Back when I was a youngster, one of the thrills of my childhood was going shopping with my Grandma and her sister, which I called my Aunt. My version of my family tree is skewed and doesn’t line up but hey it’s my family tree. Anyway long before I knew there could be a different meaning to this, when my aunt was done and had spent all her money, she would say she ‘shot her wad’. Now that I am an adult I realize the sexual meaning there. I know she was referring to a wad of cash or money and there wasn’t anything sexual, it’s just funny how when your a kid, you are lost in innocence. Kind of wish I could go back to those days where I wasn’t so wise, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many problems in my life.
In case you can’t tell by the title I have been on a shopping spree this weekend. I found out my tax refunds are due in this week. That is incredibly fast and I am eager to get the money so I am spending it before I get it, which is usually what I do.
First, I gave in and purchased two MK570 Comfort Wave Keyboard & Mouse Sets by Logitech. Got one for home and the other for the office. The comfort is there, getting used to it takes a little bit. I have made some typing mistakes but I can see how you can easily work with this keyboard all day and walk away with your hands feeling refreshed or at least not fatigued. Second, I got a new Bluetooth headset since my present one is in the process of falling apart. I know if I am careful with it , I can make it last a little longer before it becomes useless. I am sad that I can’t get an exact replacement, I have had the same model for years and this is the second one. It’s served me well. There is a newer model and I saw that Target had it. So I ordered it and went to pick it up yesterday. Surprise what I ordered and what was ready for pickup were two totally different things. I got a Moto Hint now. At first the sound quality was crap, after letting it charge for 24 full hours things seem to be better. A co-worker got the same thing for Christmas and as soon as I saw it, I wanted it. It’s small, has a durable case to carry it in and the case doubles as a charger. The model I have that is falling apart is a Moto Slivr, which has similar features, but it’s a little bigger and less easy to lose. I’ve been leaving test voice mail messages for myself all day long to see how it sounds – there are good times and some not so good times. The trick here is to use it and see how it preforms, if in a few days I don’t feel comfortable then I’ll return it and order what I want from Amazon.
I thought I was done but once I got the good news today, I went on and got a few things from Amazon that I needed and some that I didn’t. The most expensive being a belt that has no holes and is a sure fit. It’s $50 so it better be a sure fit or I am sure it’s going back. Interested to get it and try it on. We all know I have an obsession for many things and writing instruments being one of them. Today I gave in and ordered myself a Pilot Vanishing Point. It’s a fountain pen that works on a cartridge. It’s supposed to be a damn good pen. Like it or not I am stuck with it because I had it monogrammed with my name on it. It’s bright blue with gold trim, sexy! It should be here in a week or so. I also got a Lamy Rollerball that is trimmed in Black & Blue. I’ve had my eye on both of these for a while. I am a pen nut and I fully admit it. The days of the $500 pen for me are gone but it doesn’t mean I still don’t look at Mont Blanc. They have a Starwalker piece that is black and trimmed in red, oh I want that pen so bad but it’s like$750 and I just can’t justify spending that much money on a damn pen. It’s nothing special other than it looks nice and has an expensive upscale brand name. There are other things that I need and have to plan for or I would easily drop the money if it were not such an object for me. Okay so I’ve been a bad boy, maybe some daddy will come out and spank me – I can only hope or wish. I thought I have enough money to hire an escort but that would be just as impractical as getting a $750 pen. I very much believe in treating myself. Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself but I think I have been through hell and back, a treat now and then it’s the worst thing in the world so long as I can afford it and don’t cause myself a serious financial burden.
Yesterday evening I got together with my pal that just lost his wife. We had a great meal and enjoyed each others company. He had some overwhelming desire to get home, not sure why. He is dealing with the loss as best as can be expected. I think he is functioning much better than I did when I was this fresh into losing my spouse. The difference between us is first of all age and second of all circumstances. His wife went gradually, My guy went suddenly. So while both of us suffered a loss the circumstances were different but the pain is the same. In talking with him I couldn’t believe that I never told him I wrote a book. I only have one printed copy and that is for me. I sent him a PDF copy last night after running it through Grammarly. Wow that caught so many errors. I started about 9p and it was 1a before I was able to send the message. I also sent him a very long winded email. I told him on those nights when you come home, realize your all alone and don’t know what to do, pick up the phone and call me if you want. I understand being alone until you get used to it really sucks and it just plain hurts. This place is still too damn quiet for me. I miss hearing his voice still and all of his questions. I miss talking with him at lunch time and coming home to a meal that was ready or very close to ready to eat. However, you get used to these things and develop what my therapist referred to as The New Normal. Switch things up, do what you want and what makes you happy, because you only go around once.
I made a remark last night, thank God for porn because if it wasn’t for that I would probably be out of my mind. He said the same for me. Then he asked me what sites I hit up and if I pay for any of it. I think I surprised him when I told him I paid for it. He uses the tube sites. I of course reminded him what I am watching is gay porn and what he is interested in is straight porn. He’s always been verbally expressive about women, even when he was married and his wife was sitting next to him. It was nothing to be in the middle of dinner and he would say Damn would you look at the rack on her. Yeah, I think those thoughts about guys but I don’t verbalize them. Were both in technology, I told him that when you pay for porn you are less likely to get a malicious file. Content creators are interested in serving up a quality product and making sure they keep you reasonably happy so that you will continue to subscribe month after month, year after year, decade after decade. Money is an issue for him so I don’t see him subscribing to a site. I had a link I was going to send to him but I thought before I pressed the SEND button and said you know this email could come back to bite you in the ass and embarrass the hell out of you. So I took out that link and then sent the message.
I am glad that I am able to help and offer advice to him. I honestly wished that I had no experience but I kind of think that this is the way it was meant to be, so that I can help him. My mission here on earth I feel is to help people and it gives me great satisfaction when I know I have helped. There isn’t any other feeling quite as good as that for me. In listening to him it did bring back memories and experiences that I went through. He won’t have near the trouble I had in getting money as the beneficiary because he is heterosexual and people don’t question that like they do a homosexual marriage or union. He is still very much grieving. He got his wife’s ashes back earlier in the day, today he sent me a photo of the urn. When the weather gets better he is going to the winery to plant her with a tree. If I am available and invited I will certainly go, it’s quite a ways from here but it’s a trip that I won’t mind making, especially if it can bring some comfort to him.
I see a lot of parallels between us and the whole loss experience. Looking over my book and thinking back just makes me want to write again. It’s a passion but I struggle for subject matter. If it’s meant to be then a subject will come to me. I did promise him that eventually the book that I sent him in PDF would be tweaked and fine tuned, then I would have a copy printed and make it for sale again. I promised him an autographed copy and I plan on living up to that promise. Now all I have to do is follow through, sounds simple but reality is it’s not. I have to be in the mood and have time to work on the book. I want the next time for it to be flawless and perfect in every way, then and only then can I offer it for sale. Even if I don’t sell a single copy I rushed the first one and don’t want to do that again.
The night is growing late and soon it will be morning where I will be shuffling off to work yet again. Time to go enjoy some ice cream and a little time with the children. When I left to come down stairs the two girls were on the couch at opposite ends. They look so angelic together but wake them up and they turn into monsters. Speaking of which I did see a good movie today with Connor Jessup in it, called Closet Monster. It was on Netflix. He plays a gay character and is quite good looking in my opinion but the movie it’s self has some suspense with it and that is what made it so good. You could tell somethings were going to happen and other thing well they were a surprise. If you have some extra time on your hands and are looking for a good movie, I suggest Closet Monster!
Hope you had a great weekend. Looking forward to working a full five days for the first time this entire year. Let’s hope nothing or no one stands in my way. Next weekend will be haircut time and I am really looking forward to that. As for now I want to get me ice cream and see me cats. Take care and stay warm!