06 September 2015

My Wits End

So things hit a boiling point with my mom.  I called to tell her that I couldn’t stay the night on Friday.  She was all chipper at the start of the call but once I dropped that news she was remarkably depressed, started crying and begging me to pick her up and take her to my house.  I kept telling her that I couldn’t.  She told me how scared she was.  I get it but it’s like a child and the boogey man, it’s perceived and not real.  We finally hung up and I went about my evening.  Things took a turn when she called back and left a voice mail that said she was on her way up to my place.  That’s when I reached out to my brother and we exchanged some heated words.  I told him that I can’t have her up here because she is a fall risk and that isn’t a liability that I could accept.  Plus she could hurt or kill one of my cats if she fell on them.  He went on to tell me how he was out of town and that I haven’t spent more than an hour with her.  I was nice but once he started in I let him have it.  I explained that he took on a responsibility and was given a job, it’s time that he get up off his ass and do his job.  As you can well imagine that didn’t go over well.  I’ve got no problem putting him in his place because after all he did request to be her guardian.  I ended my text message with, please get her some help this isn’t fair to her. 

Then I blocked receiving calls from them on my home phone.  I had to sign up for a service that will cost me $5 per month but it allows me to block them from calling or texting me.  When I say them, I mean my brother and mother.  It feels like I am turning my back on them, well because I am but at the same time they are both me oriented people.  If I took on the task of caring for her he would keep all of the authority and let me take care of her, until he saw something that bothered him, then we would get in to it again.  Not to mention they would suck me in to their insanity bubble and it would seriously impair my ability to think.  There is already proof of that, keep on reading.  So I am not estranged from both of them.  I won’t know what happens or how she is doing.  I hated to take such drastic action but I didn’t know of any other way out of this mess.  In my heart I know I did the right thing.  I followed up with the police department via letter and explained the situation to them and how they might want to have an officer reach out to my brother as he isn’t providing proper care for her.  What happens from there, well I will never know.

This occupied all of my Friday evening, so much for leaving early.  It feels like I was robbed of time, because I was. 

Saturday I met a friend for lunch.  I figured this would be a few hours and I would be done.  Nope, I spent all day with her.  I even went back to church.  It was odd being in the Catholic Church and a lot of the responses and phrases have changed but I did pretty good for being away for such a long time.  I didn’t take communion, it just didn’t feel right to me.  After mass we went out for supper.  I managed to leave my debit card at the restaurant.  Then I had to have desert so we headed to Culvers and I eventually headed home.  It was around 10p  I got in here at 11p and the children were pissed.

Sunday I went out for breakfast and when I went to pay I discovered that my debit card was missing.  I was mad.  So I paid my bill with a different debit card, called my friend who called the restaurant and then she went to get the card.  They actually gave it to her, which I was a little peeved about.  However I have it back.  I made the trip out and back – there went 2.5 hours of my life that I won’t ever get back.  It also threw a monkey wrench in my day.  I didn’t get everything accomplished, but I am working toward it. 

I turned on iCloud Photo Library on my iPhone, so that all of my photos are sent to the cloud.  In doing this it warned me that I would be deleting over 1,000 photos from my phone.  I agreed to it like a dumb ass.  Everything that I took with this phone is safe.  All of the backup photos that I loaded from my prior iPhone(s)  was deleted.  There was a picture of my late partner holding momma that I cherished more than anything.  I had to get that photo back.  Thankfully it was saved on my PC, I had to scrounge for a bit.  I have since uploaded some additional photos to the cloud so they are safe.

I feel like I am losing my mind because of the situation with my mom.  It’s not something that I can separate myself from emotionally.  I mean it will happen eventually.  However, little mistakes like leaving my debit card and erasing photos those are just a couple examples of how this has affected me.  I am also not sleeping very well, part of that is because I have cat company and part of it is because of the events of Friday.  I would love to know what happens but since I have elected to shut them out that is the price I have to pay.  I even took another step and blocked my brother and his girlfriend on Facebook.  I can tell you that if he doesn’t get her some help, she will wind up hurting herself or someone else.  That is exactly what I don’t want to happen.  I called to file an elder abuse report – neglect is considered to be abuse.  However the state didn’t want to hear it, they didn’t think my case was strong enough.  Seriously now if she did harm to herself or someone else I think that they would retract their position and suddenly be interested in why she went off the deep end.  If I knew who her doctor(s) were I would reach out to them and then maybe I could get her the help that she needs. 

I still plan on sending a birthday card and gift to my mom.  I thought about sending her a letter explaining why I took that action that I did but the words on the letter wouldn’t register with her.  She would just call bullshit on it and it would upset her even more.  My goal isn’t to upset anyone here but that has obviously happened.  So now it’s best that I leave well enough alone and just move forward with my life.  Both my brother & mother only care about what I can do for them and how I will benefit their needs.  Neither of them have lifted a finger to help me with the loss of my partner and neither of them so much as came to the hospital when he was dying.  We are related by blood but truth be told I have no family.  My family died when my partner passed.  We always told each other we are all we have for each other and it’s true.  Yes I have friends but they will only do so much and no one wants to help me to the level that I feel I need help.  So I have to stand on my own two feet and be a man, I have done it before and I can do it now.  It’s not easy but it’s a part of life.  If you haven’t figured it out by now my brother is too wrapped up in getting laid and he doesn’t want to stray from his piece of ass, so he has made a choice and surprisingly he chose a stranger instead of family.

Okay so a bit of good news I got my final letter from my late partners Bankruptcy Attorney telling me that the case was closed and that he would keep the paper records for 5 years and after that they would be destroyed.  So there is one person I will NEVER have to speak with again and that makes me so happy because I think he is a fucking asshole.  I am glad that we managed to make it through this to a successful conclusion.  I still have one more day off and there is more running I need to do.  Today I just ran out of steam with the unplanned travel in there.  My hope is to get the running I need to do done tomorrow and then take some much needed time to decompress and relax.  So that come Tuesday I am ready to hit the ground running again. 

I hope that your weekend was enjoyable and nothing remotely close to mine.  Take care and we will talk again soon. 

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