26 December 2016

I’m still here

Hard to believe that it’s been a little over a week since I posted anything.  Last week was a blur.  Plenty of stuff at work kept me busy and on Thursday all I wanted to do was go home.  I got to eventually but had to wait for my normal quitting time.  Some of the folks I used to support took me to lunch at Maggiano’s.  I got to try the Chocolate Bourbon Bread Pudding.  It was very good.  They wanted to talk shop with each other and consequently I felt like a 5th wheel.  Plus we were all jammed in a booth.  I appreciated the gesture it was very kind.  I tried to use a $10 coupon I had but they wouldn’t let me.  I figured that would offset the cost for dessert but they wanted to pick up the entire tab so I let them. 

Had my car at the shop on Friday.  The issues I had with Sync 3 drove me batty.  Things got bad and then on Friday when I went to take it for service the damn thing was dead, that was good news for me I got them to see it for their self.  As I suspected a software upgrade is what was the fix.  However, since this has been done I have had one instants where it couldn’t find my phone and another where it was severely delayed.  So I am monitoring it, I don’t think it’s 100% fixed but I do think that things are much better.  They checked all the fluid levels, the tires and detailed it yet again.  I got a loaner to drive around while they held my car hostage.  I am happier now but if we can go a month or two without any glitches then I will consider things solved. 

Yesterday I had my Christmas Dinner with my friends.  I ate Lamb and it was okay, nothing to write home about, just chewy and there really wasn’t any flavor.  I had some ham as well and enjoyed it much more.  This year they were putting on quite the show because her cousin was in town and she had to out do her.  All of the guests were under dressed including me.  However, I figured like everyone else a t-shirt and some jeans was proper attire.  If we were going out and it was a much more formal setting then I would have thought otherwise.  Got my usual $25 gift card for Maggiano’s.  I used the one from last year to take my brother to lunch.  This year it’s being spent on me.  Got my annual phone call from my mom, she left me a voice mail and was starting to loose it when she called, she pulled herself back together and by the end of the very short message she was in tears.  What is a holiday without a little drama, right?  I want nothing more than to sit down with her and explain why I have distanced myself, however the right time hasn’t come yet.  One day it will and it will be a weight off my shoulders, but until then I just forge forward which is all I can do. 

I have spent a lot of time with the cats and catering to them.  We have taken plenty of naps together and lounged around.  I was content today that I was going to get a bunch of stuff done, once I got home from grocery shopping I called it and we loafed on the couch and watched yet another movie.  Plenty of good stuff on Netflix as well as Amazon.  Paid to watch 2 movies.  One was War Dogs with Miles Teller.  It was very good!  I want to see Snowden with Joseph Gordon Levitt but it’s only available for purchase @ $14.99 that is until tomorrow and then you can rent it.  I think that will be something to watch on New Years Eve, if I can wait that long.  Right now I am longing for content as there isn’t a damn thing on.  Everything is on holiday shutdown and Football isn’t my idea of a good time. 

Tomorrow begins a long week of on-call for me, I don’t stop until next Tuesday.  I don’t anticipate this to be a busy week or weekend but one never knows for sure.  That is from my normal job perspective.  Friday will be a jumping day for me because that is when I have to process departures.  I know there will be some OT involved and I am perfectly fine with that.  This will also be the week that we get our last paycheck of the year.  They are 2 weeks behind, but it’s okay by me.  So long as I have earnings to give to my creditors then I am happy. 

There is no question that this time of year is super lonely for me.  I miss my late partner so very much.  I miss the cats that I have lost as well.  I just want the family to be together.  I remarked today that it was nice we were all within viewing distance of each other.  I said who knows if we will all be together this time next year.  I certainly hope so but I tend to look at things from a pessimist point of view.  Each one of those cats are special to me and while we have had our moments at the end of the day love wins.  Bear has now developed the same bad habit as his brother, he nibbles on my fingers.  It’s all cute and fun until he wants to use his canine teeth and that hurts, which is when I start yelling and he stops but only for a moment.  They all know they are loved but Bear and his mother show the most appreciation.  I certainly hope that were all together next year.  I also hope that I can find a guy to be with so that future holidays aren’t lonely.  Tomorrow would be our anniversary, exactly 3 months to the day after his birthday, setup by design by me.  Wednesday marks the anniversary of my grandmothers death.  This too I think will be a tough week but I know I will muster through some how.  I have managed to increase my spending as if physical possessions can take his place.  They can’t.  Nothing or no one can, this is a pain that there is no treatment for.  I just have to suffer through it.  I miss him all the time but the holidays it is much more pronounced and in my face.

I am partially through Home Alone and am going up to finish that with the kids and then to prepare for my return to work, which won’t be fun.  I know I’ll snap right back into things and I expect that everything will be low key and some what quiet but not totally silent. 

I didn’t get everything I wanted to done but maybe next weekend.  I just want to loaf and do nothing, love the time with the cats.  I did manage to wipe and restore my iPhone.  I freed up a bunch of space and have a little bit better performance from it.  Which is why I did it in the first place.  I was nervous about my 2 factor services but if you encrypt your backup with a password and go through iTunes you have nothing to worry about so long as your restoring to the same phone.  When I bite the bullet an upgrade that will likely prove to be a true challenge. 

Hope you had a very Merry Christmas.  Hang on just a few short days left of this miserable year, hopefully no one else dies.  George Michael was very much unexpected.  I’ll try to post from work but don’t be surprised or alarmed if it doesn’t happen.  I didn’t intentionally try to alarm anyone, it’s just that life got in the way.  That happens to all of us.  Here’s hoping for a great week ahead and that the blessings in 2017 outweigh those from 2016.  2017 I hope is a much better year for all of us and that it will be the year that I find a true boyfriend.  Not looking for anything other than companionship but hey we all have needs.  Yowza!  Talk with you all again soon.  Be well.

1 comment:

Jude said...

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!