From Bad to Worse

I was able to accomplish all of the tasks I set out to do.  That is a little glimmer of positivity in what is going to turn out to be a negative post.

Saturday’s mail brought me the dread 45 day letter.  Letting me know that the Bankruptcy payments are behind and that I need to get current with in the next 45 days or the case will be dismissed.  This is exactly what I was trying to avoid, but at least I have 45 days.  I think my letter that was sent to the Bankruptcy attorney is on point and timed even more perfectly, because he too will get a copy of the letter that I got, letting him know that payments aren’t being made.  Perhaps that will cajole him into action, but I am not holding my breath.

I was able to find my therapist new place without any problems and there was no rain.  The place is amazing and the building still smells new, which is a good thing.  In this session she kept on with her persisting theme of trying to get me to see another therapist because she feels that I am in need of weekly therapy.  This is a conversation that we have had for the last several months and it’s getting old.  I am to the point where I am debating terminating our relationship.  I have the letter written, I am just debating on what to do because once I move forward I won’t be able to back track.  I am an adult and fully capable of making arrangements and asking for more help if I feel I need it.  Right now I am scheduled to go back in a couple weeks.  She did provide me with some names of other therapists to check out if I wanted to.  One of them was a man who is closer and deals with LGBT issues.  My reason for not wanting to change is because I have to rehash the past and I feel like that will hinder progress – it will take at least one if not two sessions to catch someone else up to speed.  I view that as a waste of time.

So I had those two things on my mind.  Last night I got curious about my friend’s son’s graduation as a State Trooper.  I pay taxes in that state and feel that it is my right to attend the ceremony if I so chose.  Well turns out I found out that it is open to the public.  I confronted my friend about it and she admitted to lying to me.  She said that her son didn’t want anyone but immediate family because this was his special day.  She thought originally that I would figure things out and think that I was disinvited because I am gay.  I told her that never entered my mind.  I figured that I wasn’t wanted but couldn’t put my finger on it.  Now that I have the truth I have half a mind to show up and boo his ass off the stage at the risk of being arrested.  Will I do that?  Nope.  I may attend just to spite them but when I think about it, I would have to stay over one night or get up super early to travel the next day.  It would wipe me out and really it’s not worth it.  Now I am debating on what to do with my friend.  Lying is like a pet peeve of mine – get caught and were pretty much done.  There are other mitigating factors here and I am not quite sure what to do.  I don’t have that many friends.  The biggest factor is that if I chose to terminate a friendship that will have a serious negative impact on her health.  I don’t want that to be the action that sends her to her grave or even gets her closer to the grave.  Trust me when I say it won’t take much and she will just fall right in. 

If I move forward and toss my therapist as well as my friend aside then I will be down to 2 guy friends – both of which are married and straight.  1 of which has chosen to place some distance between us and the other who is unemployed.  So it doesn’t exactly put the odds in my favor, so I am very hesitant to act.  Once I make up my mind my decision will be final and there won’t be any changing it. 

In the world of dating my therapist found an organization that she thought I might have an interest in.  It’s for gay and bi men who want to socialize.  It’s a secret club like the Masons.  So if your out they will publish your name, address, phone number and email address on the membership list – that is circulated to other members who are out.  However, if you aren’t out then you won’t get listed but you also won’t get a copy of the membership list.  There is a cost of $10 per year to join, which isn’t bad but they also expect you to volunteer for something.  They publish a monthly newsletter and distribution takes place electronically if you want it mailed you have to pay extra for that.  If you chose the electronic method then you will get the super secret password they protect their documents with and can view it.  I tried to hack the password of the current months newsletter but it’s encrypted so it would take literally years upon years to figure it out.

My mom phoned and told me that she found a dating site for homosexual men and they are all catholic.  Yippee just what I want a catholic guy.  Religion plays a very small part it’s more about the person and less about what their beliefs are.  I told her that I would check it out.  It doesn’t look that appealing from the quick glance I gave it.  I am going to take a closer look as soon as I am done here.

Then I find out that my mom is the one who threw the monkey wrench into this home loan thing.  She told the bank well I think I might owe xyz bank but I am not sure.  All of the work I did on her Bankruptcy and pulling those documents last week was not not.  I ran up a huge bill for nothing.  Now she has to produce documentation saying there isn’t a lean against her property and called me to ask for the number to the bank.  I told her liens are handled by the county and you will need to call them.  Oh she said will they mail me something saying there is not lien?  I said nope you will have to request that in person and they charge for that, it’s not free.  I told her she should have kept her damn mouth shut and that would have made life so much easier for everyone.  I knew there was more to the story than I was getting.  The only way a financial institution knows that you owe money to another bank is if it’s listed on your credit report.  Liens on the property are another matter and she would have been served if there was in fact a lien.  Then she begged me to pick her up so we could go out to eat because she is lonely.  She asked me how I combat the loneliness and I told her I have a job that keeps me pretty well occupied, provided I am moving I don’t have time to think too much about what I don’t have or what I lost. 

So between the Bankruptcy, My therapist, My lying friend and my mother I am at my wits end.  I know not what is the right move because I am overwhelmed.  Now moving on to continuing to relax, watch TV and maybe even nap.  Sunday is 1/2 over with and it seems like forever before it will end. 

I sure hope that you had a much nicer weekend that I did.  Here’s to better times ahead.  Oh I wore my rainbow shirt out and not one comment.  I guess people either don’t know what to say or are afraid of offending me.  Kind of nice to be able to make a statement without any rebuttal.