Happy Thanksgiving–Happy Columbus Day

Dual holidays!  According to my office calendar today is Thanksgiving in Canada.  It’s also Columbus Day here in the US.  Which would explain why there weren’t too many cars out this morning.  I hope everyone that slept in stays home tonight so my commute home will be easy. 

No need to stop for mail since it’s a holiday, I won’t have any.  Salad for supper and maybe some left over Mexican, depending upon how I feel.  Then it’s trash time and finally I can relax for the night, before getting ready to do it all over again on Tuesday. 

What a long day this has been.  I didn’t have nearly the volume of work I had on Friday, but that should hopefully change tomorrow.  I like it when the days go by fast and I am busy, not crazy busy but busy. 

Nothing much new since last night.  Shy Girl is mimmicing her mother.  She grabs a ball and starts crowing like her head is falling off.  She bats the damn thing around and chases after it.  I would have never thought she would do anything like that.  Maybe just maybe someday she will sit in my lap.  She jumped on my bed this morning while I was eating breakfast.  Just curled up by the pillows.  Momma was close by and when she left so did her girls.  I wonder if she gets tired of them following her around?  I know I sure would. 

TAZ has tried to pick a fight with Blu multiple times yesterday and I had to break it up.  Apparently there is something in his craw, because otherwise he wouldn’t bother.  If you make him mad, he doesn’t forget but he doesn’t necessarily act out right away.  I hope I never make him mad.  I did trim both of their claws yesterday.

The weekend provided time to relax which I needed and I will need again after 5 days.  The weather here is changing and it’s cold in the morning.  I am hopeful that my body just adapts to the change w/o causing any problems.  Today would be a day that I would look forward to going home to Chili, homemade not a can.  However, my salad will be just fine.  Plus I have cake to eat – 4 slices one for each day and Friday go out or eat ice cream or maybe both!

I am done with work but the clock isn’t moving it’s a little after 4 here.  I have other things to do but don’t want to get wrapped up in anything right now.  You start, leave and then come back wondering where you left off at. 

I am watching a good movie on Netflix.  It’s about a kid who is growing up and about to graduate High School.  He’s gay and is a Christian.  He has told one friend and they disagree with him and tell him that it’s wrong.  He also kissed another guy in the movie who brought him a video camera for his birthday.  I was getting sleepy so I had to turn it off, looking forward to picking up and seeing it to the end tonight. 

There is nothing quite like a good movie to take you away from everyday life and let you see other people or just entertain you with laughter. 

Okay I’m not sure what else to type so before I get to rambling I will call this post done.  Talk with you peeps later. 

2 quick things

1 – Changed up the blog.  In searching for a photo, I learned NPH got a nipple piercing.  HOT that just makes me wish even more I was David Burtka!

2 – Lyrics to a song I listen to from time to time, there is a lot of truth in here.  I removed the Chorus.

Lazyboy – This is the truth

One life, one shard, one move, one God
You don't win silver, you lose gold
Stop earning the right to be, you won the day you were born
If you don't know what direction you should take
You don't know where you are
Success is a matter of luck, ask any failure
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you
We are born naked, wet, and hungry, then things get worse
Your success is measured by your ability to finish things
Skepticism is the beginning of faith
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names
There is no such thing as right or wrong, only consequences
All men are born equal but quite a few of them eventually get over it
We are the people our parents warned us about
Sometimes I think the surest sign of intelligent life exists
Elsewhere in the universe, is that none of them have tried to contact us
Be nice to nerds, chances are you'll end up working for one
Do not get mad with others because
They know more than you, it is not their fault
If you do not change your beliefs, your life will always be like this
Fantasy is as important as wisdom
Do not try to satisfy everyone
The biggest lie you can tell yourself is
"When I get what I want I will be happy"
Don't take life too seriously you won't get out alive
It may be that your sole purpose in life is
Simply to serve as a warning to others
Life is shorter than expected
What you are willing to accept
Is exactly what you will get
You can't control, without being controlled
Creativity is great but plagiarism is faster
You are the very reason for everything that happens to you
Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard"
Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"

Here is the song, in case you’d like to listen to it.

My Cloud

Last night I was goofing around with my iPhone and decided to turn on iCloud backup.  They give you 5GB and well I was almost out of space.  So this morning I decided to signup that it would be a good deal, since every night when my phone is charging it would be backed up as well, why not.  I’ve seen a lot of people bit by the data loss bug and man do they cry the blues.  I’ve been bitten myself, so I think $40 is a decent investment for 1 year of service.  Plus that will cover both my iPhone and iPad not like I am getting any other Apple devices soon.

I got up way too early, but laid in bed for most of the morning.  Finally close to 9:30 I got up.  No shower, just dressed and out the door.  I went to breakfast at Bob Evans.  Not too bad but I wasn’t stuffed by any means.

Then on to the grocery store, but I took my time getting there.  I opened the sun roof and let the wind in, it’s a great day to just go for a drive.  On a day like this we would be out driving around somewhere just looking at what the world has to offer, maybe tracking down where a particular road goes.  I’d probably be bored 1/2 way through and fuss, then we would probably grab a bite to eat and take our time getting home.  We used to do things just like that.  Those are the things that I miss.  Fall was his favorite time of year.  It brought out his Testosterone.  But we also did manage to have plenty of good times going to the winery, driving around, eating out and just being together. 

I’ve got the windows open and the cats are going nuts.  I tried to take a nap but kept getting woke up by cats.  It’s probably for the best, sleep all day and I won’t sleep tonight.  I really don’t have much drive to do anything other than relax. 

I got the dishes done last night.  The laundry is going now and soon it will be trash time.  Then I have to figure out what is for supper tonight.  Frozen something.  I mean I could go out but I will talk myself out of it and just stay home because it’s cheaper.  Although there is a place not too far away that I have in mind to visit.

I’m using my Hulu Plus subscription but me and it don’t exactly get along.  I’ve got to go visit their webpage and see if I can personalize things much like Netflix allows.  You tell it what your interested in and they show you things that may appeal to you.  Granted most of it doesn’t but on occasion they hit the nail on the head. 

Reading medical records and writing the letter to the nurse have drugged up so many memories.  It’s like I am reliving April over again.  I actually thought about driving the letter over and hand delivering it but I changed my mind because well, that would be a little expensive and emotionally I don’t think I could have taken it.  When I left the Neuro ICU in April I said I would never be back and unless something traumatic happens I have no reason to go back.  I learned that they really tried to break up the clot by squirting it with Heparinized Saline and giving him Heparin, which is a blood thinner.  They did everything they could think of to try to right the wrong that was done, but unfortunately their efforts were in vain.  The damage had already been done and nothing they could do would fix it.  They documented that he stopped taking 1/2 of his meds because of cost reasons.  I never said that, but they put words in my mouth.  I honestly have no idea why he stopped taking his medicine.  The best that I can surmise is that he was confused, thought he was out of the medication and was waiting for a new supply to arrive.  I really wish things would have turned out differently.  You know that I we would have been at least able to communicate and say goodbye, but that didn’t happen either.  I went in and talked to a body laying in a bed, but he was comatose.  Everyone says you have to believe he could hear you.  The truth is I will never know, it’s just one of many things that I will go to my grave wondering about. 

I do know that we made our love clear to each other.  Sure we had bad times and we fought.  We had times where our relationship was on the rocks.  However, love sees you through times like that.  There is no doubt in my mind that he knew I loved him because I showed it in my actions.  I know that he loved me because he told me all the time.  He wasn’t a materialistic person like me, but there are a few gifts he gave to me.  Plus many valuable life lessons.  Now it’s just time for me to close that chapter of my life and move on.  Much easier said than done.  He was and will always be my everything. 

I can only hope and pray that God brings some other man into my life and that I can be blessed with a relationship like I had.  Right now I am just trying to breathe and honestly forget about the pain that I am in.  Work and staying busy helps with that.  However, there is always down time and that is usually when memories come alive and I think of what used to be.  I wake up in the morning hoping to see him and then realize oh yeah he’s gone.  I look at the urns and realize this is not a dream it’s reality and I have to keep on going. 

People say I should see someone for my depression.  Really?  I don’t think I am in depression, I think I am grieving a huge loss.  No one knows what I really had but me.  Everyone grieves differently.  It’s not like there is a schedule where you are only allowed 2 months to grieve for the loss of a spouse. You take your time to get it out of your system as much as possible.  Then you simply get used to the fact that they are no longer here.  You dust yourself off and get going again.  I’m going right now but haven’t completing the dusting off.

Well laundry and the children are calling.  So I guess I will answer them and maybe even get a shower.  What a grand idea.  Then figuring out what I am going to eat. 

I do apologize for being a Debbie Downer, I know people aren’t attracted to that but at the same time I have to have an outlet to share my feelings and well this is it!  I hope your having a great weekend and I will talk with you peeps later. 

Overcharged

Today must have been overcharge day.  I went to Lowe’s to get furnace filters, 5 in a pack for $2.50, I grabbed two packs.  The clerk scans each filter and says that will be $25.  I said they are $2.50 a pack – she confirms with head cashier, voids sale and re-rings.  $6 with tax.  Much better!

On to Target for cat litter, allergy pills, deodorant and shaving cream.  I didn’t realize it until hours after I had been home, but the cashier rang up 2 allergy medications, which explains why the price was so high.  I went back and explained my story, I figured that I would have a fight on my hands.  Nope, scanned receipt, scanned item.  Refund issued, no questions asked. 

You really have to watch them at the cash register, everyone makes mistakes but I think some people just try to pull fast ones.

Yesterday leaving the office the elevator was about to close.  I stuck my arm in it and opened it for the hot guy I like.  He was wearing jeans.  Man his butt looked so good!  I wanted to jump him in the elevator but he’s straight, married and there were way too many people.  Ah dreaming is no charge.

I found out that our Fire Drill is Monday.  I am really not looking forward to that, other than the slight interruption in my work day.  It will be organized chaos because no one in our office has been told a meeting place or where we are supposed to go.  Ah well we will figure it out soon enough.

The special food I was getting for Big Boy doesn’t appeal to him anymore, so he wants regular food.  I am so afraid he will stop eating on me.  I bought him different special food, some of which is Fancy Feast.  I know he will gobble that up, it’s small but expensive.  His treats were on sale today a large bag for $0.89 when they are normally $2 for a small bag.  Why not stock up?

I called back and spoke with the Mortgage company yesterday, as I suspected they can’t take information over the phone.  I was told to complete the forms, fax them in and then make weekly status calls like a convicted felon checking in with his probation or parole officer.  I told them in a letter you know how to reach me, so if you need something contact me.  I will try to call you weekly but that might not always happen as I do have to work for a living and my work can be demanding at times.  I sent copies to the congressman's office.  I really hope they will stick by me through this process, I think that will be the HUGE difference here.  Perhaps it may compel them to fast track this because lord knows I have been waiting for a while.  I have also updated my attorney who was going to call and talk with them.  However, I’m not sure what involvement she should have at this point.  So I asked her.  Waiting for a response. 

I found the nurses name that was with my partner in his final hours.  I wrote and sent her a thank you letter.  Wow, that was a tear jerker.  What do you say, not typically a problem for me.  I did chose my words carefully. 

Resubscribed to Hulu Plus so that I can see Glee.  Watched the goodbye episode to Finn (Corey Montieth).  That was emotional and I had some phone interruptions so that saved me from totally breaking down. 

Now it’s on to cleaning the litter boxes, grabbing some ice cream and winding down for the night.  I will be back up early again tomorrow finishing up things and headed to the grocery store.  That trip I love to hate.  Going back to the regular store, just hope I can find everything that I need/want because they just rearranged it. 

Went out to eat tonight, saw a former relative of my partners.  Caught up with her.  Which is something that I have been trying to do for a while.

So average weekend – nothing special.  Just enjoying time at home with the kids and hopefully able to catch some good TV.  I wanted to go see Don Jon but talked myself out of it.  I’ll probably order it when it’s available on Pay Per View through Cable. 

Take care and I will talk with you peeps later!

Busy

The one day I come in early to chat with co-workers and no one is in yet.  See I  knew I should have stayed in my car and watched Youtube videos, like normal. 

I called the mortgage company, they said we have to start the process all over again.  Now they need my gross and net income as well as my monthly expenses.  I have to call them back today and provide this.  I thought they could just go off of all of the paperwork that they made me fill out over the past 4 months but no, we have to start all over because I was denied.  How stupid is that.  It’s not like anything has actually changed, but thankfully it has.  I found a huge mistake that I made so my expenses are actually more than before.  The deficit each month is huge.  Income isn’t that high and well I have to do something to cover the deficit. 

So I guess it will be another merry go round for 4 months.  I plan on completing the paperwork they sent over the weekend because I know they will be asking for it next.  I am sending it to the congressman and letting his office submit it, so they will actually hang on to it and not misplace it.  I was amazed at the number of times I had to resend documents.  The thing is they play this little game with everyone, but it seems like they are just picking on me.  After talking with lots of people I came to the conclusion that they do this to everyone.  Why, is beyond my understanding.  I guess it’s a way to get more money out of people.  There is so much more to life than money!

I got my partners medical records from the hospital that he passed away in.  They had them in reverse order so the first thing I saw is when he died.  Reading that was like he passed all over again.  There are 89 pages and I have to shell out $50 for them.  I scanned them and sent them to the attorney that was looking into the wrongful death case.  While there is no case he said that if I get them to pass them along to him because he would like to review them.  It is very doubtful that there is anything there but one never knows.  I explained that I wasn’t looking to get billed, so if there is a charge he can forget it.  I have thoughts about looking for another attorney for a 2nd opinion but right now the house issue is a little more important.

Talking with a friend last night, he said it best.  You just can’t seem to catch a break.  How accurate he is! 

I am working on the mail upgrade at work and I am really booked today, so I need to run.  Looking forward to the weekend and resting – getting to be lazy is about my only perk these days.  Well that and napping.  I look so forward to my nap on the weekend.

Happy Friday, we made it through another week.  Be well and I will talk with you again soon. 

Mortgage Help–Maybe

I heard from the legislators office today.  Apparently the current lender is willing to work with me.  They want me to complete and send them paperwork that I have previously filled out and sent multiple times.  I sent copies to the legislators office, they will in turn forward them and I was pretty well assured that they won’t loose them.

I have to call the current lender, I may try tomorrow but more likely to try on Friday.  People tend to be in a better mood because it’s Friday.  Now I am not holding my breath but what I have been told makes it sounds like this is all going to work out peachy.

The guy more like kid that is helping me with this is cute.  I did a Google search for him.  I see a Twitter and a Google + but I don’t see a FB.  Just being nosy but I’d like to know his age and if he is gay.  I mean he seems to be well with solving problems.  Lord knows I have a lot of problems!  I will offer to buy him a drink and/or a meal.  I’m sure he will turn it down because it will look like I am bribing him which is totally not the case. I am truly thankful for his help.  I just want to extend a kind gesture.  If he accepts and something comes of it, great.  If not well maybe I can just make a new friend. 

I started WW3 in the office today.  Someone made changes to a system that I administer.  This was done without my consent and/or knowledge.  I knew that if I didn’t know about it chances are that my boss didn’t know about it either.  My phone was just vibrating like crazy on the way in with people screaming for help.  Once things fell into to place, I told my boss and holy crap that unleashed his venom.  Thankfully it wasn’t directed at me.  He was pleased that I told him.  It felt odd like I was running to the teacher but this is exactly what he wants.  Okay, so maybe I scored a point or two today.  I finished up my inventory spreadsheet and got that turned in.  I am just praying he doesn’t pick it apart and have all sorts of issues with it.  Meanwhile I am moving on to the next project. 

Came home to find out that Big Boy finally went to the bathroom.  Today was day #2 and I knew that his system eventually had to cycle.  I only gave him a little bit of a stool softener and it still made a big mess.  I got that cleaned up and got him cleaned up as well.  I told him if you keep pushing your going to blow your asshole out.  I mean I am cleaning up some blood, it’s not a lot but I know it’s all from him straining.  Not sure if Cats get hemorrhoids but if they do, I think I will be finding out soon enough.  He’s still eating and lapping up the attention so all is good.  I am just hypersensitive to him and every little thing with him sets me on edge. 

Well time to prep for Thursday.  What a week!  Talk with you peeps later.

Tuesday

Average day.  Got yelled at because I didn't copy my boss on something.  He is either very paranoid or trying to get rid of me or both.  At this point I've realized there isn't much for me to do but my job and the rest will take care of its self or so I hope.

Talked w my so called friend she told me that everyone in the office knows I'm gay.  I said who cares.  Those people are so shallow and after what I have been through I could care less.

Then she tells me she is suing them for what sounds like wrongful termination.  They fired her for sleeping on the job.  She was a huge disappointment to me but she would never sleep on the job.  I'm sure she will get something out of it.  All I can say is when does my ship come in?

Jumper is whirring at me and now licking my arm like its a spare rib.  We're waiting for Mr Tosh to air.

My phone battery is about shot so it's time to post and watch tv.  Saw Nick Carter on The Doctors.  He ain't that good looking now.  Wonder how his brother Aaron looks?

Long day short night no flight :). A diamond a day keeps the divorce lawyer away.  Ttyl!

D I T L O–Day In The Life Of

Nothing exciting to talk about today, other than it was cold when I got up.  Cold in my office and my hands were cold. 

I am catching up on work and making a pretty spreadsheet that I am sure my boss will rip to shreds once I turn it in.

I am getting close to a project that will be very boring – it’s reorganizing an intranet site.  Plus creating user accounts.  I will hate it but it’s the biggest project I have going and I budgeted 4 months – not sure how long it will actually take but I am sure there will be plenty of days when I don’t want to work on it. 

Planning for when the office goes on vacation next month.  I need to get both vehicles oil changed.  I need to see about getting Blu fixed.  Not sure if I will be able to accomplish all of that in the short time I have but I can certainly try.

Last night Big Boy was straining to defecate and he wore himself out.  I was scared he was going to have a heart attack.  He was really pushing.  Eventually he calmed down and everything came out and then some.  I had one hell of a mess to clean up.  I gave him a stool softener this morning.  Waiting to see what tonight brings.  I went easy because it’s strong stuff, found that out the hard way. 

His breathing was getting a little better but now we are back to dire straights again.  I am upping his steroid dose because that is truly the only thing outside of God that can help him.  I hate to see him struggle and I know there is some suffering going on but he seems to have a lot of life left in him. He is still bossing me around, swiping at Blu and begging for belly rubs.  So I wouldn’t say his quality of life is bad but it’s certainly not care free like his sisters and brother.  I am still pondering what to do and for now the answer is nothing.  Take it one day at a time and see what occurs.  I know the end is coming, that is very painfully obvious but I just don’t want to deal with death again, be it now, next year or ever.  I need time to recover from the biggest loss of my life and that my friends will take lots of time.

Well it’s about time to call it a night.  So off to upstairs to see what I can find on TV that will amuse me.  Monday was uneventful and I am thankful of that.  I hope the days and weeks ahead are exactly the same way.

Oh my friend yeah, we hired a replacement for her today.  She starts next Monday and I just hope it will all work out.  No word from my friend and I really don’t want to call her, but eventually I will break down and check on her just because that is who I am.  Talk with you peeps later.

Z Car Wash

So I had to get the trash ready to be put out and I got a chance to look at my car.  Man once it dried off it looks like it did on the dealers lot.  It’s perfect!  Now $17 for a car wash is expensive but if it’s going to make an impression like that, might be worth it. 

So I am retracting my statement about never going back.  I can’t see my way clear to join a car wash club, I mean I just cancelled Birchbox and that that was $20.  My goal is to reduce my expenses not to increase them.

Since I am babbling on, when I went to a site for legal advice on the mortgage last week it turned out to be a robo call site.  They diseminated my phone number quicker than I could take a breath.  The next thing you know my phone is ringing off the hook (or blowing up as they say today).  I have been getting repeat calls from specific numbers.  So I looked at the app store to purchase a program to block these calls, since I knew the numbers.  I settled on Spam Cop, cheap and seemed very straight forward.  I have something similar on my work phone and it does the trick.  Well not on my iPhone it totally sucks.  The phone rings when it’s not supposed to and identifies the caller as SPAM.  I didn’t want the phone to ring.  So I tried but failed in getting a refund.  I instead signed up for Smart Limits from AT&T, which is a monthly service at $5, mainly designed for parents to control their children's cell phone.  However, it will let you block up to 30 numbers from calling and/or texting you.  Now that is nice.  It simply works.  A little difficult to setup, but once you do you are golden.  I figure in a few months I can drop it because eventually you fall off of the call list.  However, if I have any issues friend, company or anyone I just enter there number and they are never to be heard from again.  Simple!

My dinner consisted of a Mexican Plate I bought at the store.  I didn’t know I was biting into a Chicken Burrito, ick.  I am a beef man.  Be it hamburger or tube steak I like the beef !   Anyway, not too shabby.  I finished off with a small serving a bread pudding.  It had a cinnamon and Carmel sauce that was perfect.  It’s one of those dishes you could heat up for company and sware you made it yourself.  It’s just that good!  However, anyone who knows me would be amazed if I told them I made bread pudding.  I am so lucky to be able to boil water. 

Lunch was left over sloppy Joes from yesterday.  I am tired of them already.  I’m thinking tomorrow will be a Chicken Pot Pie night.  Unless I feel really brave and then I will stop at the store and pick up a salad.  The expensive store only has a salad bar and well that won’t work for me.  I want to pick and go, I don’t have time to pick out each thing I want.  Spoiled and time poor. 

I was watching this movie about a guy who was lousy at making love to his woman.  He got tips from a female friend who he ended up falling in love with.  The best part of the movie was when she was teaching him cunnilingus and he was licking a piece of fruit.  All of a sudden he started sucking on it and she said “Don’t Suck on It!  It’s not a Jolly Rancher!”.  That just made me laugh…something that is difficult to accomplish. 

One more movie tonight, not sure what yet and then it will be time for bed.  The little ones need their medicine and I try to spend as much time with them on the weekend as possible.  I know they miss me and they probably still miss their other daddy.  So I like to think that I am making up for lost time.  Big Boy has good and bad days.  He was resting in his bed earlier, he’s hung out in my room all day.  Which kind of says he doesn’t feel the greatest, but then again I could be wrong. 

The boys don’t like me messing with their ears for the medicine but they sure don’t miss the pill.  I do because it was quick and easy.  Ah well. 

Tomorrow is back to 5 full days… Oscar the grouch (aka boss man) will be in.  I have eDiscovery searching to do, which really isn’t that much fun.  Plus some other things that people needed when I was away on Friday.  Mondays are general crazy days – so who knows what will happen.  It’s anyone's guess.  I just hope that since the dynamics have changed that it means my job isn’t in danger and that I will be less likely to be messed with.  I want to do my job and do a good job at that – put in my time and go home.  Nothing more and nothing less.  Just an honest days work.  I pray that I can accomplish that. 

Now it’s off to do other things before the night gets away from me.  Talk again soon!

Bored Relaxation

I woke up early, took care of the children and my breakfast.  Then showered and headed over to the grocery store.  I decided to go to the expensive place.  I love going in but I hate coming out.  Why?  Because I don’t have half of what I needed but I paid twice as much for it.  I didn’t really forget anything this time, thankfully.  However, their selection and what I am used to differ a lot.  I was going to do the cake by the slice.  My store is $1.99 the expensive place is $2.50.  Not a whole lot of difference but the slice isn’t that big.  They don’t stock frozen pot pies because the store makes them fresh.  See it’s the little things.

I went cat foot shopping afterwards, I know it’s a Friday night thing but I put it off and put it off so I had to do it today.  Then I saw this new place that we had been wondering what it was going to be.  My partner thought it would be a car charging station.  Turns out it is a car wash, kind of strange looking.  So I decided why not wash the bugs off my car from all that travel.  I went over and they have a membership they want you to sign up for.  It bills each month to your credit card and you get a membership card that entitles you to as many washes as possible.  They start at $19.95 and go as high as $39.95.  Really that would be me washing my car every week, maybe even twice a week.  Nah, instead I just opted for the best wash at $17.00.  Damn it was neat but not worth $17.  They left soap on my car and I had to readjust my mirrors.  It was a neat experience and I can say I have done it now but no need to do it again, unless I feel like parting with $17.  I’d rather visit another local car wash that does just as good of a job for a lot less money. 

I came home and started laundry.  I did some job searching and internet playing.  Then went upstairs laid down for a quick nap.  Got up had lunch, vacuumed and fed the children.  Then back to laundry.

I am honestly done now and want to go out but no one to go with.  It’s nice to have time by yourself but when it’s all the time that gets old fast.

I had my hair cut yesterday and while I was waiting I found an app in the iPhone store that basically you fill out who you are and what your looking for.  It will find others that are close to you and you can set up a booty call.   Nice but I am looking for more than a booty call.  I mean my hand can take care of those needs, I am looking for companionship.  Someone to talk to, go places with, hear about them, etc.

So I did take some time to look on-line for a place that would give me a loan given that I am only 1 year out of bankruptcy.  Well I found lots of articles that told me I could qualify for a loan 1 day out of bankruptcy and 1 year out of bankruptcy.  However, I didn’t find any lenders to support that.  I did fill out a form for a specific major lender to call me, I disclosed bankruptcy up front.  I figure it can’t hurt anything. 

I have plenty of filing and more surfing to do but right now one of the girls is pestering me because she wants attention.  My ear itches so I guess I am pushing myself away from the computer for a while longer. 

Today is a nice day I opened the back door up and the children got into a fight so closed it went.  However, it is very nice and a typical fall day.  Weather is supposed to be sunny to partly sunny this week, I checked before I invested any money in a car wash. 

I wanted to go see Don Jon with Joseph Gordon Levitt.  He is on Out & Men’s Health this month.  He looks yummy but he won’t say if he is or isn’t gay.  He wants people to guess.  My guess is yes he is but that is based on stereotypes of being a gay man – one of which is his body.  Damn he is built.  He stays in shape but then again so do straight guys.  Today it really doesn’t matter gay or straight.  I understand it’s hard to come out of the closet and some people don’t want to.  Do what feels right to you.  I mean you have to live with the decision in the end.  Might as well be happy about it. 

Okay so Ms. Attention is crying I guess I am going.  Talk with you peeps later.

6 Months 1 Day

It’s very hard to believe and comprehend that it’s been six months and one day since I lost my partner.  We both always knew we would part ways through death but didn’t expect anything to happen this year.  This is truly a very trying time. 

I made a promise to him that I would make him proud of me.  I knew he already was but I meant in me going on without him.  In the past 6 months I have managed to sue and settle a Death Benefit Case to get paid money that was legally mine.  I obtained the Life Insurance Settlement.  I filed his LW&T with the Court.  I hired a few attorneys, most of which haven’t done jack.  I have managed to pay all of the bills on-time with out having to beg, borrow or steal.  I am taking care of the cats.  I’ve cleaned parts of the house.  It’s in livable shape but needs a lot of work still.  I have managed to only miss two weeks of work because of his death and not had any issues with getting out of bed in the morning, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. 

So all in all I would say that I have not done too bad and that I have kept my promise.  I wear or take with me my wedding ring each work day, I think of him every morning as I put it on and give it a kiss.  Wishing that I was kissing him instead of a piece of metal that he bought for me.  Even though I hate kissing. 

This place is far too quiet and his absence can be felt not only here but in the club that he was a long time member of.  While out of sight is out of mind for others, I will always remember him and the ways that he touched my life.  I think of him often when I am driving because he taught me how to drive.  I remember some of our early adventures, trips and motel stays.  We grew on each other slowly but eventually we were both joined at the hip and if it was the weekend, you wouldn’t see one of us without the other. 

I remember our first Christmas here and putting up a tree.  #1 son climbing it and always playing with the ornaments.  There are lots of memories that I hold dear to my heart.  They will always live on as long as I am alive. Sadly now all I have are those memories and photos of him.  God I miss him like crazy.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder.  I wish that I would wake up and this would all be nothing but a very long and bad dream but I know that won’t be the case. 

Between the pressures of work, the pressure of closing out his affairs and the pressure of every day living - - it’s no wonder that when Saturday gets here all I want to do is sleep and veg.  I am up to my eye balls in pressure and there seems to be no relief in sight. 

The mortgage company that I thought would be able to help me, can’t.  They only help with new purchases, so I can abandon this place and go buy a new place.  I said the house is owned by the trust and I control the trust.  The trust would be selling the property to me and thus I would be buying the house.  I was told that won’t fly because I have inherited the property.  So I am still in the pickle barrel, looking, hoping and praying for a way out.  I hope the attorney that calls the present lender will be able to do some good and not cause any bad to happen.  However, if I am going to be foreclosed on I would rather do it now and stop making house payments, take my year and slowly pack things away and find a new place to live.  Reality is that I don’t want to be foreclosed on at all. 

I miss my guy and wish he were here to help me through this rough time, then again if he were here things wouldn’t be nearly as bad as they are.  Now if you will excuse me I am going to wipe up my tears and go check out what a Frozen Mexican Pizza tastes like.  Ole!

Another Busy Day

I was on the road today and have to go back tomorrrow.  On my way home I heard an ad on Sirius XM  about a mortgage company that could potentially help me now.  That was such good and unexpected news, I just had to dig for my phone, got it and called the number.  Once I could I pulled off the road to talk.  Sounds like this place might be able to help.  I should hopefully know something tomorrow.  It would be a FHA loan and it's tailor made for someone who is one year out of Bankruptcy.  They said most lenders don't offer this program.  I know that because everyone I talk to tells me that you have to be two years out.  

My other BIG concern here is that putting this in my name makes me legally responsible, which technically today I am not - I could walk away and not loose anything but the property.  My big concern is over my employment or what could be the lack there of.  I think right now I am being used to fulfill a purpose and once I have served my purpose the potential for getting rid of me goes up.  So like everything else it's a race to see how fast I can find another job and well the market isn't booming right now. 

Last night I got an email on the way home from the Ofc. Manager who was thanking me for all of my help during a big event we had.  I didn't bother to respond because I knew it was an artificial thank you and that she was just putting on an act.  Today I get an e-mail that she is so worried about me because I didn't bother to respond, which is out of character for me.  That is true but if you knew that someone was telling your boss to fire you, would you really want to associate with them?  I am on to her games.  

I responded to her message with an apology and that there is a lot going on here at home with getting things in order, which is true.  I could have and maybe should have responded but honestly I am fed up with her BS and two faced - lying and cheating.  I have dealt with it for over a year and I am tired.  I believe that God will provide and protect me, however that doesn't take away the human feelings of being scared.  I worry more now than I ever did before because I am all by myself.  That in it's self is frightening.  

So yesterday when I went to pick up medicine for the boys, there was this really built guy working at the pharmacy counter.  He looked really good.  Had kind of a high pitched voice and was uber friendly.  He waited on me and explained the new medicine to me.  I really felt like he was hitting on me, but I didn't want to say anything.  When we were done he said are you sure there isn't anything else that I can help you with, as if I was going to turn and unzip my pants or something.  Maybe he was just being nice.  I thought about going back and saying something to him but it was awkward and he had enough muscle that I would have been out cold.  So I just left it alone.  I mean he has access to my phone number, if he wanted to call but maybe he was one of those guys who wants the other one to make the first move.  Who knows its strange and new to me - maybe someday I will figure it out.

I saw a couple of hotties at our work event.  One of which I encountered again today but he was a smoker and that is a deal breaker for me, no matter how fine you are.  

So on the way home I heard that Scandal is on tonight, looking forward to that.  Big Bang Theory, First 48 and Scandal.  How much better can my night get?

I came home and ate and then got undressed.  My body is tired but my mind is alert.  My feet are really killing me.  Thinking more and more about seeing a Podiatrist but I keep thinking maybe if I get some sneakers that will help.  Of course being on your feet all day when you are not normally used to that tends to affect you, especially when you get older like me.  :) 

Well everyone here is telling me that it is treat time.  I am actually using my iPad, shocker.  No news from my "friend".  I wonder how long it will be before we talk again.  She has got to understand that this will impact our friendship.  But then again she thought it was okay to run her business from work so who knows.  She is not nearly as smart as I thought she was, kind of disappointing.

Okay, its off to get read for another day of punishment.  I am hoping that I will be able to leave early, enjoy a nice dinner out and then a nice drive home.  Sounds good and its Friday so not too bad.  Now the question is can I make it a reality.  I have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow and the two hour drive doesn't exactly help matters.  Wish I could have stayed in a hotel to take some of the pressure off but the kids would have been lonley and hungry.  I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that.  

Talk with you all again soon.  

 

Busy but alive

Very quick post … time is so short for me.  Not enough of it to myself.

Yes, I am alive.  I have been busy with work and home so no time for blogging.

The Office Manager Bitch is after my job again, I think she is terrified that I will upstage her or that I have made friends so now I am a “threat” to her.  She threw me under the bus because her computer wasn’t rebuilt in a timely fashion.  Got it done and now the dummy won’t tell me when it’s okay to install it.  So it’s still sitting in my office, but I had to bust my ass to get it done quick.  Give me a break!  No doubt she will mess it up within five minutes of getting it and I will get yelled at because that will be my fault and then we start the process all over again.  God I hope not. 

My so called friend was fired today.  She doesn’t understand what she did wrong.  It was explained to her plain as day but she thinks she can ‘multi-task’ with her business and our business and that it is perfectly okay.  She spent more time on personal stuff and I don’t thinks she did much work at all.  I am glad it’s done!  Now hopefully I can work with a little more peace.  I’m not going out of my way to contact her, we did have a text conversation this afternoon but that is all.  Hopefully she will grow up and then maybe she can hold a job.

On the home front I stopped to pick up the boys medicine and they wanted $900.  I said nope.  They said how about 1 month.  I said okay.  They said $333 I said nope.  So we were going to go with capsules and have it compounded but they were afraid it would get stuck in their throat.  So we went the transdermal route.  Now I have to put “beauty cream” in their ears as well.  Not sure how they will like it but I’m willing to try it v. parting with that much money. 

I stopped at the vet last night and got some Revolution for Momma in the hopes it would help stop her chewing.  Not working too well so far but 2nd dose is in 3 weeks.  If it’s a parasite causing the problem that should kill them for sure.  I think it’s nerves/stress.

We have a raccoon living under the patio.  BLU hates it and loves to try to tear the door down to get to it.  If he is ever successful that will surely be the end of him.  The door is all glass.  If the glass didn’t do it the raccoon would. 

My VOIP phone solution stopped working.  I have to call them on Saturday if they are open.  I don’t use it much but it’s my life line to Canada and any LD calls that I make.  So it’s paying for it’s self in the long run.  I plugged the silly thing straight into my modem and it still won’t pick up service.  I think it’s a software/switch fix and the hardware is fine.  Time will tell.

The post office wised up they now will send you a text message if you have mail in your PO BOX.  Plus you can use the physical address of the post office for UPS & Fedex Shipments so no worries.  They will even capture your signature and keep it on file so they can sign for any mail that requires a signature, so no inconvenience to you having to wait to see a human.  I will be signing up for all of this, free of charge services on Saturday.  It should make my life a little easier.

Since the government shutdown the congressman isn’t working on my mortgage issue.  I have an attorney that is going to call them next week to see if something can’t be worked out.  I’ve been told that it’s only a matter of when they will foreclose if my name isn’t put on the mortgage.  I just pray that it works out.

Well time to scoop litter and get ready for another day.  I’m on the road tomorrow to install WIFI, oh joy.  Can’t wait until I am done.  This is the last install for now.  Until they buy something else, then I will be back at it again.  That is if I am still employed.

I am taking it one day at a time, trying to do my best and keeping in my office as much as possible.  Need to sleep, very tired.

Talk again soon.  Be well!