28 December 2016

2016 the year from hell

I left early last night and of course who calls me 5 minutes before my shift is supposed to be over?  Right, my boss.  I wasn’t here to take it and he assumed I was gone for the day, which was correct.  It was quiet and boring.  I saw no reason to just sit around, when I could be in traffic and making it home at a decent hour.  There was a brief mention of it today but he said no worries.  I didn’t have to incriminate myself and just remained silent.  What will I do tonight?  That depends upon how the afternoon plays out.  It’s been a very busy morning!

My phone rang last night and it was my friend who’s wife has cancer.  He was once again calling me to tell me that she is in the hospital.  This time it’s pretty serious.  She is impacted in her intestines.  Severely dehydrated and really worn out.  Normally they would do surgery for this but she probably wouldn’t survive the surgery and the incision wouldn’t heal properly.  They are trying to reduce the swelling and keep her hydrated in the hopes that this all passes on it’s own.  If it doesn’t then they will just make her comfortable until she passes away.  I was beside myself.  I said this is fixable and he said no it’s not.  Her body has to resolve it on it’s own or she is a goner.  He was telling me how he couldn’t catch a break and how he just wanted life to slow down.  Now thinking to myself I was thinking the best thing that could happen for him is her to pass away.  Not that I want that but he won’t have the break he wants until this issue is resolved.  It’s unlikely for a favorable outcome and everyone is braced for her to pass away, maybe not today or tomorrow but probably within a few months.  To add insult to injury a repeat cat scan was done and the cancer shows no progress.  He doesn’t know how old the scan they were comparing to was because she has had frequent scans. 

I am just beside myself.  I want her to beat this and be able to walk away but it doesn’t sound like that is going to happen.  I told him to wait 24 hours to see if there is any progress because at that point I would think he should know something one way or the other.  If 48 hours goes by and there is no progress then I would be a little more concerned. 

This is a crappy time of year for me because I am still trying to heal.  Walking him through dealing with his wife’s death is not what I want to do.  I know all too well the pain he is going through and all of the emotions.  He said that things were happening really fast and that is how the process goes, it’s as if your on top of a mountain and someone stuck you in a sled and gave you a push.  Your well on your way to the bottom and probably going much faster than you wanted to.  Your going to reach the bottom but it will be quicker, more painful than you want and you will be exhausted on every level.  Recovery takes time, that is when time does a 180 on you and goes by very slow, your pain is at it’s maximum level and there isn’t anything that can be done to quell it.  You have to go through it and cry, yell and do whatever is necessary for you to expel the hurt and the emotions you are going through.  Were all different and your rate of recovery depends on how your dealing with things, how long you were together and how quickly you are able to settle their affairs.  I don’t mind helping him if she does pass away but I really don’t want it to be now. 

This year has claimed so many people, the results of our election as well as tragedy's that have occurred make this truly a year from hell.  2017 has to have a lot of pleasure in it and certainly has to be much better than 2016.  I look forward to stepping away from the year of hell and into a year of pleasure, peace and enjoyment.  I really hope that 2017 will be better for everyone.

I had my pizza and spent time with the kids.  Had to put Bear on the couch, we were together for over an hour and he fell asleep a number of times.  He also managed to nibble on my fingers.  I put him on the ground and it was like 5 minutes later the phone rang.  I knew when I saw caller id that it was probably not going to be good news.  We had just spoken last week.  For him to call me so quickly meant trouble.  Under normal circumstances we talk around 1 time a month and maybe see each other quarterly, if that.  We have talked more this year than in years past combined.  I really wish that they both could catch a break.  I really hope that we can all get together for dinner again but right now things don’t look so good. 

To end on a positive note.  I confirmed that our massage therapist will be here tomorrow.  I have plenty of knots waiting for her and I imagine that I will encounter some pain, so long as I feel better afterwards and the next day then it will be worth it.  One of my friends thinks that I get massages so that I can experience human touch.  Nope that’s not it at all.  It’s because I am in pain and need it.  I like guys and if I was doing this for the human touch I would certainly want it to be a guy who was touching me.  All of my issues seem to be in my shoulders and upper back.  It’s where I hold stress. Also, I did go chat with the guy at work.  The whole time we were talking my mind was playing a fantasy out.  I was able to keep up with the conversation but I kept eyeing him up and down.  That is so not me but I guess one can only be lonely for a certain amount of time before you start doing things you normally wouldn’t.  It was a friendly conversation where I tried to feel him out and get some knowledge. 

We have all been summoned to a video conference on Friday.  People think that they are going to be told not to come back in 2017.  Not what I know to be true, but then again I am kept in the dark.  I expect it will be a non event or they will tell us they are closing early.  It’s more likely to just be a thanks for sticking with us in the rough times we had earlier this year, sort of a pep talk.  If anything else happens, even if we close early it will be a surprise to me.  I am not worried about it.  My mind is on departures and having a 3 day weekend. 

Stay warm, be safe and hug those that you care about.  You just never know in the blink of an eye how life can and does change.  Talk with you all again soon.

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