31 January 2017


Yesterday I got a notification that my pen order shipped.  That’s when I realized I made a couple mistakes.  First, the Pilot Vanishing Point has been on my radar for a while but what I really wanted was a Parker 5th Generation Pen.  Then the ink I ordered for the Pilot, well I thought I was getting 5 cartridges.  Nope I got 5 boxes of 12 cartridges.  Guess I will be able to write for a very long time before I need ink.  Not like it’s going to go to waste.  It will be sealed up in my bag o refills.  The good news in all of this is that I found I can get a 5th Generation a little cheaper from Amazon but so far they don’t sell any style that is appealing to me. 

The bills for the most part are paid.  I figured out last night that I have pretty well gone through my refund.  That is if I pay everything off like I want to.  I think I am going to take a more conservative approach so that I can retain some cash.  I have to set aside $500 for the cleanup of the yard/bushes when the spring rolls around.  The house could also use a serious power wash but I don’t know that I will be having that done.  I mean if you don’t like the way my house looks or my yard looks, then don’t look at it.  The HOA (Home Owners Association) probably doesn’t quite see it that way but go ahead complain and I’ll tell you where you can go with your complaint. 

Bleh nothing good on TV last night at all.  Started browsing on demand and found The Boss with Melissa McCarthy on HBO.  Holy shit that is a funny movie.  I only made it part of the way through and have plans to finish it tonight.  The cats don’t like it when I laugh, it disturbs them.  That’s because they aren’t used to me laughing, they are used to hearing me cuss and complain.  I would much rather laugh, it feels so much better.

I’ve got 3 departures today and one person wants me to let them work with the promise that they will leave before midnight.  I could care less when you leave, I just need to know when I can shut your account and card down, that is all that matters to me.  Professionals want to work up until the 11th hour.  Staff they can’t get out the door fast enough.  I am here to tell you that on my last day, presuming my departure is planned because I am retiring or I decided to leave, I will be gone well before noon.  I mean what is the purpose of sticking around and belaboring the inevitable.  Make your rounds, say your good byes listen to the empty promises that people will make you, grab your shit and head for the car.  Call it a day.  Why would you want to actually work on your last day?  Funny thing is last night I had a dream about me leaving this place and my access level was reduced, I was being let go and no one told me.  I just found out when I couldn’t do something and then I got an email about my access being reduced.  I think I was thinking too much of the events of today. 

Stopped for mail last night, my inner voice told me there was something good waiting for me.  Yeah right, it was a bill and a letter from a financial institution telling me that my tax forms would be ready next month so don’t file until we send them to you.  Uh, you don’t owe me any forms and I’ve already filed.  Found out today that W-2’s from work were messed up so it might mean filing an amended return, I am waiting to find out.  It won’t change anything.  They took out city taxes by accident but they paid them back to us.  So it would just be a matter of amending paperwork possibly but I wouldn’t or shouldn’t have to pay and wouldn’t or shouldn’t get any additional monies back.  I really don’t want to amend my taxes it’s such a pain in the ass.

Well my next departure is coming due, this person decided not to come to work today at all.  However, I couldn’t just turn them off because they might work from home.  Yeah right they were done yesterday and if they aren’t coming in today might as well have turned them off this morning but I was told I had to wait.  Okay whatever. 

Keep warm, be well and we will talk again soon.  That’s all I got for now. 

30 January 2017

Happy Monday

I am a little concerned about Bear.  He hasn’t peed since Saturday night, early Sunday morning.  Now I am sure that I will walk in the door tonight and he will have gone or go shortly after I arrive home.  I just don’t get how he can hold it that long.  I mean I have some mad bladder skills but eventually enough is enough and my body says it’s coming out like it or not, ready or not and presto it’s done.  I worry about him blocking again even though he is on food that dissolves the crystals.  I just love him so much and don’t want to lose him.  I’ve checked the camera and it kind of looks like he went but due to the view on camera of his special litter box with pee pads I can’t tell.

When I woke this morning I had more money in my checking account thanks to a state tax refund.  I am holding on to that and not touching it.  Waiting for the big fish from the IRS to be deposited and then I am going to start whacking credit card debt.  Tomorrow is pay day so tonight I get to pay bills.  Normally I don’t look forward to it but I kind of am right now.  I want this to work out so that I can get the toys and other things that I want but at the same time have some money left for savings.  Rainy days happen often and when you least expect them to.  It’s nice to have money stored away for when you really need it.  I’ve got enough credit to pay for most anything but you have to pay that back.  I remember when I was fresh out of Bankruptcy.  Cash or debit was my only option because I had no credit cards.  Now I’ve got several and while I am thankful for them and the convenience they offer, they can also be weapons to trap me in bondage and debt.  Debt is a part of life, I mean I’ll always have a mortgage and probably a car payment but outside of that I really would much rather pay cash for everything.  Life is just simpler and I can rest easier.  It just means I always have to have a receipt so I can keep track of my expenses and I’m pretty good about that today regardless of how I pay.  Accuracy in finance is essential.

Marv slept with me last night until the early hours of the morning and then I had to let him out.  I started him on a pill for diarrhea, then he got his regular prednisone and his antibiotic.  It was pills and liquid last night.  A good portion of the liquid wound up on the back door, but I know he got some of it in him.  I hope that I can bring him some comfort w/o having to lug him back to the vet.  They will want to do tests and those cost money.  Once he settled down Momma had the same problem.  So I gave her some liquid antibiotic.  They both hate it because it makes them slobber like no ones business.  They don’t want your help, they want to be left alone so they can work it out for themselves.  I try to help but they fuss and fight me.  Momma is big on her independence. It’s like hey I survived being outside, I am a tough old bird and I can take care of myself.  Yet she still clamors for attention just as they all do. 

Once I pried myself away from the keyboard and the ice cream container, I sat down on the couch a cushion away from Ruth.  She perked up quickly and discovered that Daddy could pet her.  So she moved closer and allowed me the privilege of scratching her back.  Then she ran away and quickly came back.  She never would jump back upon the couch no matter how much I asked her to.  She had to stay on the floor so she could sprint away from me when she had enough.  I keep hoping that she will warm up to me even more than she has but I don’t know that I will see that day.  She did flex her claws for me so I could see they were not over grown.  She will be due again for a trim next month and I really don’t look forward to it anymore than she does.  Wish I had a dart I could hit her with to knock her out, trim her claws and then wake her up.  I’d do that in a heartbeat rather than fighting with her.  I could also brush her much more easily.  My little dragon.  That is what she should have been named is Dragon.  No one in the animal kingdom in my house has a temper quite like hers.  I mean I am sure if you pushed them they would all react but Ruth it’s the littlest things that set her off. 

Supper tonight will be Lasagna from Maggiano’s, it’s in the fridge waiting for me.  I made a pizza last night so I have one piece left, I’ll enjoy that along with the pasta and then if there is room have some ice cream.  Wow that sounds so good and is probably the best I will eat all week.  Until the weekend. 

Happy Monday if there is such a thing.  Groundhog day is Thursday.  Winter thus far hasn’t been too bad.  Let’s hope that we get some spring soon, very anxious for that time of year.  Not anxious for the sneezing that goes with it but the warm up in temperatures will be a nice change.  Take care, stay warm, be well and I will talk with you all again soon. 

29 January 2017

Spending Blitz

Back when I was a youngster, one of the thrills of my childhood was going shopping with my Grandma and her sister, which I called my Aunt.  My version of my family tree is skewed and doesn’t line up but hey it’s my family tree.  Anyway long before I knew there could be a different meaning to this, when my aunt was done and had spent all her money, she would say she ‘shot her wad’.  Now that I am an adult I realize the sexual meaning there.  I know she was referring to a wad of cash or money and there wasn’t anything sexual, it’s just funny how when your a kid, you are lost in innocence.  Kind of wish I could go back to those days where I wasn’t so wise, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many problems in my life. 

In case you can’t tell by the title I have been on a shopping spree this weekend.  I found out my tax refunds are due in this week.  That is incredibly fast and I am eager to get the money so I am spending it before I get it, which is usually what I do. 

First, I gave in and purchased two MK570 Comfort Wave Keyboard & Mouse Sets by Logitech.  Got one for home and the other for the office.  The comfort is there, getting used to it takes a little bit.  I have made some typing mistakes but I can see how you can easily work with this keyboard all day and walk away with your hands feeling refreshed or at least not fatigued.  Second, I got a new Bluetooth headset since my present one is in the process of falling apart.  I know if I am careful with it , I can make it last a little longer before it becomes useless.  I am sad that I can’t get an exact replacement, I have had the same model for years and this is the second one.  It’s served me well.  There is a newer model and I saw that Target had it.  So I ordered it and went to pick it up yesterday.  Surprise what I ordered and what was ready for pickup were two totally different things.  I got a Moto Hint now.  At first the sound quality was crap, after letting it charge for 24 full hours things seem to be better.  A co-worker got the same thing for Christmas and as soon as I saw it, I wanted it.  It’s small, has a durable case to carry it in and the case doubles as a charger.  The model I have that is falling apart is a Moto Slivr, which has similar features, but it’s a little bigger and less easy to lose.  I’ve been leaving test voice mail messages for myself all day long to see how it sounds – there are good times and some not so good times.  The trick here is to use it and see how it preforms, if in a few days I don’t feel comfortable then I’ll return it and order what I want from Amazon. 

I thought I was done but once I got the good news today, I went on and got a few things from Amazon that I needed and some that I didn’t.  The most expensive being a belt that has no holes and is a sure fit.  It’s $50 so it better be a sure fit or I am sure it’s going back.  Interested to get it and try it on.  We all know I have an obsession for many things and writing instruments being one of them.  Today I gave in and ordered myself a Pilot Vanishing Point.  It’s a fountain pen that works on a cartridge.  It’s supposed to be a damn good pen.  Like it or not I am stuck with it because I had it monogrammed with my name on it.  It’s bright blue with gold trim, sexy!  It should be here in a week or so.  I also got a Lamy Rollerball that is trimmed in Black & Blue.  I’ve had my eye on both of these for a while.  I am a pen nut and I fully admit it.  The days of the $500 pen for me are gone but it doesn’t mean I still don’t look at Mont Blanc.  They have a Starwalker piece that is black and trimmed in red, oh I want that pen so bad but it’s like$750 and I just can’t justify spending that much money on a damn pen.  It’s nothing special other than it looks nice and has an expensive upscale brand name.  There are other things that I need and have to plan for or I would easily drop the money if it were not such an object for me.  Okay so I’ve been a bad boy, maybe some daddy will come out and spank me – I can only hope or wish.  I thought I have enough money to hire an escort but that would be just as impractical as getting a $750 pen.  I very much believe in treating myself.  Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself but I think I have been through hell and back, a treat now and then it’s the worst thing in the world so long as I can afford it and don’t cause myself a serious financial burden. 

Yesterday evening I got together with my pal that just lost his wife.  We had a great meal and enjoyed each others company.  He had some overwhelming desire to get home, not sure why.  He is dealing with the loss as best as can be expected.  I think he is functioning much better than I did when I was this fresh into losing my spouse.  The difference between us is first of all age and second of all circumstances.  His wife went gradually, My guy went suddenly.  So while both of us suffered a loss the circumstances were different but the pain is the same.  In talking with him I couldn’t believe that I never told him I wrote a book.  I only have one printed copy and that is for me.  I sent him a PDF copy last night after running it through Grammarly.  Wow that caught so many errors.  I started about 9p and it was 1a before I was able to send the message.  I also sent him a very long winded email.  I told him on those nights when you come home, realize your all alone and don’t know what to do, pick up the phone and call me if you want.  I understand being alone until you get used to it really sucks and it just plain hurts.  This place is still too damn quiet for me.  I miss hearing his voice still and all of his questions.  I miss talking with him at lunch time and coming home to a meal that was ready or very close to ready to eat.  However, you get used to these things and develop what my therapist referred to as The New Normal.  Switch things up, do what you want and what makes you happy, because you only go around once. 

I made a remark last night, thank God for porn because if it wasn’t for that I would probably be out of my mind.  He said the same for me.  Then he asked me what sites I hit up and if I pay for any of it.  I think I surprised him when I told him I paid for it.  He uses the tube sites.  I of course reminded him what I am watching is gay porn and what he is interested in is straight porn.  He’s always been verbally expressive about women, even when he was married and his wife was sitting next to him.  It was nothing to be in the middle of dinner and he would say Damn would you look at the rack on her.  Yeah, I think those thoughts about guys but I don’t verbalize them.  Were both in technology, I told him that when you pay for porn you are less likely to get a malicious file.  Content creators are interested in serving up a quality product and making sure they keep you reasonably happy so that you will continue to subscribe month after month, year after year, decade after decade.  Money is an issue for him so I don’t see him subscribing to a site.  I had a link I was going to send to him but I thought before I pressed the SEND button and said you know this email could come back to bite you in the ass and embarrass the hell out of you.  So I took out that link and then sent the message. 

I am glad that I am able to help and offer advice to him.  I honestly wished that I had no experience but I kind of think that this is the way it was meant to be, so that I can help him.  My mission here on earth I feel is to help people and it gives me great satisfaction when I know I have helped.  There isn’t any other feeling quite as good as that for me.  In listening to him it did bring back memories and experiences that I went through.  He won’t have near the trouble I had in getting money as the beneficiary because he is heterosexual and people don’t question that like they do a homosexual marriage or union.  He is still very much grieving.  He got his wife’s ashes back earlier in the day, today he sent me a photo of the urn.  When the weather gets better he is going to the winery to plant her with a tree.  If I am available and invited I will certainly go, it’s quite a ways from here but it’s a trip that I won’t mind making, especially if it can bring some comfort to him. 

I see a lot of parallels between us and the whole loss experience.  Looking over my book and thinking back just makes me want to write again.  It’s a passion but I struggle for subject matter.  If it’s meant to be then a subject will come to me.  I did promise him that eventually the book that I sent him in PDF would be tweaked and fine tuned, then I would have a copy printed and make it for sale again.  I promised him an autographed copy and I plan on living up to that promise.  Now all I have to do is follow through, sounds simple but reality is it’s not.  I have to be in the mood and have time to work on the book.  I want the next time for it to be flawless and perfect in every way, then and only then can I offer it for sale.  Even if I don’t sell a single copy I rushed the first one and don’t want to do that again. 

The night is growing late and soon it will be morning where I will be shuffling off to work yet again.  Time to go enjoy some ice cream and a little time with the children.  When I left to come down stairs the two girls were on the couch at opposite ends.  They look so angelic together but wake them up and they turn into monsters.  Speaking of which I did see a good movie today with Connor Jessup in it, called Closet Monster.  It was on Netflix.  He plays a gay character and is quite good looking in my opinion but the movie it’s self has some suspense with it and that is what made it so good.  You could tell somethings were going to happen and other thing well they were a surprise.  If you have some extra time on your hands and are looking for a good movie, I suggest Closet Monster!

Hope you had a great weekend.  Looking forward to working a full five days for the first time this entire year.  Let’s hope nothing or no one stands in my way.  Next weekend will be haircut time and I am really looking forward to that.  As for now I want to get me ice cream and see me cats.  Take care and stay warm!  

27 January 2017

Remembering #1 son

So you all read about my cats.  Many moons ago me and my late partner adopted a cat from a local shelter.  When I blogged about him I always referred to him as #1 son.  He was a very good boy for the most part.  He discovered momma for us and would sulk when she wasn’t around.  When she was around he would get all pissed off.  He also got into it with Taz and pretty much everyone else in the family.  Although he never met Blu.  He had FELIV which is Feline AIDS.  He was a carrier but he had no symptoms.  I remember when we got the news, we were both devastated because it sounded like a death sentence.  It was anything but that.  It just meant that he needed superior medical care.  By that I mean anything that went wrong with him, he had to go to the vet.  That is what we were told.  We followed that advice for many years but soon relaxed a bit and realized that somethings in life resolve on their own.  He was prone to frequent eye infections.  He kept with the color scheme of the house in that he was black and white.  Long fur, lots of whiskers and just  sweet disposition for the most part. 

He was hands down the most spoiled cat in our neighborhood and perhaps in our county.  The days of having one cat were nice in that we could go away for a weekend trip and not worry.  That is until he got older and then started to have thyroid problems.  He also got jealous of momma and her kids, he was not happy with me for bringing her into the house.  He actually got so pissed off at both me and my late partner that he ran away.  I went to find him and we had a huge fight.  No questions about it he won the battle, but I won the war.  I had to be treated at a local hospital and had to visit my doctor the next day, I got a nasty hand infection out of it.  He also severed the nerve to the first digit of my right hand.  It was constant tingleing and I couldn’t feel anything for a few months.  Finally the nerve grew back and the tingle went away as I was on the cusp of seeing a hand surgeon.  That whole fight thing was the worst thing that happened, until the day we had to part ways.  That for sure what the absolute worst. 

The best most recent memory is when I took Gator up to see him, she was still very much a new born.  He smelled her and then promptly hissed at her.  It was a couple months later when the kids were starting to grow that we allowed them upstairs and he and Gator were looking out the window.  He leaned over to her and let out a huge hiss.  Without hesitation she looked right back at him and hissed even louder.  That scared him half to death and he went running.  We laughed until we cried.  It was just one of those funny moments where there was no camera rolling to capture it. 

I write about him because it popped up on my calendar that today would be his birthday.  This was the day that we brought him home from the shelter.  My late partner was hell bent on getting him.  He had just lost his cat to liver cancer and it was like 3 weeks, he was looking at the paper at work.  I got a message on my pager or maybe it was a voice mail but he said were going to get this cat.  I remember talking to him at lunch time.  He had already called the shelter and reserved him.  When I got home I saw the news article that was written and his name was Spanky.  I don’t want a cat named Spanky it just didn’t sound right.  Turns out it was a misprint and his name is and was Sparky.  Sounds like an electrical story but he himself was just a ball of energy, so much that I guess that is how he got his name.  He wasn’t a happy cat when we picked him up but once he got home and started looking around, you could just see the look on his face.  He thought he won the lottery and in many ways he did.  He explored every nook and cranny of the house, he took turns sleeping with each of us.  If we were cuddling he would join in.  It was the good old days and just the three of us. 

Those sure were some good times and I enjoyed each and every day I had with him.  My late partner even talked him into walking.  So then I had a chore to do when I came home in the spring and summer from working a long hard day, Sparky and I would go for a walk.  This was fun for both of us, but as he got older he got senile and started thinking he saw things and his mood would shift on a dime.  He would want to rip me to shreds, but then would smell my finger and sometimes calm down and other times it would have no effect on him. 

I know he lived a long life but it wasn’t long enough for me.  It wasn’t too terribly long after he was gone that we got news about Bear and that they (the vet) saw spots on an x-ray for him.  They encouraged us to put him down and we didn’t.  Turns out Bear didn’t and doesn’t have cancer.  That made us think they were wrong about Sparky and that we made a horrible choice to end his life when he was perfectly fine.  That is the road not traveled and I can’t go down that path even if I wanted to. 

If you thought making the decision to end his life was difficult, you have no idea how hard it was for me to make his grave.  It just ripped me up.  His remains are resting comfortably in a sunny spot in the front hard of our home.  He always liked the sun and I picked the perfect spot for him.  So when the sun is out and shining bright I often think of him.  Happy Birthday to my #1 son, the guy who started it all.  Daddy misses you very much!

26 January 2017

Got my wish

Last night Bear wormed his way into my room.  Marvin came and went a few times while I was watching TV and trying to wind down for the day.  It came time to bed down for the night and I got the girls out.  Bear was still there so Marv decided to hang out.  We slept together for almost the entire night.  He had to leave around 3 or 4a.  I woke up a few times during the night.  Of course Marvin bitched at me because I was moving in bed.  It was annoyingly satisfying.  I was very proud of my boys.  Not sure if this will be an every night theme but so long as they are healthy and happy, that makes me happy. 

Woke up this morning feeling like I really didn’t get any sleep.  Felt a knot in my back probably where Marv was all night long.  Got moving and about the time I got in the shower just started feeling oddly happy.  It lasted for a while and I am still semi happy despite being at work.  Getting ready for my hour of rub a dub on my back, looking forward to it.

Last night I got momma’s medicine for Marv.  That took forever.  I want the kids to have my late partners last name, so I have to hyphenate my last name at the vet.  It has caused nothing but confusion but because they are stubborn I suffer.  I was told sorry nothing here.  I said look under each last name.  Bingo found it.  I got someone who was clueless and a bit overwhelmed.  Took 35 minutes to pick up a simple prescription.  I almost started to call for a pizza figuring that I would be spending a few hours there.  Picked up the mail which was very light.  Then home to the monsters.

After I wolfed down my supper and settled up my finances I called my friend who just lost his wife.  I invited him out to eat and were getting together on Saturday.  He rambled on and on, we talked about all sorts of different things but mostly about the loss of his wife and how he is dealing with that.  The state of settling affairs and planning for the future.  All in all he is doing pretty good from what I can tell.  I know that this is a new road for him, as it was for me.  It’s a road that I think should be closed that no one should travel on.  It’s lonely, dangerous and full of emotion.  I can only imagine what it’s like to lose a son or a daughter.  Your parents is pretty difficult but there is a huge amount of pain when it comes to the loss of a spouse or a mate.  It’s inconsolable pain that you have to learn how to deal and cope with.  There is no magic bullet or book. 

You know at age 45 I have gone through so many situations in my life that most 45 year olds haven’t a clue how to deal with.  I am not sure why I have been through a lot of the situations in my life but I can tell you that I have taken something away from each one of them and it has made me a stronger and better person.  That which does not kill you does make you stronger.  You might not see it or feel it for a while but in due time you are a stronger person. 

The good news for my friend is that once all of the settlements with life insurance and inheritance  is done he will have enough money to pay off all of his unsecured debt, which makes him breathe easier.  So something good came from something bad.  That happiness or relief won’t quell the pain he is going through but at least he can see some light at the end of the tunnel..  I’ve pointed him in the path of an estate attorney that does marvelous work.  He has some concerns about how things are going to play out and how to transfer his assets to his heirs so that things don’t get tied up in probate once he passes away.  Better to plan today because you don’t know what tomorrow brings.  I am sure regardless of who he uses for an attorney that this will all come together.  I told him from my perspective the easiest thing to do is to put his house into a trust and then make his heirs successor trustees, which is what my late partner did.  In my case it was complicated because there was bankruptcy involved, but so long as your not planning on filing bankruptcy then the trust from my understanding should accomplish what he wants to do.

I am glad that I reached out.  I am worried about him particularly because he is older.  I worry that he will slip away because he misses his wife.  I’ll admit I have similar worries about me but I’ve made almost to the 4 year mark and I am much younger.  Not that it’s easier for me but youth does play into the equation.  This guy is smart, down to earth and we just gel very well together.  Unlike any other guy friend I have had before.  I don’t want to lose him.  I have so few friends as it is, losing any of them is horrible.

So now that I am done with depression 101.  I’ve got a few minutes to prepare for my rub a dub and then after that I have to work with my wonderful moody co-worker.  She makes me nervous and I know she is imparting knowledge to me but I’ve lost all respect for her and it just feels so fake to talk and/or deal with her.  Kind of wish I could try things on my own and go from there.  Eventually I’ll make that suggestion but right now what were working on is too new and a bit overwhelming.  Accuracy and details go a very long way, lots of concentration is needed.  So I know I should sleep well tonight. 

Tomorrow is Friday and in 4 hours and several minutes I will be heading home – there is something to look forward to.  Although, I have no idea what is for supper.  I’ve got nothing I am really interested in eating.  The thought of going out is so appealing, but I’ll stay home and nuke something in the microwave. 

Stay warm, be safe and take care of yourself.     

25 January 2017

11 Months from now …

Christmas it will be!  Hard to believe that just last month we were celebrating the holidays.  Time does truly go by way too fast. 

Yesterday morning I woke up and my body told me your staying home today.  I wanted to come to work I didn’t want to stay home but the more I pushed the louder my body spoke.  Finally I gave in and called it a day before the day had really even gotten started.  The kids were in heaven because they got daddy time.  I like the fact that I was able to go back to bed.  My arm and shoulder were bothering me and my blood sugar was off the chart.  I think both of those items working together in tandem are what caused me to feel so bad. 

After my nap or return to bed, the kids thought they were going to get breakfast again.  Sorry didn’t happen, they didn’t even try to worm lunch out of me.  I did have to listen to the cry of a Gator but I have grown used to that sound.  I took some extra medicine in the hopes of better controlling my sugar.  Of course all I wanted to do was eat.  There really isn’t much in the house and I had to talk myself off the ledge. 

I deleted a bunch of programs from the DVR and cancelled series that I never watch, to make even more room in the future.  Watched a collection of Steve Harvey shows.  I learned all about Venmo Dating.  Venmo is an app that you can send cash to friends with.  Apparently guys will ask a girl out, pay for everything and it all looks chivalries.  Then the next day they will send the girl a Venmo request saying you owe me money for last nights dinner.  That’s low and fake.  If a guy ever sends me a request like that it’s over with.  The setup here is he makes her feel good so that she will give up her booty and then regardless of what happens the request is sent the next day.  Wow is all I can say, pretty low. 

I started to watch a movie or TV and things were droning on, I got disinterested and turned off the TV.  I remember telling Gator don’t let me nap terribly long I need to stay awake.  Then two hours later I woke up like holy hell what happened.  I wasn’t happy but it’s not Gators fault. 

Yesterday was one of those days where I needed to get out but just didn’t.  There is medicine waiting at the pharmacy and 2 days now 3 days worth of mail building up at the post office.  So tonight I’ll be a little late in getting home as I make a couple stops. 

Something productive had to come from yesterday, so last night while I felt empowered I decided it was time to pull the trigger and I filed my taxes.  Identity Thieves be damned, the sooner you can file the better the odds in combating ID theft.  I could have gone with a free app and done everything for no cost but I opted to stick with trusty and faithful Turbo Tax.  I’ve got a nice amount of cash coming back but if I put it towards bills or debt it will be gone in a flash.  My plan is to get it and then decided what to do.  It’s not like I am in a hurry up against a deadline.  I have desires and dreams but when it comes to money your better off not spending the money until you actually have it in your hand, otherwise it tends to be gone even faster and you might overspend.  While this is the earliest I have ever filed I am glad to have it off my list of things to do. 

Big Boy was sure active in the bathroom yesterday.  He kept me hopping.  Monday night I was surfing the net downstairs and heard this horrible noise.  I just knew he fell down the steps and I went running I came up stairs and everyone was looking at me like what, it wasn’t me, honest I didn’t do anything.  Yeah everything was fine.  Small heart attack not sure what happened but everyone is and was okay.  That wasn’t good for my body at all. 

So back to work today, sugar level is falling more into the normal range as I drop off of the steroids.  Saturday is the last dose and I am thankful for that.  Since I tend to indulge a bit more over the weekend my sugar levels are usually up but I try to compensate by taking additional medicine.  I did hear back from the doctor on Monday night, he said that the blood work was okay for now.  Were going to check again in 3 months and if things are not in line then there will be changes made to my medication.  So I will be paying a little more attention to what I eat but not by much. 

Playing catchup here at work.  That is the only problem with taking time off, things pile up and you get to dig out from your own snow storm.  Speaking of snow, none of that in the immediate forecast for us but our temps are headed back to cold.  We have enjoyed some nice spring like weather but all good things must come to an end.  Spring will be here soon enough. 

Frontline aired a story last night on Trump’s road to the White House.  I found it interesting and only made it half way before my eyes got heavy and I had to go to bed.  Marv stayed with me for a bit but eventually left me to be on my own.  I sure miss him, really wish we could go back to the nights when he would stay all night long.  Maybe the medicine I am getting him and will be giving him will help encourage that to happen.  I worry about all of my cats, but I think that is normal for any owner. 

That’s all I know and it’s not much.  Looking forward to the season premier of Suits tonight to see what happens with the Firm now that Jessica is gone.  I just hope that I am able to enjoy some of the evening before it’s all gone.  With all of the running I have to do mixed in with supper and combing through the mail I feel like the evening will be over with before it starts.  I could have taken today and it was tempting not to but I knew that I had to come back eventually.  Plus today was the last day to sign up for a massage tomorrow.  I am going to plead my case to start and stay face down during the whole hour tomorrow, my upper back needs some serious work.  I hope that the therapist will allow it and get the knots out.  I really need all of the help I can get.  This bicep or arm thing is really starting to become more of a pain.  I resisted picking Bear up last night, he wasn’t too happy about it but I told him daddy’s got to heal his arm.  Typing, driving and anything else that involves bending my arm for any length of time hurts. 

I got a tip, to raise the bottom and lower the top to create a negative tilt.  That is suppose to help, it’s oddly comfortable but not something that I can tolerate for a long period of time.  Logitech has a Comfort Wave Keyboard that will allow you to adjust more to your liking.  I am beating myself up if I should buy it for work or just let things be.  While I am quick to blame Bear for my injury I am honestly not sure what caused it in the first place.  If changing a keyboard or a mouse is going to give me relief then I am all for it.  If I am throwing my money away well I’d rather not do that.  Funny how I research the crap out of most things that I want to buy but I never put forth any effort when buying my car.  Maybe this can all be attributed to the car because the seating is different.  I just want the pain to stop, don’t really care about who or what to blame.  Speaking of the car I turned over 4 thousand miles this morning.  Oil change is in my future somewhere between 5 thousand and 7,500 – the car is supposed to tell me when it’s time, let’s hope that feature works really well.  I am hypersensitive when it comes to the car so I know I’ll be on it and watching. 

Now time to wrap up and get back to work.  One meeting this afternoon and it’s short.  Rest of the afternoon is wide open and hopefully I can keep busy without any chaos breaking out, that would be really good.  Hope your all well, safe and warm.  Talk with you again soon. 

23 January 2017


In combing through my emails I managed to finally deal with emails from the doctors office.  I saw the blood work that they did and there are issues with my liver enzymes.  My A1C is high as well.  Looks like I am in search of a bucket.  No messages from the doctor, no letters either so I suspect things aren’t terrible or he would have called. 

The steroids he has me on have my sugar way high.  Like in the 230 to 300 range.  It’s not healthy at all and almost like I stopped taking my blood sugar medicine, which I didn’t.  Steroids have this as one of several other side effects.  I feel dizzy, think I see things that aren’t there it’s just plum craziness.  Thankfully I am on the down hill slide and will be done with them on Saturday.  The biggest decrease in dosage comes on Thursday so hopefully that will be the day things get better for me.  The biggest thing is the higher the sugar level the sleepier I get.  I am ready for a nap now that lunch is over with and I have 1 boring meeting to sit through thankfully it’s only a 1/2 hour. 

High sugar levels also affect your mood, how you feel and how you sleep.  Last night I went to sleep, I felt tired but my brain was in over drive.  I couldn’t turn it off.  I just closed my eyes and held on to Marv for a bit.  As soon as I was comfy Marv had to be let out.  Then back to bed started the journey all over again.  At some point I fell asleep but I can’t tell you when it was. 

I am sure that I should sleep well tonight.  The arm is feeling better but I think Thursday will be nice if I am able to squeeze in a massage.  With all of the steroids I have been on you’d think that those knots in my back would have taken a vacation, or so I hope. 

Plaid soccer with Marv and then fish with Marv, Gator and Bear.  I tried to get Ruth to join us but she was being her usual self and didn’t want any part of it.  She was interested but only to a point.  We had some fun and of course it was all over with way too soon.  Marv got the bulk of the play time, which was really good for him.  I think he needed to know that I still care about him, despite all of the normal stuff I do.  He really likes it when I take an interest in him and we can play together.  Being a cat daddy sure is a lot of work!

Checking my email this morning I got something from one of the dating apps.  It’s shows new people around me.  I was very surprised to see a classmate appear.  Were the same age.  I always thought he was straight.  Turns out he’s omnisexual or something like that I’ve never heard of.  He said he was bi as well.  What I thought was really interesting was he said not to message him unless you truly knew what BSDM stood for.  Well his name isn’t Christian Grey but wow, never figured him for the kinky type.  Sure I know what it stands for and some of it is actually okay in my book.  However, I am not attracted to him.  He’s very smart and more advanced in computers than me, he runs his own business.  Pretty cool.  I guess you never know who you will find out in the world, especially on dating apps.  Now he’ll get a notification that I looked at his profile and he can certainly look at mine, but that is really as far as I want things to go.  So I am still in the game, just waiting to see if I will be able to meet someone. 

Being at work today isn’t exactly where I want to be.  Sure it pays the bills but last Monday I was free from work.  I think it would be great if we could declare Monday’s holidays and no one would have to go to work or school on those days, unless they worked an essential job.  You know like gas station people emergency services, etc.  It’s a novel idea but will never come to pass.  Still I am free to dream, it costs nothing. 

Well back to the salt mine, stuff sure does have a way of piling up.  Pretty busy this morning which made it go by fast.  Now I am eager to get to the part where I can go home and be with the kids.  Hope all is well in your world.

21 January 2017

The Ketchup Post

Life has been busy and time just got away from me.  Let’s play the fun game of catch up, which is nothing like mustard. 

The car…... I have an attorney now, really sad that it had to come to this.  The last thing I wanted was to go down the legal road.  I am unsure what is going to happen but hopefully it will all turn out for the best.  I have the car back, got the dumbest explanation for the air bag light being on and here we are.  I am driving the car because it is my only mode of transportation.  I don’t have high confidence about it’s performance and/or if the air bags will deploy if God forbid there is an accident.  Who knows how long this will linger on, but lets hope its all done in six months or less.  The sooner the better for me. 

The funeral…. I made it to the visitation.  I took an extra handkerchief but didn’t need it.  I did tear up a little bit but I never actually allowed myself to cry.  I returned the next day for the funeral.  This was where all of the tears came out.  I just couldn’t hold back, once we got to the final procession where you walk in front of the casket to view the body one last time, that always is a tear jerker for me.  I was a mess and could have used some help to navigate but I did the best I could.  The service was very emotional, but simple – short and sweet.  I also learned that my late friend was quite the fan of Tweedy Bird and she even had a tattoo of him on her ankle.  She was only 60 years old.  She wasted away to nothing and looked horrible.  You could tell that she suffered.  Her husband showed me photos going from present day back a few months and I could see the drastic change in appearance.  He’s doing okay but this is understandably a rough time for him.  He called me today to go to supper, but I had to turn him down.  I had just eaten plus had some work to take care of, we did chat for a short bit.  Perhaps we can get together next week.  He goes back to work on Tuesday. 

Friday… Back to work for what was the last day of the week.  Wow it was a stressful one.  Someone fell for a weaponized word doc in an email that likely had ransomware included.  This all happened very late in the afternoon, quite close to quitting time.  The person forwarded the email to one of our internal help desks and then everyone that is on that help desk tried to open it, so we had multiple machines to deal with.  It was a huge mess and actually got me some overtime, plus caused me to take in Taco Bell for supper.  Got home around 7:30 after going through the drive up.  Watched a movie on Dekkoo (gay filmography pay streaming service) called Godless.  It was about two brothers who grew up gay, had sex together and how things turned out after they grew up and their parents died.  Interesting and worth your time if your interested. 

Saturday….. This has been quite the productive day.  I wake awakened by the serenade of The Gator.  Got up had breakfast after feeding them.  Then I slowly got dressed and managed to get out.  Grabbed the mail first.  It contained some good news, got a check that I was expecting.  A new credit card came in, my monthly cologne subscription arrived.  The rest was bills.  Hey it can’t all be good.  From there I made my way to the home improvement store.  Dropped $69 picked up some water softener salt, batteries, furnace air filters and the key lock box that I wanted for the garage.  Then hit up Target and got some cat litter, toothpaste and deodorant.  Back to home base.  Unloaded.  Got undressed, relaxed with the children in my room.  Finished watching an interesting but yet strange movie on Netflix called Take The 10.  Watch it is all I can say.  It’s good but yet it’s bad at the same time. Time for a nap.  That brought us to about 2:30 in the afternoon.  Got the children their precious lunch, as I was once again awakened by the Gator.  Twice in one day, she is going for a record or something.  Anyway, got dressed and then hit up Texas Roadhouse.  Had some country fried chicken, it was good.  Then it was on to the upscale grocery store to stock up on oatmeal.  Then on to Best Buy to look at keyboards and mice.  I have an obsession here and was looking to replace what I have at work.  I use the MX Anywhere Mouse by Logitech on my home computer and my laptop that is at the office.  I was looking to pickup another one to swap out with my mouse at the office.  I started looking at keyboard combos but none of them that I saw had a small factor mouse with them.  I think that helps the whole muscle tendon thing.  I wound up leaving w/o buying anything.  Shocker, that is a first.  I just kept telling myself you don’t need this, your wasting your money. 

Got home, put away the groceries that I picked up.  Then it was a retreat to the basement where I knocked out a bunch of things.  One of them being getting my taxes preliminarily together.  I’ve took time to put all of the figures in and my refund thus far is set to be about $300 less than last year.  Not bad.  Broke even on my state tax which is okay, better than owing them.  I am waiting for some additional forms to trickle in and once I have them I can hit the GO button and that will be one more thing I can check off the list.  Looking forward to it as well as to getting the refund deposited in my bank account.  I plan to pay off some debt and to try to save some for those rainy days that seem to come when you least need or expect them.  One thing I have learned is there is and always will be someone or something to take your money.  Better to have money to pay for it than not to. 

I got the key safe mounted, it’s up and won’t be coming down but I should have mounted it a little lower it would have been a tad bit more secure.  It’s inside the garage so I am not concerned at all.  I know I am no handy man.  Even if it did involve screwing, you’d think I would be a subject matter expert.  Yes that was a poor attempt at humor. 

Got the laundry going, loaded in the water softener salt.  That didn’t help out my arms or my back any.  I am on call but still going to take a 1/2 of a muscle relaxer, hopefully a hot shower and then call it a night.  I’ll be watching TV with the kids until it’s time for me to pass out.  I have to wake up early tomorrow to take care of some testing at work because I am still on-call.  Then it will be off to fetch breakfast, do my regular grocery shopping, get gas for the car, maybe pickup some cat food and that’s it – I am done with running for the day.  Still have to finish laundry and got to break out the kids least favorite thing.  Yep, it’s the ultimate sucking machine otherwise known as the Vacuum Cleaner.  Right now before I put it off any longer or it slips my mind I am going to order Marv’s medicine.  Poor guy, he’s still got the runs but seems to be doing okay. 

Hope all is roses in your world and that your comfortable as well as enjoying your weekend and able to relax.  Monday truly will be back to the 5 day work week for me for the first time in several weeks.  Let’s hope I make it unscathed.  Take care and we shall talk again soon! 

18 January 2017

Mad as hell

I got a call yesterday afternoon the car was ready.  I left work early using my PTO.  When I got to the dealer I was excited to get back to my car.  Went in got all checked out and then went to my car.  New problem the air bag light is on.  Yes I shit you not.  I turned the car off opened the door, closed the door and restarted the car.  Air bag light went off for a brief moment and then came right back on.  They also left the dome lights on and there is grease or oil on the dash.  Fucking pissed beyond my wildest imagination.  I have only been this mad twice in my lifetime and it’s very serious.  My blood pressure is up and I am sure I am at risk of having something catastrophic happen to me. 

I went back inside and told them about the problem.  The service guy went to the back made some disparaging remarks about me and sent a mechanic out to look at it.  Yep sure as shit the light was on.  I said oh okay I’ll wait while you fix it.  He said it’s five minutes to five, there is no fixing it today.  You are going to have to wait until tomorrow.  WTF!  They suspect the air bag cable is unplugged.  Really you moved it from the service bay, to the car wash, stopped to vacuum it out and then parked it.  I don’t care if it was several people that drove the vehicle, they were all negligent and should have reported this so that I wasn’t inconvenienced. I guess their people just don’t pay close attention to detail.  This is unacceptable.  

So I am back to driving the loaner which is guzzling gas at an alarming rate.  I stopped to fuel it up before I went home, put in $15 and that was to bring it full from a 1/2 tank.  Yeah I wanted an Escape but glad that I didn’t get one if they all consume gas like this – I simply couldn’t afford the gas much less the payments on top of that. 

Once I got home I took care of all of the usual stuff.  Then I sat down at my computer and it took me three hours to get an email composed where I came unglued at the dealership.  I sent it to the General Manager and the Service Manager.  The GM responded that he is out of the office and the SM would be in touch.  Right, it’s a little after noon and I haven’t heard dick from them.  I think they took one look at my letter and they don’t know what to do.  I told them straight out that I was writing the manufacturer and also going to speak with an attorney.  I have reached my breaking point.  I’ve been nothing but patient and cooperative, now it’s time I get compensated for my inconvenience and aggravation.  Ideally I’d like a new car preferably in Blue.  I’ll never own a black car again.  If I wind up keeping this then they need to pony up some cash to compensate me.

I’ve talked with an attorney and they are reviewing the case.  I am waiting to hear back if I have a case.  If I do the first thing they will do is send a demand letter requesting all of my money be refunded, that is the total purchase price for the vehicle and extended warranty.  Now obviously just because someone demands something doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen.  This is just the first step in the journey which will likely drag out for months or even years before I get a settlement of any kind, that is presuming I have a case. 

One of those things that I didn’t get done over the weekend was putting together a time line of events that have occurred with this.  I’ll be dong that tomorrow afternoon with whatever time I have left after the funeral.  Then I have to get that plus several other documents off to the attorney, I really don’t want to send anything unless I know for certain the attorney will take the case.  It’s just more wasted effort and time.  I will also be composing a letter to the manufacturer to voice my complaints and concerns.

I was browsing on FB this morning and found out that this model car also has widely known transmission issues. There is a class action lawsuit for that.  If the lemon thing fails I will attempt to join the suit.  The car doesn’t shift properly and hesitates some of which are complaints of many other consumers.  In some cases the transmission stops shifting all together.  That is just scary, your traveling along and then no fault of your own your involved in an accident because of a defective transmission.  You have got to be kidding me.  They should be recalling and replacing these instead of continuing to turn a blind eye and cranking out new units. 

So I have to rely on my phone to get me to the funeral home, the loaner doesn’t have navigation.  I hope that I make it w/o any issues.  It’s bad enough to go to a funeral it’s worse if you get lost getting there. 

Holy Hell some luck I have.  So much for a better year.  Maybe it will just be a dark month or two – I haven’t totally given up on having a better year but it’s not starting off real well. 

Off to eat lunch and then in a few hours off for the unpleasant journey to the funeral home.  I will pick up my car rain or shine on Thursday morning.  I told them they have plenty of time to have multiple people inspect it from head to toe so that there aren’t anymore glitches.

Send some good vibes my way I could use them.  Really think I am going to crack pretty hard this afternoon at the visitation.  I am very worried but my emotions are mine and you can’t hold it in forever, that is just unhealthy. 

17 January 2017

Monday on a Tuesday

It was rough getting up this morning but I managed to go through the motions.  It was bitter sweet.  I had to take a different way in because of an accident, it took what seemed like forever to get to work.  I’ve used up quite a bit of the full tank of gas.  I made it up by giving them a 1/2 gallon of washer fluid.  The damn thing was really low and I figured if I needed it might as well have it.  Small donation because I am not filling the gas tank back up. 

Got a call earlier this afternoon my baby is ready.  Today they got the right part and they have it all programmed up.  The rear defrost issue was also a programming issue and has been fixed.  Fuck everything on this car is controlled by a computer.  I hope the battle is over and these are the only issues that I will experience and that they are truly solved.  I don’t want to have to add this of my list of things to deal with.  I am leaving in a little bit to go pick it up.  I allowed time for traffic and I was going to stop for a bite to eat but decided it’s probably better to just go home and save my money. 

Tomorrow will be the start of a difficult journey in that I will be going to the visitation.  That will be hard and it sounds like her body is in very bad shape with all of the weight she lost.  Not sure how I am going to deal with all of it.  My best guess tells me it will come out in tears.  Not sure if that will happen there or if I will cry alone.  Thursday will be even harder with the funeral.  They always choke me up and have ever since I was a kid.  It’s worse when it’s someone you were close to.  I just hope that I hold up and can be strong for those who need me the most.  I am not one to rush things but will be happy when this is over. 

Stopping for mail tonight, there is some medicine waiting for me.  Not sure what else is lurking but I will find out soon enough.  That is all I know.

Watched a good movie last night with Charlie David.  Called Paternity Leave.  It’s about a gay male couple who get pregnant.  It’s happening to men all over the country (in the movie of course).  They say the baby comes out the rectum.  Yeah if that would happen in real life I think it would kill a man.  Anyway it was a good time and great distraction from present day.  Charlie is hot but also a good actor.  He’s moved more to the directors chair but thankfully he showed off his talent in front of the camera before he decided to move behind it.  Yep, he’s gay. 

That’s all I know.  Time to get ready to power down for the day.  Then off to fight my way in traffic to the car dealer.  The kids will enjoy my early arrival and of course want supper the moment I walk in the door.  That is fine with me.  I am more than happy to feed them.  Marv is eating the new food that I got him, thankful for that.  Hope it helps.

Talk with you all again soon.  Be well.

16 January 2017

The Car

Feels like I have been caged for several days.  I know this doesn’t sound right but I am so ready to go back to work.  I don’t know I will ever manage retirement, presuming I live long enough to be able to take the privilege. 

Talked with my friend last night.  His son made it in so that makes me feel a little bit better.  He was telling me how they weren’t able to put shoes on his wife.  He left her feet covered and by the time they picked up the body it was too late.  I suppose rigor set in and there was no straightening the feet.  That really upset him he wanted her to have shoes.  I told him your doing everything she wanted, leaving her shoes off is a minor detail and I know she would understand.  I wanted to tell him that she is gone all that is left is the shell or the body she occupied. 

Just before it was time to get ready to head to the doctor I saw a post on Facebook from my friend and how he lost the love of his life.  Thinking of how to respond just brought me to tears.  I know his pain all too well and share his sentiment that there is a hole in his heart that will never be filled.  He’s right no one can take her place.  However, time will help ease the pain.  I told him to think of the fond memories that too will help.  This really has torn me up, more than I thought it would.  I can’t imagine how I am going to hold it together.  The funeral it’s self is very short and sweet.  Heard that were going to have Olive Garden afterwards.  That sounds really good and probably is the best thing about this whole loss. I really wish that she hadn’t had to pass this way.  I talked it over with my doctor today and he said that it sounds like she had way too much cancer and the outcome for these types of patients is always dismal.  I still am of the opinion that if she would have gotten some form of treatment sooner the outcome may be different, who knows it might have bought her a couple extra months. 

So I took the car in this morning.  New problem.  If I remote start the car and then get in, the rear defroster doesn’t work.  I noticed this before but proved it the other day and decided while it was in the shop might as well mention it.  Makes me wonder what else I am going to find.  I am serious that if something goes wrong once I get it back, I will be talking with an attorney.  I am not announcing it to the dealer because it will come off as a threat and confrontational but I am pretty well at the last straw with this bucket of bolts.  They gave me a loner so there was no waiting.  I have an Escape oddly in Blue, exactly what I wanted in the first place.  Way less features than what is on my car and it sucks gas but there is plenty of get up and go.  It drives much better than my car and I sit higher, both of which I like.  The thing has been ridden hard and put away wet, as all loaner or rental vehicles are.  They have an huge Applica over the back window and it makes it really difficult to see out the back.  I’d like nothing more than to rip it off but I won’t.  Took it to the doctor and wasn’t terribly happy about that but it was okay.  I got a call when I got back home that they ordered the wrong part and it won’t program.  They are getting the correct part overnighted.  They also have a call into Engineering about the defroster issue.  They need to keep it so I get the rental to drive to work tomorrow.  Won’t that just be fun.  Plus if it’s done I will have to leave early to go fetch it. 

My work week is really going to be altered.  Potentially leaving early on Tuesday.  Leaving early for sure on Wednesday for the visitation and off all day on Thursday.  Then back on Friday and by then I will be ready for a vacation.  Thankfully the weekend will be right there in time to help me.  I sent a note to my boss already about the visitation and funeral.  Sent him another note tonight about potentially leaving early tomorrow.  The old me would just stay home and honestly if I hadn’t been at home for 4 days already I would but I am ready to get the fuck out of the house.  I love the cats very much and enjoy spending time with them but there isn’t anything to watch all I am doing is eating junk food, surfing the net and mostly sleeping the day away.  I need to get back to some form of normal regardless of how much I will bitch along the way, I’ll go kicking and screaming but once I am around the people in the office I think I will feel much better. 

I’ve mentioned my arm pain before, well today I talked it over with the doc.  He said I have bicep tendonitis.  Not exactly sure how I got this but I am ready to get rid of it.  I will be starting a large dose of steroids, nothing that I haven’t taken before.  However, it will make me live in the bathroom, crave water, have hot flashes and potentially cause anxiety.  It goes for a couple weeks and that should take care of the inflammation and give it time to heal.  I did some surfing on the subject and it looks like ice is a really good friend plus there are exercises to do.  I’ll try the ice tonight.  Lifting Bear doesn’t help things any but he lives to be by myside as much as he can.  I could start the medicine tonight but I really want a good nights sleep before I head back to work. 

Didn’t realize it but our new President takes office on Friday.  Holy shit that is so scary.  I watched a PBS special on Frontline about him.  Turns out this whole run for president thing was a way to get back at Obama and Trump never expected to win.  Let’s just hope he can pull it all together and not fuck up our great country. 

Marvin is on my mind a lot more now than in days past.  He hasn’t slept with me for days.  The closest we got to that was when I took a nap this morning and he laid down between my legs when I was on the couch.  It was really nice and I stayed as still as possible so that he would stay put.  He has had runny stool and I think he might be in some pain, although he hides it very well.  Rather than rushing to the vet and having them fuck me out of more money, I decided to try some different dry food for him.  Thus far he loves it.  It costs about as much as the prescription stuff I get for his brother.  My hope is that it will be easier for him to digest and won’t upset his system quite as much if at all.  If this doesn’t do the trick then he will have to see a vet.  He’s lost a considerable amount of weight and I really think he is diabetic.  He is himself as much as possible, at least around me.  I also see him hanging around his brother a lot.  Which is good, they always were close but he seems to prefer his brother over me, which wasn’t so.  When I say bed time he is usually in my bed already and I have to get the girls to leave so we can hunker down for the night.  Now he stays for a little bit and then wants out.  I hope he isn’t suffering and there isn’t something more serious wrong with him than what I think.  I know that if there is a problem and it’s left untreated it won’t get better on it’s own.  Let’s hope the new food does the trick.  I’d much rather pay a food bill than a vet bill. 

So I’ve accomplished most of the things that I wanted to do in the time I was off.  I took my time getting them all done but feel pretty good.  The only thing that is lacking is my porn surfing and I am going to take an hour and get caught up.  Then it will be upstairs to spend time with Bear and company as we bring a close to my last day of rest.  Started watching Mulligans (movie) with Charlie David.  Damn he is so hot.  I already know how the movie ends because I have seen it before but damn there is really nothing on so I have to watch movies a 2nd or 3rd time.  Saw Eating Out 2 – Sloppy Seconds again this morning.  All that did was make me uber horny and my sex drive has been lacking a bit. 

Temps have warmed up but all it’s doing is raining here.  Plus there is fog everywhere you look.  Lots of rain in the forecast, which sucks.  I hate driving in the rain because everyone wants to do 2 mph and it takes forever to get anywhere, plus the accident count goes way up.  Ah well I guess it can always be worse.  Thankfully from what I see no inclement weather or deep freeze this week.  That will be nice. 

Stay safe and be well.  I’ll talk with you again soon. 

14 January 2017

Remember Ryan White?

He was a brave young man who contracted HIV/AIDS as a result of getting a blood transfusion because he was a Hemophiliac.  He was mentioned in the CNN 80’s documentary that I watched on Netflix.   I’ve been meaning to write about him.  I didn’t realize that we were the same age.  If he was alive today he would be 45.  I remember hearing about him growing up and I even wrote and mailed him a letter.  Never said that I was gay but expressed sympathy for what he was going through and told him how brave I thought he was.  I knew he wasn’t gay and sex or sexuality had no bearing on the letter I wrote. 

Watching the documentary brought back memories and I never realized we were the same age.  That was shocking to me.  He fought so hard for so long he didn’t give up willingly and that is what made him such a brave young man in my eyes. 

If you don’t remember him, just plug his name into Google and you’ll be flooded with lots of links.  He was a handsome fellow and it’s just a shame that he wasn’t able to beat HIV/AIDS.

Today HIV/AIDS is not a death sentence as it was back in the 80’s when it was pretty certain that you would die quicker than you wanted to.  Modern medical science has made a lot of progress and we have PREP today.  Entering into the dating world and being a gay man HIV/AIDS scares the crap out of me.  I don’t want it and unfortunately couldn’t date someone who had it.  I will admit that my knowledge on the subject is lacking and I know how not to get it and how it’s transmitted.  However, if your positive for HIV/AIDS I don’t think less of you as a person but I am positive that I can’t date someone who has it.  Lots of guys who want to sleep around or are porn stars, just ask their doc for a script for PREP and as long as they take it religiously they should be fine if exposed.  I am not a huge risk taker and adding another pill to those that I already take isn’t something that I really want to do.

Sadly today people still die from HIV/AIDS but thankfully the number has declined from what it was back in the 80s.  I remember the AIDS quilt which was truly a remarkable event.  I remember watching the movie Philadelphia with my late partner, we both cried a lot during and after the movie.  We were faithful to each other and monogamous with our bodies.  Our eyes had affairs all the time, we both oogled the hell out of many guys but at the end of the day we knew that we had each other and that is what mattered most.  I had permission to go out and find another guy for sex after my guy had his surgery for colo-rectal cancer but opted not to.  It was flirting with disaster and in a way now that I am alone it’s like flirting with disaster as well.  However, now I am much more at ease or so I think I am with dating someone.  When it comes to sex I am not so sure how I will be, I know that I am longing to have some physical intimacy it’s been many years too long but I keep hearing that good things come to those that wait. 

I really want to see HIV/AIDS wiped out and cured.  Just as badly as I do cancer – we have lost far too many good people and I realize everyone has to die of something but I also feel like these diseases should be cured by now, we have a lot of smart people on this planet.  It wouldn’t surprise me to learn there was a cure for both but the cures weren’t released because of politics.   Think about it for a second if there is a cure then all of the drug companies, hospitals, medical providers, etc. wouldn’t be raking in the money they are today for treatment.  It’s a theory but I have no proof to back it up.

I want to see everyone live a long and prosperous life and not die from something that I feel should be curable.  You don’t hear much about Ryan White today but his name will forever be in the history books along with so many other brave people that this disease consumed.

A Good Time

This afternoon I took a break and went upstairs, I had plans of coming right back down just wanted to check on the kids.  I found most of the family camped out in my room.  I came back downstairs and turned off my monitors and desk lights.  Then went back upstairs and picked up Bear and put him in my bed.  I sat in my chair and fired up the TV.  Thank God for Epix free trial on Roku.  I have exhausted everything that I am interested in, so I have to search for new things.  Being trapped in the house for a day will cause that. 

It wasn’t too much later, Marv joined us and then Momma.  The nut cracker Gator came in and sat in my lap.  I call her the nut cracker because she is forever stepping on my balls.  Good thing I don’t plan on reproducing.  Anyway the boys got situated in bed.  Momma joined them and the TV played some movie that was semi interesting.  Had some cute guys in it all about a college experience and baseball.  I really enjoyed being together as a family and seeing the boys passed out.  Bear was snoring at one point, I paused the movie just to listen to him.  I should have recorded it but I didn’t.  This by far was the very best thing to happen all weekend thus far. 

I took a nap this afternoon with Marv, he stayed for a little bit and then retreated to the floor.  When I woke up my room smelled like cat crap.  I figured Marv or Momma did something they shouldn’t have in my room.  Nope, nothing there.  I passed out lunch and the problem revealed its self, Marv he had an accident and it was in his fur.  He is very fastidious and doesn’t like any help with grooming or bathing.  He was embarrassed and mad at the same time.  I had to get it out, I couldn’t just let him stay that way.  Fixed him up the best I could.  Dried him off and let him work out the rest.

This morning when I woke up it was way too soon.  I fed the children and looked outside.  It was all wet but didn’t appear to be icy.  Temperature was right at freezing.  I elected to get dressed and head out.  Stopped for breakfast, then went on to get my haircut.  The place I normally go was closed because of the weather.  Bunch of woosies.  I went a few doors down and another place I used to go was open.  I paid considerably more but got my neck shaved, which is a nice extra touch.  They didn’t have the new size guard I use so I had to go shorter.  Not what I wanted to do but it will last a bit longer.  Got a great shampoo and conditioner.  The lady that took care of me knew what she was doing.  I told her the reason why I left is no one could give good head a good shampoo.  I like it rough not like your pulling my hair out but I like to feel like your doing something instead of just lightly playing with my hair.  It drives me insane when I pay for a shampoo and get someone who doesn’t know what they are doing.  Anyway grabbed the mail after the haircut and I have been home ever since.  I was right it was all wet outside and no ice on the road. 

Round #2 is coming in tonight and will be here for the bulk of the day tomorrow.  So getting to the grocery store and having breakfast in the morning should be interesting.  I can wait until the afternoon if need be.  I am way ahead of schedule as in the laundry is done.  I still have to clean the house but that won’t take but a half hour.  I could wait until Monday for everything if I have to.  I will just have to eye ball it and see how bad things are.

Did some searching on line and got funeral arrangements.  Visitation is Wednesday and the funeral is Thursday.  I have been in touch with my boss and plan on leaving work early on Wednesday and taking Thursday off.  I said I would be there and I am doing everything in my power to live up to that.  They don’t want flowers but I looked anyway.  Damn those fuckers sure are expensive.  I’ve kept a close eye on my phone all day thinking that my friend would call but haven’t heard a word from him.  My guess is he is exhausted and overwhelmed.  I wanted to stop by his house today but elected not to.  If things are half way decent tomorrow I may make the journey to his place and suggest we grab a bite to eat.  I know what he is gong through and know that this is the time you need your friends and family.  The funeral service I suspect will be short and not sure if they will have food afterwards.  The funeral home he chose is close by his house but it’s like going to the other side of the earth for me, it’s about an hour and a half away from my house.  45 minutes from work but that is with no traffic.  My plan is to get to the visitation early and hopefully leave early so that I can feed the children dinner w/o having them crab at me. 

I’ve spent a good portion of the day just listening to music, kind of relaxing and bringing back some memories with it.  It’s amazing how many Rock N Roll songs talk about living w/o someone, loosing someone, a break up, etc.  I thought all of that was mostly Country but it’s like buying a poke a dot car, you never see one and once you make your purchase there are suddenly 2,000 of them around you. 

Kind of nice to have a 4 day weekend.  Not looking forward to going back on Tuesday mostly because I will be on-call.  I hate asking for help with coverage and announcing that I will be taking time off, but shit happens and people just have to understand that.  I am loyal as fuck to my friends because they are all I have left in this world. 

Speaking of friends I have been thinking of writing to a friend/former boss the one I talked about back in late November who is getting a divorce.  I really want to ask him for dating tips, I have a wicked crush on him but he’s straight.  It’s kind of a turn on for me to ask but I am also being serious considering how new I am to the dating game.  I found that he is on one of the apps I am, I can’t look at his profile because we are outside of each others geographical limits and unless you pay you can’t change your location unless you physically go to another city/state.  I state clearly in my profiles that I don’t want a long distance relationship but I still have people hitting me up from across the country wanting to chat.  I don’t respond – either they didn’t read my profile or are hoping I make an exception.  Unless they look like a porn star or a Greek god there are no exceptions.  I see no point in talking with a guy who is no where close to me in proximity, it is just a waste of time.  I’ve been down that road and you can develop feelings easily.  I don’t want to get sucked into something that I am not looking for in the first place.  I want a guy who is within an hour or two hours drive at most.  Someone I can reach out and physically touch and don’t have to FaceTime or Skype with.  Who ever he is I just wish we could hurry up and meet to get this relationship thing started.  I am thinking right now that I am going to be single forever.  Not that is a bad thing but having someone in my life is something I’d like to try before I dismiss the idea forever.  I think I owe that to myself. 

Hope your staying warm and having a good weekend.

13 January 2017

Wake Up Call

It’s a little after 5a and like most people in my time zone, I was asleep.  Actually had just entered into a dream when the damn phone started ringing.  It took me a minute to get my bearings and answer the phone.  I saw it was work calling.  Sure enough they opted to close the office.  Thank the lord!

When I went to bed last night the forecast said that the rain would arrive in the afternoon but it would be cold in the morning so icing was going to occur.  There was a state of emergency declared by the Governor who ordered that everyone stay in doors and not drive unless absolutely necessary.   Glad we complied with his order.

Now there is something about being a prisoner in your own home that drives me crazy.  I am actually doing okay with it now, but tomorrow I will be ready to climb the walls.  I may venture out then depending upon how things are.  There is more rain and ice on the way tonight and tomorrow.  Sunday things will begin to clear out and Monday were in for a major warm up.  What freaky weather. 

So I spent Friday the 13th at home with my black cat.  I napped a good portion of the day.  Had an idea to move in to my late partners bedroom but when I went to see what I would need to do, it was really easy to talk myself out of the idea.  Leaving things as they are.  I was in the bathroom and looking around I said it’s been 3 years and I can’t move on.  I mean I have moved on but throwing stuff away is really difficult for two reasons.  One considering who it belonged to.  Two because there is a limit imposed on how much trash I can have.  Everything has to fit inside the large plastic trash bin I have or else they won’t take it.  My hillbilly neighbors will be learning that lesson when they come home tonight.  They have preached and preached if it’s not in the bin there are no exceptions we won’t take it.  Most weeks I am full up on trash with me and the kids.  Eventually I will get around to throwing stuff away but I don’t know about moving in his old room.  I like to go in there to sleep on the weekends once the kids decide they are taking over my bed and there is no room left for me.  It’s comfy and feels nice.  I still sleep on my side, his side is weighted down with crap.

On a different note I saw Barbershop 2 today.  Pretty good movie, lots of laughs but a serious message.  I highly recommend the movie if you get a chance to watch it.  I am looking to watch Bleed For This with Miles Teller.  It was in theaters for a very short time and now it’s vanished.  I wonder if it will ever come to the streaming market.  He’s oddly hot in my book and I never pass up a chance to see one of his movies.  I wouldn’t pass up the chance to spend a night alone with him either, if you know what I mean. 

Did some research on my car and the lemon law.  Turns out there are lawyers that practice in the lemon law area.  I took an assessment without revealing any information and I have a good possibility of having a case.  I was encouraged to give them my information so they could talk with me to learn more about what I am going through.  Right now I am opting not to talk with an attorney.  I will give the dealer a second chance and hopefully the processor replacement does the trick.  I looked up the processor called an APIM, the damn thing is super expensive and is the brains of the system so if they in fact replace it then I am pretty confident that will fix the problems.  If that doesn’t fix the problem then I will talk with an attorney to see if I in fact have a case.  I am going to put together a timeline this weekend and gather up all of the emails that have been exchanged.  Better to prepare now and not need it, then to need it and not be prepared.  I heard that dealers and manufactures will often promise you they are looking into it, when they in fact are doing nothing.  They want to wear you out mentally and physically so that you cave in the hopes that you will sell the vehicle as is to be done with it.  Well we all know I am not that kind of person.  If you picked me to fuck with, you picked the wrong motherfucker.  I am relentless and will zealously pursue any and all claims that I have.  This car is suppose to be a reward a present to myself for all of the shit I have been through and then to have it not work right, that is just messed up. 

Just got a call from my friend, his wife passed away about 10 minutes ago.  I am honored that he thought to call me first instead of family but he’s waiting for a hospice nurse to come and pronounce her and then the funeral home to come get the body.  He said that he would call me back over the weekend and we would talk some more.  I learned that she has been in a coma since Wednesday and they really thought she was going last night, the nurse was around until midnight.  I really hope the funeral can wait until Tuesday, I don’t mind cashing in a day of my time for this but really don’t want my Monday fucked up. I feel really bad for him that she is gone, but at the same time take some comfort in knowing that she isn’t suffering anymore.  He can now move on with his life, slow and painful as it will be, he will get better but it’s going to take time. 

Take care and we shall talk again soon.  Stay warm & be safe out there! 

12 January 2017

Ice, Ice Baby

Yes it’s once again time to gear up for a major winter storm.  Nothing has happened yet but the forecast was updated yesterday and the warnings went out.  People are being asked to not travel for any reason starting later tonight thru Sunday.  Unless you absolutely have to be out stay home.  Well my employer only earns money if the office is open, so they are up in the air about what will happen here.  I have pretty well resolved myself that I am staying home.  I will look and assess the situation in the morning.  Initially they said that morning rush would be impacted, now they are waffling and saying that it will be fine but the afternoon is when all of the crap is coming.  I don’t want to get stuck at work and then have to fight my way home on ice.  Did that a few weeks ago and don’t want to repeat it.  So it’s very likely that even if the office is open, this white boy will be at home … safe not so sure about the sound part. 

How about a chuckle?  Last night I am watching porn, Ruth loves to watch TV really doesn’t matter what is on.  She jumped up on my bed, just us two in my room (that doesn’t happen often) and her eyes opened up, then her head started moving I said Ruth stop watching that your going to get daddy arrested for kitty porn.  It was like a couple minutes, she lost interest quickly.  When she was younger she used to love home improvement and decorating shows.  Her sister Gator would love the cooking shows.  They both would watch intently with my late partner and I got to hear all of the details. 

Ah some good news.  A secured credit card that I have is now a normal card.  I didn’t need it but opted to get it.  I asked about making it a regular card and the bank was like sure no problem.  I applied for an Amazon card, got turned down.  Appealed the decision, got turned down and then asked why they put me through the ringer if they were just going to deny me.  Today they called and I was approved.  There is $70 worth of free Amazon stuff in my future, yes!

That is about it for news.  It’s been busy here at the office and time over the last couple days has gotten away from me.  No word or update on my friend.  I am thinking she is going to be surprised and it’s just not her time but unless there is a miracle that happens, I don’t know of anyone who can survive without water and/or food.  I expect the call any day but each day passes and no call.  I’d like to call but at the same time I don’t want to be a pest.  You get tired eventually of having to provide a progress report to everyone.  The part that is even worse after they pass everyone keeps asking you how are you doing?  That gets old really fast. 

So just about time to gather things up go out in the cold and meander my way home.  I stopped for gas this morning.  Have to grab the mail, then home to gather and put out the trash.  Feed the monsters, feed myself and then put my feet up and relax for a bit before turning in for the night.  Even though I will probably stay home tomorrow, I am going through the normal motions just in case some how this whole mess passes us by and I have to come in.  It would really suck but if I stay up all night that is bound to happen and I don’t function so well with no sleep. 

Speaking of sleep, my buddy Marvin hasn’t been with me for a while now when it comes to bed time.  Last night he joined me but it was short lived.  He got me to relax and doze off then he wanted out which woke me up.  I am really worried about him but otherwise he is normal.  We have even played soccer.  I bat a ball to him and he bats it back.  Occasionally I will manage to make it go past his paws and I scream goal.  He rebounds quickly and bats the damn thing so I have to chase it in order to get it back to him.  Kind of fun but it gets my blood pressure up from the activity and that makes me hot then I have to quit.  I think he could easily go for a couple hours. 

So that is the way it is on this Thursday.  Stay warm and be well.  Talk again soon. 

10 January 2017

Powered Sugar not Cocaine

Ugh!  Here we go again Tuesday.  I couldn’t believe it when I woke up this morning, back to work already.  Yeah and the weather took a turn for the better.  There is a bit of a wind storm but it’s 50 degrees outside.  I put on 3 different shirts before I found the one that I would likely be most comfortable in.  Turns out I am not comfortable at all, I am burning up.  I’ll make it though. 

Last night I arrived home and the best package in the whole world was waiting for me.  My Archway Wedding Cookies.  I had Chicken Noodle Soup for supper.  Then tore into the cookies and ate way too many of them.  I felt the sugar getting to me, so I opened a bottle of water to help wash it away.  My kitchen table looked like cocaine from all of the powdered sugar.  Don’t worry I didn’t eat the whole box but I couldn’t just stop at one.  There was a tip on the side of the box to heat up the oven and warm them, it would make the house smell good.  I’ve got a candle for that.  The cookies were cold from being outside and I still didn’t care, they were awesome.  I look forward to enjoying more of them. 

Went downstairs to tend to a couple of quick things and then it was back upstairs to finish litter duty and sit to watch TV.  I found Ruth sitting in an old chair downstairs.  I walked right up to her, she stood up and I started scratching her and she started up her motor.  She was really into it.  I told her she needs to let me brush her, she looked at me like are you crazy this feels so good.  Your doing a wonderful job, keep it up and don’t stop.  Stop I had to because I knew eventually she would sour and turn on me.  I didn’t want to over do it.  I was thankful that she was so trusting of me. 

The next miracle of the night was I saw Bear use the litter box.  He hasn’t done that in months.  When he got out I heard him let out a yelp.  I think he moved too fast, he practically fell out of the box.  I told him if he wanted to go back to the box let me know I’d bring out the larger one and it would be easier for him to get in and out.  Of course the cat had his tongue on that one.  If he uses the litter box then there is no need for daddy to come clean him up.  I did just to keep in the spirit of things and then once he caught his breath he went to his pad and made an even larger mess for me to clean up.  I told him how proud I was of him for using the box.  Poor guy has really been through the mill.  He has gone a while without coughing on a regular basis but I am starting to see that pickup a little bit.  When I am at work I see him lapping up the water and chowing down on his food. 

I woke up this morning to find that someone on one of the apps I am on sent me a message.  His name had baby in the title and I knew it probably wasn’t going to be good.  Turns out I was right.  He was like 70 – sorry not even starting a conversation with him.  I buried one husband and dealt with way too many health problems.  I am not looking for a repeat experience.  I am particular in who I talk with as I have learned from past experience.  I’m sure he was probably a nice enough guy but not what I was looking for.  I suspect people see my picture and then my age and probably have a similar reaction.  It’s all going to come together eventually, hopefully before the end of the year and better if it happens before Spring starts. 

Getting ready to go to a meeting, then another meeting after that.  Then I have the rest of the day free for any chaos that occurs, which is unlikely.  Stopping to get the mail, hopefully nothing bad is waiting for me.  Then on to home to be with the fur balls.  I am having chicken strips and mac & cheese.  TV is starting to come back with the shows I enjoy so I am working to finish the Netflix/CNN series on the 80’s and stay current on TV.  Shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish.  I can watch Netflix at lunch, which is quite entertaining. 

Happy Tuesday!