First Facial

Good morning everyone and Happy Friday!  I’ve got some vacation time planned a couple days before my birthday and then the entire week afterwards.  I really thought about going to Hawaii or taking a trip to somewhere but since I got the cats I kept waffling do I or don’t I.  No surprise, I am not going anywhere.  Given that I am their 3rd owner I didn’t want them to think that I was leaving them and would never return.  Yeah they would probably adjust while I was gone but then there is that added cost of boarding and it just seemed easier to stay home. 

I’ve got a semi-busy week planned for myself.  Seeing the doctor a couple days before I turned a year older, trying to get together with a friend for lunch the day before and work in an oil change in the same day.  The weekend is for resting.  The following week that Monday is Labor Day.  Tuesday I booked my first ever professional facial and after that I get a deep tissue massage for 90 minutes.  That combo is going to be a little costly but hey if it makes me feel better and maybe look a little better why not.  I booked the massage and the facial was an after thought.  I’ve done at home facials before but I think I will get a better benefit from the professional touch.  Wednesday is a day of rest and I expect that I will be really sore and won’t want to do a damn thing.  Thursday I see the eye doctor for my annual exam.  The only thing left to work in is the recall work on my vehicle that I just got sent.  I plan to call on Monday to see if I can squeeze that in while I am off.  It’s amazing what you can cram into a week.  Now that I have given you this little word puzzle, can you tell me what day my birthday is without peeking at past years posts? 

I know that after having a bunch of time off I will NOT want to go back but Monday, September 11th is scheduled to be my first day back.  I’ve got plenty of time left so it’s possible that I will take some additional time.  Most likely in the Winter around holidays.  Then again if I meet a guy maybe there will be a trip in my future.  Fingers crossed, but I won’t hold my breath.  I don’t look or feel really that well when I turn blue like a Smurf. 

Last night was a quiet night and outside of tending to the cats, primarily Mora I was able to get some writing in.  I did have a chance to try the OCR conversion software.  It made a word document but it was all in my handwriting and not all of what I wrote came over.  Thankfully, it was a trial version so I didn’t commit any money.  I have since removed it and resumed hand typing.  I have the computer read it back to me and I make corrections and edits.  I am happy to say that I have 3 stories transcribed and saved.  Since your reading this just curious if I would publish them is anyone interested in reading them?  I am mulling over the possibility of sharing them, that is kind of a turn on for me.  In the end the final call is up to me but once the preverbal cats is out of the bag there is no going back.  That’s why I am taking my time with the decision. 

I was up twice last night.  Once from a bad dream to use the bathroom.  Don’t really remember that much from the dream, it’s fuzzy.  The other one got me up at 5a when in my dream I went to squish a bug that was on the wall with my foot and my leg cramped up.  Yeah, that will get me up in a hurry.  It hurt and normally I scream like a little girl but this time I was oddly quiet.  I didn’t even get up out of bed I was able to make it go away with flexing my foot.  However, when I did finally get up my calf muscle was sore.  My grandfather used to get the same thing, he called them Charlie Horses.  He said that he was low in quinine and that eating grapefruit was the cure, plus he took some kind of doctor prescribed pill and the two fixed the issue.  I can’t eat grapefruit because I am on a statin but pink grapefruit sounds good or even pink grapefruit juice.  Haven’t had that in forever. 

I’ve been up since 5a and sat in my room watching TV.  When 7a rolled around and it was time to get moving, that’s when I was oddly ready to go back to bed.  Where was that feeling 15 minutes after I woke up?  I told the cats that I believed a nap was in our future.  Here’s hoping that if/when that happens my phone closes it’s eyes as well so I am not bothered.  Not a whole lot going on today but still have to keep a watch on things, you never know when trouble will strike. 

I hope you have a great day and weekend.  Talk with you all again soon, be well!

Confused

I figured out this afternoon that I wasn’t as clever as I thought I was trying to be.  I wanted to use my Visible # to send the message to the waiter.  However, the message went via iMessage and that uses my real cell phone number.  I was not happy about that because the number has my name attached to it but it’s not like I wouldn’t have told him my full name. 

I’ve looked at the iMessage all day long off and on and it just shows a status of Delivered.  I really want it to say read but if he’s like me I have my read receipts turned off on purpose.  I do not plan on chasing him and right now my thought is to just let things be as they are. 

I honestly thought he was genuinely interested in me.  His face lit up when I asked him out.  However, I think this is one of those cases where he said yes but meant no.  Either that or he’s a flake.  The younger generation and I don’t exactly do things the same.  I am fairly certain that since it’s 7p at night he’s not working since he was there at 7a when I was.  You’d think he could take a quick minute to reply.  I get that perhaps he’s nervous but this whole thing is very new to me as well.  He may come around and I could be surprised but given the amount of time that has lapsed I am starting to give up on him.  It’s a major step for anyone to take a chance and ask another person out, getting rejected up front is tough but honestly I could stomach that much better than someone getting my hopes up only to have them dashed in the end. 

I know it’s not over yet but things will be awkward for sure when I go back for a bite to eat and he’s working.  It will be worse if I am sat in his section. 

I’d appreciate your feedback, I realize people may be hesitant to give advice but at the end of the day I’m a grown man and I can make my own decision.  It never hurts to get some guidance or opinions from others. 

Presuming this turns into be a case of he said yes but meant no, it will be the third time this has happened to me.  The first time was a guy at the pet food store.  I saw him on Grindr and reached out.  We had conversations through the app on a regular basis and he strung me a long.  First it was he wanted to concentrate on school because a mid-term was coming up and then we could get together then he said he wanted to concentrate on school.  There always was an excuse until one day I came through his line with cat food and he apologized straight up for stringing me along, he said he knew what he was doing was wrong but just didn’t know how to say no.  I figured out months before the apology came that he wasn’t interested.  This was about a year or two after I lost my spouse so it hurt a bit more. The second time was a waiter at a restaurant, he took my number and never called or texted.  I went back to the restaurant a few times and never got sat in his section but he saw me.  Then one day I went in and asked for him they said he quit the night before and I’ve never seen or heard from him.  It’s been probably five years at least since that happened.  I was over the moon just like I was with the guy today when he said yes. 

I’ve asked two other guys out that both oddly enough worked at restaurants.  One was for sure gay and he had the balls to say no.  The other guy I think was gay but he too declined politely.  It sucks to get a NO answer but honestly I can process that so much better than someone stringing me a long or saying YES when they actually meant NO. 

Life goes on and yeah this will be water under the bridge, my feelings are hurt a bit but I will still monitor the message to see if it ever changes to a read status but at this point if I hear from him great.  I just think if he was as interested as I was lead to believe that he would exert a bit more effort.  Perhaps he doesn’t feel the same and will get back to me in a couple days.  If he responds and wants to get together I will agree to meet up but it kind of depends on how much time passes. This is another reason why I hate texting you can accomplish so much more through a phone call. 

Here’s hoping that this turns out for the best, whatever that means.  I am not holding out as much hope as I did this morning.  While I will go back to get something to eat it’s more to show him that I am not afraid even though it will be awkward for both of us.  I have no plans to chase him, I mean if your interested great but if not then just say so instead of letting your actions communicate that to me.  It does make me think I am not marketable and that I will die alone, perhaps that won’t be the case but this whole waiting thing is getting pretty old and so am I. Thanks for listening and reading, I had to vent and this helped me a little bit.  A good nights rest presuming I can get one will also be of help.  Take care!

Saturday

I am tired, sore & exhausted.  Last night I thought I found the source of the lingering odor in a bookcase.  I took everything off the shelves and cleaned it.  I put some baking soda in a dish and let it sit overnight as well as vinegar in a different dish and placed them in different locations on the bookcase.  The bookcase no longer has the odor but the odor is still present in the air. 

This morning thinking about wood and how it can absorb odors I cleaned my cd case (yep full of music CD’s) and also a bookcase in my room.  I was surprised to find some D cell batteries and when I lifted them up I saw that they had began to leak.  I had to scrape away the solidified acid and that ruined a shelf but it’s my fault. 

I did manage to get rid of a lot of junk that had accumulated but unfortunately the odor is still present.  Talking with my boss on Thursday afternoon he thought this would be a simple fix.  He said it’s probably sewer gas go run the water in all of the drains that you haven’t used and if you have a toilet in the mix flush it a couple times.  Your P traps ran dry and that lets sewer gas into your house.  I followed his advice and for a short time everything was hunky dory and then just like that the odor was back.  In fairness the windows were open.

I’ve also run the hell out of my ozone machine and the basement actually doesn’t appear to have the odor any longer it’s just an upstairs thing.  I have also pulled out the refrigerator and cleaned behind it.  I am literally going out of my mind trying to track this down and get it resolved.

This afternoon I sat in my room watching Looney Toons on YouTube relaxing with a gator in my lap.  She buried her head and fell fast asleep.  She was not pleased with me when I woke her up.  I said bed and she moved over to the bed.  I got up and joined her.  She let me hold her paw and rested her head on top of mine.  I think she understands that I am worried and upset about this odor business. 

I’m sniffing everything from the wall to the floor with no luck.  After my brief period of rest where I thought for sure I would fall asleep I got up and decided to wash the outside of the house.  As I was spraying I thought I smelled what is inside of my house on the outside.  I got all of the green off the side of the house (there wasn’t that much) and managed to shine up the dormer it went from dirt black back to original white.  I screwed up when I was using the solution and had the bottle on Spray when it should have been on rinse.  I used Mold Armor house wash.  It was in a bottle you hook up to your hose.  There was bleach in the solution.  Bleach actually doesn’t kill mold it feeds it (look on line I’m not kidding.  I had a guy tell me that in person and found a couple sources on line as well.).  I expected that when I went inside my house that I would find wet walls or wet floorboard but nope, bone dry. 

It’s either my neighbor is running a meth lab or something has had to get into my attic be it debris or an animal.  I have run out of options at the moment but I will still be thinking about this.  I don’t like to let my problems win and I also don’t give up.  This may turn out to be something horrific or it may be an easy solution.  My nasal passages are irritated and I kind of wish I would go nose blind if only for a day.  I think about whatever it is that we are breathing in and just hope it’s not something that will cause harm to either of us. 

Tomorrow is going to suck because I will be much more sore than I am today.  I need to hit up a pharmacy since the Sudafed shortage in my area continues and the grocery store.  I am going to try to take it easy for the rest of the night and hope that I can get a good nights rest.  I sure am tired on multiple levels. 

I saw an ad on social media for some new apartments in the area and wow they get more than my mortgage payment each month in rent for something that is super small.  It’s marketed as ‘luxury living’ but unless that luxury includes free blow jobs or a chef it sounds like a rip off to me.  I am very much on the fence when it comes to moving but if this odor business keeps on going it may well be the final nail in the coffin.  While I don’t like to give up and walk away, we all have our breaking points granted mine is probably longer than most, only because I’ve learned that if your patient enough eventually there will be a solution.  Here’s hoping that the solution presents it’s self quickly and that it doesn’t cost an arm & leg or require me to move sooner than I really want to. 

Still open to any ideas or suggestions that any of you might have.  I have yet to find any dead bodies, evidence of any kind of infestation by rodents or mold.  If I open the windows and get air circulating the odor can be knocked down within an hour or two, depending on how much the wind is blowing.  Close the windows and within 30 minutes the odor is back.  It’s baffling.  My next idea is to run my ozone machine in the attic.  It’s vented (there are 3 dormers) so I don’t think it will cause any problems. 

For now onward to rest and cuddling with the Gator.  She will enjoy it!  I did leave for a bit and grab a pizza.  Never in my life I have ever spent $40 when dining out for pizza but today it happened.  I got a side salad and that helped shoot the price up but I haven’t really had anything to eat all day and felt like total crap so it helped to give me some energy even though I really wasn’t hungry.  Got a nice view of a hot waiter while I was there.  Cheers!

Is anyone out there?

I have been apprehensive about continuing to make posts since learning of my regular readers passing. I really wish that we had met in person. I feel bad that this all happened suddenly and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

The larger question for me is … I am truly wondering if anyone is remotely interested in what I have to say or wants to continue to read my blathering. Obviously, the final decision is mine but it would be most helpful if you would leave a comment and let me know. I am big on privacy, which is why comment restrictions are in place. If you don’t want your comment published, let me know and I will respect your privacy.

Hormonal Dilemma

If you have any advice I am interested in hear from you.  Part of my job entails working with employee photos.  I like to look at them before I post them where they need to go, just to make sure everything matches up.  The other day I discovered this blond bombshell 21 year old guy with blue eyes and he is absolutely all I have thought about off and on since I saw him.  I have followed him on some social media but he doesn’t necessarily know it’s me.  One of the apps is SnapChat.  You’d think since I am tech savvy I would know how to use this app and you would be wrong.  I know how to watch other peoples videos and have no interest in posting one of my own.  Well I discovered Snap Chat has a chat feature.  Chats are deleted but you do have an option to save them.  He is far away from me and the chances we will both be in the same city are slim to none.  Based on my detective work odds are fairly high that he is gay.  I’d like to be friends and let him know that I think he’s fucking gorgeous.  I just can’t seem to let him go and admire from a far.  Plus having a friend, if he will be just that is nice. 

I saw an issue that he logged the other day, I pounced all over the ticket.  We have video phones and I spoke with him very briefly on the phone.  It’s a wonder I didn’t fain or get tonged tied.  We had a normal conversation.  I was just beside myself.  I didn’t need to call him, I could have emailed him but I figured that calling would be better.  It was a challenge of sorts, plus I wanted to hear what he sounded like. 

What I don’t want to happen here is to come out to the wrong person or hit him up for friendship and have him spin this into harassment.  I am not looking to loose my job all because of him.  I am looking at both sides of the picture and thinking before I make a move.  Ah, damn hormones. 

Work is busy as ever and my boss sees how much I am taking on, he’s worried about burnout and that I will jump ship.  Right now there is not a chance in hell that I would jump ship, I am happy from an employment perspective.  I wish I could find the same happiness in my personal life and then I would be complete!  It’s like I told someone the other day, the grass may be greener on the other side but that is because it’s fertilized with bullshit. 

I promised the kids that we would watch Suits together.  They are all a little miffed at me because I didn’t have time for them last night.  Between a personal call and work, damn the evening was swallowed up fast.  It’s hard to comprehend that today is Wednesday.  Time in general seems to be slipping away from me.  I really want to find someone to make memories with.  A friend asked me the other day what are we to do since were single, what is the answer.  My response, masturbation.  Yeah it’s true it helps, it might not be the cure all but it is good to let your feelings out and to have a little pleasure in the process.  I mean you have to take care of yourself in so many different ways, this is just one of them. 

Off to wait for Harvey and Mike to appear on screen.  I really would love it if Mike would show as much skin or even more than Harvey has.  I am very much in to this show because of Mike, who is played by Patrick J. Adams.  He’s one sexy mofo.  On that note, I’m out. 

Finally Did It

This has been the week from hell.  I am glad that it’s over but I wonder if this is going to be a common theme or if this is just a short theme for the next few weeks.  It’s extra stressful and I am on fire, awake and in the moment amped up all day long.  I walk into the house and I am ready to drop.  The days and nights go by so fast.  I don’t want to wake up when the alarm goes off it’s far too early.  I don’t want to go back to stress but yet I do because it’s how I make my money.  I have so much to digest and get my arms around that it’s unfathomable.  My departing co-worker did the job of 3 people and they are taking most of her work and transferring it to me.  She had time to ramp up, it was a slow progression and not like me where they are going to say okay giddy up boy.  I have no time to ramp up I have to hit the ground running and hope the hell I know what I am doing.  She remembered to do all of these various tasks it was like second nature to her but for me it will be anything but second nature.  I am only one person and can only do so much.  I mean even a toilet can only serve one asshole at a time.  So we shall see what happens.  It’s sink, swim or float.  I can tell you that along the way something is going to fall through the cracks, at least that is the way it feels. 

Yesterday I went in for a few hours.  I timed my visit with dinner and was meeting a friend.  I managed to finally rearrange my desk.  I found out the hard way that I couldn’t move the file cabinets due to height restrictions in my cube.  That sucked but I know where everything is at, it’s just not in the spot I want it to be.  I am not 100% committed to the new arrangement but I am going to try it and see how it works.  If I don’t like it I can always change back.  I also had time to finish all of my new hires so that helped out a bunch.  There were other things that I wanted to organize but ran out of time, as I figured would happen.  I am always time and money poor. 

Went to Maggiano’s and met my friend.  Saw a couple guys there that I would love if they sat on my face.  I’m just saying they were good looking.  My friend bought a new car.  He went to leave the dealership and they couldn’t find his keys.  Huh?  Yeah I am not kidding you, so they put him in a loaner vehicle so he could get to dinner.  They will square up on Monday.  I sure hope they find the keys.  That’s messed up, sounds like an omen to me.  Then again I am reading into it.  Anyway this is the same guy who lost his wife earlier this year.  He shows me a photo of a woman and asks me how old I think she is.  I said maybe 65.  That’s when the story began.  His step daughter set him up, they talked by phone and it sounded like a good fit.  So they went out right away, then back to her place and of course things got hot and heavy.  They screwed their brains out.  Okay so I guess he got it out of his system.  He saw her again and they went at it again.  Then she tells him that she has something to tell him, he’s not going to want to see her after she mentions it.  I’m figuring she is about to tell him she’s got crabs or something like that.  Nope she drops this huge fucking bomb out of no where and tells him that she is 80 years old.  She doesn’t look it by the photo I saw and he’s seen her with her clothes off and said that she has the body of a much younger woman.  Of course they got into an argument.  He was up front and honest with her but when he asked her how old she was before all of this she said a few years older than you.  He’s 62 come on a few years, more like way older than him.  He was hurt and they did part ways. 

I was really surprised that he actually had sex with a woman, his wife has only been gone for 4 months.  He is moving way too fast, just my opinion.  I think he is going to crash and burn.  It’s been 4 years for me and I have yet to have sex, let alone find a friend.  Perhaps were both doing it wrong but I’d like to think I have the saner approach.  It’s lonely, frustrating and very depressing.  However, I’m still standing.  There are days that I think I am going to crash and burn.  So who knows. 

On the Bear front.  He’s going to the bathroom on his own but it takes days on end.  It’s not right but he seems no worse for the wear.  He knows that I am worried about him and that I care about what happens.  I think he is scared but like every other challenge in his life he is facing this head on and trying his very best to make it through another hurdle.  I won’t let him go past 2 days, if we get to that point then it’s enema time.  I’ve threatened him last week but he’s always made it before the deadline.  Now that were in the weekend, there has been no movement so I am worried.  I saw him urinating this morning.  I got a sample the PH is okay but it was just dribbling out, sort of like he is trying to block.  I fed him more prescription food so hopefully that will clear things up.  I need him to be flowing steady and smooth each and every day.  Not sure what is going on with his body but I am certain that if I dug I could find a root cause.  The bigger question is would it be worth the money and would it just hasten the inevitable?  I think so, which is why were not doing that.  I am enjoying the time that we have together and I make sure to tell him everyday that I love him, I do that with all of them.  You never know when one of us is going to check out.  While I don’t want to experience death times 5 I realize that it’s a real and probable possibility.  While it’s temping to check out early I am sticking around solely to fulfill my obligation to them, no one and I mean no one can take the very best care of them the way I would.  This is another duty that I was entrusted with and I plan on fulfilling it.  Once it’s done I may move or hell I may just call it quits and check out. 

I think that it would be great to sell this place, take a bunch of money and relocate to a new part of the world, start life over as stressful and complicated as it would be, it might be the very best thing for me.  I think my odds of meeting my next guy would increase and that it would be more likely to happen.  Right now given what is going on at work I am thankful that I haven’t found someone, because I wouldn’t be able to show them the proper attention they deserve.  I barley have time for the cats and myself.  I know this all too shall pass, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and so the sayings go. 

I am ramped up for the week ahead.  Went out and got some stress vitamins, so hopefully they help.  Had my massage last week and my back is a train wreck, no surprise.  It’s where all of my tension goes.  Try as I might I just can’t get rid of it on my own, but wish I could. 

Tomorrow is payday but the money hit the bank early so I have paid my bills.  I have $100 to live on for two more weeks and then we get to do it all over again.  I could have more in the bank and be deeper in debt but I pride myself on paying my credit cards off each month, regardless of the balance.  That is the only way to use a credit card.  Get all of the reward dollars or incentives they offer but never, ever give them one penny in interest.  I sleep better at night knowing that my cards are paid off.  Of course there is still a house and car to pay for but those are two items and expenses that will always be present for the foreseeable future. 

As for the car, I am still working on trying to get a settlement for all of the shit I have been through.  I may have to file suit on my own in order to get the manufactures attention.  They seem receptive to settle this but yet their actions are confusing at best.  If I am successful in getting a settlement, my plans are to bank the bulk of the money.  I will of course spend some on myself and get useless things that I really don’t need but want.  However, at the end of the day I need more money in the bank because if a disaster strikes right now I am fucked and not in a good way.  Let’s just hope evil and disaster stay away from me for a very long time. 

Having pizza for dinner, typical Sunday meal for me.  I have Maggiano's Lasagna for Monday.  I could have it now but sounds more like a better meal to come home to after a hard days work.  I am sure Monday will have it’s own unique challenges for me. 

I leave you with this.  As I travel to and from work each and every day I see someone who has managed to run out of gas.  Stranded on the side of the road.  I keep asking myself, how in the world can you run out of gas?  I mean there is a gauge in the car, it might not bee 100% on the money but it’s a good indication of when it’s time to pull into a gas station.  As I went into work my low fuel light came on.  I was conscious of the fact I was low on fuel long before the light came on.  When it does come on I have 50 miles before the car is empty.  I ran it to 30 miles and then called it quits and filled up.  I guess if your looking to empty out your tank and go a little too far overboard that is how you run out of gas.  It’s the only explanation outside of I just get in and drive until it decides to stop. 

Here’s to what I hope is a great week ahead for all of us.  May there be more laughter than sorrow or stress.  May the days be short and the nights long  May the sunshine brightly and may we all get the rest that we need.  Can I get an Amen?   

Still tired

There just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I want to do.  I have time to accomplish the basic tasks that are required to exist but beyond that most anything for pleasure has to wait until the weekend.  I’m not so sure why I am all of a sudden time poor.  The days and nights seem to pass very quickly.  Weekends are the exception to that they linger a little bit but not by much.  It is nice to get out of bed and not have a schedule.

I woke up this morning and it was as if I never went to bed in the first place.  I was up at least once to let Marvin out but that’s it.  I think it might be the heat zapping all of my energy and drive.  I do have an allergic reaction to heat in that I can easily get sick or if the temperature gets way up there I will pass out.  Right now in my part of the world it is summer time and my area is known for high temperatures but they usually don’t come on very strong until July.  That is not the case right now.  A/C is running every night and most of the weekend.  I have found a temperature that is comfortable for me and the children don’t complain.  Insty loves to curl up under my blankets but only when I am not in bed.  She crawls in and buries herself as if she is in a deep freeze.  Sometimes I will turn the A/C off for her but it’s not often.

Speaking of the little fur balls, everyone has had their birthday.  Momma is now 13 as of this past Sunday.  The kids turned 12 yesterday.  I love each one of them and am proud of them.  Bear has had the toughest fight by far.  I remember when there was a respiratory thing going through the house and all of the boys got it, that is way back when #1 son was alive.  I think it’s something Taz (aka LB) brought in.  We almost lost both Marv and Bear it was wicked.  I can also remember racing home to greet them as they were each born into the world..  Time flies by way too fast and memories are great but the more you remember the older you tend to be.

In light of the tragedy in Orlando I have made a couple of posts on my FB account and I readily admit that I am gay. I’ve never really put it out there for the world to see.  It felt good and empowering.  I am a private person for the most part but felt that it was time to open up and just let it all hang out, so to speak.  I was curious to see if my friend count changed or if anyone would say anything to me about it, but nope.  My friend count may have decreased by 1 or 2, but I don’t keep that close of tabs on who is my FB friend and who isn’t.  So if in fact someone left they don’t stand out to me.

It’s been a while since I have seen a comment posted and I was wondering if in fact anyone is still actually reading my blathering's?  While this is something that I enjoy doing and it’s therapeutic for me, if no one is reading it then I am just babbling for nothing.  So if your reading this, take a moment and let me know.  If there is a topic you want me to write about or a question you have, don’t be afraid to post that as well.  I am as friendly as I sound and I don’t bite.  Happy middle of the week everyone.  Two more days and then maybe I will be able to sleep in.  I really hope so, I could use a lazy day.  In fact I am surprised with the way I felt this morning that I actually made it in to work.  Best part about coming in and going home is the AC on full blast in the car.  Its like I am in freezer and it feels so good.  Take care.

New Format

I’ve been thinking about changing things up here for a while and today I finally did it!  I hope that you like the changes.  Blogger has a lot of templates to chose from and that is what made the task difficult.  I like this but that looks better and oh what about this.  Paralyzed by choice once again. 

One of the things I took away is referral links.  The YouTube links didn’t do me any good, it was just pure advertisement for those people/channels I find of interest.  It would have been nice to get a link back, a mention in a video or something, but it didn’t happen.  Blogs seem to be going by the wayside.  I still have a list of regular reads in my bookmarks but I don’t visit them that often.  A lot has changed with time.  You have the advent of Social Media and then YouTube and presto people flock to the next big thing.  As for me, blogging does a lot for me and I still get enjoyment from it so I see no reason to stop.  If it becomes a chore then I will rethink my position.

Most of the drama is gone from my life, the ups and downs with my late partner.  Things are leveling off and life is returning to a boredom state.  Still you stop by to take a glimpse into my world, so there is another reason why I enjoy doing this.  My hope is that I will be able to tell you all about the guy I am dating, when that happens and how my life will change once I reach that point.  Until then it’s just business as usual.

I am on the downward spiral with the steroids.  Tomorrow is my last day.  I can feel some of the effects I had before coming back.  Hopefully things will smooth out and there won’t be any problems.  I really hate taking sick time.  It’s boring and nothing gets accomplished. 

Today is the BIG day for the cats.  I get the vacuum cleaner out and it’s claw trimming day.  I guess they will all sleep good tonight.  Let’s just hope the same applies to me and that no one gets injured in the process. 

Did all of the running – breakfast, grocery store and gas station.  Wow such excitement for a Sunday.  Not looking forward to next weekend, the week shouldn’t be bad.  I noticed last week there was a couple of 2am calls but outside of that all was quiet.  I just hope that I luck out and things are quiet.  I hope that every time I am on-call. 

I could use a nice Winter day about now.  A little snow but cold.  I don’t know why but I am ready for Winter.  I made that remark to my mom yesterday and she was caught off guard.  I think it’s more of a Pumpkin and Cold Weather craving rather than just Winter. 

There are 2 big bills that are coming due.  One of which is a credit card and won’t be a problem.  The other is Auto Insurance.  I like to pay it off and be done with it but unless I rob my savings account that won’t be possible.  Putting money aside for savings is easy but then trying to survive without it is another task entirely.  I’ve got about $400 extra a month to play with and that will be my car payment when I am brave or dumb enough to sign up for car payments.  My hope is that my next car payment will be around $250 to $330 a month.  I realize $250 is asking for a lot, even with 0% financing.  Still it never hurts or costs anything to dream. 

Something to look forward to after all is said and done today, I look forward to getting all of these whiskers off my face, washing my hair and just being fresh again.  Then some laughs with John Oliver and sweet dreams with Marvin.  Yeah this is the good stuff!

Off to grab an ice cold bottle of water, finish up the laundry, start the dishes and begin the cleaning and claw trimming.  Wish me luck!

Final thought, I have left my comments open much longer than I anticipated I would.  By this I mean anyone can leave a comment.  All comments are moderated, so only the stuff I chose gets published, which ensures confidentiality.  That said, if there is something you’d like for me to write about or questions you have that I can answer, leave them in the comments.  At some point I will return the comments back to being restricted to members of Blogger, so enjoy this while it lasts. 

Happy Sunday.  I hope that it’s a great day for you and all of those around you.  Now let the fur fly here comes Daddy!

Your Opinion, Please….

So I have been journaling my life and events that occur in it.  I am perfectly fine with covering that subject.  However, I think that maybe you might want to hear about something else, at least every once and a while.  If I am correct, don’t be shy.  Leave a comment and let me know what you’d like to hear more of.  I am open to most anything, but just because you submit a topic doesn’t guarantee that I will write about it. 

I think that it’s good to take a step back and ask for your input so that I don’t ramble on and bore you to death. 

This is my blog but I want it to be a place where everyone can come to and get something from it.  At the risk of being inundated with responses, I am changing the security on the comments, so that anyone can leave a comment but that will only be in place for a few days.  Then were back to business as usual.

I hope to hear from you.  Thanks for your readership, it means more to me than you know.

A little of this and whole lot of that

WORK

Well I survived an entire week by myself. I think that is pretty good and it feels good to say. Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase ended abruptly on Friday. One of the attorneys had a tech problem and came to hunt me down. Once he found me he just blew up, screaming and cussing it was not a pretty site. I was told he gets upset but no one warned me that he would blow like a volcano. I took some time away from the situation and tried to figure out his problem, when I returned he was a little calmer but you could still tell he was pissed off. I get it and totally understand why he was angry but he didn’t need to make a scene and put me through all of that. I was actually afraid and I consider his actions verbal abuse. I thought really long and hard about what to do. I decided to e-mail my boss and ask her to call me, I told her it was nothing urgent but provided my cell phone number. I said if you don’t call over the weekend, please call me next week. I am going to make her aware of the situation. I don’t want to make trouble for this guy because well if it’s him versus me, I already know I will lose. He brings major money in the door, so he’s a rainmaker and they pretty much get what they want, within reason. I was resistant to go back to a law firm because of my prior experience and this brought it all back to me. Now I question myself…you are well financially taken care of, outside of this guy you like the job, but is it the right move long term? Is it time to look for another job? Well I would like to but I honestly don’t think so. I feel like I am where I am supposed to be at, so he’s not running me off and besides that it really doesn’t matter who is in my position I believe he would treat everyone the same. I just don’t want to have to deal with this on a regular basis, it will get old really fast and if it’s a frequent thing then I will be engaging HR. The odd thing was he thanked me when I walked away with a proposed solution that I won’t be able to execute until Monday. However, he never apologized and I don’t expect that he will.

I also found out that I am doing such a terrific job next week will be my last free week to sit and cherry pick my work. I will be moving to a regular schedule, which my hours will stay the same. It’s just that my activity is dictated by the schedule. I am free for local work a certain part of the day, I get lunch and of course I get phone duty. It’s spread between morning and afternoon. I was originally told it would be 2 hours but I figured it out and it’s 2 ½ feel like someone broke their promise to me. I kind of anticipated that at some point I would figure out that I was lied to, thankfully this is a minor incident. It’s not like I will be all alone on the phone there will be other people, it’s just that I will be assisting people via Remote Control instead of being physically at their desk. Of course there will be times when I will have to break away for local support that will require hands on assistance. For the most part it will probably even out and it will be 50% phone work and 50% local support work. I hate the phones, but I am calling people now to help with problems, so not a huge difference or a culture shock.

The sad part is that I go live on the phones on my Birthday. It’s going to be a tough day I think. However, the weekend is here and I am trying to enjoy that.

HOME

So Friday night I came home late because the jerk that blew up at me, threw me off schedule and I had to jump to accommodate him. The children didn’t seem to mind that I was late, in fact they were happy that I came home. So they got their food. I got to undress, figure out what frozen dinner I was going to consume and then sit around all night. I called a friend to vent about the day, we talked for a while and then it was time to move on.

When we hung up I felt kind of empty. I really wish that I had someone to come home to and spend time with. I picked up my phone and started surfing Grindr and the other Gay Dating Apps that I have. I struck up a conversation with a guy who I like, he just was looking for friends. We started talking about food. That was kind of a mistake because I couldn’t eat after midnight and the conversation was making me very hungry. I just dropped off, I know it was rude but I was dead tired. I turned my phone off and then went to bed. I was surrounded by cats and fell asleep. It wasn’t comfortable but I managed.

Today I got up around 8:30 and fed the children, went to the hospital for some lady to draw my blood. She played the needle like it was a violin, while it was in my arm. She was very close to being told off. She told me not to watch because it would scare me. I don’t need to witness that your hurting me, I can fucking feel it. Finally she got the vein, she said it’s big but it rolls. Yeah…that is what she said! After that horrible experience it was time to get some food. Where better than Cracker Barrel for Breakfast. The host/waiter I like wasn’t there or at least I didn’t see him. I got my usual Blueberry Pancakes and Diet Dr. Pepper. It was good.

Then I had to run down to the shoe shop to pick up my shoes that were ordered for me last week. Damn I walked in and there was this fine looking College Dude there who was being fit for Orthotics. He said his name was Joel and that he was going back to school. He wasn’t talking to me, but I wished he was. I am telling you he was super fine and had the total package from what I saw. I hate when summer is almost over because the kids go back to school. I see a lot of guys on the dating apps and some are college students who are home and leaving. I live in a college town so it also works to my advantage but there aren’t any hotties on Grindr from the local college. I digress though.

I got my shoes and paid a hell of a lot more for them. The last pair I bought at a place close to him was $130. This place for the same brand but different style of shoe was $164. I asked about their return policy and they said they would work with me, so long as I didn’t wear the shoes outside. Oh okay, so I should carry them in a bag and go barefoot until I am in doors? I am going to wear them outside, in fact I will be wearing them tomorrow. If they don’t cut the mustard, I will clean them up and take them back in a heartbeat. That is a serious amount of cash. My friend that referred me to this place told me they were less expensive than the place I went last time. Maybe on something but not on this shoe, I really didn’t expect to pay that much. However, they told me they will last for 7 or 8 years depending upon wear. Okay perhaps I will find out if that is true, so long as they are comfortable.

After all of that running, I got the mail and came home. I laid down and took a couple hour long nap. My upper back and neck are killing me. I got a massage at work on Thursday. I told the laid to go gentle but she didn’t, it was rough and she used rocks. She found major knots in my shoulders. The funny thing is my feet felt better after the massage but she only worked on my upper back. It took a bit but I felt good all over, that was temporary and as we got closer to nighfall the pain kicked in.

Any who when I woke up I went back out to a local place for Supper. Italian food and it was good. They had so much I brought some home, so I can have it for lunch tomorrow. After rolling out of there I went cat food shopping and then filled up the truck with gas.

I go to Sam’s to get gas because it’s cheap. I was there on Friday night and it was super low – compared to all of the retail prices. Glad I filled up my car on Friday. The truck takes and uses much more gas so unfortunately the price had changed and they kicked it up. While I was there a guy didn’t have his Sam’s card on him so he couldn’t get gas. I said I could use mine. They said okay. So I put the card in and said all you have to is pay for the gas. It felt good to help someone. When I was there on Friday I found someone’s Sam’s card and turned it in, again helping someone.

THERAPY

I got a call from my therapist on Friday afternoon. She is going to see me in a few weeks on a Saturday as I requested. I know she isn’t too happy about it but I am glad that she agreed to it. After the events of Friday I kind of wished I was going to see her now.

I found myself asking myself how long does grief go on? I mean how much longer will I feel semi lousy? The answer is it’s different for everyone. So time will help me but it will also hurt because of holidays, flash backs, etc. Part of the reason why I want a boyfriend to help take my mind off of grieving and feeling lonely. I will tell you that getting a job and walking into a much more positive environment and making more money helped a ton as well. So did the crying I did when I wrote the letter to my late partner. I cried again when I had to read it in therapy. I mean I didn’t have to, I chose to.

As if you can’t tell I am a wordy person. I would love to be able to train myself to stick to the facts, spit them out and then stop talking. People like that much more. However, it’s not who I am.

I am interested in knowing what questions she has from my letter. She said that when I was reading the letter to her she was able to come up with lots of questions. I think hearing them and answering them will be a lot like the massage I got. It will hurt like hell, but then it will start to feel good. The next day I will be a little sore but in the end it will all work out.

I would really like to share my story at work, not to have people feel sorry for me but rather so I could teach them that life is precious. I knew this would happen to me but never expected it so soon. That is the funny thing about death, no one expects it unless you have been diagnosed with a terminal disease. It just shows up like a bad penny and poof, your gone. Makes me kind of wish I knew my expiration date, so that I could go & do everything that I wanted to before the end arrives.

TECHNOLOGY

Tonight all I wanted to do was get on line and surf for pron, check e-mail, etc. Unfortunatley the internet was down for a couple hours. I was able to search for pron but then suddenly it went out again. It’s a major outgage because when you call the cable company all I get is a busy signal. I suspect they are still working the issue and hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

Thankfully my cell phone allows me to turn WIFI off so I can use my cell data, which is unlimited and surf, watch You Tube videos and of course get on Grindr.

Speaking of Grindr the guy I was talking to, just friendly chat and his location was only a few miles frm my place. He just dropped off line. I kind of hate that but he was only 18 and well that is way too young for me. I’d like someone in his late 20’s or early 30’s. Heck even my own age would be okay. However, most people say they are looking for Chat, Dates, Friends, Relationship, and Right Now. Seeing Right Now turns me off. I don’t want a hoe who will sleep with anything that has a pulse. I understand about getting off but you can accomplish that many other ways w/o actually having sex. There are a few guys who are looking for Relationships but just my luck they are like 200 miles or more away from me. I don’t want long distance. That just adds complexity to the situation and then you have to wonder as I am sure they will wonder, has he been faithful to me?

The odd things about this whole dating thing through the computer, I have no idea what to say. Most people start with Hey, Hello, Hi or the classic What’s Up? After you get past that part is when it turns awkward. I really want to experience a date and meet a knight in shining armor, but I have doubts that it’s going to happen or that it will happen in my time table.

I know I don’t want to go to the Bar to meet a guy. I’m looking for the entire package and not a flake, if you catch my drift. I know I have good taste. The problem is I don’t have the good body or good looks that stereotypically are what gay guys are looking for. I do know that someone will eventually like me, I just hope they are beautiful to me both inside and out.

Well that’s all for now. I am going to get ready to hit the sack. Going to see about getting more clothes again tomorrow and then grocery shopping. Yay. Then lounging around the house, doing laundry, cleaning and getting ready for Monday.

Talk with you peeps later.

New Phone Bakery

The weekend is about over, I still have a few hours to wind down and relax.  I really am NOT anxious to start another week since the boss man will be back, but as my grandfather would say time stops for no one.

Saturday we got up early, went to the baker shop and I spent a small fortune on all kinds of pastry that neither one of us need, but we crave it and it’s so good!  Then we stopped and got some breakfast.  My partner had an invitation from the car dealer we use and they were having a contest.  He might have won a new car or some money.  I told him those things are fixed and he didn’t win but we could stop in.  Turns out we were a half hour early. 

I asked him if he wanted a new phone, he’s been talking about it for a couple weeks.  He said yeah.  I knew he didn’t have more than $20 to his name but we went.  I wound up shelling out $87 for his new toy.  We checked into combining rate plans and adding texting but it’s just too steep for him.  It would actually save me $4 a month.  Since he couldn’t afford it we just kept things as they were.  I’ve been really wanting to get texting back but not for $20 per month, that is insanity!

In case your into phones and technology my partner wound up with a Pantech Pursuit II.  Colors were Green or Purple.  He got Purple for me but it looks more lavender.  I would have gotten Green myself but I do love me some purple!  It’s a slider phone and has a touch screen.  He is using it to call me from the other room for silly things.  Funny how you don’t use your phone that much, but when you get a new one all you want to do is talk, talk, talk. 

We went back to the dealer, he didn’t win the car.  We got $20 in Wal-Mart Gift Cards for stopping by.  They stuck us with a sales person to hopefully make a sale but he simply said I can’t afford a new vehicle, I came down for the prize and hoped that I had won.  That ended the conversation or so I thought.  We sat there for about 45 minutes just chatting about cars and the auto industry.  Holy crap, the sales person wreaked of Cigarettes and I couldn’t wait to get away from him.  Put on some cologne or just plain quit!

It was back home to unload the bakery and take a nap.  Which was easily done!  Then I got a hair brain idea about getting my partner some new shoes.  Why do I want to spend all of my money on him?  Anyway, I used Google and it said there was a Crocs shoe store at the local mall.  So we went there, they moved out!  However, we found a restaurant that I always wanted to eat at.  So we stopped in and it wasn’t too bad.  We plan on going back.

From there we drove to one of our favorite restaurants that closed it’s doors last month, just to see if there was any progress.  Nope, the place is empty.  Sure wish someone would buy it because I’m hungry for their pizza!

We grabbed the mail and then headed home.  I went back out by myself which can be a dangerous thing.  I stopped and got cat food, I’m there twice a week now!  No wonder I have no money.  Anyway, then I talked myself out of stopping at Lowe’s but then I said well if your going under, you might as well go in style.  So I stopped in and got myself the new shower head I have been wanting for the last month.  It’s a Delta IN2ITION.  The prices on this get really crazy depending upon what type of finish/material you want.  I just got the cheap basic model and that was $50.

Yup, that is what is hanging in my shower.  It’s neat because you can have both the shower head and wand – or choose one or the other.  Plus there are a couple adjustments on the wand and it feels great.  I was in the shower apparently a very long time.  I guess I will have to watch my time tomorrow or I will be late for work!  If we had just a little bit more pressure that would be awesome, but I will take what I have.

From there I stopped off at Target to get cat litter and a new bath mat.  I wound up getting those two items plus a small dry erase board for the fridge.  The one we had was shot.  I also picked up a new air filtering machine for my allergies.  I put the old one in my office in the basement.

Then I stopped off at the gas station.  I purchased a car wash and got $0.20 off each gallon, which was nice.  It was raining so I opted to save my wash until later in the week when rain isn’t in the forecast.  Poof money all gone!

I went home to unload my car, setup the shower and allergy machine.  Then I got started on cleaning and laundry.  Fun stuff!

Saturday’s are just like the best day because you know you have one more day.

That brings us to today.  Got up early, had breakfast.  Washed my partners hair and back.  Relaxed in front of the TV and I was out like a light.  Then I test drove my new shower.  I went out for Mexican.  We went to the grocery store and headed home.  The best part of the grocery store has got to be the cart boys.  Mighty Fine!

That’s it I’ve been doing laundry.  I wanted to wash my bed clothes but the cat held the bed hostage so I opted to let them be comfortable.  I still have to pack my lunch, empty the litter boxes and change their water filter.  Then there is getting ready for bed.  So that means I should go but I would so rather stay and keep typing.

Oh, I almost forgot I found the answer to my texting dilemma.  It’s a service called Text Me.  It’s a free app on the iPhone.  It also works on Android and Windows Mobile.  You sign up, they give you a phone number and you can use it to text for free with everyone or anyone.  It has no e-mail address, as typical phone company texting does.  The texting part is totally free.  If you want to use the phone/voice mail part you have to watch crummy videos to earn minutes or you can buy minutes which are really cheap.  I texted my brother a lot yesterday before he figured out who I was.  I’ve told a couple friends about it.  I primarily got it because of things like 2 factor authentication with Google, Yahoo, Amazon, etc.  they send you a code to your phone before you can reset your password but they only send it via text/sms.  It’s starting to become a requirement to have texting.  I don’t mind paying $5 per month but $20 is just plain nuts!  My work cell has unlimited everything but my partner is the only one outside of co-workers that have the number.  I try very much to separate home from work.  Although I do use my work cell to call home most every day of the week.  The damn thing has to be on my hip pretty much 24x7 so might as well get some good use out of it.

That’s it.  Back to reality and working.  However, now it’s off to take care of the kitty needs.  I hope that your well and getting ready for Fall.  Cooler weather is around the corner, just a little more patience and it will be here.  Be well, stay safe and I will talk with you peeps later!

It’s MMM Time! Music, Men on Monday.

Hope you enjoyed the music.  Got a favorite artist or type of music, let me know and you just might find them here. 

Here’s the Men….

Interested in your opinion

As you can tell by the title of this post, I am interested in your opinion.  This is something that has been bothering me for a couple days.

I’ve blogged before about my sex life or lack there of.  I periodically blog about cute guys that I see or stars (like NPH or Neil Patrick Harris) that I have crushes on. 

So last week I was sitting in a restaurant and in typical Jeremy style, I scan the room looking for hot guys.  It’s just a normal thing for me.  A table of like 5 people.  One of them was a hot young guy.  He looked very much like Lawn Boy.  However, his ass much was much smaller and well I am a sucker for nice bums.  So I was staring at him.  He would periodically scratch his crotch and the move around in the chair.  He even sat on one leg and I got a good view of his rear.  Then about 20 minutes after things were going well a cute young blond guy comes in and sits down across from him.  Might have been his brother or just a friend.  Either way they were both hot.  I am also a sucker for blonds.  I happened to watch and see they started talking about High School.  Holy crap that is when it hit me, these guys were actually boys probably somewhere in the range of 16-18.

That experience got me to thinking does that make me a pedophile?  I mean yeah I wanted to have sex with them but I would never ever do that unless that sex was consensual  and they were of legal age.

Typically I like guys in the 22 – 30 year range.  However, it’s more about physical appearance than it is about a specific age, just as long as I know the person is of legal age.  I myself am 40.

Now I never ever have plans to approach anyone.  It is just the desire to.  I am far too afraid of embarrassment, physical or verbal assault.  However, I suppose if the situation was right there could be the remote possibility that I would make a move. 

Just interested in your opinion.  My partner has given me permission that I am free to make a move if I so desire.  When you take the hormones out of the situation, I honestly just don’t feel right making a move.  Put the hormones in it and you have a different story. 

Gay need to talk? Comment change.

When I made my post titled Young Gay and Confused on March 24th, I didn’t even think about how I have my comments set up.

I know that lots of guys want to talk to someone but they don’t necessarily want to reveal their identity.  I get it, I mean still today I am only out to those people that need to know. 

Being Gay is not easy.  Especially if you realize that you are gay and your still growing up.  With that in mind I have changed my comment policy so that it will allow anonymous comments, so you don’t have to have a Blogger account if you want to reach out to me.

I know everyone needs someone to talk to and I am more than happy to talk to most anyone.  My comment policy is that unless you specifically tell me not to, I will publish comments. 

Maybe your not gay but you have a gay son, a gay brother and have questions.  I am happy to answer questions and/or give you my point of view.  I will be the first to tell you I don’t know everything.

My passion in life is to help people.  It’s what makes me feel good and gives me a reason to go on.  Oddly enough I was reflecting on this the other day.  I remember growing up I wanted to become a Priest.  Kind of funny when you think about it.  However, in interviews I am often asked why of all things you could do, do you want to be in Technology?  Simple  - I like helping people.  Yes, I have my problems and I will continue to share what I feel comfortable in sharing here.  However, if I can help you by giving advice or my POV, ask away.  I don’t bite, honest!  So ask away folks. 

Ugh it’s Friday

Most people do not complain when Friday gets here.  However, when your sitting in my shoes with no job, Friday means you get two days of sitting and waiting until Monday rolls around again.

I am happy to report that March went out like a Lion.  I say that because there was like 5 jobs I applied for tonight.  My over all week total is up to 15, which is not bad at all!

Nothing special about today, just another average day in the life.  We did go out to get a bite to eat for supper.  I had a huge pizza and brought left overs home, which will last a couple days.  My partner had a huge salad which he consumed at the restaurant.  So now we have left over pizza and left over chili, wow doesn’t that sound like an amazing combination for heart burn?  Ah well, there is cheese and that is what appeals to me.  I love cheese, always have and always will.

I need to go clean out the kids water fountain and change the filter.  It’s actually due tomorrow but I have been putting it off and the time seems right.  If I procrastinate any longer it won’t get done.  They actually can get sick if I don’t stay on top of this.  Bacteria builds up, someone always tosses food in I guess they think it’s fun.  Anyway, it’s best when it’s clean but give it a day and they manage to get it dirty.  However, they all drink like they are fish.

So Happy Friday and I hope that you enjoy your weekend.  Got any special plans?  Going any place?  I’d love to hear about it.  Leave a comment.  Meanwhile I will keep on keeping on.  Talk with you peeps later!

Late to bed…woke up early to rise

I mentioned in my post yesterday that Lawn Boy was coming over to take care of the grass.  Yeah he did that bright and early at 8:30 AM.  Woke me up.  For a change I was sleeping by myself but I still got up and fed the children.  I also grabbed breakfast for myself.  I took a peek outside and he still looks the same and was moving at a mile a minute.  I need energy like that!

So last night I went to turn in and noticed the boys pacing by the back door.  That means we had a visitor and sure enough an Orange Tabby.  It was beautiful.  I have never seen such a fluffy tail.  It seemed harmless until one of the cats tried to swipe at it through the glass door.  It wanted to come inside.  I just couldn’t get over how beautiful it was.  So everyone was glued to the back door, which explains why I slept by myself.  As I turned out the lights even with my door closed, I could hear the fighting in the kitchen.  I was waiting for the house alarm to go off but thankfully that didn’t happen.  When I woke this morning it was gone.  Hopefully, it found it’s way home.  Looked like it was well cared for.

I was up for a while but after an hour of Will & Grace I went back to bed for a while.  I left my door open and the cats just piled in bed with me.  No room to turn but I sure was extra warm.  My partner woke me up as soon as I was sleeping comfortably.  Damn no rest for me at all.  He was going to eat lunch it was 11, I told him I was going to sleep.

I finally got up around 1.  Lunch, which was left over chili was on the stove.  Oddly enough still slightly warm.  So I had two bowls full with cheese of course.  Then I cooled my mouth off with a Brown Cow.  I noticed that someone had gotten sick so I got out the Spot Bot and cleaned up.  That took about an hour.  I also lit a Peach Candle.  Wow that was amazing!

After all that work I just didn’t feel so good.  I had things to do but I just needed to rest.  I felt like I couldn’t get enough to drink and my sugar was off.  So I had some water and ate a cup of Chocolate Pudding.  That didn’t exactly make me feel a whole lot better but at least good enough to venture out.

I picked up the mail, nothing special there.  A reminder letter for me that I need to report in at the Unemployment office.  Magazines and junk for my partner.  Then it was off to the bank to put in my partners refund check.  Then to the pet store for fat food as I call it. 

Holy crap I walked in and noticed there was a new guy working the register.  He looked awesome.  I couldn’t wait to hurry up and get all of my items so he could “check me out”.  I intern was checking him out.  His name is Austin but he wasn’t exactly bright.  He put way too much food in bags and had a hard time getting it there, he kept dropping cans.  He also ran up each can of food separately instead of scanning the first one and then telling the register there was a multiple of cans.  So consequently I got a receipt that looked like a kids Christmas list.  One of the bosses came up front, I remember him from when he first started.  Damn he’s gay I know that for a fact and he’s got a good looking body.  Love to see him in his khakis they show off his assets really well.  Ah well time to leave the boy factory and head home.

I walked in the door there was my partner naked as a jay bird, saying he was just going to call me he was about to jump in the shower.  He was worried about me because he thought I just went to his bank.  Nope I had stuff to do!  He got his shower and I put away the cat food, fed the kids and relaxed on the couch.

As soon as I got comfortable the phone rang. I tensed up and of course it stopped on ring two.  That means it was a bill collector call.  Damn!

After about an hour my partner comes out all dressed up and says okay where are we going for supper.  I said where ever your money can afford to take us.  I know right now he doesn’t have any and that was sarcasm.  He said I thought you wanted to go out to supper.  I said yeah maybe tomorrow when you can afford to pay.  We always have the debate about where to go.  Each one of us tries to get the other one to name a place and that usually starts an argument. 

I got him to say Red Lobster or Outback Steakhouse.  I would have loved Outback but it’s more expensive than Red Lobster.  So we opted for Red Lobster.  I really wasn’t in the mood for food, much less Red Lobster.  I paid for the meal and it was okay for me.  He really enjoyed his, which is really all that matters to me.  Strange thing happened.  He got up to go to the bathroom, they sat a party of 7 behind us and before he could get back they got up and left.  No one had a clue as to why.  I know we had to wait for a bit to get someone to take our order, but a waitress was right on top of them telling them she would be with them in a moment.  Ah, well.

So here we are at home.  I have completed my job search and found and applied for two more positions.  I am up to 11 for the week thus far.  Kind of low but I will take what I can get.  We both talked on the way to Red Lobster about the Charity and the hopes that they would call.  The way I have it figured in my brain is that I’m a shoe in for the job.  However, they could find someone who is more experienced than I  and perhaps someone who is currently employed.  However, I figure either of those qualifications would probably cause that candidate to want more money and since they are a Charity I pretty much already know they aren’t going to pay a whole heck of a lot.  Two weeks will be up next Tuesday but I will probably give them until Friday before I touch base.  My partner was wanting me to reach out to them now.  I said since they gave me a time frame of 2 weeks I have to honor that.  If I call now it will be like I am nagging them.  He said yeah you are and you are also desperate and available today.  That will show them that you really, really want the job.  Maybe that might work, but everything I have read both in the past and recently has said if your given a period of time honor that and if you still hear nothing then reach out for an update.  If any of you have a different opinion, I’d love to hear it. 

That sums up my day.  I know BORING.  I’ve got no reason to wake up early tomorrow morning so I am hoping that I can sleep in a bit.  Nothing on the schedule other than hitting the post office for mail.  Hard to believe it is going to be the Weekend already.  Easter next Sunday.  Geez where is this year going. 

I believe on my last blog I set a goal to have a job by Easter, not sure if I will make that or not.  Hopefully though it would be nice.  I don’t look forward to setting a new date.

Hope you had a great day.  Let me know the best or worst part of your day.  Really, I’d love to hear from you especially if you’re a new reader.  I don’t bite, honest.  Talk with you peeps later.

Babbling Away

Hi there and thanks for stopping by!

So I continued my quest to find a youth oriented LGBT site that I could list my blog, in the hopes that I could not only gain followers but possibly help someone out.  Most everything I found tonight was directed at LGBT Youth and you had to be a youngster to join.  So it looks like there might just be plenty of resources out there.

I did list my blog on Technorati, so that may help with some new traffic.  Additionally, I was able to login to my old Site Meter Account and find the Referring Pages.  Unfortunately, strike two.  Most of the sites that linked to me are still up but the blogs are no longer updated.  Ah, well at least I tried.

Last night I forgot to take my sleeping pills.  I was awake until around 4 AM.  I spent a little over an hour tossing and turning.  I felt sleepy when I jumped in bed but then I became wide awake.  I just hate that. 

So I got up around 12 noon and had Breakfast.  Geared up to to watch a Tech Pod Cast which is my normal Sunday routine.  My face with all of my stubble looked sexy but my face was itching so I shaved it all off.  The pours on my nose really give me trouble.  So I applied some Facial crème to them and let it dry.  Then I jumped in the shower and got all clean.  Put on a shirt with no sleeves and some shorts.  I’ve been comfy all day. 

Me and one of my girls (cats) took a couple naps today.  My partner fixed us a Beer Can Chicken and some Corn on the Cob.  Needless to say after that meal I needed to floss. 

Later this evening I fixed a Frozen Tombstone 4 Meat Pizza.  I’m not quite sure how I did it but I got the crust extra crispy.  That was so darn good!

I had a couple of Diet Cokes with Lime today.  Not bad.  I am just so sick of Diet Soda.  Thankfully that keeps me from drinking a bunch of it.  I know for starters soda isn’t good for the body, then moving to Diet Soda all of the junk they put in there is way unhealthy.  I do however love my water, just plain and cold water, it’s the best!  Once and a while I will switch to Raspberry Tea.

So I was watching the news the other night and they said that Tide thefts were on the rise.  Tide as in the laundry soap.  Apparently this has been well known for quite some time but just not told to the general public.  It apparently is the new currency to pay for your Illegal Drugs.  Thefts are nationwide because apparently everyone needs Laundry Detergent.  Tide is the #1 selling brand here in America.  They certainly do enough advertising but I would have never in a million years thought that someone would steal laundry soap.  Much less be able to pay for drugs with it.  The world sure is changing!

So today was the first day in a very long time that I did not use my Debit Card.  Nice to be able to hang on to some money!  We stayed home all day so that is the only reason.  I know tomorrow we will venture out for the mail.  The only thing we have going this week is a Foot Doctor Appointment on Tuesday for my partner.

We are both hoping that the Charity I interviewed with calls this week to offer me a job.  I am not overly anxious about this only because I usually wind up getting hurt.  I only had 10 contacts last week, that is the lowest number in weeks.  I hope that things pick up this week, especially if that call doesn’t come in.  I would even be happier if I was able to set up a couple interviews.

That is pretty much all I have today.  If your new reader or just curious and have questions about me, ask away.  I love comments and interacting with my readers. 

Google & Gay Blogs

While I am in the “appeal” process with Google, my hopes are not high that I will get access to my old account.  In doing some research I found that Google is picking on Gay Bloggers.  The issue appears to be nudity.  When I opened my 2nd blog that did have nudity and men in sexual acts I kind of suspected that I would risk being shutdown.  I thought about opening it as a separate blog and now wish that I would have.  Then I think I would have a better idea as to what happened.

Google disables access but you will NEVER know why it happened.  Much of this activity I am to understand is done by Robots and not humans.  In fact I found a phone number for Google and called it.  I tried to talk with a human but was told that they do not offer live customer support at this time.  Instead I was redirected to a web page.  You can easily wind up chasing your tail going through web pages, forms and forums. 

My understanding is that you complete the form that Google provides when your disabled and want to appeal.  You then should post in the Google Help Forum telling people you got shutdown and ask for help.  A middle man will then relay your request to a Google Employee.  Then the middle man gets back to you after they hear back from the Google Employee and you either get or do not get your access back.  They don’t elaborate as to why things happened it is just that way.  There isn’t such a thing as a 2nd or 3rd appeal but people have tried. 

In short there is a ton of road blocks in place and no one is in any hurry to get you a response.  So to guard against this make sure that you have your Blogger theme & content backed up on a regular basis.  Better yet if your really paranoid don’t post nude photos at all.

While I understand Google is a free service and that said service is “at will” meaning they can terminate your account with or without notice, they are also trying to take over the world, much like a Microsoft.  They give you free e-mail, free cloud storage, programs like Google Docs, They branched into social networking with Google +.  They want you to use their service BUT if you offend them or do something they don’t like they just pull the plug.  Now how in the world do they expect people to trust them?  To my knowledge this hasn’t made it to main stream media and I honestly doubt it will.  I mean it is just something that affects the gays and it’s porn so why put it in the lime light.

I understand some of Google’s point but at the same time, under the Constitution I am entitled to Free Speech.  I should be able to say what I want and post photos of what I want.  I agree with warning people ahead of time that they are about to enter an Adult site.  However, if you click past the warning then you shouldn’t be offended at what you see.  I mean especially when the words homo and sex are in the title and URL of the blog. 

Since I had a gut feeling things would go south I checked on what Google’s policy is regarding Nudity.  Here’s what I found. 

Adult Content: We do allow adult content on Blogger, including images or videos that contain nudity or sexual activity. But, please mark your blog as 'adult' in your Blogger settings. Otherwise, we may put it behind a 'mature content' interstitial.

There are some exceptions to our adult content policy:

• Do not use Blogger as a way to make money on adult content. For example, don't create blogs where a significant percentage of the content is ads or links to commercial porn sites.
• No incest or bestiality content: We do not allow image, video or text content that depicts or encourages incest or bestiality.

Child safety: We have a zero tolerance policy towards content that exploits children. Some examples of this include:

• Child pornography: We will terminate the accounts of any user we find publishing or distributing child pornography. We will also report that user to law enforcement.
• Pedophilia: We do not allow content that encourages or promotes sexual attraction towards children. For example, do not create blogs with galleries of images of children where the collection of images or text accompanying the images is sexually suggestive.

Hate Speech: We want you to use Blogger to express your opinions, even very controversial ones. But, don't cross the line by publishing hate speech. By this, we mean content that promotes hate or violence towards groups based on race, ethnicity, religion, disability, gender, age, veteran status, or sexual orientation/gender identity. For example, don't write a blog saying that members of Race X are criminals or advocating violence against followers of Religion Y.

Crude Content: Don't post content just to be shocking or graphic. For example, collections of close-up images of gunshot wounds or accident scenes without additional context or commentary would violate this policy.

Violence: Don't threaten other people on your blog. For example, don't post death threats against another person or group of people and don't post content encouraging your readers to take violent action against another person or group of people.

Now on my 2nd blog, I did have a content warning up.  I figured that since they permit nudity it wouldn’t be a problem.  I’m no pedophile and totally support protecting children.  I mean your only a kid once.  You will be an adult for a very long time.

Realize that all of this is supposition on my part.  It would be great if Google or their robots would communicate as to why they are disabling or taking away access from people.

I found the Counter of Shame and a list of Gay Blogs that have been closed.  A link to the page and the counter appear below.

http://googlebloggerclosesgayblogs.blogspot.com/ 

As well the Counter of Shame appears in my sidebar.  If I do regain access to my old sites, I am tempted to just put in an entry directing folks here.  Let me know what you would like to see happen if I get my access back.

Thanks for stopping by.  Talk with you peeps later.

Fresh Start

New or Old reader ….Greetings and welcome!  For unknown reason Blogger decided to delete my old blogs.  I have been going through the appeal process to get them back, but with so many horror stories on the net I decided to cut my losses and start over.  Hopefully, this blog will be safe (crosses fingers) and be able to stay on-line for many years.  If you remember me you will recall that I had two blogs.  My main blog was on-line for around 7 years, so loosing all of those posts really hurt.  Not to mention the hours I spent designing this new site.  Time really passes quickly when your engrossed in a project.  The hard part for me was doing the tweaking and making sure everything was just perfect before I forged forward.

For the new folks, read my profile to learn about me.  Just in case you can’t tell by the name of the blog I am gay (shocker, I know).  I have a partner and we have been together for many, many years.  Our children are our cats, we have 7 of them.  1 Momma cat and her 4 kids.  The other two are strays that we took in.  Actually the one stray TAZ had been coming around for years and once we brought him in he brought along a friend.  His friend is male and has not been neutered yet, so he howls to go outside because he wants a female.  He sprays the house to mark his territory and TAZ is really his only friend in the cat world.  We love them all but they don’t all love each other and always get along.  Cat fights or disagreements are a little too frequent.  Someone is always hissing, which drives me absolutely crazy.

I am in the Technology field and have been unemployed for 16 months.  I have had plenty of interviews but no offers.  I suspect but can’t prove that the reason why it’s taken me so long is because one of the people I used as a reference was actually giving out bad information.  I only say I suspect that because last year and again this year I had to places interested in me.  Suddenly after they talked to this person they decided to hire someone else.  So I am now using a different reference in place of that person.  The problem right now is getting interviews.  Last year was great but this year not so much.  Funny thing is when all of this happened I thought it would be a couple months.  Boy was I wrong!

Given the fact that I have been living on unemployment and didn’t know any better, I tapped into my 401k.  That hurt me on taxes as well as wiping out a good portion of my retirement.  Fortunately I am young enough that if I get back to work soon, I will be able to save some of that back.  I am in the process of filing Bankruptcy.  It’s not like I wanted to but I am backed into a corner and really have no choice.  Turns out I didn’t need to touch my retirement after all because it’s protected and exempt from creditors.  Damn!  If I had only known that sooner I would be in less debt and have more savings.  When you know better, you do better.  So now I’m telling folks about it so they too are educated and if they are in my shoes they don’t touch what they have worked so hard to save for.

What can I expect to see here?  There will be some photos of guys on occasion.  I will be talking a lot about my life and what I am going through at the present time.  You will hear all about my partner, cats and what ever is on my mind.  I enjoy music a lot so you will see music videos.  Some advice and commentary on current events.  That is pretty much it in a nut shell.

I welcome your comments, feedback and suggestions.  Feel free to share anything.  Comment moderation is enabled so if you post something that you don’t want me to share with the rest of the world be sure to type in ***DO NOT POST***.  Otherwise, I will publish what you write. 

If your gay and just coming to terms with that or have questions about gay people, I am more than happy to help out with any advice.  I know it is not easy being gay, it can be a difficult thing for you to come to terms with, let alone dealing with how other people react when you tell them the news.  Younger guys hang in there when you grow up things are much better.  The important thing is that if your having any kind of problem be it sexual identity, bullying or whatever TALK to someone, DO NOT hold in your feelings.  That only makes things worse.  The hard part might be finding someone trustworthy.  If you want that person can be me.  Otherwise, seek out a parent, close friend or counselor. 

Well the hour is growing late and I need to prepare to turn in.  Thanks again for stopping by.  I hope to hear from you and see you here again real soon.  Take care!