So yesterdays mail brought the Life Insurance. Today’s mail brought the death benefit from a union he was a member of. So I am taken care of for a little bit financially speaking. I heard from the bank today. They are going to transfer the house into the name of the trust and will allow me to assume the mortgage. While that is all well and good, my attorney tells me that I really want the house in my name. So long term I am going to see if I can find financing on my own and get a better rate with lower monthly payments. I did get permission to pay off the Bankruptcy court and called his attorney for that. I want to shell it out in one easy payment instead of making it drag on. This is all about closure.
Tomorrow night I am headed to speak with a clergy member. That should be of some help or so I hope. I got a surprise phone call tonight and every one from a club he was in wants to get together for a memorial service but at a restaurant. Since he loved to eat, how fitting would that be. I know he would be pleased that things have progressed to this point. Plus he would be very surprised that I am holding together despite the circumstances.
I am putting up a brave front, I mean I’ve hidden my sexuality the fact that I was abused as a child so I think I can masquerade pretty well. However, inside mentally I am fucking falling apart. So many hoops to jump through, so much to do and my life has been turned upside down and inside out. It is forever changed and nothing anyone can do or say will ever change that.
I’ve had several nights of interrupted sleep, plus stress at work and the mountain of work I am trying to plow through. It really requires me to go in on a weekend or stay and work late but I don’t want to immerse myself in my job. I need time for the kids, myself and generally to unwind. Besides that I got reamed today by my boss for something so silly but he was on a tirade. I wanted to quit on the spot but obviously I can’t do that. However, it just reaffirmed my desire to find another job. I think sooner rather than later but God is in charge of that.
Well I’ve got this pimple in my eyebrow that is bugging me to death, it hurts and is only getting more sore as the days go on, so I am going to try to do surgery and fix it. Wish me luck! Then it will be time for a double dose of sleeping medicine, put away the cat food, get ready for tomorrow and finally get ready for bed. Jeez I am tired already and haven’t even broken a sweat.
Saturday is dentist day. Plus I am going to clean out his office, I am looking for that pen and hell bent on finding it. Outside of visiting Target and the Grocery store I am not sure what else is in store but I sure hope it’s a somewhat fun and relaxing weekend.
Have a good one and I will talk with you all later.