Monday

Working a new schedule, my hours are the same but tasks are controlled by the schedule.  I like it because it gets me off the phone at 5 and I have a 1/2 hour to wrap everything up and then go home.  No more risk of being stuck on a late call.  I don't mind working overtime but really when it's time to go I would much rather go.

So all in all it was a decent day.  I had a new hire sprung on me.  He will be here Wednesday I believe.  I have his equipment configured today, should be able to get it all installed tomorrow.  Then he will be all set for Wednesday.

I am working on another new hire that starts on Monday.  That is when I may or may not be on Jury Duty.  I have to call late Friday and find out what they want me to do.  Reporting is perfectly fine by me, it means I don't have to fight traffic to work.  Plus my new employer trusts everyone so you can say your at the courthouse and if they gave you the day off, you can just relax at home.  I would feel guilty and probably get caught.  It would be nice if we got out early one day so that I could have my car taken care of.  It's about 1,000 miles until an oil change and if I can squeeze it in w/o having to take PTO then I am all for that.

Got to see how much money is coming my way tomorrow on pay day.  I am very pleased.  Overtime really helps out a lot.  I have enough to pay the 2 bills that are due, plus the ability to give some money to a credit card.  Rightt now I am in credit card debt and it all started with this job and the travel.  I can't wait until I dig myself out.  Already have the house payment scheduled so there is no worry there.  Nothing from the new mortgage company.

I've updated my iPhone & iPad both to IOS 8.02 and they are working fine.  Glad I missed out on 8.01 update which stopped people from making/receiving calls.  Last week was a very bad week for Apple.

So tonights agenda.  Go home, take out the trash, eat supper, feed the children, pay bills, get ready for tuesday and then time for bed.  Sound exciting?  Yeah I know but I do look forward to getting home and seeing all of the creatures.  I've been thinking about them today.

This morning I was day dreaming and passed up my exit again.  I thought I could find my way to work but that proved to be a disaster.  I engaged GPS and eventually got back on the dusty trail.  I made it with 10 minutes to spare, so I was happy about that.  

I hope your Monday was uneventful.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Weekend Update

Well Mr. Date messaged me on Friday night and again on Saturday both times I ignored him.  I just replied today to both of his messages.  I’m guessing he is starting to get the point of what I mean by I want to take it slow.

I’ve reached out to lots of other guys but only a couple have bothered to respond.  It’s awkward to carry on a conversation, I would much rather move to a different platform but that comes with risk.  Risk isn’t something I want to take right now.

I got a message from my brother on Saturday telling me he has had a bad week.  I figured maybe one of the dogs died.  Nope, mom got into a car accident and totaled her car.  She is okay.  The other person is a female who is actually younger than me.  They carried her off in an ambulance because she passed out.  My mom’s car fell apart, it was all over the street.  The other lady she was driving a truck and it’s got a small dent.  The car was foreign and the truck was American.  Need I say more?

The accident was my mom’s fault because she pulled out in front of the other lady, who she said came out of no where and was going too fast.  Truth be told mom had no reason to be driving.  I think it’s time to take away her drivers license.  My bother doesn’t agree with me.  Plus he is the one who is legally responsible for her.  Her vision is very poor and her mental state well that is compromised as well.

Now my mom wants to buy my late partners vehicle.  She think I will just let her have it for $1k.  I looked it up on KBB and it’s worth $4k but I’d sell it for $3k.  I first told her no but she got really upset and said well would you at least think it over. Okay, I will think it over.  The answer still is no but I’ve thought it over.  I figure if I quote her the price that will be enough to discourage her.  However it may also cause her to come up with the money.

If I parted with it and sold it to her, then she wrecked it I wouldn’t exactly be happy.  I mean there is a sentimental value there plus there is that old adage that says never do business with friends or relatives.  I’ve been down that path before and I don’t want to hear about every little thing that is wrong with it or that this doesn’t work or that broke.  I could easily sell it to a car dealer and if they sent it to the crusher it wouldn’t bother me.  But if my mom wrecked it that would.  Sound odd?

Now I have become a taxi cab.  I get to go pick her up next Saturday morning at o dark thirty and take her to get her blood drawn.  Then afterwards we will go out to breakfast, she said she would buy.  Uh, okay free food - - sign me up.  That & money are the quickest way to my heart.

Saturday I was amazed at the number of printers we had here that I wound up taking to the recycle drive.  There were about 10 of them.  2 of which were old dot matrix printers.  They both worked but what is the point of keeping them.  There is a ton more of computer equipment I could have taken but there are things that I just don’t want to part with quite yet.  Still it felt good to get rid of the old stuff.  Now there is room to get some new stuff, all I need is a little money.

I got the carpets done yesterday as well, they didn’t turn out quite as good as I expected but they are at least in better shape than when I started.  The carpet is shot and honestly needs to be replaced but I just can’t see doing that right now especially with the number of cats I have.  So we just make do as best as we can. 

Last night I went out to visit some old friends and have a dish that I enjoy.  It’s called Pepperoni Spaghetti.  It’s Spaghetti with Pepperoni in it and then baked with cheese on top.  The sauce always gets to me because it’s super tomato rich, but I still enjoy it.  It was a huge meal and I even had desert.  Now I didn’t tell that to Mr. Date because he would have wanted to know why I didn’t ask him to go.  I do enjoy doing something by myself.

Today I had breakfast out, went shopping and came home.  Put everything away and worked on laundry.  Got some new pron from the internet, watched it.  Fed the children and settled in for a nap.  Only to be disturbed by ill timed phone calls, not one but three plus I had cats jumping on me as well.  I think I got about 30 minutes of rest.  Not bad so long as I don’t have any problems tonight in sleeping. 

I will be headed up to make me a pizza in a bit.  That is my usual weekend meal that I look forward to.  I switch it up sometimes it’s Friday night other times it’s Saturday and well today it just so happens to be on Sunday.  Slowly getting ready for Monday.  Ugh.

In looking at the calendar I freaked out at the grocery store because I thought bosses day was this week.  Nope it’s not until the middle of October. However, I did pick up what I consider to be the perfect card.  It says exactly what I want to say and it’s not too sappy.  So it doesn’t look like I am brown nosing.  Then I got a $20 gift card to The Olive Garden to go with it.  I am sure it will catch my boss off guard.  I will mail it in plenty of time for her to get it.  I could send it interoffice mail but would rather it come as a complete surprise.  She did me an awesome favor in hiring me and I just want to let her know that I won’t forget her kind gesture.

So speaking of work this is the week where everyone is rolled into one big old phone bank.  We are all taking calls for the entire firm and it’s going to be foreign to all of us.  However, a lot of people are freaking out.  I say just take it call by call, day by day.  We will get there.  Plus starting the first of the year we will all be on the same desktop so it won’t be quite as bad.  It’s just a couple months of inconvenience.  Before this we were separated into 2 teams and there were 2 people on-call.  Now were shifting to just 1 on-call which is going to add some calls I think.  It will be more money but it will also be more of an inconvenience.  If you just took the on-call away from my job I would say it’s okay.  Take away the on-call and the phones then I would say my job is perfect.  However, I am just happy to have a job right now.

Speaking of which the mortgage guy was supposed to call me on Friday and we were going to “lock in” the rate so that I could skip the October & November payments.  Well that didn’t happen and unless he could supply me something in writing that had approval of the present lender there is no way I would risk falling behind.  So I have scheduled the payment and if it’s something I could have skipped, well then they can just refund it to me.  Once things change hands I know that there will be money coming back the question is will they issue it to me, to the estate or to my late partner OR will they just give it all to the Bankruptcy court?  Hard to tell.  I do hope that by the end of October this loan has closed and the house is in my name.  It will make things so much easier going forward.  I believe that I will need to file 1 more tax return for my late partner because of the house and interest, in order to get that refunded.  That will of course be subject to partial take over by the bankruptcy court but my hope is that a discharge is granted prior to the refund being issued.  Then all of the money should be mine or so I hope.  It’s not like were talking thousands of dollars here.  However, I always say every penny counts.

I went out a couple hours ago for ice cream again.  I over indulged and well I am not terribly hungry right now.  I figure that once the pizza is done I will have a slice or two – then refrigerate the rest and it can be supper tomorrow night. 

Ugh, got to balance bank accounts and do filing.  I hate both of those tasks but filing is the worst.  Never ever did like it and never ever will. 

I hope that you had a super awesome weekend and that it was relaxing and you were able to accomplish all that you wanted to and more.  Now it’s time to enjoy the last few hours before we start yet another work week of fun.  I won’t be looking forward to this weekend.  Next week is Jury Duty – I have to call Friday afternoon to figure out what I need to do on Monday.  They don’t always have you report. In fact the recording says expect 1 to 2 days of actual service but if your picked for a trial expect a minimum of 1 week or at the longest 2 weeks.  Hell I could do a month it would be fine by me.  I am looking forward to it and being away from technology all day long, well that will be different but hopefully enjoyable.  I know I will have withdrawals.

Talk with you peeps later.  Be well.

Anxious for quitting time

To think a week ago, I was so anxious to get out of here so I could make my phone call and meet one of the guys that I talked to on-line.  This week I am just anxious to leave.  Jumper clawed me last night and it's itching, plus I've been thinking about the ants and my skin is crawling. 

I have checked back to see if my 18 y/o friend decided to chat any more but no response.  I'm guessing it was just a bold move for him to tell me that he liked me or maybe it was a joke.  Not sure either way.  However, I did make a report that he is misrepresenting his age.  I won't block him but I did screen shot all of our conversation, so there won't be any misconception as to what was said by who. It's very innoculus but it's the paranoid part of me coming out.

Had our meeting at the office.  As usual I was early, everyone was late.  Way too much chattering, jokes, etc. before the meeting started.  Our boss actually got through this meeting and we wrapped it up on time.  I hope that ending on time continues.  I think that she should build in like 10 minutes ahead of when she actually wants the meeting to start, that way everyone would be on-time.  :) 

I'm playing ring around the rosie with an issue here.  Trying to track down who is responsible for administering a program.  No one wants to take ownership.  I can't really do anything from a permissions stand point.  This all started early this morning I have been telling my story ever since to at least 4 people.  Right now I think I've got it figured out, but that person only works specific days of the week.  Oh Joy!  So this is another one that will have to be in a pending state.  I just hate service tickets hanging out there.  I like to get them in, fix the problem and close the ticket.  It just doesn't always work like that.  

20 more minutes and I will be back on the phones.  New schedule starts Monday so it's the same shift.  Just what I am designated to do is changing.  I will be spending more time on the phones.  That will be good, I suppose.  More eduucation, which should hopefully help me feel more confident and comfortable.

That is all of the new news I have.  No idea what is for supper, but I am sure I won't starve.  Talk with you peeps later.

Creepy Old Man

So my messaage was well received, which is quite a shock to me.  However, he is still pouring on the pressure despite the fact that I said I want to go slow.  Now his plan is for me to take a vacation day next month and get together with him to do something.  I explained that won't happen.  Depending upon how things go over the weekend, I am starting to think it's time to hit the BLOCK button again.  I really don't want to but if your going to be a pushy bastard then your leaving me no choice.  You smother a pork chop, not a person.  

In other news the first person to answer me back on Tindr is 23 and really cute.  He told me that he thinks I am HOT, which I am totally flattered by.  So were chatting last night and he tells me I am not sure why it shows I am 23 I am actually a Senior in HS and 18.  WTF!  Um okay so while I am anxious about this, I can see it leading to heart break.  He goes away to college and poof its over.  Not to mention his parents reaction when he tells them I'm chatting with a guy who is 40 something.  Uh I think it would be like in that episode of Queer As Folk where Justin's dad went after Brian in a car accident and tried to kill him.  He says his parents are okay with his sexuality and coming out was very easy.  Which is good.  I don't mind talking to him and keeping the converstion above board, but I think anything other than that would be trouble.  However, despite that I still wouldn't mind seeing him in person.  He is 18 which is perfectly legal age for sexual consent, not that were going to go there. My point being in the eyes of the law he is old enough to make his own decisions.  I kind of feel like I am on NBC To Catch A Predator.  

Who knew that trying to find a guy could lead to so much drama.  My life is nothing but a drama.  So I guess maybe I should settle for having a good job.  I suppose everything else will fall in place soon enough.

We made it to another Friday.  So much work for me to do, not sure if I want to start tonight or put it off until tomorrow.  I am anxious to be lazy and relax.  The kids were all in a decent mood this morning.  Big  Boy was in need of some extra attention and if you pay extra attention to one, you have to do it to all of them because they get super jealous.  To the point where they are standing in line crying for you to touch them instead of their brother or sister.  Momma gets in on the action as well..  

I am battling ants in the kitchen.  Just when you think they are gone, they come back.  I've cleaned, sprayed ant spray and yet the little things just keep coming.  I kind of wish they made a bleach bomb, I'd throw that at them.  Then when your cleaning, it feels like they are on you and you itch even though nothing is or was there to start with.  The fly that is in the house is still alive, at least he was as of last night.  I haven't seen him this morning so maybe someone got him.  Anyway, it will be time to saddle up here for another day of work here on the ranch.  

I've got to call a guy this morning that needs some help.  Then this afternoon a department meeting about changes that take place on Monday.  Who knows what else the day will throw at me, but I am here and ready to get on with it, so that I can start the weekend.  Stay tuned for another edition of as the drama continues!  :)  Have a great weekend, talk with you peeps later.  

Had to go there

I really didn't want to do this but kind of had to.  So I sent a messsage to the guy that is interested in me and that I went on a date with.  That I didn't think that Saturday would happen because I had some house cleaning issues to take care of.  His response was well if your too tired to drive I can come over to your place, meet your cats and then we can go some place.  Wow so its obvious that being suttle doesn't work.  What to do?

I got a message last night asking me how I was, which has been normal conversation since we started this chatting thing.  I told him that I was going to watch the premiers on ABC.  I got a response back that told me he wasn't too happy that I wasn't paying attention to him.  Uh I've got a life and a good portion of it involves technology.  I wanted to take a break and have a night off, which is usually reserved for Fridays.

 I was on the phone late with a friend and was told ... you have got to set the record straight.  You owe it to him and to yourself.  This is starting out small but will turn into something bigger if you don't fix it.  Besides that you have been talking for about 2 weeks now, if you can't be honest with him now, then how do you think you will feel in 6 months from now. Okay point taken.

I thought about what to say last night until I fell asleep, it was on my mind as soon as I woke up.  I didn't think about it much on the drive because my mind was on traffic.  You have to watch your 6 or someone will hit you.

I got to work and began composing what really sounded like a dear john letter to me.  What I said was I think of you as a friend and I am not romatically interested in you.  This is forigen teerritory for me and I am not wanting to hurt your feelings.  Saturday is not going to happen.  I apologized if I offended him and said that I think we have a good friendship going, lets stick with that.  I told him that I would understand if he didn't want to talk anymore and wanted to move on.  I expressed that I wasnt shoving him aside but in round about terms, I need my space.  I need freedom to see other people, I can't be smothered because I'm not a pork chop.  Just given how much I know about him this far, I suspect my note will not be well received.  He knows nothing about me other than the general area in which I live, that I have cats and that I work in a different state.  He's got an alias e-mail address of mine, which I can easily turn off if needed.  He doesnt know anything else.  I have the option to block him online but really prefer that it not come to that.  If he gets hateful or comes back with something that offends me, that is probably what I will wind up doing.  I have been walking on egg shells about this and I really think that I should have told him sooner.  I was kind of hoping things would calm down.  I understand he is afraid of being alone, wants someone to call his, etc.  I am in the same boat but I can't just pick the first guy that comes along.  I mean if he was everything I was looking for well then that might be a different story.  I can't help it that there is no spark there. 

My last relationship didn't blossom overnight it took time. We started out as friends and he made advances towards me.  Once I told him that I thought I was gay well that is kind of what set things in motion.  That was then, this is now!

I don't expect that scenario to repeat its self.  In fact I think I would be shocked if it did.  I am not exactly sure how my next relationship will start and/or when but I think if I am patient enough it will happen.

In other news I got someone on Tinder that likes me and is actually chatting with me.  Nothing serious but he is only in his 20's.  Super young and super attractive!  I'd really like to be his friend and see where things go.  I've matched up with a few guys but no one has bothered to answer my initial contact, which is why this caught me off guard.  

So today I was reading something and all of a sudden it was like all of the text was backwards.  It happened and I shook myself free of it.  Then I kept reading and it happened again.  I took off my glasses and everything was okay.  Been fine ever since, I sure hope it stays that way.  That was freaky, I mean I knew the words but they just looked strange.  Amazing how the brain works.  

I have been bothered so much at work.  My lunch being interuppted on a regular basis, this morning I wasnt even here and someone was calling for me.  A vendor made a visit, it was scheduled with the Corporate Office but no one bothered to tell me.  I think I need to know these things.  This is the 2nd time this week that this has happened.  A 3rd and I will voice concern to my boss.  It screws with my ability to provide service and that is held against me at review time.  So even if its not my fault it could mean the difference between a pay raise and no raise at all.  I take a lot more than I used to but once you push me past my breaking point then it's on.  I'm hopeful that things settle down and this will just be a week that I chalk up to 'one of those weeks'.  

Tomorrow is Friday.  I am pleased by that because it has been a long week.  I'm looking forward to the weekend and seeing how much I can acomplish and if I can have a sleeping contest with the cats.  

I had ants yesterday morning and evening.  Getting rid of them was not fun.  Then a fly got in the house.  Everyone has been on edge trying to catch it.  Even me and I've got the fly swatter, the best chance of everyone and I have missed so many times.  At least it's a play toy for the cats.  I was setting the alarm the other night and turned it on instant and left the motion detectors turned on, instant alarm.  Everyone was on edge, I told the children it was a test.  They were all plotting on what to do.  The worst part is I woke Big Boy up and he was sound asleep on his back.  He doesn't roll over so much any more but he used to all the time when he was younger and thinner.  I know he's really comfy when I see him like that.  It makes me happy.

Well I have to get back to it.  Then sit through an hour long meeting this afternoon, hope I don't fall asleep again.  Then there will be an hour left and well after that it's off to home to figure out what it is that I will call dinner tonight.  Talk with you peeps later.  Be well. 

Another Date ?

Well now the guy I went out with on Saturday is pouring on the pressure to get together again, like this Saturday.  I honestly don't want to.  I've got plenty to do around the house and the electronics recycling drive only adds to my work list.  I will be bushed and would like to just have a lazy day at home.  That willl allow me to move at my own pace and not have to hurry - rush and not to mention it will make time for me to nap, which I am fond of.  

I am still looking for other guys to date, I don't want to settle for the first person that comes my way.  A guy who is a million miles away likes me but fat chance we are ever going to meet in real life.  I have messaages out to several guys but no responses thus far.  Tinder really gives me false hope.  I see all of these good looking studs and we match up.  I send them messages and never hear from them again.  I dunno this whole dating thing is an emotional rollercoaster in its self.

I was petting and scratching Shy Girl this morning.  I found bumps around her neck, which means something is biting her.  If I let this go she will get welts in her ears be really misserable and I will have to take her to the vet for a shot.  So I tried my best to hit her with flea medicine this morning.  She wasn't too receptive to it but I know I got some on her, just not down deep.  I hope it works!  Poor girl. The last thing I need is a waiting line to take cats to the vet.  It's  bad enough that I have 2 that need to go over and I am putting that off.

The home loan people started out really agressive but have gone silent for some reason.  I figure there is no way we are going to close this week or early next week.  So I just plan on making the October house payment as normal.  I have written and called asking them what is up but no response.  I know I am not the only customer but gee you'd think that you would want to maintain the lines of communication to let me know what is going on in the background.

I've found a couple places on-line that I think will take some of the old medical equipment my late partner left behind.  I have to take photos of it over the weekend, fill out forms and submit the pictures in order to get an offer.  I don't want to take a bath on it but I would like it gone and to be able to pocket the cash.

Tonight is premier night so I will be going home and turning on ABC, should be a fun night.  Enjoyed Tosh.O last night.  Well back to the phone and work.  I hope today goes by fast becuse I am tired and anxious to get back home to the children.  Talk with you peeps later.  

Tuesday

Monday I got an unexpected visit from a vendor.  It was for troubleshooting and repairing some issues. It shouldn't have taken long but it took up the bulk of my afternoon.  So much so that I only had to spend a 1/2 hour on the phone last night and of course got no calls.  I'm happy about that but my boss probably won't be.  Nevertheless I was doing my job by sticking with the vendor because according to policy they have to be escorted at all times.

The evening went pretty smooth.  I managed to have some time to watch TV and I was playing with my phone.  On like guy surfing.  I have messaged a few new guys but thus far no responses.  My date from Saturday has messaged me and we exchanged a few kind words about Monday and what we were both doing.  I was on quite a bit yesterday and he only showed up in the evening, which was kind of a surprise for me. 

I really want to tell him that I don't have a romantic interest at this point but I am afraid that would crush him.  He wants to get together again on Satuday and the more I think about it the more I really don't want to.  I haven't made any firm commitment to getting together but told him that if we did meet up again Saturday would be the best day to do so.  He iss thinking about another dinner meet up.  That is all well and good but the bigger question is will he have money to pay, not for me but for himself.  I certainly can't always be the buyer.  I don't mind him as a friend, in fact that is how I think of him at this point.  Based upon looks & his health issues I think we are better sticking to a friendship.  Again, whenever I break it to him it will probably crush him.  There  is desperation written in his profile, spoken though messages exchanged and also in person.  He also made me stop and think do I really want a new guy?  The answer to that is yes but I would prefer it be a slow process.  Moviing a little bit faster than what it's moving now.  However, I believe in the end it will all work out.

One of the girls that always wants attention from me, is all over me in the evening.  Normally in the morning she climbs into my bed after I am out of the shower.  Yesterday and today she eats and then hides under the couch.  I wonder if she isn't feeling well?  I know someone hacked up a hairball in the hallway, I suspect that was her.  

I got a notification to go pick up hardware from a person that is no longer with us.  He had a stroke prior to my arrival and has been left with brain damage to the point where he is severly imparied.  I saw the notice yesterday.  They have left his office the same for months, this all happened long before I started.  Still I feel very bad for him, his family and for us because were losing someone.  I will pick up his stuff this afternoon, I just hope that I can keep my emotions in check because just talking about it I am sad and want to cry.  I think mostly because of what I have been through.

Today is kind of a boring day but that is okay.  I really didn't want to work hard :).  It started off as one of those cool fall mornings where you just want to stay in bed.  I kept telling the children that I didn't want to get up and then it was I don't want to go back to work.  I told them I have to go because people are depending upon me.  That in it's self is kind of the whole reason why I feel good on the inside about coming in.  W/o a job that feeling isn't there and in its absense depression sets in.  It's good to be needed and wanted.  It's a basic human need that I think we all require in order to function.

So all of the TV shows are starting their Fall Season.  I am happy about that, now there will be more to watch.  I hope that my DVR can keep up and that it choses the correct channel.  I went to watch the 2nd half of the Big Bang Theroy last night and it chose the wrong channel.  Fear not I will get it through on demand.

I heard some rumbling on the news this morning that there are bugs in IOS 8.  Everyone experiences something different from huge drains on batteries, wifi problems.  They say that there is no word if Apple will release a patch.  Since it made the news I suspect that they will, but it will be something that comes in due time.  They probably aren't in a rush.  I have had no problems on my old iPad or my new iPhone.  In fact the batteries seem to last way longer than I think they will.  The iPad has been belting out music since I arrived this morning, we started at 100% and its only down to 98%, which I would say is pretty good.  

Well I should run and find something work related to occupy my time.  I still am sleepy and hungry.  Looking so forward to lunch time.  Sounds tempting to take a chair into the equipment closet, turn out the lights and turn on my alarm.  Then take a nap.  Good idea not sure that I will do it.  

I hope that life is treating you all fair and that you are doing good.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Sunday

I went out for Breakfast at Steak N Shake, hit up the grocery store and the cat food store.  One of the cute guys that I like was the checker.  I know he is gay and would like to make a move but don’t want shopping for cat food to become awkward. 

Came home, unloaded everything.  Fed the little beasts.  Then it was to the basement.  Working on the home loan, more documents were needed so I rounded all of those up and wrote a letter, then sent everything off via fax.  Took over an hour from start to finish. 

Working on laundry as well.  Paused around 2pm wanted to take a nap, instead checked the air pressure in my tires, added some air.  Then took a trip to the car wash.  From there off to go get frozen custard.  Then I wanted to go to the car dealer to look at new cars but instead came home.  It’s like I will give into some temptation but others, well I shouldn’t go there.

My date from last night has been chatting me up off & on through out the day.  We have exchanged messages.  He suggested we get together again for a bite to eat, perhaps on Saturday again.  Sounds fine by me, I mean it’s an escape from my regular world even if there isn’t sparks we both can get to know each other.  As I said before there is no interest there on my part, but I don’t mind him as a friend.  I am still looking for Mr. Right and who knows when I will find him. 

It’s like I told a friend of mine tonight, I heard my late partner telling me on the way to the date, your too good to settle don’t compromise, you deserve the best.  He always said that to me but I’ve never put it in words or shared that with anyone.  There is a lot of truth to the statement and I want only the very best.  I don’t have a complex and am not trying to be a snob.  I think I will know when he arrives because I will be a wreck.

Not too much else new.  It’s been a fast moving day and I have actually accomplish most of the things I wanted to.  Not everything but most things.  There will be another weekend.  Next Friday night or early Saturday I will have to round up all of the electronics that I am going to recycle.

Well time to put laundry away, feed the children again and relax for a bit.  I’ve got a tooth bothering me.  I think I’ve got a small cavity.  It’s sensitive to cold and I noticed it last night when I was eating my mouth just didn’t feel right but there was no pain.  Today it’s dull pain.  I will hit it with some extra toothpaste tonight and see what happens tomorrow.  If the pain continues I will be calling ye old tooth puller and seeing when I can get worked in.  My hope is that the pain goes away and I am wrong.  My teeth get sensitive sometimes.

I hope you have enjoyed the weekend and my little updates on dating.  Who knows what this week will bring.  Right now I’m ready for a nice cold glass of water.  Have a good night!

Results

The date is done!  Everything went good.  It started out on a rough foot in that he was a little late and I began to think I was going to get stood up.  We never touched each other – no hand shake, no embrace or anything.  Different!

We ordered our food and spent most of the time talking rather than eating.  I just got home and I was there at 6p and didn’t leave until 8:50p.  They were cleaning tables and trying to give us subtle hints but I couldn’t get jabber box to stop talking so I could conclude the evening.

The photo he sent me does look like him but he had to have a ton of make up on because he is covered in warts.  I mean they are everywhere.  He told me about his health history and wow there is a lot to be concerned with.  He mentioned that he was on Food stamps, which I totally understand but he truly is dirt poor.  I feel desperation crying out like he really wants someone to love him for him.  He has one of those stereotypical effeminate voices, so when he opens his mouth his purse falls out.  Based on our conversation tonight I gleaned that he got married to a woman to make his parents happy.  My opinion is that he is hiding behind a label of bi-sexual.  He has also had numerous sexual partners of both sexes.  He says he is clean, but that factor just scares the hell out of me.  Of course someone will tell you they are clean but once you have slept together you find out days later that wasn’t the truth.  I don’t take him as a liar, but then again I don’t truly know him yet.

Long story short it was a really good time.  There is no love connection on my part.  He might be head over heels in love with me.  He did offer to have me come back to his house, twice.  I refused both times. 

When we parted ways he said that we could chat on-line, I was welcome to come over at any time or we could go back out to eat again if I so desired. 

What I have here at this point is truly a friend.  I’m not pushing him aside. I don’t know if I want to tell him there is no love interest on my part.  At the same time I don’t want to break his heart or cause him to abandon what we have built this far. 

There was truly more jitters & nerves on my part.  I mean I’m meeting a stranger in a public place.  Anything could happen but nothing at all happened. 

I know there is a guy out there for me, to be my next partner.  It’s just a matter of finding him.  It’s a journey and like any journey it will take time, patience and of course money.

Right now I feel emotionally & physically exhausted.  I’ve really gotten nothing accomplished today but it was a different and unique kind of Saturday.  Tomorrow will be very much a working Sunday around here.  Right now I am headed up and will watch TV and enjoy the rest of what has been kind of a lazy day.

There you have it, I am a virgin no more to dating.  My cherry was taken from me tonight and I can’t say that I miss it.  :)

Douche Move

So last night I got so nervous on the way home I decided NOT to eat supper.  I waited patiently for 7p to roll around and then made the call.  The phone rings off the hook, then there is heavy breathing.  So I hung up and called back.  I got a person Hello who is this?  Uh duh we arrange a call dude.  Oh are you from the dating site?  Uh yeah that’s why I’m calling.  We talked for about a minute and then his cell dropped the call. 

He waited until he got home with better service to call me.  We talked for about an hour.  Kind of all over the board but mostly about technology.  Then he said he would call me back today.

I get a message from him that he is calling in 10 minutes.  No problem I was going to take a nap but now I will wait.  He calls we talk.  First question what are you wearing?  Uh well I was actually in my underwear but I told him t-shirt & jeans.  He tells me he is in bed thinking about me.  Uh yeah like were going to have phone sex and I’m going to get you off, not happening.  So I quickly changed the subject.  We made idle chit cat and then he asked me if I wanted to go apple picking next Sunday.  Uh that is not my idea of a good time.  I said well maybe.  We talked for a little over an hour.  He said he would call me tomorrow.

He was up front with me to tell me he wasn’t white and he was mixed.  I am thinking Black/White.  Nope it’s White/Chinese.  I was constantly asking him to repeat himself.  It took serous effort to understand every word he was saying in between the oh my god’s which spewed out of his mouth like every other word.

I can see this isn’t going to work.  I feel very bad and thought about it after we hung up.  I wanted to reach out and tell him but I thought nah, just be a dick and disappear.  So I had to actually pay money to join this site in order to block him.  I had to pay more money to change my Magic Jack Phone Number.  If you call the old number it goes straight to voice mail you can talk until your heart desires but I will never get the message.  It’s such a douche move on my part but it’s the easiest way to make the point.  I feel very guilty for doing it.  I know he is going to be upset and probably heart broken.  Here comes my justification….He was in love with a photo but never shared his photo with me.  He told me his last BF slept around and who knows what I would be walking into.  I got hints that he was kind of controlling.  Plus there is that language barrier.

I’m no casanova and I don’t know that I can juggle multiple guys at one time.  It would be nice but well it’s a lot of freaking work keeping Sam from Jim from John and Fred.  Get where I’m going.

I am going to have to get ready for my date.  I pray that karma doesn’t come back and slap me – so that he stands me up.  I am not sure if there will be a spark, which is why I am nervous.  I also think he may invite me back to his place, but I will decline that offer.  I’m also wondering about a parting kiss at the end of the date, if he will try that or if we can just part ways for now with a simple hand shake.  Maybe a hug.  I will let the evening take me where it does but I do have limits.  I can tell you that I know he is horny, lonely and desperate.  3 qualities that I can relate to but they don’t appeal to me.  I’m looking to make a choice for a partner for what I hope is the rest of my life.  I know he wants an LTR but I am not sure how long that term is.  I will probe to find out tonight.  It’s better not to make moves like picking out a partner out of desperation, that sounds like it might have the potential to end very badly.  I’m not looking to break his heart or to have mine broken.  I just want someone to love. 

Well here it goes.  Talk with you later. 

Afternoon

So I also had a lunch date this afternoon.  It was just lunch with a co-worker.  I thought she might have more of an interest in me, but it appears not to be the case.  That is a good thing.  We just chatted up a storm.  Before you knew it, time to go back to work. 

I am kind of hoping that is how things go tomororw night.  For my saftey I have a friend who is going to check on me.  I've passed on who I am meeting, where we are meeting, the time of the meeting, and other details like my cell phone number and my car license plate as well as the phone number to the police department where we are meeting at.  If something should go awry, there is enough information there to track me down.  I know they trace/ping cell phones all of the time to find people.  I even gave my friend a duress code word, so even if I answer and things aren't fine but I have to pretend that they are, I just work this specific but odd ball word into the conversation and when we hang up, she will call the police.

The more I think about it I kind of feel silly in asking my friend to check on me but then you here horror stories so I feel it's a good idea.  I've reached out to another friend and told him as well as my brother.  I didn't ask them to check up on me, but there should be plenty of people to call me on Sunday or maybe even later on Saturday night to say how did it go?

The harder part about this is that I have 2 guys and I can't tell one about the other for obvious reasons.  I feel like I am being deceptive but it's more like I am keeping my options open.  I know that I can't have them bothh but on the other hand if I am the one who says sorry this isn't working or going to work that will make me feel very bad.  I know what it's like to be rejected and it's even worse once you break through the shell and get to know the person.

I find myself watching the clock like crazy.  I am so ready to go home and start the phone call with Jason tonight.  He is the one out of the two of them that is the most aggressive.  He is also mixed and I have not seen a face picture.  He asked me if I prefer white people and I told him that I do but it's not so much about as to what is on the outside, I mean looks are what attract us, but it's what is on the inside as a person that matters most as well as if we have chemistry.  We both could be in the best shape, have rock hard bodies, meet and discover there is no spark.  These two guys could just be the tip of the iceberg and there may be many more that I have to go through to find Mr. Right.  

I will admit that I do have a bit of a concern about dating a mixed person.  I mean it's sort of like asking for trouble but the heart wants what it wants and there is no changing that.  

The job search is out of the way.  The house loan is in process to be changed over.  The guy search might be over with.  Who knows I may be in Utopia soon if it all works out like I want it to.  I want to be happy for the rest of my life and having someone to spend life with makes it even better.  Dating in my own age range or younger means that health issues are less likley and if I am the older one then I would be more likley to go first.  The whole thing is I know what it's like to be left behind.  I know what its like to be hurt.  I just don't want to put that burden upon another person.

Ah well, its almost time to get back on the phones.  Then 1 hour count down until I get to leave.  Not real sure what I am having for supper, if I will even eat at all.  I am kind of nervous.  Oh and I have setup alias e-mail accounts as well as a Magic Jack # so no one will be able to reach me if things go wrong.  I won't provide my real information until I am certain there is a future.  You can't make that assumption off of 1 meeting/phone call.  It will take months.  Its sort of like living a lie because you have to remember oh use xyz email address or use xyz phone number.  Memorizing all of that information is kind of a small task.  If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.  :)

Have a good weekend and I should have an update posted on Sunday sometime, provided time allows.  Otherwise look for one by Monday night.  Take care and enjoy your weekend!

The First Date

So the app my therapist recommended, has yielded me 2 guys.  Both ironically w/o face pictures.  The first guy is Jason he is mixed.  I haven't seen a face picture yet.  We are going to talk by phone tonight.  He is really giddy about it.  I don't know a lot about him yet but suspect that will change tonight.  He actually wanted me to text him but rather than play the silly game of back and forth I would rather cut to the chase, life is too short and I am too impatient.  

The second guy is Dave he is younger than me and divorced.  He says he is BI but I honestly think he might just be hiding behind the label.  He says that he has always preferred guys.  My late partner said the same thing and it took me a couple years to make him see that he was gay and not BI.  In any event we did the chat thing and back & forth last night.  Things were going so well that I just asked him if he would like to meet in person.  He was all about it.  However, rather than a public place he tried to get me to come to his home.  I said nope.  Neither one of us has any assurances that the other person isn't a psycopath.  You hear horror stories all the time and rather be safe than sorrry.  So we are going to meet at a resturant.  Then he tells me that he is broke and can't afford his meal.  Okay, I understand that.  I said if you can come I will be happy to pick up the check.  I set the record stright from the get go.  I'm not buying you dinner to get into your pants and there are absolutley no strings attached to my offer.  We meet and if we make a connection and things go right, then you can repay me.  If there isn't a connection well then consider it a favor. So Saturday night 6pm ...wish me luck.   He sent me a face picture and he's not bad looking.  Think he might be fat like me, so we should be a good match from body types. :) 

I wasn't really affected by any of this last night but today I seem to have a little extra pep in my step.  I am kind of excited to see what happens, as my life unfolds before my eyes.  I also kind of feel like I am cheating but I've felt assurances that is simply not the case.  I know my guy would want me to move on, in fact we had a conversation about this very topic.  Ah, I'm tearing up.  I miss him so much and the thought of him not coming back is continually sinking in.  All I can hope for is that I meet someone who is just as nice, kind and loving as he was.  Then my world will be almost perfect. 

Okay time to change gears and shift into work mode.  Happy Friday!

A couple other quick things

Wow work is sure werk and drains me of my energy.  Amazingly enough I start out tired and by the time I get to work I am ready to start all over again.  Never knowing what kind of problem is coming my way or who I will interact with.  Thankfully most people are nice and understand that technology has issues and it’s not my fault.  I hope that pleasant interaction continues.

With regards to my last job, I found out that my sexual discrimination claim made it’s way to their door step.  They are denying that it is true, saying that I am going off of rumors about the female lesbian sexuality.  That they have a lesbian employed (never mind that she is the mother who’s daughter is sleeping with the boss, otherwise they would have canned her years ago).  They say that they gave me 2 weeks leave when my partner passed away and that should serve as sufficient evidence that my claim is baseless and has no merit whatsoever.  They also say that they are in fact still going out of business within the next month.  The company name is going to change and they are in fact still going to be in business.  They made a rather large purchase and have plans to stay right where they are today.  So while I might be able to refute some of their claims, I don’t believe that I have enough evidence to continue the charge.  However, I’m waiting to see how it plays out. 

I found out that my old so called friend, applied for unemployment again.  I can’t believe her.  She just wants to milk the system and the more that I hear about her, I see clearly that her performance around me was totally an act.  I feel so violated and taken advantage of.  However, the situation could have plaid out to a worse scenario.  Strangely enough I haven’t heard from her and don’t suspect that I ever will. 

I’m waiting for the bomb to drop about the HIPPA complaint that I have in motion.  They might be able to fend off me but they won’t be able to fend off the US Government so easily.  That will probably truly put them out of business.  Hopefully that drops any day now. 

Yesterday I got a notice that I have a certified letter to claim.  I won’t be able to claim it until Saturday and that is perfectly acceptable.  It was mailed on August 30 from a local zip code but wound up heading to NJ and then slowly making it’s way back to my neck of the woods.  It’s clearly been on one hell of a journey.  I am curious to know who it’s addressed to.  The post office put both my last name and my late partners last name.  Based upon the zip code I think it’s a collection notice for my late partners hospital bill.  If the letter is addressed to him only and it’s from the hospital, I will refuse delivery.  If it’s addressed to both of us, well that is another story.  I just suspect that it’s not good news waiting for me.  I mean if it was good news why would they send it certified mail?  People usually do that when they desire a signature and confirmation of delivery.  I know every time I have used it I wasn’t sending good news.

Okay well since that is off my chest.  I’m going to spend time with the family and prepare for Thursday.  No massage for me, I decided to skip it this time.  Besides that I can use that money to spend on getting my hair cut.

Oh I called Lawn Boy and he will be doing the trimming in a few weeks.  $200 because it’s going to be major work.  He is just making up for the fact that I didn’t call him last year.  However, he will throw away the old broken fountain that caused my late partner to break his back, for free.  How generous of him.  He will be by on the weekend to take care of it.  So something to look forward.  Maybe a little eye candy and a nicer looking exterior. 

Take care, talk with you again soon.