Big Risk

I made it to the Christmas party and sat around and talked a little bit.  I put my name in for a door prize and won a 15 minute massage, which will come in handy by Thursday!  When things were winding down I got a to go container and filled it up with plenty of food.  There was tons left and they were going to throw it all away.  Lots of people were in line filling containers. 

People started to leave and the girl who does catering for meetings approached me and asked me if I was married.  I told her no.  Then she said have you ever been married.  I paused and said no.  A Civil Union is in my state is considered to be a marriage but it is in fact doesn’t have the word Marriage in the title.  Then she said I think that so and so has a crush on you and you talk all the time, I think she would like it if you were her boyfriend.  Well, first of all the lady she is referring to is old as in old enough to be a grandma.  I just told her sorry but that won’t happen.  She said why?  I paused again and said no one knows this, so you will be the only person in the entire company to know but I’m gay and she came back with me too.  Then she told me that she always thought that I was gay.  She tells me that she feels drawn to me and that she thinks highly of me and that I rock as the IT Guy.  You know I have heard what an awesome job that I am doing but her comments really drove how appreciated I am, which made me feel good and like I really did find a home.  So in other words, don’t screw it up.  Anyway, she said why are you single.  I said because my partner died last year.  Oh my God then she couldn’t stop hugging me, it was multiple hugs like every two or three words.  Then we went outside and stood in the drizzle and talked some more and she hugged me even more.  Holy crap.  So she asked me if I ever went out and I said no not really.  She wants to take me to the gay bars and she wants me to come to church with her and her girl.  She gave me her phone number and told me to text her.  I did but I waited until today to do it.  I meant to do it yesterday but time just got away from me.  I hope that I didn’t make a huge mistake.  I know I said I wasn’t going to tell anyone but I figured that my response would have stopped her dead in her tracks, instead it had the opposite effect. She was surprised that I am looking for someone and that I was on Grindr.  I told her you can only find one thing via the app and that is dick, if your looking for something else well you will have a long time to wait, if you ever find anything.  I told her how down on the apps I was, which is why she wants to get me to a gay bar.  Oh joy.  I just hope that she keeps my secret a secret and that I didn’t just blow my cover.

I went to therapy on Saturday morning and told my therapist all about it.  Plus we talked about my depression and the holidays.  It’s totally normal what I am going through.  She is very concerned that I might have been plotting on how to end my life.  I’ve already thought that out and there are multiple plans that I have but I haven’t shared that with her because they are not something that I plan on acting out or even remotely trying.  But for the fact that I lost my partner and we are in the middle of the holiday season life is otherwise grand. 

Yesterday I treated myself in the evening to a date night with myself.  I went to see Horrible Bosses 2 and it was fun at the end but getting there was very painful.  I just wanted to smack those 3 jug heads they were getting on my last nerve.  Afterwards I went to a local pasta restaurant.  I ordered Spaghetti and Meatballs.  This place operates like a Chinese Restaurant, in that minutes after you order your food is sitting in front of you.  I had two huge meatballs a small amount of pasta and then it was covered in a combo tomato and cream sauce.  Holy cow was it good.  Then they managed to talk me into having a cannoni for desert.  The only thing missing was a cherry on each end, it was amazing and added $4 to the bill.  They take a lot of labor to make but it really pays off in the end!

I did cat food shopping yesterday as well and didn’t see the guy that works there, that I met via Grindr.  I also haven’t heard from him.  That is not a total surprise.  However, if things go too much longer with no phone call then I will know that he truly wasn’t interested.  Right now he is still in school and will graduate this week.  So since that is what he was using as an excuse I am hoping that he calls either later this week or next week.  This week I can’t do anything with anyone because I am on-call as of tomorrow night at 7pm.  As you can well imagine I am not looking forward to it but it is part of my job.  I did track things this week and honestly the holidays I think helped a bit because there wasn’t much activity.  That is of course no guarantee that I won’t get slammed to the wall, but I’d like to think that it offers at least a glimmer of hope.  I am leaving my laptop at home so that in case a call comes in I don’t have to rush to the basement to deal with it.  I can just sit here at the kitchen table and take care of things.  I pray that nothing screws up my Comedy Wednesday!

I have recorded or so I think I have the New Now Next Awards that were on Logo about an hour ago.  I saw teasers for it on Facebook from LOGO and the one thing that sold me was Darren Criss nearly naked, yeah that is a good reason to tune in!

I slept in this morning and went back to Cracker Barrel for Breakfast.  If you go there don’t have the Berry French Toast it is horrible.  This coming from a person who likes Blue and Black berries.  I should have stuck with my usual Blueberry Pancakes.  They also have something new right now for winter called a Cinamon Drop Biscuit.  I highly recommend that, you can get them with a meal or just by themselves.  I was lucky in that my waitress forgot to charge me for mine.  Yummy for free.  Then I shuffled off to the grocery store where I was once again raped of my hard earned cash at the register.  Mucinex and Air Fresher were the two high price items that I got.  Both of which I am sure I could get on line for much cheaper.  It’s just that on-line well that bills to a credit card and right now I am trying to stay away from using credit at all costs.  My goal is to get out of debt and not deeper in.

I need to shave and take my extra dose of sleeping medication so that I am out like a light at least before 11p.  Tomorrow is going to suck because it’s Monday but outside of that it will suck just to get going again and then having to be on-call will add a little more suck.  The best news is that it’s only for a week and then I get my life back for what is left of this year and that to me is a very good thing!

All of the children are doing okay.  They have gotten their fair share of food and attention.  We have slept together and taken naps together.  Now the fun is over and it’s back to the working world.  I really would like to see The Interview on Christmas Day, so that might be an excuse to get away from my friends house.  Of course I can go the day after as well but traffic will be horrible because that is the day everyone starts their returns.

I still have Christmas shopping to do.  I need to buy for my friends that feed me at Thanksgiving & Christmas, plus my mom and brother.  After that I am done.  I did do some looking tonight for some items that I would like a fitness bracelet and a WII, both of which I found to be very reasonably priced on Amazon.  I didn’t order just looked. 

There you have it my weekend from the time the party started until Sunday evening when I am prepping for Monday morning.  I hope this is a good and fast moving week.  Take care and be kind to each other.