03 August 2016

Depression

Out of no where I seem to be in a depressed state.  Today is the second day, hopefully it goes away.  Generally just feeling sorry for myself and wondering where my Romeo is. 

It didn’t help that I saw 2 dry pee pads when I woke up.  At least one of them is soaked.  Fearing that the worst is happening, I gave him a lower dose of the supplement, his regular morning pill and then threw in a muscle relaxer.  Got to work looked on the camera and he is out like a light.  Rolled over on his back just having a good time.  I looked away to actually do some work (don’t tell anyone, I’ve got a reputation to uphold) and then came back he was in the living room.  Given where he was I would say that he went to the bathroom, I won’t know for sure until I get home.  If I get home and the pads haven’t peen used then we are in serious trouble. 

Bear has really been on my mind a lot lately, wondering what is going to take him, if I will have to make a decision and if it’s possible to lower his urine Ph too much.  I did a cursory look and it appears the higher the Ph the more likley they are to have urinary issues, which is why you take the supplement to lower the Ph.  I didn’t see anything saying there are dangers you can’t go too low either.  I need to look more into it, before I make a formal decision on how much of this supplement he should have.  Taking a fist full of pills is really becoming a chore for both of us.  He just knows that after he takes the pill, daddy gives him some food with gravy and he’s happy. 

There have been several times that I have wished that I didn’t have any cats.  They are what keeps me going.  With the way I have felt yesterday and today, I really just want to check out.  I don’t think I can find what I am looking for, I don’t think that I will ever truly be totally 100% happy again and that life is just going to get more complicated.  While that is is thought, back to reality and the fact that I do have cats and they need food – we all need a place to stay and therefore I have to go to work.  I really honestly think that a weeks vacation to some place that I could get away to, unwind and relax would benefit me in so many ways.  I would have to leave my worries and troubles at home and be able to just be me.  I am always on guard and just need to relax – a nice ocean breeze and some cute guys would do me well.  Again back to reality that isn’t going to happen.

So while I am concerned about the mood I am in, I take solace in the fact that this too shall pass and life will go back to some state of normal again soon.  There is a little more to this story with regards to worries and troubles than I can document, but time is my friend and time will cause everything to pass.  I am ready to get on with life and get away from drama, trauma and troubles in general.  Problem is then I find myself all alone.  Some alone time is good but being alone 24 x7 365 that gets old fast.

Looking forward to Spaghetti and Garlic Bread tonight for supper.  Had an amazing Beef Burrito last night and finished off the last Chocolate Chip Muffin.  I put in the refrigerator which dried it out some but it at least kept it away from prying paws. 

Back to the circus otherwise known to you as work!  Hope your doing way better than me!!

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