Friday

I suppose you thought I wasn’t going to post anything today, that I forgot.  Nope, I went out to lunch and it was a totally crazy busy day.

I spent most of yesterday afternoon fixing a computer that a user infected by using Shop At Home.  She had all sorts of malware on her machine.  In fact it’s so bad that today she is still having problems and I am building her a new machine.  Keep in mind that I just replaced her machine less than 6 months ago.  She has some complicated software that cuts checks and I have to talk to a Chinese guy to figure out how to make it work.  I took notes the last time but I will be damned if I can tell you where I put them. 

As if that isn’t bad enough I have a laptop to get out next week.  I think I will make it, provided next week people leave me alone a little more.  It’s either that or I will be working later nights to get it done.  Ugh!

Last night I came home walked in to my room and said wow, it smells like cat pee.  Yep he did it again.  This time at the bottom of the bed, so I wouldn’t notice or at least find it until it was almost too late. 

I found myself sleeping on a towel on top of my matress last night.  I really sacked out, so much so that the alarm clock woke me up and I really didn’t want to get out of bed.  I will be doing the same thing tonight in the hopes that I can really get my sleep on tomorrow.  The only way I can ensure that my room stays cat pee free is to close the door.  I hate to do that to the rest of the family but I really have no choice in the matter.  Apparently the Feilaway Diffuser has lost it’s effect or either he is mad at me or both.  Who knows?

Outside of going cat food shopping and going to a friends house for dinner I really have nothing going.  Of course there are the usual weekend chores but they will get done in due time. 

I’ve got a couple things on my mind.  The sunglasses and letter I wrote to the “friend” of ours.  Well I didn’t put a return address on them and I am fairly certain he got them.  He hasn’t bothered to respond.  You’d think that if you were a true friend, you would reach out and say your sorry or at the very least speed up getting together.  I truly believe I’ve been dumped and I felt that way when I sent the package.  This just solidifies it for me.  That really hurts, but life goes on.

The other thing I can’t seem to shake is wanting to get together with one of my old bosses.  Yeah I’ve got a crush on him and yes he is straight and has a family.  I know there is no chance of anything happening.  I just want to seek his advice and be in his company.  It’s been years since we last talked.  I can’t say that he will or won’t make time for me, but I have to at least try.  So I guess if I can join a gay dating service, I can ask him if he wouldn’t mind meeting up sometime.  The worst he can say is no.

I decided to come home and eat the lunch I packed for supper.  For that I will reward myself by going out to breakfast.  Not exactly the same thing, but it will be cheaper or so I think.  Waffle House is starting to sound good.  Been a while since I was there.  Of course I haven’t been there by myself yet.  We always went everywhere together and eating out was one of our perks. 

I started watching a new NetFlix series called Orange is the new Black.  It’s got Jason Biggs in it, he played Jim in the American Pie movies.  I’m not attracted to him but I will admit he is the reason why I am watching the show.  He is a good actor!  Anyway, the premise of the story is that he proposed to a woman.  She used to be a Lesbian and one time she carried 50 thousand dollars of drug money in a suit case from an airport.  She got caught, she thinks her lover turned her in.  In any case she is given jail time in a Federal Prison.  Apparently she was given some time before she had to self surrender.  Watching those two part really hurt me.  No I didn’t cry at least not on the outside but on the inside I sure did. 

So you get a glimpse of what prison life is supposedly like.  Not sure how close to real it is.  Some of it is real like when alarms go off, they have to hit the deck.  You are stripped searched and yes you have to squat and cough.  I only know this from visiting someone in prison.  I personally have never been arrested for anything.  The most trouble I have gotten myself into is a couple of traffic tickets for speeding and I was young when that happened.  For the record no Gods I am not trying to anger you and I don’t need a ticket.  In any case, these two love birds aren’t together anymore because she is in prison.  She calls home and tells him how much she misses him.  He can visit her.  I can’t call, can’t write, can’t visit – I am separated from the love of my life forever.  Just typing that on the screen hurts more than you can imagine.  I know that someday we will be reunited but that someday is so far in the future.  I really need my hug right about now.  I feel the depression hit me like a tidal wave, it’s knocking me off of my feet and I feel like I am in emotional quicksand, slowly sinking and there is no way up, no one is coming to help me, despite the fact I am screaming for help. 

I feel so alone.  I am so afraid of how things are going to turn out.  The future is so uncertain and life for me has been shaken and turned upside down and inside out.  Unless you have been through this yourself, you truly have no idea.  Not that I want anyone to experience this but it really hurts.  It’s something there is no pill or cure for.  You just have to get used to it.  I suppose sort of like losing a limb.  It feels and you think it is the end of the world but in reality it’s not.  The world keeps on going… with or without you. 

My guy used to say to me there is nothing more lonely than an old queer.  He used to be afraid of me leaving him.  God knows there are times when I wanted to but I told him I would never leave him and I didn’t.  I just want my rock back.  Hitting it off with a new person would be a deflection.  I think maybe I am trying to run away from my feelings but they seem to keep following me.  I want to be happy, I want this to be over with so that I can close this chapter of my life and start a new. 

Yes, I know I’ve already started a new but I am on my own – that in it’s self is scary.  Considering the only people that I have leaned on are gone.  Speaking of my grandparents and my hubby.  Now it’s me, myself and I.  If I get into trouble there is no one to bail me out.  The wise person I knew that I used to get solid advice from is gone.  I feel like I am going insane from all of the changes and life speeding up and slowing down.  It’s like I jumped on board the crazy train and I can’t make it stop.

Speaking of stopping, yes I am going to stop.  It’s starting to get late and I have been tired most of the afternoon.  My allergies are driving me crazy.  I think I have an infected tooth and well I am ready to try to get my sleep on.  So a little browsing on the net, working up the courage to send an e-mail to my old boss and maybe check on the dating site.  Then it’s time for bed. 

BTW, I did cancel my membership last night.  They offered me two additional weeks for free if I stayed but I said nope, cancel.  If I find someone before next month when it ends, great.  If not, well I tried and can move on. 

Y’all have a nice weekend.  I will talk with you peeps later.  Looking forward to being lazy tomorrow.  :)

Open Enrollment

Not exactly sure why but my employers Open Enrollment period is here.  It’s that time of year when you get to pick and choose benefits that you want.  In the past I have rejected everything because it was an all or nothing package.  I wanted just a couple things like vision and disability.

Well someone finally listened.  We now have choices which is good news.  The bad news is we have less than 2 weeks to make decisions.  Plus the person I would bounce all of this off of is no longer on earth.  Talk about being alone, this just make it another step more real.

I took the vision insurance because it’s $4 a pay check and by the time you add it up, it is about the cost of an eye exam.  Plus they give me an allowance on glasses, so that will help out.  It’s for the best. 

Now I have to figure out if I want Accident Insurance sort of like Aflac, Cancer Insurance, Life Insurance, Long Term Disability, Short Term Disability, etc.  Chances are pretty good I will pass on all of it, but I wanted to have time to review it on my own.  They had us sit down with a benefits person and they instantly wanted an answer, hello your asking me about spending money.  I can’t commit to anything right now.  Too much stuff up in the air, plus if I take too much away from my paycheck then I won’t have money left to live on.

I can’t see the point for any form of life insurance, I mean who gives a crap when I die.  The only thing I would worry about is the cats and when I get around to drafting a new will, I will make sure they are taken care of.  As for the rest of my possessions I really don’t care what happens to them because I will be dead.  If I manage to find another guy that I will be able to call partner, then I will rethink the life insurance. 

Speaking of partner, I logged on to the dating site last night and wow I saw a couple of cute twinks they are all 21 –30 but I am afraid that they aren’t looking for long term or if they are they might want a sugar daddy.  I am also afraid that we probably wouldn’t be compatible.  I looked but didn’t bother to message anyone.  I am starting to think this whole idea was a bust and not only am I wasting my time but my money.  Maybe what I need is therapy and someone to give me a hug.  However, that too costs money and I don’t even want to find out how little insurance will cover. 

As of this morning the children were all doing fine.  Happy about that.  Hope it stays that way for a long time.  Momma is tolerating her thyroid medicine but she is still chewing.  I think she isn’t getting enough but I am not adjusting anything.  I may put her back on the antihistamine because it helped some.

Got invited to a friends house for supper on Saturday.  They eat kind of late but it’s free so I am not complaining.  If it were a Sunday I would turn it down.  I plan on going out tomorrow night probably Chinese but I have thought about Pizza too, not sure yet.

One of the girls in the office quit and they didn’t tell me until I was pulling out of the garage.  I had to scramble to get her access shutdown but I did it. Some things just have to wait until you get home.  Then today I found out we are hiring a new person for a different job.  There are a few open positions around here but I suspect we will be fully staffed within a couple months.  All of this hiring, firing and quitting just causes more work for me.  Turn stuff on, buy stuff and then turn it all off.  If I had the money I am spending here on hardware I would be really set for a while.

Feeling like I want a nap since lunch is done.  However, I have so much to do.  My neck still hurts but only for a bit when I wake up.  I pulled something in my leg and if I move wrong my back turns into an electric grid.  I think it’s all in my neck!  A nice glass of wine (which I don’t have) and a muscle relaxer followed by hours of sleep on a cloud should fix it.  Can’t even think of the muscle relaxer until tomorrow night.  I did fluff the pillows but it didn’t help much.  I am certain most of it is stress.

Someone took a bath in perfume today and I got a whiff of that, ever since my nose has been on the fritz.  I want to smell good too but I don’t bathe in cologne. Why people feel the need to over compensate is beyond me, unless they are trying to cover up another odor and if that is the case, invest in a bar of soap it can do wonders to make you smell good. 

Finally I called the mortgage company and now they want me to resend paperwork that I have already submitted.  They say they never got it.  Yeah they did but I am not arguing.  I will resend it all tonight, not exactly how I wanted to spend my evening.  I wonder if I never called them how long it would have taken them to ask me or if they even would have?  I

Back to the salt mine!  Talk with you peeps later. 

Needy Woman

Last night I let one of the girls sleep with me.  I knew it wasn’t a good idea but I figured she wants to stay might as well let her.  She had me up and down all night long.  First she was cold, then she wanted attention, then I think it was just to toy with me.  I told her if you wake me up one more time I’m going to hit you with the pillow.  That put a stop to it.  Tonight no matter how much she begs, no matter how cute she looks, no matter what she is sleeping some place other than in my room.  Boys only!

Yesterday when I was leaving work I went to backup as usual and realized that I forgot to look so I twisted my neck in a hurry to do a quick look.  Something snapped.  I just knew pain would eventually follow.  That it did this morning when I got up.  I so wanted to go back to bed but here I am hardly working or wait I think I am supposed to say working hard.  Yeah that’s the ticket, working hard.  Took some Ibuprofen and all seems well for now.  I will be fluffing the pillows tonight in the hopes that I don’t wake up feeling the same way tomorrow.

Like yesterday this morning was a whirlwind I jumped from here to there and back again.  It was just crazy busy.  When things slowed down it was 10am. 

The other day a user sent me an Adobe document to convert to Word.  I paid no attention to the size of the file and just used a free service on line to convert it.  Turns out it only converted the first two pages.  The user approached me the next day and said why did you only convert two pages the document was larger than that.  Well that cinched it for me, I forked over the company credit card and signed up with Adobe for conversion service.  Now I know when you hear the name Adobe it makes you see $$ sort of like Microsoft, BMW, Audi, etc.  Well they charge a whopping $20 a year for this service.  It’s unlimited use and was a no brainer.  Today I am a hero because I can convert documents quickly.  I just did one while I was typing this.  412 pages it’s not super fast but it’s not slow either. 

In the world of Gay Dating, I hit up someone last night that I have had my eye on.  I’ve got lots of guys looking at me but no one approaches me or answers my messages.  Kind of discouraging.  I saw a window that said send him a gift, no one has done it yet and you could be the first.  Maybe he will reciprocate.  Yeah okay, so I tried it well that’s more money.  You have to buy coins and then use the coins to send gifts.  Are you kidding me?  Hell no I ‘m not sending him or anyone else a gift so that site can take more of my money.  They already charged me an activation fee when I signed up and I gave them way more than I planned on.  One month, then were done.  Dating is just another way someone can take your money.  Besides that I really don’t think I am going to find anyone.  Call it low self confidence, being negative or whatever you want.  It’s bold of me to signup and I have proven thus far nothing bad is going to happen because you are looking.  It still feels a little odd but at the same time it would be nice to even make just a friend.

I had my pot pie last night, it was okay.  I watched way too much Reba.  The evening went by so darn fast.  I got mail from the insurance company.  First regarding my car they are raising my COMP deductible.  Good thing I got my windshield replaced when I did.  They talked about raising Collision as well but my deducible is already at their $250 minimum, so I am safe.  It just means a slight decrease in premium come renewal time.  The other note I got was that they pulled my credit history for the homeowner’s policy.  There were many reasons they cited for giving me a higher rate.  I have no idea what the rate is, I suspect it was already figured into the quote.  I will know for sure when the policy arrives in the mail in the next few weeks.  I’d really like the refund check, but I know they will drag their feet with that.

Not sure if I told you but I picked up some Doritos Jacked chips from the store.  Man they are so good I want to eat the whole bag.  There is a bite to them but it’s mild, hot enough to make you want a drink of water but that cools everything off.  I think I will be buying more of them.  They are large chips and mostly were in tact, which was a surprise.

Supper tonight I think will be Mac & Cheese.  This won’t be the good stuff with 7 cheeses in it, but the boring plain stuff that I picked up by mistake.  I may have the BBQ Beef with it or maybe the left over Chicken Nuggets.  Kind of depends upon how I feel and how much effort I want to exert. 

I gave TAZ his medicine last night.  He was just a little surprised but he tolerated it.  I will have to keep an eye on him to see if it helped. Big Boy is still doing well.  I listened to his lungs today and I am no doctor but they don’t sound good to me.  He has been worse in the past.  I worry something horrible about him.  I worry if I will find him dead one night when I come home or wake up some morning and make the discovery.  I almost want to get it over with but I’m not going to rush things for my convenience, it’s just not ethical to me.  He still has a very good quality of life. 

I still have some pie left (yes I know I said pie) I am slowly working on making it disappear.  I also have one Carmel Cinnamon Roll left and I am ready to go back for more of them.  They are so damn good.  They must make them with crack.  To force you to crave them.  Nah, maybe not crack maybe just a lot of butter & cinnamon. 

Last night I heard about The Gay Blood drive.  If you haven’t heard of it or want to know more, just plug it in to Google.  It’s a peaceful demonstration where on a specific day around the US gay men will go to their local blood banks, get tested for AIDS and then try to donate blood and be turned away.  The organizer is an OUT Film Maker who is making a documentary called 2nd Class Citizen.  It’s about how Gay people are treated here in the US.  He is going to take the results of the rapid HIV tests and show the CDC (I think) that they are turning away all of this good blood.  They complain because the supply is low but they don’t want gay blood because it’s too risky.  Well 20 years ago we didn’t have rapid HIV testing and if you can test for it and turn away those who are infected, then I think it’s perfectly okay.  If you are a man and have had sex with another man in the last 3 decades you are banned from giving blood in the US.  It’s all done on the honor system, so if your not a regular donor what’s to say that you show up gay as gay can be but deny being gay, they take your blood and viola it’s in the system.  If of course you are honest, then the system already has you flagged.  Personally, I don’t like needles so I am not terribly worried about this but it would be nice if the law was changed.  Other countries have reversed their decisions on banning gay blood, why not us?

Well I need to get back to the salt mine, I am slowly chipping away and who knows if things go well I might make some progress today.  Looking forward to Franklin & Bash tonight.  Tomorrow is Thursday so we should have some breathing room here at work.  Friday I am going out with a co-worker for lunch.  Saturday I think I may have a sleeping contest with Jumper, at least it sounds good to me right now.  Down hill slide from here.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Breaking News….This just in

Lawsuit has been served.  Union has the next move…waiting with baited breath. :)

Strange

Last night I got an e-mail from my boss asking me to submit to him a list of projects I was working on, what they entailed and how long it would be before each one was done. 

I suppose I could go to him and ask why he wanted this information but I don’t feel that would be a good move.  There are only three reasons I can think of 1.  They want to replace me.  2.  They are thinking of getting me a helper.  3.  They are just nosy and want to know what I am doing with my time.   I suppose eventually it will play out.

Yesterday I was just dumped on with the travel thing.  I am more than over loaded right now.  It may cause some unseasoned people to freak out.  Normally it would cause me to freak out.  However, I just do one thing at a time.  I take the TAZ method … one foot in front of the other, eventually I will get to where I am going.  If you saw him walk, you would understand more, but he walks very slow unless there is a reason to do otherwise. 

I got a good surprise in the mail, something you might never ever see.  It was the Electric Bill and it said please pay $000.00.  Yep, one month free electric & gas.  We (I) are on budget billing so they adjust apparently on an annual basis.  Next month the bill will go down to $196, which is nice.  If they don’t want money I am not sending in any. 

The court documents arrived at the process server yesterday.  The documents should be served tomorrow or no later than Friday.  I signed up for 2 day service so I suspect it will be tomorrow.  However, matters not to me just so long as they get it.  Then we shall see what move they make next.  My best guess tells me we will go to trial.

Big Boy appears to be over his bought with DIahrea, at least last night he was.  Now TAZ has it.  It’s just like having kids one gets sick, they get better but passed it off to another.  Hopefully this doesn’t progress all through the house.  I found the medicine on-line through Amazon last night.  It’s not cheap but it’s less expensive than going to the vet.  I’ve got a few pills left and they have to be broken up, so it should last for a while.  TAZ gets a dose tonight, wish me luck, he doesn’t do so well with pills. 

BBQ Pork was okay, not the best and certainly not Jack Daniels.  I’ve got some left over but not sure if or when I will eat it.  Tonight I think is a Pot Pie night.  Simple but takes 10 minutes.  Then it’s boiling hot and you have to wait a couple minutes to eat.  My favorite part is breaking the crust and hearing the sizzle.  I let the juice soften up the crust.  Then it’s time to get my yum on.  Might not be the best meal in the world, might not even be healthy but it’s what for dinner. 

I still haven’t heard from dreamboat on the gay dating site.  However, they match you with a different person each day, if you both say yes then you know about it and can make date arrangements or whatever.  Today was an okay guy who is a couple years older than me.  I said yes just to see what happens.  Plus I’ve got my eye on another guy.  Not sure if I will hear from anyone or this whole little experiment will work but at least I can say I tried. 

Get to go to a meeting in a while to talk about what I will be doing on the road, who is going, etc.  I doubt that I will have specific dates this week.  I called my friends the cat sitters and July is a real pain in the ass for them.  If we can do August or even September that will be fine.  They are not excited but I told them no need to worry about medicine, just food and litter.  That’s all.  I figure if they could go for a week without medicine before they can do it again.  The other chief worry is what if Big Boy croaks while I am gone.  Well that is just the chance I will have to take.  I won’t want to get that news while I am on the road but I will want to know.  I’d ask them to keep him on ice for 24 hours to allow me to make arrangements to get home and have a wake with the other kids.  Then I am not sure if I would bury him or cremate him.  It’s something I have to think about but hopefully not something that I will have to act on anytime soon.  No matter when it happens I won’t be prepared, because you can just never prepare for death be it a person or a pet. 

I have to tidy up a bit before it’s time to go back to the daily grind.  Today is such a non-productive day that I am just ready to call it and go home, but I can’t do that.  I don’t exactly feel the best.  Not sure if my body is rebelling from the stress of the past 3 months or if it’s just allergies.  Each morning I wake up I say today is the day I am going back to bed.  I’m being good about it and coming in but I really just want to crash and not think about anything.  Relaxing is so hard for me to do.  Usually it requires some medication and a nice bed.  However, since I am the sole supporter at home I have to stay lucid for the children’s sake.  Ah well only a few more days and the weekend will be here.  Last week at this time I was saying only one more day.  Too bad that isn’t the case now. Another holiday would be nice. 

We have to work until September (Labor Day) until we get our next holiday.  That is like 2 months away.  Then it will be Thanksgiving and finally Christmas.  Then time to start all over again.  Big holidays like Thanksgiving & Christmas are going to probably be really hard.  However, one day and one step at a time. 

Off to tend to business now.  Talk with you peeps later.

Travel Time

So I found out a few short hours ago that I will be traveling across the country again.  I have to go back to each place and do security assessments from an IT perspective.  Everything has to be done by mid September so it looks like I will be on the road quite a bit.  I don’t have any details yet but they should be forthcoming soon.  I have to tell my cat sitting friends, I know they will be so thrilled.  I just hope it’s like 1 week at a time and not 2 or 3 weeks in a row.  Otherwise I will have to leave money behind for cat food and litter.  That would be asking a lot.

I heard back from the attorney regarding the wrongful death case.  He has to send the records to an expert and it will take about 2 weeks to get an opinion back.  I can only hope there is  a case.

I had a few other people view my profile on the dating site, they are all no where near me.  I don’t get it, why look at someone’s profile that is more than 100 miles from you.  The chances of you crossing paths are slim to none.  Unless they are looking for a hookup and I’m not playing that game, too much risk and not enough reward.  If you know what I mean.

Children were chomping at the bit about getting fed this morning.  Shy Girl was very affectionate, I guess everyone knew I didn’t really want to come to work.  If it wasn’t for the meeting that told me I had to travel, I wouldn’t have shown up at all.  I could have used another day just to lay in bed and think about nothing. 

The cute guy here at work has yet to respond to my friend request.  Either he thinks I am creepy, he is not interested or he just doesn’t get on social media all that much.  In any case, that is perfectly okay. 

It’s a busy day and that is a good thing.  Means that quitting time will come that much sooner.  Hopefully I don’t get the 2 or 3 pm lag where it seems like the earth is standing still.

Traffic wasn’t too bad this morning, I think a lot of people have started to schedule vacation and so it will be sporadic until August when kids go back to school and life evens out a little more for the average family.

BBQ Pork for supper, got to get the trash set out and who knows what fresh hell awaits me in the mail.  Then time to relax a little bit and prepare for doing it all over again tomorrow.  Gosh this working for a living really sucks but I am so thankful to have a job.  Living without one when it’s your only means for support really sucks!

Well speaking of work, I should get back to it.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Jelly Beans

I know one particular food item makes one of you drool.  I hope that Jelly Beans don’t have the same effect on any of you. 

As for me, the photo at the top is enough to make me drool. 

Just finished changing up the blog.  I always enjoy that but it’s hard to decide on what looks best. 

Evening is progressing, everyone has been fed.  Laundry is done but needs to be put away.  Lunch still needs to be made and I am taking a nice hot shower to try to relax and prepare for Mundane Monday that I so don’t look forward to. 

Had someone from Santa Fe New Mexico look at my profile.  Nice but I am no where even close to Santa Fe or New Mexico for that matter. 

Well getting to it now.  Talk with you jellybeans later. 

Something new

So I slept on it and decided that I really have nothing to loose by hitting up guys on a dating site.  I of course know to use caution and obviously only meet in public places.

Against my better judgment I paid for a subscription to a site and messaged someone.  Not sure if they will message back but time will tell. 

I did some browsing like I was looking for clothes or something.  I found another guy that looks nice.  I want to take it slow.  I don’t plan on letting my subscription go past the one month mark, unless of course the site is working for me.

I am surprised at myself but at the same time looking forward to seeing what happens.  I don’t do the bar scene and where exactly can you go to meet another guy for something other than sex?  I mean I am not looking for a one night stand, I want something long term.  I realize that the Gay Community is mostly about getting it on and then moving on.  However, there are guys who want relationships, guys who want to get married.  I am afraid of getting my heart broken but nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Another way of saying it is doing nothing, changes nothing. 

I may not ever meet or hear from guys I message, then again I may be headed to a restaurant for a date.  It’s a whole new world!

Average Sunday for me, outside of the above.  I woke up around 9, fed the children came back to bed and snuggled with jumper.  Tried to go back to sleep but that didn’t work out.  Got up, had a Carmel Cinnamon Roll & Diet Dr. Pepper for breakfast.  Got dressed, headed out to the grocery store.  Saw a couple of cute guys, did my shopping and came home.  Unloaded everything.  Then went back out to Target to pick up of all things an Air Compressor.  Specifically, I got the Black & Decker Air Station.  It’s neat in that you tell it the pressure you need, hook it up and turn it on.  It does the rest and when it reaches the limit you set, it turns it’s self off.  No more guessing!  Its powered from your car or from AC, it also included accessories to blow up balls or I suppose even a blow up doll.  Hmmm, should I invest in one of those?

Then I walked to the Mexican place that is close by, figured I could use the exercise but didn’t take into consideration the heat.  I was sweating when I got there.  Ordered an average meal.  I got my cheese & rice which is always good.  Came back home.

Checked out my air pressure on my car, made sure I had windshield washer fluid.  I also for giggles checked my oil.  I was surprised that I could use some.  I wasn’t in the danger zone but did loose a little.  Not exactly sure if that is normal.  My baby is approaching 30 thousand miles and is only 3 1/2 years old.  I added some oil but it didn’t seem to make much of a difference.  Will keep my eyes peeled.  I was more worried about my partners truck.  I check it and it used a little bit of oil but there was certainly plenty there.  It burns oil so you can understand my concern.  However, I never expected my car to say it needed oil. 

No big expenses are needed right now.  I am dealing with a bunch of things and honestly I don’t need a single major thing to go wrong or for any unplanned expenses to come up.  I want to be able to hold on to every last penny I have because one never knows when that rainy day will hit.  I feel bad because I used some savings to pay my credit card for this month.  However, I don’t like carrying a balance.  Credit Cards are a trap and unless you realize that going in, you will certainly fall victim and wind up paying interest charges.  Sure you can pay things off over time but think of the interest they make from you.  They want you to pay the minimum every month and nothing more but looking at it long term it will take years to pay it off. 

I have some clean up work to do with my e-mail and my desk.  Plus I need to fix supper, feed the children and prep for what will be a whirlwind Monday. 

I’ve already shaved,  wrangled the trash, done the dishes, and I am working on the laundry, which will be done shortly.  Here is hoping that this week is boss man free, and moves fast.  I need another weekend already. 

Having 4 days off in a row is really nice, goes by so fast and I feel like I really have nothing to show for it.  I know I accomplished several things but the big things that I didn’t get done are what concern me.  I am NOT ready to deal with his personal effects or cleaning up his office or bedroom.  It’s just far too much.  I wonder if I ever will feel like dealing with it. 

I did get a message regarding my e-bay items.  Someone thought they would be helpful and told me to lower my prices and do my research before I post something.  I know I am asking a bit much for some things, but P.T. Barnum said “There is a sucker born every minute”.  I am just trying to see if I come across one of them and can make them part with their money.  If so great for me.  If not then I will consider lowering my prices, but I have to give it time.  I don’t want to give stuff away, I mean these are prized items that mean something to me, just getting me to part with them is saying a lot.

Well laundry, supper and the kids are calling, so off to tend to those items.  Talk with you peeps later.

Gay Dating

So I found myself watching a horrible movie last night.  It had to do with Gay Dating & Relationships.  They talked about Adam 4 Adam, never heard of it so I thought check it out.

I did that and also found Zoosk.  There is a handsome fellow on Zoosk that I really like.  Just don’t know about approaching him – if it’s the right thing for me.  Adam 4 Adam is a bust and I deleted my profile as fast as I created it.  They don’t allow you to filter to your specific area unless your in certain parts of the US.

Zoosk requires a facial photo, which I reluctantly uploaded.  Then I saw other photos and thought wow you don’t have to have a facial photo so I altered my photo and you can no longer see my face.  You never know who is going to be looking at your profile and there are certainly some whack jobs out there.

I honestly have no idea what to put in a profile to attract someone.  Plus I don’t know if I am really ready for this as much as I would like to try it.  Is this the right time?  I’ve got so much baggage right now I don’t know if I want to jump on another rollercoaster just yet.

It’s interesting to look, all sorts of guys out there.  I suppose Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Now is out there for me, it’s just finding him.  It’s all about timing and I have no idea when or if I will ever truly be brave enough to go on the hunt.

The guy that I hit up initially still has his profile on Match and in fact he was active in the last 24 hours.  He told me that he should delete his profile because he had a boyfriend.  Yeah, what a load of crap.  I’ve got some extra weight and he didn’t want to bother with me.  Like fat people don’t deserve a companion. 

I can’t say I am in shape but I am not morbidly obese.  I love my food and no one will change that.  I am totally allergic to exercise.  I don’t mind going for a walk but that is about the extent of it. 

I’d like someone to call mine but I think once they hear my story they may in fact run the other way.  I can’t afford to be taken advantage of and I don’t know that I could handle being dumped.  However, if I hit it off with someone and the spark was there who knows what would happen.  It’s all about risk taking and I guess I am eager to get my feet wet but at the same time I think the water might be just a tad too cold for me.

When I see someone cute it just makes me motivated to want to hit them up.  I am obsessing about this guy right now who for all practical purposes I should probably just forget about.  I am not doing anything rash right now, will sleep on it.  If I feel that strongly tomorrow I will work on finishing my profile and making contact.  Otherwise, it will be wait some more.

 

In other news, the medical records arrived today.  I have scanned them in and e-mailed them to the attorney for review.  I asked him to let me know if I have a case or not.  Some of the information is in accurate like the time I last saw him as normal, they say I said 8:30 but I know I said 9:30.  I never, ever go to bed at 8:30.  I start getting ready but I have to have time to wind down. 

I read everything not that I could exactly understand everything but it was very apparent that his condition was much more serious than I initially thought.  I relived the entire experience by reading medical records.  There were over 40 pages and I have no bill, so I presume they just gave them to me.  If so, I am truly grateful.  Lord knows I need a break.

I have been thinking about the Minister that he used to write to.  That man said that we would come into a financial windfall.  We both thought that meant winning the lottery.  Now I am wondering if it was me that will come into the windfall through a lawsuit.  Lord knows I need money but I didn’t want it this way.  If however given the circumstances there is a case to pursue then I will take every penny I can get my hands on. 

No amount of money will ever bring him back or restore what we had.  However, money can make me confortable and take away some of the financial pressures that I am under.  If I could get enough to pay off the house, the bankruptcy I would be okay with that.  However, being greedy I would like a little more just as a safety net.  Of course instead of paying off the house, I could just bank it and borrow as needed, that would get me interest.  Something to think about, provided I come into money.

Right now it’s money that is going.  I dipped into savings to pay off my credit card and a few other bills.  I get paid on Monday but I just wanted to have things over and done with.  I’ve got 2 bills I am waiting on and then I will be done for the month.  Which will be nice.

I didn’t accomplish anywhere close to what I wanted to.  Cleaning out and throwing away just wasn’t in me.  I was fired up but it just didn’t happen.  I wanted to kick ass but instead just relaxed and was lazy.  I still have one more day and well I may kick it in to high gear tomorrow but I don’t expect that to happen. 

People food shopping tomorrow, followed by some Mexican food which I am totally hungry for.  Not sure on where I am going there are 3 places close and all of which are reasonable.  It will either be lunch or supper.  I’ve got my breakfast in the fridge.

Tonight I went out with my mom and brother to Olive Garden.  It was nice to see them.  Mom sure has put on the weight and she totally fried her hair.  She wants to get back into hospice but I really don’t think they should let her.  She is delusional and that is just not the type of person that should be going to see people that are about to die.  Much less dealing with their families.  Not my worry though.  The meal was nice.  I totally expected them to pick up mine and they had the same thought.  However, I told the waitress separate checks so that solved it.  No hurt feelings.  We each paid our fair share and called it a day.  I cheated though because I had a gift card.  It’s all gone $25 for one damn meal.  Now I know why I don’t hit Olive Garden that often. 

Monday will suck because I have all sorts of little tasks waiting for me.  I don’t want to deal with all of them but I really don’t have a choice.  Just as long as boss man keeps his distance I think I will be okay.  Plus I need to get two machines started and finished to keep on schedule.  Otherwise, it will just delay my big finish which right now looks to be months away.  Holy cow!

Well time to head up and watch TV.  Morning will be here before you know it.  Then I will be really sad because it’s Sunday and Sunday’s just suck.  One more day closer to Monday and the daily 5 day a week grind that I so loathe. 

Oh one good thing happened, I listed several items on e bay.  I did both a fixed price and allowed folks to bid.  If you give them the weight and dimensions then tell them the carrier, they figure shipping for you.  I did say all sales are final I don’t want any returns.  I have a few more things to list but wanted to see how this pans out.  Everything I listed will be up for 30 days.  If it doesn’t sell then I will consider lowering prices to get it to move.  I did raise some prices just because I thought I could get more out of certain items.  I look forward to seeing what happens and my hopes are not up.  I honestly think no one will want any of it but I have to at least try.  I don’t want to give stuff away.

e bay charges you fees for little things like the layout, so you have to be careful.  I listed everything with basic settings so I didn’t have to pay any fees.  You have to upload photos, at least 1 of each item.  I had the covered.  We shall see.

Happy Weekend or what’s left of it.  Talk with you peeps later.

Quick update

Had to work all day on the 3rd.  Kind of sucked but it is what is.

Got home to find my steam cleaner, cleaning solutions, net talk duo and feliaway all waiting for me on my front porch.  Lugged it all inside and started opening packages like a kid at Christmas time, after I fed the children.

Net Talk Duo is everything I wanted & more.  I got a local number so eventually I can tell Ma Bell aka AT&T to reduce the number of features on my phone so the bill goes down!  I will still have a landline phone because of the alarm but the bill should be less.  Right now I am just trying it out.  I’ve talked with my friend in Canada, called my brother & mother as well as made business calls all works fine. 

Steam Cleaner works very close to the rental unit.  The clean up of the unit is more cumbersome and cat hair is everywhere, just like with the commercial rental unit.  Geez you never knew what was in the carpet until you cleaned it.  I like the convenience but with the unexpected bills I kind of wish I would have held off for a little longer.  It’s got a 1 tank system.  There is a plastic bladder for the clean water and the dirty water collects below it, not a big fan of that.  Wish I would have stuck with the original item I wanted, would have saved money and gotten a tank that put clean water in one side and dirty in the other instead of this bladder system.  If the bladder breaks I am screwed.  Plus it runs on two belts, like a vacuum which I didn’t know.  Something to break and have to replace.  Joy!

Went to my friends house for the 4th.  They had monster burgers but they were raw inside, not a big fan of that.  Plus they just pour Pork & Beans from the can into a dish, no heat.  Ick.  They bought there potato salad already made from a local grocery store.  Desert was the same way.  It was pink lemonade cake.  Damn if it would have been refrigerated and I had a nice glass of milk, that would have been much better.  All in all not too bad. 

I was kind of abrupt with their guests they asked where my better half was and I just replied he is dead.  Jesus I couldn’t believe I said it.  I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly and kind of tired of questions.  I apologized and they wanted to know details so I told the story. 

I was home at the actual time he passed 3 months ago.  It felt and still feels so lonely here.  The cats help but it’s just not the same thing.

Fireworks went on for hours last night.  The kids were very well behaved.  No one flew off the handle and I didn’t bother to watch.  I was too busy watching TV.  We re-watched American Wedding.  I had all of Momma’s Family in the room with me.  Shy Girl was most interested in it.  She used to sit and watch interior decorating shows with my partner when she was a new born.  Her sister liked the cooking shows.  Kind of funny.  It was a good movie and eventually I fell asleep, which was the whole point of watching TV in the first place.

Woke up early got in breakfast.  Gathered documents I would need.  Made a list of places to visit and things I wanted to do today.  2 things didn’t happen.  Checking on the mortgage because I was put on hold and calling Net Talk Duo Customer Service again because I was placed on hold. 

Made it to the Insurance Agent and now have Home Owners Insurance.  Joy.  Very high deductible if there is roof damage because it’s the original roof from when we first moved in 15 years ago.  I need to get some quotes for getting a new roof but I am sure that will be like 4 thousand dollars and I don’t want to part with the cash right now.  So much is up in the air.  The roof is fine and we have no leaks, so leaving well enough alone for now.

Visited the cemetery and they had my letter.  Why they didn’t bother to respond is beyond me.  I learned that cemetery plots are “family property”.  Meaning that they pass down a blood line.  So if he would have specifically left in his will a section that mentioned the plot I would get it with no work required.  Now if I want it I have to go research his mothers side of the family and get death certificates for everyone.  If any of her brothers or sisters had children then they own a portion of the plot and would have to convey it to me.  Way too much work for a plot that she only paid $179 – I would just as soon it sit empty.  I could give it to his son but instead it will just sit empty, no harm, no foul.

Filed my lawsuit today.  Didn’t realize but I had to hire a process server to serve the summons on the union.  It’s in the mail and it should be served within the next 2 weeks.  They have until mid August to file a response.  They automatically have to send me a copy so I am kept informed and it will cost them money to file their response.  So maybe they won’t be paying me but they will be paying for screwing with me.  Just as long as if I loose I don’t have to pay for their expenses because I am sure whatever attorney they hire will be very expensive.  I am figuring if we go to trial that it will be September or October before that happens.  All I want is my money and I will go away but I honestly don’t see them offering me a settlement, they will drag this out until we get in front of a judge.  Now is the time where I could leak this to the media, I mean I told them I was going to sue them but they didn’t believe that.  I told them the media could get ahold of the story maybe I will scare them but I honestly think I am a pimple in the grand scheme of things.

I went for pie today.  That was a interesting trip.  I thought I would have to get a motel to take a nap on the way up.  I got so drowsy but after a good meal and my pie I was all set.  Took home a Custard Pie & some Carmel Nut Cinnamon Rolls.  Got gas for the car and boogied home.  Been here ever since.  Had a slice of pie for “supper”.  Now I am hungry for Mexican Food.  There is a local place that I want to try so I may venture there tomorrow.  It’s a considerable drive so that may cause me to re-think things.

Talked to the lady at the post office and learned that Congress mandated Saturday mail delivery so they are still going to be delivering mail on Saturdays for the foreseeable future. 

Got my haircut and that pretty much rounds out the past two days.  Now its off to medicate the children and take care of litter box duty.  Then to scramble to find something to watch on TV.  Oh joy!

I thought about starting to clean but have talked myself out of that.  Perhaps tomorrow, perhaps another day.  Time will tell.

That’s all for now folks.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Surprise another bill

Last nights mail brought me an envelope from the attorney I used to write the letter to the union.  I thought maybe they came to their senses and mailed a check.  Nope, it was a bill from him to me.  I asked him to write a simple letter but he charged me for three hours of work.  I don’t honestly think he put that much time into it but what am I going to do argue with a lawyer?  Nah, just paid him and he is out of my hair.

Called about Medical Records today, they said they will be in the mail shortly.  I am looking forward to getting them.

My Carpet Cleaner is sitting on my porch along with everything else I ordered from Amazon.  Hopefully it will all still be there when I get home.  I am looking forward to seeing how it preforms.  I have plenty of spots to test it on.

Got a call last night from a friend who invited me over for the 4th.  I was going to go for pie but I guess not now.  I am going to try to make the trip this weekend, it will just be nice to get away.

Speaking of getting away, I asked about what time we are closing today.  Looks like we are working the whole day.  Only because the boss man is here.  My he looks horrible, not sure if it’s depression or if he is sick.  Either way he needs some R&R. 

I got a phone call today from my guys doctors office again.  They still have no record of getting a death certificate but I’ve sent it 4 times.  I had to fax them a copy.  I sent it with a not so nice letter telling them to leave me alone.  Honestly the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.  Hopefully this does the trick.

I hope the mail tonight isn’t filled with any more unplanned expenses.  My money is starting to run thin and I’m close to having to dip into savings, which I am trying to avoid at all costs.  The longer the money stays in the bank the more interest I earn. 

I have no desire to get back to working, but the more involved I am the faster this day will be done with.  I am so watching the clock and wondering how we managed to make it to noon.  I can’t imagine what I will feel like come quitting time.

There are a multitude of things that I want to accomplish.  I have a feeling I have overwhelmed myself with tasks.  I think I will be disappointed when I look back but only time will tell.

I hear airplanes right now making practice runs for the air show that will start tomorrow.  Always a tradition on the 3rd of July.  I can remember riding home and watching them.  Back when life was more enjoyable.  I like hearing the sounds but being able to see them would be better, plus it would be a good excuse to goof off.  Like I really need an excuse.

Well back to the salt mine.  4 days will be nice but after it’s over with the only thing I have to look forward to is going to the doctor later in the month and that gets me a Friday off.  Whoopee!  Even if it is a date with a needle I guess it’s something to look forward to.  At least I will get a little prick!

Talk with you peeps later.

Tuesday

I am not able to remote in to my computer, it probably needs to be rebooted.  Thankfully I have my iPhone or I would be lost without access to my e-mail.

I heard from an attorney that was looking into the appeal process and I was told today that the ruling by the Supreme Court on DOMA only affected Gay Married Couples.  Not couples who were in a Civil Union.  Therefore there is no basis for appeal.  Okay but I am still suing the bastards unless they write me a check.  Doesn't mean I will win but I am doing everything I can to try to get the money that I feel is mine.  If I fail at least I will know that I tried and that is better than wondering what if.

Last night I went shopping again on Amazon.  This time it was a large purchase.  I bought a steam cleaner.  It's a good move, provided it works close to what I rent.  It will be delivered tomorrow so I am anxious.

It's been raining here from the time I got up.  It is in the forecast for the next few days.  Looks like weather wise this holiday weekend might just suck. There are flash flood warnings out so I suppose the commute tonight will be a little longer.  All though it moved pretty quick for a rainy Tuesday to get here.  I made it in good time.

Last night I slept alone.  No one wanted to come in.  Tonight I will be crawling with cats or it's what I suspect.  Felt good to have my twin bed all to myself.  However, my body suspected something was up and I woke up a couple times.  Thankfully I was able to get back to sleep.

Still watching Season 1 of Suits.  I really enjoy this show it takes me away from the hum drum of everyday life. 

After I finished my lunch I thought for a brief second about calling up my partner.  We used to talk at lunch everyday like clock work.  I so miss that.  Even the dull and boring conversations, it was good to hear his voice.  Shame that won't happen again.  Yes, I still miss him.

I've got plans this weekend to kick ass with clean up and trying to get stuff listed for sale.  I am not sure how I will fair but right now I am ready to go.  Who knows I might even do some of his laundry.  My sights are set high but I am not sure when the rubber meets the road how well I will do.  Everything will get done in time. 

The important things are covered, it's taking care of the less important things that I am having my struggles with.  I know I will get there and there is no rush however I am at the stage right now where I just want it all over and done with.  I am ready to move on.  It won't be easy or fun but I am so tired of the constant reminder that he is gone.  I want to relax and finally be able to unwind instead of the constant stress I live under.

Oh yeah I got a horrible surprise in the mail last night.  A bill for $300 for blood work.  It was addressed to me because it's the bill from the blood work I had done almost 3 months ago.  Totally unprepared for it but I wrote a check and paid it.  I can't deal with surprises like that, they always catch me off guard and make me angry.

Well I should scoot back to work.  Talk with you peeps later.

Ready to file

I brought my complaint to work and my friend notarized it.  The next step is to appear in person at the courthouse to file the document and pay the filing fee.  I called and found out yes, they are open on Friday.  They also take credit cards, cash and check.  They told me just to bring the complaint, no need for evidence.  As most people when they find out they are being sued tend to settle.  That is fine and dandy but I don’t think these bastards are going to settle.  I think they will be surprised that I actually followed through.  I will be filing it on Friday despite the fact I am one day early.  I figure that will get this done just that much sooner. 

I got all of the documents that Bankruptcy attorney needs.  Only problem is he is only in on Monday & Thursdays.  Must be nice.  He works Saturdays as well but is booked until the 27th.  So I took that day.  I am thinking of just mailing him copies of what he needs and explaining to him that I will be in on that Saturday.  That will give him time to review everything and he won’t have to make a snap decision. 

I went online and found the form to transfer my partners vehicle into my name. I can take care of it on my own.  No need for a Notary or even a witness.  You sware your telling the truth and if your not they come after you.  I think I will leave well enough alone because first it would mean new license plates, which are $100 + as well as the title and transfer costs.  I have no idea about taxes since it’s an inheritance but I could probably figure all of that out on my own.  Many years back I used to get tittles and license plates for vehicles as part of my job.  I even wrote out temporary permits until plates came in. 

Last night I gave Jumper both of his medicines and he is fine this morning.  Acting normal, so I think I found the recipe for success even though he won’t like it.  Both meds at the same time. 

I forgot about giving Big Boy the extra pill for his diarrhea.  I bought up a bunch of Fancy Feast and he isn’t used to that.  I suspect that is the cause of the problem.  So no more Fancy Feast for him. 

Lunch is done.  I finished up the facility I was working on and have moved to do an emergency desktop build.  Then I will go back to my little project.  Nice to get a break.  64 more to go. 

Despite the fact it’s Monday and I really don’t want to be here.  Things are pretty good.  Traffic was breezy this morning.  I suspect it will only get easier as we get closer to the BIG DAY here.  Last year we closed early on the 3rd because traffic is so horrible.  I hope the same holds true for this year.  I am counting on it.

I answered two trivia questions last night on FB and it should have won me $20 at the vet.  I haven’t been notified of any winnings just yet, but that will help when I have to take momma back to get her blood work re-done.  That will probably be an on-going thing until everything is settled with her level.

So ready to go home, like every other day I am here I would rather be at home.  Next Monday is going to suck because it will be back to 5 days again.  I really hope the time goes by very slowly so that I can get everything done I want to.

That is about as exciting as things get here for a Monday.  I hope all is well in your world.  I will talk with you peeps later.