Weekend Update

Saturday …. My insomnia did kick in for some reason. Not sure why but weekends seem to be the absolute worst. Rudy was all worked up before bed, he wanted catnip. I passed some out the other night when he told me he wanted to play but just groomed himself the whole time I tried to play with him. Put some cat nip out and his attention shifts to that and nothing else can bother him. Same for his sister.

Anyway, Rudy let me sleep until 7a and then he started his biscuit making. I got up and fed him. There was a chill in the air, and it was kind of refreshing, just a slight nip not freezing cold. I came back to bed and watched TV. After a while I got up and had breakfast, which was cereal & a banana. Then back to my room to peek at my phone. There was a work email but nothing serious. I watched TV and eventually returned to bed. Both cats had taken over the bed by then. I woke Mora up and she moved. Rudy did not, he was in Mora’s go to spot which is upper left portion of the bed. She didn’t mind that he was there, she came up and sat on him. She groomed him a bit and then we all just snuggled as I watched TV and looked at them, feeling the drowsiness set in. I needed sleep. I turned the TV off and white noise machine on. Then I heard this noise that sounded like a cat scratching. However, they were both next to me and no one moved a muscle. I closed my eyes and then heard it again; turns out it was my phone vibrating I didn’t hear the tone because of the white noise machine. The phone was going nuts and it was work. I had to get up.

Turns out a spammer sent in a bunch of emails and I was getting the alerts that the messages hit quarantine. I got up and logged in only to reject the messages and block the sender. Nothing major but I hated to do anything work related since it is the weekend but if I wasn’t on-call it wouldn’t have been required. In fact, this wasn’t urgent, I was just being proactive.

By now it was lunch time (11a) and Rudy came out asking for his lunch. I fed him. I had a quick lunch myself, a soda and some cornbread. I forgot the cornbread when I was eating chili, damn I knew I was missing something, but my brain was fried.

I put on some clothes and headed outside to patch my front porch. There were a couple of divots that the contractor caused but calling him back and making him fix them would be pointless because he would get all defensive and argumentative and I wasn’t going down that road. I got some concrete patch in a tube off Amazon and put on some rubber gloves and got to work. It turned out okay for me. I might go back for a second touch up but right now just let it be. I came in and relaxed for a while watching TV and the cats sunning themselves in the window.

Saw that my new neighbors did some brush trimming and hauled the brush away (unlike the old neighbor who would just pile it up and I’d have to look at it all year long) but they left a bunch of leaves in my front yard so it looks like I did the work. I thought about getting my blower out and pushing the crap over in their yard but I’m going to let the wind take care of it. Thus far I am NOT a fan of the new neighbors. The motorcycle is one thing. They have 5 vehicles plus 1 motorcycle. I think it’s two families that live there. Anyway, they park on the street in front of my house then use my driveway to turn around. I kind of wish I had remote control stop sticks so I could flatten their tires. I don’t mind the occasional car that turns around but they use my driveway practically every damn day. We have yet to meet and they might be the sweetest people, but they are grating on my last nerve. They make all kinds of noise during the day or at night like they are doing demo work or some type of construction. Hopefully it settles down.

Eventually I could see the day was going to get away from me, so I got a shower around 2p. I was really fatigued and could have used a nap. I didn’t want to go out but forced myself to. Once I was behind the wheel I woke up. I headed out for a bite to eat first figuring that food equaled fuel and would power me up. I went to get Mexican Food, and, on the way, there was 1 car that almost side swiped me because they didn’t know how to switch lanes, they flipped me off as if it was my fault, but I was totally in the right. Then a few minutes later some Mercedes came flying down the freeway like were on an F1 racetrack, he had to be doing 80mph and he too almost crashed into the side of me. He came out of nowhere and scared the crap out of me. The way people drive around here I’m surprised there aren’t more handicapped parking spots. Not surprisingly, on the way back there was a 3-vehicle crash what a mess that was.

My phone had a couple of work emails on it by the time I arrived at the restaurant, and I needed to respond but put it off until I got home. I took my sweet time eating and running the errands that I needed to get done. When I finally got back home, I logged on and responded. I had to log off and back on a couple times but got everything taken care of.

Working on laundry. Got my finances updated, caught up on email. Surfed for porn. Saw last night on social media that one of my all-time favorite porn stars, who is Sam Bridle got the side of his head tattooed. That had to hurt and honestly, I am not a huge fan of tattoos in general. I hear that once you get one you constantly want another, like it’s a drug. Hey if he’s happy with it that is all that matters. I also hear that tattoos are not cheap. I’m not a fan of any kind of needle so no wonder that I am averse to tattoos.

The mail brought me my ballot to vote in the election. I’ve filled it out and got it ready to mail back. No standing in line for me. I switched to a mail in ballot just before COVID hit and I’m on a list so every time there is an election a ballot is automatically mailed to me. It makes it easy and convenient. There is plenty of time for me to stop think and make my decision. I always mail it back the day after I get it just to get it in the mail. There is an online service that tracks it and I double check that it’s been received.

What the mail hasn’t brought to me yet is my refund for my auto insurance. It should be here now, looks like next week I will have to make yet another call. I am ready to switch insurance companies given all the time and effort they are costing me. Back in the day when I had a local agent stuff like this never happened. I get that they want to hold my money if they can squeeze out every drop of interest but come on were talking a hundred dollars it’s not going to break a company. Oddly enough they pay insurance claims (when I have had one) much, much faster.

I promised myself that I would go out for ice cream but it’s much easier to head upstairs and hit the freezer up. Plus, it’s not like I need it. Back when my spouse was alive, we used to go for ice cream all the time. I remember one October I snuck out of the house and got both of us something. I came back home and we watched the baseball game as we ate our ice cream; it was world series time, and I remember how surprised he was when he saw the ice cream. I was so quiet he never knew that I had left the house. Neither one of us was much into sports but hell it was a good time. Now I rarely if ever go out for ice cream, just because it brings back memories of him. I simply can’t go for ice cream without thinking of him. There were many other things that we used to do together like going out to eat and shopping for groceries and cat food. It was hard at first to do those things but since I do them all the time they don’t bring back memories. Guess if I went for ice cream more often it would be a more common activity and wouldn’t bring up memories.

Sunday…. Woke up at 7am and Rudy was thrilled as usual to see me. He didn’t like what I put out for breakfast, so I opened a second can. He ate and that made me happy. I got dressed and found out that it was in the 50’s outside. I grabbed a leather jacket before I headed out. Having my vehicle parked in a well-insulated garage made it all nice and warm. It didn’t cool down until it sat outside while I ate breakfast.

On my way to Target after having breakfast. My lazy voice whispered to me; you could go another week the cats have enough treats at home. I wanted to give in and pass Target up, but I stopped. I felt better getting the task out of the way and knowing that I have treats on hand for the little furry monsters.

I made it to the grocery store, remembered everything I forgot last week. The one thing that I really wanted was Blueberry Syrup, but they didn’t have that. Hopefully, I will remember to look for it next week and if I find it, I will buy two bottles. It’s good stuff but then again, I love Blueberry.

Last stop before heading home was the gas pump and it wasn’t terribly painful, but I hated seeing the price per gallon so high. I can’t wait until it falls again, if that ever does happen.

When I arrived back home and walked in, I saw that Rudy got sick. I wasn’t happy about that but kept bringing things in from the vehicle and unloading. When I was done putting everything away, I cleaned up Rudy’s mess and threw the food away. That always makes him beg for more. It’s like there is no food, I’m hungry, please feed me. But I operate on a schedule here and not at the whim of a cat who can get hungry with the blink of an eye. There is always dry food out so if he was hungry enough, he would have nibbled on that.

I had a couple of emails that trickled in from work that needed attention, but they weren’t super urgent. Glad that I didn’t jump on them because as I was trying to nap more came in. Damn phone always wakes me up. Thankfully my on-call duty ends tomorrow morning and then when the workday is done, I am free to power my phone off. I will for sure take advantage of that come next weekend.

I passed out lunch for the cats and set my medicine out for the week ahead. Another weekly task that I am not a fan of. However, there will be no chance that task will end until I cease to exist. That is unless there is some magical cure for all that ails me.

I decided to just be lazy for a few more hours. Sat with the heating pad for my aching back and watched SNL (Saturday Night Live), I only watch it for the opening skit and weekend update. Occasionally they will have a musical guest on that I want to see. I don’t remember who was last night, but their drummer played shirtless and wow he was nice to look at for a few minutes.

Then I moved on to Frontline that is on PBS. The latest show was called Scammed. It was all about the various scams that target everyone. They started with a sextortion case and a 17-year-old boy who committed suicide after he sent a nude photo to a threat actor that he thought was a young girl. He gave the threat actor $25 but they wanted more. He told the threat actor that he didn’t have any more money. Unphased by that the threat actor demanded more money. The kid told the threat actor how scared he was and that he had a gun. Moments later he went to the bathroom and blew his brains out. His father tried to rescue him and felt his son’s pulse and life just leave his body. That’s something that no parent should have to experience. It was worse because after the actor knew the kid was dead, he started to reach out to his relatives including his brother and father. The show covered romance scams, crypto scams and everyone from young to old seems to have fallen for something. This includes Attorneys, Doctors, People who work in IT and Finance. With the advances in AI, it’s even tougher now to detect if you’re talking with a bot or a real person. Kind of made me think about the dating world and who exactly might be on an app. I had a guy years ago start a romance scam with me and I smelled it a mile away. I’d ask a simple question, and he would spout off paragraphs. Each morning I’d wake up to another message that took me at least 15 to 30 minutes to read. It was obvious that he was using a script and cutting and pasting. Plus, his distance from me would change and be radically different. He tried to tell me he was in the military and “deployed”. I could see that it wouldn’t be long before he would be asking for money. Money was the last thing I had, and I just blocked him and moved on. The hurt to me was minor but compared to what could have developed I am glad that I was smart enough to see it and stop.

While I think I would be smart enough today to not fall for something, I second guess myself just because technology has gotten so damn good. I am smart enough not to send money or nudes. Even if a guy wants to send nudes to me and I’ve gotten them, you don’t know if what you’re looking at belongs to the sender or to another human or if it’s just an AI rendering. There are humans behind the attacks that watch this play out in real time. I get that people need to earn a living but there are more honest ways of doing that. Good and Evil have always existed in the world, and both will never cease. A big tip off at least in the dating world is when someone wants you to move from the app and to texting – that’s a tell-tale sign. Although some people don’t want to be tracked by the apps, I get it. Still until we meet in person, I don’t want to hand over my phone number, no matter how good looking a guy is or how much he sweeps me off my feet. I still have my doubts if I will find Mr. Right but hopefully, he is out there and our paths cross sooner rather than later.

Doesn’t look like I am going to make it outside to spray the perimeter for bugs this weekend just because I am being lazy. The weather forecast has nothing but sunshine and warm weather moving our way. We will be back in the upper 80’s by mid-to-late week. I’m planning to get the spraying done next weekend.

As for the rest of today, I’ll be relaxing with the cats for a bit, then headed out for some pasta before returning home. Might get out during the week to grab a bite to eat but I have plenty here. I got more Chili and soup. Grabbed some more cornbread too. The only thing I don’t have is crackers, but I can put that on next week’s shopping list.

My boss is off tomorrow, and I am hopeful for a peaceful Monday. The week ahead doesn’t look too bad right now but things can always change.

As usual I hope that all is well in your world and that we all have a great week ahead! Thank you for stopping by.

What I did

The more I think about this guy, the more I’m thinking that he probably doesn’t feel the same way about me that I feel about him.  However, you miss all of the shots you don’t take.  That said I thought I’d start small.  I sent him a friend request and am waiting to see what he does.

Honestly it will flatter me if he accepts but I anticipate that the request is going no where.  I’ve probably gone too far but if you would have seen his body you’d understand why my heart was a flutter. 

Kind of feels like I need to call the police and say he stole my heart.  That’s totally a joke!  Got to have some humor, even though I’m not really laughing. 

I think the only way I will meet someone will be in person.  I think unless I want just a hookup that apps are useless.  Think about it if you find an actual match and hit it off, the app loses 2 subscribers.  Apps have an incentive to keep you single in the hopes you will continue the hunt and give them your money. 

The single life has it’s advantages but there are more disadvantages from where I am sitting.  Being alone sucks.  Wouldn’t be so horrible if I had more friends.  Still convinced I’m dying alone and single, but I am trying to hopefully make that single part a false statement. 

Have a good evening!

Sober Reality

I am still thinking about the hot college guy that was here on Saturday for the column work. I unfortunately am head over heels for him. I’m glad that I didn’t send a friend request to the social media profile that I thought I found for him. It’s got some nice/sexy photos of a guy but upon second reflection, I am more “sober” today (not that I’ve ever been drunk). What I mean by that is a little less ruled by infatuation and my dick. Anyway, there’s no way that guy is him. It is some other hot guy that shares the same name. I had it all worked out in my mind that I’d send a friend request and then if he accepted I could make a move and see where things went. I am glad that I woke up and realized it wasn’t him before I did something stupid.

I feel something in my heart about this guy. I am awestruck by his beauty and enjoyed the conversation that we had. They call it hindsight because you reflect on something. It’s always 20/20. I’m telling myself that I should have made a move. I know he said something about wanting to be a doctor, then a wife and family. That leads me to believe he is likely straight.

The only social media profile that I know is his, is the one his college mentioned because he is a popular athlete. It’s set to private and there is only one post. Looks like he has plenty of friends based on the counters. I have a public profile on that platform but there is no content. I am thinking of setting my public profile private, adding some content and sending him a friend request to see if he accepts it. Time is on my side here but the longer I go the less likely he will be to remember me. My heart is a mess because I kind of feel like I let something pass by that I shouldn’t have. Yeah, I tend to fall for a guy quickly based on looks. This guy’s exterior looked tough and had I not talked with him I wouldn’t know otherwise.

While I want to get to know more about him and see if there is something there. Having others around could have prevented him from asking me. It for sure prevented me from asking him. He does appear straight to me and that is likely the case. Since I tend to fall for the straight guys. He knows where I live and could easily hop in his car and drive over and knock on the door. While I am old enough to be his father and that might be intimidating to him, he’s got more muscle than I do.

I should probably just let this go, that way there is no risk of real rejection or anything beyond that happening. I’m sure if I press this that I will probably wind up getting hurt emotionally. It is just that my heart is telling me to press, if you don’t try then you will never know. I’m smart enough that if I ask and get a no that I don’t press the issue. I move on, always have and always will. Emotions can be tricky to deal with, especially when it involves the heart. Still letting this go is something that I will likely do. I mean if there was no romantic interest there, we could just be friends, but I don’t think someone as young as him wants some old man for a friend.

On a different note, the mistake maker apparently has some illness making its way around his house, so he is out today. Says that he will be back tomorrow. Of course it happens during the week he is on call. I’ve been pulling the weight thus far. It’s not been horrible, but we did have a busy flurry this morning. The boss sounds like he is going to take tomorrow off, which sounds great to me, wouldn’t upset me if he was out for longer. He told me that he wants to surprise his son and do something with him spontaneously since the kids on fall break. Fall break, school just started. I never had one of those when I was in school. The most I had to look forward to was a holiday for a couple days at Thanksgiving and then again Christmas/New Years. Outside of that and the occasional Federally observed holiday, school was open way more than I think it is today for most kids. Then again, the world is a very different place today than the world I grew up in.

One or both cats apparently got sick overnight. I unknowingly stepped into something when I went to turn the light on in my room after having breakfast. Rudy didn’t like the first can I put out so I had to open a second can before he would eat. I think he’s the one who got sick. He ate lunch no problem. Both are resting now that lunch is done. Mora knows that I’m hurting so she comes over to cuddle with me, she can read me like a book, and I don’t have to say a word. At least I can lean on her a little bit. I am going to try to brush them to see if that doesn’t help quell this getting sick. I hate cleaning up messes but it’s worse when you step in it never knowing it was there in the first place. Do that in the dark in the middle of the night and wow it’s a hell of an instant wake up call.

Here’s hoping that I decide on the guy and stick with it, regardless if it’s right or wrong. That the week isn’t too bad and meetings are kept to a minimum. Anxious for the weekend as usual. I’m still looking at jobs but there really isn’t anything that appealing that I have found thus far. Tune in again to find out what happens. Thanks for stopping by!

SOME KIND OF LUCK

I wound up going back to work on Thursday. I was up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep despite trying. By 6am I gave up and said I’m feeding the cats and going back to bed. I got connected to work and saw my inbox continuing to overflow it was close to 800 emails just in my inbox alone, that’s not counting what was filtered to folders. Then my gut kicked in and said you need to go back today; something is going to happen. It was one of those eerie kinds of feelings. I knew that if I went against it I’d probably be sorry. So, I wolfed down breakfast, threw on some clothes, grabbed my water bottle and headed downstairs.

The cats missed me and made some noise; I came up for bathroom breaks and to pass out lunch. I took an abbreviated lunch and returned to the basement in the afternoon. I was down there all day long. I don’t exactly know where or how I was able to motivate myself because I was exhausted from not sleeping much. I got caught up and managed to accomplish way more than I thought I would. It felt good to have an empty inbox. Talked with the mistake maker and we caught up a little bit.

I thought exhaustion would help fuel a great night’s sleep but sadly I was wrong. I woke up at 2a this morning and managed to get back to sleep by 4a. I woke up again exhausted and really wanted to take the day off but pressed on.

While the day is almost done, I am not quite off the hook just yet. My boss dogged me a little bit yesterday because I chimed in to help on something and that just resulted in him dumping more work on me. I should just keep quiet instead of being helpful. He’s been after me to train the new guy on our Firewalls and I have just put it off. Today I got a written request, and he asked me to invite him to the meeting. He wanted it to be set early next week, so I purposely made it towards the end of the week. I really don’t want to do it but suppose that I can’t put it off forever. It’s pointless to teach him because he won’t even have an account to login to them and my boss takes his sweet time before he gives access to the Firewalls you can wait as long as 2 years. I got my access after 6 months, but I had to go through a formal training course. He wanted to send the mistake maker to the same training but never did and finally after 2 years he just gave him access.

In other news last night, I saw that there was a firmware update for my home router, so I applied it. I had no idea that it would take away remote access to the router. That’s better from a security standpoint because you must physically be here and/or connected to one of the machines in the house and have the credentials to log in. It’s kind of a pain because I had an app on my phone that ceased to function after the update. I could monitor signal strength of WIFI devices, see what/who was connected and reboot the router without being logged on to a computer. Plus, the app would send me alerts if there was a problem or loss of connectivity and it didn’t matter if I was home or not. I did some research and found that my model of router wasn’t on the list to have this service deprecated but again from a security perspective it is much more secure and better.

Today was the day to set the trash out. With the Labor Day holiday trash pickup is pushed back one day. At least it was supposed to be. I waited until the afternoon and got it ready and got it set out. It wasn’t but 15 minutes later and a trash truck showed up, emptied the container and kept on moving. I’ve never had that kind of luck. Perhaps it was just good timing on my part or perhaps it is a sign that something good is going to happen. Hey I can hold out hope, there is no charge for that.

Still watching Roseanne on Peacock and peppering in some YouTube Videos to spice things up a little bit. Food wise I finished the pizza last night and am glad that it’s gone. I’ve got Spaghetti to heat up for supper and kind of looking forward to it. Then there is the left-over Chocolate Cake. Part of me wants it tonight for desert and the other part of me wants to have it for breakfast.

My calendar is clear and outside of feeding the cats I can sleep in and be lazy tomorrow if I want. I like having flexibility and not having looming tasks or deadlines. I’ve got laundry to do, some porn surfing to catch up on, need to grab the mail and get a bite to eat in the afternoon. Not sure where I am going to go. I had it all worked out on Monday, but I’ve slept since then and my taste changes. Thinking of Mexican food but not exactly sure where I am going to go for it. That pretty much takes care of Saturday. Sunday is the usual breakfast out, grocery shopping, cleaning the house and grabbing a bite to eat in the afternoon. Cracker Barrel sounds pretty good but I will have to travel a little bit since I won’t visit the one that is closest to me. That’s due to the gay waiter there that was interested in me. He led me on for the longest time. Seeing him would just bring back memories and stir up hope again. I know he’s a lost cause and for that reason I avoid seeing him at all costs. However, I am always on the look out for a hot guy to hit on, my only problem is they all seem to be straight just like Spaghetti before it gets all hot and wet.

Hope that all is well in your world. Thanks for stopping by!

ON VACATION

Hi there!

As you can tell by the title, I am on vacation. Only on my second workday off and I am bored. This past Sunday I got together with my Thanksgiving friends we went to a Mexican place I had been to before but didn’t care much for. I had to fight a little bit, but I picked up the bill. I know they can’t afford stuff like that, and it would just go on a credit card that would get minimum monthly payments. No sense in financing a meal.

I skipped the grocery store on Sunday, and it’s been interesting getting by on what is here, but I am making it. Thus far I have just had breakfast at home and went out for my late afternoon meal.

Monday it was White Castle. I have been having a serious craving for the place and while it was enjoyable the original taste I remember just didn’t seem to quite be there. I sat eating my meal looking around the restaurant and remembering the many times me and my late spouse went there. It just made me miss him that much more. It didn’t help that I burped onion ring batter for the rest of the evening, they sure were good though.

Remember that lower paying job I mentioned a short time ago. Well, I applied for it on Monday night. I don’t know if I could make it on the salary they are paying. I’d like to know more about the job and to see if I even get selected for an interview. I think I’d like it a lot and a change of pace I think would be nice. I’ve looked to see what other jobs are out there but nothing else tickled my fancy thus far. I’ll probably wind up staying where I am because I like the money. I just figured out that I’ve still got 2 weeks of vacation to take before the end of the year. It hasn’t accrued yet but once it has, I plan on taking more time off which is something to look forward to. If I want to burn through my reserve carry over, then I would have a total of 4 weeks to take. Just thinking of taking an entire month off from work sounds wonderful, but I think of the mess after a week. I can only imagine what kind of cluster fuck I would come back to. I’ve not checked email and am letting it pile up.

I had a profitable day Monday. I got my money back from the post office for the letter I sent that cost me $20 to send, that was nice. Then I called my Auto Insurance company, and they applied some discounts that I saw were missing and I got an extra discount because I paid in full. That money will come back to me in a few days via a check. I’m looking forward to getting it.

Tonight I went to a pizza place in town. Nothing special and service was just okay. When my bill came back with my card, there was no pen to sign the receipt with. I had to stop someone and ask for a pen. I also didn’t get a pizza box to carry out my left-over pizza in; it was just a Styrofoam container. I was not happy about that.

Went to the dentist today for my 6-month checkup, got good news as usual and was pleased. I don’t go back until April 1^st and that’s no joke.

Rewatched the entire Boots series on Netflix. Shame there won’t be a 2^nd season of that show, at least not on Netflix. I know that I’m not the only person who wants the story line to continue and to see how things play out for the cast. Fingers crossed that they make a 2^nd season.

Trying to have lunch with my other friend but he said he would text me back yesterday and I haven’t heard from him. I think he forgot all about me and really seemed like he wasn’t interested in getting together.

I have made some progress on getting the stupid post on my front porch replaced. The guy I told was hired hasn’t told me the total yet, I’ve only got a ballpark estimate. I’ve got another guy that is cheaper, but he seems like he doesn’t know what he is doing so while he costs less, I think you get what you pay for. I’d just like to get this job done so I can move on.

It doesn’t help that there is construction on the main street in and out of the subdivision. Things are quite a mess and not coming home my usual way takes some adjusting to but I’m making it thus far.

It’s super-hot out and kind of miserable to be out doing anything. I really want to drive but even with AC it’s kind of a bit much. I will have to bite the bullet though if I want to go for a drive.

I put off going to Sam’s club which is just around the corner because I didn’t want to deal with the construction. I had planned to do it when I came home from the dentist, but they ran behind and I sat for far too long. I was only interested in coming home and relaxing. Yeah, I’m kind of lazy but it’s my time to do with as I please. I’d rather be out of the area and on a true vacation, that’s on my someday list. I need a traveling companion to make it fun and worthwhile.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I’ve got nothing going on. I’m telling myself that I need to make it to Sam’s and try to fit in Lowes just to get them out of the way. Then take a 2-hour drive to go eat some fish and see some different surroundings. Time will tell how that plays out.

Right now, my plan is to get to bed so that I am prepared for my early Rudy morning wake up call. Get a shower and head out for breakfast. Then hit up a bakery and surprise my thanksgiving friends with some fresh pastry. That’s been on my list of things to do for a while. I know I won’t want to wake up early and I might wind up eating breakfast at home but I for sure want to hit up that bakery. Doing it early in the morning has two benefits. #1 it’s cooler out early in the morning. #2 better selection the quicker you get there.

Thursday morning, I have my facial booked and that’s pretty much it. I’ve got nothing planned Friday through Monday. I’d like to clean up my deck; it would be nice to admire but doing the actual work yeah not looking forward to that.

In case it doesn’t come glaring through, I’ve got some depression going on and I want to check out of the world but that would leave the cats devastated and I won’t do that to them, were good for each other. Getting older is only part of the depression piece. Missing my late spouse as well as being alone for so long, not having success in the dating world and my boring life – it just feels like I am wasting away. Doesn’t seem like I matter to anyone but my job. Kind of wish I would have gotten the dumpster and cleaned this place up, at least I’d be busy and not have time to dwell on poor old me.

Well, off to climb the steps and settle in for the evening. Hopefully I can get a great night’s sleep and be raring to go with the same energy that Rudy has every morning when he wakes me up. Thanks for stopping by. I do hope all is well with you!

Saturday

Greetings one and all!

We are in the middle of a heat wave, and my poor AC is running like crazy. It’s doing a great job, and my hope is that it continues. Changed the filter a little bit ago because it was time.

I woke up super early and took my shower. Made it for breakfast. A cute young guy that works there walked in. He looked mighty fine! I asked my waitress if he played for my team. She said she wasn’t sure but that he was the owner’s son. I wanted to ask him on a date, but I passed on the opportunity.

Stopped by and grabbed the mail on the way home. Nothing but bills and junk mail. Then I got out of my clothes and relaxed in my room watching TV. Turned my phone off, that felt so good! Eventually I wound up back in bed and the cats joined me. I fell back asleep for about an hour, and it was needed.

I have such great ideas of things that need to be done around here but when it comes time to do them, I lack energy and motivation. Not sure why that is but the work isn’t going anywhere, it will wait for me.

Something that puzzles me is that within the last couple months I cleaned out the gutter over the deck and put the netting back in place. It’s back to overflowing again. I don’t know how there can be anything in there, but obviously there is. It’s too hot for gutter work today. I am not a fan of water or gutters. I think the gutters for this house are undersized and need to be upgraded to accommodate the rain we get. However, every house in the subdivision is cookie cutter aka tract housing, meaning that there are only so many floor plans. No one has special gutters that I am aware of or even new gutters. I’d just love to get something that is 100% maintenance free and it just works, no fuss, no muss.

Had an afternoon snack and passed out lunch for the cats. I wound up back in my room watching TV again. Mostly old cartoons because there doesn’t seem to be anything on YouTube that is piquing my interest.

I came down to take care of laundry, catch up on porn surfing and getting bills paid. Had to entertain Mora giving her attention and rubbing her belly. She leaves and comes back wanting more. She loves attention and soaks it up like a sponge. I love her but she can make it quite difficult for me to get things done. That’s why I don’t allow either of them down here with me when I am working. Although Rudy will just climb up in my lap and fall asleep, he doesn’t really need much attention and will let me type but he likes to lay against one of my arms or curl up in it. Yeah, they are both really something and I love them so much!

Decided on Pizza for supper. I went back to the place where there used to be lots of twinks working. I figured that going on Saturday would change things up and the guys would be back. Turns out I was wrong. Only saw one hot guy. Pizza could have cooked a little bit more it wasn’t quite done enough for me. I had a couple slices and then boxed the rest and came home.

Very bored and wanting company and entertainment. However, I’m going to have to suck it up and power through it. I’ve done it before, but it has started to be a little more difficult. Being lonely just isn’t any fun. It’s great to live alone and be your own boss so to speak of but outside of that, there are no other perks. I don’t know if I want to live with someone but knowing that I could make a phone call and have company or ask for help would be nice.

Yesterday after work I got so bored I took time to read the owner’s manual for my new alarm. I learned a couple things. One of which is that there is a microphone in the damn thing and when an alarm goes off you can talk to the monitoring station. I’m not hip about that because that can easily be hacked and bypassed so that you can always listen. There is a camera on the panel, but you must be in front of it. However, I’ve got an Alexa and it’s always spying on me too. It’s in my bedroom and I’m sure some Amazon employee has heard all the orgasms I have. Speaking of which earlier this week I had a super good one (not that there is such a thing as a bad orgasm) and I was so loud I scared the cats, they just looked at me as if they wanted to ask if I was okay. I used to scare poor Momma she would come running to check on me if she wasn’t in the room. Yeah, I’m loud in bed. It’s a learned habit from watching porn and honestly it just feels good to scream or moan loudly. I can be quiet if I must but that is not easy at all. I’m still waiting for someone to call the cops to check on me. There is no doubt that if you’re on the street by my house, you can hear me 100%, I’ve got some good lungs. Fortunately, most of the time there is no one out there at night walking when I am busy having fun. That’s probably for the best because it sure would be awkward to explain to the cops that I was beating my meat. Although, I’m sure there are some situations they are involved in that bring laughter to their faces. I mean they are human too, even though some of them would have you think otherwise.

Well, time to get this published and see what else I can accomplish this evening. Tomorrow for supper I am thinking of staying local and going back to a Mexican place I like. It won’t give me the travel that I want but it will get me some good food! Who knows, things might change but pretty much once I make up my mind it’s difficult to change it.

I hope you’re having a great weekend and staying cool.

Stormy Saturday

Hey, hope your having a great weekend!

I’m a little sad that today is Saturday already.  I woke up with a leg cramp aka Charlie Horse.  I pushed poor Rudy off of me so I could get out of bed and stand up.  I don’t think he quite understood but I needed the pain to stop asap.  Then I made my way to the bathroom and eventually the kitchen to pass out breakfast for the cats.  It was early.

I returned to bed and watched a little TV before I passed out, didn’t take terribly long.  I only fell back a sleep for around an hour which was disappointing to me I wanted to sleep longer but my body said wake up. 

I loafed in my room for a while watching TV.  Eventually headed out to the kitchen for my breakfast.  Rudy was right by my side incase I wanted to feed him again.  He was hoping for a second breakfast but that didn’t happen.  I had a glass of milk, a brownie and a banana.  Not exactly a typical breakfast but I made it work.  Got my meds and headed back to my room. 

Still thinking about the hot guy that was here yesterday.  The more I think about him the more I believe he’s probably straight.  I mean so is Spaghetti until you get it wet.  I will still shoot my shot and ask him out if our paths cross again.  Anyway, I got myself all excited so I had to watch some porn.  Even after I was done I still wanted more.  Watched more TV and eventually decided I should get up and get moving because the day was going to pass me by. 

I got dressed and headed to the office.  It started raining on the way there and I thought to myself I’m crazy for driving in.  However, it paid off because we had a give away and I had a gift waiting for me.  Nothing I will probably ever use but still it was nice to get it off of my desk. 

Wanted to stop and get mail but it was pouring hard so I just came home.  Had plans to go back out for cat food and mail but they never materialized partially because of the weather and the other part because I’m just lazy. 

Working on laundry.  Put new sheets and blanket on my bed, looking forward to climbing in to take them both for a spin tonight.  Been in front of the computer for a good part of the day.  Took time to eat my left over Chinese food, which wasn’t all that much.  My fortune cookie said that I will make great changes.  Yeah, okay.  Might as well have said help, I’m trapped in a fortune cookie factory.  

Made sure Mora ate something so I could medicate her, we have 9 more days to go with medicine and were both going to hate each one but it’s totally necessary.  Her rear end looks a little better this morning.  She’s got a scab that is peeling but her rear end looks like a train wreck.  She is her normal self, eating, drinking, playing and bothering her brother.  Also reaching out to me for attention.  I just kicked her out of my lap to make it easier to type.  She is in a chair behind me resting and anxiously waiting for me to head upstairs, which is going to happen eventually.  I’m not in any hurry. 

Pretty well caught up on porn surfing today, didn’t miss a whole lot but there is one scene out at Guys In Sweatpants with Greyson Lane that I am dying to see.  I don’t have it but the preview and photos look very appealing. 

What didn’t get done this vacation?  I didn’t do anything with the deck because I know there is a Racoon family living there and didn’t want to take the risk of chemicals harming them or worse yet them getting pissed and attacking me.  So I never made it to the Home Improvement Store.  Need to pick up some florescent lights for the basement got a couple that are still working but they are seriously delayed if they even turn on when I flip the switch.  I’ve got a finished basement. 

Otherwise, I pretty well accomplished everything I wanted to.  Could have done without the alarm issue and the cat/vet issue but at least they were timed appropriately.  Now hopefully everything including but not limited to the cats stays in good working order and behaves.  I spent way too much money but it was nice that I had it to spend rather than racking up debt.  I remember the days in years past when I would have been figuring out which credit card to put it all on.  Thankfully those days are over and I hope they never come back. 

I made a list of the remaining tasks that I need to accomplish, most of which is just my normal Sunday routine.  Unless I change my mind I will be headed to the pizza place with the hot straight guy that I have a crush on and made a pass at.  Not sure if he will be working but it’s worth the trip to find out plus I will be getting pizza, what’s not to like about that.  I will have plenty left over to snack on for a few days too so that’s nice.  It would just be a bonus to me if I get to see him and his nice sweet ass.  So then I will have a reason to drool while I eat.  Sure would be nice to bring an end to the boyfriend search that has been going on way too long.  I told my friend that I had lunch with on Thursday that I figure that I will probably die alone.  I’d like to be wrong about that but things honestly don’t look terribly promising right now.  My search is limited to when I see a cute hot guy that I like I make a pass, if it works great, if not well at least I took a shot.  I know that I could be more aggressive and hit up gay bars but that’s just not my thing, hence why I think I’m going to be alone for a long time. 

Unless something remarkable happens I don’t know that I will be posting tomorrow.  Kind of a great day to take a computer holiday before I go back and am stuck in front of the machine for 4 long days.  At least I won’t be on-call though so that’s a plus.  I think I’m going to queue up some Man Candy for your viewing pleasure. 

If your on vacation next week, color me jealous.  I kind of wish I would have taken 2 weeks but that would be even more crap to deal with coming back.  I still have plenty of time to use and I am going to do my absolute best to try use as much of it as possible. 

Thanks for stopping by! Take care and enjoy what’s left of the weekend.

Sunday

Sunday, funday as “they” say. It’s not too much fun for me; I’ve got the Monday regret hitting me and not looking forward to going back for another week.

I woke up to a surprise heard from my old coworker who is gay. He told me a little bit more about his relationship with his boyfriend. He said that he was busy and I’ve no doubt that is truly the case. There is nothing really for me to respond to in the email, so I just filed it away.

I joined the dating site I was talking about. Turns out they curate a small group of guys and send you all to a restaurant. It’s a mystery as to where you’re going 24 hours before the event and they seem to do this on weeknights and much later than I would care to eat dinner. No one has any idea as to who they will be meeting and/or if you will truly hit it off with someone. I expected to see profiles or photos of guys so I’d kind of know what I was getting into. I’ve managed to cancel and my money is allegedly on the way back to me. Part of me wanted to try it once but there is just too much mystery there for me to take that kind of gamble. I’m disappointed but life goes on.

I learned that Wasp’s abandon their nest by early morning. That proved true this morning, but I didn’t want to disturb it as I kind of feel like they are watching and if I disturbed it, I’d get attacked. I didn’t get any spray to kill them but looked at it. That stuff is kind of pricy.

Had an insomnia episode last night or should I say earlier this morning at 3a. It was 5a before I was able to go back to sleep and I had to be up at 7a to keep with my normal groove. Sure, I could have slept in but there would have been no eating breakfast out and the grocery store would have been packed. Hence why I pushed through it. It was not a fun experience but once I got some food in me that made me feel a bit better.

Had to have help from the gas station attendant at my local Sam’s club. They redid the pumps and my membership card is very old so wasn’t recognized by the swipe. I’ve had issues with the card working inside the store, but it always worked at the gas pump. The attendant told me that they are trying to push everyone to the app and get away from membership cards. However, if I continue to have problems eventually, they will escort me inside, demand a manager and that I get a replacement card. I hope that the card works next time but my best guess tells me that it won’t. I wish they would go to a tap and pay system where I could tap my phone to detect my card as well as payment and just be done with it, but that’s applying some logic and that just doesn’t seem to work well. Kind of like how common sense is not so common anymore.

Almost did the upgrade to W11 this afternoon but I remembered that I have some issues with my outdated financial software, I must make registry edits. They might carry over since it’s an in-place upgrade but on the off chance they don’t I’m listening to that little voice that says wait.

Found out that High School graduation is today so that could impact my return trip home presuming I still go for pizza around 2:30p. Class sizes around here are large which was the case for me when I was in High School. It’s just common place for this area in general. Ah to be young again, have my entire future waiting for me. I never guess back then that it would turn out like it has.

Working on finishing up laundry and surfing the internet. The start of a new month means more work for me, but I will get through it like I always do. Especially if everyone leaves me alone and things stay quiet and I can push myself in the morning. Looking forward to seeing how much interest I have earned, that’s the best part of a new month. Not to mention seeing more vacation time accrued at work. Sad part is that I’m a month older now. Were also closer to the Cat’s birthdays in July.

I hope that you are having or had a great day, depending upon when you’re reading this. Take care!

Windows 11

Happy Saturday!  I had another insomnia attack last night that ruined my intentions for today.  However, I made the best of it.  Watched an old movie called Stir Crazy with Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder.  It was long but kept my interest and when it was done I easily fell back to sleep.  Rudy woke me up around 7:30a, kind of surprised he let me sleep in.  He wanted his breakfast though and I passed it out for him.  Then I came back to bed and waited as I watched more TV to eventually pass out.  I got up around 9a and had breakfast which was nothing more than cereal and a banana.  Then it was back to the bedroom to watch more TV and nap. 

I got moving late in the afternoon and headed to a steak house to order chicken.  It’s a dish similar to what I order at Outback called Alice Springs Chicken.  It was good but they forgot the bacon.  Grabbed the mail and returned home.  That was as much getting out as I needed to do. 

I noticed yesterday when I set the trash out that a Wasp has setup a nest right behind my security camera.  I know that it’s a matter of time before I get a little too close for comfort that the damn thing will attack me.  I am probably going to get some Wasp spray and try to kill it.  I am not a fan of insects much less stinging or biting ones. 

Last night I watched a 2 hour Only Fans that someone called Justasoccerboi filmed with Seth Peterson.  They were in a hotel room and forgot to deadbolt the door so the maid interrupted them trying to come in and clean the room but Seth was getting eaten out and told the lady to come back later.  The room looked nice as did the guys but the whole thing wasn’t edited very well and it’s by far the longest Only Fans clip that I have ever watched.  I just deleted it from my system just because it was so long and quite large.  Seth as you might recall passed away earlier this year from what is believed to be an accidental drug overdose.  

Speaking of OF, I just got a bunch of Blake Mitchell OF clips that were leaked.  Most of which I had before but I never had any of his Live Chats.  It’s nice to hear his voice and quite a shame that he too passed away in a motor vehicle accident late last year.  One clip I want to see is the final one he made with Joey Mills.  While Blake published everything, Joey hides some clips behind a pay wall and thus why I haven’t seen it.  Not paying $25 for one clip, sure I want to see it but not that bad. 

On the dating front I got an ad last night from a service called Mingleo.  It’s a dating service that requires a subscription but they match you with other guys based on your interest and how you both responded to their questionnaires.  I’m going to do some research on them before I just blindly spend money.  They are in most major cities in the US so in case your looking thought I’d share it.  They keep your information private unless you ask them to share it or choose to share it on your own with a guy.  This sounds a lot like It’s Just Lunch but something that is cheaper and targeted to gay men. 

While I was watching TV this afternoon, I fired up my laptop to do some surfing and have noticed that when I shutdown the menu shows up differently and the taskbar looked different, I unlocked it and sure enough I can resize it to make it show more icons in the system tray as well as display the Time, Day of the Week and Date.  This was my major factor for not upgrading other than in general I am not a W11 fan.  However, now that I know that I am so tempted to give in and upgrade to get it over with.  I know that sooner or later were all going to have to as extended support will expire or Microsoft will make it so cost prohibitive that most folks will just give in and upgrade rather than pay.  Part of me wants to upgrade now and the other part of me says wait until you have much more time to deal with things if something goes south. 

Meanwhile I discovered that I threw my laundry in the dryer and walked away, never pressed the start button.  I thought it was taking an unusual amount of time to dry so I went and checked on it.  Sometimes my brain just goes out to lunch without me and I do silly stuff like that but it’s not often enough to be concerning. 

I’ve got a task to take care of at work tomorrow, I will need to login the morning and then again later in the afternoon.  I am planning on going to eat lupper early.  So that I am available when I need to login.  I am not a fan of working weekends but I’m on call.  Thinking of pizza and trying to see the straight hot waiter that I have a mad crush on.  Not sure why I am so attracted to straight guys, wish that my Gaydar worked better. 

Not a horrible Saturday just not the most productive.  However it was good for relaxation.  Shame that the time goes by so quickly.  It was a nice day until I got out for supper then it became overcast and has started to rain a little bit here and there.  Hope it was a good day for you!

One Day Left

Sadly I only have 1 day left before it’s time to return to work.  I knew it would go by fast but having two weeks did make the time last longer.  The first week flew by. 

I’ve eaten at all of the places I had on my list.  I’ve been to all of the retail stores I needed to visit that were on my list.  I’ve knocked out a good portion of the chore list I had for myself.  There was some stuff I didn’t get to but that’s okay it’s waiting for me and I know it’s not going anywhere. 

Christmas was a clusterfuck.  I didn’t get any invite to my friends house until 8a on Christmas day.  The timing just sucked so I decided that I wasn’t going to go.  I also wasn’t going to bother calling or replying back to the text I got.  I was pissed.  It felt like inviting me was an after though or something last minute that just didn’t get done.  As if I can’t make other plans. 

Well my little plan of ignoring them and not going kind of backfired on me.  They called the cops to come check on me to make sure that I was still alive.  I knew the cops were coming I had my scanner on all day Christmas, something that I do every year and I will do it again on New Years.  They took their sweet ass time getting here and once they arrived I stepped outside to chat with them.  They never asked me for ID.  That was a little concerning but that’s where they draw the line.  They did their job and they don’t follow up with the person who called unless something is awry.  I thought about ignoring them because there is no law that says you have to answer your door regardless of who’s knocking.  However, that could have led to them coming inside either with a key or forcing there way in.  I just as soon avoid that drama as well as the potential for damage. 

Anyway, I called my friend back and told him that since I didn’t hear form him I got a pizza earlier in the week and I’ve been snacking on that and just chilling at home.  I was actually watching porn.  He apologized for the mix up and the lack of communication.  However, he told me that I should have followed up.  Nope, I don’t go where I’m not invited to and I’m not trying to insert myself.  If you want me there then damnit invite me and don’t wait until the last fucking minute to do it.  I wound up going over there and we hung out for a while and chatted.  They talked me into coming back yesterday (Friday) for Christmas with just the 3 of us.  They had Prime Rib and I told them I wouldn’t eat that I don’t like it.  So they went out to get ham.  It was a very small meal compared to Thanksgiving but we had lots of conversation and I wound up leaving way later than I wanted to. 

I did make it to the office on Christmas Day and much to my surprise there wasn’t anything waiting for me.  I threw away my 2025 calendar and came back home.  No one was there but me and I kind of figured that is the way it would be, I like to slip in and slip out going unnoticed.  I’ve already checked email and got my inbox cleaned out.  I do have a few things to do on Monday but for the most part unless there is something that is waiting as a surprise, it won’t take long to get to the point where I am caught up. 

My vehicle has had many miles put on it over the last two weeks.  I’m pretty well done with running.  Have to make my usual Sunday trip out in the morning and then a trip out in the late afternoon for supper, then I will be done. 

Today I went back to a place I had lunch with a friend at last week.  I got what he ordered.  It’s called a Pony Shoe.  It’s a hamburger, topped with chili, fries and homemade cheese sauce.  It was a decent ride out there and back but well worth it.  I could have gotten the same thing but larger it’s called a Horse Shoe.  I will be going back!

Not sure about your neck of the woods but the weather here is wacky.  It’s unseasonably warm.  It cools off a little bit at night and we have fog or dense fog, which isn’t the most fun thing to drive in.  We are headed back to the deep freeze but it’s a slow decent. 

Cats have been enjoying the extra attention I have been able to give them.  Bought the last cat food of the year yesterday.  Last night Rudy just like last time, knocked the new bag of dry food off the table and tried to open it with his claws.  I woke up to a mess and I was not happy.  The crime had RUDY written all over it.  Well he got more dry food, way more than he wanted.  Next time I will leave the new bag of dry food in the garage until it’s closer to the time for me to open it. 

I did waste away a bit this morning and enjoyed myself relaxing and watching TV with the cats.  However, I got to a point where it was like you need to get up and get moving, so I did.  Working on some of the laundry now and I plan to finish up tomorrow. 

Hope that you had a great Christmas.  I wish that I had another week off but I know at the end of the day you eventually have to go back sometime.  I did buy lots of lottery tickets with the hope that I wouldn’t have to return but I didn’t win anything for the $30 that I spent.  I buy tickets with the hopes that my luck will change but I think that I am destined not to win big in the lottery and also not likely to find a man.  However, I still hold out hope for both. 

Thanks for stopping by, hope you enjoyed your visit.  We will get back to regular posting next week so long as I’m not too terribly busy with work.  I will be on-call so that should be extra fun (not).  Take care!

Sunday

Today has been an okay day.  I’m still a bit bummed about my crush, who just wants to play games.  He never did respond to my message.  I did a bit of research and turns out if you block someone on an iPhone the message shows as delivered even though it never was.  It stays that way forever.  I don’t know if he blocked me or just left my message unread.  I made the decision tonight to block him on my phone and I took his number out of my contacts.  I have no plans to ever walk into that Cracker Barrel where he works.  I know I will be tempted but nothing good will come of it so best to just keep it moving. 

Rudy woke me up for breakfast and he was 15 minutes early but he got me out of a bad dream.  I wasn’t eager to get up but did just that because I know it’s just not a good thing to keep The Salesman waiting. 

I headed out and grabbed breakfast.  Picked up a few things from the grocery store.  Chatted with my favorite cashier and then moved along to fill up my gas tank.  Came home, put everything away.  Then turned off my phone and got naked.  Watched TV and eventually went back to bed. 

An hour later I had to get up to pass out lunch for the cats.  I grabbed a snack and watched a little TV.  Eventually I went back to bed and watched a movie on Netflix.  I don’t remember the name but it was about a Holiday Heist, it kept my interest and got me out of my head for a while. 

I headed out to the buffet like I wanted to.  I should have listened to my little voice that said go for pizza instead.  I was eager to go because I was told they have comfort food on Sundays’.  What a waste of 2 hours of my time.  It takes an hour to get there and an hour to travel home.  They had Fried Chicken but only 2 legs.  I ate both of those and part of a breast.  Got some mashed potatoes and a little corn.  Went back to try the yams, they were good so I got a few more of those.  2 sodas and 1 to go – all of that for the low low price of $22.  I was disappointed and if I ever go back I will order from the menu, the buffet is kind of a hit or miss thing.  Saturday is still my favorite day but in the summer.  Haven’t been there in the winter on a Saturday that I remember. 

My vehicle appreciated the exercise I gave it and it preformed well.  I got 28.7 MPG total for the trip.  I’m very pleased with that number.  No way the majority of the new vehicles I’m considering would get that.  Sales people as well as Service folks told me there is no break in period for an engine, this was back in 2017.  Modern vehicles just don’t have that it was a thing of the past.  Well I’m here to tell you they were full of it.  I got average numbers at first but once I hit 50 thousand miles, the MPG started getting way better.  There still is a break in period for every gasoline powered engine.  I’ve not driven an electric vehicle.  I know they go stupid fast and are very quiet.  I just don’t want to have to always worry about charging.  I’ll keep my gasoline engine for now that infrastructure is already in place and highly popular. 

Rudy and I are waiting for the dryer to finish so that we can head upstairs.  I need to make the bed, then grab a shower and I can call it a night.  I am relying on him to wake me early, which I’m certain he will.  I need to call the dentist about my chipped tooth.  My tongue keeps running over the sharp jagged edge.  My hope is that they can smooth that and then I will be done.  If my plan works out there should be no needles involved.  It’s not bothering me I can still eat but I am concerned by leaving it as is I could do more damage and that wouldn’t be good.  In case your wondering it’s the tooth on the top left side all the way in the back, the very last one.  There is a filling in it already and I remember all too well when I got that work done, it was like 3 layers deep, took forever and I needed serious numbing.  I know that Dentist like to remove the old fillings and put in new ones, hopefully I can avoid all that and just go with my simple plan.  I’m not a pro and that’s why I am going to the dentist, they are the pros and I know they will steer me in the right direction even thought I might not want to go that route. 

Hope you had a great day!  Talk with you all again soon. 

Bad Idea

This morning I went to Cracker Barrel and saw my crush.  I sent him a text message while I was there letting him know that I was still available and that he looked really good.  He’s apparently come out of his shell a bit more and now has painted his nails.  He also wore some Levi’s that were quite flattering for his amazing ass.  Fuck, I’ve got it bad for this guy.  The heart wants what the heart wants and there is no stopping it.  I figured one last try.  When he came to deliver my bill I asked him if his butt was vibrating.  He said yeah a while ago, then he put it together, oh you sent me a message.  He said it would be a bit before he could read it.  They were really busy. 

Much to my surprise he texted back a Thank You but he dodged the question about getting together.  So I sent back a much more direct message letting him know that I’d like to get to know him better.  It’s been radio silence and the message has been left unread.  I don’t think I’m getting a response and so it’s a hard no just he’s not man enough to say it. 

I realize I am chasing him and that I shouldn’t do that but again it goes back to the fact that I have it bad for him.  I love Cracker Barrel’s food but I avoid going there just because there is the possibility of running into him.  He’s caused me a lot of pain and sent some mixed signals.  Well, unless he manages to text me back I’m never going to that Cracker Barrel again so I won’t run into him.  He lives in the area but our paths have never ever crossed anywhere but the restaurant. 

Rejection is a tough pill to swallow but it’s a part of life.  You don’t always get what you want, regardless of what it is. 

When I left the restaurant I was feeling pretty good, so good that I drove to a dealership to test drive a vehicle.  I pulled over to check their hours before I made the trip down there.  The web said they were open.  However, when I arrived there were people inside but the sign on the door said they didn’t open for another half hour.  It was cold out and no way was I waiting a half hour.  I took it as an omen, keep what you have for now.  The real only reason that I’d like to make a move now is because of special 0% financing.  That’s not as common as it was years ago.  However, I honestly don’t want to jump back into car payments.  The plan today if it had materialized was just for a test drive.  If I liked it then I would have talked a bit more, found out what bureau I needed to thaw my credit on and would have confirmed that 0% was still available.  You can’t go any lower than 0%.  However, it just wasn’t meant to be for now. 

I came home and started in on things I wanted to accomplish.  The dishes needed to be unloaded from the dishwasher and a new load was waiting to get loaded.  Took care of that.  Then on to the cat’s water fountain, they made a mess of things and it was time to clean it and change the filter as well as add fresh water.  Knocked that out.  Next it was on to a hallway closet that was full of mostly shampoo and conditioner plus a few other things.  I cleaned that out so much so that I have an entire empty shelf.  I was quite proud of my accomplishments.  By now I was sweating and just wanted to rest. 

Watched TV in the living room with the cats.  Until I got sleepy like an hour later.  Then went to my room to lay down in the hopes of taking a nap.  Well Mora kept me company for a bit and then she left and Rudy came in.  He started making biscuits, it was time for lunch.  I got up and served lunch.  He ate a little bit but was quick to follow me back to bed.  I got on a Swedish Massager that I have, it hurt and felt good at the same time.  Watched more TV and tried to take a nap but my mind went off thinking about how I set myself up to get my heart stomped.  I felt quite alone, despite having a cat in bed with me.  Realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep, I watched TV.  Rudy got comfy and managed to drift off. 

I started thinking of what I wanted to do with the rest of the day.  I checked off visiting the cemetery to see my grandparents grave.  I knew the area where it was but didn’t remember exactly where they were it took me a few minutes to find them but I wasn’t leaving until I did find them.  Their headstone needs some work.  It’s been hit by a mower and the vase for flowers seems to be missing.  I knew I was going to cry which is partially why I have avoided visiting for so long.  I talked to them as if they could hear me.  Then left.  Off to try a new restaurant.  It wasn’t easy to find but I got there and the food wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t anything special either.  I probably won’t be back but might give them a second chance if the mood strikes me. 

Got the mail, drove around the neighborhood to see who has decorated their house for the holidays.  We have a few but it’s nothing spectacular.  Surprised my neighbor didn’t lite up his house like he usually does.  I do have one neighbor across from me that just put lights on a couple of his bushes and one of them is quite phallic looking.  Maybe it’s my dirty mind or the fact that I think about dick often, but seriously it looks phallic to me. 

Working on laundry, going to try to knock out some work tasks and catch up a little bit.  Then it will be porn surfing time and eventually time for bed. 

Already plotted and planned out my breakfast.  Still thinking of visiting the buffet but also have an alternate idea, if I decide to not go on that far of a drive.  I still have another week ahead of me and I do plan to enjoy myself. 

Still feel lonely and hurt, hopeful (but not really) that he will text something positive back.  I kind of think that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life and it will just be nothing but fantasy and porn for my sex life.  The upside of that is I can’t get any STI’s or STD’s.  The downside is no human contact and nothing beats the real thing!  I really want to have sex again but more than that I want a companion, someone to talk to as well as listen to.  I don’t think my expectations are unreasonable.  I’ve heard everything from your trying to find love too hard to you need to get on a dating app.  Well clearly not looking and jumping on dating apps yield the same results.  It’s kind of like playing the lottery your chances are the same regardless if you buy a ticket or not.  Yeah you might be really lucky and actually win if you get a ticket but the odds clearly aren’t in your favor, that’s kind of how I feel about the search for a man.

That’s it for now.  Time to head up to pass out treats for the cats and then it’s virtually off to the office for me. 

Hope you had a great day!

Happy Loctober

I was today years old when I learned that there are actually 2 different meanings to Loctober.  Did you know this too?

In the BDSM/kink community

Originally, Locktober is a month-long kink challenge in which one or more partners consensually participate in chastity play for the month of October.

• How it works: An individual or partner wears a chastity device, such as a cage, for the entire month, with a "keyholder" in control of the key.
• Purpose: The practice is a form of consensual power exchange to explore different relationship dynamics. It can involve BDSM elements of dominance and submission, create a feeling of ownership, and deepen intimacy through restraint.
• Significance: Participants engage in the challenge for various personal reasons, including introspection, testing willpower, and enhancing their sex life through delayed gratification.

In the fitness community

More recently, a separate, unrelated meaning of Locktober has emerged on TikTok and other social media platforms.

• How it works: Participants "lock in" to personal fitness and self-improvement goals for the month of October.
• Goals: This typically involves abstaining from vices like processed foods, alcohol, and drugs, while focusing on a strict routine of working out and reading.
• Origin: The trend appears to have started with a video from fitness influencer Brendan Ruh and is promoted by many self-help and gym-focused social media accounts.
• Misunderstanding: The fitness-focused trend has led to confusion online, with some straight men co-opting the hashtag without understanding its long-standing history within the kink community.

I personally don’t celebrate Loctober but apparently it’s quite popular from what I have seen on social media.  Lots of guys do it year round.  Speaking about the BDSM Loctober.  I think it’s a little hot but I also think back to the event where some guys purchased a lock that was controlled via an app and the app got hacked and that left the guys who were locked having to cut, pry and otherwise find a way to remove the device.  I’d never turn my genitals over to an app no matter how much it turned me on, there is just too much risk.  Stick with the old fashioned lock and key. 

Woke up to a new match.  I wasn’t able to find it in the app, guess the guy changed his mind. 

Had a lousy nights sleep, stuck in a nightmare and both cats actually came and woke me up.  I was dreaming that my vehicle was stolen.  I stayed awake a little bit and cuddled with both of them.  Then went back to sleep and the nightmare continued right where it left off.  Just to make sure I wasn’t loosing my mind I peeked in the garage this morning and the vehicle is still there.  It was just too real of a dream. 

My stomach started bothering me yesterday afternoon.  It was doing summersaults.  I was thinking of having a Burrito for supper but called that off.  Wound up with a Mac & Cheese BBQ Pork Bowl.  Then hours later I finished off that Strawberry Cheesecake Hagen Daz.  I skipped lunch and just had a breakfast bar & soda so I’d at least have some energy.  Guess my stomach didn’t like that idea. 

Wasted some time with a horrible movie just because I knew of one of the people in it.  I hung on for as long as I could but eventually had to change to something else.  It was just that bad. 

Hope your week is going well!

Birds the word

My cameras have gone off a couple times letting me know that a “person” was detected.  Turns out it’s a bird flying in front of the cameras.  Not sure what that is about but I’d rather see that than an actual person because I’m not expecting any visitors. 

Yesterday I had the post all prepared and was about to publish it when my internet dropped.  Apparently there was a power failure or so that is what I was told.  I had to fail over to my cell phone and it was just about time to head up for the day.  I just waited until it came back up and then published the post.  Here’s hoping that I have solid internet connectivity from now until the end of the year.  I say that because outages have occurred more this year than in a very long time.  I’m glad that I have my cell phone to fall back on, otherwise I’d be totally lost. 

Had an average evening nothing to really write about.  I got hungry hours after I had Lasagna and tried some Strawberry Cheesecake Hagen Daz.  Wow that was really good.  I just had a little bit of it so I could savor it.  Wish there wasn’t so much graham cracker in it.  Not sure who thought that one up but they did a good job!

Nothing more on dating at the moment, I have looked but the alerts stopped and so have messages.  I’ve got a few more weeks before both of my subscriptions expire and then I will delete my profiles as well as the apps, unless of course I happen to talk with someone and things are promising.  Might dive into different apps but I mostly see myself taking a break for a bit.  It’s kind of exhausting.  However, it would be nice to meet a guy so that I never had to get on an app again. 

Work is mostly calm and it’s better without the boss.  I hope this theme continues while he is out.  Next week won’t be a whole lot of fun for me because I will be back on-call.  However, I’ll cross that bridge once I get to it.  Right now it’s all about relaxing and enjoying the days as they go by. 

Hard to believe that tomorrow we will be in October.  My birthday month sure did go by fast.  I’m not a huge October fan because my late spouse and my late mom’s birthdays occur towards the end of the month.  They are actually a couple days apart.  In years past it was always something fun to look forward to.  Not so much now. 

Hope your having a good day!

Another Match

I woke up to a notification that I had another match on the first dating app I signed up on.  This guy was pretty cute and way closer to me than the other guy (or robot) that I had been chatting with.  However, he didn’t selfie verify so he couldn’t message me.  I took that as a sign something was up and chose not to engage with him.  I haven’t heard anything from the original guy I was chatting with, it’s been more than 24 hours since our last interaction.  If he messages me I will message back but otherwise I think were done. 

I was more hot and bothered from my Cracker Barrel visit last night.  I fought the urge to reach out to the guy by text.  It took a lot on my part to make that happen.  Seeing him just messes me up, which is why I stay away from that place.  I could travel to a different CB in the area to still enjoy their food but it just doesn’t seem worth it to me.  I want to go back for breakfast and interact with him again.  However, that’s me chasing after him and I’ve really done more than I should have.  I need to let this go but it’s a genuine attraction and even though I know this guy is trouble I still want to get to know him.  Plus it helps that he reminds me of Joey Mills (the gay porn star).  I don’t think that were ever gonna meet up, much less hook up. 

Outside of seeing this guy, I am still thinking about the great food I had last night.  Wish I could eat that good all the time.  Tonight I’m planning on store made Lasagna that I picked up.  It tastes wonderful but it’s super rich and I tend to eat way too much of it.  It’s got a lot of cheese and that’s the appeal. 

Got in some good snuggle time this morning with both of the cats when I went back up for a nap.  Sadly it wasn’t long before we got interrupted and I had to take care of work stuff.  Once I got that matter at work taken care of, I managed to dose off again and the phone kept waking me up. 

The fuck up ferry visited my co-worker again.  I actually saved him from something earlier this morning just because I happened to catch it but I knew that he had other issues looming and I didn’t bother to intervene.  He called me upset and asked how to un-fuck himself and I gave him instructions.  This is all because he took Friday off and didn’t plan properly. 

It’s official that my boss is on vacation.  He’s headed to Hawaii and I am a little jealous of that but mostly glad that I am free of him, his voice, dumb meetings and stupid emails.  It’s only two weeks so I will have to savor every day because it will be over with before I know it.  The good news is that I still have time to burn before the end of the year so I will get another break from him, I just have to plan it out. 

Walk outside in the morning and you can certainly tell that it’s fall but by afternoon you’d think it was summer time.  Were in above average temperatures again and my AC is still working when it should be on vacation.  I’m enjoying it while it lasts because eventually the temperatures will drop like a rock sinking in a lake. 

Thanks for stopping by!

Sunday funday

Watched the movie Riley on HERE TV last night.  It was pretty good.  Went to bed later than I normally do.

It’s been a decent Sunday for me.  Woke up early, got breakfast passed out for the cats.  Headed out for breakfast for me.  Made it to the Grocery Store, Gas Station and then back home.  Got in a nap and snuggled up with Rudy. 

I reached out to the guy I had been chatting with, just sent a simple message Good Morning.  I got a response and we have been having some more back and forth conversations.  However, I’m pretty well done.  He’s either a robot or he’s is copying & pasting his messages.  He’s big in the Church.  I asked what his faith was and he told me Catholic.  His messages range from medium to quite long.  I just have an odd vibe about him.  I’ve let the messaging stop and now I wait to see if he makes any further moves. 

Got my medicine ready for the week ahead, cleaned the house and watched TV.  Caught up on social media.  Was thinking about heading out for Pizza but staying in for Pizza sounded just as good.  Then I started thinking about Cracker Barrel.  I looked at their menu and my mouth started watering.  Their Sampler Platter with Meatloaf, Chicken & Dumplings with 2 veggies and some corn bread was calling my name. 

Headed to Cracker Barrel and enjoyed that meal.  Towards the end of my meal the waiter that I have a crush on appeared.  I don’t know if he saw me or not.  I saw him and he looked better than what I had for supper.  First time ever I have seen him wear blue jeans and wow they show off his ass quite well.  I really wish that he would have reached out to me, who knows if we would have made it or not but at least I wouldn’t be wondering.  I have chased him about as far as I can.  Still I want him and thought about sending him a text message but quickly dismissed that idea.  I mean he probably wouldn’t respond to it and if he did it would only get my hopes up, so better to just avoid it.  I know that if I would stop in and he waited on me we would chat it up, he knows me and no chance we will ever forget each other.  I enjoy Cracker Barrel’s food and it’s a convenient stop for me but I stay away just because of this guy.  I don’t mind looking at him but I always think about him way too long after I leave.  I am really attracted to him and he hurt me by not reaching back out.  Rather than go through all of these feelings I just avoid Cracker Barrel for the most part.  It’s a shame because I had a good thing going.

Got the car washed.  First time since the windshield was replaced.  It doesn’t leak, which is a very good thing!  Changed a light bulb out front.  Then headed to the back yard to replace some batteries in the deck camera.  Managed to let a Mosquito in and after a few tries I killed it.  Blood gushed out of it.  So chances are that it bit me and was lingering for it’s next bite.  I hate them because I never can feel them bite me and they love me.  I’m just glad that I killed it or I would be wondering about it all night long. 

Killing time for a windows update to install and then it’s time to reboot the computer.  It’s been two weeks with no reboot and it’s long overdue but oddly enough it’s working just fine. 

Looking forward to using my Clarasonic Mia 2 a bit later this evening after I shave.  Meanwhile once I get this machine rebooted, I will head up and watch more TV for a while. 

Hope you had a great day.  Back to the old salt mine tomorrow!

Friday Night & Saturday…

I was able to enjoy a Steak & Cheese sandwich prior to my massage but I had an interruption from work in the process. Plus, I was asked to take care of something in the evening but a half hour before my massage. Everything came together and worked out just fine.

I got my massage and it was intense. I asked for some leg pulls and got them but they were not as brisk as I wanted. As per usual she found all of the knots and I was super tight. She worked my shoulders/arms as well as my neck. It all hurt like hell. When we were done and as I was paying, she dropped a bomb that she isn't working on Fridays starting in November, she will only be working Tuesdays & Wednesdays. I told her that I wasn't a fan of that. I booked a Wednesday evening in November and it's on a week that I am not on-call. Things are typically pretty calm for my team in the evenings but you never really know when an emergency will strike and you will be needed. For that reason, I purposely schedule massages on Friday's as they tend to be calmer and quieter days. I've been thinking about massages in general and I'm not going often enough to reap true benefits from it. I need something every couple weeks – a couple 90-minute sessions then I can drop to 60 minutes every other week. I've had times when I was able to meet this schedule with her but for the most part, she is booked solid and doesn't have a lot of availability. I've been thinking of stopping for a while. I mean I pay money to get worked over, be sore for a few days and then given my job, the knots either reoccur or start to flair back up. It seems like a huge waste of time and money. Right now, I am letting things play out but I think come November unless she can accommodate me, we are probably done.

It's been one thing after another with this lady. First, she stopped Saturdays. Then she raised her prices. Then about 6 months later she raised her prices again. Now she's not going to work on Friday's. I mean not everyone can make it on a Tuesday or Wednesday. I might not be able to find someone cheaper than her but I can find someone who can cater more to my preferred dates and times. I'm just very unhappy and disappointed in her.

Once I got home, I started the dishwasher. Closed up the blinds in the back. Had a soda and some cookies. Then surfed social media from my bedroom free of my clothes. The cats joined me; they wanted to play but I wasn't in the mood. I got them to sleep and once I was done surfing I thought about watching a movie but figured I would fall asleep so I just flipped through You Tube. Eventually enough time passed that I elected to get up and brush my teeth and do my normal shutdown routine. That of course excited both cats and they wanted to play. I gave in and Rudy had some playtime. Mora just didn't want to be bothered for some reason. I called it and we all went back to my room to watch more TV until I got sleepy and called it a night.

Rudy woke me early this morning and I told him it was my day off. He let me sleep in an hour and woke me at 7a. I got up because I had placed an Amazon order and some items were arriving early. Passed out breakfast for the cats. Checked the front porch and no packages. I had breakfast and got my meds. Then fired up my police scanner and phone. Waited for my deliveries, I had two one was early morning and the other was early afternoon.

Got a leaf blower that will operate on the same battery as the weed eater I bought. Figured that I will blow the leaves into the grass from the deck and maybe just maybe the lawn guys will chop them up with their mower. Although there aren't many of them right now. Give it a few more weeks. The other big purchase I got was a Clarasonic Mia 2. I've wanted this for a long time and know that Sonic Cleansing of the face does improve skin tone and my face just feels cleaner. I used to get a lot of compliments too on how good I looked. I got a few other items as well in my deliveries but those two were the big dollar items. Amazon loves me.

In checking my phone, I saw that I had a like on one of the dating apps. I didn't think much of it as these typically turn out to be women or guys that are in another part of the country. As soon as I opened the app, I saw a guy that looked really good. I gave his profile a like and presto we matched. He was the person who liked me. Were several hours away from each other. We started talking. First it was just a few interactions and then he just dropped. I figured his phone died or he lost interest in me. An hour later he resumed the conversation. I answered him and we had a little bit more interaction. Then it's been nothing but dead air since early afternoon. I am not overly excited as I learned a long time ago the hard way not to emotionally invest in the apps as they usually lead to nothing but disappointment. Who knows if this is going any place. He's younger than me and also a Widower – so we do have a few things in common. He made it quite clear that he doesn't want a one-night stand and I told him that I didn't either, again another thing in common. I'm not 100% convinced that he's not a robot or that it's a fake profile but I suppose if we keep talking that things will play out. I'd like for this to work out but again I have no huge expectations.

I wish that I was meeting him or someone in person. This having a burst of conversation and then nothing but silence, well that wouldn't occur if we were in person and if it did one of us would surely get up and leave. I hate dating via an app just because it's awkward. Hell, dating to me is awkward considering that I never experienced it until my spouse passed away and I went on the hunt. It's kind of like playing the lottery, you pay your money and take your chances. Not everyone is a winner.

That leads me back to the whole Prison Pen-Pal thing. I know that none of those folks are upstanding citizens but I'm positive I could hold a conversation better via a letter or email with one of them just as a friend and nothing more. I'd never date a convict and just because they made a mistake doesn't mean society should give up on them. I am giving the idea some consideration but admittedly I do have safety concerns. I'd have to look into how great the protection is but on a cursory level it appeared to me that you could write via email instead of snail mail so I wouldn't have to provide an address. If you have an opinion one way or another, I'd love to hear it if you're willing to share.

I've had something eating at me that I have kept quiet about for a few days. So, I grew up when MTV had The Real World. It is reality TV where 7 strangers move into a house together and share their lives for, I think 3 to 6 months. It was great meeting the cast but soon you figure out who's gay (there was always at least 1 gay person – male or female). Then the drama starts and the issues play out. Before you know it, the season is done and everyone is tearing up saying goodbye. I watched most but not all seasons. It's been interesting to see the reunions that have taken place and how grown-up people have become.

Back in 2006 The Real World was in Denver. Davis Mallory was one of the cast members. He identified as a Gay Christian. He was a super cute frat boy with Blond Hair and Blue Eyes. He was a DJ/Musician. You can find his work on Spotify. I really like his song American Boy. Well, he announced to the world roughly 10 or so days ago that he was no longer sexually attracted to men and doesn't identify as gay. This is all because he found God and became Baptized. He's got a song about it. This whole thing bothers me because you can't just stop being gay as if it's a choice. I mean you can stop eating pasta or ice cream those are choices. Sexuality, well it's simply not a choice. You can experiment to see what you like but at the end of the day you are who you are. Gay, Straight or Bi. I know there are other types of sexuality that have evolved over the years but I don't recognize nor understand those other choices – it's always been the 3 Gay, Straight or Bi. Kind of like you’re a man or a woman – there is no other choice and no in between. I think you can be a man trapped in a woman's body or a woman trapped in a man's body and transition but still your either Male or Female at the end of the day.

I know that God can change your life. Just because you stop having sex with dudes doesn't mean suddenly that you're not gay or that your "cured". Think about it for a second if sexuality was a choice who in their right mind would choose to be gay? Your different from everyone else, often ostracized, discriminated against, made fun of, beaten up or even killed just because of your sexuality. It would be far easier to be straight and blend in. I mean I like who I am and I like dudes, that's just who I am. If I could suddenly change all of that, don't you think I would have done it a long time ago, my life would be so much easier. I don't know if Davis truly is a changed person or this is just a publicity stunt to promote an album. I just find it a bit disturbing. However, Davis has to live his life as he sees fit just as you and I do.

Well, Mora is bothering me and telling me that I need to get upstairs. Morning is going to roll around soon enough. Meanwhile she is soaking up attention like a sponge and just can't ever get enough of it. That's why I call her Mora because she always wants more of something. Guess it's time to call this post done and go up, make the bed and jump in.

Hope you had an amazing Saturday and that Sunday is equally as great. Cheers!