Bridegroom

If you didn’t see it last night on OWN, go to Netflix and watch Bridegroom.  It’s a very touching and emotional story of two guys who were together and one was killed in an accident. 

This started with a video that was posted on line on You Tube called It Could Happen To You.  Which I have embedded below.  It’s 10 minutes and worth your time.  From the support of the video the film Bridegroom was made.

This touches on some of the many things that I wanted to share with the world after the loss of my partner.  I didn’t have another family to deal with but I did have his estranged son.  Thankfully we had paperwork done well in advance so if there were any issues, it was all spelled out and legal. 

These guys were in the prime of their lives and you could tell they each completed the other and were having many awesome times.  The whole thing is just very depressing.  I feel for the guy who is left behind. 

If your on Facebook the survivor Shane has a page as does the film.  I sent him a message this morning and I know that I wasn’t alone, he probably got flooded with comments and letters. 

 

Happy Birthday Sweetie

 

Today would have been my partners 73rd birthday.  Normally I think about what to get him weeks in advance and then can’t wait to spring it on him days before his birthday because I simply can’t wait.  This year there is no need to worry about a gift and there is no joy or excitement building and no need for a card.  Yes, I am sad because he is not here with me but he lives in my heart and he always will until the day I take my last breath.

Much to my surprise today just feels like an ordinary day, mostly because I am going through the motions of what I normally do on the weekend.  Writing this has a knot in my throat and I will probably shed a couple tears before I am done.  However, there is sadness in my heart and I think that is palpable by those around me, which at the moment are all cats.  They are very affectionate, one in particular more so than usual. 

I believe with every fiber of my being that my partner is in Heaven and is smiling down upon me.  I hear his voice calling my name now and then.  I hear some of his words of wisdom as well.  I still can’t believe that this is reality and I am waiting to wake up from this nightmare with him close by. 

Memories are all I have and they play often over and over in my head.  I think about the good times, the bad times and just in general time together.  I miss talking with him at lunch time, coming home to a hot meal that wasn’t previously frozen.  The pain from his loss is nothing that a drug or any person can take away.  I feel it and it is very raw.  I want to scream, I want to cry and I don’t want to move on – I don’t want to continue to live my life without him in it.  However, I realize that death is a part of life.  The part that is not often spoke of, the part that everyone will have to deal with eventually.

I have many regrets. One of which is not being by his side after they removed life support.  I promised him I would be there and I wouldn’t let him die alone.  However, we both know that would have scared me for life and it is probably something better that I didn’t see it.  However I feel that I failed him.  The hole that is in my heart and the void that is in my life is HUGE.  The pain simply can’t be put into words.  I am all alone and being alone is the scariest of feelings, especially when your used to being around someone else for 20 plus years. 

Thinking about the progress that I have made I am very proud of myself in the hurdles that I have conquered and I know he would be as well.  There are two more hurdles to deal with and once they are done I am hopeful that I can heal and somehow manage to move on. 

I am NOT the same person that I was before he died.  His passing is a life changing event and as such everything about me has changed regardless if it is visible or not. 

I am keeping my last promise to him in that I will make him proud.  I know he would be very surprised at how well most things have come together.  There are a couple of circumstances and burdens I have been shackled with that he wouldn’t be too happy about. 

While my wish when it came to death was that we all pass together at the same time, that is wishful thinking and probably something everyone at some point thinks.  Reality is that we will all pass at our appointed time and regardless of heroic measures or not, if it is truly our time there is nothing anyone will be able to do to save us.

My life from the time I was born was an up hill battle and I have been fighting battles all of my life.  I’m tired and need rest.  I need things to just fall into place and to experience joy and peace.  I want to be comfortable not only in my living space but in life in general.  I hope that there is another man out there for me and that sooner rather than later our paths will cross.  Of course he will never be able to replace what I had but hopefully we will be able to make a new future together.

I realize that me being 42 and my partner being in his 70’s there was an unnatural balance there.  It was like the odds were against us and we both figured that he would go first.  I am so very thankful that I got to spend as many years with him as I did.  That I was there to help and provide comfort, joy and make him feel like no one else could.  I know I was very special to him and that he loved me more than words can express, because he told me that often so it would make a lasting impression with me.  One thing is for certain that I will NEVER forget him.

I remember many years ago when I was younger and my grandmother passed, he was there to comfort me.  I thought that I would never get over her and well it’s been over 20 years and I am used to it.  This event with my partner is still very fresh and new, which is why it hurts so damn much. 

I see him in the house and there are still many items of his here.  I don’t go into his room or his office space much because I don’t want to stir up memories or deal with the contents of those two spaces.  However, I know that eventually I will have to.  I am very surprised that I was able to get rid of his clothes.  That was a huge move for me and not one that was easily done. 

Now that the weather has changed I find myself wearing his leather jacket because it’s lighter weight than the led vest that is my leather jacket.  Each time I put on my leather jacket regardless of the year it feels like a huge hug from my partner.  I wish with all of my heart that I was able to hug him.  His remains are in my bedroom and I stare at the urns often thinking about their contents.

So what normally would be an average day for him and one that he would rather not talk about or celebrate would have been special to me because it would be celebrating another year on earth as well as his life. 

My prayer is that Almighty God would help heal my heart, cause my finances to fall into shape, allow me to feel job security and hopefully reward me with a new job.  To not ever struggle financially again, to be able to continue bringing joy and comfort to my many cats.  Then bring me closer to finding a new soul mate to grow old with.  To experience joy and happiness again, to bring many more smiles and joy into my life and that  would be able to expand those people that I call friends.  Help me to deal with the passing of each of the cats when each of their times come.  Someday to allow me to be able to take a true two week vacation with not a care or worry in the world and to simply have the time of my life.  That he would continue to bless each one of you and keep you safe, healthy and happy.  That the world in general will be a better place.  Amen.

In loving memory of my very special guy I conclude this post, wipe away my tears and will continue to push myself forward each and every day.  I love you sweetie and I pray that you are at peace. 

FML FMR

I haven’t exactly had a good day.  I heard from the Congressman’s office that they can’t help me with the mortgage company because the mortgage company will not work with me, since I am not the original borrower.  In other words they are just being difficult.

I got a call from the 2nd law firm about a possible case in my partners death and have furnished them with information. I won’t hear back from them until towards the end of next week, as to if there is a case and if they want to take it on.  I have been told that time to administer TPA can be as long as 6 hours after the stroke, it really depends upon the hospitals protocol.

Then I heard back from the place where I applied for a mortgage.  They said I have excellent credit and there would be no problem in submitting an application for a loan.  So maybe just maybe there is an end in sight.  I have to go through Housing Counseling and submit a bunch of paperwork.  They can’t do anything until I get a certificate showing I have completed Housing Counseling.  Not exactly sure what that is but it’s probably a boring course like when I filed Bankruptcy.  So the wheels are in motion.  I will be spending part of the weekend getting them the information they need.  I have made calls about the counseling and am waiting on calls back.  I’d like to do it on-line but it can be done in person or even via the phone. 

As if all of this isn’t enough I get an e-mail from my boss telling me he has complaints that I am frequently away from my desk and not available to staff.  I spend hours behind locked doors and I take 2 hour lunches.  It wasn’t in his usual condescending tone, you could tell he was upset but he was calm.  He gave me time to think and I drafted a response that totally blew his alleged complaints out of the water.  I haven’t heard back from him and if he wants to make an issue of it that will happen on Monday.  It’s obvious to me that this is a witch hunt.  Him and his lady were caught in a lie and now they are retaliating.  The thing is I am friends with the person who turned them in but I have done nothing wrong, this is retaliation because they always go after people around her.  As if it’s not obvious they think they are being coy but I am on to the games.  I seriously hope that I get to resign from this job, because when I do he will get an ear full.  This is a hostile and abusive work place – that my friends is against the law.  What is in the dark will come to the light, but I might not be here to see it.  I just can’t wait until the day I can tell them to kiss my ass.

There you have it, happy freaking friday!  Meeting up with friends for dinner on Saturday night.  Looking forward to it, going to order a cocktail if they can make it right.  Maggiano’s again!  Plus I will be there next month.  I’ve been going monthly for at least 3 or 4 months now.

Hopefully things are on track to getting better.  Stay tuned and we can find out together.  As the world turns!  Talk with you peeps later.

Denied again

Ready for this?  I called the mortgage company to check in and see if they needed anything else.  I was told that they denied the application last week because the house is not owner occupied.  Say what?  I explained the trust what I should have said is the original borrowers remains are in the house – it is fucking owner occupied.  They did the “waterfall process” which means they looked at previous modification applications and right now they are telling me there is nothing that I qualify for. 

I am not happy.  I went off on the poor bastard that answered the phone and gave me this news.  I asked him if they wanted to be property owners.  He said no you have other options like a short sale.  I said I am trying to get a lower house payment not look for a new place to live.  He didn’t have much to say after that. 

So I updated the congressman, updated the attorney I had waiting in the wings and am letting both of them pounce on the mortgage company.  Time will tell if that does any good.

Meanwhile, I have called another place to obtain a loan on my own.  They are reviewing my credit report and will be in touch, probably tomorrow.  From what it sounds like w/o them having any information on me I should qualify.  Now, I am not holding my breath because I’ve been made a lot of promises but if this place comes through, okay by me.  I need to do something to get out from under the outrageous payment.

I have also decided to get a second opinion on my wrongful death case.  It won’t cost me anything.  I have called a law firm that is quick to settle rather than drawing out court proceedings.  So if I in fact have a case it can be settled hopefully quickly.  Honestly, I believe the first guy I talked to but this is just doing my due diligence.  It was kind of odd when I called they asked me if my partner was aware that I was calling on his behalf.  I said no because he is dead.  They too are supposed to call me back within 24 hours to gather more information and see if I have a case. 

I probably should be really upset but I am numb and really don’t feel anything.  I am not happy with the mortgage company's decision but I refuse to believe there isn’t a solution to this problem.  It’s just a matter of tracking it down. 

That’s all I have got.  Ready to go home, have a salad and a burrito – call it a day.  I will make a phone call to whine to a friend and that will be that.  Hopefully I don’t have any huge messes to clean up.  Very thankful that tomorrow is Friday.

Had a dream last night that my partner and I were out eating or doing something fun.  Then I woke up and realized it was only a dream.  If the only way I can see him is in my dreams, then I want to sleep forever.  I so miss him.  Sunday will be his birthday and that I think will be a very difficult day.

Adios for now.  Talk with you peeps later.

Wednesday

It’s chilly outside and you know it’s only going to get colder as time goes on.  Bring on the snow at least enough for a few snow days from work.  I will always do my best to get there but there is a time when you have to realize enough is enough.  It’s not worth your life after all it’s only a job. 

We are having a food day tomorrow one of the cunts in the office is getting hitched.  As you probably gathered I can’t stand her.  I’d like to give her a grenade as a gift.  A horrible thing to say but she is a HUGE pain in my ass.  She always gives me a fit and I even went to bat for her and got her a new machine, she bitches even more now.  I just shudder when she talks to me because you never know what she is going to complain about next.

I don’t participate in office food days.  Yeah I might eat some food but I have to be begged first.  Normally I just bring my lunch and that is plenty.  My co-workers are telling me I need to be a team player and bring in something.  I’d like to bake a batch of ex-lax cookies and bring those in.  That would shut them up.  Then again they wouldn’t be able to talk because they would all be in the bathroom.  I am a team player but I am just not on the office team, I am a team of one.  I really want a fresh start with a big organization that can afford to pay me a decent wage, provide a challenge and treat me fairly.  In return I will give them my all and then some.  This place that I am at has pretty well sucked the life out of me. 

Sure as tomorrow is Thursday I will probably hear about not bringing in food.  Suck it is all I can say.  I have a couple people I like and will do anything for, outside of that the rest of that place can drop dead.  It’s an unhealthy environment where it’s dog eat dog.  I’ve had it, so until something better comes along I will keep the crummy job but as soon as I get that offer it’s goodbye suckers. 

I think I did pretty good in a post where nothing really happened today.  I’m doing laundry because I have to wear a special company furnished shirt tomorrow, it’s cold outside so the fuckers got us short sleeves.  We shouldn’t have to wear these until warm weather returns.  However, I will play along with that part of the game.  I am still not drinking the Kool Aid!

Be well and I will talk with you peeps later.  If the atmosphere and my schedule allow it, tomorrow will be mortgage call day.  Let’s hope they have good news for me and don’t need any documents.  2 more days…..!

Day Off

I am clearly in need of a break.  Last night some how I managed to take both Monday & Tuesdays doses of my evening pills.  I only remember taking my pills once but I was flustered a bit when I got home.  I had to pee, which is normal.  I had the cats, I was thinking about the mortgage company – it was your typical night but a little more than I could handle.  Plus the drama at work.

I wondered how this would affect me, I’ve never taken a double dose.  Outside of being up for part of the night, I didn’t really notice much.  I felt off kilter this morning.  So I decided to just stay home.  I haven’t had a day off since April and I wouldn’t exactly call this a day off, more like a day working from home.  I still have to use my time but I was interrupted like crazy.  I gave up on trying to sleep after the third time I was woke up and had to spring to life. 

It was nice to lay back and not have to do much but decide what to watch.  Unless something unforeseen happens I will be going back tomorrow.  Lord help me.  I’ve already heard about the drama and things are pretty hot and not in a good way.  Thankfully my name is not in the mix but I think I will be collateral damage if my boss takes this out on me, which is what I suspect will happen.  Time of course will tell.

The hospital where my partner passed away has an opening, so I applied.  As long as they don’t send me to the Neuro ICU I should be fine.  It’s a large major hospital, lots of people gay, straight, bi – black, white, Mexican,  Japanese, etc.  Very diverse.  I know they have good benefits but getting in the door is something that I have been trying to do for years and who knows maybe this will be my shot.  I’ve got a friend who knows 2 people that work their, they are going to refer me so that should up my chances.  I can only hope.  I am so ready for a fresh start and to get out of crazy town.  Where I work at now is a paycheck but it’s a total joke and the sooner I can leave the better it will be for my mental health.

Went out to get the mail and Momma’s medicine.  Made conversation with a hot guy at the pharmacy, who I presume is married.  All I know is thin, nice butt – what more is there to talk about.  Brains yeah I know.  Common Sense is nice.  We just made idle chit chat and that was it. 

I am doing laundry but not because of a cat, because of mother nature.  The first frost is coming tonight and it’s going to be cold tomorrow.  I will be wearing my partners leather jacket to work tomorrow.  It’s a little big on me but it will do!  Plus he was the last person to wear it so it will just be extra comfy for me. 

My feet are freezing and inside I have had the I am not feeling well feeling.  However, right now outside of cold feet I feel okay.  My eyes are stressed because my glasses aren’t on and I haven’t had my eye drops.  Yeah, everything goes to hell in a hand basket when I don’t get to follow my routine.  Cats didn’t get their morning meds either.  Jumper is feeling better and I showed him that I have plenty of dry food, so he is happy. 

Ugh, my mom just called.  So I am dealing with that.  Talk with you peeps later.

Usual Sunday

Went to bed last night to learn that BLU peed in my bed again.  That fucker!  Had to strip the bed and sleep with a snuggie on a bare matress.  Me and Jumper.  It was 1 am who wants to do laundry then?  Not me!

Working on laundry now, should be done in an hour or there abouts.  Then I have to make my bed, what fun.

So the day started off with me being woke up at 6:30 by the boys, fed the children.  Back to bed.  Woke up 9:30 made eggs, fed the children again.  Threw on some clothes (no shower since Friday morning) and off to the salon.  Got my hair did.  Visited the grocery store afterwards, bought way too much food.  I spent very close to $100 and it’s all frozen or sweet stuff.  Except for 2 salads and 1 tub of Cottage Cheese.  Didn’t expect the bill to be that high.  Stopped at Sam’s club for gas at a discount, perks of membership. 

Arrived home, opened the windows and brought in the groceries.  The kids loved the open windows and were frolicking around .  Had a frozen individual pizza from CPK for lunch and finished with a day old jelly donut – awesome lunch!  Watched a very bad movie, sugar high wore off and I crashed for like a 1/2 hour.  Woke up bad movie still on, finished it.

Entered in all of my expenses so I know how much money I have.  Sad thing is tomorrow is payday and a good portion of my check is already gone.  Found a 1/2 way interesting job on-line and applied.  Then wrote a letter to the post office in DC to tell them about my problems with the local post office and signing up for the wonderful new services.  I played the gay card and said I feel that I am being discriminated against.  It’s true and while I don’t know if it will get me results, it’s worth a try.

Talked to the home loan guy that I was referred to.  He can’t help me but told me the name of the program that I would qualify for.  It’s the same program someone else tried to get me into but it’s not for re-fi it’s for new purchases.  I will use Google to see if I can find a lender, otherwise we will see what the mortgage company comes up with.  This just has to work out, I know I am not the first person this has happened to and sadly I won’t be the last.

What I am dying to get rid of is the damn Bankruptcy that would be a small amount of extra money each month that I could put towards bills.  If I can get people to stop with their hands out and I can behave and not go hog wild shopping I think this will work out.

It’s time for calendars.  I always get a railroad calendar, usually 2 one for the living room and one for my late partner.  This year I am getting 2 but taking the other one to work.  I need my nude calendars as well, just 2 so that shouldn’t break the bank.  Everyone likes eye candy and anyone that comes over will know I am gay.  I don’t get company so might as well make my home comfy for me.  No one else is going to do it. 

I also have a few things on my shopping list I’d like to buy 2 Roku players.  One for the living room and the other to give away as a Christmas gift.  I’ve been chatting them (ROKU) up for a long time.  My guy bought me one when they first came out and it’s how I view Hulu Plus, Netflix and Amazon.  Plus there are lots of other channels to choose from.  You pay for the player and if you want Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, etc. you pay for those subscriptions.  There is plenty of free content.  It just came to me today so of course I want to do it now.  It would be $100 to part with.  Not exactly sure this is the right time but for $100 to take care of two birds with one stone, well worth it. 

Looking forward to scheduling some time off.  I haven’t done it yet but will be in the next couple of weeks.  I have a weeks worth of time.  I am thinking of taking 1 day at Thanksgiving (friday after, normally we are closed but we don’t find that out until the last minute).  Christmas I want Christmas Eve, not sure if I will take it but the two days after Christmas I want those.  Plus the two days after the 1st of the year.  Nice holiday break.  I get 3 weeks vacation and have only used 2 days thus far.  My anniversary is in May and I am not allowed to carry any days over.  Of course if I leave for any reason (quit or get fired) and I have taken days that I haven’t accrued they will debit those from my check.  I’m looking at using a week of vacation but spread across 3 months so I get more bang for my buck.  Then the remaining vacation I will leave for sick days and if I don’t use them well I will schedule time off. 

So everything that I wanted to get done today, minus a shower and the big claw trim has been accomplished.  I shouldn’t but I am giving her a reprieve, probably another week.  She is already slightly sticking to things so I am sure another week is the most I can go.  I didn’t want to do anything with the windows open because she screams loudly and the police would have come if my neighbors have 1/2 a brain.  I honestly don’t think anyone would call.  Years ago a neighbors burglar alarm went off and no one called.  It was sounding for a bit, when I decided time to pick up the phone.  Turns out it was a false alarm.  A new person just bought the house and they had issues, every time they would raise or lower the garage door it would set the alarm off.  That got fixed quickly.  The police don’t like false alarms to the same place on a daily basis.  In fact after 3 or 4 within a month you get fined for each one there after. 

Were getting close to Halloween, hopefully I can find out when the candy days are so I am sure to turn off the lights.  We now I don’t give candy out.  I remember one year my partner gave out 1 year old taffy.  Oh boy I am sure that sent someone to the dentist.  That stuff was harder than a rock.  He wasn’t shy about passing it out either.  Gobs to each kid so who knows he may have sent a whole family to the dentist. 

It’s jacket weather, I am taking in my coat hook to the office tomorrow.  I may or may not have a jacket to hang on it but eventually I will need it.  The thing supports up to 5lbs so that should be good when I am wearing my leather coat. 

Okay I can see I am starting to babble so I am going to call this post done.  Off to see what kind of trouble I can get into.  I turned the heat on this morning for the first time.  It gets cold in here, especially when you don’t have a comforter to shield you. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Lonely Saturday

Feeling lonely today. I tried to occupy myself today and really wanted to be around friends but with the few that I have, they are all busy.  I do have plans to go out next weekend which will be helpful because next Sunday would have been his (my late partner) 73rd Birthday.  This whole month has been rough because October belonged to him it was his month and this is his favorite time of year. 

So enough sadness what did I do today?  I watched a lot of TV.  The Goldbergs is a really good TV show and since I signed up for Hulu Plus I watched all 4 episodes.  Pretty good stuff.  I saw a movie 21 & Over.  Miles Teller is uber hot and there is some ass shots and he even makes out with another guy.  I put my pizza in the oven for supper and started watching it.  I just got engrossed and well it was a damn good movie. 

I skipped breakfast and went to lunch at Olive Garden.  I wanted desert but didn’t indulge.  I visited Target & Petsmart today as well as the post office.  The postage that was due was on an address I requested.  I mailed a letter and marked it with the phrase Address Service Requested, doing that will cause the letter to be delivered but as the sender you get notified of the forwarding address.  Sneaky but legal.  I was really hoping it was a photo of Mike Ross aka Patrick J. Adams, but it wasn’t.  I also hoped that they would talk with me about the letter I sent to the postmaster but that didn’t happen either.  I got attitude and just made my way back to my car. 

My VOIP phone from Net Talk went south just after they decided to charge me for another year of service.  However, I disputed the charge and right now have a provisional temporary credit.  After the fax I sent today that should turn permanent.  I bought the think in June and got it in July.  I signed up for service in July and 12 months of service come with it.  Why then would they bill me again in September.  I shouldn’t be charged until July of next year.  I can’t get the damn thing to work – I have tried to call but get a recording saying you have to initiate an on line chat with us.  That doesn’t work because they are always off line, even during the hours they say they are open.  I’m wondering if the company didn’t go belly up.  I have a support ticket open but that could take months for them to get to.  At least my Magic Jack still works.  I am not fond of it but if it gets the job done well okay.  I need to make a call to Canada to chat up my friend but haven’t gotten around to it.

I trimmed one of the girls claws she is mad at me.  Still have to get Shy Girl and I partially cleaned out a closet, not real good but I did manage to throw away more than I put back and that is a good thing.  I changed the litter boxes and got the trash ready to go.  So much fun. 

Tomorrow is grocery store day and I might even splurge and get a hair cut.  I really want it but I am telling myself you can go one more week, it won’t kill you.  However, I am vain and want to look good all the time, even though I was born ugly. 

Got a call from a friend who said that her son and a guy started a mortgage business.  I should give him a call because he supposedly can help me.  Yeah I don’t think so but I will tell him my story and see what happens.  If h can help me great but I fully suspect him to tell me sorry you will have to wait until August of next year.  I mean if so many other places turned me down I don’t suspect he will help.  However, nothing ventured nothing gained. 

Friday night well it was a long one.  I stayed at work a little late then managed to talk a co-worker into having dinner with me.  There is more office drama going on but I really don’t want to blog about it right now  It’s complicated and I am sure that in the end I will be the target of some vengeance because I helped someone dig up dirt.  If things go like I think they will the office manager and one other person will be out of a job.  No the other person isn’t my boss because he is an owner.  However, there is a movement started to oust him or at least get him to work from his home instead of coming into the office.  If that happens then I will stay.  All I will say is that public records on the internet are very helpful sometimes. 

To be a little clearer about lunch  - one day I went out for an hour, well 55 minutes.  It was over the summer.  I was scolded when I got back and told that I have to schedule my lunches in advance if I plan to leave the office for an hour.  I can’t just disappear.  Never mind you no one needed me and if they did I have an electronic leash strapped to my hip, it’s called the company cell phone.  See why I want to get a new job or a new boss?  Yeah he is a total dick.  So when I went out on Friday it wasn’t scheduled, it was a spur of the moment thing and as long as no one tattles on me I should be able to get away with it.  There was no management present in the office on Friday so I suspect all will be well. 

Laundry is going, dishes will be going soon as well.  I will be sitting in front of the TV with Big Boy and the others crowded around me watching hopefully something good.  Weekend TV sucks.  I am thinking of saving the claw adventure for tomorrow with Shy Girl.  Time to watch some porn and head up stairs for the evening. 

Sleeping and watching TV is my equivalent to getting drunk.  It helps mask the pain, at least a little.  Hope your enjoying your weekend, talk with you peeps later.

Friday and almost quitting time

I kept busy today, actually my day started off early.  I was here early and planned on my usual routine of watching Shep689 videos on Youtube while sitting in my car.  I haven’t watched any of their videos this week because I’ve been interrupted by co-workers. This morning was a computer problem that was an ID 10 T but I rushed in to take care of the issue.

I went out for lunch with the girls, had a nice BBQ Chicken Salad it was $10.  It was good but I don’t think $10 good.  Appears that I got away with it, no management at work today.  So unless there is a tattle tail I expect I will be fine.  I have to keep it to a minimum or otherwise it will eventually blow up again. 

Found a job on-line last night that didn’t sound bad, so I applied for it.  The hours suck but if the pay is better then it would be a no brainer.  Calls for interviews aren’t exactly burning up my phone line, but I know eventually they will come.

Talked with a  friend last night, trying to make plans to get together with someone but everyone appears to be busy.  I am waiting for a call back from this friend before I count them out.  On the off chance that I do go out, I am going home tonight and having Mexican Frozen Pizza.  It’s pretty good stuff.  Maybe an ice cream drumstick after that to cool down the mouth and relaxation here I come.  I will be lazy, beyond lazy. 

Right now I am tired so the only thing I really want is sleep.  I’m sure that will change by the time I get home. 

Wow 1/2 hour left in the day and this place is still full.  I figured that it would be a ghost town by now.  Since I started early I should leave early but I won’t because someone will eventually say something and then I will have to answer for it.

I tend to not want to rock the boat for any reason.  I will be going to the post office tomororw morning.  Tossing around the idea of a haircut but also tossing around the idea of letting it grow a little.  I have no idea what I want other than to be pampered. I should have booked a massage because I could use one of them, but I am thinking of money.

Well I guess I will goof off a little more before I call it quits.  You have a nice weekend and I will talk with you later. 

Thankful Thursday

Wishing it was Friday already, I am tired.  Came home last night to find that BLU had peed in my bed, soaked everything but the pillows.  I had to sleep on a bare matress with just a comforter.  Today I closed the door.  I told Jumper & his sister to guard my room but I guess they fell asleep on the job.  Normally, they do a good job.  Jumper stays in my bed most of the day when he actually gets in the bed. 

I called the mortgage company first thing this morning, learned that they still have my account in review and don’t need anything from me this week.  Now I have to call back again next week to see if there has been any change.  I have to keep the Congressman’s person updated as well, so maybe things will turn out okay for me.  Fingers crossed and praying hard.  Ready to be done with this.  I wrote the attorney I have waiting to pounce on them and asked her if I can keep her on standby indefinably.  The free legal program provided by the union ends at the end of this year.  If your case is opened prior to them they will work it to the end, otherwise you are just out of luck. 

Came into more drama at work today.  It’s just putting me in the middle again and that is a position I really don’t like.  Keep it simple top or bottom – those are positions I know about.  :)  Anyway it’s done and over with so I am moving on.  Funny thing is I told my boss about it and I thought I would at least get a thank you but nope, not a word.  He’s been really good about leaving me alone this week.  I pray that continues because my life is peachy without him.

I went to grab the mail last night and got a card in the box telling me that I have postage due on something.  Makes me wonder if that is a coy way of saying we’d like to talk with you or if there truly is postage due on something.  I have no idea what it could be but as long as it’s there on Saturday I will find out.  Otherwise, too bad so sad.  Makes me wonder if I should stop tonight for mail.  I guess it will depend a lot on how I feel and when I get to leave.

I am at a stopping point in my day so piddling is what I am doing right now.  It sounds like I am busy but really I am goofing off.  Thinking about the weekend and how I would like to get together with a friend but she is not feeling well so that isn’t going to happen.  I am really thinking about my late partner this month is his month, I plot and plan looking forward to giving him a Birthday gift and shopping for a card. Now I don’t need to do those things and I have all of these odd feelings like this is how October is going to be from now on?  I do have to get my mom a card but I am in no rush.  His birthday came first and then hers a couple days later.  A week later my brothers and then I am done for the year. 

Forgot to tell you I came home to a small mess last night Big Boy needs a bath, that will happen tonight.  Between the carpet and the laundry I was just too busy.  I can’t take that much upheaval in my routine. 

I’ve got my purple on for Spirit Day.  My boss wore a Purple shirt as well but I think that was just an anomaly.  No one else wore purple and I even talked about it to a co-worker/friend.  Plus she hates it when I don’t shave, so I shaved last night just for her and she hasn’t said word one. 

Heard that there will be a partial fire drill next week.  We have to go down a couple floors and wait for an all clear, then we can hike back up, guess that is better than going all the way down to the ground, considering I am in a high rise building.  Not looking forward to it but want to get it over with.

That is all of the news I have right now.  How boring my life is.  Perhaps eventually I will be writing about a boyfriend.  I just look forward to happier times and hope they get here soon before I just throw my hands up.

Have a great evening and remember tomorrow is Friday.  So much for sleeping in on Saturday have to visit the post office.  Talk with you peeps later.

The beat goes on

Heard an update from the Congressman’s Office they said the mortgage company informed them that the account was under review for a modification.  They want me to call in tomorrow to find out if they need any additional documentation.  You and I both know those bastards are going to ask for something.  Here we go on the long journey and I think that it will probably be another 4 month ride.  I am so done with these people.

I am not looking forward to talking with them, but I am interested to see what they have to say. 

My so called friend applied for Unemployment.  The company is fighting it – they even have photos of her sleeping on the job.  I really find that hard to believe.  I was talking about her last night with another friend of mine and I have come to the conclusion that my so called friend is mentally ill.  I am not contacting her and keeping my distance, we shall see how long it takes her to reach out to me.  My guess is this will go on for a while.  Not at the top of my list of worries.

The list of worries goes Mortgage, Big Boy and so on.  No word from the Post Office regarding my application for the additional services.  I am thinking I will probably have to visit them in person.  Not sure if I should push it now or wait.  I really would like the service as it could help save me time and money. 

Yesterday all I got was a couple of catalogs and a notice from Medicare about an adjusted claim they processed for my late partner.  I am wondering with this Medicare thing if we will be in the year 2020 and I will still be getting letter regarding adjusted claims.  This claim was from 2011 which was 2 years ago.  Now they some how figured that the provider may bill him $50.  I say bill away, he won’t pay and neither will I.

Thinking about supper tonight, really want something uber good, over the top because it’s been a stressful week.  However, I think I will probably save that for Friday. It will be something frozen like maybe a Pot Pie or Mexican.  Hey there is a new idea a Mexican Pot Pie.  Beans, Rice, Beef, Cheese, Some mild sauce put it in a pie shape and bake it up.  Sounds good.

Not exactly looking forward to the weekend.  Claw Trimming time.  That little girl and I are bonding and when I have to do things like trim her claws, it put a bump in our relationship.  I hate that. 

I’ve gotten home later than normal the past two nights because I stay to talk with a co-worker who is  chatty kathy.  Tonight I am going to try to get out of here and home on-time.  I’ve been missing the opening of Dirty Pop so I come in mid program and have no idea what is going on. 

Need to find out when candy day is, where I live they move Halloween up to give the kids candy nights and then on Halloween they throw a Halloween Parade.  I just need to know when I should turn the lights off and keep the house dark.  No candy from me. 

I’ve got an hour to go and really don’t want to find anything to do, but I guess I will.  This will probably be the longest hour of the day, since I want it to go by really fast.

My co-worker that talks a lot wants me to join a gym with her.  Its in our office building and we could motivate each other.  Yeah, I would rather buy a burger than spend money on a gym membership.  Don’t take life too seriously no one gets out alive.  I’m over weight and I wil never have the body of Travis Stork, Paul Vandervort or any other good looking guy.  So I am happy with what I have as long as it keeps on working.

Time to go.  Talk with you folks later.  Be well.

Breaking News–Mortgage Issue

So I heard from the Congressman’s office today and from the way it sounds now the mortgage company isn’t willing to work with me because my name isn’t on the loan.  I have asked them for clarification about payment modification but they really prefer that I obtain a loan in my name and pay them off.

Now I’d love nothing more than to do that but problem is I don’t qualify because of my bankruptcy.  I think they have lost sight there is a human being involved here.  If they don’t work with me then my only choice is to stop paying them.  That will cause 1 of 2 things to happen.  1 – They will start to foreclose, in which case I can live here for a year before they kick me out.  But think of all of the money I will have saved.  2 – They will go oh my gosh, why didn’t you say something we can work with you. 

Basically I see it as they are forcing my hand.  I am not going to do anything rash just yet but I am not too far off from it. 

I’m told I will know more tomorrow, will let you know what I hear.  I am not holding my breath.

The one thing that amazes me is you get a different answer each time you call depending upon who you talk to.  You’d think they would at least be consistent in their responses.  I pointed that out to the Congressman’s Office but they chose to over look it. 

From the way it sounds I am screwed and not in a pleasurable way.  I feel like the only way out of this is to jump off a bridge.  What a HUGE nightmare.  I want it to end – I am looking for closure and to be able to exhale, this is just prolonging that. 

Cold and Wet

If you like cold and wet, then you’d love it here.  Rainy and in the 60’s.  Not exactly a good day for a fire drill.  Still waiting to hear when it’s going to happen.  I don’t want to do it today but I wish they would get it over with or someone would tell me when it’s going to happen.

So today is back to work in the US.  My contact in the Congresman’s office is back to work but only for a few days then he will be on furghlogh again.  I hope they figure this out and get the government back to work.  At any rate he promissed to follow up with the mortgage company and said that he would be in touch, I was at the top of his list so that made me feel good.  However that was at 9:30 and it’s about 12:30 now. 

Today is what I refer to as a double mail day.  So I am sure that I will be overloaded with stuff to go through and occupy my time.  It felt kind of strange last night going straight home.  Plus eating and no letters or bills to look at.  That is okay I would like more night like last night. 

The movie I was watching was called The Wise Kids.  It ended on a good note.  I started watching a comedian and fell asleep in the middle because I was just wiped out.  I went to bed at 9 pm, which is very early for me.  However, I needed it.

Got a few people out ill, wonder if they ate something together.  One lady just went home today.  Whatever it is I don’t want it. 

Shy Girl let me pet her in the open, she was close to her mother so that helped.  I even grabbed a paw, she wasn’t too happy about that.  This is claw trimming weekend and I am not too happy about that.  I wish her claws never grew to where they needed trimming but that won’t happen.  I hope that this time is easier than last time and she realizes that I am not there to hurt her but to help her.  She loves me when I have food but not when I have the clippers and brush. 

Well time to get back to beating the drum.  I’ve got some appointments this afternoon so hopefully that will help make the day go by faster.  Things are slowing down and I like that but I worry because if this boss man sees it then he might overload me again.  Lord knows I don’t need that. 

I hope your all having a good day.  Talk with you again soon.