21 June 2015

Happy Father’s Day

Lot’s of guys today are celebrating Father’s Day.  I myself am a Pet Dad and that is the closest that I believe I will ever become to being a father. 

As for my father I never knew him, he chose to disown me and my brother.  Why?  My best guess is because he wasn’t ready to be a father.  He just wanted to have a good time and didn’t think that little squirt would turn into a human being.  He got his rocks off a couple times and called it a day.  While I understand about getting your rocks off, I don’t understand how you can turn your back on something that you created.  Plus think of all of the harm you did by walking away.  There are psychological issues that come with being abandoned and having to grow up without your actual father being around.

Fortunately for my brother and I we had our grandparents to raise us.  Each of them imparted knowledge and wisdom.  In some ways this was better because they had been around the block more than our Mother, so I’d like to think that we are a little better off.  While I didn’t get along with my Grandfather I did care for him.  My sexuality was the elephant in the room that we just never talked about.  He knew I was gay but neither of us knew how to broach the subject, so what resulted in keeping feelings bottled up was tension which fueled many disagreements.  We tolerated each other.  I miss him.  I am certain that he never expected me to amount to anything.  Why?  Because he told me so.  How surprised he would be that I climbed the ladder and am making a decent living, own a house, two vehicles and 5 cats.  While my brother didn’t make it in the world and he is stuck working a manual labor job, has taken serious cuts in pay, let his health go and is stuck with a  girlfriend.  That just isn’t the way Grandpa envisioned things turning out but they did.  Grandpa planted a seed by telling me that I would amount to nothing.  It was a challenge for me to disprove him and I did.  He coddled my brother because they saw eye to eye on everything.  In the end I think I got the better deal. 

In some ways my late partner was also a father figure for me.  He encouraged me and stood by me in trying times.  He pushed me to go farther and reach for the stars.  He didn’t believe that I had a learning disability.  He realized that was an excuse to hide behind.  So it took a little extra effort to get me to learn, I wasn’t disabled in anyway – I just needed some extra time to catch on.  His own son abandoned him and that crushed him.  He was taken advantage of and hurt many times over.  It was sad to see someone who actually had a father toss him away like a cellophane rapper.  I sure miss him, but have learned to move on with my life as uncomfortable as it is.

Then there is Father LB the cat that I lost last month.  We just called him LB but I referred to him at times as Father LB.  I remember when he had kittens with Angel.  She was a beautiful cat but I don’t have any photos of her.  While a human couldn’t touch LB, he let his children climb all over him.  He baby sat them while momma had some alone time.  I remember that event like it was yesterday.  LB was a great father.  I miss him and being able to hold him in my arms, scratch his back and belly while watching him eat it up.  He was a very good cat and I know that his life was better because our paths crossed.

Most any guy can father a child, the real challenge is being a Dad.  That means you raise your kids, help them learn wrong from right, teach them and bring them up.  That your there for them in good times and in bad.  You get where I’m going with this.  I think it’s great that we have Father’s Day but this day for me isn’t about Father’s it’s about Dad’s.  They are the ones who deserve to have this special day.

So to all the Dad’s Happy Father’s Day!

1 comment:

Jude said...

Amen! I agree, anyone can be a father but not everyone is a good Dad.