05 February 2016

Still kicking

I must say I feel more like I have been kicked than I am kicking.  This has been a very unproductive and expensive week.  I have been seen by 3 medical professionals all of which I really don’t have any use for.  Today I went to see my doc but of course he is off on Friday’s so I was stuck with the cunt that is his Nurse Practionioner. 

First I get the lecture that I need to come in more often so they can monitor my diabites.  She told me they were doing blood work today.  Great princess then I don’t need to come back in two weeks for a physical.  I wanted to say that but I didn’t.  I am considering cancelling the physical I mean most of what is needed to be known will be in the results of the blood work. 

Second I told her my tales of woe, I was honest and upfront when I knew I should have lied.  She examined me and said oh everything is clear, you sound fine.  Really then how come I feel like shit.  Oh well the infection is gone, you now have a virus in your body and that can take up to 2 weeks to be gone.  There is nothing we can do for you.  Um, can you take a Z Pack?  Of course I can’t I am allergic, she knew that.  Now if there is nothing you can do for me why did you just offer me an antibiotic?  Instead she thinks I need to be on steroids I have some reactive airway syndrome.  That is code for she doesn’t know what the fuck she is doing.  She sent in the prescrption.  We got into this conversation about why I am still blowing and hackup yellow.  Oh yellow doesn’t mean there is an infection.  No it’s normal for me to feel run down, have a cough and constantly have to blow my nose with yellow shit coming out.  Of course it means there is an infection.  She told me that if it was green or any other color but yellow.  I wanted to say okay so I am pissing pastel pink now what?  I have no use for her, never have and never will.  She is a cunt!

Third it’s time to get poked and not in a good way.  3 times in the same arm.  Again I was up front an honest but the lady was confident she would get it on the 2nd try.  Yeah I can’t wait to see what my arm looks like tomororw. 

I got a note for work to cover me for all 5 days.  The sad part is I have to take my time which isn’t exactly on how I planned on using it.  If you take a week off of work you usually go some where, do something fun it’s called vacation.  Well not me I had a sickcation.  I now have a little less than 2 weeks of time to last for the remainder of the year. 

Normally I would be freaked out about my job but I am oddly calm.  I did make a phone call today and I can borrow from future time to pay for time that I have taken now.  That is good.  If I don’t go back on Monday then I will go on Short Term Disability which only pays 60% of my wages but it won’t require me to use anymore PTO.  However, there are forms for the doctor to fill out and it turns into a paperwork battle between my employer, their insurer and my doctor.  I of course would have to stay on top of things to make sure that nothing gets fucked up in the process.  My plans are to return to work on Monday unless I am worse.  It sounds like my job is safe or so I think.  IF this should blow up in my face I have no idea what I will do, that could easily be the last straw for me  I am in a very fragile state right now.  Being sick has given me time to reflect on how really alone I am and I am in a general depressed state.  Nevermind the other event, which doesn’t help matters any. 

I have the prescrption for the steroid filled and started day #1.  So I am pissing my guts out.  I do feel a little better but not a ton.  My ears are still goofy, my vision blurs from time to time and I feel run down.  However, I have finally manged to come back to the basement a place that I haven’t been since Monday to sit in front of my computer.  Tomorrow will start laundy and disinfecting day. 

My plan for me is that if I don’t feel better I will either call the Doctors Exchange which hopefully a NP doesn’t cover so that I can get a better antibiotic, which is all I think I need or travel to a different hosptial ER and talk with them.  If I feel like I am still on the road to recovery then I will do nothing.  I hope the battle with the medical providers is over.  When the dust clears and the bills come rolling in I won’t exactly be pleased.  If they gave me releif then it would be a different story.

So time to treat myself.  I went to lunch at Cracker Barrel and who waites on me?  The waiter that I have a crush on who I aksed out and was turned down by.  I am not sure if he remembered me or not but we didn’t go there.  I just ordered and he delivered.  Service was great and I spent more than I wanted to but it was like a home cooked meal and I needed that. 

Supper time what to do?  I went out for Chineese food.  I ate 1/2 of it and brought the rest home so there will be something for later.  Be that tonight or tomororw.  Steroids make me want to just eat myself sick all of the time.  Plus being trapped in the house all week hasn’t exactly been fun.  The kids have enjoyed it and I am not sure how they will react when I go back to work but they will have to adjust, as will I.  Saying goodbye to nap time will be hard.  However, I still have 2 days! 

Moving and getting out helps with the recovery process.  I just want to move forward into the positive and away from the negative.  Back to work, back to a normal schedule, back to life.

One of the things that I do often is check the news on my phone.  I was shocked and dismayed when I found that a former co-worker of mine from my teenage years was arrested for child molestation.  I just can’t fathom that.  He is/was a Christian who seemed to be more than right with God.  He doesn’t know about my sexuality.  However, he was fired when we were caught praying together.  I was on my time he was on work time.  This was wayback when my grandma was dying.  I understand urge, desire and temptation … I also know that he is human.  The part that really is shocking is that he is pretty much convicted via the media before he even gets his day in court.  From what I remember he had a wife and 2 kids.  Not sure what happened to them but I hope he has some support for his side.  His bail is high enough to buy a luxury home.  They (the prosecution) have to have enough probable cause to file charges which means they have something.  I hope that he is innocent.  The more shocking thing is they say that some of the acts took place as little as 5 years ago.  Why does it always take time for issues like this to come into the light?  Why can’t they be exposed and dealt with, instead of more incidents having to take place?  Provided it’s the same child it just causes further damage to them and if there are others they they are subjected to this behavior and shouldn’t be. I realize that some of my wording kind of paints him as guilty.  That is not for me to determine, that is up to a judge and a jury.  There is no good that can come from this.  Being a physically abused child, I can tell you first hand that it messes up the mind of the child who will eventually become an adult.  It kills self confidence and self worth, not to mention if it’s sexual abuse I am sure it messes up sex for the kid.  Were talking years of therapy to work through issues, if they can be worked through.

Okay I am rambling.  I am honestly thinking of going to get some pliers and start pulling teeth.  The pressure and facial pain is pretty intense.  I realize that would cause more harm than good so I won’t actually do it.  I will be going up to take some medicine and probably prepare for bed.  Ms. Momma is looking at me as if to say, young man your sick and should be in bed.  Nevermnd she is ill too.  Were just a bunch of sickies here. 

Here’s hoping for a better tomororw!

1 comment:

Jude said...

Yikes! I hope you're feeling better soon!