm looks like tomororw. 

I got a note for work to cover me for all 5 days.  The sad part is I have to take my time which isn’t exactly on how I planned on using it.  If you take a week off of work you usually go some where, do something fun it’s called vacation.  Well not me I had a sickcation.  I now have a little less than 2 weeks of time to last for the remainder of the year. 

Normally I would be freaked out about my job but I am oddly calm.  I did make a phone call today and I can borrow from future time to pay for time that I have taken now.  That is good.  If I don’t go back on Monday then I will go on Short Term Disability which only pays 60% of my wages but it won’t require me to use anymore PTO.  However, there are forms for the doctor to fill out and it turns into a paperwork battle between my employer, their insurer and my doctor.  I of course would have to stay on top of things to make sure that nothing gets fucked up in the process.  My plans are to return to work on Monday unless I am worse.  It sounds like my job is safe or so I think.  IF this should blow up in my face I have no idea what I will do, that could easily be the last straw for me  I am in a very fragile state right now.  Being sick has given me time to reflect on how really alone I am and I am in a general depressed state.  Nevermind the other event, which doesn’t help matters any. 

I have the prescrption for the steroid filled and started day #1.  So I am pissing my guts out.  I do feel a little better but not a ton.  My ears are still goofy, my vision blurs from time to time and I feel run down.  However, I have finally manged to come back to the basement a place that I haven’t been since Monday to sit in front of my computer.  Tomorrow will start laundy and disinfecting day. 

My plan for me is that if I don’t feel better I will either call the Doctors Exchange which hopefully a NP doesn’t cover so that I can get a better antibiotic, which is all I think I need or travel to a different hosptial ER and talk with them.  If I feel like I am still on the road to recovery then I will do nothing.  I hope the battle with the medical providers is over.  When the dust clears and the bills come rolling in I won’t exactly be pleased.  If they gave me releif then it would be a different story.

So time to treat myself.  I went to lunch at Cracker Barrel and who waites on me?  The waiter that I have a crush on who I aksed out and was turned down by.  I am not sure if he remembered me or not but we didn’t go there.  I just ordered and he delivered.  Service was great and I spent more than I wanted to but it was like a home cooked meal and I needed that. 

Supper time what to do?  I went out for Chineese food.  I ate 1/2 of it and brought the rest home so there will be something for later.  Be that tonight or tomororw.  Steroids make me want to just eat myself sick all of the time.  Plus being trapped in the house all week hasn’t exactly been fun.  The kids have enjoyed it and I am not sure how they will react when I go back to work but they will have to adjust, as will I.  Saying goodbye to nap time will be hard.  However, I still have 2 days! 

Moving and getting out helps with the recovery process.  I just want to move forward into the positive and away from the negative.  Back to work, back to a normal schedule, back to life.

One of the things that I do often is check the news on my phone.  I was shocked and dismayed when I found that a former co-worker of mine from my teenage years was arrested for child molestation.  I just can’t fathom that.  He is/was a Christian who seemed to be more than right with God.  He doesn’t know about my sexuality.  However, he was fired when we were caught praying together.  I was on my time he was on work time.  This was wayback when my grandma was dying.  I understand urge, desire and temptation … I also know that he is human.  The part that really is shocking is that he is pretty much convicted via the media before he even gets his day in court.  From what I remember he had a wife and 2 kids.  Not sure what happened to them but I hope he has some support for his side.  His bail is high enough to buy a luxury home.  They (the prosecution) have to have enough probable cause to file charges which means they have something.  I hope that he is innocent.  The more shocking thing is they say that some of the acts took place as little as 5 years ago.  Why does it always take time for issues like this to come into the light?  Why can’t they be exposed and dealt with, instead of more incidents having to take place?  Provided it’s the same child it just causes further damage to them and if there are others they they are subjected to this behavior and shouldn’t be. I realize that some of my wording kind of paints him as guilty.  That is not for me to determine, that is up to a judge and a jury.  There is no good that can come from this.  Being a physically abused child, I can tell you first hand that it messes up the mind of the child who will eventually become an adult.  It kills self confidence and self worth, not to mention if it’s sexual abuse I am sure it messes up sex for the kid.  Were talking years of therapy to work through issues, if they can be worked through.

Okay I am rambling.  I am honestly thinking of going to get some pliers and start pulling teeth.  The pressure and facial pain is pretty intense.  I realize that would cause more harm than good so I won’t actually do it.  I will be going up to take some medicine and probably prepare for bed.  Ms. Momma is looking at me as if to say, young man your sick and should be in bed.  Nevermnd she is ill too.  Were just a bunch of sickies here. 

Here’s hoping for a better tomororw!

04 February 2016

In the middle

I'm in the middle...getting better is on one side and death is on the other.  I get equal torture from both sides.  Just wish the pendulum would swing so I knew if I was going to live or going to die.  See this proves I've got too much time on my hands.

Went to the ER yesterday.  Got a hottie named Zack to do a flu test on me.  Got a chest X-ray and then was kicked out about 3 hours later.  I am on the brink of walking pneumonia.  They called it a Upper Respiratory Infection. Said it would take 2 weeks to recover but that I could go back to work on Friday.  How nice but I still feel very bad.  There is no work this week for me.  I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully at the very least they change up my meds.  At the very most they hospitalize me for a day or two.  

My house is going to shit.  Bear needs a bath.  I have to force myself to eat.  This being alone and sick is no fun.  I'm ready and have been for a while to check out but apparently I am still needed down here on planet earth.  I'm ready to fast forward to good times, good food, good friends and no worries.  Wish I could snap my fingers and make it happen.  Now back to my illness and tv.