Wild & Crazy 2 days

It’s been an interesting 2 days.  Monday is just a blur, the day went by incredibly fast.  Tuesday (today) started with the guy that has my old job calling in, saying he has a bad cold and can’t come to work.  Aw I feel so sorry for him (not).  He’s called in so much that I am still shocked, stunned and surprised that he is still employed here.  I mean you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and you certainly don’t spit in it’s face.  I think of my job (employment) as a gift and I treasure it because without it I wouldn’t have money to pay bills or subsist. 

Moving right along, covering for the sick guy plus doing my job.  I’ve been all over the place.  Plus my project of upgrading the anti-virus clients began today.  That didn’t start on time or go like it was supposed to.  I found the snags and fixed them on my own, without ever saying a word to anyone.  That felt good.  Then someone comes along and finds that I forgot to mention their office in the list of upgrades, rats.  Here I was thinking everything was perfect.  Not sure how I missed them but they have been added to the list. 

Last night Ruth saw me sit down on the couch.  I no more than said Hi to her and she was all up in my grill.  I never thought she cared that much.  This is highly unusual behavior for her.  It was like someone catnapped my cat, I wanted to say who are you and where is the real Ruth?  She meowed at me, knowing full well she wanted her back scratched I said back scratch?  She meowed again and I started.  Oh that just made her whole day.  Kind of made mine as well.  Then I got her to leave, jump off the couch and eventually come back and jump up on the couch. She was purring and kneading with her claws.  Very rare to spot her doing this so I decided to record it.  I got my new phone a little too close and she took a playful swipe at my hand, no claws.  She was just eating it up.  Then I stopped the recording and played it back, showing her.    Her eyes got as big as a half dollar and she was a little confused.  She almost started to hiss at herself but realized oh, it’s TV.  I played it a couple times and she was just as confused but it was fun to see her reaction.  Maybe she is softening up after all.  I’d like to be able to hold her and at least give her a kiss w/o her turning into a dragon and trying to kill me. 

I’m watching American Crime Story – The OJ Trial on Netflix.  That series has brought a ton of clarity to the case and I have learned things thus far that I never knew before.  It’s interesting to see how it all plays out, even though I know in the end he is innocent.  Right now I am buying that but let’s see how I feel once I have watched the whole show.  The crime it’s self is very sad and shouldn’t have happened. 

Well about time to go play in traffic so I am going to wrap up here.  Hope you had a great two days.  Talk with you all again soon. 

The Pens

This is the crown jewel of my recent purchase.  It is by far the smoothest Fountain Pen that I have ever written with.  The blue color is a bit more shiny in this photo, in reality my pen is more Navy that this bright blue.  Making the shade of blue match the photo is the only change I would make to this pen.  It’s expensive as pens go but well worth every penny, so long as you use it and it’s not sitting around collecting dust.  I went the extra mile and had this engraved with my name.  I have many pens I value and this is among them.

This is a nice pen, nothing terribly fancy.  I like the fact that you can’t put it in your pocket unless it’s retracted.  When you push down on the plunger to expose the ball point the pocket clip becomes flush with the pen.  No more messy shirts or ink stains with this pen around.  The color like the pen above is more navy than bright blue.  That is the only thing I would change about this pen.  Lamy makes quality pens.  I own this, one like this in silver.  I have a Lamy Fountain Pen and Two additional rollerballs that are fairly inexpensive.  This particular pen goes for around $60.

A picture is worth a thousand words and seeing these pens, writing with them I am sure that you too would and could easily fall in love.  It’s far better to visit a pen store and have the experience in person, so that you don’t purchase something that you wind up returning.  I mail order a good portion of my pens and have yet to return one.  I am not quite sure why I am such a pen fanatic or a writing instrument enthusiast, but I have the bug and once it bites you always have a desire for something new.

If your just getting into pen collecting, I would suggest starting with a decent rollerball.  I like them because they are smoother than your typical ball point pen.  Think of it as Gel ink.  If money is an issue check out the Pilot G2, it’s a disposable and refillable pen.  Most people throw them away and grab a new one.  These are the choice pen of many, many people.  I remember when they were first on the market, I thought they were better than sliced bread.  You can get them most anywhere from your local drugstore, office supply company, Target, Wal-Mart and probably even find them at your local grocery store.  I am a huge fan of Medium Point.  However, these only come in Fine which is as close as your going to get to Medium. These are a couple dollars for 2 and come in many different colors.

 

If you want to get something nice, with a bright lacquer finish then I suggest going with a Retro 1951 Tornado Pen.  You can get ink in many colors, these pens will use Parker Gel Refills, which write amazing.  If you want to go the extra step you can get your pen engraved.  They come in a round tube and the pen is in a velvet like sleeve.  The pen that is pictured below is one that I purchased for my late partner.  I had it engraved it’s said Jeremy loves and his name.  He loved it and it was his favorite pen, until I introduced him to a Tombow Zoom, that he really liked and couldn’t put it down.  The color on the Tornado is just as bright as you see it in a photo.  I own one in Blue, one with a padded grip in a light blue and of course the Red one, which is tucked away and only used on occasion. 

So there you have it.  No matter what your hobby, they all cost money.  Pens are interesting and it helps to change up your day by switching from day to day.  A different ink, a different point or just a different color pen can change your whole mood and outlook on the day.  If your stuck writing a good portion of the day, it helps to have a pen that you enjoy and are comfortable with.  I hope I helped bring some clarity to this hobby of mine and that you enjoyed this post.  Feel free to ask questions.

Thanks for stopping by.  I hope your having a great day!

Super Sunday

Happy Superbowl Sunday, it’s just another Sunday for me.  I know a lot of people watch the game, place bets and have parties.  Sports is just not my thing.  I can say that some of the guys look really good in their uniforms.  Baseball players by far show off their assets really well. 

Yesterday I went through with the upgrade of my phone.  Wow I got there later than I wanted but walked in and got helped right away.  I explained that I was apprehensive about the upgrade due to cost and that I needed to know what it would cost me before I went through with moving to a new phone.  The sales person I got took this as a green light that I was going to upgrade.  She said $25 per month on top of what your paying.  Great I knew I could afford that.  Now wait for it, there are hidden fees and surprise charges that I wasn’t told about until the deal was done.  First, there is a $25.00 upgrade fee, it’s a one-time charge and I’ll never be charged it again when upgrading.  Second, AT&T forces insurance coverage on the device at the cost of $8.99 per month.  You can cancel the insurance but you can never put it back on once cancelled.  I always get Apple Care.  However, the salesperson really sold the insurance in that anything and everything is covered, no matter what you bring it back to an AT&T store and they will take care of it.  There is a sliding deductible it starts out at around $250 and over time goes down as you begin to pay off the phone.  I can’t go without mentioning that I was pressured pretty hard to purchase 3 accessories because that would build a bundle and give me a discount.  Once all of the dust settled with this I learned that I no longer got a discount on accessories.  Glad I only got what I absolutely needed.  I would have purchased my Mophie from them but dumb dumb told me that it wasn’t available in bright colors.  When I showed her the Mophie web page she didn’t know what to say, other than oh we don’t carry that.  No fucking shit. 

I asked about getting the upgrade fee waived, which has been done for me in times past.  She told me it wouldn’t happen.  The store manager couldn’t do it and I would have to phone into customer care and they may do it but it was very doubtful.  Yeah, well you don’t know me very well.  I was all worked up and really ready to call it quits but then the real kicker, even though the new phone hadn’t been taken out of the store if I wanted to return it, I would have to pay a restocking fee of $45.00.  So they got you no matter what.  This is deceptive at best.  Moving right along being frazzled as I was I forgot to mention before the deal was done that my voice mail is special and upgrading caused problems in the past.  So the sales person insisted on holding me hostage until the phone was done restoring from iCloud.  The estimated time was 2 hours.  Fuck I was mad and I was hot – I just wanted out of that store so bad.  She changed to different WIFI Networks in the hopes of bringing the time down, eventually we got it to around 1 hour.  I asked about checking my voice mail and she said nope not until the restore was done.  I had to watch her yawn, which was aggravating.  She left me alone for a short period of time and went into the back.  Then I happened to start looking at who was in the store and saw a cute guy salesperson.  What a nice ass and a pretty face.  I wanted him to be my boyfriend but never approached him.  The cock blocker returned to tell me that she went to blow her nose.  Like that was information that I needed to know.  Then she yammered on and on about how she gets no sleep, has to constantly work and when she does try to sleep she has to have a fan going.  All useless information to me.  She was buying time.  I would have rather taken off my jacket and went into the back with the cute guy salesperson, I mean I am sure my idea of passing time would have been better and much more fun provided that he was up for it.  Finally I posed the question about my voice mail differently and she called my number, which stopped the restore process.  As soon as I heard the greeting I knew that everything was fine.  Then thankfully I was allowed to leave.   The whole process seemed to take 2 hours in it’s self but really I was in there for 45 minutes to an hour tops. 

Remember when I said that she didn’t know me?  I was really pissed about the way I was treated and how I was deceived.  So I wrote a letter to the president of AT&T and told them to fix this or else I am leaving, I’ll take my TV and Home Phone along with my wireless to another provider and wash my hands of them if they don’t.  Bet you I get the upgrade fee waived at a minimum.  I’m asking for a lot more than that.  Start high work low – always your best option when negotiating.  All of the carriers have you sign an agreement that you can’t sue them and can’t participate in a class action lawsuit.  Your only remedy for settling disputes is binding arbitration.  That’s crap but legal fees can get out of hand quickly, don’t I know that.  The cost to file a complaint for arbitration is around $200 and in my case AT&T will pay that fee, regardless of the outcome.  That sounds a little more fair to me. 

Funny thing is when we talked about a Mophie and also the color of the phone, she pressed me to get black.  I told her to look at the parking lot at the black car, it’s a piece of shit and it’s brand new.  Then there is Bear, an all black cat.  I have had nothing but problems with both of them.  Black is clearly not my color and I will never, ever buy something in black if I have the choice of another color, even if that other color is bright neon pink.  She couldn’t believe my reaction but I told her if you went through what I have been through, you’d avoid black as well.  Bear is a sweet boy and none of his health problems are his fault.  I would easily own an all black cat again as long as it was as sweet as Bear is, I wouldn’t go out of my way to get an all black cat but if one wondered into my life I wouldn’t object.  Taz was all black as well and he too was sweet once he got his nuts chopped off.  Then again I think any man would be sweeter without nuts. 

Spent most of the day on Saturday with the phone thing.  It was frustrating, I got my 2 factor authentication app all set up and working.  I even found a way to move accounts that I had in Google Authenticator all to my preferred app which is Duo.  So I got to delete an app from my phone, happy about that.  Tested everything and it’s all working fine.  This was my biggest fear and what kept me from moving forward.  Now that I know it’s easy I wouldn’t hesitate to switch phones again if the need was there.  I had to hook the phone up to my computer in order to get all of my music to download on it and that went quickly. 

Wiped the old phone this morning, multiple times.  Got a great offer from Gazelle to sell it, so I am mailing it off tomorrow and within a few weeks should have my check.  I could have gotten faster payment and $3 more if I opted for an electronic Amazon gift card but decided that $3 wasn’t worth it and having the cash in hand is far better.  That way I can spend or save it as I see fit.  It was also good to be able to pay cash for all of the accessories that I ordered, dropped around $400 but that is normal for me when switching devices.  Got a case from Best Buy for $40 and it looks great the only problem is it easily slips off my belt while I am wearing my coat.  That won’t work.  So I ordered a case directly from Mophie for around the same cost.  If the new case arrives in time, I will take the old case back to Best Buy and get my money back, no sense in keeping something that I won’t use.  Finding a decent belt clip is hard, but I know Mophie products and love their belt clip so it should be a great fit. I look forward to getting it.

Last night (Saturday)I got a call from my pal that just lost his wife.  He told me that he met a woman and went on a date last night (Friday).  I was flabbergasted and happy for him.  They went back to his place after enjoying a nice meal and some wine.  He could have easily put the moves on her but they watched TV and talked a bit more.  He made it clear that he wasn’t interested in having sex off the bat, if the chemistry develops and the time is right then he would not be against it, but right now he is just interested in a companion.  Turns out she is recently widowed within the past year.  Her late husband had a stroke, was in a nursing home for years and finally passed away.  I told him after I got done setting up my phone I would be driving to his house and maybe he could find me a man.  We talked about how difficult it was to actually hold a conversation with anyone on-line and to actually get meaningful replies.  Dating in general seems to be a lot of people that want to get off and then move on.  That’s all well and good but not what either of us is looking for.  Not sure if things will progress with his lady friend but I do wish him the very best.  It would be awesome if things worked out for him.  He was on the site our-time when they met.  He’s on many sites but this one seems to be the best.  I know they also cater to the gay community but it’s typically older people in their 50’s and 60’s.  I really want someone closer to my age or younger. 

This morning I woke up very early from a horrible dream.  It was 5:45a and I couldn’t go back to sleep, even switched beds – it was a no go.  So I got up, fed the children and then came to the basement to write the complaint letter I spoke of earlier.  By the time I was done, dressed and out of the house it was 7:30.  I went to Cracker Barrel it was so early I walked in and was seated right away.  I also knew that the guy that allegedly liked me wouldn’t be there because it was so early.  Had their famous Blueberry Pancakes.  The kitchen messed up and gave me bacon (not my fav) so I got that and sausage.  It was really a great meal.  Then I moved on to the grocery store where I glided through the store, no worries everything I needed was in stock and I got out for under $100 so I was happy about that. 

Came home, unloaded the groceries rented a movie started watching it and got sleepy.  Took a much needed nap and Gator made sure I was up in time to feed her lunch so I didn’t sleep the day away, which I could have easily done.  My back is killing me from my massage, it’s getting worse instead of better or so it feels.  Not sure if I will be getting a another massage on Thursday but if I do I will tell her to ease up.  If I wanted to be in pain I could easily find someone to beat the shit out of me, I pay her to feel good not to feel like shit. 

Supper will be the Chicken, Broccoli and Pasta casserole with breadcrumb topping from Stouffers that I like.  It takes forever to cook which is why I always have it on weekends when time isn’t of the essence.  Plus I will cut myself off after eating half of it so that I can have some left for tomorrow night.  I know I’ll look forward to coming home to that.  I’ll be finishing my movie while it cooks but first I have to put away the laundry.  Shave and shower and then I’ll be ready to make me some delicious dinner and feed the needy and greedy furry children. 

I will be on call starting tomorrow.  Last week was hellish and I was very glad it wasn’t my week.  Not sure what this week will be like but I am sure I will be busy, which is fine so long as it’s during working hours and doesn’t take up too much of my night.  I am not against overtime but would rather not work it unless I have to.  Oh and I found out that were getting corrected W-2’s because they screwed up so I may have to file an amended return after all.  My employer says not but I’ll take Turbo Taxes word over theirs when it comes to taxes.  The best part about my new phone is that I can’t get company email on it until tomorrow when someone releases it, after that then it will be buzzing and humming.  So for now I am enjoying the silence.  I am going to under take my first big project and upgrade our Anti-Virus client.  Working with my boss tomorrow to put together a plan and Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday I will be starting.  There shouldn’t be any problems it’s pretty straight forward.  I hope it goes as well as everyone says it will.  I am a little nervous but you have to start somewhere and I realize this is giving me a chance to learn in the process, which I am truly grateful for.  I have been so happy that my boss took a chance on me – I know he’s pleased and I am as well.  This job has it’s difficult aspects but most things are pretty easy.

Well on to my chores, dinner and my movie.  Stay warm, be safe and if your watching the big game, I hope that your team wins.  Take care and I will talk with you again soon. 

Executive Order

In checking out my social media I see that there is a Trump Executive Order generator.  It was created because of all of the wacky orders that our President is issuing.  The creator wants people to generate wacky stuff as well and then take a photo and then spread it via social media.  I had some fun with my co-workers and my boss today.  Perfect timing on a Friday and people are typically in a good mood.

I was set to make my post at lunch time but I no sooner got finished with my lunch and a crisis erupted.  Nothing like a crisis to make your afternoon fly by.  Here we are some three hours later and now I can finish up lunch.

Last night I had a dream and Taz was in it.  Sure do miss him and I still feel guilty that he died at home while I was sleeping.  What a good boy he was. 

The massage therapist really beat me up yesterday.  Last week I got the same treatment but I was on steroids so the swelling and soreness wasn’t bad at all.  This morning no steroids and I felt pain.  I am also sore.  At least I can take a shower without pain, I’ve had massages in the past where it hurt for the water to hit my back.  Really don’t want to experience that type of pain again because showering is necessary. 

Last night I spent time with the kids.  We watched Big Bang Theory and Superstore.  Both are good for a laugh or two.  As I was watching I happened to glance out the window and I noticed that my neighbors still have their Christmas decorations up – lights and all.  But they just put out their Valentines Day decorations.  If this continues it should be interesting come the 4th of July (Independence Day).  I suspect they will clean things up soon.  I just couldn’t believe the lights were still on, I mean lots of people leave their lights up until the weather is nice but they don’t turn them on after the holidays are done, usually by the 2nd week in January.  These are the neighbors I don’t like – they are odd and this just adds more fuel to solidify that my opinion is valid. 

Bear made his way to my room last night so Marv was with me for a couple hours.  Then he took off.  Bear kept clawing at the box springs when he sensed I was awake, he wanted food and/or attention or both.  Such a ham.  He’s been in my room most of the day and I suspect that is where I will find him when I get home.  I haven’t seen him on camera and it’s not like I could miss a large black cat.  I have seen most everyone else.  Momma is doing well and still eating like a horse.  She came in for her belly rub this morning and when she rolled over she was face to face with Bear and she hissed at him.  She just hates her children, one day the switch went on and it’s never gone off.  She wasn’t like that when they were younger but now she is mean to them most of the time.  She still does her motherly manners and lets all of the kids eat first before she digs in, most of the time.  Really wish that I could bring the sweetness out in her where her kids are concerned but hey she still likes me so I guess it’s not that bad. 

Paid my post office box rent last night.  It wasn’t due until the end of the month but I wanted to get it out of the way.  Turns out that when postage rates go up in the US, a lot of things are impacted and PO Boxes usually follow that.  I was surprised as this time rent actually went down from 6 months ago.  So I am good for a while.  Next major planned expense is car insurance. 

There are a few movies available to watch, so I will be relaxing at home with the kids renting movies for part of the weekend.  I want to upgrade my iPhone to get a 7.  Mophie has batteries and carrying cases out.  I wanted to pay cash for the phone but I can’t do that.  I will have to chose to pay the monthly amount, which is not something I am a fan of but it appears to be the way that American Cell Phone Providers have gone.  Funny thing is if you switch to a different carrier, the carrier will give you the phone for free but they require that you stick with them for 2 years.  I am going to try to talk AT&T into giving me the phone but I don’t think that I will fair so well in that endeavor.  It’s in my plans to visit a store and talk about upgrading, pulling the trigger is another story.  So far as I know as long as your credit checks out it’s a 0 percent loan and there is no deposit required.  However, if you purchase any accessories you have to pay for those in full like you always have had to.  A Mophie battery goes for $100 and a case I figure no more than $40.  I do get a 25% discount on accessories but still I always walk out feeling like I was just robbed, sort of like a vet visit.  I am on call next week so if I don’t upgrade this weekend I will have to wait until I am not on-call.  I am trying to talk myself out of it saying things like well what you have works, think of all of the work in customizing the settings and syncing you will have to do.  It will take hours.  Is that really the way you want to spend your time?  The answer is no.  However, it’s not like I have a better plan than watching movies, shopping, eating out and napping.  So it’s like might as well.  Right now we’ll see how I feel tomorrow when I am up.  I know that it’s better to get to the store early because the later you go the longer the damn line and I hate those. 

I did check and found Bleed for this on Vudu but it’s only available for purchase.  $15 which isn’t bad but I don’t want to own a movie I just want to see it once and then I can move on.  Buying it would be a waste of money for me, regardless of how fine Miles Teller is.  I am hoping that when I look again there will be a rental option.  If not then I guess I will have to hold out longer before seeing it.  So far as I know nothing good in theaters that interest me now.  I will have to take a look at Fandango. 

Plan on eating canned chili tonight and loafing.  Catching up on The First 48 and finishing watching Night Watch.  I do need to have my haircut this weekend but outside of that nothing else going, just trying to get to the grocery store before the super bowl fans rob it of everything that I need in a normal week to get by.  You know things like lunch meat, bread, soda – I gave up on chips and bought them last week so I am good in at least one area.  We always used to wait until late in the afternoon on Super bowl Sunday to grocery shop but now I am all about early morning for grocery shopping – get in, get what I want/need and get out.  Hooray!

Here’s hoping you have an awesome weekend.  Stay warm and be well.  I’ll catch up with you again soon.   

Momma back to normal

I am pleased to report that my momma (aka Lucky) is back to normal.  I came home last night and she couldn’t get enough food.  The same thing applied this morning.  So her appetite is back and stronger than before.  She is keeping it all down and taking her medicine, so I think were good.  Not sure what went wrong but with cats sometimes you never know.  They get sick, need a bit of rest and then it’s like nothing ever happened.  I tend to panic and worry because well that is what I do best.  I am so happy that she is back to normal!!

I stopped to pick up my pen last night, then grabbed the packages off the porch.  All I wanted to do was get inside and see my girl.  Once that fell into place then I was able to think about my supper and getting packages open. 

One of the many things I got from Amazon was something called a Clik Belt, it claims to be the strongest belt in the world.  The problem is that you have to attach the buckle each and every time you threat the belt into a new pair of pants.  I can’t get the belt to stay tight so I gave up and have sent it back this morning.  I am not keen on returning anything but this was like $50 so well worth my effort.  I also got some Pecan Melt away cookies by David.  They are okay but Archway does a much better job and they are much less expensive.  I don’t see what all of the fuss was about.  Kind of wish I would have ordered the brownies instead, they look much better.  I’ll eat the cookies but it won’t change my opinion. 

Placed an order for more Bear food this morning.  He’ll be so happy.  I feel like I should dump part of the bag in the trash because that is where it’s going to land.  He loves to make a mess and I am forever stepping on pellets of dry cat food.  Not bad when you have shoes on but when you don’t it fucking hurts.  Both of the boys are mess makers, I know they didn’t get that trait from their momma. 

So I came to realize that I am in love with a guy at work.  Yeah it’s a physical attraction thing.  I can’t stop myself from thinking about him and it didn’t help that I saw him yesterday.  That ass wow it’s luscious.  We used to be friends but he only wanted to be co-workers.  I think that my feelings for him is why that hurt me so much, not to mention I made an investment in telling him my life story.  I don’t just open up to everyone, it takes a bit.  He is the type of person that will talk to you during the work day but if it’s after hours or on the weekend, all bets are off.  He is also married and has kids.  I think that he has some feelings for guys but that it’s suppressed.  Man I just think about all of the things I want to do to him and how good it would feel.  I know that my body could make his body feel oh so good if he gave me a chance.  However, I am big on monogamy and it’s not right to steal another persons mate, despite the fact that I want to.  I could settle for some naked photos but there is no way in hell that I have the courage to ask for them and I don’t think he would offer them up even if I did ask.  Since he is a co-worker I really have to keep myself in check because if even the slightest action on my part is offensive to him I can find myself in hot water.  He’s not worth my job because my job is everything.  Love, lust whatever you want to call it, I wish it came with a switch that you could toggle off.  I know that would have saved a lot of people from a lot of foolish things.  Just keeping my hands to myself when I am around him is a small chore.  I’ve been dealing with these feelings for a while.  I remember when I told him that I liked him and he was flattered, then I joked but wasn’t joking about getting it on at work.  He made it clear that wouldn’t happen joke or not.  Dealing with this is not the easiest thing in the world.  I know that he is looking for another job and if he is successful in finding something and leaves well then he too will just be a memory.  I guess I should hope for that and the fact that I can keep myself in check.

Ah now on to my pen.  I watched a YouTube video on it and got some pointers ahead of time.  The person doing the review said that it was his favorite pen.  He went to a party and decided to pass his pens around so that others could write with them.  When he got his Vanishing Point back it wouldn’t work at all.  The thought of letting someone else use my pens is offensive and makes me shudder.  I’ve done it before but only supervised and for a short period of time.  I can’t say that I have ever let one of my fountain pens in a strangers hand before.  Surprisingly fountain pens adapt to the writer and they get used to your style of writing from your grip, to the motion of your hand and the force or weight you put in.  This pen required a little effort to get it primed but once it was working and the ink was flowing it was like writing with butter.  I am pleased with my purchase so much so that I wanted to bring it to work and use it here but decided against it due to the cost.  I’ve brought my Mont Blanc Rollerball to work but it comes home with me at night and doesn’t stay unattended at all.  Lots of folks here have the pen fever or fetish but they are much more trusting than I am.  A fine writing instrument is like gold to me and I guard mine closely. 

Sent out some money to pay off one credit card and to pay off this months balance with another.  I could have gone hog wild but decided to be more conservative and hold on to some of my refund.  Got the bill today for the post office box, it’s actually not terrible for 6 months, so I will be paying that.  I am comfortable based on my earnings, but just can’t go hog wild like I want to.  I’ve got 1 card that has 0 percent on it and I am paying a high amount each month to get it paid off as soon as the 0 percent offer expires later this year.  I don’t use that card for anything.  Once it’s paid off that will free up some serious cash for me and I will be able to breathe a little better.  For now I just operate being conservative as possible, life is not cheap and having enough money to pay all my bills gives me is a great sense of satisfaction and pride.  I don’t want to lose that.  Being overloaded with credit card debt is not fun and can really beat you down.  I learned from my past mistakes and hope not to repeat them.

Finally it’s time for rub a dub on my back today.  Looking forward to that in a bit and hope that we can do face down like last time.  It’s great and gives my back the attention it needs and deserves.  Last time I was coming off of steroids so the swelling afterwards wasn’t horrible.  This time I will probably have some serious swelling afterwards.  Most of what she does is deep tissue, which is nice but I would like a nice relaxing massage once and a while.  I might not get any physical benefit from it but the feeling at the moment would be good enough for me.  I am getting sleepy so that could prove to be a problem and who knows I might just dose off. 

One more day until Friday.  No departures so I should be able to leave on time.  As always I have the debate about what I should do for supper.  I’ve got plenty of frozen food but really am tired of eating it.  I have gotten fast food over the past few weeks on Fridays as a reward.  Not it’s as if it’s a requirement.  Does make it easier to eat but I know it’s not any better for my body.  It does taste better though.  I’m sure it will all work out one way or another. 

Stay safe, be well and stay warm!  Talk with you all again soon.

Sick Momma

I finished up The Boss movie and it was really good.  By the time it was done I had time to kill before I had to take care of my last departure at work.  I went to the computer around 8p and Momma followed me as she usually does.  She was fussing at me that it was getting late and time for bed.  I told her that I had to take care of some stuff for work and we would go up in a little bit.  In a little bit are my famous last words, they ring hollow because that could be anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 hours.  Still it’s become my go to phrase so I say it a lot with the cats. 

Finally the time came I got my work done and told momma lets go to bed.  We made our way upstairs and I went through my routine to prep for the next day.  Everything was normal, she even came in and hung around me in my room clamoring for attention which I gave to her.  Bedtime came and out she went and Marvin came in. 

I woke up this morning to find no momma and bile on the carpet.  Then I looked at the couch a little closer and saw her tail sticking out.  It’s highly unusual for any of the cats to hide when it’s meal time, especially in the morning.  They all have to hear me speak to them and then put down their can of food.  It’s like what they live for outside of belly rubs, playtime and attention in general. 

Momma did come out and got some water, which is better than nothing.  I was worried and felt bad that my momma was sick.  My morning routine was not the same.  She wasn’t waiting for me when I got out of the shower, she had gone back into hiding.  I skipped her pill just because if she isn’t going to eat why aggravate things with  pill.  I left the house very worried about what the future holds for me and momma.

Once I got to work I took a peek with the camera and she had come out to curl up in her favorite spot on a piece of cat furniture.  I looked a couple hours later and she was gone.  Not sure where she is in the house but I can tell you that she is safe.  My plan of attack is to see how things are tonight, if need be I will give her an appetite stimulant and if she isn’t eating tomorrow then it’s time to engage the money sucking vet for help.  You can’t let a cat go for longer than a day or two at most w/o eating.  They develop fatty liver disease, turn jaundice and get gravely ill.  Bear had that happen to him and pulling him back to normal life cost a small fortune.  There is a risk involved that they won’t return to normal but thankfully he did.  She is 13 years old and has started to enter the geriatric stage of life, but I don’t think of her as an old woman.  She is my baby and she is a tough old bird. 

I was eating ice cream last night and she desperately wanted some.  I almost gave in but now I am glad that I didn’t.  Because the last time she had ice cream she stopped eating and had to be taken to the vet.  I would have felt so guilty and now I can spare myself that.  However, I do wonder what is wrong with her.  So long as it passes and we don’t have to engage the vet I am happy.  If I have to engage the vet they could potentially speed up her recovery but it would mean parting with money that I don’t have. 

All of my cat kids are special to me and they all know how much I love and care for them.  However, there is something special about momma and we have bonded to be stronger than glue.  God forbid when I lose her not only will I be a mess but I worry about how Ruth will get along.  The girls are all pretty tight but Ruth is her shadow.  I’ve already alerted my boss that I may need to take time to get momma to the vet.  I really don’t want to unless it’s absolutely necessary.  I’ve got plenty of time but I like to hold on to it as much as possible, you never know when you’ll need it. 

Here is hoping that momma is back to her normal crabby self.  I did trim her claws last night and she bit me, it was a love bite but I still yelled at her.  If I am feeding you then you can’t bite my hand.  Sort of like looking  gift horse in the mouth. 

My Amazon order (most of it) will be delivered today, my pen is waiting for me at the post office but I could care less about all of that, I just want my momma.  I did also get my federal refund, which I am very happy about.  I hope that I make the right financial choices when spending it. 

Got to hit up the pharmacy here at work for my allergy medicine, not looking forward to going outside.  There is a protest under way all because of the fucktard that is running our country.  I should be safe but really don’t want to be anywhere close to the demonstration because it only takes a second for something to go wrong.  I am all about someone expressing their rights and freedom of speech, but I am not the type of person who you will find in a crowd of protester.  There is a right and a wrong way to do everything, that includes protesting.  Violence won’t solve anything but it will get you attention.  See I wonder what is going on in the background.  Everyone is focused on immigration and the ban, but what is the sneaky fuck doing in the background while everyone focuses on immigration?  Yeah there is a curve ball there and I am sure there is something in the works but don’t know what exactly.  That is part of how the political game is played. 

Ah well off to the pharmacy and then back to the salt mine.  Boss man worked from home this morning and is out the rest of the day.  That means no meetings and busy work, so we can all relax and try to catch up on other things.  Wow!  Come back and I’ll be sure to give you a progress report on my momma.  Be well and stay warm.

Doh!

Yesterday I got a notification that my pen order shipped.  That’s when I realized I made a couple mistakes.  First, the Pilot Vanishing Point has been on my radar for a while but what I really wanted was a Parker 5th Generation Pen.  Then the ink I ordered for the Pilot, well I thought I was getting 5 cartridges.  Nope I got 5 boxes of 12 cartridges.  Guess I will be able to write for a very long time before I need ink.  Not like it’s going to go to waste.  It will be sealed up in my bag o refills.  The good news in all of this is that I found I can get a 5th Generation a little cheaper from Amazon but so far they don’t sell any style that is appealing to me. 

The bills for the most part are paid.  I figured out last night that I have pretty well gone through my refund.  That is if I pay everything off like I want to.  I think I am going to take a more conservative approach so that I can retain some cash.  I have to set aside $500 for the cleanup of the yard/bushes when the spring rolls around.  The house could also use a serious power wash but I don’t know that I will be having that done.  I mean if you don’t like the way my house looks or my yard looks, then don’t look at it.  The HOA (Home Owners Association) probably doesn’t quite see it that way but go ahead complain and I’ll tell you where you can go with your complaint. 

Bleh nothing good on TV last night at all.  Started browsing on demand and found The Boss with Melissa McCarthy on HBO.  Holy shit that is a funny movie.  I only made it part of the way through and have plans to finish it tonight.  The cats don’t like it when I laugh, it disturbs them.  That’s because they aren’t used to me laughing, they are used to hearing me cuss and complain.  I would much rather laugh, it feels so much better.

I’ve got 3 departures today and one person wants me to let them work with the promise that they will leave before midnight.  I could care less when you leave, I just need to know when I can shut your account and card down, that is all that matters to me.  Professionals want to work up until the 11th hour.  Staff they can’t get out the door fast enough.  I am here to tell you that on my last day, presuming my departure is planned because I am retiring or I decided to leave, I will be gone well before noon.  I mean what is the purpose of sticking around and belaboring the inevitable.  Make your rounds, say your good byes listen to the empty promises that people will make you, grab your shit and head for the car.  Call it a day.  Why would you want to actually work on your last day?  Funny thing is last night I had a dream about me leaving this place and my access level was reduced, I was being let go and no one told me.  I just found out when I couldn’t do something and then I got an email about my access being reduced.  I think I was thinking too much of the events of today. 

Stopped for mail last night, my inner voice told me there was something good waiting for me.  Yeah right, it was a bill and a letter from a financial institution telling me that my tax forms would be ready next month so don’t file until we send them to you.  Uh, you don’t owe me any forms and I’ve already filed.  Found out today that W-2’s from work were messed up so it might mean filing an amended return, I am waiting to find out.  It won’t change anything.  They took out city taxes by accident but they paid them back to us.  So it would just be a matter of amending paperwork possibly but I wouldn’t or shouldn’t have to pay and wouldn’t or shouldn’t get any additional monies back.  I really don’t want to amend my taxes it’s such a pain in the ass.

Well my next departure is coming due, this person decided not to come to work today at all.  However, I couldn’t just turn them off because they might work from home.  Yeah right they were done yesterday and if they aren’t coming in today might as well have turned them off this morning but I was told I had to wait.  Okay whatever. 

Keep warm, be well and we will talk again soon.  That’s all I got for now. 

Happy Monday

I am a little concerned about Bear.  He hasn’t peed since Saturday night, early Sunday morning.  Now I am sure that I will walk in the door tonight and he will have gone or go shortly after I arrive home.  I just don’t get how he can hold it that long.  I mean I have some mad bladder skills but eventually enough is enough and my body says it’s coming out like it or not, ready or not and presto it’s done.  I worry about him blocking again even though he is on food that dissolves the crystals.  I just love him so much and don’t want to lose him.  I’ve checked the camera and it kind of looks like he went but due to the view on camera of his special litter box with pee pads I can’t tell.

When I woke this morning I had more money in my checking account thanks to a state tax refund.  I am holding on to that and not touching it.  Waiting for the big fish from the IRS to be deposited and then I am going to start whacking credit card debt.  Tomorrow is pay day so tonight I get to pay bills.  Normally I don’t look forward to it but I kind of am right now.  I want this to work out so that I can get the toys and other things that I want but at the same time have some money left for savings.  Rainy days happen often and when you least expect them to.  It’s nice to have money stored away for when you really need it.  I’ve got enough credit to pay for most anything but you have to pay that back.  I remember when I was fresh out of Bankruptcy.  Cash or debit was my only option because I had no credit cards.  Now I’ve got several and while I am thankful for them and the convenience they offer, they can also be weapons to trap me in bondage and debt.  Debt is a part of life, I mean I’ll always have a mortgage and probably a car payment but outside of that I really would much rather pay cash for everything.  Life is just simpler and I can rest easier.  It just means I always have to have a receipt so I can keep track of my expenses and I’m pretty good about that today regardless of how I pay.  Accuracy in finance is essential.

Marv slept with me last night until the early hours of the morning and then I had to let him out.  I started him on a pill for diarrhea, then he got his regular prednisone and his antibiotic.  It was pills and liquid last night.  A good portion of the liquid wound up on the back door, but I know he got some of it in him.  I hope that I can bring him some comfort w/o having to lug him back to the vet.  They will want to do tests and those cost money.  Once he settled down Momma had the same problem.  So I gave her some liquid antibiotic.  They both hate it because it makes them slobber like no ones business.  They don’t want your help, they want to be left alone so they can work it out for themselves.  I try to help but they fuss and fight me.  Momma is big on her independence. It’s like hey I survived being outside, I am a tough old bird and I can take care of myself.  Yet she still clamors for attention just as they all do. 

Once I pried myself away from the keyboard and the ice cream container, I sat down on the couch a cushion away from Ruth.  She perked up quickly and discovered that Daddy could pet her.  So she moved closer and allowed me the privilege of scratching her back.  Then she ran away and quickly came back.  She never would jump back upon the couch no matter how much I asked her to.  She had to stay on the floor so she could sprint away from me when she had enough.  I keep hoping that she will warm up to me even more than she has but I don’t know that I will see that day.  She did flex her claws for me so I could see they were not over grown.  She will be due again for a trim next month and I really don’t look forward to it anymore than she does.  Wish I had a dart I could hit her with to knock her out, trim her claws and then wake her up.  I’d do that in a heartbeat rather than fighting with her.  I could also brush her much more easily.  My little dragon.  That is what she should have been named is Dragon.  No one in the animal kingdom in my house has a temper quite like hers.  I mean I am sure if you pushed them they would all react but Ruth it’s the littlest things that set her off. 

Supper tonight will be Lasagna from Maggiano’s, it’s in the fridge waiting for me.  I made a pizza last night so I have one piece left, I’ll enjoy that along with the pasta and then if there is room have some ice cream.  Wow that sounds so good and is probably the best I will eat all week.  Until the weekend. 

Happy Monday if there is such a thing.  Groundhog day is Thursday.  Winter thus far hasn’t been too bad.  Let’s hope that we get some spring soon, very anxious for that time of year.  Not anxious for the sneezing that goes with it but the warm up in temperatures will be a nice change.  Take care, stay warm, be well and I will talk with you all again soon. 

Spending Blitz

Back when I was a youngster, one of the thrills of my childhood was going shopping with my Grandma and her sister, which I called my Aunt.  My version of my family tree is skewed and doesn’t line up but hey it’s my family tree.  Anyway long before I knew there could be a different meaning to this, when my aunt was done and had spent all her money, she would say she ‘shot her wad’.  Now that I am an adult I realize the sexual meaning there.  I know she was referring to a wad of cash or money and there wasn’t anything sexual, it’s just funny how when your a kid, you are lost in innocence.  Kind of wish I could go back to those days where I wasn’t so wise, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many problems in my life. 

In case you can’t tell by the title I have been on a shopping spree this weekend.  I found out my tax refunds are due in this week.  That is incredibly fast and I am eager to get the money so I am spending it before I get it, which is usually what I do. 

First, I gave in and purchased two MK570 Comfort Wave Keyboard & Mouse Sets by Logitech.  Got one for home and the other for the office.  The comfort is there, getting used to it takes a little bit.  I have made some typing mistakes but I can see how you can easily work with this keyboard all day and walk away with your hands feeling refreshed or at least not fatigued.  Second, I got a new Bluetooth headset since my present one is in the process of falling apart.  I know if I am careful with it , I can make it last a little longer before it becomes useless.  I am sad that I can’t get an exact replacement, I have had the same model for years and this is the second one.  It’s served me well.  There is a newer model and I saw that Target had it.  So I ordered it and went to pick it up yesterday.  Surprise what I ordered and what was ready for pickup were two totally different things.  I got a Moto Hint now.  At first the sound quality was crap, after letting it charge for 24 full hours things seem to be better.  A co-worker got the same thing for Christmas and as soon as I saw it, I wanted it.  It’s small, has a durable case to carry it in and the case doubles as a charger.  The model I have that is falling apart is a Moto Slivr, which has similar features, but it’s a little bigger and less easy to lose.  I’ve been leaving test voice mail messages for myself all day long to see how it sounds – there are good times and some not so good times.  The trick here is to use it and see how it preforms, if in a few days I don’t feel comfortable then I’ll return it and order what I want from Amazon. 

I thought I was done but once I got the good news today, I went on and got a few things from Amazon that I needed and some that I didn’t.  The most expensive being a belt that has no holes and is a sure fit.  It’s $50 so it better be a sure fit or I am sure it’s going back.  Interested to get it and try it on.  We all know I have an obsession for many things and writing instruments being one of them.  Today I gave in and ordered myself a Pilot Vanishing Point.  It’s a fountain pen that works on a cartridge.  It’s supposed to be a damn good pen.  Like it or not I am stuck with it because I had it monogrammed with my name on it.  It’s bright blue with gold trim, sexy!  It should be here in a week or so.  I also got a Lamy Rollerball that is trimmed in Black & Blue.  I’ve had my eye on both of these for a while.  I am a pen nut and I fully admit it.  The days of the $500 pen for me are gone but it doesn’t mean I still don’t look at Mont Blanc.  They have a Starwalker piece that is black and trimmed in red, oh I want that pen so bad but it’s like$750 and I just can’t justify spending that much money on a damn pen.  It’s nothing special other than it looks nice and has an expensive upscale brand name.  There are other things that I need and have to plan for or I would easily drop the money if it were not such an object for me.  Okay so I’ve been a bad boy, maybe some daddy will come out and spank me – I can only hope or wish.  I thought I have enough money to hire an escort but that would be just as impractical as getting a $750 pen.  I very much believe in treating myself.  Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself but I think I have been through hell and back, a treat now and then it’s the worst thing in the world so long as I can afford it and don’t cause myself a serious financial burden. 

Yesterday evening I got together with my pal that just lost his wife.  We had a great meal and enjoyed each others company.  He had some overwhelming desire to get home, not sure why.  He is dealing with the loss as best as can be expected.  I think he is functioning much better than I did when I was this fresh into losing my spouse.  The difference between us is first of all age and second of all circumstances.  His wife went gradually, My guy went suddenly.  So while both of us suffered a loss the circumstances were different but the pain is the same.  In talking with him I couldn’t believe that I never told him I wrote a book.  I only have one printed copy and that is for me.  I sent him a PDF copy last night after running it through Grammarly.  Wow that caught so many errors.  I started about 9p and it was 1a before I was able to send the message.  I also sent him a very long winded email.  I told him on those nights when you come home, realize your all alone and don’t know what to do, pick up the phone and call me if you want.  I understand being alone until you get used to it really sucks and it just plain hurts.  This place is still too damn quiet for me.  I miss hearing his voice still and all of his questions.  I miss talking with him at lunch time and coming home to a meal that was ready or very close to ready to eat.  However, you get used to these things and develop what my therapist referred to as The New Normal.  Switch things up, do what you want and what makes you happy, because you only go around once. 

I made a remark last night, thank God for porn because if it wasn’t for that I would probably be out of my mind.  He said the same for me.  Then he asked me what sites I hit up and if I pay for any of it.  I think I surprised him when I told him I paid for it.  He uses the tube sites.  I of course reminded him what I am watching is gay porn and what he is interested in is straight porn.  He’s always been verbally expressive about women, even when he was married and his wife was sitting next to him.  It was nothing to be in the middle of dinner and he would say Damn would you look at the rack on her.  Yeah, I think those thoughts about guys but I don’t verbalize them.  Were both in technology, I told him that when you pay for porn you are less likely to get a malicious file.  Content creators are interested in serving up a quality product and making sure they keep you reasonably happy so that you will continue to subscribe month after month, year after year, decade after decade.  Money is an issue for him so I don’t see him subscribing to a site.  I had a link I was going to send to him but I thought before I pressed the SEND button and said you know this email could come back to bite you in the ass and embarrass the hell out of you.  So I took out that link and then sent the message. 

I am glad that I am able to help and offer advice to him.  I honestly wished that I had no experience but I kind of think that this is the way it was meant to be, so that I can help him.  My mission here on earth I feel is to help people and it gives me great satisfaction when I know I have helped.  There isn’t any other feeling quite as good as that for me.  In listening to him it did bring back memories and experiences that I went through.  He won’t have near the trouble I had in getting money as the beneficiary because he is heterosexual and people don’t question that like they do a homosexual marriage or union.  He is still very much grieving.  He got his wife’s ashes back earlier in the day, today he sent me a photo of the urn.  When the weather gets better he is going to the winery to plant her with a tree.  If I am available and invited I will certainly go, it’s quite a ways from here but it’s a trip that I won’t mind making, especially if it can bring some comfort to him. 

I see a lot of parallels between us and the whole loss experience.  Looking over my book and thinking back just makes me want to write again.  It’s a passion but I struggle for subject matter.  If it’s meant to be then a subject will come to me.  I did promise him that eventually the book that I sent him in PDF would be tweaked and fine tuned, then I would have a copy printed and make it for sale again.  I promised him an autographed copy and I plan on living up to that promise.  Now all I have to do is follow through, sounds simple but reality is it’s not.  I have to be in the mood and have time to work on the book.  I want the next time for it to be flawless and perfect in every way, then and only then can I offer it for sale.  Even if I don’t sell a single copy I rushed the first one and don’t want to do that again. 

The night is growing late and soon it will be morning where I will be shuffling off to work yet again.  Time to go enjoy some ice cream and a little time with the children.  When I left to come down stairs the two girls were on the couch at opposite ends.  They look so angelic together but wake them up and they turn into monsters.  Speaking of which I did see a good movie today with Connor Jessup in it, called Closet Monster.  It was on Netflix.  He plays a gay character and is quite good looking in my opinion but the movie it’s self has some suspense with it and that is what made it so good.  You could tell somethings were going to happen and other thing well they were a surprise.  If you have some extra time on your hands and are looking for a good movie, I suggest Closet Monster!

Hope you had a great weekend.  Looking forward to working a full five days for the first time this entire year.  Let’s hope nothing or no one stands in my way.  Next weekend will be haircut time and I am really looking forward to that.  As for now I want to get me ice cream and see me cats.  Take care and stay warm!  

Remembering #1 son

So you all read about my cats.  Many moons ago me and my late partner adopted a cat from a local shelter.  When I blogged about him I always referred to him as #1 son.  He was a very good boy for the most part.  He discovered momma for us and would sulk when she wasn’t around.  When she was around he would get all pissed off.  He also got into it with Taz and pretty much everyone else in the family.  Although he never met Blu.  He had FELIV which is Feline AIDS.  He was a carrier but he had no symptoms.  I remember when we got the news, we were both devastated because it sounded like a death sentence.  It was anything but that.  It just meant that he needed superior medical care.  By that I mean anything that went wrong with him, he had to go to the vet.  That is what we were told.  We followed that advice for many years but soon relaxed a bit and realized that somethings in life resolve on their own.  He was prone to frequent eye infections.  He kept with the color scheme of the house in that he was black and white.  Long fur, lots of whiskers and just  sweet disposition for the most part. 

He was hands down the most spoiled cat in our neighborhood and perhaps in our county.  The days of having one cat were nice in that we could go away for a weekend trip and not worry.  That is until he got older and then started to have thyroid problems.  He also got jealous of momma and her kids, he was not happy with me for bringing her into the house.  He actually got so pissed off at both me and my late partner that he ran away.  I went to find him and we had a huge fight.  No questions about it he won the battle, but I won the war.  I had to be treated at a local hospital and had to visit my doctor the next day, I got a nasty hand infection out of it.  He also severed the nerve to the first digit of my right hand.  It was constant tingleing and I couldn’t feel anything for a few months.  Finally the nerve grew back and the tingle went away as I was on the cusp of seeing a hand surgeon.  That whole fight thing was the worst thing that happened, until the day we had to part ways.  That for sure what the absolute worst. 

The best most recent memory is when I took Gator up to see him, she was still very much a new born.  He smelled her and then promptly hissed at her.  It was a couple months later when the kids were starting to grow that we allowed them upstairs and he and Gator were looking out the window.  He leaned over to her and let out a huge hiss.  Without hesitation she looked right back at him and hissed even louder.  That scared him half to death and he went running.  We laughed until we cried.  It was just one of those funny moments where there was no camera rolling to capture it. 

I write about him because it popped up on my calendar that today would be his birthday.  This was the day that we brought him home from the shelter.  My late partner was hell bent on getting him.  He had just lost his cat to liver cancer and it was like 3 weeks, he was looking at the paper at work.  I got a message on my pager or maybe it was a voice mail but he said were going to get this cat.  I remember talking to him at lunch time.  He had already called the shelter and reserved him.  When I got home I saw the news article that was written and his name was Spanky.  I don’t want a cat named Spanky it just didn’t sound right.  Turns out it was a misprint and his name is and was Sparky.  Sounds like an electrical story but he himself was just a ball of energy, so much that I guess that is how he got his name.  He wasn’t a happy cat when we picked him up but once he got home and started looking around, you could just see the look on his face.  He thought he won the lottery and in many ways he did.  He explored every nook and cranny of the house, he took turns sleeping with each of us.  If we were cuddling he would join in.  It was the good old days and just the three of us. 

Those sure were some good times and I enjoyed each and every day I had with him.  My late partner even talked him into walking.  So then I had a chore to do when I came home in the spring and summer from working a long hard day, Sparky and I would go for a walk.  This was fun for both of us, but as he got older he got senile and started thinking he saw things and his mood would shift on a dime.  He would want to rip me to shreds, but then would smell my finger and sometimes calm down and other times it would have no effect on him. 

I know he lived a long life but it wasn’t long enough for me.  It wasn’t too terribly long after he was gone that we got news about Bear and that they (the vet) saw spots on an x-ray for him.  They encouraged us to put him down and we didn’t.  Turns out Bear didn’t and doesn’t have cancer.  That made us think they were wrong about Sparky and that we made a horrible choice to end his life when he was perfectly fine.  That is the road not traveled and I can’t go down that path even if I wanted to. 

If you thought making the decision to end his life was difficult, you have no idea how hard it was for me to make his grave.  It just ripped me up.  His remains are resting comfortably in a sunny spot in the front hard of our home.  He always liked the sun and I picked the perfect spot for him.  So when the sun is out and shining bright I often think of him.  Happy Birthday to my #1 son, the guy who started it all.  Daddy misses you very much!

Got my wish

Last night Bear wormed his way into my room.  Marvin came and went a few times while I was watching TV and trying to wind down for the day.  It came time to bed down for the night and I got the girls out.  Bear was still there so Marv decided to hang out.  We slept together for almost the entire night.  He had to leave around 3 or 4a.  I woke up a few times during the night.  Of course Marvin bitched at me because I was moving in bed.  It was annoyingly satisfying.  I was very proud of my boys.  Not sure if this will be an every night theme but so long as they are healthy and happy, that makes me happy. 

Woke up this morning feeling like I really didn’t get any sleep.  Felt a knot in my back probably where Marv was all night long.  Got moving and about the time I got in the shower just started feeling oddly happy.  It lasted for a while and I am still semi happy despite being at work.  Getting ready for my hour of rub a dub on my back, looking forward to it.

Last night I got momma’s medicine for Marv.  That took forever.  I want the kids to have my late partners last name, so I have to hyphenate my last name at the vet.  It has caused nothing but confusion but because they are stubborn I suffer.  I was told sorry nothing here.  I said look under each last name.  Bingo found it.  I got someone who was clueless and a bit overwhelmed.  Took 35 minutes to pick up a simple prescription.  I almost started to call for a pizza figuring that I would be spending a few hours there.  Picked up the mail which was very light.  Then home to the monsters.

After I wolfed down my supper and settled up my finances I called my friend who just lost his wife.  I invited him out to eat and were getting together on Saturday.  He rambled on and on, we talked about all sorts of different things but mostly about the loss of his wife and how he is dealing with that.  The state of settling affairs and planning for the future.  All in all he is doing pretty good from what I can tell.  I know that this is a new road for him, as it was for me.  It’s a road that I think should be closed that no one should travel on.  It’s lonely, dangerous and full of emotion.  I can only imagine what it’s like to lose a son or a daughter.  Your parents is pretty difficult but there is a huge amount of pain when it comes to the loss of a spouse or a mate.  It’s inconsolable pain that you have to learn how to deal and cope with.  There is no magic bullet or book. 

You know at age 45 I have gone through so many situations in my life that most 45 year olds haven’t a clue how to deal with.  I am not sure why I have been through a lot of the situations in my life but I can tell you that I have taken something away from each one of them and it has made me a stronger and better person.  That which does not kill you does make you stronger.  You might not see it or feel it for a while but in due time you are a stronger person. 

The good news for my friend is that once all of the settlements with life insurance and inheritance  is done he will have enough money to pay off all of his unsecured debt, which makes him breathe easier.  So something good came from something bad.  That happiness or relief won’t quell the pain he is going through but at least he can see some light at the end of the tunnel..  I’ve pointed him in the path of an estate attorney that does marvelous work.  He has some concerns about how things are going to play out and how to transfer his assets to his heirs so that things don’t get tied up in probate once he passes away.  Better to plan today because you don’t know what tomorrow brings.  I am sure regardless of who he uses for an attorney that this will all come together.  I told him from my perspective the easiest thing to do is to put his house into a trust and then make his heirs successor trustees, which is what my late partner did.  In my case it was complicated because there was bankruptcy involved, but so long as your not planning on filing bankruptcy then the trust from my understanding should accomplish what he wants to do.

I am glad that I reached out.  I am worried about him particularly because he is older.  I worry that he will slip away because he misses his wife.  I’ll admit I have similar worries about me but I’ve made almost to the 4 year mark and I am much younger.  Not that it’s easier for me but youth does play into the equation.  This guy is smart, down to earth and we just gel very well together.  Unlike any other guy friend I have had before.  I don’t want to lose him.  I have so few friends as it is, losing any of them is horrible.

So now that I am done with depression 101.  I’ve got a few minutes to prepare for my rub a dub and then after that I have to work with my wonderful moody co-worker.  She makes me nervous and I know she is imparting knowledge to me but I’ve lost all respect for her and it just feels so fake to talk and/or deal with her.  Kind of wish I could try things on my own and go from there.  Eventually I’ll make that suggestion but right now what were working on is too new and a bit overwhelming.  Accuracy and details go a very long way, lots of concentration is needed.  So I know I should sleep well tonight. 

Tomorrow is Friday and in 4 hours and several minutes I will be heading home – there is something to look forward to.  Although, I have no idea what is for supper.  I’ve got nothing I am really interested in eating.  The thought of going out is so appealing, but I’ll stay home and nuke something in the microwave. 

Stay warm, be safe and take care of yourself.     

11 Months from now …

Christmas it will be!  Hard to believe that just last month we were celebrating the holidays.  Time does truly go by way too fast. 

Yesterday morning I woke up and my body told me your staying home today.  I wanted to come to work I didn’t want to stay home but the more I pushed the louder my body spoke.  Finally I gave in and called it a day before the day had really even gotten started.  The kids were in heaven because they got daddy time.  I like the fact that I was able to go back to bed.  My arm and shoulder were bothering me and my blood sugar was off the chart.  I think both of those items working together in tandem are what caused me to feel so bad. 

After my nap or return to bed, the kids thought they were going to get breakfast again.  Sorry didn’t happen, they didn’t even try to worm lunch out of me.  I did have to listen to the cry of a Gator but I have grown used to that sound.  I took some extra medicine in the hopes of better controlling my sugar.  Of course all I wanted to do was eat.  There really isn’t much in the house and I had to talk myself off the ledge. 

I deleted a bunch of programs from the DVR and cancelled series that I never watch, to make even more room in the future.  Watched a collection of Steve Harvey shows.  I learned all about Venmo Dating.  Venmo is an app that you can send cash to friends with.  Apparently guys will ask a girl out, pay for everything and it all looks chivalries.  Then the next day they will send the girl a Venmo request saying you owe me money for last nights dinner.  That’s low and fake.  If a guy ever sends me a request like that it’s over with.  The setup here is he makes her feel good so that she will give up her booty and then regardless of what happens the request is sent the next day.  Wow is all I can say, pretty low. 

I started to watch a movie or TV and things were droning on, I got disinterested and turned off the TV.  I remember telling Gator don’t let me nap terribly long I need to stay awake.  Then two hours later I woke up like holy hell what happened.  I wasn’t happy but it’s not Gators fault. 

Yesterday was one of those days where I needed to get out but just didn’t.  There is medicine waiting at the pharmacy and 2 days now 3 days worth of mail building up at the post office.  So tonight I’ll be a little late in getting home as I make a couple stops. 

Something productive had to come from yesterday, so last night while I felt empowered I decided it was time to pull the trigger and I filed my taxes.  Identity Thieves be damned, the sooner you can file the better the odds in combating ID theft.  I could have gone with a free app and done everything for no cost but I opted to stick with trusty and faithful Turbo Tax.  I’ve got a nice amount of cash coming back but if I put it towards bills or debt it will be gone in a flash.  My plan is to get it and then decided what to do.  It’s not like I am in a hurry up against a deadline.  I have desires and dreams but when it comes to money your better off not spending the money until you actually have it in your hand, otherwise it tends to be gone even faster and you might overspend.  While this is the earliest I have ever filed I am glad to have it off my list of things to do. 

Big Boy was sure active in the bathroom yesterday.  He kept me hopping.  Monday night I was surfing the net downstairs and heard this horrible noise.  I just knew he fell down the steps and I went running I came up stairs and everyone was looking at me like what, it wasn’t me, honest I didn’t do anything.  Yeah everything was fine.  Small heart attack not sure what happened but everyone is and was okay.  That wasn’t good for my body at all. 

So back to work today, sugar level is falling more into the normal range as I drop off of the steroids.  Saturday is the last dose and I am thankful for that.  Since I tend to indulge a bit more over the weekend my sugar levels are usually up but I try to compensate by taking additional medicine.  I did hear back from the doctor on Monday night, he said that the blood work was okay for now.  Were going to check again in 3 months and if things are not in line then there will be changes made to my medication.  So I will be paying a little more attention to what I eat but not by much. 

Playing catchup here at work.  That is the only problem with taking time off, things pile up and you get to dig out from your own snow storm.  Speaking of snow, none of that in the immediate forecast for us but our temps are headed back to cold.  We have enjoyed some nice spring like weather but all good things must come to an end.  Spring will be here soon enough. 

Frontline aired a story last night on Trump’s road to the White House.  I found it interesting and only made it half way before my eyes got heavy and I had to go to bed.  Marv stayed with me for a bit but eventually left me to be on my own.  I sure miss him, really wish we could go back to the nights when he would stay all night long.  Maybe the medicine I am getting him and will be giving him will help encourage that to happen.  I worry about all of my cats, but I think that is normal for any owner. 

That’s all I know and it’s not much.  Looking forward to the season premier of Suits tonight to see what happens with the Firm now that Jessica is gone.  I just hope that I am able to enjoy some of the evening before it’s all gone.  With all of the running I have to do mixed in with supper and combing through the mail I feel like the evening will be over with before it starts.  I could have taken today and it was tempting not to but I knew that I had to come back eventually.  Plus today was the last day to sign up for a massage tomorrow.  I am going to plead my case to start and stay face down during the whole hour tomorrow, my upper back needs some serious work.  I hope that the therapist will allow it and get the knots out.  I really need all of the help I can get.  This bicep or arm thing is really starting to become more of a pain.  I resisted picking Bear up last night, he wasn’t too happy about it but I told him daddy’s got to heal his arm.  Typing, driving and anything else that involves bending my arm for any length of time hurts. 

I got a tip, to raise the bottom and lower the top to create a negative tilt.  That is suppose to help, it’s oddly comfortable but not something that I can tolerate for a long period of time.  Logitech has a Comfort Wave Keyboard that will allow you to adjust more to your liking.  I am beating myself up if I should buy it for work or just let things be.  While I am quick to blame Bear for my injury I am honestly not sure what caused it in the first place.  If changing a keyboard or a mouse is going to give me relief then I am all for it.  If I am throwing my money away well I’d rather not do that.  Funny how I research the crap out of most things that I want to buy but I never put forth any effort when buying my car.  Maybe this can all be attributed to the car because the seating is different.  I just want the pain to stop, don’t really care about who or what to blame.  Speaking of the car I turned over 4 thousand miles this morning.  Oil change is in my future somewhere between 5 thousand and 7,500 – the car is supposed to tell me when it’s time, let’s hope that feature works really well.  I am hypersensitive when it comes to the car so I know I’ll be on it and watching. 

Now time to wrap up and get back to work.  One meeting this afternoon and it’s short.  Rest of the afternoon is wide open and hopefully I can keep busy without any chaos breaking out, that would be really good.  Hope your all well, safe and warm.  Talk with you again soon. 

Health

In combing through my emails I managed to finally deal with emails from the doctors office.  I saw the blood work that they did and there are issues with my liver enzymes.  My A1C is high as well.  Looks like I am in search of a bucket.  No messages from the doctor, no letters either so I suspect things aren’t terrible or he would have called. 

The steroids he has me on have my sugar way high.  Like in the 230 to 300 range.  It’s not healthy at all and almost like I stopped taking my blood sugar medicine, which I didn’t.  Steroids have this as one of several other side effects.  I feel dizzy, think I see things that aren’t there it’s just plum craziness.  Thankfully I am on the down hill slide and will be done with them on Saturday.  The biggest decrease in dosage comes on Thursday so hopefully that will be the day things get better for me.  The biggest thing is the higher the sugar level the sleepier I get.  I am ready for a nap now that lunch is over with and I have 1 boring meeting to sit through thankfully it’s only a 1/2 hour. 

High sugar levels also affect your mood, how you feel and how you sleep.  Last night I went to sleep, I felt tired but my brain was in over drive.  I couldn’t turn it off.  I just closed my eyes and held on to Marv for a bit.  As soon as I was comfy Marv had to be let out.  Then back to bed started the journey all over again.  At some point I fell asleep but I can’t tell you when it was. 

I am sure that I should sleep well tonight.  The arm is feeling better but I think Thursday will be nice if I am able to squeeze in a massage.  With all of the steroids I have been on you’d think that those knots in my back would have taken a vacation, or so I hope. 

Plaid soccer with Marv and then fish with Marv, Gator and Bear.  I tried to get Ruth to join us but she was being her usual self and didn’t want any part of it.  She was interested but only to a point.  We had some fun and of course it was all over with way too soon.  Marv got the bulk of the play time, which was really good for him.  I think he needed to know that I still care about him, despite all of the normal stuff I do.  He really likes it when I take an interest in him and we can play together.  Being a cat daddy sure is a lot of work!

Checking my email this morning I got something from one of the dating apps.  It’s shows new people around me.  I was very surprised to see a classmate appear.  Were the same age.  I always thought he was straight.  Turns out he’s omnisexual or something like that I’ve never heard of.  He said he was bi as well.  What I thought was really interesting was he said not to message him unless you truly knew what BSDM stood for.  Well his name isn’t Christian Grey but wow, never figured him for the kinky type.  Sure I know what it stands for and some of it is actually okay in my book.  However, I am not attracted to him.  He’s very smart and more advanced in computers than me, he runs his own business.  Pretty cool.  I guess you never know who you will find out in the world, especially on dating apps.  Now he’ll get a notification that I looked at his profile and he can certainly look at mine, but that is really as far as I want things to go.  So I am still in the game, just waiting to see if I will be able to meet someone. 

Being at work today isn’t exactly where I want to be.  Sure it pays the bills but last Monday I was free from work.  I think it would be great if we could declare Monday’s holidays and no one would have to go to work or school on those days, unless they worked an essential job.  You know like gas station people emergency services, etc.  It’s a novel idea but will never come to pass.  Still I am free to dream, it costs nothing. 

Well back to the salt mine, stuff sure does have a way of piling up.  Pretty busy this morning which made it go by fast.  Now I am eager to get to the part where I can go home and be with the kids.  Hope all is well in your world.