Expensive Weekend

I discovered this afternoon that my water heater had spring a leak.  I drained it and then began the search for a new one.  I made my purchase at Lowe’s.  The installer should be reaching out to me tomorrow morning.  While timing isn’t perfect the cost was much better than what I paid for the water heater I am using.  I stayed with a tank because Lowe’s doesn’t install tankless.  Although, tankless did appear to cost less.  Average life span is 6 to 10 years.  I just did this 6 years ago, normally you get more like 10 years but I think what I got was cheaply made.  Someone took advantage of me before but not this time.  While I put it on a credit card, I will easily be able to fork over the cash when the bill arrives.  For that I am truly thankful.  Saving money helps and today was a very rainy day!

The weekend was fine except for that little hiccup.  I made it to my friends on-line funeral.  It was nice but the audio quality could have been better.  I am glad that they did this, it was nice and helps with closure. 

I watched an amazing series on Netflix called Lennox Hill.  It’s about a hospital in NY and it’s amazing, if you like medical drama.  There is some gore because they focus heavily on brain surgery.  Amazing people there!

I am going to have supper and hopefully be able to relax with the cats.  I may need to take a 1/2 day tomorrow, I know that I will be away from my computer for a short time when the installer is here, it matters not to me if it’s counted as time off or if it’s not.  I have a huge surplus of time, so there is one advantage. 

Hope you had a good weekend!

Wanting to be wrong

Turns out I called it correct, our big meeting today was to tell us all that we are going to be taking a 15% pay cut at the start of next month. This is in effect for the foreseeable future and is completely reversible. In order to be reversed our leadership would have to see a sizeable jump or a more normal pattern to our organization’s overall earnings and/or at the end of the year if we exceed our earnings projection.

This is all done in order to prevent layoffs or furloughs, which is a step that we don’t want to have to take. I get that. The pay cut sucks but at least we still have jobs. I had originally thought it was 10% which wouldn’t have been bad at all for me. However, now that it’s 15% that is going to hurt. Instead of being able to make a car payment from 1 check I may have to spread it over two so that I have enough money to pay the bills. That is what I did when I first started down the road of higher car payments.

I have crunched all kinds of numbers to try to forecast what my check will look like when this hits but there are a couple of unique variables that go in to the equation I won’t know until I get that first check. That is something I will be in suspense about until the middle of next month. I have already stopped my 401k contribution for the moment. When things go back to normal, I will certainly start contributing again. Right now, though I need every penny I can get my hands on to stay afloat.

Considering that I am not commuting to and from work, I think that I will be okay. However, I am in a bit of panic mode right now. Thinking about maybe cancelling Netflix and potentially Spotify. I do have a small amount of money saved which will also help me out. However, I would like to keep as much of that tucked away as possible. Even though I got bad news, you never know when worse news is on the horizon.

Looks like I picked the worst possible time to get glasses. I mean I can pay cash for them but I am glad that I can spread the cost over 6 months with no interest, that will certainly help me out. I’ve also got a monster credit card bill that needs to be paid in full (since I don’t carry a balance) the largest thing there was my license plate renewal. Even though I won’t be driving much you still have to have current plates on your car.

If it looks like I will have problems then I will certainly reach out to my lenders (home and auto) to see what kind of alternate arrangements can be made. I don’t want to have to do that at all. However, I am not above asking for help. After all I am the sole supporter of myself and if I don’t ask for help (if it’s needed) then I can’t expect that someone will be doing it for me.

Today I also learned that we will start to open our offices the 1^st of the month and if you voluntarily want to go back and have no underlying health concerns then you can return to the office. If you don’t want to go back or have health concerns, then you can keep working from home. There is no pressure to return to the office at all. That is an uncommon benefit. I think most employers would be like, were open and you need to come back. Based on what my Doctor told me at my last visit unless something drastic changes I will probably be working from home for the remainder of the year and a good portion of next year. Not exactly what I wanted to hear and not sure that I can survive here that long w/o having a mental break but I just take it day by day.

I hope that this will all end soon and life can go back to some form of “normal” or that we can adjust to a “new normal”. Not that I would be a social butterfly but it’s nice to be able to move with freedom – not having to wear a mask. Being able to go out to eat, see a movie or take a short trip. I do have a couple of new social groups that I discovered last year and had planned on going to a couple gatherings before the COVID thing hit. They are still gathering but you won’t find me there, it’s just not safe given the risk groups that I am in.

That is the big news of the day. The other big development is that one of the cats finally knocked over the water bowl in my room. It’s a wet mess but I have cleaned it up as best I can. Of course, no one is talking, I guess the cats got their tongue! My best guess tells me it was Gator because she has to paw at the bowl or fountain before she drinks. I think she hit it too hard and got wet. Not only that but in the process, she soaked her brother. Everyone was smiling this morning as if nothing had happened. Gator was crying because the water was empty and that’s when I knew what occurred and wound up stepping on a wet rug. Nothing quite says good morning like an unexpected wet surprise on your feet. ICK.

At least we made it to Friday. I’ve been going since 7. Stopped to take a short break but no nap today and I am honestly ready for a nap. Think I might just go get one while it’s still quiet. Of course, as soon as I lay my head down, I know the phone will see it and then start going crazy.

Have a nice weekend and take care of yourself.

About last night

Today is kind of a boring day for me. I finished up work early this morning. I am just hanging out and watching in case any problems arise. There literally is nothing for me to do at work. This happens frequently and I have yet to say anything because well as much as I hate it, I also enjoy it. There are times when I am so busy, I barely have time to breathe and there are other times like today that I am going out of my mind from boredom.

I’ve been listening to the B52’s on Spotify. I really enjoy their music and some of it I haven’t heard before. I do give every song a chance but the timing varies, once I decide to skip there is no going back. There are several live performances so that is a bit extra special to listen to. I didn’t really start to appreciate them until around 2005, which seems like a long time ago.

I have also been surfing for porn. Who would have ever thought that people would be recording themselves having sex, putting it up on the internet and getting paid for it? I mean I remember cam boys, but there didn’t seem like much money in it. Today you have amateurs and professionals filming their own content, which you can subscribe to monthly on Only Fans or Just For Fans. It’s a pretty wild idea. You [the performer(s)] set the price for the monthly subscription. I don’t know what percentage the site takes for hosting it and for processing payments but some people can make a living doing just sex work. Since you are doing the filming in a controlled environment, there is very low risk. Getting someone to join you and consent to being filmed that might be a bit of a higher risk. I see the thrill and turn on behind it all, but it’s not something that I would ever do. I do think I am a pornaholic. I really enjoy it after all it’s been my outlet in the sex arena for many years. Saying that is some what of a turn on and also an embarrassment. However, we all have needs and desires. I can’t imagine not having needs or desires.

Last night I stumbled across a movie on Amazon Prime called Thank God It’s Friday. It was a hoot. Got to see Donna Summer and The Commodores. As well as some very good and bad disco dancing. Man, that had to be a time to be alive. I didn’t think I would enjoy it at all but after a short time I was invested and that turned out to be my evening’s entertainment. My Chicken Burrito was really good and I skipped the Cheesecake and had a brownie instead. Of course, I hung out with the two members of the furry family. I also incorporated some work into the mix, which they didn’t appreciate and I was thankful to get rid of. It was an emergency situation and in retrospect I should have come downstairs but instead opted to try to resolve it from the couch. It would have been quicker to walk downstairs. Ah well, it’s all done now.

It’s cooler weather here but the house has been a bit on the hot side and I have been a little nauseated from it. I got in my lunch time nap with Gator and that helped a little bit. The AC has also kicked on for a short time so more help. If I need to, I will run it tonight.

Today I was a little disheartened to learn that Live PD has been cancelled. It was a good show and you got to see both the good & bad side of policing. I felt that you had a more authentic experience watching this show than other shows that were like it. I understand that police reform is front and center, not to mention a very hot button issue. I don’t see how cancelling the show will help anything but clearly the people still have the power. I do hope that they don’t go after my favorite show The First 48 which follows Homicide detectives as they attempt to solve a murder. Too many people die in this world for no reason at all. There is far too much violence in the world and it has become an all too common way to solve problems. In reality it solves nothing it creates more problems. You have an injured or dead person, their family, the perpetrator and their family. So, 2 people and 2 families that are forever changed. That’s not taking into account any bystanders or innocent victims. Use words not fists to solve problems or just walk away. I get that it’s not that easy all the time but cooler heads prevail. Never make a decision in anger or haste – you will always regret it. That applies to most everything in life. Revenge does feel good but it just fuels a larger fire instead of extinguishing it.

Here’s hoping that better days are ahead for all of us. I don’t know that I will ever want to eat at a buffet again but I have plenty of restaurants that I would love to visit. Food, Guys and Money (not necessarily in that order) are what I am fond of. Take care of yourselves and come on back to see what is going on in my world. Thanks for riding with me today. Be well.

In the middle

I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday. This week is moving wildly fast. I am not sure if that is good or bad. I was awestruck when I realized that tomorrow is Thursday, that is what put things into perspective.

Friday is a day that I normally look forward to. This Friday I have mixed feelings about. I have to wake up early to complete a morning task with a co-worker because he is leaving on a trip. Then we have an all staff meeting later in the morning. Normally there is an agenda that is published ahead of time so we at least have some idea of the subjects that will be covered. This was an impromptu meeting that we were all invited to about a week ago. Since it’s close to payday I speculate that this is where they are going to lower the boom and tell us that our pay is going to be cut. It could also be nothing more than a touch base as these types of meetings have been in the past. To discuss the re-entry plan. We are still hiring and just created a position to promote someone so someone has to be hired to fill their shoes. I am not happy with the person that was hired or should I say re-hired but there isn’t much I can do about it.

While I do enjoy the ability that has been afforded to me to work from home, I kind of feel like now that were going on another month that I am slowly going insane. I have a new normal – new routines and I just feel so trapped. Being able to get out and move, interact with others I think is something that we all took for granted before this pandemic struck. I think we all have a new appreciation for it. That said, I see that CNN echoes what I have been hearing from other news sources that there are surges in the COVID outbreak in states that have gone full bore and re-opened. I just would like a happy medium where it’s safe for people to get out and if you happened to contract COVID that there was a proven treatment or immunization for it. I know we will get there eventually but this year largely feels like a loss thus far because of having to stay at home. With most events cancelled. We still have 6 months to go before the year is over, here’s hoping that there is some progress and good news coming!

I saw a post on FB at lunch that there will be a live stream of my late friend’s funeral on Saturday. I will be checking back for the link. I am glad that there will be a service I know that while only immediate family will be allowed to attend in person, that the live stream will be flooded with plenty of people. She meant the world to so many.

Still adjusting to my new glasses. Not happy that the eye doctor didn’t use Crizal’s UV reflective coating to protect against blue light from my computer monitor. They went with a cheaper coating from their lab. The protection is there but I feel like I got short changed. I am on the fence about going back to them next year. They don’t carry Nike frames at all and never have. They also join most every other eye doctor that I have seen in doing what I call shady billing. I kind of feel like I am getting robbed and don’t really know it. I called out a duplicative charge to them and was told that it was a per eye charge that lens are billed differently than coatings. That doesn’t sound right to me. I figure if there is a problem my insurance will catch it. They may not get the extra money from the insurance company but that doesn’t mean they will refund any money to me. I spent a good portion of yesterday looking for eye doctors in my area that accept my insurance and carry Nike frames. I didn’t find anyone nearly as good looking as Andrew Neighbors (aka Andrew Goes Places from You Tube) but I did find a good number of eye docs and places that I can consider. I like a fresh start rather than going back to someone I have been to in the past. The hope is that I will be comfortable and can maintain a long-term relationship. It’s important to be comfortable when it comes to any type of medical care and treatment, even if it’s just a checkup. That goes for everything from an eye doctor to your primary care and dentist. Speaking of which I have yet to get my teeth cleaned. My new dentist is still closed due to the pandemic. I am not in any kind of hurry but I would like to get it done this year. I am religious when it comes to any type of health care maintenance from eyes to teeth. It’s important and you can often catch problems early if there is something in the works.

Man, I was tired last night and falling asleep multiple times only to wake up and think that someone was in the house and looking at me. At one point I woke up and my eye lash was in the way so I couldn’t fully open my eye and that caused some heart palpitations. After that I told myself that it’s just me, the cats and whatever spirits are lurking about. Time to call it a night once and for all. That did the trick and I was out like a light. It lasted until 5:30 this morning and then I was awake and asleep off & on. Gator didn’t help things because her belly was empty and she wanted me to put food in it.

Not much good on television right now, summer always typically equals a hiatus or break for most shows. There is some new or as I refer to it, temporary content to help liven things up but mostly you see re-runs. I watch a lot of news in the evening, which I am sure probably isn’t a good thing because it’s not filled with good news, it’s more of a debate about current issues and reporting additional bad news. I am thankful that I have the option to change over to paid services like Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime Video for alternative content. I sometimes stumble across something really good. For example, I saw a movie on Amazon (title escapes me) about this guy who was in line to become a priest. He volunteered for the summer at a program/location and found another guy who was into him and they wound up striking up a relationship and the guy didn’t become a priest after all. It was entertaining and there were some steamy bedrooms scenes but it was all R rated at most. The crux of the movie or take away for me was, that if you see something you want go get it or at least fight for it, as you might wind up getting what you want. Doesn’t always work out that way, especially when it comes to human relations. At the end of the day, people are fickle.

No post is complete with out a quick update on my furry family. Marv is a bit more talkative and still limping around but I am telling you he is fast on his feet for an old cat with a bum knee. We have spent time together on the couch, I think the heating pad gets to him after a while so he has to leave it. However, he melts like butter at first when you put him on it. It’s a slow gradual process but he settles down and drifts off to sleep. Wakes up, might move around might not and then back to sleep. I think he will enjoy it even more when the weather changes to colder temperatures. Gator is just needy for attention. We got our lunch time nap in yesterday but she wouldn’t jump in my lap for anything, she wanted to be in her bed. Today was a different story. Not sure why but she loves to step on or kick my nuts and has yet to figure out what they are but she does know that it bothers me. Maybe that is why she does it. She is still insistent on me picking her up to place her on the love seat in the living room, even though she is fully capable of getting up there on her own. Then she bitches at me when I go to pick her up, she just loves to give me trouble. She still permits me to hug her and that I am telling you feels really good, especially when she gets her motor going.

Take care, be well and we will talk again soon! I am off to surf for porn and wrap up my work day so that I can climb the stairs and devour a Chicken Burrito from the grocery store. It’s a homemade thing, just heat and eat. Then a slice of cheesecake and finally whatever I can find on TV for a couple hours of entertainment and then it will once again be time for bed. Wash – Rinse – Repeat! Welcome to life!

Summer of Love–B52’s

Good song!

Wrap on Monday

Monday was a rollercoaster ride for me. My morning started off as usual I was in the middle of a call with a colleague and my stomach began giving me fits. I excused myself from the call and no sooner than I stood up, I had a problem on my hands and a messy one at that. I was not happy at all. I got cleaned up and began the litany of laundry. I used some water yesterday and my washer got quite the workout. I even ran it through it’s first ever cleaning cycle.

It’s kind of felt like I had eaten something bad but I didn’t get nauseated. Not sure what it was but when I stepped on the scale, I was 5 pounds lighter. If I can just do that again a couple more times I can be back to my original weight. However, I think that I would be dehydrated and probably not feeling so well. Still it’s one way to lose weight, just not my preferred method.

I was hesitant to eat lunch but did ingest a small amount of a left-over sandwich. That didn’t cause any problems. I got in a nice long nap for lunch because I was exhausted. As per usual my phone kept waking me up, even though I wasn’t on call I still looked at it. You never know when something emergent will arise and I am known for quick response, so I like to keep up my image.

Later in the afternoon as I was wrapping things up, I got a phone call from the eye doctor. My glasses were ready. I called to make sure it was okay to come on down and get them. I missed them so much. Everything looked fine in the store, driving was okay. When I got home and tried to read my copy of the invoice, I had some problems. I took them off to give my eyes a rest. Put them on later in the evening and still had issues. I put them back on this morning and it is taking a bit to get used to the new prescription, which is supposed to be better, as in improved vision but I kind of miss my old prescription. It’s been a few hours and things are starting to come into focus. I suppose it’s just a training period of getting used to them but I don’t like it at all. I will try to exercise what little patience I do have and see if I can’t get used to them, but if in a couple days things don’t settle down, I will be calling back. I spent a pretty penny and want to ensure that I get my monies worth.

Marv got in lots of noodle time last night and I had the heating pad on. He woke up and repositioned himself and asked for a little attention but was quick to pass out. Eventually he woke up and he wanted down. I took care of that. Then cleaned up my DVR to get rid of a bunch of old Family Feud episodes. Watched a special at home on AXS with Celo Green last night. It was okay. On some songs he can sing and on others it sounds like he is whispering. If he would be consistent that would make him better. I can’t stand whispering when someone is trying to sing, spit it out already!

That was the end of Monday. Slept okay, had some strange dreams and Gator wanted me up way too soon. Here we are already at Tuesday. It’s supposed to be a stormy day and if that means it is a bit cooler then I am for it. It’s been so hot here.

No surprise that the COVID 19 is seeing a spike in a good portion of the states that have decided to open back up. Not sure if its protest related but they certainly don’t help contain the virus. The world is kind of a huge mess right now. With the protesting and reform needed for policing, being in the middle of a pandemic and having an ass hat in charge of it all. It’s kind of like were fucked and not in a good way. I just hope that this too shall pass, we can see positive changes and get a remedy for the virus. I think that it would make a lot of folks happy to be able to go back to some state of normal. I for one would love to stop having to worry about putting on a mask. It’s annoying, uncomfortable and looks odd. I keep telling myself this is a very bad dream and I am going to wake up and have some story to tell that no one will ever believe, but sadly I am awake and this is not a dream.

Stay safe, be well and we will talk again soon.

The Weekend Summary

What a weekend!  Friday and a good portion of Saturday were taken up by the Netflix show 13 Reasons Why.  The final season, #4 was released and I of course had to watch it.  The show was interesting to me but it also evoked lots of emotion, especially in the death scenes.  The cast and crew did an amazing job in putting this show together.  It addresses a lot of issues that young people as well as people in general experience.  The show is aimed at young people.  There are plenty of gay characters in the series.  I don’t recall any actual gay sex scenes in season 4 but there were same sex kissing scenes.  Plenty of shirtless guys as well. 

Saturday, I didn’t leave the house at all.  I didn’t go to the basement for any reason.  I spent the bulk of my time in my room with the cats.  I had some difficulty sleeping Friday night and of course as nature would have it [or should I say Gator] I was up at the crack of dawn.  I didn’t get tired until the afternoon came and then I just got to nod off for a short time because my silly phone went off. 

It was lonely but also refreshing in a way just to be here with the cats and doing what I wanted to do.  I got the house as cold or as hot as I wanted, ate junk food and drank way too much diet soda.  I did want to go out and that was the plan but when push came to shove, I just didn’t have the motivation and I thought, you know that is okay. 

I cut my hair again.  It looked like it needed it but really there wasn’t much up there.  Classic case of what you see in the mirror doesn’t reflect reality.  Like body dysmorphia but only in my case hair.  I went a little shorter on the sides.  The back is a complete disaster but it’s plausible and acceptable.  Just a classic round look but the line isn’t necessarily straight, but then again neither am I.  It’s not like I have a job interview or some big public appearance to make, and since I don’t look at the back I don’t care.  When it’s time to go back to the office then I will let a professional take care of my hair.  For the time being it’s just a boy and his clippers.  I’m okay with that. 

Sunday was the day to catch up.  I again had problems sleeping and Marv had me up earlier than I wanted.  I fed the cats and tried to go back to bed but that was futile.  My body knew it was time to be awake so I was awake.  I did get in some cuddle time with Marv.  He licked my arm and hands as if they were spare ribs.  That is classic Marvin!  He’s always done that and it’s one of many things I enjoy about his personality.  He has adjusted to coming up to my chair so that I can pet him or just to hold his paw and comfort him.  He for sure is a daddy’s boy.  The same can be said for Gator but she on the other hand just loves people, but has to get to know you and what you can do for her, then she will worm her way into your heart and never let go. 

I got up eventually and had breakfast.  I was walking with chocolate milk in one hand and a hot sandwich in another to the table, when I stepped on a piece of hardened cat food and it just about brought me to my knees.  It hurt like I stepped on a sharp rock.  Chocolate milk was everywhere it shouldn’t have been but thankfully it was an easy clean up mess.  I wasn’t terribly happy but that’s the way it goes. 

Made it through the grocery store.  They have stopped digital coupons for the last 2 weeks, which is very odd.  I grabbed the mail and my renewal license plate sticker was there.  Came home put away the groceries, sat on the couch with Marv and Gator.  Played on my phone to see what was new on social media and also surfed for porn.  Then it was time to try to take a nap.  My lower back was killing me. 

After said short nap, I awoke and ventured out to the cat food store and to Wendy’s to grab a Chicken Sandwich.  It was every bit as good I thought it would be and more.  I am still dying to try Popeye’s chicken sandwich and eventually we will make that happen.  Got the cat food put away, house cleaned and trash out.  Finishing up on laundry and playing on the PC.

It’s been summer time hot here, even though summer doesn’t officially start until the 20^th.  Were supposed to be cooling down.  My AC has been running more than I want it to.  However, it does keep me comfortable.  I can’t say the same for Gator because she hates cold, despite the fact she has a built-in heater that runs year-round.  She still manages to somehow get cold or chilly and then seeks refuge in my bed under the covers.  I’ll admit when I was watching TV on Saturday it was cold and I got under the covers it felt really good to snuggle up all by myself.  That didn’t last long though she had to be by my side.  Turning on her sleeping pill charm.  Problem is that I give her a little bit of room and the next thing you know she is trying to push me out of my own bed. 

I hope that you had a great weekend.  Here’s hoping that this week is better not only for everyone in general but for the world.  Things are way out of control.  Stay safe and be well.  I will talk with you again soon. 

 

 

The beat goes on….

In knowing my late friend, I know that she would encourage me to keep going on, no matter what. I won’t see her occasional comments, perhaps there will be others and perhaps not. Still it’s about putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward as painful or difficult as it might be. This [blogging] is therapeutic to me and it’s been an outlet for me for many years, so in as much as I may be helping others, I am helping myself. I guess you could say two birds – one stone.

The truth is that I have and always will struggle with death. It’s so final and there is no appeal, no coming back from it. Once you die that is it. People that care are sad, they try to bring comfort to those left behind. That is the sole purpose of a funeral, it’s for the living not for the dead. However, it seems to honor one’s life as a final tribute. Many people recall memories both good & bad. Some people ponder many what if thoughts. Other people look for someone to blame for the death, perhaps a doctor, nurse, police officer, or EMS person. In some cases, blame is appropriate but in most it is not, it simply was the persons time regardless of the circumstances. Many people have thoughts on what happens to a person after they die. The most common thought is that we go to heaven to be with family & friends that have gone before us, provided of course we were good people and, in some cases, we were free of sin. Others think that when the lights go out that is it, the show is over and nothing happens. That is to say there is no God, no Jesus, no savior of any kind. It is true that no one that has died, has come back to life to tell anyone what happened or how life continued on for them. Some people think they can communicate with the dead through a medium or a psychic and they take whatever is said as gospel. None of us will ever know what truly happens, until it is our time. Until then people will continue to speculate and wonder.

Regardless of what you believe, the fact remains that death is a finality that we will all face. I do wish that there was an afterlife as depicted in Amazon’s series Upload, that would be of great comfort to be able to see, hear and talk with someone who has died. Maybe medical science will be able to resurrect people someday, speaking of people who are frozen but I think that might be taking things a bit far. There have been many things happen in this world that a lot of us didn’t think would come to pass, so I won’t rule it out of the realm of possibility but I will express serious doubt.

The thing that I struggle with as it relates to death is the finality of it all. The void it leaves in your world, how it changes your world and you have to adapt to a new normal. Some people can do that and others can’t. I think that is why in many cases when a spouse passes away it’s a short time later that the other spouse passes. The other feeling is the loneliness, that feeling is really difficult to overcome.

It’s not a secret that if it wasn’t for the cats that I would welcome death. My reason for living died 6 years ago. In the present moment outside of the cats there really isn’t anyone in my life that I am interested in sticking around for. However, I am still here. My belief is that when your purpose for living – mission if you will is fulfilled you die. You may or may not know what your true life’s mission is but I believe everyone has one. As for an after life or God, I am on the fence and have serious conflicts. I was raised Catholic but converted to Protestant. I know my late spouse believed deeply in God and for sure if there is a heaven, I know he is there. He was one of those people that was right 99.99% of the time and people didn’t like to believe what he would say but what he said usually came to pass. That said I was raised and he taught me as well to think for myself and form my own set of beliefs.

What’s the point of all of this rambling? Very good question. The answer is just to let off some steam and express myself. I miss my family. I don’t have many people in this world that I call friend but those that I do, I treasure because they are so rare. I need more true friends, I need to be more active, I need to find a man and yes to get laid. I think all of those things would help to change my world and give me a reason to go on, long after my two cats leave me. I hope that each and everyone of those things does happen prior to their passing.

Thursday, I received a notification that the gift basket I sent was delivered. I had some concerns over the delivery address as well as wanting to express sympathy to her husband. I called and spoke with him. He is older and initially thought I might have been trying to sell something. Once I explained myself, he went out to the front porch and found my gift basket. I was relieved that it was in fact delivered. It was a short conversation but it was enough to leave me sad and tearing up again. I was depressed by it, but something at work cropped up and that got my mind off of it.

I have actually kept myself from blogging to pay tribute to my friend. Then I started making excuses and keeping busy so that I wouldn’t have time. Sitting here 1 day later I have wanted to make a post all day long but work has kept me busy. I started watching the final season of 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. It just started eating at me. I had to put something together, so here it is.

Oprah said that two things everyone wants and needs is to be validated and accepted. That is a 100% accurate statement. That is in fact what I am searching for but not just here in life in general as well.

Is anyone out there?

I have been apprehensive about continuing to make posts since learning of my regular readers passing. I really wish that we had met in person. I feel bad that this all happened suddenly and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

The larger question for me is … I am truly wondering if anyone is remotely interested in what I have to say or wants to continue to read my blathering. Obviously, the final decision is mine but it would be most helpful if you would leave a comment and let me know. I am big on privacy, which is why comment restrictions are in place. If you don’t want your comment published, let me know and I will respect your privacy.

The Hippie Chick - R I P

I woke up to some very sad news this morning. My Canadian friend passed away. She had cancer and hadn’t begun treatment yet. The diagnosis was just a couple weeks old. She had a fluid build up issue in her lungs. They tapped her once to remove fluid and when her doctors discovered they needed to do it again, they elected to put in a drain to keep the fluid off her lungs. They were able to insert the catheter and then transported her to what I believe was a hospital for observation. They were unable to wake her and her blood pressure was weakening. Her family made the decision to change her over to comfort care and eventually nature took its course and she passed. The hospital staff and doctors made special accommodations to her family allowing them to spend time with her so that they were able to say their goodbyes and so that she didn’t die alone. Dying alone was one of her fears.

We never met in person but if we did, we always said that we would go for pie. We both loved it. The thing that kept us from meeting is distance and expense. I’ve always (and still want to) travel to Canada. I don’t yet have a passport but hopefully I will get around to getting one some day soon.

Oddly enough we made each other’s acquaintance through Blogging. Back in the day she had a blog going and so did I. There was a mutual third parties’ site that we both visited and left comments on. Only to find out that we were both catfished by the person, he wasn’t who he said he was. It was devastating to both of us. She wasn’t nearly as invested as I was. Still that event is what brought us together.

She was there for me when my spouse passed away and for each loss of a cat or friend ever since. She was a great photographer and loved the outdoors, in addition to her husband and her sisters. Family was everything to her and having lost mine I understand. She had lost her first husband but was fortunate enough to find a new man and move on with her life. It wasn’t easy but she did it.

When I heard the cancer diagnosis, I knew that things were not good and that she was probably going to lose her life over it. However, I didn’t think that it would all happen so quickly. She was fortunate enough to be at home to celebrate her wedding anniversary with her husband, even if she did lose her sense of taste.

She was known as The Hippie Chick. She was mellow and didn’t care if you were black, white, gay or straight. If you made a connection with her and were friends, she was there for you no matter what. I know that many people like myself are beside themselves and saddened to learn of her passing. All I want to do is cry.

Have you ever tried to send flowers from the US to Canada? I found it not to be an easy task. I also didn’t want to send flowers but would rather send a gift basket. I finally found a company that was based in Canada and I picked out something I thought was appropriate and that didn’t break the bank. It’s trackable and I had to put an app on my phone to know when it’s delivered. I will make a phone call to her family when I know that it’s been delivered. I am not sure how much if anything we talked about, she shared with her family. I can remember telling my late spouse all about her.

I know that she was suffering and the Cancer zapped her energy. I am glad to know that she is at peace and suffering no more. For it’s us that are left behind that are grieving and missing her. I feel the loss just as if we had met. We talked on the phone on a couple of occasions, sent email and of course did the Facebook thing. I had tried to stop blogging a couple times but she was the reason I kept going. She said that she enjoyed hearing about my day and what I was up to. For that reason, I continued. It’s a great outlet and I find that I can express myself. It would just be nice to know if there was someone out there that truly cared, other than her. Perhaps that is something I will learn or perhaps it’s something I will never know.

I could go on and on here but I honestly don’t know if I have any true regular readers and if I do, I know that no one really likes to read or hear bad news. With that I will say here’s to you Hippie Chick it was a great ride. You will forever be missed by all who knew and loved you. May you rest in peace.

Eye see you

I made it for my annual eye exam today. It was difficult to wear a mask & glasses. My glasses kept fogging up. My prescription changed in that my astigmatism has gotten better. The issues with my eyes are attributed to age. Nothing serious on going, which is a very good thing. I opted for new glasses. I was sad to learn my current doc doesn’t carry Nike. They showed me a few options but I am hell bent on sticking with Nike, they have been good to me and I have no reason to abandon them. We came to a compromise in that I would get new lens in my existing frames. That with the exam still set me back $300.

Once I got home, I did some looking and found other providers that carry Nike and they will take my insurance. I may change to a different eye doc next year. I’ve already made an appointment though with my current provider. The one thing that I like about my existing doc is that I can come home, login to his portal and print out scripts for glasses. I could technically do that and just visit a different provider to get my glasses. I am presently wearing my computer pair from Warby Parker that I got last year. They serve me well but the frames are a bit small and slip. I haven’t had the best luck in mail ordering glasses and much prefer the in-person touch. What kind of ticked me off is that there was a frame I was looking at and they were going to order it in but if I didn’t like it then I owed them $10 for shipping, that’s BS. It’s the cost of doing business. The one thing that has me potentially hanging on is they are going to open another location close to me. For now, I am playing it by ear. I will get my new lens back in 1 to 2 weeks. I had to sign a liability wavier that if the lab cracks the frame when they go to put in the new lens that they aren’t responsible. That is standard practice. If that happens then I will just take the written prescription and visit another provider since I would need to get a new frame.

I didn’t get any of the work on the deck outside done today. I just wasn’t motivated. However, I did manage to take the freezer apart and oil the noisy motor that started to make noise again. It’s a six month to annual thing. I’ve got it down to a science. A few squirts of 3 in 1 oil and all is quiet. Then time to put it all back together. It’s not much fun but it does make me feel good knowing that I was able to fix something (mechanical nevertheless). Last night I put on Flex Tape on the leaking duct work and it was super sticky. It’s one product that does what it says it will do. I don’t see any leaks. It’s a rubberized type of tape that is designed to ad hear well. It warns you on the package that it’s not intended to be easily removed and damage may occur. I had a tough time cutting it and I was using sharp lineman scissors.

I did manage to get out and get cat food. I also took in a nap. I was watching all of the unrest in various cities across America. I was in front of the computer and got an alert about a protest that started near the office. I watched and thought to myself I am sure glad I am at home. There were tons of people, it was peaceful and orderly but cars were trapped in the middle of the highway and they shut the highway down just with the mass of people. The police were out but didn’t do anything to try to stop it. I understand the people at large are upset. It was an upsetting thing to see. I am not quite sure how the authorities will be able to contain this and restore order but I do hope that it happens soon. I mean Monday is around the corner and some people actually have to go to work. Between this and the COVID outbreak I am so glad that I am secure in the comfort of my own home away from all of the chaos and germs.

My fancy keyboard will no longer be eligible for return as of tomorrow. I am kind of surprised at myself but I am keeping it. I decided that since that is the case it was time to customize the layout. It’s a gaming keyboard so it lights up. I’ve got a nice rainbow scheme applied. I tried to program it myself but I easily was overwhelmed. I found a profile on line that I was able to import and tweak. You can make the colors change actively or you can apply a static pattern. I like the flashing but when I am trying to work it is a hell of a distraction, so I opt for a static pattern. It’s pretty cool.

Registered my warranty for my gaming chair. I still kind of wish that I would have been able to get the name brand I wanted. It had a bit more features and didn’t cost much more. However, this is still comfy and seems to do the trick.

I spent some serious money to renew my license plates. The DMV opens up on Monday. My plates don’t expire until July but considering that we could easily have a 2^nd wave and there is going to be a rush, I opted to renew on-line. I am paying more for that privilege, but it’s a case of better off safe than sorry.

The mail brought me a refund check for my auto insurance. I got $54 back and since my usage changed from commute to pleasure that got me a reduction in premium by $40 so not terribly shabby. I also got my homeowners renewal today, that went down by $84. My face wash finally arrived and so did several other bills, which I have already paid. I don’t like seeing bills in the mailbox but when I know that I have already paid them so there isn’t a surprise waiting for me, that is refreshing.

It’s been a chill day with the cats. We got in noodle time. Which makes for a very happy Marvin. I’d rather have a happy cat than an unhappy cat. These two really have it made here. It’s like cat heaven on earth. Free room and board, free food and the best medical care. If reincarnation is a thing and I come back as a cat I hope that my owner is as good of a human to me as I am to them, if that makes sense. Ideally if I come back, I would like to be a ripped muscle hunk.

My time off is quickly coming to an end, which is always the case. I will need to take time to visit the dentist whenever that appointment is made. An unless something else crops up, I shouldn’t need time off until September when it’s time to go back to see the doctor.

Tomorrow will be my day of house cleaning, grocery store shopping and trying to relax before Monday rolls around and I am on-call again. I peeked at my work e-mail today and it’s not pretty but it could be worse.

I hope that your doing well and enjoying the weekend. Take good care of yourselves and treat your self to something special. I will talk with you again soon!

Minneapolis

Before I get into the thick of it, I heard that my Canadian friend is back in the hospital. I hope that if your reading this, that you are doing better than when you went in. <HUGS>!

Okay now we can talk about the elephant in the room. I got into it with one of my favorite gay porn stars on social media because he said (paraphrasing) cops suck. If I was given a better body and a little less fear, I’d be a cop today. It’s what I have wanted to do all of my life. It’s fair to say that I think fondly of law enforcement. That said, there are bad apples in every bunch and because of a few of them it does spoil the bunch. We all found that out in school at a young age.

I think what happened in Minneapolis was wrong. There was no reason to keep kneeling on that man’s throat since he was in custody (meaning he had handcuffs on). There should have been a senior officer on scene or at the very least they should have listened when the man said he couldn’t breathe. I mean what was causing his difficulty breathing? The knee of the cop on this throat. If this guy was resisting, I get that tactic could have been used to help detain and capture him, but once he is in custody then place him in a patrol car and call it a day. This was a tragedy that could have easily been avoided. 4 officers would still have their jobs, the dead guy would be alive and there would be a lot less unrest in the world.

I get that the world thinks cops have gone too far and that they are evil. Not all people are evil and since cops are people, that applies to them. While I don’t support what took place in Minneapolis, not all cops are evil or bad.

Stop for a second and think about what burden they face each and every day. They go to work not knowing if they will be going home at the end of their shift. They deal with the worst of the worse. Yeah, it’s what they signed up for. Keeping this in mind, do you understand why they respond or act the way they do? I get it and it’s obvious. However, some of them do overstep their bounds and flaunt their authority. Additionally, when you’re in trouble who do you call? That’s right the police because you need help.

I am upset and disturbed by the reaction of the people. I get civilized and peaceful protest. However, hurting other people, looting, lighting fires, damaging property and trying to attack the police – that is all wrong. Those are bad people in the bunch of society. Never mind the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic, people are losing their minds. I do think some of it can be attributed to society shutting down but then you have our leader who is encouraging this.

My opinion is that the world has gone to hell in a hand basket. We are our own worst enemy and we are killing others for no reason at all.

I do think that the justice system will address each of the 4 officers involved. In fact, the guy who had his knee on the man’s throat has already been arrested for murder. That is something that would have never happened back in the day but because of the advent of technology and cameras – it shined the light on this and showed clearly what took place. Furthermore, just like the pandemic has changed life as we know it, I think that this event will change the future of law enforcement.

People all across the world make poor decisions each day, some are arrested because of it, some die as a result of their actions and others are injured. Those 4 cops all made bad decisions in the heat of the moment when you get tunnel vision and can’t see clearly, the adrenalin is pumping and you react versus think.

At the end of the day, the only good that can come from this is change and reform for law enforcement, as well as those 4 former officers being charged for their poor decision making and reaction. What is going on currently with rioting and protesting is frightening and no good will come from those actions. Outside of causing harm/damage a good portion of the people involved in the protesting and rioting are spreading the virus because they aren’t social distancing, wearing face masks, etc.

There is no sense in debating the issue. Wrong is wrong and Right is right. I don’t want to fight. I just want to be able to live my life free and I’d like for normal to go back to being normal. I’d like for an adult to be in charge of running the free world instead of the buffoon we have now. Stay safe and be well everyone! I’ll talk with you again soon.

Rambling Man

Good Evening!

I hope that your doing okay and life is treating you well. My week has been okay, except for the fact since there was a holiday, I constantly forget what day of the week it is. Not to worry that will be solved when next week kicks off. If that is the worst thing that happens to me this week then I’d say I am doing pretty good.

Today I got dressed as if I was going into the office, first time in 3 months. My pants were a little tight and difficult to keep up (even with a belt on). However, I still looked pretty good (except for my gut).

Made it to see the doctor and we talked about COVID as it relates to me. He told me the best medicine is to stay the hell away from people, work from home and plan to keep up that routine for the foreseeable future. Most probably for the rest of the year. Regardless of how “safe” an office space is, there is still a risk of getting it even thought I know my employer is doing everything that the CDC says to do. I also learned that I am in 3 risk groups. 1 – being male, 1 – being over weight and 1 being a diabetic. I told him that I felt pretty strongly that if I got COVID it would probably kill me and that would be okay, except for the fact that I have 2 cats left. They matter to me so I want to stick around to know that they get the best possible care and unless I meet someone before or shortly after they leave this world, then I am ready to leave as well. I know it’s depressing but it’s how I feel. We both agreed that given the COVID outbreak this is not the time to date. If push comes to shove the doctor will happily write a letter to my employer stressing that I should remain away from contact with people due to being in several at risk groups. He’s had to write some of those letters already. I do realize that it’s a privilege to be able to work from home. My employer doesn’t have to extend that to me but right now I have every reason to believe they would accommodate the need, since I am an asset and not a liability.

I got the doc to agree to let me have my blood drawn up in his office so that I wouldn’t have to make the trip to the hospital in the morning and I could tend to my work task. We skipped cholesterol monitoring this time so I will have to have it next time. The part that sucks is that I am a difficult stick and this time I got stabbed 3 times. My arms will not feel the best in the morning and will probably not look pretty. I just hope the results are good. I have of course been bad in eating sugar of all kinds. I packed on 8 pounds but it feels more like 10.

Driving was kind of fun but people are really crazy. The police were out in force and I saw several people stopped. There is also going to be construction starting in a couple weeks so I am glad that I am not driving in that every day. My hope is that they get all of the bumps out of the road while I am locked up so that when I am able to get out its smooth sailing.

The haircut store opens back up tomorrow. They posted a detailed plan of what they are going to be doing in order to keep everyone safe. Yeah, I am sure that tons of people scrambling to get their haircut. I actually thought about it but I am good for now taking care of my hair on my own. I mean if I screw it up, I just chop it all off and it will grow back in a month. From the way it sounds I won’t be going anywhere for a while.

I came home and watched TV, played on my phone a little bit and passed out some attention to the kids. We got in some noodle time on the couch and all have had supper. I am just bored. I kind of hate to spend time in front of the computer, considering that is what I do most of the time and it’s all work related. I enjoy time away and really wish I could go on a vacation.

The weather is supposed to get warm and dry us out starting tomorrow and for the next 7 days or so the forecast models look that way. In thinking about it I’d like to get my deck project out of the way so if I feel the motivation tomorrow morning that is what I will be doing. Plus, the gutter in the back needs to be looked at and probably needs to be cleaned out again. I will be installing the chicken wire to help keep the debris out. Of course, all of this is contingent on having the energy and motivation. I am pretty sure I will just want to go back to bed and hey that’s okay as well. It is after all my day off. It’s also payday but I paid bills today and there isn’t much left this time around. That should be different next time. End of the month is always tight. I saw that I made myself a note next month to start putting extra money towards Escrow in my house payment. Funny thing is that my home insurance went down by $84 and Property Tax Bills have yet to be issued. Until the tax bill comes out, I have no real way to plan on how much I need to save. I’m sure the tax man will be coming eventually COVID or not.

I will be seeing the eye doctor on Saturday morning, that won’t be terribly fun but it’s necessary. Outside of that I have no real plans per se.

Take care and we shall talk again soon!