Depression

I am sitting in my living room watching Bridegroom for the 3rd time.  I just can't stop thinking about Tom and Shane's story.  I am also thinking about the fact that Shane and I have both lost the men we love.  It's been 2 years since Tom passed and I felt very compelled to write Shane and ask him how in the world he recovered and appears to be doing so well.  While I did write him, I honestly don't expect an answer because he has to be flooded with e-mails.  It has helped me feel better.

I feel like I am in a depression it was dormant for a while but seeing this movie and hearing the story has awakened these feelings.  I really need a vacation not only from work but from life, where I can do what I want to without worrying.

Here is where things are at... I am taking Housing Counseling next Thursday and I have to pay the $250 fee from my pocket.  Once I get a peice of paper saying that I have completed the course the lender will proceed with submitting my paperwork.  At that point it's purley an Underwriter's decision if I qualify and am worthy of a loan.  If I am then they will grant me a loan but only for 85% of what the house appraises at.  What if that isn't enough to cover the present mortgage balance?  I am responsible if there is a balance left and will have to come up with tht out of my own pocket.  So I hope and pray that I get a high assesment, anything at $140,000.00 or above will be fantastic.  

The Estate Attorney told me not to worry that I won't be going to jail or encounter any penalties if things fall through and i simply walk away.  If I have to walk away it will probably be the straw that breaks the camels back.  I honestly don't know that I can take much more.  

No word from the Bankruptcy Attorney.

I got a letter from the present lender with the denial reason of property not owner occupied.  I called and left a very stern voice mail message.  Then I followed up with an e-mail.  This morning I got a response that told me to call a customer service representative if I wanted to appeal.   I thought fuck you!  I managed to get the Congressman to try one last call and he is waiting for a return call after leaving a message.  I have also engaged a seperate attorney who is trying to get this worked out on my behalf.  She said they probably understand very well tht you are the Sucessor Trustee but they do not understand that you are the beneficiary as well.  That is probably where the disconnect is.  She is hoping that she is able to touch on something that the Congressman didn't.  I figure with noise from an Attorney and a Congressman that will hopefully compel them into working with me.  Any reduction from the present payment will be helpful.  I know I am applying for a loan in my name but if it falls through then I have to be prepared to work with the present asses tht hold the mortgage.  I figure nothing ventured nothing gained.  

Life unfortunatley is always about Plan B and well continuing a dialouge with the present lender is my Plan B.  It's not going to hurt anything.  Even if they give me until August when I will qualify for a normal loan, that would be helpful.  

Mr. Blu is scheduled to be castrated on next Friday morning.  I have to pick him up before 5pm otherwise I am told they lock the door and it won't open again until Monday.  If you have my cat held hostage the door will open way before Monday morning.  Honestly I don't love him that much but he is TAZ's pal and I signed up to provide for him, so that is what I will do.  I of course will move Heaven and Earth to make sure that I am there long before 5pm to pick him up.  I've got the day off so it shouldn't be a problem.  

On the work front.... Beware that there is a very nasty virus called CryptoLocker.  Its simiilar to the FBI Money Pak but if you get it there is no way to circumvent it.  Your entire hard drive is encrypted and unless you come up with $300 within like 48 or 72 hours your data will be gone.  The bigger problem is Law Enforcement is finding and shutting down the servers that store the recovery keys, each person gets a unqiue recovery key and well once the server is shutdown the software can't verify the key so you could easily be out of your money and data.  It's very important to back up your data.  If you get this and your backup source is seen as a drive letter it's going to be encrypted as well.  I'm told anti-virus companies are working on protection to prevent this but thus far have been unsucessful.  This is a nasty bug and I hope you don't get it.  It only affects those of us that use Windows right now.  That's not to say they won't be working on a Mac version.  Great money making scheme but if your caught your the one who is screwed.  I'd rather work for my money, at least I don't have to look over my shoulder.

My so called friend is fighting the fact that her unemployment has been denied.  I heard the call from the Unemployment Office today and the HR lady really told them wht happened and that there were multiple reasons why they terminated her.  She is clearly not worthy of unemployment.  Besides that she has a business of her own, so she is technically employed.  I hope that she isn't allowed to rape the system like she did a few years back.  It is time to put a stop to the BS and make her lazy ass go out and get a job for an income, instead of expecting society to support her.  I am not happy with her and feel very used.  She isn't calling me but she expects me to call her.  Well the phone line runs in both directions.  I called you last, your turn to call me.  Otherwise I don't think we will be speaking.  As I don't have any plans to contact her.  

Well TOSH point 0 will be coming on soon, so that should help I hope clear up my depression.  I appreciate those of you who are reading this, know that you help keep me going.  Thanks for stopping by, I will talk with you peeps later.