01 May 2015

R.I.P.–LB

So the results of the exam were that he was diabetic and his sugar level was way out of whack.  Normal is like 100 – 200 or something pretty close to that for a cat.  His number was 685, which explained why he didn’t feel good and wasn’t eating.  He didn’t have a fever, but when the blood work came back the doctor told me the remedy to potentially cure it was hospitalize him.  They would start fluid through IV and it would be a large amount.  Once the hydration is in place, you start with slow acting insulin that lasts 2 hours until you get the sugar level down to normal.  Then he would go on 12 hour insulin and would need injections twice a day.  He said that 60% of the cats in LB’s shape don’t make it.  The cost was $3 to 5 thousand dollars.  Clearly that was NOT an option. 

The doc stressed that if I left with him he would pass away at home.  I felt like I was being backed into a corner.  I was convinced that if they just gave him fluids, we could go home.  So that is what we did.  He had the Jell-O blob and that should last for 24 hours.  His body was so dehydrated that it sucked up the fluid within 30 minutes.  The plan was to see how he was doing and most likely bring him back within 24 hours to be put to sleep.

I prayed with him last night before bed and chatted with him for a bit.  I asked God to take him if he wanted him so that I didn’t have to make the choice.  I clearly didn’t think things were quite as bad as they were explained to me.  I didn’t have the same feelings that I had with Blu.

Bear was with him and I told him to watch over him, he didn’t feel good.  I went to bed.  Bear came in around 1am and made all sorts of noise.  He woke me up but it was brief and it didn’t resonate with me so I rolled over.  Worry consumed me and I woke up concerned about LB.  After a few minutes in bed, I went out to the living room to check on the little guy and everything was peachy until I turned the light on and as soon as I looked at him I knew he was dead. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.  Bear was letting me know he was gone, so he did his job.  It wouldn’t have mattered if I got up then or not.  He was doomed and the doctor wasn’t feeding me a line of crap or hype to steal my money as I thought. 

I’ve never discovered a dead animal like that and it’s quite traumatic, as much as I asked for it, I really didn’t anticipate that it would actually happen.  I mean I have asked for it to happen in the past and it didn’t. 

The one thing that I wasn’t told when we were there was that LB had suffered serious weight loss.  That would have helped me to make a better decision, instead of spending money to hydrate him I would have let him go.

After I was done with crying, I got dressed, grabbed a towel and picked him up.  We went to the vet and I made arrangements for cremation.  His remains will be back to me within a week.  I got a matching box so him and Blu will be on top of each other. 

We suspected that LB was a diabetic from the amount of water he drank.  I found out that we were on track.  It wasn’t something that we wanted to address because of the cost associated with it.  Even if we had addressed it and he was on insulin I feel very strongly that this was his time.  He missed Blu and was ready to go.

I started with 7 and now I am down to 5, being left with Momma & her family.  The odd thing is I am so concerned with Bear (Big Boy) and everyone else is passing away.  I am starting to think that he will even out live his family.  I pray that I am done with death – it’s been 3 with my partner first, then Blu and now LB.  I’m sure they are happy together in Heaven but I miss them all dearly. 

My body has been in a state of shock all day.  I forced myself to eat, even though I didn’t want to.  I can’t seem to relax.  I got my hair cut, my car serviced and even went to supper with my mom.  I’ve got diahrea part of that I think is stress and part of it I think comes from eating Chicken & Ham Salad all week – it does that to me.  I wonder if I will get any sleep tonight.  I hope that I don’t have any nightmares but I am sure that finding his body will haunt me for many days to come.  The only peace I have is that he died at home and that now he is no longer suffering.  Looking back he has been telling me for 2 weeks he didn’t feel good but I interpreted it all wrong, I thought he wanted attention – not so.  I guess I need to get better at interpreting a cat.

So my plans for tomorrow are to travel to the buffet, which will be nice but I am not so sure about productive.  The carpets need to be cleaned – a job I am not looking forward to.  Then the usual stuff and hopefully I take time to look for a new pair of shoes.  I didn’t go to work today and hated like hell to call in but I would have been useless.  Concentrating on helping someone with a computer problem after the events of last night and early this morning, yeah I would have probably said and did things that wouldn’t bode well for me or my future.  At the same time I am scared that I am using up too much time and calling in too often.  Hopefully it will all be okay, based upon the e-mails I got today from management it sounds like I am fine.  Still I worry and beat myself up because those are 2 things that I have become a professional at.  Besides computer repair. 

Okay so it’s only 9p here but I need to start the process of winding down and hopefully relaxing with the end result being sleep.  I have no set agenda on getting up at a particular time so it’s all fly by the seat of my pants and it’s relaxed, so that will help me out a great deal. 

LB’s absence has already been felt when I go to feed them, now I only need 2 cans and not 3.  I don’t have to police the food because LB would move from plate to plate.  He wasn’t there in the bathroom by my side saying good morning, feed me.  He didn’t come into the bathroom when I got home.  Anytime I used the bathroom he was pretty much at my feet.  The only upside of this is my water and cat food bills should decrease a little bit.  Still I’d rather spend the money and have him back healthy.

I remember the first time we saw him and my partner said he would tame him.  It was what I thought would be an impossible task, but with great persistence and a whole lot of time he did.  Then we had to get him fixed because of spraying issues.  When he came in he brought Blu with him and he was so young.  LB was so old but no one could say exactly how old.  The record indicates 10 years but he was more like a grandpa so I would guestimate 15.  The outdoors caused him to use up most of his cat lives with getting into multiple fights over time.  There were several times we thought he was dead but after a couple days (5 at most) he would resurface and then we would have to capture him and take him to the vet to get patched up.  Minor stuff we let go but the major stuff we got addressed promptly.  He was a very good boy and became a lap cat in his later years.  He was so very affectionate and would rub up against my face, he wasn’t big on kissing or licking but snuggling and rubbing, yeah.  He loved brushings and back scratches.  We had a good run together and I look forward to seeing him again.

1 comment:

Jude said...

So sad, and I'm so sorry for this loss. :(