Bad News

Yesterday evening I was putting away my items from Amazon and Gator’s food from Chewy. I put my dinner in the microwave to cook and gulped down my pills. I heard a ding from my phone and figured that it was related to the project I was working on that we were starting or something like that. Instead, I found a note from a Local Senior Manager informing us of the death of one of our colleagues. I was devastated and couldn’t help but think why is everyone dying all of a sudden? I wish that people I know would stop dying if only for a few months.

My colleague that passed was a hard-working older gentleman, who would walk to work (he lived across the street from the office) and started his days at around 3a and didn’t usually leave until well after 5p. He kept those hours on weekdays but he would work a couple hours over the weekend, the man just didn’t have it in him to not work. He loved his work so much that his wife had to mandate a yearly vacation for him in the Spring. They would flock to FL with all of their kids and grandkids. That still didn’t stop him from working. I know he loved his family but I honestly think he loved his job even more; it was his passion and what got him out of bed each morning. A few years back he tore his rotator cuff and there were a couple days when he just couldn’t work because he was drugged. He was back in the office working with one arm for a few months. He stopped each day around 11 for lunch, when he would go back home and work out and I think maybe eat something for lunch then it was back to work. I’m fairly certain but don’t know for sure that he was still in the office during the pandemic, despite being all alone. I just heard from him last week asking for help with something. It was an odd ball request but I always accommodated him even if it wasn’t something that was in my prevue. I will miss hearing from him even though it was always work related. We would occasionally bump into each other in the bathroom and in fact I saw him a few weeks ago. He lost a lot of weight during the pandemic and almost looked malnourished to me like he had Cancer but he never said a word to me about it. When I had a serious problem a few years back he helped me with a recommendation of a friend that could help me out. Our office won’t be the same without him. We always joked that he probably would pass away at his desk. I sure hope that didn’t happen and that he was at least at home with family. No one deserves to pass alone but it does happen.

This news was rather upsetting and needless to say wrecked my evening. I kept thinking about him off and on all night and even woke up in the middle of the night because I was upset. My mind/body won’t permit me to sleep much if there is something festering that is bothering me. I don’t like that. Couple that with cries from Gator and there is the perfect recipe for Insomnia.

I worked on my furnace last night. Every year or two my furnace kicks on runs and then acts like it’s going to shut off only to start back up again. Years ago, I put in a service call and got this hunky guy sent to my home. It was a simple fix. The flame sensor needed to be cleaned. He left behind some sandpaper and showed me where the sensor was. It’s far cheaper to clean it than to replace it but still were only talking a few hundred dollars for a replacement. Cleaning it with the sandpaper works and fixes the problem. I figure if I can fix it myself with confidence might as well save a service call and some money. I was cleaning up and almost forgot to flip the safety switch back to on, man it would have been a very cold night. The furnace is getting a bit of a workout right now especially once the sun goes down.

I’ve got a semi-light day with some project work in a few hours, a few meetings in the afternoon. Then more after hours work on this project but today is the last day this week and there will be no work on the project next week due to the holiday. I am looking forward to a break not only from the project but from work in general.

Were getting closer to the weekend and my nerves are fired up. I am anxious and nervous at the same time, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I am eager for closure and this all applies to the waiter that I had asked out. I go back and forth in my mind about not only how this is going to turn out but in what words to use. This is the absolute worst and I can’t imagine being younger, immature and full of hormones but teenagers deal with this all the time. I didn’t have this experience when I was a teenager. I mean I had the hormones and attraction to guys but I didn’t get to talk to anyone about it much other than occasionally it would come up in my therapy sessions.

Here's hoping for a good Thursday and that there will be no more bad news and only good news for quite some time. Stay warm and be well.