No family

So my brother called to check on me.  I broke the news to him against my will.  Then I asked if he could help me with the house payment.  I knew what he would say but I needed to give him a chance.  He disappointed me as I expected.  

I asked him if he thought it was okay for me to lose everything.  Without hesitation he said you can move back home.  I told him I'd sooner sleep on the street than move back home.  I told him to get that idea out of his mind, it will never happen!

He just reaffirmed my beliefs that he is in life for what will benefit him.  What a selfish bastard.  Right now I have no plans on communicating with him at all.  When I lost my partner I did lose everything.  I don't have any rich friends and my savings is just about gone.

I suppose regardless of what it pays I will be forced to take the 1st job that comes along. I just hope everything turns out like I want it to.

Family is overrated!

Something I do not want

I just finished up my interview for today.  I felt like I was in a Star Trek movie.  I parked my car walked into the lobby, had to provide my name to the security guard.  He took my photo and printed a plastic id badge that I had to wear.  He opened a gate that allowed me access to a bank of elevators and he told me which elevator to take.  The doors were open and the elevator knew which floor I was supposed to visit.  There were no buttons in the elevator, which is true of all of the elevators in the building.  I gathered that your access badge tells the elevator where your allowed to go and will only let you on those specific floors.  I don’t know what you do if say your allowed on floors 2, 10, 15 and 36 how do you tell it where you want to go.  There were screens that told you which floor you were on and where you were going.  The damn thing talks doors open you are now on floor xx and doors closing, going down or going up.  Just a little to techy for me.

The interview went very well, so much so that I believe they are going to offer me the job.  There would be 2 back to back weeks that I would have to travel for training.  I would be away from home and it would be a considerable distance – so it would involve a hotel.  I’m not certain that Big Boy would make it 2 full weeks w/o medication.  The 3rd week of training I would be back home and getting to know my environment locally.  I would be the sole IT person for the office and there are about 100 people to support.  Which would be easy.  However, they want you to use your cell phone for things like e-mail and after hours on-call.  They will pay $90 per month for that, which would cover my bill in full.  They charge for parking.  They want to offer me about what I was making at my last job for this job.  They said after a year I could potentially get an adjustment in pay but to start out it would be low wages. 

The travel is my first concern but I can get over that pretty easy.  The pay is my overall biggest concern, I can’t work for what I was making and then have them deduct for parking.  That would be working for less wages, who does that?  I mean I know some people take a cut in pay just to go back to work but it’s not something I can afford to do.  I am so conflicted. 

The reason why I believe the job is mine is the manager kept saying how impressed she was with my skills and experience.  She said that she is finishing up interviews this week and someone would be in touch next week.  They will start checking references right away and then go deeper into my background.  Who says those types of things if they are not planning on extending an offer?  This was a job that I really didn’t want in the first place and just entertained myself by going.  I didn’t expect them to make me an offer, I figured I would scare them away with my salary requirements.  When I told them I was negotiable is when the glow just came over her and I guess she thought she could get me for cheap because I was desperate. 

Granted if the offer comes in time and I accept it would mean that I could live here another month w/o any problems.  However, after that I think I would fall short on money.  Again, I am so conflicted I do not know what to do. 

My hope is that tomorrow I get the same vibes that I got today and they actually offer me a job at what I requested.  Then this won’t be an issue.  However, for now I am still unemployed so I am still looking. 

I know there is the possibility that I could accept and just keep looking but I really want to be done with this.  I am looking for a long term home and not just a job bur rather a career.  I want an employer that takes care of me and for that I will take care of them.  A symbiotic relationship.

In other news, I got my vacation pay and a nasty letter back from my former employer.  They didn’t even bother to deduct taxes just wrote me a check out of their generic everyday operations account and called it payroll.  I’ve deposited it and just hope that it clears w/o a problem.

Talk with you peeps later.

I saw a sign

I sure didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.  I was up until a little after 1:00 am.  There was nothing going today so no pressure.  However, Jumper saw it differently and tried to wake me up multiple times.  He finally roused the choir and that is when I let him out of my room and went back to bed.  I got up at 11am.  I fed the children and then made myself a sandwich.  I mean might as well fast forward to lunch, breakfast is over. 

I got me a shower and then head out to the bank.  I closed my savings account and the lady asked me why.  I told her I need the money in my checking account in order to be able to pay the monthly fees you charge, I lost my job.  She told me about a place hiring.  It’s not in my line of work but I appreciated the tip.  I was kind of sad to do it but at the end of the day I really wasn’t getting much for them holding $100 ransom.  If the balance fell below that yep you guessed it another fee.  I’m fee allergic.

A call came in for a job I applied for last night.  I knew the pay was low and that chances are I would be weeded out.  I called the lady back and she seems to think I would be qualified for a network position.  I explained that networking isn’t my forte but she really liked my resume and talked me into at least coming in for an interview.  So another interview to attend on Friday.  This week is by far the most active week yet.  4 interviews in one week!  The job I applied for doesn’t pay what I want.  The job she talked me into pays considerably more but I suppose it depends upon experience.  If I can at least get what I asked for then I will gladly take the job and prepare to learn some new stuff, which will only help me in the end.  Their user base is 99 and that should be a cake walk.  In my last job I supported a much larger user base. 

I managed to make it to the grocery store.  I decided that I would go to the expensive store because it would be something different.  I was after chocolate cake and I got it.  I loaded up the cart with a lot of stuff but feel like I left empty.  I also managed to forget mayo which is the one thing I really wanted.  The other thing was bottled water and I got that.  There are some unique Stouffers dishes that they carry that the bargain store doesn’t.  Like Zitti and a Parmasean Topped Lasagna.  I got a deep dish pizza and some Frozen Yogurt.  Had a hot guy following me for a while but it was only because we were walking in the same general direction.  I had high hopes for a second but that was it.  After the store I headed to gas up the car because of the extra interviews I will need it.  The total came to $27.77 that is 3 seven’s in a row.  I took that as a good sign, maybe just maybe things are actually going to come together after all.

Came home, put it all away and then got my interview clothes washed.  I completed the application for tomorrows interview and got that sent off.  I put down what I wanted and thought for sure they would call back and cancel but thus far I haven’t heard a word out of them.  I also found out that they will validate parking so I’m driving over, much to my dismay.  It will only mean that I get home a little quicker.  It’s in a very congested part of town where parking is at a premium, there are lots of one way streets and everyone is in a hurry, including the meter police.  It’s an area I try to avoid at all costs.

I was anticipating hearing from the place I was at yesterday but not a word.  I might be overly paranoid but I think we are done.  I still am trying to keep an open mind but I would have figured that the HR person would have at least sent the job descriptions for the other positions to me.  All I can do is wait and see. 

I didn’t get any alerts so I stayed away from the post office today.  I need to stop by tomorrow to mail a couple letters.  I have escalated the issue I am having getting my late partners medical records.  I am still being nice but at the same time expressing my displeasure with getting the run around and playing what I call Paper Ping Pong. It’s very annoying!  I think the hope is that I will give up.  They obviously don’t know who they are dealing with.

So I think that is a wrap on Wednesday.  I just hope I am right about the 777 being a good sign.  It would be nice to go into the weekend knowing that I have a job to report to on Monday but that might be pushing it a bit.  I will be sure to keep you posted.  Oh I called about my unemployment for last week and they are now paying me since I reported in.  It never hurts to ask, the worst anyone can say is no.

Talk with you peeps later. 

Interview week

Yesterday I had the interview with the local municipality.  It was a little difficult to find their city hall – nothing is numbered or labeled.  So I just took my best guess and turns out I was accurate.

I was welcomed by the lady the arranged everything and then brought into a room where I met their present IT person and some bad ass manager who just kept looking at me like I stole his lunch money.  I could tell he was quite impressed with his self.  The current IT guy I noticed had a wedding ring on and he was really hot.  I did fine on the spoken part of the interview.  The little hottie IT guy prepared a test and I know I bombed on that.  It was made perfectly clear that you have to be a jack and master of everything IT – there isn’t any escalation paths.  So basically you can either do the job or your can’t.  This is way over my head and I’m really surprised they called me in for an interview.  I would like to expand my knowledge base but not trial by fire.  This would be one of those jobs where I would have to be looking over my shoulder constantly and wondering if they are going to fire me.  I don’t believe they will choose me and if they do I really don’t want it.  It was also tacky they didn’t give much time for the interview its’ self they had another candidate waiting as I left.  He was in a full 3 piece suit.  Whoopee Doo!

Today was the interview that I have been longing for.  I understood that I would be meeting with a managers boss.  Turns out I met with the same person I spoke to on the phone.  The next interview will be with her boss.  So it went for 2 and 1/2 hours.  She told me that there are 4 people that she wants to bring back for 2nd interviews and right now I am one of those 4 but I am at the bottom of the list.  She asked me where I was months ago and I said I was looking but didn’t see your ad.  I opened up quite a bit and short of getting on my knees I begged for the job, multiple times.  Turns out my competition is pretty steep so it sounds like if I get this it will just be dumb luck or because I was 2nd choice.  I was asked if I would mind coming on as a consultant rather than a Full Time Employee.  I said if it’s going to get my foot in the door I am open to it, but much prefer to be a FTE.  I was told that IT likes to sample people and see if they are a good fit.  You may get moved around but if you fit well into a job and management sees that then they will make you an offer and bring you on board.  So the wind was really let out of my sails.  I am still in the running and in fact she told me that there were other open positions that I would be perfect for.  So HR is supposed to talk with me about those.  If they pay as much as this position then I am all for it, otherwise it would be a no go.  The commute is a little longer than I thought and I would need every penny of what I asked for in order to be able to justify the daily commute.  There was a point in the interview where I disclosed my age, I wasn’t asked directly but there was an inquiry in a round about way.  I also disclosed the fact that I am gay, that wasn’t directly asked but I felt at home and decided to let it all hang out, so to speak.  I was told there isn’t a problem with that and they actually offer same sex couples benefits.  This company is very employee focused and they take care of their own, which is so uncommon in todays world.  My hope to become a part of this organization still exists but based on today my hopes are no longer as high as they originally were.  I did get some feedback finally on how I can do things different, which was nice.

While I was at my interview I got a call setting up another interview for Thursday.  It’s with a Law Firm and I’m not too eager at all about this.  It’s a first line role and we have yet to discuss pay but I seriously doubt they will want to pay what I need in order to make it.  Still its’ an interview and it will help me hone my interviewing skills.  Plus I suppose there is a chance that this will be a good fit in everyway. 

My demand letter was delivered today and it went over like a lead balloon.  I should have my money by the end of the week.  They are not too happy with me but I had to use harsh words in order to get them to realize you can’t keep putting this off, I want my damn money.  They are calling it an “oversight”.  Right like the way they pay all of their bills late.  I was just another creditor to them after I left which is why things got shoved to the side.  I don’t believe for one second it was an oversight.  They are going to ask me to stop communicating with them, as we have no further business.  Well, right we don’t.  So long as the check doesn’t bounce.  They have been known to write bad checks as well, so I’m not officially done with them until the check actually clears, then yes we are done and I have no plans on bothering them again.  However, I’ve made sure they will never ever forget me.  To boot I finally got my reference check today, turns out my old boss was a little defensive but overall provided a decent reference.  That makes me happy so at least I know if I didn’t get something it wasn’t because of something they did.  It did take a while for them to reach him which may be a turn off to some prospective employers.  It will be nice to be able to cut the apron strings and put them in the past.  Which is what I have been trying to do since late May.

I checked on my unemployment and turns out I only got paid for 1 week instead of 2.  So looks like I will have to call those folks tomorrow to find out what gives.  I suspect they will tell me that is just the way it is, but I am at least going to try. 

I am also still fighting to get my late partners medical records.  Now I am told that there wasn’t a HIPAA form submitted with the request.  So I asked where do you procure that from.  I was told oh the doctors office can give you that.  So I called, turns out they have no idea what I am talking about.  They took a message and are going to ask the doctor to call me.  Well if he does call and he is willing to talk with me, he could save me the money by simply telling me if there was something that my partner was diagnosed with that I didn’t know about.  I’m on this little fact finding mission so I can determine if his death was natural or a suicide.  I believe it was natural but I can’t ask him the only other person that would know is his doctor.  My guess is this will turn into a big ugly mess.  I’m not stopping until I either get answers or my heart stops.  I want to know and I am entitled to know.

Tomorrow’s agenda includes going to the bank to close out my savings account that I have had since I was like 19 and get the money transferred into my checking account.  The checking account requires a direct deposit and the bank is going to start to charge a monthly fee.  My staying with them will depend upon how long it will take to find a job.  If I don’t see an end in sight I will pull the plug and close the checking account as well.  I also have to visit the grocery store.  I’ve managed to stave it off for 2 days but tomorrow I have to go, I’m running out of things and there is no point in being desperate and hungry at the same time. 

Well that’s it.  Time to empty litter boxes, pass out snacks and call it a night.  It’s been a very long and trying day.  I hope that this all comes to a successful conclusion quickly.  Take care and I will talk with you peeps later.

Replacement Bladder

Howdy all!

I hope that your weekend went well.  I’ve been on Cloud 9 since late Friday afternoon.  I was proud that I completed the training, which was just a matter of entering my information into a computer and listening to someone talk for 10 minutes.  That’s it.  They have done away with the 4 week reporting so instead you have to visit a special job website and preform one of a myriad of things from writing a resume to looking for a job.  One time ever 28 days or else your unemployment stops.  They also talked to us about keeping a job log and how Unemployment is now doing audits and if you send in an incomplete log it is the same as if you didn’t send in a log.  Your unemployment will stop and they will ask for all of their money back.  Really?  Your out of work and they expect you to pay money back?  I guess it’s those few bad apples that have spoiled it for the rest of us.  Right now I have no worries because I haven’t been audited.  My job log is up to date, I just don’t keep the address of where my resume goes because most of them are submitted on line.  Oh yeah, that is the other thing you have to mix up your search.  So contact 1 employer by phone, 1 employer by e-mail and 1 employer by US Mail.  The method of contact has to be different but you are only required to contact 3 employers per week.  If they see that all of your contact methods are the same that week will be eliminated and they will want their money back.  Yeah, sounds difficult because it’s designed to motivate you to get a job and not sit on your ass and collect unemployment. 

So why am I on cloud 9?  Well it’s because we are closer to Tuesday.  That is when I meet with what I think will be my future employer.  I’ve got really good feelings about it and I just hope that my hopes are not up only to be dashed again.  I just can’t shake the good vibrations I have gotten and I really feel it with all of my heart & soul.  Again, I hope that I am not disappointed.   

I put the final touches on my letter to my late partner.  I got some tears but it they soon passed.  It’s 10 pages, imagine that me going on and on, that never happens!  If my therapist makes me read this to her that I am sure will invoke some tears.  This also helped me get on Cloud 9 because I feel a sense of relief.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my vacation pay and I decided to issue a final demand letter telling my former employer either you pay up in 5 days or I will see you in small claims court.  I also put them on notice that if they provide a bad reference about me or try to interfere with my ability to gain re-employment I would sue them.  I wrote it on Friday night.  I had 2nd thoughts on Saturday.  I looked and looked at it, reading and re-reading it.  Walked away.  Mailed it this morning.  They should have it by Tuesday.  I do need the money but it’s the principal of the matter they made me 2 promises and have already renigged on 1 of them.  I am not letting them get out of paying me what is rightfully mine.  Will I actually take them to court, yes.  It will be more expensive but their attorney has high moral and ethical values so if I subpoena that person, I know for a fact they will not lie in open court to risk their law license as well as respect from the judicial community.  That plus my last check stub are my aces in the hole. 

I also thought about playing the “gay” card and screaming discrimination.  Then I thought about it and well I’m gay and the other person is a Lesbian or at the very least Bi-Sexual.  It does look like a witch hunt.  They have one Lesbian worker left and the only reason why she still has her job is because her daughter works there and her daughter is sleeping with the boss.  If it weren’t for that I am fairly confident that she would have been let go either long before me or shortly after I left.  So there is grounds for discrimination.  I’ve stated my case and mailed it off to the appropriate agency for review.  I asked them to call me so we can talk about it before any formal charges are filed.  If I in fact have a case, well then I will pursue it, chances are high that if it’s strong enough my former employer will want to settle out of court and that could be very good for me.  At least I am trying and not wondering what if.  I mean if you wonder you will never know.  Action speaks louder than words.

I never made it to see Tammy but think I will be trying to fit that in this week.  Especially if things go well on Tuesday.  I mean if I am offered a job I can imagine screaming louder than if I was having an orgasm.  I will be very happy and beside myself, not to mention it will be a huge relief. 

Mr. Big Boy seems to be doing okay.  I haven’t seen him pee in days.  I’m fairly certain he is going based on how things look in the litter box.  He tends to hold it for as long as he can and then it just all comes out in one huge puddle, which clumps into very large rock type formations.  I’d like to see him pee just to ease my mind.  TAZ has also been extra clingy this weekend.  I know he was sick.  If I feed him now, in an hour or less he wants more.  I just can’t do that.

Right now I am going to wrap this up, clean those litter boxes and settle in to watch The Shield.  It’s a show that either is or was on ABC.  I found it on Amazon Prime and there are many seasons.  I am currently on season 2.  It’s a police drama series and it’s very compelling and addictive to watch.  You think things are going one way and they do a 360 on you almost every time, I never see it coming it’s always like a slap in the face.  So that has occupied most of my weekend.

My replacement bladder for the steam cleaner showed up today.  I need to clean the floors but just don’t feel motivated enough.  I am getting to it this week but it just isn’t happening today.  I learned a valuable lesson, don’t let laundered clothes sit in the dryer more than 1 day tops.  Otherwise, they smell funky and so will your washer.

Happy trails…talk with you peeps later.

 

I think things are looking UP

Being some what apprehensive and anxious I sat down last night and started on the letter to my late partner.  It was very emotional and I eventually broke down.  Then I was able to write more.  Thus far I am up to 8 pages.  It felt like I was talking to him, just communicating information and bringing him up to speed.  I totally understand why my therapist suggested this.  I need to go back and finish it but probably won’t until the weekend when I have a bit more time and freedom. 

Today I got my unemployment check up on me call.  The guy said I sounded like a recording.  I get that a lot.  Anyway, he went down the list from the letter that was sent to me.  They asked for 3 places that I have applied to in the last 4 weeks.  It was easy, just go down the list and presto done.  He called at 8:45am and I of course was up at 5am because I couldn’t sleep.  I was nervous about the call, I don’t know why but I was. 

The mail today brought me a notice from the unemployment people that said until I show up in person they won’t be paying me a dime.  Thankfully I will be showing up tomorrow, but that almost got nixed. 

I got a call from what I think will be my next job.  They scheduled an in person interview as the manager told me they would be.  She had an opening on Friday at 1.  I almost took it but I figure if I keep rescheduling it is only going to hurt my bank account in the end.  So I skipped past it and we went to Monday and just as we were winding things up I realize crap I have therapy on Monday.  So we moved to Tuesday.  I hated that, I’ve always been told take the first date and time that is given, it shows you are eager.  Well I’ve got stuff planned and they are not my only lead at this point.  I honestly don’t think it hurt me one bit.  I am really pumped about it and very much looking forward to it.  My hope is we meet on Tuesday and if an offer isn’t extended in person it will be within a couple of days.

Meanwhile I was going about my business and checking my e-mail.  A job I applied for almost a month ago with a local municipality sent me and e-mail.  I figured ah it’s a rejection.  Nope they want to interview me as well.  It’s set for after hours on Monday.  They chose it and I just confirmed.  I’m qualified to do at least 1/2 of the job.  The other half would be trial by fire and that is not the ideal way for me to learn but when you do learn that way, it sticks with you.

I was lazy for most of the day and finally did manage to get a couple hours of rest.  Then I hoisted myself up and out I went.  Got momma’s medicine (she will be thrilled), picked up the mail, picked up my medicine,picked up cat food and then went to an upscale grocery store.  I was looking for Ground Beef and almost walked out with Ground Lamb.  That would have made for interesting Tacos.  I only had Breakfast and I was starving.  Saw a cute bagger boy and a lot of food that I normally don’t see at the bargain grocery store.  I walked out with some premade Mexican Cornbread, Ground Chuck (he was tasty) and a Two Layer White Chocolate Raspberry Cake.  $16, the cake was the most expensive thing and at that it was $9. 

Came home unloaded, unpacked and started cooking and making a mess.  Meanwhile the children were bugging me for food and I had just fed them 45 minutes ago.  I sware they want to eat every time the wind blows.  Speaking of which I was watching Rookie Blue tonight and TAZ started puking and after that was done he rested for a minute and climbed in the litter box and it came out the other end.  After he was done with that he jumped up on the couch to be with me, which is very much out of character for him.  I comforted him and dug the litter out of his back paws.  He wanted to clean himself up and I told him that will just make you sick again.  I got him to rest and we watched TV together.  Kind of a nice evening. 

My nerves are on fire now because of tomorrow.  I will be going to the unemployment office.  I decided to take public transportation because it will be much easier than me risking wrecking my car trying to parallel park and slug a meter.  I have to do almost a mile of walking but I’m up for it.  If it all works out I will be early and when all is said and done I will be out $4.50 – which is reasonable considering parking isn’t cheap.  I have a friend who works at this office and I am nervous that I might run into him, we haven’t talked in a while.  When I was much younger and over at his house he stuck his hand in my pants, while I was working on his computer.  It was awkward at best and he still identifies as straight.  My late partner warned me about him being after my body and I told him he was nuts, but turns out he was right.  This guy is as gay as I am, I think the only difference is he either hasn’t had sex or hasn’t had much sex.  Hopefully I am in and out and we don’t bump into each other.  If it happens I will just play it cool and see what happens.  He obviously won’t jump my bones while he is at work because he would get fired.  I actually thought about seeking him out but from what I remember his hygiene was questionable at best.  Once this little meeting is over with I will feel much better. 

I don’t want to jinx anything but I really feel pretty good about next Tuesday.  The manager I spoke with really liked me and I really like the culture in the way it’s been described.  So I think it will be a win – win or so I hope.

I did hammer out a letter to my old employer about my vacation pay.  I haven’t mailed it just yet.  When I figured out how much money it was it’s like really do you want to fight for it?  Were talking like $200 and that is before they take out taxes.  Part of me says fight for it because it’s yours and the other part of me says it’s a small amount of money let it go.  Since I am conflicted I am not doing anything at the moment.  I hope with a little time I will be able to make a decision or maybe just maybe the money will show up.  It would help pay for the garbage disposal.

Finally, I did what I have been dreading to do all day long.  Pay bills.  I have enough money to subsist for a while minus paying the mortgage payment.  However tapping into my savings and seeing it be reduced slowly but surely is extremely scary.  I am more than eager to get back to work, then there is no jeopardy at the moment for the house and I can avoid a huge mess.  I just hope and pray that it all goes the way I think it will.  If so I should be a very happy camper.  Stay tuned and we will go on this joy ride together. 

Time to wrap things up and call it a night.  Got lots of TV to watch.  NY MED, First 48 and a movie on HBO Called Kidnapped for Christ.  It was put on by Mike C Manning who I have a mega crush on and he got Lance Bass to produce it.  It’s supposed to be very good.  It’s about kids telling their parents they are gay and the parents signing there kids up for some camp where men come and snatch you out of your own bed at night and when they let you see the light of day you have no freaking idea where you are at and when or if you will ever be sent home.  Who would think a parent could or would do that to their own child.  Sexuality is something we are born with, if you don’t like it is a non negotiable change.  Sure there are people who have claimed to change but what are they really changing?  Their habits and outward appearance that is all.  Those desires for that hot guy or girl are still there deep inside of them festering like a boil about to burst.  They either learn to repress their emotions and desires or they burst at the seams and go full bore for what they really want.  Each day I realize a little bit more that it’s perfectly okay to be gay.  Even though I am pretty well adjusted to the idea it’s nice to feel more and more reassurance.

Talk with you peeps later.  Have a super, awesome, amazing, fantastic, outrageous and relaxing weekend!

Semi Productive Day

I had one of those sleepless nights, woke up at 5 am after turning in around 12 midnight.  There was no point in trying to go back to sleep, it just wasn’t going to happen.  I’m keyed up about my vacation pay that I am due.  With the research I have done my only recourse is to take my former employer to small claims court.  That will cost me money and then how do I prove my case, outside of saying he promised to pay.  I have nothing in writing.  I’m continuing to research the matter and then figuring out how I am going to approach them.  It will no doubt be by letter but it’s all about what you say and how it’s said.  I know that they were going to pay me but for all I know they have had a change of heart.  I mean they promised me a letter of recommendation but now won’t give it to me because I didn’t sign their separation agreement.  This is all 1 sided and that sucks.

I did manage to treat myself today.  I went to IHOP to try their Blueberry Cannoli Pancakes.  They were good, but were no substitute for a real Cannoli.  Those little things take a lot of time and effort not to mention the supplies to make them are not cheap.  There is a bakery a ways from home that we used to visit and we would buy them.  Eat one or two there and take some home.  Problem is one of us would get hungry and go eat them up.  Ah, the good old days.

Anyway, when I walked in I spotted a good looking single guy who had to be in college.  Sipping on his coffee.  He was looking around.  We made eye contact a couple times.  I did the look at him, look away and then look back at him thing.  That clearly didn’t get me any points.  He finished his coffee and left.  At least I got to see a beautiful face and parts of his body.  I noticed lots of good looking guys started strolling in.  I’m like this is my lucky day.  I should get a lottery ticket.  Instead I went to the post office and then to the grocery store. 

They were cleaning shelves and rearranging the store once again, I left and forgot the mayo.  Didn’t get hamburger because they wanted to sell it to me in a jumbo family size package.  I need a little meat not enough to feed the entire town.  I’ve got some frozen, thinking of using that.  Me and my taco craving are getting all worked up. 

Came home, unpacked the groceries and returned a call.  I’ve got 2 phones interviews tomorrow.  The first place called this morning and the 2nd place in the afternoon.  The first job is the one I really want.  The 2nd job well not so much.  Since I didn’t go to my unemployment training thingy last week they didn’t pay me.  So I have rescheduled for Friday.  So not looking forward to it.

I went to Therapy today.  We got the billing issues squared away.  We talked about grief and the stages of it.  I have moved past some of the stages and am still working on others.  I was encouraged to write a letter to my late partner.  Oddly enough it’s something that he told me that he had to do when he was getting divorced.  His therapist recommended it.  I was thinking about writing him one and now I see that it makes perfect sense.  I have so much to say and I know it’s going to bring forth a lot of emotion but that is the sole purpose.  Writing the letter or anything that I do won’t bring him back, he’s not on vacation or out exploring he is deceased.  I get that, but there are many things that I wish I could tell him.  I think the letter is a good idea.  I was planning on writing it tonight or at least starting but time is getting away from me.  I have a carpet to clean, Big Boy and his messes. 

I am hoping for an in person interview so I can wear my expensive shirt out.  I’m not getting all dressed up for the unemployment thing on Friday but I’ll bet you they tell me something like don’t wear jeans to a job interview.  To wish I will reply I don’t I always wear shorts.  I understand they have to address the very basics because there are some people that don’t know better but right now I view it as a complete waste of my time, gas and who knows what I will pay for parking. 

While I was up early this morning I turned on the TV.  I watched the movie called Pedro.  It’s about Pedro Zamora a young man who acquired AIDS from unprotected sex and turned into an Activist.  He was on MTV’s Real World and on the night the last episode aired Pedro passed away.  I learned more about him, but also was thinking of how my life was back then.  Even my late partner liked Pedro.  Pedro and his Partner at the time had a commitment ceremony.  I remember we had talked about having one of those, but who would we invite?  It was a sad movie but also got me to thinking about other people and their struggles.

Okay I guess it’s time to submit and go pass out treats and clean up the mess that has been left for me.  Then find something interesting to watch until which time I pass out.  Lawn Boy is coming tomorrow.  That is about as exciting as it gets here.  Talk with you peeps later.

 

Big Boy

The mystery is solved.  Last night I caught Big Boy going in the general area where I had already cleaned.  He was laying down and grunting all the while urine was soaking the carpet.  I yelled at him but it was as if I was talking to the wall. 

I cleaned the mess up right away.  Not all that happy with him, he had retreated to my room.  He needed a wipe down, which he always enjoys.  Then he came to claim some belly rubbing. 

Seeing this behavior makes me wonder if it’s time to part ways.  While I don’t want to, if he is too uncomfortable to use the litter box for urine then I think have to seriously consider it.

Thinking that it might help things I moved the litter box to the area where he went.  I hope that it will help him.  I know using the litter box is a big deal for him but I honestly don’t know of an alternative. 

Thinking about the whole thing just makes me sick – physically and emotionally. 

I did manage to get out of bed, get a shower and get dressed.  I visited the Post Office and got the junk mail.  There were storms in the area so I elected to come back home. 

I called my Health Insurance Company and turns out the person I am seeing for counseling is covered.  I just have to get her to acquire a pre-authorization and then we are set.  I get 20 visit for no cost.  I’m kind of digging that.  I got back to see her tomorrow.

I need to visit the grocery store but will probably push that off until tomorrow.  Although I did think about going today. 

Did some research and found that I actually make $35 too much to qualify for food stamps, which is why the application was denied. 

Today would have been a pay day from my former employer and I was hoping they would issue payment for my vacation.  However, they have not.  I suppose it’s something I am going to have to forego.  I mean I could go through small claims court to try to recover it but that will cost me a small fortune, so easier to just let it be.  It sucks that I have no legal recourse and that they made me more than 1 empty promise.  However, it is what it is.

I called about the Steam Cleaner and turns out the 3 year warranty doesn’t extend to the bladder, which is the part I need.  I think I got a sales person instead of a customer service person.  I placed an order because I need it.  But I am writing the company and I anticipate they will refund my money.  The way I read the warranty everything is covered for 3 years, unless you abuse or misuse the equipment, which clearly isn’t the case here.  The lady told me don’t use vinegar in your machine, only use our products and by the way we are having a sale would you like to buy some cleaning solution.  Uh, no I want the bladder and didn’t plan on paying for it. 

Today has really been a Munday!  I applied for a position that I was overly qualified for and got a phone call from a recruiter within minutes.  He tells me oh we have someone coming into interview on Friday and she is going to get the job.  However, we have another position that sounds like it might be more to your skill set.  We talked and it sounded okay, I’m waiting for an e-mail that details the job and he said he was going to try to get me a phone interview.  We shall see. 

I really want to be able to go after my former employer and while I try to think about how and where I might have a claim, I hear a voice saying concentrate your efforts on solving the bigger problem – meaning get a job.  I’m certainly doing my part but it doesn’t seem to be paying off just yet. 

Talk with you peeps later.

Holiday Road

The meal at my friends on the 4th was okay.  I saw them heat up the Pork N Beans so I had some.  Burgers and Brats for meat and they were both undercooked for me.  If there is pink it’s not done!  Taste was average nothing to brag about.  They also had Root Beer Floats for desert which was quite bloating, but good. 

I figured out where the smell in the house was coming from.  A spot where Big Boy went at least two times.  Someone apparently decided to renew the scent.  The bladder on the steam cleaner broke so I had to use the old cleaner and got things taken care of. 

Okay that was Friday.  Now on to Saturday I awoke to the smell of cat urine again.  Someone apparently doesn’t want me to clean up that spot.  I walked into the kitchen to feed them and stepped in a puddle.  I thought it was cat pee.  Nope the garbage disposer broke and there was a small flood in the kitchen.  Who knows how long it’s been building for. 

Needless to say I was not a happy person.  So I got things contained after feeding the monsters.  Then I had some breakfast and went back to bed.  It was a sleepless night and I have no idea why. 

When I woke up I went to Lowes and got a new disposer for $179.  They had lower priced models and that is the route I went before, some 5 to 7 years ago.  I upgraded in the hopes that this one will last a little longer.  Plus it’s quieter not that it matters, since I live alone. 

I am NOT a plumber.  I watched a couple of You Tube videos and figured things out.  My two main problems were lifting the new unit in place so that I could get it mounted.  I was shaking and had used up most of my strength.  Not to mention I had not had lunch and it was pretty late in the afternoon.  I started at around 2 and finally finished around 6pm.  There were considerable breaks and I had to go back out for some parts.  The other problem was getting the plumbing connected and a hose clamp in place.  There was quite the satisfaction feeling when I was done.  Now I have an old unit that I have no idea how to get rid of.  Last time we had to pay someone to install it because the plumbing was all messed up and it required major re-work.  I kind of which I would have called someone to save me the frustration but considering I did this for $199 with tax, I figured I saved at least that if not more by doing the labor myself.  A plumber would have marked up the part and labor, but it would have been done in less than an hour. 

This experience made me realize once again that I am getting older, I am out of shape and that if you set your mind to it, you can do it. 

My next task was to work on the cat urine.  I deep cleaned it again.  Bought some urine remover and put down two applications of that.  There still is some smell left because I think someone re-marked it but right now I am letting things dry out. 

When I was done my reward was watching The Hangover Part III again.  John Goodman gave quite the performance in that.  Then I watched a movie called Private Romeo.  It was a gay version of Romeo and Juliet, cast inside of a military school.  They were talking from the play but watching the performance made me very horny.  It was a good movie!

Today I awoke to find that my side and back are very sore.  My side is throbbing.  So much that I ate a little breakfast, watched TV.  Cancelled what plans I had for today and went back to bed to sleep through lunch.  I woke up in time for supper.  Fed the beggars and had me some left over Hamburger Helper, which I made a few days ago.  I added to much water but it’s actually okay.  Just a little soupy.  I am itching for Mexican food!

I have filed my unemployment claim for the week.  Need to take care of the litter boxes, and then going to sit in front of the TV and watch time pass me by.  Hopefully, I can find something good on TV.  I’ve got a pint of Baskin Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream that I think I will consume.  I will be up for a while but hopefully the time will pass quickly because I am ready to go back to sleep and hope that tomorrow is a better and more productive day.  Not to mention I need and want a shower.

Thus far no interviews scheduled.  My hope is that changes tomorrow.  I hope you had a good holiday and weekend.  Talk with you peeps later. 

Happy 4th of July

If your wondering who the HOT guy is, that would be Paul Vandervort.  Give him a Google, I would like to give him more but chances are high that will not happen.  He is a model, actor and producer/director.  I wish he were a porn star.  :)

Today I am going over to visit some friends and hopefully have a decent meal.  They love to open a can of Pork N Beans and eat them cold, which I think is gross.  So I will be avoiding them.  It will be a nice diversion from my daily routine and it will get me out of the house. 

Not much going on at all today.  The urine smell has returned to the living room.  I am at my wits end on how to get rid of the smell w/o getting rid of the cats and the furniture and the carpet.  It’s nauseating and of course it’s in one of the places that I like to hang out the most.  Best TV in the whole house and I can keep an eye on things in the front and back of the house.  Plus watch most of the children. 

I hope that you see fireworks today and enjoy the time away from work, to take a break and relax. 

Going down the tubes

I was doing okay when I woke up.  I got a shower and headed out to the post office.  I wanted to get the mail, get cat food and then go see a movie.  As soon as I got the mail my plans changed.  I was denied for Food Stamps because my household makes too much money.  Really?  I’m on unemployment.  Turns out from the on line tool I found out I make $10 too much per week to qualify.

The unemployment people sent me a letter and I have an interrogation with them on Thursday.  They will be calling me to see if I am still eligible to collect unemployment.  I’m thinking this will take the place of the reporting in every 4 weeks, which will actually be nice if that is the case.  I can deal with a phone call. 

I heard back from a recruiter who wants me to send her references, then she will set up a meeting with her boss and they will present me to a client.  As soon as I heard this it was a HUGE turn off.  It spells time waster to me, just based on past experience.

Last night I lit up the place with a black light.  It glowed like you wouldn’t believe.  If I was cleaning up blood instead of cat urine this would have been a crime scene.  The problem appeared to be solved.  Then I woke up this morning and the odor was back.  Big Boy went on a spot in the living room carpet and I was on top of cleaning it up but apparently it left behind some residual odor.  I got out the steam cleaner and I think the problems is solved.  The bladder on the cleaner broke, so I have to see if it’s covered by warranty or figure out how to purchase a replacement. 

I made Hamburger Helper and put in way too much water.  However, it was good.  Then relaxed for a bit and came down to see what jobs I could apply for.  I saw Big Boy on his back, which means he is totally comfortable.  Him and his brother love to fall asleep that way.  Anyway I bent down to touch his belly and that foul odor came back.  Big Boy needed a bath.  Luckily I have some waterless shampoo.  I used that on him and he smells much better, plus he actually enjoyed his bath. 

My therapist called today to say that she still has no news on billing and that I could be on the hook for the visits.  I am going to dig into this from my end.  I suspect I will have to pay a substantial amount, so unless I find out otherwise my plan is to make my next session my last.  Just settle up with her and call it a day. 

I don’t understand how I fall on hard times and I keep getting kicked.  How much is one person to take?  Ask for help and you run into more problems and even told no.  I’m telling you it won’t take too much more before I just check out, the hell with it all. 

Now up to watch Rookie Blue and hope that there is a hot and steamy sex scene with Gregory Smith in it.  While I enjoy a piece of carrot cake and feed the beggars. 

-Ciao

Bad Smell

I’ve noticed for a couple days the strong smell of cat urine in the living room.  I thought I had fixed it but it seems to keep coming back.  Thanks to Mr. BLU I am dealing with this.  Back when he was broken, he peed on anything and everything.  We tried constantly to keep the house clean but obviously you don’t see him every moment of every day.  I am glad I got him fixed.  One of the many places he went was in the air ducts.  Well that could be the problem.  I got that cleaned out and the smell is still back.  I’m waiting until darkness falls and then out comes the black light and it should help me figure out this mystery.  I really want to kill him because that smell is not only foul, it stirs up my allergies.  Everyone but me (the human) seems unaffected by it.  Cats, they are a lot of work! 

I had my phone interview this morning.  Things went very well and the lady I spoke with was down to earth, relaxed and empathized with me on my circumstances.  She told me that she was going to pass my application along to the hiring manager and that I should hear something from her next week.  They (the hiring managers) like to do their own phone interviews and then if they think you’re a fit, they will bring you in.  This is a great opportunity, pay is not an issue but it would be a little bit of a commute everyday.  All perfectly okay, this sounds like a great place to work based upon what I heard today.  I’ve got my fingers crossed. 

A few minutes after 2 the phone rang and it was the recruiter I was supposed to meet with.  She called but didn’t leave a message.  Waited a minute or two and called back, then left a message.  She wanted to know if I was on my way or if I needed to reschedule.  I didn’t talk to her and have no plans on returning her call.  She promised to send me her address and well I can’t go someplace that I don’t know where it is.  The bigger reason here is that this is a total time waster.  She will see me for 15 or 20 minutes and then I will never hear from her again.  Meanwhile I have driven 30 or 40 miles one way and wasted my time.  I see no reason to go any further with this.  I mean maybe I am looking at this all wrong but this has been my experience and I figure why waste my time.  Deal with the companies that are hiring directly.

Speaking of which that place that said I wasn’t a cultural fit.  Well one of their recruiters reached out to me on a social job network.  He said I would be a good fit for the position.  I took one look at him and figured he would be a good fit for me.  Man, so cute.  Anyway I wrote him and told him that I was already submitted and rejected.  I really wanted to work for them, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen. 

I got me a good nap on today.  I woke up to the sound of a lawn mower.  I knew it was my neighbor and jerked my head up (a slight neck injury occurred from that) and headed to the window.  I expected to see a fit and trim young buck shirtless mowing the grass like last time.  Instead I saw a fat fuck in his moo moo mowing the lawn.  Holy crap talk about buzz kill.  Perhaps better luck next time, if I am here to see it.  Hopefully, I am not.  I’d rather be back at work.  I can find cute guys to look at on the computer.

I was all set to go see Melissa McCarthy’s new film but decided to delay that until tomorrow.  I just lounged around the house today, watching TV.  I dug into the movie collection and dug up 3 Day Weekend.  It’s a good gay film and helped to pass some of the time today.  I did little things and tried to get rid of that odor while the movie was on.  I found a toy that Big Boy was interested in, so we got to play a little bit today.  I never knew that he had it in him.  I always figured he was worn out and tired.  Who knew!

Yesterday I got a call from the Government about a complaint I submitted regarding my former employer.  Turns out what they always thought was illegal is perfectly legal and I really had no complaint.  I almost feel like telling them, but why should I be helpful.  I have also been thinking about exposing my old boss and the affair he is having with one of the office workers.  I would of course be telling his son.  Part of me says yeah, go for the gold and maybe get the bitch fired.  The rest of me says let things be and let her continue to bilk them.  If she does ever get fired, she has one hell of a sexual harassment claim and who knows what other kind of trouble she can stir up.  I would like to see them made miserable and the business crumble.  I mean it is total bullshit that I am sitting here unemployed.  It’s all because the lady my boss was screwing didn’t like me.  She got me fired and planted ideas in his head.  He of course is love struck and will do anything to keep her legs open and available to him, so what she wants is what she gets.  The business in fact isn’t going out of business, they are actually expanding and everyone’s jobs are now secure.  If I would be there I would reap that benefit.  While I am happy to be free of the negativity, toxic environment and petty bullshit – I still would like to be collecting a paycheck.  Plus the idea of things getting busy again would be appealing.  Ah well, I have no choice but to move on.  Think about my situation, then tell me what you would do.  I’m curious. 

Tomorrow will be the last work day of the week, since Friday is Independence Day (a holiday) here in the US.  Most businesses are closed and people will either work 1/2 days tomorrow or at the very least get out of work early.  I have nothing scheduled for tomorrow.  I am hoping that I get invited to some friends house for the holiday.  Otherwise, it will be a boring old time here.  Given my last experience I won’t be soon to return to my mom’s place.  Who wants burnt burgers and no BBQ Sauce, not me. 

Since I have stayed in my hope for tomorrow is that I can have some fun at the movies, get answers regarding food stamps and just have a good day.  Next week is open.  I will have to reschedule my ‘unemployment training’ on how to go back to work.  Another time waster but they won’t be paying me unemployment until I complete this little task.  So I will be working on getting that rescheduled and hope that I get more calls asking for interviews next week.  Until then it’s seek and apply.

I hope all is well in your world.  Talk with you peeps later.

Lesson Learned

My interview this morning I thought was a complete waste of my time.  They opened by telling me that I would have to take a $14,000.00 cut in pay.  Then the interview started.  I wanted to say why bother but I kept quiet and went through with it, if nothing else it was good practice. 

I went to a school district.  Apparently they need money, want my tax dollars but don’t want to pay anyone but the people at the top what they are worth.  I was told that they will finish interviews by next week and then make their decision.  Whom ever they select would have to attend a school board meeting later in the month and the board would have to approve before one could be hired.  The lesson I learned is to avoid school districts and places of higher education unless they post the salary in the ad.  Chances are good that they won’t pay very well.

Now if I got this job, it would be a raise from unemployment but there is no way that I could meet all of my financial obligations.  A lot would have to go like the house, the cats, cable TV, landline phone.  I would basically have to start life over and that isn’t what I am looking to do.  If it means that I have a couple extra weeks in the unemployment line so be it, so long as I get to stay put and keep what I have.  I don’t think that is an unreasonable request. 

I have a phone interview in the morning and then the rest of my schedule for this week is wide open.  I can do absolutely anything I want.  That is not good because my life runs best on a schedule or routine.  Without it I have no reason to get out of bed and no motivation to do anything. 

The one thing I am determined to do is get the cat urine smell out of the living room.  It just started a couple days ago, I thought it was a litter box but no apparently someone has peed on something they shouldn’t have.  Now the challenge is finding it and getting it clean.  I’m inclined to think it’s the couch and that won’t be easy to get clean if that is the case. 

Shy Girl isn’t feeling well and Big Boy has proven to me if the boxes are too dirty he will go on the floor no matter what.  He doesn’t go under the couch unless he is scared and that doesn’t happen often.  Cleaning isn’t something I look forward to but usually once I am in the middle of it, it’s not so bad. 

Made it to the grocery store got out relatively cheap but made up for that by stopping for a tank of gas.  Got to have the go juice to make it to and from interviews.  Well off to see what kind of trouble I can get into.  Talk with you peeps later.