30 April 2015

Sick Kitty

As I suspected LB is sick.  He didn’t meet me at the door when I came home.  I have no idea where he was but he did come to the kitchen.  He puked up bile twice in getting there. 

I gave him some medicine to settle his stomach, it was old but hopefully it works.  I started reading on the internet and just gave up.  I called the vet and I have an appointment for later this evening. 

We are in to the EMERGENCY hours so just to walk in the door is going to cost me a small fortune.  However, I figure better to deal with it while the issue is fresh and hopefully can be treated.  If I wait and take him in tomorrow things could be worse and there may not be treatment available.

He is going tonight simply for my peace of mind.  I want to know that he is on the right path.  I still have a fear of losing him.  I can’t pour money into him like water down the drain.  So my options are limited. 

I learned from BLU that if you get the gut feeling they are going to die or not get better.  It’s far better to give up.  Right now I am still optimistic.  I can’t imagine how long I will be spending at this place but I am going to get ready for tomorrow now.  So that all I have to do when I get home is take my medicine, get undressed and jump in bed.

I hope this turns out okay.  I know I am over reacting a little bit but he’s one of my boys and that’s my responsibility.  I just pray he is going to be okay.  I expect that I will have an update for you tomorrow.  I do not plan on putting him in the hospital, but I know they are going to push me for that.  I have no problem in telling them NO, done it before and I can do it again. 

Crossing my fingers, saying my prayers and hoping that my little boy will be okay. 

Babble on Thursday

Last night I attended a Town Hall meeting with a local Senator.  The Senator used to be an attorney.  As I listened to him talk I noticed how when things were controversial he deflected and double talked to respond but not exactly to answer the question.  I find it fascinating to listen to listen to people dodge questions or even directly answer them when they have a higher degree.  He’s a great speaker and he mostly sided with his constituents and he constantly was providing his contact information.  A different way to spend the evening. 

I got to watch all of my shows last night, very relaxing evening over all.  Had Chicken Salad on Wavy Lays Ranch Potato Chips.  Not exactly a great meal but it was okay.  I did an experiment with the blood glucose meters.  Last night the numbers were closer than they had been but my meter was still on the high side.  I am interested to see how the new meter reads, but I am not in any way anxious to stick myself again.  That hurts and is not fun.  Besides that I don’t like little pricks. 

Yesterday I thought Marv was sick and he isn’t.  This morning I think TAZ (LB) has something.  He is hot and lethargic.  I think he ate breakfast but I can’t honestly say.  I will be watching him closely when I get home.  I really don’t want to deal with the whole not eating business again, don’t have the time the money or the emotional stability.  Hopefully if he is sick, he springs back.  I know he misses Blu very much but I am not ready for him to join him just yet.  Someone yakked by the litter box, I suspect it was LB.  Perhaps he just has an upset stomach.

On the work front I am chasing down a monitor.  I’ve located everything for the latest lease return but 1 monitor.  I really hope that I can find it.  It drives me nuts looking for a needle in a hay stack.  It makes me feel bad but I have had a feeling from the get go that lots of things went missing from here, despite the fact there are security cameras everywhere.  About the only place you can go that is 100% camera proof is the bathroom and even that might be questionable.  Security is like the theme for the building.  You can’t get very far without a key card.  In any case I have a morning meeting that will last an hour and get me off the phones in the morning early.  Massage at lunch time and then it’s all down hill from there.  Looking forward to going home and checking up on my babies.  The boss is away for a couple days, so I am sure everyone will be playing. 

I will have something frozen tonight.  Man can not subsist on Chicken & Ham Salad for every evening meal.  So I will most likely have something Italian.

One of the dating apps told me that someone asked me out.  I looked he’s 26 and were about 2 hours apart.  I don’t know much about him.  I responded and we shall see what happens.  Not sure if this is going anywhere but that is kind of his call and depends upon the response I receive, if any.  I am not all giddy over it, at least not yet.  I won’t let myself go there unless this materializes into an actual date. 

There you have it, Thursday in a nut shell.  Time to run, talk with you peeps later.

29 April 2015

The Middle

Here we are at the middle of the week again.  Morning came fast and I slept pretty well, I did wake up once during the night but managed to go back to sleep.  Marvin didn’t want to sleep with me.  This morning he just ran for my room and really didn’t want to be bothered.  Knowing that isn’t like him I kept an eye on him and saw him eating.  I took him water in bed and he lapped that up.  I thought I had a problem but that was quickly ruled out.  He’s been grooming himself a lot so I took a look and his butt is as red as fire.  I saw he was in need of some assistance so I got a baby wipe and helped him out.  He wasn’t too thrilled about that.  I hope it helps.  Lord knows I don’t want to lose any of them but especially my sleeping buddy – that would really suck. 

Got a text last night from a friend one of her relatives passed away.  It’s been a long road and this was expected but it took years to happen.  The poor thing fought through thick and thin.  She was on life support until her husband told the hospital to remove it.  It was pretty upsetting to my friend.  Then my friend had a procedure scheduled today to remove a mass from her stomach.  Looks like it was a hernia with an infection.  The path report is pending.  Hopefully she gets good news back.

I got the machine for the new person taken care of.  Her setup looks really nice, kind of wish it was my cube.  Actually I wish I had an office, where I could just close the door.  Someone would probably come in and find me napping.  Walking the halls here all you see is mostly closed doors, especially on a Friday if people are in.  I get kind of jealous of that but then again I’m a grunt. 

Tomorrow is pay day so I get to go home tonight and give away more money.  Yippie.  My late partner had a blood glucose meter from Vocal Point.  He got it through Liberty Medical.  It’s a nice meter and it talks to you which is a plus.  In any case, I am starting to run out of test strips.  So I had to fight to order some, kind of wish I would have done it sooner because they were available on Amazon.  Long story short they are discontinued – so the meter will be useless when I run out of test strips.  That really sucks!  I’ve got a meter in the basement but it needed batteries.  I did a side by side test.  My meter shows me way high where his meter shows me lower, but still at a high number.  Hell who knows which one is right.  I ordered a new meter last night from Amazon, it doesn’t talk but hey I can read a screen.  $36 and it comes with 100 test strips, so I think I got a good deal.  It’s almost like your better off to buy a new meter than to replenish the strips.  Kind of reminds me of the printer market where it’s often cheaper to buy a new printer than it is to purchase ink.  Silly but hey the world is becoming more and more disposable.  Just hammering home – nothing is forever, except diamonds (for now). 

Feeling pretty good today overall.  I hated that I took yesterday off.  I had a lot of people stop by and ask me if I was okay or feeling better.  Kind of nice but I think some of them were just being nosy.  I know for sure that I am appreciated here – it’s shown by my boss and the others.  Now if I just had someone to come home to besides the 4 legged beggars I think my depression would come to an end.  On the bright side I don’t do hardly any yelling at all and there is no arguing with anyone. 

Just about time to go play in traffic.  Getting my massage tomorrow so I’ve got 2 stops on the way home.  Mail and the bank.  Then I get to figure out what’s for dinner.  Chicken Salad sounds good but I kind of want something more than a sandwich.  I am already tired of the Ham Salad, I had it yesterday and again today for lunch.  They overload it with salt, like Ham needs salt. 

Take care and I will talk with you peeps later. 

28 April 2015


I suppose the title of the post gives away what I did today.  I had some trouble sleeping last night and when I did get back to sleep I had some awful dreams.  While I didn’t want to spend the day at home, I knew that I didn’t want to spend the day at work either.  Call it a mental health day.  I just sat around watched TV and napped.  It was relaxing but it also felt a bit like a prison.  I feel a bit embarrassed and a bit like I am losing my mind. 

I had so much to look forward to today, lunch with friends and an afternoon meeting – it could have been a great day had I given in and gone.  We have had fluctuating temperatures and I feel a sinus infection coming on.  That combined with my mental state and I thought staying home for a day would be helpful. 

Tomorrow is back to normal, work is building and I have a new person starting on Thursday that I have to have ready to go.  Besides that work does help take my mind off things, if only for a moment or two. 

Thinking about what I have been through I would characterize it in saying I feel like I have had an appendage removed.  I’m speaking of my late partner.  After all, he was there with me for 20 plus years and the only thing that I have known.  Life was so much of a home run that I didn’t realize it.  I had my moments and thought things were bad but I never thought they could and would get worse.  Losing someone you care about is never easy.  When it’s a spouse it’s different, at least for me it is. 

I realize that I can let this consume me or I can turn things around and move on.  I am proud of all of my accomplishments from standing up to a Union that wanted to deny me benefits to writing a book and the whole mortgage debacle.  I know it’s a fact that I have moved forward and made great strides.  Right now I don’t feel like there is anything to fight for or more so that I have too much idle time on my hands.  I have had more thoughts of ending my life and I keep telling myself but if you do that, you will never know what could have been.  The song the best is yet to come, might very well apply in this situation.  I am just tired of the waiting and wondering.  I’m ready or so I think to find a guy and just jump in head first – see where things go.  I don’t want to go through a pool of guys to find the one, but I realize that is probably the way it’s going to be.  I don’t know that I can take anymore emotional damage to my heart.

Right now I am kind of a hot mess.  All I can say is pray for me, I can use all of the prayer that can come my way.

In other news last night brought me not 1 but 2 checks in the mail.  I got my income tax refund from the amended return.  I crunched the numbers and it came out right on top accurate to what I figured.  Not sure why I thought I was getting less but I am happy to have it.  The second check was for the AC repairs.  I didn’t think they were going to give me my money so I filed a dispute of the charges.  I don’t think that process can be stopped at this point, but I did send a note last night asking that it be dropped as they refunded the money via check.  I wasted a bunch of time and was going to return the check but I thought hey, why do that it’s just easier to take the money and pay the bill – be done. 

Having the tax money is nice, I am going to look for a new pair of tennis shoes this weekend.  I’m looking for something all black and comfortable that I can pass off at work and no one will ever know.  Other people do it, so I figure why not me.  I realize I should just schedule a visit with a foot doctor but I keep holding on to hope that I can fix this on my own.  Yesterday my foot felt better than it had in 3 years.  Today well it hurts but not as bad.

I checked my sugar levels last night and found they have dropped to more of a normal range.  I suspect that my breakfast on Sunday is what contributed to the out of control spiral.  I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.  It’s tough kicking the sweet tooth but I am trying to stay away from sugar as much as possible.  It is my enemy even though it tastes so good, it is so bad.  I used some of my idle time yesterday to research Diabetes and the complications associated with it.  They are not pretty and nothing that I want.  Right now I have two risk factors for having a stroke – 1 being that I am Diabetic and 2 being that I am overweight.  The thought of having a stroke and being away from the kids much less how to pay the bills hits home.  I know first hand that your life can change in a split second.  Granted I am young and the likelihood of that happening is probably 1 in a million but why take the chance.  Why not lose the weight or at the very least cut back on the sweets.  It only benefits me in the end. 

Right now I have 6 reasons to live and they are all cats.  So I am working, living, breathing and pushing forward for them.  It might not be the greatest reason but at least it’s there. 

So there you have it a recap of my day.  Looking forward to watching Tosh.O tonight and seeing someone microwave a glow stick.  I can already tell you it doesn’t turn out pretty but it looks pretty damn funny.  Plus I am still on my Glee marathon.  I realized that I got in on it pretty early like 1/2 way into the first season.  It’s interesting to re-watch and to listen to some good music.  The music helps me in so many ways.  Now if I could just pull off the dance moves like those kids man I think I would be all set.  Someone could pay me to shake my money maker.  Instead I use my brain and not my body to earn my living.  Ah well, that is true for most people. 

Off to scour the net, empty cat liter boxes, pass out treats, watch TV and eventually fall asleep.  Then back at it tomorrow.  Department staff meeting tomorrow so I know I will be a little stressed but thankfully the massage lady will be there on Thursday.  Yet another reason to go to work, so that I don’t miss the sign up sheet. 

I hope that your all doing reasonably well and that life is treating you good.  Hard to believe that this year is almost to the 1/2 way mark.  Time seems to go slowly in the winter but once you break into spring and summer it just sails by only to be surrounded once again by winter. 

27 April 2015

Whack A Mole

The morning started long before I ever set foot in the office.  I had a message on Saturday to see someone as soon as I got in.  Then I got another message for a different person on Sunday.  I pulled into the garage and my phone just started going nutz.  I looked at it and yet another person in distress.  So it was just a matter of jumping from fire to fire for the first hour and a half.  I am really tired.  I got situated at my desk got all of the requests in that I needed to log and presto time to jump up again.  It’s just been a busy day and I suspect that will be the theme for the day.  I am not exactly pleased by that but it’s part of the job. 

Now I am fighting with our inventory guy.  Dealing with him is like dealing with a 2 year old.  You tell him what the problem is and then he asks why or he will come back with a challenging response.  Here’s the story I am out of equipment and I need more.  Pretty simple.  Nope not to him he sends me a list that shows I have all of this equipment but it’s reserved for loaner use.  So now what Einstein?  I got sick of it and sent an e-mail to my boss.  I am tired of dealing with him.  It’s been like that from day 1.  I thought we could make a go of things but he is proving to be resistant.  I have enough to deal with in the day to day scheme of things, so I will let my boss sort it out. 

I think I have figured out what might be the source of my foot problem.  Sugar.  Yeah my foot was killing me from all of the walking I did last week.  I soaked it and that has helped a ton.  However, yesterday I noticed that my sugar level was really up there and there were Ketones were detected in my blood.  It means that there isn’t enough Insulin in the body so the body is using fat for energy.  Not a good sign at all.  I took an extra pill of my Diabetes medicine to help bring down the sugar.  That worked but it was slow.  I stuck myself more times than ever in one day.  Normally I don’t check my sugar, it’s just a once and a while thing.  However, I now see that things are spiraling out of control.  I am setting myself up for failure or at least bigger health issues.  So time to cut back on the sugar.  That will not be an easy task as I love my sweets.  However, having them in smaller portions and in moderation I am hopeful will be a good compromise.  I need to whip my ass into shape and cutting back on sweets can only help.  My one toe still hurts but I think that I have it figured out.  If I don’t cut back on the sweets then I am either headed for additional medication or worse yet something inject able that I will have to do myself.  That is no fun and not something that I even want to entertain.  So this will be trial and error but I really feel like I am on to something. 

Yesterday evening Insty just couldn’t get enough Daddy time.  She was all over me.  I got her out of my room at bed time and then I stayed up for a little bit watching TV.  She started scratching at the door.  So I opened it and let her back in, she slept with me and her 2 brothers last night.  Much to my surprise she behaved herself. I woke up to find her in my bed this morning.  Marvin was at the foot of the bed. 

I got the house all cleaned up.  I even threw out some cardboard boxes that were accumulating in my late partners office.  I started saving them in the hopes of boxing thing up but I don’t foresee that happening soon, so might as well get rid of them.  I have thought about turning his old office into a spare office.  Meaning a place where I could do some work if need be.  It would be handy like when I am on-call or those times that I just didn’t want to go back downstairs.  I quickly talked myself out of that.  Not exactly certain what I want to do.  It would be a good guest bedroom but I don’t get guests.  It’s just a whole lot of house that I have and it’s kind of too much for 1 person.  Where do I go with all of the crap.  I think it’s time to start making a list of things, figuring out what I can get for them and start selling.  Tools – Toolboxes – Lumber and so many other things that I just can’t see me using.  Then maybe I will have extra money and it would help take a load off of the expense for a roof.  I see the Roof as the next major purchase, unless Murphy rears his ugly head. 

So that is all I know at this point in time.  Things have slowed down a little bit now that we are into the lunch hour.  I can only hope they stay nice and calm for the remainder of the day.  I plan on soaking my foot again tonight and continuing on watching Glee.  There is just something about music it just does it for me.  It can be your best friend, it can calm your fears, it can help you express yourself, it can just pass time and if you let it and play along it can make you think that your a star.  As in a singer.  Now I know I am not that good but hey everyone sounds great in the bathtub.  Just don’t tell that to Momma, she hates my singing and begs me to stop when I start.  That is unless I sing her song which is Pretty Woman and it’s been modified just for her.  She knows that is her song and when someone is singing it that they are talking about her.  I’ve got the CD and put it on once and a while just to watch her.  She gets all kinds of happy.  Now if there was a song I could play that would make her stop chewing on herself I would play that non-stop. 

She Drives Me Crazy by the INXS comes to mind because it really bothers me that she chews on herself.  They say it’s a flea allergy but she doesn’t have flea’s.  Put flea medicine on her and nothing happens.  Give her an antihistamine and she passes out but when she wakes up the chewing starts again.  Put her on steroids and that helps a little bit, but she is difficult to give medicine to.  Now I see why I have so much trouble with Marvin.  I am very thankful that Ruth isn’t on anything otherwise I would be screwed. 

Okay so that is all I know for now.  On to a quick lunch and then back to putting out fires.  I’ve got a couple of new people starting and trying to get their stuff ready.  Thinking about supper and it’s either going to be Chicken Salad Sandwich or a Ham Salad Sandwich.  I went a little crazy at the store and craved something different.  I have plenty of it to last for the week, mainly lunch time.  Tomorrow I am supposed to go out with a couple of the girls from work.  That hopefully will be fun and entertaining.  Certainly it will be a break from work. 

Happy Monday, hope yours is going well.  Talk with you peeps later.

26 April 2015


I remember how excited I was when I announced that I had published a book.  Despite not being all that I wanted it to be, it did take a lot of effort on my part.  While I am pleased with my accomplishment and the fact that I was able to tell my story, the truth is most of the world doesn’t care. 

I have been contemplating for a while on what to do with the book.  I haven’t sold a copy, I have given a lot of them away and that helped to get my story into the hands of the people that I wanted to have it. 

I have made some revisions.  I am thinking about things to add and then publishing it again but in a slightly different format.  I am partial to hard back and most books that are published today are done in soft back.  I like the glossy cover.  The content of the book I thought was the hardest thing, but that wasn’t the case at all.  It was the design of the cover.  That is what provided me with the greatest challenge.  I’d love to tell people I interact with both on a personal and professional level that I am a published author.  However, people will be quick to ask what did you write – what’s it about? 

Given the fact that I haven’t sold a single copy I have retired the book a short time ago today.  It is no longer available for purchase.  Once it’s the work of art that I want it to be, I will make it available again to the world.  That will probably be a while. 

Considering that we are nearing the end of the month, I changed the photo at the top of the page.  I decided to keep the overall theme the same for now.  It’s always a tough decision when I go to look for a photo, I have a difficult time deciding.  Partially because I get paralyzed by choice.

So there you have it, a 2nd post on a Sunday from me. 

Depression Weekend

Friday night – I worked the remainder of the day and thought that the end of the day would never come, but thankfully it did!  I came home decided to stop and pick up mail then I grabbed a couple burritos on the way.  Ate 1 and put the other 1 in the fridge.  I sat around and watched TV, took care of the litter boxes and then called it a night early.

I started watching Glee from the first episode just to see how it all came together.  When I started watching the show it was already popular and I am not exactly certain which season they were on.  I find it interesting to see a different cast than when I started watching.  I mean a lot of the same characters are there but they are much younger and thus the people look different.  It is certainly a better way to pass the time, than just sitting here.

Saturday – It was sleep in day and by in I mean the bulk of the day.  I got up and out by 3p.  I fetched the mail and found out that IRS said my money is on the way.  It’s slightly less than I figured but I will take what I can get.  I stopped by Red Lobster and had some Crab Alfredo.  I should have had a drink but passed on that and desert.  Just one giant mount of pasta and I was stuffed to the gills.  Not healthy but then again YOLO. 

I got the cat food shopping done, came home fed them and got my finances updated.  Balanced the books and started on laundry.  Then laid around for the balance of the evening.  Took an extra high dose of sleeping medicine and went to bed. 

Sunday – Woke up several times this morning.  Finally by 8:15 I was ready to go.  Took care of the children and then went out to breakfast.  Got 2 orders of Blueberry Pancakes at Steak N Shake they are so good.  Then made my way to the grocery store.  Came home put everything away and finished watching a strange movie that I was viewing last night.  Then on to Glee and pretty soon I was passed out on the couch.  I was up a little after noon.  Then fed the children their lunch. 

Oh Boy, my mom called.  My brother is having an outpatient procedure to deal with his varicose veins.  The only problem is my mom’s memory is so bad she doesn’t know when it is happening.  They are trying to sell the house on their own, as in for sale by owner.  They had a prospective buyer come look at it and after a few minutes they made a very, very low ball offer.  There is much improvements that need to be made.  I told my mom that she doesn’t have anything to worry about because no one is going to want that place and they would have to polish it up a lot in order to sell it.  That of course won’t happen.  Apparently now my brother and his girlfriend want to buy a house together.  That sounds like a great plan since his name would be on the title, that would eliminate my concerns of them (him and my mom) being thrown in the street.  However, if they wait to buy it before the present house sells then they run the risk of losing it and I think that is probably what will happen.  I hear the stories about home and it makes me think, hey my life isn’t 1/2 bad.  I heard that if my brother didn’t go along with the idea to buy a house with this girl that she would leave him.  That is one messed up situation.  She is using him and he is falling for it hook, line and sinker.  I am glad that I am not living at home or this would be even a further big mess.  I am not happy that he is letting a woman run his life and take advantage of him but he thinks this is true love.  Yeah, wait until he wakes up and everything he owns is gone – then talk to me about true love.  She sounds like the type of woman who would kill him in his sleep. 

My plans for the rest of the day are cleaning and getting ready for good old Monday.  Nothing on the dating front.  I still feel very much alone and while I wish I had someone I certainly don’t need anyone like my brother has.  That is someone that is going to use me and take advantage of me.  I mean I’m a prime target for that but you have to know you’re a target,before you go on guard.  Hopefully the right man will come along for me.  If not then hopefully I can learn to adjust to the new life that I have had for the past 2 years.  Being alone has it’s perks.  So now off to clean and scare the children with the vacuum cleaner. 

I hope your weekend was awesome.  Talk with you peeps later. 

24 April 2015

Free Lunch Friday

Made it to another Friday.  Unfortunately it’s chaos around here today.  Network problems and everyone is calling in to report trouble.  It started last night with just a couple people but has quickly become a widespread issue.  While Monday thru Wednesday was good today and yesterday have made this a hellish week.  I can’t wait to leave.  Which could happen as soon as I am done with lunch, but probably won’t. 

Marvin isn’t feeling well.  I trimmed his claws last night because he was getting stuck in the carpet when he walked.  I didn’t realize it had been a while and they were starting to curl.  At least now when he walks and runs he can do so much better.  It’s stomach problems, hopefully he will be better today.  He ate this morning which is good.  We slept together for part of the night.  I was thinking how blessed I am to have him to snuggle up with.  It’s not the same as a person but still he knows I love him and he expresses his love to me – so it’s a great relationship.  Everyone else is doing just fine, another day another couple cans of food. 

My sexual depression continues, which is unfortunate but hopefully it will be short lived.  I do have plans on catching up on sleep tomorrow so that should help out a lot.  I have also come to enjoy silence – peace & quiet and the only place where I can get that is at home.  I watched The Big Bang Theory last night, it was hilarious – I actually laughed a couple times.  It takes a lot to make that happen but when it does, it’s something supper funny.  Then I had time to kill so I played with my phone and soon found myself clipping claws. 

Routines – I love and hate them.  Looking forward to going home tonight and just kicking back.  Not sure that I will even eat supper.  Maybe enjoy a soda and some left over TV.  I was in the middle of Scandal last night when I couldn’t take it anymore and had to retire.

So hum drum right now but nothing major happening in my life, which is both good and bad.  So I bid you a happy Friday and a good weekend.  May joy follow you and may the noid be kept at bay (remember the noid from the Domino’s commericals back in the 80’s?, if not give it a Google.).  Later peeps.

23 April 2015

Problem Day

I came to work to find that an update that was pushed out last night broke dictation.  It took me most of the morning and working with several people before we got a fix in place.  The thing is that it won’t be applied across the board until Saturday as that is the next maintenance window.  So we treat all of the calls for the problem as 1 off’s.  This little problem has kept me busy for a good part of the day.  I am so tired and haven’t even looked to see how many steps I have taken, figuring that my pedometer has exploded by now. 

Last night I tried to call the local LGBT Center but got no answer.  In looking at their website found that they are closed and looking for a new home.  However, they have people taking phone calls, perhaps I called too late.  I sent an e-mail with the basic’s of the situation they said to allow a week for a response.  It’s been 2 years another week wont make or break things.  That said the on-line apps have once again fizzled out and I have no messages or matches.  People are desperate for companionship or even just for sex, the developers of the apps know that and they appeal to your weakness – you pay them and they could care less if you find someone or not.  In other words it’s a gimmick and I bought into the hype, which is something that I try not to do.  No sense in throwing your money away on something that you will get no benefit from.  Now I say that because I feel up to this point these apps have been a waste of time.  If they prove me wrong and find me a guy then I will happily reverse my opinion. 

I feel proud of myself for reaching out for help, even if nothing comes of it.  It has made me stronger.  Sounds strange I know but it’s true.  I’ve still been in a depression type state this week.  Watching all of the porn in the world just did nothing for me, it was as if I lost interest.  I have forced myself to benefit from it.  That combined with the phone calls and I think I am a little better.  Not leaps and bounds better but a little better. 

A co-worker of mine yesterday came over and just started balling, she hates her job and is miserable here.  She is looking for a new job but that takes time.  She settled for a job that she didn’t really want because it’s in an environment that she said she would never go back to.  Funny I said the same thing and were in the same boat together.  Difference is that I am reasonably comfortable, making good money.  I just have parts of my job that I hate.  I want to have a conversation with her boss but honestly it wouldn’t change anything, it might get her pushed out the door and I really don’t want that.  I mean everyone needs a job unless they are wealthy.  Seeing her cry really affected me and that is something you shouldn’t see in the workplace.  However, it’s good that she let it out.  She was going to go home and I told her that her problems would be waiting for her when she returned.  So she stuck it out and worked the rest of the day.  Today is better for her, which is a good thing.  I know not to get involved because it will only cause problems.  However, hearing her complaints only pulls me down and at first I thought it was just the area where she was.  I think that she is the type of person that always feels that she is a victim – not much I can do about that. 

Well I wish the massage lady was around, I am so ready.  She should be here next week.  Tomorrow is Friday and that is comforting in that we get free lunch, which hopefully will be total awesome goodness.  No real plans for Saturday but the usual.  I am sure that I will have a chance to catch up on sleeping, if I so chose.  Marvin and I might have a sleep off.  I think he will win but then again it could be pretty close to call.

I didn’t think that I would ever get caught up today.  There is another new person starting next week but of course no one has bothered to tell me.  I am waiting for the official word so that I can start working on setting up their equipment.  I just don’t want it to be one of those rush deals because most of her access wasn’t in place so I had to have someone comb over her account.  I don’t setup access just the actual equipment so it wasn’t something I did wrong.  However, it took a lot of complaining on my part which I honestly hate to do.

Here is hoping that I stay awake on the drive home, I am so beat.  I woke up with a headache in the back of my neck and now that I have had a chance to sit it’s starting to come back.  Oh boy 2 more hours and then I will be leaving – can’t wait.  Wish I had a helicopter waiting for me to wisk me to my house.  That is my preferred method of travel but who can afford it?  Traffic has been better but last night was a mess.  We got a memo today saying they are almost done with the construction and thanked us for our patience.  Patience my ass, let’s get moving I want to go home. 

I will leave you with this… Disappointment (noun) Running to a wall with an erection and breaking your nose.  Talk with you peeps later.

22 April 2015

Middle O’ the Week

Yesterday afternoon I got a call from the mortgage broker I used, they said that rates are now lower and I could re-fi.  I wanted to hear what they had to say so I said run the numbers and let me know.  I got a call later in the evening and they can lower the payment by $50 per month.  However, I would need an appraisal and that would cost me $450, plus I could pull cash out to pay for home improvements.  Sounds well and good but I said nah, I will pass.  They said the A word and that is appraisal.  I think that might kill my chances given that roof, furnace/ac and carpet all need to be replaced, then there is the matter of the ceilings in the bathrooms and the fact that the master bath needs some work to complete the replacement of the tub with the shower insert.  I figure why risk it plus spend $450 only to throw it away.  $50 isn’t that big of a savings in the grand scheme of things but I realize that over time it would add up.  I have a sure thing now and don’t want to screw it up.  I told them to keep me in mind if rates drop further.  I have a 3 year guarantee that they will re-fi at no cost to me if rates are lower.  Meaning they will pay for the closing costs, signing fees, etc.  Look at all of the trouble I went through to get the final paperwork, I am not willing to do that again unless I have to.  Chances are high that they still use the same crappy firm and I would still get the same crappy service.

I called a gay hotline last night looking for help with my dating situation.  They suggested reaching out to my local community center, which I didn’t even know existed.  They often have groups or functions for people to meet.  The majority of the people that are there are serious about a relationship.  You don’t have to worry about the photo matching the face and most people won’t play games when it’s face to face.  So it takes a lot of the BS out of the equation and makes things much more simple.  Sounds like it’s something that is worth my time.  I will be reaching out to them to see what they have to offer.  They also told me to put in my on-line profile that I am interested in dating and building an LTR, which I have done from day 1.  That supposedly wards off the trolls and people who want to play games.  I can tell you first hand that doesn’t work.  They also suggested that I educate myself on safe sex – things have changed and the main things that gay men face are HIV/AIDS, Hep B and C.  I know all about using a condom and typical safe sex practices but I figure this can only benefit me in the long run.  I don’t know that I will be jumping into bed with anyone straight away.  They talked about Prep and going on medication that you take the same time everyday, that can reduce the risk of HIV/AIDS by 99.9%.  The problem is that the drug is expensive and since technically I don’t need it, there is a strong chance that my insurance wouldn’t cover it all.  I think the idea is great but it’s a pay to play situation.  I think if I was going to sleep around and have risky sexual behavior that I would be talking with my doctor and sign up right away.  However, that isn’t me.  We talked about age and the person I was speaking with told me that I am still young in the grand scheme of things and there is a lot of life left.  I told him yeah everyone says that but I feel so old and well being alone doesn’t help, hell I am aging as we speak.  So I think this was time well spent and I have more information now than before I called. 

I was a pretty busy guy yesterday trying to sift through the swapping of monitors, setting up a new person and all of the other issues that cropped up.  The day did drag a little but that was mostly when I was sitting still on phone time.  The mornings typically start out slow and then the day ramps up from there.  That isn’t always the case but it happens more often than not.  Whatever it takes to make it Friday @ 5:30p I am all for it. 

Last night I finished up my movie on kink.com.  I chose to finish in the living room while I ate a bit of ice cream.  Wow that could have proven to be a huge mistake.  They had a lady tied up and she was screaming, the volume was a little loud but I turned it down.  Still if you were outside you might have thought someone was in distress.  Lucky for me no one in my neighborhood cares about people, so they didn’t call the cops.  Wouldn’t that have been fun to explain.  Gee officer I was watching this movie about BDSM and they had a lady all hog tied and she was being beaten and screaming.  To make sure I was telling him the truth he would probably want to watch, how awkward would that be.  Damn funny but awkward.  It would give us all something to talk about for days around the water cooler.  Hell it probably gave you a good laugh just reading about it. 

Well that brings me to something I found yesterday on Epic Fail.  It’s a posting at a Target for employee of the month.  The nomination is for a guy named Matt and it reads as follows …   Matt is a real team player who deserves recognition for his hard work at the store.  Not only does he have a positive attitude and great attention to detail, but he’s also a really good kisser.  Every employee in the store wants to kiss Matt, and he’s been generous enough to give a kiss to most of us.  Just last week he French kissed me with his tongue.  Whether it’s on the cheek or the mouth, you know it’s your lucky day if Matt kisses you.  It was submitted by Steve Jennings, Floor Manager.  I just laughed myself silly when I read that.  The even funnier thing is I work with a guy named Matt and I wouldn’t object to getting a kiss from him, even thought I am not big on kissing.  I thought about sharing the photo with him but figured that he might be offended, people are strange so I have just managed to keep that to myself. 

The after hours work is being done tonight, so I don’t have to stay which I am very thankful for.  The children are thankful too but no one knows it but us.  They would be crabby if I fed them late.  Heck even a minor traffic delay and I hear about it when I walk in the door.  It’s like they are saying where have you been?  Your late!  They are all doing okay, Bear slept with me again last night.  Funny thing I was deciding on what I was going to watch on TV and there was a bit of silence.  Bear had fallen asleep and was snoring.  I’ve only heard that one other time and it was when he was really sick.  So I only imagine that the fluid is building up – hopefully the extra dose of steroids for a few days will get him back on the straight and narrow.  He is such a lover and craves attention like a bank craves money. 

When the massage lady was here she was telling me all about this memory supplement that is going to come out from these exclusive products she sells.  It’s got medical science to back it up and she just went on and on.  It’s like $50 but don’t ask me the name of it because I honestly don’t remember.  While that is funny, ever since that conversation I have been so forgetful.  I walk into a room and don’t remember why I am there or I go to do something and I forget what it was I was going to do.  It’s like she placed a spell on me and I can’t seem to shake it.  I wish it would go away.

Ah, another day here at the ranch.  I guess this is the part where I stick a fork in the post and call it done.  Talk with you all again soon.  Happy Hump(ing) Day!  :-)

21 April 2015

Porn on NetFlix

Last night was one of those Mellon collie nights where I wasn’t at my best.  After I ate supper it was like the world came crashing down.  I felt alone and bored.  So earlier in the day I was going through Charlie Puth’s Instagram and he posted a phone number for fans to call and/or text him.  He much prefers text, imagine that.  In any case I called and of course I got voice mail but I left a message.  I didn’t leave a number but I am not expecting a return call.  It was kind of a nice thing.  I can only imagine after you become popular and leave a phone number that people are not calling it constantly.  So I didn’t expect a live person to start with.  I really expected to hear that the number was no longer in service.  Texting it well that isn’t my thing and you can’t tell who is at the keyboard.  He probably has a bot setup to automatically respond.  Truly reaching a ‘famous’ person is a task that I suspect is difficult to do.  Like anything else in this world I am positive that if I wanted to do it, I could.  However, everyone deserves a certain amount of privacy regardless of their stature.

I finished up watching the Hotline movie, it was rather interesting.  There was a guy who was lonely and he put up his phone number and said that he was willing to talk with anyone about anything.  He was in NYC of all places.  It wasn’t long before his number went viral and his phone was blowing up.  He soon found himself anything but bored.  I am not sure how he makes his living but it seems that he really doesn’t have much time to do anything but talk on the phone and/or text people.  It was a bold move but from the way it sounds he has impacted several lives.

After that was finished I started looking for something else to watch.  I found a movie made by James Franco that went inside Kink.com  this is a BDSM website that produces the largest amount of BDSM content on the web.  I originally thought they were a gay only company, but nope they cater to both hetro and homo.  It is porn on NetFlix you see body parts, sexual acts it’s interesting.  I was already familiar with the site and they produce some good stuff, if your into that.  I enjoy watching but I can’t say that I am willing to participate.  They had this woman chained upside down, with a belt around her abdomen and her hands tied behind her back, a strap around her neck and attached to her head.  They hooked her up to this intense vibrator and she had orgasm after orgasm.  It got to a point where her eyes rolled in back of her head and she was passing out.  They stopped talked to her for a bit and then turned the vibrator back on.  Geez I wish it was that easy for me to have an orgasm.  They looked to be rather intense.  I got to the last 10 minutes of the movie and the Mayor (Marvin) wanted to get in bed.  He was grousing at me so I gave in and turned it off.  I look forward to finishing it tonight.  I was very surprised to find this kind of content on NetFlix of all places.  It is educational and entertaining but obviously it will only appeal to a certain audience. 

Last night before I left the office I got pulled into a phone conference, which I wasn’t too happy about.  We have a circuit that needs to go live asap.  They want to do it on Thursday night and were talking like 8p so guess who gets to stay. They are going to try for Wednesday but if that fails as I suspect it will then it will fall on my shoulders for Thursday.  I won’t be letting them wait until 8p I will be saying start earlier – fuck I want to get home.  There are plenty of places to eat around here but I am more worried about the cats and getting them fed, plus trying to have some what of an evening which won’t happen if I am here until 8:30p or 9p.  I might as well just prop up a cot and spend the night already.  It will look nice on my check but damn my older body can only take so much abuse. 

I was remarking the other day to myself it’s been a long time since I got an International Male catalog.  Well one came in the mail last night.  Nothing better than looking at guys in their underwear.  They are starting to sell leather gear now and I even found underwear modeled after a woman’s panties but made for a man.  Yeah wearing panties not my thing.  If I got them that would be the one day I would be in an accident an have to have all of my clothes cut off of me to expose that.  I mean if that is your thing, no disrespect but I wouldn’t want to have to explain that.  ER staff have seen it all though so nothing would surprise them, but it would surprise anyone else that saw it. 

:Moving along to the cat kingdom.  Bear used the litter box last night, this was the big one at the end of the hall.  He fell getting out but got right back up and pitter pattered away from it.  I gave him a bath but he really didn’t need it.  I am proud of him, he hasn’t just given up.  He is sounding congested so I am upping the steroid tonight for a few days in the hopes that it will help him some.  Momma barfed last night.  It’s no wonder the way she chews at herself and eats her fur.  Outside of that everyone else is doing okay. 

The weather here is very cool all of a sudden.  It was so much so that last night I had to fire up the furnace.  I was wishing i didn’t take the electric blanket off the bed but I was still comfy.  Marv had me up in the middle of the night to let him out.  Bear slept with me, which I enjoyed.  I like it when things are as normal as possible, then it feels more like home and all is right in the world.

So here we are at Tuesday.  Were off to a slow start but the week is progressing.  I am ready to go already.  I was thinking this morning about how different life would be if I were wealthy.  Yeah I was dreaming again.  However, part of me still would like to re-lo to CA.  I think that I would have an easier time of finding a partner and I would be exposed to a lot of different things.  However the cost of living is higher so I would have to know where to set my expectations for income  and manage to find a job before I ever set foot in the state.  I have a lot of crap here and moving it all would seem like an impossible chore but I know it could be done.  Then there is the matter of the house and getting it sold.  The whole process screams stress and work.  I can’t foresee myself going through with it but I may look to see what kind of work is available for grins. 

Finally I got notification that my ticket for the concert was ready to print.  I printed it out and it of course has the original purchasers name on it, which is fine.  However, I saw the face value of the ticket it was $27 and I paid $60 wow that is one hell of a mark up.  The only other concern I have is that the ticket would be used twice and if that is the case then the place where the concert is at, will deny entry to both people.  I at least have protection through Stub Hub so the worst thing is that I would miss out.  I am sure it will all be fine.  Just want to see Charlie perform and maybe get a chance to meet him in person.  It hopefully will be a blast night out by myself.  Still have to pay for mass transit but I can do that on the day of w/o any problem.  Looking forward to it but I am sure it will be a HOT day since it’s in July that is always a hot month here. 

Well happy Tuesday.  I will talk with you peeps again soon. 

20 April 2015

Rut Ro Monday again

Wow it’s Monday again already.  Marv woke me up a couple minutes early and like normal I just wanted to go back to sleep.  He took a break with sleeping with me for a day or two and now things are back to normal.  He didn’t move out of bed yesterday until I fired up the vacuum cleaner.  I was in the basement but that sound much like a plastic bag has the same effect on him.  He runs and hides.  Everyone else runs when they hear the motor but plastic bags, nah they don’t get scared at all.  Friday night I was on the phone and Marv wanted to see what was behind the door ( I still think he is looking for his other father).  I opened the door and he wanted to go in the garage, I yelled at him not to and he just looked around and then walked away.  The garage is a bad place for a cat, mischief is just lurking out there.  Everyone is still doing okay, which is very good!

Today were supposed to get a free lunch but given what happened last time I brought my lunch.  This is for the whole office so the odds of things going south are slim but still there is a slight risk there.  It’s to celebrate the home opening of baseball – yippee.  We could wear jeans today but I opted not to.  I dressed normal like it was a typical Monday, if I wear jeans I might think it’s Friday and then get super depressed when I realize it’s Monday and I have to come back tomorrow.  Fried Chicken is on the menu for lunch.  I’ve still got some of that in my fridge and I am throwing it out tonight.  I hope the animals don’t sniff it out and get into the trash.  I will be extra careful but still that doesn’t always work.  I am having left over Maggiano’s for supper tonight and of course it is Lasagna.  I wish I had some garlic bread to go with it but I will take what I have.  Back to a regular menu tomorrow, yuck.

I started watching a movie on Netflix last night called Hotline.  It’s about all of the various different hotlines in the world everything from suicide, gay help, sex to prayer.  Kind of interesting, I never really stopped to think of how many hotlines there are available.  There was a unique suicide hotline that just listened to people.  They didn’t use any type of technology, they didn’t call the police or try to trace the call.  Wow I hope they have a high success rate.  Most people that call are in crisis and they need some help.  I couldn’t work there knowing that it was still possible that I lost someone because it was policy not to call the police.  Granted most people just need someone to talk to and that solves the biggest part of the problem.  Still there are some people who will actually do it.  I mean I have thought about it and gone so far as to develop plans.  I won’t admit to that publically because it raises flags and would get me unwanted attention.  I still have times when I’d like to give up but thinking about the progress that I have made and what I have to live for, which is mainly the cats is what keeps me going.  I’ve said it many times but if it wasn’t for the cats I wouldn’t be here.  The pain of moving forward without the one you love by your side and in your life is so very real and all encompassing, that life it’s self looses meaning.  Why go on?  Simple because I know that is what he wants me to do and because I would be depriving myself of so many opportunities. 

Last night I cleaned up the DVR and got rid of a bunch of shows that I had planned to watch but in reality know that I won’t watch.  I didn’t see any point in taking up space.  I will admit that the two features I miss of my TiVo are 1.  The ability to have a 30 second skip to easily fast forward through commercials and 2. The ability to transfer recordings to my PC so that I can keep them forever by either storing on a hard drive or burning to disc.   Uverse does have a skip feature for commercials but it isn’t nearly as easy as the TiVo function.  Plus I used TiVo forever so the remote was in my memory, I didn’t need a light to see what I was pressing I knew by heart.  The Uverse remote even though I have had it for 4 months going on 5 I still don’t have it memorized and need that light.  Outside of that I am very pleased.  The content on Here TV seems to be dwindling and I am starting to rethink paying $7 a month as I don’t feel like I am getting my monies worth.  I do get to see something now and then that I like but for the most part it’s filled with crap.  Vampires, Witches and things that go bump in the night – gay or straight not my cup of tea.  Then again I have the 450 package meaning that I have over 450 channels to watch and often there isn’t a damn thing on that interest me.  So glad I have Netflix and Amazon to help out.  There are those times when no matter where I search there is nothing that is of interest to me.  That’s usually when I give up and either browse my phone or call it a night.  One would think with over 450 choices that something would appeal to me but I can be very picky at times. 

I made a switch over the weekend.  I moved the UPS from my partners former computer room to my bedroom to power everything in there.  Then I took the one I had and hooked it up to the sump pump in the basement.  I think that is smart thinking so that there is a battery backup in the event of a power failure the sump pump could run, even if only for a short time it may be the difference between a flood and no flood.  It hasn’t happened in the 15 plus years I have lived there but who’s to say that it will stay that way.  Better safe than sorry.  Plus I have a larger battery now in my room, so my stuff will run longer.  There was no sense in letting something good go to waste since it wasn’t being used.  I was supposed to clean up his office this weekend but that task fell by the wayside.  The crap isn’t going anywhere so it will be there waiting for me when ever I am ready or get around to it. 

Here’s hoping for a calm and fast moving, traffic free week.  I realize I am asking for a lot but hey why not shoot for the sky!  Now off to hum drum work.  I am working on a short list of people that need to have their monitors swapped and getting responses from everyone to schedule is like pulling teeth.  The monitors aren’t due back until June but I am under pressure to complete the task quickly.  Makes no sense to me but whatever.  I will just be glad when it’s over, then I can return to hum drum.  Oh yeah we no longer have to send daily reports about what we did in our non phone time.  That is kind of cool so if I wanted to I could go back to goofing off – yes freedom!  I was kind of addicted to the report but I am super happy that I no longer have to think of my every move and remember it to put in a report. 

Happy week – talk with you peeps later!

19 April 2015

Z Weekend Update

Friday night … I got medication for Momma then came home.  I fed the children but wasn’t really in the mood to eat.  I wound up with a soda and a little bit of Chex Snack Mix.  I spent the evening in front of the TV and tried to relax as much as possible.  Eventually going to bed early.

Saturday… I got going early headed out to Steak N Shake to see all of the regulars and get me some food.  Then I hit up the cat food store and you know who was working as the cashier.  I fucking hate seeing him and talking to him.  I would be immensely happy if I never saw him again.  Then I went home and realized that I wanted to go to the post office.  So I headed in that direction and then came home.  Unloaded all of the cat stuff and sat down and watched TV.  I eventually wound up napping the biggest part of the day away. 

I woke up with plenty of time to get dressed and go visit my friends.  We had a nice time and I spent more money than I thought I would.  Since he is no longer working I saw they compromised a lot and didn’t have the usual wine they get.  It is nothing for them to rack up $100 bill all by themselves.  Now since I paid last time you would think they would offer to pay this time, but that didn’t happen.  So I took care of my portion, which wasn’t a big deal it was just more than I expected. 

I came home started laundry, fed the children.  I played on the computer.  I am still dealing with an odd problem in Windows 8.1.  I go to expand Devices and Printers and it takes forever to load.  I’ve been all over the web.  There are registry hacks that don’t apply to me.  I’ve goofed with Bluetooth but still no difference.  I even took off all of the printers and drivers, loaded them fresh and still no dice.  This is rather frustrating because the rest of the machine works fine.  My fear is that I will fix this but break something else.  I’d just like to fix the one problem.  It sounds like this will be an on-going battle for a while.  We all know I won’t give up and let the machine defeat me.  The only other option is to wipe it all out and start over fresh.  Since I blew away my backup that isn’t a viable option now.  I would also like to stay away from that because it is time consuming. 

Sunday… Slept in but headed out to Cracker Barrel.  I stood on my feet for 1/2 hour to get a seat.  Man that hurt.  The food was good but also a bit pricy.  Now I remember why I stick with Steak N Shake.  Then hit up the grocery store.  Came home and put away the little bit of groceries that I got.  Settled up the money score by charting all of the money I had just spent.  Finishing laundry is next on the list and so I started down that path. 

Lunch came a little late for the children but they got it.  I had a soda and passed out on the couch for a couple hours.  Then started cleaning the house, working with the trash and finishing up laundry.  The Mayor (Marvin) finally left my bed when I broke out the vacuum cleaner.  I wanted to wash the bedding but it’s getting late so I am just removing the Electric Blanket, I think it is safe to say were done with that for now.   

It will be frozen pizza for supper for me, haven’t done that in a while.  Then wrapping things up around here by getting ready for Monday.  Then on to watch Nurse Jackie and Secrets & Lies.  Hopefully by then I will be tired.


In the dating arena.  I fired up Grindr on Saturday morning and I had a message waiting from a cute 21 year old Twink who said ‘Hello Daddy’  Wow that was refreshing to see.  I said Hi back and later that afternoon I learned he wanted pictures.  End of conversation.  We just met, what sane person sends a nude photo to a complete stranger?  I wanted to send him a picture of Dick Cheney but just decided not to continue the conversation.  This morning I woke up and found another younger guy who said hi but when I looked at his profile I saw he was HIV +.  Sorry not going down that rabbit hole.  I am sure he is a great person but I don’t need that element in my life.  I did what I said I wasn’t going to do and parted with more money.  I saw a hottie on How About We and wanted to ask him out.  So I bought a one month subscription which I promptly turned off the auto renew feature and asked him out.  I am still waiting on a response.  This whole little quest of finding someone is getting to be a little more than daunting and depressing.  I really wish it would fall into place already.  I can see me taking a break from it again but it won’t be until the subscription on Compatible Partners runs out.  I went to message someone from there and they hit you with a warning message as I read it I realized that I have unknowingly raised a lot of red flags.  One of the big things is someone who claims to be recently widowed.  Yeah well in my case it’s true.  I’m not out for anyone’s money and I certainly don’t want anyone to take mine.  There were other things but that is the biggest one that stuck out. 

There you have it, my weekend summary.  Now back to regular programming and chores for me.  I hope that you all had a great weekend.  Thanks for stopping by and I will talk with you all again soon.

17 April 2015

:-) Friday

The furry children of mine are all doing well.  No major issues and no one sick as of this morning.  It’s kind of nice to have things back to normal again.  Bear used the litter box last night.  I am so proud of him because he hasn’t given up.  I understand that some days are better than others.  So long as he goes in the appropriate area I am happy.

I received my notification yesterday that there would be mail waiting for me, so I stopped by the post office and picked up a junk mail flyer.  I wish they would only send the alerts when you had actual mail and not junk.  Going every 2 days helps but now and then I hear the little voice inside of me that says you need to stop for mail today.  There is something important waiting for you.  So I give in and that was the case this week.  I won’t be back until Saturday so whatever comes today will have to wait until tomorrow to get picked up.

Just got a note from my boss that we can stop sending in our daily reports of accounting for our time when we are not on the phones.  Wow that will save me a little bit of work and allows more room for goofing off, which I kind of like.  It will actually cause me to relax a bit and work more comfortably.  I know that big brother is here but it’s just a little less obvious by eliminating this task from my daily routine. 

Yesterday was a run around all day long kind of day.  I had a strange problem and it all pointed to DNS – turns out I was right.  I hate it when I know more than an engineer and I am right.  The same thing happened earlier this week when a new guy started.  He needed to have his phone activated with company e-mail.  I asked for Exchange Active Sync to be turned on for his device and was told oh this was already done.  So I went to activate the device and no EAS.  I fought under the pretense that it was turned on but no matter what I did I couldn’t get the account to add.  Finally I asked someone else to double check and turns out EAS was turned off, which is what my gut was telling me.  I am not saying I am a know it all but I have been around the block a few times and down many rabbit holes to have a general idea of what is going on. 

My therapist and a friend have both asked me about my job recently.  I told them the same thing… I am happy but there are parts to my job that are getting old.  I realize why I got away from a phone job and I want nothing more than to get away from the phones.  It won’t happen in this position and given there is no where to move to right now I am sort of stuck.  I am also not wild about being on-call even if I do get paid for it and it justifies paying for my mobile device.  I would sooner pay the bill myself and be able to walk away from being on call and having phone time.  It might make for long days but in the end I think I would be happier.  I am keeping my eyes open, while I don’t want to leave if there is a better opportunity that presents it’s self I would certainly entertain the idea of moving.  It would have to be worth my while – which makes up several things the pay, the commute, the benefits, the culture.  It’s far easier to stay complacent and be content but that just isn’t me.  I don’t know that there is a job where I will ever be 100% happy all of the time.  I think those days are gone.  I had a job like that in the past but it is no more. 

I got in some TV time last night.  I reheated some of the chicken I picked up from the store.  Not wild about it but it was a meal.  I am not sure what I will dig out for tonight but hopefully it is good.  Tomorrow will be Italian food so I am kind of excited for that.  It is always good to have something to look forward to.  Be it a day off, the weekend, food or a date.  Speaking of dating I saw that there is an app called How About We that just re-did their mobile app.  I downloaded it last night and it looks pretty interesting.  You answer the question … How About we ….  Most people follow it up with go for a drink, go out to eat and to the movies, etc.  It is different.  Not to say that hookups don’t happen because I think they do, it’s just a part of life.  However, it’s a new twist on finding someone.  You can even opt in for dating tonight.  Provide the service with your mobile phone number and they will set you up with matches, if you get a match from both ends they arrange for secure text messaging so neither of you has the others phone number, but you can talk to each other and work on setting up a date for tonight.  Kind of cool.  I just opted in for tonight, but don’t expect any thing from it.  I just want to see what happens. 

My massage yesterday was orgasmic like, I was so relaxed and really didn’t want to go back to work.  We have such a demand for the therapist that she is now coming on Thursday & Friday.  So if I could afford it I can get two massages.  She is here today but I think I will save my money.  I am a little sore from yesterday.  Besides that two days in a row might make it hurt worse.  The idea does sound nice. The feeling of relaxing stuck with me when I got home and as soon as I felt myself starting to drift I went to bed.  Chatty Marvin wanted to keep talking.  Last night was the first night that I actually hit him.  Message received, and he was quiet he went to sulk at the end of the bed.  I felt slightly bad but needed my shuteye.  Being chatty is nice for a little bit but when he doesn’t turn it off that is what gets to me.

So I get to sleep in tomorrow, kind of looking forward to that.  No reason to get up early other than to get cat shopping done – that would be food and litter.  It is supposed to rain all weekend long here, I hope that doesn’t happen but probably will.  Lawn Boy stopped by earlier this week and cut the grass without clearing it with me first.  I have started to see and realize what a crappy job he does.  As he grows older he gets tired and thus his work gets sloppy.  At this point I am not going to say anything because I am sure that it would affect price and it may even damage the relationship.  If things continue in this manner I will have no choice but really prefer to just keep quiet.  I mean we all have bad days, I get it. 

I wish you all a very happy weekend and hope that the sun shines brightly in your neck of the woods.  I will talk with you peeps later. 

16 April 2015


Yesterday afternoon I received an e-mail from the AC Repair company.  They profusely apologized and told me that this wasn’t the way that they do business and they were deeply sorry.  They are taking corrective action to remedy the situation and for my inconvenience they are refunding in full the cost of the repair.  While that is good news, I kind of wish now that I would have had more work done.  I could have had major improvements for no cost at all.  Ah well the letter I figured would get me a refund but that wasn’t the point.  The point was to let them know they did a crappy job and their tech was an ass.  Also to get me a copy of my receipt.  So now I am waiting to see if the refund comes through.  I am hanging on to that e-mail until it does post to my account. 

The garage last night was a bitch to get out of again.  All due to construction.  Once I was able to get out and go the other way I moved.  Saved myself at least a half hour of sitting in traffic going the ‘shorter’ way.  I was very glad to get home.  The evening didn’t go exactly as I had planned but mostly.  I renewed my AAA Membership, my Sam’s Club Membership and I bit the bullet and purchased a concert ticket.  While I paid for the ticket last night I won’t be able to print it until a few days before the concert, which is in July.  I pray with all my heart that Charlie doesn’t cancel because he is the only reason why I am going.  To make it a little more interesting, I found out there isn’t any assigned seating.  It’s all General Admission so you sit where you want to.  Certain areas are restricted to 21 and older.  So my plan is to get there extra early and be patient in the hopes that I get a good seat.  We shall see what happens.  I can’t believe I went through with it.  I am still on a bit of a high from it but also a little nervous, especially due to the seating issue.  The place does have an SRO (Standing Room Only) area but I don’t even want to go there.  If I have to stand then I don’t think I will stay too long because my feet will kill me. 

Today is Thursday and I haven’t heard from the Bankruptcy attorney.  I presume his conversation with the Trustee’s office went well on Tuesday.  I pray that the moon and the stars align and I am able to get out of that mess.  While there is no entitlement, I feel that I have thrown away my money and given them more than what is right, just and fair.  So in my eyes I do see it as an entitlement.

Yesterday in checking FB the section on people you might know, I start scrolling through and there is my brother.  That girl he is dating is making him do a lot of things that he wouldn’t otherwise do.  Funny how the anticipation of sex does that.  In any case he is on FB.  So I sent him a friend request and he accepted last night.  I never in a million years thought I would see him on FB.  I had talked the site up to him for years and told him that he could reconnect with old classmates and friends but it just wasn’t something he was interested in.  Now that she likes it and is on, well so is he.  I think if she told him to jump off a cliff he would.  Love is blind, at least the little head is.  :-)  I hope that I NEVER get that way.  I want to be me because there is only one person who can be me and that is me. 

Did you ever Google yourself?  It’s something that I do from time to time.  I was really surprised that a website that is devoted strictly to publishing public records has made it known that I filed bankruptcy.  They claim that it’s the public’s right to know and that is true.  It’s a public matter and your attorney should tell you that prior to filing.  So anyone can get a copy of the petition and some other documents about the case.  Your SSN is protected but outside of that they can find out where you live, where you get your mail, what your phone number and e-mail address is.  The site claims that they won’t take down information based solely on a request from you.  Rather they direct you to 3 companies who work on managing peoples on-line reputation.  So you contact them, pay them money and then presto the information is redacted or suppressed from searches.  I think it’s a money making scheme.  While I am not proud to say that I filed Bankruptcy, I can admit it openly and honestly.  I can also explain that my back was against the wall and I had no other options.  I think it was one of the smartest moves I have made and it gave me a fresh start, which is oddly refreshing.  I am careful to try not to over extend myself as i don’t want to get in that type of situation again.  I know that I will be in debt for the rest of my life until and including the day that I die.  It’s just one of those givens.  I really wish that the website didn’t publish it but I can’t see paying someone to remove the information either. 

My friend that is looking for a job called yesterday afternoon, he was in a panic and needed to know if he could use me as a reference.  I told him of course and passed on the information that he needed.  He wants to get together on Saturday.  So he phoned me last night very late and I wound up chatting with him for an hour.  I just couldn’t get him to close his trap.  Finally I told him I have to go, work needs me tomorrow.  I made reservations and we are meeting Saturday evening.  Maggiano’s here I come.  I had plans to go there on Friday but scrapped them since he called.  It was going to be a treat but it’s more fun to be with friends.  Doing most things alone sucks.

Ah it’s massage day.  My neck is full of knots and so is my back.  So I think I picked a good day.  I am taking a risk by using my lunch hour but I plan to eat afterwards and will just hope there are no emergencies.  Today is kind of a chill day for me.  I have no plans on running myself ragged like I have earlier in the week.  I am just going to be lazy.  The plan is the same for tomorrow as well.  Then we have the weekend, which we all know is my favorite time. 

I plan to wash a couple of my former partners short sleeve polo’s and add them to my wardrobe.  He usually wore a red polo that was like his shirt for every occasion.  He had more than one and I cherish them all.  It does feel a little strange but at the same time it’s like I have him with me when I am wearing his clothes.  I have gotten compliments before on a couple of his shirts that I wear from time to time.  Even if they are a little too big on me, I make it work.  God I miss him so much and wish that he was here.  I’d really like him to see me, making it on my own, despite the fact that it’s painful.  I was thinking about him this morning and one of our talks about where he told me that he didn’t want to die because it would mean that I was all alone and he wasn’t ready to leave me and that he would never be ready to leave me.  While I am sure there was a part of him that wanted to stay here, it was his time and I think the sorrow faded away and was replaced with joy or at least a numb feeling so he didn’t lament on it.  It just happened.  I pray that I will see him again someday.   Wow I really feel like he is watching me.  I got a call as I was typing that which shifted my focus.  I was starting to tear up and he never liked it when I cried. 

So there you have it, all of the news of my world at the moment.  I will talk with you all again soon.  Be well.

15 April 2015

Tax Day

So lots of people here in the US aren’t happy today.  It’s tax day and that means time to file.  However, if you can’t you can always file for an extension.  I’m done and waiting for my refund, so no worries here.  It used to be that the post office would stay open very late and they would have tubs and people collecting mail in the major cities.  Those days are gone.  The main post office here will close at 8p tonight and after that your out of luck, most post offices are closing at normal times.  They understand that it’s a big day but those people have lives too, so there is more pressure to get it together.  Plus most people file electronically which takes money away from the post office so I can kind of understand why they have cut back on man power.  I heard the price of a stamp went up but I don’t mail stuff that often, when I do I use Dymo Stamps and they take care of all of the work for me.  Usually if prices go up I have to download new software, but I haven’t been notified of anything recently so who knows. 

Mayor Marvin seems to be better today.  He wasn’t in bed when I got home but he was in my room just waiting for me to walk in and greet him.  He had plenty of licks saved up for me.  All of the cat food was gone this morning shortly after I put it down, I suppose they were all hungry.  I picked up the empty plates and LB thought there was going to be another meal.  I told him it was time for hibernation, eventually he listened to me and was laying down when I ran out the door. I mean that is what they do, eat and sleep.  Then wake up eat some more, rest for a bit, eat treats, then it’s bed time again.  Rinse, Repeat next day.  Sounds like a boring life but I wouldn’t mind trading places for a few days – it would be nice to have no worries or cares.  Stretch out and take a nice nap.  Wow I am ready zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Yeah if only.  :)

There was a conga line to get out the parking garage last night and once you were out then it was time to sit in traffic.  Construction with a lane restriction took me a 1/2 hour just to get to the freeway.  Seriously that is far too long.  Hopefully tonight will be better or I will go in the other direction and avoid it.  The conga line is the worst part because I have to wait until someone lets me back out, before I can even get in line.  I have thought on more than on occasion about backing in but people fly in the garage and I think you are taking your chances.  Much better to pull in and take your chances on backing out.  I might try it someday but for now I am sticking with boring status quo.

I took a little bit of time last night and listened to a few of Meghan Trainor’s songs.  She is tolerable.  So I guess I am going to the concert.  I will get my ticket soon and then put in for the time off.  I put my name on the calendar already so it’s pretty well approved, just no formal request yet.  I kind of hate scheduling time because if I need it now then I can’t use it then.  However, if I pay for a ticket unless I get my money back I will go to the concert.  I know I am going to have 2nd thoughts and want to back out, which is why I am hesitating.  I don’t know why but I second guess myself and try to talk myself out of having fun and/or doing the things that I enjoy.  This will be a HUGE step forward for me, I just have to stick with the plan.  I will have to take mass transit to and from but outside of that it should hopefully be a good time.  I just hope that the artist I am going to see (Charlie Puth) gets a decent amount of stage time.  There is a meet and greet package available for Megan but not for Charlie.  It’s a little over a thousand dollars.  Now that is a bit much to spend.  Charlie said in social media that he would be meeting all of his fans, so I suppose time will tell on that.  While I’d stand in line to meet him I don’t know if that would actually happen. 

You know in the movies and on TV you see girls and guys both become speechless when they are in front of someone they have a crush on. That actually happens to me.  I get tongue tied and it’s almost like I am having a stroke.  It’s also embarrassing and couple that with dry mouth and I am in one big mess.  I guess it’s overly obvious that I like someone.  Nerves I think are what keep it slightly fun.  If your a runner and you catch my eye I it’s very possible that I will be in a traffic accident from staring.  I have had a lot of close calls.  You have to look where your going or you will run into shit.  Walking, driving, running, no matter what your doing … if your mobile best to concentrate on what is in front of you be it the road, hallway or sidewalk.

On the work front I am low on laptops so I told our inventory guy that and he just spits back a report that says I have a ton of laptops.  Really so now I have to play detective and hunt down equipment.  I really liked this guy when I first met him.  However, every time I deal with him it is a challenge for me.  He always makes me do more work than needed to accomplish the job.  It’s like he doesn’t know how to do his job.  I get that part of it is relying on other people to inform you of changes and when equipment is deployed.  I do my part and can’t help or be held accountable for what my predecessor did.  I just want to scream a great big old fuck you at him.  However, I will do my part and track the equipment down.  I mean your spreadsheet might show one thing but what I am telling you is that I have 2 machines left.  Doesn’t mean that were going to make equipment magically appear so you still need to send me laptops.  Can you feel my blood boiling?  Working with him is like chasing the clouds – impossible. 

So there are a few things going on today and it should be a pretty quick day.  Looking forward to this evening.  Charlie is on Ellen, plus it’s comedy Wednesday and all of my usual shows should have new episodes on.  So hopefully I can put my feet up and watch TV with the kids tonight.  Sounds like a great night if it can actually happen.  I did make it to sign up for 1 hour of a massage tomorrow, so I have to hit up the bank tonight.  Ah, that will feel so good and hopefully my neck will calm down.  Stress is just a killer on the body.

Well off to start my hunting work and see what other kind of trouble I can get myself into.  Ugh!  Not much else that is newsworthy happening.  I did get to watch a police pursuit live on my phone yesterday while waiting for my phone shift to wind down.  The news helicopter actually lost the car at one point.  Some how they managed to arrest multiple people but I only saw 1 person being arrested.  That is as exciting as it gets.  Talk with you peeps later.  

14 April 2015

The Cat Butler

So I have come to the realization that I am a Cat Butler.  I feed them, clean up after them and cater to their every need.  This morning Marvin didn’t get his water and went to bed, so I felt guilty and carried the water dish into him and he lapped it up right from bed.  Now he will probably will expect that service every morning but he won’t get it.  I saw him eat and then he managed to go to the bathroom outside of the litter box and I could tell he didn’t feel well.  Me thinks there is a stomach bug that is passing through the family.  First Ruth now Marvin.  Hopefully it leaves before passing on to anyone else.  So long as no one stops eating I am in good shape, I can deal with the clean up. 

Last night I came straight home and got the trash out, had dinner and took care of the children.  I sat down in front of my computer long enough to realize that isn’t where I wanted to spend my evening.  So I went upstairs and watched TV.  I saw an episode of Chicago Fire, it was okay nothing too special.  Then played on my phone for a bit, looking for new dating apps.  I tried a couple only to delete them within minutes of downloading them.  I checked for updates on the ones that I have installed to see if I had any messages or matches but I didn’t.  So it was off to bed.

I woke up at 3 am and the house was cold, so I fired up the furnace and went back to bed.  My neck was killing me.  It’s a little better now but I can tell that my body is crying out for a massage.  Thursday is only a couple days away and hopefully that will be my day.  The sign up sheet comes out tomorrow and as long as I am quick on the draw there shouldn’t be a problem.

Tonight I get to give away my money.  I have an app on my phone from ADP that tells me what my check will be tomorrow, so I enter it into the books tonight then start scheduling payments.  Efficient yes.  Fun nope.  I like to get it over with as soon as I can so that I can breathe a sigh of relief. 

I heard that the guy that I helped out last week by going to his home, he really wants to do something for me.  If I say no it will hurt his feelings.  So he is going to get me a gift card to a restaurant.  I should have had him buy me a ticket to the concert instead but food is always enjoyable. 

Over the weekend I did something stupid and deleted my backup archive from the cloud.  This is an irreversible process, so now my machine has to send all of my files back up to the cloud.  Not a bad thing it helped purge some old stuff but if my machine should fail I would be out of luck.  It is going to take about a month for the backup to complete.  It’s a lot of data and most of it is video files.  At least my pron collection was restored before I made this mistake.  I didn’t get all of it back but I did get most of it, which is what matters to me.  Once that is done, I have another external drive that I am going to move over to the new drive I just got, so that I only have 1 external drive.  This way I can have a spare on hand in case something goes sideways.  I am a little nervous but I think it will be fine.  The system is stable and I plan to keep it that way.

There was a surprise large meeting to setup for today and it’s going to run a few days, so my mornings will be busy getting them setup.  I am now also working on replacing the monitors that are due back on lease.  Getting people to agree to a time frame is the most difficult thing but I will get through this.  With or without consent.  That of course will give the old back a work out, which I need but I don’t want the pain, just the gain.  I have until the middle of next month but no sense in putting off what you can do today.  Getting through this will give me a feeling of accomplishment and I can’t wait to feel it.  Lease returns suck.

So off I go to save the day or something like that.  I hope it’s a great Tuesday for you and that the weather is nice and your work hours are short.  I will talk with you peeps again soon.

13 April 2015

Blizzard Monday

There is no real Blizzard but inside with work it feels like there is one.  It’s just been a mixed up crazy day.  The best part is the day isn’t even 1/2 over with yet.  I really didn’t want to come in, I found myself saying just one more day please.  Ah well I know we all have to come back sometime. 

Last night when I went up to feed the kids and myself I found a young guy without a shirt on next door cutting grass.  Holy cow, that was entertainment and it was very nice!  The kids all loved their food.  I need to train one of the kids to recognize a cute guy and come get me when one appears.  Nothing wrong with looking. 

So I found out that Charlie Puth’s concert is sold out, which is kind of a bummer.  I went to Stub Hub and presto I found tickets.  He is on tour with Meghan Trainor.  I confirmed it’s just those two, she is the headliner.  I am going to have to listen to some of her music to make sure I can sit through a concert.  I have the dates and have already made arrangements for 2 days off work.  The day of the concert and the day afterwards.  I wish they were playing on a Friday but it’s a mid-week concert, which will suck a couple days off then back to work argh.  I really like his music, his style, his smile and of course his body.  While I feel the sexual attraction its more his performance and amazing voice that are drawing me in.  I hope that I can not talk myself out of this and enjoy the experience, provided that I go through with it.  I mean once I make the purchase I am locked in and there is no escape.  It’s just such a big move to make on my own.  Kind of scary getting into a crowd of people all by myself.  Considering I hate crowds.  Charlie will be on Ellen on Wednesday just in case your interested.  I am sure your all sick of hearing me mention him.  It’s not often that I find good music and fall for the artist wanting to gobble up every track they have ever produced.  Normally it’s a song here and there.  I will admit there are some songs that he has done I don’t like but they are very minimal. 

Ruth is still my buddy, craving the attention and eating.  I think she knows I did her a favor.  6 more weeks and well I will be on-call.  I am not tackling her when I am on-call that would just be too much.  So she gets a pass unless I break down and do it at 5 weeks.  7 week is the longest that I want to go.  They start to curl after that and it makes the job harder and she isn’t easy to control.  I really wonder if a female person came in if she would lighten up and be more friendly.  I mean were not going to find out but it’s always crossed my mind.  I know off the bat she would be resistant but if over time she might mellow a bit.  I am not going to hurt her, but she seems to forget that.  I hate her attitude but she is still my baby.

My concern has shifted now to Marvin who didn’t seem to eat this morning.  I think he might have had some water but that is it.  Hopefully he is okay.  He licked me to death before I could get out the door, which is normal.  He was also laying in my bed and he is like the mayor of my bed that is how often he is there.  He’s a good bed buddy but he loves to talk at the most inopportune times.  I suppose with having so many of the furry guys and gals, that I am going to always have concerns.  I heard about a lady last week who married her cat.  Seriously.  People do strange things.  No worries about me marrying one of my cats.  I want a guy and pretty well know the type I am looking for.

This 3 day weekend really has it’s advantages and I think is something that should be mandated more often.  I mean you can accomplish a bunch of things, get rested and forget about work well that is until Sunday rolls around. 

I saw the premier of Nurse Jackie, pretty good start.  Looks like it will be an interesting season.  I also caught last nights episode of Secrets and Lies, 2 more episodes left until the finale.  Should be interesting.  Nothing better than getting into TV.  Suits will be back this summer as well so there will be plenty of things to watch.  I heard that the Looking movie to wrap up the HBO Series Looking should be out by the fall, at least that is the rumor.  It’s a 2 hour event.  It would be nice if HBO would get another gay series.  Queer As Folk really was a big hit and we need another hit like that regardless of which network it is on.  A show that you can look forward to watching one time a week for an hour.  That was our time to spend together watching TV.  I look at the basement and the old TV and think remember when…. Lots of memories still flood in and I think that is normal and will happen from time to time. 

This is massage therapy week, I am looking forward to it and hope that I can schedule an hour.  It would sure be nice.  My neck is out of whack.  I attribute that to Bear and carrying him around.  I had to move him yesterday twice.  Once when I vacuumed and once when I was done.  Who needs to go to the gym, I should just lift Bear a couple times a day and that could be my work out.  I think he likes it at certain times and other times he hates it.  The landing is the thing that scares him the most but I haven’t dropped him yet and have no plans of it.

So it’s about time to venture into TV Land and eat lunch.  Nothing special, just the usual sandwich, cheetos, yogurt, 4 oranges and 4 nutty bars plus a diet soda.  That should hold me until tonight when I get to go home and heat up the chicken and break out the potato salad.  I also have to work with the trash, which is not a task that I enjoy.  Yep, life is back to normal.

Happy week – talk with you all again soon.  Take care & be well.