D I T L O–Day In The Life Of

Nothing exciting to talk about today, other than it was cold when I got up.  Cold in my office and my hands were cold. 

I am catching up on work and making a pretty spreadsheet that I am sure my boss will rip to shreds once I turn it in.

I am getting close to a project that will be very boring – it’s reorganizing an intranet site.  Plus creating user accounts.  I will hate it but it’s the biggest project I have going and I budgeted 4 months – not sure how long it will actually take but I am sure there will be plenty of days when I don’t want to work on it. 

Planning for when the office goes on vacation next month.  I need to get both vehicles oil changed.  I need to see about getting Blu fixed.  Not sure if I will be able to accomplish all of that in the short time I have but I can certainly try.

Last night Big Boy was straining to defecate and he wore himself out.  I was scared he was going to have a heart attack.  He was really pushing.  Eventually he calmed down and everything came out and then some.  I had one hell of a mess to clean up.  I gave him a stool softener this morning.  Waiting to see what tonight brings.  I went easy because it’s strong stuff, found that out the hard way. 

His breathing was getting a little better but now we are back to dire straights again.  I am upping his steroid dose because that is truly the only thing outside of God that can help him.  I hate to see him struggle and I know there is some suffering going on but he seems to have a lot of life left in him. He is still bossing me around, swiping at Blu and begging for belly rubs.  So I wouldn’t say his quality of life is bad but it’s certainly not care free like his sisters and brother.  I am still pondering what to do and for now the answer is nothing.  Take it one day at a time and see what occurs.  I know the end is coming, that is very painfully obvious but I just don’t want to deal with death again, be it now, next year or ever.  I need time to recover from the biggest loss of my life and that my friends will take lots of time.

Well it’s about time to call it a night.  So off to upstairs to see what I can find on TV that will amuse me.  Monday was uneventful and I am thankful of that.  I hope the days and weeks ahead are exactly the same way.

Oh my friend yeah, we hired a replacement for her today.  She starts next Monday and I just hope it will all work out.  No word from my friend and I really don’t want to call her, but eventually I will break down and check on her just because that is who I am.  Talk with you peeps later.

Z Car Wash

So I had to get the trash ready to be put out and I got a chance to look at my car.  Man once it dried off it looks like it did on the dealers lot.  It’s perfect!  Now $17 for a car wash is expensive but if it’s going to make an impression like that, might be worth it. 

So I am retracting my statement about never going back.  I can’t see my way clear to join a car wash club, I mean I just cancelled Birchbox and that that was $20.  My goal is to reduce my expenses not to increase them.

Since I am babbling on, when I went to a site for legal advice on the mortgage last week it turned out to be a robo call site.  They diseminated my phone number quicker than I could take a breath.  The next thing you know my phone is ringing off the hook (or blowing up as they say today).  I have been getting repeat calls from specific numbers.  So I looked at the app store to purchase a program to block these calls, since I knew the numbers.  I settled on Spam Cop, cheap and seemed very straight forward.  I have something similar on my work phone and it does the trick.  Well not on my iPhone it totally sucks.  The phone rings when it’s not supposed to and identifies the caller as SPAM.  I didn’t want the phone to ring.  So I tried but failed in getting a refund.  I instead signed up for Smart Limits from AT&T, which is a monthly service at $5, mainly designed for parents to control their children's cell phone.  However, it will let you block up to 30 numbers from calling and/or texting you.  Now that is nice.  It simply works.  A little difficult to setup, but once you do you are golden.  I figure in a few months I can drop it because eventually you fall off of the call list.  However, if I have any issues friend, company or anyone I just enter there number and they are never to be heard from again.  Simple!

My dinner consisted of a Mexican Plate I bought at the store.  I didn’t know I was biting into a Chicken Burrito, ick.  I am a beef man.  Be it hamburger or tube steak I like the beef !   Anyway, not too shabby.  I finished off with a small serving a bread pudding.  It had a cinnamon and Carmel sauce that was perfect.  It’s one of those dishes you could heat up for company and sware you made it yourself.  It’s just that good!  However, anyone who knows me would be amazed if I told them I made bread pudding.  I am so lucky to be able to boil water. 

Lunch was left over sloppy Joes from yesterday.  I am tired of them already.  I’m thinking tomorrow will be a Chicken Pot Pie night.  Unless I feel really brave and then I will stop at the store and pick up a salad.  The expensive store only has a salad bar and well that won’t work for me.  I want to pick and go, I don’t have time to pick out each thing I want.  Spoiled and time poor. 

I was watching this movie about a guy who was lousy at making love to his woman.  He got tips from a female friend who he ended up falling in love with.  The best part of the movie was when she was teaching him cunnilingus and he was licking a piece of fruit.  All of a sudden he started sucking on it and she said “Don’t Suck on It!  It’s not a Jolly Rancher!”.  That just made me laugh…something that is difficult to accomplish. 

One more movie tonight, not sure what yet and then it will be time for bed.  The little ones need their medicine and I try to spend as much time with them on the weekend as possible.  I know they miss me and they probably still miss their other daddy.  So I like to think that I am making up for lost time.  Big Boy has good and bad days.  He was resting in his bed earlier, he’s hung out in my room all day.  Which kind of says he doesn’t feel the greatest, but then again I could be wrong. 

The boys don’t like me messing with their ears for the medicine but they sure don’t miss the pill.  I do because it was quick and easy.  Ah well. 

Tomorrow is back to 5 full days… Oscar the grouch (aka boss man) will be in.  I have eDiscovery searching to do, which really isn’t that much fun.  Plus some other things that people needed when I was away on Friday.  Mondays are general crazy days – so who knows what will happen.  It’s anyone's guess.  I just hope that since the dynamics have changed that it means my job isn’t in danger and that I will be less likely to be messed with.  I want to do my job and do a good job at that – put in my time and go home.  Nothing more and nothing less.  Just an honest days work.  I pray that I can accomplish that. 

Now it’s off to do other things before the night gets away from me.  Talk again soon!

Bored Relaxation

I woke up early, took care of the children and my breakfast.  Then showered and headed over to the grocery store.  I decided to go to the expensive place.  I love going in but I hate coming out.  Why?  Because I don’t have half of what I needed but I paid twice as much for it.  I didn’t really forget anything this time, thankfully.  However, their selection and what I am used to differ a lot.  I was going to do the cake by the slice.  My store is $1.99 the expensive place is $2.50.  Not a whole lot of difference but the slice isn’t that big.  They don’t stock frozen pot pies because the store makes them fresh.  See it’s the little things.

I went cat foot shopping afterwards, I know it’s a Friday night thing but I put it off and put it off so I had to do it today.  Then I saw this new place that we had been wondering what it was going to be.  My partner thought it would be a car charging station.  Turns out it is a car wash, kind of strange looking.  So I decided why not wash the bugs off my car from all that travel.  I went over and they have a membership they want you to sign up for.  It bills each month to your credit card and you get a membership card that entitles you to as many washes as possible.  They start at $19.95 and go as high as $39.95.  Really that would be me washing my car every week, maybe even twice a week.  Nah, instead I just opted for the best wash at $17.00.  Damn it was neat but not worth $17.  They left soap on my car and I had to readjust my mirrors.  It was a neat experience and I can say I have done it now but no need to do it again, unless I feel like parting with $17.  I’d rather visit another local car wash that does just as good of a job for a lot less money. 

I came home and started laundry.  I did some job searching and internet playing.  Then went upstairs laid down for a quick nap.  Got up had lunch, vacuumed and fed the children.  Then back to laundry.

I am honestly done now and want to go out but no one to go with.  It’s nice to have time by yourself but when it’s all the time that gets old fast.

I had my hair cut yesterday and while I was waiting I found an app in the iPhone store that basically you fill out who you are and what your looking for.  It will find others that are close to you and you can set up a booty call.   Nice but I am looking for more than a booty call.  I mean my hand can take care of those needs, I am looking for companionship.  Someone to talk to, go places with, hear about them, etc.

So I did take some time to look on-line for a place that would give me a loan given that I am only 1 year out of bankruptcy.  Well I found lots of articles that told me I could qualify for a loan 1 day out of bankruptcy and 1 year out of bankruptcy.  However, I didn’t find any lenders to support that.  I did fill out a form for a specific major lender to call me, I disclosed bankruptcy up front.  I figure it can’t hurt anything. 

I have plenty of filing and more surfing to do but right now one of the girls is pestering me because she wants attention.  My ear itches so I guess I am pushing myself away from the computer for a while longer. 

Today is a nice day I opened the back door up and the children got into a fight so closed it went.  However, it is very nice and a typical fall day.  Weather is supposed to be sunny to partly sunny this week, I checked before I invested any money in a car wash. 

I wanted to go see Don Jon with Joseph Gordon Levitt.  He is on Out & Men’s Health this month.  He looks yummy but he won’t say if he is or isn’t gay.  He wants people to guess.  My guess is yes he is but that is based on stereotypes of being a gay man – one of which is his body.  Damn he is built.  He stays in shape but then again so do straight guys.  Today it really doesn’t matter gay or straight.  I understand it’s hard to come out of the closet and some people don’t want to.  Do what feels right to you.  I mean you have to live with the decision in the end.  Might as well be happy about it. 

Okay so Ms. Attention is crying I guess I am going.  Talk with you peeps later.

6 Months 1 Day

It’s very hard to believe and comprehend that it’s been six months and one day since I lost my partner.  We both always knew we would part ways through death but didn’t expect anything to happen this year.  This is truly a very trying time. 

I made a promise to him that I would make him proud of me.  I knew he already was but I meant in me going on without him.  In the past 6 months I have managed to sue and settle a Death Benefit Case to get paid money that was legally mine.  I obtained the Life Insurance Settlement.  I filed his LW&T with the Court.  I hired a few attorneys, most of which haven’t done jack.  I have managed to pay all of the bills on-time with out having to beg, borrow or steal.  I am taking care of the cats.  I’ve cleaned parts of the house.  It’s in livable shape but needs a lot of work still.  I have managed to only miss two weeks of work because of his death and not had any issues with getting out of bed in the morning, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. 

So all in all I would say that I have not done too bad and that I have kept my promise.  I wear or take with me my wedding ring each work day, I think of him every morning as I put it on and give it a kiss.  Wishing that I was kissing him instead of a piece of metal that he bought for me.  Even though I hate kissing. 

This place is far too quiet and his absence can be felt not only here but in the club that he was a long time member of.  While out of sight is out of mind for others, I will always remember him and the ways that he touched my life.  I think of him often when I am driving because he taught me how to drive.  I remember some of our early adventures, trips and motel stays.  We grew on each other slowly but eventually we were both joined at the hip and if it was the weekend, you wouldn’t see one of us without the other. 

I remember our first Christmas here and putting up a tree.  #1 son climbing it and always playing with the ornaments.  There are lots of memories that I hold dear to my heart.  They will always live on as long as I am alive. Sadly now all I have are those memories and photos of him.  God I miss him like crazy.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder.  I wish that I would wake up and this would all be nothing but a very long and bad dream but I know that won’t be the case. 

Between the pressures of work, the pressure of closing out his affairs and the pressure of every day living - - it’s no wonder that when Saturday gets here all I want to do is sleep and veg.  I am up to my eye balls in pressure and there seems to be no relief in sight. 

The mortgage company that I thought would be able to help me, can’t.  They only help with new purchases, so I can abandon this place and go buy a new place.  I said the house is owned by the trust and I control the trust.  The trust would be selling the property to me and thus I would be buying the house.  I was told that won’t fly because I have inherited the property.  So I am still in the pickle barrel, looking, hoping and praying for a way out.  I hope the attorney that calls the present lender will be able to do some good and not cause any bad to happen.  However, if I am going to be foreclosed on I would rather do it now and stop making house payments, take my year and slowly pack things away and find a new place to live.  Reality is that I don’t want to be foreclosed on at all. 

I miss my guy and wish he were here to help me through this rough time, then again if he were here things wouldn’t be nearly as bad as they are.  Now if you will excuse me I am going to wipe up my tears and go check out what a Frozen Mexican Pizza tastes like.  Ole!

Another Busy Day

I was on the road today and have to go back tomorrrow.  On my way home I heard an ad on Sirius XM  about a mortgage company that could potentially help me now.  That was such good and unexpected news, I just had to dig for my phone, got it and called the number.  Once I could I pulled off the road to talk.  Sounds like this place might be able to help.  I should hopefully know something tomorrow.  It would be a FHA loan and it's tailor made for someone who is one year out of Bankruptcy.  They said most lenders don't offer this program.  I know that because everyone I talk to tells me that you have to be two years out.  

My other BIG concern here is that putting this in my name makes me legally responsible, which technically today I am not - I could walk away and not loose anything but the property.  My big concern is over my employment or what could be the lack there of.  I think right now I am being used to fulfill a purpose and once I have served my purpose the potential for getting rid of me goes up.  So like everything else it's a race to see how fast I can find another job and well the market isn't booming right now. 

Last night I got an email on the way home from the Ofc. Manager who was thanking me for all of my help during a big event we had.  I didn't bother to respond because I knew it was an artificial thank you and that she was just putting on an act.  Today I get an e-mail that she is so worried about me because I didn't bother to respond, which is out of character for me.  That is true but if you knew that someone was telling your boss to fire you, would you really want to associate with them?  I am on to her games.  

I responded to her message with an apology and that there is a lot going on here at home with getting things in order, which is true.  I could have and maybe should have responded but honestly I am fed up with her BS and two faced - lying and cheating.  I have dealt with it for over a year and I am tired.  I believe that God will provide and protect me, however that doesn't take away the human feelings of being scared.  I worry more now than I ever did before because I am all by myself.  That in it's self is frightening.  

So yesterday when I went to pick up medicine for the boys, there was this really built guy working at the pharmacy counter.  He looked really good.  Had kind of a high pitched voice and was uber friendly.  He waited on me and explained the new medicine to me.  I really felt like he was hitting on me, but I didn't want to say anything.  When we were done he said are you sure there isn't anything else that I can help you with, as if I was going to turn and unzip my pants or something.  Maybe he was just being nice.  I thought about going back and saying something to him but it was awkward and he had enough muscle that I would have been out cold.  So I just left it alone.  I mean he has access to my phone number, if he wanted to call but maybe he was one of those guys who wants the other one to make the first move.  Who knows its strange and new to me - maybe someday I will figure it out.

I saw a couple of hotties at our work event.  One of which I encountered again today but he was a smoker and that is a deal breaker for me, no matter how fine you are.  

So on the way home I heard that Scandal is on tonight, looking forward to that.  Big Bang Theory, First 48 and Scandal.  How much better can my night get?

I came home and ate and then got undressed.  My body is tired but my mind is alert.  My feet are really killing me.  Thinking more and more about seeing a Podiatrist but I keep thinking maybe if I get some sneakers that will help.  Of course being on your feet all day when you are not normally used to that tends to affect you, especially when you get older like me.  :) 

Well everyone here is telling me that it is treat time.  I am actually using my iPad, shocker.  No news from my "friend".  I wonder how long it will be before we talk again.  She has got to understand that this will impact our friendship.  But then again she thought it was okay to run her business from work so who knows.  She is not nearly as smart as I thought she was, kind of disappointing.

Okay, its off to get read for another day of punishment.  I am hoping that I will be able to leave early, enjoy a nice dinner out and then a nice drive home.  Sounds good and its Friday so not too bad.  Now the question is can I make it a reality.  I have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow and the two hour drive doesn't exactly help matters.  Wish I could have stayed in a hotel to take some of the pressure off but the kids would have been lonley and hungry.  I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that.  

Talk with you all again soon.  

 

Busy but alive

Very quick post … time is so short for me.  Not enough of it to myself.

Yes, I am alive.  I have been busy with work and home so no time for blogging.

The Office Manager Bitch is after my job again, I think she is terrified that I will upstage her or that I have made friends so now I am a “threat” to her.  She threw me under the bus because her computer wasn’t rebuilt in a timely fashion.  Got it done and now the dummy won’t tell me when it’s okay to install it.  So it’s still sitting in my office, but I had to bust my ass to get it done quick.  Give me a break!  No doubt she will mess it up within five minutes of getting it and I will get yelled at because that will be my fault and then we start the process all over again.  God I hope not. 

My so called friend was fired today.  She doesn’t understand what she did wrong.  It was explained to her plain as day but she thinks she can ‘multi-task’ with her business and our business and that it is perfectly okay.  She spent more time on personal stuff and I don’t thinks she did much work at all.  I am glad it’s done!  Now hopefully I can work with a little more peace.  I’m not going out of my way to contact her, we did have a text conversation this afternoon but that is all.  Hopefully she will grow up and then maybe she can hold a job.

On the home front I stopped to pick up the boys medicine and they wanted $900.  I said nope.  They said how about 1 month.  I said okay.  They said $333 I said nope.  So we were going to go with capsules and have it compounded but they were afraid it would get stuck in their throat.  So we went the transdermal route.  Now I have to put “beauty cream” in their ears as well.  Not sure how they will like it but I’m willing to try it v. parting with that much money. 

I stopped at the vet last night and got some Revolution for Momma in the hopes it would help stop her chewing.  Not working too well so far but 2nd dose is in 3 weeks.  If it’s a parasite causing the problem that should kill them for sure.  I think it’s nerves/stress.

We have a raccoon living under the patio.  BLU hates it and loves to try to tear the door down to get to it.  If he is ever successful that will surely be the end of him.  The door is all glass.  If the glass didn’t do it the raccoon would. 

My VOIP phone solution stopped working.  I have to call them on Saturday if they are open.  I don’t use it much but it’s my life line to Canada and any LD calls that I make.  So it’s paying for it’s self in the long run.  I plugged the silly thing straight into my modem and it still won’t pick up service.  I think it’s a software/switch fix and the hardware is fine.  Time will tell.

The post office wised up they now will send you a text message if you have mail in your PO BOX.  Plus you can use the physical address of the post office for UPS & Fedex Shipments so no worries.  They will even capture your signature and keep it on file so they can sign for any mail that requires a signature, so no inconvenience to you having to wait to see a human.  I will be signing up for all of this, free of charge services on Saturday.  It should make my life a little easier.

Since the government shutdown the congressman isn’t working on my mortgage issue.  I have an attorney that is going to call them next week to see if something can’t be worked out.  I’ve been told that it’s only a matter of when they will foreclose if my name isn’t put on the mortgage.  I just pray that it works out.

Well time to scoop litter and get ready for another day.  I’m on the road tomorrow to install WIFI, oh joy.  Can’t wait until I am done.  This is the last install for now.  Until they buy something else, then I will be back at it again.  That is if I am still employed.

I am taking it one day at a time, trying to do my best and keeping in my office as much as possible.  Need to sleep, very tired.

Talk again soon.  Be well!

Stop the drama

First and foremost I am still among the living.  Just been working my tail off and no time for blogging. 

Wednesday I went back to the same place and finished up the job.  It shouldn’t have taken me all day but I worked slow and methodical.  I tested and double tested to make sure there were no problems. 

Thursday is when all of the trouble started.  So I am waiting on the maintenance guy to show up.  I did a lot of pre-work on my part to have things ready to go.  He shows up and I explained what needed to be done.  He went about doing things on his own.  Once he found out he did it wrong, he took it out on me.  We got things going.  Then he became visibly upset I figured it was at me and not the situation.  He started asking me if other maintenance people did what he was doing.  I told him yes.  Then he started name dropping and trying to figure out who I was working for.  I told him and he said the name of our office manager.  Turns out he is her brother.  Well, I just knew that would probably get me in trouble.  I figured he was going to make waves.  So I beat him to the punch and called his boss.  I told her it was a CYA conversation and that I was not trying to get him in to trouble.  I just figured he might try to start something and I wanted her to know my side of the story.  The afternoon went on – I worked by myself and figured out once it was too late that we didn’t have WIFI because we didn’t have an internet connection.  The computers I wired to had cat 5 cables but they didn’t have any internet.  They were apart of another system and that system didn’t touch our network.

Well fudge.  Not exactly what I was thinking.  So I tried to trace them out but that was to no avail.  I called it a day and asked if the maintenance guy could come back.  I was told sure no problem. 

I went home and then I get a phone call from his boss telling me that he can’t come and there is no replacement.  Rather than just give up I said I would try to be creative and see if I could figure something out.  I was then asked to put what I told her earlier in my CYA conversation in writing because there was a problem.  I didn’t think anything of it. 

Apparently someone else took issue with it and reported it to our compliance officer.  That starts an automatic investigation.  That is why he couldn’t come back.  It took me a bit to put it together but that is the only thing that makes sense to me.

So Friday I went back and undid all of the work that we both did and started from scratch.  I got the job done and am quite proud of myself for what I accomplished.  I double tested to make certain all was working.  I also reformatted a computer and got it ready to go from scratch.  When I was done I was hot, exhausted and really didn’t want to do anything but go home and kick off my shoes.  Make it a lazy night. 

I conned myself into stopping for pizza.  I was supposed to go on for cat food but never made it.  I just went home.  I got a call from our company attorney who was asking me about policies and procedures and if I would help her this weekend.  Apparently my “friend” didn’t do her job.  Sounds like she is on the way out, it’s probably a matter of days – if she is still there by Friday I will call it a miracle. 

As for me I helped out.  I’ve been bothered a lot this weekend.  I have the sense my boss is still wanting to get rid of me.  He sent me e-mails yesterday evening late and was kind of hateful.  I could tell by his tone something is up. 

Not sure if it’s the office managers brother issue or what.  I do my job, it’s not my fault someone else lost their temper.  It’s not my fault a complaint was called in.  I just want to be left alone – let me do my work in peace and I think we will all be happier. 

We are having all of the folks from the field in this week so I can’t leave until Thursday to go do the final install.  Honestly I was in a panic last night and today.  However, legally to fire someone you need a reason or cause.  I haven’t given him one.  In fact I just got a good review.  Besides that I know he is scared to death that I am going to sue him.  Why would you want to stir up a hornets nest to get stung in the end.  I mean it would be a huge inconvenience for me but I just have to trust God that it’s al going to be alright.  Easy to do now because I am at home.  Harder to do tomorrow because I will be back there in the trenches again. 

I have plenty to do and plenty of people missed me so there are lots of problems to catch up on.  Plus it will be a Monday so new problems will no doubt come in and I will be busier than ever. 

I can tell you the environment I work in is toxic and not mentally healthy.  I need an income and a new job.  So I can dump them before they decide to dump me.  I mean they won’t know what they are losing until I am gone.  But it will be very obvious because there will be huge holes.  Not bragging just stating a fact.  You know sometimes you don’t know what you have until you lose it. 

Big Boy is getting worse with his breathing.  I really sense the end is around the corner.  I need to take him back for a checkup but I am honestly scared to because I may not come out with him alive.  I know that will happen eventually but I see no need to rush the process.  When I am around he does the nervous purr and acts like everything is hunky dory but I know it’s not.  I just don’t feel like I have the right to play God.

Oh see what I mean drama everywhere.  This year has sucked for me.  People want to mess with me, the devil keeps on picking and I am tired.  I just want to be free – I know issues will happen because that is life.  However, I have had an overwhelming taste of bad this year.  I need some good for a long, long time. 

I hope all is well in your world and that you had a great week.  Here’s hoping that this week will be better for me.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Update

So I am dog tired, spent all day working on a WIFI install.  Back tomorrow to finish up, should be an easy day!  Thursday another install and hopefully we finish in a day.  Friday I think I am going back to the office for rest.  Office on Monday and then Tuesday back into the field doing another WIFI install.  Might have to spend the night or make a 2nd trip depending upon how things go.  It’s that place that is 90 miles from home.  Sort of like driving for pie but 2 days in a row – that is a little much, even for me.  Ah, well we shall see.

So on the job front the owners look at Saturday that I made a mistake, never mind that the crazy bastard clicked on Shutdown that was still my fault.  They think that I spend too much time talking with co-workers and that gives them the perception that I have too much time on my hands and I am not doing my job.  Well, they don’t take into consideration that you have to collaborate with others in order to do your job.  No man is an island!  Anyway, the long and short of it is I’ve been told my job is safe.  Considering how I got the information I trust it because it came from one of the owners through a 3rd party.  I will do my best to appease them and stay in my office unless I have to go the bathroom or someone has a computer issue or question.  I’ve got plenty to keep me busy, trust me. 

I am still keeping my eyes wide open for a new opportunity.  If I find it well then I will jump.  Until that time I am staying put.  It’s kind of up to God if it’s time for me to move yet.  No matter my efforts if it’s not HIS will then it will NOT happen, no matter what I do.  I firmly believe that.  The final thing I learned is that they are very disappointed that I am not going on the “trip” they do every year.  They want me to socialize more but outside of the office.  Well it’s not like anyone is chatting me up and I fucking hate those people so why would I talk with them?  They are co-workers and I shouldn’t be required to socialize with them.  No other job mandated that.  Furthermore, the owners are deathly afraid that I will bring legal action against them.  I’m told I don’t have cause to bring a case.  Plus I wouldn’t dream of suing my present employer while I was still employed, I would wait until we separated then file a suit, provided I had a case. 

On the personal side my Real Estate Attorney has a conflict of interest with the mortgage company.  So he referred me to several outside attorneys.  I also got a referral from a legislator to an attorney that deals with us gays.  It’s an off the record referral.  I called that attorney on Friday and was promised a call back on Monday, but that never happened.  I am calling the Legal plan tomorrow asking if they can help me or if they can refer me to an outside attorney.  See this way it shouldn’t cost me anything and if I do have to pay then it will be a reduced rate.  I need an attorney to challenge these bastards and get them to see the light and work with me.  I am doing my very best but it’s only a matter of time before my best won’t be possible.  The sooner they realize that the better. 

The funny thing about all of this is the Real Estate Attorney wants me to keep him in the loop and get a separate case opened so that he can bill the legal plan.  Yeah, not going to happen.  If I can’t use you due to a conflict then I can’t use you.  There is no point in you making money from the plan if you can’t help me.  I still have a case open for the Estate and plan to keep it open until that is settled.  However, that could be a while since I have to deal with the damn mortgage company.

Life is so complicated when it could be so simple.  I wish, hope and pray that this all works out by the end of this year.  I don’t know that I can enter a new year with the same left over burdens of this year.  It’s bad enough that his birthday will be late next month.  It’s on a Sunday so at least I will be home and off work.

Right now I am going to review some porn, pass out medicine to the kids, prepare for tomorrow and ice my feet they effing hurt like crazy.  Standing for the better part of the day doesn’t help, when they are used to sitting at a desk for most of the day.  You know except when I am having a fireside chat with a co-worker.  :)

Thank you God for working this out.  I pray that my income is safe and not interrupted in any way shape or form.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Sounds like OK

I am sorry but I am very pressed for time right now.  The long and short of today is that it sounds like things are going to be okay.  I heard from my friend and our co attorney that my job is fine for now. 

Given that I can breathe easier but I am still on guard.  I am also still looking because next time I might not be so lucky.  It’s very apparent to me that it’s time to leave.  Better to do it on my terms than theirs. 

They are for some reason extremely afraid that I am going to sue them.  Now why would I file a lawsuit against my employer.  I know they can’t retaliate because that is illegal but trust me when I say they would find a way to ensure that I no longer worked for them.  That is just non sense.  Now if you fire me for no good reason then you can bet your ass I am coming after you.

Well I need to jet.  Talk with you folks later.

Goodbye Birch box

I really enjoy getting the Birch Box in the mail each month.  I was laying awake thinking about things I could cut or change.  Birch box was the first thing that came to mind.  That will save me $20 per month.  Not a huge fortune but every $$ counts.  I was going to cancel it anyway but that wouldn’t have been for two more months.  I wanted to see what October & Novembers boxes would bring.  I guess now I will never know. 

Today has been stressful for me, just thinking about tomorrow and knowing what potentially might happen.  I have been busy surfing the web and applying for jobs.  I found a good gob (meaning several) of them today.  I didn’t let the fact that most of them require extra education or certification stop me, I just applied anyway.  They say it’s easier to get a job when you have a job.  Well maybe that will ring true. 

I have also made some calls and done some praying.  My so called friend is on her way out, not sure that she knows it yet.  I did call her to tell her she was kind of shocked.  Of course me telling her flipped the bitch switch and she gave me all kinds of advice.  She said make them pay you money.  Yeah, well I won’t do exactly what she told me but I if I am put in that position I will consult with an attorney and move forward from there.  First step would be to file for unemployment, that is the most critical because I don’t know anyone who can survive without money.  It will be extra tight around here and I won’t be able to last that long, but maybe just maybe something will come along before things get out of hand and I can just start a new job.

My friends all thing that it’s a phase he is going through and that he won’t do anything because he knows I really am a good worker.  However, I don’t see it that way.  After all I know him better than they do.  I should be out in the field for the rest of the week – Thursday & Friday are holidays for him so no work.  That is good news.  Then we shall see what the following week brings. 

My goal as always is to lay low and not attract attention.  I just stay in my office and do my job.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Mondays are always kind of hectic.  Forgotten passwords, access issues, new problems.  So I should be busy.  I’d rather be busy than bored. 

Kind of hard to stay positive when so many negative things keep happening.  Need to grab the kids laundry and head upstairs to make sure that I have everything ready to go for tomorrow.  Taking extra sleeping medicine tonight because I napped a little today.  Hope that I get a good nights sleep so I am ready to deal with whatever comes my way tomorrow.

Please pray for me.  I will keep you posted.  Hope you all had a good weekend!

Looming Unemployment

So last night I heard from my boss, not a good sign on a weekend much less anytime.  He had some issues with getting on the banks website.  He received a java error.  It could be the bank was having problems.  It could be that he needed to reboot or reinstall java.  So I told him all of that.  He thought he rebooted but he actually shutdown his machine.  That of course is totally my fault because he made a mistake.  So he tells me that he will be unable to work now until Monday.  I offered to drive to the office and power his machine back on for him but he declined.  He said we will talk Monday. 

Something just didn’t sit right with me.  So I did some probing.  Turns out the office manager is telling him that I am not doing my job and lazy, all I ever do is sit in meetings behind closed doors.  Uh, yeah that is part of my job.  Hello.  Well she told him it’s time for me to go.  From the looks of things he has every intention of letting me go.

That would be both a blessing and a curse.  The blessing part would be that I didn’t have to listen to his shit anymore.  The curse part is that it would kill my income and I would have further problems.  Plus applying for a home loan, they require two years of steady employment.  I’d have to bounce back quick and with the way the job market is now, I don’t think that will happen. 

I really don’t need to add another worry to my list.  I have plenty going on and wrong in my life.  I want to be able to relax and breathe without worry.  I want to recover from all of this.  Needless to say I didn’t get much sleep last night. 

This event only further solidifies the fact that I need to get the hell out of there and the sooner the better.  I would of course rather do it on my own terms.  I just got a good review, a small pay raise and have no formal write ups or discipline in my file.  I don’t exactly know what grounds he would use, should he decide to terminate me.  However, I work in one of the states that is a Right to Work state.  That means simply either party with or without notice can terminate the employment relationship at any time and for any reason. 

We fight all of our unemployment claims so he would of course make it difficult for me to get unemployment but I think I have enough evidence to support my side of the story to win that.  It wouldn’t be much money but it would be something.  Then I would also have to seek counsel from a Labor Employment Attorney.  I have a couple things working in my favor.  I came out, so I can always say I was fired due to my sexuality, which is illegal.  I am over age 40 so I can claim that based on my age he let me go.  Now you can claim anything you want, but you have to have evidence to support it.  That is the tricky part. 

The devil sure wants to try and ruin my life.  He wants me to commit suicide but I keep hanging on so it’s like inch by inch.  Big Boy I can tell is getting worse slowly so soon I will have to deal with that.  It’s like every time I turn around it’s something.  It’s almost safer to stay in bed and not leave the house. 

Argh!  Off to looking for a job I go.  Talk with you again soon.

More bad news

So I called the mortgage company and they don’t need any more documentation.  They made a final decision and they are NOT going to work with me.  For the simple fact that my name is not on the mortgage.  The mortgage is in the name of my partner, but the house is deeded in the name of the Trust.  The old lender failed to update their records and now it’s causing me a problem.  The present mortgage company won’t make any modification to the name because the account is in Bankruptcy. 

No one is telling me right now that I have to move but sooner or later it sounds like that will be a reality.  I’m told that since they know my partner is dead eventually they might foreclose on the property. 

They told me that my only option would be to refinance, well I don’t qualify for that because I filed Bankruptcy and not enough time has passed since I got my discharge. 

I have made tons of calls today, no real work got done I came to the office to do personal business.  Even went out to lunch.  Like what do I have to lose!

My phone calls have all pretty well yielded me the same result.  Call us back come August.  That will be the 2 year mark for my Bankruptcy and then I can see what kind of loan I qualify for.  I have also been told that my Estate Attorney can write a letter to try to compel the present mortgage company to work with me.  I have asked but expect to get a no.

I talked with a Legislative Official and was given the name of an attorney in the area to talk to.  I’ve got a call into his office and he may call me back tonight, he may not get back to me until Monday.  I may have to part with some money in order to make this happen.  If it’s not a lot and I can get results then I am all for it.  Otherwise, no matter how you look at it I am fucked and not in a good way.

Speaking of fucked, I found the movie I talked about the other day.  I got it for free and am watching it tonight.  I hope it’s as good as I think it will be.  I need to get happy.   

 

To sum it up – I lost my partner, There is no Medical Malpractice/Wrongful Death Case, The Mortgage Company won’t work with me.  I went from a 2 income household to a 1 income household.  I am running out of money and well it’s just a matter of time before someone tries to take the house away.  I am NOT giving up without a fight.  I took on one of the most powerful unions in America.  I can take on a damn mortgage company.

It’s just one loss, after another, after another, and so on gets very old.  People tell me that I need to cheer up and get my depression medication changed.  Change my circumstances and you will see that my fucking mood will change.  Based on my personal life and everything I have been through this year it’s a wonder that I am functioning at all.  The suicide thought came back into my mind today, but I don’t feel I am out of options which is why I am NOT giving up.

I am determined to leave early so I am going to wrap this up and get out the door.  On to get food, go home and eat in.  I was eating out tonight but changed my mind given what the day has yielded.  Things just have to get better!

Real quick my friend from work decided to leave without telling anyone and sending a text message to her boss.  She went to an urgent care center, they sent her to the hospital.  She is seriously ill, so it wasn’t drama after all.  You just never know with her. 

FML – Later peeps.

Verdict

I met with the attorney and after hearing the opinion of a Neurologist it has been concluded that everything was done right and within protocol.  Therefore, I have no case.  However, I can always seek the opinion of another Neurologist but that would be at my expense.  I can also talk with another attorney and have them look at the case. 

The guy I met with told me that he isn’t the best and he knows he isn’t the only lawyer in the area but he considers himself very good.  He has turned away cases such as mine and people have gone to other firms and had claims and recovered money. 

I asked the question I always ask when I am faced with making a decision from an expert on how to proceed.  I said if you were me what would you do.  He said that he would drop the case and take comfort in knowing that my partner was cared for properly and that God called him home.  Simply put it was his time and nothing anyone did or didn’t do would have changed that. 

Honestly I was taken back, based on the way he was posturing with sending me a contract I thought for sure there was a case and honestly he did too.  However, the expert painted the picture and that is what he goes by.  He told me that if I get the records from the other hospital that he would be happy to look at them to see if there was anything there, but he would be surprised if he found anything.  He said you can cancel the order if you wish and save your money. 

Wow it feels like he died all over again.  I am comforted in knowing that they acted within protocol but I still think that things would have been different with TPA.  That is my opinion and no one can or will ever change that. In one way I am glad and relieved so that I know this “battle” is pretty much over.  However, on the other hand I was counting on some money – good thing I didn’t spend what I don’t have.

So life goes on.  Tomorrow is another day and I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other and go from there. 

Okay I promised the kids I would get upstairs as quickly as possible, so that is what I am going to do.  Get ready for bed and have a nice relaxing evening watching lord knows what on TV.  I lost my urge for porn so relaxing sounds really good right about now.  Very happy tomorrow is Friday because I need some recovery time.

Talk with you peeps later.