26 January 2017

Got my wish

Last night Bear wormed his way into my room.  Marvin came and went a few times while I was watching TV and trying to wind down for the day.  It came time to bed down for the night and I got the girls out.  Bear was still there so Marv decided to hang out.  We slept together for almost the entire night.  He had to leave around 3 or 4a.  I woke up a few times during the night.  Of course Marvin bitched at me because I was moving in bed.  It was annoyingly satisfying.  I was very proud of my boys.  Not sure if this will be an every night theme but so long as they are healthy and happy, that makes me happy. 

Woke up this morning feeling like I really didn’t get any sleep.  Felt a knot in my back probably where Marv was all night long.  Got moving and about the time I got in the shower just started feeling oddly happy.  It lasted for a while and I am still semi happy despite being at work.  Getting ready for my hour of rub a dub on my back, looking forward to it.

Last night I got momma’s medicine for Marv.  That took forever.  I want the kids to have my late partners last name, so I have to hyphenate my last name at the vet.  It has caused nothing but confusion but because they are stubborn I suffer.  I was told sorry nothing here.  I said look under each last name.  Bingo found it.  I got someone who was clueless and a bit overwhelmed.  Took 35 minutes to pick up a simple prescription.  I almost started to call for a pizza figuring that I would be spending a few hours there.  Picked up the mail which was very light.  Then home to the monsters.

After I wolfed down my supper and settled up my finances I called my friend who just lost his wife.  I invited him out to eat and were getting together on Saturday.  He rambled on and on, we talked about all sorts of different things but mostly about the loss of his wife and how he is dealing with that.  The state of settling affairs and planning for the future.  All in all he is doing pretty good from what I can tell.  I know that this is a new road for him, as it was for me.  It’s a road that I think should be closed that no one should travel on.  It’s lonely, dangerous and full of emotion.  I can only imagine what it’s like to lose a son or a daughter.  Your parents is pretty difficult but there is a huge amount of pain when it comes to the loss of a spouse or a mate.  It’s inconsolable pain that you have to learn how to deal and cope with.  There is no magic bullet or book. 

You know at age 45 I have gone through so many situations in my life that most 45 year olds haven’t a clue how to deal with.  I am not sure why I have been through a lot of the situations in my life but I can tell you that I have taken something away from each one of them and it has made me a stronger and better person.  That which does not kill you does make you stronger.  You might not see it or feel it for a while but in due time you are a stronger person. 

The good news for my friend is that once all of the settlements with life insurance and inheritance  is done he will have enough money to pay off all of his unsecured debt, which makes him breathe easier.  So something good came from something bad.  That happiness or relief won’t quell the pain he is going through but at least he can see some light at the end of the tunnel..  I’ve pointed him in the path of an estate attorney that does marvelous work.  He has some concerns about how things are going to play out and how to transfer his assets to his heirs so that things don’t get tied up in probate once he passes away.  Better to plan today because you don’t know what tomorrow brings.  I am sure regardless of who he uses for an attorney that this will all come together.  I told him from my perspective the easiest thing to do is to put his house into a trust and then make his heirs successor trustees, which is what my late partner did.  In my case it was complicated because there was bankruptcy involved, but so long as your not planning on filing bankruptcy then the trust from my understanding should accomplish what he wants to do.

I am glad that I reached out.  I am worried about him particularly because he is older.  I worry that he will slip away because he misses his wife.  I’ll admit I have similar worries about me but I’ve made almost to the 4 year mark and I am much younger.  Not that it’s easier for me but youth does play into the equation.  This guy is smart, down to earth and we just gel very well together.  Unlike any other guy friend I have had before.  I don’t want to lose him.  I have so few friends as it is, losing any of them is horrible.

So now that I am done with depression 101.  I’ve got a few minutes to prepare for my rub a dub and then after that I have to work with my wonderful moody co-worker.  She makes me nervous and I know she is imparting knowledge to me but I’ve lost all respect for her and it just feels so fake to talk and/or deal with her.  Kind of wish I could try things on my own and go from there.  Eventually I’ll make that suggestion but right now what were working on is too new and a bit overwhelming.  Accuracy and details go a very long way, lots of concentration is needed.  So I know I should sleep well tonight. 

Tomorrow is Friday and in 4 hours and several minutes I will be heading home – there is something to look forward to.  Although, I have no idea what is for supper.  I’ve got nothing I am really interested in eating.  The thought of going out is so appealing, but I’ll stay home and nuke something in the microwave. 

Stay warm, be safe and take care of yourself.     

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