31 August 2014

Last day of August 2014

The last day of the month is here.  Hard to believe that we are going into September.  This year has really taken off and time just seems to be going faster and faster. 

This weekend has been a money spending fest.  I paid all of the bills that I needed to, minus my auto insurance.  Which I will be paying later today o tomorrow.  Very happy that I have credit cards so that I can float loans and not drain myself of cash. 

I also got groceries, cat food and went to Target.  I got a Bluetooth Headset for work, since I will be on the phones starting on Tuesday.  It’s not required and is completely at my expense, so I went on the cheap.  I’ve already got a decent headset and have found that it works best with only 1 device paired.  I thought I only spent $39 for it but just looked at the receipt and the cashier forgot to charge me for it.  So I got it for free.  Nice!  All of the business that I give Target, I think I have earned a break.  They are Cat Litter Headquarters' for me.  I do kind of feel like going back and saying um, she forgot to charge me for this and that is the honest & right thing to do, but I am not going to do it. 

I picked up ink for my printer, that was $65 which I wish that was free and I would pay for the headset.  I got the ink at Office Depot and it should last me for a very long time.  I went XL because I use the most of the black ink. 

Friday, my local office surprised us and let us go 2 hours early.  I still had to check with my boss but was told leave and it’s paid leave.  Nice!  I had been working on trying to organize the Inventory Room and have made some progress.  There is still lots more to do and it’s going to take time, time that I am not sure when I will have. 

I treated myself to a hair cut & shampoo on Friday.  Then swung by Sam’s to get gas for the car.  A man approached me and asked if I wanted my windshield washed for free.  I said sure.  Then he told me that I had several chips in the windshield.  I just got the damn thing put in less than a year ago.  Interstate driving really wears hard on the windshield.  Anyway, he said they would fix it for free.  So I let them, but it wasn’t free.  It cost me $40 because I happen to have 1 of the 2 insurance companies that won’t work with them.  I explained that I was told it would be free but they said sorry you have to pay.  Fine, I wasn’t exactly pleased as punch but I paid.  Then I went through a car wash, I asked prior to going if it would be okay.  Because there was greasy handprints all over the window and well the car needed a wash.  There went $17.  What I thought were hand prints turns out to be the resin that they used.  My windshield looks horrible but only on the inside.  Outside, you can’t tell a thing.  I’m not too happy, but what is done is done.

I spent a good portion of my day yesterday researching the company that did the repair.  Turns out I am not the first person to complain about them.  They have an F rating with the BBB.  Really a company that Sam’s Club Partnered with is not above board.  Oh that and there little disclaimer that they don’t condone the use of the word free by any rep of their company.  Sent me into a rampage.  I went on a letter writing campaign.  I want a written apology and my money back.  I went off on Sam’s Club and told them I would never again use a 3rd part provider that they contract with because they obviously didn’t do their research ahead of time.  The whole thing is totally unacceptable.

Most people don’t know that chips are typically covered by your insurance company provided that you have Comprehensive coverage.  The insurance company looks at the repair as preventative maintenance in that if the chip is fixed in time it won’t turn into a crack and they will be able to save money in the long run.  Most people also think that this will cause your insurance to go up if you file a claim.  Not under Comprehensive typically things that fall under that coverage are not surchargable so your rates won’t be affected.  Yes in the long run the insurance company’s rates will increase and eventually you will feel it but it’s lumped in with the cost of doing business. 

I am unfortunately stuck with this unless I want to foot the bill for a windshield replacement, the company that did the repair work says they will refund your money if your not happy but that is the extent of it.  I feel like a damn fool in that I was suckered in and fell for it.  I should have been more cautious but I was feeling really good and laid back, it was a Friday before a long weekend and my Birthday so I threw caution to the wind and look what it got me!  Lesson learned don’t do it again.

I’ve been out to eat … Huddle House this morning for breakfeast.  I really wanted to see the cute waiter that I like but he was no where to be found.  Food was still good.  Yesterday I went to Bob Evans.  Their chili is back on the menu and I had to have a bowl.  Very good just needed more crackers and a little cheese.  Tomorrow I’m headed to Chili’s.  My brother called and him and my mom want to take me out for my birthday.  I like that idea, it’s better than eating either of their cooking!

I’ve been rather lazy about getting things done around here.  Just started laundry and I need to get cracking on cleaning this place up.  Plus the children really want food.

Long story short I am broke again.  Very little money left but thankfully I was able to pay all of the bills, including the mortgage.  Now I have to work on finding a mortgage place that will offer me a lower monthly payment and get this place into my name.

I did some checking on my late partners Bankruptcy.  I am a little more than $2,000.00 short of getting to the magic number, where I will qualify for the attorney to submit a hardship discharge.  That doesn’t mean I will get it but given the circumstances I think the odds are pretty good.  Unfortunately it will be around April before I reach that point, that is provided I keep paying as agreed and don’t make any lump sum payments.  The better news is that at the end of the year my car will be paid for, so there is more money that I can tuck away, I just hope that I can discipline myself to save it and not spend it.

I have been eyeing laptops because I see myself getting one.  It would be nice to be able to surf at work without being traced or fear of someone watching you.  Not that I have the time but it could be another way to spend my lunch time.

The other day I was on Facebook and they were dishing out ads about you might like and I went through them.  I came across Mark E. Miller.  He is a gay guy that makes you tube videos with his partner Ethan.  They are both in their 20’s and damn good looking.  I started watching and have been hooked ever since.  I will be putting up a link on my site to their channels.  The one problem I have is I see them kiss or be intimate with each other.  I mean you can feel the love just by watching.  That makes me miss my late partner even more.  I wasn’t a big kisser but he was.  I’d really like to kiss him now. 

My new shoes have really helped my feet.  So much that I can wear other shoes for a day and walk without a problem.  It’s been a couple days and I feel a little pain but nothing like it was.  I guess my foot was just sitting funny or cramped in the other shoes, which overtime lead to the pain.  I am very grateful to have found a solution, I only hope that it keeps on working and doesn’t fail me.  Then it will have been worth every penny I spent.

I sense myself just rambling on here.  So I am going to run.  Time to get into cleaning mode, fun stuff.  Hope your weekend is going good and that you enjoy the extra day off.  Tuesday will feel like Monday and no one will know what day of the week it is until Friday finally gets here.  Talk with you peeps later.

28 August 2014

Busy Guy

Just wanted you all to know I am still among the living.  This has been one heck of a week.  Yesterday was the worst.  The Video Conference System shot craps – it was just down.  I stayed late to help troubleshoot and we got a good portion of it back, but still a tech had to come out to fix a couple things.  Glad it’s back in working order.  I also have 3 new hires to prepare for.  2 of which are done and I am working on the last one now. 

Next week will be a true culture shock to me because it’s when I start a schedule and go on the phones.  I am not looking forward to it.  I like things the way they are now, but I know the phone part is something that I signed up for.

My knowledge is increasing, which is good.  However, I am still very green.  The layout of the building has finally sunk into my head, but I still manage to go down a floor and come back up and not know which way to turn to get to my cube. 

Got a hot attorney that I would love to ask out.  He’s young and very cute.  I think he is gay but don’t know for sure.  I can’t exactly ask him, I mean I could but that would be rude.  Besides that I heard him mention someone else in his life so if it’s not a wife it’s a girlfriend or boyfriend.  Still every time I see him he has the most amazing smile and his body oh it calls out to me.  I have a policy about mixing work and pleasure.  So I am probably better off.

Speaking of hot guys.  I decided to drop Match.com.  It’s a decent site but you can’t do anything unless you pay them.  They try to rope you into a bundle subscription which looks cheap but when you do the math it adds up pretty quick.  I am still on Grindr, Gay.com, and OK Cupid.  I think 3 is a good number.  Now if I could just get a guy to talk with me and want to actually go on a date instead of just chat.  I had a local hottie look me up, he is 19 and BI.  I know he’s young but he’s legal!  Nothing wrong with chatting anyway.  I wish I had my youth back, not only would my looks improve but it’s really okay now to be gay, it’s more widely accepted.  Not to mention that it would open up my choices. 

I honestly think that age is just a number.  However, I don’t want someone too young or too old.  I don’t want there to be a burden or worry about health or rather healthcare.  Like my late partner, it was obvious that unless I was killed in a car crash or took my own life, odds were pretty good that I would still be here, and he would be the one leaving me behind.  I don’t want to go through that again nor do I want to put someone through that.  Granted it would be years but still, I just don’t think it’s right.  I still love and miss him very much.  I wish he were here and I didn’t have to go seeking another mate.  I guess I don’t have to but I am choosing to because I would like to be with someone.  There is risk involved aka heartbreak.  However, I am willing to give it a shot.  I will tell you that it’s kind of depressing that no one is hitting on me or chatting me up.  I seem to be the one to have to make the first move.

Speaking of move, the children are ready for their snack.  I need to get up there and take care of them.  The new shoes have helped my feet.  Taking them off still feels good but then the pain comes back.  I really wish that I could just wear the kind/type of shoe I wanted and didn’t have to worry about this.  Ah the joy of growing old. 

Well I have to run.  Hope your all gearing up for the long weekend.  Tomorrow will be a very long day but I am hoping that it will be a ghost town and I can get some administrative stuff done.  Like cleaning – the place is a complete mess.  Talk with you soon.

24 August 2014



I have a few apps on my phone for dating and finding guys.  I see a lot of the same people on several apps.  Some people try to be sneaky and use different pictures for different sites, but they make the mistake of uploading all of the same photos.  So you can figure out who your talking to.

My biggest problem is getting guys to chat with me.  When we do talk, that is very awkward.  I mean this is all new to me.  I never had to do it before and I am thankful for that. 

Dating in its’ self is scary.  You see a pretty face, nice profile and who knows maybe he can hold a conversation.  You don’t want to get involved with an axe murderer or someone who has an STD.  Then there is the whole thing about sexual history and HIV/AIDS. 

I see a few people who put it out on the line that they are positive and I applaud them for their honesty.  I don’t want to date someone who has HIV/AIDS.  I’m looking for a normal guy who is healthy, doesn’t smoke and either doesn’t drink or drinks socially.  People can be chameleons, meaning that they can adapt to being the kind of person you are looking for and then con you. 

Perhaps I am overly paranoid.  If I could just find someone who is good looking, we have things in common and can hold a conversation and then date, that would be awesome.  Sex, well that would be nice too, but I am not going into this looking for sex, I am looking for a companion. 


I went clothes shopping again today.  I found a shirt and a pair of pants.  I picked up some more socks.  Got out for $60 which isn’t terrible. 

When you’re a bigger guy like me, stores tend to have less of a selection.  If you visit what we (me and my late partner) used to call the Fat Man’s Shop (aka Big & Tall) they will have your size and some selection but they really stick it to you when it comes check out time.  I don’t think I should have to pay a little more because I have some extra weight, but retail is all about capitalizing when and where you can.  Make the money!

I had my new shoes on and they felt pretty good.  They seem to attract a little dust, but that is okay.  I kept them on for a few hours and then took them off.  Tomorrow will be the true challenge for them.


Went to the grocery store and spent $117.  I got a party size entrĂ©e from Stouffers, it was Chicken Enchiladas with rice and in a cheese sauce.  It was so appealing that I had to have it for supper.  It was really good.  By party size I mean it will serve 8 people.  I ate 1/2 of it tonight in nothing flat.  I will save the other 1/2 and have it during the week.

Picked up some Mint Oreo’s covered in Fudge.  I tried one after supper and they are really good.  I also found out where they hid the 6 Cheese Macaroni that is ready to eat, just heat & serve.  That will be dinner one night and I am so looking forward to it.  Cholesterol city but YOLO. 

I discovered last night that I was running out of Allegra.  That would mean I would have to go to another store and it was so hot out and I was tired.  I just picked up a small supply from the grocery store.  I can go to the other store either Target or more like Sam’s Club next week.

Picked up my usual lottery tickets on the way out the door.  It would be nice if I were a big jackpot winner.  I know if that happened I would be fighting the guys off of me.  Everyone would want some money.


The laundry is done, which is a good thing.  I am pretty well set for tomorrow.  I need to pick out the children’s food but outside of that, I am ready already.  Now I plan on trying to relax the night away.  It will go up in a flash and bed time will be here before you know it. 

I’m still watching The Shield.  Finished another season earlier today.  Looking forward to starting the next season, which I think I am going on to Season 6.  That is a lot of TV.

Speaking of TV there are lots of new shows coming on next month for the start of the Fall Season.  I am looking forward to How To Get Away With Murder.  It’s a drama, there is gay sex and well it’s about the law.  So lots of things in one show that interest me.  Plus I am looking forward to my regulars like Modern Family (which I fell in love with during unemployment), The Goldbergs, Scandal, The Middle and the list goes on.  Having something to look forward to watching is a good thing for me.  Who knows maybe I will put down my iPhone and concentrate on TV.

Earth Quake in CA early this morning.  There is damage and I believe casualties.  You just never know when your world will be rocked.  I am not saying that as a pun or to make light of the situation.  It might not be a natural disaster that strikes, it might be a health issue – point is change in the world around us and within our own lives is inevitable.  Yet as humans we are resistant to change.

Speaking of change it was time to change up the blog.  Hope you like the new photo and background.  I have no idea who the guy is but he was in my collection of photos.  He just called my name when I saw him.  The background is from Blogger/Google.  I wish they would add more backgrounds, but I suppose since this is free I can’t be too choosy.

I can’t believe that we are about to close the books on August.  People are talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years already.  We haven’t even had Halloween yet.  Plus there is the Time Change, which I believe takes place in early November, if memory serves.  I will be the 1st to admit that the first 6 months of this year really sucked.  I am not anxious to leap ahead because I have no idea what is in store for me.  Likewise it will also mean that I will be older.  Shortly I will turn 43.  This will be the 2nd birthday I celebrate w/o my late partner.  I look back through photos and see flowers, cakes and think of other good times.  I know my days of a big birthday deal are gone, but having him around made it special for me.  I didn’t want anything other than his love and I certainly got that. 

I still feel young, like 20 but my body feels much older.  I really don’t like the aging process but I realize it’s natural.  Who knows what I will see in the next year.  Hopefully nothing but good times and lots of money!  Time will certainly tell.

Be well, enjoy the week and I will talk with you peeps again soon.  I sure hope that the screamer isn’t upset again tomorrow.  I kind of loathe working on this problem, but it’s part of the job.  Where exactly did the weekend go?  The best part is next weekend here in the US, will be 1 day longer.  So there will be something to look forward to, not to mention that this Friday is payday.  So looking forward to that.  Should have a really FAT check – reimbursement for travel , overtime and my regular earnings.  Ah, payday I love you!

23 August 2014

A little of this and whole lot of that


Well I survived an entire week by myself. I think that is pretty good and it feels good to say. Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase ended abruptly on Friday. One of the attorneys had a tech problem and came to hunt me down. Once he found me he just blew up, screaming and cussing it was not a pretty site. I was told he gets upset but no one warned me that he would blow like a volcano. I took some time away from the situation and tried to figure out his problem, when I returned he was a little calmer but you could still tell he was pissed off. I get it and totally understand why he was angry but he didn’t need to make a scene and put me through all of that. I was actually afraid and I consider his actions verbal abuse. I thought really long and hard about what to do. I decided to e-mail my boss and ask her to call me, I told her it was nothing urgent but provided my cell phone number. I said if you don’t call over the weekend, please call me next week. I am going to make her aware of the situation. I don’t want to make trouble for this guy because well if it’s him versus me, I already know I will lose. He brings major money in the door, so he’s a rainmaker and they pretty much get what they want, within reason. I was resistant to go back to a law firm because of my prior experience and this brought it all back to me. Now I question myself…you are well financially taken care of, outside of this guy you like the job, but is it the right move long term? Is it time to look for another job? Well I would like to but I honestly don’t think so. I feel like I am where I am supposed to be at, so he’s not running me off and besides that it really doesn’t matter who is in my position I believe he would treat everyone the same. I just don’t want to have to deal with this on a regular basis, it will get old really fast and if it’s a frequent thing then I will be engaging HR. The odd thing was he thanked me when I walked away with a proposed solution that I won’t be able to execute until Monday. However, he never apologized and I don’t expect that he will.

I also found out that I am doing such a terrific job next week will be my last free week to sit and cherry pick my work. I will be moving to a regular schedule, which my hours will stay the same. It’s just that my activity is dictated by the schedule. I am free for local work a certain part of the day, I get lunch and of course I get phone duty. It’s spread between morning and afternoon. I was originally told it would be 2 hours but I figured it out and it’s 2 ½ feel like someone broke their promise to me. I kind of anticipated that at some point I would figure out that I was lied to, thankfully this is a minor incident. It’s not like I will be all alone on the phone there will be other people, it’s just that I will be assisting people via Remote Control instead of being physically at their desk. Of course there will be times when I will have to break away for local support that will require hands on assistance. For the most part it will probably even out and it will be 50% phone work and 50% local support work. I hate the phones, but I am calling people now to help with problems, so not a huge difference or a culture shock.

The sad part is that I go live on the phones on my Birthday. It’s going to be a tough day I think. However, the weekend is here and I am trying to enjoy that.


So Friday night I came home late because the jerk that blew up at me, threw me off schedule and I had to jump to accommodate him. The children didn’t seem to mind that I was late, in fact they were happy that I came home. So they got their food. I got to undress, figure out what frozen dinner I was going to consume and then sit around all night. I called a friend to vent about the day, we talked for a while and then it was time to move on.

When we hung up I felt kind of empty. I really wish that I had someone to come home to and spend time with. I picked up my phone and started surfing Grindr and the other Gay Dating Apps that I have. I struck up a conversation with a guy who I like, he just was looking for friends. We started talking about food. That was kind of a mistake because I couldn’t eat after midnight and the conversation was making me very hungry. I just dropped off, I know it was rude but I was dead tired. I turned my phone off and then went to bed. I was surrounded by cats and fell asleep. It wasn’t comfortable but I managed.

Today I got up around 8:30 and fed the children, went to the hospital for some lady to draw my blood. She played the needle like it was a violin, while it was in my arm. She was very close to being told off. She told me not to watch because it would scare me. I don’t need to witness that your hurting me, I can fucking feel it. Finally she got the vein, she said it’s big but it rolls. Yeah…that is what she said! After that horrible experience it was time to get some food. Where better than Cracker Barrel for Breakfast. The host/waiter I like wasn’t there or at least I didn’t see him. I got my usual Blueberry Pancakes and Diet Dr. Pepper. It was good.

Then I had to run down to the shoe shop to pick up my shoes that were ordered for me last week. Damn I walked in and there was this fine looking College Dude there who was being fit for Orthotics. He said his name was Joel and that he was going back to school. He wasn’t talking to me, but I wished he was. I am telling you he was super fine and had the total package from what I saw. I hate when summer is almost over because the kids go back to school. I see a lot of guys on the dating apps and some are college students who are home and leaving. I live in a college town so it also works to my advantage but there aren’t any hotties on Grindr from the local college. I digress though.

I got my shoes and paid a hell of a lot more for them. The last pair I bought at a place close to him was $130. This place for the same brand but different style of shoe was $164. I asked about their return policy and they said they would work with me, so long as I didn’t wear the shoes outside. Oh okay, so I should carry them in a bag and go barefoot until I am in doors? I am going to wear them outside, in fact I will be wearing them tomorrow. If they don’t cut the mustard, I will clean them up and take them back in a heartbeat. That is a serious amount of cash. My friend that referred me to this place told me they were less expensive than the place I went last time. Maybe on something but not on this shoe, I really didn’t expect to pay that much. However, they told me they will last for 7 or 8 years depending upon wear. Okay perhaps I will find out if that is true, so long as they are comfortable.

After all of that running, I got the mail and came home. I laid down and took a couple hour long nap. My upper back and neck are killing me. I got a massage at work on Thursday. I told the laid to go gentle but she didn’t, it was rough and she used rocks. She found major knots in my shoulders. The funny thing is my feet felt better after the massage but she only worked on my upper back. It took a bit but I felt good all over, that was temporary and as we got closer to nighfall the pain kicked in.

Any who when I woke up I went back out to a local place for Supper. Italian food and it was good. They had so much I brought some home, so I can have it for lunch tomorrow. After rolling out of there I went cat food shopping and then filled up the truck with gas.

I go to Sam’s to get gas because it’s cheap. I was there on Friday night and it was super low – compared to all of the retail prices. Glad I filled up my car on Friday. The truck takes and uses much more gas so unfortunately the price had changed and they kicked it up. While I was there a guy didn’t have his Sam’s card on him so he couldn’t get gas. I said I could use mine. They said okay. So I put the card in and said all you have to is pay for the gas. It felt good to help someone. When I was there on Friday I found someone’s Sam’s card and turned it in, again helping someone.


I got a call from my therapist on Friday afternoon. She is going to see me in a few weeks on a Saturday as I requested. I know she isn’t too happy about it but I am glad that she agreed to it. After the events of Friday I kind of wished I was going to see her now.

I found myself asking myself how long does grief go on? I mean how much longer will I feel semi lousy? The answer is it’s different for everyone. So time will help me but it will also hurt because of holidays, flash backs, etc. Part of the reason why I want a boyfriend to help take my mind off of grieving and feeling lonely. I will tell you that getting a job and walking into a much more positive environment and making more money helped a ton as well. So did the crying I did when I wrote the letter to my late partner. I cried again when I had to read it in therapy. I mean I didn’t have to, I chose to.

As if you can’t tell I am a wordy person. I would love to be able to train myself to stick to the facts, spit them out and then stop talking. People like that much more. However, it’s not who I am.

I am interested in knowing what questions she has from my letter. She said that when I was reading the letter to her she was able to come up with lots of questions. I think hearing them and answering them will be a lot like the massage I got. It will hurt like hell, but then it will start to feel good. The next day I will be a little sore but in the end it will all work out.

I would really like to share my story at work, not to have people feel sorry for me but rather so I could teach them that life is precious. I knew this would happen to me but never expected it so soon. That is the funny thing about death, no one expects it unless you have been diagnosed with a terminal disease. It just shows up like a bad penny and poof, your gone. Makes me kind of wish I knew my expiration date, so that I could go & do everything that I wanted to before the end arrives.


Tonight all I wanted to do was get on line and surf for pron, check e-mail, etc. Unfortunatley the internet was down for a couple hours. I was able to search for pron but then suddenly it went out again. It’s a major outgage because when you call the cable company all I get is a busy signal. I suspect they are still working the issue and hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

Thankfully my cell phone allows me to turn WIFI off so I can use my cell data, which is unlimited and surf, watch You Tube videos and of course get on Grindr.

Speaking of Grindr the guy I was talking to, just friendly chat and his location was only a few miles frm my place. He just dropped off line. I kind of hate that but he was only 18 and well that is way too young for me. I’d like someone in his late 20’s or early 30’s. Heck even my own age would be okay. However, most people say they are looking for Chat, Dates, Friends, Relationship, and Right Now. Seeing Right Now turns me off. I don’t want a hoe who will sleep with anything that has a pulse. I understand about getting off but you can accomplish that many other ways w/o actually having sex. There are a few guys who are looking for Relationships but just my luck they are like 200 miles or more away from me. I don’t want long distance. That just adds complexity to the situation and then you have to wonder as I am sure they will wonder, has he been faithful to me?

The odd things about this whole dating thing through the computer, I have no idea what to say. Most people start with Hey, Hello, Hi or the classic What’s Up? After you get past that part is when it turns awkward. I really want to experience a date and meet a knight in shining armor, but I have doubts that it’s going to happen or that it will happen in my time table.

I know I don’t want to go to the Bar to meet a guy. I’m looking for the entire package and not a flake, if you catch my drift. I know I have good taste. The problem is I don’t have the good body or good looks that stereotypically are what gay guys are looking for. I do know that someone will eventually like me, I just hope they are beautiful to me both inside and out.

Well that’s all for now. I am going to get ready to hit the sack. Going to see about getting more clothes again tomorrow and then grocery shopping. Yay. Then lounging around the house, doing laundry, cleaning and getting ready for Monday.

Talk with you peeps later.

20 August 2014


So last night I went on Grindr to see who was out there and if I had any messages from any guy.  It wasn’t long before someone started a chat with me.  Thanks to the location settings in the app, this person knew the city where I was.  To confirm they asked and I said yep that is where I am.  Then they tell me they are horny and asked if I had a ‘dick pic’.  I said no.  Then they came back with an apology, which really wasn’t necessary.  I guess they thought they were going to scare me off but it didn’t.  I just said I understood.  I forget what was said next but they wanted to keep talking.  I’m not about a ‘Right Now’ kind of thing.  I’m looking for friends and someone to date Long Term. 

Then another guy said HI.  I didn’t answer him because it was getting late and I wanted to go to bed. 

In the middle of the night someone called my cell phone, which I have the number but it’s from a number that I do not know.  They didn’t leave a message but rather hung up.  That was enough to get my red light to flash, so when I woke up some 2 hours later to use the restroom I saw it.  I thought maybe something happened to mom, then I thought ah what ever it is I don’t want to know about it until I get up for good.  This lead me to instantly think what if there was a way that someone could hack Grindr and find out your mobile phone number.  I mean the app only runs on mobile devices.  I’m sure somehow they collect your phone number.  Perhaps I am overly paranoid but it is an odd sense of coincidences.

I also found another porn star on the app.  I reached out to say because I know he is way out West and that is like more than a million miles from me.  He answered back and said I was sweet.  So maybe there is some good that will come out of this, I dunno but I am not giving up just yet.

Today at work I took an urgent request someone was freaking out over nothing.  I worked with a colleague and actually he did all of the work, I just logged the request and what was done.  A few minutes later I get an e-mail from my boss telling me that I did a fantastic job.  Apparently she is one of those people who has to have the last word.  We went back and forth over several e-mails.  I told her how happy I was and that the other guy did all of the work.  She still told me I did a good job and reacted quickly.  Then she said she is hearing good things.  I wonder if she is really just saying that or if she truly is hearing good things.  I know I have been talking with her spy a lot, so maybe that is going to my credit. 

So both of these experiences leave me flattered, which is a feeling that I haven’t felt in a long while. 

As if life couldn’t get any better right now.  The massage therapist is coming to the office tomorrow instead of Friday.  I was the first one to sign up.  I hit up the ATM tonight so I’ve got cash to cover it tomorrow.  My back says come on, lets get to it.

I’m dashing off now.  Time to empty the litter boxes, get ready for tomorrow, put out a snack, surf Grindr until Suits comes on in a 1/2 hour.  It’s the season finale and I am very interested.  I hope that Louis Litt comes back to the Firm.  I can’t see them cutting his character out, but then again you never know.  Writers come up with interesting ideas sometimes. 

I do hope all is well in your world.  I will talk with you peeps later.  Thanks for stopping by.  You totally made my day!

19 August 2014

Still going

Monday came way too soon.  I really wasn’t too hip to that and still felt the effects of last week.  By the end of the day I was back to my old self.  Today went okay, busy learning how things work and solving problems. 

I feel at home here but still am nervous when I interact with attorneys.  I just remember the firm where I came from a few years back and things were a whole lot different. 

I am still tired, my foot hurts but the pain appears to be diminishing.  Can’t wait to try the new shoes.  I got inserts for them on the way from Amazon, they will be here tomorrow.  Along with flea medicine, face cleanser and a sound machine to make white noise.  My therapist has one of those machines and it just relaxes me and if I let myself I could easily fall asleep.

The children are doing okay.  They seem to have adjusted to my schedule.  With the exception of last night.  Jumper woke me up in the middle of the night and wanted out.  I let him out and went to the bathroom.  He was too busy loading up on food so he wouldn’t come back.  I knew that when he did come back he would be upset that the door was closed.  So I got up out of bed and had to shoo him into my room.  Then we snuggled and he wanted to carry on a conversation.  I was ready to sleep.  He woke up his brother who chimed in by clawing on the box springs.  I said guys lets go back to sleep and woke up a couple hours later, time to go to work.  Oh Joy!

Wore my new clothes yesterday and today, looking good and feeling pretty good.  I changed my profile photo on all of the dating sites/services that I am on, in the hopes it would help lure someone into my clutches.  I guess my late partner was right I am so ugly I scare away the mice, we really don’t need cats!  Ah, maybe someone will eventually bite.  I have tried but am getting more selective and really would rather be pursued than pursue someone.  I also hate when you start up a conversation and go back and forth.  The other guy answers with 1 word answers.  Wow put some thought in to your response. 

Okay well it’s time to take care of the children and see what I can find on TV, plus I get to prepare my lunch.  At least tomorrow is Wednesday.  Strange but come next Wednesday the 27th it will mark 1 month since I have been in this job.  That is really scary to me because it feels like it was just yesterday.  Time really does fly. 

Hope all is well in your world.  Thanks for stopping by.  Talk with you peeps later.

17 August 2014

TGIF…Back to Work

I was never so happy to see a Friday like I was this Friday.  Two of the best things happened.  1st it was payday and I found out how much a regular check would be.  I can totally make the house payment and my other bills.  There will even be some left overs.  So long term I should be able to start putting money away. 2nd well it was the weekend at quitting time. 

I have been really worn out this week.  My back, my feet, my entire body is ready for a day of nothing but rest but that didn’t happen. 

My mom is out of the hospital as of Friday night.  I saw her yesterday and we went out to the Olive Garden.  She wanted to buy me McDonald’s but when I said Olive Garden and you don’t need to pay, her face just lit up.  She was totally game.  Unfortunately, she spent a lot of time talking about my late partner which didn’t do much good for me.  I really miss him, especially now that my life seems to be getting on track.  I’d like nothing more than to share the moment with him and tell him about all of the good things.

Saturday I made it to the shoe store my friends suggested.  I put an order in for a pair of shoes but honestly don’t think this will cure my problem.  I also got some different Dr. Scholl’s inserts.  So if this doesn’t fix the problem then I’m not throwing more money at it.  It will be time to see a foot doctor and quit playing games.  It’s kind of obvious to me now that I am just throwing money at a problem but since I don’t know the root cause there is no way to fix it.  That’s not saying a foot doctor would be able to figure it out but I think that I have a much better shot with a professional involved

I managed to take a nap and get cat food.  I also went to Red Lobster on my own to have dinner and a Pina Colada.  It was a very good meal.

Sunday… I managed to shop for new pants, shirts and socks.  Didn’t get much and spent $140.  Then I had to visit the grocery store and well that was like another $90.  I also treated myself to breakfast at Steak N Shake. 

I am busy doing laundry.  Going to have frozen White Castles for supper, that should be a thriller tomorrow.  The children are chomping at the bit.  Got my latest copy of Out Magazine to review.

I have jumped on more on-line dating apps/sites.  I went to Gay dot Com and back to Ok Cupid and I am still on Grindr.  It’s really tough to get guys to talk to you, even if you put yourself out there and chase them.  I’d just like to meet up with 1 guy and see where things went.  If nothing else maybe I could make a friend.  Companionship with someone is what I miss the most.  I’m not looking to get married off the bat and I don’t want just a hook up.  It seems that most guys are looking for sex rather than friends or relationships.  Kind of sad when you think about it.  Just like with my job search I wondered if I would ever get one, well I kind of feel that way about the man search.

I did manage to clean up my e-mail box at work and clean off my desk.  I am slightly organized but not near to the degree that I want to be.  Like anything else it will take time.  It should be another busy week and hopefully I learn something along the way.  That is what makes the job interesting and fun.  I got to play Ring Around the Rosy on Friday with a colleague who just wanted to keep me chasing my tail before he did what was asked.  That is the kind of thing that I do not enjoy and part of the reason why I would normally shy away from a Help Desk job.  Thankfully I get more of a focus on providing local support but there is that Help Desk aspect in my job. 

Overall still very happy actually even more so now that I got my first paycheck.  I am hoping that life becomes stable again and adding a man/friend in would be nice.  However, living by myself does have it’s perks and there is absolutely no one to answer to.  I get to do what I want when I want to do it.  That is provided I don’t talk myself out of it.

Onward to getting chores done so that I can rest at some point, before retiring for the night.  I hope all is going well in your life.  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.

14 August 2014

1 Busy Guy

Sorry it’s been a bit since I posted.  This new job is really taking over my life.  I come home after fighting traffic, feed the children, gobble up my dinner and in a very short while it’s time for bed.  This leaves me not a lot of free time.  The days are flying by and I am really busy.

My training is over with now it’s pretty much trial by fire.  I am not live on the phones just working e-mails and dealing with walkups, which is enough to keep one busy.  The days of standing on my feet for most of the day are dying down all though I do a fair amount of walking and am starting to get the lay of the land.

My cube is a complete mess, the last guy was a slob.  The inventory room where all of the spare equipment is kept, well that is a complete mess as well.  I need to just take a Saturday and throw it in the trash, spend the day at work sorting things out.  It would be on my own time and I know they won’t like that but I have to be able to find what is there and account for every bit of it.  I’m NOT doing it this Saturday but will probably be doing it soon.

Grindr is still going strong.  I struck up a conversation with a guy and we talked about Olive Garden.  I guess I was too forward and ask him if he wanted to meet up, that I think scared him off.  I have messaged a few guys but thus far no replies.  I downloaded the 99 cent app thinking that by paying for the app and more options it would be a win.  Turns out you have 10 days free then you have to sign up for a subscription in order to keep the ad free version with the extra features.  I really don’t like paying for dating apps since they haven’t even gotten me so much as 1 date thus far.  I wish that I could have some luck and meet someone so I could stop looking.  My bigger fear is that things will work out for a while and then the relationship will hit splitsville.  Which is very common in the Gay community.  My heart isn’t up for that right now.  Still it feels good to be bold and who knows maybe I might just get a date after all.

Last night my brother sent me a text message to let me know that Mom is back in the hospital.  She is in ICU with critically low sodium levels.  She had a doctors appointment yesterday and while she was there she collapsed and started talking nonsense.  They thought it was a stroke but an MRI ruled that out.  Then they discovered the Sodium level thing and that is about as much as I know.  At the moment she is anticipated to make a full recovery but it will take a few days to get her level back to normal.  Too little sodium and you can have Neurological complications. 

That news about Mom came just after I was reading my late partners medical records.  I was having flash backs of remembering doctors visits and the whole ordeal of him dying.  Anyway, as I suspected he was just confused and forgot to take his medicine.  He wasn’t diagnosed with anything that he was keeping a secret and did not commit suicide.  His physician did note 1 month prior to his death that he was exercising poor judgment and that his memory seemed to be impaired.  However,  no one bothered to call it to my attention.  Which if that would have happened we might have had a different outcome.  Bottom line is like the first attorney I saw said… you can rest comfortably knowing that it wasn’t a medical mistake and it was simply his time.  Point being is there is no one to blame.  I did my fair share of searching because I honestly really wanted to blame someone and make them pay.  I could maybe have a case against his physician but I’m not going to bother with it.  It would stir up too much of a shit storm and in the end cost me time and probably money that I could use on other things. 

It is also time again for Jury Duty.  This time I will get to go.  My present employer will pay me my regular wages and I can keep the $10 a day that I get along with the 27cents per mile that I will be reimbursed.  So there is a little bit of extra money.  I don’t get to go until October.  At least it will be something to look forward to and get me out of traffic for a few days.  I forwarded the summons on to my boss and am waiting to hear back.  However, I researched it last night and found out what the policy is.  This place is very big on having everything electronic and not printing, so you have to use the computer to find out anything within the company.

Now it’s time to try to relax.  I need to do some self pleasuring and prepare for tomorrow.  It’s pretty bad when you don’t even have time to self pleasure.  I promised that to myself tonight, besides that I really need it. 

Saturdays goal is to try to get some different shoes and some pants to wear to the office.  Plus resting up, I am sure I will have no issues in sleeping in even if it’s only until 8am.  It will feel so good!

Talk with you peeps later.

10 August 2014



So I made it home.  I ran into accidents, rain and that resulted in delays.  Plus my bladder kicked in and I eventually stopped to use the restroom and eat at Cracker Barrel.

On my way out of town I made a call and scheduled a massage for Saturday.  I figured I owe myself a little treat and my back would enjoy it. 

It was every bit of 8pm when I pulled in the driveway.  The children were chomping at this bit this time to see me.  Which was nice. 

I fed them and started to unpack and I was all over the house like a chicken running around with it’s head cut off.  I was a crazy person.  Finally I got everything taken care of and then stopped to watch some TV.

Before I knew it I was more than ready for bed.  I set my alarm and laid down in bed.  I was surrounded by cats, so not too comfy in a twin bed.  However, I enjoyed having them around.


Sound asleep and 2am Jumper starts crying loudly like something is majorly wrong.  He was upset that his mother was cuddling with me.  That’s his job.  He wouldn’t shut up until I got out of bed.  Not exactly the wake up call I wanted.  However, I got him in bed and we snuggled up.  He was so very happy.  His motor was on overdrive and he just cherished that time we had together.  I fell back asleep.

8:30 am was here in a flash and I got out of bed.  Fed the children.  Got dressed and headed out.  I went out for breakfast then got my haircut, I mean it’s super short and I think it looks really good.  Just wish my hair were a tad darker so you could see more of the ravishing red.  After my haircut it was massage time.  I was so ready. 

So I am on the table and the massage has started.  At which time the therapist tells me this is a 90 minute massage and it costs x dollars.  If you want deep tissue that is $10 more.  I won’t charge you extra for cupping.  I said OK.  That translated to her that I consented and I wanted deep tissue, which I did not.  However, I’ve had deep tissue massages before and what she gave me was a regular massage.  I figured she was pissed off because last time I didn’t tip her.  Frankly she wasn’t that good, more like average.  She also didn’t listen to me.  I said upper back only and she rubbed everything else and then finally spent a little time on my upper back.  I said avoid the lower back and she pounded on it. 

As you can imagine I was relaxed but not happy about the charges, which I didn’t find out about until the massage was done.  A little too late to dispute anything but I did try, despite having to franticly use the restroom.  I lost and rather than belabor the point I just left because to me a bathroom was a sure sign of relief. 

I came home, used the restroom and then stripped (ooh la la) and jumped into the shower.  If you look about 6 months ago when I had my last massage whatever this person used I was allergic to and broke out in a rash on my arms.  I vowed that would never happen again.  The shower was nice but I missed the extra water pressure you get when your in a hotel.  I then put on some boxers and laid down in bed, where before I knew it I PTFO.  It was the most relaxing sleep I have had in a very long time.  I woke up with what I am sure was low blood sugar, I was hot and needed to get moving.  It was 2:30pm and the day was getting away from me. 

I got dressed and headed to Steak & Shake where I saw 2 cute guys sitting at a table close to me and they were just having a good time.  They were either Seniors in High School or Freshmen in College – either way you look at it they were twinks.  Yum!  After I had my meal I ventured to the cat food store and then hit up the post office.  Then back home to unpack the food. 

As you can well imagine with the herd of animals I have the carpet was in need of some therapy.  After all it had been more than 2 weeks before it saw any sign of love.  Thankfully the whole time I was gone no diarrhea to clean up.  I vacuumed and then brought out the carpet cleaner.  The place looks much better, if I do say so myself. 

I started in on bills, putting things away and trying to restore order around here.  I also started on laundry which as you know is one of my least favorite things. 

All in all it was a productive and relaxing day.


I was up early again.  Stopped at Steak N Shake for Breakfast and then moved on to the grocery store.  Holy jumping beans they managed to remodel and rearrange the entire grocery store in the 2 weeks that I was gone.  The store has been rearranged 2 times in less than 3 months.  Of course I couldn’t find a damn thing.  Things I needed I had no idea where to look and once I move past it, there is no turning around unless it’s absolutely necessary.  When I got home I realized what I didn’t get.  Not happy but not horribly upset. 

Continued with laundry and of course this being the day after I cleaned the carpet Big Boy had Diarrhea.  So major mess to clean up.  Plus I had to clean him up.  He enjoys that way too much. 

Waited around for my cat sitter friend to call.  I wanted to return his laptop and we agreed to catch a bite to eat.  Finally he called and we got together.  That took up a few hours.  I had a very large salad and well didn’t think I would want supper but I did manage to eat a little bit. 

Stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my medicine and one of the hot pharmacy guys checked me out.  I mean he rang up my order, I checked him out!

Back home again for the day.  Did dishes, finished up laundry.  Scooped the litter boxes.  Spent time with the children.  Then suddenly I saw time flashing by it’s a rush to beat the clock. 

I still need to soak my feet.  They are killing me!  I bought some ice spray.  I figured it would go on super cold but it’s only mild cold and it does help block pain but you feel strange tingling instead of pain.  I really wish my foot pain would disappear. 

I also need to shave, take my meds and try to brush Big Boy and then medicate the 3 that are on meds.  Then it will be relaxation time and hopefully I sleep rather well tonight.  I am looking forward to tomorrow but also a little apprehensive.

I found myself upgrading from Grindr to Grindr Xtra the app was $1.  Then I learned that you have to have a subscription.  They give you 10 days and then expect you to pick a plan.  I don’t want to pay for looking and hitting on guys.  Something inside of me just took the bull by the horns before you know it I had a screen name, photo and complete profile.  I have already hit on 2 guys.  After I hit send on the 2nd one I was like what the hell am I doing?  I feel good about it but not exactly sure what it will lead to.  It would be nice to get a date and/or make a friend.  I don’t need to “hook up”.  A huge turn off for me is the status Right Now.  Meaning that they want to have sex.  That just spells slut to me and while that can be hot, it’s not a quality that I am looking for.  Who knows what they picked up and/or are carrying.  Dating & having sex is a scary world.  If anything happens or comes of my the contact I have made so far I will most certainly post about it. 

I was talking to myself on the way home from the lunch meet up and said well you got a good job now you need a good man and then hopefully life will fall into place and I can finally once again be happy. 

I did some research on my bankruptcy and it’s been 2 years since it was discharged.  That means I can apply for a loan in my name.  I got a mailer from a finance person it was addressed to my late partner.  However, I sent the guy and e-mail and outlined the situation.  I’m not sure if he can help me but asking for help doesn’t exactly have negative side effects.  The worst he can say is sorry I can’t help you.  However, I really don’t think that will be the case.  I’ve managed to stay current on all of my bills, including the mortgage despite 2 months of unemployment.  I survived!  Plus my credit has been reestablished and my score is now in the 700’s which is the GOOD category.  So hopefully that will all work to my advantage.  It is kind of premature to jump into a mortgage but I feel really good about my job, despite the fact I am going on my 3rd week.  If I can get a lower payment and avoid closing costs then I should be able to put money aside for a rainy day and/or get some things that I really want. 

That’s all I know for now.  The guy that I am working with said to plan on going out to lunch for the 3 days while he is in town.  I’m not terribly excited about it but it would be nice to know what’s around.  I mean this is a new part of town that I am working in.  It’s a part that I avoid because of traffic and parking as well as the fact everyone there thinks they are above you. 

So off to soak my feet and shave.  Maybe I should shave my feet and soak my face.  I honestly don’t think it would make a huge difference either way.  Have a good night and I will talk with you peeps again soon.

Thanks again for your readership and for sticking by my side.  Now if I could just get a few positive commenters I think all will be right with the universe!

07 August 2014

Last night in town

Headed for home tomorrow afternoon.  I will be glad to get home and get settled.  However, the usual weekend routine will be in full swing and it’s all about beating the clock for Monday. 

I have seen and done a lot in the time that I have been here.  I still don’t feel quite ready but I do feel comfortable and that this is still the right fit.  I have a couple meetings tomorrow and I will want to chat with my boss before I leave about a couple of things, like what are my hours.  I am looking forward to getting away from the corporate hub and into my own little world.  Coming here is nice and I wouldn’t mind a once a year trip but I think that I am traveled out for the moment. 

One of the guys that is in charge of inventory decided that it would be good for me to inventory my office.  So there will be one night when I will have to stay late next week and crank that out, thankfully I will have help so it shouldn’t be too terrible.  Plus it sounds fairly automated.  I’m not thrilled about it but it will at least help me start with a clean slate and if the other guy happened to take something or misplace it, that won’t be on my shoulders.  Although everyone here appears totally above board and honest.  That is a good quality to have.  In my office we have a lunch bandit so my food will be at my desk but that is as about as big as theft gets. 

I talked with my friend from last week, he texted me this morning.  He was really short but I reply and was long winded.  I told him about the pending FB friend request not sure if he will accept but at least he knows it’s out there. 

I’ve been having really crazy dreams everything from stuff about hanging out with my late partner, to having sex with random guys or even a couple that I have a crush on to horror stories.  I can’t say that I have slept solid as in all the way through the night w/o waking up.  Last night was as about as rested as I have been.  Staying away from technology and laying in bed with my iPhone worked wonders for me.  Even managed to get a photo of a hot guy off Grindr.

Treated myself to a nice meal tonight – Pepperoni Pizza and Apple Bread Pudding.  Wash it all down with a Diet Coke and it balances out.  Lunch was a place that a co-worker went to.  I had this monster hamburger and onion rings.  Then to top it all off one of the directors bought 2 pies for all of us to share.  I was so bloated I didn’t even attempt to consume any pie.  It looked good but I didn’t want to be even more miserable than I was. 

Well, I am off to bop the bologna, pack, shower and get ready to watch 2 hours of TV – Rookie Blue and NY Med.  Then it will be time for bed.

Checkout in the morning will be a little rough and I will actually have to drive to the office but it’s okay, I will manage.  Then mid-afternoon heading for home and hoping that I get there in one piece w/o any problems.  I would be open to seeing a nice wang like I got to last week.  I do know that I will cut my drinking down if not off shortly after lunch to allow my body time to catch up and purge before I leave the office.  Hopefully, I will be able to drive straight through non-stop.  Pick up the mail and go home.  I’m sure the little critters have missed me.  I am going to love seeing them again but dread seeing what kind of mess they have left for me to clean up. 

Have a good evening and I will talk with you peeps again soon.  Most probably sometime over the weekend.

06 August 2014

Hump Day

Lots of walking today.  I was really run down this morning.  Didn't recover until lunch.  Still learning lots.  Looking forward to getting on with it but want to make sure I know all about this place.  Got a tip about politics today and the fact my boss has a spy working along side me.  Something very good to know.

Reached out to my brother made him think I was moving.  Then I told him I am just away for training.  So I got him off my back.  He claimed to be seriously worried.  I don't think he was sincere.

Sent a text to the cute guy from last week.  Just checking in and thus far no response.  Disappointed by that.

Still watching Grindr lots of cute guys but I question if they are for real.  Thinking of jumping in head first but not until I am home.

It poured here I got a ride to the hotel from a coworker.  So thankful for that!  I swore off the computer tonight so I'm blogging from the bed while TV is on.  I fixed the picture and managed to adjust the time on the clock.  

Waiting for Suits to come on then getting ready for bed.  Tomorrow will be knocking soon enough.  Nighty night!

05 August 2014

Food–Stomach & Daily Grind

Breakfast on the buffet was really good.  Going to do that again for the rest of the week.  Lunch had a left over ham & egg burrito from work.  They ordered food and had left overs.  It wasn’t really enough to suit me but I made do.  I’m really pushing my body by doing that.  Supper was a restaurant here in the hotel.  The server looked yummy I could have eaten him.  Instead I had fish and cheesecake.  It was a very upscale place and the portion size was extra small, but the prices were extra high.  The entire meal was like $30, so not worth it.  Afterwards my stomach kicked in and I barley made it to the bathroom.

I returned to my room and broke into the $6 bottle of water that will be charged to the room.  Company’s paying might as well make use of it.  It’s water from Norway but tastes like water.  They make it sound like it’s an amazing experience.  Not really.  I drink ice water all day long.  Since I had stomach problems I figured that I want to avoid getting dehydrated, I will probably be up all night going to the bathroom.  A small price to pay. 

I talked with our wellness person today and learned that we have a gym in the building where I will be working.  It’s a cost to us but no one knows how much.  I also found out that we have a massage person that comes to the office.  Holy crap, this is the place for me.  I will just put my phone on do not disturb and head for the massage table.  I am thinking of scheduling one on Saturday when I am back home. 

I learned about Video Conferencing today, there is a lot to that.  I will learn more about it next week when I am actually setting up rooms for meetings.  Fun stuff.  I logged my first ticket today about a trackball issue.  I’ve listened to calls and had one guy try to make me go live.  I told him I’d rather he take the call.  I mean might as well enjoy my training status while it lasts.  It’s going to be short lived.  Next Wednesday afternoon I will be live and by myself.

The meeting I looked forward to with the Networking guy got moved to later this week.  He’s on the road.  Actually he is training the cute guy that I was in training with last week.  I’ve got plenty of other stuff to learn about and of course there is those calls.

My brother texted me a short time ago.  He admonished me for not returning his call and wanted to know if I was okay.  I really don’t want to answer him and haven’t so far.  The Catholic Guilt is kicking in and I do feel compelled to respond or reach out to him.  I am just pissed at him and he has no clue.  I kind of want to know how many hoops he will jump through to reach me.  Ignoring him probably isn’t a good thing but his caring is just perfunctory and he doesn’t really mean that he cares, he is going through the motions.  Now of course if he wants me to do something then he really cares.  Ah, go call the Geek Squad and pay I’m done.  He won’t even climb up on the roof of my house to help me out.  That doesn’t require money, just time and well gas to get to my place.  Screw him – I am done.  We might be brothers but you’d never be able to tell by his actions.

On to a different subject, so I am sitting listening to calls and one of my coworkers exclaims oh you have some red in your hair.  I said yeah it’s Red all over.  They said oh in this lighting you look blond.  They called me a strawberry blond.  That I am not!  My hair color is red, might be light red but there is no blond.  Then we got into an age related conversation and when I told them how old I was they didn’t believe me.  Everyone said that I look like I am in my 20’s.  Wow if they could have seen me then they would have thought I was a mere child.  I really wish I had the knowledge of today and was in my 20’s.  God I could do so much with my life.  I know I still have a bright future, but when you get older your not as motivated. 

I did manage to find USA in my hotel room in channel surfing, so I will be watching Suits tomorrow night.  Then on Thursday we have Rookie Blue and NY Med.  I will be watching Rookie Blue as I pack and prepare for home.  Speaking of which I haven’t gone to my car since I parked it.  I should probably go check on it to make sure no one has tried to break in.  My radar detector is in there.  It’s not in plain sight but if you happen to look at the visor on the passengers side you will see it.  No one has bothered it yet and I hope it stays that way.  It’s a small project to get it wired in so that everything blends and you can’t tell.  I hate doing it but love the results.  That little unit has saved me many, many times.  I’d buy another one in a heartbeat.  What do I use?  It’s a Valentine One.  I also have the concealed display, so unless your in the car while it’s on, you shouldn’t even be aware that it exists. 

Well I see 8PM approaching.  Need to use the facilities, get the temperature regulated and then jump in the shower and afterwards prepare for bed and finally relaxing time in bed.  I still can’t pry myself away from Grindr.  Haven’t made contact with anyone, just looking.  I’m pretty certain 1 of the managers from work is on, but I’m not going to find out for sure.  I did walk into our Accounting Department today and a male intern really gave me the eye.  Kind of made me feel good and at the same time I wanted to hit on him, but didn’t. 

Okay peeps, take care and I will talk with you later. 

04 August 2014

Eating is good

Morning came way too soon, like I said it would.  :)  I ate in the hotel restaurant which was not busy at all.  I ordered off the menu and had a delicious Sausage & Cheese Omelet.  It was rather small and I could have gulped down two of them.

Lunch went to a local place and I ate Ruben.  No not a guy named Ruben but a sandwich named Ruben.  It was good but not the best one I have had yet. 

Supper went to Gordon Bierch and had the Turkey Meatloaf with Wild Mushrooms.  The gravy had a totally unexpected kick to it and it was a damn good meal.  Finished it all off with a piece of Chocolate Cake and that I must say was the best piece of cake I have had in a very long time. 

The work day well it was work.  Nothing too terribly interesting.  I learned a little bit today.  I actually helped with a couple calls which made me feel good.  There was much more socializing that took place rather than working.  I need to have a conversation with my boss but don’t want to come off as a dick.  I just need knowledge because next week will be here and well there won’t be anyone to hold my hand after 3 days.  I am looking forward to flying and not flopping.  I want to succeed, that is the whole point of taking this on. 

I must admit I am lonely and could use the company of another man.  Sex would be good but it’s more about companionship.  I have a feeling if things keep progressing that I will be in the dating scene soon.  I have to feel comfortable in my job as that is my #1 priority.  I also have to make sure I don’t set myself up for failure.  If you have emotional issues it’s difficult to do your job.  I really just want to call up my late partner and tell him all about this.  I know that he would be proud of me, in fact I am proud of me.  I weathered quite the storm and managed to come out okay, at least so far.

Speaking of storm, my brother called tonight and left me a message.  I was on the phone and have call waiting turned off.  He wants me to call him he wants to check in, he’s worried.  Yeah well if your so worried then you wouldn’t have flinched when I asked for help with the mortgage.  If I can do something to benefit him well then he is all about it.  If I need help from him and he gets nothing out of it, well it’s screw you.  I am debating if I want to call him back or just let it ride.  I mean if I don’t call him back maybe he will worry.  It would be really funny for him to call the police, because they already know I am away, as they are doing extra patrols in the neighborhood because I told them I would be out of town.  I didn’t ever call him to tell him about the 1st job and how I lost it and managed to recover with job #2.  I just don’t feel obligated.  In fact I really want to distance myself from him because his attitude sucks.  Then again it’s family but I always said that when my partner passed away that I am on my own.  My brother proved that to me when I asked for his help.  I mean fat chance he would part with a nickel to help out a beggar, let alone me his older brother.  

Okay I see the time is getting late.  Time for a nice high pressure shower and then in bed to channel surf, not looking forward to it but hopefully I find something entertaining.  Slept pretty good last night but did wake up a couple times.  My brain and psyche is really messed up from the roller coaster ride I have been on.  Things were held together quite well until May when I lost my job and ever since then it’s almost torture to try to sleep.  I worry so much and it’s over things I have no control over, still some how I think by being concerned it will make the difference and it won’t.  What will be will be, the future is not ours to see.

Good night one and all.  Talk with you peeps later.

03 August 2014

Made it again

Here I sit in another hotel that charges for wifi.  What’s up with that?  They have bottled water in the room but if you break the seal it’s $6.00.  They only provide 2 small glasses, no paper or plastic cups.  The room is small but they have an actual honest to goodness shower.  I am looking forward to jumping in just a bit.  I still have to unpack. I covered the credit card issue upon check in and have sent work an e-mail so that they contact this place tomorrow and arrange for billing to go to them instead of me. 

The post office sent me a surprise e-mail.  Turns out my box rent is due by the end of the month.  $400 for a year.  If I had my druthers I would move to a smaller box.  However, I have a small fortune invested in pre-printed envelopes and then you have the hassle of telling everyone it’s just a mess.  So I am sticking with it.  They do offer you the flexibility to pay for 3, 6, or 12 months at a time.  Car insurance will be due again soon so I will probably take the 6 month option.

I said goodbye to the children again.  That was not fun but remarkably it was easier.  It’s like as soon as I got out the suitcase they knew what was coming.  One of the girls crowed like fog horn leghorn this morning so I really didn’t get much sleep.  I was so tired that I actually laid down and took a nap after a couple hours of stirring around the house. 

The cute guy from last week contacted me this morning.  It was unexpected but really good to hear from him.  We talked for a bit by text.  I will probably check in with him later or towards the end of the week. 

This week is crunch time, I have to absorb as much knowledge as I possibly can.  We had an outage of email being delivered to mobile devices.  I will admit it scared the crap out of me.  I thought maybe they had changed their mind about me.  The guy on call had a busy day but it was calmer than yesterday.  I hope that when my turn comes up I don’t get slammed.

I headed out for a bite to eat once I got here and every place is packed.  There is a concert in town.  You can barley hear yourself think.  I at least mapped out my coordinates to walk tomorrow.  Getting to work and getting back to the hotel will be a sinch.  I just hope that everything comes together this week and who knows maybe I will make a couple of new friends.  The guy in charge of Networking is really uber hot, so I will at least have eye candy besides the pron I bought. 

Well time to unpack, unwind and shower to prepare for tomorrow.  Which will be here quicker than I want it to be.  I will update this as time permits. 

Oh before I go against my therapists’ wishes I am still pursing getting ahold of my late partners medical records.  I’ve taken the maximum steps over the weekend, short of hiring an attorney.  I think & hope that I am on the right road to bringing that to a close.  I told them that I think they are hiding something to protect their own asses and that they are just trying to avoid me bringing litigation against them. Although that is not the intent behind getting the records. 

Night one and all.  Talk with you peeps again soon.

02 August 2014

Arrived Homo

So Friday I left around 2:45 because I was getting sleepy and wanted to get the commute over with.  Damn it was a long trip!  I saw a sign for TGI Friday’s on the way home and said oh I will stop.  I passed up the exit.  I am making sure that I pay extra attention on my return trip because I am stopping.  Got to have me some Friday’s.  It’s a crave thing going on.

I also had my bladder attack me.  I loaded up on water at work and well when your traveling that is not a good thing.  My bladder got to the point where it wasn’t going to hold it much longer.  I stopped at a McDonald’s to use the restroom.  I followed a guy and a girl in, both went to their respective restrooms.  I walked in and saw 3 urinals.  The one in the middle was open.  So that is where I went.  Then I looked up and both guys on either side of me was urinating with one hand and using their phone with the other.  Really?  You have to be kidding me is there anything really that important?  Not for me. 

The guy on the left side of me decided to use both hands for the phone.  I got a few looks in at his unit and damn, dude was hard.  It was a nice piece of meat and I wanted to play but just concentrated on why I was there.  I thought about grabbing a burger but decided I didn’t want that.  Back on the road and pedal to the medal I came flying home.  Hit some rain and that slowed me down a little bit.  I also almost got side swiped by a semi.  Thankfully no collisions or other issues.  Smooth sailing all the way home.

The children were surprisingly not that surprised I was home.  They acted like oh, what ever.  Then reality set in and they realized this is the food guy.  So I got them some supper.  They were happy campers.  Bed time came quickly for me as I was wiped out.  I elected to leave my door open and everyone slept with me.  That means that I was up quite often and got very little sleep.  I could have used a nap today but that didn’t happen.  Jumper was so happy I was home and he snuggled with me and bathed my arm.  I woke up at one point to hear a bunch of motors running in my bed.  That was awesome!

I got the mail which was surprisingly not too terribly full.  The hospital where my late partner passed at, has sent him another bill.  Apparently they must think he has risen.  It’s only $193 but my way of looking at it is that it is not my problem.  I’ve addressed this before, I am going to let them turn it over to collections.  Let’s just see how far they get.  It was rather annoying to see that.  Outside of that no other surprises were waiting for me, which is a good thing. 

I had to drop by the eye doctors this morning so they could send in a prescription for my allergy eye drops.  Those things work but you have to stick with them, annoying as they are.  Hit up the post office and grabbed a bite to eat.  Got really full, came home and concentrated on laundry and letters.  Plenty to take care of and I am so not done yet. 

Work email on my phone stopped working and that was kind of scary for me.  I was able to login to the network from home just fine, so I figured there was an issue and sure enough I was right.  I looked at my e-mail online and the guy that was on call today got hammered.  It started at like 7 in the morning and just kept going.  FUCK what did I sign up for?  When you go on-call Friday night you don’t stop until Monday morning at 7am.  That will be a nightmare.  Chained to my house with the children.  I am for sure going to need a laptop.  Running up and down stairs won’t be in my future. 

I have entered in all my expenses into my money manager, since I have to pay for them up front.  I also managed to put together a spreadsheet with my mileage.  If I have figured correctly I am in for a nice chunk of change just for driving.  It will pay for the gas, the oil change and so much more.  Time will tell. 

Considering that I only have 1 more full week of training and chances are pretty good that I will be going live by Friday I think it’s best to review what I think I need a touch up in or things that were not covered, so that we can get those addressed while I am still up in training.  I will admit I did some work today and the training I got paid off.  It’s just going to be a matter of exposure and remembering what to do.  Thankfully I am NOT a brain surgeon and I won’t be dealing with matters of LIFE and DEATH.  This really sounds like a home run of a job, I hope that I am right about that. 

I do miss the cute guy from training.  We saw each other a couple times on Friday.  We struck up a brief conversation and all seemed to be okay.  I fought against my emotions on the way out of town to send him a text saying safe travels.  It really would be nice if he would make a move and contact me.  I’ve still got a pending friend request on FB and not so sure that he will acknowledge that anytime soon, if ever.  I know he’s married and I will get over my crush, but I would really like to have made a friend.  I hate to always be the one who engages – that’s a 1 way thing and a friendship is supposed to be a 2 way street.

Speaking of guys, I have found myself addicted to Grindr again.  I’ve logged in to see who’s around me and it’s just like FB it’s an obsession.  I don’t hit anyone up or make any contact, just looking.  I kind of hate to use that app to seek out a boyfriend.  It sounds really risky.  Plus there are a lot of guys who are looking for “right now” action and don’t care about long term.  I had a good thing going but damn it if he didn’t die on me!

My foot is killing me.  It’s like I have really over done it.  Those inserts are coming out and I will try to make it with just regular shoes.  I will be bringing along my ibuprofen.  I have written my doctor to see if there isn’t a pill we can try.  I have poured a small fortune into trying to fix my feet w/o seeing a Podiatrist.  I am tired of throwing away my money.  I can’t up and go right now, well because it’s a new job.  I don’t want to seek out time off right away, that won’t exactly make a good impression.  However, I need to be able to walk and exist without pain.  I’m stuck with these feet for the rest of my life!  Growing old isn’t any fun.

Today I realized that in exactly one month I will be yet another year older.  Damn.  Where does the time go?  I know for the most part I am still young but I just don’t feel that way.

Here’s to week 2 of training.  I hope that it’s the best week yet and that I feel even better about this job when I return home on Friday night.  So long as I have time to spare I will update.  I expect that no one will be hitting me up for going out after hours.  I will be able to walk from my hotel to work, so no driving.  Think of what that will do to my feet.  Holy Cow!

Off to tend to things and eventually get ready to call it a night.  I’ve got a very long day ahead of me tomorrow with packing for the trip and getting the house in order and prepping the children for another week w/o daddy.  I really wish that I could take them and/or had a camera to at least see them while I was on the road.

Hope your enjoying your weekend.  Talk with you peeps later.