Stressed

Holy cow, I feel my back muscles all tense and it’s high time for a massage.  Last night I made the mistake of answering some questions related to the project that I was working on.  The next thing I know I’m talking with my boss on the phone, then in a Zoom Meeting and presto more than 2 hours of my evening was wiped out.  Despite that I was still expected to keep on working to some how make a miracle happen.  I was asked for reports, I produced the reports as requested. 

There was some concern about the way they would appear so I was asked to submit a sample early and did that last week.  Waited days and heard nothing back.  Monday word came down that all was okay.  I pushed yesterday to get everything done and wrapped up, got the reports out.  Now all of a sudden the person that I sent my sample to didn’t like the formatting.  I am not a word processor, I gave what was requested.  This kind of crap happens all the time and I am tired of it.  I was close to spouting off and quitting but I held my tongue until the call was done and then I let loose.  I am not fond of certain people in management and wish they would up and retire or just drop dead, something but get out of my life.  I wish that but sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

Here we are another day and this morning was all about the reports.  I pushed the formatting off on word processing and am letting them work their magic.  The request is just beyond the scope of my job duties and appeasing the sob that opted to wait until the 11th hour to phone in his criticism has not set well with me.  Now I can move on with other work and tasks but still have to wait to see how this turns out.  My boss is calling me like a mother hen checking in to see where we are at.  I told him it’s in the hands of word processing. 

Needless to say I didn’t get to enjoy my evening like I had planned on doing.  I am pretty worked up so not sure if things will be any better tonight.  I know I need a shower and who knows if I will feel like making that happen.  I was awake at 3a and up for an hour.  That made for quite the rough start this morning.  I knew I’d wake up is the worst part of it.  Anytime there is worry or stress it negatively affects my ability to stay asleep.  The cats did their part to help me get back to sleep.  Rudy wanted me up at 6a and I wasn’t terribly pleased with his request but didn’t take it out on him, just brushed him off and he collapsed on top of me in disgust, patiently waiting for me to finally get up, which I did at 7a. 

Both my boss and I hope that after this little request is put to bed and finalized in the format that is acceptable that we don’t get a similar request for this month.  What a PITA. 

Hope your having a better day than me.  Thank God that there is only one more day left in the week.  Hopefully, things will calm down and I can enjoy the weekend.  Now it’s upstairs to fetch something for lunch and feed the cats.  We will hang out for a bit and then I will climb back downstairs and resume working.  Still little to no personal time to surf for porn or catch up on my daily reads, perhaps there is hope for that this afternoon, it would certainly be a more enjoyable way to spend the afternoon than fussing over a damn report. 

Take care and be well. 

Stress … It’s a killer

Yesterday was another hair on fire type day.  It started off normal and calm but just before lunch it got a little busy.  I had time to eat and then all hell broke loose and I was busy well past my quitting time. 

Needless to say there were no happy campers here.  I was obviously unhappy and exhausted, the cats missed me and wondered if I was ever coming upstairs.  I was also behind in getting the trash out. 

My sugar started to drop and like a dumb ass I just powered through it because I was almost at the end.  Yeah I was also pretty close to passing out.  There I go again killing myself for a job that would replace me tomorrow if I dropped dead today.  I just really wanted to be done and get upstairs. 

My inbox continued to overflow but I created a F-IT folder and moved everything from the inbox to the folder.  I took care of that folder and cleanup this morning. 

Thankfully I wasn’t bothered at all with on-call crap and was able to enjoy my evening. 

For supper I had a Lean Cuisine Ricotta & Spinach Ravioli.  It’s in a tomato sauce and I had it as soon as I got upstairs, no medicine I had to work on getting my sugar up.  After that I had some Butter Pecan Ice Cream.  The sauce did have a slight spice to it but I love this dish and have been eating it for weeks now.  It’s never caused any issues, until last night. 

After I was done Rudy was after me to take a break and spend time with him and his sister.  I did just that.  We watched TV for a 1/2 hour and then I had to get up get my evening medicine and work on the trash. 

When I came in from taking the trash out, I had this intense burning in my chest, it felt like I was on fire.  I took an anti-acid pill and drank a Sprite Zero.  That helped to calm things down but it took a bit.  I figured it was just a reaction to what I had for supper and no big deal. 

This morning I had the same feeling after I ate breakfast, which was nothing more than Milk, Oatmeal, a slice of Danish and a Banana. Not what I would consider to be spicy at all.  It’s kind of the run of the mill day of the week breakfast for me.  I took an anti-acid pill again and am drinking chilled water.  The burning has subsided. 

I am wondering if this is something that is going to continue and what in the world is wrong with me.  The first thing I looked up was an ulcer and I don’t have all of the signs.  I also saw that it could be stomach cancer.  See why I hate to look for medical stuff on the internet.  I think this is nothing more than stress.  I am going to take an anti-acid pill for a bit and see what happens.  If this continues I’ve got a doctors appointment in a few weeks and will bring it up. 

If it is an ulcer I will have to stop taking NSAID’s for my back and that will suck because then my back will really hurt.  This all started coincidentally when I had a regular Ibuprofen pill instead of a liquid gel capsule because I ran out.  My health insurance has a new benefit that started last year where you can order OTC medical stuff from this catalog and you have an allowance to spend for the year.  One of the many things I got was Ibuprofen.  I need to look through the catalog to place an order for this year.  I’m sure they have acid reducers.  It is a nice benefit to have.

This morning I had to make a decision to jump into some work that I could put off until Monday or to start it today, since Friday’s are typically calm but then again Monday’s usually are as well but that is not always the case.  I figured it’s been a hell of a week with stress and work I am going to take some time to relax.  I’ll deal with the work on Monday at least I won’t be on-call. 

Now more than ever before I am so looking forward to the weekend.  I want at least one day to not think about work.  I have to get up early on Sunday to do some testing, which of course I hate but it’s part of where my on-call falls.  Last year I managed to mostly avoid it but this year not so lucky.  I am the one who prepares the on-call schedule so you’d think I would stack the deck but nah I play fair.  No matter who gets this task they hate it.  One guy gets up early and takes care of it.  The other waits until closer to late in the morning almost afternoon to take care of it.  I am the only one who gets up as soon as possible to knock this out of the way.  It’s only about a 1/2 hour difference in my normal wake up time and I want to get to breakfast so that is my motivation. 

Yesterday when I had quiet time before all hell broke loose I opted to subscribe to Ring to stop the nag screen from showing up each and every time I went to view the cameras.  I didn’t know they would still continue the trial period and not bill me until it was over or I would have signed up way sooner.  That is awful nice of them because most companies once you sign up your trial period is over.  I for sure plan to add additional cameras but this is not the month to do it.  I’ve got lots of unplanned expenses where this or that renews and I’m not strapped for cash but I try to live on what I earn and not have to dip into savings as much as possible.  My end goal is to tuck away what is left over.  I’ve already got a certain dollar amount that comes out of my first check just for savings.  It’s really building and right now I have more in the bank than I have ever had in my entire life.  It’s not much by any means but I am super proud of it and trying like hell to protect it, like a goalie on fire.  That is not an easy job but it’s there for a rainy day or unplanned expense. 

Speaking of money.  I am really upset over the Mont Blanc Pen I want.  The damn thing has climbed again in price.  It started in the $300 range over the pandemic, then jumped into the $400 range earlier this year.  Today it’s $519 and I really wish I would have parted with $300 when I first wanted it.  It’s only going to increase but I keep an eye on it.  I tell myself if it falls in price I will buy it.  But I honestly don’t want to spend $400 or $500 on a pen that will just get added to a collection and not used a whole lot.  I’ve got so many pens and ink refills they will easily last me my lifetime if they don’t all dry up first.  Pens are the least of my vices but they do cost money like all hobbies.  I’ve got lots of vices but oddly none of them involve drugs, drinking or smoking.  We all have vices and that’s just the way it is. 

I am looking forward to getting a nice night of rest and that will happen thanks to drugs, then getting up early getting a shower, breakfast out I think then on to see my friends.  I’ve got some gifts to pass out that will catch them off guard.  After that the pet food store for sure is on the list of things to do because I am cutting it way close they are almost out of food but we can last today and part of tomorrow, possibly into Sunday morning but after that I will be out.  Not to worry no matter what the cats won’t go hungry so long as I have a pulse. 

My body is drained and I am just spent physically and emotionally.  This week has sucked quiet a bit of life out of me.  Shame it was done by a man and enjoyable but I guess that is something to continue to strive for.  Yes, that’s me and my odd ball sense of humor.  I’m exhausted not dead. 

I slept pretty good last night for a while but then I got the urge to get up and eat Oreos at 2a.  I watched a motorcycle pursuit in LA on YouTube live just before I nodded off.  I found out when I woke up at 2a they eventually got the guy.  It was a time consuming process but it’s all about dedication, if you stick with it eventually you will get the person.  From what I see on YT if your ever in AR they will chase you even at high rates of speed and they will catch you.  AR law enforcement doesn’t give up.  It’s dangerous but it does make for a good video to watch.  I just don’t understand why people think they can get away.  If they get your plate regardless if they get you today, they will get you eventually.  It’s all entertainment to me but to think it plays out in real life is actually kind of scary for everyone involved.  It’s an easy way to injury or kill an innocent person. 

Well I’m starting to babble so I am going to stick a fork in this.  Hopefully today is the better day that I have been looking for.  I am going to surf for some porn and then take my orange break.  After that it’s anyone’s guess as to what I will be up to.  It for sure is a nap kind of a day and I feel it already starting to call my name. 

Here’s hoping you have a great day and wonderful weekend.  I will talk with you all again soon.  Be well and stay safe. 

The Hangover Effect

I took the OTC Sleep aid with my Prescription Sleep Aid and I really had a deep sleep. I also had some crazy dreams. I was at work at an old job, we rearranged an entire floor it was a massive floor the size of two or three buildings. There were multiple elevators and I kept trying to get to the lobby. I rode I can’t tell you how many elevators and I finally made it to the lobby which is when I woke up. Gator was crying for food. I fed her and then remember getting back in bed and feeling really good, I fell back asleep. I was going into work and in the building, there was a machine that resembled a slot machine it was built into the wall. I remember there was a large bin where money came out. I remember sticking my hand in and looking for coins. I found a ton and also some paper that was folded into neat little tiny squares. I remember opening the pieces of paper and they turned out to be counterfeit currency the front and back of US Currency but you had to glue them together and it was obvious they were fake. I remember going to the bathroom and throwing them away. Then I had problems when I went to wash my hands. The sinks just didn’t put out enough water to fully rinse the soap from my hands. Very strange and then I woke up, time to tackle the day.

Wow that was a crazy sleep cycle. I didn’t feel rested at all and have what I am told is the hangover effect. It’s difficult to keep moving all I really want to do is lay back down and go back to sleep. I am doing my best to stay awake but I don’t know how long I will be able to fight it.

I got a shave and shower before I went to bed. Had Chicken Pot Pie and a Mint Ice Cream Sandwich for supper. My brain was very much focused on the waiter and I was watching a DVR TV show, we got to a commercial break. I had to pause to take care of Gator and my phone needed my attention. When I went back to watch TV, I wound up deleting the show. My DVR doesn’t have any kind of forgiveness when you commit to delete it’s gone forever. Then I had to scramble to find the show on HULU and sit through the commercials but at least I got to watch the show. I couldn’t believe that I actually deleted the show instead of resuming it. I am clearly not thinking straight (kind of humorous wording) but seriously if I would have been focused on what I was doing instead of thinking about the waiter I am sure that would have never happened.

Were at the half way point in the week so I need to make it through today and then two more days. Saturday morning can’t get here fast enough. That is when I will begin my quest for answers and I may have to wait until Sunday but I really want to get this cleared up regardless if it’s a good or bad outcome. It will either be the end which will mean bad news or clarification which would mean good news. I am fairly optimistic that this was some kind of a mix up or misunderstanding but knowing for sure will help me. I’m prepared for most any outcome that’s not to say that if it turns out to go bad that I won’t be hurt or disappointed.

Work today is pretty calm. There is a project that will ramp up a bit later this morning that will take some of my time and efforts. Then a pause for lunch. A meeting this afternoon and then more work after hours for a project. It’s going to be a long day but hopefully the evening will be fully done by 7p or so I hope. Silly project work since were off next week they are trying to cram two weeks’ worth of effort into one week. I hate that but there isn’t much I can do about it. At least next week at this time I will be anxiously awaiting Thursday and focused more on food. I expect the mood to be slow to the point where there is barely a pulse palpable at work, that is typical of a holiday week but I don’t expect things will really slow down until Tuesday. I think Monday will be busy. You never know for sure but past holiday weeks are usually a good gage for how things will go in future weeks. If this was way back to when I started, they would let us go early the day before the holiday but that stopped years ago. Now working from home, I can get that benefit back if I am not needed and no one bothers me.

My Girl Gator seems to be doing okay. Today is the big delivery day for both of us. She gets food and I get my Amazon stuff. Cinnamon Cream of Wheat will be for breakfast tomorrow morning. I love that stuff and wish that I could buy it from a local store instead of having to order it. The price jumped a few dollars just before I placed my order. I had been watching it for weeks. I’ve got my eye on a pen that I have been watching for a little over a year, it varies in price by $200 - $300 but I am thinking that when it next drops if life is good and things are right for me financially, I am going to pounce. Life is short, sometimes too short and I might as well make it happen because it’s not going to come to the door knocking for me. No one in their right mind would buy it for me due to the cost nor do I expect it as a gift. However, if I was famous, I could just start an Amazon Wish List like porn stars and influencers do and people just buy stuff for them just because. That irks me but it’s all about who you are and who you know. At the end of the day if you know how to work the system and it works in your favor and it isn’t illegal or immoral might as well tap it for all it’s worth.

I hope you have a good day, stay warm and be well. Happy Hump Day!!

Wash, Rinse–Repeat

It’s been a moderately busy week from a work perspective. The guy who trained me when I first started in my initial role with my employer is leaving. He’s been screwed over a couple times and I am honestly surprised that he has stayed this long. However, in his role it’s uncommon for a person to be with an employer for as long as he has. I am disappointed in him leaving but it’s not the end of the world. I have thought about leaving more so during the pandemic than any other time. My boss and his vocabulary are grating on my last nerve, not to mention all of the patronization and buttering up he does. While I know he appreciates me – it rings hollow because he says it so much, like every time we talk for any reason. Plus, I am tired of the weather conversation. Be resourceful and look it up on Google, that’s what I do when I want to know the weather in a different part of the country. On the bright side, I did get to work a couple times with a guy that I have a crush on. He’s straight but hey a guy can dream!

I was also contacted by AT&T and am waiting to see what kind of a promotion they can offer me; from the way it sounds they will continue what I am getting which is $70 off per month for 12 mos. – that’s phone and TV. Of course, I just learned they are selling off the majority share in their TV division to include U-Verse, Direct TV and AT&T TV. I don’t really want to go back to Cable but I know it would lower my Internet cost by $10. Once I get AT&T squared away, I plan to reach out to the Cable company about my internet pricing. If you don’t ask for a promotion, of course you’ll never get one. I look at it like this, I am already at no so what do I have to lose by asking – nothing! I really think that my employer should cough up some money to help pay for my internet connection, especially during the pandemic. There is nothing wrong with NOT paying full price.

It’s been a rough week for Ms. Gator. Poor thing had diarrhea really bad for a day. She never stopped eating but did slow up a bit on drinking and got in her usual sleep. She spent a fair number of hours away from me, she just wanted to be alone. I get it we all get that way sometimes. However, it scares me because cats do self-isolate when they are preparing for death. Plus, she keeps going to my bathroom, which is also something a lot of my cats have done as they were on the decline. You can’t tell by looking at her but I know she is an old lady and every little thing out of the ordinary concerns me. She is back to normal at the moment and just getting on my nerves with her incessant meowing. We did spend a good number of hours together this morning both in and out of bed. She also crawled under the covers when I got out of bed. She loves to do that to get warm and hide. I took a shower and all bets were off, she was in the bathroom screaming at me.

The weather is turning nice here and that only means that spring and summer are on the way. Back to paying to have the grass cut, cleaning the damn gutters, painting the trim on the garage and all of that jazz. I also need to call a tree trimmer but I have managed to stack away some money and am not terribly anxious to part with it. I am proud of my efforts and also the small amount of interest that I am earning that helps fuel the savings fire.

I went out today and had a nice meal. Steak Tips, baked potato (with butter & sour cream), salad (with honey mustard) and a cup of vegetable soup. Washed it all down with a nice Diet Dr. Pepper. It wasn’t a cheap meal but something that I have been wanting for a few weeks now. I am not a fan of steak, but these were very good. I do love the tube steak though!

I am beyond frustrated with what to watch on TV. I found a series on Netflix called Buried by the Barnard’s. It’s about a family who runs a funeral home in Memphis TN. It’s very entertaining. They do talk about death but looking past that just the drama & comedy the family generated is what roped me in. It’s not like a funeral home I am used to here – all first class, charging outrageous prices. They are ‘country-ass’ folks but there isn’t anything wrong with that. They also have an outstanding burial package and are the first in their area to have a drive-in viewing, which is especially useful during this pandemic. I binged watched the series started on Friday and finished up Saturday morning. I am ½ way through the movie 50/50 on Hulu. I’ve seen it before but it’s been a while. It’s about a young guy who is played by Joseph Gordon Levitt who has this chronic back ache and goes to the doctor to learn he has cancer. Seth Rogan is in it as well but I am not really a fan of his work. Anyway, the survival chances are 50/50, hence the name of the movie. If you need to shake up your world and get a dose of reality, this movie will do it and provide a laugh or two along the way.

Here's the pity party for one, otherwise known as me and my mental health. Honestly, I am not doing so well in this area. I have a strong desire to write my own obituary and an even stronger desire to check out. However, as has long been the case my cat is what is keeping me from doing anything drastic. I am tired of being alone, I realize that if I check out, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The problem doesn’t seem to be temporary to me, it’s been 8 long years, add to that the pandemic and viola serious depression. Of course, there is also the weight gain from being at home and mostly sedentary. I lose some weight then have a week (like this past week) where I want cake and wind up packing the pounds back on. I am more than overdue for some serious joy and a vacation. I won’t leave Gator for anything but when she checks out, I will either be planning a nice get away – perhaps a gay cruise or it will push me over the edge and I too will check out. Sure, I may be feeling sorry for myself but it just seems like I really don’t matter to anyone and part of that is from the serious lack of friends that I have. I suppose socialization and making some new friends may help turn things around. That is kind of off the table until the pandemic is over.

Last night (Saturday) I watched a movie called Movie 43. It was funny and a parody movie that had multiple scenes. There were a couple of good laughs mixed in there. Saw this via Starz. If your looking for a laugh might want to check this out.

I struggled falling asleep and was up until a little after 1a. That of course upset the Gator and she told me more than once it was time for bed. Thankfully she slept for a good portion of the time I was up but as we got closer to 1a she woke and was not happy to find me still awake. Just like her mother, she was bossing me around. I gave in and she came to join me in bed but only for a little bit, not even long enough for me to fall asleep. To add insult to injury she woke me at 3a to let me know she was hungry. I fed her and went back to bed.

Oddly enough my Alexa woke me up this morning because the white noise I use was cutting out. Then Gator started chirping and there was no sense in trying to sleep even though it was only 7a. I struggled with it but finally got up at 7:30a. I fed the Gator and played on my phone for a bit. I decided last night that I would hit up Denny’s for breakfast. It would be a change from Cracker Barrel. There aren’t a lot of choices for sit down places for breakfast here. Fast food breakfast, choices are limitless but I’m not a huge fan of the FF breakfast.

Denny’s was crowded but they made room for me. I got a drink right away but it took forever to get my order and I was almost at the point of leaving. I got the Cinnamon Pancake Breakfast. The eggs didn’t have cheese in them. The salt was really noticeable in the sausage and hash browns. The pancakes were good but didn’t exactly look like the photo and I didn’t get cream cheese icing to put on the pancakes they came with maple syrup, which I am allergic to so I just ate them as they were served with Whip Cream. Not what I would call an ideal breakfast. Service was crappy because they were running on next to nothing for people and customers were everywhere. I’ve never had this happen, but I went to pay the bill and a waitress stopped up to open up the register long enough to get me to the point where I swiped my card. She took off and I had to wait for the receipt to print and I had to tear it off of the printer myself because she was busy cleaning tables. Fuck this, I won’t be going back no matter how boring Cracker Barrel is, there service is way better, not to mention so is the food!

My stomach on edge I managed to make it through the grocery store. I really wasn’t much in the mood to buy anything but I bumbled my way through the store and managed to get enough to eat for the week without breaking the bank at the same time. I some how managed to get around this lady who took a bath in perfume and you could smell her 1 isle over, we crossed paths several times. It was nice smelling at first but eventually I was overwhelmed. I thought my saving grace was getting to see the cute bagger boy, but when I jumped in line, I realized it was someone who looked similar but wasn’t him. Shucks!

Made it back home, put away the groceries. Fed the Gator again. We sat on the couch until she got bored with me and went off to my room. She saw me come downstairs and now she is crying her eyes out because she is lonely and wants me to come back upstairs. Sorry but that won’t work right now. I need an escape from upstairs and her as well, I spend the bulk of my time up there and down here is my sanctuary. Plus, I am finishing up laundry.

There is a whole host of things that I would like to accomplish today but reality is that I will put them off as I have been. I will likely work in a nap and then clean the house and call it a day. Store made Lasagna is for dinner. I got the largest and most expensive piece. Then I will have to decide on desert. It will either be Spumoni or Lemon Cake. There’s a technology podcast I watch on Sunday’s and then we move into The Circus and Shameless. Followed by Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. An overall good night for TV but the rest of the week is a struggle. There is a movie that I believe releases next week on Apple TV called Cherry with Tom Holland and I am really looking forward to seeing that.

I’ve got a report to work on for work today and a different report that I will work on tomorrow. I just hate reports, especially the ones with charts and graphs. They look pretty but they are a bitch for me. I know enough in Excel to be dangerous and have messed things up a time or two, but you learn from your mistakes. Outside of that I am hoping for a quiet week but not necessarily a terribly boring week. I like to get in my lunch naps with Gator. It’s about 15 to 30 minutes and we both just collapse in bed side by side. Whoever wakes up first wakes up the other one and then we grab lunch. There is just something special about our routines that I enjoy. Were both going to be lost if we make it to the point where the world goes back to normal and I am required to show up in person at the office each day. For now, I just savor and enjoy the good parts.

A day of rest to be super depressed, nap, eat and recharge. Then I am good for a few days before the walls start to close in on me again. It’s a vicious cycle and it feels like each week I come a little closer to imploding or exploding.

Thanks for reading my blather such as it is. If anything, you may have gotten some decent recommendations for movies or TV, so it’s not a total loss! I hope that your warm, well and safe. Chime in if you desire and let me know how things are going in your neck of the woods. Talk with you peeps again soon!

Holy Cow, stressful day!

My day started off early at 2a when thunderstorms woke me up. There was no going back to sleep it was a serious storm. I did my usual, got up had a Diet Coke and grabbed a couple Oreos. Watched TV and waited for the sugar to help lull me back to sleep. That happened around 5a. Then the cats had to have their breakfast so I was back up at 6a and of course the storm was still raging. I fed them and hopped back in bed.

I finally got up around 9a and just got started with my day. Since the storm was going there was no way I was leaving to get in the rain just to get groceries. Instead I started by taking care of some weekend work tasks. While they were processing, I cleaned up my home PC and rebooted it. It came back up and I logged back in at work, the job I had running was done. I checked and of course as I predicted my co-worker hasn’t bothered to log back in and do his part like he was supposed to. I’ll hear some lame excuse tomorrow and then he will be working on it all day. It’s such a disappointment, I expected more from him. Boss man called and we chatted about it, I just chalked it up to something probably came up.

I went back to bed but there was no sleeping even though I was tired. I opted to get up and eat some lunch around 12:30p. Then got dressed and headed out. The sun was shining and I was happy about that. The grocery store was packed to the brim. There was however a larger selection of prepared food to choose from. I got some Italian dishes and a Burrito. Nothing terribly exciting but hey if push comes to shove, I can always hit up a drive through or call in something and pick it up.

I made the mistake of playing with the gutter outside and got attacked by Mosquitoes, I knew I should have stayed in the house but I wanted to try something out. It’s a temporary fix and I will need to find a better solution, but that involves a trip to the hardware store and that is put off for another day.

Then on to unpack the groceries and as soon as I was done, I got an alert that a machine on the network came in contact with a virus. This is actually the part when my boss reached out. He is a micro manager at times. I know what I have to do but he decided to micro manage and I did things ½ ass. Of course, he called back about a half hour later to “check on me” and wasn’t terribly happy with the course of action I chose. I didn’t want to bother the user because it’s hell to get someone to call you back, especially on a weekend. I knew that our AV product cleaned things up, it’s in the log – but that isn’t good enough for him. You have to run a complete scan. Gee if you are going to that extreme might as well replace the machine, I mean AV can only tell you what it sees (detects) but if you think there is something lurking the only sure way to certify that is to build a replacement machine. That’s a huge inconvenience to the user and I almost issued the command to have that done because the fucker wouldn’t call me back once I reached out. Of course, I send an all clear email because I took over the machine and got the scan done. Then the fucker has been pestering me all afternoon but since he’s an “unknown” caller he goes to voicemail but won’t leave a message.

Now it’s time to take care of a title change aka a promotion. I got that done and then opted to do something I never ever do when I am on-call. I turned off my home computer. It is up 99.99% of the time. It’s great for ease of use. However, if you don’t give the machine a break now and then you run the risk of blowing a fan or power supply, at least that has been my experience. Well when I started it back up hours later, I got an error message that the CPU fan wasn’t detected. See what I mean.

I got the machine to start backup, and took the case off. All of the fans were spinning. I turned it off and watched at start up. The fan on the CPU wanted to start spinning when power was applied but it froze. I got an error message, told the machine to boot anyway and then the CPU fan started up. This machine is 6 years old and that is well beyond the lifespan of an average home desktop computer. While I know that I will need a new machine eventually I am trying to put it off as long as possible. I did some shopping on-line and have an idea of what to expect if I opt to pull the trigger.

By now the day has gotten away from me. I had to start cleaning the house and physical activity caused my sugar to plummet like a rock. I kept pushing through until I just couldn’t take it any longer and then got to the kitchen and started consuming food like mad. Then time to rest. Watched a little TV and then got up. Time to put out medicine, I do this task once every 3 weeks and I hate it with a passion.

I wanted to write a completely different post that I have been suppressing and need to just get it out to feel better but here I sit bitchin. As if all of this isn’t bad enough my MS Office Suite decided to become corrupt so I had to reinstall it.

It’s been a busy and stressful day. I am glad it’s time to call it quits. Looking forward to some Chocolate Chip Oatmeal in the morning. It’s a new flavor and I had to try it. Hot cereal (what I can eat) all blends together after a while. Plus, I eat so fast that I really don’t enjoy it because I am rushing so much. I did this prior to COVID. I had a small amount of time to gobble and then it was shower time and after that it was get dressed and get out the door. You never know what traffic will be like and better to be ahead than behind. While I will likely not have to worry about traffic for the foreseeable future at some point the game will change and life hopefully will return to a state of normal.

Best news that I have to offer is that I have some time off coming the start of next month. I still have a morning task to preform at work but that usually only takes 30 minutes. Then the rest of the day is all mine and hopefully no one will bother me. Of course, just as I got approval, I learned that another co-worker is taking time as well for surgery and that kind of took me by surprise. He’s older and I just don’t have a good feeling about it.

Well I need to get away from this screen because I will be back here and trapped in the morning. I’m glad that that cats are so forgiving. Let’s hope I don’t catch too much hell when I go upstairs. Now it hits me I’ve still got to deal with laundry. Oh joy, the cherry on the cake of my day. I suppose it can always be worse no matter how bad it is.  Best part is that tomorrow is a brand new day and we start fresh.  Hopefully things won’t go off the rails. 

Here’s hoping that you had a better day than me. Were in for lots of stormy weather this week and I think with that will come some sleep interruptions but hopefully not. Talk with you peeps again soon. Take care and be well.

In the middle

I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday. This week is moving wildly fast. I am not sure if that is good or bad. I was awestruck when I realized that tomorrow is Thursday, that is what put things into perspective.

Friday is a day that I normally look forward to. This Friday I have mixed feelings about. I have to wake up early to complete a morning task with a co-worker because he is leaving on a trip. Then we have an all staff meeting later in the morning. Normally there is an agenda that is published ahead of time so we at least have some idea of the subjects that will be covered. This was an impromptu meeting that we were all invited to about a week ago. Since it’s close to payday I speculate that this is where they are going to lower the boom and tell us that our pay is going to be cut. It could also be nothing more than a touch base as these types of meetings have been in the past. To discuss the re-entry plan. We are still hiring and just created a position to promote someone so someone has to be hired to fill their shoes. I am not happy with the person that was hired or should I say re-hired but there isn’t much I can do about it.

While I do enjoy the ability that has been afforded to me to work from home, I kind of feel like now that were going on another month that I am slowly going insane. I have a new normal – new routines and I just feel so trapped. Being able to get out and move, interact with others I think is something that we all took for granted before this pandemic struck. I think we all have a new appreciation for it. That said, I see that CNN echoes what I have been hearing from other news sources that there are surges in the COVID outbreak in states that have gone full bore and re-opened. I just would like a happy medium where it’s safe for people to get out and if you happened to contract COVID that there was a proven treatment or immunization for it. I know we will get there eventually but this year largely feels like a loss thus far because of having to stay at home. With most events cancelled. We still have 6 months to go before the year is over, here’s hoping that there is some progress and good news coming!

I saw a post on FB at lunch that there will be a live stream of my late friend’s funeral on Saturday. I will be checking back for the link. I am glad that there will be a service I know that while only immediate family will be allowed to attend in person, that the live stream will be flooded with plenty of people. She meant the world to so many.

Still adjusting to my new glasses. Not happy that the eye doctor didn’t use Crizal’s UV reflective coating to protect against blue light from my computer monitor. They went with a cheaper coating from their lab. The protection is there but I feel like I got short changed. I am on the fence about going back to them next year. They don’t carry Nike frames at all and never have. They also join most every other eye doctor that I have seen in doing what I call shady billing. I kind of feel like I am getting robbed and don’t really know it. I called out a duplicative charge to them and was told that it was a per eye charge that lens are billed differently than coatings. That doesn’t sound right to me. I figure if there is a problem my insurance will catch it. They may not get the extra money from the insurance company but that doesn’t mean they will refund any money to me. I spent a good portion of yesterday looking for eye doctors in my area that accept my insurance and carry Nike frames. I didn’t find anyone nearly as good looking as Andrew Neighbors (aka Andrew Goes Places from You Tube) but I did find a good number of eye docs and places that I can consider. I like a fresh start rather than going back to someone I have been to in the past. The hope is that I will be comfortable and can maintain a long-term relationship. It’s important to be comfortable when it comes to any type of medical care and treatment, even if it’s just a checkup. That goes for everything from an eye doctor to your primary care and dentist. Speaking of which I have yet to get my teeth cleaned. My new dentist is still closed due to the pandemic. I am not in any kind of hurry but I would like to get it done this year. I am religious when it comes to any type of health care maintenance from eyes to teeth. It’s important and you can often catch problems early if there is something in the works.

Man, I was tired last night and falling asleep multiple times only to wake up and think that someone was in the house and looking at me. At one point I woke up and my eye lash was in the way so I couldn’t fully open my eye and that caused some heart palpitations. After that I told myself that it’s just me, the cats and whatever spirits are lurking about. Time to call it a night once and for all. That did the trick and I was out like a light. It lasted until 5:30 this morning and then I was awake and asleep off & on. Gator didn’t help things because her belly was empty and she wanted me to put food in it.

Not much good on television right now, summer always typically equals a hiatus or break for most shows. There is some new or as I refer to it, temporary content to help liven things up but mostly you see re-runs. I watch a lot of news in the evening, which I am sure probably isn’t a good thing because it’s not filled with good news, it’s more of a debate about current issues and reporting additional bad news. I am thankful that I have the option to change over to paid services like Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime Video for alternative content. I sometimes stumble across something really good. For example, I saw a movie on Amazon (title escapes me) about this guy who was in line to become a priest. He volunteered for the summer at a program/location and found another guy who was into him and they wound up striking up a relationship and the guy didn’t become a priest after all. It was entertaining and there were some steamy bedrooms scenes but it was all R rated at most. The crux of the movie or take away for me was, that if you see something you want go get it or at least fight for it, as you might wind up getting what you want. Doesn’t always work out that way, especially when it comes to human relations. At the end of the day, people are fickle.

No post is complete with out a quick update on my furry family. Marv is a bit more talkative and still limping around but I am telling you he is fast on his feet for an old cat with a bum knee. We have spent time together on the couch, I think the heating pad gets to him after a while so he has to leave it. However, he melts like butter at first when you put him on it. It’s a slow gradual process but he settles down and drifts off to sleep. Wakes up, might move around might not and then back to sleep. I think he will enjoy it even more when the weather changes to colder temperatures. Gator is just needy for attention. We got our lunch time nap in yesterday but she wouldn’t jump in my lap for anything, she wanted to be in her bed. Today was a different story. Not sure why but she loves to step on or kick my nuts and has yet to figure out what they are but she does know that it bothers me. Maybe that is why she does it. She is still insistent on me picking her up to place her on the love seat in the living room, even though she is fully capable of getting up there on her own. Then she bitches at me when I go to pick her up, she just loves to give me trouble. She still permits me to hug her and that I am telling you feels really good, especially when she gets her motor going.

Take care, be well and we will talk again soon! I am off to surf for porn and wrap up my work day so that I can climb the stairs and devour a Chicken Burrito from the grocery store. It’s a homemade thing, just heat and eat. Then a slice of cheesecake and finally whatever I can find on TV for a couple hours of entertainment and then it will once again be time for bed. Wash – Rinse – Repeat! Welcome to life!

Running Behind

My brother called me on Friday night and we got together on Saturday.  We carried out our mom’s last wishes as it pertains to her cremains.  We did the closest and best thing that we could.  The rose bush that she wanted to go in, no longer exists.  We had lunch together and chatted, it was enjoyable.  He hit another stumbling block in his relationship with the Bimbo.  Just when I thought it was over with, it appears that things are going back to the way they were.  I told him that this is the 2nd time they had an issue.  There is clearly something wrong and until you are firm and put your foot down, I don’t think that it will end.  I told him that who’s to say things won’t turn violent and someone winds up injured or worse yet dead.  While you both are walking and talking, put an end to the relationship.  It’s for the benefit of both of you.  He knows I am right but I know him and I think they will wind up staying together.  I will be happy when they are split up for good – her and her kids are moved out and he can have some peace & quiet. 

Funny thing is he told me that he keeps on putting himself last and he doesn’t do anything for himself.  I told him you need to live for you and reward yourself.  You deserve it and you are the only you there will be.  If you don’t take care of you or reward you, no one else is going to do it for you. 

I am seriously behind schedule here.  I took a nap and then dived into troubleshooting a couple of computer issues.  My machine oddly lost the drivers for my postage scale and my ups.  I have a utility that allowed me to boot to an old image of my machine and things were fine back in late February when the image was created.  So I had that copy it’s self to the original boot area and now I am back in business.  I am fighting to get windows updates to install and honestly I think they are what broke things. 

I have a toothache and it’s been around for most of the weekend.  Not something I normally get.  It’s a mild dull type pain.  I am working with Sensodyne to see if I can calm things down.  Unless there is something seriously wrong underneath this is phantom pain and should resolve on it’s own.  If not then I guess I will be making an appointment to go see Dr. Drillem.  This tooth bothers me off and on.  The doc has looked at it before and said there is nothing wrong.  She won’t pull it and there is a filling there already.  I think the filling needs to be dug out and refilled.  It’s the nerve in my opinion that is irritated. 

Back to the fun tomorrow and I will be on-call for the next week.  Here’s hoping for a little bit of overtime but nothing too drastic and I hope that my sanity stays in tact.  I voiced a complaint on Friday about how my dumb co-worker is taking away from my productivity and how that is not sustainable.  Basically I asked for my boss to do something.  I think we are rapidly approaching a fork in the road and it’s going to be a him or me type situation.  I can’t take a whole lot more, but then again I didn’t think I would survive this far.  I also didn’t think he would be employed with us that long. 

Well Windows Updates are done.  I need to restart and then when the system comes back up, I will have to go up and medicate the children and myself.  Then try to relax and unwind so I can get up tomorrow and go back to all that fun I have. 

Hope your doing well.  Take care and be well. 

Crazy Ass Week

As the tile implies it’s been a messed up week.  I hope that next week is much better.  It’s all been work related, I got back logged and was overwhelmed.  It’s not pretty when I get that way, it’s like I am drowning and the more I try to stay afloat the deeper I sink.  Thankfully the week is over and were into the weekend.  I am still on-call but thus far it’s quiet.  I hope tomorrow is very much like today, one interruption and it was very minor.  

The cat kids are all doing okay.  They are a little upset with me because I went out to dinner tonight and just got home a short time ago.  They were fed long before I left so it’s not like they missed a meal.  However, now that I have come home they think that I should feed them again.  It don’t work like that. 

Dinner was with my friend, he called this afternoon early enough and we tried to get to our usual spot but they were booked.  We wound up eating at a Denny’s in the ghetto.  I was a little concerned but got over that pretty quickly.  The meal was okay for a double burger and fries.  Denny’s isn’t one of those places I tend to flock to, mostly because they don’t offer much that I want.  Anyway we sat there and he jaw jacked the night away until I finally said I think it’s time to head out.  Wow, if I wouldn’t have said anything he would probably still be talking my ear off.  I don’t mind listening because I know he doesn’t have anyone else to talk to and he is lonely.  Some of it was stimulating conversation but he went on for at least an hour an a half about on-line games and that was boring as all shit.  I acted interested which I am kind of sorry that I did because that just caused him to continue to spew.  I am sure I have talked about stuff and bored him just as he was boring me, I guess that is all just a part of friendship.  He picked up the check which was nice, it doesn’t compare to the meal I sprung for at PF Chang’s but I’ll take what I can get. 

Yesterday when I had a little bit of down time I found a new dating app called Bro.  Kind of a strange name but I played along.  There are some pretty good looking guys on there.  Not sure if there personalities match their looks but I am certainly trying to find out.  When you like someone but your unsure what to say you give them a fist bump.  You can message back and forth if you want to.  I find that making the first move is awkward as hell but someone has to do it or you’ll never break the ice and that’s an easy way to stay single.  I am jealous of my friend who found a friend shortly after losing his wife.  Now that time has passed for me and it’s been a few years I am ready to make a new friend and see where things go.  Everyone keeps telling me this is going to be a better year.  Well the only way to go is up. 

I heard back from the folks at Gazelle and my money for my old iPhone is on it’s way to me.  Everything checked out and the equipment was exactly as I purported it to be.  I am looking forward to getting my money.  My Mophie case arrived and I am much happier with it.  It’s built to accommodate my phone with the Mophie battery on it and it has their clip which secures it to my belt.  It won’t come undone unless I want it to.  So much more confidence there.  I took the other case back to Best Buy and got my money back.  It’s close to being a wash on cost. 

Got the cat food shopping done.  I got a coupon that gave me $10 off but you had to spend $30.  That helped me out a lot.  I got Marv’s dry food which by it’s self is $16.  I love to save money, even though chances are I’ll spend it somewhere else.  Plus I was able to pay cash so that helped out as well. 

The new lawn guy sent me an email this afternoon letting me know that my account according to his records was past due.  Thankfully I had plenty of documentation along with a copy of the cancelled check to prove that I paid the bill.  Funny thing is he tried to collect three times from the same invoice.  We talked about this early last month and he said he would delete the invoice from his system.  Apparently that didn’t happen.  I let him know that he is skating on thin ice with me and he’s very close to losing my business.  Hopefully he will shape up, if not there are plenty of others who will gladly take his place.  I asked myself today if I went from the frying pan to the fire.  I mean Lawn Boy kept great accounting records but he gave lousy customer service.  The new guy can’t keep his books straight and has to be reminded to show up, but he offers apologies where as Lawn Boy wouldn’t.  Don’t get me wrong there both bad situations I just wonder if the devil I knew was better than the devil I didn’t know. 

I finished up the OJ Trial on Netflix.  The thing that sunk this case was Mark Furhman.  When Johnny Cochran asked him did you plant or fabricate evidence in this case.  Furhman’s response was I wish to assert my 5th amendment privilege.  The gloves were a perfect fit, but OJ made it look like they didn’t fit.  Part of me believes he had some culpability but from what I saw he was framed by the LAPD and they did a sloppy job of preserving the crime scene.  If I were on the jury as I saw it, I would have voted as not guilty.  The thing that most people will lose sight of is that this is a persons life that is hanging in the balance.  You have to pay close attention and evaluate all of the evidence and arguments from both sides, in order to come up with an opinion.  Being a juror for a murder trial I am sure is hell in and of it’s self, but when it’s a high profile case that has media scrutiny behind it that makes it much worse.  The prisons in the US are full of people who were wrongly accused and convicted of crimes they didn’t commit.  I think our Justice System gets it right about 1/2 of the time and the other 1/2 of the time it’s just dead wrong.  That is my opinion and I realize just because of what I think, doesn’t make it so. 

Now I struggle with what I will watch next.  I love a series but it has to be something that interests me.  I am going to do some surfing and then I will call it a night and we shall see what I can find on the tele. 

My hope for next week is that my check arrives quickly, that ATT reaches out to me so we can put this phone issue to bed.  Time is running out, I have 14 days in which I can return the phone and pay the $45 restocking fee.  7 of those days are gone.  Next Saturday will be the 14th day and if we don’t communicate then I plan on making good on my promise to wash my hands of ATT.  I really want to keep what I have but it’s the principal of the matter.  I am not someone you can fuck with and expect to get away with it.  When I asked for the total cost of the upgrade the sales person shouldn’t have been deceptive and should have been forthright and told me.  If I went through with it then I would have no complaint but odds are I would have said thanks but no thanks, I’ll keep what I have.  Why is it that they told me what they thought I wanted to hear instead of being forthright and answering the question? 

Sunday will be finishing cleaning up the house, doing laundry the dreaded grocery shopping and of course the battle of where do I want to do for breakfast and what do I want to eat.  Not sure.  Payday is this week also so I have that to look forward to as well.  So I will have some money for a day or two but then it will be all gone.

Finally, I don’t know what came over me I think it was hormones.  The guy at work that I have it bad for but know is straight, we used to be friends but I found out that I am just a coworker to him.  Yeah that guy.  Well he has a thing for Oliva Pope (Kerry Washington).  Apparently he likes a little rough sex from where our conversation went.  Anyway I said to him, if you had a chance to sleep with her but in order to do so you had to sleep with another man first would you do it?  He hesitated and then said nah I’d have to ask my wife first so I’d pass.  That answer to me says I was right all along he has feelings for other guys but they are repressed.  Fuck I want him so bad.  As a person he isn’t my kind of guy but based on his physical looks yeah he totally fits the bill.  So it would be a meaningless encounter.  I was talking with another friend and she said are you sure that he won’t turn on you and file a sexual harassment claim?  That never crossed my mind, I mean we have talked about some pretty explicit stuff.  Besides that I did attach a disclaimer to my question and told him he didn’t have to answer if it made him uncomfortable.  I just don’t think I have anything to be concerned with, if he makes that move then I will have no choice but to deal with it.  Since I got that wake up call I’ll think twice before speaking.  We used to be pretty close but he fucked that all up when he told me that he just though of me as a co-worker.  It was a rush to actually have the balls to articulate the question.  I know that my crush is just that a crush and nothing will ever come of it.  That doesn’t squash my feelings. 

Okay well Momma’s upset that I am down here so late, even though it’s Saturday night.  I am looking forward to seeing SNL tonight, no doubt there will be plenty of political humor.  Hope your all doing well and that life is being kind to you.  Talk with you all again soon. 

Friday

Wow it’s been a killer week and today was no exception.  As usual I didn’t want to roll out of bed, but I did.  I woke up a few times during the night.  Headed in and there is a local event in town so the normal way I go had all of the streets blocked off.  Thanks to Siri I found a new way to get to work, it’s quicker and easier.  It’s always good to have options.  Going home shouldn’t be a problem.

The BBQ for lunch was outstanding, it’s already talking back to me.  I found myself surrounded in a room by co-workers.  I noticed that everyone was having conversations, I was in a crowd of people and felt all alone.  I talked a little bit but not a whole lot.  Then after sitting for a while I got up and left.  That was a challenge in it’s self because there was cookies for desert and they were so good.  Now were all trying to work and fighting off the food coma.

I got an email from the boss that were going to have an emergency meeting in 5 minutes.  Holy crap that has never happened.  I figured it was something big… like a change in management, a serious problem.  Nope it was just advance notice that our email addresses are changing next week.  Wow, thanks for the heart attack. 

I remembered after lunch that I needed to go grab my medicine, so I made a mad dash to the pharmacy.  It’s cheaper to have medicine filled at work, because they give discounts that aren’t available to the public.  I got 100 Sudafed tablets for $29, which is a good deal.  It’s way cheaper than if I had it filled at a retail pharmacy, since it is not covered by insurance.  Nice to know where to get a break from. 

We have a new person starting on Monday and her last name has been quite the challenge for me.  I have had quite the time of trying to get her machine named correctly.  Finally I have it.  Her equipment is all setup, just waiting for her drive to finish encrypting and then I have to make sure it’s compliant – then I can finally get this thing off of my desk.  In the middle of setting up her office, I heard she won’t be here officially until Thursday.  That takes off some of the pressure but I like to have everything ready to go on the date of hire, just in case.  It’s been my practice since day 1 and I don’t want to stray from it now. 

As for the weekend, no special plans per say.  I need to pick up momma’s medicine and I may do that tonight or I may put it off until tomorrow.  There is the usual shopping and laundry to take care of.  I have thought about taking a trip but going full bore all week has really worn me out.  I may just stay home and take it easy.  Back to five days next week and that will suck but those are the breaks. 

I hope that you have a great weekend and accomplish what needs to be done as well as having some fun.  Cheers to the weekend!

Labor Monday

While today was suppose to be a rest from labor, there was work to be done here at home so I labored.  I am watching a new series via Amazon Prime.  It was a show that apparently was on HBO sometime ago.  The series is called Hung.  It’s about a guy who is a school teacher/coach and he has a very large penis.  He was married and has 2 kids.  One a boy and the other a girl.  His house is damaged by a fire in the first episode.  He needs extra income because apparently there is/was no insurance on the house.  So he goes into being a male escort (whore).  He makes a woman friend of his that he has screwed a couple times his pimp and the fun begins from there.  I made it through season 1 already.  Just started Season 2.  There is a 3 and I think a 4 but not sure of it.  Anyway, it’s included with my Prime membership so no charge.  You don’t get to see any male parts, other than his butt the sex scenes make it look like he can really plow the woman and they enjoy it a lot.  Not exactly the series you would think a gay guy would be interested in but I am hooked.  There isn’t much else on and it beats trying to decide what movie I am going to watch. 

My friend that I spent time with on Saturday sent me home with some expensive cheese dip that she made.  Her husbands family found out that she can cook and she made this dip one time, now anytime she goes to a function where they are, they demand that she makes it.  They eat it on rye bread but she said that it would pair well with your favorite chip.  I picked up some Tostito's and had a little bit as a snack.  The stuff is awful and I have a nice size tub of the crap to eat.  There just is no flavor there, I can’t see why anyone would like it.  I may try it again but if it’s still horrible I will throw it out.  Yes I will tell her what I really think of it.  I know I could hurt her feelings but hey we don’t all like the same thing in this world.  Each of us has different taste. 

So on to my labor.  Laundry has been a big part of it.  I also had to hit up the pet food store.  I got a toy banana for Jumper (Marvin) so he will have something to chew on at night besides my fingers.  He loves to munch on them, he starts off light and then gets rough and that is when I start yelling and he gets his feelings hurt.  I wind up sleeping alone and he is hurt.  So I am hopeful that he will take to the banana as a substitute for my fingers.  I will enjoy it a lot more and then he can bite as hard as he wants.  Then I went on to Best Buy where I picked up a new cordless phone for my Magic Jack #, I had some issues with the charger and while I only wanted to replace the charger it was more cost effective to replace the whole damn thing.  Plus on the new phone I got I can actually hear much better.  I only use the Magic Jack for dating so it doesn’t get much use, but better to have it an be prepared than to scramble at the last minute when maybe Mr. Right is waiting.  I also got the privilege of seeing a nice bubble butt while I was waiting in the checkout line.  That was worth the cost of the phone.  Then I hit up the local Beauty Supply place for some Tea Tree Conditioner.  I’ve tried so many other things but this stuff works the best, so might as well use it.  Then it was on to Sam’s where I thought I could walk out the door cheap, it was under a hundred dollars but I still spent more than I wanted.  The upside is that I have 36 cans of Diet Pepsi and 24 cans of Diet Dr. Pepper and I got them on the cheap, which is a very good thing.  Dr. Pepper goes for $5 which you will be lucky to pay that for 12 cans in the grocery store.  Markups are a horrible thing.  Then it was home for the rest of the day. 

I had the children harping at me so I fed them lunch and an early supper.  I squeezed in a nap that I really didn’t need.  I got my jewelry all sparkly clean and I have a new water bottle.  I am almost ready for tomorrow.  It will be nice to be able to focus my mind on something else.  As you can well imagine I have been thinking all too much about my mother and the events of Friday.  Still it’s work so I am not that eager to go back.  I really hope that my chair comes in this week, it’s been forever since the order was placed.  The cute guy that I have a crush on will be leaving this week.  I hate to see him go, he’s a nice guy but he is also very nice to look at, even if he is married.  You have to take care of yourself in this world because no one else will do it for you.  There are a few other pieces of eye candy to look at but he was my favorite.

So I have to wrap up the laundry.  Go on litter box duty.  Wrangle the trash so that I can put it out when I come home tomorrow.  I will be thinking the entire day that today is Monday when it will actually be Tuesday.  Then somehow over the weekend my biological clock will reset and things will return to normal.  I am eager to see what the mail brings tomorrow, probably nothing but a bill.  I have an Amazon order placed for Big Boy to get his medicine but that will be a few days before it shows up.  Outside of that I am not expecting anything but my water bill.

I managed to find the videos that I thought I lost.  This whole iPhone photo/video thing has had me pretty upset.  There are memories there that can’t be recreated.  Like when Blu was playing with his mouse on the deck.  I am glad that I have those to look at and think about what life was it’s a nice distraction from what life is.  My next goal is to find me a man, I will be getting back out on the dating apps to give it another try.  I don’t think I will be parting with any money but I have said that before.  I also need to take a leap of faith and visit a gay bar.  That was actually in my plans for this weekend but it didn’t happen and that is okay.  They aren’t all going to close up shop overnight. 

I hope you had a great Monday – holiday or not.  Here’s to this week being fabulous!   

My Wits End

So things hit a boiling point with my mom.  I called to tell her that I couldn’t stay the night on Friday.  She was all chipper at the start of the call but once I dropped that news she was remarkably depressed, started crying and begging me to pick her up and take her to my house.  I kept telling her that I couldn’t.  She told me how scared she was.  I get it but it’s like a child and the boogey man, it’s perceived and not real.  We finally hung up and I went about my evening.  Things took a turn when she called back and left a voice mail that said she was on her way up to my place.  That’s when I reached out to my brother and we exchanged some heated words.  I told him that I can’t have her up here because she is a fall risk and that isn’t a liability that I could accept.  Plus she could hurt or kill one of my cats if she fell on them.  He went on to tell me how he was out of town and that I haven’t spent more than an hour with her.  I was nice but once he started in I let him have it.  I explained that he took on a responsibility and was given a job, it’s time that he get up off his ass and do his job.  As you can well imagine that didn’t go over well.  I’ve got no problem putting him in his place because after all he did request to be her guardian.  I ended my text message with, please get her some help this isn’t fair to her. 

Then I blocked receiving calls from them on my home phone.  I had to sign up for a service that will cost me $5 per month but it allows me to block them from calling or texting me.  When I say them, I mean my brother and mother.  It feels like I am turning my back on them, well because I am but at the same time they are both me oriented people.  If I took on the task of caring for her he would keep all of the authority and let me take care of her, until he saw something that bothered him, then we would get in to it again.  Not to mention they would suck me in to their insanity bubble and it would seriously impair my ability to think.  There is already proof of that, keep on reading.  So I am not estranged from both of them.  I won’t know what happens or how she is doing.  I hated to take such drastic action but I didn’t know of any other way out of this mess.  In my heart I know I did the right thing.  I followed up with the police department via letter and explained the situation to them and how they might want to have an officer reach out to my brother as he isn’t providing proper care for her.  What happens from there, well I will never know.

This occupied all of my Friday evening, so much for leaving early.  It feels like I was robbed of time, because I was. 

Saturday I met a friend for lunch.  I figured this would be a few hours and I would be done.  Nope, I spent all day with her.  I even went back to church.  It was odd being in the Catholic Church and a lot of the responses and phrases have changed but I did pretty good for being away for such a long time.  I didn’t take communion, it just didn’t feel right to me.  After mass we went out for supper.  I managed to leave my debit card at the restaurant.  Then I had to have desert so we headed to Culvers and I eventually headed home.  It was around 10p  I got in here at 11p and the children were pissed.

Sunday I went out for breakfast and when I went to pay I discovered that my debit card was missing.  I was mad.  So I paid my bill with a different debit card, called my friend who called the restaurant and then she went to get the card.  They actually gave it to her, which I was a little peeved about.  However I have it back.  I made the trip out and back – there went 2.5 hours of my life that I won’t ever get back.  It also threw a monkey wrench in my day.  I didn’t get everything accomplished, but I am working toward it. 

I turned on iCloud Photo Library on my iPhone, so that all of my photos are sent to the cloud.  In doing this it warned me that I would be deleting over 1,000 photos from my phone.  I agreed to it like a dumb ass.  Everything that I took with this phone is safe.  All of the backup photos that I loaded from my prior iPhone(s)  was deleted.  There was a picture of my late partner holding momma that I cherished more than anything.  I had to get that photo back.  Thankfully it was saved on my PC, I had to scrounge for a bit.  I have since uploaded some additional photos to the cloud so they are safe.

I feel like I am losing my mind because of the situation with my mom.  It’s not something that I can separate myself from emotionally.  I mean it will happen eventually.  However, little mistakes like leaving my debit card and erasing photos those are just a couple examples of how this has affected me.  I am also not sleeping very well, part of that is because I have cat company and part of it is because of the events of Friday.  I would love to know what happens but since I have elected to shut them out that is the price I have to pay.  I even took another step and blocked my brother and his girlfriend on Facebook.  I can tell you that if he doesn’t get her some help, she will wind up hurting herself or someone else.  That is exactly what I don’t want to happen.  I called to file an elder abuse report – neglect is considered to be abuse.  However the state didn’t want to hear it, they didn’t think my case was strong enough.  Seriously now if she did harm to herself or someone else I think that they would retract their position and suddenly be interested in why she went off the deep end.  If I knew who her doctor(s) were I would reach out to them and then maybe I could get her the help that she needs. 

I still plan on sending a birthday card and gift to my mom.  I thought about sending her a letter explaining why I took that action that I did but the words on the letter wouldn’t register with her.  She would just call bullshit on it and it would upset her even more.  My goal isn’t to upset anyone here but that has obviously happened.  So now it’s best that I leave well enough alone and just move forward with my life.  Both my brother & mother only care about what I can do for them and how I will benefit their needs.  Neither of them have lifted a finger to help me with the loss of my partner and neither of them so much as came to the hospital when he was dying.  We are related by blood but truth be told I have no family.  My family died when my partner passed.  We always told each other we are all we have for each other and it’s true.  Yes I have friends but they will only do so much and no one wants to help me to the level that I feel I need help.  So I have to stand on my own two feet and be a man, I have done it before and I can do it now.  It’s not easy but it’s a part of life.  If you haven’t figured it out by now my brother is too wrapped up in getting laid and he doesn’t want to stray from his piece of ass, so he has made a choice and surprisingly he chose a stranger instead of family.

Okay so a bit of good news I got my final letter from my late partners Bankruptcy Attorney telling me that the case was closed and that he would keep the paper records for 5 years and after that they would be destroyed.  So there is one person I will NEVER have to speak with again and that makes me so happy because I think he is a fucking asshole.  I am glad that we managed to make it through this to a successful conclusion.  I still have one more day off and there is more running I need to do.  Today I just ran out of steam with the unplanned travel in there.  My hope is to get the running I need to do done tomorrow and then take some much needed time to decompress and relax.  So that come Tuesday I am ready to hit the ground running again. 

I hope that your weekend was enjoyable and nothing remotely close to mine.  Take care and we will talk again soon. 

No One Said It Would Be Easy

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me.  I hashed things out with my friend.  Her son put her in a hell of a position but this is me we are talking about.  I mean we have told each other things that shouldn’t have been told.  I weighed my options and parting ways, well it wouldn’t solve anything and it would hurt us both.  Frankly we need each other.  I was really deeply hurt and disappointed in her.  However, I have chosen to continue our friendship.  This little escapade took up a good part of my afternoon and evening.  I was not a happy person.

To further complicate things Mr. Bear had one of his diarrhea attacks and he got another bath in the kitchen sink.  He stressed himself out so much he began throwing up – it was dry heaves, which I think is worse than actually throwing up.  Poor guy he was a mess.  That extra stress isn’t good for him but he was messed up beyond what I could repair with a paper towel or baby wipe.  This continued well past 10pm. 

Finally we all settled in to bed and called it a night.  I got to see Ron White’s Comedy Salute to the troops, which wasn’t that funny.  I got to see Last Week Tonight and Nurse Jackie – both okay. 

I woke up this morning at 5a and my allergies were acting up.  I kind of had a feeling if I got going that things would calm down.  I was to the point where I didn’t give a damn about anyone or anything.  I had breakfast, fed the children and then took my medicine along with a Benadryl.  I wanted to take 2 but only took 1.  I took the day off from work, which was also against my better judgment but I did it.  I slept a few extra hours in the morning.  The children benefited by getting lunch.  I ate some Chex Mix and drank a soda.  I took an afternoon nap.  I watched the movie The Judge.  It was a great movie and didn’t exactly go as I thought it would.  At the end of the movie Willie Nelson sings a song The Scientist which was written by Cold Play.  That song sent me over the edge.  The longer I listened to it the more I realized that I am all alone and my life has been miserable at best since my partner passed away.  I keep on fighting one battle after another.  It’s been that way for some 2 years now.  I am tired, I want to give up, I want it all to be over.  I’d like very much to start a new but finding someone to start a new with is proving more difficult than I thought.  BTW I am not a Willie Nelson fan, but I think he did a good job with the song.

Last night I looked at the site that my mom referred me to.  It’s for Catholic Gay’s.  Yeah it’s not exactly conversion therapy but they don’t encourage you to find a mate, they want you to be abstinent so that your not ‘sinning’.   Yeah she might have thought it was a dating site but it’s very much not that.  Skipping this one.  They can work their magic on someone else.

When I talked with my therapist one of the things that I talked about is a Psychotic Break.  I didn’t know what it was.  The simple version is that everyday tasks are so overwhelming people just stop functioning.  They usually wind up in a hospital in order to get better.  The fix for Mental Health is pills – lots of them and talking.  Not to mention if you get Mental Help there are things in life that you can no longer do because society things that your incapable of making an intelligent decision.  It is unlikely that I will suffer from this.  However, with days like today I begin to wonder.  I really don’t want to be around anyone or anything, just left alone.  That soon wears off and I wind up feeling guilty because I didn’t go to work or because I wasted a day. 

The upside of this is that I did venture out to Cracker Barrel and had a nice early supper.  Catfish, Mac & Cheese, Carrots and Green Beans.  Corn Bread and a couple Diet Sodas to wash it all down.  Then I finished up with Strawberry Shortcake.  It was yummy and wound up costing me close to $20 with tip.  I got to see a cute cashier that I have a crush on, we didn’t interact but I did see him.  I also managed to get the trash out early before the storm hit. 

Tomorrow life goes back to normal.  I am not so sure that I am ready for that.  We were very busy today and I am kind of glad that I got to sit this one out. 

I got confirmation that my letter made it to the Bankruptcy Attorney.  I thought perhaps that along with the letter from the Trustee’s office would have jolted him into action.  In checking with The Court there has been no action taken as of today.  Tomorrow I get to talk with the attorney that I was referred to to find out what if any should be my next move.  I pray that it won’t be a fight and that there won’t be any liability I am looking at.  If my brain was functioning I should have called the Estate Attorney today but didn’t think of that until it was too late.  Yeah so tomorrow is another day. 

Given that I am uncertain of what my future holds at this point, I have elected not to terminate my relationship with my therapist. 

I learned today that Lass Pass was hacked, so if you use that service like I do, you want to change your master password.  Your individual accounts are safe at this point.  I double checked all of my financial accounts and had problems with 1 bank, I was starting to panic but eventually I was able to login, changed that password and found that none of my accounts had been tampered with.  In this day and age it’s easy to login to someone's bank account and transfer money to another account with a couple clicks.  I don’t need any more trauma or drama in my life – there is plenty going on already.  Stay tuned if I hear of anything else about this I will be sure to post it.  Seems like now a days no one or nothing is off limits it’s like hack the world.  Were all going to go nuts trying to remember passwords, security passphrases and the answers to our security questions.  Ah, technology your such a pain in the ass sometimes. 

I leave you with the video of The Scientist as preformed by Willie Nelson at the end of the movie The Judge.  Talk with you all again soon.  Thanks for listening/reading. 

Thursday…one more day

Tomorrow will be the best day ever!  Why?  Because it’s Friday.  Plus it’s supposed to bring bad weather to the area in the afternoon.  The woosies I work with will complain and we will get to go home early or so I hope.  That is the only perk of working in an office of all women, well that and make up tips if you wear make up.  I don’t! 

All thought I think I accidentally bought some makeup.  I got some Cherry Lip Shimmer from Burts Bees.  It goes on and turns your lips really red, resembles lip stick to me.  Doesn’t seem to aid in healing but it’s got that Burt’s Bees tingle to it.  All I know is I put it on last night and it looked weird, plus some got on my face but I fixed that with a tissue.

My allergic reaction is still with me.  I am dying!  I called my allergist but they haven’t bothered to call back.  I could call my PCP but figure he will just say come in.  So I guess I am better off either suffering it out or stopping in at a local urgent care.  I did find some pills that I was given the last time I broke out in hives.  It’s called Atarax and all I remember is it knocks you out cold.  I slept pretty close to a day.  If I get off early tomorrow and feel adventurous I will take one.  I find myself waking up in the middle of the night scratching, I know I am not supposed to but it itches.  The work day isn’t that bad – morning sucks at first but after a shower and some lotion it’s better soon.  Then about 2pm it starts up slowly and by 5pm I am ready to climb the walls.  I thought Steroids would help me but much to my surprise they haven’t had that big of an effect.  I opt by caution and took a low tapering dose but maybe I need to kick it up a notch.

Speaking of which I ran out of sandwiches for work.  I stopped at a gas station tonight wanting to pick up a cold cut sandwich and they had nothing.  I left and went to a local fast food place where I proceeded to purchase my supper and lunch for Friday.  I dropped $13 which I think is a little high for a couple burgers and an order of onion rings.  They were good but expensive. 

Looking to treat myself tomorrow but not exactly sure how – maybe stopping off at Bob Evans and having some amazing chili that sounds really good.  Maybe I will give in.  Not sure yet.

Well the big discovery of the week is the huge blow up that my boss had about the legal issue I am working on.  Turns out I didn’t mess up after all.  However, I can’t tell him that.  He will think I am a loon and I think it’s just better to let it lye.  I asked for Admin rights to our e-mail and was denied.  Plus he asked me to write a high level overview of the company from an IT perspective.  Both of which don’t bring comfort to me.  I honestly think I am on my way to being thrown out.  There is no ad that I can find listing my specific job but not a whole lot there surprises me.  The feeling is in the air and it’s been there for a while.  I can only hope and pray that I land something before that happens.  That will be a major focus for next year, looking for a new job. 

I mailed the letters yesterday night on the Bankruptcy.  I gave the attorney the benefit of the doubt and thought that he may just come through.  Well he didn’t.  So I did what I had to do.  The chips are going to fall where they may and I can’t help it if there are repercussions  - this isn’t my debt and unless the court can convince me otherwise I am firm on stopping payment. 

No word from the hot guy on the dating site.  I did get a 22 year old looking at me.  That was kind of a booster.  I’d chat him up but he is like a million miles from me.  I think it would start trouble for me and lord knows I don’t need anymore of that.  It’s been a year of trouble, one after the other. 

I am kind of out of thoughts, other than knowing I want to get upstairs and watch TV.  Oh, the furnace is still off kilter.  I believe it’s the logic board in the furnace it’s self.  Nothing more than a motherboard but the last time we had it replaced it was $1,200 that was more than 5 years ago I can only imagine what happened to the price since then.  Right now I am just floating on a wing and a prayer.  Nights are really warm and mornings are really cool.  I am hopeful that it just keeps working because spending money right now isn’t something I want to do unless it’s absolutely necessary.  I am living on borrowed time and savings – not a good combination.  If I get to keep this place I won’t mind spending money on it but right now the least I can get by with the better off I am.  I am fighting until the bitter end but I am totally on the fence for how this will end.  I just hope I can live with the outcome and keep my furry family. 

Speaking of the munchkins they want food so I need to run.  Talk with you peeps later.  Have a great weekend!

Bleh Sunday

I pretty well wasted today.  I woke up at 8:30 fed the children.  Watched TV.  Decided that I wanted to lay down at 10:30.  Laid down and didn’t get up until 12:30.  Had breakfast at home, sorry Waffle House I will make it eventually.

Got shaved, showered and headed to the dreadful grocery store.  I didn’t need that much and it felt like I was forgetting something.  However, I checked out.  Spent close to $50.  Frozen food, Mac & Cheese, Yogurt, Milk and Breakfast Sandwiches.  Yeah really adds up fast.

My foot is killing me.  It looks like a callus is trying to form over the ball of my foot.  So I went in search of relief via the internet.  I found a pad that covers the ball of the foot and is secured by a loop that you put on one of your toes.  So I went Amazoning and bought that and a bunch of other crap that I really don’t need.  Dropped $70.  I also found gel pads that are resusable and you stick them on the ball of your foot, so I got them as well.

Went to Red Lobster had my favorite waitress take care of me.  Not sure who was on duty at the bar but they knew what they were doing when they made my Pina Colada.  Damn that was tasty and I could go for another one right about now.  Shame that won’t happen.

Have to get medicine in the children and trim a few claws.  Pack and prepare my lunch for tomorrow.  I am going to soak my foot and try to ice it as well to see if that will help.  Wednesday is when the package arrives so that means I will have to go most of the week on my own.  This foot pain is enough to drive you crazy and it’s been going on for months now. 

I’ve switched vitamins starting this week.  Something I picked up from the local health food store.  24 pills $30.  Yeah they come in a glass bottle and there was more cotton in the bottle than anything.  I wasn’t too happy about that but we shall see how I feel.  I don’t want to poison myself but I do need a slight kick of energy, these should accomplish that.

I am so dreading tomorrow it will be back to the land of chaos.  No boss man but it’s slowly winding down to his return.  I heard a rumor that he was supposed to be gone for 2 weeks, I really don’t think that is the case.  However, if it is well that would be a very good thing.  I work so much better when he is gone.  Payday is Wednesday and there are all sorts of bills that are waiting for me to pay them.  The biggest of which is my credit card bill.  I love paying it off each month but I say to myself I won’t go hog wild and then I do.  Shelling out about $2k a month to take care of eating out, impulse purchases, gasoline, amazon and whatever else I get myself into.  Retail therapy is how I try to sooth the pain and it works for about 5 minutes and then well the pain is back.

So before the rest of my evening passes me by I should really get myself upstairs and get busy.  I’m waiting for the kids laundry to be done.  I put a cover on one couch and a towel on the other.  Both of which were donated by the vet when Big Boy was in the hospital.  We never bothered to take them back.  For $10k they should let us have something.  Kind of feels like stealing but on the other hand it’s like they owed us.  The kids are used to them, so I keep them around.

Speaking of Big Boy I did put him in my bed the other day.  Boy was that a mistake.  Last night he was crying and I couldn’t figure out what he wanted.  I kept calling him but he wouldn’t come.  He just sat there staring at me.  I got down on the floor and rubbed his belly.  That calmed him down for about 10 minutes.  Then he started up again.  I finally got  a clue when he got up and sat at the end of my chair.  I knew he wanted to go in bed. So I lifted him up and put him in bed again with his brother.  He really likes it up there.  He used to jump in my bed all the time.  Now there is no way he will jump on any type of furniture.  He is limited in walking short distances, he gets winded easily and has to rest.  So what the others do normally takes him twice or three times as long.  As he gets worse so will his ability to move around.  However, I pray that God keeps him with me for another few years.  I’m just not ready to mourn any more deaths right now. 

Okay, I’m going, really.  Talk with you peeps later.

Day 2

So all went well last night, until 2am when I was woken from a deep sleep by the telephone.  My partner said he needed me.  I came in and he wanted to tell me that he had an accident.  Okay it’s the middle of the night, what did you want me to do?  He said go back to bed.  So I did. I didn’t really sleep well.

I could have pushed it but decided to stay home another day.  I mean I have the time and well staying home or going in – either way I will be working.  I was able to get a couple extra hours sleep but come 10am the phone woke me up and it was work.

Today was busier than yesterday.  I had one urgent request the rest of the stuff could have waited until I got back, but I didn’t put anyone off and took care of everyone.  One lady did the machine gun on me.  She called for one problem and then suddenly had a list of 5 more problems that she wanted me to fix.  I wasn’t too happy about that.  I like to have all the cards on the table and be prepared but it doesn’t always work that way.

Shy Girl got sick again.  I had to give her treats for breakfast because she wouldn’t eat.  I knew something was wrong and by the afternoon she got it out of her system.  She is back to eating and I have her on her favorite Forta-Flora, she loves that stuff.  It is a pro biotic for cats that will help put the good bacteria back in her gut.  Everyone else hates it but she actually dances when she sees me wiggle the pouch and say Forta-Flora.

There was plenty of laundry to do, but most of it dried and figuring he will just do the same thing tonight, I elected to wait.  He is telling me now that it hurts to pee.  I told him the medicine that you are taking isn’t working.  You need to get a different drug.  He is going to call for a doctors appointment tomorrow, I am not exactly sure how he plans on getting there.  I’ve got to talk to him about that.  However, if he feels he can make it on his own, then I don’t have a problem with it.  I will worry about his safety as I do every day.

My plans are to return to the office tomorrow.  I think three days for this would really be pushing it and would probably cause some issues for me.  Besides that I will be asking for a whole week off really soon and don’t want to screw that up.  My boss has no idea I haven’t been there for the past two days because he isn’t able to work or use electronics due to his religion.  I’m sure he will find out soon enough.  Unless the office manager does what she normally does for me and tells me not to worry about it.  If you want to give me extra time off w/o charging me for it, then I am happy to take it.  Just means that I will have even more time to burn next month.

For supper tonight we went to Red Lobster.  I thought it was pushing it a little for my guy but he said he would be fine with it and I know getting out of the house did him a world of good.  It took a little bit to get him in the car and out of the car into the restaurant but we made it.  Racked up a nice bill that I hadn’t planned on.  I always take it easy but he ordered an Appetizer and a Drink from the bar.  Plus one of the most expensive items on the menu.  I’m happy to pay for it but I really wish he would realize that my money is just as tight as his.

Right now I am wired for sound.  Not an ounce of tired in me and I am ready to just keep going.  However, I will be taking some sleeping pills and some Tylenol to help get the sleepy to set in.  Hopefully, it works.  MTV will be airing the season premier of The Real World, should be interesting to watch.  I haven’t seen the previews and know nothing about that cast.  That’s the best way to roll into a new show. 

Today I picked up Big Boy and put him on the couch with me.  He really enjoyed that and when he grew tired of it he jumped down on his own.  That about killed him but he did it any way.  The poor thing is wheezing and I can tell it’s just about time to tap that fluid.  I kind of hate to take him back for a couple reasons, one of which is money and the second of which is fear that they will tell us they can’t help him any more.  I know eventually the good luck we have been having will run out and I am so not looking forward to that. 

With my partner and Big Boy, plus the Jack Ass I have for a boss, is it any wonder why I am on anti-depressants!  I worry about loosing both of my guys (partner & cat) as well as the possibility of loosing my job.  Trying to be brave and hold my head up but the art of acting gets tiresome after a while.  At the end of the day there isn’t a damn thing I can do about any one of these things. 

I just pray that God Almighty will help me through this.  Get my partner back to health.  Let the vet help Big Boy and keep my boss away from me so I don’t have to worry about my job.  Also to bring some new opportunity my way, I am ready to move on.  That place is just so depressing and there is way too much back biting.

Well off to take my pills and try to relax for bed time.  I hope tomorrow is a good day for you, me and my guys.  Take care and be safe.