07 January 2017

Difficult but done

I’ve been thinking about my friends and decided to place a call.  I had to leave a message but got a return call within 2 hours.  Of course it came when I wasn’t prepared for it, but I took it anyway.  So I found out that it sounds like she isn’t blocked any longer, she has had to go to the bathroom several times over the past week.  Her husband asked her what now?  She said I’m done, I want this over with – let’s keep going down the road were on.  Wow that was so not what I was hoping for.  I get it though cancer drains you and there are some people that are just not strong enough to fight it.  I’m not saying she is weak or wimpy because it takes an even stronger person to resign themselves that they are going to die.  She hasn’t been in a lot of pain so they have plenty of Morphine left.  She is on Adavant to help with restlessness and to induce sleep.  I was hopeful that she was eating but he said no food.  I didn’t ask about water but suspect that she isn’t on that either.  He said that her need to go to the bathroom has decreased.  She has lost a considerable amount of weight and he said when you see her at the funeral home your going to be shocked. 

I got to hear all about the funeral, the songs and what is going to take place.  She is having a service but is then going to be cremated and she will become a tree.  There is a winery that they both love and she talked with the wine maker there that is a close friend.  They will dig a hole, put her ashes in and then plant a tree.  Interesting plan.

Her husband is doing as good as can be expected.  He has his moments.  I told him not to hold it in to let it all out because it’s healthy.  He said that her son in law is having a Birthday on Monday and after that he thinks she will go pretty quick.  She is holding on so that she doesn’t die before or on his Birthday.  She also has a book to record to read to her grandchildren, so they will know their grandmas voice.  She is putting that off as well.  Not sure if it will get done before she passes or not. 

I told him that I have wanted to call but was afraid.  I want to come over but also am afraid.  I told him that I probably wouldn’t be able to keep my composure but who knows I may surprise myself.  He said why not give her a call, she would like that and you wouldn’t have to look at her so you wouldn’t know what is going on.  I said yeah, not sure how well I will keep up over the phone.  I may text him tomorrow to get her number, I don’t have it – we usually catch up when we all get together for dinner. 

That was the conversation.  I am thinking to myself, please whatever she doesn’t don’t let her pass until after MLK day.  I don’t want to rearrange my day off to be able to go to her funeral.  I would absolutely do it but it is not what I want to do.  The doctor wouldn’t be so easy to reschedule but the car thing, I could put that off for a day if need be.  My plan is to take 2 days but it really sounds like all I will need to take is 1.  Going to wait and see what happens and how I feel. 

So I slept in until around 9 today.  Gator wouldn’t shut up until I got up.  Then after they were fed, I decided it was too cold so I went back to bed, fired up the blanket and watched TV until I got really drowsy and turned it off.  Fell back asleep and got up around noon.  They had to have lunch.  I had some cookies and a soda, hello breakfast.  Then took my pills, got dressed and headed for Red Lobster.  Got in and out, went to fetch the mail didn’t get so great news there but life could be worse.  Then on to the cat food store where I was able to get Tuna & Egg cat food.  I just grabbed a few cans and didn’t spend all that much money.  Had to stop for a car wash before coming home.  A Black car is hard as hell to keep clean.  It was around 3ish when I got home.  I put everything away, had a soda and fetched Bear.  We sat on the couch for a while.  Then I decided it was time to lay down, so I moved him and he stayed with me for a bit longer.  Eventually he started crying so I put him on the floor.  I think he wanted food more than anything.  I wanted to take a nap and so I did.  Everyone was passed out.  Gator came to wake me up around 5.  I got them food and started in on cleaning litter boxes and laundry.  Had to get on the computer as well.  Took care of my porn backlog that I have been not dealing with.  Found a free and neat file renaming utility.  You tell it what you want to call each file, if you want them numbered or not and then tell the thing where the files are at.  Click a button and bam it’s all done.  Sure beats having to do all of that by hand, talk about a time saver.  I got the idea from work but the program we use is free but far too complicated so I went with a different solution.  I love porn photos which is what I was renaming.  I get a scene and then the photography from it, take out what I don’t want and bam.  There I have my wallpaper.  It’s on a slide show.

So I called my friend and then once I left a message I popped in a pizza.  Had a couple slices of that.  While it was cooking I had installed another dating app on my phone.  Started browsing through guys.  There are some strange people in this world.  I don’t get people who don’t want to show their face or make their profile picture a group photo so you have no idea who they are.  Not sure if anything will come of it but I have seen several guys that I wouldn’t mind getting to know better. 

In case your wondering, the pimple well I worked and worked at it.  Tried pliers short and long handled.  A kitchen tool, tongs that you use to pick up hot stuff with.  Nothing worked.  Finally I gave up and got a needle that is used to prick your finger for a blood sample and used that.  I stabbed it a few times and made it bleed.  It felt oddly good but painful as well.  Then I cleaned it off with two alcohol wipes.  It stings but the alcohol acts as a drying agent and that tends to speed things up.  It’s sore today but looks more like a bad mosquito bite.  There is some redness around it but that should diminish as the days move forward.  If it gets worse instead of better I am smart enough to get medical care.  I’ve been dealing with acne for years and this is no different than what I would do to a pimple that wouldn’t pop on any other part of my body.  I used a pair of pliers when I was a kid on my face.  I had one that wouldn’t pop for anything.  Once I gave it a nice squeeze it popped, I saw stars but the problem was over.  No scaring for me.  My brother can’t say the same thing.  He had to see several dermatologists and his face is nothing but scars.  He used I can’t tell you how many face washes, prescriptions, creams, etc.  None of it really did any good for him.  Glad I look better because gay people are vain and if I had scars on my face that would make this dating thing that much more difficult. 

I am wiped out.  Momma is trying to get me to call it a night.  Got my breakfast all planned out at Steak N Shake tomorrow.  A trip to the grocery store afterwards and then home for the day or so I hope.  I need to check my tires but like to give them time to cool down.  Pressure is different on a hot tire than a cold one.  Better to adjust the air pressure when they are cold or so I have been told. 

Last night I tried to hook up an old fax machine.  The thing still works it was used my late partner.  Cost me $500 and I bought it many moons ago.  It’s really nice for a fax machine.  However, since I have converted to VOIP the damn thing won’t work.  It tries to dial but isn’t getting a dial tone.  I did some research and faxing over a VOIP line can prove to be impossible.  However, my all in 1 HP printer does it.  The issue I have with it is that the documents jam in the feeder or so it thinks and that causes me to have to send multiple transmissions.  The easy fix for this is to sign up for a service that is on-line but will fax your documents out for you.  I don’t want the expense.  I don’t send faxes every day but on occasion it’s necessary.  I found out that I can fax from my PC and don’t need to print the document out.  Kind of miss my old copper phone line and the simpler life. but VOIP offers so many more features and costs so much less that old copper just isn’t cost effective today. 

That’s it.  In 15 minutes it will be Sunday.  I should really go and get my beauty sleep, Lord knows I need it because I am ugly.  JK – but seriously my body is fueled by food and sleep, I like both a lot, more than one should.  That explains why I am overweight and passed out most of the time when I have nothing going. 

Happy weekend.  Hope your warm!

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