I honestly put way too much thought into this post. I was trying to think back on the major events of 2015. The biggest 2 that stand out in my mind are the Bankruptcy going away and putting a roof on the house. Those are both acomplishments. The most negative event of 2015 was back in May when I lost Taz (LB). FB showed me posts from 12/31 and the first one that showed up was from 2014 it was a photo of Taz passed out on the coffee table. I remember that photo like it was yesterday. I really miss that little guy. I sure hope he is having fun with Blu and my late partner.
I was able to stay up this year and ring in the New Year. I didn’t do anything special. I watch re-runs of shows via the A&E app. Then called it a night after midnight, went to bed and got up early this morning around 9:30a. I watched The Price Is Right and then headed to the Rehab Center (nursing home) to see my mom. The place where she is at smells and looks like a nursing home. They have a broken alarm in her wing so it sounds like someone is in need of help all of the time, there is no silence. I couldn’t sleep in a place like that. I am kind of sad to see her in that place. She didn’t have a key to the house and once she realized that she started crying. I started talking about a spare key and then she remembered that she gave a neighbor a spare key. So she called and made arrangements for me to get the key.
Today felt a lot like I buried my family. I was so sad, I wanted to cry but didn’t. The water is turned off but the gas & electric are still on. All of the good stuff is gone. I got most of the stuff my mom wanted and then I took a lot of stuff just for me. Good thing I brougt the truck because it was full when I left. The basement has water in it and the house smells mildrew and mold. No one would want to inhabit that place. It was difficult for me to be there the few hours that I was. I had plans to see a movie and grab a bite to eat but changed them once I saw that I had a mountain to deal with.
I did a quick walk through. The place was freezing because there isn’t any heat turned on. The thermostat said it was 60 degrees. I fired up the furnace since the lights worked and it was warming up but never quite got to 70. My brother is going to shit when he gets the bill for that. Not to mention the electric that I used as well. I found a charger and decided it was best to charge up my phone. The bad thing about that is I almost left the phone behind.
So the kitchen was first on my list. I looked for old glasses that I remember from growing up and was able to snag a few of them. Then there was a bottle opener, a small tape measure and general junk stuff. My brother had put both of the dressers in the kitchen, so I went through them. The one we used as kids was full of CD’s. Mom has amazing taste in music for the most part. There were tons of CD’s that were not even out of the wrapper. Some old stuff and some new stuff. I just took what I liked and some of it was taken just to piss my brother off. Then I saw what used to be grandpa’s dresser which was passed down to my brother. So I rummaged through that. There was a lot of momentos of grandpa, I am sure he wanted to keep them but I took them as well. One of which was his dog tags from WWII, we have the same name but our middle names are different. The Army didn’t print middle names or initals on dog tags so they kind of look like they are mine, except the ssn # doesn’t match up. The best find was a $25 gift card an Aunt gave to my mom for Christmas 2 years ago for Applebee’s. I checked and it’s still valid so I took it. Moving on to the living room there were coats that my mom wanted, got both of them. Then I saw some old hangers from when grandpa used to work at a major dept. store that has long since gone out of business, they were actually purchased by what is Dillard’s today. I took the hangers because they are unique. This will sound really strange but the ceiling fan in the living room had pull chains with weights on them, I took them as I knew they would be able to add pleasure to an existing adult toy I have. I was right, it feels more awesome now. I grabbed a couple blankets that were crocheted. There is a large curio cabinet that has been emptied out but I really would like it. I think it would look great in my living room once I got the mountain of dust off of it. It looks heavy so I passed on it. Next up was mom’s room. Man there was so much stuff in there. Most of which was photos of us as kids. I wanted all of my photos for nastolga sake. While the photos were probably equal it seemed to me that she had more more of my brother than me. I really wanted my baby book, it was something that my grandma put together and she never wanted mom to have it. So I saw this as the perfect time to take it back but it was no where to be found. I am guessing my brother has it or so I hope. Anyway, plenty of photos and it all took a lot more time to go through than I anticipated. I found the US Flag my mom was given when Grandpa passed away. It’s in a plastic wrapper from the funeral home that has since cracked. I need to purchase a display case for it in order to preserve it. Kind of a unique momento to have. There were some photos of my mom and her parents that I hung on to as well. There was a full length woodem mirror that I got. The dogs damaged part of it but still it looks great for the most part. My brothers room was up next and it was pretty well vacant. I nosed around in what was there and took a wooden chair, it’s nothing much to look at, but there are memories tied to it. Then I hit up the bathroom and took the bath rug and the rug that fits around the toilet. There really wasn’t anything else in there that I wanted. Moving on to the hall closet which was cleaned out. There was a large box of photos in there that I was hoping to get but didn’t. Then was on to what used to be my room. I looked around but there wasn’t anything in there that was worth my time. My moms reading machine is in there and she said that she may need me to pick it up but for now she was relying on my brother for that. Then it was time to grab everything, load up the truck and get out of that place. I think I remembered to turn off all of the lights. The heat is off for sure. I thought about leaving it on but figured that would spark one hell of a war between me and my brother. I think as it is he will be upset that I was there without him and that I got anything from the place at all. I have forgotten a couple things so I am going back probably tomorrow.
The strange part of it all was being in the house all by myself. No dogs, no people – just deafing silence. Memories came flooding back like a river – some good, some bad but mostly the fact that what was my childhood home will soon be no more. I came across the mortgage papers that my mom signed to put the place in hock. Despite the fact that it’s old, probably chocked full of mold and is in need of some serious repairs, I would have rather that she sold the place than to just give it back to a bank. I can hear grandpa now rollong over in his grave. He gave it to her debt free and like everything that she touches she fucked it all up. My brother could save the place but he doesn’t want to live there, things would be different if there wasn’t a mortgage he and his girl would be living there for certain. That is the house that not only I grew up in but that I had my first sexual expereince in, the whole thing is just overwhelming to me.
Once I loaded up I headed for home and I was never so glad to get here. I needed to wash my hands and bad. I cut my hand on the plastic case the flag was on, I had to use the bathroom while I was there and wasn’t able to wash my hands afterwards. Used up all of their TP and there was no more. So I unloaded the truck and got everything in the garage. Then came in and got cleaned up. Then I was physically and emotionally spent. I had to pass out, so I did. My plans were to get a bite to eat at Applebee’s but that didn’t work out. It was 3 when I got home and when I woke up it was 5. Gator was yapping for food, so I fed the chilren and then worked on turning some frozen items into dinner for me. Spaghetti & Meatballs with 3 garlic cheese breadsticks. Then for desert I put away I can’t tell you how many small bite scones and pecan sandie cookies. Then it was time to get my house cleaned up and get some of that stuff from the garage into the house. The kids got nervous and Marvin in particular was scared out of his mind. I guess he thinks I am going to get him but he’s perfectly safe, just overly paranoid.
I’ve got the laundry going, the dishes done and I finally paid my bills. I never put off paying bills but this time I did because I needed some time to think, I had to give a credit card less money than I wanted to. However I need money to live. Surprisingly I pay cash for most everything from food, to gas. I don’t like to charge it unless there is no other option. What has gotten me in trouble is monthly subscriptions and then using Amazon – all of that goes on a credit card. Provided nothing major happens I should be able to dig out from all of this in a few months time. I could use my savings but then if a rainy day comes along I won’t have an emergency fund to fall back on.
I look forward to a facial, a nice hot shower and then passing out and starting another day tomroorow. I’d like to get out of bed early so I can actually see the movie that I have been trying to see for more than 2 months now.
Last night I made a critical mistake, I browsed TV and came across a Pay Per View event that will take place on 1/2 it’s a UFC Fight that features Carlos Condit, I just wanted to see about it and wound up ordering the damn thing. I looked for ways to cancel when I didn’t find any I wanted to know how much it was. Turns out it’s $50 so I picked up the phone and said hello AT&T I need help. The lady I talked with couldn’t find my order but said that it should come through after midnight so she would monitor my account and get it cancelled. I certainly hope so because there is no way I am paying $50. I wouldn’t pay it if he was naked and I wouldn’t pay it if it was porn. Right now my bill with tv and phone is around $150 which isn’t horrible but it could be better. My promo expires in a couple weeks and unless I call them and work out a better deal it’s going to jump to $237 which is outrageous. I have NEVER paid that much for phone and TV. If we can’t work out a deal then I am going to part ways with them and go back to Cable. However, I would rather work out a deal and I am even toying with adding a reciver, depending upon what I can work out.
Oh btw if you are following me and remember Rich & Justin I found out that they split. Yeah Justin is still in AZ but Rich moved to Chicago. They are still friends. Justin has a new BF. I really liked them both, just never understood why or how they could agree to an open relationship. All it takes is someone to give you more pleasure when your having sex and then you want to leave. That is always how those things seem to play out. I got my information from Instagram of all places. It was quite a shock for me.
Happy New Year and thanks for reading my blather. I hope this is a much better year for all of us and hopefully the year that I get a BF of my own and hopefully his ass can cook!!