21 May 2013


Yesterday was NOT a good day.  It started off okay but it didn’t end well.  We had a meeting with a vendor about e-mail.  Our company attorney asked me to look into a program that would preserve email so that in the event we are sued it would be easy to look through multiple mailboxes for something known as e-Discovery. 

e-Discovery is basically discovery but the e stands for Electronic.  It’s what attorneys call it when a suit is filed and they are looking for “evidence”.  That is just my take on it from what little I know.  I do know for sure that courts impose penalties if you tamper with, destroy or withhold evidence.  Those penalties' are substantial and insurance does not cover them.  So basically if you are in a business where e-Discovery is a possibility the better prepared you are the better the outcome will be.

In any event I didn’t tell my boss about it prior to the meeting nor did I see a need to, because first of all it was the company attorney and second of all the office manager was aware of it.  Well, that didn’t stop him from lashing out at me.  He told me that if there are any more secrets and he is surprised by them and it’s my fault I would be fired.

That pretty much fucked up yesterday.  I was all red faced for the entire afternoon because I was upset.  I had a plan to deal with it but the one person I wanted to talk to left town. 

So I did nothing and went home.  I got a lousy nights sleep because of it and I wasn’t thrilled to come here this morning, never mind that traffic was a total biotch and I got here with like 2 minutes to spare. 

I talked with a friend on the way to work and was told that my personal life is spilling over into my job.  I have to separate the two.  Plus it’s time to dust off my resume and get a new job. 

I agree with the new job, I mean I’ve kind of seen something like this coming.  I’ve never felt totally secure here, except while I was out when my guy was dying.  Outside of that it’s pretty much like walking on eggshells the entire time.  Living in fear.  Well if he is/was going to fire me I wish he would have done it last year, so that hopefully by now I’d have a new job.  In any case I am still very thankful to have this job, because it’s a means to an end.  I can’t afford not to have a job right now.  The bills alone would swallow me a alive.

Think about it though I am working – I just lost the love of my life, I have legal & financial battles going on, none of which I have shared at work.  Clearly I am full of stress and my thinking is clouded by the events of last month.  It will be sometime before my thinking ever returns to normal.  You would think that he would have some compassion and understanding but obviously that isn’t the case. 

I need more money but I don’t exactly think now is the right time to ask for that pay raise.  However, fact is I am worth so much more than I am being paid and I am due a raise.  I’ve done nothing but what I have been asked to do.  We have had some minor bumps in the road but overall they have to be happy with me or I wouldn’t still be here. 

I’ve got an idea on how to proceed but will be bouncing it off of another friend or two before I implement it.  It’s just a conversation that I want to have, but it’s who I am speaking with that is the issue.

Okay, so the good news is that Pharmacy Refund that I have been waiting on finally came through last night.  It’s only $216 but it’s his money and I wanted it all back. Now if the state would just hurry up and process his tax return so I could get that money back, the only thing on the table is the death benefit.

Speaking of the death benefit, his employers legal services plan will take care of helping me with the appeal.  I followed up today and have already spoken with an attorney.  I emailed her all of the documents that she could have possibly wanted or needed and more.  She only works on Monday and Tuesday’s so it will be a little bit before she composes something.  I hope that she shares it with me before she files it.  I am also still waiting to hear from a charity gay legal organization.  The more attorneys I have in my corner the better, or at least that is how I see it. 

Today I feel paralyzed and afraid to make any move at work without getting permission first.  It feels like I am in 1st grade.  However, I have a good idea on what to do and what to ask about.  Even if it seems obvious I still ask, better safe than sorry. 

The job market sucks, but I will be looking.  Because I am sure it’s just a matter of time before the bottom falls out here.  I am the only guy left in the entire office.  Talk about the thinning of the heard.  I never thought I would be the only guy.  Plus I never thought I would last this long. 

I called Jumpers medicine in and the vet called me this morning and said until he is seen they won’t refill the medicine.  It’s been over a year.  Yeah, so just refill the damn medicine.  They want the $ for the office visit.  So I guess he will exist off of the old stuff for a while longer.  I don’t want to take anyone to the vet unless it’s absolutely necessary.  I am trying to save my money not spend it all at once. 

Speaking of which I called the phone company and they are taking a whopping $8 off of my monthly bill for a year.  It’s not much but better than nothing.  My cell bill is only $20 cheaper than when my guy was alive.  Telephone expenses are eating me up alive.

I am eager to see what I hear from the bank later this week.  That will help me better determine my future.  All I can ask is that if your reading this, you pray for me.  I need help in most every aspect of my life. 

Thanks and I will talk with you later.

1 comment:

Jude said...

You've got so much going on in so many areas, you bet I'm still praying for you my friend.