24 June 2017

Musings of Friday & Saturday


Glad that this day of the week finally came.  It was a shit show all day long.  I came in to an email inbox with plenty of things to take care of.  There was some poor communications and I wound up turning 2 people off that were still working and hadn’t actually left.  Woops.  I felt semi-bad, despite the fact that it wasn’t my fault.  It was an easy fix and then come 5p I had to turn them off for real.  Fun times. 

Since I got back logged out of the blue, our planning session for the new guy won’t be until Monday.  Tuesday we get to meet him via a Video Conference.  I just hope were getting a *solid* person and not a lazy ass who wants to collect a paycheck.  I am nervous about that, but only time will tell.

I stopped at Wendy’s on the way home.  I said to myself, self you need a treat.  Got a Bacconater and a Large Chili.  That was a tasty meal.  I had to wolf it down because I had to login and take care of a couple things. 

My favorite part of the day, time to pick up my Black Beary (not the phone) and get my bear hug and pass out kisses.  Then we relax on the couch.  He sleeps and kneads my hands, while I watch TV and/or play on my phone or both.  He has to have constant attention, if you stop petting him he will let you know all about it.  Greedy boy.  He is taking his medicine fine, no noticeable change in him yet.  Still picky but he is eating. 

I decided to go looking for my volt meter to check out ye old car battery.  Turns out I have no idea where I put it.  Thankfully my late partner has a collection of them. So I got one and tested the battery.  It was 75% charged.  I put it on the charger and 2 hours later came back and tested it again.  Looked pretty good to me.  So I stopped.  Something about a battery charger on all night long, it just makes me nervous. 

To end the evening I finally took some me time and watched some porn.  Bear was vying for my attention but I told him I had to take care of myself.  Not that it matters but it had been a couple days.  After that, I looked on Netflix and found something to occupy my time, until my sleeping medicine kicked in.  Light out. 


Found out that today was the Pride event.  I have never been and I didn’t go this year either.  It just doesn’t sound like fun going alone.  It was a nice summer day and wasn’t too hot. 

I woke up at 7a and couldn’t go back to sleep.  So I got out of bed, only to find that Ruth was waiting on me.  She took one look at me and saw how close I was to her and she ran to the kitchen.  I passed out food and then had to check to see what the latest scenes were on the porn sites I subscribe to. 

Corbin Fisher had an awesome scene so time to watch more porn.  The cats tried to bother me but once there is a rhythm you reach the point of no return.  The funny thing is that I am loud when I reach orgasm, it scares the cats to death.  Momma comes running in to see what the hell is wrong with me and if I am still breathing.  Yeah I am breathing alright. 

I think the world needs more Saturdays, Orgasms and Delicious Food.  Then we would all be in a utopia and we would be so busy screwing and eating, no one would have time to do anything else. 

I eventually went back to sleep.  I didn’t eat or take any pills.  I woke up and then decided I would get going.  Only going didn’t mean what I thought it would.  I ate, had my pills and then watched more TV.  I found a Netflix movie about a kid who has DMD (a form of muscular dystrophy), he isolated himself and lived his life by a schedule.  He needed a caretaker and that guy took him kicking and screaming but he got him out of his shell and off his routines.  The movie I believe was called Caregiver and it’s a Netflix exclusive.  There is all kind of emotion, check it out you will be pleased that you did. 

By now it’s close to 2p.  I opted to throw on a pride shirt, I mean if I wasn’t going the least I could do is let the world know I am gay.  I feel very confident about wearing my pride shirts.  I get compliments on them all the time.  This wasn’t one of those times.  I grabbed the mail, something else I hadn’t done for a few days.  Nothing good in there, just medicine and bills.  Then I went to grab pizza.  The gay guy I like was there.  He paid no attention to me, but I can’t say the same.  I enjoyed seeing him and his nice little ass.  Hey I can dream, right I mean that is free.  Pizza was just okay this time.  Had a couple slices and then back home. 

Once I got in the door, I had to feed the cats.  Then my stomach was bothering me.  Now I knew I had to go to the bathroom even before I left the house.  I tried but nothing happened.  So I went about my business.  When I got home the urge was stronger so I tried again, it took me almost what seemed like an hour (probably more like 30 minutes) and ah victory.  I have notice this change in bowel habits, it’s kind of scary.  It’s been about a month ever since my co-worker left.  I think it’s stress related.  However, the more I think of it, the more I am thinking of mentioning it at my next doctors visit.  I just hope it doesn’t get me a finger in my ass.  I have never enjoyed that be it a medical thing or a sexual thing.  It looks good on film but it’s just not for me. 

So after my marathon I got a little sick.  I fed the children and then took a nap.  When I woke up I still didn’t feel good.  I just wanted to go to bed and be left alone.  However, I forced myself to get my lazy ass up and get moving.  Headed out again to Target and the Cat Food Store.  I encountered no cute guys on this trip.  Then came back home.  Started dishes and laundry, plus put away the cat food. 

I checked the battery in the car again and it’s still 100% charged according to what I read on the web.  I looked for a replacement battery last night for the hell of it and the fucking thing is $245.  It’s covered under the manufacturers warranty.  So my plan is to drive it for a few days and then check it.  This is going to go 1 of 2 ways.  Either it’s good and I don’t need to do anything or I have a bad battery on my hands and will need to make arrangements for service.  I hope that it was just low and the charge I gave it was the swift kick it needed!

My friend…

So earlier this week I told you about a classmate/friend that is the same age as me and has cancer.  I am bothered by his news, I mean were both way too young to even think about cancer.  I know that cancer doesn’t care how old you are or what your demographics are, it doesn’t discriminate. 

I sent my pal a note expressing how much in shock I was and that I was confident that he would beat it.  I didn’t have any of the details and I wanted to ask but thought it was better just to talk and try to show compassion and confidence. 

He sent me a message back thanking me for such a lovely note.  Turns out he has Colon Cancer.  He had some issues a few months back and had surgery because he thought he had internal hemorrhoids.  They cut out most of what they thought was hemorrhoids but when the pathology report came back, they said it was cancer.  There is a little bit left in him so that’s why he is going through Chemo and Radiation.  I told him all about my late partner and his battle with colo-rectal cancer.  We both thought it was the end of the road for him but turns out it wasn’t.  He beat it despite having to have a colostomy. 

I do hope that everything turns out well for this guy.  He appears to live in the fast lane.  I say that because a few weeks before this news was posted, he saw a brand new Red Porsche at a local dealer.  He bought the car, said it was a mid-life crisis.  Hey if you can afford it, why not treat yourself.  If I was him now I would be thinking what in the hell did I get myself into.  However, I don’t think he has to worry from a money or health benefit perspective.  His only concern is will he make it through this.  If his docs are top notch and know what they are doing, then yeah he is going to be just fine.  Sounds like they got this in time.

Other issues…

In listening to Connor Franta’s recently published book (Note to Self) he talks about self-deprecation and how he held himself back.  I have engaged in that to but it really didn’t hit heavy until the death of my late partner 

I think of a lot of things I want to do, plan and then slowly find reasons why I can’t or don’t want to.  I eventually smother the idea or the plan so that it falls apart and never happens.  I keep asking myself, why do I do this?  It’s a question that I do not have an answer to.  Now I do treat myself and take risks, but I am not living my life 100% as I want to.  It’s as if I am trapped in a prison in my mind and I am holding myself back.  Maybe it’s because I am all alone for the first time in my entire life and it’s scary as fuck.  Maybe it’s because I have a negative self image, I think I am ugly and I know I am fat.  Occasionally I do see an image where I am beautiful and/or hot.  I find that most when looking at photos of the past and I say to myself, damn I would fuck me if I wasn’t me. 

I have figured out that I am the only thing that is holding me back.  There are some situations where that is a very good thing and other situations where it’s no so good.  I have developed a stronger relationship with my inner voice or gut and I learned the hard way don’t ignore that voice.  So I listen now.  That voice is what caused me to ask 2 guys out on dates, it was awkward but I did it and having been through it, I see that it’s kind of fun.  It also makes me want to do it over and over, just to get the rush.

I have plans to re-listen to Connor’s book again.  There is more that I can take away from it.  It’s funny how a young man is teaching an old man.

I am also oddly obsessed with Elizabeth Warren.  She is a United States Senator.  I saw her many years ago appear in a film about debt.  Now I have learned that in addition to being a Senator she is also an author.  I could listen to her talk for hours.  Now I can, she has a couple book available on Audible and I know I will be buying them.  That will be fun to listen to.  I think she will be a Presidential Candidate in the next election, at least that is what is brewing from what I hear.  Most anyone (with a few exceptions) would be better as President than the ass hat we have now.  He is fucking up our country and I am sure many who voted for him didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. 

Sir Marvin is having a meowing fit and wants me to come upstairs.  I best obey him or he will crow until I give in.  He caught a fly earlier today, I was so proud of him.  He wants to play constantly and daddy has some time for play but not a lot.  He is obsessed with this bright pink ball that has a carpet like texture to it.  He will bat it around and carry it around to show it off.  He talks to it, which is really quite funny. So he is like a fire alarm in that he keeps meowing until he gets what he wants.  It gets on my last nerve, I think he knows that so that is why he does it in the first place.  They all know my buttons and when you push them I get very unhappy quickly.  Off to tend to him. 

Best wishes for the week ahead, may it have more ups than downs.  Ciao for now. 

22 June 2017

Results are in

It is no surprise to me that I learned today that Bear’s Thyroid is high.  So that explains a lot.  He is going to be sharing medicine with his mom.  I give him 1 pill 2 times a day and then we go back in 3 weeks to have his blood drawn again, to see where were at.  This could unmask kidney issues.  Right now we dance to the beat of this drum and see where it takes us.  I do hope that he will stop his pickiness, and that he will put on a little bit of weight or at the very least maintain where he is at. 

Got to run, work is calling.  It’s a little busy for a Thursday but there is no shortage of BS meetings that I have to attend. 

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

21 June 2017

The Kids Birthday–13 Years Old

All of mommas kids turned 13 today.  I can’t believe where the time has gone and how much I have been through with each of them.  I’m on my 3rd car since they were born, plus I am 13 years older.  Everyone seems happy which is a very good thing.

I am still waiting on the blood results to come back for Big Boy.  I just called the vet and they have no computers.  There was a power outage today, not sure how long power was out but I had to reset clocks.  My first clue was when I tried to move the camera while at work and nothing happened.  So I logged back in and the camera was in the home position and the time on one of the clocks was way off.  I suspect something may have fried or maybe they just need to reset everything.  I hope their PC repair person charges them like they charge me.  Hopefully, tomorrow I will have results.  I’ll be calling again.

Passing time on my lunch break, I opted to check in on Facebook.  I found out that a guy that I grew up with and went to school with announced that he has cancer.  I was really taken back by that.  He is really buff and in top notch physical shape from what I can see.  He’s a jet setter and has done a lot of traveling working in sales for various companies.  Still were both the same age of 45 and I was stunned when I read that news.  I don’t know cancer of what or have any further details.  He is in the same state as my boss, so I reached out to my boss and asked him if he’s ever heard of the place where he’s going for treatment.  Apparently they are doing chemo and radiation.  That shit just sucks the life right out of you.  Your fine at first, maybe a little sick but then you start ramping up and you have good days and bad days.  He is single and I know he has friends most everywhere so I am hoping and reading into it that they will help him out.  A few weeks back he took a picture of a large cross and posted it, with the caption I am going to need this!  Yeah, now it makes sense. 

Processed our new hire for the open role that was created by the drama queen leaving.  The guy has a strange first name and it sounds French.  I hope there isn’t a language barrier even if he is on top of his game.  I have a lot of emotions about this.  Today we were all asked if we wanted to change hours.  Sure I’d love to but that would take time to adjust, confuse the kids and no doubt I would be sleepy.  Rather than deal with it I just said I’ll keep what I have.  If I change my mind later, I will voice a concern and I am sure that there is some flexibility.  The guy starts on Monday but we won’t get to talk to him until late in the afternoon on Tuesday or early Wednesday. 

So that’s life in the big city for me.  I am headed up stairs to pick up Big Boy and relax on the couch.  He is driving me nuts with his picky taste buds.  One minute he is all over a can of food and the next he wants something new.  I can’t tell you how many cans I went through last night but it was abnormally high.  He knows how to work me and I think he takes pride in that.  He also got a bath last night and was a very good boy.  So proud of him and that he is pulling through like a champ.  I hope that things settle down and we can go back to a state of normal for both of our sakes. 

Okay 2 more days and then it’s the weekend.  Plus I got approved to take the 3rd of July off.  That is so sweet and I will cherish that time.  Sounds like I will be going for pie, lets hope I have money then if Mr. Bear hasn’t tapped my wallet. 

Hope all is well and that your staying cool in this the first day of Summer 2017!  Take care.

19 June 2017

Sick Bears

Last night Bear was straining to go to the bathroom.  You could tell it hurt and he was not happy about it.  I went against my word and broke out the 1 enema that I have left.  I was cautious and gave him a little bit, that didn’t do anything to help him.  So after waiting a bit, I opted to give him a little more.  Nothing but diarrhea.  I felt around on him, not knowing fully what I was doing but I didn’t feel any type of mass.  He got pretty worked up and started vomiting.  He was running all over the house and it was a pee pad nightmare.  Thank goodness I have 2 boxes on standby in the garage.

Thing eventually calmed down, I was able to get to bed at the ripe hour of 11pm which is 1 hour later than normal.  We both slept through the night in the same room.

I woke up early and jumped out of bed.  Eager to get breakfast going for everyone and to see how my buddy was doing.  He was still a bit of a mess.  He didn’t want to eat.  No big deal it’s understandable.  I told him if he wasn’t eating by tonight that we would be going to see the doctor.  I went about my morning routine, all dressed had my lunch in the car.  Passed out medicine and then he puked.  That cinched it for me, time to call it and take him in. 

This was not how I wanted to use my time but I am glad that I have it to use.  I took the day off, but did monitor throughout the day for any emergencies.  I also did some work from home this morning, I’ll bill for that so it wasn’t a full 8 hour day of time off. 

I called for an appointment and got one at 10a.  He has lost even more weight down to 18 pounds.  Last time a month or two ago he was at 25 pounds.  That is pretty significant for him.  It is also a sign that something is wrong and it’s serious.  First they thought it was his kidneys, but I told them I didn’t think so because he goes to the bathroom on a normal schedule.  Still we had to check and I was right, kidney values are in the normal range.  Now it’s time to check the thyroid and get some other lab numbers.  There goes $100.  They had to send the blood work out and I won’t know anything until tomorrow.  Walked out with some more laxative for him and prednisone.  It was like making a car payment, which I kind of planned for.  Just glad that he is still alive because the cost would have been about the same to end our relationship.  If it’s his thyroid then he goes on another medicine and will have to get repeat blood work done, it’s fixable.  If it’s not his thyroid then it’s cancer.  Yeah um how exactly do we know it’s cancer if you don’t have any x-rays, cat scans (no pun intended) or other radiology studies.  The only lump is on his thyroid which is normal if the thyroid is diseased.  The cancer thing is a guessing game approach.  I don’t think he has cancer at least not at this stage of the game. 

Bear has been in hiding for a good part of the day and the rest of the day he has spent in close proximity to daddy.  He is drinking water and now is back to eating a little bit.  I hope it stays down.  I think he is once again on the road to recovery.  I do ask myself how much more life does he have in him?  He’s got 2 more days to live until he celebrates his next birthday and will be the ripe old age of 13.  That is old age for a cat but it’s still young in my book for an indoor only cat.  Normal life is around 15 to 20 years old.  I don’t want them to all start falling like domino’s but I suspect that is what is going to happen.

Marv is dependent upon his brother, he looks after him and they talk and play a bit.  Take away his brother and I suspect that Marv will go next.  Ruth is her mothers shadow and gets under her skin, take away mom and Ruth will be next.  That leaves Gator who is pretty close with me and her mom.  Not exactly sure how she would fair if mom went away and she lost her sister. 

I just keep my fingers crossed, say my prayers and hope for the very best outcome.  I cherish each and every moment I have with all of them because you never know.  I could get killed in a car accident or they could just drop for whatever reason.  Not to be depressing but it’s just a fact, you never know what or who will die and when.  Might as well enjoy all the time you have together. 

I got in a nap or two.  Had lunch at home.  Went out to get the mail and grabbed supper at Cracker Barrel.  Spicy Grilled Catfish, it was really good.  Then came back home.  Only to find a large police presence in the neighborhood.  They had traffic blocked off and the officer waved at me, because of my plates, he thinks I am one of them.  It’s saved my ass more times than not.  I don’t claim to be a cop but if you want to read into it, that is a poor assumption on your part.  You know they say never judge a book by it’s cover.  Anyway, I came home broke out the scanner and from what I can tell it was a major drug bust, that is me reading into what I have heard.  I don’t know anything for certain and it sounds like the person they are looking for is still at large.  It’s not in the media yet but I suspect within a day or two it should be, that is how I will confirm my theory.  They did seize a vehicle, they have 2 juveniles and a gun. 

Personally I am eager to get back to my normal routine aka work.  It will help take my mind off of the constant worry of Bear and I will be more productive.  I am just taking it day by day.  I won’t make any rash decisions unless it’s obvious his life is in danger, he is suffering in pain or his quality of life has diminished such that it’s better to part ways.  My late partner thought fondly of him and when that cat looks me in the eyes, my heart melts like butter.  I am hanging on to him for many reasons, the greatest of which is love. 

I am ready for the emotional rollercoaster to stop but that probably won’t happen until he takes his last breath.  Then I still have 4 more to worry about.  Pets are expensive, I am glad that I have them but my wallet has really suffered.  Shame I can’t find me a money tree, I’d plan 2 of them. 

Here is hoping that the rest of the week gets better!

18 June 2017

Sunday review

Hard to believe but Sunday is here already.  2 days go by really fast!  I went to bed late so that means I got up later than I wanted to.  I had decided that Cracker Barrel was the restaurant of choice, but there parking lot was filled.  You could easily tell that today was Father’s Day.  So I went to my old standby Steak N Shake.  Boy I was happy I made that as my 2nd choice.  They have hired new cooks and they are all very attractive.  Today’s feature had blond hair and a nice tight butt.  Oh I wanted to ask him out but the more I looked the more I said he is probably too young for me.  So I just admired from a far while I gulped down my food. 

Made it to the grocery store and managed to spend way more than I wanted.  I thought I would try something new for supper and got Stuffed Peppers by Stouffer’s.  They were really good, the sauce has a bit too much salt for my taste buds but still it was enjoyable.  So I don’t have acid reflux or burp the night away I took an antacid pill, hopefully that calms things down and it will be a non issue for me. 

I found out that there were 2 additional colors added to the pride flag.  I saw some rumblings of this last week but today I actually saw the final product.  I know a lot of people like more colors, but I think the flag was fine as is.  I am one of the people who isn’t happy about it, but it doesn’t ruin my day.  Black & Brown are not colors of the rainbow, I’ve never seen a rainbow and said oh wow it’s got Black & Brown.  I get why those colors were added but still come on, the flag wasn’t broken and it didn’t need to be messed with but that is my opinion. 

I got laundry done, got paged for a work issue but it was very minor and took all of 5 minutes to deal with.  Then I opted to start writing my second book.  I am going through each year of high school and logging my experiences, the missed opportunities and activities  I passed up.  It’s more like a book about regret.  My purpose is to hopefully motivate any readers that are in High School or about to enter High School to enjoy the experience.  Right now it’s in very rough format and I am still on the fence about actually going through with publishing it, but hey writing it is enjoyable and the first step.  You can’t publish something that you haven’t written. 

I got in a nap, even if it was late in the day.  Spent time with Bear and watching him is what made me sleepy and that is when I left him on the couch and I decided to sleep on the love seat.  He was comfortable and enjoying himself, I on the other hand was not comfortable and didn’t enjoy myself.  I would dose off only to wake up or be woken up by Momma or Gator.  Bear would make a couple of noises but for the most part he was silent. 

Switched out my Uverse boxes.  I’ve got 2 wireless receivers and opted to swap them a while back.  I undid that today because it’s been a pain.  When I turn on the TV the box should come on.  That wasn’t the case in my room, I moved the box higher because I thought it wasn’t getting a signal from the remote but it’s just a crappy box.  So I went back to the original that worked.  I switched because the original box would lose signal when I was watching TV.  It happened even after I swapped so I elected to change the Wireless Gateway, I had a spare and that seems to have quelled the problem.  Way more useless information in this paragraph that you probably wanted to know. 

I talked myself into going out for a haircut.  I went super short on the sides a 1A and then the usual 2 on the top.  It looks good.  I think I might have messed up the back but I like to shave my neck afterwards.  Something about being clean and smooth.  That is how I like my guys and that is how I primarily like to be.  It just makes me feel more human.  I also topped off the tank in the car. 

There was some extra time so I changed out the bed clothes.  I even washed my pillows, so they will be nice and extra fluffy.  Looking forward to sleeping in a nice clean bed.  Hopefully no one gets sick and pukes to ruin it. 

There is a documentary about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell on HBO.  It’s very interesting and if you have a chance I highly recommend watching it before the month is over and their content changes. 

Well time to climb the stairs watch a little TV until it’s time to get ready for bed and call it a night.  Morning will come way too early and there will be much to do tomorrow.  At least I won’t be on-call and for that I am thankful.  I should have a break for 2 weeks, which I always look forward to.  Even though the on-call shift looks nice on my paycheck it’s something that I would rather not participate in.  I am very thankful that we don’t get bothered that much.  It’s nothing like when I was on the front line, those folks get pummeled on the weekends.  I do not miss that one bit. 

So me, my car with a full tank of gas and my new glasses will tackle tomorrow and see what it brings.  I am hopeful for some free time and less stress but it’s not what I will plan for, I don’t want to be disappointed. 

I hope that it’s a great week ahead for all.  Take care!

Daddy’s Day

It’s Daddy’s Day or Father’s Day.  Daddy to me has two meanings.  There is the Father and then there is the Gay Sexual Reference.  The sexual reference can be found on Wikipedia.  I am very much wanting to be a daddy, referring to the sexual reference.  However, I am not sure if that will happen, but I am hopeful. 

Father’s Day to me is just another day.  My biological father chose to disown me and the same for my younger brother.  Our mom’s father, stepped up to the plate.  He didn’t want kids but his wife chose to take both of us in, considering that we were being physically abused and in a very unhealthy environment.  He did love us, I cherished him a little bit more when I was younger.  As I began to grow up and enter in to my teenage years we butted heads on more than one occasion.  I had hormones floating through my body and was starting to sexually awaken and then there was the whole discovering I am gay thing.  I never told him but I think he knew, that is until he caught me watching porn.  He loved to enter my bedroom unannounced to exercise and assert his dominance & ownership of the house.  I pleaded and eventually was able to get a lock on my door.  That was the best thing ever.  One day I thought the door was locked and I started watching porn and whacking away.  He opened my door quietly, there was no sound.  Then abruptly closed the door, enough to make it known that he had been there.  Wow, I was mortified and didn’t know what would happen to me.  I finished the task at hand and just went about my normal business.  I wasn’t going to broach the subject.  I figured I would let him bring it up.  It was never spoken of, thank goodness.  Looking back he loved us and he did a great job of raising us and teaching us right from wrong and being the Father that we never had.  It wasn’t until after his death when the movie Saving Private Ryan came out that I fully appreciated what he had been through.  He was in 2 wars and I never thought much about it.  I remember being at the movie and having to walk out because I was so choked up and I was ugly crying at the same time.  That’s when it hit home and I wished that our relationship had been better.  I had similar feelings at his funeral and there was plenty of ugly crying from all of us. 

He always said to me and my brother, if he could afford to he would send us to college, there is great money in computers.  Too bad I can’t afford the bill for school.  Still he encouraged us in his own way.  If he could see me now, he would be proud.  I wound up in Information Technology aka computers.  I never set foot in a college to learn my skill set.  I picked up on watching others, watching TV and just tinkering.  Then someone took a chance on me and the rest as they say is history.  I had a successful marriage that lasted 20 plus years.  I have owned several cars.  I save (not as much as I want to) for the future and those rainy days he always talked about.  I know he wouldn’t be happy with my sexuality, but if he could look past that there is no doubt he would not have any regrets. 

I do miss him and it’s been several years since his passing.  Losing my husband (partner) I had an appreciation for the hell that he went through when he had to bury his wife.  We were all upset but he took it the hardest and rightfully so.  They had been together for 40 to 45 years, I am not certain of the figure exactly.  He was always depressed and he changed drastically after she passed.  I have been depressed as well and share in his feelings of not wanting to go on.  But as he would often remind me, time stops for no man. 

My husband (partner) also played a father figure to me.  He taught me how to drive, he taught me other things about life and how people will fuck you over, how not to give up and to stand up for yourself, especially when your certain you are right.  I learned so much from him that I can’t even begin to document it in words.  Oddly enough he got along quite well with my grandfather.  He became part of the family and was close and a favorite with everyone.  If he could see me now, I know that he too would be proud of me.  How I have managed to bring everything together, keep the house, get a decent job and provide such good care to our cat family.  I still feel his presence in my life from time to time.  I know for certain that he was proud of the man I became as I got older and he would often tell me.  If he hadn’t come along in my life, I can say with certainty that I would not be the person I am today nor would I have the job that I have today. 

So to both my late grandfather and my late husband (partner) I say Happy Father’s Day.  You guys were the best!  Thanks for all that you taught me and for molding me into who I am today. 

17 June 2017

Cannoli Cake

I managed to accomplish everything on my to do list and each task went off with out a hitch.  I like the color of my new glasses but now that I have then I am not terribly happy with how big the lens are.  Still they do look good on me.  I am actually wearing them now.  I have been wearing them for most of the day.  The extra active Transition Lens are awesome and work when I am behind the wheel.  Unless I feel like it, I don’t have to change to sunglasses.  Kind of nice but I do like my sunglasses.

I purchased an audio book and am listening to it.  Quite interesting.  It’s Connor Franta’s 2nd book called Note To Self.  He is a very wise young man.  Not to mention young, cute and wealthy.  Too bad he lives in CA.  Still once I am done with this book I would love to sit down and write him a letter.  I can’t seem to find a fan mail address for him.  That used to be all the rage and now we have social media.  As I listen to him I feel inspired to write that 2nd book of mine. I could have gotten the book for free but opted to pay for it, rather than cancel a subscription trial in 30 days.  It was just by far easier and a much more direct route to get what I wanted.

Friday’s mail brought me some very good news.  Since I am a “safe driver” I am eligible to renew my drivers license without going to the DMV.  I was worried about maybe not being able to pass the eye test without my glasses, but I really don’t want that restriction on my license, it’s just a reminder that I am old.  So now I have nothing to worry about.  My eye issue is distance and my prescription is very mild.  I voiced my concerns to the eye doctor and he tested me and I passed with flying colors, no glasses.  This morning I mailed off the form and my check, now I just have to wait a few weeks and my new license will arrive in the mail.  Then I will be good for another 4 years.  That term will pass so quickly, but maybe then we will have a much better President in office and not the dunce we have now. 

My buddy called and asked about getting together for supper, I was tied up and couldn’t get to the phone.  I am glad he left a message.  I made reservations and then returned his call.  We met up at Maggiano’s aka the usual place.  I got to have White Chocolate Cannoli Cake and it was good.  Not as good as I had planned but it was good.  I have 1/2 a slice in the fridge to have with the pasta I took home.  That could be dinner tomorrow or possibly on Monday.

I was able to spend time with Bear.  I have recently started getting a Bear hug from him.  I pick him up on his back.  He wraps his paws around my neck and holds on.  Then I love on him and that motor gets going, those paws relax and I look deep in to his eyes and tell him how much I love him.  There is no doubt in my mind that he understands and feels the very same way about me.  He longs for my affection and the little time that we do get to spend with each other.  Those moments are cherished and special for both of us. 

Speaking of Bear I went cat food shopping.  Marv has this thing for sponge balls.  Him and I play together all the time.  I saw what he was playing with and how dirty they had gotten, plus they are old.  So I sprung for some new ones today.  Oddly enough there was one that was soft but not sponge type and it was covered in a bright pink fabric.  He was going nuts with that one.  Carrying it around the house and showing everyone, look at what daddy got me.  There were other toys in the package and I have scattered them around the house, they were primarily for Marv but anyone of them is welcome to them.  I have seen not one cat use either of the 2 new scratching posts that I bought.  I am very upset and displeased over that, I am pondering if I want to give one of them away.  About the time I do that they will take up an interest in the one that is left and rip it to shreds.  Just my luck.   

I also got in my nap, it wasn’t nearly as long as I would have liked but it was a nap nevertheless.  I have binge watched and finished The Ranch.  It was enjoyable even if there wasn’t any Ashton Kutcher nudity.  I wish they wouldn’t end with a cliff hanger, but they have to set some bait to bring you back or else why bother to come back.

On the way out of work Friday night, I caught up with a co-worker who was talking about the 3rd and how we were going to be the only occupants in the building.  All of the other tenants are closed.  They are even doing repairs in the parking garage and it’s closed on the 3rd.  We are apparently scrambling to make other arrangements because our office is open.  However, I am not going to wait and see, I submitted a PTO request today for the 3rd and explained the situation.  I don’t suspect I will have any problem and going to work for 1 day, then being off a day and then going back for 3 more, that is just nuts.  Having 4 days off in a row and working 3, now that makes sense and it quite appealing.  Plus I suspect there won’t be that many people in the office on that day.  Wouldn’t surprise me if they close our office due to inability to access the garage.  If they do then I don’t have to use my time, but I’d rather submit the request to be on the safe side. 

It’s been a very typical Saturday here.  Gas prices are even cheaper now than when I filled up on Thursday.  I will be topping off the tank tomorrow.  I always start each week with a full tank.  By the end of the week it’s time to refill again.  Speaking of the car, I did have 1 issue earlier this week where it wouldn’t pair with my phone.  I had to do a master reset.  It’s been fine ever since.  Sure would be nice if they could work out the bugs before they released the software.  I understand a computer needs to be rebooted, but that happens by cycling the engine on and off.  I have a thought going of getting a different vehicle but there is no serious interest quite yet.  If I make a move it will probably be in the fall.  Plus I am still waiting for my settlement check, which is anticipated to be here late this month or very early next month.

Well it’s getting late so time to go listen to the natives be restless and tell me that I am going to bed late.  Nothing like stating the obvious.  Before this post I composed a Father’s Day post.  It will be live at 1a central time.  I think you will enjoy it. 

Oh before I forget, the lawn guy came by and cut the grass again.  They were just here last week.  Looks like even though he says it’s bi-weekly he is still cutting it weekly.  Hey I don’t care so long as I only get charged for 2 cuts, I will be a happy camper.  I don’t know anyone who would turn down something for free, even though he doesn’t intend to give away his service, he’s clearly not well organized and is doing just that.  I won’t complain unless the bill is wrong!  Have a great week ahead and we will talk again soon.  Be well. 

15 June 2017

Aw, one more day

I am so ready for this week to be done and over.  It’s been a lot of work.  I made the most headway today.  I got out this huge mother of a report that my entire team now has to work on, since we lost a person.  I get to be the one to send it out to executive management.  I am not happy about that because if they have questions, they will come knocking on my door and ain’t no body got time for that.  I still have 2 more days of vacation w/o the boss around.  Although, he will be back in town over the weekend and I am sure Monday he will probably be calling or at least emailing.  I have a load of information for him and can’t wait to pile it all at his feet.  Just what you need when you get back from vacation, more work on top of what is filling up in your inbox. 

Speaking of vacation I decided to get curious and look at my PTO balance.  I have 92 hours, plus 1 floating holiday to burn by the end of the year.  I can carry over 1 week of vacation but anything above that is use it or lose it.  I carried over a week from last year.  When my late partner was a live time off was always used up and there was that year when I was out for a week sick.  So I am really surprised.  I know I have used some PTO but to have such a high balance is comforting and concerning at the same time.  I will make sure that I get my fair share of time off, because I won’t just give up time. 

Everything today was going well until I decided to leave for the day.  Traffic was a mess.  There was an accident and all of the signage said that the left lane was closed, so I merged over to the right lane.  Apparently, no one else got the memo.  It was a complete cluster.  I was in traffic for most of my evening, that would be 1 hour and 45 minutes.  I used the built in navigation in Mr. Car to get directions on a detour and it came through for me.  I had to use the bathroom so I opted to go home first.  I took care of that and then fed the children.  Then it was back out to get gas (it’s really cheap right now) and I haven’t gotten the mail all week, so I stopped and picked that up.  Then back home, gobble down supper.  Take out the trash.  Get undressed and give away some money (paying bills) and then I looked at the clock and said why not make a post, it’s almost time for bed. 

Momma is having a panic attack because I am not upstairs just yet and she knows it’s a work night.  That woman keeps me on my toes, then again they all do.  Hard to believe but they are all going to have birthdays next week.  Momma will be the ripe old age of 14 and the kids will be 13.  I can’t hardly believe these little fuzzy creatures have been apart of my life for 13 years, where did all of that time go?  Man I am getting old.  I look forward to their birthdays next week. 

Bear had some problems going to the bathroom this morning.  I gave him a laxative this morning before I left.  I came home and I see the problem has been worked out.  Yay Bears!  I know he feels better because he has me jumping to get him food and lots of it.  He’s not eating it all, just doing his buffet style sample thing.  I think they all collude while I am away and plot to see who can get on my nerves the most.  Bear is a winner in that area with his sister Gator in second place.  Marv is third.  As for Momma & Ruth, they usually don’t give me any trouble.  They say it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. 

On my way to work this morning in my shuffle mix on my iPhone the tune Lick It Up by Kiss came on.  This song makes me so horny.  All I can think about is blowing a guy.  I’ve not had the experience of getting all revved up over a song.  It’s a good song and I like it.  I guess it’s the lyrics mixed with images of porn running through my mind that is getting me all hot and bothered.  Or maybe it’s just the sheer fact that I need Amanda, yep a man to hug and kiss. 

Saturday is going to be a busy day for me.  I have to get up early go to Breakfast, DMV for my plates, Eye Doctor to get my glasses and get them to sign the rebate form so I can get my $$ and by then I will be ready for a nap.  I have to shop for cat litter and cat food.  Plus I am debating on where I want to eat supper at.  I am on the fence between the pizza place or Maggiano’s.  It’s Father’s Day weekend and this daddy doesn’t want to be at a restaurant on Sunday.  Saturday will be a close call but I still have some adventure left in me. 

Ah, time to climb the stairs, prep for Friday, use the massager on my back and feet.  Then pass out medicine for Momma & Bear, then and only then can I relax in the comfort of my recliner until it’s time for bed.  Oh I almost forgot the surprises the kids left for me.  Marvin crapped in the hall and Gator threw up all over my bed.  Nothing says we missed you like those gifts.  Welcome home time to get to work.  But that’s what I have been doing all day is work.  Then it’s homework.  Honestly, is there any way to win? 

I hope your week has gone well and that you have an enjoyable weekend.  Talk with you again soon.  Be well!

11 June 2017

6 more weeks

In six weeks I will get to repeat the dreaded task that I had to do today.  Trim Ruth’s claws.  This went all kinds of wrong.  First, the clippers didn’t want to work.  I had to let her go and fix them.  Second, capturing her again first she lost her bladder then her bowels went next.  Had to release her to clean things up.  Third, this is supposed to be the charm, right?  Yep, got her trapped in the kitchen and finally the task got completed.  I gave her a kiss and she almost bit me in the face.  I got to brush her and put on flea medicine.  Clearly she is not a fan of this, the attention she seeks is on her terms and when she wants it.  Thank God for the Welding Gloves or this would have been a trip to the hospital.  She bit me a couple of times.  You just feel pressure and it is uncomfortable but she can’t puncture the gloves, claws as well.  These gloves are impervious to everything.  I pray they hold up as long if not longer than she is alive.  They have only had one use and they are orange like this font.  When she sees you with them on, she knows it’s game on. 

We have made up and all is forgiven.  She knows I was trying to help her now but in the moment she thinks I am the enemy and she will do anything within her power to get away from me.  She has a sweet disposition but it’s hard to imagine that when all I talk about is her trying to kill me when I go to trim her claws. 

She is the one cat that I haven’t been able to walk up to and give a belly rub to.  I have touched her belly but it’s only brief.  I know she loves me, she just has a funny way of showing it. 

My back was doing much better until this up and down deal of working with Ruth.  I bought some Icy Hot Extra Strength Rub at the store.  It sucks and I hate it.  Ben Gay is the heavy hitter in my book.  I used to say Bio Freeze but even it doesn’t affect me like Ben Gay does.  Maybe that is because I am gay and I would like a guy named Ben.  All I can say is I hope that I continue to heal and I don’t have to take anymore pills.

Made it to breakfast.  It was extra good chili this morning, lots of Beans and Beef.  My Royale was good too, I had an extra slice of tomato on it.  Fries were ah okay as fries go.  I had a mini strawberry cheesecake milkshake, not bad.  Then it was on to the grocery store.  I was in and out, dropped more than I wanted to but that is always the case.  Then on to get fuel for the car at Sam’s Club.  Their pumps are computer controlled on a timer that is based in AR.  Yesterday when I was at the pet food store they said their AC was controlled in TX.  Kind of interesting all of the automation in the world.  Then again I control several of our offices key card systems from my desk and can even do it from home.

Noticed that there was some Ivy starting to grow.  It has choked out a lot of the bushes.  It’s like wildfire and spreads fast.  I was searching for some Roundup but didn’t have any.  That will be a trip to the hardware store and with the way I felt, I decided it could wait. 

Well time to go relax with the children, prep for Monday and hope that the week is calm.  It’s been a busy day for on-call but thankfully they are simple things and don’t require too much of my time.  I hope that it’s all quiet for the rest of the night.  I am ready for some me time.  Although I did manage to squeeze in a short nap today, was kind of nice. 

Hope you have a great week ahead!

10 June 2017

Squirt & Suck

Another week has drawn to a close.  This past week was difficult at best.  Mostly because of my back pain.  Today I actually feel pretty good, it’s still sore but most of the discomfort is gone.  I suspect a few more days and all will be back to normal.  Wow this old age stuff really sucks.  Injuries take longer to recover from. 

I did use some muscle relaxers and a narcotic pain reliever, not my favorite thing in the world but damn I needed relief, this was very uncomfortable.   As a result of this a side effect is very colorful and interesting dreams.  The one that stands out the most is I got an idea to write my next book.  It should be all about growing up gay and getting through high school.  I like the idea but I am pondering if I want to actually move forward.  I mean it’s a lot of effort and while I do enjoy helping people, I question if anyone would read what I publish.  It may be different if I knew for a fact that I had an audience. 

Thursday rolled around and a co-worker asked me if I was getting a massage.  I said nay nay, I won’t let her touch me when I am like this.  I am actually debating if I really want to go back to her.  She is aggressive and all about finding the knots and getting them out.  There is little pleasure for me and massages are supposed to be relaxing.  Not the way this lady does it.  Plus think of the money I will save.  I mean I may give in and go back but right now I have hit the pause button. 

My friend buried/planted his wife today.  It was way too far for me to travel and I didn’t go.  I tried to talk myself into it but it was a no go.  He is disappointed but he will get over it.  I mean I went to the most important thing which was the funeral.  I have been there for him and listened to him on the phone.  This was one occasion where I just didn’t want to be around him or her family.  There is way too much drama going on and it’s not healthy for me to hear about it all.  Just because I wasn’t there in person won’t spare me, he will be calling and I will have to listen to him drone on.  But that is what friends do.  He’s listened to me so turn about is fair play.  I just think he is doing everything wrong and moving way too fast.  He is out of control and went off of his meds cold turkey but says he needs something.  For fuck sake call your doctor.  I hope things get better for him and that life slows down a little bit. 

Given my injury this was the perfect time for Netflix to release the next set of episodes of Orange Is The New Black.  Wow I started yesterday and finished up this afternoon.  It’s been non-stop for me.  Very intense.  The funniest thing is when Red says instead of P for Piscatelli I should look under S for Son of a Bitch.  I don’t know why but that line just made me crack up.  There were a couple of other humorous moments but that is the one I liked the best.

The most interesting thing I have done so far this evening is wrestle with the Spot Bot.  I bought a replacement hose because the old one was broken.  Damn I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I had to rip the whole thing apart.  I believe I had guidance from my late partner, because I can take items apart but they never go back together well, let alone actually function.  I had some serious doubts but I managed to actually remove the old hose and install a new hose.  Problem is that when I put everything back together I got a couple of wires backwards.  Squirt and suck didn’t work like they were suppose to.  With trial and error I finally got it working.  Put it back together and have cleaned the basement carpet where the cats have had a puke fest all week long.  Yuk!

Speaking of cats my poor Ruth is bald on the corner of her back.  Something has gotten to her and I can’t seem to shake it.  I had to give her a reprieve last Sunday because of my back injury.  However, this Sunday I will be trimming her claws.  I plan to brush her and put on some flea medicine, but I will have to see what she will allow.  I am going to try my very best.  I don’t want to hurt her.  If this itchy thing doesn’t clear up, I am guessing it will be back to the vet for a steroid shot.  She hasn’t had one of those in a few years but summer seems to be her itch season.  Maybe it’s not a bug but rather an allergy.  It’s been worse in years past with hives.  Thankfully we aren’t to that stage.

Bears is still working me for all of the food he can get out of me.  I put down multiple cans of food and he just cries for more.  I try to stand firm but he knows my weak spot and that I am a sucker so I give in and bitch about it.  He’s had fluids twice this week.  Since he has gone off of his RX food I am worried that he is going to block again.  So far both ends are flowing.  The fluids was to help him bounce back from a nausea attack and to hopefully keep him from dehydrating.  Plus it helps flush out his bladder. 

Marv on the other hand has diarrhea from his IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  It has grown more and more difficult for me to get him his medicine.  He loves to fight against it.  I feel bad for him and have given him fluids in the past to help.  It buys him a day or two at best.  Then it back to the Hershey Highway.  Plus it smells extra bad.  Taz had a similar issue and I worry that Marv has turned into a Diabetic.  He loves his water and he has really dropped the weight as has his brother Bear. 

The problem when you have multiple animals is that you have multiple worries.  I was telling Marv last night that I would really like to sell this place and move but I can’t do that right now.  I have way too much stuff and way too many cats.  I want to ensure everyone is comfortable and staying put is what makes the most sense, so that is what I will continue to do.  I think for my mental health moving would do wonders, but it would also be hard to walk away from this place.  So many memories (good and bad) and it’s the place that I have known as home for a very long time.

I didn’t get a nap today, I tried but as I predicted as soon as I laid down and got comfy the phone went off.  I started on-call on Wednesday and won’t be done until next Sunday.  It’s a long time but I just think of the money and that helps to keep me going.  I am really anxious for Wednesday because that is when I will be able to see my paycheck.  I know that Uncle Sam will take a good portion away in taxes as per usual but the left overs shouldn’t be too shabby.  I have some anxiety over my finances at the moment but once payday rolls around everything will fall into place, always does. 

My boss keeps telling me to be confident.  Friday I figured out that I am tired of all of the bullshit meetings, interruptions and in ability to make any progress.  I start a 1/2 hour early each day and still can’t seem to make any progress.  I actually was the most productive on Friday from 5p until 6:30p when I walked out of the office.  I feel confident and good about what I was able to accomplish.  Taking on more work amped up my stress level but add in all of other items I mentioned and that is why I am worn out.  Hiring someone may or may not help all of this, there will be lots of training and honestly I have my doubts about how long I will last before enough is too much and I start looking.  I am fighting against that as hard as possible.  I feel safe and secure where I am and I very much like my job and am grateful for the opportunities I have been afforded.  However, no matter what I am very much an army of 1 and no one but me is in charge of my future and happiness. 

I hope all of this work bullshit doesn’t age me too much and that I can keep it together for my own well being as well as all of the comforts I have grown accustom to.  I very much need a vacation but lack of time and money are the reasons why that won’t happen.  I do have 2 days scheduled for next month and I look forward to them.  I know that I am told there is backup in place and that when I am away I shouldn’t worry about the office, but fact is there really isn’t backup in place and shit can easily fall apart and spin out of control if I don’t deal with it regardless if I am in or out of the office.  I am not gloating in the least but I have a lot of responsibility and take my job seriously plus there is the whole dedication thing, so I do what I have to do.  My issues have nothing to do with confidence, I mean I have survived my greatest fear and have dealt with more than my fair of shit.  So I am confident that I will get through this as well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  Maybe not right away but over time it does happen. 

Ah so the hour is growing late and my momma is waiting for me to get upstairs.  Plus there is putting out my medicine, another chore I dislike, but I will do it because I have to.  I hope all is well in your world and that life is treating you well.  I know that eventually things will turn around for me it just takes time.  Plus it would be nice if we could speed up the process of me finding a man, this being alone shit is horrible.  I like my freedom and the fact that I don’t have to answer to anyone but it would be nice to have a companion for physical and emotional support, plus I wouldn’t be stuck in the house so much.  I guess maybe I should be careful what I wish for but I am interested in all things good that will bring me happiness be it with money, physically and/or emotionally. 

Have a pleasant evening. 

06 June 2017

Sweet Mother of Mercy, where are you?

It’s been a painful couple of days.  Whatever I pulled, dislocated or otherwise injured in my back has been driving me crazy.  I have lost two days of work.  Been on some damn good pain medicine and had plenty of sleep.  I also have been on muscle relaxers.  This is why I save leftover medicine, it might be expired but it still works for me.  Beats having to run to the doctor or hospital. 

I have been sitting on the heating pad and that has helped.  Last night I took an Epsom Salt Bath.  First time in the bathtub in a long time.  I quickly remembered why I don’t get in, the tub is too small for me.  I mean I fit but my legs have to be propped up.  It’s not a sideways thing but a length thing.  Expansion on both parts for the tub would be nice but honestly I don’t use the bathtub, I am a shower person.

Got a wake up call and it was the eye doctor, they called this afternoon while I was napping with Gator.  My frames were in.  That’s when I decided it was time to get moving.  So I got up, showered, got dressed and went to check on the frames.  Liked them, got measured and ordered them.  Paid for them as well, that was $250.  I wish I was getting what I truly wanted but since I don’t have any information I have to settle.  There will be plenty of Blue and a little bit of silver.  I’d like some black thrown in but that wasn’t an option.  They are Ray Ban’s and I am anxious to get them on my face for good.  They will have Eyezen Protection which is suppose to be better for looking at a computer all day long. 

As for work, I am going back tomorrow.  Some of my fuck ups emerged yesterday and my boss had to work with one of them.  I got another one today.  It’s all simple stuff but it shows that I am under pressure and that is why I make mistakes.  I am detail oriented and careful but sometimes things slip your mind 

I was able to fix a cardkey from home, so that felt good.  Got a door reader problem and I sent an email but never heard back.  Got a new person starting at a location I haven’t worked with before and I have to work with that buildings management to get her a card.  Working with building management goes two ways – it’s good from the start or it’s shit.  In this case these are both shit, so I have to work them harder to get what I want, which is not any fun for me. 

As for my back it’s feeling a little bit better but it still hurts.  If were at the weekend and there is not much more relief then I will be visiting an emergency room, not what I want to do but I have to listen to my body.  I think I only did minor damage but this is a area of the back where I have already got problems, it’s not something I will fiddle with.  I mean a few days of pain is fine, the intense stuff seems to be over with.  I think the more sedentary that I get the worse it’s going to get.  So I have to move around. 

Now enter the barfing cat.  Ruth isn’t feeling well and she has thrown up all over the basement.  Made me wish I had my spot bot.  Turns out I still have it, but the hose is damaged.  I went looking for a new machine then it hit me, just buy a replacement hose.  I did just that and it will be here on Friday.  $15 that is far better than shelling out $100.  Oh Mr. Spot Bot I have missed you so.  Looking forward to being reunited.  I just fill it full of cleaning solutions and water, place it over the stain, plug in the machine and press a button.  It does the rest of the job for me.  Viola, bye bye stain.  Beats lugging out the big machine for a small job. 

Kind of looking forward to getting back into the swing of things and of course the day I am going back will be my first day of a very long on-call shift.  Starts tomorrow and goes through the 18th.  I can handle it but I would rather not. 

After the eye doctor, I went to Red Lobster.  It was good even if I didn’t have a drink.  Just ate a regular meal.  Made it back home, I was going to stop and get the mail but my body said enough for one day go home.  I listened.  This is the most time I have spent in front of a computer since Sunday. 

Breaks, relaxing, sleeping and doing most anything else is something that I need to introduce into my routine more often.  it really helps.  I also got a message at work from my co-worker who left.  She wants to know how things are going.  Yeah haven’t quite decided if I am going to respond and if I do respond what to say.  It will all come together.  Tomorrow is also my bosses last day in the office for 2 weeks, kind of looking forward to peace and quiet.  A lot less meetings and getting more stuff done with less interruptions. 

Fun.  Now to enjoy what I have left of an evening.  Tosh.O is back on so that will be nice way to cap off the day.  Hope all is going well for you. 

04 June 2017

Fucked Up & In pain

Last night was a late night, which caused me to sleep in.  When I woke up I just started rushing because I knew what I wanted to accomplish.  Once I was out the door, I had to stop at the post office.  They delivered some cologne yesterday, it wasn’t at my front door so I figured I would check the PO Box just to be sure and to my amazement it was actually there. 

Then it was on to Cracker Barrel.  Saw Cody the cute twink with the nice ass.  I wore one of my pride shirts and he looked at it.  Don’t know that it made a difference.  I got seated quickly and my food was out fast.  They were packed so I am not exactly sure how this happened.  Last week the manager just gave me priority seating, never mind the wait list you come with me.  Uh, okay you got it. 

Made it to the grocery store, in and out $50 which isn’t bad for the week.  Most of the stuff I needed was for lunch, I got some treats for myself and breakfast food.  Then on to the cat food store, another $50.  Then to top off the tank $6 and what I thought was the final stop the car wash $17.  Got home unpacked and as I was doing so I dropped something, I went for it in a lurch knee-jerk reaction and threw out my lower back.  Fuck it hurts and it’s getting worse instead of better. 

It didn’t help that I cleaned the bathtub, that just aggravated things.  I rested up with some ice.  Watched the first part of Full Metal Jacket where Private Pyle blows his head off.  I love hearing the Drill Sargent, I am a huge fan of the Marines.  I don’t have the physical strength but if I did that is the branch of the service that I would join.  It’s tough mentally and physically.  The mental part is nothing for me, the physical part is where I would just break down and it would probably kill me or close to it.  Like Private Pyle, I love my Jelly Donuts. 

Slept for a bit.  Woke up still in pain.  Started moving to get laundry done, house cleaned, inside of my car cleaned.  Then I worked on a drippy faucet.  Had to go back out and get washers and springs.  It’s a Delta.  Couldn’t find a pipe wrench in this house to save my life.  Used large handled plyers.  I did some minor damage but hey it’s all back together and it works fine.  I was a little worried.  There is nothing wrong with my tub faucet but while I had everything turned off I should have torn it apart and replaced the washers and springs.  The biggest part of this was labor but the parts were $3.  Not bad at all.  Tub faucet will have to wait until it starts leaking. 

Decided that I am keeping the pens.  Logged my transactions and then did some calculations.  I am doing some debt consolidation via a credit card that is offering me 0% for 12 months.  I can save $100 per month by doing this so why not.  Wrote myself a check and deposited it.  I will be sure it’s paid off in 12 months because they charge a hell of an interest rate.  I will lump in my glasses when I buy them, that’s less cash I will have to part with.  A little bit of this is me freaking out.  I think when I get my next check from work I will see that this wasn’t entirely necessary but I would rather be prepared.  I’ve got 2 credit cards that I pay off each month, both of which are larger than normal, so that is the freak out part. 

Had some left over pizza, a shower used some new Shampoo & Conditioner from Paul Mitchel.  It’s called Neon, but it is sugar based.  Smells damn good.  So good that I want to eat it instead of use it on my hair, but I am guessing that wouldn’t fair too well. 

Fed the children.  Bear wants quality time with daddy but I have to pass tonight, my back is killing me and I don’t want to pick him up.  I am going to get some TLC from the massager and then find the heating pad and get it out.  I have already taken a Muscle Relaxer and a Narcotic Pain Killer.  I should be PTFO sooner than I want, but so long as I stay asleep once I am out all should be well in the morning.  If not then I will re-evaluate if I go in or stay home.  I’ve got too much to do to stay home so I would have to be in serious pain.  I can always go in and if it’s too bad leave and come home.  Earlier I was a bit nauseated from the pain, but that has passed. 

I am living a little too large but the rewards are sure nice.  Shame I can’t do thinks like that for myself all the time.  I am really serious about building a nest egg.  Just watch it grow and grow and grow.  A little interest here and a little interest there.  Seems like pennies today but over the long haul it will add up and pay off.  No lottery tickets for me this week. 

I heard back from the lawn guy, he says it’s all my fault because I didn’t tell him sooner.  However, he’s not insisting that I pay.  WTF it’s not my job to police you.  He said that he just discovered the contract was bi-weekly.  Mother fucker, our arrangement has always been bi-weekly.  You must be on crack or your just a dumb fuck, maybe both.  Anyway he says I am on bi-weekly now.  Yeah I guess so, nothing like giving away free service to motivate you to square things up. 

As for work, yes they are going to replace the person that left.  There are interviews going on now.  Hopefully in 2 to 3 weeks they will be making an offer to someone.  They aren’t getting into specifics of duties but they are going to be required to do new hires and departures.  Guess who gets to train them, that would be me.  There is more exhaustion for me.  Great.  I just hope whom ever is chosen that accepts the offer is a person of high caliber who can teach me a thing or two and someone who will stay for the long haul. 

Right now I am going to hit up that massager.  I hope to be able to stay up to take in Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.  If not it will be waiting for me tomorrow just like more left over pizza.  Cheers!

The Search Continues

I went for my annual eye exam today.  My search for the glasses that I want, worn by Kennedy a Corbin Fisher porn model continues.  I hate to lose and I am good at finding things and finding people.  However, this is one challenge that is besting me.  I have invested countless hours of looking at web pages full of eye glasses but no exact match.  I reached out to the studio and they were going to try to find out from Kennedy who made his glasses but that proved futile as they never heard from him.  This just pisses me off to no end.  I found what I believe to be a very close match in the Columbia line, however it’s not made anymore.  The local place that used to carry Columbia brand no longer does.  You’d think I was after this guys real name or his address but all I really want to know is who makes your fucking eye glasses.  They look so sexy and I really want a pair of my own.  Knowing his name and address well that would just be a bonus.  This is a thirst that I can’t quench no matter how hard I try.  It’s just tough to concede and put this behind me.  I have something that I like on order, it should be in next Saturday and I have to go look at it and try it on, then we can order it if I want.  It’s going to cost me around $300, that’s with insurance, every coating and option available to man kind in a single vision lens.  The brand of frame is Ray Ban, which will be new to me.  I have always been a Nike fan.  My prescription didn’t change that much and I really don’t need new glasses but I want what I want.  If I get them, there will be extra protection called Eyezen for staring at a computer monitor. 

I got my summer surprise bills in the mail this week.  Homeowner’s insurance stayed the same, which is good.  Taxes went up $300, mine are $3,700.  It is fucking expensive as hell to live where I do.  This is a wealthy town and it’s supposed to be middle to middle upper class.  I feel more like the low class.  My income is good for my age, and this is not my dream home or dream place to live.  However, with the cats and all of the crap from my late partner, where else am I going to go?  So I am kind of stuck here waiting for the cats to die off, for me to get off my ass and get rid of a bunch of useless shit, sell some shit and then I can think about moving.  By the time all of this happens I will be an old man. 

My dream is in California.  There are more gay people there, it’s much more progressive and I think my odds of finding a man would be far greater.  I want to go get my feet wet and go on a vacation to check things out.  The cost of living is much higher but the jobs pay better to accommodate for that.  I need an income translator to figure out how much I would need to make.  This too is a desire that I have been unable to quench.  I mean maybe I go on a trip out there and hate it so the idea vanishes, but I feel that I am doing myself a disservice by sitting still.  It’s all about money and circumstances.  In chatting with that lady last week I think that a move would do me good, it doesn’t have to be cross country.  But if I am going to be bold I want to be fresh and go off into unfamiliar territory.  Make my own way in navigating new surroundings.  It would be much more fun with a partner, but I have adjusted quite well to doing things by myself. 

Given the fact that my job is so stressful, I have been carefree with my money.  I see something or think of something that I want and I just get it.  Part of that is me spending part of my settlement that has yet to arrive.  The other part of it is me rewarding myself because of the stressful circumstances.  I got 2 new Mont Blanc Pens.  Oddly enough they were shipped to me from California.  It’s in the Pix line both are blue.  One is a ball point pen and the other is a rollerball.  That was an easy $389 that I dropped.  Now that they are here I am really only a fan of the rollerball and am contemplating sending the ball point pen back, but I am sure I will manage to talk myself into keeping it.  I really want a Parker 5th Generation but I opted for Mont Blanc instead.  In my book it’s the supreme grand daddy of all writing instruments and it conveys prestige.  It’s my way of looking rich even though I am dirt poor. I got me some new clothes as well so I’ll look better than normal when I go to work for a couple days.  Then it will be back to the same old same old.  

So how was the week?  It actually was pretty stressful.  One day I was so back logged I told my team not to bother me, I was focused on new hires and departures.  Plus I had to plan for an employee change.  I am off into some unchartered waters, it’s fairly simple but when you have more than one of anything to process it’s stressful because there is a deadline looming.  The closer you get to the deadline particularly for a new hire the more people start inquiring about when the account will be ready.  By Thursday I was so ready for a massage.  I wasn’t signed up but decided to sneak off for a quickie.  That turned into an hour long session with me not removing my shirt and leaving my gold necklace on.  Turned out to be a disaster.  I am all knotted up and she kept rubbing up against the chain and there is a skin tag forming.  I am so sore and it hurts.  It’s going to for a while.  Funny thing is I did this as a treat to myself but it turned out to be anything but a treat.  Next time I’ll take off my shirt and jump on the table, it will feel a whole lot better. 

Next week my boss will leave for a two week trip, not until towards the end of the week.  We are launching a big project and it will be up to me and my co-worker to keep things on track and to stay a float while he is gone.  I have some concerns but there is little I can do about it.  So like everything else that I have faced I will confront it head on and just do the best I can.  While I am harder on myself than anyone else, I rest easy knowing that I put forth my best effort.  We all have our limits and I am working right up to the bleeding edge, where burn out is imminent.  I don’t want to burn out but at the same time I can’t just stop.  I am once again trying to be all things to all people.  I realize the only thing everyone can agree on is pizza because it’s delicious and I am not pizza.  The stress with the departure of my former co-worker is felt by all of us.  Even my boss told me that he is stressed out and he wants me to not be that way.  Yeah easy for you to say but look at what I have been tasked with, it’s years of work that she was able to ramp up for slowly over time.  I don’t have years I got it all as soon as she announced her resignation.  My boss hasn’t said a word to me about this but I know he is petrified that I am going to quit.  I’m not near that point yet but I can tell you that it won’t take much to send me over the edge.  Just as long as I don’t have any health problems from this and I don’t suffer from a nervous or psychotic break, I think I can keep this up for a little while longer.  I have stepped up to the plate and picked up in areas where my boss never thought I would.  I want to make a good impression and I seriously want to succeed. 

Furthering my reward I went for pizza this afternoon.  The cute guy waited on me and got me my food.  But his shift ended and I was handed off to someone else.  I had plans to tell him that I liked him, he’s young for me and my research tells me he is taken.  However, he is gay.  I guess the stars and the moon didn’t align just right so that’s why it didn’t happen.  When I left there was an accident and I was stuck in traffic for at least 30 to 45 minutes.  By the time I got to the scene of the crash I was beside myself.  It showed me just how fragile life really is.  It was a sobering wake up call.  There was an extended cab pickup truck the roof was sheered off of it, it went under a semi truck and crashed into a tree.  There was a door in the middle of the interstate.  It looks like another car was involved and it was crushed to bits.  There had to have been at least 1 fatality if not more.  I just couldn’t get the images of what I saw out of my mind.  I prayed for everyone who was involved that they all got to walk away but in my heart I don’t see how that is possible.

Tonight I went to see Baywatch.  It was all about Zac Efron for me.  He is so cute but now that he got ripped I am not so much a fan.  Some muscle is good but you can get too much and that is a turn off for me.  Anyway, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed but the chances of us winding up in the same bed are about the same as me hitting the jackpot on the lottery.  I was carded for the third time in my life.  Apparently I look so youthful that they just had to see my id.  Everyone takes me for being in my 30’s so I have no idea how old the lady behind the counter thought I was but I took it as a compliment.  That is until I had time to think about it and then I was kind of pissed but I let it go.  The movie was good, plenty of laughs.  If your thinking about seeing it, go ahead and treat yourself.  Who can’t use a good laugh?  There are plenty in this movie. 

No post of mine would be complete with out me talking about my bears.  He’s been such a good boy this week.  Defecation is still difficult for him.  I discovered by trial that one dose of the laxative the vet gave me works well for him.  So he will be getting that for a bit.  Not sure if it’s something he can be on long term but if I stop and he has problems, you can rest assured that I will be inquiring.  We have had plenty of time together on the couch.  Belly rubs, hugs and kisses.  He just looks into my eyes and my whole world melts for him.  There really is something special about this cat.  He knows that I care for him and I have saved him more than once.  He appreciates it but he also works me until he tap dances on my very last nerve.  This picky palate of his is driving me nuts.  I am trying to cater to him as best as I can.  I worry that since he is off of his prescription food that he will form crystals and block again.  I sneak in a can of that food and he eats some of it.  I have a whole bag of the dry food that he was just nuts over and he stopped eating it.  I mix it with treats and he got wise to that and picks out the treats and leaves the dry food for his family members to gobble on.  They all love it. 

I rewarded all of the cats with a new water fountain, which they are suspect to drink from.  I got 2 scratching posts, I assembled one of them.  They are always going nuts over the birds.  This thing has 2 bird shaped toys and of course no one will dare go near it.  The flock to the old scratching post, which bit the dust a long time ago. 

Today was all about me and I am behind on my chores but I’ll get what I need to done tomorrow and Monday will roll around quicker than I want it to, then it will be back to beating the same old drum.

Feels refreshing to get all of this out.  Now I have to go face the music because I have been downstairs for a very long time and were way past bed time, so everyone will be fussy.  I keep telling them there is plenty of daddy to go around.  Gator has been sleeping with me, Momma sits on one side of me when Bear is on the other side.  Ruth climbs up in my bed while I am watching TV and then along comes Marv and there goes Ruth.  They all have their moments with me.  Ruth however will not be happy tomorrow because it’s claw trimming day, she scratched me earlier in the week so I know for a fact those nails are sharp. 

Well off to bed then to wake and tackle grocery shopping and then cat food shopping.  Then I am done and can spend the rest of the day at home instead of running around.  That will sure be nice. 

My lawn guy sent me an invoice last night, apparently he’s cut my lawn every week in May.  Problem is we have a contract that authorizes him to cut it bi-weekly.  He wanted the contract, not me.  However, in this case it works to my advantage.  I threw it in his face and told him he will have to eat the additional charges, I am not paying for his service every week because it wasn’t authorized.  I will pay what was authorized.  I have had more problems with this guy than I ever did with Lawn Boy.  I kind of miss him, it was a simpler time.  However, he fucked up.  So has the new guy.  I may be looking for a new lawn person again soon, which I really don’t want to do.  This wasn’t my mistake it was his.  I mean if you want to cut it every week come on by and do that, I sure appreciate it.  However, I am not paying for it.  I thought I would have this battle back in April when he did the same thing but nope, he just sent me a normal bill.  It will be interesting to see how this plays out, but the contract legally insulates me so while I could be nice and send him all of the money, legally I am not obligated to do so. 

Have a great rest of the weekend, enjoy the week ahead and hopefully I will be able to do the same.