Book Time

I have decided to write a book, not certain if I will publish it.  I started writing last night and before I knew it time had escaped me.  I wanted to be upstairs by 8pm so that I could catch Shameless.  I made it but was about 5 minutes late.  I am disappointed because Ian isn’t on, he is away in the military and he was the whole reason why I watched the show.

Back to the book.  I find it so liberating and it’s like I get to relive my past.  It is truly an amazing experience.  I am sure when I get to the part about him passing that will conger up a lot of memories.  A friend of mine is a published author but I believe she writes about history and stuff like that.  When I am done I will ask her if she will proof it and let me know what to change or add.  After hashing out some things with her I will make the decision to publish or not to publish.  There are some concerns I have and will have to get them addressed and/or resolved before I can make a final decision.  In the meantime I am having the time of my life in writing.

Today was kind of a bust day.  I got to the body shop early, the rental car company was late in picking me up, they didn’t have a car ready for me despite the fact there was a reservation made well in advance.  The car they gave me has damage on it and didn’t even have a full tank of gas.  I am not happy.  I thought I would be like an hour late.  No more like 2 hours late.  I took my late partners handicapped sign with me because I knew the spots in the garage would be filled up and I was right.  That is the only thing that went according to plan.

I was slightly productive today.  I was dismayed because one of the new people just up and quit.  She was so happy with her new job and she really enjoyed it and then poof she is gone.  I don’t know what was up with that but they replaced her by shuffling staff.  Of course I saw this happen but no one has formally told me so the new person doesn’t have the right access but I am sure that will all get changed in time. 

Boss man wasn’t in today and just a little bit ago I got a message saying that we could wear jeans the rest of the week.  Like it’s a big deal to get to wear jeans.  I mean I used to enjoy it but this job has me so ticked off that the little things don’t matter.  Can’t wait to move on.

I left a little bit early because it wasn’t quite dark yet and I don’t know where the blind spots are so I had to get a jump on things.  I thought about just driving home and taking the truck tomorrow but I think I will drive the rental.  I made it without any problems.  I even stopped to get gas $6.02 and the needle didn’t even move.  It’s got a fourth of a tank, just as long as that is what is says when I take it back.  My car will be ready in 2 days and trust me when I say those will be the longest two days of my life.  I suspect that I will get it back on Wednesday, I figure they will call me tomorrow late and tell me that it’s done.  Then I will let them know that I will be there on Wednesday to pick it up.  Since we had so many problems today, I will be sure to leave ample time so that I don’t get stuck w/o my car.  I have to return the rental and then they will give me a ride to the body shop.  The body shop is prompt in opening and closing so I don’t want to be late.  Otherwise that could spell trouble. 

Now I am going to try to enjoy my evening, away from the computer.  More snow coming my way – oh joy.  Stay warm and be careful out there.  Talk with you peeps later.

Reminders …everywhere

I find reminders of my late partner everywhere.  Today I was at the grocery store and waiting my turn in line to checkout.  I saw the candy, which seems innocuous.  I saw the Altoids and remembered the time he bought them, had a couple and then went down on me.  It was refreshingly cool.  Good times!  It seems no matter where I go I can find something that reminds me of him or think of a memory that we shared together.  I suppose that is what happens when you are together for 20 plus years and he becomes part of you and you part of him. 

Normally I would tell you how much of an unlucky guy I am, have won very few things in my life.  However, I was a lucky guy the day I met my late partner.  I had no idea of the road ahead and what triumphs it would bring and what challenges we would have to face.  I never would have ever though I was building a life with him, it was like we were best friends.  Time quickly got away from me and here I am in my 40’s looking back on what was. 

I am not exactly sure what I would say but I would like to write a book about our life together, thinking that it would touch someone and maybe move someone to not be afraid of love.  In general to get my story out there but also to hopefully help people appreciate life.  Then I think well there isn’t anything too special that the public would want to read I mean it’s no Bridegroom but there are things that we have in common.  Trying to get funding and getting a publisher would be a challenge as well.  The funding part I know I could start a kick starter but have no idea how much money it would cost. 

In normal news… I woke up around 8, left the house around 9 and went to breakfast.  I have a few coupons for 20% off at Denny’s.  They were full and their parking lot was still quite a mess from the snow storm.  Apparently they don’t pay their contractor that well or they just have a lousy contractor to remove snow and ice.  So I skipped that and went to Steak N Shake.  I ordered a bunch of food and was surprised when it came to $9.  Breakfast is one of my favorite meals and it’s cheap!

From there I went to the grocery store.  Where I returned the touch up polisher that I got in the wrong color.  They gave me cash for it instead of crediting it to my card.  I picked up lottery tickets and then did regular shopping.  I really want to make Spaghetti but chickened out and didn’t get anything for it.  My premade snack sandwiches that I take for lunch were not made so I had to buy a large sub that I will cut down.  I hate to improvise but you do what you have to.  I did pickup some Hot Dog Buns and Hot Dogs so I can have chili dogs.  The Old ElPaso frozen items I usually buy fell in price by $2, which is really good news.  I dropped $70 and didn’t get a whole lot.  Just enough for basic survival.  Supper tonight is frozen pizza.  I am looking forward to it. 

From there I came home and put everything away.  I threw my clothes into the dryer and am waiting on them.  Took care of charting my expenses and then decided to fag up my office.  I am 42 and still feel like a 16 year old.  I have photos of guys up all over down here.  Back then it would have just been clothed pictures of teen heartthrobs but now it’s naked photos of porn stars.  I do have a recent photo of NPH sipping on a drink by the pool on what was the last day of his vacation.  He’s got no shirt on and a pair of swim trunks.  I got the photo from his Instagram.  It sounds silly but it makes me feel good so that is why I do it.  My late partner didn’t like it but since it was my space (before there was a myspace) he let me do as I please. 

The best invention ever would be if someone could create a time machine where it would let us travel back in time, like in Back to the Future.  I could at least go back and live a care free life instead of having to worry about the problems of today.  Wishful thinking and I know I am not alone, lots of people would or could use it for different things.  Perhaps to even change what the future brings.  I just plain miss him and today is an okay day but I still feel like a good cry. 

Need to go upstairs and straighten up my closet.  Shave my whiskers and get a shower.  I can tell you that it will be a while before most of that happens.  I will go upstairs, sit on the couch resume a movie I started watching last night before bed and then probably wind up taking a nap.  At least I am predictable if nothing else. 

Yesterday I saw this pork flatbread sandwich they had at the pie place.  Makes me want to drive back up just for that.  However, I picked up some chicken that is done, just heat it up and put some sauce on it.  That is probably as close as I will get to that sandwich for a while.  Although the truck could use a little bit of a work out.  I will stay home and enjoy the day with the children.

Ron White recently posted on FB that a dishwasher full of clean dishes is referred to as a cabinet.  I like his thinking, but need to empty my dishwasher anyway. 

Enjoy your Sunday and I will talk with you peeps later.

The Pie Shop

I went to bed late, woke up feeling lazy.  Also since I left my bedroom door open, I didn’t get much sleep.  Blu started his antics early to get the others mad and they made noise and presto daddy is awake.  I closed my door for a little while but that didn’t last long, he kept at it.  Finally having enough I left and went to my late partners bed, where I eventually fell into a nice slumber.  One of the girls woke me up and I looked at the clock and oh my it was 10.

I went to feed the little monsters and noticed that it was only 9.  Ah, yes I forgot that I forgot to roll his clock back 1 hour.  They say when you get older the memory is the first thing to go, I forget what goes second.  :)

I watched Novocain with Steve Martin in it.  I have seen it before but it was nice to watch it again.  Then I got sleepy so I went back to bed.  It was noon when I laid down and 2pm when I woke up. 

Yes, I fed the monsters lunch.  Then I got dressed and shoved off.  I had a problem getting my sudafed rx refilled.  I filled it once from the web, that didn’t take.  The clerk filled it again last night so I could pick it up today.  That didn’t work.  Then I filled it from the mobile app and that worked, but since insurance doesn’t cover it, they didn’t fill it.  So when I went to pick it up this evening I had to wait for it.  It’s time like that I hate the pharmacy. 

I got the mail and bills and junk were what were delivered.  I also got my copy of Out Magazine.  Haven’t looked through it yet, but will soon. 

Then I debated about where to eat at and finally talked myself into driving to The Pie Place.  Just as I was about to enter the freeway/interstate I remembered that I forgot the coupon for my free slice of pie.  See I told you the memory goes first.  Ah, to hell with it I just went. 

It was a nice drive but my mind was all over the place.  I am consumed with worry about my job and about money.  Eventually I put that behind me and started to enjoy the music.  It wasn’t until I was almost home that I was in a little better mood.  It faded quickly but it was there for a bit.  The drive this time seemed more like work and less like relaxation.  It was helpful to clear my mind a little, plus it gave me something to do.  If there is nothing to do then I just go to sleep – my body’s natural reaction.

So what did I have?  Well I ordered a bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup with Crackers.  Not bad.  Then a Ruben Sandwich.  He (Ruben) tasted delicious, so much that I wanted a 2nd one but didn’t get it.  Desert was Brownie Pie Alamode.  It wasn’t that good, honest!  I should have stuck with my original favorite of Celebration.  As I was leaving I saw a Mexican place down the road from the pie place.  Next time I may go to the Mexican place and then stop in for a slice of pie.

I was surprised to see pie place was remolded on the inside.  TV’s, new furniture and a fake fireplace.  Looked really good!

Looking for a job is a full time job.  I have been on LinkedIn last night and again tonight.  I have so many requests out to people I know to join my network.  I looked over my profile, all is good.  I have applied for a few jobs this week on the app.  I like a couple clicks and presto your app is submitted.  I see jobs in LA that really look attractive.  Not just LA but other parts of the US.  I really, really want to move.  Problem is no support network, no money and timing is way off.  So staying put and trying to hopefully find a job where I can be treated better and make a much better living. 

Talked with a friend last night.  He told me that his place had an opening but the pay was really low.  He talked with his boss about bumping it up and his boss said no.  He would rather promote from within than bring an outsider in at a higher wage.  Yeah, okay!  It didn’t make him happy.  I could care less.  I would have to drive a million miles to get to work and then I know I would be in a better place but I would have to learn the lay of the land all over.  My friend is actually a former co-worker from the job where one of the guys came up with the phrase elhomo.  Which is how I named my blog.  I just though it was hysterical, especially since no one knew I was gay.  Funny how things come together.

As porky pig says, that is all folks.  Nothing else worth talking about. Tomorrow I will take the truck (if it starts) and venture to the grocery store.  I have to clean out my car so that it’s ready to take to the auto body repair place on Monday.  The good news is the tank in the car is full so it will cost less to fill up next week since it will be out of commission for the bulk of the week. 

Now I am hungry again so time to search for something to eat and watch a little TV then off to bed again.  Snow is mostly gone, temps are up and the furnace doesn’t have to run as often.  Take care and enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Friday

The best day of the entire week is finally here.  Can’t wait to be done with this work day and be free.  Although I have work to do at home, it’s not quite the same as working for a living. 

We are certainly getting the rain they predicted and it’s super foggy outside so driving in the dark will probably be quite a challenge.  I have to hit up the Post Office, Walgreens and The Cat Food Store before I can go home.  If push comes to shove I will skip the other two and head straight for Cat Food.  They need it really bad, being home this week they got more food than normal.

Last night I wanted to kill BLU.  He keeps getting behind my TV and causing choas in my entertainment center.  Last night he managed to sever the cable connection in the wall.  It was connected but loose so I wasn’t getting a strong enough signal for TV.  I spent 30 minutes with the cable company and they told me I needed a new box.  Then I got the idea of hooking the cable up to the TV and seeing what the picture looked like.  Turns out it was very snowy you could hear audio but picture was crap.  So I changed connections on the splitter and that didn’t help.  So the only thing left was to pull the jack off the wall and examine it.  I have enough slack that I could hook that cable up to my TV and when I did the crappy picture was all I got.  So there I was frustrated, fuming and wishing my guy was still around.  He could fix stuff like that in a jiffy.  It took me twice as long as it would him but eventually it came together.  I had an awesome picture and put everything back the way it was, cleaned up my mess and drank a bottle of water.  Went to bed late. 

I say that I had an awesome picture because I have no idea what BLU has done to it today.  I really yelled at him and it seemed like the more I yelled the more he aggravated others.  What a ball of energy.  I know that unless something changes I will have to do something about him.  I have been thinking about what I can do to deter him from creating a clammity for me as well as potentially getting electrocuted.  He doesn’t realize how much danger there is lurking in those wires.  He isn’t a chewer which is good but he is curious and loves to hide and jump around.  My bigger fear is that he will knock over my TV, which I paid cash for when I got this job as a reward to myself.  I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it because now it will happen. 

I had given though to eating out tonight since it’s been a hell of a week but decided it’s better to go home.  I may travel tomorrow and that will be my treat if I do.  Otherwise, I will visit some place local, no eating at home tomorrow.  I liked the balance I got from shopping on Saturday vs Sunday, so I may do that again not sure.  I have to have a purpose for getting out of bed, otherwise I will be there all day long. 

So other than wanting to go home, there isn’t anything major going on at the moment.  Thank God.  A break and some calm is quite nice.  Monday is the big day for the car.  Still no acknowledgement from the boss.  Ah well.

Everyone enjoy your weekend, I will certainly try to do the same.  Short lived 2 days of freedom.  I can’t wait for nap time!  Talk with you peeps later. 

Thursday

This morning I headed the warning on TV about traffic being a mess.  It was snowing not major but just enough to muck things up.  I made it to work with 10 minutes to spare.  I allowed an hour and a half today, good thinking!  The snow ended by the time I got in.  Then this afternoon around 3pm I get a note that says we are closing early, work from home.  Okay, but since I was already there I just stayed.  No real reason to leave that early.  I planned on leaving at 4pm but of course hanging around meant that I was waiting for a problem to present it’s self and like clock work it did. 

This week has been full of technical problems, more so than a normal week.  It’s to the point where I didn’t get any project work done and I have to report that tomorrow, which I am sure won’t go over well but it is what it is. 

Remember the WIFI installs I did.  Well they didn’t go for true business class equipment, they bought a hybrid instead and spent way less money.  So now they want to have a guest network for visitors.  That means investing in more hardware if they would have just listened we could have avoided all of this.  I could create a second network from my desk at each place.  I am getting bids on two methods one is the right way for a business to operate and the other is the cheap way they want to run their business.  The cheap way will be the easiest but eventually we are going to run out of band-aids and they are going to have to face the music.  I’m sure my boss will scream when he finds out the price but I did what he told me to do it was either that or he was going to fire me then.  What he will do now is anyone's guess.

I sent a note today letting him know about my car and that I would be late on Monday.  I would expect a response indicating it was ok or to at least acknowledge receipt of the e-mail, but no he said nothing.  My paranoia is kicking in saying he will claim he never got the e-mail and then try to pull something.  I guess I will just have to stay tuned to find out.  What a shifty bastard!

Good news I was successful in getting out of jury duty this time.  I confirmed it tonight.  Not sure when I will spring that on him, but I know it should make him happy.  Thinking about telling him tomorrow but I am not sure. 

I at least got home early, had frozen lasagna and got to spend a little time with the kids.  Going back up shortly to give them a snack and prepare for yet another day of fun in the jungle. 

Getting laid might make me happier but having my money problems solved would truly make me happy! 

Increase in the temperature and rain coming tomorrow.  Commute should be interesting.  Talk with you peeps later.  Can’t wait until I get off work tomorrow.  I am coming home and not doing a damn thing!

Enjoy your weekend, stay warm and be careful.  Talk with you peeps later.

Back to the grind

I ventured in today.  The hardest part was getting out of the subdivision.  They always do a lousy job of clearing the snow.  Make it to the main streets and they are all in pretty good shape.  It took me about an hour and a half to get to work this morning, yes I was late but only by 20 minutes.  I had the attitude that I will be there when I get there.  When I saw I would be late I sent my boss an e-mail.  I’ve only been late 1 other time and it was due to traffic and rain.  I got a reply from him then but today nothing.  He really doesn’t care for me, but the feeling is mutual.  Thankfully he pretty well left me alone today.  That “talk” we were supposed to have was just his way of trying to intimidate me.  Those things usually never come to fruition because he is old and he forgets!

The one big legal case that I am in is really starting to kick my ass.  I mentioned another finding today to our attorney and once again I was told that I need to start taking the lead and ask about other obvious things, like in this case.  Doing what your told doesn’t cut it, you have to ask questions, probe and make sure everything is covered.  Yeah, well you don’t work for the same fucktard that I do.  I am learning some valuable things so the next case that comes my way should be a breeze, that is if I ever get access to the archived e-mail.  Since my boss no longer trusts me I am not so sure that will happen.  He lets me have barley enough access to do my job.  What he fails to realize is that I can see every document, get into every file and if I wanted to create quite a calamity for them.  However, that wouldn’t serve me or them, so why waste the time.  I just can’t wait to get away from this place.

Today was a very busy day and tomorrow looks to be the same.  I have lots of different things to do.  People always ask me are you busy and no matter what I say they always dump a bunch of work on me.  I never say I am not busy because that I learned a long time ago is an invitation to disaster.  I saw a co-worker get fired for answering that question with a no, I have nothing to do.  Duh, don’t ever say that bad things will happen.

My commute home took an hour and a half as well.  I went several different ways to avoid a backup but got stuck multiple times.  Hopefully, things are better tomorrow night.  The bad thing about getting home late is that the evening is shot real fast.  Barley enough time to have supper, 5 minutes with the kids and then it’s time for bed.

Last night Big Boy really bothered me.  He sounded all congested.  I was brushing my tooth and heard him breathing.  He was only right outside the bathroom door.  I can’t hear any of the other cats breathe, unless they are sleeping and then only sometimes.  He was just acting odd.  I thought the worst but picked him up and carried him to my room.  Just what my aching back needed.  Then he was just fine this morning.  He curled up in his bed.  He seemed eager this morning for his medicine.  Ah, this I think will be his last year but I am just taking it as it comes.  I pray for the best.  There is no preparing for death, even though I have been warned.  I heard about a new drug in humans that is injected multiple times over the course of weeks and it eats away scar tissue.  They used it to correct curved penis in humans.  I wonder if they injected the same drug into the cat if it would destroy the scar tissue and give him more life?  Even if it would, the cost would probably kill me.  Money is no longer an option  - I have to think before I spend, which really kills me. 

Okay so it’s starting to get late.  I have lots to do before bed.  So time to go do and then some rest.  Were getting more snow tonight but they promise it’s only a dusting.  Yeah, heard that one before.  Tomorrow I think a little snow but much warmer and Friday in the 40’s and rain.  Bye Bye Snow!  Can’t wait to have a clean driveway again.

I do miss the work from home days, there is no one to question my movements or eavesdrop on conversations and there is no back biting.  Ah, some day it will get better.

Oh last thing.  I won the lottery, nothing big.  Had the Big Ball (he he) and 1 number.  I think I get like $2 – I will invest it back into another ticket.  Thinking of buying a $5 scratch off ticket, it’s a lot to loose but the winnings are greater, plus the results are instant.  I think if I won $50k or $100k I would just tell my boss I am not coming back and take the rest of the year to find a new job.  It would be a lot of time on my hands but I could sure have a lot of fun.

Okay no more rambling, I am going for real this time.  Stay warm, be safe and I will talk with you peeps later.

Snow Day # 2

As you can guess by the title I stayed home today.  Turns out most of the office did the same thing.  I saw plenty of accidents on TV and even learned that the entrance ramp I take to get onto the freeway/interstate was blocked by a jacked knife tractor trailer.  So I am pleased as punch that I stayed in.

Today was much busier than yesterday.  I guess people were taking it slow yesterday.  A couple new people, some people locked out of their accounts, a cloud based system had issues.  Then there is my boss telling me that his system powered off over the weekend.  From what he tells me it applied Windows Updates.  His system is set so that he has to tell it when to apply the updates.  Well in the many updates that were applied was an update to IE, that caused problems with his ability to login to the banks website.  He was all upset and I asked to connect to his machine, he declined and asked me to give him instructions.  My oh my, just hammering home the point that I am not trusted anymore.  Okay, so I typed out instructions feverishly and then as soon as I sent them to him he comes back with never mind I fixed it myself.  Funny, 2 minutes to 5 he asks me to send him the number for tech support at the bank.  I guess the dumb ass didn’t fix it after all.  Duh!  It all pays the same for me and I honestly prefer not to deal with him and keep my distance so no skin off my back.

I started to dose off this afternoon and just in time I got a phone call that woke me up.  I did manage to watch a little TV today but not nearly as much as I got in yesterday.  I am so glued to this ID series Disappeared.  I kind of wish that I could disappear but be healthy, happy and live a nice life.  I know I have as much chance at that happening as I do at meeting the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. 

The children (cats) took full advantage of me today and begged for lunch and started asking for supper early.  I managed to get the trash out.  The latest on that is if they don’t pick it up tomorrow they will get it on Thursday.  Either way is fine by me.  It’s not like it’s going anywhere. 

Roads are still not in the best of conditions but I suspect by tomorrow morning things will have improved since they will be going over them yet another night.  Plenty of school closings.  I also found out that a pipe burst at work so the elevators to the parking garage are limited to 1.  That could take hours to get in and out of the building.  Sure hope they have it fixed by tomorrow morning. 

Unless something disastrous happens, I will try my very best to shuffle in tomorrow morning.  I am not looking forward to it but I have to go back sometime.  3 days won’t be so bad. 

Giving me a couple days at home has given me time to think, which is really dangerous right now.  First, I have solidified that I 100% have to get away from this job, it is killing me emotionally.  Second, I have had time to reflect about my partner and just looking at little things like the deep fryer or the tongs he used to use just makes me so sad.  I want to burst out crying.  I miss him so much.  I am really depressed and very much want out of this pain.  I want to take matters into my own hands but again the children are my concern.  Part of me says it would work out but the other part of me says it’s your job to ensure that it works out, that means you have to stick around.  The holidays, weather and being inside for a few days all probably contribute to this.  I was reflecting earlier and last time at this year he was alive and I believe bitching about a bladder infection.  God I’d love it if he would be here to complain.  This place is so lonely without him.  I see his doors closed and some how think that he will magically appear, but I know that will not happen. 

I am so tired of being run down, depressed, sad, grieving and lonely.  I am ready to get off this ride and find one that is more pleasurable to ride.  While I do think God is preventing me from meeting anyone right now, I eventually think that will change and someone will come into my life.  There aren’t many jobs out there but then again it’s still very much a new year.  I have applied for a couple things. 

I know that this is my forum and I can populate my post with whatever I want.  My preference is to write about daily life minus the depressing stuff.  I know really deep down no one wants to hear someone bitching and complaining all the time.  So while I don’t have to I want to apologize for the negativity that has increased in my posts since my life changing event of last April.  Losing the love of your life and the man that you have known for over half of your life is not an easy task.  The pain never stops.  I only have so many people I can call and I realize that I have really run my friends ragged.  I just feel bad about all of it.  I wish beyond what words can express that he didn’t die.  To add insult to injury, money is a constant worry.  I am okay for today but it’s tomorrow (as in the future) I worry about.  I don’t have much control over anything right now – feels like life it’s self is totally out of control. 

Well I am going to enjoy what evening I have left before I have to brave the elements to go see the Big Bad Wolf.  Here’s hoping tomorrow brings all of us happiness. 

Stay warm and be careful.  Talk with you peeps later.  <Hugs>

Snow Day #1

The word last night was plan on working from home today.  So I did just that.  I opened up my laptop and got e-mail going, turned on the TV and waited for something to happen.  I had a couple incidents that I needed to tend to but most of the day was spent watching TV and I did unintentionally fall asleep a couple times. 

Good thing I stayed home because Big Boy had some messes to clean up and TAZ had it coming out the other end.  Ugh that is the price I pay for having so many of them. 

My boss jumped on me today he thinks I am tracking peoples breaks or so he was told.  I denied it because it’s simply not true.  People throw other people under the bus for no reason at all.  He doesn’t take time to investigate he automatically takes people at their word and thinks its gospel when most often it’s BS.  If I had time to sit and keep track of peoples breaks then how in the world would I ever accomplish anything?  He made me mad and said that we have to talk this week.  Yeah, okay whatever. 

The word tonight on the news is that it’s okay to travel tomorrow but leave early and plan on being late.  Not all of the roads are in great shape but the commute should be okay.  So I prepared myself to go in tomorrow.

A short while ago I got a message saying that if we feel unsafe we should stay home.  My oh my, I think I feel unsafe and will stay home.  I mean who could pass up a second day of getting paid to watch TV?  I could probably make it in but my back is truly killing me – I have had heat on it periodically throughout the day and plan on doing the same tonight and tomorrow.  Unless something compels me my plan is to stay put.  I have no reason to go out until tomorrow evening when it’s time to put the trash out.  Otherwise no travel is needed and I can save gas and risking potential injury to myself and my poor car.  It’s bad enough it’s banged up as it is.

Wind Chill and Temperatures are the biggest things.  Then on Wednesday guess what?  More snow!  Yippee!  Maybe I can milk the entire week out of this?  Sure would be nice.  I haven’t told them about my car yet and having to come in late on Monday and leave early on either Wednesday or Thursday next week.  I figure I will spring that on them probably on Wednesday.

Well off to TV land and time to feed those darn cats again.  My only worry about staying home is that I am going to run out of food for them.  I know if it’s tomorrow or Wednesday whenever I do get back to normal, they will sure miss me and I know I will miss them. 

It may not show in my writing but with my job and the event of losing my partner I am in depression.  I can’t change the situation with my partner but I can change my job.  So I am looking.  Right now I am ready to tell them to go fuck themselves because of all of the piddly BS they talk about.  However, that would be chopping off my nose despite my face.  So I have to bite my tongue and hope for the best.

Stay warm!  Talk with you again soon. 

Blizzard

It is official, we have a blizzard.  Thus far about a foot of snow and the wind is blowing like crazy.  It’s 9 degrees now and the temperature is only going to continue to drop as the night lingers on. 

Against my better judgment I went outside and shoveled some snow to at least make a small path to get my car out.  The truck is covered and I honestly don’t think it’s going anywhere for a bit.  My car should be able to get out.  However, they still have to come plow the subdivision and that probably won’t happen until later tonight or tomorrow. 

Everything around for miles is closed.  Most businesses are closed tomorrow but not my employer.  We don’t have to go in but have a mandate to work from home.  Yeah, so I will turn on my laptop and respond to e-mails as needed but I have no plans on really doing any work.  I will take care of minor and urgent issues but the regular day to day stuff will have to wait until Tuesday.  I think it’s a crock work from home – if I didn’t have my work laptop with me I would have to spend the day running the stairs. 

So the children will get another full day of daddy at home and they will be thrilled about it.  It will depend upon how busy I actually am but I don’t think I will be thrilled about it. 

My neighbor goes out every couple of hours and cleans off his driveway for his wife. Shame he won’t cross the street and take care of my driveway. 

Here is the crazy thing.  If we can get out Tuesday great.  Wednesday has more snow on the way and the same for Thursday and Friday.  I think we should just call it now and get the week off – I know that won’t happen.  I am thankful that my car doesn’t go in the shop tomorrow because that would be one messed up trip. 

Nothing major to report other than the snow.  I did take a nice nap with Big Boy.  I got to thinking about him and just laid down next to him in his bed on the floor.  He showed me that he appreciated me as much as I appreciate him.  He knows he has it good and he also knows that there has been a major change here with only one daddy.  I told him that I miss the other daddy as much as he does.  He purred up a storm and eventually we fell asleep together.  We haven’t been that close since he got sick.  I think I may do the nap thing on a regular basis.  Its comforting to both of us and maybe it gives him some strength. 

Outside of getting the driveway cleaned and the trash wrangled.  I didn’t accomplish a damn thing.  That’s okay by me because I’ve got tomorrow.  I need to get upstairs and put something on my back which is sore since I over did it.  I want to lay around and watch some more TV with the kids and then I will call it a night.  Oh and I have to get my laptop out of my car.  Yikes, it probably would have been frozen by morning. 

The upside to all of this is I am so glad I made it to the store and had the foresight to get the furnace fixed.  It’s all paying off now!  I do not plan on venturing out tomorrow except to set the trash out and I have a feeling they will postpone the pickup by a day because I don’t think those trucks will get any of the Monday people done. 

Stay Warm Everyone!  Talk with you peeps later.

Memory Lane

I am not sure why but everyone thinks when there is a storm it’s time to make French Toast.  It sounds good but I see no reason to run to the store for Bread, Eggs and Milk.  Traffic here was a nightmare, you’d think it was Christmas and even then it wasn’t that bad.  I made 2 trips to the store.  The first time to leave because there was no parking and the 2nd time to park way out and go in and shop.  Everything was picked over.  There was hardly any bread left.  A long line at the deli and the checkout well that was pandemonium.  Made it out without forgetting a single thing.  Impressed?  I got a shoe polish sponge too bad it’s brown because my shoes are black.  I will be taking it back.  It was only $4 but I will see if they will allow me to get a black one if not then give me the credit and we can call it even.

After the store I went to Steak N Shake.  It’s National Spaghetti Day in case you didn’t know.  I’ve also been craving Spaghetti and stopped in for some Chili 5 way.  It uses Spaghetti noodles, so I figure it counts.  Plus they have their Chocolate Covered Strawberry Shake out and we (me and my late partner) both loved that.  That place was busy too, like everyone bought up all of the food from the store so let’s go out to eat.  I had a little girl eyeing me up.  She would look at me and I would smile, so she smiled back.  It was fun.  I kept looking at her family she has a few siblings and good looking father and a hot mother.  I thought to myself gee how lucky are those people.  I wish I had that.  By that I mean a companion.

So unless I desire I don’t have to get out tomorrow.  I have plenty of food here for me and the children to last.  I didn’t say I’d like eating it but I do have food.  Now the question is how much snow are we really going to get?  I have heard from 6 to 15 inches.  The more we get the more it requires me to shovel and I am no Brawny Man.  I have a bad back and hate manual labor, if that gives you an idea.  Plus if you shovel and someone comes on to your property and falls and is injured they can sue you because you didn’t do a good job of clearing everything.  So we never shovel unless it’s mandated to get out of the driveway. 

I did gas up both vehicles today and the line at the gas stations in town was like the grocery store.  So I went to the outskirts of town and got in and out with no problem at all.  The only issue was the pumps weren’t dispensing receipts and I live by paperwork when it comes to my finances.  So I took a photo of the pump when I was done and then I knew the amount to enter into my records. 

Today I felt rather lazy and decided that my trip for pie just wasn’t necessary.  I would rather enjoy a day at home with the kids and soak up the relaxation.  If things aren’t bad tomorrow I may venture out but seriously doubt it.  The pie place isn’t going out of business so there will be plenty of time.  I look forward to making trips up in the spring and summer.  More so the spring because in summer time I get sun burnt just from driving. 

Last night and again tonight I took a stroll down memory lane while I cleaned up my office.  My partner stored some of his records here in the mass of file cabinets we have.  I cleaned things out to make some room.  I’ve got a lifetime supply of folders, just from cleaning.  Plus he has boxes of new folders so no worries there.  Anyway, I saw a lot of his union stuff, his old lease for the place he moved to before we moved in together.  Very old cable bills, where basic serve was $27 back in 1990.  I found receipts from trips we had taken.  Paperwork from a business he opened and wound up closing.  It was all rather interesting.  I got a book all about the IBEW with it’s History and Structure.  I was going to toss it but considering I did battle with them and I know they meant the world to him I am keeping it.  Sort of a memento.  God I miss him.  Anyway as I shredded most of the stuff I could hear him saying why are you throwing that out, I need that or save that.  We have 4 cabinets 3 match and one I brought with me from home.  With the exception of my cabinet from home the others match and all have one thing in common.  The bottom drawer in each is filled with gay magazines.  Some are things like Out but mostly there are Freshmen and some other naked male publications.

Speaking of Men, short Segway … I follow Adam Bouska on Facebook and he photographed this hot model named Sean O'Donnell, look at the photo below.  I think you will agree he’s very nice looking, even if he is a bit young.  Adam isn’t bad looking himself!

See what I mean?  Oh the things I would like to do with and to him.  I shouldn’t mention, but I bet you can figure it out.  :)

Okay, back to memory lane…I found pet insurance polices that I had taken out on the children but cancelled because the company wanted to exclude prior conditions – they said momma had swimmers ear.  She had a wax build up in her ear and the vet cleaned it out.  Cats hate water and she doesn’t go swimming, W T F!  Big Boy and his brother Jumper had exclusions for Upper Respiratory Infections, all of the guys in the house got it.  It came in with TAZ, went to #1 son and then on to Big Boy and his Brother.  We almost lost Big Boy and his Brother – both stopped eating and were very near death.  It took a small fortune and a hell of a lot of patience getting them back to normal.  I remember having to start the shower, turn it on hot close the door to build up steam and then taking them in there to let them breathe in the steam.  They thought they were getting baths and it got very old very fast.  The treatments were not only good for them but for me as well.  Both of them had feeding tubes and the one thing that made them eat was valium, one dose and it worked.  The dose wore off and so did their appetite.  The vet didn’t’ want to give them anymore – like it was crack and could be addictive.  So with time we started slow and built up back to normal. 

I got a little excited when I found a letter to the Bureau of Public Debt asking them to re-issue some lost savings bonds.  He had $2,050.00 stolen in bonds.  If my memories works correctly either his son or his ex-wife stole them.  He asked for them to be reissued and/or copies of the endorsement if they were cashed.  I knew he didn’t have them now but thought maybe I would strike pay dirt and looked on the web.  Sure enough there is a website you can visit, key in the SSN# and it will tell you if there are bonds recorded in your name.  I looked but no such luck.  Not sure how that turned out for him, wish I could ask him to refresh my memory. 

I have bags upon bags of shredded documents for the trash man.  Plus other stuff that didn’t’ need to be shredded so they will all know that I have been working overtime on cleaning. 

My brain is telling me that I should clean out the deep freeze.  It’s going to be very cold here.  So cleaning it out and putting the food in the garage should be okay, in keeping it frozen or close to it.  Then on Monday night it’s really going to drop so when I set it out at the curb it will freeze again for sure.  I don’t know if I want to do that, it won’t be tonight.  Perhaps a project for tomorrow, not sure.  Once it is cleaned out I will need to get a garden hose and let it thaw out.  Right now I have no need for it, so I could unplug it and save some money.  Even though it’s probably doesn’t cost that much to keep it going. 

As you can well imagine I have been left with quite the mess.  There is easily enough to do around here to keep me busy for a very long time.  Throwing stuff away in shifts helps not only with the mental but the physical pain.  I feel like I am destroying him but I know that isn’t the case. 

Shifting gears found a new series on Netflix all about people disappearing.  Some people just drop off the face of the earth and are never heard from again.  Others are running from their past.  They say that the actions from the past couple days often have clues about why they leave.  I have a friend who’s mom disappeared and has never been found.  They believe she ran away to Florida or someplace tropical.  No body but they found her car and belongings.  It’s something my grandparents helped his family with.  I wasn’t born yet but it sounds like a horrible story from the bits and pieces I have heard.  For the family I can’t imagine the heartbreak and heartache.  However, I personally would like to start over and disappear sometimes.  The problem with doing that is you will always be looking over your shoulder and wondering when you will get caught.  I mean a grown adult can do as they please and running away isn’t against the law.  However, when you stop paying your bills, have to live off of cash it all just sounds incredibly frustrating.  Not exactly worth it when you add it all up. 

I am going to watch some TV with the kids and see if I can’t watch it snow at the same time.  It’s 10:30 and the snow is due to start around 11pm at least that is the last I heard.  Everyone is calling me saying upstairs, which means they think it’s time for food.

Oh yeah two quick things.  First, I saw photos on FB from Lance Bass at the Brittany concert.  She dressed him up like a cat with a leather harness and spanked his ass - - he looked so hot!  That was a few days ago.  There is video of it on the net if your interested.  Second, I made a cat toy today.  I took a fishing pole, tied a ball with a bell in it on the end and drove Mr. Blu nuts, because he was aggravating everyone else.  Big Boy got in on the fun as well.  I call it my cat fish toy. 

Stay Warm and I will talk with you peeps again soon!

Productive 1st Friday–Day 3

I got woken up early by Mr. Blu who decided to stir up trouble in my room.  I chased him out and decided to feed the little monsters.  Then it was back to bed for a little bit.  Then the Blackberry starts going crazy.  Nothing I needed to respond to but still it kept me from sleeping. 

So I was up and noticed that once again it was cold in the house.  I monkeyed with the thermostat and the heat came on. 

I had breakfast and got dressed.  I started with phone calls that I needed to make.  Talked with the mortgage company , they don’t know what they are doing and said to call back on Monday afternoon.  I figure that will be a job for my attorney.  I called to check on Jury Duty and was told that the person who handles that is still on vacation and won’t be back until next week.  Funny they said the same thing last week when I was there in person.  Then I had to call to get my rental car reservation moved up.

I was thinking about the heat situation and decided to get it looked at.  I picked a company that doesn’t charge for service calls but rather parts & labor only.  They told me they would have someone here between 2 and 4 pm.  I went out to do my shopping and spend more of my money.  I got a call when I was at the cat food store that they were on the way.  It was only 11:30, maybe they have a polish clock. 

This hot guy named Brian showed up.  I wanted to jump all over him like white on rice.  Turned out the problem was the flame sensor.  The fix some sand paper to clean it.  Guess what that cost?  How about $124 for something that I could have done myself had I known what to do.  When I called I went to their website for the phone number and they had a coupon for $60 off service so I only paid $64.00 which wasn’t terribly expensive but still it was a lot of money for what he did.  He wanted to sell me a warranty where they would check everything once a year for $200 but I don’t need that.  If there is a problem I know their number.  Shame I didn’t get his.  He asked at the end if there was anything else he could do for me.  I really wanted to say what else would you like to do for me?  But I politely said no.  I’ve been trying to find him on the internet ever since…stalker much?  Yeah for a hot guy!

I turned on the TV after he left and got engrossed in a story and started to fade off.  I woke up and it was over with so I said screw this, I went to bed.  I couldn’t sleep so I got up and started cleaning.  The carpets specifically.  I didn’t do the entire house just the hallway and my room.  The hall had the worst of it.  I went to take out a bag of trash after I was done cleaning up the machine and forgot the alarm was set.  That really woke me up.  Got that taken care of and then put the trash out.  Put the machine away and sat down on the couch.  Took a call from a friend (the lady that had the stroke) she is back in the hospital because she suffered a pancreas attack.  Then back to a TV program for a little bit and I popped a pizza in the oven.  Ate and watched more TV.  Then cleaned the litter boxes.

Poor Big Boy I feel so sorry for him.  He had the life scared out of him a few times today.  First when Brian came over.  I had to peel him out from under the couch because he was stuck.  He did hide but I am not exactly sure how he got under there.  Then when I got the vacuum and carpet cleaner out.  Finally when I ran the vacuum one last time to clean up some spilled litter.  He should sleep rather well tonight.  He has also been playing with the ball toy.  He has also couched a lot today, which I am sure is a result of the stress that was placed on him. 

We have some wicked weather headed our way.  6 inches of snow Saturday night into Sunday and negative temperatures on the way.  I picked the perfect time for furnace repairs.   Plus more snow on Wednesday.  Maybe we will get some time off at no charge.  Who knows.  Only time will tell. 

I’ve got another project in my office cleaning out file cabinets, my late partner kept a lot of stuff and honestly so do I.  Time to purge.  Thought I would get this post going and then get started on that.  Even though I really don’t want to.  Ah, furnace just kicked on music to my ears.  It’s chilly in parts of the house particularly those rooms that have been closed off.  The kitchen is always chilly in the winter because of the backdoor, it’s a sliding glass door and not that well insulated.  I could put up plastic but I figure the cats would tear it down so why waste the money.

Unless something goes awry tomorrow should be pie day, even though I really want Spaghetti.  We will have to see what happens and how I feel in the morning. 

Wishing that I could work from home and didn’t have to deal with all of the BS and politics that are in the office.  However, I am looking and applying for other jobs so perhaps a change will occur not only in my employer but in my paycheck and hopefully both will be positive changes.  

Stay warm, be well and I will talk with you peeps again soon. 

Day 2

This morning started off with a BANG.  One of the facilities had problems with their Time Clock.  Somehow this turned into an IT problem when it has everything to do with Payroll.  However, the dyke that runs payroll said she didn’t know anything about it and said that I should fix it.  Well guess what I don’t know shit from apple butter about it either.  Who can I toss it to?  No one the buck always seems to stop with me.  So for about 2 hours we went back and forth – eventually the problem worked out and all is well. 

Just when I thought I was going to get rest and relaxation the office manager tells me she hired a new person.  Now she fucking knew this on Tuesday but she waits until the 11th hour to tell me so that I can get access in place.  I dropped everything and got started on this.  I created a network account for her and sent the credentials so at least the new person didn’t have to sit and be bored all day.  I called in the afternoon when the vendor had their e-mail setup and guess what the new person wasn’t given their login credentials.  Ugh!  I got them all taken care of and then it was out the door.

I went out for a hair cut and I will be damned if they didn’t cut them all.  I had to wait like 30 minutes.  No cute guys to look at either.  I went next door to Beltone the hearing aid company and asked them to take my late partner off of their mailing list.  I asked about what to do with his old hearing aids and batteries.  She told me donate them to the Lions Club.  Uh I am not a charity and not looking to donate anything.  I need to turn this into cash somehow.  Guess I will consider putting them up on eBay.

Got the mail and then headed to Ruby Tuesday.  I used a gift card I got for Christmas.  I knew I wanted Broccoli Cheese Soup but wasn’t sure after that.  I saw ribs and while I enjoy them they are messy.  However, me and my late partner went to I can’t say how many restaurants so he could eat Ribs.  So I got them in honor of him, he would get a full rack but I only got  a1/2 rack.  It didn’t fill me up but they sure were good. 

Afterwards I headed to the movies and saw the Madea Christmas Movie and got robbed.  I paid $17 for 2 tickets when all I asked for was 1 ticket.  I didn’t figure it out until I got home and well by then it’s too late so I’m out $8.50.  Teenagers need to pay attention to what us old folks say… 1 means just 1 and not two.  I mean I didn’t have anyone with me and there was no one behind me in line so I don’t get it. 

Came home and drove around the neighborhood to see who decorated for Christmas.  Nice.  Thinking about going to a light show we used to visit tomorrow night, may pass but it kind of depends upon what kind of mood I am in.  I’ve seen it before and have video of it but seeing live is just fantastic.

I’ve made my list out for Friday and it’s so full of things to do that some of it will bleed over to Saturday.  It’s really bitter cold outside and it’s only going to get colder.  We have snow and there is more on the way in a couple days.  Saturday & Sunday both and I think maybe Monday.  So here comes Winter Wonderland. Everyone gets upset by the snow but it always brought comfort to my late partner.  I just knew that if it snowed yesterday that this would be a good year, I hope I am right. 

I did get through to the mortgage company but the lady put me on eternal hold so I will be calling tomorrow with a freshly charged phone.

Okay time to prep for bed.  I am getting a shower tonight, didn’t get it last night decided to pass.  I did take the muscle relaxer and feel a little bit better but it really knocked me for a loop and I had the most bizarre dreams. 

Hope your 2nd day was a good one.  Tomorrow is the first Friday of the year and normally I am happy for Fridays but it means my time off is winding down and I really hate that.  Ah well I knew it would happen.  I still have 3 full days away and plenty to do.  So I am off to do now.  Stay Warm!

Happy Birthday 2014

The waiting is over with, we are in a New Year!  I called it quits last night about 11:30pm when my body said it’s time for bed.  So I didn’t get to ring in the new year awake but I missed all of the guns and fireworks.  To my knowledge the children were not upset by any of it. 

My brother woke me up this morning because he couldn’t remember what time we were supposed to meet up.  He said did I wake you, I said no the gunshot when the phone rang is what woke me.  I wasn’t too happy about it.  We met up this afternoon and had an okay time.  Mom is sure out there, she just looks like she is staring into space and she has really put on the weight.  She told me she lost 11 pounds and she is only 200 lbs. now.  Wow I wish I was 200.  She said that it looks like I have lost weight I told her probably have I am on the death diet.  Quickest way to lose weight.  I wore my glasses and got compliments on them.  When I told them they were $900 they flipped their lid.  I told them the frames were $130 the rest of the money goes for coatings and the lens.  My brother said they should last you a long time.  Yeah, except my eyes are changing just like the rest of my body so while I can keep the frames the expensive part will be the lens.

I’ve spent the bulk of the day watching TV, a murder crime show that was on the ID (Investigate Discovery) Network.  I am watching it via Netflix and it’s called Nightmare Next Door.  They start out with saying how well do you really know your neighbors?  Do you know what is behind the white picket fence?  Yeah, if people did they would move or at least reposition themselves out of harms way. 

I have had a nap and my neck/shoulder is driving me nuts.  Ever since I slept in my partners bed it has been bothering me.  I thought I had it fixed but apparently not.  I am thinking of taking a muscle relaxer tonight.  I don’t have anything real pressing for tomorrow, the weather outside is bad (snowing heavy) and chances are not that many people will venture in tomorrow.  That doesn’t mean it will be a quiet day but if I am doped up and knocked out I may not hear the silly phone if it goes off.  A nice hot shower, muscle relaxer and then bed until I pass out sounds pretty good right now. 

My new calendars are going up slowly but I will get there before the night is over.  I really don’t have any cares today just wanted to veg out.  I will probably want to do that more than one day but that doesn’t get the things done that I need or want.  I will have to get more aggressive tomorrow.  I need to follow up with the mortgage company, get to Target and I suspect the Post Office.  I also would like to get my hair cut.  May even use one of the gift cards I got for lunch.  Friday or Saturday will be pie day.  I’d actually like to go tomorrow but with the winter weather I see no reason to take a chance on banging up my car any more than it already is.  That would be a separate claim and cost me even more time off from work. 

Ah yes, work.  There is certainly plenty for me to do.  We closed the office yesterday at 3 and I wound up staying until 3:30.  I had stuff I was catching up on.  I figured a little bit wouldn’t kill me.  Then I realized it would be 5 and I would tell myself a couple more minutes and then it would be 7 and I would wind up spending the night there so finally I called it quits.  Not before checking on the cute guy that I like that works on my floor.  He wasn’t in but at least I checked. 

Some people collect cars, coins, toys, etc.  Me I just love looking at Guys!  Which is why it took me so long to decide on a photo for the mast this month.  I have many photos to choose from and this one just did it for me.  The guy looks to be cocky and also familiar like he is in a TV show or Movies.  Anyway he is cute so that is why I chose him. 

I’ve got to grab the bull by the horns this year and make it my year.  That is pretty much what my horoscope said, if you believe that stuff.  Some of it is interesting and is accurate but a lot of it doesn’t apply to me.  Speaking of which I had a long talk with God last night.  My mom today said something prophetic that while I want something I will get it but it will be in God’s Time and not my own.  She started out by asking me if I believed in God.  That was kind of odd because my late partner had the same conversation with me a day before he had his stroke. 

I feel like God knows my heart (which he does) and people see the real me even if I don’t want to let all of my personality and belief’s out.  Yes, I do believe in God but sometimes it difficult to believe in the Invisible Man in the sky as the late George Carlin referred to him.  I don’t understand why certain things happen.  Placing my trust and faith in him is sometimes difficult for me.  There was a time when I was much closer and could feel his hand.  Now I hardly feel him at all.  That’s not because he moved but because I did.  Getting back to church would be a good start for me but I want some place where I can be me and be free.  That means if someone asks me I can tell them I am gay and they won’t freak out and try to convert me or cast me out.  Many months ago I wrote our MCC (Metropolitan Community Church) to ask if I could talk with someone and explained that my partner had passed. While they are gay friendly they never have responded to my request.  That deeply hurt me because I figured a church with people like me would understand and want to comfort me, but instead they chose to ignore me.  I read their newsletter and it sounds more like a fraternal organization than a church.  I don’t want to go through any ritual like in the Catholic Church because that just doesn’t cut it for me.  I need to know that no 2 services will be the same. 

Tonight I did spend sometime updating my profile on the dating site I am using for free.  They want money and there are plenty of ads but giving them money won’t get me a date, so why should I part with my money when I can just as easily hold on to it?  I haven’t even had a nibble.  I can tell you that I am not the most attractive person on the face of the earth but I am also not totally ugly.  I think my weight is what is scaring people off.  I remember back when I was in therapy being told you need to loose that gut, gay guys like men to be thin and in shape.  Well that is not me, I love my food just as much as I love men but if it’s all about being superficial I guess I will be lonely but at least I won’t be hungry!  The right guy is out there and eventually I will find him when the time is right.  That is something else in God’s control.  My friends all tell me to stop right now because I could easily be taken advantage of.  Yeah, like I am loaded and someone is going to take my money.  You can’t get blood out of a stone.  I have a very small amount of money nothing to write home about and parting with it would be like taking a bone from a rabid Rottweiler.  You will have to kill me to get it.  While looks do attract people and I will admit that I don’t look at chubby guys it’s more of what is on the inside that counts.  Plus you have to have chemistry.  If the sparks aren’t there then it just won’t work.  I make it very clear I am looking for an LTR and not a one night stand.  I don’t want to catch something be it AIDS or Hepatitis or anything else.  My life has enough twists and turns as it is.  If it is not meant to be then it really matters not what I put in my profile, the men or man won’t be there until the timing is right.  I also kind of feel a little odd looking to go out with someone on a date, sort of like I am totally cheating on my partner when I know that is not the case.

Well I see it’s a little after 10pm.  My neck is bothering me more so I am going to get the shower and try to continue to relax.  We shall see what tomorrow brings.