Having completed everything that I could, wasting time I eventually opted to step away from my computer. Of course that is when emails start to pour in. I sat in front of the TV and just looked and dismissed what arrived as it could all be dealt with when I went back. I was in no big hurry. I went to check my bank account and the phone rang. It was the boss. The cats were all over me and I had to mute the TV. Thankfully the cats were quiet and didn’t give themselves away. I am keeping them as a secret from as many people at work as possible, although some folks know about them.
Anyway this was my bosses way to see if I was still pissed and to make sure that I was “doing okay”. I handled the call normally and pacified him. However, after we hung up I said I wish you would have never come back. I say things like that all the time. One of these times the phone won’t be hung up and it will bite me in the ass but it’s my way of venting frustration. He wanted to know if I was going on vacation or taking any time off soon? Yeah I have some time scheduled. I told him that I was considering adding on and he was just thrilled to death to hear that. I do think he feels that were out of the woods and all is well. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is something I won’t forget. I may not change jobs in the end but I am looking, not frantically though. Trust me when I tell you that I am looking for a way to fuck him over like he did me, I may not find that remedy today or tomorrow but in the end some opportunity will present its self.
I honestly didn’t want to roll out of bed this morning. My upper back was killing me. I keep telling myself I am going to do this or that for it and I never do. I usually just get drawn into watching porn and well that doesn’t exactly do wonders for my back but I do get a good feeling out of it. Tonight I do think I will break out the heating pad to see if that will help calm things down. Nothing short of a massage by hand will truly remedy my issue. I watch Chiropractic videos and think that would help. I found a doctor that I would need to travel a bit to see but I have the maddest crush on him but that is the wrong reason to see him. There are plenty of Chiropractors around me and I have never been to one. The adjustment I am looking for is where they press on the upper and mid-back and sounds like a box of Rice Krispies. I don’t know if I will ever muster the courage to see one but I can tell you that I am not against finding a massage therapist and scheduling time. Problem with that is the time goes by so fast and well it hurts. I am nothing but a knot factory. I think if I was knotless and lost weight, even to where I was back to pre-pandemic weight I would feel much better and my outlook on everything I think might be different.
From a mental health standpoint I am not seriously depressed like I had been back when I lost Gator. That did take a major toll on me and didn’t help my mental health. It was one of those things that you know someday will happen but when it does, your never ready. I still feel sad and being alone doesn’t help. I am kind of stuck in a rut and looking for someone to help pull me out. However, I realize now no one is coming to save me, that is totally a job for me. I can either work to pull myself out of this or I can sink further in. Not having seriously good friends, especially ones that there isn’t an age gap with doesn’t help me. If I had that I don’t think I would be in as deep as I am. I look at all that I have been through and times where I thought I would fail or die or both and yet I am still here and survived. Somehow the most difficult burden has been to get rid of the loneliness, which is the reason for the depression. Having Mora & Rudy does help and they are the reason why I am still alive, I need a purpose as does everyone to get out of bed. Just having a job isn’t good enough.
I get that a little rain must fall into all of our lives and bad things happen but I don’t understand why sometimes some people get more rain and bad thing happening to them than others, especially when they haven’t done anything to deserve it. I hear it builds character, it makes you stronger, blah, blah. I know life can’t be all rainbows and sunshine but I wish that I could have a couple years with nothing major bad happening. Like everyone I can use all of the good that can come my way.
I think about a school mate who is hella good looking. He got cancer once and we are the same age. He got rid of it and it came back. I think it’s back a third time. His mom died during the pandemic, it was a sudden unexpected thing. I just found out his dad passed last week. He’s got a lot of positive going for him with friends, travel and worldly possessions and a good job. Yet there is still bad things that have happened. I don’t know if he is in good enough health to make the trip back home for his dad’s funeral. I also don’t understand why when I need to go to a funeral it always seems to be a week where I am on-call.
No one persons life is a picnic all the time but sometimes I hear things and it just makes me shake my head. I never would have figured life would have turned out the way it has for me. Here’s hoping that something good happens in all of our lives to make us smile and at least let us experience a win for once.
Hey I was bored and wanted to throw together a quick post. This has been anything but quick. Now back to the grindstone, it’s almost time to head up and we have more storms in the area. I know that the cats aren’t fond of them.
Have a good evening and we will talk again soon.
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